LAVENDER MARRIAGE

Words & photo by Amiyah Golden

Ten-foot tall doors met with an arch and a cross at the apex serve as the entry point to the ceremony held to join two souls together. Family, friends and the meddlesome fill in the church pews to bear witness to a union painted as “picture-perfect” by supposed compatibility that is concluded as such by mere face value and arrangement.

"I now pronounce you man and wife!” the priest revels with glee.

Cheers follow, high-fives are shared by the audience, “atta-boys” are chanted, and tears of joy flow down the face of various onlookers.

While everyone rejoices for the newlyweds, the pair wipe the sweat from their brows as the fear of exposure is settled down by the accomplishment of a seamless ceremony.

Unbeknownst to many, this sacred day was nothing more than a contractual obligation, required to uphold the image of compulsory heterosexuality. Their true orientation suppressed by an assumed joyous day — the legal binding of man and wife serving as the perfect disguise necessary to their survival — a lavender marriage.

The distinguished tone that is paired with the term isn’t coined as such to detail the color palette of the centerpieces, boutonniere and bridesmaid dresses of the event or guide the Pinterest boards on what color to fill with inspiration. It represents a period of time where queer survival in the United States was teetering further away from progress and the manhunt for gay men was rampant. Known as the “lavender scare,” it was an era that scapegoated queer men.

An alternate continuation of the historic witch trials that labeled anyone suspected of being gay as a communist. With anti-communist propaganda pushed to no avail, the mark of the “C” was the scarlet letter that shunned people from their communities and employers and sanctions included potential imprisonment.

Agitprop boosted paranoia which constructed a never-ending cycle that led to forcible outing due to potential peril.

Lavender became synonymous to a gay lifestyle and —whether true or assumed — it shifted an association to a comforting smell and prepossessing tinge to the conversion of iniquity and artifice.

So, the participation in a “sham” marriage was essential in a world where tyranny lay.

Carl Sandberg, author “Abraham Lincoln: War Years,” also is credited with giving the color lavender new life in his book with his infamous quote, “streak of lavender and soft spots as May violets” in reference to Abraham Lincoln and his close male friend, Joshua Fry Speed. The status of their relationship was never confirmed but assumptions were made. This excerpt generated numerous suspicions which in turn brewed a prejudice against men who decided to adorn lavender in any facet, deeming them impetuously as gay and stamping the word as a negative connotation.

The appellation, lavender marriage, came to classify the espousal between two queer people of the opposite sex or one queer person to a heterosexual person.

In 1969, the gay community reclaimed the color; not allowing the beauty of a hue or the beauty of love remain in association under the utility of fear. Lavender began to symbolize strength and solidarity at the beginning of the gay rights movement as Stonewall had just occurred months before sparking the start of a long journey for civil rights.

But many had to endure in a society before the valorousness of pioneers or the combined forces of changemakers.

The expectation to uphold the heteronormative standard was enforced, especially if you were in the limelight in any capacity: politics, clergy, actors, performers.

The emergence of film in the early 20th century — the Golden Age of Hollywood — gave actors a platform around the world, where they were susceptible to exhibition, not only for their talents and looks but also their personal lives.

Numerous scandals plagued Hollywood at the time with many actors considered morally illicit and met with some disdain but eventually “forgiven” or overlooked. Infidelity and deception was inconsequential to the presumed transgression of being gay, and assessed as an offense that’s unforgivable by the public.

Film studios prohibited actors from disclosing their sexuality and went as far as mandating marriages that further supported the facade. Hollywood stars are now known for being the center of so many of these lavender marriages. One of the most famous stars being Rock Hudson. The face of many prominent films, Hudson married his agent’s secretary, Phyllis Gates, to maintain his “manly” image.The two split after chatter of his sexuality and quests outside of Gates began to grow louder.

Hudson was diagnosed with AIDS in 1984 and died in 1985 and became the first “major” American celebrity to disclose his HIV status and die from the illness. This unpacked a lot of the questions of Hudson’s past and confirmed his sexual orientation.

Hudson wasn’t the only one participating in a lavender marriage with famous silent film actors Jean Acker and Rudolph Valentino marrying in 1919. Acker was known to be queer, specifically for being in a relationship with actress Alla Nazimova. It has never been confirmed if Acker truly liked Valentino or if he was used for protection, but the union didn’t last long.

These marriages weren’t exclusive to Hollywood stars or socialites. Many people being involved in these marriages, willing or unknowingly, used the status of marriage to blend into a society that persecuted gay individuals.

The legalization of same-sex marriage on a national scale is still recent in the grand scheme of things – we’re only nine years post the U.S. Supreme Court decision, and the work still isn’t done.

The landmark ruling doesn’t dismiss the discrimination that still runs rampant for queer couples.

Many people today are still practicing lavender marriages due to familial, religious or career pressure. While strides have been made, it doesn’t account for the rest of the world where being gay is still criminalized and punished. Marriage is supposed to represent the perseverance of love, and it’s unfortunate how many people had to live their lives in compliance to simply abide.

Pride month is celebrated because of the intransigence of those in power who decided that it was unacceptable to love with freedom. Pride is celebrated to remember the sacrifices of comfort. Pride is celebrated to never return to a place of trepidation.

The simple luxuries of heterosexual existence don’t warrant opposition from those who don’t understand having to relinquish authentic love.