Focus Magazine of Virginia Love & Romance

JUL/AUG 2014

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us of V i r g i n i a

MAKING

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9 Passion-Filled Marriage 11 Talk Dirty to Your Man 12 Personal Power 15 My Body 23 Nothing Pleases a Woman More 26 Getting the Right Fit 28 IMYB Quick Tips 31 What Men Look for in Women 34 Engaged?

39 Wedding 41 Reception 42 LOVE 44 Communication 46 Soft Love 47 Sweet Things to Say 52 Sweet Evolution 60 Escape the Everyday 62 Passion Reinvented 64 Fresh Market Recipes 66 Guilt Free Recipe 68 Men & Women 69 Upset with my Partner 70 Drop the Seft Pity

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FO CM a g a z i n e www.focusofvirginia.com Publisher: Focus Magazine of SWFL Creative Director: Darryl Jones Cover Photography: Valua Vitaly Model: Sonja Ishizuka Jewelry : J. Holt Designs

Contributors: Agi Smith, Lynda Chervil, Susan Heyman, Rickie Smith, Lily Golightly, Rori Raye, Michael Brady, Gina L. Battle, Colleen Crawford, Danessa Myricks, Olatoun Kolawole, Krisanna Jeffery, Dr. Rich Nicastro, Mai Yomioto, Terri Profetto, Scott Black, Kelly Moore, Mary Pifko, Lindsey Walker, Maria Nanikki

Focus of Virginia is published Bimonthly. Articles do not necessarily reflect Focus of Virginia policy. Š 2010 Focus Magazine of SWFL, All rights reserved. Reproduction in part or whole without permission is prohibited. Postmaster: Send all remittances and correspondences about subscriptions, undelivered copies and address changes to: Focus Magazine of SWFL at 105 Triple Diamond Blvd, Suite 101, Venice, FL 34275. Editorial, publishing and advertising offices. questions@focusofvirginia.com

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Passion-filled Marriage

By Rickie Smith

If you were to ask couples what's the best way for maintaining a passion-filled marriage it comes as no surprise to find that a lot them believe that passion alone is the answer. They seem not to understand the need to balance out the emotional aspect of a marriage with the physical aspect of it.

You can't expect any spouse to have passion for his mate all the time, however, if couples focus on the way they feel about each other in general it will be much easier to maintain the passion.

Many people think of marriage as being a state where two people who fall in love, care about each other, and will live out their lives together until death do them part. This is the ideal situation of course but there are some marriages where the couple has gotten married for other reasons, and sometimes the wrong reasons. In these types of marriages there is often very little contact and sincere communication between the couple. This often results in a sexless marriage. The key to maintaining a passionfilled marriage is totally honest with each other. Most couples will find that the desire for sex will comes and go but in order to be successful they must consider the things that they do both in and out of the bedroom.

Men and women must accept the fact that relationships change over time as our children take center stage in our lives and daily household responsibilities overwhelm us. In many cases romance will give way to irritation and arguments. Here are some of the common reasons passion is lost in a marriage: - couples stop listening to each other - they begin acting like roommates instead of lovers and partners - each spouse complain about stress at work and home instead of positive things - couples stop seeing and commenting on what they appreciate about their spouse - One or the other has given up their interests and passions so their lives become all work and therefore no fun When it comes to maintaining a passionfilled marriage, you will find that there are so many things that you can do to rekindle and maintain that passion. One of the things you can do is to set a date night where you take the time to pay attention to each other. The best way for a couple to turn a sexless marriage into a fulfilling marriage is to consistently work on ways to be alone with each other. During these times both spouses must learn to relax and leave the day's stresses behind.

Here are some other things each spouse can do to start turning things around: - Remind yourself of why you fell in love and married your mate - Stop feeling the need to argue and defend yourself - Identify at least one thing a day to complement your spouse on - touch your spouse everyday...start with their hand or back and shoulder - bring the humor back into your relationship, learn to laugh at yourself Some marriage counselors will view differences in spouses as insurmountable, however, each partner in the marriage must believe that people and relationships can and do change for the better. Your marriage is worth working on and you must be willing to do everything that you can to maintain your passion-filled marriage. Keep your relationship open and honest so that you both can trust each other and lean on each other for support.

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What is the top thing to say when talking dirty to men?

1. Tell him what you're wearing under your clothing.

2. Put on sexy lingerie and give him a tiny peek when he first sees you. It'll drive him mad to want to see more of your outfit all night...Until you allow him to see more.

3. Leave him a voice message when he is away 4. At a gathering 5. At your parent's house when you go by him 6. Right before parting for work 7. Email him some sassy notes 8. Fax it to him 9. Throw hot little texts on his cell phone while is at a sports game with his buddies It will heat up if you are talking dirty to men at unusual places like: 1. Your parent's house 2. At the food store 3. At church?...OK...oK...After church

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When is the most excellent timing for this during lovemaking?

From the mid to the end.

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You start by telling a physical move that he has made to you and that you had enjoyed. Don't worry about feeling embarrassed; he will be more paying attention in the images that you are creating in his imagination.

Are you concerned that you won't be excellent at this?

Guys are not hard to light up. It doesn't take a great deal for them to get turned on.

By Susan Heyman

If you feel uncomfortable, get some help with a glass or two of wine... Just to break the ice. But please! Don't develop a drinking problem!

irty talk is a type of pillow talk. You use vivid words to augment sexual enjoyment before and during the lovemaking.

Having trouble "getting it up"? Talking dirty to men might be able to help.

Talking dirty to your guy can be anything from giving him vivid images using slang words, to whispering curse expressions to your guy's ear. If you feel timid about it, don't be; only the two of you will be aware of it.

Use this once in a while; they can get too enthusiastic to this.

In addition, some men can be a bit turned off or uncomfortable with you unexpectedly starting to talk dirty to them.

The more you let go, the better you will be. Your intimate life should be hot and wild. It's a form of "sense of adventure" that you are giving to your guy.

You might say that you are a "good girl" and you don't do those things. Well here is my take on this; if you have preferences in bed, and your spouse is giving enough to fulfill them, maybe I can do my part.

You can propose to him to do the alike and it will balance the dynamics.

You can get swear words at the Urban dictionary. It is a slang dictionary. You'll be able to get different variations of a slang word.

For instance, let's find a variation of breast; there is boobie, nipples, boobs, funbags, just to show a few. Use it, and your imagination. Have fun!

Some guys find it makes them hornier. You can harvest the rewards from this lover's game. It makes you feel sexier because you are seeing your man enjoy himself due to your influence.

You are providing your guy more excitement.

Lovemaking is at its best when you let go; abandon yourself to the other person is a joyful experience. Some women use this not only in the bedroom, but in their husband's e-mail or work's voice mail. Your guy gets excited to get home and gives you a nice "reward"... what do you have to lose?

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Developing

Personal Power

by Lynda Chervil

Personal power is a core leadership competency that everyone needs to develop before they can lead others. It has to do with being able to lead yourself.

"Personal power is the ability to achieve what you want,” according to Frederick Mann, a successful entrepreneur and author of The Economic Rape of America. “More than anything else, it is personal power that brings you success and happiness. The biggest barrier to success in almost any endeavor is powerlessness, negativity, helplessness, and inertia. They belong together. The problem is not only our own powerlessness, but also the powerlessness of those around us."

We can help harness and learn to use our personal power by understanding and working on our Emotional Intelligence (EI) skills.

Not long ago, when I worked in a corporate environment, there was a strong push to incorporate EI into the organization's leadership training curriculum as an array of skills and characteristics that drive leadership performance.

EI is "the ability to monitor one's own and others' feelings and emotions, to discriminate among them and to use this information to guide one's thinking and actions," according to psychologists John D. Mayer and Peter Salovey, who co-developed the concept and were two of the three authors of the Emotional Intelligence Test.

My EI training and its practical applications to my work team environment still resonate in my personal life. They became skills that I now methodically apply to current situations in both personal and entrepreneurial pursuits.

There are several EI models, but the one to which I ascribe is the mixed model introduced by Daniel Goldman, a combination of ability and traits. Here are Goldman’s five main EI constructs, and my views on how each of us can develop them: 1. Self-awareness: the ability to know one's emotions, strengths, weaknesses, drives, values and goals and recognize their impact on others while using gut feelings to guide decisions.

In order to become self-aware, you need to conduct an honest self-assessment to determine your strengths and weaknesses, such as powerlessness and inertia, and determine the root causes. You then need to create a plan that will help you overcome your fears, which are barriers to courage and stand between you and your successes.

While I am a big proponent of using my intuition to guide my decisions, whenever it is appropriate, I need to caution that unless your gut feelings are often more right than wrong, you cannot make decisions solely based upon intuition. You need to use a balanced combination of intuition and logic.

2. Self-regulation: involves controlling or redirecting one's disruptive emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.

Simply put, you need to exercise self-discipline and know how to control your emotions and be flexible in order to adapt to changing situations. You cannot continue on the same trajectory or keep the same plans when the circumstances or facts have changed. Your plans need to be modified accordingly.

3. Social skills: managing relationships to move people in the desired direction.

Your social skills refer to your interpersonal skills or your ability to relate and connect with people, which can motivate them to deploy discretionary efforts to help you achieve goals that are best accomplished via partnership and collaboration.

Here are some tips for improving your social skills: a. Pay attention to the feedback of friends and co-workers, good and bad. Train yourself to repeat the behaviors that get positive feedback and work on eliminating those that make people react negatively. b. View constructive criticism as just that. When we become defensive, we don’t hear what can be very helpful feedback. c. Learn to handle conflict and confrontation from a perspective of compassion and caring.

Personal coaching can be very helpful in learning to be more diplomatic in your interactions with others.

4. Empathy: considering other people's feelings, especially when making decisions.

Some people believe empathy cannot be learned, but I believe just the opposite. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to see situations from their perspective. Might they be feeling fear? Shame? Guilt? How do those emotions make you feel?

Understanding and addressing the concerns of others is essential to EI. Always consider intent versus impact, and how your actions or decisions may affect the individuals or groups involved.

5. Motivation: being driven to achieve for the sake of achievement.

Simply put, what motivates you? What are your benchmarks for success? Once you achieve certain levels of success, you need to consistently set new benchmarks to keep chasing personal excellence!

Practice your EI skills on yourself first, and you’ll develop greater personal power. That can lead to achievements you may never have dreamed possible.

www.lyndachervil.com

About Lynda Chervil Lynda Chervil is the author of “Fool’s Return,” a new novel that incorporates valuable life lessons in a page-turning tale that touches on technology, the green movement, and other aspects of contemporary society. She graduated from New York University with a master’s degree in Integrated Marketing Communications and has extensive experience in consumer and commercial banking and has held positions in new business development, sales management and executive leadership. Chervil seeks to push the limits of established understanding by exploring alternative forms of spiritual healing, and, through creative writing, to expand the narrative of cutting-edge energy technology to promote sustainability.

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Photography by Oleg Gekman

My Body and I Have A Story To Tell…

By Agi Smith

My body and I have a long history together and it wasn’t until recently that I recognized the true friendship and loyalty she has unrelentingly given me. I have no recollection of when she was tiny, pudgy and cute, although I wish I did, because it may have been the only time I would have looked at her with non-judgmental eyes. In grade school she embarrassed me regularly because she was so darn skinny. Everyday I would look for creative ways to hide her by dressing her in baggy pants and oversized tops just to conceal those bird legs. No matter how much chocolate I shoved in her mouth or Doritos I forced her to munch on she just wouldn’t gain a pound.

All my classmates taunted us regularly and relentlessly because of our boyish figure. It wasn’t until later in life I wished I could have that boyish figure back and the freedom to eat chocolate and Doritos guilt free.

My shame of her waif like body left her sweaty and miserable almost every summer, yet, she never complained and always had the fortitude to carry me on any new adventure I desired.

As the years passed she began to change her appearance by growing two little lumps on her scrawny frame, unmanageable hair and a set of crooked teeth making her look like a really ugly boy, again, I was unsympathetic. Even with all my loathing she stayed true to me by being strong, healthy and agile allowing me to play, swim, learn and explore the world around us.

The entry into puberty brought continuous change and I stayed committed to hating her for not mutating in a way I believed would have brought both of us joy. We were clearly not on the same page. I pushed her daily to exercise and eat only what I thought would serve me not her. We spent our entire twenties fighting like two old ladies. Just like a couple heading for divorce we grew to hate each other, only in this case, there wasn’t a judge in the land who would be able to separate us.

I was stuck with her and she was stuck with me. She was always asking for food or sleep and the more she asked the less I gave her. Instead, I would punish her with hours of aerobics to Olivia Newton John’s Let’s Get Physical. She had no idea the pressure I was under to make her look good.

By the time we arrived to our thirties we were at an all out war with each other until one day in our late thirties, my body and I decided to change the world… we got pregnant. During this time it was my turn to show compassion towards my body as she stretched, bloated, got sick and winced in pain. I even allowed her to eat all the foods she craved; chips and lots of French fries - I still allow her a generous amount of flexibility when it comes to French fries. During the pregnancy she betrayed me again, allowing our boobs to grow into the size of two peaches on Barry Bonds type steroids. continued on page 17...

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Towards the end of our pregnancy she was stretched as far as she could be without popping and I was exhausted listening to her kvetch for the past nine months, but we were a united front. Together we gave birth to the most beautiful little spirit, she was pink and perfect, until… the doctor told us she was very ill and would probably “not make it!” Not make it… Like a fly stuck in a jar I was bouncing around in my brain feeling helpless and scared. My body, well, she was calm and knew exactly what to do. She marched into the ICU and told the nurse to hand that baby over to her then she created another miracle… she began to feed our precious baby with the two most valuable assets we had… our breasts. Eleven years later, our baby girl continues to be our little miracle.

Today, I stand before myself in the mirror and see the hips that were once boyish padded with love, love that carried our little girl for years every time she looked up at us and said, “uppy.” Our face is lined with wrinkles, wrinkles that were once an enemy, now they represent pages in our book of life and they tell the story of a beautiful friendship between my body and my mind. Together we have traveled, chased dreams and have now begun to grow old…er. We are kindred spirits brought together in this life span and she has generously loaned me her vessel to help me sail through my journey of this existence. A day – hopefully a long

time from now - will come when we must part ways and I will need to lay her down to rest permanently.

Now days, I try to tell her how much I love her, how beautiful she is and how sorry I am for the years I abused, disrespected or let her down. She rewards me daily with a renewed sense of energy and continuous health. Every morning she places our two feet on the ground and takes us anywhere I wish to go. At times I still look at her and feel disappointed in her shape and how she is beginning to show the signs of an old weathered ship, but then I remind myself how far we have come and how we still have so much to do. I love my body, and she has shown me time and again how much she loves me. She is beautiful, superlative and uniquely one of a kind. We are perfect together and I am eternally grateful for her choosing to take me on this glorious ride. My body and I have a long ways to go with many more stories to tell, but for now, I am happy to say that we are a true love story…

www.dearagi.com

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Tiffany Suzette lock clutches (from left): navy/light camel/cotton smooth and grain leather and cotton haircalf and textured leather.

Tiffany Kensington bucket hobos in grain leather (from left): poppy/gold, camel/gold.

Tiffany Riley totes in silver metallic grain leather (small) and natural matte python print (large).

Tiffany accessories in grain leather (clockwise from top): card case in Tiffany Blue®, loop tassel key chain in light camel, loop tassel key chain in Tiffany Blue®, flip tab french continental wallet in navy, continental wallet in cotton, flip tab continental wallet in light camel.

Tiffany & Co. Garden of Delights

This spirit of new beginnings is captured in distinctive handbags handcrafted by skilled Italian artisans working with leather in poppy, light camel, navy, cotton and Tiffany Blue. The leather is backed with gold or platinum foil, creating an interior with a beautiful color contrast. These details distinguish the supple Kensington hobo and Allee satchel that mold to the body in a soft, easy way, as well as the Dahlia, a smaller hobo, and the Lily clutch.

The Tiffany Leather Collection is created with time-honored techniques. Every clasp and embellishment, every pocket and seam is smoothly integrated into the overall design.

In addition, these original creations are finished with the hallmarks of Tiffany’s heritage, including custom-designed hardware, Tiffany Blue leather interiors and subtle Tiffany & Co. logos. Collectively, they represent the attention to detail that makes for a fashion essential of enduring style.

TRT: Tiffany Reversible Tote in cotton/onyx smooth leather with a crossbody detachable leather strap.

Tiffany Lily clutches in grain leather (from top): navy/ gold, cotton/platinum, light camel/gold.

Tiffany Cornelia lunchbox, zip phone wallet and Sabrina frame clutch in navy glazed crocodile

Tiffany Tulip should bag in smooth and grain leather (from left): light camel/light camel, cotton/onyx

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www.tiffany.com

Beauty & Care

In Your 30s: Peptides: Peptides are molecular links of amino acids that help your skin produce collagen – the wonder protein that prevents wrinkles, and keeps skin looking young.

G.M. Collin Bota-Peptide 5 Concentrate is a light textured fluid with a natural bouquet of bergamot, black currant, green apple, jasmine, musk, and cedar wood. The formula embraces the unprecedented combination of 5 peptides, each of which has been individually clinically proven: Argireline®, Lipo-Arginyl Tyrosine, Soja Oligopeptides, Palmitoyl Oligopeptides and Palmitoyl Tetrapeptide-3. These 5 peptides have been particularly selected for their targeted anti-aging action; they relax skin-related muscles, act on the skin neurosensorial mechanisms, increase skin density, stimulate skin functions and smooth the skin’s surface. (www.GMCollin.com)

Choosing an anti-aging product is no easy feat. With hundreds of creams/serums/oils to choose from, how does one know which is the most effective? The key is in the ingredients, and personalizing your skincare based on your age. Experts advise scanning the packaging before buying, searching for an ingredient that complements your skins current condition.

In Your 40s: Renovage®: Renovage is an essential ingredient that prolongs the cell and tissue life span also improves cellular metabolism which results in a DNA repair effect.

Phyto Stem Cell + Eye Contour Cream is a part of the Phyto Stem Cell + line that optimizes the cellular metabolism of the skin. The advanced anti-aging eye contour cream moisturizes, soothes, and visibly improves the firmness of the skin and the appearance of dark circles, puffiness, wrinkles, and fine lines.

In Your 50s: Mitoquinol: At this stage, skin has already been through hardships and anti-aging, so it needs a strong ingredient! The mitoquinol molecule is the newest patented antioxidant to hit the U.S. market through the breakthrough anti-aging face cream, MitoQ. It’s the most potent antioxidant on the market to date and proven to be 1,000x stronger than CoQ10.

MitoQ: The mitoquinol molecule is the newest patented antioxidant to hit the U.S. market through the breakthrough anti-aging face cream, MitoQ. MitoQ is considered to be the most potent antioxidant on the market to date and proven to be 1,000x stronger than CoQ10.

Developed over 10 years of rigorous research and development, it is the only topical cream proven to deliver antioxidants to mitochondria at levels shown to have an immense effect in rejuvenating the cells, encouraging the natural production of collagen and elastin and leaving skin looking radiant with a lit-from-within glow. (www.MitoQ.com)

G.M. Collin skincare, Daily Ceramide Comfort Capsules a Daily Ceramide Comfort system is a replenishing and nourishing skin care supplement in practical single dose capsules that protects the skin against environmental elements and reduces the skin stress and irritation while improving hydration.

At spas nationwide and select online retailers. (www.GMCollin.com) 20 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

Fashion & Style

Hugo Boss Suit - $599.90 Sale, $895 After Sale Dress Shirt - $82.90 Sale, $125 After Sale Tie - $62.90 Sale, $95 After Sale

Peter Millar Soprt Coat, $299.90, $495 After Sale JR Britches Flat Front Trousers, $99.90, $114 After Sale

Halogen Seamed Leather Pencil Skirt, $164.90 Sale, $248 After Sale

NORDSTROM

Anniversary

A unique seasonal opportunity to shop brand merchandise at amazing prices

Starting from July 18th to August 3rd. Stock up on must-haves and shop brands like: rag & bone Rebecca Minkoff Vince Frye Diane von Furstenberg Hugo Boss The Honest Company Alexis Bittar J Brand Tumi Michael Kors and more...

Prices only last for two weeks, and all Anniversary Sale merchandise will return to full price on August 4th.

Zella Hoodie, $49.90, After Sale $78 Doubletime Bra, $31.90, After Sale $48 Live-In Capris, $31.90, After Sale $48

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YSL Must-Have Set, $75 - a $127 value

Michael Kors Bradshaw Chronograph Bracelet Watch - $149.90 Sale, $250 After Sale

www.Nordstrom.com

Nothing Pleases A Woman More.

by Maria Nanikki

I remember my first crush on beautiful dangling earrings my mom used to wear when I was a little girl. With the passage of time, my love for jewelry has grown into a delightful passion. The delicate sparkling as well as funky earrings has become a part of my daily wear. My earring affiliation is unmatched with other pieces of jewelry, but I love to wear unique rings, stylish bracelets, glass bangles and long necklaces which add glamour to my wardrobe. While shopping and on vacations, I am always looking for lovely pieces that I can add to my collection. For me, jewelry is a tasteful, creative and glamorous addition to enhance our looks. My addiction is to buy beaded, wood, metallic and glass pieces from around the world. Every country has developed its own style and taste in ornamentation.

It is exciting to find new styles associated with different countries and adorn ourselves with them gleefully.

I

am in love with each and every material for their uniqueness and immense style.

For ladies, the real form of jewelry is made of precious metals and gemstones which have unmatched elegancy and beauty. Diamonds are forever is a famous song which comes to our minds when we think of shiny adornments. What is more classy and beautiful than a piece of diamond sparkling on our fingers?

They have been a passion for ladies since the inception of this age. It has always been the most expensive form of adornment for ladies showing off their social status. Gold, white gold, Pearls and gemstones do not lag behind in their sparkling beauty. Gold has been a woman’s best friend since ancient times.

Egyptian ladies used to adorn themselves with huge gold necklaces and crowns. The metal has a great value because of its ornamental usage around the globe. Its other form is white gold which has a silver look to the value of gold and it produces a very elegant look on ladies.

Pearls, rubies, sapphires, emeralds, quartz, jade, jasper, turquoise, amber and limitless stones add organic color to the elegant pieces of jewelry. Most of the times, these stones are used with diamond and gold plates adding color to the shining metals. Nothing is more beautiful than a gold necklace adorned with emeralds matched to the emerald gown of a lady dancing in a ballroom. Smooth white pearls stir a unique touch to the attire of a woman specially a nice pearl necklace. I think for female population, nothing is a better gift than a beautiful piece of jewelry. Nothing pleases women when husbands gift them with a sparkling piece as a token of love. I think it is not an exaggeration to say that jewelry will always remain a women’s best friend forever.

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Beauty Queen Look Like a

on a Budget

By Lindsey Walker

Competing in beauty pageants is an amazing experience and can also be a costly one...but it always doesn't have to be. In this article owners of Eye For Design Hair company, also the official hair sponsors of quite a few of the Miss USA Pageants are giving you give the tricks of the trade, allowing you to look just like a beauty queen but on a budget.

There are so many components that go into successfully competing in a pageant: the hair, the makeup, the gown, the pageant coach, the fitness trainer, the interview suit, the list can go on and on and so does the cost!

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RPM Productions, Inc. Official Preliminaries to the MISS USA速 and MISS TEEN USA速 Pageants

Kristen Girault Miss Louisiana USA 2013, Ashley Love-Mills, Miss North Carolina USA 2013, Megan Pinckney Miss South Carolina USA 2013 and Mary Margaret McCord Miss Alabama USA 2013.

Hair: in pageants the majority of the girls are wearing hair

extensions. The hair extensions can cost between $140 to $1,500.

The majority of this cost is the installation method. If you are using tape, fusion, micro beads, or sew -in the cost, not including the hair, can be between $150 - $1250.00. To save money but still look fabulous use quality clip-in Remy human hair extensions. Eye for Design's clip-in Remy human hair extensions cost from $140 - $250. Their hair extensions are 100% human hair and can be easily colored, curled and styled. There isn't any installation cost because you can install them yourself! Eye for Design will sends all their new and returning customers hair care instructions and application video.

- savings - up to $1250 dollars

Make up: Some pageant systems do not allow makeup artist back stage. This means that the contestants have to do their own make up, Yikes! So hiring a makeup artist to teach you how to apply pageant make up is a necessary expense. The cost is $50 $150 per session. But to keep cost down go to your favorite make up counter (Mac or Bobby Brown are mine)and ask one of the popular artist to teach you how to apply make up. The only cost is the makeup (which you need) and have to buy.

- savings up to $180.00

Gown: The evening gown is one of the most important parts of a pageant, so it must be fabulous! Cost is from $300 - $4000.

The interview suit, shoes, jewelry can also be expensive. Cost is fron $200 - $1000. Luckily you can look fabulous without breaking your bank! The best way to save money on your gown is to go to an evening gown resale store. Naples Florida has a large number of resale stores. One of the most popular ones is The Dress Shop.

Another great way is online and Facebook Pageant Resale Shops.

They re-sale everything related to pageants so you can easily find your suit, shoes, and accessories there. But be sure to know their refund policy before you purchase.

- savings $ 1000 - $3000

Coach: A pageant coach is one thing that every first time con-

testant should invest in. Cost is $50 - $300. With Pageant coaches you do not want to bufget the quality of the coaching because like many things in life, you get what you paid for. Therefore the only way to save on this cost is to find a sponsor that will pay for it.

Fitness trainer: A lot of hard work and dedication goes

into preparing for a pageant and eating healthy and doing fitness training is one of them. Hiring a nutritionist/ fitness trainer is important but often expensive, $50 to $90 an hour. You cannot leave fitness out, but you can reduce the costs and even eliminate it. There are great online fitness sources. YouTube is a great resource with trainers like Jillian Micheals. There are also websites like Daily Burn that gives classes and tips on nutrition.

- Savings $200 - $360

So in the end looking like a beauty pageant winner can be done on a budget when you take the time to research the different outlets available.

www.eyefordesignhair.com

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 25

Getting the Right Fit

By Kelly Moore and Mary Pifko

Did you know that 85% of women are wearing the wrong size bra? Yes, that’s what I said… 85%! The surge in awareness and increase in bra fittings has proven that 8 out of 10 women are wearing the wrong size bra. The majority of the problem lies in the band being too large. The decrease in band size to accommodate a more snug and proper fit, has increased the width and depth of the cup size women need to achieve their correct size. Case in point, a woman who wears a 36D cup when properly fit would likely fit into a 34DD or 32F size bra.

So what’s a woman to do with all of this overwhelming information? How do you know you are wearing the right bra? There is only on way to truly know… and that is to do a proper bra fitting.

Mary and I are going to give you the basics… step by step.

If doing this on your own makes you uncomfortable there are many great bra fitting experts out there to give you a one on one consultation.

Measurement Guidelines for American Fit: Step 1: Measure your band size: Wearing an unpadded bra, and using a soft tape measure, measure firmly around your ribcage, directly underneath your breasts. The tape measure should be held horizontally around your body and the tape should be taught with no sliding in the back. If the number is un-even round up. This measurement is your under bust or band measurement. Example: 36 = 36 but 37 = 38.

Step 2: Measure your cup size: Wearing an unpadded bra, and using a soft tape measure, wrap the tape measure around the fullest area of your bust. Hold taught and keep the tape measure straight.

This is your bust measurement. Make a note of this measurement. Subtract the band measurement from the cup measurement to get your cup size. Each inch represents a cup size. Example: less than 1 inch = AA cup, 1 inches = A cup, 2 inches = B cup, 3 inches = C cup and so on.

For example: If you have a 36-band size and 42 bust size you are a 36F cup. 42 - 36 = 6. 6 inches is equivalent to an F cup.

Photography by Lisa Presnail

When in doubt always consult an expert. Your foundations are vital to making you look and feel great so take the time to find the right fit!

For questions and information please visit our website at:

www.curveturiere.com

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make-up artist Danessa Myricks guides on how to create a stunning look

SPICY SHIMMERY LIPS For lasting lip color...

Step 1. Use a dense cream base and apply evenly on the entire lip. You can smudge the base on with your finger or use a lip brush for precision application. This will create a bold lip with long-lasting coverage.

Step 2. For a precise application outline the lip using a lip brush.

Step 3. To give the illusion of a fuller plumper lip apply your lip liner just outside your natural lip line and fill in with bold color.

Pro tip - Because lip glosses can be too sheer and don't last throughout the day without a base - try using a similar tone base on the lip to lock on the shine.

AMAZING EYES Amazing Eyes for Every Eye shape...

Step 1. Use your lash line as your guide and apply a

deep shade cream base as a liner using a liner brush to create depth and shape the eye.

Step 2. Dab a bit of loose shimmer shadow to the inner corners of the eye as a highlight for some extra pop!

Step 3. Turn it up a notch by creating a smol-

der effect - apply a deep cream base to the entire lid using a shadow brush and tap loose reflective shimmer over the cream base to create a sultry subtle glimmer to the lid.

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 29

Men Women What

Look for in

All men are different and what one man finds attractive isn’t necessarily going to be the same as the man next to him finds attractive. Plus, depending on what that man is looking for at the time, he will be attracted to different things. For example if he is just looking for a no strings attached fun romp then he is more likely to be looking at body shape and looks, but if he is looking for someone to have a serious relationship with he will be looking for personality, honesty and all of the other character traits that make a relationship work. There are some qualities that all men find attractive no matter what kind of relationship they are after.

By Colleen Crawford

Confidence Men like women to have a certain amount of confidence; they enjoy catching the eye of a woman when she walks into the room, and if she can maintain eye contact with him all the better. It shows that she is confident in who she is, how she looks and has a self confidence that will make her easy to be around than the more shy and retiring types. Men like a woman that can stand on her own two feet for the majority of the time, but will still turn to her man for support when she needs it. They do not want to be with someone who is unable to make decisions and is constantly relying on them to guide them and support them.

Make Him Laugh A good sense of humor can go a long way towards a happy relationship. Let’s face it, who would want to be stuck in a joyless relationship with someone who was always miserable. Men like a woman who can laugh at their jokes, see the funny side of life and generally have a good time without having to be always serious about everything. Along with a good sense of humor there is generally a positive outlook towards life, which is what guys want, they probably have enough negative influences in their lives without having a girlfriend that has had a sense of humor bypass.

Pretty as a Picture There is absolutely no denying that men are attracted to a pretty face and a nice figure, we’re talking the basis of attraction here. Men are also attracted to women that have an air of femininity about them, the more feminine a women the more masculine she makes her man feel. They also like a woman with nice hair, it may sound a little basic but it’s true, a woman’s hair can add to or detract from her femininity. A well groomed woman with a pretty face and shiny hair is more likely to attract a man that a woman who cares little about her appearance or her personal hygiene.

Independence Independence can of course be related to confidence, but the kind of independence that we are talking about here is the independence that allows her to take care of herself and stand on her own two feet. A woman who is comfortable in her own space and can manage on her own is far more attractive to a man than a woman who needs help with everything, men do not like a woman who appears clingy and needy. As much as a man likes the feeling of having a woman to care for and look after, he also likes his own space and time to himself, an independent woman can give him this.

Empathy and Understanding Men want a woman to listen to them, not someone who is far too engrossed in their own lives, or constantly moaning about their own life to spare him some time. A man will be more attracted to a woman that can empathize with him and show him the understanding that he needs, than someone who moans and nags who offers little in the way of support or appreciation. continued on page 33...

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1. Humor Virtually there is no man who doesn't find it attractive to see a woman with a good sense of humor. After the physical appearance, it is often one of the first things men will notice and appreciate. It is great to be a professional woman, but men need a little sense of humor to spice things up. Learn to laugh honestly and take things with joy to make yourself more attractive to men. Life is beautiful, enjoy it, be happy and allow yourself to reflect your pleasure in public.

2. Intelligence A clever woman is an attractive woman, at least for most men, as not all men are attracted to "a pretty dumb doll". Many women only speak about the latest hairstyle or the latest Glee episode, it could be a little dull to many men. Many women only prioritize on their sexual appeal and pay little attention to their brain. In contrast, many men love to engage in intelligent and challenging conversations with women.

3. Flexibility Maybe some man is attracted to a woman who has enough flexibility to do somersaults in the air, but they are more attracted a woman who has flexible ideas, comments and suggestions, without being too stubborn and arrogant. Men tend to have stable relationship with a woman who can adapt to the changing situations without breaking their own principles.

4. Generosity Many men rated generosity and altruism as the characteristics of an attractive woman. It shouldn't be surprising, because a generous and selfless woman is clearly capable of looking beyond the present moment and see the needs of others.

5. Good self-esteem Men attracted to women who seem to be comfortable with themselves. In general, men prefer women who don't feel like a garbage and behave as if they are worthless and simply lack confidence in themselves.

To find self-esteem, you should trust yourself, you're a woman and therefore you need to do what it takes to be attractive to a man.

6. Dynamic Impulsiveness, energy, drive and passion in a woman really attract most men. Usually, it is usually a good indicator of positive self-esteem, as the woman has the energy to deal with new challenges. If you set your eyes on something, fight for it and struggle to achieve it, this would not only make you a more successful person but also make you more attractive.

7. Unique Many women with good physical appearance look bland, they just behave and talk the same.

Just be yourself, but add something in your life that can convince men that you're not just an ordinary woman.

8. Spontaneous Many men do things without a plan or do things not according to the plan. Occasionally allow yourself a bit of creativity, relax and release all, spontaneity inside you and give him a good surprise. Things that are done spontaneously have an enormous capacity to be really romantic, so don't hesitate to let yourself loose once in a while.

9. Motherly instinct The motherly instinct is not necessarily only for raising children, there are qualities within it that can make any woman more attractive to men. Even a young woman should be able to care, comfort, cuddle, help and support her lover. Men like to be taken care of, for example, if he catches a cold, let him lie on the sofa, put a blanket over him, give him light kisses and tell him to rest while you are preparing a hot, delicious soup. You'll be highly appreciated.

10. Tenderness Tenderness is a quality that is almost indispensable to the eyes of almost any man. This doesn't mean you have to be soft and tender all the time, but at least you should know when he needs a woman who can support him. Tenderness is a feminine quality that men love just like how women like sensitive men, you have heart and feelings, use them to win his heart.

Empathy and Understanding Men want a woman to listen to them, not someone who is far too engrossed in their own lives, or constantly moaning about their own life to spare him some time. A man will be more attracted to a woman that can empathize with him and show him the understanding that he needs, than someone who moans and nags who offers little in the way of support or appreciation.

Honesty and Loyalty Everyone man or woman wants to be in the kind of relationship where the emphasis is on honesty. No one likes the thought that they are being lied to, and a man just like a woman, appreciates a loyal and honest partner. He is looking for someone that will be faithful to him, not be flirting with his friends the minute that his back is turned, and someone that will remain by his side through the ups and downs of life.

Relaxed and Easy Going Men do not like relationships that are hard work, women who are more concerned about their appearance and what other people think of them is not generally someone that he can have an enjoyable relationship with.

Men like the kind of woman who doesn’t mind if she smudges her makeup, or her hair gets a little tousled. While personal care and appearance is important to him, he needs to know that she can relax and let her hair down and be laid back. This is especially important if they are looking for a long term relationship, as when it comes to commitment men are more attracted to the ‘girl next door’ personality than that of a glamour model.

Caring and Supportive Men like to feel that they are being cared for, while they enjoy having the status of man of the house or breadwinner, they like those little tokens of affection, small gestures that show them that they are being loved and cared for. Even something mundane as having his shirt ironed for him, or finding his sandwiches made for him before he goes to work can mean as much as a grand romantic gesture. They like to know that their girl is paying attention to them and taking care of the little things that mean a lot, a woman that does everything for a man can leave him feeling suffocated and overwhelmed, but get the balance right and you have a happy relationship. Men also like to know that they are being supported in their choices, whether it’s a career decision or a life decision they need to feel that you are by their side, able to offer advice when required and listening to his thoughts and reasoning objectively, and supporting him in his choices.

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 33

Photos courtesy of Getty Images

Start Planning Now! Preparing for the big day means planning a multitude of details; everything from the flower arrangements to that something blue must be decided upon well in advance of the ceremony. Here are some tips to help ensure your big day goes off without a hitch.

FAMILY FEATURES

34 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

A to-do list for brides-to-be The decision to get married is the first of many big decisions you will be making in the weeks and months to come. Here are some things to con­sider right away:

• Pick a style. Many brides choose wedding styles that are reflected in their save-the-dates, invitations, ceremonies, receptions and thank-you cards. Choosing a theme and color scheme in the begin­ning will help narrow down options later.

• Pick a date. Talk with your fiancé and family (and your fiancé’s family) about potential wedding dates to ensure the important people in both your lives will be able to take part.

• Hire a caterer. Take into account the dietary needs of your guests by offering a variety of menu options, including a vegetarian dish.

• Select your guests. The number of guests you invite will directly influence the cost of your wedding.

• Order the cake. Whether you choose a large multi-tiered cake or cup­cakes, remember to keep your budget in mind— and pick flavors you and your fiancé truly enjoy.

The Big Decisions

• Set a budget. Budgeting for your wedding is crucial, as this will have a great impact on every other aspect of your day, as well as your honeymoon. Plan for a little wiggle room for unexpected expenses.

• Choose a location. Because most popular bridal spots are just that — popular — you may want to start searching for a location quickly.

• Organize the bridal party. Make careful decisions about who you want supporting you leading up to the big day, and who will be displayed in front of everyone in your life.

• Make the announcement. Decide how you want to let the community know of your planned nuptials. Do you want to take professional engagement photos? Do you plan to contact your local paper? Will you include a link to a wedding day website on your save-the-date or your wedding invitations?

• Get the gown. On your wedding day, everyone will be awaiting a glimpse of your gown. Listen to your instincts and choose a gown that “feels right” and reflects your personality and style.

continued on page 37...

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 35

Wedding Day Details

Following the Honeymoon

• Provide bottled water for your wedding party.

To ensure no one gets over-heated, hide water near your bridal party during the ceremony for emergencies.

• Open wedding gifts and keep an accurate list of each guest in correspondence with their gift.

• Choose meaningful gifts for your wedding party.

Necklaces, earrings or bracelets are great for bridesmaids; cufflinks are perfect for groomsmen.

• Write thoughtful, personalized hand-written thank you cards.

• Create individual envelopes for tipping drivers, caterers, musicians, etc. Separate envelopes will help ensure you don’t forget anyone.

• Plan for weather:

IN CASE OF RAIN — Order a tent or choose a

venue with indoor space for last-minute protec­tion from the elements. Offer extra umbrellas to usher people from their vehicles to the venue.

IN CASE OF HEAT — Place fans throughout the

venue and provide plenty of water for guests.

IN CASE OF COLD — Space heaters can be

placed through­out the space to warm up the room in advance of the event.

• Over-estimate the amount of parking needed for guests.

The Big Day Bridal Kit Supplies Bobby pins, elastic hair bands Hairbrush Hairspray Panty hose Nail file, nail polish, remover Baby powder Makeup Stain remover Tissues Sewing kit with scissors Ballet flats Pocket mirror

Static cling spray Antacid Pain reliever Bandages Deodorant Dental floss Eye drops Bottled water Breath mints Duct tape — for lastminute dress fix-ups and to adhere to the bottom of slippery dress shoes

Extra post-earring backs

• Dress your party. Once you have chosen the wedding dress of your dreams, speak with your fiancé about his wishes for his suit, as well as the bridal party attire.

• Hire a photographer. Choose your professional photographer wisely. With a walk down the aisle, father/daughter dance and toast, your father is sure to get photographed, but your mother might get overlooked. Make sure to ask the photographer to get shots of your mother throughout the day as well.

• Choose your flowers. Once you set the date, discuss with your florists which flowers are in season to help narrow down your selection. You may love tulips, but if you have a winter wed­ding, they may be hard to come by, and may be more expensive.

• Book the entertainment. Do you want a DJ or a live band? Talk with your fiancé about your music preferences, as well as the types of tunes you want played at your reception to keep your guests on the dance floor.

Before the Big Day • Create a website for your wedding to keep guests informed of events and for easy access to registry information. Provide accommodation information for those guests traveling from out of town.

• Insure your engagement and wedding rings against loss, damage, theft or mysterious disappearance. According to a survey conducted by Jewelers Mutual Insurance Company, 44 percent of married women either don’t insure their engagement ring, or don’t know for certain whether their engagement and wedding rings are insured. For a free, no-obligation jewelry insurance quote, visit www.insureyourjewelry.com.

• Make sure your marriage license, travel documentation and insurance information are ready to go and stored in a safe place in advance of the wedding day.

• Practice reciting your vows and speeches until you feel comfortable.

• Wear your wedding heels around the house to “break them in.” Pack a back-up pair of flats to wear during the reception.

• Remember to ask for help. Designate members of your family or close friends to specific assignments.

For information about protecting your bridal jewelry, visit www.insureyourjewelry.com.

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 37

Offical Wine

DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS 41st Annual

for the

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www.shoecrazywine.com Cellared and bottled by KDM Global Partners Hopland,CA

• Start Early: Most couples like to register 4-6 months before their wedding date, which allows more time for choosing items, planning for showers and meeting other deadlines.

• Register Together: Whether it’s in-store, online or both – make a day of it and have fun selecting all the things that will be part of your new life together.

• Choose Different Price Points: Guests will appreciate a varied list that has many gift options to fit their personal budget.

• Create a Registry That Reflects You: If you’re a laid-back, easygoing couple, consider registering for a more casual dinnerware pattern that you can use every day, then mix in some fancy pieces to use for those special occasions. If you enjoy entertaining friends and family, be sure to choose a range of serveware and barware.

Wedding FAMILY FEATURES

Registry 101

For engaged couples, it can seem as if there are a million things to accomplish before the big day arrives. One essential piece of the wedding puzzle involves creating a registry that makes it easy for guests to celebrate your union with gifts that reflect your personality as a couple.

Before Building Your Registry It’s no wonder why guests love the ease and simplicity of a gift registry. But many couples may not know where to begin when setting out to create this useful list. Here are some helpful pointers from Macy’s to help you get started on creating a perfect wedding registry: • Meet with a Consultant: These trained professionals are on site to assist and discuss everything you want and need. It’s a good place to start if you have questions on what items to include and what brands are available.

• Look for Special Programs: Some stores offer special features, such as Macy’s, whose Dream Fund allows guests to contribute any amount to the ultimate gift card, so the bride and groom can later choose exactly what they want.

Making the Right Choices With all the things needed to properly stock your home, selecting the right ones can seem overwhelming. Here are some tips to keep in mind while adding to your registry: • Select Your Settings: A five-piece setting is meant to serve one person and includes a dinner plate, salad plate, bread and butter plate, tea cup and saucer. If you want to serve eight guests, you will need to register for eight five-piece settings.

• Factor in Some Extras: When registering for drinkware, be sure to register for a few extras in each glass size in case some break down the road.

• Protect Your Cutlery: Be sure to choose a sturdy cutting board to protect your knife blades from chips and cracks. You can keep your cutlery in top condition by registering for a honing steel and knife sharpener.

• Stock Up on Kitchen Must-Haves: When it comes to cookware, make sure to stock up on the essentials. This should include a fry pan, sauté pan, grill pan, sauteuse (round, deep-sided design for sautéing on the stovetop or baking in the oven) and a chef’s pan.

• Opt for the Basics: White dinnerware allows you to transform the look of your table year-round by changing the décor and accessories around it. The classic look will be a design that you can appreciate for years to come.

Visit www.macys.com/registry for a full registry checklist, helpful tips and more information on Macy’s Dream Fund.

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 39

ER N G E I DES ROFIL P

Zac Posen

A globally recognized designer of women’s fashion, synonymous with the modern American glamour lifestyle. House of Z, currently produces a range of products through his Zac Posen, ZAC Zac Posen and Z Spoke Zac Posen labels including women’s ready-to-wear, furs, handbags, accessories and eyewear.

David’s Bridal, the nation’s leading bridal and special occasion authority, announces the launch of the highly anticipated Spring 2014 collection from premier American designer, Zac Posen. ‘Truly Zac Posen’ is available exclusively in select David’s Bridal stores worldwide and online at DavidsBridal.com on February 6, 2014. This romantic collection of bridal and social occasion styles is rooted in Zac Posen’s signature design sensibility and red-carpet heritage.

Says Zac Posen, “I am so honored to partner with David’s Bridal on the ‘Truly Zac Posen’ line as we have jointly created love notes to brides everywhere. Each design in this collection depicts a romantic femininity with silhouettes that embrace and enhance every woman’s body while celebrating life’s exceptional moments.”

‘Truly Zac Posen’ reflects signature elements of Posen’s globally renowned collections, integrating the artisanal craftsmanship, anatomical silhouettes and design innovation for which he has come to be known. The ‘Truly Zac Posen’ line offers a selection of exceptional bridal gowns and social occasion dresses.

The bridal gown collection, with seven styles to choose from, showcases bold silhouettes and whimsical colors – from a satin fit-and-flare gown with corset detailing and embellishments to a champagne-colored tulle dress with a featherweight lace overlay. The ten social occasion dresses in the collection are steeped in signature red-carpet glamour. Strapless cocktail dresses are available in lavish shades including portobello, lavender haze and midnight blue. Other styles in the social occasion line feature tulle skirts complementing corset-detailed taffeta dresses and evening gowns telegraphed with both ethereal simplicity and structured volumes.

“Since we announced our new designer partnership with the extremely talented Zac Posen, our consumers have been anxiously awaiting the in-store date of his standout designs,” said David’s Bridal EVP and Chief Marketing Officer, Brian Beitler. “His new collection speaks to the beauty, grace and glamour that each woman deserves on her big day and we’re thrilled that our customers can have a ‘Truly Zac Posen’ piece hanging in their own closets.”

As the latest designer collection in the David’s Bridal collaboration portfolio, ‘Truly Zac Posen’ will continue to deliver seasonal styles throughout the year at an accessible price-point. Bridal gowns are priced from $850 to $1,350. For the social occasion collection, cocktail dresses start at $195 and floor-length evening gowns retail for $225. Jewelry and accessories will also be included in the collection.

40 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

www.davidsbridal.com

Reception

FAMILY FEATURES

to Remember

Whether it’s set in the great outdoors, a lavish ballroom, the couple’s favorite restaurant or at home, the wedding reception is a special time for newlyweds to celebrate with family and friends.

The signature dessert – cake – is usually the centerpiece for this occasion, a continuing reflection of the wedding theme and colors. An assortment of cupcakes or a tower of layers allows today’s cakes to take almost any form – from square to round, even pillow or heart-shaped. This stunning all-white creation from the wedding experts at Wilton is both simple yet elegant. Cake layers are covered in pure white fondant, while additional bands of fondant glistening with white sparkling sugar decorate the bottom of each tier. Dots of sugar pearl sprinkles, resembling perfect pearls add a hint of texture, while a gem-studded monogram topper adds the finishing touch.

This unique do-it-yourself wedding topper kit can easily be customized…with one initial, two or a trio. Self-adhesive crystal-like gems are used to trace the initials onto the clear disc.

Gems can also be used to create a border or other complementary design. After the reception, it makes a perfect keepsake for the couple that will be treasured for years to come.

Guests will want to raise a glass in honor of the newlyweds with the timeless custom of a champagne toast. Decorated flutes for the bride and groom create a long-lasting memory of this special tradition.

Individual boxes are ideal for truffles or other candies to send home with guests. Tie with ribbons reflecting the color theme of the wedding. Another fun memento is a mini champagne bottle favor that can be filled with small candies. Attach a label with a personalized message. Make it elegant or simple…and always make it meaningful and memorable.

www.wilton.com FOCUS of Virginia 2014 41

stylish, gushing and she wants to make as vivacious a statement as her younger counterpart. She may even acquiesce and wear white, ivory or a surprisingly bold color. “The bride wears what she wants too,” said Judie McGlinchey, a professional bridal consultant/stylist.

Trending now in bridal fashion is bold hues, like hot pink or royal blue shoes just for an eye-popping punch of color underneath the gown. Some brides are putting a coordinating color sash on the gown or a little feathery flower to incorporate more color for fun.

Styles have changed as women have evolved through decades of bridal fashion design. Designers in the industry are appreciative of a mature woman, particularly those poised with the goal to make her fashion choices coincide with a picture-perfect wedding. Judie says, “True, they’re more assertive and know what they want whether they’re having a beach or destination wedding, or marrying on a cruise – they just know.”

OVE L in the air for woman over 40

by Gina L. Battle

Traditionally a blushing bride is on the underside of 26 years old.

Couples have been planning their nuptials for months, perhaps up to a year or more. She has chosen a romantic floral bouquet; they’ve sampled the perfect tiered cake; invited fabulous guests; lamented over heavenly gowns, this all prior to the day they walk down the aisle to recite their vows.

The day has finally arrived! For any bride, no matter what her age, the wedding day is a day like no other. It is a magical day enveloped with love, happiness; hope for the future, and dreams fulfilled.

The ideal of the typical age of a bride is no longer the old standard -- young. For various reasons, many women are seeking wedded bliss at a nontraditional time in their life. It is likely getting married or remarried may occur beyond age 40. For the sake of this article, let’s assume they are experienced, independent and self-assured individuals.

Whether she’s a first-time bride or has taken multiple vows, the case is no longer that the mature bride is hiding in unflattering, unassuming fashion on her wedding day. This bride is beautiful, 42 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

The excitement doesn’t stop at a certain age group. According to Charlotte Bridal Boutique owners, Lynn and Ken Adkins, the eldest bride they have consulted was a beautiful, glowing, spry woman in her 80’s.

Although there may be a significant age difference, a bride is a bride… and a beautiful bride shouldn’t have boundaries because of her age. She looks forward to her wedding day like she did as a little girl.

Judie gives the same advice to younger and mature brides alike.

It goes without saying, any bride can be influenced by family and friends, because their opinion means so much to her, and she might give way to the pressure in spite of her true feelings. However, as a result of the assertiveness she possesses, the bride may revisit the shop and choose the original dress, ending up with what she actually wants.

A

nother great piece of advice given to help deter this from happening is simple. “Don’t bring too many people with you to try on dresses. The more people you have, the more opinions you’ll have to deal with and the more decisions you will have to make. You can be guided by your family and friends, but it’s between you and the groom, it’s your day whether it’s the first wedding or another.” Who can argue with that; wasn’t figuring out the seating chart enough drama?

Being an older bride does have an essential worthwhile advantage.

The 40+ bride most likely leaves behind any illusions about the day after the wedding. Her focus is not only on the day, but she and the groom are more apt to put effort into ‘From this day forward… till death do us part.’

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 43

Communication in a Relationship

By Michael Brady

Communication is a vital part of our lives: a typical day involves many interactions between ourselves, our work colleagues and clients, our children, our friends, our ex's, future relationships, etc. This interaction takes place where we live, work, relax, socialize and wherever we perform routine tasks.

Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person.

Do you identify with any of these statements?

"He never listens to me when I talk!"

"She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!"

2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience.

3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts.

4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.

5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.

"The medium is the message" the way the message is delivered is the message itself.

"It's like talking to a brick wall"

6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions.

"I can't get through to you"

Listening and Feedback

"We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight"

Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication.

"She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her"

Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.

"He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues" Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.

Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.

Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication 1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings.

44 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.

Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively.

Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind.

It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal/non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback.

If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions!

Conflict Resolution Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.

Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process: Confrontational (win or lose, blaming) Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming) Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal) Giving in (passive, submissive)

19 Steps to Effective Communication 1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticize, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.

2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap) 3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasize or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.

Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)

4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”.

Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:

5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.

Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)

6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …”

Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation) Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty) When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.

Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled.

Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation.

If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents.

As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.

7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate.

Avoid acting until this is done.

8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view.

Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception) 9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure.

10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.

11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.

12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.

13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.

14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.”

15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings.

16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.

When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old bag- 17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others. gage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve 18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining. each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful: 1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about 19. Recognize the value of humor and seriousness. Avoid destructive the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal teasing. is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument!

2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.

3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…”

4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.

5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.

6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.

7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.

8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 45

LOVE Soft

in the Kitchen

By Rori Raye

I was thinking about softness, and how it changes your vibe. We're all very smart, very clever, very defended. We don't want anyone to see how films about animals make us cry, or our scrap booking, or all the mistakes we made and continue to make around everything in life. We don't want anyone to see that we're lonely, or frightened, or exuberant about the simplest things. We don't want anyone to see us being childlike and hopeful. So we cultivate our intellect, our opinions, our thoughts on where we've been and where we're going.

Today I was in the kitchen eating what I'd cooked, when my husband walked in. I have a horrible history of burning food.

There was the time several months ago when I retreated to the microwave, defeated, afraid my absent-mindedness would burn the house down (talk about repressed rage). In the last few weeks I've been trying the stove again – scheduling cooking time, staying put in the kitchen, turning on the timer, sharpening my attention, and not burning anything! I'm cured! I'm a cook! I'm not a menace, I can do this!

And the ground turkey I cooked in the pan smelled very nice on my plate. And he says, alarm and accusation in his voice, "Did you burn something?"

"No!" I look up at him in shock.

"It smells like you burned something. Something's burned." and he walks into the kitchen.

"No, no!" I defend, going for the pan, picking it up to show him, feeling five years old and incompetent. "It's just nicely brown, see?" I say forcefully, totally righteously. It's his nose that's wrong.

"Well, it smells like something's burned."

All of a sudden I get what I really feel. Yes, I'm five. I screw up my face and do big time mock crying and whining. "But I didn't burn it!" I wail. "I didn't... " and I go all gooey, pan in my hand, miserable. And in that second, my husband does a 180. His eyes go deep and very blue-green, he smiles so fast I'm taken aback, and he comes towards me, arms around me, "Ohhhhhhh," he says. And that's the end of it.

"So, how's your day?" he skips right to his next thought, and he's standing right up against me, and we're connected, and I leap from five-year-old to grownup, from lump to goddess.

Long ago, whenever this happened, I used to think it was because he was competitive and didn't want me to be big.

I thought he liked me girly and the loser at chess and gin rummy. I thought he was scared of my fortitude. Now I know that's not it at all.

He just likes me better soft. He likes me better where I am than where I wish I was. He likes me better human than mistake-proof. Love advice: And by liking me better this way, he encourages me to rise to the ultimate test of any relationship: He inspires me to say that I like myself best when I'm with him.

46 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

Sweet

Things To Say

By Terri Profetto

Photography Ron Chapple

Having a tough time thinking of sweet things to say to your boyfriend? If you try searching online for sweet words to say, majority of the results you get are often in favor of men. However, guys do like to hear nice things from their partners.

Guys are always expected to say nice things to girls, but why not make a change? Do your share of the intimacy in your relationship. Speak up and make your man appreciate you more by doing so yourself. Some of the sweet things to say to your boyfriend are actually the simplest. This will surely add zest and color to the bond you share.

Words may come as plain remarks, although to some these are powerful expressions of devotion and love, depending on how they are said. Here are some scenarios that you might want to take note of.

1) Men may seem tough and impassive at times, but they do have that soft side. They want their women to comfort them in words and in presence.

So always be ready with sweet things to say to your boyfriend, even if it's as simple as "Thank you for always being there for me" or "I love you." Take time to appreciate everything he's done for you.

2) Women hate it when guys are late in their agreed time. Instead of making a scene, say this instead, "Are you ok? Is everything alright?"

Try to listen to his reason before bursting out. It will be best if you listen first before mouthing uncalled for comments.

3) Men do not like naggers. This is the reason why so many relationships fail because men could not take the agony of hearing women keeping on at them. Instead of being so negative all the time, always have some sweet things to say to your boyfriend.

4) After long hours of work, it would be nice of you to ask him, "Have you eaten already? Can I offer you something?"

Give him an earnest flattering remark. Make him feel confident about himself by praising and uttering nice words about his appearance, or even his attitude and skills.

Be careful in choosing your words.

As much as possible, be honest about it.

When making remarks or having sweet things to say to your boyfriend, remember to say them at the right time and place. Timing is crucial. It could make or break a compliment. Do not just blurt out in the open because you want to do so. Pick the right moment to say those sweet words to your man.

By doing so, your boyfriend would be pleased to know that he is important to you and that you truly care. But try not to barrage him with so many questions because these may aggravate him.

5) Compliment your boyfriend with such statements as "You really look good tonight/today."

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 47

PANDORA’s collection of outstanding jewelry features raw, elegant designs inspired by rock style with a hint of vintage and a bit of attitude.

The collection features a brand new necklace concept: a unique design that can combine as many as eight necklaces into a layered look that is luxurious and interchangeable.

PANDORA bracelets give women the freedom to capture the unforgettable moments that make life extraordinary and the new charms of the fall season offer a twist on what has become the hallmark of the PANDORA brand. Two elegant sterling silver bracelets are also new–one is designed to hold one traditional or new decorative clip, the other as many as five. Mix, match and combine the clips and bracelets in any combination, creating pieces that are unique to your personal style. It’s an idea inspired by PANDORA’s popular charm bracelet.

Create and combine looks with other new additions to the PANDORA universe, including a line of 14k solid gold earrings, pendants and dangle charms with intricate lace details and diamonds; and large cocktail rings, featuring amethyst or grey moonstone, that are perfect for stacking. Stunning earrings inspired by delicate lace patterns in 14K gold with freshwater pearls and diamonds can be worn on their own, layered or combined with other pieces from the Compose collection. Rings in 14K gold, sterling and black oxidized silver have florally inspired designs with an unpredictable twist that is raw yet feminine.

Large cocktail rings in amethyst or grey moonstone are perfect for stacking with this season’s more delicate pieces. New LovePod rings in white, yellow and rose 18K gold with brilliant-cut diamonds or colorful gemstones work beautifully with other pieces of PANDORA jewelry and interlock when stacked together.

The spirit of nostalgic rock infuses the collection, especially our new sterling silver decorative clips in raw, sculptural shapes. The other standouts include a star-shaped pendant and charm in black oxidized silver, an alluring finish that runs through the collection.

Events & Affairs

Shoe Crazy Wine is proud to be featured at the 41st Annual Day Time EMMY® Awards held June 22, 2014 at the Beverly Hilton Hotel

We at Shoe Crazy Wine are thrilled to have been given this unique opportunity to be part of 41st annual Emmy’s® and serve our signature wines for the VIP guests to enjoy, says Founder and CEO Gwen Hurt. With the Emmy’s® being an acknowledgement of success and achievements by TV personalities, Shoe Crazy Wine is very pleased to be included in the event. This is an amazing platform for our company to share our product and we’re thankful for the opportunity.

Photography by Darryl Jones

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FOCUS of Virginia 2014 51

Swe t

O

E volution

By Lily Golightly Photography by Leonardo Canneto

riginally from Cape Cod, Sweet landed in Kanab, Utah; a tiny town with only two sets of traffic lights. Though she had this small town to call home, most of her childhood years were spent in transit, gracing the stages of many state fairs across the U.S., filling the occasional support slot while touring with high profile artists including Paul Simon, or singing the National Anthem in front of thousands at the odd Los Angeles Lakers basketball game.

Naming Annie Lennox as one of her main influences, Sirens idles comfortably between the quirkiness of Sia, the innocence of Lykke Li, and the dance ready energy of Metric. The EP has been a long time in the making, with the singer/songwriter confessing that she has been building the foundations for the tracks since 2008. “I heard beautiful ambient electronic synths and pads, combined with big beats to fill in the low end. I wanted it to feel warm, and like the music surrounded you."

Sirens takes off with the low and heavy dance track, “Ashes of My Paradise.” Sweet’s voice adds a subtle touch of intensity to the minimalistic drops of bass that encompass the song. As she breathes over the infectious synths and leads us into a fast paced chorus, there is an encompassing darkness hidden in the lyrics that is hard to ignore. “I lost both of my parents to cancer during the making of this new record - my mother in December of 2011, and my father in June of 2012. I was 23 years old and I felt I stood amongst the ash of the dreams of my life. But like a phoenix, I can rise again.”

Despite the powerful entrance she makes on the EP, Sweet breaks herself down and offers herself up like an innocent lamb in the unabashed ballad, “My Amazing Grace.” A tender portrayal of her experiences in love, Sweet confesses, “I am yours and yours alone,” over a vintage hook reminiscent of a Depeche Mode track. She speaks of a creeping lion, which Sweet admits, “represents my own fear and getting lost in everything I was afraid of”. Never one to go quietly, Sweet regains courage once more in the chorus, which to her, signifies the moment in love when “all your fears fall away, and everything is right.”

The EP’s title track concludes the collection perfectly, with the infectious chorus capturing Sweet’s optimism and strength as an artist. The song tells of guilt, and the all too familiar alarm bells that sound when we experience the emotion. But the aptly titled “Sirens” represents Sweet’s true release, and her way of breaking free. “Sometimes, things in the past can hold you hostage, like you’re trapped behind the bars of your mind... But this EP is the first release of my new sound. Sirens represents, in that case, ‘watch out, here it comes!’”

You have been warned...

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"

Kelly Sweet’s forthcoming EP release, Sirens, is a musical mission statement.

Exploding with metallic synths and heavy beats, the collection of songs is only strengthened by the alterna-pop star’s all-encompassing voice.

"

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 53

PUNTA GORDA

DID YOU

KNOW...

• Location: Punta Gorda is one mile from Interstate 75 and situated on beautiful Charlooe Harbor.

• Access: e city airport means convenient arrivals and departures for commercial, charter and private air travelers. Come by air, land, or sea.

• Features: Over 70 miles of navigable canals ow seaward to white-sand barrier islands and the Gulf of Mexico.

Around town, shady sidewalks, trails and marked routes invite shopping, exploring, walking and biking.

• Fishing: It’s world class. Folks sh Punta Gorda the way they like it: blue-water sport, back bay driiing, marsh and mangrove, or surf and sand.

City of Punta Gorda

326 W. Marion Ave. Punta Gorda, FL 33950 (941) 575-3302 | PGORDA.US Design by Christopher Frame www.christopherframe.com

THE BEST

SMALL CITY IN FLORIDA

P

unta Gorda is the rarest of places a–gem at the edge of Florida’s Gulf Coast, a treasure that charms and delights.

Florida’s best small city marries the allure of a world-class resort with the pleasures of a hometown welcome. National travel and lifestyle editors tout its premier sports and recreation, blue-ribbon arts and culture, and its variety of casual

and ne dining. If you haven’t yet enjoyed the pleasures of Punta Gorda, think of big shing and snug village shopping. Imagine a community for life and a unique weekend holiday. Historic Punta Gorda is safe, clean, and accessible. Folks never tire of its sunsets (no two are alike!) and celebrations.

First-time or returning, visiting or staying, those who discover Punta Gorda nd it for life.

“Come for the weekend Stay for life.”

Copy and editing by: Marilyn Tarnowski Photography by: Thanks to the Punta Gorda community for a collaborative effort in producing the candid photographs.

THE BEST EXPERIENCE

Photo: Jim Johnston

SAILING

S

ail Magazine’s recent review of Punta Gorda’s front door describes Charlooe Harbor as a ““in-Water Paradise.” at’s how sailors identify friendly waters perfect for small and medium-size cruisers, yachts and charter boats. Punta Gorda has deep water access, too. National and regional shing tournaments draw world-class anglers. At the waterfront, Fishermen’s

YACHTING

MARINA

BOATING

Village harbors boardwalk shops, casual and ne dining, and resort accommodations. Marina Dock Age Magazine evaluated the bustling village’s full-service docks and shops, rating it “Marina of the Year.” Captains and crews rave about its protected harbor and chandlery services for just about every boating need. Whether arriving by kayak or yacht, maritime visitors nd Punta Gorda’s snug harbor is an island of enchantment.

MARINA of THE YEAR Marina Dock Age Magazine

TOP10 PLACES TO SAIL

Sail Magazine

BEST 15 YACHTING TOWN

#

Yachting Magazine

City of Punta Gorda

(941) 575-3302 | PGORDA.US Photo: Jim Johnston

BY

Land, Sea & Air

Talk about a company stepping up with something cool, safe and easy to fly. That will still meet your design wish list, look to the ICON A5. An amphibious light sport aircraft that fuses outstanding aeronautical engineering with the ease of driving a car. The ICON A5 is a lightweight carbon fiber airframe powered by a single 100 hp Rotax 912 ULS engine driving a three-bladed pusher propeller.

It's meant to evoke a change in sport aviation. In both design and safety, an aircraft like no other. With the ability to be stored in your garage and then transported and launched like you would any sport fishing boat. What makes this possible is the folding wings, a simple push of a button and the wing span goes from 34 ft to a trailer sized 8.5 ft. Thinking about bridges and under passes it comes to only 8.3 ft with a weight of 1430 lbs.

58 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

By Scott Black

T

alk about fun, 65% of the vehicles on the road can tow the A5 on the freeway and roll the A5 down the ramp. Park your vehicle and head off to a private affair. What I really like about the A5 is the innovation put into the aircraft, land anywhere, stall/spin-resistance, automotive or aviation fuel, and storage. Not only can you store an A5 in your large garage or access the A5 from your dock on the water; as the A5 comes with seawing platforms for easy access and docking. There are more features like Low stall speed, Angle of Attack indicator, optional parachute and more, but I will get into that when I do a more detailed review.

Images Courtesy ICON Aircraft

It’s like taking your jet ski out for the weekend, the big difference is you and your passenger can really get away for the week. The A5 has a top speed of 120 mph and a range of 300 nm and I did say, “jet ski”. Something we are very familiar with, similar to your SUV or car; controls are very easy to read and the transition is easy.

Best of all it is priced around $140k, so any barnstormer can afford an A5.

Kirk Hawkins and his team at ICON developed the A5 to be easy to use. Kirk Hawkins brings his knowledge as an accomplished engineer and former U.S. Air Force F-16 fighter pilot. Kirk’s goal was to make flying small planes a luxury sport for the 21st century. ICON has won some of the world's most prestigious design awards since it development started.

With new federal regulations from the Federal Aviation Administration, there is now a new form of pilot license which requires less training to obtain and fall into the Sport Pilot category. The Sport Pilot License focuses on the fundamentals of flying and requires a minimum of 20 hours of in-flight training, undercutting the time and cost of a traditional Private Pilot License by about 50%. The Experimental Aircraft Association (EAA) has described the new rules as "the biggest change in aviation in 50 years."

The A5 will allow you to go airport to airport, fly out of grass fields or farms, or to remote lakes; as it only needs 750 ft for both landing and takeoff. An affordable and stylist aircraft giving you the freedom to explore new and existing locations, by land, sea or air.

www.iconaircraft.com

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 59

Escape

the Everyday

By Terri Profetto

The Concept GLA blends dramatic styling with clear functionality for recreational use. Under the hood of this new concept vehicle sits a four-cylinder turbocharged gasoline engine rated at 208 hp with a displacement of 2.0 liters. Its power is transmitted to the road via the 7-speed dual clutch automatic transmission and 4MATIC all-wheel drive. A unique highlight is the new headlamps featuring laser technology, which not only shine more light on the road, but also function as projectors.

"The Concept GLA marks a new approach for us in the compact SUV segment – this is a sporty and more coupÊ-like evolution of this category of vehicle", commented Dr. Joachim Schmidt, Executive Vice President Mercedes-Benz Cars, Sales and Marketing. "The Concept GLA is a compact SUV that combines its sporting spirit with the all-round qualities of a tough, leisure-time companion. 'Escape the everyday' is the message that this car conveys to its driver. It also makes clear the further potential of our compact vehicle ar 60 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

chitecture, which provides the basis for the A- and B-Class models that led the German market in their respective segments in the first quarter."

Clear evidence of the innovative thinking on the part of the designers that has gone into this concept vehicle is provided by a number of distinctive features. These include the powerful hood with its

power domes and a bold radiator grille with centrally positioned star. The new trim surrounding the star merges elegantly into two horizontal bars. Also new are the "softcubes": these are soft, raised pads that help to give definition to the radiator grille and are also found on the side sill panels and surrounding the exhaust tailpipes.

The distinctive door mirrors, with their twin supporting struts, are fitted with a protective grille. This, like the skid plate at the front, is very typical of an SUV. The striking appearance of the Concept GLA is also due in no small part to its silver Alubeam paint finish.

Even when viewed from the side, the Concept GLA conveys a sense of power and confidence. This reinforces the overall design philosophy behind the vehicle with a "dropping line" that extends from the headlamp to the rear wheel arch. The beltline trim rises slightly from the rear door towards the C- pillar. Together with the lightcatching contour formed by the curvature of the vehicle flank and the line that rises from the level of the door sill towards the dropping line, this creates a unique interplay of lines that adds to the sense of powerful elegance. The slim door handles of the five-door vehicle are fully recessed, emerging at the touch of a button. The frameless side windows also emphasize the coupĂŠ characteristics of this concept vehicle.

The 20-inch wheels, with their distinctive five-spoke turbine design, are shod in size 255/45 R 20 tires. These have been specifically created for the Concept GLA: their tread pattern continues the lines of the spokes in an optical illusion that makes the wheel spokes appear longer.

the instruments. This is held in place by clearly visible screws, featuring a special design. This unit is protected from dust and dirt by a plexiglas covering that is illuminated from behind, adding to the impression that the different layers are free-floating. The control buttons for the COMAND system have also been crafted with meticulous technical precision. They are made of plexiglas and painted from the back in black. Symbols are then etched into the black, also from the back, before being filled in.

Fiber-optic ambient lighting in the load compartment visually extends the line drawn by the center console all the way from the instrument panel through to the rear seats. A rectangular strip of lighting inset into the load compartment floor serves to highlight the storage locations. Luggage can be secured firmly with a springloaded four-point harness, as used in helicopters. A simple handle is used to fold the backrests of the rear sports seats forward to create a level load compartment floor.

Show time! The front headlamps of the Concept GLA are each fitted with a laser-beam projector. These not only provide the light to drive by, but are also capable of projecting pictures or videos onto a screen or other surface. Any media format that can be operated through the COMAND system can serve as a source: pictures or video from a smartphone, the internet, or from a hard drive.

The muscular haunches above the rear axle, accentuated by the way the C-pillar is pulled in slightly, extend to the rear over the light clusters, also emphasizing the broad stance of the tail end.

The result is a powerfully taut arc that nevertheless avoids aggression. This impression is reinforced by the curvature of the rear window and the elegant chrome strip between the rear light clusters.

The large roof spoiler is another eye-catching feature. This follows through very neatly on the structure of the rear roof paneling and provides the housing for the additional brake light.

Further SUV references, such as a load sill guard and a concealing skid plate fascia panel, highlight the rear bumper. The twin-pipe exhaust system complete the SVU’s aggressive appearance.

The tailgate features a power closing system that allows it to be opened or closed at the touch of a button. Opening the tailgate with its integrated rear light cluster reveals supplementary lights to warn approaching vehicles of the open tailgate. Further light clusters are housed in the rear cross member between the roof rails.

In terms of its design, the interior reflects a clear alignment with the interiors of the other new compact Mercedes-Benz models, reinterpreted here for a sophisticated and exceptionally high-quality SUV. It is dominated by an exciting contrast of leather and dark galvanized aluminum. The four individual seats and the door center panels are upholstered in natural leather in a rich brown tone.

Both color and workmanship bring the image of a saddle to mind: all in all, the Concept GLA incorporates more than 65 feet of handstitched seams to hold the raw edges of the leather together. The seat cushions, which feature central inlay panels in a high-quality canvas material, display an embossed pattern that continues the saddle theme. An illuminated insert is set into the integrated head restraint of each of the four sports seats.

Alternatively, the action can be produced live. The Concept GLA is fitted with two cameras, housed in the front roof rail. And these can be used for far more than just 3D images taken as the Concept GLA drives along: the HD cameras can be removed and, for example, fitted to a mountain bike helmet. An additional lamp unit in each camera ensures that the lighting is right, whatever the situation. As an alternative to the projection option, movies may also be viewed inside the car on the COMAND screen.

It is not only the laser-beam projectors and their visible cooling system with rotating vents that make the shimmering blue headlamps of the Concept GLA such an interesting feature. With the "Coming home" function, the blue light begins to pulsate to indicate that the vehicle is ready and waiting for its driver.

Grey leather with a graphically applied grain is used on the backs of the front seats, among other places, and continues the idea of patterns flowing over from other surfaces. The armrests and center panels of the door linings are designed as a very clear structural unit.

The dashboard is constructed in several layers. On top of a leatherupholstered surface sits a framework in a combination of matte and polished aluminum, which provides the necessary support for all FOCUS of Virginia 2014 61

Passion

Reinvented

By Mai Yomioto

Starting with the original Quattroporte in 1963, Maserati invented the concept of the luxury sports sedan and the new Quattroporte continues to be the benchmark for high quality engineering, supercar performance and luxury sedan comfort. The sixthgeneration Quattroporte delivers a leap forward that not only sets the high-technology tone for Maserati’s upcoming new-model onslaught, but also remains faithful to Maserati’s long history in luxury sports sedans. This exciting progression will make the new Maserati a genuine global player. The future begins today with the all-new Maserati Quattroporte.

As the flagship of the Maserati product range, the new Quattroporte is larger, lighter, more luxurious and more practical than the globally-acclaimed car it replaces. The sixth-generation Quattroporte is a significant leap forward that not only sets the hightechnology tone for Maserati’s upcoming range of new-models, but also remains faithful to Maserati’s long history of luxury sports sedans.

Even with all of its new technology, the new Quattroporte remains true to Maserati’s roots. Its 530 hp twin turbo V8 makes it not only the fastest four-door Maserati has ever built, but also the most powerful and the most fuel efficient. In direct contrast to its scintillating performance, the V8 Maserati Quattroporte has improved both its fuel consumption and emissions by 20 percent over the outgoing Quattroporte.

The 3.8-litre V8 engine sets Maserati’s new performance benchmark by reaching 60 mph in 4.2 seconds and at its peak it delivers more torque than the previous model. The V6 twin turbo Q4 AllWheel Drive variant delivers similar performance.

The “Q4” system is one of the many “firsts” of the new Quattroporte: a system capable of redistributing the torque instantly from full rear wheel drive at higher speeds to a perfectly balanced 50/50 distribution between front and rear wheels when more traction is needed.

The powerful and proprietary Maserati engines and the large cabin are at the core of the Quattroporte’s design. Dominated by a long, powerful nose and a concave Trident grille a clear link is created to both the outgoing Quattroporte and the current GranTurismo.

The all-new architecture retains the Quattroporte’s traditionally exquisite handling thanks to its near 50:50 weight distribution, a double-wishbone front suspension and a state-of-the-art five-link rear suspension.

The newly-developed direct-injection engine family boasts a 3.8-litre V8 and a 3.0-litre V6, both of which are twin-turbocharged, designed by Maserati Powertrain and assembled by Ferrari at their plant in Maranello. All versions come equipped with the latest eight-speed automatic transmission developed with ZF.

The new Quattroporte also delivers new standards in quality in every area from design, development, fabrication and process controls. It is produced in a new plant that combines Maserati’s traditions of craftsmanship with cutting-edge technologies that are able to help guarantee outstanding quality by controlling even the tiniest of details.

62 FOCUS of Virginia 2014

Traditional hand-crafted design continues in the Quattroporte’s cabin, and this has been augmented with even more interior space in all seats and both fourand five-seat layouts.

Cabin luxury leaps forward technically, too, with features like the Maserati Touch Control screen, adjustable pedals, reverse cameras and the optional 15-speaker, 1280 Watt Bowers & Wilkins audio system, as well as WLAN-based WiFi. Passion is indeed the middle name of a whole new Maserati Quattroporte and the models that will soon follow her on the market. The passion and state-ofthe-art technology that is at the heart of all the new Maserati engines that will be mounted on the next generation of Maserati products have produced engines that are not only more powerful than ever, or more exciting to drive than ever – bust also more eco-friendly than ever before.”

FOCUS of Virginia 2014 63

The Fresh Market Recipes The Fresh Market invites everyone to stop by their local store, and see one of our step-by-step presentations. Ask questions and learn more from our Cooking in Season with The Fresh Market Cookbook.

www.thefreshmarket.com

KALE & QUINOA SALAD

SALAD MAKES 4 SERVINGS

This healthful recipe uses kale as a salad green and combines it with nutty quinoa and sweet apples. You can use either curly or dark green Tuscan kale here. Serve this dish as a light lunch, as a side dish with grilled chicken, or as a main-course salad with the addition of leftover holiday turkey. cup quinoa 1 cups water Kosher salt 8 ounces kale, tough stems removed, washed well, dried, and cut crosswise into 1/2-inch strips 2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice 3/4

1/2

2 unpeeled sweet apples, such as Honeycrisp or Gala, cored and coarsely chopped 1/2 cup coarsely chopped pecans 1/2 cup dried cranberries 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil Freshly ground black pepper

Put quinoa in a ďŹ ne-mesh sieve and rinse well under cold running water.

Combine quinoa, water, and 1/4 teaspoon salt in medium saucepan and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to low and cover. Simmer until quinoa is tender and liquid is almost absorbed, 15 to 20 minutes. Drain in sieve and rinse under cold running water to cool quinoa. Press excess liquid from quinoa with back of a large spoon.

Combine kale, lemon juice, and 1/2 teaspoon salt in a large bowl. Using your hands, rub ingredients together well until kale is wilted, 1 to 2 minutes. Fluff quinoa with a fork. Add quinoa to the kale with apples, pecans, and cranberries.

Drizzle with oil and toss well. Season with salt and pepper. Serve at once. (Salad can be refrigerated for up to 1 day.)

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POACHED PEARS in SPICED PORT SYRUP

DESSERT MAKES 6 SERVINGS

WINE SUGGESTION: AGED PORT

Individual pears in a beautiful garnet-colored red wine syrup have become a winter dessert classic. Firm-ripe Bosc pears are the best choice, as they hold their shape well during cooking. You can buy mulling spices in The Fresh Market spice section, or make your own.

6 firm-ripe Bosc pears 1 lemon, halved 1 tablespoon mulling spices (see note)

One 750-ml bottle tawny or ruby port 1/3 cup packed light brown sugar Vanilla ice cream, for serving

Peel pears, leaving stems intact. Rub exposed flesh with lemon halves. Choose a large nonreactive saucepan (stainless steel or enameled cast iron, but not uncoated aluminum or cast iron) just large enough to hold all of pears on their sides. Wrap mulling spices in a square of rinsed cheesecloth and tie into a packet with a piece of kitchen twine.

Bring port, brown sugar, and spice packet (without pears) to a simmer in saucepan over medium heat, stirring to dissolve sugar. Arrange pears on their sides in saucepan. Reduce heat to medium-low and cover tightly. Simmer, occasionally turning pears in syrup for even coloring, until pears are just tender when pierced with tip of a small, sharp knife, about 50 minutes. Using a slotted spoon, transfer to a shallow ceramic or glass baking dish.

Increase heat to high and bring port wine mixture to a boil. Cook until reduced to 1 cup, about 15 minutes. Discard spice packet. Pour syrup over pears and let cool. Cover tightly with plastic wrap. Refrigerate, occasionally turning pears in syrup, until chilled, at least 2 hours or up to 2 days.

Place each pear in a shallow soup bowl and divide syrup evenly over pears.

Add a scoop of ice cream to each and serve at once, with spoons.

MULLING SPICE BLEND: Use one 2-inch cinnamon stick, 2 star anise pods, and

⁄2 teaspoon each whole cloves, allspice berries, and dried orange peel.

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Bring on the taste - but forget the guilt.

These favorites deliver on all levels.

Visit www.canolainfo.org for healthy recipes

Yield: 6 servings. Serving size: 3 oz pork, 2 Tbsp sauce.

3/4 tsp dried thyme leaves 1/2 tsp garlic powder 1/4 tsp dried pepper flakes 1/4 tsp salt 6 boneless pork chops (4 oz/125 g each), trimmed of fat 1 Tbsp canola oil Mustard Sauce: 1/3 cup fat-free sour cream 1/4 cup Dijon mustard 3 Tbsp fat-free milk 1 Tbsp canola oil 3/4 tsp dried tarragon leaves 1 tsp coarsely ground black pepper

Herbed Pork Chops on Mustard Sauce Instructions: 1. In small bowl, combine thyme, garlic powder, pepper flakes and salt. Brush both sides of pork chops with canola oil. Sprinkle thyme mixture evenly over both sides and press down with fingertips to adhere.

2. Heat large, nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Cook pork chops 4 minutes on each side or until barely pink in center.

3. In small saucepan, whisk together sauce ingredients except black pepper. Place over low heat until warmed, about 2-3 minutes. Do NOT bring to a boil. Spoon equal amounts of mustard sauce on each of six dinner plates. Place pork chops on top of sauce and sprinkle with black pepper.

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Beef Tenderloin with Balsamic-Coffee Sauce Yield: 4 servings.

Serving size: 3.5 oz beef, 1/3 cup mush room mixture and 1 Tbsp sauce.

Instructions:

3/4 tsp coarsely ground black pepper 1/2 tsp garlic powder 1/2 tsp onion powder 1/2 tsp salt 4 beef tenderloin steaks (5 oz each), about 1-inch thick 2 Tbsp canola oil, divided 4 large shallots, peeled and finely chopped 6 oz sliced portabella mushrooms 3/4 cup strong coffee 1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

1. Preheat oven to 200 째F. 2. In small bowl, combine black pepper, garlic powder, onion powder and 1/4 tsp salt. Sprinkle both sides of steaks with spice mixture, pressing down with fingertips to adhere. Set aside. Let stand for 15 minutes.

3. In large, nonstick skillet, heat 1 Tbsp canola oil over medium-high heat. Cook steaks 4 minutes, turn and cook 2-4 minutes longer or until desired doneness. Place steaks on separate plate and place in oven to keep warm.

4. Add remaining 1 Tbsp canola oil to pan residue in skillet, cook shallots 15 seconds, stirring constantly. Add mushrooms and cook 3 minutes or until tender, stirring frequently, using two utensils as you would with stirfry. Spoon equal amounts over beef and return to oven to keep warm.

5. To skillet, add coffee, vinegar and remaining 1/4 tsp salt. Bring to a boil over medium-high heat, continue to boil 4 or so minutes or until reduced to 1/4 cup. Spoon over all and top with additional coarsely ground black pepper, if desired.

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Men & Women

accept your differences

By Krisanna Jeffery

The battle of the sexes has been fought for centuries. And it still seems to be alive and well. Both sexes frequently share with me, their inability to understand the other. In particular, many women have difficulty understanding, why many men don’t seem as interested in family or relational matters. This one issue alone comes up time and time again and is the cause of great frustration and power struggle in male-female relationships.

As I see it, two things have to happen to break this power struggle.

1) To begin with, both Men and women need to learn about and accept their differences. To do this topic justice requires a book.

I recommend couples read: John Gray, “Men are from Mars, Women Are From Venus” You can take your partner’s behavior much less personally when you really understand that it is not just particular to them but to many members of their sex.

2) We can all seek to grow beyond our conditioned gender roles. This will only serve to expand us as humans. We may be somewhat restricted by our biology and conditioning, but we can work toward becoming more balanced in regard to our male and female sides.

While, I believe we must be very careful not to over generalize about gender differences, there does seem to be enough evidence to make some observations on this touchy matter. John Gray says that “Martians (men) value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results.” He says “they are more interested in “objects” and “things” rather than people and feelings. And Martians pride themselves in doing things all by themselves.”

Understanding where men are coming from allows women to see why many men often react negatively to unsolicited advice, avoid support groups and counseling, don’t tend to read self help books or be as concerned about relational matters, and often like to “fix” other’s feelings. However, just because men are conditioned this way does not mean they are powerless to make changes which might work better for them.

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As for women, Gray says that “ they are concerned about living together in harmony, community, and loving cooperation.

Relationships are more important than work and technology.

To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success. Talking and relating to one another is a source of tremendous fulfillment.”

Understanding where women are coming from allows men to see what kind of support women need and value. For example, most women find that in men’s zeal to “fix” an uncomfortable feeling, they will often offer solutions when their partner is upset. What most women want at this time is simply for their partner to listen without judgment.

While neither of Gray’s descriptions of gender behavior fits for all people, it seems true for the majority. If we hope to let go of power struggles in relationships, we need to begin to accept these differences and push our own personal growth beyond our cultural gender conditioning.

Why Do I Get So

Upset with My

Partner?

By Dr. Rich Nicastro

It is extremely distressing to feel as if your words and actions have no impact (or no longer matter) to your spouse/partner—to think that someone whom you love deeply is no longer engaged fully in the relationship or interested in what's important to you can be extremely painful.

When you feel like your spouse/ partner is not being responsive to you (and to your needs), two outcomes become likely: 1. Initially, you may "up the ante" in order to have some kind of impact on your spouse/partner-- this might involve yelling, becoming more provocative, elevating your emotional responses, acting in ways that are uncharacteristic for you (in attachment literature these types of reactions are called "protest" behaviors—your protests are a reflection of losing something extremely important to you; this can be the love of your partner, the security of your relationship, or both).

Is it fair to say that at some point most of us would react negatively (protest) if we perceived our spouse/partner to be unavailable and unresponsive to our needs?

2. When you feel ignored for extended periods of time, your sense of despair can turn into feelings of hopelessness—you give up on trying to engage your spouse/partner and begin to retreat (this is a selfprotective behavior—in essence, you're cutting your loses). This may take the form of indifference, withdrawal behaviors, and disengaging from the relationship in general (and the responsibilities that are a part of the relationship).

Typically a protest reaction isn't random: Protest behaviors (getting really upset when your partner isn't responding in predictable ways that make you feel secure in the relationship) occur in a particular context; and the triggering event is usually feeling anxious about losing the security of your relationship.

Relationship Help: Let's break down this reaction: An unresponsive/disengaged/uninterested partner triggers increased anxiety and worry in the other partner, who then attempts to reengage the unresponsive partner (for example, "We need to talk," or

"What's wrong?") and if the other partner is still not responsive, protest behaviors are triggered.

Your protest behaviors (whether your protest behaviors are perceived as nagging, pestering, yelling, or some kind of increased emotionality like anger) are in effect attempts to try and correct the problem—ideally it's an attentiongrabbing reaction that will let your spouse know that something is wrong that needs fixing.

Think of protest behaviors as an alarm sounding in an effort to grab your partner's attention to what needs to be addressed.

Marital/relationship problems can arise when these temporary reactions (feeling one's spouse/partner is unconcerned and unresponsive) are not addressed and become ingrained patterns.

I hope this sheds some light on why you seem to get so upset with your spouse (or why we all get upset with our spouse/partner at times).

Whenever we allow a loved one special access to our hearts, feeling ignored by this person is going to feel like a major deal.

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Photo by Radu Tania

Drop the Self Pity

By Olatoun Kolawole

Many live their life daily thinking of the reasons why they shouldn’t forgive, thinking about the mum or dad that left years ago and all sort of broken bonds/relationships…. It’s important to forgive and move forward don’t let your past or background deprive you of your future… Ask yourself: 1. WHAT ARE YOU LIVING FOR? Many get through life setting goals and dreams that will only end in depression…. Know the difference between what you NEED and what you WANT….stop chasing what doesn’t matter, your happiness should be number one on your priority list. Your capabilities are very important when you are thinking about your dreams .Resolve to make an impact. Dedicate your life to a cause…When you give your life to something you immediately dedicate yourself to the passion.

2. WHAT ARE YOU DOING RIGHT NOW? Don’t go through life watching the days go by; have a plan, face challenges, take risk.

The difference between extraordinarily wealthy people and those struggling is a matter of knowledge. Find out from the informed all the avenues through which you can make wealth. Don’t ever attach your happiness to a particular goal or achievement, love yourself, pamper yourself ,eat healthy and rest well .Happiness is a choice. You have full control over your life and the decisions that you make.

3. WHAT WOULD YOU REGRET NOT DOING? Many people have regrets when they realize they are going to die real soon. It is often too late for many people to go back and change the things they missed out on. They would have lived their lives completely differently if they had the chance. If a doctor told you that you hadn’t any time left but a few weeks, then what would your regrets be? Would you want to do before your time was up?

Now that you have answered these questions you should have a good idea of some of the things that will make you happy and fulfill your dreams. You need to have a clear idea of the things you have always dreamed to do. Finally your passion is your purpose , Everyone has a passion and they can live a full life when they know exactly what their passion is and what they need to do. Think about this….

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