When "Ish" Happens - Flourish Digital Magazine - May/June 2021 by Flourish Digital Magazine

CHLOETAYLORBROWN.COM

' All of us at Flourish Digital Magazine are super-excited that we're moving into longer, brighter, healthier days ahead. When I think of May and June I perk up and become more attentive. I know "ish" is bound to happen, but with the correct mindset, we all get to shape that "ish" into something positive and find the opportunities; or, we can leave it hanging in neutral and let it do what it's going to do; or we can make bad decisions in the midst of it and get caught up in a downward spiral of negativity or nastiness. The point is, we get to choose. Here at FDM, we're also thinking of the love that resonates around the world regarding moms, and our Mother's Day in May—the beautiful blooming flowers, and the birds that seem to be singing louder. We're especially glad that we can finally start entertaining with family and friends again, and engaging in outdoor activities in larger groups. May is also Mental Health Awareness month. Anyone who knows me knows that I am passionate about encouraging young women and girls to honor their authenticity by embracing their wholeness—body, mind, spirit and soul—and by putting their own self first: to be self-aware, attentive and optimistic about who they are and about their future. When I think of June, I think of the strength and admiration for wonderful dads, and our Father's Day. I think of the Summer Solstice, and of course, my own birthday—and also of two phenomenal women whom I have admired for many years: two ladies who also happen to share my birthday. Yvette Harps is my favorite college professor in the fashion department while I attended Mississippi State University, and Pat Cleveland is one of America's and the world's first Black top runway models. In closing, I want to thank all of our writers, contributors and those who allowed us to interview and feature them and their stories in this issue of FDM. I believe it will inspire and encourage you to live lighter, enjoy the Summer and embrace your authenticity more. Make more of who you are—not less. Play up your strengths, your positive qualities and your sparkling personality. That's where your excellence, power, peace, joy and fun will be found. Bask in it—and flourish. Wishing you all the best!

Chloé Taylor Brown Editor-in-Chief

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chloe@flourishdigitalmagazine.com Instagram: @flourishdigitalmagazine @chloetaylorbrown

IT'S NOT THE

"ish"

WE FACE THAT

defines us. IT'S HOW WE

deal

WITH IT AND REDEFINE IT.

@flourishdigitalmagazine @sadiyah_adams

JUST "ISH" Jade Cherell

20 ATTRiBUTES OF A FEMiNiNE POWER PLAYER

WHEN "ISH" HAPPENS

TRUSTiNG MY AUTHENTiCiTY

iRON SHARPENS iRON: FATHERHOOD WiSDOM

HEY, MAMAS!

Chloé Taylor Brown Paula G. Voice

Chloé Taylor Brown

Paula G. Voice interviews three fathers Elena Taylor Bagger's nomad life

REDEFINING WELLNESS IN 2021

Bella Yemayah

BODY LOVE

70 TURNING TO GOD AS A FIRST RESORT J a n i s H u n t J o h n s o n 72 HOW DOES YOUR GARDEN GROW? L a u r i e M a r i e R e n f r o 74 GOD'S UNDERSTANDING B e r n i e R . 78 Chloé Taylor Brown

HORMONE BALANCING

KELLI'S GRILLED VEGGIE KABOBS

Healthy eating with Lisa M. Washington Kelli Ferrell

KELLi, HER GiRLS & HER BUSiNESS

an interview with Kelli Ferrell DADDY'S STOLEN HEART

Chloé talks with Miguel Martinez

WHEN WOMEN THRIVE

Sadiyah Adams' conversation with Khomotšo Mashalane

08 14 64

TIMELESS BEAUTY Carol Causieestko

TRENDING BEAUTY

THE LANGUAGE OF FASHION

AGING SKIN

Nyssa Green

Chloé Taylor Brown

Chloé Taylor Brown with Lyn Ross

SHE'S IN HER BAG Shakiera Baisden

UP & COMING FASHION DESIGNER, DESTYNEE CARR

Alexandria Lee

BEAUTY WITH PURPOSE Tracey Thomas

34 60

52 77

KAITLIN ZHANG

Karen Gamba & Frank Carlisi

PROTECT YOURSELF FROM FiNANCiAL ABUSE Kim Scouller

MY JOURNEY TOWARDS SELF-DISCOVERY

Victoria Moore-McMiller

NYLA'S TEA ON GEN Z

Nyla Stephenson

32 56

Chloé Taylor Brown talks with restaurateur Kelli Ferrell

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My conversation with Kelli Ferrell begins just as she and her husband Mark pull up to their driveway after touching down at the Atlanta airport traveling back from Miami, where they're planning a celebration for their tenth wedding anniversary that includes an extensive exotic vacation. Kelli tells me she's going to "just stay in the car for now because when I come back from a trip the kids will be crazy if I go in the house." Kelli goes on to explain, "I'm a proud mother of five amazing daughters." I feel myself smiling and even grinning as I am immediately inspired, impressed, and more curious than ever. Kelli is sitting relaxed in her car and seems petite in stature; but she is certainly a feminine power player in business —and that includes her latest business

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venture, which is getting national attention right now: Nana's Chicken-N-Waffles, a distinguished Georgia restaurant bringing comforting family recipes to the masses. I like that Kelli seems to have channeled her energy—and aligned her talents, gifts and passion—to play an amazing life game, and at a high level of excellence, alongside her husband. She does this on her own terms while also sincerely enjoying her family and the fruits of her labors. Kelli moved to Atlanta, Georgia in 2003 to attend Bauder College. After earning her degree in fashion merchandising and design she continued living in Atlanta and soon created One Fab Event, where she made >

"I was able to go from one to the other [from fashion to food] because it was just the whole God thing,"

a name for herself specializing in wedding planning and design. With this business, she was sought after and very successful. I ask Kelli how she was able to jump from fashion merchandizing and design, and a successful business, One Fab Event, to the restaurant business and owning Nana's Chicken-N-Waffles—which is now one of the trendiest new restaurants in Georgia and Metro Atlanta. "I was able to go from one to the other because it was just the whole God thing," she says.

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"One of the things I experienced in the kitchen with my own grandmother as a teenager is this: When you grow up watching and cooking with the elders, you learn amazing recipes, techniques and skills. And if you're clever, you listen and hear the wise underspeakings of sagacity—and you're able to use those lessons in the kitchen, in business, and in all of life. "I do love beautiful things," she continues. "I have loved fashion ever since I was a little girl. I love seeing models, I love fabrics, I love shoes, and I love accessories. I love everything about fashion, and it was always something I've dreamed of doing." >

"I didn't see cooking professionally anywhere in my future—but I've always loved it."

Like many girls, Kelli grew up dressing in her mom's pretty clothes, heels and accessories. She believed her mother was "just very beautiful," and she wanted to be like her.

was a restaurant, so we knew we would create and own one from that. We just didn't know what the name was going to be or what we were going to serve."

At the same time, Kelli also realized "that I was always in the kitchen with my mother and my grandmother as well—and so I always had a passion for food and fashion. So how did I go from fashion to being a restaurateur and chef? Again, it really was a whole God thing, because no one could have told me in a million years that I would be cooking professionally."

Kelli tells me that her husband is actually a wonderful cook as well. "He's not a chef, but he's an amazing cook from Louisiana."

She didn't see the restaurant as being a realization, even though she loved cooking and food. So I ask her: At what point did you realize and know that cooking, serving others, and owning a restaurant would be part of your destiny? "I didn't see cooking professionally anywhere in my future—but I've always loved it. My husband and I did a vision board together about seven years ago, and on that vision board we put all the things we both love and all the things we wanted to do and accomplish. And from there we birthed Nana's —because there was food everywhere on the vision board. The restaurant was literally birthed from a vision board—and it was my husband's first time doing one! There

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"I love this, Kelli," I tell her. "You're speaking my language." Kelli has five daughters, and their youngest are twins. It was while she was pregnant with them that she decided to step back from the super-busy world of wedding planning, to take time for herself and her family. Kelli wanted to be a great mom and a great wife. So it was during this time of contentment, peace, joy and love that Nana's Chicken-N-Waffles was born. "I love what I do. I'm in my happy place," Kelli tells me through a winning smile and dazzling white teeth. She has discovered that her true passion is for people. And she can experience true happiness—no matter if it's in fashion, wedding planning, or cooking and serving it up at the restaurant. The common thread that runs through everything Kelli does is >

"At first, I think my family was lacking attention." making people feel happy. "So, now, my thing is: I just make people feel happy through food."

Wanting to hear more, I ask her how she plans to keep the romance in her marriage into the future.

"I'm curious," I ask. "What has been challenging for you?"

"Well, for our tenth-year wedding vow renewal, which will be in Miami where we got married, we're going on a two-week vacation to travel internationally. I think we're going to experience three countries."

"When you're going for what it is that you want in life, sometimes some things may lack attention," Kelli answers, thoughtful. "And I'm just going to be honest. At first, I think my family was lacking attention because my husband and I were so much into getting the restaurant up and running and successful. And now that Nana's Chicken-N-Waffles works for itself like a machine with our phenomenal team, Mark and I can now immerse ourselves in family time with the girls. For instance, we're taking them to Disney on Ice tomorrow." Kelli wants her girls to know the value of hard work. She doesn't just talk about it, she and her husband demonstrate it first hand. She wants her daughters to know that with a vision, and staying true to who they are, they can create and live an amazing life on their own terms. Kelli's new book, Kooking with Kelli, is available on Amazon.com. Now that Kelli's positioned herself as a true Feminine Power Player she is eager to share her knowledge with other women in the food and restaurant business by sharing the tools and information they will need to make their goals in this business a reality. Kelli and her husband keep their marriage spicy with date nights—even drive-in movies— and lots of time on their beautiful deck, grilling, watching TV, counting their blessings, and just having a wonderful and relaxing family experience.

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"Tell me, Darling," I say, "What does your Nana think about all of this? About you, that is, her granddaughter—and your success? Of course she must be thrilled that you're using her recipes and that you've named your restaurant in her honor." "She is just over-the-moon happy for me. Nana is eighty-one years young, fabulous, still going, still driving, thriving and flourishing." <

This fun and interactive game will have friends and family thinking and laughing out loud!

WON'T BE THE SAME!

www.dinneranddialoguetv.com

Miguel Martinez Daddy's Stolen Heart

Chloé Taylor Brown interviews entrepreneur, author and music producer Miguel Martinez

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The Girl Who Stole Her Daddy's Heart Straightaway, Miguel A. Martinez—serial entrepreneur, author, music producer and speaker—made it known that he is a very vocal father. He believes that being a dad is one of the things he knows has brought him greater success, especially at this stage in his life. He says his three children have driven him in an organic way to be more. He's the father of Micaela, his four-year-old daughter; and two sons, a twenty-year-old and a twenty-one-yearold; and he also has a grandson. Miguel says he's definitely not afraid to showcase what inspires him. With his daughter being the youngest, you can already tell that she is a great source of inspiration to him, because she's everywhere with him. Sometimes he takes her to Las Vegas to business meetings, or he'll do a daddy–daughter weekend getaway to Orlando or Miami. He says what he learned from his sons when they were younger was "a different type of parenting from what I do now for my daughter." Miguel laughs and says, "You know, daughters and women got kryptonite and they know it. My daughter knows it; being a girldad is a different experience from raising sons." Miguel credits himself for being older and more focused and experienced, with the ability to love more because of his parenting success. "I enjoy it. It's just something different about a girl, though." Miguel was raised by his older grandmother. "I was ten and my grandmother was already in her eighties when I went to live with her. She was old school, and so it was boot camp every day. I didn't get all my lovey-dovey stuff from her. But I did get some good tools, though." >

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"I was blessed with her," he went on. "Most importantly, I was ready to learn. My daughter has taught me more than anyone, and she's only four years old now. She has taught me more about women, patience, and love. And because of her I have a heightened respect for women in general, that nobody else could get through to me. But she did."

Miguel says he didn't have "that affection connection" that boys would have with their mothers growing up. He believes that set him up "from even wanting to love" as much as he probably could have. "It hurt me in ways where I didn't trust much, because of all the things that happened. But I became aware of these things, and sometimes you can't change unless you open up. That's what my daughter did for me; and I was finally able to love a female unconditionally, without any regards to anything except love." I asked Miguel, "Do you think you were waiting for your daughter to arrive to feel, show and share this kind of love?" "You know, Chloé," he answered. "I don't know what it was. I just know that God always has a way of preparing you for what He wants to prepare you for. And I think through all the trials and errors, I learned some really powerful things—coming from the streets, which gave me a dynamic that most people just don't have —and when my daughter was born, she was the icing on the cake. FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 16

Miguel explains that his daughter "checks his ego," and that spills over into his relationship with his wife and his sisters. And most importantly, he adds, "it has changed my ability to communicate more effectively with my female counterparts in the business world. And that has been very powerful." Clearly, Micaela is a very special child. Miguel gushes, "people tell me more than I tell myself— I don't care if I'm at a restaurant, if I'm at the airport—I get stopped a lot of times, because she has something about her that's just naturally magnetic to society." This is one proud father. His son Michael is twenty years old, and Miguel describes him as "exactly who he was when he was two years old." Miguel Jr. is the oldest of the three. Miguel says that both of his sons "have a heart of gold. They're smart and very attractive young men who can hold their own. They love the ladies, you know—all the typical things that come with young boys and young men— and I am proud of the fact that they still respect the voice of their father and their mother." >

During the pandemic lockdown, Miguel cooked gourmet meals for his wife and daughter. Check out He's Got Flavor! 21 Tasty Homestyle Recipes for the Entire Family

Miguel goes on to tell me that he and his sons had a distant relationship when they were younger, because they lived in Virginia during the school months and with him all summer; and going back and forth between him and their mother was challenging. But they were able, "through the years, to have a very, very strong bond. I talk to my sons almost every other day, and they still rely on their father's guidance." He mentions as a proud father that both sons are self-sufficient and out of his pocket. "Miguel Jr. actually made me a grandfather. I wanted to wring his neck at first. But things happen the way they should. He has a beautiful son, Aiden, who's four years old as well." I wondered about that, so I asked, "Do you have any advice or suggestions for young dads?" "I'm very ambitious in the business world, Chloé, and my daughter is a part of every business decision I make. Because it is challenging raising kids. I believe you don't have kids just to have kids. You have to be present and take time with them, and take care of them." FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 17

Miguel and his wife Melanie grew up worlds apart—with different lifestyles and family dynamics. She is from Sydney, Australia and he's from Camden, New Jersey "from the rough parts of the street," and "she's from way out there in Australia." He laughs and says, "culturally we're very different, and I think that's why we have a strong connection. Every day is an exploration into each other to figure out how things work. And that ignites and stimulates our relationship and keeps us from getting bored. But when it comes to how I love versus how she loves, it's very different. My wife has four sisters. She grew up with mom and dad in the same house and they are an extremely close family of second and third generations interacting." Miguel describes his experience as the opposite: "in my family growing up in a city, everyone was all over the place. So you had to have some sense of willpower and belief in God—something outside of yourself to hold onto, so you didn't fall by the wayside. That's what I did." Miguel tells me how important it is to do things differently now. "Because of this and other reasons, my wife and I both made a decision over the last three to four years, that if one of us is working, the other one doesn't. So we can have that true one-on-one time with our daughter." >

Miguel told me about how he didn't establish a relationship with his own father, a retired general in Special Forces, until he was twentyeight or twenty-nine years old. He says they are very close now. In fact, Miguel moved to Tampa, Florida to be near him. "So, imagine: A general in Special Forces is very disciplined and stern. When we found out my daughter was going to be a girl, he was like, 'that's exactly what you need. You just wait.'" He smiles. "Some of my friends who have known me for years say I've gotten soft on them." I asked him, "Do you really believe you have changed that much since your daughter was born?" "Let's answer that question like this, Chloé. You're a transformational thought leader and so I know you can definitely appreciate what I'm going to say. "So you have a client who needs your assistance and coaching, and you can see every bit of their potential; but there is one thing missing. It seems that no one believed in them, or told them enough; so they don't believe in themselves. But you're the coach. And you believe. You can see it. And they trust you because that's the first step. Trust is the first step to change and transform. "Once you establish credibility, and the person begins to trust you, all of a sudden what people have been trying to do and accomplish for a lifetime, you're able to effectively help them do in a couple of settings. And literally, it's amazing what can happen when a person lets go and trusts. Right?" I nodded. "You know you're being a wonderful daddy when your male friends call you up and say, 'Hey man, you want to get together with the kids?' Or 'Where do you take your daughter?' I think that's amazing." < FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 18

JUST "ISH" “Summertime and the livin’ is easy!” Or so the song goes. Usually everyone has their traditional summer plans sprinkled with some razzle-dazzle of summer magic. And relaxation is usually on the list of summertime activities. This year is going to be different, though. This year the country— and the world—is opening back up. While societies around the world are still uncertain, the vaccine has granted us some levels of freedom. This summer. . .some s*it is going to happen. Summertime is always a time of fun! Pool parties, weddings, Memorial Day, festivals, camping, outdoor adventures—the world is truly buzzing with energy. This year we’ve all been itching to go out and to resume our normal lives—times twenty! This year the world is stirring with the excitement of caged fairies waiting to get out and sprinkle fairy dust on everything. Like this year's pollen in Atlanta. It's going to become another roaring 20’s! After the Spanish flu pandemic of 1918– 1920, the world was bored and ready to embrace friendship, partying, social gatherings, and just having fun! Music, women's rights, and economic growth were the staples of the Roaring 20s. All of that prosperity was fueled by a desire to finally stop worrying or stressing and just go live life! Think The Great Gatsby–but with wifi and Apple Pay. So, yea, get ready for this summer, y'all! Better yet, buckle up for the decade! Because if history repeats itself, it's going to be a doozie in the best way for a while. The culture is already changing in this country. What new progressive legacy will our Roaring 20s take pride in? Some s*it is definitely about to happen! Humanity is groomed for it. But let's just not dive headfirst into the stock market. . .again.

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by Jade Cherell Flourish Digital Magazine Staff Writer

20ATTRIBUTES OF A

Feminine

POWER PLAYER

Q U A L I T I E S O F W O M E N W H O C O M P A S S I O N , G R A C E , S T Y L E

B Y

C H L O É

T A Y L O R

L E A D W I T H & C E R T A I N T Y

B R O W N

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 20

SHE IS BEAUTIFUL, KNOWLEDGEABLE & SAGACIOUS— AN INSPIRING WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE WHO GLADLY EMPOWERS OTHERS TO RISE UP AND FLOURISH WITH HER: 1. She values herself and displays IvyLeague confidence with grace and style.

2. She has keen perception. 3. She is decisive.

4. She applies her knowledge.

5. She pursues worthy, big dreams. 6. She has the knowledge and discipline

to maintain and expand her dreams— and others' dreams, too.

7. She energizes her mind, body, spirit and soul, and thrives.

8. She has the ability to take action, to

occupy and maintain a position, and to take charge.

9. uses her communication abilities to She communicates masterfully and

speak truthfully, specifically and clearly to direct energy in a positive manner.

10. communication channels, contacts She has abundant, upscale and connections.

11. She shows up and delivers what she promises. 12. She duplicates, appreciates and acknowledges others' dreams, viewpoints, skills, visions, plans, and desires. 13. She trusts and respects herself, and creates trust and respect in others. 14. She is honest.

15. She is a big developer and producer.

16. Those connected to her–to her game of excellence and to her area(s)–expand spiritually.

17. She has bigger dreams, visions, plans, skills, and actions. 18. She knows the value of creating her unique brand and projecting a trustworthy appearance that meets the requirements of any occasion. 19. She laughs freely, and sincerely enjoys herself, others and life. 20. She loves operating in a win/win/win manner.

Intuitive, strong, bold, prosperous, successful, healthy, and happy

—a

breath of fresh air.

CHLOETAYLORBROWN.COM

FROM AGE 19 TO 90, WE ALL NEED ENCOURAGEMENT AND REAL-LIFE PROCESSES TO DRAW OUT OUR BEST TO THRIVE AND FLOURISH! EXPERT LIFE COACHING FOR WOMEN & GIRLS TO RISE UP, SINCE 2001

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WHEN “ISH” HAPPENS HOW TO NAVIGATE THE JOURNEY I had an average upbringing. There were some unusual circumstances based on the norms of society, but nothing earth-shattering. I married, raised children, worked, and attempted to build a career in the midst of duties as a military spouse. Now here I am. I often get asked how I transformed my life and created my current platform, which is a far cry from my previous journey. My response: First, it was an answer to prayer. Second, one step at a time. That’s what you do when “ish” happens in your life!

ANSWER TO PRAYER: We all have experiences in our lives where we just wish we could pray our way out of that situation. We pray and ask for deliverance from that situation, yet we find ourselves in the midst of it. I've had to seek God’s help through some trying times in my life! Lord knows, it was not an easy journey. Lonely nights! Fearful nights! Anxious nights! Nights filled with confusion! No direction and no idea what to do! Sound familiar? I would dare say we all experience this at some junction in our lives. Sometimes we have to ask for help in guiding us through whatever it is we have to face. As I look back, I see that much of what was placed before me were things that I had to learn, overcome, navigate through, or learn to co-exist with on the other side. So that was one prayer. "Lord, help me navigate through this valley that I find myself in!"

What are some things I learned in the valley? The valley can be a dark, lonely place–filled with confusion, low self-esteem, depression, and lack of vision.

I am Paula G. Voice! I am a sagacious independent lifestyle influencer. I am embracing my own journey and I am sharing a soliloquy of seasons on the journey. I am influencing dreamers to do the same by breathing life into their vison and ultimately living the reality of that vision! It is never too late to embrace your journey and live your dream. Flourish! Visit Paula’s blog at www.paulagvoice.com for additional soliloquies of the journey.

The valley can be a hard place to climb out of, but the climb is necessary. God was in the valley. There may be times when that does not appear to be so, but He is always there. > FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 24

ONE STEP AT A TIME: Then there is the slow ascension to the peak. You may find yourself falling back down numerous times, but you have to keep getting back up and pressing forward. Each time I fell down, I took the lesson learned and applied it to the next attempt to climb out. Talk about a slow ascension back to the top. It was definitely slow!

What are some things I learned on the journey to the peak? There will be days when you just plain don’t feel like fighting the battle. That’s normal. Allow yourself the space to process those feelings, and then get back on the path to ascension. There are a lot of changes you may have to make in your life. Changes in persons, places, things, and thoughts. Remember the Serenity Prayer, which speaks to recognizing what you can and cannot change, and having the wisdom to discern the difference. Take one day at a time. Just focus on the day ahead of you and not on how far you have to go. We often keep looking at the top and we get discouraged about how far we have to go. Every day, let's be sure to give ourselves credit for how far we have come. <

We are all on this journey called life but sometimes we feel as though we are all alone. I hope what I share is encouraging to you and that it lets you know: You are not alone! Be kind to yourself and embrace the journey.

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TIMELESS Beauty with The Lady

by Carol Causieestko

As a new contributing writer to Flourish Digital Magazine, it is my goal each issue to expand your horizons toward innovative experiences that transform your mind, body, and spirit, while at the same time to provide holistic lifestyle adjustments to support you in living your best life. > Makeup by: Linda Dupree Photo by: Neal Hamilton

I believe aging is relative; it’s how your inner and outer being merge. That is the real test. The key to the Fountain of Youth is within your spirit—never buying into ageism and the propaganda associated with it. What makes one timeless? It is not a status concomitant with a numerical age. In a recent conversation with my Millennial educator daughter L’Oréal McCollum, MSW, LSW, M.Ed., she expressed her succinct perspective on the matter: “The beauty that is timeless is that from within.” My daughter and I agree: Each day you live, you get the opportunity to create and recreate your timeless legacy—no matter your age. From my perspective, Timeless Beauty resides at the intersection of personal style; inherited and learned beauty practices; and innovative health regimens. One of my biggest endeavors is in paving my own beauty journey toward timelessness—not restricted to a particular time or date, never to tire or go out of style. Timeless Beauties are not affected by changes in society or fashion—they are ageless. From the beginning of my sweet life, I was groomed by my mom to strive toward this achievement of Timeless Beauty. Within my ancestral family, there were two main paths of birthright: those known for achievements in education and social change; and those specifically known for their beauty and ageless regimens. I have always aspired toward both. Within our contemporary family structure, the objective of every ambitious woman is to embody a strong mind, body, and spirit, and to achieve longevity like so many of our indigenous ancestors (many of whom lived to be a hundred). >

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To achieve these goals is a strong indication that one has lived a peaceful and subjectively successful life, no matter the traveled path. The pressure to grow up beautiful, graceful, decorous, elegant, and smart appeared an achievement certainly not for the faint of heart. Growing up a sweet, dreamy, poetic, and pure-hearted being, my dreams —then and now—pirouetted around romance and a love of all things beautiful. I grew obsessed with “Old Hollywood” movies and “the glamorous life.” I fancied that “certain something” the women of that time possessed: the makeup, clothes, elegance, refinement, class, and sophistication. All were consistent with the culturally defined characteristics we’ve been socialized to perceive as true beauty. As I reflect on bygone eras, I recall that I have always believed that the essence of true beauty resides within one’s “inner makeup,” i.e., heart and soul. With this statement as my truth, why did I continue to yearn solely for aesthetic beauty at all cost? Surely, Timeless Beauty was not only acquired from the expensive beauty cremes my Mom introduced to us as young girls. I can still hear her forever draining monologue: “Make sure you are wearing sunscreen! Never forget, the women in our family are ageless. No sun spots, no wrinkles.” For me, the quest toward Timeless Beauty meant that I would be very much like the queen of my life, my mother Aleen. Not too surprisingly, I went on to adopt words very similar to hers in my conversations with my own kids. >

My mother, Aleen, known as the prettiest woman in her town.

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She was known as the prettiest woman in her town—indeed, her perceived legacy would be as a model or actress like the Timeless Beauties of her time: Lena Horne, Audrey Hepburn, Greta Garbo, Diahann Carroll, Sophia Loren, Elizabeth Taylor, Joyce Bryant, or Dorothy Dandridge. To be favored with so much beauty surely would come with a price, whether from the covetous tension from their peers or the chauvinistic male egos seeking to possess this type of women as objects. The truest test for each of these beauties would come in the form of simultaneously embracing their inner and outer beauty across the lifespan. This would be the arduous challenge of their lives. In those days, women were not thought of as consummate professionals. Whether you were blessed to attend college or not, the goal was still the same: Marry well, and aspire toward the classic trope of the white picket fence, 2.5 children, and the overrated country-club milieu. All the while you were praying that when the kids were raised successfully, and you were not too old, you might finally have that career. For many women of a certain age, some quintessential representations of Timeless Beauty include Iman, Diana Ross, Princess Diana, Michelle Obama, J. Lo, and a plethora of nineties supermodels—all not too far off from the Hollywood starlets who still leave us breathless every time we see an old film. Distinctively across the Millennial and Gen-Z groups, Timeless Beauty represents an entirely different and more expansive ethos on being. It is the age of they/them/theirs, gender nonconformity, and identity affirmative/appropriate orientation rather than an aesthetically monolithic vision. It is beauty on its own terms, in its own words. >

“Make sure you are wearing sunscreen! Never forget, the women in our family are ageless. No sun spots, no wrinkles.”

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As I mature, I realize I have become everything that embodies the essence of my mom. To this day, now that she is ninety-three, I still find myself in awe of her beauty, mystique, confidence, strength, power, integrity—and that magical aura of hers that captures the breath of everyone who meets her. No doubt about it, she still embodies that “certain something” beyond her aesthetic appeal alone. It is ultimately her empowered essence that is the most timeless of all; always beautiful, always in style, and what a legacy to behold! <

Smooches and a cup of tea, —The Lady

Lady Carol Causieestko (she/her/hers) is the CEO of Inner Makeup Enterprises. She is a fierce advocate for social change, a vibrant businesswoman, an internationally trained beauty expert and make-up artist, a celebrity costumer/clothier, a style icon, a former model, and the mother of two. She is also known to many as the facilitator for her empowering, classic, and signature tea-party seminars titled, “The Return of the Lady.” As of March 2021, she can be seen, alongside her daughter, as one of the co-stars in the thoughtprovoking PBS documentary, “Fast Forward: Look into Your Future.” She is currently developing her own docuseries and writing her first book. IG: @thereturnofthelady www.returnofthelady.org Makeup by: Linda Dupree Photo by: Jerry King

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IT'S BEAUTY

TRENDING BEAUTY: WHAT SHOULD YOU TRY? Thanks to social media, there seems to be a new beauty trend every time we log on. The good side is that there are almost limitless options to anything you want to try in beauty. The bad side is, not every trend works for everyone. Here's a look at some viral beauty trends. Discover which ones you should try, and when to swipe left.

Gua Sha

There are millions of videos of people practicing

Gua Sha going viral these days, and in this case, it's because it works. Gua Sha is a centuries old East Asian tradition of using a scraping motion to go over the skin while applying pressure.

Colorful Eyes

While traditionally used to relieve muscle ache and joint pain,

palettes full of fun colors, so this must-do trend is easy to

it's now more popular for the face. With a lot less pressure, a

accomplish. The key is to be daring, and have fun! Try a

stone or crystal is used to apply upward scraping motions on

graphic liner of your favorite color, or do triple coats of a

the face and neck. Benefits include better lymphatic drainage,

colored mascara. Even add a swipe of bright eyeshadow

increased circulation, and collagen production.

on the bottom for a bold, beautiful look. Any one of these

Liquid Chlorophyll

Almost every cosmetic line is producing

is a great way to add color to the eyes; just don't do them

It looks really healthy to gulp down a

all at once!

glass of bright green liquid like you may have seen on your social media feeds lately, which means many people are raving

Skin Highlighter

about the benefits of chlorophyll. Yes, it will help with skin and

way, so this trend has people going way

inflammation, and it's full of antioxidants. These same benefits

overboard! The trend of swiping highlighter

can be found in broccoli and spinach—and at my house on

down your nose, above the lip, on the cheeks,

Sundays, when I make collard greens! All the chlorophyll you

and so on may end up looking clownish.

need can be eaten, so skip this trend-in-a-bottle.

Instead, apply matte shadows and blush

A little goes a long

and use a setting spray to add a nice dew.

by Nyssa Green, Emmy Award–Winning Make-Up Artist THEGREENROOMAGENCY.COM IG: THEGREENROOMAGENCY FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 31

CAUDALÍE BEAUTY ELIXIR A multi-purpose mist that sets make-up and tones the skin, revealing its natural radiance.

MY JOURNEY TOWARDS SELF-DISCOVERY

by Victoria Moore-McMiller

rowing up I had serious self-identity issues, specifically with being Black. I remember the exact incidences of my lack of understanding of my identity pouring out into my behavior—the way I interacted with friends and family, and even how I interacted with myself. This of course was further amplified by being in White spaces for a majority of my life. Yet this behavior was most evident in my childhood school, which I attended from kindergarten to twelfth grade. It was attended by mostly Whites and located in Memphis, Tennessee, a major metropolis of the American South.

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The first incident was with a cousin of ours who was old enough to take care of my big sister and me, while my mother was doing a radiology fellowship in Boston in the summer of 2006. I was six years old when I verbally expressed for the first time in front of her, that I wished I were White instead of Black—to which she responded, “You are so silly.” Another memorable moment was when I was in the sixth grade, and I was wearing a T-shirt that my mother had gotten from a medical conference with two Black kids on the front saying, “I want to be a doctor when I grow up.” I wore this shirt inside-out, and refused >

TODAY I PRACTICE BEING INTENTIONAL AND BEING PURPOSEFUL. to change it, even when kids pointed it out to me several times. Later on that evening when I went home with the shirt still inside-out, my mother’s boyfriend at the time tried to inform me that people still knew I was Black, whether or not I wore the shirt correctly. I tried my best to hold back my tears. These are just two of many incidents where I was suffering out loud with seemingly nowhere to turn. Even as I grew older and more self-aware throughout high school, I still suffered from being only one of three Black girls in my grade. This was made worse by my attempts to reach out and seek sanctuary with the multitude of Black boys in my grade—but they called me names such as “Oreo,” and teased me for speaking “proper,” while praising the White girls in my grade instead. When I came to college, I immediately immersed myself in the culture of my people. I found Black friends who were like-minded and had similar to relatable experiences to mine. I used that deep hurt that I'd felt throughout my childhood, not as a crutch, but as a stepping-stone into the empathic, intelligent, forward-thinking young woman that I am today. Now I can confidently look back on my experiences and discern why I felt that way, so that I can better love myself and love those around me more effectively. Over the past couple of years, we’ve heard over and over again that representation matters; but I never really understood the power of that statement until I adequately analyzed my childhood trauma, which was largely a result of not seeing my own beauty—that is, the beauty of blackness represented in society. For example, I hated my hair, and when I was ten, I got a relaxer; I had relaxed hair until I was eighteen. I just had to assume that my hair was so undesirable that the only thing I could do to be pretty was to chemically treat it every couple of months. So many movies show Black bodies as being disposable—the first character to die; the supporting actor to push the White main character forward; or even worse, the subject of a film highlighting Black trauma such as slavery and the Jim Crow South. There was never anything that I could easily celebrate as a child. It was all very morbid to me. When I got to high school, I faced another challenge—misogynoir. So many noteworthy publications such as The Atlantic have done studies into how Black boys have an easier time in high school than Black girls, because they can rely on a “cool factor” that is awarded to boys, but not girls—and I fit right into that statistic.

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The Black boys honestly had everything to gain and nothing to lose by lifting up White girls and other girls of color, and putting me down instead. You might be wondering: How has all this impacted my life to this day? I could tell you that I have had natural hair for the past year, and it’s already the longest and healthiest it has ever been in my life. I could tell you that the Black boys in my grade DM me on Instagram and ask me to hang out with them when I come home for Winter and Summer Break. I could tell you that when my friends need help or they're looking for good advice about their childhood trauma, and discerning whether someone has been treating them poorly because of their race, or whether or not something was a microaggression, they come to me—but that doesn’t really matter. Ultimately, I spent the majority of my life feeling like I needed to make up for the fact that I was Black, that being Black made me somehow lesser than, and so I needed to appear like I wasn’t the burden that I thought I was. I did this by pursuing every leadership position I could qualify for and by being the loudest and the funniest in the room. But I’m passed all of those childish antics now, as they didn’t serve me. Today I practice being intentional and being purposeful. That means I wake up every day knowing that I am enough, and I don’t have to do everything under the sun, or even hide parts of myself for that to be true. It means, if I apply for a position, it’s because I want it, and I know myself enough to know that I am right for that position. It means that I do only things that serve me, not vice versa. As I approach my twenty-first birthday, I am very aware of the legacy that I want to leave behind. From day one, I’ve wanted to be great and to achieve the highest of goals— it is the very core of my being—but I thought that wasn’t a reality afforded to me because of the color of my skin. They say that when we die, all that’s left is our spirit, and when we are reborn, we choose our parents and our family. Looking at my life now, and where I come from, and the legacy that my family has left, and that my chosen family— that is, my dearest friends—will leave, I know that I have everything I need to succeed. If I could tell my six-year-old self anything, it would be just that. < Victoria Moore-McMiller is a Generation Z Businesswoman and a Junior at Cornell University School of Hotel Administration.

KAITLIN ZHANG

Kaitlin Zhang is the CEO of Oval Branding and an award-winning speaker based in London, England. Kaitlin, a Chinese Canadian entrepreneur, says her multi-cultural background helps inform her cross-border branding practice— especially between China and the West. Kaitlin also specializes in personal branding to help her clients actively craft their brand niche and build their reputation. AN INTERVIEW WITH KAREN GAMBA & FRANK CARLISI, CO-FOUNDERS OF THE EXV AGENCY EXV-AGENCY.COM IG: @EXV-AGENCY

Kaitlin, you run an international business. How have you managed to grow and keep scaling during the pandemic? The year 2020 wasn’t an easy year for any business owner. Even if your business was lucky enough to grow during the pandemic, it must have included many challenges and sacrifices. And if your business struggled during this difficult time, I want you to know that you are not alone, and to just keep going. Staying in business is a huge accomplishment in itself. For us, Oval Branding was in the privileged position to grow and expand in 2020 with clients in the UK, China, the USA and Canada. I feel that this growth is a result of the hard work of every previous year, as we continue to make our branding and marketing services competitive. My vision for the business is very long term, so I took the quiet times in 2020 to reflect and pare down. Sometimes by doing less, we can accomplish more. For example, we purposely scaled down our blogging and social media. I only wrote when I had something new and valuable to say. I was also more selective in the type of speaking opportunities I took on. With the time I saved, I focused more on adding value to existing client projects. >

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UNDERSTAND THE BRAND POSITION My hope for 2021 is that we can take on projects where we can add the most value through our cross-border marketing and branding skill sets, and work on projects that resonate with our hearts. In a world of Zoom fatigue, what is a good way to connect with new clients and grow relationships virtually? I found it easier to reconnect with old relationships via text messages, or a quick phone call to say hi. Building on existing relationships can be more fruitful than finding new ones. I prefer conversations that are more personal and meaningful so we can connect on a more human level rather than purely about business. And lastly, for anyone who is working from home, it is especially important to manage your energy level and your screen time. Energy management is the new time management. What advice do you have for any individual or business who has no idea how to approach branding for themselves or their businesses? Where is a good place to start? The first objective for any branding activity is to understand the brand positioning. That means clarifying your offering (product or service), your target audience and how you differ from your competitors. You can start by talking to who you think your target audience is about your product or service. And no, your immediate family and close friends don’t count.

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I mean those people in your target audience who can tell you the truth without worrying about hurting your feelings. This is not easy, but the insight you’ll gain will be invaluable. Ask them what is important to them and which other competitors they might choose and why. As you talk to more and more people, you can start to refine your actual target audience, and come up with the best way to describe your business and your unique value proposition. For more established businesses, what advice do you have for businesses that are trying to elevate and grow their brands during the pandemic? Brands that deeply understand and care about their customers are able to come up with the most authentic communications strategies. During the pandemic, many people are anxious, isolated and struggling. How can your product or service add value to people’s lives in this difficult time? Any words of encouragement or advice for businesses that are struggling as the pandemic stretches on? In an emergency, you are supposed to put your own oxygen mask on. So please take care of yourself first before your work. Find your core support group and keep cheering each other on! <

CHLOÉ

TAYLOR

BROWN

For every occasion... there is a proper way to dress and show up. Understanding the rules from the list below will help you to see where you may want to start working to build your authentic wardrobe.

Evening Attire White Tie is as beautiful and fabulous as formal can be. An ultra feminine full-length evening dress is a must. Your counterpart would wear a tailcoat. No options. Who knows—maybe you are aspiring to work with the United Nations where you’ll be invited to white-tie events with dignitaries and royalties, raising money and awareness for your special causes. Black Tie is formal, and gowns are still the protocol; however, being as relaxed as we are today, a beautiful evening pantsuit or spectacular skirt and blouse would be lovely as well. Your counterpart would wear a tuxedo. Semi-Formal/Cocktail is a relaxed but elegant look. A short dress is appropriate, which could be in a variety of shapes and lengths. The “little black dress” is a favorite. Your counterpart would wear an evening jacket. Dressy Casual is a casual but elegant look. Semi-dressy fabrics are used in pantsuits, dresses and coordinated separates. Well-coordinated shoes and accessories are a must.

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Business Attire Power Business/The Executive Look is usually a feminine skirt suit or tailored dress of quality fabrics and excellent workmanship. Beautiful and elegant, yet conservative accessories are a must. Feminine does not mean seductive. General Business is the middle ground of office and business attire. Individual pieces can work together to suit up in without feeling suited up. A relaxed yet tailored pantsuit or less-constructed skirt suit works well. Business Casual is dressing professionally and feeling more relaxed in your clothes, while at the same time maintaining personal power by being neat and pulled together. You may select a dress, a pantsuit, a skirt and blouse ensemble, or slacks and matching relaxed fitting jacket and top like the one in the photo here. Be creative—the key is looking good while feeling relaxed and professional. Casual Chic is taking a fabulous piece, like a beautiful silk top and mixing it with jeans and a fabulous pair of shoes. When you think of casual chic, think easy separates, textured pieces and contrasting fabrics: leathers, velvets, silks, lace, sparkly tops and sateen pants. All are great pieces to include in your wardrobe if you work in creative industries or less traditional fields. Zoom Chic is dressing comfortably and presentable for work and business meetings.

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Sporty & Play Attire Active Casual allows you to get your cardiovascular health up to speed and look good while you’re doing it. These are clothes worn for active sports, working out and playing. Jogging suits, sweat suits, tennis skirts, workout clothes, running shorts and leggings are all appropriate in the gym or at the coffee shop and running quick errands. Sporty Casual is not about you playing a sport— it’s about you choosing the look of a spectator, just hanging out or running extended errands. This look includes jeans, cotton pants, shorts, a button-down, T-shirts and polo-style shirts to name a few. And don’t forget the appropriate casual shoes. Sporty Chic is cool and simple. You look like you’re headed to or leaving the country club all the time—but you never sweat. The tops are lightcolored and fitted, polo style. Skirts are short and pants are cropped. The shoes are light-weight stylish sneakers or simple, well-made leather thongs, always showing that perfect pedicure. Accessories include oversized sunglasses, canvas totes and any discreet hi-tech gadget. Urban Casual is trendy, casual street glamour for the younger crowd. It’s mixing designer highfashion pieces with athletic and sports wear. It’s hip-hop starlets setting street trends that soon find themselves in night clubs and stores across America.

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Intimate Apparel I love it when I’m relaxing, alone at home, or on vacation with my husband and children, when I get to lie around in the most exquisite silks and cottons for days, rejuvenating my whole self by totally relaxing. These are the times that I believe intimate apparel is immensely important and a must-have. Lounge Wear was designed to recline and lie around in for comfort, such as flowing house gowns, robes, housecoats, muumuus, bed jackets, dusters, nursing gowns and pool attire. Lingerie is women’s undergarments, such as panties, bras, slips, camisoles, girdles, pajamas and night gowns. These garments are to be worn underneath your outerwear and in your bedroom. However, today, the lines between lingerie and ready-to-wear apparel are blurred. Designers are creating cross-over looks that can double as cocktail dresses. But, Darling, please use your best judgment before stepping outside of your chambre à coucher in your lingerie.

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Trusting Your Gut Is The "New Sexy" & It Feels Amazing by Chloé Taylor Brown Darling, have you ever heard someone say, “Hindsight is 2020”? What that means is that after something has occurred you can look back at it and say, “I knew that was going to happen.” But unfortunately, it’s too late for you to do anything about it this time, because it already happened. What you can do is learn from various situations in your life—and learn to listen to your intuition and your instincts, and to trust your gut. Remember, you can learn from your mistakes. You can take a good look at the mistakes you or others have made and recognize what you can do the next time you are faced with a similar situation. That's what I mean when I say, “trust your gut.”

You've got to have insight and foresight. Insight is having the ability to see deep into a situation and look at it from different perspectives. Foresight is the ability to see the consequences of the situation. So, if you pay attention to your intuition and your instincts, your gut will tell you what to do. If you have good insight and foresight, then you can trust your gut. Do you see how that works? Do you remember a time when you used your intuition or your instincts and were able to make a good decision? Build more synergy and alignment between you and yourself by writing down a time when you were faced with making a decision and you were able to choose wisely because your hindsight was 2020. <

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Remember, you can learn from your mistakes.

Aging Skin

Lyn Ross and I both know that when it comes to how you feel, look and behave, age is just a number. And when it comes to my skin and smooth complexion, I have taken Lyn Ross' advice and used her products and skincare system for over twenty years. One of my favorite products is the Enhancing Micro Crystal Polish, which lightly exfoliates and gives me a natural glow. The Institut’ DERMed™ Renewing product system is formulated with exfoliants, peptides, stem cells, spin traps and anti-oxidants to reduce the appearance of maturing skin. Your skin changes as you age. While aging is inevitable, helping my skin to look and feel radiant is Institut' DERMed's specialty. < FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 42

IRON SHARPENS IRON:

FATHERHOOD WISDOM FOR THE NEXT GENERATION OF FATHERS

For the past several years, I have been led to share an encouraging post or message for fathers. Father’s Day is often met with mixed emotions depending on the depth and presence of the father in the home. Many carry the echoes of that presence or lack thereof, and the echoes often resound in mid-June as Father’s Day approaches. I recently asked three fathers, all of whom I respect as men and as fathers, to share their journey. All three of these men are accomplished and successful in their professions. They each candidly shared their reflections on fatherhood. Each was honest about their journey and the wisdom they have gained as their journey continues into the grandfather and great-grandfather stage of life. I appreciate and thank Mr. Blacque, Mr. Starr, and Mr. Choates for sharing so openly. My prayer is that current fathers and fathers-to-be will draw encouragement, support, strength, wisdom, and guidance from these reflections. Take the nuggets, gentlemen, and continue to flourish on the phenomenal journey of fatherhood. —Paula G. Voice

TAUREAN BLACQUE REFLECTS ON ADOPTING CHILDREN Well-known for his role as Detective Sgt. Neal Washington on the television show Hill Street Blues, Emmy-nominated, legendary stage and television actor— and father—Taurean Blacque made a guest appearance on My Journey with Paula G on WATC-TV 57 Atlanta. This reminiscence is adapted from that conversation.

I have thirteen children—eleven are adopted children—so I took a little hiatus from acting, not really a hiatus, but a step back a minute to raise my kids. As a matter fact, most of them have grown up here in Georgia. They went to Southwest DeKalb and Martin Luther King Jr, High School, and they are all out of the house now. I remember this woman came to our church, a White woman. They were trying to get people to adopt—to be foster parents—and she asked me, 'Why are you here?' And I said, 'I want to be a foster parent, an adoptive parent,' and she said, 'That is impossible. You are a male, you are Black, you are single.' I told her, 'You are wrong; I am going to adopt. Those kids need me as much as I need them.' I was in the midst of doing Hill Street Blues. I was one of the first Black men to step forward to be put in that position, of an adoptive parent. President Bush read about me in an article, and he said, 'This is the man, this is the one I want to represent us.' So, he sent me and my tribe to Washington. They named me the National Spokesperson for Adoption Services. Now you see, White woman in the audience, I am still Black, I am still a male, and I am still single, and I am the National Spokesperson for Adoption Services. Most of them were babies. It was amazing. I had two sets of siblings—my two oldest, that I adopted when they were five, they were twins; and a family of five children that I kept together, brothers and sisters. They are all grown now, and they were a blessing. God is good. We have to take care of one another. Especially our children. Our children need us. Don’t be afraid to adopt. Me, I didn’t want to be a celebrity going around telling people what to do if I hadn’t done it myself. I had to do it myself so I could tell you from my heart. You can do it. You can do it. These children, they need us, and we need them. FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 43

—TAUREAN BLACQUE

NIC L. STARR REFLECTS ON THE POWER OF BEING PRESENT Actor, producer, director, father, and grandfather.

When asked to participate in an interview about fatherhood and what It means to me, I honestly blew it off. How do you put that in words? It’s not something to brag about or feel proud of. You do what you do because that’s what you’ve got to do. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Whether you were taught, had a good example, or not. Your journey in fatherhood is your own. You live it, and you learn (if you’re lucky) that the more you put into it, the more you get out of it. The goal is to make it a blessing. I grew up in a household where fatherhood was more about being a provider. My father’s notion of being a father, of being a man, was to provide for his family. In his mind everything else he did outside of providing for us was extra. Spending time with us was never a big deal. He didn't have time because he was always working. He made sure that we had the things we needed to survive, and all we really wanted was his time, his presence. I wanted him to come see me play football or run track, take us to a movie or just come sit on the couch and watch TV with us— anything to show that he was there. We never got that, and that shaped my whole idea of fatherhood and the way that I would do it myself. I swore that I would never make the same mistakes my father did! Yet, without realizing it, I made the very same mistakes my father made. I wasn't present. I wasn’t there. Till this day, that remains one of my life's greatest regrets. Not learning that lesson. Not making more time for my children. So, for me, fatherhood has morphed into this journey of learning what is important in life—not just for me but for my children. I'm trying to find ways to prevent my sons from making that same mistake. I'd like to teach them to fight to remain present. I want them to learn that being a presence in your children's lives is everything. Yes, work hard to provide. Be the very best provider you can be; but don't let that take precedence over you being there as a physical, emotional, and spiritual presence in your children's lives. My best memories of my father have nothing to do with what money he gave my mom for rent, or what bills he paid, or what food he brought to the table. The memories I cherish are the times we spent together—going to a movie, taking a road trip, or just sitting there watching television. To see him disappear into the world of these imaginary characters on the television screen brought a whole new meaning to my life and gave me a way to escape. I didn't need drugs, or alcohol. I did what my daddy did and escaped into the television. Now I am fortunate that all of these years later, my kids are able to escape into the television and film world as well.

I have been blessed to live long enough to see my kids become successful in the things that they love. I am touched that each of my children is successful doing things that I once did during my journey. Soldier, educator, actor. These will be things they will remember their father for, things they will tell their children about. It is my prayer that they will share the good, as well as the bad, and when it’s done, they can still laugh. I am blessed to see the next generation of my family start with my grandson, Nikai. My first grandchild! How will he remember me? Will he remember me? When I look into his eyes, I know what my journey through fatherhood is all about. I realize why we, as men, have to get it right. It’s all about Love. Looking into my grandson’s eyes is a gentle reminder of the first time I looked into each of my children’s eyes when they were babies, and the promises I made due to the overwhelming sense of Love I felt. Did I keep those promises? I’m also reminded of what Love is, and how it feels. I am not only reminded how strong Love is, but how important it is as well. The Love of the mother is without question. There is no stronger power on earth. Her Love can move mountains! Now, guard and protect that most loved child, with a father’s Love as well. It means everything to me that when my children look into my eyes, no matter what the problem is, they know that I am there. I am present, and they are Loved. These are things that I know help make this life worth living, this journey worth taking. Regardless of the many mistakes I’ve made along the way, I continue to love, so I continue to learn. I continue to give, so I continue to receive. Fatherhood is truly a blessing, that should never be taken for granted. Of all of my journeys, I will make sure that fatherhood will always be the most rewarding.

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—NIC L. STARR

ROY CHOATES REFLECTS ON GENERATIONAL CONTINUITY Fatherhood from the eyes of an actor, producer, father, grandfather, and great-grandpa.

My days of parenting have been over for many years. Now I have the opportunity to watch my children display their own parenting talents, and I’m amazed that the process does not change over time, although the players do. The process of growing with your children as you guide them from childhood to adulthood begins with being the provider of the family order on how things are to work and not work. In other words, on establishing the patterns of family life inside the family circle and then outside the family circle. The parent is the rule-setter and the enforcer during the developmental years of the children—which can be a difficult time for both the parent and the children. Once the children become young adults, the parent becomes adviser, sharing their experiences both good and bad, hoping that the children can make their own decisions, learning from the best and worse experiences shared by them. For the parent, becoming the adviser is more difficult for the parent than for the young adult because most young adults are at the early stage of exhibiting free will. That spark of independence of actions and self-awareness among their friends and peers often controls their emotions, which is not easy to understand. I managed to survive both the parenting stage and the adviser stage with my children, and have entered into the respected stage—a stage where my children and their children seek my advice and want to spend time together as a family. When we have our family gatherings the older children can’t wait to tell the younger children how hard they had it and how difficult it was for them to understand life as explained by their parents. The most important thing that they remember is that they felt special because of the time spent with them and the attention they received—love. It is amazing how time has the ability to soften the events of the past and helps us to understand what is important—to see that we cared for each other then and now! So, from the eyes of a Great-grandpa, I see the unbroken line of love that a parent has for his children, and how that love and respect is passed down from generation to generation. It gives me great comfort to know that I had some influence on my children, and their children—learning that life will have many up and down events, and through it all your family will be there for you. I have always shared with my children that I love them where they are, and I will love them as they grow into who they want to be. That the choice is for them to make.

—ROY CHOATES

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HORMONE BALANCING DARK CHOCOLATE AND PEANUT BUTTER POPSICLE

’

THAT S A THING?

What if you could enjoy a popsicle during these upcoming hot summer months—and it could perhaps balance out your hormones and give you a bit of energy? Would you try it? Yes? Yes, of course you would! And it’s chocolate! Let’s get into the nutrition of these delicious popsicles. These popsicles are loaded with good fat, anti-oxidants, protein and fiber—all the things our bodies need to keep our hormones balanced, our tummies happy and our minds a little calmer. Dark chocolate is loaded with two key hormone-balancing agents: magnesium and iron (for energy). Dark chocolate also has the ability to aid in lowering cortisol. Cortisol is a steroid hormone that helps regulate many functions in the body, including metabolism. Our metabolism is the process by which our bodies convert what we eat and drink into energy. In addition to these amazing benefits, dark chocolate also helps release mood-boosting hormones, like serotonin and dopamine. The last two ingredients in this popsicle that need to be mentioned are Greek yogurt and nut butter. Greek yogurt is an excellent source of probiotics. Studies have shown that prebiotics and probiotics, along with fiber (our belly’s gut sweeper), may help lower the amount of estrogen that is reabsorbed back into the bloodstream. Here’s a tip when purchasing yogurt: Take note of the sugar content. If it has flavor, it maybe loaded with sugar. Your best bet is to go with plain Greek yogurt. Next up, nut butter. It’s a star player due to its protein content. Protein is essential in hormone balance, sustaining healthy muscle mass and maintaining a healthy weight, especially as we age. When we consume a balanced amount of “clean” protein, it helps decrease levels of the “hunger hormone” ghrelin, and stimulates the production of hormones that help us feel full longer. Now, since we know a little science behind these popsicles, let’s get to the recipe. Please note if you are allergic to peanuts, use another nut butter or use sunflower butter instead. You can purchase sunflower butter at your local grocery store.

IG: @lifewithlisawashington SETTHETABLEWITHLOVE.COM

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INGREDIENTS 2 cups plain Greek yogurt

1/4 cup non-dairy milk

1/4 cup nut butter (I used cinnamon vanilla pecan peanut butter)

2 Tbsp. dark chocolate chunks or chips

1 scoop vegan protein powder

popsicle molds and popsicle sticks

METHOD

In a food processor or blender, combine yogurt, milk, and peanut butter until smooth. Add chunks of dark chocolate and toss them into the mix. Add the mixture into popsicle molds and add dark chocolate shavings on top of the mixture, if you like. Place in freezer. Allow to set for about 8 to 10 minutes before placing popsicle sticks. Once set, add in popsicle stick. Freeze overnight. Allow to thaw just a bit, about 1 to 2 minutes, and remove from molds and enjoy. Makes 9 to 12 popsicles, based on the size of your popsicle molds.

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KELLI'S

Grilled Veggie Kabobs

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Grilled Veggie Kabobs For vegetable lovers, this recipe is yummy with healthy ingredients for easy cooking.

Prep time: 15 mins.

Cook time: 30 mins.

Serves: 4

Ingredients Portobello mushrooms - 8 Red, orange and green bell peppers - cut into 1½-inch pieces

Red onion - half, cut into ½-inch pieces Olive oil - 2 Tbsp. Thyme leaves - chopped

Zucchini - 1, cut into 1½-inch pieces

Uncle Butch's Creole Seasoning 1 tsp.

Squash - 1, cut into 1½-inch pieces

Kosher salt & Ground black pepper

Directions Toss the mushrooms, bell peppers, zucchini and onion together with the olive oil, thyme and ¾ teaspoon Uncle Butch's Creole Seasoning, kosher salt and ground black pepper to taste. Let rest for 15 minutes. Prepare a grill at medium-high heat. Thread the vegetables onto four 12-inch skewers, alternating vegetables. Grill the vegetable kabobs, turning occasionally, until tender and charred in spots: about 12 to 15 minutes. Serve immediately. Kelli's Cooking Tip: Sprinkle with Parmesan cheese.

FIND YOUR PATH TO WELLNESS BY BELLA YEMAYAH

IG: @BELLAYEMAYAH

REDEFINING WELLNESS IN 2021 What does wellness look like for us this year? We’ve been through lockdown limits, civil unrest, nail-biting elections, and the intolerable reawakening of racial injustice and prejudice. Before, wellness was defined as the absence of disease. We now know that it is a state of complete physical, mental, and social wellbeing. Our environment, behavior, and habits all play a role in how well we are. Got caught up in the sauce this year? Here are three quotes that will help you find your path to true wellness.

“EAT WHOLE FOODS, NOT TOO MUCH; MOSTLY FRUITS AND VEGETABLES.” —Ibrahim Songowa Jr. Master trainer and wellness guru, Atlanta, Georgia IG: @IB_yo_trainer

What we put into our bodies is the number-one determinant for our health and wellness. Of course the grand temptress is big food and the fast-food industry, leaving our brains and taste buds craving quick, fast, and easy processed foods. Food has a direct effect on your mood, hormones, and energy. So get a real relationship with what is natural. Learn how to read food labels and prepare foods at home for you and your family. Up your fiber intake with organic fruits and vegetables, and give your body the nutrients that it deserves. Eating from nature means you can eat more, but probably won’t have to because of all the fiber and water in each bite. And especially right now, when it’s hot, your minimum daily water intake should be half your bodyweight in ounces per day to properly hydrate your cells for healthy bones, muscles, metabolism, and skin. >

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“WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR YOU CAN’T, YOU ARE RIGHT.”

—Henry Ford Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. Queen mother Iyanla Vanzant speaks the truth when she says, “We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” This also means that you have the power and ability to choose your outcome. Because of fear and anxiety, often times our mind is the biggest obstacle. Check in with your self-talk. Are you telling yourself productive positive messages? Or is the sky falling every day? You must know that, just like every flower and animal on this planet, you are a unique and purposefilled being. You matter. We all know to some extent how we would rather live our lives. If we believe that it’s hard or inconvenient, it will be just that. Like grand martial artist Bruce Lee once said, “Your mental attitude determines what you make of it—either a stepping stone or stumbling block.” For once, it's time. Be pro you. You've got this!

“IF YOU WANT TO GO FAST, GO ALONE. IF YOU WANT TO GO FAR, GO TOGETHER.”

—African Proverb Small steps make big changes over time. We cannot let the fitness industry confuse physical fitness aesthetics with optimal health and wellness. Fitness is only one component of the big picture of being well. Find movement and physical activity that you enjoy doing, and do that at least two to three times a week. Make sure that it reaches multiple levels of yourself—like creativity, stress relief, stretching, social interaction, alone time, education, personal growth, an so on. That way it really serves your soul’s elevation. This will be apparent in the rewarding, loving peace that you feel in stark contrast to the forced, draining feelings you get from the old narrative of discipline. Discipline and accountability are smoke-screens for a lack of self-trust and self-love. Once you give yourself these things, no one will ever have to make you take care of what you love. So let’s put a bow on this! There is a heavy influence from society’s expectations on how you should look; instead focus on how you want to feel. Do, watch, be, eat, what makes you feel good. Continuously ask yourself what "healthy" really feels and looks like for you, in all areas of your life. Be aware of what you are putting in your body and giving to your loved ones. Go for what you really want in life and believe in yourself again and again. Find small, consistent tasks that you can do on your way to becoming who you want to be. Over time, you will find that wellness is your foundation for success. Wellness is the overall health of the soul. Now is the perfect time to finally give yourself permission to listen to your inner self. Take your journey right now.

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First Impressions

Normally first impressions are based upon one’s appearance. I would actually be rich right now if I had a dollar for every time I was viewed as being rich—wealthy, loaded —simply because of my polished style and demeanor. My style is inspired by the costume designs of movies such as Clueless, Legally Blonde and Mean Girls. The predictions regarding my riches could be based on the fact that I mock the styles of rich and socially successful roles. Although I am absolutely flattered, I am just a twenty-two-year-old college student who works two jobs to live comfortably. I may not be rich now, but it’s coming. Anyhow, sometimes being dressed head to toe in Gucci, Balenciaga, and Louis Vuitton is not as tasteful as wearing pieces that are beautifully put together for a fraction of the cost. Here are a few realistic tips you can use to exude Rich B***h energy.

Hygiene Ladies, the first step to looking posh is to come correct with your hygiene. So my first suggested tip to elevate your overall appearance, to appear wealthy, is hygiene. When I speak of hygiene, I am referring to hair, skin, and nails, as well as your teeth. You don’t even have to spend a dime to master this tip. If your hair, skin and nails are neat and moisturized, honey, you’re golden! For my teeth, my favorite hack is to use an inexpensive household product like baking soda for whitening.

Fragrance Next to being clean, there is nothing better than a woman who smells good. I was first introduced to perfume by my grandmother, as she would put on her perfume before heading to work each morning. For me, perfume makes me feel more confident and complete. I can’t leave the house without it. My favorite scents are Versace Bright Crystal Absolu Eau de Parfum and Jo Malone London™ Nectarine Blossom and Honey Cologne. My strong suggestion to all women is to find a scent that blends well with your natural body oils, and wear it religiously!

Accessories

Another thing I can’t leave the house without is my jewelry. Accessories are an important part of your outfit as they give significance to personal style. If I’m going for a more Clueless-like outfit, I’ll wear pearls or diamond-stud earrings. If my outfit is more retro, I’ll go for a gold-hoop earring. These accessories complement an outfit. Even in a rush, I’ll be sure to make an appearance in at least a pair of earrings and a dainty bracelet.

Form Fitting

Beyond the minutiae of beauty, it is also important to consider your style, in order to portray a luxury lifestyle. When picking out my clothes, I like to find pieces that fit my body well to avoid having to bother my seamstress (AKA my grandmother). A lot of the time people who are wealthier have their clothes tailored to their bodies for a more desirable look and fit. So I love it when my clothes fit appropriately at the shoulders, accentuated properly at the waist, and when my pants are a good length without any unnecessary bunching. In addition to a tailored fit, a helpful tip that I give to clients whom I style is to pair fitted and suitable tops with pants that are baggy, loose or wide. The same rule applies to bottoms if the top is looser. This pairing helps with an accented waist as well as allowing comfort without looking lazy.

Secondhand Goodies

I might be a little late to the game. But better late than never. I recently made one of my first purchases of a pair of gorgeous pink Dior kitten heels off of Poshmark.com. If you haven’t already tried it, Poshmark is a leading social marketplace where you can find new and second-hand luxury pieces. I spend a lot of time scrolling through all the available options from Dior, Prada, and Chanel to find timeless pieces, shoes, and handbags. I have found prices for these brands as low as $90. For an authentic designer piece that’s gently worn, you can’t beat that. I would recommend anyone looking to be bougie on a budget to utilize this marketplace. Having designer pieces is only an option as it is not a necessity, just a luxury. For example, I have two pairs of $20 loafers that resemble $800 Gucci loafers. >

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The Click Clacks Furthermore, a dependable piece to spruce up any outfit to make it more elegant and more chic, are heels. There are pumps, espadrilles, blocked heels, stilettos, sling-backs and more. Heels seem to always be the additional piece for all of my outfits to make it look more put together and polished. People always ask how I can work eight-hour shifts in three inches. I always respond, “It’s a mind thing.” I know the benefits it has for my overall appearance so I bear it through the possible pain.

Make 'em Stare I remember walking through a day party in Atlanta and I overhead women saying that I walked around like I owned the place. I was absolutely flattered by this statement, as my confidence spoke for itself. Looking expensive is not just what you wear; it is about your body language and how you carry yourself as a lady. When you walk, shoulders should be back, chest up, and chin up with a straight back, for perfect posture. Without being arrogant or rude, yes, walk around like you own the place. Your stroll won’t change the outfit you have on but it can alter the way others perceive you. So, my ladies, I hope I have stressed the fact that polished looks pricey. As a closing note: Logos are a no-go, honey. Avoid putting brands on display when you do get the opportunity to purchase luxury pieces. A shirt, purse or shoes covered in logos is nothing you want to be seen with. Let’s keep things polished with clean lines, polished accessories, and neat hair and make-up. I wish you all the best of luck with accomplishing your mission of being bougie on a budget! <

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It's been my very first year in high school during a global pandemic—and oh what a year it has been! Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Nyla Stevenson, I'm fifteen years old and I live in Metro Atlanta. For as long as I can remember, I have had a passion for fashion and storytelling. I would spend hours playing dress-up, drawing wedding dresses, and writing my own stories. Throughout the years, not much has changed; in fact, my list of interests has expanded even further to include volleyball, piano, singing, and much more. Although covid-19 tried to steal my joy, now that I’m back to school in person, things are starting to look up.

Finally, the day came that I had been waiting for: high school! The night before my first day in person, I was extremely nervous. Not only was I going into new classes for that semester, but I was going to meet new people. My biggest dilemma was what to wear. Ultimately it worked out because I planned a week's worth of my best firstimpression outfits to choose from.

When I arrived, there were so many thoughts rushing through my mind. How would I find my classes without looking like a freshman? Would I make new friends? Will this pandemic ruin my first high school experience? Although my anxiety was Let's look back on my first few months as a digital getting the best of me, I was glad to have my best student. Zoom calls, camera on, cute top with friend Samantha by my side. We walked into the pajama bottoms, and hair done—that's how I cafeteria, where everyone hangs out until the first prepared for a new way of learning. Ultimately, bell rings. We stood in the back and watched as being at home all day was exhausting. Despite people socialized and hung with their respective meeting many new classmates through group groups. I could instantly spot who the popular kids chats, most of the conversations were about and athletes were, and who the followers and homework answers and how depressed we all leaders were in the group. I observed the boys to were. As the months went by, student attendance pick out the players. The Goth and Emo kids were was at an all-time low and all motivation to get up easy to spot with their fishnet leggings, black nail and participate in class had dissipated. But after polish, and platform shoes. The LGBTQIA+ kids Winter Break, everything was going to change. I were a part of every group and then there were was going to go back to school in person. the quiet ones that kept to themselves. Hmm, I wonder what my group will look like, I thought. >

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As if fitting in wasn’t enough to worry about, I now needed to adapt to new covid-19 rules. Masks all day, one-way hallways, spread-out desks in the classroom, all work online, and one person in every other seat in the cafeteria. As the year has gone by, everyone still wears their mask; but most people don't follow the cafeteria or one-way hallway rules anymore. Next year there will be an option for digital learning, but most students are expected to return so it will be yet another year of adapting. Social media is all the rave nowadays. The content is endless, but it's both a blessing and a curse. Everyone strives for a blue checkmark on Instagram, but there is so much that comes with being an influencer, especially as a teen. You are being judged and watched by everyone, and that comes with a price. Cyberbullying is real, and there are really mean and nasty people online, so you have to have confidence in yourself to know who you are and not let anyone change that. Another con of social media is the content that some post. Some girls post half naked or bikini pictures to get more views, and boys post pictures with no shirt on or "print pics." On the other hand, there are many pros to social media as well. You can connect with your friends, past and present; keep in touch with family; make money; and watch entertaining as well as educational content. Besides social media, grades can also cause anxiety and stress for most students. Those who want to get into Ivy League schools or attract good colleges must have a good GPA and high grades each semester. We are encouraged to take AP classes while earning enough credits to graduate. Schools encourage joining a club or sport. Both allow you to meet new people and look good on your resume. I am in two clubs and I play volleyball. I take volleyball seriously because I could potentially get a scholarship. Sports is another way to encourage students to maintain good grades because you have to have them to participate. Creating good relationships with your teachers is crucial because they are the ones who will send in referrals to colleges, and they will go the extra mile for you when needed. Lastly, being in high school means you need to start thinking about your future. Every school is different, but my school includes a lot of extra electives, which include marketing, nursing, journalism, theatre, music, and so much more. These help us to be better prepared for our future careers. Now is the time to sign up for scholarships and start researching colleges that we may want to attend. Social media, grades, clubs, and sports will set you apart from the competition. There are so many things about high school that may be difficult to understand until you actually attend—such as peer pressure, different personalities, reputation building, balancing school and self-care, and so much more. I believe that Gen Z is the generation of change. Many of us want to be successful and stand up for what’s right. High-school life is fun as long as you're doing the right thing and focusing on your future as well as accomplishing goals. Always remember: Be yourself even when being you may not be popular or cool. < FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 57

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"The PEP helps people see the God within them—the power and excellence within them—to manifest their own reality through their thoughts, feelings and actions. It helps them see where they are currently and their level of vibration, and teaches them how to raise their internal power, which will translate to external power." Take the PEP.

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 59

PROTECT YOURSELF FROM FINANCIAL ABUSE by Kim Scouller, Flourish Digital Magazine's Financial Contributor

ONE IN FOUR

WHY WOMEN STAY

women will experience domestic violence at some point in her life, and ninety-nine percent of victims will also suffer financial abuse.

In fact, many women stay in abusive relationships due to financial obstacles and financial dependence, especially if they have children.

IT'S IMPORTANT THAT ALL WOMEN UNDERSTAND All women must understand this one very important fact: You should never stay in an abusive relationship or continue to be the victim of domestic violence because of money. You can recover financially, and you can learn to make it on your own. Even if you feel overwhelmed, you don’t know where to begin, or you can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to get out. How can you avoid becoming the victim of financial abuse? I’ve worked with hundreds of clients over the years, and here are my best tips. >

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LEARN HOW MONEY WORKS Unfortunately, we aren’t taught basic financial principles in school. Sadly, many women stay in abusive relationships because of money. You don’t have to be a financial professional to learn how to become financially free, learn to build your savings, learn about basic investment strategies, or learn how to make your money grow. There are many books and online resources that can help you get started.

PUT A PERSONAL FINANCIAL SAFETY PLAN IN PLACE

BE INVOLVED WITH THE FINANCES I meet with many couples, and one of the biggest mistakes I see time and again is that one person knows everything about the financial picture while the other person in the relationship is totally in the dark. Even in the healthiest relationships, both parties should know exactly what is going on. At the very least, know the basics—like how much money is coming in each month, where is it being spent, how much is in savings and investments, and whether the credit cards and other debts are being paid off. You should also regularly review the bank statements, investment statements, credit-card statements, and mortgage statements. This also helps protect you from becoming a victim of financial abuse if things ever take a turn for the worst.

LOOK FOR RED FLAGS Abusers use financial control, isolation, and intimidation to keep their victims trapped. Does your partner deny or limit your access to money or information about money, hide assets, demand a detailed accounting of how money is spent, criticize your financial decisions, or threaten to withhold money? Abusive partners might also try to sabotage your career or academic pursuits by forcing you to miss or quit work or school, harassing you at work or school, belittling your accomplishments, or physically injuring you to prevent you from going to work or school. Many abusive partners also run up debt under your name and ruin your credit score.

TALK ABOUT THE PROBLEM It’s understandable for women to want to stay quiet and not let others find out about what they are going through. This makes things worse, not better. Women need to come together and speak out. Your story, and the steps you took, or plan to take, to regain your financial footing could be exactly what will help another woman during this difficult time in her life. This is not something that anybody should have to go through alone. When women come together and support one another, we are stronger. < FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 61

Almost every aspect of leaving an abusive situation involves money. From putting gas in the car to buying a bus or plane ticket, to finding a new place to live to putting food on the table. Even after they leave, many victims carry the burden of bad credit, judgment liens, bankruptcies and back taxes for years. This is why it is crucial to have an individual financial safety plan in place that can carry you at least six months and help you pay bills, rent, insurance, and other expenses. Start stashing cash away, a little at a time, and keep it in a safe place, along with important documents like birth certificates, marriage certificates, and Social Security cards. Take pictures of bank, investment, and other financial documents. Also, take pictures of significant assets in your home. Request a copy of your credit report from one of the three major credit bureaus, or request a free copy online at https://www.annualcreditreport.com. Open bank accounts and at least one credit card in your name, with the statements sent to a secure email address or mailing address. Most importantly, seek help from local resources, in addition to family and friends. To find resources in your area, go to https://www.domesticshelters.org or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

For a complimentary copy of the book How Money Works: Stop Being A Sucker by Steve Siebold and Tom Mathews, please send me an email at kim.scouller@wealthwave.com. You can also visit my website at https://wealthwave.com/kimscouller. Sources: • VeryWellMind, “How to Identify Financial Abuse in a Relationship,” Carly Snyder, MD, May 6, 2020. https://www.verywellmind.com/ﬁnancial-abuse-4155224 • debt.org, “Financial Assistance for Domestic Violence & Financial Abuse Survivors.” https://www.debt.org/advice/ ﬁnancial-help-domestic-violence-victims/ • Allstate Foundation, “Financial Abuse: the invisible weapon of domestic violence.” https://allstatefoundation.org/what-wedo/end-domestic-violence/

MY NOMAD LIFE

Hey, Mamas! As a child, what did you want to become when you grew up? For me, it was a whole list of things. I always wanted to be a mommy, a race car driver, a ballerina, a truck driver, an architect, a gymnast, an actress, a model, a film score composer, a dancer/choreographer, and a nomad. Growing up, I had no idea that "ish" happened in life. I was wide-eyed, and believed that I could do all things and anything. I never planned for a divorce after twenty-one years of marriage, being a single mom of five, working twenty-hour days, or having a stroke, recovery, depression and anxiety. I just wanted to do it all, be it all and then some. More than anything, I wanted to be a nomad: I'd enjoy the moment, and immediately want to experience and enjoy another moment— somewhere else. A nomad is defined as a person who does not stay long in the same place. A nomad is a wanderer. I always longed to be somewhere else. I can only imagine the things nomads enjoyed and experienced as they wandered. I'm sure every experience wasn't favorable. But nomads continue to move, whatever the circumstances. Being a nomad in spirit has allowed me to broaden my mindset, enhance my knowledge of different cultures, and look at life from a different perspective when things happen—so there's never a dull moment in my head. It's helped me teach my children to be empathetic, compassionate, loving and open-minded when associating with others. > FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 62

It's given them perspective, a love, respect and acceptance for differences among cultures and people. It's made them mini-nomads who are fearless to go exploring. It's made me fearless about trying, and challenging myself to be, know, and overcome things that should have put a pause on my dreaming.

It gave me the real sense of knowing that wherever I am, I belong. When all was said and done, and I looked at my little-girl list, I realized that I ain't mad at it, and I didn’t have as many regrets as I thought I would have.

I am mommy. I drive like a race-car driver at times. I taught myself ballet and gymnastics. I went out with a trucker a couple of times. I fell deeply in love with architecture. I became an actress—not as a career, but in life. I created music scores in my head for each pivotal moment in my life, and some not so pivotal. I had the opportunity to model as a princess for a day. I danced and created dances that I enjoyed (but not everyone had a chance to see). The truth is, I became a nomad in spirit, traveling a bit, and with friends all over the world, I am forever learning and exploring.

Being grateful and looking for the good in things when life happens to you is just as important as the lesson itself. Go back to your childhood and look at what dreams of yours were put by the wayside, and see what dreams you have now that you can work toward achieving. I heard once that we ought to see the good in everything. And that's what I chose to do.

Looking back, I experienced everything I said I wanted to be. it may not have been on society's grand scale, but I'm OK with that. I've loved what I've lived and the experiences I've had, and I'm sure I'll love my future as well.

If you've assessed your life and found that you didn't become who you thought you would be, look again, look at your experiences, look at the

I.M. LIMITLESS!

good in your past. Then move forward with love and acceptance for yourself, and continue to evolve.

Elena Taylor Bagger CEO/Founder, The Innovative Mom LLC

I am who I wanted to be—still evolving, growing, learning and embracing my nomad life.

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THEINNOVATIVEMOM.COM

W H E N

WOMEN

Khomotšo Mashalane in conversation with Sadiyah Adams

T H R I V E Khomotšo Mashalane is an inventive and pioneering individual, a strategic relations expert, specializing in Human Resources. Although she has a wealth of crossfunctional experience, she maintains a passion for her chosen specialty. Khomotšo continually strives to achieve best practices while identifying, creating and implementing organizational strategy. She does this through stakeholder management as well as mentoring, coaching and motivation of human capital. Khomotšo was a Board Member at Central Mental Health Society. She's also a former Ambassador for Female Wave of Change in South Africa (femalewaveofchange.com). Currently, she is a member of the Council of Edinburgh Business School-South Africa. She is also an advocate of He for She, a solidarity movement for the advancement of gender equality initiated by the United Nations. Her key focus is researching issues concerning women in leadership, salary disparities between men and women, as well as the numerous other social and workplace equity challenges women face. She has completed a Master’s Degree in Human Resource Management through Edinburgh Business School (Heriot-Watt University), UK. She is now pursuing a Doctorate in Business Administration (DBA) through Edinburgh Business School (Heriot-Watt University). In addition, she has recently participated in the fundraising initiative "Summit for Hope," summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro’s Uhuru peak to raise funds for the education of those less privileged. On top of all that, Khomotšo is founder and Creative Director of Beautiful Delights Events & Decor. FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 64

Sadiyah: What inspired you to study when you also own a business? What compelled you to take those steps? Khomotšo: First of all, I grew up struggling a bit because I earned my degree in Education but I also realized that I'm a multi-skilled individual. I've started to own the fact that I'm multi-skilled. In the past, I used to see it as a problem because I was struggling to know what I needed to do. But I started to embrace it, which led me to studying. I can proudly say I have a bachelor's degree with honors in Education. I have earned a master's degree in human resources with one of the leading business schools in the world, which I did part-time; but right now I am studying for a doctorate in Business Administration. I'm very busy with their research classes. With my research, basically, I want to focus on issues that concern women. I have observed a lot of issues that women experience at home and at work, and I want to know why they don't function. Did they originate from the societies they come from? Why don't some of them function optimally? I look at why women feel oppressed, and whether there's racism in the workplace in general. As a result, you have to come across as somebody who's always positive and trying to create that positive energy, which compromises the growth of women. If you look at the leadership generally in the world—leaders, activists and other platforms—many women are not there yet. If there were more women in leadership roles, the whole world would be more successful, especially socially and economically. It seems sometimes women go out because they want to be accepted and loved, because we are the ones that must end up selling ourselves short. Because you get in a relationship or a marriage which does not give you room for your growth. You many feel you've closed yourself in a corner. So those are the things I want to say. It's about not breaking down doors but those small pockets in our society where a small chance can open. You know, the opportunities for women to leverage or to get out and grow.

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I'm surprised sometimes. I said to a friend, I'm going overseas. What is wrong with it even if they haven't? How will I tell my husband? But if that's something you want, you should have created that framework in the beginning. The first transformation is in your family, and then because the family is a building block of society, deal with the people around you. I've started writing a book which will be about marriages and admissions, because I have great knowledge about our marriages in South African culture. Due to others trying to prevent some women from advancing, it causes people to question, why I should lead them? You were asking me about what inspired me to study. My main focus is to research and understand the economic roles and other societal structures that can prevent women from accomplishing what they want in life.

Khomotšo, continued: But what about the small social

So that is why I am very passionate and observant

circles that are formed, or the perceptions? How do we

about women. Some women sometimes want to be

break them to make sure that those women are

loved and accepted, and tend to be conformed to what

emancipated? They feel they have that sense of

society dictates. So that's my passion. My research is

ownership. There are women who can't emerge from

going to be around that. And that is why sometimes

their marriages and relationships. They think it's a sign of

women call me to come and talk about different topics,

happiness, and therefore compromise their dreams and

because I've observed it all when I was at work. It's a

abilities.

burden that women carry a lot.

Sometimes they diminish themselves so that they can

In a simple way we can prevent that, and help teach

be seen as the ideal woman—"wife material." Personally, I

our young men. How do we raise them? Are we healthy

am struggling to understand the concept, due to it

women? Are we in agreement? Why is there so much

being demeaning. Because not many speak of a man

violence against women? And that's what inspired my

being "husband material." You only have one life to live,

urge to create a message about social ills, particularly

so do not be resentful for not living it to its fullest.

things that are inflicted on women.

I don’t have any regrets about traveling the world

There are people who want to live life for the sake of

alone. My sisters and I love to have an annual

being accepted. There's nothing worse than

vacation, so it just so happened that we chose to

compromising what they like and basically lying to

travel to Zanzibar. There are still people who frown upon women traveling alone. Therefore my life has a plan. I believe a woman is the heart of the home.

themselves. It's a painful situation to be in. Sadiyah: Wow, that is so inspirational and powerful of you to take those steps. Generally, when there is a

This means that you need to go out to recharge. I

conflict in the workplace regarding women, you are

see myself as an individual, you have to see

often told that you should just suck it up. And work is

yourself as a woman.

work. But if everyone goes around saying that, how does that bring about change? In the end, you’re stuck in a vicious cycle, pleasing everyone but yourself. So how do you make the change? Khomotšo: Someone has to make the change. Generally, due to racism issues, you have to be aware of how people are treated. Learn to think beyond yourself, and talk to people, and change the atmosphere at work. We have protocols of racism and those are the things that people fought for. Now we seem to be going back to the past. You see, those are the things now that we are struggling with incorporating in South Africa. Some new types of racism, which are now entrenched within some organizations. I'm observant of these things. And there are trends that are becoming even more entrenched because they're concentrating on the zones and the commissions. Meanwhile, these things are now becoming more intense within the corporate environment. So as an executive of it, you are the custodian of people's interests. As much as you look after the interests of the people, you also have to pay attention to the organization.

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 66

Khomotšo continued: People are the most important

I use music and flower creations as a way to bring about

aspect of an organization, so your first client is always

good energy and vibes into my day. Flowers represent

the employee. There are things that you don't learn at a

both love and expressions—of different things, of

university, but instead through emotional intelligence.

friendship—but flowers definitely speak on your behalf.

Integrity is everything. When you purchase something

Sometimes when you can't say anything to a person,

from a store, and notice that the employee is unhappy,

flowers help express your feelings. It speaks volumes

then you know something is happening. Then we notice

about the types of flowers that are entering a space, and

that as Black women, it's a package. The employee

flowers also speak volumes about a person. But

should be happy; then only will the customer be happy.

remember an extension of that is the type of décor. It has to reflect on you, and it has to be carried through

Sadiyah: You also own a flower and décor business.

from the flowers. The types of flowers that you choose

What made you take that on?

make a difference. Every kind of flower is different, and it's going to determine the mood of the room. Different

Khomotšo: I started initially in 2002. It’s an interesting

messages. Flowers say different things, so when you

story, how I got into flowers. I had a neighbor who was a

come back, you come back with a different lesson.

fashion designer, and she had a friend who was to be married to an American. The bride-to-be had wanted the décor and flowers to represent Africa. I spent some time with her, which helped me to understand thereafter: Do you conceptualize and arrange a flower that will blend? So those are the types of flower arrangements I handle. You want to reflect who you are, and where you come from, because a wedding must represent something beyond yourself as a person. It must reflect your own place, where you come from, your people. In that instance, I incorporated things like feathers, protea flowers, and porcupine spikes. When you arrange flowers, you must understand the elements that you can bring in and why. It's also another type of research. You have to research to create the mood that these people want. It means you have to spend time with them. It's not like you don't understand the flower. Fortunately, I am able to create anything with flowers. It's a good feeling, after creating these flower arrangements due to the positive energy that you're able to transfer to the client, and vice versa. I use music and flower creations as a way to bring about good energy and vibes into my day. Flowers represent both love and expressions—of different things, of friendship—but flowers definitely speak on your behalf. Sometimes when you can't say anything to a person, flowers help express your feelings. It speaks volumes about the types of flowers that are entering a space, and flowers also speak volumes about a person. But remember an extension of that is the type of décor. It has to reflect on you, and it has to be carried through from the flowers. FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 67

When women thrive, businesses and communities thrive. Sadiyah: So it makes you proud in a sense, where what

Khomotšo: Oh, that's an interesting question. In South

you put out there is a part of you. You have a sense of

Africa, I would say tulips. But I love to see the orchids

pride for yourself and your work.

from Japan and other Asian countries. You find that it comes in different colors and varieties. I have to love all

Khomotšo: Yes, I make sure that they're beautiful. And

of them. I have to give it the energy and the character

when I deliver my flowers, it’s important that I'm also

because that's my signature. I'm putting my soul into it,

presentable. I wear my high-heeled shoes when

and I'm taking the soul of this flower with me.

arranging my flowers, including while delivering, because people associate these things with what you

They aren’t just flowers, they are living beings. Therefore,

deliver. I'm basically an artist—with flowers and also at

don’t mistreat them. Respect them and address them

home in the garden. And I'm also a healthy individual

with love. I use all the right tools: I cut them with care

and especially considering covid-19. We all need to be

and follow a certain procedure so they don’t get hurt.

more aware of our health. We need more vegetables

The room I use to prepare my creations is spacious and

and more things that will give us a healthy life. I've

clean, and I always have the windows open.

written a book about health and how you should eat. Sadiyah: Last year we were struck with a pandemic, Sadiyah: You speak about the energy that a flower gives

which continues. Especially now in South Africa, we

off. And I would like to know: What's the flower that

have had all these lockdowns. How have you coped?

makes you say, "That’s my flower. That flower is the one

What have you been busy with?

that gives me the most energy, the most inspiration"? What resonates with you?

Khomotšo: It was a bit tough. I didn't really navigate through it immediately. I was surprised at first, but I found my strength in reading a book called Seat of the Soul. I also discovered that the exercises that I do help. I tell myself that this will help restore the energy in me. Also if I am stressed, then I have a life coach so I can share what is bothering me. The long and short of it is, I realized that life is short. And it's too short to hold on to people that do not have a positive impact in your life. Sometimes speaking to a friend twice in two years can be more impactful than speaking to a person every day. Sometimes we like to disappear. We want to be someone else’s extension. I'm unapologetic of who I am, which has kept me authentic and true to myself. People need to realize their own uniqueness. I lost a very close friend. He was a celebrity in Johannesburg, Bob Mabena. His death affected me so much. After a few months, a friend of his had mentioned that I was his mentor. And I was unaware of this. You will never know when will be the last moment with anyone. Never underestimate the inspiration you can gain from someone or give to someone. >

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 68

Khomotšo, continued: I tell myself that the coronavirus

You need to create that aha moment—not only for

is a disease, and it puts out so much negativity that it

yourself but for others. No matter how small that thing

becomes a disease to your whole life. It affects your life,

is, it can be great. If you do it with love, you can be great

where it then affects your momentum. But it will

also. If you treat people like you want to be treated. And

eventually go away. I will be focusing on my books. And

it's not about material things and it's not about the

I will choose relevant topics that can help improve and

quantity; it's about the quality and what you put in there.

transform South Africa as a society. Put your soul and heart into it. Then it energizes you. So I always say you should push. I have pushed to the

that's what we need to teach people. As we go on, we

extent that I was able to summit Mount Kilimanjaro. On

must always listen and be global in our outlook. And let's

the last night of the hike, it was so freezing that it was

not categorize racially or religiously. Those things are not

difficult to even drink water due to it being frozen into

going to survive. You need to stop the mentality of

ice. Also there were casualties due to lack of oxygen. It's

breaking people up. It's unity that we are supposed to

all about perseverance and resilience. When I finally got

have as people.

to the peak, we were surrounded by ice glaciers. It's the most beautiful scenery and feeling. I draw strength

Impact other people. Impact them positively in such a

from the experiences from that trip. Get out of your

way that they, too, will want to find themselves. As you

comfort zone.

find yourself, help others to self-actualize. We all want to grow. We want to be within reach of our dreams. And so

I feel as human beings, we need to live life, not just

let us find that fire within.

exist. With covid-19, I told myself I must do great things. I'm rewriting my history, redefining myself, writing my

During times like this, my survival mechanism is that I

own books. And it put my mindset at a whole new level.

pretend I am in a movie, but I'm watching from the

I just believe that as a Black woman, you have a duty to

outside. Sometimes that's what I do to soothe my

push. As Black women, we have to work three times

psyche. Take care of yourself by letting yourself detach

harder and leave an impact on others. Then only are we

from the emotions. Don't get too emotional about it.

able to flourish. But at some point, even regarding covid-19, if you take Sadiyah: What would you like to let our readers know?

everything in, it's going to define you. So this is the time

What would help push them forward?

to change your walk. Walk only with things that are in your favor. Then it becomes a habit, and if so, then more

Khomotšo: I want you to know that wherever you are,

things will be in your favor, even when you least expect

whether you are a man or a woman, push the next

it. Make sure that you're always building. It will elevate

person on, and assist them to look beyond themselves.

your highest sense of yourself.

Become a multiplier. Help create people who will be better than you are. Be very judicious and observant, even if it's not necessarily in your department. We don't want to be involved in politics at work. Yet as a Black woman, make sure that you have a way in with other Black women, because you will find that somebody else is struggling. Just reach out. Make sure that wherever you are as a person, whatever you have, is multiplied even in small ways. Small things will spread and continue. I am a philanthropist and global citizen. I believe you should find perspective for the greater good. Feel free to reposition yourself. Every person is great. You just have to unleash that power. So tap into what’s holding you back. FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 69

Sadiyah Adams Chief Creative Designer IG: @flourishdigitalmagazine & @sadiyah_adams

Body Love a look at self-image, body image, self-confidence & self-value by Chloé Taylor Brown, Author of Getting Ready Chloé-Style: Perfecting Your Authentic Image

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 70

If you've been anywhere near social media or entertainment TV over the past few days and weeks, then no doubt, you know everyone is talking about Billie Eilish's "new look" and the images of her taken for British Vogue's June issue. Billie Ellish is a nineteen-year-old mega-star and singersongwriter who is not only known for her beautiful, magical voice, but also for speaking publicly about her body image issues and insecurities regarding her body. As a result, Billie wears non-feminine, baggy, androgynous clothing—on and off stage. That is, until recently, when she managed her own very feminine rollout, with British Vogue. Some of her fans have said that they don't like that she's switching up on them, that it's overwhelming—but most people love it. Billie seems like she couldn't care less. She is living life on her own terms—creating the personas and projecting the images that she feels like delivering up to us now. In the Spring 2021 issue of Flourish Digital Magazine on page 86 I wrote about this idea in an article entitled Personas: A Way to Create & Live a Bigger, More Joyful Life. Personas, identities and code shifting are all ways to help us reflect and portray the role(s) we play in life, or those we're getting ready to play. It's not the real you; it's a persona you create to help you accomplish your goal(s). Everyone who knows me knows that I have always been very passionate about empowering women and girls to make peace with their body and to begin a proper love affair with their own self. Self-compassion is an absolute must if you are going to move into your true essence, your authentic self. If this is not absorbed and understood, your entire foundation may crack—or it will be shaky, at best. Because your view of your body determines how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you, it determines what you can and will accomplish with your God-given gifts. It also determines what you are willing to settle for in life. Now is the time that we take control of our lives. And it starts with making peace with our innate characteristics, by looking in the mirror and smiling back at ourselves— storing up some self-love. You will be amazed at the warm feelings that bounce off the mirror back toward you. Stop standing in front of the looking-glass complaining about everything that is wrong with your body. Build up your self-esteem and your self-worth by speaking affectionately toward yourself and about yourself. Compliment yourself on what you believe to be lovely about you and your body. Do this for twenty-one consecutive days, and watch your confidence soar. FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 71

Not sure how to be your authentic self? It starts with feeling good about your whole self, Darling —body, mind and soul—and knowing who you want to become. Being confident has absolutely nothing to do with having a “just right” body. It’s about taking care of the body that God has given you and being the best you in the whole wide world—especially in your own life, today, right now. Forget about what other women are doing. This is about you, Darling. And the good news is, it’s perfect timing right now. You’re not too late or too early to take pride in taking care of yourself. You deserve it—and I know you can do it. Don't allow what others may think or say control you. Enhancing your body image and feeling good about yourself is essential to becoming who you are supposed to become, and discovering and perfecting your authentic image to match what you want to portray, to help you accomplish your objective—just like Billie Eilish is doing now. But, in order to be successful, you’re going to need a way to obtain a realistic evaluation of what a healthy body is for you. I would imagine that Billie put a great deal of thought into her new image, her new persona. I've had to do it, too—and many conscious professionals do it all the time. Allow me to stress how important it is that you understand this concept, by asking you to think about the following questions for a moment. Really! Think about these questions: What does a healthy body mean to you? What is a healthy body for you personally? What image/persona would you like to portray to help you accomplish your goals? Before you answer, keep in mind that all of us have a particular body type, shape or silhouette, fashion preference, style and objectives . Most importantly, know that we have been genetically engineered to have the body that we were born with. Who your parents are and who their parents are have all played a part in what innate characteristics you have acquired. With that bit of information, you can feel free to rid yourself of the notion that there is a perfect body; there is no such thing as a perfect body, or a perfect body shape. Each shape has positive and negative traits. In getting this, you will understand why certain fashions and styles look absolutely amazing on you—and why you look ridiculous in others. Also, know that your chosen look and style can work for you just as well as Billie Eilish's first androgynous persona worked for her, and just as well as her new chosen look will work, too. So, go ahead and embrace your authenticity, your body type and your body shape—and create a wellness and lifestyle maintenance program that will work naturally for you. <

I pray a lot—about pretty much everything. I want my life to be a living prayer—doing the best I can to love my neighbor, to be a healing presence wherever I am. Mary Baker Eddy, 19th-century trailblazer in the mind-body-spirit connection, advises us in her groundbreaking book Science and Health to “[s]tand porter at the door of thought. Admitting only such conclusions as you wish realized in bodily results, you will control yourself harmoniously. When the condition is present which you say induces disease, whether it be air, exercise, heredity, contagion, or accident, then perform your office as porter and shut out these unhealthy thoughts and fears. Exclude from mortal mind the offending errors; then the body cannot suffer from them. The issues of pain or pleasure must come through mind, and like a watchman forsaking his post, we admit the intruding belief, forgetting that through divine help we can forbid this entrance.” Putting this approach into daily practice is what Eddy calls “molding and chiseling thought” to create a better, healthier, happier life. Nowadays we could call it being mindful. Since most of the time I’m in an ongoing conversation with God, it feels natural that in times of trouble, I turn to God as a first resort. When I do, the circumstances transform for the better. The beginning of the ninety-first Psalm is enough to set the groundwork:

"He who dwells in the secret place of the most high shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty" — P S A L M 9 1 : 1 In my own words, that verse might go something like this: “Right here where we are, God—All-Powerful Good, Intelligence, Spirit, Truth, Love—is keeping us safe and telling us the right thing to do.” > FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 72

The Hebrew word in the original for “secret” is saytair, also meaning “hiding place.” Psalm 91’s powerful promise is an immediately calming influence, whether dealing with a difficult problem or person, or even facing an emergency. So before you call 9–1–1, turn your Bible to Psalm 91:1!

I watched a bigger boy swing back and forth as hard as he could on the seesaw swing, without a child on the other side. He was joyfully and proudly pushing as hard and as high as he could go. All of a sudden my daughter walked obliviously right into it, as he swung—full force—right into her cheek. One of the mothers screamed.

Living under the shadow of the Almighty, God’s AllPower is fully at our disposal. We are never alone. As we say in Sunday School, “There’s no spot where God is not.” Because God is infinite, each of us, created in God’s image, reflects all of God’s presence—each in our own individual God-caused way. You and I are here to express God for each other.

I scooped up my daughter right away and held her, telling her she was all right. We went inside to avoid a scene. She soon stopped crying, but there was a big red spot on her cheek, and she was still upset. I wiped her tears away and told her she was pure and perfect, whole and good, and that our Father-Mother God was holding her safe and comfortable—wrapped around her like a big blanket, loving her right then.

When we get a glimpse of this fact—even for a moment—that we actually dwell in this “secret place” of God’s spiritual reality, where we are forever safe and sound, that’s when solutions are revealed, and healings happen.

We had always prayed together along these lines, so I know she recognized the gist of what I was saying. Her eyes brightened and she calmed down. A few minutes later we went back outside, and the injury was forgotten. No one even mentioned it, because my daughter was composed and happy again, looking sweet in her party dress.

Here’s proof: When our daughter was a toddler, I took her to a three-year-old neighbor boy’s birthday party. There were lots of kids there from about age two to seven. It was held in his backyard, with toys, trucks, and swings. It was a splendid afternoon, and I was happy to be relaxing outside.

Later that evening there was only a slight mark on her cheek. The next day there wasn’t even a bruise —no sign of the injury!

But as I sat listening to the mothers discuss the various sicknesses, allergies, and past injuries of their children, I began thinking it was all way too stressful. We have to be so careful to look out for our children—to make sure they don’t wander off, get bullied, fall down, and so on. It all seemed like such a dangerous juggling act! Now I was feeling just as worried as the other moms.

As I look back on it, had this injury occurred only a few minutes earlier, I know I would have been panicked beyond description—probably rushed for ice, the emergency room, who knows? But because I had just switched gears in my thinking, I actually had almost no fear at all when it happened. The real truth is, we don’t have a disconnected human life. Rather, we are living God’s life. <

When I realized this, I adjusted my thinking right away. I decided to see the same exact scene as a ballet—a dance, orchestrated and protected by Love, and by each of us through our mindfulness for our children. My spirits soon lifted, and I continued to watch out lovingly for everyone. I was back to enjoying the sunshine.

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HOW DOES YOUR

Garden GROW?

The weather is warming up, and a good number of us have been vaccinated. After a year of lockdown, we are clamoring for life outside the house. A bunch of us have even fallen in love with the outdoors. Fending off stircrazy, we got out there and discovered the wonder of nature all over again. And we did it for real. We turned earth and pulled weeds. We hoisted soil sacks, seedling pallets, pavers and outdoor furniture—all in the name of a lush and lovely outside place for ourselves. It’s a thing, you know. Thousands of people haunt social-media groups centered on living life outdoors. The Black Women Who Love Outdoor Spaces Facebook page, for example, has been a splendidly expansive escape from the isolating pandemic. Those of us who planted are already looking forward to the adorning blossoms that foretell a coming yield. But is every blossom a promise?

For sure, some of us will encounter false prophets in the plots that we’ve tilled. We might see tomato blossoms but no tomatoes. Fruit trees that flower but bear no fruit. Pepper plants that drop their buds. Imposter blossoms are the result of several different factors, all of them literally rooted in a range of growing conditions. Nature does its thing, preventing and terminating growth when a healthy yield is unlikely. Still it's a shame that we put in so much time and effort, only to discover that some of the expected plant performance was just short of a hoax. So what about when we show up as imposters? What should others feel and think about us when we present ourselves as one thing, but then turn out to be another? As women who want to flourish, we keep our “blossoms” looking good and at the ready. This is our method of performance. But when it comes to the being and the keeping of all that our blossoms suggest, are we one hundred? Case in point: My Georgia sistas are rightfully talking big "ish” about legislative attempts to steal voting rights. But how many of us have called or emailed our elected officials? And what about threats to reproductive rights? >

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 74

Have we donated to trustworthy advocacy groups, or, if push comes to shove, as my mother would say, would we be willing to collectively refrain from intercourse to make the point? And the challenge is not exclusively political. Maybe you’ve been talking about leaving a job or a relationship but haven’t matched your soul-call with action. Maybe you talk to yourself about a healthier diet but haven’t made the needed changes. Or, maybe you blow up the comments section on Zoom calls but don’t actually step to the issues you complain about. Whether used in internal dialogue, private conversation or for wider audiences, words only represent thought. They must be supported by action if they are to become meaningful and of integrity. At this very moment, the moist soil of your sprouting garden might be playing host to a local variety of the empid fly. I mention this little pest because the empid mating ritual illustrates the question of integrity across spectrums. In preparation for the mating dance, the male empid captures prey and wraps it in silken packaging that he spins himself. He presents the gift to the desired female, who, of course, has been keeping an eye out for the male with the biggest “package.”

The female empid is nearsighted—which means the distant view is clear—and she is known to be dangerous to courting males. Thus, the silken wrapped gift serves a secondary purpose. The female gets distracted as she unwraps and ingests the offering, thereby increasing time for the male to complete copulation without being decapitated by his intended. Understanding the risk, can you believe that the male empid will, sometimes, present an empty silken package to the female? And then the female only discovers that her gift is bogus in the middle of the sex act? Now, hold onto your outrage, my friends, because there’s not a substantial difference between the deception of the male empid, the imposter blossom, and our own performance when we talk but we fail to act. Each behavior represents a questionable integrity, an insufficiency of trust and promise. The question asked in Mary, Mary, Quite Contrary— the well-known English nursery rhyme—is relevant for us today. We each must consider how our garden grows. We must examine growing conditions for things we need more of and those we need less of. We must check for growth compatibility and recognize the outright pests. And most of all, as Aretha said in a song about a rose:

Let your life be in the sunshine. Whether it’s a garden planted in earth elements, or the one with so much potential in the human heart, Nature demonstrates that no thing can flourish without cultivation and integrity. <

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 75

Magnets will intuitively seek out their counterpart. Magnets will push through another object to get to their other half. They race towards each other! But flip those magnets around, and they will not touch. In a way, this reminds me of the mother–daughter relationship. I’m not a mother, but I can only imagine the horror of raising a mini-me. Oh. My. Gawd. It’s terrifying! But, oh my goodness, how precious she would be. I imagine my mom may have felt the same scared feelings knowing she was about to have a little version of herself running around. And then, one day she actually did realize, “Oh no, I do have a mini-me running around.” But we are magnets! Positive and negative, but meant for each other. I am of her. I came from her her. We’re linked for life, with intuitive love, as it should be. Mommy and me. FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 76

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TRACEY THOMAS iS THE FOUNDER AND CEO OF BEAUTY WiTH PURPOSE LLC, A NEW ONLiNE RETAiL STORE THAT SUPPORTS THREE ATLANTA NONPROFiTS WiTH 15 PERCENT OF iTS SALES. THE BENEFiCiARiES ARE: THE ATLANTA COMMUNiTY FOOD BANK, LOVE BEYOND WALLS, AND WELLSPRiNG LiViNG. FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 52

God's Understanding A MOTHER'S DAY MUSING BY BERNIE R.

It’s Mother’s Day, and again we celebrate this day. We acknowledge the hard work, understanding, and love of our moms. But there’s an understanding of moms that God only knows. God knows the importance of a mother’s love; how it helps a child to grow spiritually, physically and emotionally. God helps a mom to understand her child, to see her child as He see us. A mom always wants the best. She sees the shortcoming and nurtures it. She sees the strength and encourages it. A mom always sees the possibilities of her child. God’s understanding; He puts that same understanding in moms— all the love, caring, guidance, patience and understanding— helping the child to unfold into a person who can stand. God’s understanding is wonderful and therefore a mother’s understanding is wonderful as well.

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! God’s Words according to Bernie R.

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 78

WHEN "ISH" HAPPENS 2021 After "springing forward" last issue, we can agree that things happen. Or should I say, "ish" happens. Everything happens for a reason. It is all left to us how we act upon it. Be vibrant, be brave, and be fearless. No work or love will flourish out of fear or hollowness of heart—just as no valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now. Embrace life and all the experiences that come with it. We're in this journey side by side. Let's flourish together. Stay safe and be well. Until next issue! Best wishes, Sadiyah Adams Chief Creative Designer Flourish Digital Magazine

FLOURISHDIGITALMAGAZINE.COM | MAY-JUNE 2021 | 79

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BE PRESENT & FLOURISH #LETSFLOURISHTOGETHER

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