10 Ceremony Questions

• Listen to your family members’ concerns, explain your choices and

even compromise. (One way to avoid drama is by including rituals

and vows that speak to the spiritual side of things rather than to a

specific religion.)

• If you’re having an interfaith union, bring in elements from both

beliefs (for instance, in a Protestant-Jewish wedding, a Christian

hymn and the breaking of the glass).

• If family members become obstinate, you might have to put

your foot down. Forget about seeking their approval; instead,

acknowledge that the ceremony may be difficult for some of

them, but say that this is what you want, and you hope they can be

happy for you.

When do I need to get a marriage license?

In Sarasota and Manatee County Counties your marriage license

must be used within 60 days. It can cost up to $93.50.

Ways to recognize loved ones?

To honor the deceased:

• Light a candle.

• Display a photo of the person on a table beside the altar.

• Place a rose on an unoccupied seat in the front row.

• Ask the officiant to request a moment of silence early in the

ceremony, where he mentions the departed by name or says

“those who are not with us.”

To honor the absent living: Acknowledge them in the program or

in toasts at the reception. (“I’m sorry that Uncle Bob couldn’t make

it tonight. Here’s to his speedy recovery.”)

To honor the people present:

- Consider handing out token gifts -- a letter from the two of you or

a rose -- after the nuptials.

Where should guests sit?

Traditional church weddings in the United States seat the bride’s

immediate family in the first pew to the left of the altar (from the

perspective of a person entering the church) and the groom’s

immediate family in the first pew on the right. (In most Jewish

weddings, this is reversed.) If there are two aisles, the families fill the left and right center rows. But formal “his and hers” seating beyond

immediate family is falling by the wayside. Who sits where, then,

is up to you. One option: Designate the front rows for immediate

family and, for everyone else, offer open seating.

How long should the ceremony last?

While 20 to 35 minutes is a feasible ballpark figure, there’s no

magic number. Think about weddings you’ve attended. Did you

reach a point when your derriere fell asleep? Or did you think that if

you blinked, you would have missed it? Keep your guests’ attention

span in mind, and aim for balance. Consider which aspects are a

must and which can go: Perhaps reduce the officiant’s address (or

sermon) or eliminate a Mass or a reading.

What to address at the rehearsal?

Go over these logistics with the wedding party:

• The order of the processional and the recessional, and who stands

where (including the photographer or videographer).

• Cues and triggers from the officiant (for music, readings, vows

and so on) and who’ll be in charge of the rings.

• The duties of the flower girl and the ring bearer, so they’ll be less

nervous come game time.

The job of running the rehearsal usually lies with the wedding

planner or the officiant (or both, ideally), but you can designate an

organized family member or friend. If you’re not comfortable with

only one run-through, rehearse a few times.

How to prepare for unforeseen disasters?

Chances are, nothing will go awry, but have a backup plan anyway.

bring this planner so you have the phone numbers of florists,

caterers, dry cleaners, and rental services. Have your maid of honor

carry the list so that help is just a phone call away.

For peace of mind, you can also buy wedding insurance (starting

at around $100). In general, this covers calamities such as

cancellations due to weather and illness or if the florist doesn’t

deliver. It may also cover stolen gifts and damage to your gown.