Find us:
foster families Winter 2012 Issue 15
£2
Fear and confusion Former foster child Helen tells her story
Win an Opal from Maxi Cosi Your chance to win this fab car seat!
Ghost of Christmas past Find out why Christmas makes them tense
From care to adoption 10 things adoptive parents wish foster carers knew
“I really do enjoy reading Foster Families Magazine, and all the tips and information,” Jan, foster carer.
Photos, clockwise from top left: moodboardphotography, christmasstockimages.com, Abi Paramaguru, Tiffany Terry, Habibah Agianda, Sankofa by Tricia de Courcy Ling
Contents Winter 2012 foster families 2
Contents Winter 2012
Edition 15
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Find out what great treats we have in store for you in the Winter edition of Foster Families
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information . . .
the end of foster families magazine
... 5
personal . . .
reviews ...
book: from foster to fabulous ... 8 book: fostering love ... 13 book: parenting a child with emotional and behavioural difficulties ... 20 pushchair: roadster duo sl from hauck ... 28 car seat: xspace from chicco ... 28 car seat: opal from maxi cosi ... 39
our top tips ...
foster carer: what it feels like to be a carer ... 6 foster carer: our fostering journey ... 7 foster child: in the blink of an eye ... 8 foster carer: part of the family ... 26 birth child: from birth child to foster carer ... 30 birth child: how do birth children really feel? ... 31 birth child: supported by other birth children ... 33 birth child: enjoying the children in our care ... 33
support . . .
the ghost of christmas past
... 9
advice . . .
emergency! what would you do? ... 11 school challenges ... 12 10 things adoptive parents wish you knew ... 24
supporting teenagers . . . you never stop learning give them skills for life cook up
making it a manageable Christmas ... 10 school challenges ... 13 tantrums at bedtime ... 17 10 things adoptive parents wish you knew ... 25 supporting birth children ... 32 your letters ... 38
higher education . . .
competitions ...
communication . . .
thomas and friends ... 37 maxi cosi opal ... 39
... 14 ... 15 ... 23
17
behavioural support . . .
ask our psychologist: tantrums at bedtime ... 16
finding the right course for your care leaver ... 19
discussion point . . .
cathy’s column: agency vs local authority a lifetime of loving
toddlers: social development
food and health . . .
something spicy: soya chunk curry mincing and shaping meat chris’s cookery cards: mince
Cover photo: Torrey Wiley
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fun stuff . . .
kids’ corner crossword
... 21 ... 29
... 22
... 34 ... 35 ... 36
21 ... 37 ... 39 Find us:
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Order the full magazine in print or download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Welcome Winter 2012 foster families 3
Welcome from the editor... Foster Families Online
Dear Reader, Well there’s lots of news to share with you this issue: I’m sad to say that this will be the last magazine for the foreseeable future. There is more about that on p5, but it’s a great one to finish on! This issue is bursting with real-life stories, from former foster child Helen Ramaglia to previous and current birth children, you’ll find out how they feel about foster care and the children they share their lives with. Personal stories continue as current foster carers share how they find their role, and expectant foster carers talk about the journey they’ve taken so far. We’ve also got lots of tips for you, from understanding foster children’s thoughts on Christmas, to advocating for them at school. This is a fantastic issue, so make sure you don’t miss any of it out! Ceressa Bateman, Editor
What can you find?
Visit www.fosterfamilies.co.uk for the latest news and updates from Foster Families Magazine. The website has a cookery corner with video tips, a shop and a competitions page, plus lots more. You can order the magazine in different currencies depending on where you live, or you can download the magazine for £1. For more updates find us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Foster_Families or Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/fosterfamilies
Goodbye - it’s the last issue for now
Foster Families Magazine is taking a break
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hank you to everyone who has read, supported and contributed to Foster Families Magazine. It has been a great four years with hundreds of articles full of fantastic advice, helpful top tips and heartwarming stories of hope and perseverence. I started the magazine back in 2009 to offer extra support to foster carers, and have enjoyed working with and meeting so many wonderful people. It is great to receive so much feedback from readers, and I really love hearing all of your stories. Since becoming a mum myself earlier this year I must now put my daughter first. As much as I love Imprint: Foster Families Magazine 39 Livingstone Street, Worcester, WR5 2ES. www.fosterfamilies.co.uk
putting Foster Families together, I want my family to have the best of my time, so I am sad to say that this will be the last issue for the foreseeable future. If your subscription runs on after this issue I will refund you for the extra issues you have paid for. Please bear with me as this may take a little time to sort out. And please check your emails in case I try to contact you to arrange your refund! Thank you for reading the magazine, and I hope you have found it useful and informative. If you like what you’ve read, why not take a look at our back issues? All of these are available to download, and a
number of them are available to buy in hard copy. If you know any other foster carers who may find them useful too please send them to http://fosterfamilies. co.uk/backcopies.html. Thanks again and all the best in your role as a foster carer. Ceressa
Published by: Ceressa Bateman Editor: Ceressa Bateman Editorial Tel: 01905 780635 Email: ceressa@fosterfamilies.co.uk Advertising Email: ads@fosterfamilies.co.uk
Printed by: Buxton Press Limited, Palace Road, Buxton, Derbyshire, SK17 6AE 01298 21 2000
Order the full magazine in print or download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Find us:
Adverts Winter 2012 foster families 4
Talk to other carers online Join Fostercare World free and join in the conversation with people who understand first hand. visit fostercareworld.com today
For training that works!
A wide range of foster care workshops on: safeguarding, trauma & abuse understanding children & young people and transition & change.
Teenagers
Shân Dobinson combines training expertise with years first-hand experience as a “Neutral of colours tend to be much foster carer.
are essentially there to be slept for activities to ensure that this time of the day is one that children in,” says Victoria. “Colour is extremely important will look forward to.” Bedtime environment when decorating bedrooms neutral colours tend to be much The bedroom environment is also more calming. important to promote We help foster relaxing carers to view bedrooms in sleep. Children’s an alternative bedrooms way and to should not be over-stimulating but think about how to prepare a should help children to feel calm wonderfully calm and relaxing and secure. environment that will promote “Often children’s bedrooms are too sleep.” stimulating. We give advice on how to prepare a bedroom For more information about the sleep that supports the child to have workshops please log onto: a good night’s sleep. Too often www.thechildrenssleepcharity.org.uk we get caught up in making or emai: bedrooms look appealing yet info@thechildrenssleepcharity.org.uk. lose sight of the fact that they
more calming”
Call Shân or Sarah on 024 7654 2221 Or email office@trinitytraining.co.uk
www.trinitytraining.co.uk
Five copies of ‘Goodnight Digger’ to win!
Here’s the ideal book to read as part of your bedtime routine: Goodnight Digger. It’s the first in a new series of bedtime stories from the hugely talented author and illustrator team Michelle Robinson and Nick East.
Relaxing activities should make up your bedtime routine
COMPE Little ones can TITION sleep better in the car with the Outlook auto-shade
Competition Winners!
The Outlook auto-shade is a universal car sun blind that covers the whole back window with no gap. It doesn’t ping off and you can still open the window for ventilation. Much more effective at shading rear seat passengers from the sun than the small ‘stick on’ universal car blinds generally sold. It also makes it easier for the kids to see DVD screens and game consoles in the back of the car. Auto-shade screens over 90% of harmful UV rays – including UVA rays which can penetrate untreated glass. It retails at £19.99, or £29.99 for a twin pack and can be found at Halfords.com, Amazon, Kiddicare and independent nursery specialists. How to win We’ve got two sets of twin auto-shades to giveaway. To be in with a chance of winning, simply email your name and address to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Auto-shade’ and the answer to the following question: Auto-shade screens what percentage of harmful rays?
Congratulations to:
A Wilkinson and R Mistry for winning the Cozy Coupe; J Anderson, M Hill and S Hill for winning the set of Morris Gleitzman ! and Michelle Paver books, L Riddle, S Venables, K Heffernan, S Hill WIN and A Whittaker for winning the Goodnight Digger books; What’s it about? A little boy says goodnight to all his toys, D Metcalfe and S Buxton for winning the Outlook Autoshade; but who is the favourite? Why, it’s Digger of course! With a rhyming text and atmospheric M Smith for winning the Quinny Yezz; illustrations, Goodnight Digger will help the little one in your care go to bed and stay there! The A Whittaker for winning the Young Samurai set; perfect dose of bedtime magic for digger-mad T Platton, P Head and D Tomlinson for winning The Ring of Sky book; boys everywhere. How to win and A Coat for winning the Turbo Hauck - all in our Autumn 2012 issue. We’ve got five copies of this bedtime book to giveaway. To be in with a chance of winning, Look out for this issue’s competitions on pages 37 and 39. simply email your name and address to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the
Support Winter 2012 foster families 5
The ghost of Christmas past Is Christmas a tense time for the kids in your care? Lorna Miles advises how you can keep it low-key and consider what previous Christmases may have meant to them
Photo: Kelly Verdeck Photography
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t seems that as soon as the new academic year starts we are bombarded with images of Christmas. Advertisements for toys take over our televisions, Christmas goodies start to fill the shelves of the shops and glossy magazines tell us how to plan for the ‘perfect’ day. But in many foster homes signs of Christmas can trigger anxiety and a rise in behavioural problems in the children we care for, with Christmas Day becoming a day you would rather forget than one where peace, harmony and ‘goodwill to all men’ abounds. Not the perfect day you planned When the family day you have been planning is overshadowed by challenging behaviour it is easy to find yourself falling into the trap of labelling your foster child ungrateful or selfish and seriously questioning why you bother to foster at all. But if you stop and think about what the child’s experience of Christmas may have been before they came
It may be helpful to let them choose from a list of suggestions
into care it may help you to understand their responses and look at things differently. What does Christmas mean to the child in your care? Previous Christmases may well have been far from enjoyable with
children witnessing domestic violence or suffering abuse/neglect as their parents ‘party’ oblivious to the needs of their children. Many parents’ belief that they have to give their children everything they want in order to be a good parent...
To view the full article please download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Fostering Love: One Foster Parent’s Journey, by Dr. John DeGarmo (CrossBooks) £13.99 ISBN: 978 1 462718 542
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eglect, malnutrition, abuse and even drug-related problems passed on from a mother’s addiction. Children rejected by those who were to love them most: their parents. This journey as a foster parent is the most difficult thing John DeGarmo has done. Through the sleepless nights with drug-addicted babies, the battles with angry teens, and the tears from such tremendous sadness, John learns that many children placed into foster homes carry physical and emotional scars that prevent them from accepting the love of another. Fostering Love: One Foster Parent’s Journey is the true-life account of John’s experience as a foster parent, along with his wife and their own three children. This is a story of heartbreak, sadness, and ultimately love as he came to find God in the tears and smiles of many foster children. Fostering Love: One Foster Parent’s Journey is ranked as one of the top hot new releases in inspiration and spirituality on Amazon.com. Available in print and electronically.
Leaving Care Winter 2012 foster families 6
Give them skills for life Aunt Leah’s Independent Lifeskills Society gives their top tips for teaching the teen in your care
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SUPPORT FOR CARE LEAVERS
The Scheme offers: • A £1500 bursary per progressive year* • A single point of contact at the University for information, advice and guidance • Advice on accommodation, student funding and student services • Funding for year abroad and overseas placements • Course preparation activities • Pre-entry welcome day • Exclusive access to employability advice and guidance and email alerts to extra-curricular employment and experience schemes.
before making suggestions for change because youth are more likely to listen to *Conditions apply what you have to say when they trust you. Follow through It’s important to To find out more information visit www.kingston.ac.uk/compact follow through on or contact us on compact@kingston.ac.uk everything you X(12.103)A or telephone 020 8417 3233 say. Following through with your commitments will Make them do it themselves increase trust and respect for you. “Some young people come in In turn, it becomes an example here and they don’t even know how for youth to live by to make a phone call to a dentist,” when they are seeking recalls Steve. Rather than make the someone else’s trust or call for them, he walks them through respect. the steps and says, “Go for it.” It’s Steve admits that many important for them to experience youth he works with success so they are confident to try expect little from the adults in their again in the future. lives. Appreciate He says: “It would be easy to not They may be learning how to follow through on make phone calls, something because build resumes, they wouldn’t be grocery shop, disappointed. prepare food, pay They expect bills, budget their people to let money, and search them down.” for employment from you. But what Encourage are you Aunt Leah’s Independent One youth admitted she’d learning never had anyone say, “Well from them? Lifeskills Society is an organization based done,” or acknowledge her It is a out of New Westminster, success. Another said it meant reciprocal a lot when Steve told him relationship. BC, Canada that helps he was proud of him. Most Acknowledge foster youth who are aging out of care and young people take this kind of what you young vulnerable mums encouragement for granted. Not are getting at risk of losing their the case for many kids in care. out of the However, they need it just as relationship. children. More info at www.auntleahs.org. much, if not more. Thank ....
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“They don’t want to be disappointed anymore”
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“It’s important youth experience success”
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Let them know they are worthwhile
To view the full article please download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Photo: Abi Paramaguru
any young people in foster care have not learned the typical skills passed onto children by their parents. Due to multiple placements and other challenges, many find themselves old enough to live on their own, but unprepared for the harsh realities that come with independence. Here are some key ways to support them: Build trust Steve Araujo, a Support Worker with Aunt Leah’s, recommends easing into new relationships with youth in care and letting things slide a little. If they are pushing your buttons, it could be a test to see if you really care. If they seem to be making headway with employment or housing, then suddenly stop trying, it could be because they expect failure. “They don’t want to be disappointed anymore,” Steve says. “So they just give up.” Steve recommends building trust
Higher Education Winter 2012 foster families 7
Support for care leavers at Winchester
at support for
“The University of Winchester has been very supportive. If it wasn’t for the staff at the University – I would never have had the confidence to apply. The level of support received is fantastic and it’s given me confidence to know that I have such an excellent support network behind me.”
care leavers
●
A dedicated team offering ongoing support and mentoring throughout your degree programme
●
Financial support, such as help towards the cost of Open Day visits and a bursary of £1,000 a year, subject to conditions
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Support in fi nding a job after graduation
Call 020 8331 8586 or visit gre.ac.uk/careleavers
(Leanne Hart, care-leaver)
Benefits include: • • • •
King Alfred Scholarship, worth £1,750 per year Special help and support with housing arrangements Designated Welfare Adviser Strong partnerships with local authorities
Find out more: Terri Sandison T: 01962 827225 E: Terri.Sandison@winchester.ac.uk
www.winchester.ac.uk
Find the right course for your careleaver
Gina Bradbury, Head of UCAS Progress, tells how foster carers and teenagers can discover post-GCSE courses together, using a new website from UCAS
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xams, coursework, revision... once their GCSEs are out the way there are more decisions to make. As your foster children now seriously consider their future a new website from UCAS may be just what you need to help you through a maze of options. The website makes it easy to find courses ranging from A level Maths to an Apprenticeship in Plumbing. UCAS Progress (ucasprogress.com) will help the teenager in your care to search and apply for post-16 courses close to where they live or further afield, using a selection of simple keywords. It’s free to use at home, in the classroom or on mobile devices. UCAS is best known for managing applications to universities, but UCAS Progress is for younger students considering opportunities, including
BTECs, A levels and Apprenticeships. on, as well as the LAs.” It’s not available everywhere yet but ‘Search and Apply’ the team is working with around a Search is an online directory that third of local authorities (LAs). lets young people search for courses Students can save courses that across the UK, where LAs are using appeal to them, and share them the system. with friends, family and advisers. The localised start points ensure that With an easy step-by-step guide, searches are relevant. young people Apply, the single online “Let’s level the can work on their application system, application in playing field - they makes managing stages, and track applications more deserve it” its progress once intuitive. Students can it’s submitted. build profiles, return to complete UCAS Progress has existed as a applications, track their progress, and search-only tool for 12 months, but use the communication tool to speak the crucial ’Apply’ phase has just with providers to arrange interviews. been launched, making the site a Complementing Search and Apply is unified application system. Inform, an online information and Gina Bradbury, Head of UCAS advice resource for young people, Progress said: “The service has been parents/guardians and teachers. developed in consultation with all the Although modest at present, Inform groups who will be using the system. will be developed throughout 2013. That means it’s designed to meet the As well as containing UCAS Progress needs of students and the schools, materials, it will signpost to approved colleges and academies taking them third party resources....
To view the full article please download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Communication Winter 2012 foster families 8
delays, activitybased strategies can be developed to Dr. Lin Day, Baby Sensory, advises how you ensure optimal social can help the toddler in your care to play well development. with other children Social play n their relentless drive to explore Play is an important the world, toddlers gradually part of social development. It acquire social skills that enable provides the opportunity for toddlers them to get on successfully with to imitate the actions of others, to other people. Many of these skills rehearse future roles, to coordinate are acquired through observation their feelings and ideas and make and imitation of the adults closest to sense of their experiences. Play them. can be divided into a number of The development of social skills also different types from free-flow depends on interaction and activity play to structured and group play. with other children. Even though These divisions enable parents and toddlers do not cooperate, share or practitioners to plan activities and make friends until resources. their fourth year, “Play is an important Free-flow play if they have been Toddlers initiate freepart of social given plenty of flow play. They decide development” opportunities to what toys interest play with other children, they will be them the most, how they will explore at an advantage when they go to them, how long the play will last and toddler group or preschool. when they need support or help. Parents and practitioners can The adult provides the materials assess social skills by observing and equipment, a safe and secure how toddlers play and interact with environment, reassurance, praise and other children. If there are any encouragement.
How much of an impact can you have?
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Through group play, toddlers learn to get on with other children
During free-flow play, the adult does not intervene unless a helping hand is needed. Every now and then, the toddler will make eye contact with the adult as if to say, “Be there for me, but don’t do anything unless I need you.” Checking the adult’s reaction (affective tuning) is an important step in the growth of social awareness in relation to other people. The toddler may also exchange positive greetings with other people, show them a toy and smile before returning to their play (affective sharing). Structured play Structured play is planned, organised and adult-led. Interactions with parents, carers, friends and siblings can help build the social skills that toddlers need for healthy development. Parents and practitioners do not need to spend all their time structuring play opportunities. Gradual disengagement from involvement in their play can be beneficial. Nevertheless, toddlers need adults to facilitate their play and value and appreciate their achievements. Group play Toddlers need to be with other children in order to learn important skills such as negotiation, turntaking and cooperation. Through group play, toddlers learn to get on with other children, how to sort out conflicts and how to compromise. Occasionally, practitioners will need to help toddlers manage their emotions or actions within the game or activity. However, forcing toddlers to cooperate with other children can delay the development of sharing skills.
About Baby Sensory
Baby Sensory classes are excellent for developing physical, social and emotional, and language skills, co-ordination and awareness of the world. More info at www.babysensory.com.
Photo: Lars Plougmann
Toddlers: social development
Communication
Cathy’s Column
Agency v Local Authority? Cathy Glass, best-selling author and foster carer, advises how to choose who to foster with
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am often asked if it is better to foster for the local authority (LA) or a private fostering agency. Once upon a time there were no private agencies and all children who came into care were placed ‘in house’, that is, with a foster carer recruited by the local authority. For various reasons the LAs couldn’t match supply with demand they couldn’t recruit or keep enough foster carers to look after all the children they were bringing into care so private agencies sprang up to take up the shortfall. This situation has largely continued to date. The agencies nearly always have charitable trust status so don’t worry – someone isn’t making lots of money out children in care. The social workers, foster carers and administration staff of private fostering agencies are paid a salary just as those working for the LA
are. Foster carers, whether working for the LA or a private fostering agency, are self-employed and therefore must submit an annual tax return; it is an offence not to. When I’m asked by someone thinking of fostering where they should apply I advise them to contact both their LA and also a couple of well-established local fostering agencies and then make up their minds. I suggest they consider how efficiently their initial enquiry is dealt with, and then go along to the introductory evening and ask lots of questions.
How to a fos becom e t serie er care r s-p art 8
Photo: Habibah Agianda
“Don’t be afraid to ask questions”
LAs and fostering agencies vary so it is difficult to generalize but asking about the following will help. Training: ask to see their training schedule for the year. Support: Ask about the level of ...
To view the full article please download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Cook Up!
Learning to cook and eat well on a budget - Dr Andrea Warman shares more
Photos: Sankofa by Tricia de Courcy Ling
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any of the children who come about this, and so they asked into care will never have me to work with their carers and sat down with a family to young people on a project which eat - and many would inform, “The young people will never have provide some tips cooked a meal for took the lead: keep it – but above all themselves. other simple yet appealing” encourage It’s sadly evident children in care to that too many young people leave learn to cook and eat healthily. their foster carers without the skills The young people took the lead, and they need to achieve independence they were very clear that we needed and be able look after themselves. to think about keeping costs low, Sankofa Care, an independent keeping it simple yet making sure fostering provider based in South that food looks appealing and tastes London, wanted to do something good.
We ran a workshop with Amar, an experienced chef and restaurateur, where he taught some basic skills and showed how cooking from scratch can be far easier than ...
To view the full article please download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Advice Winter 2012 foster families 10
Ten things adoptive parents wish you knew Jennifer Jones, Inspired Foundations, shares what foster carers can do to help with the transition from care to adoption what she meant. She was saving this job for me – his mum. Okay, it might not be the most glamorous part of motherhood, but it’s a very significant milestone and one I can now claim to have helped him accomplish. I may have missed his first tooth, first word and first steps but I was the one to potty train him! You see, adoptive parents are often the third set of parents the child will have had. The birth mother will have experienced feeling the baby growing in the womb, the kicks and the heart burn. They will have felt the pain of labour and hearing the baby’s first cry. Depending on the child’s journey through care, it will probably have been the birth parents or maybe foster carers who see the child achieving other key milestones. As
“I realised she was saving this job for me - his mum”
much as we love our children, we often hurt too. The grief for all the things we have missed out on can be raw. I remember a few months after having my little boys, Jane sent on some pictures she’d found of Harry and Ryan. Amongst these was a picture that had been taken at Ryan’s pre-school. I looked at the picture and cried. I had received tons of pictures from Jane already, but there was something about this one that really affected me. Ryan was sitting on a step, looking upset and tired. He looked so young and so vulnerable. I wanted to scoop him up from the picture and hold him, but I ...
“I looked at the picture and cried - it really affected me”
To view the full article please download from http://fosterfamilies. co.uk/download.html
*Names have been changed to protect identity
I’d asked lots of questions, such as what toys they liked to play with
Photo: Cathy Stanley-Erickson
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t was the second day of introductions with my children: I had known Harry*, two, and Ryan*, three, for about three hours in total, and I remember smelling that tell tale smell of a dirty nappy. I called out to Jane*, the foster carer, and in my nervous and slightly awkward state asked her what to do. She directed me to the nappy bag and gave me a nudge as if to say, “Go on you’ll be fine.” Yes I’d changed many nappies before, but this was different – this was my son. I did manage to change his nappy, and plenty more in the days and weeks to follow as his mum. This event, which may seem insignificant to some, is actually one of many happy memories I have from that time. When I think back to the introductions planning meeting, where I first met the foster carer. I’d asked her lots of questions from what toys they liked to play with to what size shoe they were. I also asked if Harry was potty trained yet. The reply was: “Oh no, and neither is Ryan.” She went on to say: “He’s probably ready but we thought we’d save that for you.” I have to admit that I was shocked. Ryan was three years old, and in my opinion he should have been well on the way to being potty trained. However, looking back, and having got to know Jane over time I actually realised
Personal Winter 2012 foster families 11
The truth about being a Birth Child Diane Parsons, 38, tells how growing up in a family that fostered helped her decide to foster as an adult
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was at primary school when my parents started fostering and I remember that the house was always very busy. At that time children in care were allowed to share bedrooms. My two siblings and I often shared our room with a child or two as it was only a three bedroom house. We regularly had a little girl called Cath* staying with us. My parents made us all stools with the first letter of our name sewn on the top and Cath was there so often that she had one as well. I always enjoyed having the other
kids around, especially if they were close to my age. I remember feeling very excited each time we knew Cath was coming to stay. We also had a little girl called Missy* who came a few times with her brother Jared*. I remember that partly as Jared was my first boyfriend but mainly because I really enjoyed having both Missy and Cath around, and I enjoyed helping my mum with them all.
“I always enjoyed having other kids around”
I’d always wanted to work with children
From an early age I’d always said I wanted to work with children and
as I grew up my feelings didn’t change. In my last couple of years at secondary school I volunteered at local play schemes during school holidays, working with both ablebodied and disabled children. When I left school I worked mainly as a nanny, then when I met my husband, Jon, and we moved to our house I raised the subject of fostering. I found myself wanting a family with Jon as well as wanting to offer a home to children who may need some help in life. I felt ...
To view the full article please download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
How do birth children really feel? Jason Mistry, 29, shares his memories of growing up in a family that fosters
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y family have fostered since I was around nine or ten. We’ve fostered many different children from all sorts of backgrounds and ages, usually with two or three at a time. Growing up as a birth child in a home that fosters wasn’t easy. From my experience, the assumption is that birth children ‘feel ok about it’ but from speaking to other birth children, we generally are not always ‘ok with it’.
Understanding
One of the toughest things to overcome as a birth child is understanding. Understanding why
these kids are living in my house, sharing my parents, sharing my family life. So much of family life is private and often what goes on within your household stays private, for good and bad. The reality is, when you start fostering that privacy goes away. Their social workers, your parents’ social workers, team managers, parents all getting involved in your life and in your home. Now, I understand why my parents fostered, I understand their passion for it, I understand why these children are living in my house and sharing my parents. As a child I couldn’t understand why my parents let these (often) naughty, horrible kids into my house. I didn’t understand why these angry children got all my parents’ attention. Even if you try to explain fostering to your birth children, they may not fully understand it until they are older. Think of it from a
child’s perspective: what is there to like about an angry child who is destructive? Or an emotionally needy child who constantly wants your parents’ attention?
Who comes first?
One aspect of fostering that I found difficult was that it always seemed that the foster children came first and I as a birth child always had to give way to them and their needs. Between the ages of nine and 14 I shared my bedroom with another foster child. Having social workers inspect your bedroom under ‘health and safety’ is not a pleasant experience for a nine year old kid!
“These angry children got all my parent’s attention”
Giving in
In the days when contact took place in homes, one of the children I was sharing a bedroom with had his contact with his mother in my bedroom, ironically, to give them some privacy. After every session, my room would smell of smoke due to the mother chain...
To view the full article please download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Personal Winter 2012 foster families 12
Current birth children speak out about sharing their families Mollie, 15, is glad she has people to talk to who understand what it’s like to foster. Find out how she’s supported by other birth children and social workers
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y family have been fostering for almost four years. We were approved November 2008 and had our first placement in January 2009. I think that being part of a foster family is a very rewarding job. When I see how far a child has come since first coming to stay with us, it makes me realise just how lucky I am to be a part of changing a life for the better and how much my family helps. It’s not always easy - there are difficult times. But for all the difficult times there are many more good times to remember and cherish. One of my favourite memories is taking our first placement on holiday. It was his first time ever seeing the sea and visiting the beach. Seeing how happy he was made me and my family so glad that we started
fostering and were able to give a child an experience that may seem so simple and ordinary to many children, but meant a lot to him. When fostering does get hard, I know I have people I can talk to and rely on. I know that I can speak to my parents about any worries or problems that I may be having and also our family’s social worker, who always asks how we are and how we’re getting on. As well as this, I’m part of a support group for other people whose parents foster. I can talk to other people my age in the same situation and get advice from social workers who are there to help us out too. I think having the support from my
“It makes me realise just how lucky I am”
own siblings who are in exactly same position is also really helpful. There’s always someone to talk to which is really good. When a child leaves our care, it’s always quite difficult, especially if they have been living with us for a long time. Saying goodbye is probably my least favourite part of fostering, but its good knowing that where the child is going is the best place for them to grow up and have the best shot at what they want to do with their lives. We always keep in touch with previous foster children where possible and it’s lovely seeing them smiling and happy. I think that fostering is definitely worth doing and I’m really proud of my parents for working so hard to help change children’s lives for the better.
“For all the difficult times there are many more good”
Find out what Darian and Thalia have to say about the little one in their family’s care by downloading the full magazine at http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Soya chunk curry
What to do:
1. Pour some hot water into a bowl. Add the soya chunks and let them soak for half an hour, until very soft. Drain off the water and squeeze the soya chunks to make sure there is no water left. 2. Finely chop the onion, ginger and garlic. 3. Heat some oil in a pan. Add the chopped chilli and wait until they turn a little blackish in colour before adding the coriander seeds and half the cumin seeds. Cook for another minute, then add the chopped ginger, garlic and onion. 4. Stir the mixture carefully for five minutes until it becomes very soft. 5. Put the mixture into a grinder and add the tin of tomatoes. Grind it into a very
fine paste. 6. Heat some more oil in a pan. Add the bay leaves and cook for a minute. Add the rest of the cumin seeds and fry for another minute. Then add the soft soya chunks and fry for two minutes. 7. Now add the turmeric powder, salt and sugar and cook for a further three minutes. 8. Add the ground paste and squeeze the lemon juice into it. Mix it all together and cook for 10 minutes with the lid on. 9. Add garam masala and cook for another minute. 10. The soya chunk curry is ready and can be served with boiled rice.
foster families
Sumadhab Das Cookery
What you will need: 100g soya chunks, 1 tin tomatoes, 1 big onion, 5 cloves of garlic, 4cm of ginger, 2tbsp whole cumin seeds, 1tbsp whole coriander seeds, 4 bay leaves, 2 red chillis, chopped, ½ tbsp turmeric powder, 1tbsp garam masala, 1tsp sugar, ½ a lemon, Salt to taste.
Reviews Winter 2012 foster families 13
Double buggy: Roadster Duo SL from Hauck
I
f you foster two small toddlers or babies, the Roadster Duo from Hauck is the ideal double buggy for you and your little ones. Both seat units operate independently with adjustable backrests and footrests, allowing one child to be upright while the other lies back to sleep. The individual canopies can be removed for washing and the five-point safety harness with shoulder pads keeps the tots safe. It is simple to fold up and down, and packs away fairly tidily for its size. Being a side by side buggy means it is a little wider than some, but there is a suspension system acting on the rear
axle, while the front wheels can swivel 360° or lock in place, meaning it is easy to manoeuvre. There is one brake for both back wheels and two separate shopping baskets to give you plenty of storage space. I found it light to push, even up our steep hill, and compared to the sturdy single buggy I’d had this didn’t feel too much wider. I like how both children are facing forward yet can interact with each other if they want to. The wheels are plastic so don’t need pumping up. I’m very happy with the Roadster Duo and would recommend it. RRP: £269.99
Car seat: Xpace Isofix from Chicco
C
hicco’s Xpace Isofix child car seat uses the Isofix system the safest way to fit a child seat into the car. Instead of using the car’s safety belts, the special Isofix connectors and Top Tether lock into the car,
making the seat an integral part of the car’s body, rather than just sitting on the seat. It’s easy to lock in and the exclusive Double Check System indicates whether or not the car seat has been correctly installed, which is very useful. It can also be fitted with the normal three-point safety belt of the car, which is handy if you have to put it in a different car ocassionally that doesn’t have the Isofix fittings. It comes in either a striking red or total black, so looks very stylish, and is soft to touch. The backrest can be adjusted to five positions meaning the little one in your care will be very comfy.
This car seat is great for foster carers with pre-school aged children as the Isofix system gives a real peace of mind about the child’s safety. The headrest and five-point harness can be adjusted to six different heights meaning it grows with the child for extra safety, or can be used for children of different ages. Info: Group 1. This forward-facing car seat can be used for children weighing 9-18kgs (around one to four years). Dimensions: 50 x 43 x 66 cm Weight: 12.9 kg RRP: £169.99
Play: Mews Wooden Kitchen from Plum
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f you’re looking for a present idea this Christmas, check out these bright and colourful wooden kitchens. Designed for children ages three years and above, each comes with its own unique detail. The core collection of four are called ‘Cabin’, ‘Mews’, ‘Cottage’ and ‘Terrace’ to reflect their different sizes and shapes. Each style includes a hob with temperature dials, oven, removable sink and cupboard space. Some even include a fridge-freezer and washing machine! We tested out the Mews kitchen, which comes with a microwave. Not only does it look great, but the dials actually click
and turn to make it even more realistic. The taps also turn and the sink can come out, making it really fun. It’s great for encouraging role play and letting imaginations run wild. The kitchen works well for children playing on their own or together. It didn’t take long to assemble and once put together felt very sturdy. Mews Wooden Kitchen Assembled size: 58 x 30 x 99 cm RRP: £99.99 For more information log on to: www.plumproducts.com. Packed full of fun features and made with sturdy premium FSC® certified timber, the new collection of beautiful
and colourful kitchens from Active Play Specialist Company Plum®, is set to be a favourite this Christmas. RRPs range from £49.99 to £169.99.
To read the full magazine please download from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Kids Corner
Winter 2012 foster families 14
ION
TIT E P M CO
Take Thomas home!
Two copies of Thomas and Friends Blue Mountain Mystery - The Movie to win!
T
here’s a mystery engine on the Island of Sodor! Join Thomas as he follows the clues to unravel a secret that will help a new friend in the latest action-packed ‘Thomas & Friends™’ DVD special, Blue Mountain Mystery. When The Fat Controller sends Thomas to work at the Blue Mountain Quarry, Thomas spots an engine Nic says: “The three he’s never seen before trying year old in my to hide. Determined to get to care loved this DVD. the bottom of the mystery, It has a good story, nice music and new train Thomas tracks down and characters. A befriends Luke who tells nice film for Thomas he’s hiding because train lovers!” he did something that’s so bad he could be sent away from the
Island of Sodor forever! Thomas does not believe this and sets off on a journey to discover the story of this poor runaway engine. On the way he learns of engines brought to Sodor from faraway lands and of an accident in Brendam Docks where an engine fell into the sea. But only when he’s learned every piece of the story can Thomas convince his new friend that there’s no reason to hide.
Enter here to win!
For your chance to win Blue Mountain Mystery - The Movie, answer this question: Thomas the Tank Engine is a ...? a) Aeroplane b) Bus c) Train The closing date is January 25th 2013 and the first two correct entries drawn at random on that date will win the DVD. Send your answer, along with your name and address, to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Thomas the Tank’ for your chance to win. You can also enter the competition by sending your details to the address on page 4.
What’s your question?
Have your say! If you’ve got a letter or a story to share, write to: Have Your Say, 39 Livingstone Street, Worcester, WR5 2ES or email it to: haveyoursay@fosterfamilies.co.uk
Recommended reading Parenting a child with emotional and behavioural difficulties, by Dan Hughes (BAAF) £7.95 ISBN: 978 1 907585 609
T
For foster carers
his is the latest in BAAF’s Parenting Matters series. Dan Hughes shares his expertise on the symptoms, prognosis and treatment for children affected by emotional and behavioural difficulties. If you care for a child with emotional and behavioural difficulties this is a fantastic book to read. Dan offers valuable advice on how parents and carers can help children to improve their behaviour and increase their self esteem. Adpoters and foster carers share their experiences of parenting an affected child - a real encouragement to read about other people going through
similar difficulties. The writers are very honest and look at how their past affects the way they parent now. The FAQ section offers some valuable advice with helpful answers to tough questions. Dan looks at a number of parenting tasks that can help, covering all sorts of things from acceptance and curiosity to storytelling and sleep. He also explains why certain things such as shouting and keeping secrets can have negative effects. This is a really helpful book that I would recommend to any foster carer or parent. It is easy to read, and has clear headings that allow you to dip in and out to the bits you need.
Competitions Winter 2012 foster families 15
Opal - yours to win!
Your chance to win the Opal car seat from Maxi Cosi
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he Opal from Maxi Cosi is a brilliant car seat for anyone fostering babies and/or toddlers. Suitable from birth, it lasts right up until they are around three and a half (18kg), meaning you won’t need to buy a separate forward-facing car seat once they outgrow their rear-facing one. It looks great and comes in a number of colours: Total Black, Intense Red, Walnut Brown and Confetti. In fact, it’s the most attractive car seat we’ve owned. The adjustable headrest and sides grow with your baby, allowing them to travel facing rearward for longer. The padded pillow keeps newborns as snug as possible. It has five reclining positions when forward facing, and the three-point seatbelt means baby is comfy and secure. It’s very easy to strap the seat into the car - the unique twoposition base allows the seat belt routing to be the same for both
forward and rear-facing positions. This makes it quick to install as you only have one route to follow and learn no matter what the position. I love this car seat - it’s spacious and comfy, yet I would say that it’s hard to view the wing mirror when rearward-facing in the front passenger seat. The position of the seatbelt makes it awkward to lift baby into the seat when rear-facing, but is not a problem when forward-facing. Other than that I am very pleased. It is much comfier than baby’s previous car seat and is fantastic for switching to face forward when baby needs it - ideal for foster carers who may need it for a number of children at different ages. Key info: We have one of these fab car Group: 0+/1 seats to giveaway! For your Suitable from: 0 to 18kg chance to win, use the clues RRP: £175.00 below to fill out the crossword. The Weight: 9kg coloured squares are an anagram of a word Width: from 40 to 55 cm linked to someone you may hope to see Height: from 60 to 76 cm around the festive period. Once you’ve worked that out, email your answer to competitions@fosterfamilies.co.uk with the subject line ‘Opal’, or post it to: Competitions, 39 Livingstone Street, Worcester, WR5 2ES. Don’t forget to include your name and address. The competition closes on January 25th 2013 and the first correct entry drawn on this date will win the prize.
Win
Across
1. Spuds (8) 5. Australian animal (8) 10. Form of exercising (8) 11. Perplexed or puzzled (8)
Down
1. Nudge or prod (4) 2. Army vehicle (4) 3. Snare (4) 4. Greek god of love (4) 6. Actual or honest (4) 7. What Oliver asked for (4) 8. Grown in paddy fields (4) 9. Egyptian goddess (4)
Download or order the full magazine from http://fosterfamilies.co.uk/download.html
Find us:
www.aber.ac.uk/wpsi
GWEITHIO GYDA MYFYRWYR SY’N GADAEL GOFAL -EIN HYMRODDIAD NI I’CH DYFODOL CHI
WORKING WITH STUDENTS FROM CARE - OUR COMMITMENT TO YOUR FUTURE
Er mwyn cael cymorth a chyngor cyn i chi gyrraedd (mewn Dyddiau Agored, dyddiau ymweld, etc.), drwy’r broses ymgeisio, ac wrth i chi gyrraedd, astudio, ac ymlaen i’ch graddio, cysylltwch â DEBRA CROFT yn y Ganolfan Ehangu Cyfranogiad E-bost: dec@aber.ac.uk Ffôn: 01970 622681, neu Tecst: 07968 77 55 23
For help and advice before arrival (at Open Days, visiting days, etc.), through the application process, arrival, progression, and on to graduation, contact DEBRA CROFT in the Centre for Widening Participation E-mail: dec@aber.ac.uk Tel: 01970 622681, or Txt: 07968 77 55 23
CYDNABYDDIR ANSAWDD EIN CYMORTH GAN BUTTLE UK, GAN GYNNWYS
A QUALITY MARKED SUPPORT SCHEME RECOGNISED BY BUTTLE UK, INCLUDING
t Cymorth ariannol penodol drwy’r Bwrsariaeth Gadawyr Gofal (£1800, amodau cymhwyso) t Sicrwydd o lety i’r holl israddedigion yn y flwyddyn gyntaf a help i gael llety addas i’r gwyliau t ‘Pecyn Croeso’ o bethau hanfodol, os bydd angen
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31/7/12
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t Targeted financial support through the Care-leaver Bursary (£1800, conditions apply) t Guaranteed accommodation for all first year undergraduates and help to secure suitable vacation accommodation on an ongoing basis t Provision of a ‘Welcome Pack’ of essentials if needed
Page 1
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