Bat Mitzvah Clubs handbook by Kit Oliynyk

Bat Mitzvah Clubs International© 792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 Phone: 718-907-8855 bmc@jcm.museum www.batmitzvahclub.com Copyright© 2010. All rights reserved This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission from Bat Mitzvah Clubs International©

Table of Contents 3

TABLE OF CONTENTS

ABOUT BAT MITZVAH CLUB

BMC LEADERS: WELCOME TO THE CLUB!

ABOUT BMC MEMBERS

CHAPTER LEADERS: STARTING A CLUB

CLUB LEADERS: RUNNING A MEETING

BMC CURRICULUM

CLUB ADMIN MATERIALS AND TEMPLATES

THE FAQS OF BMC

TWEEN-INSPIRED RESOURCES

EMERGENCY INFORMATION

About the Bat Mitzvah Club

ince 1993, the Bat Mitzvah Club (BMC) has been committed to inspiring a generation of Jewish girls to become confident, smart and thoughtful women who understand there’s more to a Bat Mitzvah than a party. Regardless of ceremony or party plans (or lack thereof), BMC is open to Bat Mitzvah-age girls (ages 11 to 13) of all Jewish backgrounds. While BMC focuses largely on this special time in a girl’s life, for many Members, BMC has helped to expand and broaden a long term interest and curiosity about Judaism. Through monthly meetings and special events that are filled with friendly, fun and judgmentfree conversation, BMC covers a number of coming of age issues as well as life lessons that frequently tie into Jewish culture, law and morals. In the process, if we can be so ambitious, we hope to guide each girl to help her understand and have pride in the power and holiness she possesses and to see her body, mind, spirit and potential through the

eyes of Judaism and those who truly have her best interests at heart, rather than through the images thrust at her in movies, television and magazines. Using a variety of materials available through BMC’s head office (and your own ideas), Chapter and Club Leaders choose and/or develop their own BMC curriculums. Each meeting and special event should fall into a particular theme that is explored with a modern tween’s interests and level of understanding in mind. These may include topics such as: Â Confidence, modesty and self-worth Â Consideration and empathy Â Generosity and the power of mitzvot Â Dealing with friends (and “frenemies”) Â Taking responsibility for their choices and actions Â Connecting with G-d from “the inside out” rather than from “the outside in” Â What a soul is and how to make it shine through everyday spirituality and the halachic obligations Â Finding role models Â … and much more!

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In every case, BMC strives to create positive, relevant and open dialogue about essential, universal principles that will help guide our girls as they become young adults. Besides fostering BMC Members, clubs are also challenged with the task of helping their communities. Community involvement is a huge part of BMC (and a big part of spirit of performing mitzvot) and we hope you take on that challenge with zeal. We ask clubs to select a specific charity that they will support and we encourage you to let your Members have a say which charity and what goal your club will work toward. It’s no small feat but it’s also no small amount of fun, either. BMC is a blast for Leaders, Members and their parents – so let’s begin this fantastic journey!

WASHINGTON, DC

For many Members, BMC has helped to expand and broaden a long term interest and curiosity about Judaism

BMC Leaders: Welcome to the Club!

MC Leaders are the essence of our program. Under your guidance, understanding and enthusiasm, you’ll promote our Jewish heritage and teach Bat Mitzvah-age girls important life lessons that they will carry with them for years to come. In fact, the experience is so meaningful and positive for Members that many of our BMC grads keep in touch with us and their leaders even when their Bat Mitzvah has come and gone. From time to time these young women even come looking for additional guidance as they make life steps (like attending col-

While we encourage you, as BMC Leaders, to develop your own ideas and club dynamic, we hope the materials and suggestions in this Leader Guide will be helpful in making your BMC experience as positive, enlightening and fun as possible!

lege, entering in relationships, even preparing for marriage!). For that, please allow us at Bat Mitzvah Club International to be the first to say THANK YOU. The impact you are making by being a part of BMC is immeasurable and invaluable. BMC is truly what you make it – and we mean that literally. From control of how your chapter or club operates to what the program costs you or Members to the style and content of the meetings – it’s all up to you. The materials compiled by BMC International can be used verbatim, partially or just as inspiration for your club.

The roles and responsibilities of BMC Leaders are also largely up to you. Generally, BMC has two types of leaders: Chapter Leaders are individuals who decide that their town, neighborhood, school, Chabad or community center, could use a BMC program. Chapter Leaders purchase curriculum materials and BMC-branded items from the BMC main office, acquire and set the programming budget, negotiate or find meeting spaces, find suitable Club Leaders to run meetings and often handle administrative duties associated with BMC (such as marketing, recruitment and sending letters to parents).

Club Leaders are individuals who run the actual meetings and activities the BMC Members will participate in. Club Leaders are well organized, outgoing, friendly, well-versed in Judaic law and culture and are inspired to make a difference with tween girls. Depending on the arrangements of the Chapter Leader, the Club Leader may also help with administrative work and assist in determining the curriculum for the girls. Sometimes Chapter Leaders do double duty and act as Club Leaders as well – it’s your choice!

Leaders are automatically enrolled in BMC’s e-mail forum – a wonderful international electronic network that lets Leaders share ideas, news, tips and more. This e-mail group’s address is bmc@shluchimexchange.com.

BROOKLYN, NY

As usual and as always, if you have questions, concerns or suggestions, you are welcome to contact the Bat Mitzvah Club International office at 718-907-8855 or email bmc@jcm.museum.

About BMC Members

hile Leaders are a cherished part of BMC, the jewels of the program are obviously the girls who become Members. In order to help you develop your chapter and club plans, we’ve compiled some information about tween girls today that may be helpful. It should be reinforced that every girl is different and these generalizations certainly can’t apply to everyone!

DEMOGRAPHICS They are aged 11 and 12 (although some 13-year olds join BMC too) and are generally in the 6th and 7th grade in school.

Â They are part of Generation Z (also known as iGeneration)

Â They are about to enter their teens – which means they are straddling between the world of a child and becoming a young woman

They are of Jewish background: Â Generally have not had a strict Jewish upbringing – although this is not always the case Â Interest in Judaism has been budding as their Bat Mitzvah nears although attentions may be more toward the party than the spiritual meaning Â Most are attending public school rather than a Jewish academic school, however many girls will have exposure to Hebrew School or Jewish programs in their community. Their involvement in the Jewish community ranges greatly from girl to girl and regardless of this, they are welcome in BMC Â Girls will be of various Jewish denominations – BMC is open to all of them

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Â Highly linked-in and communication obsessed. They are often referred to as “digital natives” because of their lifelong interest in texting, cell phones, e-mail, instant messages, MP3 players, media and of course, the Internet Â Prefer information in small bites rather than long paragraphs or lectures Â Very used to instant gratification and information/entertainment on demand Â Often “over scheduled” – have several extra-curricular activities Â Diversity is commonplace for this generation. Friends and family are of various ethnic and religious backgrounds. The family dynamic differ from family to family (nuclear, blended families, single-parent, same-sex parents, single and double income).

Â Relationships with friends gain a higher importance Â Independence, privacy and individualization are more obviously and actively being strived toward Â Girls are looking to define their role in the ‘pack’ and have growing concerns about their reputation Â Dealing with physical changes and new hygiene issues Â There’s new awkwardness between friends when one is “maturing” (interested in boys, fashion, “grown up” activities) faster than the other Â Boy interests manifest as largely superficial crushes – generally with boys in class and celebrities Â Pop culture and brands tend to gain more importance. At the time of writing this guide, some of the current trends include Disney Channel shows and personalities (including Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, Jonas Brothers, High School Musical, The Wizards of Waverly Place), Harry Potter films, the Twilight series, iPods,, cell phones with QWERTY keypads and/or touch screens

Chapter Leaders: Starting A Club

eciding to start a BMC Club in your area is like dropping a pebble in the water – it causes wonderful ripples upon ripples. The total affect of the club you start will probably be unknown to you, but be assured it will be great! We understand that everyone who starts a BMC Club has a different set of circumstances, opportunities and limitations ahead of them and because of that, we let you structure your club as you see fit. What follows are suggestions from other BMC Clubs:

CLUB BASICS JEWISH PRINCIPLES OF BMC BMC is open to girls of all Jewish backgrounds – ours is an open arm policy, although the club is set to follow and promote authentic Jewish observances. WHAT YOU GET FROM BMC HEADQUARTERS

Bat Mitzvah Club International is here for you every step of the way. First, the materials you need are available through the head office at below cost. Second, any questions, concerns or advice you could use are just a phone call or e-mail away.Third, BMC will keep in touch with you throughout the year with ideas, news from other clubs and inspirational support.

COSTS OF BMC If you’re reading this Leader Guide, it should mean that you’ve purchased the basic BMC package (we insist that all Chapter Leaders purchase their own BMC materials. Copying BMC material is in direct violation of copyright laws). This package has been sold to you below cost, as we recognize and appreciate the time, money and effort you’ll be providing to create a BMC. We also ask that all BMC Members receive the BMC “Must Have” Membership Kit which we sell to you below cost.

The rest of the costs are up to you. The catalogue of curriculum options – which are again provided to you below cost – are available online at www.batmitzvahclub.com .

Additionally, if you would like to purchase BMC gear (to give or sell to Members), such as BMC-branded towels, aprons, key chains, charm bracelets and post cards, they can be bought at your discretion. Other costs you may incur can include meeting room rental fees, administrative costs (printing, photocopying, mailing items), material costs (craft supplies, game props), food costs and salaries or honorariums paid to Club Leaders. We recommend that upon choosing your curriculum that you create a budget based on your expected costs and set BMC Membership Fees accordingly. MEMBERSHIP FEES

What you charge BMC Members is up to you. You may have the funding to absorb most of the costs of running a BMC and do not need to charge your

Members much – others will need to charge a larger amount to cover costs. BMC Clubs, on average, charge between $100 to $500 per year. Some clubs request a fee per meeting attending (payable at each meeting) but this has been a hit-and-miss strategy. When parents haven’t already paid, there is sometimes less obligation to have their children attend each meeting, but as we say – it’s up to you! As Chapter Leader, you will also need to decide if the Membership Fee is inclusive of all costs and contributions expected of the girls. Some clubs charge an additional fee per meeting for materials or food while others ask the girls to bring in their own supplies or to contribute to a potluck style of snacks. For other clubs, each girl has a turn hosting a meeting – in which case she supplies all the food and supplies required for that day.

Chapter Leaders: Starting A Club Finally, most BMC clubs have a charity they collect for each month. If you are asking girls to contribute to this charity, bring this up tactfully but early. Do remember that charitable giving should not be forced. The most important thing to do when it comes to the fees and contributions of Members is to clearly communicate these expectations and obligations BEFORE parents sign their daughters up for BMC. If parents pay $300 for a membership and then are later told they need to contribute meals, a charitable donation for the BMC Mitzvah Project and materials, you may have some very unhappy parents who were not prepared for these costs.

YOUR CLUB LEADERS The BMC Club Leader is an individual who runs each BMC meeting in person and will have the most contact with your Members. Sometimes the Chapter Leader hires them, finds someone to handle the responsibilities as a volunteer or the Chapter Leader handles this role themselves. We leave this decision entirely up to you. Being a BMC Club Leader takes an outgoing, caring personality, the desire to make a difference, plus time – with once a month meetings during the school year, occasional special events and any necessary prep time.

BMC Club Leaders are smart, friendly, energetic individuals who are most often in their 20s or 30s from varied Jewish backgrounds, with a commitment and understanding of Judaism, its customs and law. They may be university-level students, educators, young married women and others who are active in their local Jewish community or philanthropic pursuits. We also have several BMC chapters led by men. Many BMC Leaders were once BMC Members and so fondly remember the experience that they hope to give back to the program this way.

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CLUB VOLUNTEERS

CLUB MEMBERS

Depending on the size of your Club, you might have more than one Club Leader run a meeting – or in some cases – a guest volunteer to assist. This volunteer might be a mom, a friend of the Club Leader or even a former BMC Member. Mature, well-spoken 15 and 16-year olds who have been through BMC can sometimes be the most effective assistant leaders as they most closely relate to the girls and vice versa. Special events will undoubtedly require additional volunteer help. With enough notice, mothers, the Chapter Leader and others can often be of amazing assistance.

Bat Mitzvah Club is open to girls aged 11 to 13 of any Jewish background. To better understand this group, please take a look at the section in this Leader Guide, “About Members.”

MILAN, ITALY

To recruit Members to BMC, we suggest approaching schools, temples and community groups that largely serve the Jewish community. Samples of ads and brochures are included in the Administrative section of this guide and some editable electronic files are available. The most effective recruitment method, however, is often word of mouth. Offer incentives for current or former BMC Members (like a free BMC-branded keychain) when they get a friend to sign up, send an e-mail to your network and ask them to forward to any parents with Bat Mitzvah-aged daughters, and so on.

Chapter Leaders: Starting A Club LEGAL, SAFETY AND PRIVACY ISSUES As a Chapter Leader, you are responsible for the girls in your charge and for representing the Bat Mitzvah Club with dignity and to a high ethical standard. These are issues you should be aware of: PREPARED CLUB LEADERS Club Leaders, the people who will spend the most time with the girls, should be the very best candidates for the job. Besides having the right personality, experience, knowledge and interests, Club Leaders should be trustworthy, dependable and capable of handling an emergency. Some suggestions: Â Ideally recruit Club Leaders that are known to you through personal recommendation of people you trust Â If you have a good potential Club Leader that you or your contacts do not know, ask for references Â Interview your Club Leaders before hiring them (even if the position is volunteer). Ask them how they would handle various situations Â First-aid training is recommended. We do insist, however, that Club Leaders have emergency numbers and contacts on hand at all times

EMERGENCY INFORMATION In the registration form you give to new Members, there is a section that contains questions regarding allergies, medical conditions and emergency contact information of the Members. This is private information that should only be shared between you and your Club Leader. This information needs to be placed in your Club Leader’s binder that she keeps with her at all meetings. This information will do her no good in an emergency if it’s in a file folder in your office.

Be sure to have completed emergency information before the first BMC meeting.

will not be able to provide new or ongoing materials and support, due to a lack of funding.

BMC MATERIALS

All BMC materials, including this Leader Guide, are protected under copyright law. Unless specifically noted, no part of BMC material may be photocopied, faxed, scanned or transcribed. Additionally, BMC insists on a non-sharing policy between different Chapter Leaders. While we sympathize with budget concerns of various organizations (BMC is a non-profit itself and knows this well!), BMC puts a great deal of effort into its materials and provides them below cost to Chapter Leaders. If individuals begin to pass along BMC materials to different clubs, BMC

As a Chapter Leader, you are responsible for the girls in your charge and for representing the Bat Mitzvah Club with dignity and to a high ethical standard. VILLE ST. LAURENT, QUEBEC

Club Leaders: Running a Meeting

he BMC Meeting is where all the magic happens – and it’s in your hands! As a BMC Club Leader, you have a unique style and personal approach to leading. It is important to use your talents and insight to maximize the benefits of the Bat Mitzvah Club for each of your Members. We hope that through BMC, you will be able to share your enthusiasm and insights on Jewish culture, practices and law and everything coming-of-age. Fun, tween-friendly, easy to implement programs are available through the BMC head office (see the Curriculum section in this Leader Guide). With all our materials, we provide you with a number of options to choose from and all program lessons are flexible to suit the interests of your particular group. Adapt, edit, interpret them as you will!

MEETING BASICS As mentioned throughout this Leader Guide, BMC is literally what you make it. How you run your meetings is up to you. That said, we’ve included some suggestions based on what’s worked for other BMC groups to give you an idea or guide of how your meetings could look. Working with your Chapter Leader to decide or confirm these details is highly important, as these decisions could affect the budget and organization of the program. FREQUENCY

Chapters typically meet once a month during the school year with occasional additional

special events (to celebrate holidays, mother/daughter days, Shabbat Sleepovers or an endof-year ceremony). With exception of the Shabbat Sleepover, we generally discourage meetings that take place during Shabbat, but would encourage meetings held after school on a set day of the week, on Sundays at a Jewish center or during a day of the week in a room available at a community center. LOCATION

Every BMC is different – some people have a great room in a Center or school they’ve been granted to use, others use a private residence (like the Club

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Leader’s home) and some clubs rotate the meetings to take place at different Members’ homes.The key to a great meeting space is: Â A comfortable area that provides enough room for everyone involved and the activities that will be taking place Â A room that will provide privacy – girls will be sharing parts of themselves and they need to feel safe about doing so Â A fairly quiet setting where there will be no distractions (such as other children, pets or outside music) Â Seating and table space as needed Â A location that is fairly accessible to Members (in the neighborhood they live or go to school in and access to public transit)

Should you decide to rotate meetings in different Members’ homes, we recommend that you provide as much support and encouragement as possible. Many girls (and their families) love playing hostess but appreciate insights you can give them. Some clubs make a special point of honoring the girl or family who is hosting by giving them an opportunity to talk more about their family (introduce their mother or relative to the group, show pictures or discuss the family history, welcome a relative or friend who is a holocaust survivor that can share his or her story, and so on). LENGTH On average, a BMC meeting lasts two to two and half hours. This generally is enough time to do a few activities, have some great discussions (and some great food!) without risking the girls getting bored. Meetings that involve a field trip or a special activity will undoubtedly last a little longer. Because both parents and Members have busy lives, it is important to ensure everyone understands the ex-

Club Leaders: Running a Meeting pected length of each meeting and that the start and end times run as closely on schedule as possible. FOOD

BMC adver tises itself as a program that is about “Good Friends. Good Deeds. Good Times.” (among other things, such as good food!) Having snacks or a meal at each meeting is a par t of the camaraderie we want to establish among the Members and something that separates BMC from other clubs or school. There are a few options various BMCs have arranged: Â The Club Leader supplies the food for every meeting, from a budget supplied by the Chapter Leader (Chapter Leaders account for this cost through the fee charged to Members) Â Each girl (or pairs of girls) are responsible for being the “hostess” for a meeting – which means supplying the food/setting up the room is their responsibility (and expense) Â A pot-luck system is put in place, with each girl being responsible for contributing something specific to each meeting’s meal/snack

Â The meeting is held at the home of a Member and all the food is provided by her and her family

sher eating is in the Administration section.

Regardless of the system put in place, it is crucial that parents understand it – even before signing their girls up for BMC – so be sure your Chapter Leader has considered this when setting up the budget and recruitment communications for Members and their parents.

PROVIDING NOTICE More than ever, people are leading busy, scheduled lives. While it’s impossible to please everyone, try to get a sense of a day and time that would work best for the girls in your community. If your club is meeting once a month, it’s important to let Members and their parents know the dates, times and locations of future meetings as early as possible. This can be done with a flyer, e-mails or a combination of both.

It is also important to establish that all the food at BMC is kosher (and does not conflict with any allergies within the group). A sample letter regarding ko-

Some Leaders set the complete schedule and activities at the very beginning of a BMC year and send a calendar of activities to all Members upon registration. Others work out the details as the meetings progress. Regardless of what you do, aim for consistency – such as only holding meetings on the first Sunday of the month.Try to avoid switching the day of the week up unless you discover it works better for everyone that way. Letting girls know about upcoming meetings will also give Members added excitement about BMC and will deter poor attendance.

TIPS FOR MEMORABLE MEETINGS WITH A BMC VIBE A BMC Meeting should never resemble a class in school (even if the meeting is taking place in a classroom!) – it should be fun, upbeat and have a vibe similar to a group of girls getting together to gab or being invited to sit in with an adored older sister and her friends (while still being organized enough to get the key messages and goals of the meet-

ing completed). We want girls to feel safe, comfortable and encouraged to engage in the discussions and activities. Here are some tips on setting the mood: FOOD & DÉCOR IDEAS Every BMC meeting should feel special. Whether you match your food and décor styles to meeting themes (something the Role

PLANO,TX

Club Leaders: Running a Meeting Models for Real lessons do!) or just create a general “BMC Vibe” for all meetings – take some time to think about how you can make your meeting memorable. Some ideas include: Â While some crafting activities will require a sturdy seat and table, try to switch up the seating for the group. Consider bean bag chairs, oversized pillows on the ground or setting up tables or chairs to form a circle or horseshoe Â Candles are not only beautiful ways to set a mood but they are also often mentioned in BMC meetings (analogies of flames being like souls, the girls’/ women’s mitzvah of lighting Shabbat candles). Set some up around the room (but obviously ensure they’re used safely! Consider using flameless tea lights that flicker like real candles.) Â Drape scarves, blankets or tablecloths from the ceiling to create a tent-like ambiance for the room. Let girls feel like they’ve entered into Sarah or Rivkah’s tent, they’re now in a place of sharing and sisterhood (more ideas like this are in Role Models for Real package) Â Decorate for the season or month. Is there a holiday coming up? Celebrate it with your set-up! Perhaps it’s snowy out – hang up snowflakes and Chanukah decorations and set out cozy blankets and hot chocolate. Or maybe summer has just begun – perhaps a beach party with towels, beach balls and hot dogs are in order Â Play music in the background. Depending on the theme of your meeting, it can be refined, exciting, soothing or reflect the upcoming holiday Â Have some chicken soup for the soul – literally! Whether you’re hosting a winter meeting or have a session that involves the girls talking about acts of kindness that warm the heart – Jewish comfort foods compliment the mood perfectly! Â Ask the girls to bring in a dish made from a favorite family recipe. This can be part of a session that explores taking pride in one’s heritage, honoring our parents and elders or the joy in taking part in something ritualistic (family recipes are ritual!) that gets passed down from woman to woman

Drape scarves, blankets or tablecloths from the ceiling to create a tent-like ambiance for the room. Let girls feel like they`ve entered into Sarah or Rivkah`s tent ... a place of sharing and sisterhood.

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ASSIGNING ROLES: TASK MASTERS In order for meetings to be organized and to ensure that Members are paying attention to everything going on, some BMC clubs have assigned tasks to girls (that rotate each meeting) – Task Masters.These have worked wonderfully for some clubs and haven’t quite suited others. Consider them, but don’t feel obligated to incorporate all or any of these: HOSTESS This is by far the most popular and well-liked role. Depending on the club, the hostess might have the meeting at her home, may set-up the décor and refreshments in the club’s usual meeting spot, supply the food for the club, ensure the materials for the activities are present and/ or greet the Members as they come in. Girls are often paired together to handle this task and Club Leaders sometimes assist (especially if the meeting’s activities are quite involved!). EXPERT ADMIN This is the Leader’s and Hostess’s invaluable partner! The Expert Admin deals with all communication needs, distribution of materials, planning and organizing the meeting, and keeping absentees in the loop!

FEATURED SPEAKER This role can be great practice for girls who are planning on making a speech at their Bat Mitzvah celebration.The speaker can open up the meeting with a topic-appropriate speech. Depending on the curriculum you follow, you can help Members come up with speech topics that work for your club. Some examples include: Â What are you thankful for this month? Â How has BMC helped you so far? Â If Sarah was a modern young woman living today, what would she be like? What would she be doing? Â Tell us about the life of a woman in your family Â What mitzvah have you performed that made you feel especially good? Â Talk about a time that your friendship was tested

Club Leaders: Running a Meeting THE BIRTHDAY GIRL`S GIRL

Whenever there is a birthday the month of your meeting, we take a moment to celebrate it. The Birthday Girl’s Girl is responsible for ensuring cards are bought and signed by Members to give to the birthday girl(s) and that birthdays for the month are acknowledged (with a song, a cupcake, a birthday cake – whatever you want to do for your club). The Member’s Kit includes a “How to Celebrate a Jewish Birthday” and has a few suggestions for making birthdays special, like finding out birth dates on the Jewish calendar. CHARITY CAPTAIN BMC Clubs rally behind a chosen charity for the BMC Mitzvah Project.The Charity Captain collects the funds at the meeting (from Members and/or from fundraising efforts), updates the Members on the total raised and can even provide news or information about the charity they are raising funds for.

MEDIA MAVEN This Member is responsible for ensuring pictures and/or video is taken during the meeting so that memories are captured. The collection of pictures and video are particularly handy to have at the end of the year for the end-ofyear ceremony and graduation gifts. To make it easy and quick, bring your laptop to the meeting and transfer the digital photos and videos on the spot.

GETTING CONVERSATIONS STARTED It’s not unusual for girls to be a bit shy – especially if they’re among people they don’t yet know (or trust). Here are some general suggestions for getting discussions rolling:

Â Take a look at the icebreakers listed for the first meeting. If your group is slow to get engaged, you might need to use a quick icebreaker at the beginning of a few meetings.

Â Make sure everyone understands what you’re talking about. If you’re using Hebrew words or new terms, take a moment to define them – even if you figure it’s basic stuff. Â If you have a short story or anecdote that relates to the theme of your meeting, share it. Personal stories or clever lessons can get the girls thinking. Â If your group is shy, start off with fairly benign questions that you can weave into discussions that relate more to your agenda such as “How long until you become a Bat Mitzvah?” or “What was the last book you read?” Â As you get talking about more serious topics, ask yes or no questions to warm up the group (i.e.: “Has anyone here ever been jealous of a friend? If you have, raise your hand.” In this instance, it would make sense for you, the Leader, to also raise your hand – you’re not perfect, after all!) Â Keep things as positive and judgment-free as possible. If you’ve asked a question or for an opinion – nod, smile and thank the girl for her contribution. Never make faces, gestures, jokes or comments that could be construed as negative. Â When talking about subjects that you think girls might be tentative of engaging in (worried about

Â Â

being judged, thinking there might be a ‘right’ answer they’re missing), offer your own honest admissions on things. i.e.: When talking about urges of our Natural Soul, you could say something like, “Sometimes, I can’t help it, but I feel a bit jealous of a friend of mine – she’s pretty, successful, well liked and she seems to always get what she wants. It can be tough, because from where I am, it sometimes doesn’t seem like she has to work hard to get what she likes. Can anyone else relate to this?” If there is no ‘right answer’ to a discussion or question being posed – say so. Girls will often be concerned if they’re being lured into a trick question or being tested. Emphasize that the feelings and situations being discussed are normal. Girls will not be willing to share if they think they’re being judged. If no one is offering up a suggestion, call on someone. Keep your eye out for fidgeting and side chatter. It’s an indicator that the girls have finished the task or are bored. It’s important to keep the meeting and momentum rolling!

Club Leaders: Running a Meeting SET THE HOUSE RULES & VIBE

THE FIRST MEETING The first meeting you hold will set the tone for your club and will make a lasting impression with the girls and their parents – so make it great! Along with implementing the tips and suggestions provided in this guide (especially the tips on being organized ahead of time!), we have some special suggestions for your first meeting that you may want to take some time for before launching into the first lesson of your BMC curriculum. INTRODUCE YOURSELF You or the Chapter Leader have likely introduced yourself by letter, e-mail or phone to the girls or their parents before the meeting – but now’s your chance to let them know you better. Here are some suggestions and things to consider: Â Let them know your name and how you’d like to be addressed. Are you “Rachel” or “Miss/Mrs. Goldman?” We encourage a friendly and open relationship between you and the girls, so letting the girls call you by your first name might be a nice gesture – but only if this is something you’re comfortable with. Â Tell the girls a bit about yourself. Are you in university? Do you have a career? Are you an animal lover? Do you suffer from a chocolate addiction? Have you just signed up for your first yoga

class? Let them know a bit about you – keep it light and fun. Â Chat briefly about why you wanted to take part in BMC. Maybe tell a short story about your own adolescence or Bat Mitzvah. Or perhaps you recently worked or spent time with tweens and want to talk about how that inspired you. Â Explain what your role will be in BMC. Are you the discussion starter? A guide? The hostess for the club? Explain it as you see it. Â Smile!

MANCHESTER, ENGLAND

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BMC isn’t school or temple or an athletics club – so many of the girls may be unsure of the etiquette for a club like this. Be upfront with what you expect from people. BMC is meant to be a place where girls can be themselves, learn from each other and have fun but also receive some really important messages. It will be your job to balance the fun girl-to-girl feel with some semblance of organization and respect for each other and the material covered. Here are some things to consider: Â Even if you have a potluck strategy in place, it’s a good idea that you supply the food for the first meeting. It will show the girls the kinds (and quantity) of snacks or meals that work for the club. You may also want to decide if the girls will be munching throughout the meeting, just at the beginning or during a set time. Â What are your attendance expectations? If girls can’t make a meeting, do they need to tell you in advance, and if so, how much notice should they give you? Remind them that a great deal of preparation goes into each meeting. Â If girls are late for a meeting, should they call, slip in quietly or wait for a break before joining in? Â What should the girls bring to each meeting? Chances are, you’d like them to bring their Member’s Kit – especially the journal that’s included in the kit. Is there anything else they need? And are there things they should NOT bring to meetings? Perhaps reminding girls to turn their cell phones off might be worth mentioning now! Â Try to encourage a spirit of respect and “active listening” among the group. You may want to say something like the following: “Have you ever noticed that sometimes when someone is talking, you feel like you’re just waiting for them to stop so that you can say what you want to say? That’s totally normal – I think we all do it sometimes! But at BMC meetings, I want everyone to try their best to just hear the thoughts of the person talking rather than your own.” Â Are the meetings “girls only” or can moms sit in as they like? Parents play a big role in BMC, but we also recognize that some girls may feel extra shy or a little less honest talking about certain things when mom’s nearby. It may be a good idea to let the Members know up front, even before the first meeting, who is welcome and when. Some clubs have special days where moms (and even dads) are expressly invited to attend for some special parent-daughter bonding time (and a chance for girls to show their appreciation for all they have done!). Â Ask the girls if they have any questions about meeting basics – maybe you can even come up with house rules together!

Club Leaders: Running a Meeting ICEBREAKERS & INTROS

Meeting a new group of people and trying to remember their names can be daunting for people of all ages. Here are some tips to loosen things up for everyone! Nickname Tagged! Name tags are a pretty typical way of reminding everyone of each other’s names on the first day. Twist this idea and ask the girls upon arrival to include their nickname on their nametag (i.e. Rebecca “Cupcake” Schmidt) and to explain its significance when everyone is doing introductions. If a girl doesn’t have a nickname, she should give herself one. These can be used as a running gag that the girls might find fun. As the Leader, be sure to do the same thing yourself.

Jelly Bean Traders. Give everyone ten jellybeans (make sure they don’t eat them) or another candy that comes in various colors. The object is for each person to get ten of one color by trading the jellybeans with each other.

Silent Line Ups. Challenge the girls to line up in order of their height, alphabetically, shoe size, age or month of birth – but without any words being exchanged (no talking!). Girls can use eye contact, gestures, holding up fingers – anything but language!

String Obstacle Course. Make an obstacle course with chairs, desks, swing sets, cars, anything. Take a roll of string and wind it in and around all the obstacles. Make two teams. The race is whoever gets to the finish line first while following the trail of string. They must wind the string into a ball as they go. A new player takes over after each obstacle, but they must be careful not to drop it when they pass it.

Need more? There are hundreds of websites online with great ice breaker ideas – take a look and find the right one for your group.

Who Did It? Hand out a pen and paper to each person and ask them to write something exciting they have done in their lives - for example "I have been sky diving" or "I volunteer two times a week at the hospital" etc. Encourage people to think of something unique and interesting (though be prepared for some people to struggle to think of something!). Collect all the papers, mix up the order and then read them out one at a time. Have the girls guess “who did it.” If your group is small, have the girls write out a couple different aspects of their lives on separate pieces of paper. If you like you can award prizes (like a candy) for each person who guesses a correct answer.

Have a fantastic ice breaker? Let us know and we can share it with other BMCs!

WINNIPEG, MANITOBA

Club Leaders: Running a Meeting INTRODUCE THE MEMBERSHIP KIT Every girl should have received a Membership Kit upon joining BMC (for more information about this, look at the BMC Catalogue) and will have been asked to bring it for the first meeting. Take some time to review the contents together. Especially be sure to explain the purpose of the diary as it will be something they should bring to each meeting. INTRODUCE THE BMC MITZVAH PROJECT An exciting and essential part of BMC is the club’s participation in the community. To provide some direction, clubs will select a specific charity, program or project they will work together on throughout the year – often with a specific goal in mind. We strongly recommend that you let the girls choose which BMC Mitzvah Project they’ll support, but in the interest of time, we suggest you present a short list to girls to choose from. More information on this is listed in the “Curriculum” of the Leader Guide.

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BMC SNEAK PEEKS Hopefully you have planned out the next few months (or perhaps the entire year) of lessons and activities. Take the girls through a sneak peak of what you have in store for them in the next few months so they can be excited about BMC long-term. Scrapbooking, a Shabbat field trip, making challah, doing personality quizzes and home spa treats – whatever your plans, give them a glimmer of it!

An exciting and essential part of BMC is the club`s participation in the community. select a specific charity program or project they will work together on throughout the year _ often with a specific goal in mind.

Club Leaders: Running a Meeting TROUBLESHOOTING Because BMC involves a variety of personalities and elements, there are bound to be times when something comes up that you hadn’t planned for. We’ve identified a few of these and offered our suggestions: Â There`s a Member who has a habit of monopolizing the conversation

In almost every group there is someone who has more to say than the rest of the group has patience to listen to. You must be sensitive to the rest of the group, or their attention might be difficult to regain. On the other hand, it may be that the one who speaks too much really has a keen interest in the topic. You might offer to speak to her alone at another time, but take care not to sacrifice the interest of the group for the sake of the one. This is something you may have to be firm with.

Â A Member brings non-kosher food to share at a meeting

Do not make this person feel badly about her decision. Explain to her privately that only kosher foods are allowed at BMC. Assure her that you realize it was an innocent mistake. Follow up after the meeting with the Member and/or her parents to gently remind them about BMC policies concerning kosher food for the club. There is a letter in the Administration section of this guide that deals with this subject. Ideally, you’ll have sent this out before BMC starts – this might help avoid the situation entirely!

Â You have a couple of Members who seem very shy

If you have more than one shy person in your group, consider pairing them up for an exercise. A strong personality may otherwise overpower the other conversation-wise. With two shy girls, they may find kinship in each other – plus, they’re “forced” to speak up during presentation time, as there’s no one else who will! Â A chronically-late/absent Member is responsible for hosting the next meeting and you`re understandably a bit worried

A few weeks before the meeting she’s set to host, send an e-mail to both her and her parents as a friendly reminder of her responsibilities as a hostess and offer your help if needed. If you don’t hear back within a few days, follow up with a phone call. If needed, ask her specifically what she’ll be bringing/doing as host and what time you can meet with her to help her in her role that day.

DEN HAAG, NETHERLANDS

BMC Curriculum

great aspect about BMC is that it is flexible – your timing, your abilities, your budget and your schedule set the tone for your BMC’s activities. Most BMC Clubs run during the school year, offering one meeting a month plus the occasional special event (for holidays, year-end ceremonies and/or a Shabbaton). That said, we recognize that every club is different – some run for 12 months, some start in January, some offer weekly meetings that take on all of the materials BMC offers – and so on. It’s up to you.

LESSON PLANS AND MEETING IDEAS Bat Mitzvah Club International has worked with religious leaders, educators, consultants, writers, designers, illustrators and BMC Members and leaders to put together discussion starters, activities, lessons and event outlines that address key ideas and themes in ways BMC Members can relate to and enjoy. We’ve compiled these lessons into separate packages that are available for purchase. There are more in the works – so do check in with us regularly! These lessons and packages vary in style. Some offer step-by-step suggestions while other packages provide thoughtful starters you can use to inspire your meetings. You are not asked to follow them word for word. In fact, you can mix and match les-

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sons, activities and discussions and add your own ideas as you see fit. Some clubs have girls return year to year, so Leaders sometimes need to present new material from one group to the next. Take a look at what’s available from the BMC catalogue www.batmitzvahclub.com ROLE MODELS FOR REAL This is the marquis program of BMC – it’s a club in a box! This beautiful binder includes six fully developed meetings that cover everything from décor to food to stories, crafts, games, trips, tips, guest suggestions and journaling exercises. This is perfect for the BMC Leader who wants an instant blueprint for meetings. In the Role Models for Real program, BMC explores the three “girls only mitzvot” along

with the concept of a soul and how young Jewish women can use theirs to connect to inspirational women from the Torah. Rather than treat these lessons as typical Bible-study sessions, the girls learn about Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, Leah and more through a modern lens and with current, real-world examples they can relate to. THE GIRL'S GUIDE TO BEING 12: BMC ESSENTIALS

This collection includes discussions, activities and fun hints that help Leaders convey the important changes that happen as a girl becomes a Bat Mitzvah and a Jewish woman. Who she is, who she wants to become and the role her choices play into it are central themes in these meetings. We also talk

BMC Curriculum about concepts of the G-dly soul, puberty, body issues, confidence and how having “soul esteem” will help her through life as she strives to achieve her goals. DRAMA, DILEMMAS & DECISIONS Tweens and teens straddle the world of a child and the world of a grown-up – and it’s not always easy! They’ll face a number of new challenges, feelings and responsibilities. This series is a collection of these “drama, dilemmas and decisions” real girls face. Along with the situations, Leaders will be provided with insight on how girls can thoughtfully deal with these issues. Girls will find solutions from both Jewish teachings and the experience of girls who have already been there. Leaders can take the Drama, Dilemmas and Decisions and inject them into their relevant meetings or have an entire day of “What Would You Do?” activities. NEW PUBLICATIONS

Check our catalogue at www.batmitzvahclub.com for updates. New lessons and curricula are always in the works!

COMMUNITY CAUSES At BMC, the importance of giving is continually shared and emphasized with the girls. We strongly believe that BMC shouldn’t just talk the talk, it should walk the walk. We ask that all clubs select a charity that Members will take up and rally behind during the course of your BMC year: The BMC Mitzvah Project. Some suggestions are:

Â At the first meeting, provide the girls with a list of four charities – include information or hand-outs about them. Have the girls discuss what interests them about these charities and to decide among each other which charity will be BMC’s chosen focus Â If you work at an organization that could use funding, you can submit it for consideration for the girls – and if needed, provide

them the option of which program (your center’s daycare vs. soup kitchen vs. senior’s program) they’d like to support Â Ask the girls to nominate charities for consideration and deliver a short presentation Â Have a charity challenge where the girls are split into two groups, each with a different BMC Mitzvah Project. Throughout the year, you can encourage lighthearted and friendly competition between the groups. To ensure the competition remains friendly, consider having the teams switch charities half-way through the year, host fundraising events in which both teams rally behind one charity together or remind the club about the total impact they are making together.

It should be said that BMC clubs will work with other causes and non-profits throughout the year within various meetings, so if any girls are disappointed that their favorite charity is not selected as the BMC Mitzvah Project, you can assure them there will be opportunities in the year to help those as well. The BMC Mitzvah Project should not just be about raising or collecting money from its Members. The girls should

be encouraged to think about all the ways they can help their charity – by volunteering, collecting materials the charity needs, informing people about the struggles faced by the charity, highlighting and paying tribute to the great work done by individuals at the organization, and so on. Consider treating this task as the mitzvah of Tzedaka – one that counts toward your BMC’s Merit Program (more on that below). A small portion of each meeting should deal with the BMC Mitzvah Project – even if only an update by the Charity Captain (see the “Assigning Roles” section from the “Run a Meeting” chapter of this Leader Guide).

YERRES, FRANCE

BMC Curriculum GIRL ON THE GLOW PROGRAM

he Girl on the Glow Program is a fun merit system that encourages BMC Members to apply what they learn at BMC in their everyday lives and experience the rewards of doing so. As a Leader, you can choose to follow the program BMC International has developed (which involves five areas of growth and six BMC charms for a charm bracelet to celebrate their accomplishments) or take inspiration from this program and develop your own merit program (you can have girls submit special reports, fill in a “mitzvah board” or a goal thermometer with activities) and awards (i.e. points that can be exchanged for prizes, a special gift at graduation or a plaque).

Should you not be interested in a merit program, we ask that you continually give the girls examples of how they can use BMC teachings in the “real world.” Girls are often very motivated during meetings to follow what they are learning. If you give them ideas and incentives related to how they can continue the excitement of BMC throughout the month, the more likely they’ll embrace these Jewish observances and values in their lives. CHARMS & THEIR MEANINGS

To view complete charm bracelet set, see pg. 39.

If you follow the merit program developed by BMC, the BMC Charm Bracelets and cards we’ve developed will be very helpful to you. The charms are not to be perceived as bribes for girls to do the right thing, but external reflections of internal achievements. We hope these charms will also act as wonderful reminders of what the girls can do that makes their soul glow throughout life. The charms, meanings and general activities are provided below, although cards for each charm (which girls will use to guide them) will provide more information:

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BMC Curriculum Charm

Meaning

Some Related Activities

Flower

The blossoming of a girl into a woman

Â Girls will not have to earn this charm (which comes with the bracelet). Like becoming a Bat Mitzvah, it is automatic. Â When this charm is given, the merit program will be introduced to the girls. Â As this charm is discussed, the leader will talk about what it means to become a Bat Mitzvah.

Heart

Caring and tenderness toward others, chesed

Â Become more aware of the needs of others – including family members, friends, the community and international causes. Â Lend a hand – at home and through volunteer efforts. Â Get or make a pushka and getting in the habit of putting aside money for others. Â Inspire others to care and be charitable with their time and money.

Candle

The power and beauty of the Jewish woman’s soul

Â Draw a connection between a flame and the soul. Â Make a Shabbat candle or candlestick. Â Perform acts that strengthen your soul’s connection to G-d (mitzvot).

Pitcher

Inner strength

Â Focus on your inner beauty and strength. Â Activities that demonstrate modern modesty and the importance of inner strength over appearance.

Challah

Kosher eating to nourish the body and soul

Â Â Â Â

Studying Jewish laws

Â Study parts of the Torah. Â Attend Synagogue. Â Learn about the women of the Torah and think about what they’d be doing if they lived today.

Torah

Understand what kosher eating is and why it is important. Make challah and turn to “What We Know From The Dough”. Participate in a kosher challenge – eat only kosher foods for a week. Make a kosher treat for someone who could use a pick-me up

BMC Curriculum Each month (or in intervals of your choosing), the girls will be tasked with earning a new charm. With exception of the first charm (the flower), these can be awarded in any order. Most clubs assign a new Girl on the Glow “Challenge” based on the lessons and activities just dealt with at the meeting. We suggest that for each charm that girls are working toward, Leaders provide parameters, requirements or ideas the girls strive toward. BMC International has developed cards that outline some activities for each charm in the Girl on the Glow Program. These are available in the Administrative section of the Leader Guide.

INTRODUCING THE GIRL ON THE GLOW PROGRAM

Here’s a simple discussion starter Leaders introducing the Girl on the Glow Program can use: Each month, you all will have a chance to practice what you’ve learned about being a Bat Mitzvah with our fun Girl on the Glow Program. What does it mean to be a “girl on the glow?” It means that everywhere you go, the power and beauty of your soul shines through. When you become a Bat Mitzvah, it will be up to you to keep your spirit strong – and the Girl on the Glow Program can show you how you can do that – all while collecting cool charms that attach to a silver BMC Bracelet!

To get started, each girl will receive a sterling silver bracelet (available from the BMC Catalogue) that comes with a flower charm. The Leader can explain as she hands the bracelets out: On your 12th birthday, Hashem gifts you with your G-dly Soul. This means that you automatically become a Bat Mitzvah – an adult in the eyes of Hashem. When you join BMC, we automatically give you a gift as well – our BMC Bracelet. It’s simple and silver and up to you to shine with BMC charms. To get you started, we’ve included the first BMC charm – a flower we call The Blossoming. The Blossoming symbolizes the change all Bat Mitzvahs experience along with the potential all girls have to bloom into smart, confident and beautiful (inside and out) Jewish women. This card explains The Blossoming and the Girl on the Glow Program further.

Leaders can then distribute the pink introductory BMC card. At that point or the next month, the Leader can hand out the card for the next BMC charm. Be sure to review each card so that you can answer questions before the girls leave the meeting. Depending on how you prefer to work, the girls can submit their material from their Girl on the Glow Challenge (on a corresponding Glow Report) to you before the meeting (by e-mail or post), at the meeting or shortly after the meeting.You may need time to review the material before handing out their newly earned BMC charm or you can do it at the meeting straight away – it’s up to you! Be sure to give the girls feedback or even share with the group the accomplishments done through Girl on the Glow.

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SCOTTSDALE, AZ

BMC Curriculum BMC GRADUATION AND LEAD UP

t the end of the BMC year, we encourage all clubs to host a ceremony and celebration for their Members and their parents. What exactly are we celebrating? At BMC, we hope to challenge the girls to take on different challenges that encourage them to “live what they learn” from BMC Meetings. Along with the Girl on the Glow Program, BMCs can choose different ways to measure and recognize this, and some suggestions are below. GIRL ON THE GLOW PROGRAM As girls complete different aspects of this merit program, you may want to note some truly outstanding work or insights your Members have completed. Just because they’ve already been awarded their BMC Charm doesn’t mean you can’t refer back to these accomplishments or even compile a “best of ” of the Girl on the Glow Program (these highlights can even be included in the graduation ceremony). AWARDS THROUGHOUT THE YEAR Have the girls accomplished something that should be applauded? Perhaps they did a fantastic job hosting the last meeting, raising money for the BMC Project or did something really noteworthy (like helping a family in Israel) since you last met. Celebrate and award! BMC Headquarters offers a number of great incentive or memorable items that can be used as rewards to mark the occasion. It’s also likely that some girls in your club will experience their own Bat Mitzvah during the year. Celebrate her – especially if she uses the occasion to help others (some girls have their own personal Bat Mitzvah Project or use their party to bring attention to others). Be sure to ask these inspirational girls to share their stories of their Bat Mitzvah with the rest of the group!

GRADUATION This is a chance for the group to get together one last official time to celebrate the end of the year. You’ll also want to use the graduation to reveal the culmination of the efforts for the BMC Mitzvah Project, other community acts and reflect on the activities and achievements from the year.

During the ceremony, be sure to take some time to speak about each Member – her growth, her strength and her achievements and even present her with a BMC Certificate (available in the catalogue). Hopefully you’ve also been recording the year through photos and videos (which may be easier if you’ve assigned girls the role of “Media Maven” throughout the year). The graduation is a great time to show a clip video or slideshow that shows the girls in action and lets them reminisce about the year. If you can, consider giving each girl a copy of this presentation.

Of course, no celebration is complete without some food! It’s your choice on how to handle this – it can be a group effort from the girls (part of this celebration should honor parents who have played a big hand in supporting girls in their BMC efforts), a gift from you to pull together or an event that parents are asked to pay a small ticket price for to attend.

POTOMAC, MD

Club Admin Materials & Templates To assist you in your club operations, we have included some samples of letters, forms and marketing materials.

BMC STATIONERY BMC has an assortment of great stationary available for every occasion. Letterheads, envelopes, postcards, stickers and labels can all be purchased below cost from the Bat Mitzvah Club International office (see the catalogue at www.batmitzvahclub.com).

123 Your Street, Your City, Your State 23456

www.yourwebsite.com

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Remember â&#x20AC;&#x201C; new products are being developed! Be sure to check the BMC Catalogue to see whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s new!

Club Admin LETTERS, FORMS AND INVITATIONS

Bat Mitzvah Clubs International©

REGISTRATION FORM Thank you for your interest in The Bat Mitzvah Club! BMC brings girls just like you together to talk about life and what’s involved in becoming a Jewish woman – and we have a lot of fun while we’re at it! You can learn more about BMC at www.batmitzvahclub.com. Some things to know about BMC before joining: Â BMC meets [once a month on the last Sunday of the month from 1pm to 3pm]. The first meeting is [in September and the last meeting is in June.] We ask that you do your best to attend every meeting. Â BMC has a few special events in addition to the meetings. For example, we’ll be [having a Shabbat Sleep Over on February 15th!] We’ll let you know about these fun extras as early as possible so that you can put them in your schedule them. Â BMC meetings are [usually held at the home of a different BMC Member each month. Part of hosting is preparing or having available kosher food for the group. This is actually something a lot of girls really enjoy. And don’t worry – we’ll help you out and give you tips!] Â A year-long BMC membership costs [$300. Along with this, you’ll be hosting one meeting and will need to cover the expenses (like the food for that day). We will also have occasional special events that may require an additional fee. We’ll do our best to keep these costs as low as possible and let you know ahead of time]. Â This year, BMC will be taking on a BMC Mitzvah Project. This is a charity we’ll be fundraising for and helping throughout the year. [We ask our Members to bring a small donation of your choice each meeting.] Â If there is anything you’d like to know before joining, please contact us at [phone number, email].

These materials should be adapted to represent the specifics of your BMC. Samples of customized information are included in the gray brackets. SAMPLE REGISTRATION FORM & INVITATIONS

Together, we can show you how to tap into it. Discover what Jewish women throughout the ages know and have passed down to each other. It’s a night of wisdom, spirituality and lots of chocolate!

B”H

DATE: Saturday, November 18th TIME: 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. PLACE: The Palm Beach Residence EVER15 WONDER SOMETIMES IT’S SO EASY TO DO OrchardWHY Circle THE RIGHT THING or & 555-5555 SOMETIMES IT’S REALLY HARD? RSVP: Nicole@bmc.com by November You know that14th feeling when you’re being pulled in opposite directions? One voice telling you “no!” and the other is telling you “go!” It’s time to sit these voices down for a little chat!

Join us for a pizza dinner

At BMC, we’re dumping the baggage and DISCOVERING what really makes us WHO WE ARE.

Join us for the ultimate night of girl talk and getting real: DATE: Saturday, November 18th TIME: 7:30 – 9:30 p.m. PLACE: The Palm Beach Residence 15 Orchard Circle RSVP: Nicole@bmc.com or 555-5555 by November 14th

at the Jewish Children’s Museum 792 Eastern Pkwy Wednesday, January 7

792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 718-907-8855 bmc@jcm.museum

123 Your Street, Your City, Your State 23456

www.batmtizvahclub.com www.yourwebsite.com

Club Admin SAMPLE WELCOME LETTER TO PARENTS

Parents play a big role in BMC – they are our partners in many ways and we want to ensure they’re a part of the BMC vision. This is an example of a letter a Leader would send a parent after a girl has registered with BMC.

Bat Mitzvah Clubs International©

Dear [Parent Name], Welcome to the Bat Mitzvah Club! We’re so pleased to be working with you to ensure more and more Jewish girls grow up to become confident, smart and thoughtful women who understand there’s more to a Bat Mitzvah than a party. Whether or not you’re planning a ceremony or party, BMC is open to Bat Mitzvah-age girls of all Jewish backgrounds. My name is [Leah and I will be leading your daughter’s BMC club this year. I’m currently a nursing student at NYU and just eight short years ago, I was in BMC myself! It was such a great experience that I jumped at this opportunity to give the girls what was given to me.] This year, our club is going to meet [once a month with an occasional additional special event. Meetings take place on the last Sunday of every month from 12pm to 2pm at The Jewish Discovery Center. The first BMC meeting is October 25th.] Besides great discussions, activities and bonding, BMC is also about breaking bread together. [Each meeting will be handled pot-luck style. We ask that for each meeting – except for this first one, it’s on me! – your daughter brings a kosher treat for the group to enjoy. I’ll be in touch with you shortly about this so you know what to expect!] [I also wanted to let you know that we’ll be having a few special meetings that moms and dads will be welcome and encouraged to attend. At BMC, we hope to have genuine conversations with the girls that will lead them to better understand (and respect!) where parents are coming from and we’d love to have you join in on many of those chats – at BMC and at home. I’ll be in touch shortly to give you the scoop!] If at any time you have questions about BMC, please contact me directly at [555-555-5555 or name@email.com or our Chapter Leader, Ella Kaiser at ella@email.com]. I’m looking forward to meeting you and getting to know your daughter. See you [October 25th!] Kind Regards, [Leah Freeman] BMC Club Leader 792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 718-907-8855 bmc@jcm.museum

123 Your Street, Your City, Your State 23456

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www.batmtizvahclub.com www.yourwebsite.com

Club Admin Materials & Templates SAMPLE NOTE TO A NEW MEMBER Use a BMC postcard to send a hand-written note to a new Member when you give her a Membership Kit. It’s often a good idea for the Club Leader to write it as she’ll be the main contact for the girls. Here’s an example of what you can say: ™

Hi [Member Name],

vWc

123 Your Street, Your City, Your Bat Mitzvah Clubs International ™ State 23456 792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213

Just wanted to send you a quick note to say “Hi!” and welcome you to Bat Mitzvah Club (or BMC as we like to call it)! This year is going to be a blast – we’re going to have some girl talk, eat gummi bears ‘til we burst, learn how to deal with the dilemmas and drama life throws our way – and we’re going to have a lot of fun while we’re at it ([there’s even a spa party planned!]). The first BMC meeting is [Sunday, Sept. 9 at 12pm at the Temple]. Please bring the included BMC Membership Kit (and your appetite!) with you. If you have any questions before then, please e-mail me at [name@email.com or give me a call at 555555-5555]. I can’t wait to get to know you better! [Sharon] BMC Club Leader

Club Admin SAMPLE GIRL ON THE GLOW LETTER TO PARENTS

This letter is just a quick explanation of what the merit program and projects are for.

Bat Mitzvah Clubs International©

Dear [Parent], One of the reasons BMC appeals to parents is because we emphasize that a Bat Mitzvah is more than a party. The biggest part of a Bat Mitzvah is a girl’s connection to G-d and her new responsibilities as an adult in G-d’s eyes. With this in mind, BMC has developed the Girl on the Glow Program. This merit-style program encourages our Members to actively engage in various mitzvot. Each month, there will be different mitzvah-themed “missions” for the girls to accomplish. We hope that through Girl on the Glow, the girls will see that, everyday, there are opportunities for them to nurture their spirit, their connection to Hashem and to shine. Some of the missions in the Girl on the Glow Program include attending Shul, performing random acts of kindness (Chesed), learning Torah and teaching others what she has learned. We appreciate your support and feedback each month. At the end of each month, the girls will be awarded for their Girl on the Glow work with a special charm that is themed to symbolize the kinds of missions the girls have taken on. These charms are not a bribe – but an external recognition of internal accomplishments. We hope that in the years following BMC, your daughter will still look lovingly at her BMC Bracelet and be reminded of her potential and her ability to always be a “Girl on the Glow.” If you have any questions, please let me know! Kind regards, [Shayna] Club Leader

792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 718-907-8855 bmc@jcm.museum

123 Your Street, Your City, Your State 23456

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www.batmtizvahclub.com www.yourwebsite.com

Club Admin SAMPLE LETTER CONCERNING KOSHER FOODS AT MEETINGS

Bat Mitzvah Clubs International

Dear [Parent Name], We’re very excited to kick BMC off in [two short weeks] and hope you and your daughter are just as eager for the BMC year to begin. [For the first meeting, I will be providing the girls with a light meal. All the food will be kosher and because of an allergy in the group, the food will also be nut-free. For future meetings, however, we’ll be indulging in the communal spirit of BMC and all meals will be potluck style.] [For these future meetings, we ask that your daughter brings a kosher and nut-free dish for the group to share (10 girls are in the club). Each meeting has a different theme, so I’ll be in touch to let you know what that is and to possibly give you ideas should you want them. Our meeting place has a fridge, oven, stove and microwave. Please let me know ahead of time if your contribution needs to be chilled or heated so I can make sure the appliances are available for us.] It is important that at BMC meetings the laws of kashrut are strictly observed. We want to make sure all the food can be enjoyed by everyone and this is the best way to ensure that.

If your Club is opting to handle meals and snacks either potluck style or by having each girl host her own meeting, it is important to discuss the expectations regarding food. Because Members will be from various Jewish backgrounds (including some families that may be more strict or observant than others), it is important that all food prepared is kosher. It is important to stress this without making families who don’t typically eat kosher feel judged. This letter may be useful to you.

If you have any questions, please let me know! Thank you – and see you [on the 25th!], [Rachel] Club Leader

792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 718-907-8855 bmc@jcm.museum

123 Your Street, Your City, Your State 23456

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Club Admin SAMPLE NOTE TO PARENTS OF A GIRL WHO HAS DONE WELL

Every parent loves an excuse to be proud of their kids. If a girl in your Club has stood out – whether it’s for her ability to make a great presentation, the warmth she showed to a new member or her willingness to stay behind and help tidy-up after a meeting – let her parents know with a thoughtful note.

Hello [Parent], I’m sure I’m telling you something you already know – but you have a lot to be proud of with [Melanie]! She [was our hostess for the latest BMC meeting and we couldn’t have asked for a better time. She took her duties very seriously but still kept things light and fun for everyone]. The [special chicken soup she prepared was especially delicious – it must have been a family recipe!] [Melanie is really blossoming at BMC. She’s come out of her shell and more and more often shares her insights with the group. She’s clearly a very thoughtful and considerate girl. We couldn’t be happier to have her with us at BMC.] Thank you for your support and encouragement of [Melanie] in her BMC activities. Kind Regards, [Esther] BMC Club Leader

792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 718-907-8855 bmc@jcm.museum

123 Your Street, Your City, Your State 23456

30 / Bat Mitzvah Club Leaders Handbook / Club Admin Materials and Templates

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Club Admin SAMPLE NOTE TO A GIRL WHO MISSED A MEETING

Bat Mitzvah Clubs International

Hi [Lisa], We were sorry to miss you at the last BMC meeting – it wasn’t the same without [your laugh!] Just so you know, in the last meeting we covered [topics]. The girls have been asked to write in their journals about [topic]. Please take some time between now and our next BMC gathering and write your thoughts about [topic] in your diary. Next meeting is going to be really fun – we’re [info]. I’ve attached more info for you about this. The next time we’re all meeting is [March 30th.] If you can’t make it, please let me know. Thanks – and I hope you’re doing great! [Avigail] BMC Club Leader

If a girl misses a meeting, let her know she was missed, what happened in the meeting and what to expect in the following month. If she missed a meeting because of an unfortunate circumstance (being ill, death in the family) relay your condolences.

ADDITIONAL LETTERS In addition to the templates you have seen in these pages, the CD accompanying the BMC Leader Handbook contains these edit-ready files: Â A letter to businesses asking them for a donation to BMC Â A thank-you letter for BMC volunteers and guest speakers Â A letter for mothers inviting them to a special mother-daughter day at BMC Â A letter to parents explaining BMC graduation activities

792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 718-907-8855 bmc@jcm.museum

123 Your Street, Your City, Your State 23456

www.batmtizvahclub.com www.yourwebsite.com

MARKETING SAMPLES

[DALLAS] CLUB EMPOWERS GIRLS AND HELPS THEM TRANSFORM THEIR BAT MITZVAHS INTO MUCH MORE THAN A PARTY Bat Mitzvah Club welcomes Jewish girls aged 11 to 13 for the [2010/11 School Year]

Marketing is an important aspect in recruiting Members, Leaders and volunteers as well as establishing your BMC within your community.To help you, we provide samples of brochures, ads and press releases. PRESS RELEASE TEMPLATE Getting a little publicity can help you attract new Members, Leaders, volunteers and other support from the community. Consider sending a customized press release to your local media to spread the word about your club. BROCHURES, ADS AND POSTERS

Ads, posters and brochures can be used to attract new Members and find Club Leaders.

[Dallas, Texas, JANUARY, 2010] – Ask an average 12-year-old girl what she’s doing for her Bat Mitzvah, and there’s a good chance she’ll say “having a big party.” But ask the same question of a Member of the Bat Mitzvah Club, and you’ll hear about celebrating Jewish identity, performing community service, and exploring her own uniqueness and personal strengths, as well as having a lot of fun. From London to Los Angeles, Hong Kong to Houston, Brooklyn to Boca Raton and more than 370 cities in between, including right here in [Dallas], pre-teen girls are having the time of their lives while discovering what it really means to become a Bat Mitzvah and a Jewish woman. Known as a club “for girls, run by girls and starring girls,” the Bat Mitzvah Club – or “BMC” as its Members frequently refer to it – enables girls to learn, grow and get involved in their community and Jewish life. Members help plan and run meetings and activities, share ideas and express their thoughts on being a young Jewish woman in the modern world. Through creative art projects, journal writing, scrapbooking, community service activities such as visiting the elderly and infirmed, plenty of socializing, and more, the girls—with the help of an adult facilitator—are empowered to be themselves while feeling great about being Jewish. [“I used to think that a Bat Mitzvah was all about the gifts and the party,” said Jessica Meyer of Dallas. “Now I know that there is so much more to it! The club is awesome and I think that all Jewish girls should join.”] Unlike a Bar Mitzvah, Jewish tradition does not prescribe any set rituals for a Bat Mitzvah, which marks a girl’s spiritual and religious “coming of age” at 12. Customs on marking this milestone vary widely from community to community and family to family—with some throwing lavish parties and others ignoring the milestone altogether. Anyone wishing to learn more about Bat Mitzvah Club can visit www.batmitzvahclub.com or call [555-555-5555].

Media Contact:

[Devora Silver, Chapter Leader] [555-555-5555, Devora@email.com] 792 Eastern Parkway Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 718-907-8855 bmc@jcm.museum 123 Your Street, Your City, Your State 23456

32 / Bat Mitzvah Club Leaders Handbook / Club Admin Materials and Templates

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Club Admin Materials & Templates GIFTS AND INCENTIVES

MC offers a catalogue of various BMC-branded gifts and gear (www.batmitzvahclub.com). These range from aprons to key chains to tote bags – all of which have been designed with tweens in mind. These can be used as incentives for Members to register early, for bringing a friend, hostess gifts, as raffle prizes, perfect attendance awards, a memento for having completed a particular lesson and so on – but they can also be much more.

When BMC products are incorporated into an activity they can actually help to promote your work even further. When the girls are out in the community or using BMC gear, the BMC name gets out there. Being active and visible in BMC gear can help recruit more Members, sponsors and volunteers and provide perfect photo opportunities for some local PR, upcoming newsletters and ads – all of which serve as testaments of your valuable work should you apply for funding grants. A few ideas of how BMC Clubs have used BMC-branded materials include: BMC COZY BEACH TOWEL Our girl-on-the-go beach towel is perfect for summer fun and beyond! It includes positive bmc messages that every girl should feel about herself (like “beautiful”, “mature” and “clever”) – exactly the kind of traits we want to wrap our members with! The BMC Towel can be featured in your lessons and activities several ways, such as: plan a Spa Day to discuss some Spa for the Soul concepts, explore ideas on how members can treat their moms to a rejuvenating home spa, or use it as a tablecloth if you or the girls are manning a table or booth at a fair. The tablecloth will speak for itself about all the great things BMC teaches girls!

Check our catalogue at www.batmitzvahclub.com for the complete line of Gifts and Incentives!

CROCS-O-DIAL™ CELL PHONE HOLDER

This clever little Crocs™ cell phone holder is a great call for any occasion! Here are some ideas for incorporating them in BMC meetings: In the Role Models for Real’s lesson “Me, My Soul and I”, we explain the concept of the soul using an analogy involving a cell phone and its SIM card. This holder is the perfect accompaniment to remind the girls of this session or the perfect gift for completing the day. In planning their BM celebrations, the holder will remind them that, besides connecting with a party planner, being a Bat Mitzvah means they’ll have a new direct-line to G-d. If you have members that don’t have a cell phone, these holders can fit a number of things – notes, reminders, treats, etc. WHAT WE KNOW FROM THE DOUGH

Making challah is a time-honored tradition and a “girl’s only” mitzvah – no wonder BMC clubs love to make it! This handout

includes a Challah recipe and Hafrashat Challah Guide, but it also features fun anecdotes, symbolic meanings and great “food for thought” girls can think about when they make and eat this traditional Jewish baked good. What We Know From the Dough coordinates with Lesson Three of Role Models for Real – you’ll want to give one to each member. It’s definitely something they’ll hand onto! GIFTS THAT UPLIFT At BMC, we talk a lot about the importance of performing mitzvot – they’re at the core of the Jewish spirit after all! This fun and colorful booklet provides girls with loads of ideas and inspiration for brightening someone’s day. The suggestions run from creating a beauty treatment for mom, smoothie recipes to cheer up a sad friend and great ways a girl can lend a hand in her community. What's more, Gifts That Uplift is designed to be fanned (not flipped) open, taking the shape of a circle. There's a secret message in this to share with your members: What goes around comes around!

The FAQs of BMC GENERAL QUESTIONS WHO CAN JOIN BMC?

A: Any Jewish girl age 11 to 13 – bat mitzvah age. (Girls may join regardless of whether they have a bat mitzvah party/ ceremony planned or not.) WHO STARTED BMC AND WHY?

A: BMC was founded in 1993 by mother and educator Esti Frimerman. With a passion for teaching pre-teen girls, Esti started a club focusing on new friendships, useful life lessons, traditional Jewish values, spirituality, and cultural information -- showing girls that being “bat mitzvah” is about much more than just the party. Meeting her goal to accomplish this in a fun way, today BMC International has over 340 chapters worldwide.

QUESTIONS FROM GIRLS WHY SHOULD I JOIN BMC? A: Why not!?! BMC is a fun club for girls – our motto is “Good Friends. Good Deeds. Good Times.” for good reason! You’ll make new friends with girls just like you, talk about all the stuff you want to talk about, get the inside scoop on what to expect as you become a teen, learn ways to deal with situations you might find yourself in, discover more about yourself (that you never even knew!), and connect with your Jewish spirit. BMC is all about YOU!

Meetings are social, interesting and involve food (lunch, dinner or some other tasty treats.) And, they are always FUN; planned especially for girls like you -- coving a variety of topics, ranging from making a special Jewish dish and learning about its origins to talking out issues you’re having with friends or at school to finding out cool cultural and spiritual things about our religion to doing neat crafts like jewelry making, and lots more!

HOW MANY MEETINGS ARE THERE? WHERE ARE THEY? WHAT ARE THEY LIKE?

A: BMC leaders are definitely on your wavelength! Usually, they are creative, fun, outgoing young women who are active in their communities, involved with good causes, and who are committed to making BMC a great experience for you. They also “get it” because it was not so long ago that they were your age!

A: BMC meetings are usually once a month during the school year and there may be additional special events planned. Meetings run about 1½–2½ hours, depending upon the activities planned. They may be at a community center, temple, school, or in someone’s home.

34 / Bat Mitzvah Club Leaders Handbook / FAQs of BMC

WHAT ARE THE GROUP LEADERS LIKE?

MY FAMILY IS NOT TOO RELIGIOUS, DOES THAT MATTER?

A: No! BMC is for girls of any and all Jewish backgrounds. ONLY ONE OF MY PARENTS IS JEWISH, CAN I STILL JOIN?

A: Sure! Whether one or both parents are Jewish, all bat mitzvah age girls are welcome. CAN I BE A MEMBER FOR MORE THAN 1 YEAR?

A: Yes! You can return for another year or two as long as you’re between ages 11 and 13.I IS THERE A CELEBRATION AT THE END OF THE YEAR?

A: Yes! This varies from chapter to chapter but we suggest a send-off to commemorate the year (with a nice meal, of course!) and to say goodbye to 12 or 13 year old members.

The FAQs of BMC QUESTIONS FROM PARENTS WHY SHOULD MY DAUGHTER BECOME A BMC MEMBER?

A: BMC provides ample opportunity to make new friends and learn new things, both related to Judaism and everyday life. Through entertaining, engaging activities the girls learn moral, ethical and functional life lessons that have both modern applications and traditional Jewish applications. It is our goal to instill in them knowledge, confidence and spiritual awareness in a way that is friendly, conversational, free of judgment and genuinely fun. WHY WAS BMC STARTED? A: It is our goal through fun, interesting activities that promote friendship, life lessons, and tie-ins with Jewish culture and law, to inspire a a generation of Jewish girls to become confident, smart thoughtful women who understand there is more to their bat mitzvah than the party.

known as facilitators) are collegeage women who are active in their communities and/or philanthropic pursuits, and have ties to the organization hosting the particular chapter. They are committed to making a difference in the girls’ lives and have an understanding of this age group, having been there not too long ago. BMC provides them with materials (part of a carefully planned curriculum) to cover with the girls and they plan engaging theme-oriented meetings and special events accordingly. WHAT SECT OF JUDAISM DOES BMC FALL UNDER?

A: Girls of various Jewish backgrounds are welcome; there is no one sect and all will feel included! BMC was created with authentic Jewish law intertwined into our programs. The club is for everyone, regardless of their level of Torah observance.

WHO LEADS THE GROUP?

IS FOOD SERVED AT THE MEETINGS?

A: Typically, BMC leaders (also

A: Depending on the day/hour,

dinner or lunch is casually served and often suited to the particular theme of the meeting. All food at BMC get-togethers is Kosher.

also required. Feel free to Contact Us for more information or refer to our Start a BMC page for details.

CAN A PARENT START A BMC CHAPTER?

WHAT KIND OF SUPPORT AND MATERIALS DOES BMC PROVIDE GROUP LEADERS?

A: Only a recognized organization is permitted to start a chapter, such as a school, temple, Jewish Community Center or Chabad. We encourage parents to request that their local organization starts a chapter for the area’s girls. Please refer to our Find a Chapter page to see if there is already a BMC near you.

LEADER/ FUTURE LEADER QUESTIONS HOW DO I START A CHAPTER?

A: Women (and men) of various ages have started chapters. To start one, you must organize it through a school, temple, Jewish Community Center or Chabad to help support your efforts. A commitment to and understanding of Jewish teachings is

A: You will always have access to the main office which is always accessible by phone and email to address any questions, concerns and suggestions. All calls and emails are promptly returned. Program materials and other items are available from our Catalog and BMC’s easy-to-follow curriculum helps you easily plan your theme-oriented meetings and special events.CAN CAN I ADAPT THE PROGRAM?

A: A majority of program lessons include a number of options so that leaders can choose activities that best suit the interests of the group. We also encourage leaders to develop their own ideas and like to hear about them. So please share! BMC does ask that the basic lesson themes are maintained and that the branding of BMC (logos) remain the same for consistency.

The FAQs of BMC CAN I SHARE BMC MATERIALS WITH OTHER LEADERS?

A: While we understand the reasoning behind this, BMC prefers that each leader owns their own set of materials. Please note that BMC materials are copyrighted and may not be reproduced in any way. IS THERE A MINIMUM NUMBER OF MEMBERS NECESSARY FOR A CHAPTER?

A: A chapter can be as small as 2or 3 or as large as 30+; this all depends on your area. We encourage and support chapters of all sizes! HOW MUCH TIME IS NEEDED TO BE A LEADER?

A: Count on a minimum of one meeting a month, plus any special events youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d like to plan. Prep time will vary. Time will also be spent cultivating guests/speakers for upcoming meetings as well as talking to parents. From the feedback we hear from our leaders, this is all manageable. Please feel free to contact us with any other questions you have about BMC.

36 / Bat Mitzvah Club Leaders Handbook / Club Admin Materials and Templates

Tween-inspired Resources

ot sure how to talk to tweens, what their interests are or the right language to use? Consider checking out these books and websites for additional inspiration:

Â The JGirl's Guide: The Young Jewish Woman's Handbook For Coming Of Age by Penina Adelman, Ali Feldman and Shulamit Reinharz Â Girltalk: All the Stuff Your Sister Never Told You by Carol Weston Â The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl Library) by Valorie Schaefer and Norm Bendell Â The Feelings Book: The Care & Keeping of Your Emotions (American Girl) by Dr. Lynda Madison and Norm Bendell Â A Smart Girl's Guide to Friendship Troubles by Patti Kelley Criswell and Angela Martini Â What Would You Do? (American Girl Library) by Patti Kelley Criswell and Norm Bendell Â A Smart Girls Guide to Boys:

Surviving Crushes, Staying True to Yourself & Other Stuff (American Girl Library) by Nancy Holyoke and Bonnie Timmons Â A Smart Girl's Guide to Sticky Situations: How to Tackle Tricky, Icky Problems and Tough Times. (American Girl) by Bonnie Timmons Â Chabad: www.chabad.org This website is a great resource for seeing how various aspects of Jewish life are discussed among different age groups. Â Radical Parenting: www.radicalparenting.com. This website tracks tween and teen trends for parents who want to keep informed on what’s being marketed to/catching the interest of their children.

POTOMAC, MD

PORTO ALEGRE, BRAZIL

PHOENIX, AZ

38 / Bat Mitzvah Club Leaders Handbook / Emergency Information

WASHINGTON, DC

Emergency Information Police Department Fire Deparment Poison Control

Use the space below to add your own emergency contacts:

Members experience the rewards of doing things that make their soul glow!

792 Eastern Parkway, Suite 515 Brooklyn, New York 11213 www.batmitzvahclub.com