Childhood:
Who Cares?
To heal childhood trauma, is it really necessary to excavate our entire childhoods in psychotherapy? This “deep dive” has always been rather uncomfortably associated with the experience of counseling. Some people can’t abide it. Hate it. They maintain, for example, that “the past is the past”, or another quaint version is “I am who I am”. Others object because they believe implicit in the inquiry is we’ll blame the parents, or one of them, especially the mother. None of this is accurate. But then people keep all manner of irrational beliefs for reasons incomprehensible. It’s been shown, for example, that people will believe a stock pick is a good investment because…wait for it….someone they like told them it was so. Crazy, huh? Well not really. Just inaccurate . And very UNskillful. Talking About It In many sessions, we go slowly and start with symptoms. A woman wanted vaguely to “cure” an incident of sexual molestation, believing that somehow it had made her less of a person. Her husband told that she was somehow damaged, or broken because of her discomfort with intimacy. She believed it for some time and felt awful about herself. In time, we were able to address the anxiety and depression she often experienced around sexuality, and analyze roots of some addictive behaviors like excess wine and dieting. She had an overbearing mother who made her crazy with unrelenting expectations of perfection. She saw how this unrequited 40
July 2021 InSession | FMHCA.org
childhood “hunger” for emotional support led her to misjudge the intentions of caregivers. These experiences of loneliness and misplaced trust put her squarely and blindly in the path of a predatory family member who abused her. These memories gradually surfaced. It was hard work for her. Helpful was a gentle path of inquiry and a the emergence of a broader view of herself and her place in the world at 9 years old. From a re-examination of her thoughts and beliefs back then, she was able to embrace her adult self not only as a survivor of a terrible experience, but as a spiritual warrior eager to make meaning of her previous responses to trauma and suffering . A Patient Process Critical to healing is identifying thoughts and feelings associated with beliefs, sometimes severely self-limiting beliefs. Often, after trauma occurs, a person inaccurately believes they are powerless, because in the past experience of trauma, they may have actually been powerless. Sorting out how these limiting beliefs show up in adult behavior is key, especially when self-defeating behavioral patterns emerge. Change is not only possible, but can often take place quickly. Strength, clarity and a sense of renewal can occur after only a few sessions. Often, talking simply makes things clear. Others may see us more clearly than we see ourselves. Our childhoods are treasures of memory and emotion, if we can only courageously UN-earth and find their value.
My practice is John Davis Counseling in Delray Beach, Florida. I see clients live and virtually. If you or someone you love is struggling to feel good and live an optimal life, get in touch. Call or text me at 561-213-8030 or write to me at john@johndaviscounseling.com.
Written By: John Davis, LMHC John Davis is an expert marriage, family and relationship therapist with skill and credentials in addiction and recovery. He is widely renowned for his couples counseling work, getting successful outcomes in most difficult families. He is currently Executive Director of Mental Health Counselor’s Association Palm Beach and a member of Florida Mental Health Counselor’s Association. He maintains a concierge private practice in downtown Delray Beach. Clients come for help with: Couples, family and relationship difficulties, mood disturbances, including anxiety and panic, depression and grief, chronic impulse control issues. John is skilled in trauma resolution and the issues it brings, including PTSD, questions of spirituality and life meaning. John has extensive experience with ADD/ADHD, narcissistic and other personality problems. He offers regular parenting consultation for families .
