The new FATHERHOOD

TODAY’S DADS ARE A FAR CRY FROM YESTERDAYS’. THEY’RE HANDS-ON, SLEEVES UP, AND NOT ABOUT OBLIGATION – THEY’RE CONNECTING AUTHENTICALLY WITH THEIR KIDS, AND REAPING THE REWARDS, WRITES ANNE SCHAUFFER

There’s something Lisa also says that those Picture: @stories_by_goya daughter, Harper (7) and my so heartwho come out of well-balanced, son Jagger (4), and I believe warming about two-parent loving homes are the greatest gift God could ever watching the likely to want to replicate that, give a man is the opportunity comfortable but it could equally be the to be a father. We’re a solid relationship between today’s reverse: “Dads fully invested in family, and we do a lot together. young dads and their children. hands-on parenting because Lunches and dinners around Looking back a few decades, the they want to provide the the dining table were instilled change is remarkable – a child’s support and nurturing they in me as a kid, and we, in turn, perception of a father then was weren’t given as kids.” So have done likewise – a time clear. It ranged from “Seen And there’s no real rule here. when we talk about life, things Not Heard” to “Wait ’Til Your happening in the world, and Father Gets Home”, with a how our day was. My wife’s handful of variations in between.

Lisa Grant-Stuart is a I believe counselling psychologist in Ballito, working extensively the with families. She’s seen that greatest gift changing dynamic playing out, God could ever how and why, too: “There’s been a substantial increase in father involvement, including give a man is the opportunity both the quantity of time spent to be a father” with kids, and the quality of the involvement.” She puts it down career entails travel to Asia, to a combination of factors: and I happily steer the ship “An increase in dual-income alone with the kids for up to ten households, so more men have days at a time. I absolutely love had to play a greater parenting spending time with them, and role. Secondly, a loss of support ABOVE: Dean Edwards Dean Edwards of Ballito was am thankful every day of my life from grandparents because of immigration or relocation of with his son Jagger. TOP RIGHT: Grant Romeril with two-year-old a professional cyclist, largely based in Europe, travelling for the privilege of being a dad.” Grant Romeril lives in families, so fathers’ help is really Harrison. extensively: “When I returned, Hillcrest with wife Sally. needed. And thirdly, the overall RIGHT: Brett Jones with married and settled down, I They’ve been married for five decrease in stigma around wife Alex and children Jake ans Kingsley. had no doubt I wanted my own years, and have two-year-old masculine emotions, support of, family. I’ve truly been blessed Harrison. Grant is very clear: “I and bonding with children.” with two incredible kids – my always wanted to be a dad, and

I wanted to be the best ever. I’ve loved kids ever since I can remember, hence my choice of career as a teacher at Hillcrest Primary School.” Grant is fully hands-on. He loves to cook, and does so every night for the family: “I bath Harrison every night and always read him a bedtime story before Sally puts him to sleep. I’ve always assisted with nappy changing and potty training. I’m not surprised at the strength of my feelings at being a dad, because I always I wanted to be this kind of dad.”

We all know dads really matter to children, but it’s interesting to hear Lisa articulate their particular impact: “Fathers play a crucial, albeit different, role in the parenting dynamic. They’re often a masculine role model for their sons, and a yardstick for whom their daughters (or sons) should choose as future partners. Fathers are known to foster more independence in children and allow for different forms of interaction. They’re often the more playful parent, and encourage physical activities and problem solving in their kids. A father’s role in balancing the family system, from an emotional and developmental perspective, is invaluable and irreplaceable.”

There you have it.

Brett and Alex Jones were high school sweethearts – together for over 20 years, married for 12 – and live in La Lucia: “Alex and I were in a healthy stable relationship from quite young, travelled the world together for four years on a super yacht, so the travel bug was done and dusted for us. We wanted the house, dog and kids by then. Subconsciously, I always knew from a young age that I wanted kids. When the kids were both very young, I was super involved, but now I need to give Alex the credit – she honestly does most of the child-chores.

“I love my kids and I love being involved as much as I can

– Jake’s now 10, so we spend a lot of time cruising together. We go surfing, skateboarding and biking.” A grin, “Kingsley, my daughter, is nine, and she is her mother’s clone – a little ballet dancing hurricane.”

Raising children as a couple is always going to be about playing to different strengths. As Ryan Hillary of Hillcrest, says, “Kerryn and I have always believed that what works for one family, doesn’t always work for another. I’m proud to say I’ve always been a very involved father (not sure where I rank against others, but I like to believe so). I never had a problem with things like nappies, and I know other guys who couldn’t get that done, but we’re all different.”

Ryan’s always wanted to be a dad: “My mom still laughs »