life in lockdown

when our whole world turned upside down

Life During LOCKDOWN @ruthiedeane

Photography & words by Ruthie Deane Assisted by Lydia Deane Location at home on lockdown written in March, April & May 2020

On Monday March 23rd, the UK What did this actually mean? My Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, first thoughts were for my children. told the nation to lockdown, My son, a chronic asthmatic, being a stay at home, protect the NHS and huge worry. This virus we were told save lives. He said we would all likely attacked the respiratory system with lose someone as a result of a highly malice. My boy, often hospitalised contagious disease rapidly spreading for common colds that his already across the world, called Coronavirus. vulnerable chest has never been able

What it actually meant for us all survive this? Panic well and truly set in. wasn’t really clear that evening but would steadily become a reality We knew from the week prior that this during the coming days and weeks. was imminent. It was all rather surreal and

In shocked reminiscence of what I just go away perhaps? With not one of us had always imagined listening to an having any experience of something like announcement of war huddled around this, how could we possibly immediately a radio would have been like, I sat down feel that it was real? We knew, but in slow motion staring at the TV screen. somehow didn’t, that it was though. I was choked with the enormity of what to cope with. How on earth would he almost a bit of a drama we thought might was being said, but equally attempting But all the people stockpiling and taking not to show any distress in front of my food and supplies from the vulnerable. children being the typical British girl They were all irrational right? I hadn’t that I am. Muttering closed sentences stockpiled. I didn’t have enough loo along the lines of “It will all be fine” and roll, or pasta, or soap! What was I “Let’s keep it in perspective” at the same supposed to do with two children and time as feeling an urge stronger than virtually no essential supplies? I was I have ever known to burst into tears one of the, I hope, considerate shoppers and grab the nearest bottle of wine. who stood aghast at the queues of 5

overloaded trollies, bursting with hand sanitiser, rice and roll upon roll of toilet paper. Only to be faced soon enough with completely empty shelves and the fear that there was not enough of anything to go around. More and more panic set in.

My work, income, our livelihood. What is to become of us? My photography arm stopped immediately. Literally overnight. I can’t shoot without people and leaving the house isn’t allowed. So that’s a 100% no go. warning of what was soon to follow. people to work safely, a way forwards would seemingly be impossible.

Weeks spent establishing furlough or universal credit payments. Wondering how on earth to keep a business running. Home schooling, university student sitting, partner motivating and heaps of Facetime communication with estranged loved ones. Keeping sane at the same time as finding toilet rolls and soap online without having to pay insane prices for them. Not to mention the many failed late night attempts to gain a supermarket delivery slot.

Finally I was able to register my son as vulnerable which allowed us to get food delivered. This was an incomparable relief like I have never known. For me walking into a supermarket was a potential death threat for my child. My anxiety levels were beyond measure. I am not ashamed to say that I really couldn’t cope for a while there. For those of you who know where we live, it isn’t exactly best placed to go shopping for anything anyway, let alone in a global pandemic. Hours upon hours The actors at EMG in theatre productions anyone who could deliver us something. were the first to hit the full stop button a A vegetable box maybe? But everywhere few days before official lockdown. We were was fully booked, not taking on new so sad for them not being able to complete customers, charging insane prices or not such stunning productions they had all able to deliver to our area. Before we were worked so hard for. We must thank all of the granted the delivery slots by supermarkets production companies, the National Theatre we did find a local farm shop who offered and everyone who has been so supportive. a click and collect service. This was an Our wonderful actors and models all absolute blessing but it was probably more booked for roles and jobs that were either than four times more expensive than our cancelled or postponed overnight with usual supermarket. With no income now theatre closures being our advanced coming in, this was not sustainable. I spent trawling the internet looking for One of the most terrifying moments

It became very apparent that no ‘normal’ for me as a mother was visiting the or ‘as we know it’ work in our industry local chemist to collect my son’s asthma was going to be able to take place. Some medication. The pharmacist looked at me incredibly innovative options started and said, ‘I am so sorry but we are out of to stream our television screens seeing stock of all inhalers and we aren’t going some household names keep us up to to be getting any more in. People who date. But the actuality of the situation haven’t needed an inhaler for years have being, until there is a method allowing been stocking up we think. It is a terrible 6

situation’. I almost passed out there and then. It was absolutely too much to deal with. My son needs his medication to survive day to day. This wasn’t a ‘just in case’ prescription. This is life or death. Now what? Thankfully we found another chemist with them in stock but the worry for future prescriptions now well and truly in the forefront of my mind. Giving up my quota of toilet roll for my son’s medication is fine with me. Please let there be enough for him, please!

What were we going to do with ourselves? I was very conscious that this was also precious time given to us that so many people appeared to be using ‘wisely’. Baking bread, making ingenious things out of stuff around the house with their children. Obviously I helped mine with school work and anything they needed. But getting creative was the last thing my anxiety levels could handle. Getting through the day any way I could without crumbling to the floor was my aim. And that started to make me feel guilty. But thanks to friends and family I think we all realised that this wasn’t the time for competition. We needed to be kind to ourselves.

We were insanely blessed with some very out of season sunny weather during April which really helped to lift our spirits. And on one of our ‘one allowed exercise a day’ dog walks I wrote a song in my head to a standard blues riff my son had played earlier in the day for giggles.

My creativity, albeit a tad cheesy, was glimmering through a veil of despondence. I knew I had to write it down and involve the boys. Nigel the bass line and and George on guitar. An accutely basic piano track and some interesting vocals from me and we had a little piece of something that filled our time, generated smiles and allowed us a moment to breathe. The video was fun too. I promise that it was actually water in the brandy glass! But it seemed to echo so many lives, and a

“For me walking into a supermarket was a potential death threat for my child.”

million memes of drinking from 9am. So the inner Patsy in me was set free for a couple of days to film it. You can see the end result yourself on YouTube here - https://youtu.be/KlMV59QwU6g. Lydia provided us all with her calming influence. She at the tender age of 14 seems to take everything in her stride, baking cakes, schoolwork and performing the ‘splits’ to camera on request. Happy times to remember in the face of such adversity.

On the 10th May we sat waiting patiently and in earnest for Boris Johnson to deliver a speech suggesting a way out of lockdown for the UK.

So what we heard was, you can go out, but only if you have to. You can go to work, but only if you can’t work from home. The new message was not clear at all. It shifted from STAY HOME to STAY ALERT. But what did that mean? Confusion across the nation left the sensible of us remaining exactly as we were. Still not really with any clarity we did start to see a much needed ray of hope to begin our new lives as soon as humanly possible.

At the time of writing this I am not back behind my camera for clients. I am attempting to put together a workable option to conform to our new world. Safety first being our global priority. I hope beyond hope that by the time this appears in print, we have all found a way. A new, better and sustainable way for the greater good.