SPIRITOFST.FRANCIS | ASK A FRANCISCAN
By Pat McCloskey, OFM
Confronting Racism
I have a family member who seems to harbor a racist attitude. How do I respond when I hear this person make thinly veiled racist statements? hese comments probably reflect what this family member considers “normal,” “what everyone knows,” or wishes were true. At some level, this family member is protecting how he or she sees the world—what he or she needs to be true. Otherwise, this person may have to ask life-changing questions and make equally radical changes. Does this person make these statements during one-on-one conversations? If so, that’s the time to challenge this vicious distortion of Christ’s message and common decency. If the setting is more public, you need to decide: Is it more painful for me to challenge such statements or to appear to endorse them by not saying anything? In extreme cases, silence implies consent. At Mass, we ask pardon for our sins “in what I have done or in what I have failed to do.” Be prepared: Your first private or public challenge will probably not result in this relative taking back the offensive statement. You, however, have to live with your silence or challenge; you don’t have to live with racist statements constantly. Coraggio (courage)—as Italians say!
T
ONLINE: StAnthonyMessenger.org E-MAIL: Ask@FranciscanMedia.org MAIL: Ask a Franciscan 28 W. Liberty St. Cincinnati, OH 45202
All questions sent by mail need to include a self-addressed stamped envelope.
?
WANT MORE? Visit our website: StAnthonyMessenger.org
WE HAVE A DIGITAL archive of Q & As, going back to March 2013. Just click: • the Ask link and then • the Archive link. Material is grouped thematically under headings such as forgiveness, Jesus, moral issues, prayer, saints, redemption, sacraments, Scripture—and many more!
One of Life’s Greatest Losses
How do I understand and find peace in the death of a parent? lease accept my condolences on the death of your father or mother. Allow yourself to grieve properly but without being absolutely consumed or paralyzed by this death. Joining a support group for people who have recently lost a loved one may be helpful. If not, consider seeking individual grief counseling. At some point, I think you may want to ask: How can I best honor the memory of this parent? How can I best honor what was most important to that person and to me? Was this parent active in the St. Vincent de Paul Society or some other charity? Could you be also? Was this parent an active supporter of some art, civic, or humanitarian organization? Could you be? Which of this parent’s interests would you like to continue promoting? It’s important to select something that you truly enjoy. Doing something simply from a sense of sheer obligation will eventually wear very thin and can become counterproductive. None of this will bring your parent back, but it will move you toward greater compassion and solidarity than if you allow your grief to lock you into isolation and bitterness. As I write this, many people are grieving friends or relatives who died during the COVID-19 pandemic, sometimes alone in a hospital or nursing home. If a deceased person could observe how you are grieving his or her death, would that person affirm your choices or perhaps suggest more healthy alternatives? Be as honest about this with yourself as you can. Know that God always loved that person and continues to love you. Your sense of loss can shrink your heart or enlarge it metaphorically. Which will it be?
P
10 • August 2020 | StAnthonyMessenger.org
Spirit of St. Francis 0820.indd 10
6/25/20 11:47 AM
MC KOZUSKO/SAM
Father Pat welcomes your questions!
TOP LEFT: MC KOZUSKO/SAM; BOTTOM RIGHT: ALDOMURILLO/ISTOCK; TOP RIGHT: ANTONIOGUILLEM/FOTOSEARCH
Pat McCloskey, OFM
