Closet Cleanout

I was so tired of wearing plus-size clothes.

All I really wanted was to be able to wear normal-sized clothes that would look good on me, which meant that they would hide some fat. Why did I think I could hide 258 pounds (about 129 kilos)? I guess I thought I could camouflage some of it, and then maybe people wouldn’t realize just how big I really was.

The truth is, I didn’t realize how fat I was. There were times that I bumped into things because I wasn’t aware of how much space I took up, especially when I carried bulky personal items into crowded areas. One time I dropped something and the person I was talking to bent over to get it for me. I’m sure she was thinking she could bend over more easily than me, which was true at the time. But now, I can quickly bend over to pick things up myself.

I can’t believe how much my body has changed since I joined Food Addicts in Recovery Anonymous (FA) almost one year ago. I had battled my weight for years and was always so frustrated when I had to go to a wedding, party, or job interview. I never seemed to have clothes that fit and that would be appropriate. When I had enough notice, I would go out and buy a new outfit, but most of the time I would wait until the last minute to shop and then would have to take whatever I could find. Oftentimes, I bought more than I needed, because I couldn’t make a decision about which outfit looked better, but then kept both outfits, just in case I needed the other one later.

Thirty years ago there weren’t many stores around for big girls, except Lane Bryant, Sears, and JC Penney. While I was grateful there were places to get large-sized clothes, most of these items were only available in black. There are more options for buying bigger sizes now, but who really wants to wear them?

I have gone from a size 24 to a size 8 in one year, without surgery, diet products or pills, or extreme exercising. This happened because of FA. I still have much to work on, but to come this far is so amazing to me. My sponsor said to expect a miracle, which I am now living. I have been going through my clothes and getting rid of everything that does not fit. Thus far, I have gotten rid of 30 garbage bags filled with clothing and I still have more. I’ve held onto many of these items for the last several months as a reminder, because I am so afraid of going back there.

How does someone collect that many clothes? I did, as an active food addict, because my sizes varied from year to year. When clothes no longer fit, whether too big or too small, I would put them in the basement. Most of the time, I would forget what outfit I had down there; if I did remember a special outfit, when I went down to try it on, it was usually too small, so back I would go to the store to buy something else.

As I lost weight in FA, I didn’t have time to try on any of my old clothes to see if they fit. I made better use of my time going to meetings and working the program. I spend my time taking care of myself instead of trying to cover myself with plus-size clothes.

I hope and pray that I never have to put on those large-size clothes again. FA gives me that hope.