Autumn 2010 Sample by Foster Families Magazine

foster families

Autumn 2010 Issue Six

£2

WIN! Win a babasling for your baby

Find that smile How to find those hidden smiles when a child’s withdrawn

Love matters

Come on, let’s play

How well do you support your partner?

Find out how simple play can benefit children

“Extremely well produced and presented. It’s informative, interesting and in my view written in a style where the average foster carer would want to read it,” Mick Pease, Director & Head of Training at Substitute Families for Abandoned Children

Welcome

Dear Reader, We’ve got some fantastic prizes this issue to help prepare little ones for starting school, and some fun games to keep them all smiling once classes start up again. Take a look inside at ways to help the child in your care communicate, as well as tips for building up your own couple relationship, and much more. If you like what’s inside, why not tell other foster carers about the magazine? For those reading the online version, subscribe to the full version by filling in the form (right). This issue is dedicated to the memory of my Grannie, Mable Bell, an amazing lady who fostered over 120 children. She blessed many, many lives and will be missed. Ceressa Bateman, Editor

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Foster Families Order Form Fill in the form, crossing out as appropriate, and send it along with a cheque made payable to ‘Foster Families’, to: Subscriptions, Foster Families, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JB. Name: _____________________________ Address: ___________________________ ___________________________________ Postcode: ___________________________ Email Address: ______________________ Yearly subscription: £7 Paid by: Cheque/ Money transfer/PayPal Email subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk for more payment options.

Meet the experts... Chris Graham, cookery teacher, shares some easy to make recipes that kids will love

Annette Webb, from Simply Fostering, is here as always to answer your questions

Helen Mason, Educational & Child Psychologist, gives advice for when kids show signs of withdrawal

Louise Gibbs, paediatric nurse, shares how baby signing can help little ones communicate

Anne Davies, Jigsaw4U, offers valuable tips for supporting those in your care who have lost a loved one

foster families

Autumn 2010 Issue Six

Win thebabasling - we’ve got two up for grabs! A comfortable and practical way to carry your tot

If the child in your care is withdrawn take a look at Helen Mason’s top tips to help them

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Find out how your relationship with your partner impacts the children you care for

WIN! Win a babasling for your baby

Find that smile

How to find those hidden smiles when a child’s withdrawn

Love matters

Come on, let’s play

How well do you support your partner?

Find out how simple play can benefit children

Play isn’t just fun - it’s beneficial! Discover how playing together can help your family

“Extremely well produced and presented. It’s informative, interesting and in my view written in a style where the average foster carer would want to read it,”

Photos: www.flickr.com/photos/ jonycunha/4141418893, www.flickr.com/photos/eschipul/4239849264

Take a look at this issue’s cover stories

Mick Pease, Director & Head of Training at Substitute Families for Abandoned Children

This is not the full version - to read all the articles, subscribe for just £2. The printed copy comes out four times a year, and costs £7 to subscribe for the whole year. The printed copy has no extra adverts, just lots more advice, support, fun and personal articles. Email subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk or subscribe at www.fosterfamilies.co.uk. www.facebook.com/pages/Foster-Families-Magazine/144256428433

http://twitter.com/Foster_Families

Contents

Cover Photo: Antonio Machado

Photos, clockwise from top left: Foster Families, Dianna Mullet, www.flickr.com/photos/tony_bnu/2393457578, www.flickr.com/photos/jae_yong/2414414545, Nick Smarto, Foster Families

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Contents Autumn 2010

Edition 6

We’ve got some excellent articles for you to read in the Autumn edition of Foster Families

support . . . sure start children’s centres play time - how play can benefit kids allegations - where you can turn understand your taxes

education . . .

making a life for themselves after care

book review ... foster carers Kathy and Robyn share their views on our chosen books...27

... 4 ... 8 ...16 ...18

... 22

personal . . . cat and dog tales - how pets help caring through bereavement

... 20 ... 27

information . . . our top tips ... tips for dealing with withdrawal ... 12 improve their communication ... 16 help them to avoid cyberbullying ... 19 strengthen your couple relationship ... 30 our readers’ top five household tips ... 33 your letters ... 38

competitions ...

5 little monkeys board game ...10 leap frog dvd ...33 themessiplace.com ...34 ben10 dvd ...37 little kingdom dvds ...37 thebabasling ...39

the reality of allegations

... 11

communication . . . the baby signing mummy - tips for your kids ... 6 help the child in your care communicate ...15

advice . . . relationships - you and your partner readers’ top five tips

... 29 ... 33

home . . . brighten up your children’s bedroom

food and health . . .

coping with bereavement ^ Blunos making food fun, with Sian easy to make cakes and muffins chris’s cookery cards

... 31

... 26 ... 34 ... 35 ... 36

fun stuff . . .

swap shop - trade your toys and prams ... 4 kids’ corner ... 37 crossword ... 39

Support

Foster Families Order Form Fill in the following form, crossing out as appropriate, and send it along with a cheque made payable to ‘Foster Families’, to: Subscriptions, Foster Families, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JA*. Name: ______________________________ Address: _____________________________ ____________________________________ Postcode: ___________________________ Email Address: _______________________ Yearly subscription:

Paid by: Cheque/ Money transfer/PayPal

£7

Imprint: Foster Families Magazine Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester WR1 1JB www.fosterfamilies.co.uk Published by: Ceressa Bateman Editor: Ceressa Bateman Editorial Tel: 01905 747924 Email: ceressa@fosterfamilies.co.uk Advertising Email: ads@ fosterfamilies.co.uk Printed by: Buxton Press Limited, Palace Road, Buxton, Derbyshire, SK17 6AE 01298 21 2000

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Swap shop

fosterfamilies.co.uk/index.php/main-page/swap-shop

Don’t pay more!

We’ve got some fantastic items for sale at www.fosterfamilies.co.uk/ index.php/swap-shop. Why pay out for something brand new when there are plenty of second-hand options? If there’s anything you like, then get in touch and save some money.

Swap your items here!

Let other foster carers get some use out of those pushchairs, toys, bikes and other things you no longer use. If you’ve got any useful bits and bobs you no longer need, then you can list them on here. Simply email info@fosterfamilies. co.uk with your name, address, phone number, a description of the item, and a price.

*Payments can also be made via PayPal to subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk, or at www.fosterfamilies.co.uk. Email subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk for more payment options.

A Sure Start for both children and carers

Make some friends, get advice and support... all at your local children’s centre! Eleanor Thompson, 4Children, tells all

here are so many reasons why you should visit your local Sure Start Children’s Centre - if you ever feel like you’re caring for the kids on your own, come and meet other mums and carers and get some support! Blaise Bamford-Steen, Senior Family Support and Outreach Worker at Bell Lane Primary School and Children's Centre, says: “Sure Start Children’s Centres were launched in order to provide children with the best possible start in life. Families can access one–to–one support which can be in the Centre, out in the community or in your own home. All centres offer a variety of Parenting Programmes for all parents and carers to access. These provide a highly valued and safe place to explore the emotional rollercoaster of

caring for children while being given many practical pointers on positive discipline and relationship building. “At Bell Lane Children’s Centre in Hendon we alternate between two parenting courses, both of which we find to be a huge support to biological parents, foster carers and step parents. In particular the course Strengthening Families, Strengthening Communities is fantastic for all carers wanting to develop their relationship with the children they are caring for along with building a network of support with other people dealing with the same transitions. “Other services include baby massage courses, stay and play sessions and more specialist dropin sessions, for example with our Speech and Language Therapist,

Blaise Bamford-Steen at the Centre

amongst many others! Families often come in for a specific service and go on to move through a number of our services, having the opportunity to get out of the house and have some fun with the children they care for along with other families from their community.

Support

“I genuinely believe that providing all these services from one site means that all parents and carers have the reassurance that there is always a place they can go to seek advice, guidance or a listening ear as well as simply enjoying the fun and educational activities we also offer!” Anne Longfield, CEO of 4Children, says: “Sure Start has revolutionised the way we look at the early years and the way we approach parenting support. 4Children runs its own Children’s Centres and through these we’ve been able to see the difference that well-rounded support can have for children and parents alike. For this reason we launched the ‘Shout out for a Sure Start’ campaign at the start of the year, to enable parents and sector workers to join together and ‘shout out’ about the difference Sure Start makes to their lives. Anne Longfield “We currently have around 3,500 signatures on our petition and have set up a dedicated group of politicians who have been discussing the future of the policy and how to make sure Children’s

Did you know?

There are 3,500 Sure Start Children’s Centres in England. Caroline Swindells, Strategy Manager for Childhood Support Services in Hertfordshire says: “They can be accessed by all parents and carers looking after children who are five years and under. You can locate your nearest centre on the Directgov website - use the ‘Find schools, childcare services and Sure Start Children’s Centres’ search tool. Or ring your local Family Information Service on 0800 2 346 346. Most centres run drop-in and toddler groups. Many have toy library facilities and outreach workers offering home visits. They are very friendly – so just give them a ring or drop in and see for yourself!”

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Centres are providing the best care community playroom with many and support possible. groups for different ages held there. “We’ve also got very active They also run a young mums group communities growing on Twitter and a breastfeeding group, which and Facebook and we try to make was fantastic support when I was the campaign as interactive as we breastfeeding my daughter. They can. Each month our have a sessional web forum provides nursery and a day parents and carers nursery on site which with expert advice on is regarded as one of a theme of interest to the best in the area. them. Experts from They regularly the field donate articles relating to run courses aimed to help the relevant issue. At the end of the ‘disadvantaged’ parents learn the month a live web chat allows parents skills they need to parent and run and carers to pose their questions. a household. The only downside is “From all our work with families it that many of the local parents who is clear that Children’s Centres are need this help and advice often don’t already becoming a really core part access it. It would be great if more of local public services, as important families in difficulty were encouraged as schools and GPs’ surgeries. We to access this amazing resource as also hear time and time again how a first point of call before the children attendance at the centres can help were taken into care. parents and carers deal with all sorts I know a great many people in our of issues to ensure that all children area would be devastated if the are given the best start in life.” funding was reduced or cut for Emma Campbell, a foster carer these centres. I would encourage looking after young mums and their any foster carer or social worker children, says: “I am a massive reading this to look out for their local supporter of my local Sure Start centre and make sure they use the centre. I started going there when resources we To sign up to the my eldest daughter was born in are so lucky to campaign pledge or 2004 and I’m still going now with our have. Maybe if youngest who is two and our current more struggling join our campaigners’ network, please visit foster placement who is 18 months. families are One young mum that we were caring directed there we our website: http:// for used Sure Start to meet other would have less shoutoutforasurestart. parents and also professionals who family breakups, org.uk or for all the were able to offer help and advice. which ultimately latest updates follow @Shout4SureStart on It’s been invaluable to be able to is always the show these new mums what support best thing for the Twitter. is available and for them to link in children.” with other mums, who are perhaps in a similar Emma’s children: Katelyn, 5 and Megan, 2 situation as they have been in. It’s also great for getting us all out of the house together. As a foster carer I find all the staff really helpful in accepting the young people I bring along and they always go out of their way to encourage the mums to go along on their own if they can, to make life as a mum as real as possible. The centre close to us has an amazing

“As a foster carer I find the staff helpful”

Photo: www.flickr/photos/tony_bnu/2393457578

Communication

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Communication as a key life skill Wendy Lee gives her top tips for helping the young person in your care communicate well

earning to talk is the most complicated process our brains have to master, yet it is too often taken for granted. Being able to be understood, talk and communicate with others underpins all learning and social development. Often we think that children who are slow to talk will catch up – sadly this is not always the case. Speech, language and communication needs (SLCN) In the UK today, one in ten children has speech, language and communication needs (SLCN) - that’s around three pupils in every average classroom. In some socially deprived areas of the UK, upwards of 50% of children are starting school without the communication skills they need to learn, achieve and make friends. Children with SLCN will struggle with some, or all, of the following: • Listening and understanding what is said • Knowing and using a good range of words • Speaking in sentences • Speaking clearly • Talking in different situations with different people Looked after children are at greater risk Around 60–90% of children with social, emotional and behavioural

More about Wendy:

Wendy Lee, Professional Director at The Communication Trust with over 25 years experience of speech and language therapy, explores the crucial role that foster carers play in developing children’s communication skills and discusses a forthcoming 2011 campaign that will put this issue firmly in the public spotlight.

difficulties have SLCN. Unfortunately, this can apply to children and young people in care, since they are at significantly greater risk of social, emotional and behaviour difficulties. We know that if children have communication difficulties it can impact on many areas of their lives, such as learning to read and write, their behaviour and their self esteem. Being able to support children’s communication development and knowing when children are struggling can help minimise the impact of difficulties. The ‘communication’ role of foster carers Foster carers are in a unique position when it comes to developing children’s communication skills. They can play a crucial role in identifying children and young people who are not communicating as they should be and can support them to reach their full potential. Research has shown that children who receive help with their speech and language difficulties by the

age of five and a half have the best chances of going on to do well in school, developing good literacy skills and building good social relationships. Older children too can benefit from support if their speech and language difficulties are identified and supported.

Information

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Allegations? Protect yourself with ISAS

How an Independent Support Annual Subscription (ISAS) from Fostering Support Ltd could help you

s children return to schools and colleges following the long summer break, Fostering Support Limited (FSL) is preparing for its busiest period. A cross word, disagreement or misunderstanding during the holidays can result in an allegation or complaint against the foster carer or a member of the fostering family. Children and young people returning to school, consciously or without intention, may make a disclosure and practitioners, in line with Child Protection policy are required to raise concerns with Children’s Service Departments across the country. A journey through

the minefield begins. An investigation into the standard of care, a complaint or an allegation of abuse or assault on a child or young person in foster care signals the start of a hugely traumatic chain of events. Independent Support from FSL provides not only a telephone helpline, but also face to face support, advocacy at meetings, help writing reports and representation in line with Government guidance (2006) ... designed to retain those

fostering families who wish to continue and in whom confidence remains. However, at this time of public spending cutbacks, fostering services (local authority and independent providers) are being required to make significant savings meaning funds to provide independent support are under pressure. FSL has recognised that in order to protect service delivery this needs to be addressed through a different approach; placing the responsibility for continued high quality delivery on FSL for a flat fee

“The start of a traumatic chain of events”

Photo: www.flickr.com/tony_bnu/2413058415

Check that they have communication Anyone spending time with understood you – children development children and young people with difficulties understanding there is help can help develop their can seem naughty or disobedient. It’s at hand. communication skills, often just useful to check out they understand. You can log by ‘tweaking’ what they already If they are struggling, make the onto Talking do. ‘Build’ children’s sentences instructions shorter and simpler. Point for by adding a word or idea Turn off background noise comprehensive to what they say – this helps - children learn to listen best and easily with understanding and developing when there is not a lot of accessible more words and longer sentences. background noise. information for When they say things Some children and young parents and ‘wrong’, just repeat back people may need extra help professionals. what they have said as it – it’s good to know what to Visit www.talkingpoint.org.uk. By should be – this helps them learn expect at different ages and stages, clicking on the Talking Links section language and develop confidence. then you can seek help if needed. of the site, you can find out where Allow plenty of time – If you are concerned about a child’s your local speech and language children often need a bit of thinking time, to work out what you have said and how The National Year is coming 2011 is set to be a National Year of Speech, Language and Communication. This they are going to reply. exciting campaign is being run by The Communication Trust; a coalition of 38 Make opportunities – organisations with expertise in speech and language. even though life is very Throughout the year we will get information directly into the hands of parents, busy for most of us, it’s carers and those who work with children. We will also work to make life better for good to make opportunities for children and young people with SLCN and their families. conversations. This could be at Throughout the year there will be themed months and a range of activities and bed time with younger children events for people to get involved in. Want to find out more? or even when watching TV with Email enquiries@thecommunicationtrust.org.uk to sign up to receive the Trust’s young people. monthly newsletter.

Photo: www.flickr.com/photos/jae_yong/2414414545

Information

rather than asking fostering services to accept an open ended financial agreement. From October 2010 fostering households will be able to purchase independent support through an annual subscription (ISAS) from FSL - a leading provider of independent support. A payment of £52 per year per household will protect the service and provide foster carers with the reassurance that, when required, appropriate expert support will guide them through the difficult process of Section 47 Investigations and Registration Review. Even when match funded (costing just 50p per week) this scheme will save fostering services an average of 30% on expenditure. One in three foster carers will, during their career, be subject to an allegation or complaint so serious that it threatens their registration. FSL provides an average of 40 hours one to one support in these circumstances. Converting established contracts into annual subscriptions with associated savings and security provides the initial fund; endorsements by fostering services, foster carers associations and individual testimonials will be the key

to expansion in order to protect the entire fostering community. As a vocational foster carer from 1984 to 1998 with Surrey County Council, Debra Gibbs, the director of FSL, is committed to protect placement choice through widespread retention of foster carers. FSL support has achieved 80% retention of carers able to continue caring. Debra says: “It is only by increasing, not unnecessarily decreasing, the availability of good quality family

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care that we have a chance to reduce placement breakdown and make a positive difference to the lives of children and young people in need.” Audi Alterum Partem to hear the other side is a principle of natural justice. The FSL team will ensure that when challenged, carers will have the support to respond. To find out more and complete a subscription form online go to www.fosteringsupport.co.uk or return the slip below.

Independent Support Annual Subscription (ISAS) Application Form This form can be completed on line at www.fosteringsupport.co.uk/ISAS Full Name(s) of Adults:1) 2) Address:Telephone Number(s):1) 2) Email Address:Gender:1) 2) Birth children under 14 yrs None

1-3

Name of Fostering Service:Date of Approval with current Fostering Service:Dates of approval with any previous Fostering Service provider:Ethnic Origin:Previous allegations None

1-3

Approval Range 0-5

6-13

14-18

19+

How did you hear about ISAS? Fostering Magazine FSL Service article website

Word of mouth

Google adwords

Birth children 15-18 years:Thank you I am aware that my annual subscription covers all adult members of my household and may be used to provide support, advocacy, mediation, information and advice in any s47 (Child Protection) investigations during the year (12 months from payment received) of my subscription. I understand that the welfare of the child is paramount and that child protection matters will be disclosed. I understand that the information I have provided will be held by the Fostering Support Ltd in electronic form and that it will not be distributed to any third party but held for subscription purposes. I hereby declare that I am not aware of any actual act or alleged act, omission or dispute existing at the commencement of ISAS from Fostering Support Ltd. Signed:Please return to, Fostering Support Ltd, The Old Chapel, Stroud, Petersfield, Hants, GU32 3PF or Katie.Thackray@fosteringsupport.co.uk Please make cheques payable to Fostering Support Ltd

Support

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Understand your taxes! Hayley Payne, director at the The Growth Partnership, gives some tips for taxes

s well as your demanding role as a foster carer, you must also look after your taxation affairs as they are treated as being self-employed by the HMRC (Her Majesty’s Revenue and Customs). The HMRC has special rules to calculate foster carers’ taxable income - the simplified method – which allow foster carers to deduct certain qualifying amounts from their fostering receipts. Receipts include all payments made by your local authority or independent fostering provider: fees, reward payments, retainers, allowances etc The amounts allowed to be deducted from these consist of two exemptions: • Household exemption of £10,000 per annum (per household not foster carer) • A weekly exemption based on a child placed with them (£250 per week for a child over 11 and £200 per week for a child under 11). Part of a week counts as a full week. In addition, ‘additional maintenance costs’ can also be deducted if you have a disabled placement. If the exemptions are greater than the receipts then your income will be free of income tax for that year. This means that, for taxation purposes, you will be treated as having no profit or loss from foster care for the year.

If a foster carer’s receipts are greater than their exemptions the difference is their taxable income. It is this taxable income figure that is used to actually calculate your tax liability. Every individual has a personal allowance which they can earn before tax is charged. This is £6,475 for the year 2010/2011. Consequently, if all of your personal allowance has not been allocated to other income it can be deducted from your taxable income. The tax is then calculated at the appropriate rate. In addition to income tax, selfemployed people have to pay Class 4 National Insurance Contributions (NIC) on their

taxable income over £5,715. A foster carer can choose not to use the simplified method but use the ‘profit method’. The actual profit from foster care (total receipts from foster care minus allowable expenses and capital allowances). This would mean that you would have to keep all invoices, which I would imagine would need a lot of boxes! Fostertax specialise in looking after the taxation affairs of foster carers. If we can help you, please contact Hayley on 01207 524909 or visit our website www.fostertax.co.uk.

Photo: Stuart Pilbrow

Don’t let taxes make you tear your hair out! Call Fostertax instead This is not the full version - to read all the articles, subscribe for just £2. The printed copy comes out four times a year, and costs £7 to subscribe for the whole year. The printed copy has no extra adverts, just lots more advice, support, fun and personal articles. Email subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk or subscribe at www.fosterfamilies.co.uk.

Top Tips

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Cyberbullying longlasting effects Sharon Woolley gives her top tips to prevent the child in your care becoming a cyberbully’s victim

Photo: www.flickr.com/photos/whiteafrican/287071177

ince the dawn of time, bullies have sought to belittle, threaten and coerce their peers. Even now, as an adult caretaker, you probably have unsettling memories of being bullied at school or in the neighbourhood. Unfortunately, because technology allows unlimited access to both prey and audience, the consequences of bullying are far more serious for children today than in the past. In 2007, Schools Secretary Ed Balls announced to UK parents and guardians that cyberbullying was ‘insidious’. Just three years later, statistics show that the incidence of social isolation, stressrelated illnesses, emotional and behavioural problems, loneliness, depression, anxiety, low self esteem and suicide have risen as a direct result of cyberbullying, especially for children with an abusive or unstable background. Cyberbullying occurs when a child, preteen or teen is tormented, threatened, harassed, humiliated, embarrassed or otherwise targeted by another youth using technology such as phone and text messages, instant messaging, social networking, online games, websites and blogs. According to a 2010 Pew Study, more

than 30 percent of online teens have experienced harassment from a peer and i-Safe states that less than 58 percent of those being cyberbullied told an adult that it was happening. The research team of Sameer Hinduja and Justin W. Patchin of the Cyberbullying Research Center reported this year that youth who are victims of cyberbullying also experience stress or strain that is related to offline problem behaviours such as running away from home, cheating on a school test, skipping school, or using alcohol or marijuana. Sadly, their research also states: “studies and high-profile anecdotal cases have demonstrated a link between suicide and cyberbullying victimization.”

“Let them know they can discuss anything with you”

Sharon Woolley, Marketing Director at SpectorSoft Corporation, regularly contributes to child safety publications and panels. All SpectorSoft products incorporate monitoring technology that has won the prestigious PC Magazine Editors’ Choice Award three times, a Mom’s Choice Awards selection in 2010, and the 2010 National Parenting Center’s Seal of Approval. For more information on SpectorSoft products, please go to SpectorProisWatching.co.uk/ff.

Sharon’s Top 5 Tips to Prevent Your Charge from Being Victimized

Keep communication open. Discuss cyberbulling with them and make it understood they can come to you to discuss anything. Many times children are afraid that they’ll lose privileges or experience other negative repercussions if they do. Educate them in what to do should it happen to them. Stress that they should ignore the bully and they must let an adult know. Set rules about the amount of time they can use the computer and Internet and use filters, timers and other safety measures to keep their exposure minimized.

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Know the danger signs. Foster children may be prone to depression or low selfesteem, and are prime targets for cyberbullying. Keep an eye out for signs of withdrawal, such as cutting off their friends and losing interest in daily activities. Also watch for changes in the time they spend online. Use computer monitoring software capable of detecting and blocking inappropriate contact by cyberbullies. Such a technology is Spector Pro, an easyto-use program capable of minimizing or eliminating the likelihood of your child being cyberbullied without your knowledge. Not only will you find out for sure if your foster child is being cyberbullied, you’ll also have recorded evidence, should you need to contact school or law enforcement. Fostering is a difficult but rewarding job. The ability to ensure the safety and happiness of children already exposed to more than their fair share of challenges can be daunting. You can help your charges to experience the social and educational side of the Internet without trauma by educating yourself to the dangers they face and by using open communication and available safety rules and tools.

Professional Development and Training for Foster Carers Positive Learning Ltd - Delivering professional training products and events specialising in Health and Social Care issues, with a particular focus on Safeguarding and Child Protection. Foster carers can individually attend any of our courses and events held throughout the year or we can design and deliver In-house Training for Foster Care groups, agencies and organisations. - Helping foster carers gain practical skills and knowledge to enable them to overcome the challenges they encounter and ensuring young people in care maximise their potential. Examples of some of our training topics include: Dealing Eﬀectively with Challenging Behaviour Child Protection and the Internet Supporting Young People Leaving Care Domestic Violence and the Impact on Child Development Managing ADHD and other Autistic Spectrum Disorders Children and Young People who Self-harm

Call 01243 544 960 or visit www.positivelearning.co.uk for more information on these and other topics available Independent Support for Foster Carers subject to Allegations or Complaints for just £52 per year. ~ISAS~ Protect yourselves, your family and your Fostering Registration www.fosteringsupport.co.uk Telephone 01730 231603 ~Independent Support Annual Subscription~

Have you ordered the full version of Foster Families Magazine yet? Our full version has no extra adverts but over double the amount of content! Fill out this form and send it along with a cheque made payable to ‘Foster Families’, to: Subscriptions, Foster Families, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JA*. Name: ___________________________ Address: _________________________ Postcode: ________________________ Email Address: ____________________ Yearly subscription: £7 Or sign up online at www.fosterfamilies.co.uk

WIN

W WIN

Who’s jumping on YOUR bed? Five Little Monkeys jumping on the bed Game

by University Games, £17.99. Visit AreYouGame.com for more information. And now one lucky reader will win this fun game for 2 or more players aged 3 and up. Five Little Monkeys Jumping on the Bed is a simple game that introduces children to counting and strategy while developing fine motor skills. The object of the game is to get all of your monkeys onto the bed. Sounds easy? Well watch out, your monkeys may jump off the bed at any time. When they do, it’s time to start over. Surprise, laughter and fun for kids and their parents. For your chance to win, just answer this simple question: What are the little monkeys doing on the bed? a) Dancing b) Clapping c) Jumping Send your name, address and answer to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘5 Little Monkeys’. Or post your entry to Foster Families Competitions, Flat 2, 2A Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JB. The first correct entry drawn at random will win. Deadline: November 10th 2010.

Food and Health

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Anne Davies gives more tips on helping the child or young person in your care to grieve

he more children you foster, the more likely it is that you will care for one who has suffered the death of a parent. The child or young person in your care will eventually need to come to terms with that trauma. Anne Davies, Chief Executive of Jigsaw4u, advises how you can be there for the child in your care.

If a death occurs when a child or young person is living with a foster carer

Children and young people in foster care will often have had very complicated lives involving multiple losses. Parents may have long-term drug and alcohol issues, chronic mental illness or life threatening illnesses. Sometimes death will be anticipated so the opportunity to visit the person, talk about death and what will happen, collect memories, write letters and prepare will be possible. But many deaths will be sudden and

unanticipated. Either way it is crucial that children and young people know what is happening. Take time to explain what has happened and be prepared to repeat the explanation many times over the next few weeks and months. Allow time for them to ask questions and share memories. Talk about funerals and what will happen - do they want to be involved in planning the funeral? Do they want to attend? Who will go with them to be their supporter?

Finding ways to remember stories, facts and memories Help the child or young person to remember things about the person - they can write memories in life books. Memory boxes can be a shoe box that is decorated on the outside with pictures and other items that represent their parent or sibling. The inside can then be used to keep cards, medical information, family stories and memories of outings, photographs, presents, items of

clothing – anything that can form the basis for ongoing remembering and discussion. So in essence the most important reaction is to listen, again and again, in order to enable children to acknowledge their feelings and find safe ways of expressing them. Always check about hugs as many abused children will find physical contact terrifying. I am often asked when we should give hugs. The answer is that children will give us the cues and if all else fails we can ask if it would help and record that we have done.

It’s good to talk But how does talking about our feelings help? Lesley Addison, of Lesley Addison Counselling, says: “Putting private thoughts and hidden feelings into words can be a huge relief.” Getting things out in the open means we don’t have to carry the burden, worry or fear alone. When someone listens it can give a different perspective and open up options for moving on. Lesley continues: “Talking can make us feel less alone when times are hard.” Anne is Chief Executive of Jigsaw4u, a child-centered charity supporting children and young people through loss and trauma whilst also empowering them to have a voice in decision-making about their own lives. www.jigsaw4u.org.uk

Photos: www.flickr.com/photos/usarmyafrica/3864913090 and Jônatas Cunha

Moving on from bereavement

Personal

Autumn 2010

foster families 13

We’ll get through this together

Katie Russell shares how the young people in her care came to terms with their parents’ death I used to be a teacher then about 10 years ago I started respite fostering at weekends and during the school holidays. I gradually came to realise that I wanted my future to lie in fostering so I gave up teaching and for the last five years I've been a full time carer. It's the most demanding thing I've ever done but I can't see myself doing anything else. Two children were placed with me in 2006; a boy Tom*, 14, and his sister Beth*,

16. They had been in care for four years before they came to me. After coming into care they had supervised contact with their parents. They had two older siblings, Tina and Emma; Tina was in a secure unit and Emma had two children at a young age who had also been removed and adopted. Tom and Beth had already experienced a huge amount of bereavement in their life. A year after coming into care their father died from a diabetic coma. Tom and Beth stayed with the

“The most demanding thing I’ve ever done”

same carers for four years but the placement was fragile and when the carers put in their notice on the placement I was approached to see if I was willing to offer them a home. I agreed. The plan was for them to move to me in September 2006 ready for the start of the new school year. However, between the placement with me being arranged and the move taking place their mother died - she’d had a baby with another partner and died six weeks after the birth as a consequence of

“Beth would talk late into the night”

*Names have been changed to protect children’s identities

Rodney Wallace is an ex top-flight football star whose honours include winning the premier league with Leeds United in 1991 and the ‘double’ in Scotland as a Rangers player in 2000. Rodney represented England at U21 level and fully supports Simply Fostering in helping to identify and recruit foster carers nationwide. Simply Fostering has now helped and supported over 30 experienced foster carers transfer to new fostering agencies who are better suited or equipped to cater for their fostering needs. For more information please complete the registration form at www.simplyfostering.co.uk

Personal

following year I wanted to arrange a positive day to remember both parents. I asked Beth and Tom if they could remember food that their parents particularly liked and they came up with a few suggestions. On the anniversary day we went to a garden centre in the morning and they chose two shrubs, one for their mother, the other for their father. When we got home we planted the shrubs in the back garden. I decided to plant them in the garden rather than the cemetery because Tom did not go to the cemetery and Beth only went when she was feeling very emotional. I felt that by being in the garden they could both look at and help look after the shrubs when it was right for them. We then spent the afternoon cooking the favourite foods together, then in the evening we went through their photos (which were just in a carrier bag) and placed them in a photo album. For each photo they talked about when it had been taken and what had been happening then we wrote a caption under the photo. It was a positive and enjoyable day. It became a day of happy memories. The shrubs are still in the garden and although Beth moved out three years ago and Tom moved out last year they both visit on a regular basis and whenever they are here they check to see how their mum and dad’s shrubs are doing. During their time with me they also had support from a CAMHS worker and Winston’s Wish was a great help but placing the cross and our memory day were the bits that stick in my mind.

“I arranged a positive day to remember them”

complications due to the pregnancy. The plans remained unchanged and Tom and Beth moved in with me shortly after the funeral in a very subdued state. Tom would not talk about his parents but Beth would talk late into the night and early morning, every day. I arranged to take them to the cemetery to visit the graves something Beth was very keen to do but Tom was reluctant to do. When we got there they found their mum’s grave quickly. It was in her family plot and was being tended by members of her family. However, they were very distressed

“Choosing the inscription was very emotional”

Competition Winners Congratulations to Alesha and TJ who won the Mediak personalised CDs. Well done to Sue and Julie for winning the garden packs from themessiplace.com. Nic, Josephine, Julie, Wendy and Sue won the Love2Read personalised books. The Cooking for Coco cook book went to Karen. Michael won the Saronti Seaside personalised book, and Kayden won the Saronti Football personalised book. Well done to all our winners!

foster families 14 Photo: Hemming & Peace funeral services

because they couldn’t find their father’s grave (they had not visited it since their father’s funeral). So the following day, while they were at school, I visited the cemetery manager and together we went through the records till we found the plot. It was unmarked and untended. That evening I talked with them about what I had found, but rather than just leave them with something negative I also explained what we could do - we arranged for a wooden cross to be made, then they had a plaque engraved. Choosing the inscription was very emotional for them both. When everything was ready I arranged for the cross to be placed on the grave then I took Beth and Tom back to the cemetery. Beth spent time sitting next to the grave talking to her dad while Tom cleared up the weeds. After this Tom did not visit the graves again and Beth only went every few months when she was finding things particularly difficult. Although their parents had died three years apart, the anniversaries were within a week of each other, so the

Autumn 2010

Top Tips

Autumn 2010

Here’s some more fantastic advice from our readers

1 2 3

Don’t put it off! There are children out there waiting for you to be their foster family. It’s changed my life - I can’t think of anything else I’d rather do. - Linda Taylor

This is what YOU said!

There are many training opportunities (depending on who you foster with). We’ve had the best training I could’ve hoped for. and things are going great! - Heather Clarke It’s great for a stay at home Mum! Your own kids will thrive - they foster too, and get so much out of it. You don’t have to wait until they’re older. - Emma Campbell

foster families 15

Go for it! It’s challenging but so rewarding. Remember that teenagers need a home too. - Amy Filer

All you need is a good ear for listening, and plenty of love to give. - Jackie Kilbon

What’s your top fostering tip? Email it to haveyoursay@fosterfamilies.co.uk, or post your advice to: Foster Families, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JB, and it could go in our Winter 2010 issue.

COMP

Two copies of Leap Frog’s Let’s Go To School DVD up for grabs

ETITI

From the popular and trusted Leap Frog brand, LET’S GO TO SCHOOL has been specially created to allay the fears of youngsters before they join the classroom. Never before seen on UK TV and out to buy on DVD from the 6th September, just in time for term! RRP. £9.99 To enter the competition, find the list of words in the grid (below) and use the left over letters to spell out a phrase. Send this phrase, along with your name and address and the subject line ‘Let’s Go To School’ to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk. Or post it to: Competitions, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JB. The first two correct entries drawn at random will win the DVD. Competition closes November 10th 2010.

O A F R O G

S D R A O B

I K L A H C

D F R T C Y

E D S I S A

Can you find these words?

School, Frog, Chalk, Board, Tad, Lily, Edison

Food and Health

Autumn 2010

foster families 16

Making food fun

^ Sian Blunos, author of Cooking for Coco, shares some tips to get kids eating a range of foods Getting children of all ages involved in preparing food is a way of getting them to try out new things. Eating fresh food will become a natural part of their daily lives. You also have the peace of mind of knowing what goes into the meals that you have prepared yourself. We all know that a lot of ready-made

Nursery age

I work with the early year’s foundation stage in a nursery in Bath with children aged two to four years. This sets the standards for learning, development and care for children. We make cooking part of the planning activities for the children, teaching them to make all sorts of things. As well as the usual fairy cakes,

meals have high amounts of salt and sugar added to them, let alone all the preservatives, e-numbers, colours and hydrogenated fats… although, a lot of supermarkets are becoming more health conscious in the use of these added ingredients. Creating your own means you can leave out these added ingredients and include only the fresh items you want. we have made bread, cookies and healthy pizza. Fruit salad is always very popular when using some of the more unusual fruit i.e. dragon fruit, sharon fruit, kiwi, pawpaw and mangos. Preparing these involves knife and co-ordination skills. One day I took in my pasta machine and we talked about which ingredients we needed to make fresh

Mmmm, looks great!

I think that the food we give our children should look like food not in the shape of dinosaurs or gimmicky ways of tempting them to eat. Food is attractive in itself. Look at all the abundance of choice we have, all the fresh natural ingredients with their true goodness, colours, textures and flavours. pasta, and all the different shapes and colours of pasta that they have tried. I then made up a batch of dough and they all took turns at rolling the dough to the correct thickness and then cutting it into linguini or spaghetti. We then dried it and they took it home so that their mums and dads could cook it for them and eat it for their tea. They loved it!

Ready, steady, let’s get messy

WIN

Get to know your foster child better as you cook together

ooking is a fantastic activity to do with the children in your care. While learning and practising a whole range of skills, they gain an understanding of food and where it all comes from. Coupled with the Messi range it's one of the most fun, therapeutic and bonding activities you can do together. Fun for kids Cooking can feel like a chore to adults, but to children it’s an exciting and fun activity. Start by teaching the child in your care some basic cooking skills. How about cracking eggs... noisy, messy, and loads of fun! Easy biscuit recipes or a fresh fruit salad are simple to do. Let younger children get creative with sliced bread, a flat knife, and a choice of spreads or toppings to make a sandwich - they might even make one for you! Or you could give them some different fruit juices to

mix and make a ‘cocktail’. Fast food Don’t do anything that takes too long. Instead create things that encourage parents and kids to work together. So much for little ones to learn As adults we sometimes take it for granted that eggs are laid by chickens and sugar comes from plants. But remember your children may not know that and will probably be amazed to learn just where their food comes from, and how it is produced. Take inspiration together with your kids from all the things around you as you spend time cooking and getting messy. Accessories to make it fun Check out our range of products at www.themessiplace.com. We’ve got a whole section of bright and vibrant kitchen products to help your children learn through play and experience. Aprons, chefs hats, cooking utensils,

oven gloves and pot holders can all be found. Once you're in that ‘messy frame of mind’ it's easier to turn a blind eye to all the chaos going on in your kitchen. Yours to win! You can win a Messi Kitchen Pack (below) by entering our competition. Send your name and address to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Messi’. Or you can post your entry to Foster Families Competitions, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JB. The first entry drawn at random will win. The deadline is November 10th 2010.

This is not the full version - to read all the articles, subscribe for just £7 per year. Email subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk

Photo: www.flickr.com/photos/tony_bnu/2406507742

Little Chef

E P M CO

N O I T I

Win the new Ben 10 DVD in our competition

Number Corner

Ben 10 Alien Force Volume 4: Undercover

It’s hero time once again! Currently the top rated show on Cartoon Network, Ben, Gwen and Kevin are back for all-new high octane adventures including a battle against Ben’s evil twin. When he’s not teleporting to distant planets or rescuing the Earth from destruction, Ben even tries to give dating advice to Kevin. Now there’s a challenge! But with his heroic bravery and powerful Omnitrix, Ben can handle just about anything. The DVD features these fantastic episodes: • Darkstar Rising • Alone Together • Good Copy Bad Copy • Save The Last Dance • Undercover Sold at £9.99, you can win a copy for free by entering our Number Corner competition. Send your answer, with your name and address, to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Ben 10’. Or you can post your entry to Foster Families Competitions, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JB. The first correct entry drawn at random will win. The deadline is November 10th 2010.

Take a magical journey to The Little Kingdom on 27th September when BAFTA awardwinning pre-school series Ben & Holly’s Little Kingdom- Holly’s Magic Wand arrives on DVD for the first time! The DVD contains 10 episodes plus special bonus episode ‘The King’s Busy Day’. www.littlekingdom.co.uk. Ben & Holly’s Little Kingdom follows the amusing adventures of Princess Holly and her best friend Ben Elf. They live in the Little Kingdom, a tiny but enchanted magical land where flowers and grass rise above the tallest towers. You can win the DVD here by entering our Scramble Corner competition! Send your answer with your name and address, to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Little Kingdom’. Or you can post your entry to Foster Families Competitions, Flat 2, 2a Brook Street, Worcester, WR1 1JB. The first correct entry drawn at random will win. The deadline is November 10th 2010.

The numbers in the box below go up in 7s from 16 to 86. Can you work out which number is missing?

WIN!

Ben & Holly’s Little Kingdom DVD Competition

23 86

Scramble Corner The words below have been scrambled! Can you put the letters in the right order to spell out some words to do with Little Kingdom?

1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

N O E N A

B L F G C

E H Y L L K I M I G

2 to WIN! theBabaSling™ theBabaSling™ is perfect for helping you get out and about. Especially if, like many foster carers, you have a few children to look after that are very young. Tried and tested by other carers theBabaSling™ is proven to help with everyday tasks - its hands-free and very comfortable to wear. The seven natural carrying positions make it ideal from birth. Got two toddlers? Use theBabaSling™ and you can carry one while pushing the other! At six months to toddler your child can look out and take in the scenery with you, great for interaction and bonding. Available in seven cheery colours and costing only £49.90 makes it the perfect essential whatever the destination. For more information go to www.theBabaSling.co.uk or call 0800 310 1547 For your chance to win this fabulous prize, fill out the crossword below and work out what word the blue squares spell out. Email the answer to us at competitions@ fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘thebabasling’ and include your name, address and phone number. The first two entries drawn at random will win. Competition closing date is November 10th 2010.

Across

Foster carer, Zenda, says: “Often the babies we foster can be difficult to settle: these slings allow the baby to feel close to you so you can meet its needs much better, while also allowing you to do other things.

1. Mutant superheroes (1,3) 3. Jar covering (3) 7. Negative response (2) 8. Keep a ship steady (6) 9. __, Myself and Irene - Jim Carrey film (2) 10. Bee Gees hit (7) 13. A tribal tradition (6) 15. Travel by boat (4) 16. Bury, tuck away (4)

“Comfortable even after a two mile walk”

Down

theBabaSling™ was still comfortable after a two mile walk, yet the thing I liked most is the wide age range it can be used for and the versatility for positioning the child. In short, I loved it.” Roz, foster carer, says: “It's the best sling I've ever tried. It's easy to put on and I didn't need any help to get the baby in. Great for us larger ladies too, as it fitted me and didn't squash the baby into me like all the others do!”

Emma, foster carer, says: “With two toddlers it was nice to be able to carry one while the other walked or went in the pushchair. It made shopping much easier as I could separate them, while still being able to talk to them both at the same time and push the trolley. It’s almost like I have gained an extra set of hands!”

“It’s like I’ve gained an extra set of hands!”

39 39

1. Leona Lewis started here (1,6) 2. Disney fairytale set in New York featuring Patrick Dempsey (9) 4. Men __ Black, Will Smith movie (2) 5. The Millenium ____ - now the O2 Arena (4) 6. Wish for (4) 9. Frank Sinatra song, __ Way (2) 11. Postpone (5) 12. Flowers do this after they’ve been picked (4) 14. Judi Dench sitcom, __ Time Goes By (2)

foster families

Autumn 2010

foster families 2010 This is not the full version - to read all the articles, subscribe for just £2. The printed copy comes out four times Autumn a year, and costs £7 to subscribe for the whole year. The printed copy has no extra adverts, just lots more advice, support, fun and personal articles. Email subscriptions@fosterfamilies.co.uk or subscribe at www.fosterfamilies.co.uk.

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a 42 year old man posing as a 15 year old girl online.

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Er mwyn cael cymorth a chyngor cyn i chi gyrraedd (mewn Dyddiau Agored, dyddiau ymweld, etc.), drwy’r broses ymgeisio, ac wrth i chi gyrraedd, astudio, ac ymlaen i’ch graddio, cysylltwch â DEBRA CROFT yn y Ganolfan Ehangu Cyfranogiad E-bost: dec@aber.ac.uk Ffôn: 01970 622681, neu Tecst: 07968 77 55 23

workinG with students froM Care - our commitmEnt to your futurE

For help and advice before arrival (at Open Days, visiting days, etc.), through the application process, arrival, progression, and on to graduation, contact DEBRA CROFT in the Centre for Widening Participation E-mail: dec@aber.ac.uk Tel: 01970 622681, or Txt: 07968 77 55 23

Offering courses in the following areas: Geography, Geology _ Earth Sciences; & the Environment _ Environmental OfferingScience; courses in the _ Gemmology; following areas: _ Geographical _ EarthInformation Sciences; Systems; _ Environmental Science; _ Geography; _ Gemmology; _ Geology; _ Geographical Information _ Hazards &Systems; Disaster _ Geography; Management; and _ Geology; _ Sustainable Development.

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We charge a fixed fee, agreed in advance

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Visit us at www.fostertax.co.uk, or speak to us on 01207 524 909 to find out how we can help you

Support for Care Leavers

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We specialise in looking after Foster Carer’s taxation

For the latest Foster Families updates find us here:

Gweithio Gyda Myfyrwyr sy’n Gadael Gofal -Ein hymroddiad ni i’ch dyfodol chi

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_ Hazards & Disaster Management; and _ Sustainable Development.

The scheme offers: _ A £1000 bursary per year* _ Flexible entry requirements _ A single point of contact at the University _ Advice on accommodation, student funding and student services _ Funding for year abroad and overseas placements *conditions apply To find out more information visit

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Place your advert here Call us on 01905 747924 or email ads@fosterfamilies.co.uk to place an advertisement in Foster Families Magazine

More than a degree° of care and support At the University of Greenwich we recognise the unique challenges faced by care leavers coming into higher education. To help you make the best of your time at university and achieve your full potential, we can provide: ● a dedicated team offering on-going support and mentoring from before application through to graduation and finding a job ● advice on the financial support available including help with the cost of open day visits and a Care Leavers bursary of £1000 per year, subject to conditions ● taster days and free study skills courses. The University of Greenwich has been awarded the Frank Buttle Trust Quality Mark in recognition of our commitment to working with and supporting care leavers in higher education.

0800 005 006

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Avery Hill

Greenwich

Medway

w m ee nn tt .. cc oo .. uu kk ww ww w .. cc ii ss -- aa ss ss ee ss ss m We provide carers and managers with easy to Easy to use assessments use assessments to evidence their knowledge to evidence knowledge for against Skills for Care Standards the CWDC Standards:

Common Induction Standards CWDC Induction Standards

Managers' Induction Foster Care and Short Break Standards Standards

LDQ Induction Standards Safeguarding Children

Knowledge Sets:

Supporting and enabling: Safeguarding Adults

Evidence portfolios Dementia

Supervision Medication

Personal Development Plans Infection Control

For a free evaluation, or more information contact:

For a free evaluation, or more information contact: tel: 0845 873 0373

tel: 0845 873 0373

email: support@cis-assessment.co.uk

email: info@cis-assessment.co.uk