Everyman Theatre "Dinner with Friends" Play Guide

PLAY GUIDE

EVERYMAN THEATRE G REAT STO RI ES, WELL TOLD.

#bmoreeveryman

A NOTE FROM THE ARTISTIC DIRECTOR

By Vincent M. Lancisi, Founder, Artistic Director

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inner With Friends won the Pulitzer Prize for Drama in 2000. Since then, it has proven to be a modern classic as the most produced play of Donald Margulies’ impressive array of great plays. In fact, this is Everyman Theatre’s fourth Donald Margulies play... clearly we have an affinity for his writing!

and sharing a meal together with friends and family is something that can bring comfort, happiness, warmth, sympathy, and celebration—all of the many emotions of life. And these ups and downs of life are felt within both the romantic relationships and the friendships of this play. It’s real life; I’m certain we can all identify with being a Gabe or a Karen, or a Beth or a Tom at some point in our development.

I’m always eager to see our actors sink their teeth into Margulies’s characters. Dinner with Friends especially Speaking of great food and great friends, if you haven’t highlights the many layers and dimensions of friends, already signed up for one of our springtime “Play-Alovers, and relationships. His Role” events, do so now! This series dialogue is so dynamic and is in its third year and invites guests filled with nuance, it’s a dream into the homes of Everyman board “SOMETHING THAT DREW to work on scenes scripted by members and supporters for an ME TO THIS PLAY WAS him. interactive playreading of a famous THE IDEA OF THE play. In addition to taking part in UNWRITTEN CONTRACT Something that really drew me the reading, guests are also treated BETWEEN FRIENDS.” to this play was the idea of the to a fabulous meal (food is love!) impermanence of marriage and fantastic company. This year, and the unwritten contract we are adding a twist to the series between close friends. It’s fascinating to explore our and adding two events right here at the theatre that will expectations and fears as middle age approaches. Will be hosted by Resident Company Members! Join Beth we double down on our marriage or blow it up?

Hylton for a reading of the hilarious Blithe Spirit on April 13th or Bruce Nelson for a reading of the classic thriller Something else that drew me to this play is the fact that An Inspector Calls on May 3rd. Proceeds from the events I’m a chronic foodie. It’s no secret that I love preparing directly support Everyman’s artistic and education and eating an amazing meal with friends and family. initiatives. Tickets are on sale on our website now.

Gabe and Karen are foodies too, and part of their

relationship with their friends is creating fantastic meals for them. I believe that food is love! The act of preparing

Thank you for joining us! I invite you now to sit back, relax, and enjoy Dinner with Friends.

EVERYMAN THEATRE

Vincent M. Lancisi, Founder, Artistic Director presents

DINNER WITH FRIENDS Playwright DONALD MARGULIES Director VINCENT M. LANCISI

Gabe..................................................................................................................................M. SCOTT Mc LEAN* Karen.........................................................................................................................................BETH HYLTON* Beth................................................................................................................................ MEGAN ANDERSON* Tom.....................................................................................................................................DANNY GAVIGAN*

Set Design

Lighting Design

DONALD EASTMAN

HAROLD F. BURGESS II

Sound Design

Fight/Intimacy Choreography

SARAH O’HALLORAN Props Master

JILLIAN MATHEWS

Costume Design

DAVID BURDICK Dramaturgy

LINDSEY R. BARR

LEWIS SHAW

Stage Manager

AMANDA M. HALL*

New York Casting

PAT Mc CORKLE, CSA KATJA ZAROLINSKI, CSA Mc CORKLE CASTING, LTD

Setting: The Present, Connecticut Suburbs.

12 Years Earlier, Martha’s Vineyard.

This production will be performed in two acts with one intermission.

SPONSORS

GINA & DAN HIRSCHHORN

SHIRLEY T. HOLLANDER

PHYLLIS & JOE JOHNSON FOUNDATION

PLEASE TURN OFF ALL CELL PHONES. NO TEXTING. NO EATING IN THE THEATRE. Dinner With Friends is presented by special arrangement with Dramatists Play Service, Inc., New York.

The videotaping or making of electronic or other audio and/or visual recordings of this production or distributing recordings on any medium, including the internet, is strictly prohibited, a violation of the author’s rights and actionable under United States copyright law. * Member of Actors’ Equity Association, the Union of Professional Actors and Stage Managers in the United States

EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL PLAY GUIDE | 1

Photo Courtesy of Pernmoot Photography

THE PLAYWRIGHT Donald Margulies

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argulies was exposed early to the theatre.

His father, a wallpaper salesman, played show tunes on the family hi-fi and, despite a limited income, often took his children to Manhattan to attend Broadway plays and musicals.

Born in Brooklyn in 1954, Donald Margulies grew up in Trump Village, a Coney Island housing project built by Donald Trump’s father.

Margulies studied visual arts at the Pratt Institute before transferring to State University of New York to pursue a degree in playwriting. During the early ‘80s, he collaborated with Joseph Papp, and his first Off-Broadway play, Found a Peanut, was produced at the Public Theatre. In 1983, he moved with his wife to New Haven, Connecticut, so that she could attend Yale Medical School.

In 1992, Margulies’ career really began to take off when Sight Unseen won an Obie for Best New American Play. Some of his other plays include The Loman Family Picnic; Pitching to the Star; Zimmer; Luna Park; What’s Wrong With This Picture?; The Model Apartment; Broken Sleep; July 7, 1994, and The God of Vengeance. Dinner With Friends—which tells the story of a seemingly happy couple who re-examine their own relationship when their best friends decide to divorce—won Margulies a 2000 Pulitzer Prize for Drama. He had previously been nominated for a Pulitzer for Collected Stories, a play about a Jewish writer who is betrayed by her young disciple.

Elected to the Dramatists Guild Council in 1993, Margulies has received grants from Creative Artists Public Service (CAPS), New York Foundation for the Arts, the National Endowment for the Arts, and the John Simon Guggenheim Foundation. His plays have premiered at Manhattan Theatre Club, South Coast Repertory, The New York Shakespeare Festival and the Jewish Repertory Theatre. He lives in New Haven, Connecticut, where he teaches playwriting at the Yale School of Drama.

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IN HIS WORDS On Passing Down a Love of Theatre...

My parents were not intellectuals. They were not artists. My father sold wallpaper. My mother was a housewife until she went back to office work when I was ten. We were middleclass Jews who didn’t go to synagogue, but we did go to Broadway. My parents came of age during the Depression— they loved movies and they loved Broadway, and they instilled that love in my brother and me. Our family took a few memorable excursions to Broadway during my childhood.

Those experiences stayed with me.

I remember feeling privileged to be in a theater where I was privy to very adult humor that I understood and enjoyed. I was excited, I remember that vividly.

On Becoming a Playwright...

I didn’t become a theater geek, and I didn’t become an actor—I was never very comfortable performing—but I discovered I could write, parodies and sketches, mostly. When I was in high school I wrote some short stories. A story I wrote that was published in the literary art magazine that I coedited got me into trouble. The story had the F word in it, the principal suppressed the publication, the ACLU came to the rescue, and my co-editor and I fought the principal’s decision.

We took him and the New York City Board of Education to court—and won. But it’s not as if I went home and started writing plays. It was a feeling that I identified and recorded and stored away.

On the Writing Essentials...

I think it is essential, particularly in drama, to know what is at stake that must be resolved in ninety minutes to two hours.

I pose fundamental questions like, Where is the conflict?

What is your play about? Basic, pedantic questions, but the truth is that people really need to identify and articulate their

A

B

MARGULIES ONSTAGE AT EVERYMAN: A. Paul Morella and Deborah Hazlett in Everyman Theatre;s 2007 production of Sight Unseen. Photo: Stan Borouh. B. Beth Hylton and Eric. M. Messner in Everyman Theatre’s 2012 production of Time Stands Still, Photo: Stan Borouh.

subject.I often pose the Passover question, Why is this night different from all other nights? In other words, Why is the action taking place now and not yesterday or tomorrow?

When I teach Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, I ask, “What is the event?”

And they say, “It’s Big Daddy’s birthday.” And I reply, “No that’s the occasion. The event is that it’s Big Daddy’s last birthday.”

That distinction raises the stakes for every member of the family.

On the Value of Instincts...

The lessons that I learned early on were to trust my instincts, to be more assertive when I feel things aren’t going well, to take more control. Not deferring so much to others to make certain decisions and assumptions about the work. In the theater, people talk about how playwrights need to be nurtured. I always bristle at the word nurture. It’s infantilizing.

My instincts have served me very well all of my life, except when I have not heeded them. There are times I probably should have been more of a prick. I know my own capacity for things. I know what makes me happy and I know what makes me miserable, so I try to stay away from those things.

On the Process...

I write sporadically. I can’t say that I get up and read the paper at six and start to write at seven. My life hasn’t really worked out that way. I write when I have to, when it becomes a kind of biological necessity. I think I learned a long time ago that to have a career as a playwright, and a produced playwright, there’ll be inquiries I need to respond to, there’ll be a play that I’m casting that is part of the day, or another play that I’m rewriting or preparing for publication, or a screenplay that I’m writing, or material that I was sent to consider for something else—that’s all part of it. And even if it’s not actually writing it’s part of the business of being a playwright. I’m not even

mid-career anymore—I’m one of the old guys—and the plays are getting revived and it’s wonderful. They’re given new life.

Dinner With Friends hadn’t been seen in New York in fourteen years—it’s a new generation in the theater.

THE PLAY SETTING The majority of the play takes place in the home of Karen and Gabe who reside in Connecticut, MA. We see a five month period over the course of the play, with one flashback twelve years prior. We experience six other locations from a bar in Manhatten, to a vacation home in Martha’s vineyard.

CONFLICT A fabulous dinner at the home of food writers Gabe and Karen proves hard to swallow when Beth drops the bomb that husband Tom wants out of their 12-year marriage.

Suddenly, both couples find themselves grappling with questions of loyalty, individuality, and commitment in Donald Margulies’ deliciously funny, sharply observed Pulitzer Prize-winning drama.

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CHARACTERS Meet the characters of Dinner with Friends.

BETH

played by Megan Anderson In her forties and married to Tom, though her marriage is failing. She and Tom have two children together and are great friends with Karen and Gabe, who introduced them nearly thirteen years earlier. An aspiring artist.

GABE

played by M. Scott McLean In his fourties. Husband to Karen and father to their children. A food writer. He and Karen have been together since their twenties. He and Tom have also been close friends for many years.

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TOM

played by Danny Gavigan In his forties and living in Connecticut. Husband to Beth and father to their two children. Having an affair with his travel agent, he desires a divorce.

KAREN

played by Beth Hylton In her forties and lives in Connecticut with her husband, Gabe, and their two children. She and Gabe have been married for almost thirteen years. Good friends with Beth through her work in publishing.

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TIMELINE

A look at realism over time: family drama onstage.

REALISM VS. NATURALISM NATURALISM: a style and theory of representation based on the accurate depiction of detail.

REALISM: material inspired by real world and from direct observation that represents only those elements which reveal the relationships and tendencies under the surface.

1922

A RAISIN IN THE SUN

The Youngers are a poor African American family living on the South Side of Chicago in the 1950s. Lena Younger, the matriarch of the family, receives a $10,000 insurance check when her husband dies. She wants to use the money to buy a house, but her son Walter has other ideas. Walter loses the money entrusted to him. He makes a deal with the Clybourne Park Improvement Association, which intends to buy back Lena’s new house in order to keep their neighborhood white. In the end, Walter refuses to sell the house, and the Youngers prepare to move to their new home.

1959

FENCES A DOLL’S HOUSE

Nora, a housewife, borrowed money to save her husband, Trovald. She lied about where the money came from and called it a gift rather than a loan. Eight years later, Trovald has just received a better job at the bank and they have a higher status in the community. A disgruntled former employee at the bank, who knows Nora’s secret, exposes it to Trovald.

Embarrassed by the need for the loan and Nora’s deceit, he berates her until he finds out that the money doesn’t need to be repaid. He seeks forgiveness from Nora who refuses and leaves.

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1983

In Fences, Troy alienates those around him.

He throws his son out of the house, cheats on his wife, and commits his brother, Gabe, to a mental institution. Troy, the son of a poor sharecropper, moved north in his youth and struggled to build a new life for himself. He started stealing, went to prison, learned how to play baseball, and then joined the Negro Leagues. When the play begins, Troy is in his fifties and works as a garbageman. He starts building fences between himself and the other characters: his wife, his son, his brother, his friends.

WATER BY THE SPOONFUL

In a far corner of the Internet, moderator “Haikumom” (aka Odessa Ortiz) leads a chat room for recovering drug addicts. From behind their screens, these individuals who might never encounter each other in real life—a student, an IRS-pusher, and a financier­— forge a bond as strong as blood. In a Puerto Rican neighborhood in North Philly, Odessa Ortiz’s real-life family is falling apart. Her nephew, Elliot, has returned from Iraq, both physically and emotionally broken.

Her niece, Yaz, is unable to reconcile her identity as a North Philly girl from the barrio with her upper-crust, intellectual lifestyle. Her sister, who was the mother Odessa could never be, is dying of cancer.

AUGUST: OSAGE COUNTY

Centers around the Weston family, brought together after their patriarch, world-class poet and alcoholic, Beverly Weston, disappears. The matriarch, Violet, depressed and addicted to painkillers and “truth-telling,” is joined by her three daughters and their problematic lovers, who harbor their own deep secrets. Holed up in the large family estate in Osage County, Oklahoma, tensions build and boil over in the ruthless August heat.

1985

YOHEN

Set in 1980s Los Angeles, the story unspools episodically, parceling details over time.

James Washington arrives at a suburban door, hesitates, then knocks. There’s no immediate answer. Then, within, Sumi emerges, smoothing her carefully chosen clothing as though preparing for a date. It takes a while to figure out, but Sumi has turned James out of their home and asked him to court her anew.

For the most part, this couple’s difficulties could be anybody’s: years of habits that seem no longer bearable.

2007

2010

2017

CLYBOURNE PARK

The entire play takes place in one house in the neighborhood of Clybourne Park, the same neighborhood the Younger family was planning to move to. One Saturday afternoon in 1959, Bev and Russ Stoller are packing their house as they prepare to move closer to Russ’s job. Following the suicide of their son, Kenneth, a veteran of the Korean War accused of murdering civilians, Bev and Russ’s marriage has been deteriorating. Karl Linder and his wife Betsy stop by the Stoller’s house. Karl shares that a black family is moving into the house and would like the Stollers to halt the sale. A violent argument ensues after the conversation turns to Kenneth. Russ and Bev express indignation at being called on to protect a community that was unkind and unwelcoming to their son.

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Image courtesy of Brian Rhea

TO STAY MARRIED, EMBRACE CHANGE APRIL 21, 2017 | By

Ada Calhoun

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couple of years ago, it seemed as if everyone I knew was on the verge of divorce.

“He’s not the man I married,” one friend told me.“She didn’t change, and I did,” said another. And then there was the no-fault version: “We grew apart.”Emotional and physical abuse are clear-cut grounds for divorce, but they aren’t the most common causes of failing marriages, at least the ones I hear about. What’s the more typical villain? Change.

Feeling oppressed by change or lack of change; it’s a tale as old as time. Yet at some point in any long-term relationship, each partner is likely to evolve from the person we fell in love with into someone new—and not always into someone cuter or smarter or more fun. Each goes from rock climber to couch potato, from rebel to middle manager, and from sex crazed to sleep obsessed.

Sometimes people feel betrayed by this change. They fell in love with one person, and when that person doesn’t seem familiar anymore, they decide he or she violated the marriage contract. I have begun to wonder if perhaps the problem isn’t change itself but our susceptibility to what has been called the “end of history” illusion.

“Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished,” the Harvard professor Daniel Gilbert said in a 2014 TED talk called “The Psychology of Your Future Self.” He described research that he and his colleagues had done in 2013: Study subjects (ranging from 18 to 68 years old) reported changing much more over a decade than they expected to.

In 2015, I published a book about where I grew up, St. Marks Place in the East Village of Manhattan. In doing research, I listened to one person after another claim that the street was a shadow of its former self, that all the good businesses had closed and all the good people had left. This sentiment held EVERYMAN THEATRE | 8

true even though people disagreed about which were the good businesses and who were the good people.

Nostalgia, which fuels our resentment toward change, is a natural human impulse. And yet being forever content with a spouse, or a street, requires finding ways to be happy with different versions of that person or neighborhood.

Because I like to fix broken things quickly and shoddily (my husband, Neal, calls my renovation aesthetic “Little Rascals Clubhouse”), I frequently receive the advice: “Don’t just do something, stand there.”

Such underreacting may also be the best stance when confronted by too much or too little change. Whether or not we want people to stay the same, time will bring change in abundance.

A year and a half ago, Neal and I bought a place in the country. We hadn’t been in the market for a house, but our city apartment is only 500 square feet, and we kept admiring this lovely blue house we drove by every time we visited my parents. It turned out to be shockingly affordable.

So now we own a house. We bought furniture, framed pictures and put up a badminton net. We marveled at the change that had come over us. Who were these backyardgrilling, property-tax-paying, shuttlecock-batting people we had become?

When we met in our 20s, Neal wasn’t a man who would delight in lawn care, and I wasn’t a woman who would find such a man appealing. And yet here we were, avidly refilling our bird feeder and remarking on all the cardinals.

Neal, who hadn’t hammered a nail in all the years I’d known him, now had opinions on bookshelves and curtains, and loved going to the hardware store. He whistled while he

mowed. He was like an alien. But in this new situation, I was an alien, too—one who knew when to plant bulbs and how to use a Crock-Pot, and who, newly armed with CPR and first aid certification, volunteered at a local camp. Our alien selves were remarkably compatible.

Several long-married people I know have said this exact line: “I’ve had at least three marriages. They’ve just all been with the same person.” I’d say Neal and I have had at least three marriages: Our partying 20s, child-centric 30s and homeowning 40s.

Then there’s my abbreviated first marriage. Nick and I met in college and dated for a few months before dropping out and driving cross-country. Over the next few years, we worked a series of low-wage jobs. On the rare occasions when we discussed our future, he said he wasn’t ready to settle down because one day, he claimed, he would probably need to “sow” his “wild oats”—a saying I found tacky and a concept I found ridiculous.

When I told Neal about this years later, he said, “Maybe you found it ridiculous because you’d already done it.”

It’s true that from ages 16 to 19 I had a lot of boyfriends. But with Nick, I became happily domestic. We adopted cats. I had changed in such a way that I had no problem being with just one person. I was done changing and thought he should be, too. Certainly, I thought he should not change into a man who sows oats.

When we got married at the courthouse so he could get his green card (he was Canadian), I didn’t feel different the next day. We still fell asleep to “Politically Incorrect” with our cats at our feet as we always had.

We told anyone who asked that the marriage was no big deal, just a formality so the government wouldn’t break us up. But when pressed, it was hard to say what differentiated us from the truly married beyond the absence of a party.

When I grew depressed a few months later, I decided that he and our pseudo-marriage were part of the problem. After three years of feeling like the more committed person, I was done and asked him to move out. When he left, I felt sad but also thrilled by the prospect of dating again. A couple of years later, I met Neal.

Recently, I asked Nick if we could talk. We hadn’t spoken in a decade. He lives in London now, so we Skyped. I saw that he looked almost exactly as he had at 22, though he’d grown a long beard. We had a pleasant conversation. Finally, I asked him if he thought our marriage counted.

“Yeah,” he said. “I think it counts.”

We were married, just not very well. The marriage didn’t mean much to us, and so when things got rough, we broke up. I had been too immature to know what I was getting into. I thought passion was the most important thing. When my romantic feelings left, I followed them out the door. It was just like any breakup, but with extra paperwork.

Nick now works at a European arts venue. He’s unmarried. I wouldn’t have predicted his life or his facial hair. I don’t regret our split, but if we had stayed married, I think I would have liked this version of him.

My hair is long and blond now. When Neal and I met, it was dyed black and cut to my chin. When I took to bleaching it myself, it was often orange, because I didn’t know what I was doing.

Now I weigh about 160 pounds. When I left the hospital after being treated for a burst appendix, I weighed 140. When I was nine months pregnant and starving every second, I weighed 210. I have been everything from size 4 to 14. I have been the life of the party and a drag. I have been broke and loaded, clinically depressed and radiantly happy. Spread out over the years, I’m a harem.

How can we accept that when it comes to our bodies (and everything else, for that matter), the only inevitability is change? And what is the key to caring less about change as a marriage evolves—things like how much sex we’re having and whether or not it’s the best sex possible?

One day in the country, Neal and I heard a chipmunk in distress. It had gotten inside the house and was hiding under the couch. Every few minutes, the creature let out a highpitched squeak. I tried to sweep it out the door to safety with a broom, but it kept running back at my feet.

“Wow, you’re dumb,” I said to it.

“I got this,” Neal said, mysteriously carrying a plastic cereal bowl. “Shoo it out from under there.”

I did, and the chipmunk raced through the living room. Neal, like an ancient discus thrower, tossed the bowl in a beautiful arc, landing it perfectly atop the scampering creature. He then slid a piece of cardboard under the bowl and carried the chipmunk out into the bushes, where he set it free.

“That was really impressive,” I said.

“I know,” he said.

To feel awed by a man I thought I knew completely: It’s a shock when that happens after so many years. And a boon.

That one fling of a bowl probably bought us another five years of marriage.

Comprehension: Why, in this author’s experience, did her first marriage end? In what ways has her current marriage evolved over time?

Reflection: Where do you see change in your closest relationships? In what ways have you changed in the last year? What is your level of comfort with change interpersonally?

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FEBRUARY 7, 2018 | By

Monique Judge

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hen you consider being in a relationship with someone and you think of the expectations you have for that relationship, what do you base them on?

Do you look to other couples whom you admire for inspiration or are your expectations grounded in what you know about your potential partner?

On any given day, you can find the hashtag #RelationshipGoals under social media posts of both celebrity couples and everyday people alike. The romantic in us loves love, and seeing images that reflect relationship ideals can be inspiring for all of us, but is it realistic to believe that all “perfect” looks the same?”

What’s perfect to you may be far from perfect for someone else and vice versa, so it’s important to keep that in mind. It’s also important to be mindful that when viewing what people choose to share on social media, we are seeing only what they want us to see.

There is so much more to relationships than what people choose to share publicly. The ugly parts—the hard parts—are often hidden from view, and what we are presented with are images that leave us feeling as if we are missing out. We are left to question why their lives are great and ours aren’t. It is deceptive, but it is a deception that we all willingly participate in because we love the idea of perfect love.

This is why, when something bad happens with a couple everyone thinks is picture-perfect, we are all personally rocked to our cores. How could this happen to them? They looked so happy.

A perfect example of this is Beyoncé and Jay-Z. We lived for images of them out and about, on vacation, enjoying their lives as a happy couple with their baby girl Blue Ivy. They were #RelationshipGoals for real, so when the infamous elevator video leaked, it broke the internet, our hearts and the rose-colored glasses through which we viewed their relationship.

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Then Beyoncé released Lemonade, and we were given a different picture of their relationship—one under which #RelationshipGoals no longer fit.

What do you mean, he was unfaithful? What do you mean, she had moments of insecurity?

“THERE IS SO MUCH MORE TO RELATIONSHIPS THAN WHAT PEOPLE SHARE PUBLICLY.” And if all these bad things can happen to Beyoncé in her relationship, what does that say for the rest of us and our relationship hopes and dreams?

And this is why I say that #RelationshipGoals creates an unrealistic expectation of picture-perfectness.

Perfection is in the eye of the beholders. What works for Beyoncé and Jigga—and what doesn’t work for them—is not the same as what will or will not work for you and yours. It’s all subjective.

While it’s fun to look at these pictures of seeming perfection, it’s important to remember that what we create and build with those we love is entirely individual and personal. It cannot be molded by anyone but us.

Although there may be aspects of other relationships that we admire, we cannot rely too heavily on those images when building our own happiness. That can lead to feelings of inadequacy and not measuring up.

We are our own barometers for what happy looks like for us. We should measure ourselves only against the goals that matter to us and no one else. We should build our relationships based on the things that are important to us and our partners. Nothing else matters.

Ultimately, we should be our own #RelationshipGoals—built according to our own definition.

Image courtesy of Cerys Lowe

#RELATIONSHIPGOALS AND THE UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS OF PICTURE-PERFECTNESS

Image courtesy of Hannah Busing

HOW OUR EXPECTATIONS ARE CHANGING MARRIAGE OCTOBER 17, 2017 | By

Katie Moritz

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t’s true: less of us are getting married than ever before. And while it may be too soon to know how millennial divorce rates will trend, divorce is increasing for folks 40 and over. But, according to a relationship researcher and expert, the married couples who are doing it right are really nailing it. While the average marriage is weaker than it has been in the past, the most fulfilling marriages today are better than ever before, writes Eli Finkel, a Northwestern University psychology professor, in his new book, “The All-or-Nothing Marriage: How the Best Marriages Work.”

FOR BETTER AND FOR WORSE

Over the course of a year, Finkel delved into scholarly literature on marriage—work by psychologists, sociologists, economists and historians, he wrote in a New York Times opinion piece on the same topic back in 2014 (it’s a really fascinating read). People who mourn the demise of the institution of marriage are right: the average marriage today is less satisfying and more impacted by divorce, he found.

But today’s best marriages are better than the best ones of marriage’s glory days—today’s happiest couples are more satisfied, both as a pair and as individuals.

That’s probably because of a cultural shift toward more respect and autonomy for women that began in the 1960s, a direct result of the prevailing counterculture movement, Finkel wrote. People started seeing marriage as less of a mandatory thing to check off of a master to-do list and more of a means of self-improvement and self-actualization.

The way the relationship made the two people feel—rather than economic and social necessity—started to become more central, raising the standard for what it means to be in a committed relationship. That means happier couples are happier, but unhappy couples are getting divorced.

Finkel and his team found that while the most proactive couples are able to push their relationships to new heights, the average couple is investing less time into their relationship than in the past.

“Our central claim is that Americans today have elevated their expectations of marriage and can in fact achieve an unprecedentedly high level of marital quality—but only if they are able to invest a great deal of time and energy in their partnership,” Finkel wrote for The New York Times.

HIGH EXPECTATIONS

One of Finkel’s most interesting observations is the changing way we see our spouses. While we’re less dependent on marriage for survival, we expect our partners to fill many more roles than married folks did in the past.

Husbands and wives now more than ever rely on each other to be best friends, confidants, fulfilling sex partners and coparents, Finkel wrote in his new book. The standard husband and wife roles you see playing out in old sitcoms have mostly gone out the window.

Nobody wants to have an underwhelming marriage. Our lives are busier than ever, and it’s easier to kick the relationship can down the road to focus on pressing work and life things.

But if you’re in a long-term relationship with someone you love, it’s possible to be really happy—with some work. Or some altered expectations.

“Couples can choose to invest more time and energy in their marriage, perhaps by altering how they use whatever shared leisure time is available,” Finkel wrote for The New York Times. “But if couples lack the time and energy, they might consider adjusting their expectations, perhaps by focusing on cultivating an affectionate bond without trying to facilitate each other’s self-actualization.”

Comprehension: When did the shift in the view of women in a marriage change and what effect did it have on the view of marriage?

Reflection: How would you define “the perfect partnership”? What are some of the components you have seen or experienced that have made a great relationship and why do you think that combination worked?

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Image courtesy of Zachary Roberts

GENDER ISSUES: COMMUNICATION DIFFERENCES IN INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS FEBRUARY 25, 2010 | By

Cynthia Burggraf Torppa, Ph.D.

A

lot of media attention has been devoted to the idea that women and men communicate very differently—in fact, it is sometimes stated that women and men communicate so differently from one another that they must come from different planets! Although at times differences in women’s and men’s communication styles seem to be constant and overwhelming, they are really quite minor. For example, both women and men can be nurturing, aggressive, task-focused, or sentimental.

What is important to think about, however, is that women and men sometimes perceive the same messages to have different meanings. In fact, it may be as a result of the differences in message interpretation that the “battle of the sexes” occurs.

Studies indicate that women, to a greater extent than men, are sensitive to the interpersonal meanings that lie “between the lines” in the messages they exchange with their mates. That is, societal expectations often make women responsible for regulating intimacy, or how close they allow others to come. For that reason, it is argued that women pay more attention than men to the underlying meanings about intimacy that messages imply. Men on the other hand, to a greater extent than women, are more sensitive to “between the lines meanings” about status. For men, societal expectations are that they must negotiate hierarchy, or who’s the captain and who’s the crew (Tannen, 1990; Wood, 2009).

These differences in emphasis on interpersonal vs. status implications of messages typically lead women to expect relationships to be based on interdependence (mutual dependence) and cooperation. Women more frequently emphasize the similarities between themselves and others, EVERYMAN THEATRE | 12

and try to make decisions that make everyone happy. In contrast, it is more typical for men to expect relationships to be based on independence and competition. Men more frequently emphasize the differences between themselves and others, and often make decisions based on their personal needs or desires.

How are these differences seen in marriage? In the ways women and men communicate! Women tend to be the relationship specialists and men tend to be task specialists.

Women are typically the experts in “rapport talk” which refers to the types of communication that build, maintain, and strengthen relationships. Rapport talk reflects skills of talking, nurturing, emotional expression, empathy, and support. Men are typically the experts in task accomplishment and addressing questions about facts. They are experts in “report talk,” which refers to the types of communication that analyzes issues and solves problems. Report talk reflects skills of being competitive, lacking sentimentality, analyzing, and focusing aggressively on task accomplishment.

These differences can create specific, and commonly experienced, misunderstandings. Here is an example: He: I’m really tired. I have so much work to do—I don’t know how I’m going to get it done!

She: Me, too. There just aren’t enough hours in the day!

He: There you go again! You never think my contributions to this marriage are good enough!

In this conversation, she is trying to communicate something like “We’re partners and share similar experiences.” Her intended “between the lines” message is: “I understand what

Image courtesy of wiseGEEK

you’re going through; you’re not alone.” The “between the lines” message he hears emphasizes competition for status: “What are you complaining about? You aren’t any better than I am!” or “Your contributions to our marriage aren’t any more significant than mine!”

“UNDERSTANDING DIFFERENCES IS THE KEY TO WORKING THEM OUT.”

[Conflict can also result from] subtle differences in the ways that women and men approach problems. Women sometimes deal with problems (especially emotional concerns) by talking about them, sharing their feelings, and matching experiences with others. This can be frustrating to men, who more typically deal with problems by focusing on the facts and seeking an immediate solution. Occasionally, men perceive women to be ungrateful for the advice and solutions they offer and ponder in frustration why women don’t want to resolve their problems! Similarly, when men offer a solution, rather than talking about a problem, women may feel hurt, dissatisfied, and put-down by the lack of empathy men show.

[Couples also encounter challenges] in the ways that women and men show affection. It is more common for women to show affection through talking, but it is more common for men to show affection by doing things—either doing things together or doing separate things within the same physical

space. Sometimes not talking—not having to talk—is a sign of trust and intimacy for men.

Understanding differences is the key to working them out.

When we misunderstand one another, we often think that the other’s motives are not reasonable, are mean spirited, or worse. But by knowing that women and men sometimes see—and hear!—things through different filters, we can begin to share with one another the distortions we experience, and thereby find our way to clarity.

So, the next time you feel surprised, disappointed, or angry with someone’s response to something you have said, ask yourself if he or she may have “misheard” you. Is the other responding to your problems with a solution, when you wanted to receive sympathy? Is the other responding to your message of affection with a message of status? If so, you will be able to help the other to understand the source of your miscommunication, and avoid the hurt feelings and conflicts that sometimes follow.

Comprehension: Which gender, as described by this article, is more task-focused and seeks to provide solutions to problems, rather than soundboarding them?

Reflection: The communication styles discussed in this article apply, but are not exclusive, to marriage. What communication challenges do you experience with loved ones? Can you think of a relationship in your life— platonic or otherwise—in which you experience any of the aforementioned problems? Are they gender specific?

DINNER WITH FRIENDS PLAY GUIDE | 13

Image courtesy of Hust Wilson

EIGHT THINGS THAT HAPPEN WHEN YOU REALLY GET TO KNOW YOURSELF FEBRUARY 12, 2018 | By

Kali Rogers

“I FIND IN GENERAL PEOPLE HAVE VERY LITTLE UNDERSTANDING OF WHO THEY ARE; ONE HAS TO TURN A BLIND EYE TO SO MUCH OF ONESELF IN ORDER TO GET THROUGH LIFE.”—THE CROWN, SEASON 1 I love that quote. It so beautifully sums up how unique and tough it is to really get to know yourself.

1. Your Boundaries Improve

Boundary-strengthening is probably the first thing you’re going to experience whenever you truly get to know yourself.

Pre-journey, you might have had loose boundaries. Or hell, nonexistent boundaries. You weren’t sure who you were or what you stood for, so you let everyone get away with anything. People would take advantage. Not apologize. Waste your time. Not offer support. Have unrealistic expectations.

Let you down. And betray your trust.

But you didn’t have strong enough boundaries to give real consequences. You let people walk in and out of your life in whatever manner they pleased. But not anymore.

Now that you know your worth and you know what you stand for—there are certain expectations you live by. If people don’t meet those expectations—then you say something. It’s that simple.

Boundaries are now your lifeline for a happy existence.

2. Your People-Pleasing Tendencies Ease

Once you really get to know who you are, you simply don’t have the bandwidth to focus on what it is that others expect from you. Or frankly, what they want themselves. Because as you’ve learned, figuring out who you are takes a lot of work that only you and perhaps another savvy professional can do together. No matter how much you love your support system, they did not do the work for you. So you can’t do the work for them, either.

And now, thanks to your new mindset, you have the freedom and flexibility to really chase after the life that you deem most authentic. But – the second you start to wonder if you’ll have the approval or the blessing from others in your life is the second that authenticity goes out the window. It’s no longer your life – it’s their life that you’re consumed with. Peoplepleasing simply cannot be a high priority anymore if you’re EVERYMAN THEATRE | 14

going to live an authentic life.

Being unapologetically yourself also has some bonus points that come in the form of supportive friends.

It’s really incredible. You see, what happens is you decide that you no longer give a hoot about what others think about you.

You don’t cave to their opinions or mold yourself to fit their perception of you. You just L-I-V-E. The ones who can’t take the new self-assured you tend to back off. They don’t like how “out there” you’ve become or your new “aggressive” way of life.

Or maybe they just don’t feel “important” to you like they used to. *eye roll*—(see below) So they leave. But the ones who have a backbone and probably ALSO did a self-discovering journey themselves stay.

3. Some Relationships End

As I just went over, if you’re doing this self-discovery journey right, then you are going to lose some relationships.

Don’t be afraid. It’s not like you are going to fight tooth and nail to finally start living an authentic life, only to be met with your entire network of people who no longer love you. That is rarely the case—although yes, be prepared for a little bit of that, depending on how shitty your social circle is (see above!).

Instead, what typically happens is you outgrow certain people when you outgrow certain habits.

Once you realize that gossiping about others or lamenting about your current situation or over-drinking on a Tuesday night doesn’t solve your problems, you probably cut it out.

And if the only time you hung out with a certain friend was with five bottles of Pinot Grigio and a boat load of shit talking, then yeah, you probably won’t see them again. Oh, well.

It’s not like you wanted to cut them out of your life, but if the commonality between the two of you leaves (negativity), then what is there to bond over?

Furthermore, when you start thinking for yourself, others don’t react as well as you might like.

Getting to know yourself involves getting to know your own unique thoughts exceptionally well. And, it also involves

sharing them. So get ready to receive some major pushback from people who become unhinged when opinions don’t fall in line with their own. You are in store for some prett-ay awkward interactions and even some toxic arguments. And guess what? Now that you are comfy cozy with yourself and understand that you have value and worth and confidence— you don’t need those people anymore.

4. You Learn More About Your Values

Part of getting to know yourself thoroughly involves getting familiar with your values. What’s important to you? What feels morally wrong to you? What do you look for in other people?

What traits do you admire? What’s your favorite thing about yourself? What’s your least favorite?

Identifying your values seems easy on paper, but it’s actually more complicated. A lot of us have what I like to call “idyllic values”—values that sound good on paper but don’t translate well in our lives.

Let’s use an example…Creativity vs. Stability.

We do all things side hustle, raises, promotions, job search, starting over—you name it. And on a consistent basis, I see this interesting dichotomy between stability and creativity.

Clients come in and say they value creativity more than anything and are BOUND and determined to have a creative career, but they’re actually happier when they have a consistent 9-5 job with a healthy paycheck and enough time to paint on the weekends.

Adversely, a lot of clients claim to value stability to the utmost.

They want the steady career, relationship, paycheck, and lifestyle. But then they can’t figure out why they feel so empty all the time or why something isn’t clicking. And then—BOOM! —it hits them. Creativity is somehow higher on their values priority list than stability. So they chase a creative pursuit— and it all falls into place.

Things change fast whenever values are identified.

5. Your Goals Change

It’s only natural that when your values come to light, your goals follow suit. And it might turn out that you’ve been chasing the “wrong” dreams this entire time. Eeek. *for example* I found out I was introverted at the age of 23. I was in my last year of graduate school to become a therapist, which ironically is a position that requires extroverted communication 53875783978294825% OF THE TIME. I panicked just a wee bit, because finally something became really clear. I was actually terrified to provide therapy to others.

This idea of using a dead white man’s theory to help a 24 year old gay male (my first client! I still love him!) navigate his way in the heart of Texas was not clicking for me. The last thing this dude needed was more judgment from old white males.

But I had just spent two years of my life studying this field along with thousands of dollars of loans out in my name. I was staying, dammit.

However, figuring out I was introverted changed the game for me. I quit trying to fit into the mold of “typical counselor” and found out I was good at something else. I could easily zone in on one person and draw examples from my own life and the lives of my close network in order to create a bridge between us. And, I discovered not too long after graduating, I really liked writing. The most INTROVERTED THING IN THE WORLD.

My goals completely changed. As you can see, I am not the typical brick-and-mortar private practice counselor who works at a bustling agency by day and sees clients at night. I work from home and I never actually meet my clients in person because everything is done via technology. I have managed to create the most introverted counseling type situation known to mankind. So I cannot emphasize getting to know yourself enough. Once you make that switch, your goals will transform in front of you!

6. Your Confidence Sky Rockets

You are going to start to surprise yourself. In fact, you are going to become “that personl” you always admired but never had the guts to be.

You’ll start wearing what you think looks good instead of what you think is professional. You’ll go to movies or dinners or on vacations by YOURSELF because you don’t need the guise of somebody else in order to justify you being there. You’ll take yourself out of the rat race everyone else is still chasing and find a more innovative way to rise to your full potential. You’ll stop looking over your shoulder in order to get a sense of how you “measure up” in the real world. And most importantly, your new moral compass will be completely guided by your own inner conscience.

And overall, you’ll just be happier. The weight of expectations and shoulds and ifs will fly out the window and all you’ll be left with is opportunity. What could be’s. What will be’s. You’ll be free to chase what you want without any apologies.

7. You Defend, Explain, and Apologize Less

It is a waste of breath. And the only result you will end up with after the explaining is over, will be lingering self-doubt.

And we simply don’t have room for that.

8. You Make More Time for You

We also learned that this self-discovery journey is neverending. But I bet you already knew that.

Your relationship with yourself is a permanent one.

There’s no escaping it, no matter how disappointed, angry, embarrassed, or frustrated you feel. We’ve all been there before. And we’ve all learned that there’s no “time out” from being you. Which means instead of fighting it, we have to embrace it.

Once you learn all of your little quirks and your strong values and your required boundaries, you’ll learn just how powerful taking time for yourself actually is. The world is noisy. There are a lot of opinions and opportunities and judgments out there. Society won’t make room for you—that’s your job to carve out space for yourself.

So if you’re on this journey already and feel like you’re starting to slip, take a few steps back. Regroup. Journal your feelings out or take a values inventory. Revisit the Myers Briggs (my personal favorite!) or take some other personality tests. Talk to someone who is a great mirror or knows how to extract all the goodies out of you. Do something to jog your familiarity with who you are and what you want. Take some space from what’s ailing you and get your confidence flowing again. And do this OFTEN. This journey is hard to walk alone.

You will always need to circle back to yourself. So find what works for you, and stick with it always.

DINNER WITH FRIENDS PLAY GUIDE | 15

CURTAINS UP ON CAREERS:

PROPS MASTER Interview with Properties Master, Jillian Mathews

Where are you from originally and when did you first develop an interest in theatre?

I grew up in State College, Pennsylvania, which is where the main campus for Penn State University is. Growing up, even through I lived in a really isolated and otherwise rural place, I had a lot of access to things like live theater and orchestra and choir concerts. I had family who were professional musicians (both an aunt and one of my grandmothers were professional violinists) and my father is a visual artist, so the creativity and artistic leanings I had as a child were really nurtured.

The first really transformative theater experience I can remember was a 4th grade trip to see a preview rehearsal/ performance of the Penn State School of Theater’s production of Into The Woods. We only got to watch the first act, but I was transfixed. I begged my parents to take me back to see the full show (which they did), and we returned to see multiple shows over the years. I remember what struck me about these performances was the beauty and quality of detail in every aspect of the performance. It felt like you were stepping fully into another world.

When and why did you decide to pursue theatre professionally? How has your background shaped your career path?

I really decided to pursue theater professionally after college.

I had grown up dancing ballet, and was involved in a preprofessional training program in high school, but by college I was starting to have more of an interest in Acting. I majored in theater, and when I graduated I applied to several theater internships and apprenticeships (in Acting and Technical Theater). I happened to get the Technical Production and Education Internship at Everyman, which really launched my professional career.

I’ve always had a very creative/imaginative streak, and I’ve always enjoyed making things. Turning those talents into professional skills was an easy jump to make.

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Do the math. How many shows have you Prop supported at Everyman? Do you have a favorite project or play?

What was the most challenging?

The prop master provides objects which help the actors tell the story of the play and add detail to the setting and staging.

The Prop Master is responsible for finding, buying, and crafting all the props and furniture and set dressing needed to bring the story to life.

My first job is to read the play. I read it once just so I can learn the story and know what happens. Then I read it again and mark down every prop that is mentioned or implied (“Joe gets a drink” means you will probably need a cup, a liquid that the actor will drink, and something that the liquid is poured out of like a jar or a pitcher or a bottle).

Next I gather all of the props that I have listed and give them to the actors to work with in rehearsal. Sometimes the prop works well (looks good, is able to be used in the right way, and is durable) and that prop will be used through the whole rehearsal process and on through the performance.

Sometimes something needs to be changed (It is not the right color/style/size/look, it is hard for the actor to use, it doesn’t work for the scene), and sometimes a prop is cut entirely.

Sometimes things are added that weren’t in the script at all.

Dinner with Friends takes place in six different locations.

How do you approach “dressing” each world?

Each setting becomes its own little stage in a way. Even though the settings entirely change from scene to scene each set needs to be treated as its own fully realized space. The challenge is figuring out a way to do that where things can easily be moved around and reset every show. I work closely with the Stage Management team to decide where the best places for set dressing are, and what things can be made into single units instead of separate pieces. For example, a lamp may be attached to a table so it can all move as a single piece, or a pile of laundry is actually all pinned together so it looks

like a loose pile but can be cleared all at once instead of item by item.

How do you personally connect to Dinner with Friends?

What inspires you about this piece?

I think I connect most with turning these various stage sets into little views of a home. It’s a lot of fun getting inside the characters’ heads and thinking, what kind of furniture would they own, what kind of dish ware, what are the things that make the space their own and make it really feel like people live here?

If you had to create a Prop Master tool box that only included 5 items, what would they be?

1. A notebook - keep track of all your notes, make sketches, write down/work out ideas.

2. A scale rule* - an absolute must when measuring scale drawings sent by designers. Also has a regular 12” ruler side, and can be used as a straight edge in a pinch.

3. Scissors - a good sharp pair. Ideally you have 3 pairs, one for fabric, one for paper, and one you don’t care so much about for everything else.

4. A hot glue gun - good for quickly putting things together.

Sometimes you can also sculpt using hot glue if you don’t need a lot of detail or accuracy.

5. The internet (ok, a computer with internet access) - great for quick research and access to materials (online shopping, image research, blogs/articles about how other prop people have approached the problems you are facing for your show)

What advice might you give someone interested in pursuing the profession in theatre, especially props, as a career?

Be observant. Look at everything. Notice how things look, how people interact with objects, how surfaces age and get worn down over time. Look at how trees and buildings look in different weather and different seasons. Pay attention to what everyday clothing and household objects and cars look like now, vs 5 years ago, and keep paying attention to see how they look different 5 years from now. People might call you scatterbrained because you’re looking at the swirl of the pattern the eraser leaves on the chalkboard or how the tip of a dry erase marker gets deformed over time instead of paying full attention to what is being written on the board, but noticing little details and knowing how and when to recreate them is one of the best skills a really great prop person can have. Also play around with lots of different materials and see what you can make with things. There’s a joke that a props person walks into a hardware store and starts grabbing things off the shelves. A store employee walks over and offers help.

“What are you using these for?” asks the store employee. “Not its intended purpose.” answers the props person.

Learn how to sew. Play around with sculpture and drawing and graphic design. Even if you don’t end up pursuing a career in theater, these are really great life skills to have.

The most serious advice I can give people who are thinking about a career in the arts (be it dance, theater, music, or visual arts) is this: you need to be passionate about the work you are doing. You’re going to work a lot of hours for not as much money as some of your friends who go into other professions will be making. Theater artist should make a lot more money than we do, but right now we don’t and that’s how it is. It’s hard work, but it should still feel rewarding and fulfilling. If you show up to work everyday and you’re miserable you should find something else to do that actually makes you happy. If it’s hard, but you can’t imagine doing anything else with your life then you are in the right line of work, and you should stick it out and bring your passion to the field.

This is a modern play, how does a contemporary piece differ from working on period pieces?

In some ways modern plays are easier, but they can be harder in other ways. They are easier because they take less research.

It’s really easy to know “what kind of plates and dishes and furniture do people use in 2019” because you can go to any store and buy it. It can be harder though because things are sometimes more expensive and the cheaper items from thrift stores sometimes look old and dated because its usually older stuff that people don’t want anymore. You have to be careful with branded items too, because if they don’t have Giant Foods where your play is set you can’t use store brand containers without it looking *Scale Rule out of place.

A scale rule is a triangular shaped tool that has 11 different measuring scales marked out on its edges. The most common Period shows can be easier because everyone has scale used in theater is “1/4 inch = 1 foot” meaning that if an idea of what things looked like in certain time something is drawn to be 1/4” long, it is really going to be 1 foot periods. Not everything was Atomic Mod in the 60’s long when you build it. With this scale you can draw a whole or plaid in the 70’s, but its a shorthand that you room or a whole set to fit on one regular size piece of paper. can use to suggest those time periods and people 1/2” = 1 foot is also very common. 1/2” scale gives a bit more understand that. Sometimes though it’s really hard detail because you can accurately draw things that are as small to find what a specific object looked like, especially as .5” long. The most detail you get with 1/4” scale is 1” if it’s something that no one thought to save and no one really photographed. Then it’s up to me to use the research I can find, what I know about the play and the characters, and my imagination to come up with the best version of what I think the prop should be.

DINNER WITH FRIENDS PLAY GUIDE | 17

GLOSSARY Amenable: Open and responsive to suggestion; easily persuaded or controlled.

Adagio: In slow tempo.

Amorous: Showing, feeling, or relating to sexual desire.

Animosity: Strong hostility.

Aphrodisiac: A food, drink, or drug that stimulates sexual desire.

Aristocats: 1970 American animated romantic adventure musical comedy film produced by Walt Disney Productions.

Aromatic: Having a pleasant and distinctive smell.

Arthritic: Affected by or associated with arthritis; painful inflammation and stiffness of the joints.

Astringent: Suggestive of an astringent effect upon tissue: rigidly severe. banal: So lacking in originality as to be obvious and boring.

Calcified: Calcify; harden by deposition of or conversion into calcium carbonate or some other insoluble calcium compounds.

Campo di Fiori: Italian for “field of flowers.� One of the main squares in Rome. It is lively with flowers, fruits, and vegetable market during the day and when the terraces are packed with people during the night.

Castrate: Remove the testicles of a male animal or man.

Cataract: Clouding of the lens in the eye that affects vision.

Cavorting: Jump or dance around excitedly. Apply oneself enthusiastically to sexual or disreputable pursuits.

Competent: Having the necessary ability, knowledge, or skill to do something successfully.

Conductive: Having the property of conducting something, especially heat or electricity.

Decimate: Kill, destroy, or remove a large percentage or part of.

Dilettante: A person who cultivates an area of interest, such as the arts, without real commitment or knowledge.

Duplicitous: Deceitful.

Dutiful: Motivated to fulfilling one’s duty.

Evading: Escape or avoid, especially by cleverness or trickery.

Expressionistic: Modernist art movement, initially in poetry and painting, originating in Germany at the beginning of the 20th century. Its typical trait is to present the world solely from a subjective perspective, distorting it radically for emotional effect in order to evoke moods or ideas.

Facetious: Treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor; flippant.

Fallible: Capable of making mistakes or being incorrect.

Gnarled: Lumpy, rough, and twisted, especially with age.

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Harrowing: Intensely distressing.

Hypercritical: Excessively and unreasonably critical, especially of small faults.

Ids: Id; the part of the psyche, residing in the unconscious, that is the source of instinctive impulses that seek satisfaction in accordance with the pleasure principle and are modified by the ego and the superego before they are given overt expression.

Incompetent: Not having or showing the necessary skills to do something successfully.

Irrevocable: Not able to be changed, reversed, or recovered; final.

Kabuki: Japanese dance-drama. Kabuki theatre is known for the stylization of its drama and for the elaborate makeup worn by some of its performers. lolled: Sit, lie, or stand in a lazy, relaxed way.

Malicious: Characterized by malice; intending or intended to do harm.

Mandorle: Italian for almonds.

Mincing: (adj) Affectedly dainty, nice, or elegant. (v) to cut or chop into very small pieces.

Moonie: A member of the Unification Church.

Nebulous: In the form of a cloud or haze; hazy Neurotic: A relatively mild personality disorder typified by excessive anxiety or indecision and a degree of social or interpersonal maladjustment.

New-age: Broad movement characterized by alternative approaches to traditional Western culture, with an interest in spirituality, mysticism, holism, and environmentalism.

New-psychotic: Mentally unstable.

Nuremberg: Is the second-largest city of the German federal state of Bavaria after its capital Munich.Nuremberg was a heavily fortified city that was captured in a fierce battle lasting from 17 to 21 April 1945 by the U.S. 3rd Infantry Division, 42nd Infantry Division and 45th Infantry Division, which fought house-to-house and street-by-street against determined German resistance, causing further urban devastation to the already bombed and shelled buildings.

Pederasts: A sexual relation between two males, especially when one of them is a minor.

Perpetuating: Make (something, typically an undesirable situation or an unfounded belief) continue indefinitely.

Polenta: Cornmeal as used in Italian cooking.

Pomodoro: Denoting a sauce made from tomatoes, typically served with pasta.

Precarious: Not securely held or in position; dangerously likely to fall or collapse.

Predicament: a difficult, unpleasant, or embarrassing situation.

Premenopausal: Of or in the period of a woman’s life immediately preceding the menopause the ceasing of menstruation.

Pulverized: Reduce to fine particles.

Rancor: Bitterness or resentfulness, especially when longstanding.

Raphael Cherubs: The iconic Sistine Madonna, also called the Madonna di San Sisto, is an oil painting by the Italian artist Raphael Sanzio and is known for the two distinctive winged cherubim rest on their elbows beneath her.

Reciprocate: Respond to (a gesture or action) by making a corresponding one.

Remedial: Intended to correct or improve one’s skill in a specified field.

Repudiate: Refuse to accept or be associated with.

Riveted: Hold (someone or something) fast so as to make them incapable of movement.

Scheming: Given to or involved in making secret and underhanded plans.

Schmuck: A foolish or contemptible person.

Scrutinized: Examine or inspect closely and thoroughly.

Shallot: A small bulb which resembles an onion and is used for pickling or as a substitute for onion.

Simpatico: (of a person) likable and easy to get along with.

as a result of poverty or neglect.

Succulent: (of food) tender, juicy, and tasty.

Sulking: Be silent, morose, and bad-tempered out of annoyance or disappointment.

T’ai chi: Is an internal Chinese martial art practiced for both its defense training and its health benefits.

Terra-cotta: Unglazed, typically brownish-red earthenware, used chiefly as an ornamental building material and in modeling.

Touche: Used as an acknowledgment during a discussion of a good or clever point made at one’s expense by another person.

Transgression: An act that goes against a law, rule, or code of conduct; an offense.

Transient: Lasting only for a short time; impermanent.

Trepidatious: Apprehensive or nervous; filled with trepidation.

Trivets: An iron tripod placed over a fire for a cooking pot or kettle to stand on.

Unambiguous: Not open to more than one interpretation.

Vindictive: Having or showing a strong or unreasoning desire for revenge.

Withering: Intended to make someone feel mortified or humiliated.

Wretchedness: In a very unhappy or unfortunate state.

Squabble: A noisy quarrel about something petty or trivial.

Squalid: (of a place) extremely dirty and unpleasant, especially

LOCATIONS MENTIONED Manhattan

Connecticut

Martha’s Vineyard

Martha’s Vineyard

DINNER WITH FRIENDS PLAY GUIDE | 19

YOUR THOUGHTS...

Use this space to jot down any thoughts that arise before, during, and/or after the performance. You can bring this with you to the theater and log your thoughts during intermission or on the bus

after the show. Then, bring this to the Post-Show Workshop to share with a guest artist.

I was surprised by/when…

The most memorable scene was when… because...

I was impacted most by the scene where...

I was confused by… or I wonder why...

SOURCES

Sources used to curate this Play Guide include... http://www.imagi-nation.com/moonstruck/clsc77.html https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2014/06/26/what-talent-wants-to-serve-an-interview-with-donald-margulies/ https://www.nytimes.com/2017/04/21/style/modern-love-to-stay-married-embrace-change.html https://www.nytimes.com/2014/02/15/opinion/sunday/the-all-or-nothing-marriage.html https://www.rewire.org/love/marriage/ https://www.theroot.com/relationshipgoals-and-the-unrealistic-expectation-of-p-1822818122 https://ohioline.osu.edu/factsheet/FLM-FS-4-02-R10

THIS PLAY GUIDE CREATED BY Brianna McCoy, Director of Education & Community Engagement Genna Styles, Education Program Manager Brenna Horner, Lead Teaching Artist Karim Darwish, Education Apprentice Mel Prather, Graphic Designer

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EVERYMAN THEATRE IS LOCATED AT 315 W. Fayette St. Baltimore, MD 21201 Box Office 410.752.2208 Administration 443.615.7055 Email boxoffice@everymantheatre.org

EDUCATION DEPARTMENT If you have questions about the Play Guide, contact our Education Department at education@everymantheatre.org or 443.615.7055 x7142

THEATRE ETIQUETTE When you come and see a play, remember to...

Respectfully enjoy the show.

While we encourage you to laugh when something is funny, gasp if something shocks you, and listen intently to the action occurring, please remember to be respectful of the performers and fellow audience members.

Please turn off or silence all electronic devices before the performance begins.

There is no texting or checking your cell phone during the show. The glow of a cell phone can and will be seen from stage.

Photography inside the theatre is strictly prohibited.

Food and drinks are not allowed in the theatre.

Food and drinks should be consumed in the Everyman lobby before or after the show, or during intermission.

Be Present.

Talking, moving around, checking your phone, or engaging in other activities is distracting to everyone and greatly disrupts the performance’s energy.

Stay Safe.

Please remain seated and quiet during the performance. Should you need to leave for any reason, re-entrance to the theatre is at the discretion of the house manager. In case of an emergency, please follow the instructions shared by Everyman staff members.

Continue the conversation.

After your performance, find Everyman Theatre on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and use #bmoreeveryman to tell us what you thought!

In this production, please be aware of...

Strong Language and Racial Slurs Simulated Physical Violence Strong themes

CURRICULAR TIE-INS From the stage to the classroom...

COMMON CORE STATE STANDARDS CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.RL.11-12.2 Determine two or more themes or central ideas of a text and analyze their development over the course of the text, including how they interact and build on one another to produce a complex account; provide an objective summary of the text.

CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.RL.11-12.3 Analyze the impact of the author’s choices regarding how to develop and relate elements of a story or drama (e.g., where a story is set, how the action is ordered, how the characters are introduced and developed).

CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.SL.11-12.1 Initiate and participate effectively in a range of collaborative discussions (one-on-one, in groups, and teacher-led) with diverse partners on grades 11-12 topics, texts, and issues, building on others’ ideas and expressing their own clearly and persuasively.

CCSS.ELA-LITERACY.SL.11-12.1.C Propel conversations by posing and responding to questions that probe reasoning and evidence; ensure a hearing for a full range of positions on a topic or issue; clarify, verify, or challenge ideas and conclusions; and promote divergent and creative perspectives.

NATIONAL CORE ARTS STANDARDS Anchor Standard #6. Convey meaning through the presentation of artistic work.

Anchor Standard #7. Perceive and analyze artistic work.

Anchor Standard #8. Interpret intent and meaning in artistic work.

Anchor Standard #11. Relate artistic ideas and works with societal, cultural and historical context to deepen understanding.

DINNER WITH FRIENDS PLAY GUIDE | 21

TEEN PROGRAMS TEEN PERFORMANCE SUMMER STUDIO COMBINE CLASSES TO CREATE A PERSONAL CREATIVE JOURNEY! The summer is a time for work and play. Whether you take other camps during the day, have a day-job, or are excited to train and learn like the adults, join Everyman Theatre for our new approach to teaching high school students—during summer evenings! Explore subjects that will prepare you for your next steps be that the stage, college, or life, taught by professional teaching artists.

COLLEGE AUDITION PREP SAMPLER

TEXT ANALYSIS

ACTING A SONG

CHARACTER CREATION

June 24-26 & July 1-3 | M/T/W | 6:30pm-8:30pm

July 8-17 | M/W | 6:30pm-8:30pm

July 22-August 1 | M/W | 6:30pm-8:30pm

July 23-August 2 | T/TH | 6:30pm-8:30pm

STORY THROUGH MOVEMENT July 9-18 | T/TH | 6:30pm-8:30pm

TNT: THEATRE NIGHT FOR TEENS IGNITE YOUR PASSION FOR THE WORLD OF THE PLAY! Students in grades 9-12 are invited to TNT, a teens only event which takes the show to a whole new level. Pay just $10 for dinner, artist meet-and-greet, performance, discussion and dessert. Event starts at 6 PM the first Tuesday of each show’s run.

TNT

QUEEN’S GIRL IN THE WORLD May 5 | 5:30pm

QUEEN’S GIRL IN AFRICA May 12 | 5:30pm

LEARN MORE AND REGISTER

EVERYMANTHEATRE.ORG/EDUCATION | 443.615.7055 x7142 EVERYMAN THEATRE | 22