8 minute read
The Strength of Friendships Made at Fettes
It was a privilege for Karen Jones (née Houston) (Ar 1989–1991, Staff 2012–present) to sit in the café at Westwoods at Fettes on a quiet and sunny afternoon in June and ask Andriy Dudko (Inv-Ki 1993–2000) what Fettes friendships mean to him. The following is an account of their conversation:
Andriy has joint Ukrainian and British nationality. He came to Fettes in 1993, joining the Prep School as a boarder. He moved up to Kimmerghame in 1995 and left Fettes in 2000 to read Business, Finance and Accountancy at Regent’s University in London. He returned after graduating to his native Ukraine where he worked in the family manufacturing business, met his wife and became a father to two lovely girls. They lived happily in Kyiv amongst friends and family. The girls attending an English-speaking international school. In his spare time, Andriy, a keen 1st XV rugby player at Fettes, was involved in developing the national game in Ukraine.
Everything changed, as it did for every Ukrainian, in February 2022.
Andriy talks of deep concerns of Russian attacks in early February and decided to take precautions, sending his wife, Maryna and their two daughters Anna (10) and Sofia (8) to Bulgaria.
At 5am on 24th February Andriy was awoken in his house by the windows shaking. His home is near the airport in Kyiv. The unthinkable was happening. Missiles were falling on Kyiv. He visited his Grandfather next door and told him it was time to leave. His Grandfather resisted, having survived the German occupation in Odessa, choosing to stay in Kyiv and take his chances.
Andriy described the fear as overwhelming, trying to concentrate on packing and leaving, imagining that you may never return, that you may not survive. He told me that before the missiles struck, he had imagined if war came that he would stay and fight. Now, in that moment he questioned whether to hide inside from the missiles or stay outside, trying to rationalise whether it was better to die outside or inside under rubble. The need to leave intensified. He spoke to Maryna on the phone and agreed he would pack, take the stockpiled fuel they had, and drive to central Kyiv to collect her mother. He would leave with her and head to Romania, then to Bulgaria so that they could reconvene as a family.
Andriy showed me footage he took on his phone of driving to the city centre. The traffic was jammed on the exit roads but clear driving in. No-one wanted to travel into the centre of Kyiv, away from escape. He was unable to reach his mother-in-law’s street. He parked up and asked her to walk to him. Whilst he waited, he shared a live video message on his social media channels which he showed to me. He appeared emotional and very stressed, not the usual happy go lucky positive Andriy that his many friends knew. It was this message that sparked concern and a reaction from his many Fettesian friends providing him with vital strength and support in the challenging days ahead.
The family safe together in Edinburgh with Angus Thomson (Inv-Ki 1993–2000)
Malcolm Rollo (Inv-Ki 1992–2000), texted Andriy’s mother: How are you? Where are you? Regular GPS location pins were sent and regular morale boosting support provided.
The Kimmeghame compatriots of Peter Nokes (Ki 1996–2000), Otto Bell (Ki 1996–2000), Angus Thomson (Inv-Ki 1993–2000) and Ross Gamble (Ki 1995–2000) were all readily in touch. How could they help?
Razman Vulcanescu (Ki 1995–1997) kept in touch and offered the lifeline of immediate refuge if they made it to Romania.
Milen Bozhilov (Ca 1995–1999) was in place ready to help once they reached Bulgaria.
Bojidar Bojinov’s (Ki 1996–1997) family also offered help in Bulgaria.
As Andriy progressed along the roads towards Romania he suddenly had 15–20 offers of safe houses and places of refuge around the world from New York to Thailand.
Andriy said the drive to the border was immensely stressful. Anyone who could was escaping and everyone was terrified. Stopping was not an option for him as he would never get back into the flow of traffic. Exhaustion and danger were extreme, children were driving cars to allow adults to rest. Old people were driving who should not be driving. Emotional and terrified people were driving. Those who could not drive were driving to make the desperate escape. He spoke of how he used a mixture of nicotine (he does not smoke) and caffeine to stay awake for three days continuously to drive whilst navigating and perpetually consulting phones. The news of war, missiles, and the outpouring of emotions from Ukrainian friends on the phone was intense, addictive and all consuming. Off-line maps were essential as GPS was also under attack. He said you don’t realise how much you rely on satnav or your phone to navigate. There were fears that the Russians would attack the columns of cars. Cars were trying to overtake, each with a story more desperate than the last – pregnancy, illness, hunger, sheer desperation. In the end Andriy and adjacent convoy drivers struck up a pact that they would work together not to allow drivers to overtake. It was the only way to make progress to the border.
As the border approached there was real dread as safe passage was so uncertain. There were thousands of people on foot. There were now cars travelling in the opposite direction with exhausted men hunched at the wheel driving back into Ukraine. Distraught at having said farewell to their wives and children and heading back to fight, as martial law had come into force and men were no longer permitted to leave. Karen asked Andriy how he felt at that time. Did he have any idea as to whether he would be able to pass over the border? He said he was so exhausted and it was so uncertain as to what would happen. He recalled that the border crossing was like a scene from the embassy evacuation scene in Good Morning Vietnam, where people were pressed against closed gates trying to escape the country. The foot passenger border control and the vehicular border control were manned differently. There were thousands of women and children on foot and the queue of cars slowly passed through. The emotion on the faces he saw combined with his own concerns are frozen in Andriy’s mind forever.
To Andriy’s relief passing through the border was straightforward. He showed his identity cards and was able to leave. At that time there were five people from border control processing 40,000 people within a 24-hour period.
Andriy recalls that once they arrived in Romania local people were already organised with very welcome food. That evening in the refuge in Romania arranged by Razman Vulcanescu was the only evening when Andriy experienced what it felt like to be a refugee. There were lots of people coming and going all night. All were emotional, exhausted and fearful, but all felt safe away from the war in Ukraine.
Before this the only feeling of extreme sleep deprivation that Andriy can compare this with is CCF overnight in 5th Form when he accidentally stayed up all night and had to go on exercise the next day with a heavy pack!
Upon crossing the border between Romania and Bulgaria Andriy and his wife Maryna were speaking on the phone about where to go to. They had previously thought that they would make a life in Bulgaria. Due to the immense support and friendship received from Andriy’s Fettes friends they both decided to make the journey to Edinburgh to start their life again. They are indebted to the kindness of Angus Thomson who invited the family to stay for several months. Due to the generosity of others, both of Andriy’s daughters started at Fettes in the Prep School after Easter. They are adapting well to life in Edinburgh. Both Andriy and Maryna are very grateful that the girls did not experience the war first hand in Ukraine, whilst they have had to adapt to a new life, thankfully they haven’t had their childhood cut short.
Angus and Andriy join their Fettes peers at the Summer Reunion Evening on Friday 27th May
