OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Invisible scars It may leave no bruises or injuries, but psychological abuse is all the more damaging for being subtle
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Cover Story 18 Invisible Scars The mindgames, the name-calling, the constant fear — countless women live with psychological abuse and few find the strength to walk away
Feature 26 Breathless Hani Taha finds out how you can breathe away your blues
Humour 30 Help’s on the way Our self-help guide to counter your self-help addiction
Up North and Personal 32 Behind the Barridcades Heart-rending tales from Kabul
34
Health
32
34 Daadi’s Diary Keep the sniffles at away with Dadi’s ‘totkas’
Regulars 6 People & Parties: Out and about with Pakistan’s beautiful people 36 Reviews: What’s new in books and films 40 Ten Things I Hate About: Winter
36
Magazine Editor: Zarrar Khuhro, Senior Sub-Editor: Batool Zehra, Sub-Editors: Ameer Hamza and Dilaira Mondegarian. Creative Team: Amna Iqbal, Jamal Khurshid, Essa Malik, Anam Haleem, Tariq W Alvi, S Asif Ali, Samad Siddiqui, Mohsin Alam, Sukayna Sadik. Publisher: Bilal A Lakhani. Executive Editor: Muhammad Ziauddin. Editor: Kamal Siddiqi. For feedback and submissions: magazine@tribune.com.pk 4
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Crocs, the international shoe brand, holds an event in Karachi
PHOTOS COURTESY VOILA PR
Mrs Salma Atif and her son
Mrs Sonia and Zena Sahar
Bushra
6 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Mrs Reena
Taniya Sohail
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Rani Emaan’s collection launches in Lahore
Junaid with his wife
Humza and Hafsa Rasool
PHOTOS COURTESY QYT EVENTS
Nabiha and Hina
Amna and Azeem
Fauzia and Alizay
Ansa, Bushra and Nina
8 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Ali and Faraz
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Zainab and Mariam
Guests
Noor
Shahzad and Asimyar Tiwana
10 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Ruby and Rachel
Saniya
QYT and Sobia
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Ellemint Pret, a multi-brand store, holds an exhibition in Karachi
Tena and Taimur
PHOTOS COURTESY VOILA PR
Zeynab Jam
Nida Khurram
Mathira
Vaneeza Ahmed Zahabiya Jam
12
Hira Tareen, Afreen and Mishi Khan OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Leena and Sana
Nadia Chottani
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Markings Publishing launches Dou Rukh in Karachi
n
Mishi Kha
PHOTOS BY KOHI MARRI COURTESY LOTUS
Ayesha an Hassan d Javeri
Frieha Altaf and Amna
Sabeen, Maliha and Sanam Chaudhry Rukaiya Adamjee
Nadia Rafi
14 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Selina Kha
n
Nubain and Warda
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
PEOPLE & PARTIES
Faraz Maqsood Hamidi, Kiran Aman and Mantaha
Tapu Javeri and Arif Mahmood
Umair Tabban i, Sana Shahza d and Nida Azw er
shi Imran Qurai
Shamaeel
16
Marzi and Shakeel
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Ansari
Nabila and Aamna Haider Isani
Mathira and Ayaz Anis Khan
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
COVER STORY
invisible scars BY MAHNOOR SHERAZEE
20 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
It may leave no bruises or injuries, but psychological abuse is all the more damaging for being subtle
As a young girl doted on and pampered by her family, Maheen* always imagined that life with her husband would be a bed of roses, and looked forward to marriage with rose-tinted glasses. Her dreams were soon shattered. Soon after her wedding, her
recently, her voice becomes remote and almost toneless as she recalls her marriage. “If it wasn’t my clothes, then it was my
hair, or my cooking or the house being dirty, just something … anything.”
She pauses, then quietly says: “I went through hell; I’m re-
husband began isolating her from her friends and family, find-
lieved this is over.”
calls, forbade her to leave the house without his express permis-
and still young. She is slowly getting her life back on track: she
Maheen was only 18 when she got married and her husband, 16
friends and is slowly regaining her self-confidence.
ing fault with those she was closest to. He monitored her phone
sion and perpetually kept her on her toes with his mind games. years her senior, soon broke her spirit.
She refuses to say anything more. But Saira is highly educated
has started working, is back in touch with her family and her Saira and Maheen both suffered psychological abuse at the
But now, after 30 years of living with psychological abuse, Ma-
hands of their husbands. Characterised by the wilful infliction
take it anymore,” she says simply. Almost 50 years old, she is
conduct, psychological abuse may not leave any visible scars, but
heen has finally found the strength to walk away. “I just couldn’t
now trying to pick up the pieces of her life and start afresh. The overprotected, innocent young girl is now a woman who exudes a quiet determination. If there’s anything more unfathomable
than a woman putting up with that kind of abuse for 30 years, it is this: at which point does one realise that one can’t take it anymore?
“Better late than never,” says Maheen wryly.
For some the liberating realisation dawns sooner. thirty-year-
old Saira* spotted the signs early and realised that her husband
of mental or emotional anguish by threat, humiliation, or other
its long term effect can often be more debilitating than physical aggression. Women across Pakistan face physical violence, with the Human Rights Commission of Pakistan (HRCP) reporting 163 incidents of domestic violence in 2009, a grossly under-reported
figure that mostly includes beating, acid attacks, shaving and other physical assaults. Psychological abuse, on the other hand,
is more of an urban phenomenon; there is scant data on this kind of torture and awareness of the issue is low.
“The urban woman in Pakistan has progressed leaps and
was not going to change. “The mental torture became unbear-
bounds over the last two decades, from being competitive in edu-
with,” she says. Having divorced her husband of five years only
shoulder to shoulder with men, if not a little ahead,” says resi-
able. Every day he would find something new to pick on me
cation to achieving professional success. Many women now walk
Common tactics used by abusers to manipulate and exert their power: • Dominance — Abusers need to feel in control all the time. They will attempt to make all the decisions and expect their partner to obey without question. • Humiliation — An abusive person will purposely make their partner feel bad about themselves. They usually employ tools like insults, name-calling, shaming, and public humiliation to slowly destroy their self-esteem. • Isolation — They will isolate their partner so as to increase their dependence on him. An abuser would restrict their partner’s interaction with family and friends. They will force you to ask for permission before doing anything, going anywhere, or seeing anyone. • Threats — An abusive person will use threats to keep their partners from leaving. He might threaten to turn you out of the matrimonial home or even deny you and your children basic amenities. • Intimidation — Your abuser will scare you into submission with a variety of intimidation tactics. This could include threatening looks or gestures, destroying your belongings, or putting weapons on display. • Denial and blame — An abusive person will be very good at making excuses, blaming their abusive and violent behaviour on a rough childhood or a bad day at work. He will routinely blame you for his violent and abusive behaviour.
21
Source: http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm OCTOBER 16-22 2011
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
COVER STORY dent director for Aurat Foundation, Mahnaz Rahman.
But in marriage and relationships, power dynamics haven’t
changed much over the years and many women are vulnerable
to psychological abuse. A psychotherapist with more than nine years of experience in the area, Zohreen Murad sees many patients — almost exclusively women — dealing with psychological
abuse. Most of these women know that their spouse’s behaviour is harming them, but “they keep pretending that the situation is not as bad as it seems or make excuses for his behaviour.”
Psychological abuse is all the more pernicious for being subtle.
Most people are unable to grasp the magnitude of the abuse suf-
fered by these women, including the women themselves. It is difficult to quantify or even explain the name calling and mind
games that are a big part of psychological abuse, which is why many sufferers do not prioritise it, and end up living with their abuser for so long.
Mohadesa Kalantarzadeh, a psychologist with more than 17
years of experience in the field, says: “In physical aggression, you can see the scars and you can tell the extent of the damage
but in cases of psychological abuse, the impact is like an invisible tree. It slowly branches out into every aspect of your life, surpassing physical boundaries to your personal, social and professional relationships and capabilities,” she explains.
“Many people tell me that I would rather he (the husband) just
hit me than torture me like this,” says Murad.
Maheen recalls how her husband would ensure that there was
always something that he could criticise her for. “He would have
exacting requirements for how I should lay the table,” she says. “But when I’d follow them precisely, he’d yell at me for not using my own brain. ‘This is all you have to do, and you can’t even do this right,’ he would say.”
According to experts, constant psychological abuse not only af-
fects a person’s self-confidence, it can also cause severe depression and anxiety. The mental strain of being constantly ill-treat-
ed eventually manifests itself in deteriorating health. Rahman remembers a childhood friend: “She was such a beautiful and
graceful woman but her husband would never let her leave the house, let alone work. Over the years, she began to fall ill a lot and was eventually bed-ridden.”
“There is a definite link between mental stress and physical
health. When you start feeling worthless, you are unable to cope with things and take care of yourself. The long-term effects of
such (mental and emotional) abuse are definitely far worse,” says Kalantarzadeh.
Dr Haider Ali Naqvi, consultant psychiatrist at Aga Khan Uni-
versity, agrees: “Psychological abuse is more dangerous. One can recover better from physical ailments but mental health recovery takes longer and requires care and sustained help.”
24
If recognising psychological abuse can be difficult, coming
to terms with it can be even more so. Many women continue OCTOBER 16-22 2011
to make excuses for their husband, but those who have walked
away understand one thing: “A man may change his habits but he cannot change his nature.”
According to Dr Naqvi, “Behaving in an abusive manner indi-
cates personal weakness. The person who inflicts abuse is insecure about some aspect of his life, therefore, in order to demand respect and control others they resort to psychological abuse.”
“Most of the time it is a man’s insecurities about his personal
and professional life that lead him to subject his wife to psychological abuse,” says Rahman.
“Most of the time it is a man’s insecurities about his personal and professional life that lead him to subject his wife to psychological abuse”
Farah’s* husband turned nasty when the successful architect
started earning a fatter pay cheque than him. “He would speak to me like I was his slave. Once, he made me change my clothes
and make-up right before we were leaving for a wedding, saying I looked...indecent,” she says, as a tear rolls down her cheek.
But the 35-year-old, who has been married for 10 years, says
she spotted signs of an abusive relationship even during her two-
who consistently witness abuse or have been abused are more
friend, saying she wasn’t a good influence on me. Slowly, he be-
that, it is not necessary that all abusers have been abused in their
year engagement period. “At first he had a problem with my best gan cutting me off from all my other friends as well.”
This is a common modus operandi with abusers, who first so-
likely to grow up to be abusers as well. However, having said childhood or at all,” Ahmed argues.
Interestingly, many women who have spent decades in abu-
cially isolate their wives and then start killing their confidence
sive relationships, and have financially independent grown up
“Many men in our society are of the mentality that their wives
children are unwilling to take them in. Those women who are
by making them feel insecure and inferior.
are their property to behave with and treat as they please. This
involves verbal, social and moral abuse. Meanwhile, most wom-
en suffer quietly,” says president for the Pakistan Association for Mental Health, Professor Haroon Ahmed. Consequently, many men and even society at large does not see anything wrong with
such behaviour. Rather they treat it as something normal: a husband making his wife conform to his likes and dislikes.
Even when they realise that there is a problem, many women
find it hard to make a clean break. Farah continues to live with
her husband for her two children — a fairly common decision,
according to Murad. Many women opt to stay with their abuser
for the sake of their children. Then of course, there are the so-
cial taboos and stigmas attached to divorce which prevent many women from ending the relationship, in some cases leading
them to spend their entire lives with the abuser. Some cannot
leave because of their financial dependency while for others the fear of being alone is simply too great.
offspring may be unable to leave their abuser because their own
unable to break away must maintain a strong emotional support network, experts advise. But for now, a vast majority of women stuck in such relationships continue to suffer in silence. *Names have been changed to protect privacy.
Warning signs of domestic abuse A domestic abuse victim may: • Talk frequently about her husband’s excessive anger or jealousy • Seem anxious to please her husband • Always agree with her husband • Regularly report where she is and what she’s doing to her husband • Receive frequent, angry calls from her husband • Talk about her partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness
role modelling, until they change it consciously. And, of course,
The psychological warning signs of abuse A domestic abuse victim may: • Be frequently depressed and anxious • Show major personality change (e.g. a sociable person becomes introverted) • Have very low self-esteem a
development,” says Naqvi.
Source: http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_
But staying also comes with a heavy price tag on the children’s
mental health. Witnessing their mother subjected to psychological abuse can have far-reaching effects on children. “The effects
could range from identification with the victim or the perpetra-
tor. This sets the mould for deviant behaviour, based on parental it interferes with the process of their growth and psychological “It is very difficult to quantify the correlation, but children
25
signs_causes_effects.htm OCTOBER 16-22 2011
FEATURE
breathless BY HANI TAHA
As Shahnaz Minallah earnestly explains how breathing differently is sure to change my life, there is just one thought going through my mind: What have I gotten myself into? Let me explain. Until quite recently I was faced with possibly
the worst emotional crisis in my life: I felt aimless, there was a
severe lack of love in my life and I had lost the will to fight for what I wanted. I was at the end of my tether when one my friends
told me about this ‘magical’ new yoga therapy course. I was intrigued. Yoga might help, stranger things have happened. At
worst, it would give me something to write about but it so transpired that I got more than I had bargained for.
The ‘Art of Living’ is a course in personal development and in-
ner peace. Founded by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar (not the legendary
sitar player) in 1981, the Art of Living Foundation is a volunteer based non-governmental organisation that provides workshops
on yoga, meditation and breathing. The Pakistani chapter of the foundation was inaugurated in 2009 by Naeem Zamindar
and Shahnaz Minallah. Simply put, it’s a group therapy session where they teach you how to breathe. “Every thought and emo-
tion has a corresponding rhythm in breath,” explains Shahnaz, “Since everything in life begins with an intention and a thought, the only way to harness your thoughts is through your breath.”
26 OCTOBER 16-22 2011 JULY 4-10 2010
Can the way you breathe really help you turn around your life?
Shahnaz buttresses her argument by pointing out that
one’s breathing becomes more rapid when one is angry and
life is much more organised.”
As for myself, over time I felt a certain clarity of thought and
slow and measured when one is calm. So far, so good. Then
calmness as a result of these basic yogic poses, deep breathing
can develop a hold over their lives. If the mind is the kite,
life? I soon found the strength to do the things I had been too
she says, “If one can develop a hold over one’s breath they then breath is the thread, hence thought leads to action, which leads to habit, which constitutes character, which creates destiny.” Oh boy.
exercises and chants. Can the way you breathe really change your fearful to do for a long time: applying for a cultural exchange programme, trying for a scholarship and filing for divorce.
“All of this stems from the fact that if you breathe a certain
But there are those who sincerely believe that the philosophy
way, you are able to engineer your life in the manner that you
old daughter to cancer, saw the session as cathartic. “After my
Mian Ahad, another attendee, however disagrees, “Although
can turn around their lives. Saiqa, who recently lost her 12-year-
deem fit,” Qasim, an Art of Living instructor, assures me.
daughter’s death, memories of her would haunt me, but being
the yoga helps me stay physically fit and I am losing weight, I’ve
heal,” she says. Saiqa used to feel cut off from the world in the
nor has my level of concentration gone up.”
a part of Art of Living and undergoing meditation, helped me
last two years of her child’s illness but during one of the most
felt none of this mental transformation that people talk about, In the course of my research I had come across many claims
powerful stages of meditation and cleansing of the body and soul
that the organisation had freemason roots and that it was actual-
swing in a white frock, alone but happy. “I feel that I can move
nor do we ask people to give up their belief systems or even alter
called Sudarshan Kriya, Saiqa saw her daughter in a field on a
on and concentrate on my husband and my other children,” says Saiqa with resolution.
Tabish was also wary of the therapeutic claims but after his re-
lationship of five years with his partner dissolved, he tried it out.
ly a cult. “It’s not a cult,” defends Shahnaz. “We are not exclusive
their faith. We merely want to help people smile a bit more and
unite the world through positivity and health. We want to show that the human spirit is united.”
And so Shahnaz’s home in Islamabad’s stunning Bani Gala dis-
A devout Christian, Tabish saw the radiant image of Jesus during
trict is an open-for-all convention centre where people are free to
a spiritual person but, because my relationship fell apart, I had
mate mission of the art of living process is to bring communal
his Kriya that strengthened his resolve to move on in life. “I am
become more materialistic. This course has brought spirituality
back into my life. I thoroughly enjoyed Shahnaz’s engaging and motivating manner. I smile more often now and my professional
walk in at any time and practice yoga and meditation. The ultichange and Shahnaz asserts that, “Change can never come from lecturing and communal change cannot come without removing stress from each and every individual’s life.” a
27 JULY 16-22 4-10 2010 OCTOBER 2011
HUMOUR
d, to succee y d a e r u o t Are y g a perfec a n s , h ic r ly a get e a life on v a h d n a beau es better? im t n o li il z ga
Self-help books are as helpful as throwing a drowning man both ends of a rope. Written by PhDs whose credentials you can never verify, filled with quizzes that are designed to make you fail, exemplified by supposedly real life stories of Bob and Jane, quoting statistics that don’t real add up, and promising a complete transformation of your life in less than three hours, self-help books usually end up making the sad — suicidal, the angry — rabid and the neurotic — schizophrenic. Before you pick up the next best-selling self-help book that helped Oprah lose all her weight and Mathira become famous, let me try to translate what each book is really saying to you. 30 21 MAY 9-15 2010 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
If you’ve picked up this book, it probably means that you have done horrifically in all
spheres of life and now ridiculously expect to solve all of your life’s troubles with this
8787356245-page self-help book. Let me assure you that your hard-earned money was well-spent because, as you continue to read this book, not only will you
feel much worse about your current life, you will also develop a prevailingly deep sense of depression and denial.
Regardless of your real problems in life, I will have you convinced that the centre of all
your problems can be traced back to your traumatic relationship with your parents.
If you are a man, I will persuade you that you have mummy issues and if you are a
woman, I will make sure you realise that you have serious undealt-with daddy issues.
That’s my real job as a failing psychologist who couldn’t make it as a practitioner and who has since
devoted all his time to making ends meet by writing books which capitalise on your weaknesses.
By the end of it, I will have you conned into buying my next book titled How to deal with Mummy/Daddy is-
sues so I can be ready to succeed, get rich, snag a perfect beau and have a life only a gazillion times better!
If you make it through my second book, and if you have the smallest amount of common sense still flickering
inside you, you will decide to shred my badly-researched books into very small pieces after you have drawn a beard and horns on my serene-looking picture on my author bio page.
But if you are as dense as you seem by the fact that you’ve already purchased two of my ridiculous books, you
will either decide to kill yourself, kill your parents, or come stalking me with an axe in order to take your final and absolute revenge.
On a side note, weren’t you the least bit embarrassed asking and paying for these books in front of the sales people? Let’s move onto a few impractical steps that have changed the lives of many unsuccessful, fat, lazy
people like yourself who think that using self-help books means that they are independent, empowered and
in control of their destiny (but really, if you are doing everything I am telling you to do, you are definitely not self-helping).
Steps to Success Step 1: Everything you have been doing is WRONG, STUPID and IMMORAL! Step 2: Everything I tell you is CORRECT, INTELLIGENT and MORAL!
Step 3: Everything that has worked for Bill Gates, Steve Jobs and Richard Branson HAS to work for you too! Step 4: If it doesn’t work, you are too stupid or are not trying hard enough.
Did any of the steps work? No? Well then try this amazing new exercise that is bound to make you ready to succeed, get rich, snag a perfect beau and have a life only a gazillion times better!
The Fat Cow Exercise Imagine yourself as a fat cow (you probably already are, so it shouldn’t be a problem imagining this). Now think that all the fatty deposits are the failures of your life hanging onto your body.
The black marks on your white skin are the insecurities that are holding you back.
Make a loud mooing sound to really immerse yourself in this imagined scenario. Ignore the people who look at you like you are insane.
Now let me tell you the truth: this is how you’ll always be unless you change your patterns in life.
Now imagine a skinny cow next to you with no marks on its body. You can mentally switch the skinny cow’s head with your successful neighbour/friend/co-worker/cousin’s face — yes, the one who turns you a sickening shade of green with envy every single day.
Realise that they are not being held back by any insecurities and that is why they have never failed in life. But YOU…you fat cow….have failed everyday in every aspect of your life!
Now breathe and open your eyes. Didn’t that feel incredibly relaxing? Now repeat this exercise for the rest of
your life. a
31 21 OCTOBER 2011 MAY16-22 9-15 2010
HEALTH
daadi’s diary BY SAMAN NIZAMI
Follow Daadi’s ‘totkas’ to stay allergy-free this season.
Sometimes a tiny particle can reduce a fully functional individual to a sneezing, sniffling, tearyeyed mess within minutes. Allergic rhinitis is the collective name for symptoms that arise when an otherwise harmless allergen (such as dust, pollen, immould, or even cold air) elicits an over-the-top im mune response: nasal passages swell and run like a tap, eyes and nose itch like crazy, and the sneezes just keep on coming. Some allergies are life-threatening, like those to peanuts and
bee-stings. Allergic rhinitis is more of a nuisance than a serious
health concern, although it can lead to more severe health condicondi tions, like sinusitis and asthma, if left untreated.
Here are some totkas to alleviate your allergy symptoms. Indian gooseberry (Amla): Indian gooseberry is hugely beneficial
for hair and skin and an excellent anti-allergy food. It can be tak taken raw, pickled, or made into a jam as follows: Cook 250g amla in 5 tbsp water.
Chop into small pieces. Discard the seeds, keep the water.
Measure the chopped amla in cups and add the same amount of
sugar (use more or less, according to your taste).
Cook in a nonstick pan until you have the desired consistency,
and the sugar has melted.
Remove from heat, add some powdered cardamom (choti ela ela-
ichi), which also has anti-allergenic properties, and mix well. Cool and store in a glass jar.
Taking raw amla with honey also reduce allergies. Coconut oil: Heat half a cup of coconut oil, five whole black pep-
pers and two big cloves of garlic over a low flame until the garlic nosis burnt. Strain and store. Put two drops of this oil in each nos tril before going to bed. It will create a protective film to trap and block irritants from entering the nasal passage.
Take steam from boiling water with a tablespoon of coconut oil
in it. This will help coat the insides of your nose and it’s great for the skin too.
Spicy Chai: Turn regular tea into an allergy fighting concoction
by adding some chopped ginger, two whole black peppers, one
32 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
clove (laung), a pinch to cinnamon (darchini)
but much healthier.
done with green tea and black coffee.
ter, add ¼ tbsp of turmeric and simmer for 10
ar (misri). Take a teaspoon of this mixture first
honey to taste, and enjoy.
powder and one cardamom. The same can be Grind 1 tsp black pepper with 8 tsp crystal sug-
thing in the morning with two glasses of water. Do not eat for 30 minutes after taking this mixture. This gives great results if done regularly for a couple of weeks.
Vitamin C: Vitamin C blocks the inflammatory
immune response in allergic rhinitis. Take about
2000mg daily. Good food sources include orang-
es, guava, strawberries, red and green peppers and tomatoes.
To make turmeric kahwa, boil one cup of wa-
minutes. Remove from heat, add lemon and
Garlic: Garlic also has antiseptic and anti-in-
flammatory properties, and is helpful for allergy relief. Make a garlic spread with 1/2 cup olive oil, ½ tsp crushed carom seeds (ajwain), ¼ tsp crushed
red pepper, three to four large cloves of crushed garlic and salt and pepper to taste. Spread on toasted bread, crackers, rusk and even roti or naan for a tasty, healthy snack.
Nasal irrigation: Mix one tsp un-iodised salt and
Turmeric (Haldi): Haldi has antiseptic, antibac-
one tsp baking soda, in two cups warm water.
turmeric milk every evening before going to bed,
the saline solution into one nostril; it will come
terial and anti-inflammatory properties. Take especially during allergy season. Boil one cup
milk with ½ tsp turmeric, ¼ tsp crushed ginger, two black peppers and a pinch of powdered cin-
namon. Simmer for ten minutes. Add honey to sweeten (optional) and enjoy warm.
This is a great comfort food, like hot chocolate,
Pour the liquid into a nasal aspirator and squirt
out the other side and help flush out and disin-
fect the nasal passage. Blow your nose in between flushes. For young children who can’t blow their
nose, put a couple of drops into each nostril, wait
a minute, and then suction out the mucus with a nasal aspirator, or bulb syringe.a
>>Donna Griffiths made allergy history at 12 years of age in 1981 when she started sneezing once every minute, and continued to do so for 978 days straight.<<
daadi’s cupboard
As with any other mode of treatment, the remedies need to be used regularly, at least three times a day, to gain full advantage. These remedies are equally effective for adults and children. Please use your own discretion when using these remedies for treating infants, and patients with allergies or pre-existing health conditions. This article is for informational purposes only and does not replace the advice of your physician. Consult a doctor if symptoms persist.
33 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
UP NORTH AND PERSONAL
behind the
barricades
TEXT & PHOTOGRAPHS BY ZAHRAH NASIR
The writer is moved by the graphic recollections of a young woman from Bamiyan
Amina and I sit cross-legged on a traditional Afghan takht sipping green tea, the cool evening air of Kabul swirling around us as stars wink in the sky. Amina is beautiful; her story is not.
rugged terrain for about three weeks before hunger drove them
On the threshold of puberty when the Taliban marched into
of the Aga Khan Foundation and transported all the way south to
her Bamiyam village, she and her mother, two younger sisters, grandmother, various aunts and female cousins, were forced, at gunpoint, to bear witness as the invaders lined up all the men
to travel northwards towards Bagram where, they prayed, other
relatives would take them in. Six weeks later, they made it and, three months down the line, were evacuated by representatives
Karachi in Pakistan where the women were provided work in a fish factory and girls like Amina were sent to school.
After approximately six years of life in Karachi, the family was
and boys of her extended family and one by one shot them in the
given an opportunity to return to Afghanistan and they took it.
en voice pierces the darkness and her depthless eyes seem to be
village; she recalls the puzzled fear of having her first menses
ter an endless procession of executions, the women buried their
when they returned to the land of her birth and now, at 23, she
back of the head. Amina’s recollections are graphic. Her strick-
witnessing a private hell as she unfalteringly narrates how, afdead. Petrified, shattered by grief, they huddled in their homes through the long night which followed. Morning brought another deluge of horror.
Having ransacked the mud-brick homes of the village and failed
to find a trace of arms, the Taliban surmised that guns must have
been buried with the male bodies so dug them up, tossing the remains hither and thither in the process. They found nothing.
The women buried their dead again that morning. The Taliban dug them up again the following day. The women repeated their
heartrending task. The following morning saw a repeat. Three
Amina was around 12 years old when the Talban entered her
the night after they took to the mountains. She was 18 years old is lucky enough to be employed as a cook-cum-maid in the comfortable home of a wealthy Afghan who treats her as a daughter
and confidante rather than as a servant. She has her own room, luxurious by most standards, complete with a large-screen tele-
vision and anything else she might need. Female guests and an endless procession of children are allowed to sleep over and entertain themselves at will. They all have the run of the house and
Amina takes her meals at the polished dining table, mingling freely with guests.
Amina does not currently see marriage as a prospect although,
times they buried their dead; three times the Taliban dug them
like all young women her age, she wears make-up and perfume
nally allowed to remain buried … she isn’t certain about this as
is a dedicated follower of fashion which, in the strife-torn, very
up. The fourth time, as far as Amina knows, the bodies were fithe women and children fled in to the inhospitable mountainous region the moment an opportunity arose.
The crime the villagers were systematically shot for was, quite
simply, that of being Hazara and, therefore, Shia.
The small band of women and their offspring hid out in the
52 34 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
when going out, files and varnishes her nails on a daily basis and tense Kabul of today, includes leg-hugging lycra leggings and
‘filmi’ churidar pajamas with equally tight tops……all covered by a short jacket and headscarf or dupatta when she ventures out in
public. A far cry from the once ubiquitous blue burqas that used to be the norm.
The crime the villagers were systematically shot for was, quite simply, that of being Hazara and, therefore, Shia.
dergo a series of operations in the Aga Khan Hospital but took
another bad fall, just a few months ago. She now waits to be
flown to New Delhi for major reconstructive surgery some time during the winter months, thanks to the personal generosity of her employer and some of his close friends.
Despite the massive trauma in her young life, Amina man-
ages to be bubbly and gay, singing along to Indian songs as she conjures up traditional Afghan food in the homey kitchen or
plays with the household’s black spaniel which is perpetually glued to her side and even sleeps underneath her bed. She has,
however, one all consuming fear: that the Taliban might come back.
Her fear is not without foundation. In recent months, Taliban
insurgents have carried out a series of brazen daylight attacks, in the heavily fortified city of Kabul. The assault on the Inter-
Continental Hotel gained the most publicity and notoriety while other, smaller incursions largely passed uncommented on by the
Amina’s smile hides a painful past. She does, naturally, dream of marriage and children and
a home of her own. But, for now at least, this is just a dream
since Amina is partially crippled. A catastrophic fall, when she
world at large.
As Amina winds down the tragic story of her life, she shrugs
her shoulders, tosses back her tinted brown and blonde hair, ges-
tures towards the house and says, “I am very lucky but…I am still Hazara.”
Two days later, a well-coordinated insurgent attack on the
was a baby, resulted in a smashed hip and upper thigh. Medi-
American embassy compound, close to the house where Amina
with serious mobility problems. Slowly she learned to walk but
her fear. A week after this, the assassination of Professor Burhan-
cal treatment was not available to the family so she grew up only with a rolling, lopsided gait which has, on numerous oc-
casions, caused her to fall over, further damaging the bones.
Her endurance of the mountain flight and journey is thus even more miraculous, as the terrain through which the women fled
is difficult to traverse. During her years in Karachi, she did un-
lives and just one part of a four-pronged manoeuvre, rekindles uddin Rabbani, just around the corner from Amina’s residence,
takes place and resurrects all her fears — and those of others in
the Hazara community — in full force. This fear should not be ignored. A
35 53 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
REVIEW
out of this world BY MAHVESH MURAD
Attack the Block is a gleeful medium-budget London film about a gang of inner city teenagers standing between the south London council estate they live in and a strange, violent species of alien invaders. You may ask, as one of the characters in the film does, “What kind of alien out of the whole wide world would invade some shitty council estate in south London?” The answer, given by one of the boys in the gang — who speak only in a colourful gang-cockney patois — is: “One dat’s looking for a fight.” And what a fight it’s going to get. Debut film writer-director Joe Cornish introduces his audience to Moses and the gang of ‘hoodies’ in a scene that sets them up as petty thieves and straight out bullies who mug a nurse on her way back from a late shift at work. It’s quire a risk for a director and/ or writer to take; it’s not easy to make an audience connect with characters that aren’t ‘nice’ or instantly likeable. But Cornish benefits from this risk hugely — the film’s teenage actors play their parts with subtlety, revealing new facets of their personalities slowly but surely. Their attempt at mugging Sam, the nurse, goes awry when an alien crashes into a nearby car and attacks Moses. The boys decide to deal with it the only way they know how — with bats, chains, and violence. Slowly, through humour, great character progression and a tightly wound plot, Cornish and his actors are able to lift away the tough exterior of the gang, making them heroes in every way. The film takes place entirely in and around the block itself, and the events only last one night, moving from the outdoors to closer and closer quarters inside the apartment building. Interestingly, the estate is on Ballard Street — Ballard’s 1975 novel High Rise was about a block of apartments that are cut off from the world and in turn become a microcosm of social polarities, despair, rage and anger. Here too, the block is sequestered from the world, vulnerable to forces that have permeated within in. It can only be saved by those in it — Moses and his friends must protect their turf, set their own boundaries, and find their own redemption, something Ballard’s characters were unable to do. Here, the camaraderie between the gang’s members is rock solid. Attack the Block is a smart, insolent little film that never wavers and never flags. The editing is crisp and the CGI is minimal but inoffensive — the aliens are large and black with no real detailing except for glow-in-the-dark teeth. It is not the aliens or the threat they bring that carries the film, but an excellent cast of characters. Moses and his gang interact with a drug dealer called Hi-Hatz, his stoned right hand man, another stoned college student/weed seller and the same young nurse they attempted to mug at the start of the film. Of course, like in any action/adventure, they all must come together to figure out how to save themselves and their community. And as 36 in any good action/adventure, they all don’t. Some die, some are OCTOBER 16-22 2011
Keeping one’s council: Moses and his gang must fight a violent species of aliens invading the south London council estate they live in.
maimed, but Cornish barely gives his audience a moment to catch a breath — Attack the Block seizes every chance it can get to slip in a joke, slide in some social commentary, encourage some empathy and yet never, ever loses pace. In short, this is a near-perfect film. It never tells when it can show, it never uses words when it can use images to move the plot along. All information comes from within the microcosm of the block and its inhabitants, without long conversations and without the dreaded info-dump. Cornish is able to add depth in the way a good director should: with a quiet, brief look at a bedroom, at the clanging metal grill protecting a home, at a simple, ordinary door, a tight little sequence where each boy heads home to collect a ‘weapon’. Though it won’t easily settle into any single genre, this is a small, focused film that knows its own limits. It’s fun, it’s entertaining and somewhere below the action it asks astute questions about race, society and community. As one of the gang asks, “If we was making it up, don’t you fink we’d make up somefin better than aliens?” In this case, Cornish doesn’t need anything better at all.
OCTOBER 16-22 2011
REVIEW
crash into me BY HAMNA ZUBAIR
A planet hurtles through space on a collision course with Earth. Is this autumn’s latest disaster flick, replete with muscled action heroes? No, this is controversial director Lars Von Trier’s latest offering. Fans of Trier’s work may have been surprised by the subject of Melancholia, but it is actually not a great departure from his earlier films. This is because humanity’s impending demise merely serves as a cursory backdrop to a more intense focus on the rocky relationship between two sisters. Melancholia is the name of the planet that is about to come crashing into Earth, and also refers to the despair that dwells within the main characters, Claire and Justine. Justine, played by Kirsten Dunst, is the fair-haired, fragile bride who opens the film. Justine is celebrating her wedding to Matthew, and her sister Claire (Charlotte Gaingbourg) has arranged a lavish reception for her. This should be a day of happiness, except everything goes wrong: we see that Justine is continuously unsettled, plagued by an unexplained flightiness that has her skip out on parts of the reception. Tension flairs between the sisters, with Claire angrily reminding Justine that she had promised to be good. Justine’s behaviour is only partly explained in the second half of the film, when Claire mentions to her husband that her sister is ‘ill’ — this, and other scenes, hint that Justine is suffering from some sort of depression… in other words, melancholia. Even though she is chastised by other members of her family for doing so, Claire continues to take care of Justine, trying to be the responsible adult. Ironically, even in her compromised condition, some things are clearer to Justine than to Claire — like the need to accept the frailty of human life. The movie is divided into two parts, with the first focusing on Justine and the wedding and the second peering deeper into Claire’s attempts to comprehend the enormity that is Melancholia. Like this narrative structure, and the dual meaning implied by the film’s title, almost every word uttered in this film has another context and is heavy with the weight of that which is left unsaid. All of this may make the film an interesting work to deconstruct and analyse, but does it make for pleasurable viewing? Not really. The movie only really begins to make sense in the second half, as Claire’s more coherent vision begins to assert itself — most viewers may not want to wait around that long. That said, Lars Von Trier’s films aren’t really known for their mass appeal, so if you’re willing to overlook that, you should know that at least you’ll be in for a visual treat. Trier mixes closely shot, highly emotive scenes with beautiful and otherworldly images of planetary movements, and the effect is stunning. As the movie draws to a close and Melancholia looms ever closer to Earth, the planet’s huge face hauntingly begins to dominate everything — the skyline, Claire’s 38 every thought. The claustrophobia of the situation is heightened beOCTOBER 16-22 2011
Almost every word uttered in this film has another context and is heavy with the weight of that which is left unsaid.
cause Von Trier focuses on only a few characters during what should be a mass catastrophe. Dunst and Gainsbourg have acted superbly, a testament to this is that although other stars like Charlotte Rampling make an appearance, no own really makes an impact except the sisterly duo. For me, the film’s best scene is this: Claire, ever the one with a plan, brokenly tells Justine that if they all must die, she wants to do it ‘right’ — with a glass of wine on the balcony, overlooking the looming planet. Justine, remarkably clear-sighted now despite her condition, says: “That’s a piece of shit.” Ultimately, Claire and Justine have to come to terms with the reality that Melancholia overtakes everything.
violence at work BY AMEER HAMZA
Dark comedy involves a fine balance between being funny and being morbid. Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb successfully managed this task with its satire of the ColdWar nuclear scare. But Horrible Bosses is one film that doesn’t really make the cut. The film follows three friends, Nick (Jason Bateman), Kurt (Jason Sudeikis), and Dale (Charlie Day), who are fed up with their respective bosses, David (Kevin Spacey), Bobby (Colin Farrell) and Julia (Jennifer Aniston). The trio enlists the help of Dean MF Jones (Jamie Foxx) to help them murder their self-serving bosses but a series of unfortunate events turn the plan on its head. The premise, which could have provided comic gold, is sadly wasted with unfunny jokes, most of which centre on racism and stereotypes. The three leads, Bateman, Day and Sudeikis have little chemistry and as the film putters on, that too is slowly lost. For example, when the trio visits the most dangerous bar in the city, all the patrons are black. It is ridiculous how the film constantly relies on clichés, cheap and easy laughs, preferring to be vulgar rather than funny. Horrible Bosses
lines in the sand BY BATOOL ZEHRA
“I don’t want to live!” screams Zeb at a key juncture in Invisible Lines, as she bangs her head repeatedly against a stone wall. But like the thick-headed protagonist of Ruby Zaman’s novel, the reader remains curiously numb. Invisible Lines follows Zebunnnessa Rahim, the daughter of a Bihari father and a Sylheti mother, as her world collapses around her during the 1971 riots. If early in the book, you feel that you’re reading the Bengali version of Gone With the Wind, rest assured the disconcerting impression won’t dissipate soon. The not-beautiful-butbeautiful heroine who loses everything, the hard trek home, civil war, and the loyal nanny, all seem heavily inspired by the American civil war classic, but Zaman’s stilted cipher of a heroine fails to evoke any emotional response in the reader. This insentience is the basic failure of Invisible Lines, reinforced by the tone-deaf prose and the flaccid narrative. Unable to create empathy, Zaman substitutes by piling misery on her protagonist. Misfortunes come thick and fast: sexual violence follows close on the heels of loss; madness and trauma ensue. The final effect is that of black comedy, rather than tragedy. The tension in the narrative is meant to come from Zeb’s meeting with a former liberation fighter but, despite the scissoring between past and present, the reader feels no real suspense as it is immediately obvious is that the diplomatic official that Zeb meets in London
is barely saved by the hilarious antics of Jamie Foxx, who shines in his relativity small role as a murder consultant, Colin Ferrell’s hideous comb-over and ridiculous accent and Jennifer Aniston, who finally leaves behind the girl-next-door stereotype that she was holding onto for dear life since “Friends” ended. Bringing up the rear is a brilliant ensemble cameo cast which helps the movie along, with Ioan Gruffudd (Mr FantasThe premise, which could have provided comic gold, is sadly wasted tic from The Fantastic Four), as with weak jokes. a male prostitute, PJ Byrne as Kenny Sommerfeld, a former investment manager, now down on his luck and willing to do anything to pay off his bar tab and Bob Newhart as Comnidyne CEO Louis Sherman, who is not the kindly old man he appears to be. All in all, the film is raunchy enough to be appealing to younger audiences but it might not appeal to a wider audience.
is the same freedom fighter who fell in love with her years ago. The real mystery is: are we not meant to realise this straight away? Still, stale imagery and the liberal use of clichés keep the narrative chugging along. This in itself would be no bad thing if the writing wasn’t appallingly clunky. At a particularly tender point in the novel, when Zeb starts sharing her miseries with an intimate friend, she is described as having “bawled her eyes out”. At best, this kind Stale imagery and the liberal use of clichés keep the narrative chugging of writing, completely oblivious along. of the effect it creates, can be called guileless. Interestingly, for a novel that is about a people who struggled with racism for the longest time, the novel ends up sounding shockingly white-centric. Zeb finally finds comfort with an Italian, and almost anyone who is shown to be beautiful in the novel is described as ‘fair-complexioned’ and ‘like a foreigner’. A half-baked, inane novel, Invisible Lines works by assuming both 39 the reader and its own characters to be stupid. a OCTOBER 16-22 2011
THE HATER
10 things I hate about ... winter
1 2 3 4 5
BY NADIR HASSAN
Its non-existence. Yes, it can get quite chilly in Islam-
abad, maybe even below freezing — but there is no snow. And if there is one thing being reared on stories
of Rudolph and his red nose has taught me, it is that winter means snow.
Gas bills. You think you’re being ripped off by Wapda
and KESC? Try running a gas heater during winter. If I can be charged Rs4,000 rupees a month for simply cooking two meals on a stove, I shudder to imagine
how much of my measly salary will go towards paying heating bills.
Apparel inconveniences. It’s cold out on the street so
you have to wear a sweater. But central heating has made your office warm and toasty so off comes the sweater. Want to sneak out for a quick smoke? Time to bundle up again.
Deadly drivers. I never learned to drive a car so I never
get behind the wheel. It’s a simple enough concept but
one most Pakistanis refuse to abide by. In summer,
they can still get away with it. But with the rain and sleet in winter they go from annoying to life-threatening.
Weather forecasters. “We expect it to be cold and miserable tomorrow.” No one ever paid me to state the obvious.
40 OCTOBER 16-22 2011
6 7 8 9 10
The end of sports. Tennis is on hiatus, the golf season has ended and even European football goes on its annu-
al Christmas vacation. All you can do in winter is stay at
home and watch TV; unfortunately there’s nothing on.
Sickness. Since it’s winter, it’s invariable you will get the flu. There is no cure for the flu, so you just have to wait it out. Well, you could take an ice-cold shower.
Then you’d get pneumonia and there is a cure for that. Or you may die.
Scarf smell. Many people like to cover their precious noses and mouths with scarves. Soon those scarves are
covered with snot and drool. Then we have to smell it as they sit in the cubicle next to us.
The music. Even in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, we
are not spared the blight of Christmas music. Christ-
mas music is to music what TV news is to actual news, a pale, annoying imitation of the real thing.
It gets worse. As terrible as winter is — and it is terrible — have you ever spent a summer in Pakistan? The weather just never leaves us alone. a