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WAYS TO STAY ON TRACK THIS SCHOOL YEAR WHEN BOTH PARENT AND CHILD HAVE ADHD
Ways to Stay on Track This School Year
When Both Parent and Child Have ADHD
By Faigy Liebermann, AACC, PCAC, ACC
THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR IS AROUND THE CORNER. BEFORE YOU KNOW IT, YOUR CHILD WILL BE BACK IN THE CLASSROOM.
The run-up to the new school year and the first few weeks of school can be very stressful for parents. This is even more so if you have a child with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
As an ADHD parent and having struggled with ADHD myself, I have read so many self-help books out there. Most of them have made me feel so very guilty and totally overwhelmed. There is so much to work on. I have felt like I shouldn’t even bother.
I will share some of my top tips for success I’ve learned over time that are easy to implement and won’t make you feel overwhelmed.
How do you cope with being human?
Throw your guilt out of the window; you are allowed to make mistakes.
I find the new school year incredibly stressful. There is so much to do. I have often misread the school supply list and bought the wrong equipment or not bought it at all for the first day of school, much to my children’s disappointment when they came home. The schools usually send a list in table form, with lots of words. I find it difficult to focus and read the school supply list, and I have made mistakes in the past. I now ask a family member to assist me with this, and that’s okay.
If you find yourself nodding along with me, please understand the most important lesson you can teach your child is that you are human, you make mistakes, and that is okay.
Your child with ADHD may think in stark black and white or allor-nothing terms. Show them the world hasn’t collapsed just because things didn’t go as planned on the first (or second, or third) day. This is a vital life skill your ADHD child may not learn naturally. They will need to see you showing by example.
Having ADHD means your child will have to work harder at school to succeed. One of the skills your ADHD child will need to acquire is asking for help. When you teach your ADHD child by your example that you ask for assistance when you find things difficult, it is one of the best lessons you can teach your child.
Be kind to and be easy on yourself. If you make a mistake, that is alright. You are only human. Bashing yourself up internally will only make things worse. Really work on forgiving yourself for your mistakes.
Please remember you are doing the best with the tools you have. Please remember that you are doing a phenomenal job, and you are doing far better than you even imagine.
Be kind to yourself
Since this time of year is more stressful, you will likely be giving more to your family. You need to give back to yourself by nurturing yourself every day. Do something you enjoy. In this way, you are replenishing your reserves to be a better parent for your ADHD child. You are not being selfish; you are being selfless.
You don’t need to focus on every single area of your child’s life at once to help them succeed. You are human with human limitations. There are, however, three main areas in life that will help your child reach success. They are the morning routine, the homework routine, and the bedtime routine. These are some simple tools to help you and your ADHD child survive and thrive as you progress through the school year.
1. MORNING ROUTINE
The morning and evening routines are like the two pieces of bread that contain the filling of your sandwich. If you don’t have the two pieces of bread to contain the filling, you have no sandwich. The morning and bedtime routines keep your child’s day focused and help your child to feel secure. Life is hectic enough. Do yourself a favor and simplify your life as much as possible.
• Simplify your child’s clothes
Place a simple basket near your child’s bed with the clothes for the next day.
• Simplify your child’s school lunches
Create a menu plan for your child’s school lunches. If your child has lunch in school, be grateful you have one less thing to prepare. If your child takes a packed lunch, create with your child a set menu plan for the week.
Your child will know what to expect, and your mornings will flow better. Hang up the menu. Include the lunches in your weekly shopping list, so you have all the food you need for the week.
• Simplify snacks
I know the experts say to prepare your child’s snacks the night before. Frankly, this is an ADHD-unfriendly piece of advice. The night before, I am still finishing up the day and trying to unwind. The very last thing I want to do is the horribly boring and tedious task of making my children’s snacks for the next day. The very best time (if you can organize yourself enough) to prepare your child’s snacks is the next morning. Be kind to yourself and have a container with pre-wrapped snacks ready for your child, even if that may cost more. The amount of stress and time you save will be well worth it.
• Simplify breakfast
You and your child need a nourishing breakfast for optimum focus and productivity. If there isn’t time for a proper cooked meal, there are healthy quick alternatives such as flapjacks, breakfast bars, etc. Keep a stock of them handy in your snack cupboard for easy access.
2. HOMEWORK ROUTINE
Homework—that dreaded word. After the long school day, your child with ADHD needs time to unwind. The best time for homework is when your child has had time to unwind and has eaten. The worst place for your child to do their homework is in their room with the door closed. They will likely get distracted by all sorts of things and not get their homework done.
The best place for your child to do their homework is right next to you. If you are busy in the kitchen, have them do their
homework at the kitchen table. You can supervise their work and give assistance when needed.
3. BEDTIME ROUTINE
Make sure to have fun with your child every day. This should be an activity you find enjoyable too. Playing a game or reading a book to your child are some good examples. This bonding time will give your child confidence and lessen their anxiety. Incorporate this fun time into your bedtime routine. It doesn’t have to be long.
In my home, our evening routine consists of three simple tasks: PJs, teeth, book. My ADHD children who have poor working memory can remember those tasks. They know that only when they have done the first two tasks will they be given the last one.
What is ADHD coaching?
ADHD management is “Pills and Skills.” Unmanaged ADHD affects every area of life. ADHD coaching complements ADHD medications. ADHD medication only manages up to 50 percent of ADHD symptoms. The remaining 50 percent needs to be addressed through ADHD coaching. This is specific coaching that teaches the ADHD client the life skills they need in order to succeed with their ADHD.
Every person diagnosed with ADHD without exception needs some aspect of life skills training and support. The tools that ADHD clients learn support the brain’s executive function deficit. Sadly, when the person with ADHD lives life catching up from one self-made crisis to another, they may end up with serious emotional issues that entail therapy. ADHD coaching support must be offered first before therapy.
An expert ADHD coach will challenge their client to come out of their comfort zone, move forward, and put into action the tools at their own pace. ADHD coaching is incredibly specialized. Sadly, too often, too many ADHD coaches are not properly trained, and many times, not trained at all in this highly specialized field. They are doing a lot of damage to their clients and the image of ADHD coaching. This situation is sadly very common in the UK.
The mainstream ADHD coach training programs in the UK and the USA focus too much on the general coaching methods. They need to offer better, more comprehensive training in ADHD tools and business admin support for the ADHD coach.
I am Faigy Liebermann, AACC, PCAC, ACC, a pioneer, trailblazer, and a visionary disrupter. I bravely challenge current misconceptions around ADHD and ADD management. I am an ADHD coach and a professional trainer. Through my daily struggles and training, I have created rock-solid tools, guiding my clients to live successful lives. As a mother to five children and having struggled with ADHD myself, I have a unique understanding of the challenges and strengths of ADHD. I am proof to women worldwide that they can live a successful life with ADHD. In the last five years, I have done more to educate and raise ADHD awareness in the UK than any other coach. I have authored three books about ADHD, one of which is a book series for ADHD women titled Banish Your Overwhelm. There are currently two more books in the pipeline. I founded my coaching practice, Focus with Faigy, in 2015. As the first ADHD coach to achieve PAAC certification on the PCAC level in the UK, I am setting the gold standard in ADHD coaching in the UK. I am a staunch advocate for ADHD women in the UK and worldwide, providing my clients with proven ADHD skills to unlock their potential.
Websites: https://focuswithfaigy.com/, https://www.organisepro.com/
