The Signs of Emotional Self-harm

the signs of

EEMOTIONAL MOTIONAL self-harm

from the experiences of sophie clarke, 18

I’m hi

Sophie

INTRODUCTION INTRODUCTION I used to emotionally self-harm. At the time I found it difficult to speak to my parents and teachers about it. So years later I contacted Fixers, the charity that gives young people a voice, to help other young people in a similar situation. I want to help parents, grandparents, teachers and guardians to understand this issue.

I am 18 years old and currently studying psychology, sociology and forensics at a college in Ipswich. I hope to go to university and study animal behaviour with a view to going into conservation work.

When I was 13 or 14, I started to pull away from my friends and isolate myself from everyone. It affected my school work; I couldn’t concentrate and struggled to stay focused. I realised that maybe my parents didn’t understand what I was going through, and that made it very difficult for me to talk to them. What I was doing to myself wasn’t healthy, so I researched the subject and discovered there was a name for it; ‘emotional self-harm’.

M YH MY HIS IS

In my last year of high school I went to see the school nurse about what was happening. With her help, and the support of my younger sister, I managed to work my way through. I recently had a conversation with my parents about what I went through and still found myself having to explain every little detail, which in itself was very taxing and difficult.

STORY STORY

I want people to feel comfortable and safe in the knowledge that they know what to do if they are confronted with emotional self harm. I want children and adults alike to understand that they can talk to each other and not feel alone and isolated.

the

EEMOTIONAL MOTIOside NAL My self-harm was emotional, not physical.

Here are some things that I found myself doing, that a concerned parent could spot in their child:

Isolating myself (I spent long periods of time alone in my bedroom) I became unsociable (going out with my friends less) Punishing myself after feeling stressed I felt so unmotivated to do anything

the

PHYSICAL HYSICAL P side

I know someone who physically self-harmed. Young people who self-harm are also very likely to keep themselves covered up in long-sleeved clothes even when it’s really hot. The NSPCC* suggests looking out for...

cuts

bruises

head

wrists

scratches on the

arms

bald patches

thighs

chest

FOR PARENTS: The most important thing to remember is that you know your child.

If you notice anything that is out of the ordinary then talk to them.

*https://www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/self-harm/

other

PERSPECTIVES CTIVES PERSPE

my friend, who has physically self-harmed

‘Ruby’

My self-harm was predominately driven by mental illness. It’s irrational and complicated. For me, it was a distraction from internal chaos: a punishment, a compulsion or a reassurance. At times I felt disconnected from my body destroying it made me recognise it as my own. I tried to hide it desperately. I was careful to clean up afterwards, keep any marks concealed and throw away clothes that became stained with blood.

Eventually though, it became all too apparent. When my mum found out she was understandably distressed but she never got angry with me. She just supported me in every possible way and offered me unconditional love.

It’s important to remember that when someone self-harms they aren’t doing it to upset you, they’re just struggling.

It’s not something you can make vanish by removing sharp objects; it takes time and patience.

To carers: you may not be able to stop them, but you’re not useless. By remaining calm, hopeful and by always being there, they can and will get through it.

- ‘Ruby’

Speaking from a parent’s point of view, I realised something wasn’t right but I couldn’t understand what. My daughter had gone very quiet, spent a lot of time in her room and didn’t want to go out.

I constantly told her I loved her and that she could tell me anything.

My advice is not to give up, keep talking to them and let them know you love them. Let them know that, whatever the problem, it isn’t as bad as they think and that you can help them. Tell them you won’t judge them.

Wendy my mother

...immediately blame yourself ...blame your child ...call it attention seeking behaviour ...immediately seek out a doctor/therapist without talking to your child first ...push them to talk to you, but let them know you are there

don’t...

ADVICE ADVICE my

do...

...talk to your child ...tell them you love them ...spend time with them ...acknowledge it

This booklet features the experiences of a young person and should not be relied on or substitute for formal medical advice.

For more help dealing with self-harm: thecaldecottfoundation.co.uk youngminds.org.uk childline.org.uk

FixersUK

fixers.org.uk

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Fixers is a campaign that helps young people ‘use their past to fix the future’ f1xers.org.uk and is part-funded by the National Lottery through the Big Lottery Fund.

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