Girlfriends sep oct 2017 by Kate Noet

Southern Minn

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SEP/OCT 2017

Girlfriends PROFILE

Joan Steffend

Former KARE and HGTV journalist and featured speaker at “Hello Beautiful!” Women’s Expo. See page 6

“Beautiful! ” Hello

WOMEN’S EXPO

See page 4

SEP/OCT 2017

about us editor: Beth Forkner Moe

contributing writers:

Kari Berit Rian Dicke-Michels Nancy Iglesias Trent Jonas Sarah Osterbauer Lori Nickel Marianne Radtke Ramon Rodriquez Carron Terri Schlichenmeyer Isabelle Wattenberg Grace Webb Philip Weyhe

multimedia consultants: Kristie Biehn Ginny Bergerson Nicole Brandon Kathleen Davies Missy Daschner Pam DeMorett Rachel Goodwin Joan Koester Tim Mart Mark Nelson Lori Nickel Jay Petsche Erin Rossow Kyle Shaw Gayle Stelten Autumn Van Ravenhorst

graphic designer: Kate Townsend-Noet

ad designers:

Mary Jo Blanchard Nicole Gilmore Jenine Kubista Kelly Kubista Kate McGillen Jennifer Schoenbauer

Volume 9, Issue 5

southernminngirlfriends.com Send releases and story ideas to:

Beth Forkner Moe at Girlfriends magazine, bfmoe@southernminn.com

Find Southern Minn Girlfriends on Facebook

contents features 6 PROFILE: Joan Steffend

Living a kind and authentic life, in stages.

10 Fall Fashion 2017

The “it” colors for fall.

16 Biker Chicks Rule at this Track!

Faribault’s BMX racing track and the women running it.

19 Big-City Art Feel in Faribault

A place for artists of all levels to gather to create and share their work.

24 What to Do With Your Kids This Fall

Family activity ideas before the snow flies.

26 Remembering and Celebrating the Lost Babies

IRIS is there to support parents and families during and after the loss of an infant.

32 Writing Goals and Mindful Journaling

Setting goals and projects for a mindful direction.

36 A Mother’s Impact

Northfield girl is overcoming social anxiety with help from her mom.

41 The Gift of Friendship

Lonsdale woman donates kidney to her best friend.

46 Healing Through Tiny Needles

While the general population is slowly discovering its merits, few understand its methodology.

ON THE COVER:

‘Hello Beautiful!’ featured guest speaker Joan Steffend. Photo provided.

accessories

14 a man’s perspective 52 book review 22 food sense 54 gf directory 4 note from the editor 50 unexpected caregiver 49 wellness SEP/OCT 2017

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NOTE from the editor

“Beautiful! ” Hello

WOMEN’S EXPO

Sponsored by

forkner Moe Beth Forkner Moe is the editor of Southern Minn Girlfriends magazine.

SUNDAY OCT. 15 Holiday Inn & Suites O WAT O N N A Doors open at 11am Joan Steffend speaks at 2:30pm Presented By

Southern Minn

Girlfriends

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“Hello, Beautiful!” I mean it.

You are beautiful, as are all women. And that’s what we are celebrating in this issue. For the first time, we will be holding a Women’s Expo October 15 at the Holiday Inn and Suites in Owatonna, with shopping, goodies and girl time, featuring television personality Joan Steffend (best known for her work as co-anchor on KARE11 and host of HGTV’s “Decorating Sense”). She is a delightful woman (our interview with her was uplifting and inspiring; I can’t wait to hear and see her in person!) – her presentation “Be Yourself or You’ll Miss Your Life” focuses on peace, kindness and loving yourself. As we worked on this issue, we discovered so many beautiful women, in different settings and arenas and callings. For example, we met a mother who helps her daughter “speak” and be courageous by the crafts she creates and shares around the city of Northfield. We met two women who are best friends, but also connected by the fact that one shared her kidney with the other. We met women who take care of the hearts of parents who are grieving children lost much too soon. We met a woman who wants to help people express their inner selves and creativity through studio space where they can share their artistic abilities. We also heard from women who shared stories of what they think makes a woman beautiful. We posted a Facebook question asking what they think makes a woman beautiful (inside and out). We weren’t sure what to expect, so we were captivated by some of the answers we got, including: • The empty nest stage is a trying time for women but it also is a time of self-development…..We now have time for ourselves…..taking care of bodies and mind, focusing on our careers or future retirement, and reconnecting with our spouse or significant others. • Friends who are close and from the heart who’ve been there with me for more than 40 years. These women have held me in their hearts through the most difficult times of my life – losing a newborn

child, a heartbreaking divorce, a lovely remarriage, and then losing my spouse to cancer. And they’ve been there for the best belly-laughs as well….they’ve built me up over the years…..we’ve built each other up throughout all of this time. Being beautiful, for these wonderful women, really is the picture of their souls – the feeling of their hearts. So when I see them, I don’t see at all the things we all worry about ourselves; I just see their beautiful and loving souls….which really is just who we are, right? • This is the time in life when the tables are turned and we find ourselves taking care of an aging parent. The only way to do it and stay strong and mostly stress-free is knowing and accepting that you deserve self-care, too. • I believe everyone is beautiful inside and out because of each person’s uniqueness. We put too much pressure on ourselves to look and feel like the rest of the world. To truly be beautiful…..is to know what your limits are and be happy with who you are. These were just a few of the answers we got. In reading them, I realized this type of beauty is thought about more often than much of what popular opinion would lead us to believe. Beyond that, I realized that these personal stories are universal, in a couple ways – the most obvious way is that people want to be heard. They want to tell their stories and be listened to. They want to share and help others. This brings me a lot of joy. If you liked these answers (or have similar ones yourself), you definitely will want to come to the “Hello Beautiful!” event and hear Joan Steffend speak to us. She will use one set of words, but I suspect her listeners will hear them differently, depending on where we are on our individual life journey. I hope to see you there! In the meantime, enjoy the last fleeting days of summer and beginning of the beautiful autumnal days ahead. Thank you for being a beautiful woman!

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PROFILE

Joan’s CD cover.

By Beth Forkner Moe Photos were Provided

J Steffend

“One of my life lessons is that I always tried to be who everyone wanted, but not quite myself. You need to stop chasing other people’s dreams.” - Joan Steffend

Joan

Living a Kind and Authentic Life, in Stages 6

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oan Steffend is a well-known name in the Twin Cities and beyond. She has spent almost 30 years in the media, first as a national Emmy-winning news writer, reporter and anchor at KARE-TV (Channel 11). While there, she won many national and regional awards. “I don’t believe the awards were for my reporting, but for my ability to tell a person’s story from their hearts,” she said. Joan will be the featured speaker at “Hello Beautiful!,” the Women’s Expo sponsored by Girlfriends Magazine on October 15 in Owatonna. She plans to speak on “Be Yourself or Miss Your Life.” Her vibrant, funny and direct-

Little Joanie from Cambridge, MN.

to-the heart way of speaking will fill your heart and make your day. We hope you will join us that day, along with other women who hold special places in your life. She is also going to be inducted into the Minnesota Broadcasting Hall of Fame on September 30. Others joining her will be Paul Magers (KARE anchor 1983-2003), John Hines of WCCO Radio (AM 830), Joe Soucheray of ESPN Radio (AM 1500), and broadcast veteran Paul Stagg. “One of my life lessons is that I always tried to be who everyone wanted, but not quite myself,” she said. “You need to stop chasing other people’s dreams.” After Joan left KARE-TV, she spent 11 years as a top-rated host on HGTV’s “Decorating Cents,” which was based on the premise that you can make a $500 budget stretch all the way around a room, inspiring viewers to re-use, re-cycle, and re-imagine design. Joan said she looks at her life in four different stages. Stage One was her childhood (she was born in Cambridge, MN) through college. “I was always looking for a self-deprecating laugh….and believed my destiny was to be Carol Burnett,” she said. “Finding the position had been filled – quite well actually – was tough to swallow, but I carried on.” She performed onstage in college at the University of Minnesota-Duluth, in summer stock and at Warner Brothers Film Actors Workshop in LA. Onto Stage Two. Joan began work as a television news anchor and reporter at the NBC affiliate in Duluth. “By the time I left for an anchor job at KARE-11…..I had figured out my favorite part of the job – telling people’s stories and having the license to ask people almost everything,” she said. “I started looking for people and stories to uplift the viewers, and in the process won quite a few awards, including a national Emmy…… My

favorite achievement, though, was getting 40 30-second spots on the air at KARE called ‘Something to Think About.’ They were meant to encourage and inspire myself and my two beautiful daughters, and I think they did.” Stage Three allowed Joan to be creative, laugh more and have a little extra time for her family. That’s when she began hosting “Decorating Cents.” “I laughed more and hugged more people during (the time I was there) and 400 episodes… than you can imagine,” she said. Her work lead her to appearances on Oprah, Live with Regis and Kelly, The CBS Early Show, the Today show, and Entertainment Tonight, among others. “While at HGTV, I hosted many of the top-rated specials, including six ‘Dream Homes,’ several ‘Christmas at the White House’ specials and the Rose Bowl Parade,” she said. Forward to today, Stage Four of Joan’s life. “This is where it all CONTINUES ON PAGE 8

uuu

Joan on the set of Dream Homes. SEP/OCT 2017

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CONTINUES FROM PAGE 7

comes together, right? I am in the middle of an optimistic, spiritually centered Stage Four, encouraging myself and all of us to recognize that we are magnificent just as we are, and that there is magic all around us, just waiting for us to find it,” she said. She has written two books, both in their second printings. “….and she sparkled” was first published in 2010, and “….peace in peace out” in 2012. “I went out and spoke to group after group about them and found that, after years of avoiding public speaking, I

Joan has appeared on “Oprah.”

actually loved it when I could speak from my heart and about the heart,” she said. “So, that’s what I do now. I speak to groups of all sizes about how much we all matter in the world, how kindness to yourself and others is the

path to world peace,” she said. We asked Joan more about Stage Four and what it means to her and her audiences. Her family is her pride and joy – her husband, two grown daughters and sons-in-law, two grandchildren (age 3 and an infant born several months ago), along with their dog, Charlie.

What’s important to you? Authenticity and respect. For the past several months, I’ve been posting things on Facebook about the smallest things you can do in the realm of kindness. I’m amazed at the positive response; I hadn’t really given it that much thought. I ask people, “What can I do to make the world slightly better for me and for others?” I post about the smallest things you can do in the realm of kindness. It’s also important to be connected and to be heard. I’ve felt this all my life, along with wanting to be seen. I wanted my parents to be proud of who I was, not just what I did. (The other night), I was tucking my 3-year-old grandson into bed and told him, “Just by being alive, you have changed the world for better.” He sat up and said, “Really? That’s awesome.” The world would be so much better if people were seen for who they are.

What makes you happiest? Using both sides of my personality. I love being on my own and being able to dive

The host of “Decorating Cents.”

deep about anything I’m curious about. I can Google for hours. On the other hand, I used to hate being on stage and speaking, but now there is some special kind of energy that flows through me when talking about things I love. l love the flow and energy between people.

What inspires you? The idea that we can do it better. This isn’t all there is. We get caught up with material objects and financial success. The idea that we can live a better life tomorrow – that’s what keeps me going.

We like that you’ve named the stages of your life. Does it inspire others to do the same? The world of women has changed. It used to be that we all expected to grow up, then get married and have children, along with a career the rest of our lives. It’s been impossible for me to have just one stage. I’ve spent all

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this time trying to figure out life and how to express it.

What do you tell women when you are speaking with them? I love to encourage people Joan and her and to think intuihusband Joe. tively about them. I’ve interviewed thousands of people over the years; that gives you a chance to read people. I try to help them figure out where they are and where they want to go.

How do you get women to change the stories they often tell themselves, especially the unhappy ones (“I’m a victim,” “I have shame,” “I’m not good enough”?) I can’t change anyone’s life, but I can drop seeds into their lives. They make take years to sprout, or they may never do so. I can tell them, “Here is what has helped me.” I’m still broken, and I’m not a guru; I just live my life the best way I know how. It’s not about being able to change someone’s life, showing them that they can be changed. I’ve been a storyteller my whole life. While looking at others’ lives, I’m still trying to find mine.

What do you tell your daughters? The same (as I tell other women), tailored for who they each are. They’re very different.

Joan in Hawaii, enjoing the sunset.

One’s an exterior worrier, one is softer on the outside. I tell them to be kinder to yourself and to other people. Be gentle to yourself. We are so ugly with ourselves; sometimes, we wouldn’t want to live with this person who is in our brain. Be forgiving to yourself. Even if you’re bruised and broken, you can build something out of it.

You started an organization called Peace Begins with Me. Can you tell us more about it? I wanted to inspire people. It’s the “world’s smallest peace project.” It starts with me, then with you, then with the next person. I hand out cards with a fingerprint on one side and “Thank you for leaving kind fingerprints on the world. Love, the world’s smallest peace project… you and me.” It’s our responsibility to promote peace. If you think the world is unkind, then you be

the kind one. Kindness is action associated with peace, and it’s pretty much all we have to impact the world.

Is there anything else you would like to share with us? Life all makes sense when I look back at it. It never made sense when I was living it. Now I understand; I’ve never felt more in tune with who I am and my own value when I am right now. I can also go to the opposite – I’m 62, and maybe less relevant to today’s culture – but I wouldn’t trade what I know about myself. I’m grateful to find out I’m an ok person after all this time. I believe in you, whoever you are. Women are special beings. We’re not told that enough. We need to feel that and know that and move in the world like that. I believe that we are on the verge of changing the world in pretty dramatic and wonderful ways.

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Fall Fashion 20

By Nancy Iglesias

t won’t be long until pumpkin spice is on almost every shelf in my grocery store and coffee shop. Excited children waiting at the corner for the school bus, Friday night football, beautiful hillsides ablaze with color, apple-picking, fires in the fire place, home-coming parades… these are a few of my favorite things when it comes to fall. But there are other things that just as surely signal the onset of fall. It’s time to put away our sundresses away for another season. Retail shops are filling their racks with the clothes that are sure to make us feel warm and toasty and all wrapped up in autumnal beauty. This time of year also means it’s time to take a look at what colors will be popping up on the fashion scene. Taking its cues from the runway during New York Fashion Week, the Pantone Color Report is released twice each year, spring and fall. “Book-ended by a dynamic Grenadine red and tawny Autumn Maple, the color palette for Fall 2017 leans more to warmth,” explains Leatrice Eisenman, Executive Director of the Pantone Color Institute. “While comforting, enveloping colors and ease are

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crucial to the seasonal feeling, stand-out shades including a pale pink Ballet Slipper, a refreshing Golden Lime, and a bright Marina blue. These hues add a striking touch when paired with the classic autumn shades of Navy Peony, Neutral Gray, Butterum and Tawny Port.

From the Pantone 2017 fall list of top 10 colors: • Grenadine, a confident and self-assured attention getting red • Autumn Maple, quintessentially fall, a warm russet • Butterum, a warm and toasty shade that makes you think of snuggling up by the fire with a cup of hot buttered rum • Shaded Spruce, evokes the sheltering and protective feeling of trees in the forest • Tawny Port, elegant, deep and rich (think Bordeaux) • Ballet Slipper, a sweet pale pink • Navy Peony, a great neutral alternative to black • Neutral Gray, very versatile - use it as a neutral, an accent or for a rich monochromatic look • Golden Lime, an earth tone with a twist • Marina Blue, the only cool tone in the list – a muted but icy shade of blue.

Photos from Creekside Boutique, Mankato.

as we approach the holidays. In addition to the Pantone Color Report, Elle Kristi Larson, of Kristi’s Clothing in Owatonna, magazine publishes its top 20 must-have styles started getting her fall clothing in around early for fall, based on the same New York runways. InJuly, with shopping trips to New York, Las Vegas cluded in its list are boots with a little bling, wide and St. Paul about six months prior to that. In belts, accent buttons on coats, skirts and pants keeping with the Pantone Color Report, Larson and western-wear reimagined. And of course says that the key colors for fall in her store are everything old is new again-vintage furs, Victorian wine and red, olive green, all sorts of blues and collars, fishnet stockings, 70’s plaid, retro hats and pale pinks. She too is seeing florals, lace and big shoulder pads, to name just a few. crochet, shoulder details, such as open shoulders, So how do these runway styles and colors cut-out shoulders and ladder sleeves. Sweaters run translate into what you’ll be seeing in southeastern the gamut from cropped to tunic. Layering in both Minnesota this fall? clothing styles and jewelry is still quite popular. We talked with several local retailers to get their And finally, embroidered details perspective. on everything from jeans to Wendy Schmidt, owner dresses adds a sweet feminine of Creekside Boutique in touch. Mankato said she is seeing Laura Factor from Maina lot of wine, mustard, stream Boutique in Mankato deep eggplant and olive agreed with her fellow retailers. green. She also thinks grey Factor says that florals are defiand navy will continue as nitely here to stay for fall. Sevgo-to neutrals. Red is being eral shades of the darker tones used as an accent color in of yellow seem quite popular both clothing and accesin her store. And a look at sories. The big florals that recent posts on their Facebook were popular in the spring page confirmed that sleeve and summer are revampdetail, cut-outs, bell sleeves ing themselves for fall and and interesting accents on the winter with deeper colors Photo from Creekside Boutique, sleeve are fun and flirty for fall. and weightier fabrics. Elle Whether it’s a throw-back to magazine calls these “couch the 70’s or the Elle magazine look of Western wear florals.” Embroidered jeans and bomber jackets re-imagined, Factor says that fringe, grommets and are back. Sweater styles seem longer, and both tassels are all making a come-back. A walk through sweaters and jackets are oversized. Leggings have Mainstream would concur that denim is once not gone away and layering is still popular. Ankle again big this fall. Mainstream has exclusive rights boots are still very big, with additional colors, like for the area on “Mac and Me” denim wear. They navy, adding to the classic black and brown. Look get several new styles of “Mac and Me” each month for velvet for fall special occasions and especially CONTINUES ON PAGE 12 u u u

Photos from Kristi’s Clothing, Owatonna. SEP/OCT 2017

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CONTINUES FROM PAGE 11

and it sells out quickly. Plaid always makes a return in the fall; however, this year Factor is seeing it paired with other fabrics

as an accent. While watching styles and trends in the big fashion magazines, at the end of the day, it has to be something you are comfortable in. Not every color and trend on the runway is going to make it to Minnesota and be just the right thing for you. Be sure to check out your favorite local shop’s website and Facebook page. The beauty of shopping local is that their professional staff are always there to assist you in making choices that are totally right for you! So grab

Photo from Mainstream Boutique, Northfield.

yourself a pumpkin spice latte and hit the streets. Something that you are sure to feel beautiful in is waiting for you, just around the corner. Nancy Iglesias is a freelance writer and non-profit consultant. She spent 20 years working as an Executive Director for Habitat for Humanity in Winona, MN. Prior to that, she was the Marketing Manager for InterVarsity Press in Downers Grove, IL. Nancy enjoys entertaining, water fitness and teaching preschoolers at her church.

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A man’s perspective

You’re Beautiful! (No matter what I think or say…)

jonas Trent Jonas is a Twin Cities-based writer and divorced father of two. He is fascinated and frightened by women but is working through his issues.

s a straight, white man of a certain age, I struggled with this column. Why? Because I do find women beautiful in oh so many ways. Yet the question, “What makes a woman beautiful?” seemed to me, as a male voice in these pages, fraught with danger. The national dialogue surrounding everything from white privilege to older, white men attempting to dictate issues such as women’s health and what skin color you must have to move to the United States has grown increasingly heated. And rightfully so. The old, white male minority is attempting to consolidate what power it can while it still can. We have a president who owned competitions which purport to dictate women’s beauty. Male lawmakers have demonstrated open hostility toward – and even threatened -- women in government because they dare to have divergent opinions. I can’t help but watch these sometimes-farcical, sometimes-terrifying death rattles of a former majority with amazement. I’m a middle-aged white man. In spite of

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big mistakes in life and a lack of a leg up in my childhood, I have very little to worry about. I don’t worry whether I’m paid as much as women I work with. I’m not concerned that laws will affect my right to do much based on my gender or skin color -- that’s something that I am privileged to feel based solely on my gender and skin color. And I don’t like that. I struggled with this column because I don’t think anyone – let alone a middle-aged white man – gets to say what it is that makes you beautiful. YOU make you beautiful. Everyone possesses some quality of beauty. What makes you beautiful could be something that, for some reason, be it personal shortcomings or societal weaknesses, I don’t see. That doesn’t mean that you’re not beautiful; it means that my focus is in the wrong place. So, I don’t get to say what it is that makes you beautiful. You just need to know that no matter what is that I say – or anyone else says – you ARE beautiful. And thank you for making the world a warmer, more beautiful place in which to live.

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Biker Chicks Rule at This Track!

By Grace Webb

t’s a Thursday evening at Faribault’s Alexander Park, and bikers of every age are starting to show up for tonight’s BMX racing events. There are teenagers covered in flashy, totally coordinated protective gear and three-year-olds waddling on “strider” bikes that don’t even have pedals. There are parents, siblings, grandparents, friends and neighbors setting up lawn chairs around the outside of the track, some with handcrafted signs cheering athletes on. Kids throw footballs to each other in the grass near the track, while dads huddle together,

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catching up over a can of soda. And everywhere, frantically flitting back and forth, volunteers prepare for the upcoming races. Pamela Charlton is selling 50-50 raffle tickets with gusto, despite shivering in the unseasonably cold evening air. (The raffle gets its name from the fact that the winnings are split 50-50: half to the winning ticket holder and half to BMX Faribault as a way for the non-profit organization to fund its activities and track upkeep.) Trudy Kirk is registering riders for races, while Andie O’Brien is helping in the concession stand. But the women also wear other hats (or should it be helmets?). Charlton is the president of Faribault BMX’s leadership board; O’Brien is the treasurer, and Kirk is the track

operator. And that’s what makes this track a bit unique. Of the 11 BMX tracks across Minnesota, the Faribault track is the only track with a leadership board with a female majority—four of its seven members are women. “People have told us, ‘We can tell your track is run by women—you have flowers,’” Kirk said with a laugh. “But they also talk about how we’re organized and communicate well. Well, we’re moms. We know the importance of getting the word out and making sure everyone’s on the same page.” Kirk has been involved with the Faribault BMX track for the past 10 years. She started out as a spectator cheering on family. Then she was asked to be a volunteer. She eventually was elected to be a member of the

If you’re interested If your little biker is interested in exploring the world of BMX racing, head over to the track for a free oneday pass, complete with equipment. Categories are broken down by age and ability, with athletes moving into the next “ability” range after a certain number of first-place wins. This ensures that all riders are competing against others of about the same ability. Once you register for a membership through USA BMX, it is good for the next 365 days. Even though Faribault stops running races once the weather grows cold, riders are still able to race at other indoor tracks throughout the year.

The basics of BMX Where: South Alexander Park in Faribault When: Every Thursday starting at 7 p.m. (registration open at 6 p.m.) Season: Late May to November, depending on weather Website: www.usabmx.com/ tracks/1437 Email: faribaultbmx@comcast.net Phone number: 952-215-1249

leadership board. It’s a common story, which the other women on the track’s board share. Charlton’s daughter started racing when she was five, and - 11 years later - is still on a bike every Thursday night. O’Brien started volunteering 10 years ago when her son was four, and now her daughter also rides. While none of the women participated in the sport themselves, they say they became involved because it was important to be a part of their kids’ interests. “Everything is about family,” O’Brien explained. “What can we do to keep that sense of family going on at the track? Having two small kids, I want them to see how important it is to give back. So I volunteer. Especially for my daughter, it’s cool to see her see me in a position of leadership.” “The girls see us in leadership positions,” Kirk agreed. “We’re celebrating women who are taking these chances. We’re few, but we work as hard as [the men] do.” In fact, while the women like to joke about being the “black sheep” of the Minnesota BMX world because of their female-heavy leadership board, they’ve actually been trendsetters when it comes to things like landscaping around their track, hosting a Halloween race, starting a chili cookout and organizing family activities—which, shortly afterwards, other tracks across the state also started doing. “It’s funny to see the things that we do… show up at other tracks,” Kirk said. When it comes to improvements and changes, the leadership board in Faribault

has done a lot. Since Charlton, O’Brien and Kirk have become involved, they’ve switched from a gravel track to asphalt to help improve rider safety, built a concession stand and are working to install a new starting gate. “It’s a completely different track,” O’Brien said. “We all feel really good thinking about where we’ve come from and where we’ve come to. We’ve worked really hard and gotten really positive feedback. She added that these improvements are possible because of donations coming in from families. “We’re very thoughtful about spending our money, because we know that all the families here work very hard and are choosing to spend their money on us,” she said. “We count every penny that comes in.” Besides donating money, many families also donate time. Each race has about 18-20 volunteers helping run it, and there is also the “dirt crew,” a group of about 10 dads who get together and take care of track upkeep. Now, one of the women’s goals is to bring that pro-female outlook onto the track. The local ridership is still heavily skewed toward male riders, reflecting the statewide trend. Kirk said one of the reasons is that girls don’t realize there’s an opportunity out there. “We’re one of those sports that most people don’t know about,” she explained. “If you ask people in Faribault where the track is, the majority of them don’t even know there is one.” Despite the low numbers, Charlton said

she has seen an encouraging increase in female participants during her time volunteering. In fact, she added, the sport itself has grown substantially over the years. Every year, USA BMX hosts a “big race” in each state, and more than 500 riders participated this year, up from only 180 riders three years ago. In the local arena, about 55 riders participate in weekly races, with bikers ranging from two-year-olds to a special “dad” age category. Charlton credits a lot of the growth to the local track’s atmosphere and friendly volunteers. “It’s the friendliness of our staff,” she said. “We’ve heard that a lot. People come and feel like family here. We really try to get to know our riders, and try to highlight our riders and their families, and I think that’s what sets us apart. We’re just super happy here. We’re the hidden gem in south Alexander that no one knows about.” “We’ve got a different vibe on our track,” Kirk added. “With indoor tracks, it’s often more competitive; they’re up there to race. Here, in the fall, you’ll see our kids throwing football, parents talking to each other, etc. we’re not just coming down here to race; we’re coming down here to be with friends and family.” “That’s what we strive for and always have—the family,” O’Brien summed up. “Come have fun. All of each other’s kids are all of us. We want everyone to feel like this is a family, and I think we’ve done a pretty good job of that.” Grace Webb is a wandering reporter whose home base is Mankato. SEP/OCT 2017

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By Marianne Radtke

rtists and aspiring artists, take note: new life has been breathed into old space. “The Upper East Side” art gallery and studio in Faribault is Southern Minnesota’s newest “urban” get-away for artists of all kinds. Aptly named with a nod to New York City’s Upper East Side’s artist community, historic downtown Faribault’s “Upper East Side” has recently gone through a metamorphosis of sorts--from original concept through creation to a recent major restoration--and emerged into a beautiful new space and concept. It is a place where experienced

artists can hone their craft, or where anyone can experience creating art for the first time. It is an exciting twist on a familiar concept of the “paint and sip” parties. “The Upper East Side” combines guided painting events and party space with studio space where artists can come and work individually, display their work, or share their expertise with others. “There are endless possibilities,” owner and artist Suzanne Schwichtenberg said. Inspired by her daughter, Tara, who studied art in New York City, Schwichtenberg wanted to create a unique, energetic and beautiful space where people can come together to have an exciting and fun urban art experience. Her goal was to be encouraging to all artists so they have a place to grow and blossom by offering a place to create and feel supported - not only, as artists but as individuals. And what that experience means to one individual may mean something entirely different to the next. For some. it may simply be a place where girlfriends or mothers and daughters come to connect; for some it may to be practice CONTINUES ON PAGE 20 u u u

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CONTINUES FROM PAGE 19

their art or reignite a passion for it; for some it may be therapeutic; for others it may be purely for fun. For all, Schwichtenberg wants it to be a positive experience, sparking joy, creativity, and the courage to be themselves. Space at “The Upper East Side” can also be used for youth and team-building events and for birthday parties for all ages (with painting as the main event). Various area artisans such as a silk scarf painter have demonstrated their techniques. A jewelry designer and a handbag designer have displayed and offered their wares. A local theater group gathered here for a cast party. Schwichtenberg anticipates growing and expanding her art space to eventually include a kiln and offering ceramic painting as a walk-in concept on weekends. Schwichtenberg can also come to you. She can often be seen at restaurants and pubs in neighboring towns hosting “girls’ nights out” and other “paint and sip” events. An experienced artist herself, she will guide you stepby-step from blank canvas to finished creation. She offers smaller, more intimate-sized events to encourage more individualized creativity and connectivity. For Schwichtenberg, it’s more about art bringing people together and the connections made than the finished outcome. She has even guided monthly one-on-one painting with people in assisted living and memory care facilities. “How truly amazing the mind is….especially Alzheimer minds...and how the one hour of painting together would bring out a smile, en-

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gagement, excitement to their minds, Schwichtenberg said. “And (they made) beYOUtiful paintings. I felt so blessed to be a part of that. I could paint all day knowing that I am making a difference in their stay.” Schwichtenberg also noted that these “paint and sip” parties are for beverages of any kind to suit the tastes of the group. People can have wine and cheese, coffee and biscottis, or even milk and cookies. She wants the events to be inclusive for all. Jazz can usually be heard playing and candles are often burning. She said there were so many people who supported her during the restoration of the space, and she hopes that – in return – the beautiful and unique art space can support all artists and nurture all souls. So, artists of all types, of all ages, of all experience levels, take note: there’s an exciting new “Upper East Side” right in your own backyard. You don’t even have to pack a suitcase (you don’t have to pack a thing!) to experience the energy and excitement of the New York art scene. For more information on events as well as open studio nights please visit their Facebook page, “The Upper East Side”. Schwichtenberg can also be reached at 507-339-1770 or applauzz@hotmail.com for more information, to schedule an event, or inquire about renting artist space. Minnesota’s “Upper East Side” is located at 213 Central Ave. in Faribault where street parking is available. In New York City, it is not. Marianne Radtke considers herself a “hobby writer.” She lives in Northfield with her husband and their four children.

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FOOD SENSE

Ramon RODRIGUEZ Carrion Ramon Rodriguez Carrion is the owner of Ruf Acres Market. He can be reached at (@ Ramonsfoodsense) or (@Rufacresmarket).The market is located at 220 Central Ave, Faribault.

By Ramon Rodriquez Carrion s autumn arrives, the colors change and the days start to get shorter, it may be enjoyable to cook recipes that not only please your taste, but also add color and excitement to your table. When cooking and adding color to a dish, we can turn to fresh seasonal produce such as beets, zucchini, squash, cabbage, carrots and others. 22

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My first recipe is for a yellow soup made from carrots, yellow zucchini, ginger, and garlic, with purple cabbage on top.

Autumn Harvest Soup â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Yellow and Purple (for 2 people) Ingredients 4 medium-sized carrots 2 medium-sized yellow zucchini 1 clove of garlic

½ of a 2-inch (or so) ginger root (or 1 TBSP ground ginger) ¼ head purple cabbage 1 tsp. olive oil 1 tsp. honey ½-tsp. curry powder 1 tsp. Himalayan salt (or Celtic sea salt) 1 tsp. sweet paprika 2 c. water

1 hand full fresh green beans 2 medium golden beets 1 large red beet Olive oil Himalayan Salt (Celtic Sea Salt) 1 tsp. oregano ½ tsp. ground mustard seed ½ tsp. ground ginger 1 tsp. maple syrup ½ c. warm water

Cooking Instructions Peel and chop the carrots and ginger, chop the zucchini (no need to peel) and peel the garlic. Add olive oil to your soup pan and heat. Fry the chopped carrots, zucchini, ginger, and whole garlic until golden brown. Add the honey, curry powder, and salt, and mix well. Continue to stir while adding the water. After a few minutes of boiling the mixture, blend the mixture in a blender to puree all ingredients into a soup. (Please cool the mixture if your blender is not meant to blend hot foods.) Slice the purple cabbage quite thin (as you like) and fry it in a wok or suitable pan, being careful to stop frying while still slightly crunchy. When ready to serve, ladle the soup into bowls. Put the cabbage on top and sprinkle with the sweet paprika.

Cooking Instructions Prepare the beans. Dry beans will require soaking and boiling to cook. Canned beans should be drained and rinsed. Preheat the oven to 385 degrees F. Peel and chop the beets into 1-inch pieces. Place the beet pieces on a baking tray and roast for a few minutes. Midway through roasting, apply the olive oil to the beets, then continue roasting until cooked. Place the cooked red beets in a bowl. Add the warm water, maple syrup, ginger, and ground mustard and mix together briefly by hand. Use a hand blender to create a course relish of the mixture and set it aside. Choose the serving dish upon which you will layer the finished salad. First, add the layer of beans, then place the green beans to add color, add the golden beet pieces in the same way. Finish by spooning the red beet mixture strategically over the layers of beans. Finish by sprinkling the salt and oregano over the top.

Bean and Beet Salad – Red and Green Ingredients 2 c. Anasazi beans (can substitute lima beans, butterbeans, black beans or others)

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What to do with your kids this

Fall

Compiled by Beth Forkner Moe (Most information from www.ExploreMinnesota.com)

he summer, as most, went way too fast. School has already started, and the days are beginning to get shorter. However, there are still lots of activities for families to do before the snow flies. Below is a list of many that are in Southern Minnesota or just a short drive away.

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Mys

Oxbow Park and Zollman Zoo, Byron, MN.

Mystery Cave, Forestville, MN.

Children’s Museums:

• Children’s Museum of Southern Minnesota, Mankato – www.cmsouthernmn.org • Minnesota Children’s Museum of Rochester – www.rochester.mcm.org • Minnesota Children’s Museum, St. Paul – www.mcm.org

Nature:

• Como Park Zoo and Conservatory, St. Paul – www.comozooconservatory.org • Minnesota Zoo, Apple Valley – www.mnzoo.org • Oxbow Park and Zoleman Zoo, Byron – www.co.olmsted.mn.us • Reptile and Amphibian Discovery Zoo (RAD Zoo), Owatonna – www.theradzoo.com • River Bend Nature Center, Faribault – www.rbnc.org

• Forestville/MysteryCave, Preston • Great River Bluffs, Winona • Lake Louise, Le Roy • Minneopa, Mankato • Myre-Big Island, Albert Lea • Nerstrand Big Woods, Nerstrand • Rice Lake, Owatonna • Sakatah Lake, Waterville • Whitewater, Altura

Don’t Forget:

• LARK Toys, Kellogg – www.larktoys.com • International Owl Center, Houston – www.internationalowlcenter.org • National Eagle Center, Wabasha www.nationaleaglecenter.org

State Parks (www.dnr.state.mn.us): • Beaver Creek Valley, Calendonia • Blue Mounds, LuVerne • Flandrau, New Ulm

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By Nancy Iglesias

and the

hen Diana Kelley experienced the full-term stillbirth of her baby in 1985, there werenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t many resources to guide her in this unexpected journey. This was her third baby. She taught childbirth classes, and knew how to help people through the journey. But nothing had prepared her for the myriad of emotions she faced when she delivered Baby Derrick. Kelley recalled that while the delivery room was filled with great compassion, she didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have much time to say good-bye to her baby. She still remembers the overwhelming sense of grief and sadness and how alone she felt. So many hopes and dreams for a bright future died with that little baby. It was those emotions that led her to develop a multi-faceted support program for other parents experiencing the heartbreak CONTINUES ON PAGE 28 u u u

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This is just one of the many poems and stories on the IRIS website from families who have been impacted by the loss of a little one who was gone too soon.

A Father’s Grief By Eileen Knight Hagemeister

It must be very difficult to be a man in grief. Since “men don’t cry” and “men are strong.” No tears can bring relief. It must be very difficult to stand up to the test. And field calls and visitors so that she can get some rest. They always ask if she’s alright and what she’s going through. But seldom take his hand and ask, “My friend, how are you?” He hears her cry in the night and thinks his heart will break. And dries her tears and comforts her but “stays strong” for her sake. It must be very difficult to start each day anew.

CONTINUES FROM PAGE 26

of the death of a child. Kelley turned what began as a very personal experience of grief and loss into Infants Remembered in Silence (IRIS), a regional non-profit organization with a global outreach designed to come alongside of grieving families. In the weeks and months following Derrick’s birth, she talked to other grieving parents, medical professionals and grief counselors and developed what has now become the IRIS Bereavement Support Packet. Packets are available in hospitals and funeral homes and are given to families who have experienced early pregnancy losses, stillbirth, and other types of early childhood death, including birth defects, SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) and even infant accidents. The packets contain information and resources to help grieving family members in the emotional and practical issues of their circumstances.There is also a journal and suggestions on creating and preserving memorial keepsakes.

And try to be so very brave. He lost his baby too.

From Dodge County to Duluth and even a call recently from Dubai, IRIS has become an amazing resource for thousands of families. While Kelley, who now serves as Executive Director and her corps of IRIS volunteers primarily work in a six-county area (Dodge, Goodhue, LeSeur, Rice, Steele and Waseca counties), the IRIS website has gained an international reputation, and IRIS resources are used on both a national and international level. The IRIS advocate program is designed to assist parents from the time they find out that their child has died through labor and delivery, in the hours following delivery and also in the many details surrounding the funeral. IRIS advocates go through an extensive training and are equipped to work with parents as they seek to understand their delivery options, act as a labor coach (doula) and work with the family to create memorial keepsakes. Given the unique role they play at a critical time in a family’s life, it is no surprise that IRIS advocates have gained respect and a much-deserved reputation CONTINUES ON PAGE 30 u u u

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Upcoming Events (specific information can be found on the website, closer to the date of each event)

Infants Remembered In Silence Mission Statement A non-profit dedicated to offering support, education and resources to parents, families, friends and professionals on the death of a child in early pregnancy (miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, molar pregnancy, etc,) or from stillbirth, premature birth, neonatal death, birth defects, sudden infant death syndrome, illness, accidents and all other types of infant and early childhood death.

• October 15 - IRIS 30th Anniversary celebration. “I Knew You In the Womb” statue and memorial garden dedication • November 23 - Turkey Trot; Thanksgiving morning. 5K run or walk for youth and adult,10K run (all ages), Gobble Wobble walk for children under 10. Faribault Middle School, • 2nd Wednesday of every month – 11 a.m. to 1 p.m., Mid-day support group at the IRIS Office in Faribault • 4th Tuesday of every month – 7 to 8:30 p.m., Evening support group at the IRIS Office in Faribault For more information: IRIS 218 3rd Ave NW Faribault, MN 55021 507-334-4748 Website: www.irisremembers.com

CONTINUES FROM PAGE 28

from area hospitals and funeral homes and are often the first ones that professionals call to connect with a struggling family. According to Kelley, IRIS advocates receive at least 32 hours of training before they go on a call. After the training ends, advocates often go on calls with more experienced advocates to learn more about how to communicate with the parents and family, how to help the parents create keepsakes, and more. There are currently 9 advocates in the actual service area, with a total of 22 trained advocates (in Minnesota, Iowa, Wisconsin, Florida, Texas and Washington). Grieving families receive a gift from IRIS, which includes a tiny set of clothes specially designed and sewn for babies two to 24 inches in length, a hand-made afghan, blanket or quilt, baby bath, baby lotion, a tape measure, a teddy bear and a zippered bag for a lock of hair. The teddy bear comes from a special program called “Bears for Babies,” where people donate bears to accompany the baby on its journey. Additional services designed to treat both the baby and family with dignity and respect might include bathing and dressing the baby, taking photos and casting hand and foot prints. An IRIS advocate spends on average 8-12 hours with the family in the hospital and approximately 4- 6 hours in the funeral home. These services are meant to support the parents and siblings, but also extend well beyond to include grandparents, aunts, uncles, close friends and neighbors. IRIS estimates that, for every child they serve, the reach extends to about 35 others. Last year, IRIS was able to support more than 500 families. However, the group knows they are actually reaching many more families than that. According to Kelley, the information they give families often gets passed on to others in need of the information and support. For example, she said, there was one packet that

SEP/OCT 2017

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traveled around the world from family to family. While they served 500 families that they know of, they also know their info gets passed on. One such packet traveled around the world from family to family. Five years later, IRIS received this particular packet back in the mail from Australia. The pages were dog-eared, tearstained and well-read. Additionally, according to Kelley and statistics from the organization’s website, the numbers of people who reach out to them are astounding. As of mid-August,there were more than 400,000 visits to their website, 65,000 of them in just the past year. These visits have come from 129 countries, she

said, and the website has been translated into 182 languages. Kelley says that grieving is not about forgetting; it is about remembering. All of IRIS’ programs are designed to do just that. IRIS will celebrate its 30th anniversary with a very special celebration on October 15, which is International Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. IRIS volunteers and community members will come together at 2:00 p.m. in their newly created memorial garden next to their office in Faribault to dedicate a life-size statue created by Timothy P. Schmalz. The bronze statue, “I Knew You In the Womb,” is a beautifully sculpted angel weeping over an empty cradle. Ciera Federly, chair of the “A Parent’s Love Never Dies” committee, is very excited about this amazing piece of art that is coming to Faribault. She believes it will communicate the kind of compassion and comfort that is at the core of what IRIS is and hopes the memorial garden can become a place of hope and healing. Federly came to IRIS as someone who first was on the receiving end of the IRIS program. She gave birth to a stillborn son at 30 weeks. IRIS was part of her healing journey. As she walked through her darkest days, she knew she wanted to give back to IRIS and do something to help further their mission. She met with Kelley and decided to join the team to bring the Angel statue to Faribault. IRIS is still accepting donations for the memorial garden and weeping angel statue. The total fundraising goal for the statue, cement slab, memorial garden and several other exterior projects is $100,000. Donations can be sent to IRIS, 218 3rd Ave NW, Faribault. Nancy Iglesias is a freelance writer and non-profit consultant. She spent 20 years working as an Executive Director for Habitat for Humanity in Winona, MN. Prior to that, she was the Marketing Manager for InterVarsity Press in Downers Grove, IL. Nancy enjoys entertaining, water fitness and teaching preschoolers at her church.

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By Isabelle Wattenberg

riting life goal lists, be warned, can be a bit of an addiction. Stephanie Wilbur Ash, author and managing editor for Gustavus Adolphus Quarterly, had completed one list and compiled a second when she met in 2011 with two like-minded women to share and discuss goals. Fellow writer and professor at Minnesota State University Rachael Hanel was also a goal-setting veteran—she made her first in college. Ash’s initial list was driven compelled by the question of what she wanted from life, which at 27 was a perfectly stable one, with a steady job, home, and relationship. “I am a goal-oriented, project-oriented person. If I don’t have direction in my life, I get depressed,” Ash said. To write the list, she sequestered herself away in a cabin in Grand Marais, where a schedule alternating between hiking and toe de-frosting by the fire

culminated in a written list of goals that included writing a book, hiking the Superior trail, and owning a VW camper van. Ten years later, list complete, she made a new one. This one, she approached with a different objective—to be “a certain kind of person rather than doing things I loved,” she said. Goals included writing a screenplay and answering the question, “What do I want people to say about me when I die?” But the same guiding principles drove them both. Ash took out the lists about once a year and avoided setting specific plans for fulfilling them. This eliminated the risk of disparaging thoughts; opportunity could pull her forward, but slow progress wouldn’t lead to despair. “The best thing the list did for me that wasn’t related to achievement was teach me how to say no to things that wouldn’t take me where I wanted to go,” Ash said. When the three women—Ash, Hanel, and Ann Rosenquist Fee, executive director at the Arts Center of Saint Peter—met in 2011, they helped each other clarify and hone their goals, but not form a plan of action to complete them. They gathered again this year, and when Ash produced the lists, Hanel had forgotten about them, and was surprised to discover she had somehow still managed to complete most of it. Her goals included getting a PhD, amping up her photography, CONTINUES ON PAGE 34 u u u

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and exploring more forms of writing. “Even if you never look at it again, putting something to paper can help it come to fruition,” Hanel said. “It’s like making a commitment to yourself.” Anna Blessing, a Life Coach Practitioner and Client Services Director at the Northfield Women’s Center, agrees. “Writing certain expressions such as words of gratitude, goals and positive changes that we want to make brings these thoughts and future actions to life by holding us accountable,” she said. Blessing helps clients boost their confidence by recording positive changes and steps of progress in a journal. “Many of the clients that I work with are attempting to make major life changes without a lot of support. Confidence is a huge factor when it comes to make positive change that will last,” she said. “My clients that journal on a regular basis generally reach their goals much quicker than those who do not.” Blessing recommends her clients keep a gratitude journal because it reorients someone’s perspective toward a more positive direction. Ash follows a similar practice. “Several times when I have suffered a defeat or felt demoralized, I have written down a list of the things I know I am good at,” she said. “I am really big on validation, for self and for others.” For Hanel, setting goals both gave shape to her future and prompted her pause to assess her quality of life and what was driving it. “It just requires some forward thinking; where I am in the moment and where I would like to be,” she said. “You can’t snap your

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fingers and be there. You have to think about the process and how to get there.” Blessing encourages propelling the process by setting breaking up big goals into achievable milestones. She also recommends people construct the goal with an “I am” statement so that the goal setter is empowered from the get-go to fulfill the goal. “When we speak in this tense we declare that we are already in action toward our goal,” she said. “So once that intention is set, it propels you towards the first step.” Steph Ash recommends the following considerations as you make your list: • Acknowledge what you can control. For this reason, Ash put “write a book” on her list, not “publish a book” (although she ended up doing both; her book The Annie Year was published in 2016). • Look realistically at your resources. Space travel might not be in the cards—but a trip across the U.S.? Why not? • At the same time, be specific. Broad goals, such as “be healthier” don’t have a definitive signal of success. Ash uses this litmus test: “How would you know you were failing?”

Looking for professional resources? Make an appointment at the Northfield Women’s Center. 200 Division Street, Suite 140, Northfield, MN 55057 507-645-7638 help@northfieldwomenscenter.org Isabelle Wattenberg is a social media and data analytics specialist for MSP Communications. She spends her spare moments listening to opera, reading Alice in Wonderland, and writing about Minnesota happenings.

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“Living with selective mutism, we’ve realized talking is the most terrifying thing to [Nika]. And if a lot of us had to face that, a lot of us couldn’t do it.” - Jana Hirsch

E By Philip Weyhe

Nika and friend. Photo submitted by Jana Hirsch.

A Mother’s Impact:

Northfield girl is overcoming social anxiety with help from her mom 36

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very day, 6-year-old Nika Hirsch from Northfield faces her fears. And every day, her mother, Jana Hirsch, is by her side. It might be at the library, when a worker tells her about the books; at the store, when she’s urged to talk to a cashier; or at a birthday party, when she’s pushed to step outside her comfort zone. Wherever Nika is, Jana is there – challenging her to be courageous. Nika was diagnosed a few years ago with selective mutism — a disorder, often linked to social anxiety, which makes it difficult for her to speak to most people. So when Nika is outside the home, expected to converse and engage with the outside world, it all requires a bit of courage. “Living with selective mutism, we’ve realized talking is the most terrifying thing to [Nika],” Jana said. “And if a lot of us had to face that, a lot of us couldn’t do it.” Of course, it helps to have a mother like Jana, who is unrelenting in her efforts to see Nika reach her highest heights. With the help of Jana and other family members, Nika is doing things she may never thought possible.This summer, she’s been spreading positivity. She and her family came up with a way to communicate without having to be the center of attention. They’re painting rocks with positive messages, hiding them around Northfield (and other places), and telling people about them on Instagram and Facebook. The rocks feature myriad messages: “it’s all good,” “peace,” “come on get happy,” “you were made to do hard things,” and several other sayings. They’ve been hidden and found at Greenvale Park Elementary, Northfield Library, Bridge Square and many other locations. In return for her work, Nika hears messages from Northfield community members, who found the rocks (they’re encouraged to take pictures and/or keep them). The Northfield Police Department found a rock and sent a message on Facebook, saying “Thank you for your thoughtfulness. Keep up the positive

Nika rock painting. Photo by Philip Weyhe.

attitude.” One Instagram user wrote, “Thank you for these! I will cherish them forever!” Those messages of praise are nice, but there’s nothing like a mother’s encouragement. “I feel really proud of Nika,” Jana said.

Selective mutism Nika was shy from the start, according to her mother. Jana and her husband, Rick, started to wonder when she was about 3 years old if there was something more than just social anxiety. After seeing her daughter struggle to speak at pre-school, Jana started calling

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around. She had heard about selective mutism, and they eventually received an official diagnosis from a therapist. As Nika grew older and started understanding what made her different, she told her parents she wanted to work on it. And so they have. Nika has come a long way. A year ago, she may not have responded to someone talking to her if the face wasn’t wholly familiar. Today, she still appears shy but hardly impenetrable. If you ask her a question, you’ll likely get a CONTINUES ON PAGE 38 u u u

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response. She worked hard to build relationships during kindergarten and first grade at Greenvale Park, where her classmates have been nothing but supportive, Jana said. There was also a kindergarten teacher, Kathy Flicek, who made a serious impact, according to the family. “(Nika’s) parents came in before her kindergarten year and explained she was a shy little girl. They were trying to find the perfect place for her,” Flicek said. “So when they asked me what I would do, I just told them, ‘I would love her and just help her know she is a great little person.’” Nika has also improved her social skills through therapy, through everyday practice, and most recently at Brave Bunch at the Florida International University Center for Children and Families. There, she spent time with other kids with selective mutism, and she took on small challenges, like speaking to workers in a mall. The camp and other support systems in place have helped Nika, but it’s been family more than anything else that has pushed her forward. However shy she is around others, she is fearless around her mom. The two have a secret language, so Nika can send signals when she doesn’t want to talk. What Nika can’t say aloud, she can whisper in her mother’s ear and her mother will always respond, always smile in return. No one takes more joy in her daughter’s growth than Jana. “We don’t think most people know about Nika’s (selective mutism). It is something she deals with, but it’s not who she is,” she said.

The Rocks The idea to paint and hide rocks around town was inspired by other groups which have taken on similar projects. Nika developed an interest in crafts last year, as she spent a lot of time at the library, while her father, Rick, battled soft-tissue sarcoma – a rare form of cancer. This spring, Rick had a second surgery to repair a bone after a first surgery removed the cancer in his leg last year. Since then, he’s had three scans, which showed no signs of the disease. But he’s lost much of his mobility. The family has used Rick’s fight to show Nika that everyone is fighting. “For her dad, it’s focusing on walking,” Jana said. “For myself, it was focusing on lowering my stress. For her sister (Kaia), it was about starting high school. For her brother (Noah), it was about graduating.” The rocks made perfect sense for the family this summer. As Nika struggled to talk and her father struggled to walk, positive messages were the right kind of medicine. The first rock, as Nika reminded her mother, was hidden at McDonald’s in Northfield. Then she hid several at Greenvale, where excited classmates scooped them up. She continued to paint and hide them and post on social media. Eventually, it caught the attention of the non-profit organization Spread Sunshine Gang. Spread Sunshine’s founder Nickie Kromminga Hill already knew CONTINUES ON PAGE 40 u u u

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Jana.When she saw the work Nika was doing, she “wanted in on it.” She offered to host a rock painting event in Northfield, where Nika and her friends and peers could work on the project together. The two-hour event in July averaged around 60 people at any given time. “We didn’t know what was going to happen,” Kromminga Hill said. “It was amazing.” The Sunshine group also advised Nika and family to look for a gratitude tree in town, which is now featured at Northfield Library. The tree has colorful tags, so people can write things they’re grateful for and hang it on the branches.

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Chris Kraimer (left) and Nicole Patock are currently recovering from their surgeries. (Lori Nickel/News-Review)

The gift of friendship:

By Lori Nickel Story originally printed in the Lonsdale Area News-Review, May 11, 2017.

best friend is many things: an inspiration, a hero, a confidant. This is exactly what two Lonsdale women are to one another, as they are connected by a special bond of friendship. Nicole Patock and Chris Kraimer, both of Lonsdale, are special education teachers at TCU Montgomery K-8, and theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been friends for years, sharing and confiding in one another. This past year, however, their connection to one another grew even stronger when Nicoleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s health suddenly declined due to kidney disease. After a year of ups and downs, Chris donated a kidney to Nicole, giving her friend the gift of a longer life and a future without pain. Nicole suffers from polycystic kidney disease (PKD), a genetic condition she was diagnosed with in 2008. According to the National Kidney Foundation, PKD causes numerous cysts to grow in the CONTINUES ON PAGE 42 u u u

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CONTINUES FROM PAGE 41

kidneys. These cysts are filled with fluid, and if too many cysts grow or if they get too big, the kidneys can become damaged. PKD cysts can slowly replace much of the kidneys, reducing kidney function. Since she discovered she had PKD, Nicole’s kidney function has been regularly monitored. Function is determined on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 meaning renal failure and the need for dialysis and transplant. For years, Nicole managed and lived her life with Stage 3 kidney function. Then last spring, Nicole wasn’t feeling well and almost overnight her kidneys were teetering dangerously close to 5. She was put on the kidney transplant list immediately. A family member tried to donate, but due to a discovered health condition, she was declined. Through the search, Nicole regularly confided in Chris, and before long, another door opened for her. “We got to talking and figured out I was the same blood type,” Chris said. “So I talked to my husband Mike about donating a kidney.” With Mike on board, the next step was to work with a transplant coordinator at Abbott Northwestern Hospital. And the journey toward a kidney transplant began. “She told me all about the process and there was a lot of paperwork,” Chris remembered. Chris then started a battery of tests to be sure she and her kidneys were healthy enough for the procedure. By now it was September and Nicole was regularly feeling cold, fatigued and in pain. She continued to teach, but kept her condition

mostly to herself, Chris, and school Principal Deb Dwyer. Dec. 19 was the day of reckoning for them. Chris spent a full day at Abbott, undergoing more testing, and at the end of the day, she was told she was a healthy match. “If anything wasn’t ‘right’ they would have kicked me out of the system,” Chris explained. “I was in constant contact with Nicole throughout the day.” “Chris told me, and hearing it was a go – it didn’t seem real,” Nicole added. Right before Christmas break, the two announced their plans to the special education staff at school.

“We got to talking and figured out I was the same blood type. So I talked to my husband Mike about donating a kidney” - Chris Kraimer

“I’m a private person,” Nicole said. “It was really hard telling the rest of the staff, but they were very supportive.” In fact, the response was overwhelming. Staff members even donated time off to Nicole so could be paid throughout her recovery. The donor picks the surgery date, and after talking and planning,

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the friends decided to do the transplant in late March, to coincide with a school vacation. However, a more advanced transplant case bumped their surgery to April 10. At that time, Nicole said her kidney function was 4.8, and had she not been scheduled for a transplant, she would have had to start dialysis. Nicole continued to teach from a chair, as the pain and fatigue affected how much movement or walking she was able to tolerate. “I didn’t tell the students about the transplant until the week before surgery,” Nicole said. “They were really great.” On the morning of surgery, they were assigned separate hospital rooms, with their own team of doctors and nurses preparing them for the vital surgery. “Looking back, I wish at some point we could have connected and said the Lord’s Prayer together,” Chris said. Instead, they waived to one another as Chris was the first to be wheeled off to surgery. “It’ll be great! See you on the other side,” she yelled to Nicole. Both surgeries took longer than expected, but the results were nothing short of astounding. They were told that before the surgeon had the chance to stitch Nicole up, the transplanted kidney turned pink and started functioning, something that could have taken days to occur. The surgery was a success. Expressing appreciation for her friend’s generous gift, Nicole tearfully stated: “How do you say ‘Thank you?’ It’s just not adequate enough.” Chris hugged her and replied: “This experience − it’s divine. I truly feel to my core that we are called to love our Lord and serve our fellow man. We are supposed to help. We teach our kids to do

“There are a lot of people out there who need kidney transplants. I would encourage anyone who feels called or moved to look into it.” - Chris Kraimer what’s right and do what you can to help others. I don’t have a lot I can give. When Nicole was sick I realized, I can do that.” Nicole is healing fast and ahead of recovery expectations. Just three days after surgery her kidney function was a safe 1.6. Her sites are set on the future and she’s looking forward to more quality time with her daughter Anna, 14, who also helped and supported her through her illness. She will also take the final step in getting her Master’s degree, and return to teaching at TCU in the fall. Chris is also recovering well, and will soon return to work. She said she hopes more people will consider helping others by becoming a living donor. Information on becoming a donor is available at Abbott Northwestern Hospital by calling 612-863-5638. “There are a lot of people out there who need kidney transplants,” Chris said. “I would encourage anyone who feels called or moved to look into it.” Lori Nickel is the publisher and editor of the Lonsdale News-Review. Reach her at 507-744-2551.

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Healing T h r o u g h

Tiny Needles

By Sarah Osterbauer

hen people think of acupuncture they imagine someone getting stuck with needles all over as a last ditch-effort to cure something Western medicine cannot cure. Some dismiss it as “hippie” practice or witchcraft. However, acupuncture and other holistic methods of treatment are nothing of the sort. Acupuncture in particular has been gaining traction in modern medicine as more research has been conducted to prove its efficacy. Within the last decade studies have come out validating the practice as means for pain management. It’s these studies that have given acupuncture a seat at the modern healthcare dinner table. Health insurance companies have also recognized its healing power by including coverage in their main-

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stream plans. While the general population is slowly discovering its merits, few understand its methodology. Acupuncture has been around for more than 5000 years and is based on ancient Chinese theory, under the umbrella of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). The theory is based around each person’s body having a Qi (chi), an energy that moves through your body, and acupuncture changes the movement of the Qi to promote healing. Stephanie Hylla, Licensed Acupuncturist and National Diplomat in Acupuncture, further explains what acupuncture does to the body and how it promotes inner healing: ...acupuncture creates a micro-injury, similar to getting a paper cut or splinter. If there is an injury, your body naturally wants to fix it. So when your nervous system realizes there are foreign needles in it, your brain is stimulated to produce and release endorphins and chemicals to help reduce pain. It’s this increase of circulation that helps induce healing in a natural way.

For this reason, most who seek out acupuncture desire pain relief. These patients have chronic migraines, muscle pain, are recovering from surgery or an injury, among other things. Hylla, who owns Mankato Acupuncture Clinic, has treated many people with a variety of issues from HIV, to stroke recovery, to addiction. It may be difficult to wrap your brain around using needles to overcome addiction but what’s important to understand is that acupuncture is its own school of thought. It looks at the human body and comes with its own set of processes to determine diagnosis and treatment. The way Mika Turner, Licensed Acupuncturist at White Dandelion Chinese Medicine in Northfield, sees acupuncture as a way for our external body to communicate with our internal body, the needles providing the link between the two. Mika sees the process as “very much like a conversation, although I choose what points to use, much of the process is the result of each person’s unique body’s response to the treatment.” For Turner, who specializes in acupuncture

and Chinese Herbal Medicine, acupuncture is more than a treatment for pain. She has seen it help people with allergies, eczema, anxiety, ADHD, Tourette’s and arthritis. Acupuncture is also non-invasive, virtually pain-free, and drug free. For those who would prefer to avoid surgery, or have trouble taking medication due to allergies or other issues, this can be the best alternative. Hylla, although she treats many people with chronic pain, sees value in using acupuncture even if you’re in perfect health. Each and everyone of us has an underlying TCM pattern diagnosis whether we’re healthy or not, so as I mentioned earlier, we don’t insert a needle until we know what that is. If you’re coming in for general health and wellness, we would needle you in such a way as to nourish and tonify your reserves, so to speak, so you keep feeling as good as you do. In some cases it can be beneficial to use acupuncture in conjunction with other treatment methods. We spoke with Erika Mundinger PT, DPT, OCS, a physical thera-

pist in Minneapolis who quite often refers her patients to get acupuncture or massage in addition to the treatment she provides. It’s a wonderful supplement to manual physical therapy and therapeutic exercise. I recommend it for patients who have chronic pain and need additional therapy for pain management other than what I can provide. It’s recommended as well for relaxation as pain tends to create tension, anxiety, depression. It also works on the physical level to promote tissue healing and restores normal tissue consistency which in turn can make exercises more effective to maintain those tissue changes All the providers we spoke with mentioned a shift in thinking in healthcare. Whether it’s widespread access to information, rising costs of healthcare or insurance companies covering more complementary treatment options, the fact is complementary medicine is showing up more often in Western/Modern clinics and hospitals. Hylla calls it an Integrative Care Movement.

...bringing together both Traditional and Modern ways of practice. This is very exciting because finally western medicine is seeing how important it is to have us be a part of the whole healthcare picture. We all know we are in the midst of an opioid crisis and who best to help people reduce their pain medication than with acupuncture? All major hospitals in the Twin Cities have acupuncturists on staff, including outpatient clinics and nursing homes. But what I’m most excited about is that we are now just starting to have a presence in emergency rooms. With the shift in thinking and more modern doctors referring patients to acupuncturists or massage therapists, their popularity can only go up from here. And for providers of modern medicine, that’s actually a good thing. Mundinger knows that more treatment options equal better care for her patients and increases the likelihood of better health long term. Restoring people to health and keeping them healthy is, of course, the ultimate goal. Sarah Osterbauer is a freelance writer based in St. Paul.

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WELLNESS

It’s Only a Phase

By Rian Dicke-Michels

s I sit here, supervising my young daughter at the playground, I’ve been considering what it means to transition from one life phase to the next. What defines these phases? Not only do we live life through experience, but also from moon to moon. Women are biologically tuned to the shifts of the world, which means that we change a lot. While we can all relate on that level, where is it set in stone that our transitions are linear and hold the same meaning from one woman to another? We are all quite different, are we not? As women, we are called to fill many sometimes-competing roles: strong and gentle, hard and soft, warrior and nurturer. We are able to balance so many things that we often lose out on personal exploration. You’ve likely heard the phrase “empty nest syndrome” where, after the children have all grown and gone, a mother is left with more time on her hands than she’s had in years. In this phase of her life she must revisit her sense of self, since motherhood no longer defines her time. What happens after the loss of a partner? What do we do with each major change we encounter? How do we stay connected to the fabric of who we really are? As my yoga practice grows deeper, I am called to a branch known as meditation. Before I understood what meditation was, it brought to mind very specific images of monks and hippies. It all seemed very “woo-woo.” During my yoga teacher training, it was assigned as homework. In my studies I learned that spiritual leaders across the world’s religions practiced meditation; Jesus and the Buddha were mentioned by name. The more I read, the more I thought, “How hard could it be to sit still for ten minutes?” Well, it’s actually pretty hard. I had suppressed so much for so long that I had a lot to sift through before it became an easy thing to do, but now I practice at least once a day.

Try this as an example: • Come to a comfortable seated or lying position. Relax your face, jaw, neck, and shoulders. Your spine becomes a long line

from your tail to your crown. • Focus only on your breath for 30-60 seconds. • Inhale and exhale through your nose, softly drawing your navel in with the out-breaths and expanding into the deepest parts of your lungs on the in-breaths. Keep your shoulders relaxed. • Every time stray thought creeps in, wrap it in a blanket of breath and then exhale it away. Come back to focused breathing. You can even add a silent prayer or mantra. Meditation is connecting to the silence that speaks to you. • Do this for as long as you like, anywhere from 1 minute to one hour. There are misconceptions regarding what meditation is. As you can see from above, it’s not about clearing the mind, but simply training it to focus on one thing at a time….learning to live in each moment and growing more mindful. Though it is also learning about ourselves through acceptance, forgiveness, love, loss, and how to sit with our emotions rather than setting them aside. Women are naturally connected to something deeper than ourselves, which can be hard to explain. We are the vessels that bring life into the world; what else is responsible for creation but the very soil we stand upon? This subtle sense of connection might pull us to a church or temple, into nature, or to try something new that always seemed interesting…wherever one might go to begin discovering or expressing our inner beauty. Each time we experience a heightened sense of self-awareness, we begin to pose the “Who am I?” question. This is a call to redefine our roles and evaluate aspects of life that may no longer be serving our greater purpose. Is this your next phase? You can choose to view it as an existential crisis or you can choose to center on becoming the truest version of yourself. It will take time to reflect upon each shift you make over the course of your journey, and each decision lies with the individual. Meditation is meant to clear away mental clutter, much like debris from a demolition. Tear down the structures that once served you and rebuild only using what brings you peace and joy. New phases grant us opportunities to count our blessings. You are a goddess! Let go of that which no longer serves you and live your truth. Rian Dicke-Michels is a highly independent woman, an MSU Mankato graduate, a 200-hour certified yoga instructor, and the loving mother of a young child. Her goals in life are saturated with health, wellness, and loving oneself. “As a yogi,” she says, “I want to share this journey with you.”

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Unexpected CaregiveR

Help! I’m Turning into My Mother

I Berit Kari Berit (KariBerit.net) is a national speaker and author. She is the author of The Unexpected Caregiver.

SEP/OCT 2017

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saw it for the first time on a department store escalator. I thought I was hallucinating, but there she was in the mirrored walls, and before reaching the next floor I said aloud, “What are you doing here, Mom?” In that moment, I realized I was aging. My mother didn’t age well—she wasn’t physically or emotionally healthy. I wanted to age differently, but was unsure of just how to go about it. Talking about growing older was not a hot topic of conversation with my girlfriends. One of my favorite graduate school professors encouraged us to believe that we have a great deal of influence over how we grow older. She had us imagine ourselves as 85-yearolds. What would we be doing? Who would we be around? Where would we be living? I’ve used that exercise in countless presentations. Aging fascinates me. I wanted to learn all I could about it, so I listened to older adults’ stories on how to age well. Along the way, I started seeing aging up close and personal in my bathroom mirror. Wrinkles. Around my eyes and mouth. From a strictly academic perspective, I welcomed these badges of aging. On a personal level, however, I got hooked by a JC Penny advertisement for THE miracle wrinkle cream. This cream was “tested” and “proven” to reduce, or even eliminate, wrinkles. I justified buying the wonder cream as “aging presentation research.” Secretly, I was hoping it would at least soften my increasing wrinkles. I applied it liberally and waited. Seventeen years later, I’m still waiting. Dry skin runs in my family and no amount of skin cream or oil will change that. My hands have been wrinkly and rough since I was in grade school, when my classmates called me “Granny Hands.” I’ve grown accustomed to my wrinkly hands. However, being at peace with other bodily changes requires a completely different kind of strength. I’ve always said that we must love ourselves. “Stand in front of a mirror naked,” I’d tell my audiences. “Look at yourself and tell treat yourself like you do your best friend.” Many women tell me I’m nuts. The biggest change I see these days when I stand naked in front of a mirror is that I bear a slight resemblance to a kangaroo. I’ve got a little extra pouch, which, try as I might, doesn’t want to leave me. There’s a general overall extra layer of padding around my middle. In my 20s I would tell my audience that this body change had more to do with activity and eating. In my 50s I can now reveal the truth. There’s a special fairy that comes to us while we sleep, and unlike the tooth fairy, this fairy leaves something behind: Fat. She strategically deposits fat on the back making it no longer possible to wear a bra without bulges. I wish I could say that I laugh off all my aging changes, but I don’t. I do, however, want to go

on this aging ride with my eyes wide open. While working on my Master’s degree, I talked to and listened to hundreds of older adults, asking them to divulge “the recipe for aging well.” Their stories were unique, but shared a common thread: they learned how to enjoy today, put the past in its place and let go of their futures. I then came up with a simple personal aging guide. “Taking this quick inventory will help you prepare for older age,” I’d tell my audience. Now it’s my turn to use it. Think of it as cleaning your house: The “attic” is where you store emotional and physical stuff; the “ground floor” is where you live day to day and the “eaves” represent your future. In my case, my attic has been cleared and cleaned out—of physical stuff, that is. A couple years ago I downsized so that all my worldly belongings fit into three average-sized rooms. This wasn’t easy, but living with less “stuff” has provided me with a wonderful sense of lightness. My emotional baggage is more challenging. I’m Lutheran and I’ve got guilt—guilt for things I should’ve done and things I still haven’t accomplished. I tell my audiences that the trick here is to make a list of the “undones,” be they emotional or tasks, and let the list guide you. When your attic space is clear, it is much easier to live in the moment. The ground floor is by far my biggest challenge, but I’m learning to recognize when life is good—not excellent, but simply good. When I catch myself in a cycle of ruminating, I’ve trained myself to laugh out loud, “Oh chewing on that same old cud again, eh?” This simple act of noticing brings me into the present. Slowing down, eating more deliberately and really tuning into someone when they’re talking, are all straightforward ways be in the here and now. Five minutes of petting a dog does a wonderful job of connecting me to the simplicity of the present moment. Just as we need to let go of our past, we also need to give our future wings. I will never forget presenting this aging inventory at an assisted living community. When I started talking about the future, I was harshly scolded, “That’s mean of you to talk to us about our futures; we don’t have one.” She’s right in that we are not guaranteed a certain amount of time, and statistically older adults have less time. But it’s important to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning. What gets you excited to wake up? What do you look forward to? Have goals and plans, even if it is for the next day. I make lists for short and long term “to-dos.” Once thoughts are on paper, I can return to living in the present. I used to deny the resemblance to my mother, but not any more. Just because I look like her doesn’t mean that I have to age like she did. You, too, have a say in how you will age. What will you do?

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Ecumen CountrySide 650 El Dorado St. SE Owatonna, MN 55060 SEP/OCT 2017

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BOOK REVIEW

Steve Simpson

‘Driving Miss Norma’

SEP/OCT 2017

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Book Review - “Driving Miss Norma” By Tim Bauerschmidt and Ramie Liddle c.2017, Harper One $26.99 / $33.50 Canada 243 pages

Review by Terri Schlichenmeyer, The Bookworm he car’s all packed with your gear. The tent, sleeping bags, extra pillows, there was room for everything you’ll need and some things you won’t. You’ve really been looking forward to going. This trip will be remarkable – especially if, as in “Driving Miss Norma” by Tim Bauerschmidt and Ramie Liddle, your cargo is particularly precious. What will we do with our parents when they’re too old to care for themselves? It’s a question that Baby Boomers ask every day, and it’d crossed Bauerschmidt’s and Liddle’s minds. They decided they had time to make decisions. Their parents were older, but that didn’t seem any cause for concern; her mother and his mom and dad were in relatively good health. Until they weren’t. Bauerschmidt and Liddle are nomads, and they travel around the country wherever the roads take them. On their routine annual trip to northern Michigan, they found what they hoped never to find: his father was desperately ill and his mother wasn’t coping well. Then Bauerschmidt’s father died. Two days later, Bauerschmidt’s mother, Norma, was diagnosed with advanced uterine cancer. Bauerschmidt and Liddle were facing a frontier they never expected. And so they did the unexpected: they offered to take Norma with them on

their travels, cross-country. Not wanting to live her last days in a hospital, she said “yes.” The trip wasn’t without issues: their first days were stuck in Michigan because high winds kept the RV off local bridges but Norma’s wide-eyed excitement showed the benefits of living in the moment. After all, there were regional foods to sample, horses to ride, hot air balloons to soar in, and a Native American celebration to see. Norma visited Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone for the first time. She fell in love with Ringo, a standard poodle. Prescription medicines stopped working for her, so the 90-year-old went to a “Pot Store” in Colorado for relief. She went to a World War II museum in Louisiana. She was in a parade, became famous, and blossomed. “None of us knew what was coming next,” Liddle said. “But one thing we now knew was this: taking Norma on the road was… a good decision.” I didn’t cry as much as I thought I would when I read “Driving Miss Norma.” I didn’t cry at all, in fact; there’s just too much joy here to cry. While it bears mention that there are times when authors Tim Bauerschmidt and Ramie Liddle get a little sappy, it’s not all that bothersome. Readers can overlook it because the bulk of this travelogue is so charming: not only is it fun to watch “Miss Norma” go from housewife to hero for millions, but viewing the U.S. through her awe-struck eyes lends a fresher look at old monuments. And the best part? As Bauerschmidt learns more about his mother, so do we – and it’s easy to like what we see, just as it’s easy to love this book. And you will. -The Bookworm is Terri Schlichenmeyer. Terri has been reading since she was 3 years old and she never goes anywhere without a book. She lives on a hill in Wisconsin with two dogs and 12,000 books. For more information, visit bookwormsez@gmail.com.

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Overview of “Hello Beautiful!” event Holiday traditions Seasonal event round-up Ways to spend time as a family over the holidays Holiday rituals that add gratitude to the season Making family decisions on charitable giving; how you can make a philanthropic difference, locally and beyond Local non-profits that make a difference Ancestry/DNA do-it-yourself kits; pros, cons, ethics, knowledge Female-owned local Bed and Breakfast How to co-exist with and enjoy different generations in the workplace Local foster parents give a gift of family stability Volunteering is a rewarding way to spend your time

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