YOUR CHILD IS HAVING A NEUROCRASH—WHAT IT IS, HOW TO SPOT IT, AND WAYS TO PREVENT IT

Your Child is Having a Neuro-Crash What It Is, How to Spot It, and Ways to Prevent It

By Raun K. Kaufman

IF YOUR CHILD OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM HAD AN ENTIRE ASPECT OF THEIR EXISTENCE PEOPLE WEREN’T SEEING, WOULD YOU WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT? WHAT IF KNOWING ABOUT IT COULD UNLOCK—AND UNRAVEL—THE MOST CHALLENGING OF YOUR LOVED ONE’S BEHAVIORS, REACTIONS, AND CRISES? WELCOME TO THE WORLD OF NEURO-CRASHES.

What is a Neuro-Crash? It’s what happens when the imposed situation overwhelms your child or adult’s brain, so their coping mechanism shuts down. (We’ll get into why I use the term “imposed situation” in a bit.) You’ve probably had your own version of a Neuro-Crash at some point (many points?) in your life. Have you ever felt so completely overloaded and overwhelmed you just couldn’t take it anymore? Have you ever unexpectedly shut down, burst into tears, or lashed out at someone? These are signs of a brain that has reached its boiling point. A brain that has hit a wall. A brain that has simply had enough.

And guess what? Almost every instance of an extreme behavior or reaction on your child’s part is due to them having a Neuro-Crash. In fact, undiagnosed Neuro-Crashes lead to escalating, ongoing crises in the home and school. Understanding what causes Neuro-Crashes is the only way to prevent them. However, there is an elephant in the room blocking our ability to do this.

The myth: The issue is your child

There is a pervasive misconception that your child or adult (their autism, their behavior) is the problem. I know it can seem that way to someone looking in from the outside (hint: we’re all looking in from the outside), but that is not what’s actually occurring.

If your child were to start coughing, would you scold them or try to stop the coughing “behavior”? Of course not. Because you know the coughing is the symptom. The cause might be smoke in the air, or it could be an illness. Naturally, you’d then go about addressing that cause so you could help your child. If your child were in a very hot room, and they were shouting to be let out, you would never blame your child for shouting. You’d let them out. But, when it comes to extreme behaviors and reactions of children and adults on the autism spectrum, we’ve been taught to blame the person who is being burned instead of the fire, the person who is covering their ears instead of the siren, the person who is scratching their skin instead of the poison ivy surrounding them.

What do all of these analogies have in common? They are all situations in which the person’s reaction isn’t the problem; it’s the signal of the problem. We are often encouraged to stamp out the symptom, rather than understand and address the underlying issue. This leads us to focus on the effect instead of the cause.

Hitting, yelling, having a meltdown, swearing, inconsolable crying, expressing high anxiety, exhibiting extreme behaviors—these are what’s happening on the outside. On the inside…is a Neuro-Crash. Your loved one’s brain has reached critical overload, and the less extreme things they would normally do to cope and process (stimming, putting their hands over their ears, withdrawing, making certain sounds or movements, doing something that’s comforting/enjoyable) are no longer working, or are being actively thwarted by us.

So, rather than attacking our loved one’s cries for help, what if we could circumvent the very factors driving them over the edge in the first place? If we want to disarm the triggers setting our kids and adults off, we have to know what they are.

The seven causes of Neuro-Crashes are…

1. Being around an adult/parent/caregiver/educator who is agitated

2. Being pushed (particularly when a “No” is not respected or when they are being rushed)

3. Invasion of personal space (being too close, hugging them, picking them up, moving them, or taking their stuff without their permission) 4. Sensory overload

5. Unpredictability (we often act in unpredictable ways, don’t we?)

6. Unclear boundaries (we may change rules, make exceptions, etc.)

7. Bio-Storms (when something is introduced to a child or adult’s extra sensitive system—a food item, a chemical, etc.—that causes a temporary but powerful physiological reaction)

Remember the term “imposed situation” from earlier? That refers to the environments or conditions our children or adults are exposed to—usually beyond their choosing. These seven items constitute imposed situations that make it difficult or impossible for our loved ones to function. Your child is not the problem. The imposed situation is the problem. Only by correctly diagnosing the problem can we solve it. And if we solve the problem, the signal and symptoms disappear.

Solving the real problem

My colleague, Kate C. Wilde, and I developed five Crisis Turnaround Tools to precisely address these root causes of Neuro-Crashes. While they are comprised of many layers (Kate and I teach a course that spends two hours on each of them), there are steps and approaches you can begin taking right now:

• Step 1: Start practicing a skill we call “Socioception,” which is the ability to detect your loved one’s stress signals. Become a detective and hone your observational skills. Look for signs your child or adult’s stress levels are rising. Are they saying “No” a lot? Are their facial muscles tightening? Are they moving away from you? Are they pushing you away? If they are more verbal, is the pitch of their voice rising, or is the pace of their speech speeding up?

• Step 2: Look for any opportunities you can to end or avoid control battles by giving your child more autonomy. Is it that important they sit at the table with everyone when they eat? Is it crucial they wear the blue shirt you picked out and not the red one they love? If there is something problematic they keep getting into (eating all the ice cream in the freezer, for instance), can you avoid that battle by not buying it at all? Every control battle avoided is a Neuro-Crash averted.

• Step 3: Our loved ones on the spectrum are highly sensitive to our emotional state and level of agitation. Do whatever you have to do to show calmness. If you are agitated—whether it’s because you’re frustrated with what your child is doing or upset about something else—that

will trigger an escalation in your child or adult’s emotional agitation, and that’s a fast-track to a Neuro-Crash.

• Step 4: There are myriad factors outside our direct relationship with our children and adults on the spectrum that can nevertheless trigger Neuro-Crashes. Today, let’s just take a baby step. Can you make your home environment less intrusive from a sensory standpoint?

Is there background noise (lots of people talking, music not chosen by your child, someone talking loudly on the phone, a TV on in the living room, etc.) you can eliminate or tone down? What you might call making your home more “boring” might actually be, to your loved one, making your home more welcoming, comforting, and low stress.

• Step 5: What can get overlooked in our efforts to sidestep

Neuro-Crashes are the positive moves we can make. Creating fun, enjoyable moments with our loved ones on the spectrum is key. Playing a game they love, giving them a deep pressure massage, showing interest in their interests, and showing appreciation and celebration can act as a kind of inoculation against Neuro-Crashes by building trust and acclimating their brain to a state other than fight-or-flight survival mode.

A special connection

I’ve been where your loved one is, so I know what they are capable of if approached in a way that goes with their specialness, not against it. As a child, I was diagnosed with severe autism. I had no language and was completely enveloped in my own world. My parents were told I had an IQ below 30 and would need to be permanently institutionalized when I got older.

My parents turned their backs on those prognoses. To help me, they created The Son-Rise Program® and worked with me one-on-one for over three years. Their work enabled me to blossom into a very social, highly communicative boy and conquer my challenges. Rather than trying to force me to conform to a world I did not yet understand, they joined me in my world first. Instead of stamping out my so-called symptoms, they sought to address what was going on underneath. So, my own life is a testament to the value of listening to the person’s signals, looking for root causes, seeking to understand, and creating a universe in which people on the spectrum are embraced. That’s a world where, no matter where they’re starting from, your loved one can thrive.

Raun K. Kaufman is the author of the book Autism Breakthrough: The Groundbreaking Method That Has Helped Families All Over the World and the former CEO of the Autism Treatment Center of America®. An international lecturer and graduate of Brown University with a degree in Biomedical Ethics, Raun has completed lecture tours in the United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, the Netherlands, Belgium, Sweden, Norway, Spain, Portugal, Poland, Romania, France, Japan, Singapore, the Philippines, Malaysia, and Vietnam. He has written articles featured in journals such as The Autism File and Good Autism Practice, books such as Silver Linings and Cutting-Edge Therapies for Autism, and has been interviewed by media such as National Public Radio, BBC Television, Fox News Channel, The London Telegraph, and People Magazine. In addition to his work with families and educators over the past 22 years, Raun brings a distinctive qualification to the realm of autism treatment: his own personal history. As a child, Raun was diagnosed with severe autism and recommended for lifelong institutionalization. Instead, his parents developed The Son-Rise Program®, which enabled their son to conquer his challenges. His story was recounted in the best-selling book, Son-Rise: The Miracle Continues, and the award-winning NBC-TV movie, Son-Rise: A Miracle of Love. Website: www.RaunKKaufman.com