FTVOM March 2013

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Index Editors Letter

Lifestyle Boundaries

Interisting Reading Rituals ,bizarre or Insane

Battered Person Syndrome

Feature

Extreme Bridge swinging

Misery Loves Company

DIY This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

Escape

This month we go so many hits, that even I struggled to keep up , though I have not much to say this month I would like to thank our FTVOM Mentor Kenneth Larson , for his undivided support and attention to the business and growing our enterprise. We would like to present him to our readers today, for those of you who do not know him yet , and are not well aware of his great achievements.

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This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

We live in such a strenuous society, overloading ourselves with work, emotional stain and stress, and being able to work our routines in such a way, that there is some part of the day left for us …. This statement is wrong, we are our own establishers of time, boundaries are there for a reason, I know a woman who thought that boundaries would limit the acquaintances she had, and even put some sort of strain on her relationships, after I sat down with her I noticed the incredible lifestyle she has to keep up with , and to my astonishment this lifestyle was not in any way beneficial to her, it was the lifestyle of a peoples pleaser, a person whom found in most societies at the one you can always go to when you are in a dilemma. If you are that person, take a moment to think this through, if every time your friends, spouse , or work colleagues came to you if they were in a dilemma, what were they doing when you were sorting out or handling their dilemma, if they were actually helping, ask yourself who did the most work you or the other person. Since the dilemma is not bound to you, and actually in real life reality not your problem, why did you take it on as your own, when you are already struggling to keep up at the basic things in life. There are so many books on boundaries, and how to get your personal and emotional boundaries in place before you leave your home in the mornings, that we all have a different perspective, but one thing that all these books have in common is the mere fact that it is not selfish to set these boundaries, in actual fact it is an absolute essential for each individual to evaluate where their boundaries are to be able to notice when they are being used as a fool.

I had the honour of reading the book boundaries written by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, this book opened my mind to the basics of setting boundaries, and why some individuals lack setting boundaries or even have none. The book taught me so much in such a short time, that I had to sit myself down and re-evaluate my own lifestyle and how boundaries apply in my own life, which made me realise, I didn’t have any or let’s say I had little and they were crossed many times in my life, without even noticing I actually allowed it. We all know that boundaries are healthy in all relationships, as your life is not only about others but about YOU as well, and having little or no boundaries, will enable you to lose yourself in the lifestyles and living arrangements of others, where you are null in void, that moment would only come to you, if you sit yourself down and think of some of the reactions and dilemma’s you have been in. Most of us would notice that in those times you were either alone, or someone did what they felt they could to help, knowing that if the tables were turned you would’ve done more, that is enough of a sign. You need to re-assess your boundaries not tomorrow, now!!

Here are some things you have to look at to determine whether you have boundary problems and need to set either stronger ones, or re-evaluate them completely: Do you feel bad when you say no?

Would you rather help someone else before you help yourself?

Would you offer help even if it means you will suffer the consequences?

Do you clean up behind friends, or sort out there mess?

Do you feel overloaded with everything and everyone around you?

If you answered yes to more than 3 of these questions, you need to sit yourself down, and start re-evaluating.

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I have set apart a few pointers for you to follow, but ultimately I would suggest rewarding yourself with the book mentioned earlier as it fully equips you with the necessary skills and understanding of boundaries and it origin.

Step 1 Write down, what makes you feel bad when you say no, and why.

(If your answer is losing a friend, or upsetting someone, it is essential that you ask yourself, would they REALLY do the same for you.)

Step 2 Start saying no to small things.

(When someone asks you to do something that you know they can do themselves, or even just don’t feel comfortable or used, say no?)

Step 3 Write down if you feel used, and what made you feel used or overloaded (Start comparing these things with your list made, and set steadfast boundaries you know you will be able to carry out, and stick to them)

“Setting Boundaries does not mean you selfish, it’s a mere example of your standards in life”

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Remember the myths your parents always told you, or the ridiculous myths you heard in you history class over the years.

The stories of strange tribes and strange events , strange rituals and strange beliefs. As most teens would explore these myths and rituals as a endeavour of interest , where no real understanding is ever really explained in detail to us all, and then we as parents sit back and ask the question if our education or upbringing went wrong somewhere, where in actual fact its only the interest in an adventure that is not familiar , which intrigues most young adults. Every culture, society, tribe, religion and race has their own custom rituals.

All of what we know has some sort of origin or root, some of these rituals are considered weird, bizarre, insane and seen by others completely out of the ordinary. But those participating in the ritual itself, for them it serves some sort of special purpose, whether its religion based or just a plain daily routine, it has its own meaning. This makes the human nature diverse and beautiful, and a misinterpretation of these rituals can cause a lot of hurt. Therefore we decided to document a few rituals to you, to show you how the necessary research sometimes validate their reaction on what they seem to find special.

as in our urban society. The Sifudu , would gather wood and leaves from the Sifudu tree and make a small fire , by the third day of the child’s birth the child would be carried out by the woman , upside down with his/her head facing the ground , hanging weightless in the passing smoke of the leaves and the child is quickly handed back to the woman . This is believed to ensure that the child is never afraid or subjected to fright or shyness. The Sifudu leaves when burned causes an irritating feeling in the mouth and the nasal tubes , it leaves and extremely pungent aroma and this is the aroma they associate with a fearless child.

The Egyptian’s in the west have a really awkward opinion and point of view on burping, where we in the urban society consider it as rude and ill mannered they find this one of the highest compliments a guest can remark on the quality of food made for them . Scientifically proven its either heartburn or a In Sifudu Africa they are fond of a strange birth ritual. In the wind that gets stuck between your sophicus and your stomach, tribal societies giving birth is seen as a very important occasion makes this ritual very double sided, as most of us would not and very sacred, this occasion is marked by prayers and compliment on someone’s food which gives us heartburn.In all blessings to welcome this new member to the tribe, as the societies there is some ritual that either marks the entrance tribe is family and is not divided by surname or culture or race into a group or community, initiation rituals are held in all cultural in order to transform a child into an adult, the most common of ceremonies is those of the Catholics “ baptism” but we came across a revolting rituals The Bullet Ant Gloves (South America) among the mawe tribes. This ritual is named after the Bullet ant, which also got its name from the sting that is said to feel like a bullet. These ants are caught and kept sedated, woven into a glove state and the young boy is to wear this glove for at least 20 minutes going through a scrutinising experience with the stings from all he woven ants , the boy has to repeat this ritual 20 time before becoming a “ warrior” it is said and believed that this ritual is based on strengthen the boy’s pain levels to such a point where the injury is unsustainable.

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We all have that one friend or know that one friend who is in some sort of relationship that we as friends know is not healthy. Though there are many words for this syndrome, and many explanations and some quick fixes on the net, there is only one surreal definition, and it does not sustain a tag to only woman. In the medical journal refers to this case as a Battered PERSON Syndrome. The Diagnosis according to the journal is as follows: [2]

“ICD9 code 995.81 shows the syndrome as including "battered person/man/spouse syndro me NEC", and any person presenting with id entified physical descrip tors rath er than psychological descrip tors falls under the gen eral heading of "Adult physical abuse", classified under "Injury and Poisoning".DSM-IV-TR does not provide a distin ct diagnostic category fo r reactions to battering. Ra ther the diverse reactions of battered women are treated as separa te diagnoses, for example, posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or depression”

When you look a bit closer into the syndrome you will notice with much dismay that in our society today this syndrome comes to light more often that it is actually suppose to.

Battered Person Syndrome (BPS) manifests as some other syndrome like PTSD , the journal shows you some of the symptoms and warning signs ; “(a) re-experien cing the battering as if it were recurring even when it is not, (b) attempts to avoid the psychological impa ct of battering by avoiding activities, people, and emotions, (c) hyper arousal or hyper vigilance, (d) disrupted in terpersonal relationships, (e) body image distortion or other soma tic concerns, and (f) sexuality and intima cy issues ”

Additionally to the symptoms , the repeated violence and verbal abuse can instinctively result in the following beliefs and attitudes from the victim: 

The abused thinks that the violence was his or her fault.



The abused has an inability to place the responsibility for th e violence elsewh ere.

The abused fea rs fo r his/her life and/o r the lives of his/her children (if present).

The abused has an irra tional belief that the abuser

 

is omnipresent and omniscien t This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

The syndrome develops a three-stage Cycle found in domestic violence situations.

First Cycle Tension builds in the rela tionship Second Cycle The abuser releases tension via violence whether physical or verbal while blaming the victim fo r having caused the violence/abuse.

Third Cycle

dishes are in one corner placed on an electric grid. When the rat goes to his dishes sometimes the rat will be allowed to drink and eat, other times it will get a shock. There is no way for it to be prevented because it is administered entirely random. No matter how it tries to approach the dishes, sometimes its shocked and other times time nothing will happen. The rat has no control over the shock in this situation because getting the shock has nothing what so ever to do with the rat’s behaviour. If the gate to his enclosure is open, studies have shown that the rat usually doesn’t leave. Instead he cowers, positioned somewhere between the food and water he needs to sustain his life and the gate through which he could leave. Essentially he is frozen, unable to approach or leave his source of sustenance. b. Another way to understand this phenomenon is to consider a common brain washing technique used by cults to take away normal independent volition. In this system a person is treated with alternately positive and then negative regard and behaviour for no reliably ascertainable reason. People treated this way fall into pleasing behaviour, trying to get the positive response.

Psychologists recognize this dangerous state of apathy in domestic abuse victims. It can signal the time just before these women are finally killed by their perpetrator.

The Violent/abusive partner makes gestures of con trition , Perpetuating a Pattern however the partner does not find the necessary solutions to So why would anyone get caught up in this terrible situation in avoid another phase of the cycle and attempts to fix the problem. When in actual fact in due time the cycle will the first place? Why wouldn’t they get out at the very first sign repeat itself.

<a href="http://medicaldictionary.thefreedictionary.com/battered+woman+syndrome ">battered woman syndrome</a> If you know a person or a friend in this situation , take into consideration the following before you tell yourself they bring this over yourself.

WHY PEOPLE STAY 1. Learning to be Helpless a. Psychologists study the behaviour by setting up problems for laboratory rats used as experimental subjects. These rats are put into a small enclosure. His/her food and water

of mistreatment? Let me offer a quick, and to that end incomplete, explanation: A major reason we all pick the partners we do is in hopes of getting the love we longed for (and didn’t fully get) from our parents. The problem is that in our unconscious cleverness we pick psychologically “reasonable facsimiles” of our parents and therefore we wind up with a partner who in many ways acts like our mother or father. So if our parents mistreated us as kids, we will likely pick partners capable of similar abuse. Since we still need love and approval, we still continue to try, fruitlessly, to get their love and approval just as we tried with our parents.

Women that stay with abusive partners very often have had abusive parents. To them it’s normal to get hurt by the people you love. Their self esteem is very low from childhood mistreatment and is further undermined by violence from their

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partners. No wonder women canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give a good reason for why they stay: It would take therapy (and education) to understand it themselves. If they had good therapy, they could learn that they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t cause or deserve the abuse. Then they would leave.

These Battered individuals come to a cross road in their own lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, whether it is sometimes too late , or just in time, where they realise what has been happening to them for a part of their own lives. These individuals then makes harsh and quick decisions, which sometimes, more often than hoped for leads to suicide, as a quick exit. And then there is the little hand full that will stand up to the abuser, and face the problem headon, these individuals go through a very hard emotional battle with themselves, to restore their own self-worth, and more frequently will be abused, due to the mere fact that they do not allow to be abused that easily and the abuser finds themselves in a predicament and confrontation with someone that may just be as dangerous as they are.

If you have a friend , that you know is going through this, telling them each day that you think this is what is wrong in their relationship, is one of the worst moves any friend can make, she/he will gladly share these things with you , if you allow it, and gradually realise, that what they are in , is not healthy, a constant reminder of this wrong, though once in while bringing this topic up will work more worlds than you might imagine. These people need to sort themselves out , and find the help they need whether it may be through a friend or self sustained community. Always take into consideration before approaching this subject, even though it may not look like it, the individual you are approaching has absolute no selfworth, and cannot see themselves being more than they currently are.

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GOALS AND OBJECTIVES “I want the crowd to understand me through my music, the style I play and what passion I feel behind my music. My goal with each event is to entertain and inspire my crowd, I thrive to achieve am element of a National tour one day and release my own production line” ACHIEVEMENTS, ACCOMPLISHMENTS “ Well a big achievement for this year is this magazine feature, and playing in 3 provinces in one night” FAVOURITE SPORTS / HOBBIES “Shark angling , is something I enjoy a lot. A more set sport is WHAT DRIVES YOU IN LIFE my MMA Training , though I have to mention that I do not compete. I love spending time with my little girl”

“Depends on the Petrol Price, hahaha”

PERSONALITY

“ If I had to describe my personality , I would definitely say that “My daughter Is my life, and a positive attitude or love for life I am a control freak of note, loud, random and straight is what keeps me going” forward, I know how to let my party spirit run free” WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN 5 YEARS

WHAT BREAKS YOUR SPEED IN LIFE

“Poor management skills in clubs, negative people, and most “ I hope to have atleast two productions on air play , and have definitely Nafi – No ambition F#@oll interest types of people, toured the world, but mostly I would like to have a solid which the word is full off, you only live once and I believe that household name for myself” if you don’t make things happen, sitting around waiting for them will not make them come quicker” DESCRIBE YOUR FEELING TOWARDS OPPOSITIONS

, “ there will always be someone better than you, but I want to be better than that person” “I love opposition

WHAT IS YOUR MUSIC STYLE AND WHY ?

WHAT IS YOUR SPIRITUAL VIEWS “I believe in God , no doubt, without his help I wouldn’t have been where I am today. Christians party as well , being one doesn’t make me limited to do the same things non Christians do to enjoy themselves, only difference is I am well sought after by someone greater than me”

“ I do not have a set specific style, I actually portray to have a WHAT WAS THE WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO few, it depends on my crowd, though I have a few favourites YOU? Electro Dance , Intelligent minimal, tech house and progressive trance”

“ She knows who she is”

WHAT IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU? “ My baby girl Catlin , she is the reason for great things that happened in my life” WHAT WILL BE THE ONE THING YOU WILL NEVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE? “ I would really not want to experience December 2012 again , ever in my life” This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

HOW DO YOU ADVERTISE YOURSELF? “ Sintilate has their own advertising campaigns , but mostly by to be happy, though he does not wait for it to come to him, he word of mouth , bbm, and Facebook. I also make use of Philip makes it happen to himself. He enjoys talking about random Styla H.D.P – Hard dance Productions.” subjects and has a great sense of humour. You will surely know him out of a crowd, id honestly say look for the loud , straight WHAT OTHER THAN MUSIC IS YOUR PASSION IN LIFE forward and random individual , the one standing at the bar and demanding to treat everyone to shooter. He is a very “ Wood work and Movies” focused man , and knows where he is heading, I would not WHAT DO YOU DO FOR YOUR COMMUNITY? want to stand in his way , as he will indefinitely walk all over you if you try and stand in his way, I enjoyed his strong “ I give free DJ Classes and support where I am needed” personality and great way of expressing himself, he is a loyal WHAT WOULD YOU SAY IS THE PASSION BEHIND YOUR individual not only to his girlfriend but also to his work and responsibilities. Do yourself a favour, learn from him, as he will MUSIC be able to teach you how to see the positive in any negative “ Mostly is thrive upon the reaction of my crowd when I drop a situation. song” WHY MUSIC ? “ Well I reckon, because I cant sing” ARE YOU MARRIED OR IN A RELATIONSHIP “ I am currently seeing someone” WHAT IS YOUR LIFE QUOTE “ Men that take woman camping has evil intent” DO YOU ENJOY ATTENTION OR LIKE YOUR ALONE TIME? “ I reckon we all enjoy a bit of both, but I have to be honest and admit that I am an

attention junkie”

WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE A SHOUT OUT TO ?

First of all I would like to thank DJ Trix for collecting the best finials and helping me get into the club scene, I couldn’t have done this without him. Dirkie Coetzee and Chris Mels for always being such an amazing motivator and inspiring friend. I would also like to thank DJ Phil Styla and Sintilate for giving me so many opportunities to further my career, but mostly I would like to thank my “Mom and Dad and Pick n Pay.” What We Say Meeting Martin was quiet the experience, one of those interviews you would always refer back to , he is a very hyped up and active individual , career driven and very passionate not only about his music but about mostly everything he does in life, it was a good and motivating experience to come across someone with so much drive and excitement for not only his work but for life itself. Martin is a very outspoken individual and very demanding, but we have to give it to him, that he has his things in order and has more than the right to be demanding, he knows what he wants in life and what he needs This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

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On the 12th of September 2012 my personal view on life changes in an instance of sheer adrenalin and a full wipe of the conception of self sustainable protection , broke into pieces , while relying on a piece of rope that you yourself did not set up. Your instinctive way of responding to an environment where your safety relies on someone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s consistency when setting up the tools you will be using.

The memory defines my whole being, the feeling of mere freedom is an unexplainable way to live for a small section in time, it deliberately forces you to forget about what bothers and eats at you every day, and shifts your focus to a momentary life connection with nature. Relying on the sensation of blood pumping through your veins when you the earth is approaching so quickly, yet just before you hit your stop sign, the rope elasticises you back into the air, and the feeling of sheer relief enables you to catch a breath, and feel the sweat in the palms of your hands, winded dry by the force of air around you while plunging back down again.

If you are as light as I am, then I would suggest to pick a few kgâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s up before attempting this astonishing experience, if you are fearless and love the adrenalin pumping substantially through every part of your body, this might be the next best thing to soothe those urges!!

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As the story broke in social media circles, people immediately formed an opinion with the information they perceived to be the truth. Speculation was rife, with each person just adding fuel to the fire, which would inevitably rage out of control. The jokes, puns, witty comments and remarks spread through the internet like wildfire. At the other end of the spectrum we found people showing sincere sympathy, sending condolences to the friends and families of the bereaved. Heartfelt messages of support, people coming together amidst another horrendous tragedy. It was only a matter of time when these two forces started to clash.

In the previous edition I asked who the next hero would be to falter. A week later I woke up to the tragic events that transpired at Paralympic Champion, Oscar Pistorius home just east of Pretoria. As Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m writing this the investigation is still on going, and all we know is the South African hero will be charged with the premeditated murder on his (girl)friend, People started attacking each other. Unfollowing and Reeva Steenkamp. unfriending acquaintances, friends and family in a heartbeat.

People questioned each others morality and values. And the more distasteful the joke, the more infuriated the opposition became. Suddenly words were being twisted and comments taking completely out of context. The day of love became an out and out war. Battles between Freedom of Speech and being socially respective of something of this nature were popping up all over the place. And trying to remain objective was becoming more and more difficult as you see people close to you ranting and raving about what others have said and done rather than focussing on the issue at hand.

The events that transpired would by now be covered extensively by huge media contributors. This article is about the reaction of society on that fateful morning. Not just any other day, but Valentines Day. A day set aside on our calendars to celebrate love and all its nuances, a day that will long be remembered as â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;that bloody valentinesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;

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At dinner tables across the country the issue was discussed , and that conversation probably decided where the date was going to go from there. We all know someone who takes matters just that extra bit further, something that would leave a bitter taste. These people are usually the individuals we refer to as ‘trolls’, people who want to grab everyone’s attention albeit at the expense of someone elses emotion. Cyber bullies.

Then we get the pious individuals who believe, thou shan’t not ridicule. An unwritten rule in their holier-than-thou guides to glorious lifestyles.

The point is that when a society is shaken to its core. There is no right or wrong, only perspective. How you see things and how you as a human feel about them. The worst part of this whole debacle was people on social networks judging people, for judging other people. Pot calling the kettle black perhaps?

Hypocritical to say the least, but to each their own I suppose.

As the saying goes, misery loves company, and nobody wants to be alone, especially on Valentines Day.

Paul Wesh This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

Stories are only limited to the imaginations of their creators, which I find mesmerizingly captivating. There is no limit to mankind’s creativity, which means that as long as the content is displayed within the laws of the broadcasters set of rules and regulations, there will probably be a market for it. The type of programming which you find interesting could quite possibly leave a mark on your own character, which in turn would determine how you apply yourself socially. Birds of feather, flock together so if you are into reality shows, and you meet someone with the same interest, you’ll probably end up having an in depth discussion of the latest episodes, and this works in every genre: comedy, drama, action, adventure, fantasy, sport, you name it and I’m sure it could be found.

Television has become a platform on which we get to see our idols, whether they are mere characters of a show, or real life heroes. They all eventually end up in the digital mainstream.

Even marketing has been boosted by the advent of television, advertisers contribute millions to the media conglomerates who are owned by big business. It acknowledges the good and the bad the world has to offer, and this reflects back to our human imperfections. Television has influenced our lives to the

What is it about a good story that is so spell-bounding? What lures us into this magical world of moving pictures and sound?

There is something fascinating about this cult like form of entertainment. I am a very religious viewer, and I am a 100% certain that I am not the only one. If there is something worth watching on the square magic device that everyone else calls a extent that home videos get made, a way for us to share our TV you can be sure I’ll watch it. most intimate setting with the world. And with the information boom the internet brought with it, sharing your adventures to millions of complete strangers has become even easier.

Youtube has changed the way we view ourselves and others. It has made it possible for anyone to achieve global fame, just upload yourself doing whatever, and hope it goes viral.

If I have to count the amount of years I’ve spent watching it, I could probably get half my life back. I’m not ashamed to say that I was raised by the tv nanny. It used to be the perfect baby sitter, and I’m sure there is a whole generation that would agree. Television is the easiest way to escape from reality. We live with the characters, and speculate as to where the director is taking us. We study, we learn and we imitate. We share in the emotion and we celebrate the occasion. Television has Viral, the word that the working actor so despises. Where become such an integral part of our being, that it has become television actors spent years working and studying to perfect 2nd nature to us. Before the dawn of the Internet, television their craft, individuals could now steal the limelight away. trumped the radio and newspapers as a source of information.

Video killed the radiostar, internet harassed the actor. Some might say that television is the biggest time waster in the modern era, I beg to differ, because time spent doing something that you love, is never wasted. So sit back, relax and enjoy the show.

Paul Wesh This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

This digital production is copy right protected under the publishing law of South Africa www.ftvom.com

Wrap a Scarf to Make a Draped Skirt

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Transfer a Photo onto a Slab of Wood

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