Finding Supports When There Is a Failure to Launch

By John Civita, MS Ed

AS WITH ANY CHALLENGE, SELF-AWARENESS IS ALWAYS THE FIRST STEP IN MOVING FORWARD. SHIFTING FROM SHAME TO ACCEPTANCE ALLOWS INDIVIDUALS TO TAKE THE STEPS NEEDED TO THRIVE. THIS SHIFT MIGHT APPLY TO A YOUNG ADULT WHO SEEMS STUCK, WHOSE STRUGGLE SEEMS UNCLEAR, OR WHO IS IN A PERPETUAL STATE OF IMMATURITY REGARDING THEIR ABILITY TO FUNCTION IN THE ADULT WORLD.

“Peter Pan Syndrome” was coined by Dr. Dan Kiley. Most people can think of an individual who never seemed to want or be able to grow up, take on the appropriate responsibilities of holding a job, live independently, or have healthy relationships. Although each person’s journey will look different, the path for many neurodiverse individuals seems strikingly similar.

Particularly for a neurodiverse learner, this kind of impediment can be far more complicated than an unwillingness to grow up; there are most often other significant factors at play. Today, it is more commonly known as “Failure to Launch.” Although Failure to Launch is not a clinical diagnosis, it is a term used to describe someone demonstrating an inability to sustain or make progress in education, employment, or relationships. Failure to Launch often presents a daunting situation for parents and educators and seems like a no-win scenario. To move beyond the challenge, it is natural to question: How do we help someone get unstuck? How do we help those who don’t want to help themselves? How do we help an individual who lacks the self-awareness to understand there is a need for help in the first place? These are all relevant concerns.

Early diagnosis of a learning difference, autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), or mental disorder can make access to support more empowering for the family and individual. The entire family in this situation must understand the individual’s strengths, needs, resources, supports, and the importance of self-advocacy.

Developing understanding and awareness of the differences with appropriate resources is best practice. As a result, proper skill development can occur, making it easier to learn new skills and for an individual to successfully apply them to real-world settings at a younger age. Acceptance by all can significantly impact “buy-in;” thus, early detection can most often lead to better outcomes and success.

Unfortunately, failure is learned early on for many individuals with learning or social differences. When an individual feels defeated, the propensity to shut down is prevalent. It becomes easier to do nothing than face the challenge head-on. The idea that success is out of reach becomes deeply rooted. As with all learned behaviors and experiences, previous experience becomes one’s frame of reference. Harmful behavior patterns are complicated to break. However, with appropriate scaffolds and feedback, mistakes can be celebrated as a willingness to learn and grow, providing an opportunity to move forward.

Family structure can play a role in the Failure to Launch scenario. Family expectations can blur the ability to see what challenges exist for a child. A lack of understanding of why one child may struggle when the parent, siblings, or other family members never did can be limiting. Family members might say, “Don’t worry; they will grow out of this,” or “It’s just a phase.” However, learning differences, ASD, ADHD, or mental disorders do not follow that logic.

Many external factors dictate how families approach a child with “special needs.” Educational opportunities, available resources, acceptance, or awareness at a young age impact expectations for the future. Finally, equity, or lack thereof, determines access to resources and outcomes and can ultimately limit opportunity and lead to disadvantages that are more difficult to overcome.

It is also important to note a solution should not be for families to attempt to shield their children from the problems or difficulties that arise due to their challenges. When families try to remove all barriers their child might face, they prevent the individual from overcoming obstacles and learning from their mistakes.

Overstepping parental involvement in school, work, or relationships can lead to a lack of autonomy, self-advocacy, self-reflection, and sustainability in adulthood. Overstepping can negatively impact the ability to reach appropriate milestones and develop self-management skills, perpetuating learned helplessness and forming debilitating habits that are hard to break.

There is a preconceived notion of a school timeline or readiness for the next step beyond traditional schooling. The typical pathway is kindergarten through twelfth grade, then college or vocational training, leading to employment. However, this conventional framework often needs to catch up on life skill development and social-emotional readiness. When teaching young adults with learning differences, often the focus is on credit acquisition, standardized testing, or even homework completion rather than skill development and social-emotional awareness.

An emphasis on resilience, social responsibility, self-advocacy, self-reflection, self-regulation, communication, management, and organization can develop a solid foundation. Practicing and adopting the above-mentioned skills, known as Qualities of a Sustainable and Independent Learner (QSIL), throughout their lives will support growth and development. Helping individuals re-frame their perspective on the things that may cause anxiety can have a positive impact, allowing for more rational points of view. Finding an educational setting that provides appropriate scaffolding and structured experience with clear, direct, and ongoing feedback is the key to success.

As many have said, failure should be viewed as an opportunity to grow. Being receptive and responsive can have a positive impact. An individual’s Failure to Launch can be altered with time when they are given appropriate support, consistent messaging, and practice developing self-awareness and acceptance. The key is to reimagine the timeline and trajectory for life on an individual basis and recognize not everyone’s journey is linear.

References

Katz, M. (2018, October 17). Failure to launch: Treating it as a process, not a failure. CHADD. Retrieved December 30, 2022, from https:// chadd.org/attention-article/failure-to-launch-treating-it-as-a-process-not-a-failure/

Qualities of a sustainable and independent learner (QSIL). Winston Preparatory School. (n.d.). Retrieved December 30, 2022, from https://www.winstonprep.edu/list-detail?pk=106884

John Civita, MS Ed, is the Director of Transitions

Programming for the Winston Preparatory School. Winston Transitions is an extension of the Winston Preparatory School educational experience with NYC and San Francisco campuses. He is the founding director of Winston Transitions, a program for young adults aged 17-21+ with learning differences, focused on building academic skills while developing life and work readiness. His experience includes 20 years of working in education, emphasizing language processing, non-verbal processing, and executive functioning difficulties. He is also experienced in supporting adults with learning differences and their families with a particular interest in sustainability, employment, goal setting, and problem-solving.

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/john-civita-25b61248/ Websites: Winston Transitions New York City, Winston Transitions San Francisco