Premature Baby Blues

PREMATURE Coping with the stress of an early birth

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LL PE INF RS O O RM N A A T L IO EX N PE BA RI SE EN D C O E N

FROM THE EXPERIENCE OF AMY BLOCKWELL, AGED 21

CONTENTS 1. ABOUT THIS BOOKLET 2. MY STORY 3. QUOTES FROM PARENTS 4. WHAT YOU MIGHT EXPERIENCE 5. STATISTICS 6-7. ACTIVITIES 8-9. DIARY

ABOUT THIS BOOKLET Having a baby on a neonatal unit can be an incredibly stressful and emotional time for parents, and they are much more likely to suffer from mental health problems. In fact, research has suggested that parents of premature babies are twice as likely to suffer from postnatal depression as parents of full term, healthy babies.* With the help of Fixers, I have created this booklet to help parents who feel they need a little bit of emotional support while going through a tough time.

As a mother of an ex 28 weeker, I know first hand what having a premature baby can do to not only your physical health, but also your mental health.

I hope this booklet will help parents to feel less alone, and encourage you to talk to someone if you’re feeling bad.

DISCLAIMER This booklet contains the views and experiences of a young person and should not substitute for formal (medical or other) advice.

1 *Carson et al, 2015, Bliss baby report 2015

MY STORY I was 19 years old when I fell pregnant with my first child. I was so excited and overwhelmed but at just 28 weeks into my pregnancy, I had to give birth to my little boy. I can’t even remember my labour as I lost two and a half litres of blood and had hypothermia. It was touch and go for both me and my baby. My son got transferred to a different hospital and I only got to see him for 30 seconds before he had to leave. The first time I properly laid eyes on my tiny, fragile, helpless baby, I didn’t know what I felt. I was in shock.

My son was in two different hospitals for 74, long, scary, emotional days. We had our ups, but we mostly had our downs.

I would hear the buzzing of the machines and hope and pray that the loud beeping was not coming from my son’s monitor. I would appreciate the absolute silence in the middle of the night as I sat next to his incubator and watched my child’s chest move up and down. I longed for the day that I could take my ‘nurse’ hat off and just be a mum.

I struggled to bond with my son quite quickly after he got discharged. I would often fear the worst, and struggled a great deal with my emotions. I not only found it difficult to be a mum, but there were times when I thought I didn’t actually want to be a mum. Nearly a year down the line I eventually got diagnosed with postnatal depression and was offered antidepressants. For a short while, I relied solely on these tablets, like they were the answer to all of my unanswered questions. It wasn’t until I started an emotional coping skills course that I realised that I needed to change the way I felt about certain situations.

The trauma itself will never leave me. Every day I still get reminders that I could have lost my child. I will never forget the fear of potentially losing someone so precious and I will never forget the feelings of hurt, anger, and helplessness that I experienced over every one of those 74 days. Today I feel so lucky to have such an amazing, healthy, bouncing boy.

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QUOTES FROM PARENTS “Having a baby born so early is horrendous. Nothing will ever compare to the worry and fear that I felt in those days watching my son fight for his life. I knew I had to be the strong one for my family, although deep down I was petrified.”

- Michael Morgan Baby born at 28 weeks

“My first baby was born at 22 weeks.

He was too small so there was nothing they could do to save him. 5 months later, whilst trying to piece our world back together, I found out that I was expecting again. We were so happy yet petrified. Physically I was monitored closely but not my mental health.”

- Tina Lo Baby born at 22 weeks

“It's such a surreal experience and I don't think it really sank in until a few weeks after we came home. At the time I had such a range of emotions, but I think I just operated on auto drive. I know my baby was being looked after and she was in the best place, I just didn't feel like I was a proper mother.”

- Melanie Rossiter Baby born at 33 weeks

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FROM MY EXPERIENCE WHAT YOU MAY EXPERIENCE WHILE IN HOSPITAL • The hospital journey is never plain sailing • Trust your own instincts, you are the parent, you know your own baby • Your baby is yours, not the nurses or doctors • Ask for help if you need it • Your baby may come off oxygen, but also may go back on within an hour • 1 step forward, 2 steps back • Dad may get pushed out • You may feel like a nurse rather than a mum WHAT YOU MAY EXPERIENCE AFTER DISCHARGE • Attachment issues, struggling to bond • Worries about their development • Questioning yourself; ‘Am I a good mum?’ ‘Am I doing the right thing?’

• You may feel you cannot open up and talk to people about your experience • You may still get emotional triggers, even years down the line. The pain may never leave you • You may feel judged by other parents WAYS TO HELP OVERCOME THESE • • • •

Talk to someone Open up Get the help you need Do not feel like you are alone 4

STATISTICS “60,000 babies are born prematurely each year in the UK.” *‘Premature Birth Stats’, Tommys.org

“Mental Health problems affect more than 1 in 10 women during pregnancy and the first year after childbirth.” *‘Premature Birth Stats’, Tommys.org

“20% of women are affected by mental health problems during the perinatal period.” *LSE Centre for Mental Health, 2014 Report

“In Wales, 70% of people have no access to specialist perinatal mental health services.” *‘Premature Birth Stats’, Tommys.org

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MINDFULLNESS EXERCISE Take 5 minutes from sitting next to that incubator or cot, this is an exercise for you, try to release all those negative emotions you may be feeling right now Find a relaxed, comfortable position. You could be seated on a chair or on the floor on a cushion. Keep your back upright, but not too tight. Hands resting wherever they’re comfortable. Tongue on the roof of your mouth or wherever its comfortable.

Notice and relax your body. Try to notice the shape of your body, its weight. Let yourself relax and become curious about your body, feel the sensations it experiences, the touch, the connection with the floor or the chair. Relax any areas of tightness or tension. Just breathe.

Tune into your breath. Feel the natural flow of breathing, out. You do not need to do anything to your breath. Not long, not short, just natural. Notice where you feel your breath in your body. It might be in your abdomen. It may be in your chest or throat or in your nostrils. See if you can feel the sensations of breath, one breath at a time. When one breath ends, the next breath begins.

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MINDFULLNESS EXERCISE Be kind to your wandering mind. Now as you do this, you might notice that your mind may start to wander. You may start thinking about other things.

If this happens, it is not a problem. Its very natural.

Just notice that your mind has wandered. You can say thinking or wandering in your head softly. And then gently redirect your attention right back to the breathing.

Stay here for five to seven minutes. Notice your breath, in silence. From time to time, you’ll get lost in thought, then return to your breath.

Check in before you check out. After a few minutes, once again notice your body, your whole body, seated here. Let yourself relax even more deeply and then offer yourself some appreciation for doing this practice today.

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DIARY WHAT HAPPENED TODAY

positive thought of the day

what are you looking forward to

NOTES

8 Extra copies of this diary can be printed out at bit.ly/2r0VHag

DIARY WHAT HAPPENED TODAY

positive thought of the day

what are you looking forward to

NOTES

9 Extra copies of this diary can be printed out at bit.ly/2r0VHag

This booklet was created by Amy Blockwell (21), who gave birth prematurely and struggled to access mental health support.

It has been produced with the help of Fixers, the campaign that gives young people a voice.

For help and advice

tommys.org bliss.org.uk mind.org.uk

Jacob, aged 15 months

Jacob, aged 31 weeks