How I Do it Now

I have struggled for 27 years to get and stay abstinent. About 10 years ago, I had two years of abstinence and lost 140 pounds, but then I gained it all back, plus more. I felt much remorse over all the time I had wasted struggling. During all the years I have been in food recovery programs, I was probably only abstinent about 10-15 percent of that time. When I would start feeling good after a few weeks of abstinence, I would over-schedule my life, and stop feeling a connection to God, and stop asking for help or doing service. After a week or so of this busy kind of life, I became exhausted, tools went by the wayside, and I would end up face down in the food, wondering how I got there.

I recommitted to FA, found a new sponsor, and decided I would do what she suggested. For the first 90 days, I did not eat out, go on a trip, or have guests who were not FA people. I started going over all my plans with my sponsor or fellows to see if they felt I was doing too much. My mind is broken when it comes to knowing when I am overdoing. I did my tools every day and talked with fellows with long-term abstinence. Getting closer to my Higher Power was the biggest factor in helping me stay abstinent.

I now stop frequently during the day, sit down, and say, “God, how am I doing? What is my next right action?” The answer often comes quickly.

Asking God, my sponsor, and fellows for help has been a new experience for me. I find my life getting so much easier when I use these resources instead of trying to figure out everything by myself. It seems like there is always someone in FA who has dealt with a problem I am having and can offer guidance and suggestions. Asking for help keeps me humble, which I see now is essential to my recovery.

Service is also key. For the first 90 days, I just helped set up chairs, put out literature, and clean up after the meeting. At these times, I talked to fellows I might not otherwise interact with and gradually built new relationships, which made outreach calls much easier. After I reached 90 days of abstinence, I was the connection rep for two of my meetings, attended committee meetings at Intergroup, and participated in connection conference calls. Writing this article is a commitment I made to the connection committee and another fellow. After six months of abstinence, I started sponsoring, which has helped to reinforce my program every morning when I talk to sponsees. Doing what I say I am going to do has helped raise my self-esteem, which in turn enhances my recovery. I know now that I can get through anything with God’s help. He is there for me and, as one of my sponsors would always tell me, “God is crazy about you.” I now believe that.