5 minute read
Ask a Franciscan
Pat McCloskey, OFM
Father Pat welcomes your questions!
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WE HAVE A DIGITAL archive of Q & As, going back to March 2013. Just click: • the Ask link and then • the Archive link. Material is grouped thematically under headings such as forgiveness, Jesus, moral issues, prayer, saints, redemption, sacraments, Scripture—and many more!
By Pat McCloskey, OFM
Confronting Racism I have a family member who seems to harbor a racist attitude. How do I respond when I hear this person make thinly veiled racist statements?
These comments probably reflect what this family member considers “normal,” “what everyone knows,” or wishes were true. At some level, this family member is protecting how he or she sees the world—what he or she needs to be true. Otherwise, this person may have to ask life-changing questions and make equally radical changes.
Does this person make these statements during one-on-one conversations? If so, that’s the time to challenge this vicious distortion of Christ’s message and common decency. If the setting is more public, you need to decide: Is it more painful for me to challenge such statements or to appear to endorse them by not saying anything? In extreme cases, silence implies consent. At Mass, we ask pardon for our sins “in what I have done or in what I have failed to do.”
Be prepared: Your first private or public challenge will probably not result in this relative taking back the offensive statement. You, however, have to live with your silence or challenge; you don’t have to live with racist statements constantly. Coraggio (courage)—as Italians say!
One of Life’s Greatest Losses How do I understand and find peace in the death of a parent?
Please accept my condolences on the death of your father or mother. Allow yourself to grieve properly but without being absolutely consumed or paralyzed by this death. Joining a support group for people who have recently lost a loved one may be helpful. If not, consider seeking individual grief counseling.
At some point, I think you may want to ask: How can I best honor the memory of this parent? How can I best honor what was most important to that person and to me? Was this parent active in the St. Vincent de Paul Society or some other charity? Could you be also? Was this parent an active supporter of some art, civic, or humanitarian organization? Could you be? Which of this parent’s interests would you like to continue promoting?
It’s important to select something that you truly enjoy. Doing something simply from a sense of sheer obligation will eventually wear very thin and can become counterproductive.
None of this will bring your parent back, but it will move you toward greater compassion and solidarity than if you allow your grief to lock you into isolation and bitterness.
As I write this, many people are grieving friends or relatives who died during the COVID-19 pandemic, sometimes alone in a hospital or nursing home.
If a deceased person could observe how you are grieving his or her death, would that person affirm your choices or perhaps suggest more healthy alternatives? Be as honest about this with yourself as you can. Know that God always loved that person and continues to love you. Your sense of loss can shrink your heart or enlarge it metaphorically. Which will it be?
Missing Mass on Sunday As an 80-year-old Catholic, I was taught that missing Mass through your own fault is a mortal sin that, if unconfessed and unabsolved, could send you to hell forever. I know friends and other Catholics who are good people but no longer go to Mass. How could a merciful God condemn them to hell forever?
The obligation to attend Mass on Sundays and holy days of obligation is serious but must be understood in relation to other serious obligations. Caring for a terminally ill spouse or child is a greater obligation than attending Sunday Mass. It’s wonderful if healthy people have time and energy to do both, but that may not be possible.
What kind of God would fail to understand that? Does that accurately describe the God you have adored throughout your life?
God wants no one to be lost forever, but some people seem so full of themselves that there is no room for God in that person’s life. Being in God’s presence forever but unwillingly might well be a greater suffering than being apart from God forever.
Quick Questions and Answers
With all the church closings, does watching Sunday Mass on TV or the Internet fulfill one’s obligation?
It’s better than nothing, but it is not the same as being there in person. When COVID-19 pandemic restrictions were in place, watching on TV or the Internet was both prudent and morally good. Those restrictions, however, will not last forever. Would a virtual date with one’s beloved be as good as the real thing? A virtual hug may be the best someone can do now, but it will never equal or eliminate the need for a flesh-and-blood hug as soon as that is possible. Receiving Communion is not possible at a virtual Mass.
What are your thoughts on a pastor sitting in his confessional throughout Mass in order to administer the Sacrament of Reconciliation?
The 1974 Order of Penance says this should not be done.
Why did St. Peter condemn and kill Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:5–11) when they claimed they were donating all the proceeds from the sale of some property but actually had not?
Peter didn’t kill either of them. Each fell dead when he or she lied.
My mother died alone of a massive heart attack in late February. Is her soul in heaven? She did not receive the last rites.
I think you should presume her soul made it to heaven—or at least to purgatory. The sacrament once known as Extreme Unction is now called the Sacrament of the Sick. Ideally, it should be celebrated while the sick person, relatives, and friends can participate. That is not always possible.
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