Can i speak to you about something? || Conversations on Mental Health

opening up to people about your mental health sometimes gives them a boost to open up too.

Can I Speak To You About Something? conversations that helped young people cope with their mental health

by Kate Dickins, 21

“Can I speak to you about something” was how I began.. p10. KATE Hi, I’m Kate. I’ve created this booklet with the help of Fixers*, to encourage others to find a comfortable space where they can talk freely.

When I was struggling with my mental health, I found that talking to someone (with whom I was comfortable) made all the difference. This isn’t necessarily about the nature of the conversations people had to help them recover, but more about finding someone you can talk openly to.

Thanks, Kate *the charity that helps give young people a voice

OUR STORIES

p6. TORI

p4. VIC

p7. ERIN

p8. ROSIE

My key worker finds me and asks me “what’s up”, to which my reply is “everything”.

So I walk into school one morning, feeling low, no reason, no explanation; it’s just the way my brain works. I curl up in a corner under a blanket. My key worker finds me and asks me what’s up, to which my reply is everything.

She then tells me she can’t work with “everything”, she knows that, for me, writing is easier than talking so she gets me to email her with how I am feeling. So I do, and we have a long conversation about it all.

She tells me that when I self harm she feels like she is failing at her job and because she means so much to me, I don’t want her to feel like she is failing. She talks to me about all the good things in my life and how we can make the bad things more bearable, she supports me.

4

We talk through how hard it is having an autism diagnosis on top of mental health issues, we talk through ways of coping with things. Someone else walks into the room and you can tell by their face the conversation we were having was making them uncomfortable; but why? I don’t get it?

Mental health is everywhere. If you walk down the street today I guarantee that you would have passed at least a few people suffering with their mental health. Talking about mental health should be encouraged and not make people feel uncomfortable.

VIC, 18 She talks to me about all the good things in my life and how we can make the bad things more bearable.

5

Having the confidence to make that first jump of telling someone about my problems made having them just a bit easier to deal with.

When I first began talking to people about my anxiety and stress I felt embarrassed, I think it was because I was worried about how people would react. To begin with I thought they would react with “people have it worse than you.” or “it’s probably just a phase you are going through.” But that was so far from the truth; they sympathised with me and told me ways in which I could relax and control it (as well as offering hugs).

Having the confidence and support to make that first jump of telling someone about my problems made having them just a bit easier to deal with. It also meant that I could find others that were going through what I was going through, because opening up to people about your mental health sometimes gives them a boost to open up too.

TORI, 17 6

ERIN, 22 The most ‘normal’ conversation I ever had about mental health was during year 13 at school. Me and a friend were studying in the school canteen, and our conversation drifted towards exams and stress. She told me she felt down all the time and the exams weren’t helping. She explained she was going to the doctors and taking medication; her diagnosis was depression.

It came as a shock. She wasn’t someone I had concerns about. Mental health was a topic well discussed between me and a few friends, we each had experience with a variety of different mental health issues but she wasn’t one. We carried on the conversation; I like to think she told me everything she felt comfortable to.

The conversation took a turn and she felt able to ask me and raise concerns about how I was. I could answer any questions or concerns she had and felt comfortable to do so. My mental health didn’t need to be ‘better’ for this conversation to happen and she was able to put her worries at ease.

A lot of the time mental health is only discussed in private when people are suffering and then a success story once recovered; this needs to change. If we all felt able to raise the conversation of mental health, regardless of progress, the misconceptions would change for the better.

Mental health is only discussed in private.. this needs to change.

7

After an unhelpful and, thankfully, one-off experience with a doctor when I was 14, I convinced myself that my anxiety was completely abnormal, that I was completely mad and if I told anyone that I was feeling the way that I was they would immediately think the same thing. I passed crippling anxiety off as a convincing “stomach bug” to explain why I couldn’t go to events, and why suddenly my appetite had completely disappeared. I had no idea that anything like anxiety even existed and didn’t think that anyone else could possibly feel the way that I did.

Cut to about a year later and I finally confessed this massive secret to one of my closest friends. Funnily enough, she was hugely supportive, receptive and understanding. Telling people only became easier as I realised that they either understood the feeling themselves, or had a friend who felt the same way, or didn’t know anything about anxiety but were very sympathetic and willing to learn more about how they could support me.

I had no idea that anything like anxiety even existed and didn’t think that anyone else could possibly feel the way that I did.

8

. .every conversation after this has become another way to take a brick off the huge wall that I built around confiding in anyone.

Although this first conversation could be seen as a big turning point, really every conversation after this has become another way to take a brick off the huge wall that I built against confiding in anyone. This wall is now a tiny barrier which has become easy for me or other people to just step over so that we can share our experiences and worries with each other.

Although I’m still slightly reluctant in some situations to confess to how I feel, every small conversation that I have with someone about mental health only goes to show that my 14 year old self couldn’t have been more wrong! Every time I told a friend or confided in my family members, it only went to show just how many people were willing to understand and support me when times got tough.

ROSIE, 18 9

She asked me what I wanted to speak about and this is where I froze.

“Can I speak to you about something” was how I began when I first decided to speak to an adult about my mental health. I’d been experiencing difficulties for a number of years by this point, so the conversation was well rehearsed - in my head at least.

My teacher and I went and found an empty classroom and sat down. She asked me what I wanted to speak about and this is where I froze. I suddenly realised that although I’d had this conversation a thousand times in my head, I’d never had to speak it out loud before. Fortunately she was very considerate and gave me as much time as I needed, even prompting me; “If I tell you what I think the problem might be, could you tell me if I’m right or not?”.

10

As soon as she verbalised the problem, namely with food and eating, I was able to relax a little. Finally this secret that had been hiding inside me for years, was free. We spoke for a little under an hour. I don’t mind admitting that I cried. We came up with possible ways forward and tips for making it easier for me to communicate- writing things in emails and letters rather than having to say them aloud.

Nothing physically changed during that conversation- my problems were still there, but at least now I didn’t have to face them alone. I had someone I could talk to if I ever needed help, someone who was willing to fight my battles with me, someone who understood, to some degree, what I was going through. My only regret walking away from the conversation was that I hadn’t done it sooner.

KATE (ME!), 21 Nothing physically changed during that conversation - my problems were still there, but at least now I didn’t have to face them alone.

11

This book has been produced with the help of Fixers, the campaign that gives young peole a voice. ..

If you need more information, please visit: www.mind.org.uk www.rethink.org www.youngminds.org.uk If you need to speak to anyone, contact Samaritans: www.samaritans.org Call: 116 123 (UK)

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