Ch 01 Adultery With Its Pants Down by George Ridout

Adultery With Its Pants Down Chapter 1

Dangerous Words

What is a Love Affair?

M17.5 Oct23 2011 gr4 Fresh New People-Friendly Society

Sweet Words From Hollywood Romance Novels

Romance

Lover

Love Affair

But Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Those Words Valid For Single People In Love? So ... Why Are The Same Sweet Words Used for sordid cheating by Committed Married People

who still pretend to Love their spouses? Simple: to make it easy for everybody look the other way. That is, so we can all take part in the inverted universe of lies and blame.

But Arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Those Words Valid For Single People In Love? So ... Why Are The Same Sweet Words Used for sordid cheating by Committed Married People

who still pretend to Love their spouses?

Simple: to make it easy for everybody look the other way. That is, so we can all take part in the inverted universe of lies and blame.

The Inverted World of Lies and Blame 

 

  

Massive Harm is played up as harmless Child abandonment and betrayal of one’s closest loved ones is played up as love Destruction is played up as a good fantasy Selfish abandon and a hardened deceitful heart is played up as normal healthy fun Deliberate repeated acts covered by unfair blameful excuses is played up as a little mistake Anyone who calls this out for what it is, well she is a judgemental jealous unforgiving spoil sport

How Did We Get To This Point That We Use Sweet Words? To Describe the Destruction Made By Social Predators Romance

Lover

Love Affair

We All Turn Away From Good

I pledge my love

We All Turn Away From Good

I pledge my love

We All Turn Away From Good

I pledge my love

We All Turn Away From Good

I pledge my love

We All Turn Away From Good

I pledge my love

And Pretend It Never Existed

Even using the same good names for empty ruins and crass knock-offs.

And Pretend It Never Existed

Even using the same good names for empty ruins and crass knock-offs.

The Rightfully Named Lover 

True Lovers are kind and nurture a mutual haven



Adulterers fake their residency in heaven

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They work at resolving issues lovingly ... They don’t demand perfect mates – they strive to be better mates



Adulterers collect issues to use as excuses, all the better to sneak out and betray with a cold heart

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Lovers protect two warm hearts as one in a true and caring way



Cheaters visit verbal hell on the ones they made promises with

The Wrongfully Named Love Affair 

Calling a social predator a lover is a cruel pact – not just to look the other way, but to make betrayal seem acceptable, or even delightful ◦ Adultery is betrayal, deceit and home wrecking – and deep personal harm to all

◦ Love is built on help and devoted care

So why are you teaching your kids that adultery is a love affair?  Will your kids buy into the nonsense that an almost inevitable family breakup is somehow built on love? 

It’s Easiest To Pretend It Is Just A Small Mistake

WHY DO WE FEEL NOTHING, THINK CALLOUSLY, AND

SLEEPWALK PAST THE ABATTOIR OF MARRIAGES?

Why We Don’t Know 

Reason #1 – A Cover Up ◦ We Don’t Get To Hear The Truth about the damage

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Reason #2 – Social Deafness ◦ We Live in a “Don’t-Ask Don’t-Tell” society about the damage

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Reason #3 – We Are Squeamish ◦ We want a sanitised quick answer, not a deep personal truth

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Reason #4 – Name Calling ◦ People Fear that anybody who doesn’t lighten up is going to be called a judgemental religious nut

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Have you the courage to face it? Or are you going to be pressured into false politeness concocted long-ago ... and lose your grip on reality?

Time To Own Up This is not going to be a pleasant discussion  Everything here is about simple facts, no religious underpinnings for you to justify looking away this time  I will pull no punches and buy no easy sounding excuses  You have not heard this new view before, so listen up now 

What It Is We Fail To Grasp 

It’s about cruelty, not love at all ◦ It’s about broken compassion ◦ It’s about selfishness and cowardice ◦ It is about discarding loyal friends and risking life-long harm to precious lives



It’s not a private matter – it is a very harmful matter, and should be a secret only if you think cruel manipulation, child abandonment, home wrecking and fraud should be secret too

What It Is We Fail To Grasp 

It’s about sneaking around and a torrent of deceptive manipulation to cover it up



Put aside the sex part ◦ The cheater’s deceit and betrayal is unacceptable in any other interpersonal act ◦ The cheater’s cruel false blame against one he should be protecting takes the cake

What It Is We Fail To Grasp 

It’s about sneaking around and a torrent of deceptive manipulation to cover it up



Put aside the sex part ◦ The cheater’s deceit and betrayal is unacceptable in any other interpersonal act ◦ The cheater’s cruel false blame against one he should be protecting takes the cake

Is it okay to borrow money or obtain groceries this way? Why make an exception for betraying a trusting friend?

What It Is We Fail To Grasp 

It’s about sneaking around and a torrent of deceptive manipulation to cover it up

•Is it okay to • turn on people who trust your word? • Put attackaside peoplethe whosex havepart always come to you for support their intimate feelings? ◦ The with cheater’s deceit and betrayal is • place blame on others (whose fault is ac unacceptable in any othergreatest interpersonal trusting you) to excuse your own callous conduct?

◦ The cheater’s cruel false blame against one he should be protecting takes the cake

Mean Cruelty = Adultery’s Shadow 

Where did we get the idea that spouses guilty of having affairs come home with a bleary-eyed apology and a dozen roses? Not

mean



the ones I see. They get . Why? The nearest I can tell is that when I know I'm unfaithful to my spouse, I'm doing what I've learned all my life is against the rules. I have to justify it somehow. The easiest way I know to do that is to dwell on all the things that are wrong with my spouse.

Quoted From: http://www.divorceinfo.com/adultery.htm

When The Cheater Is Mean

His Blame Stabs and Makes Deep Injuries  



And the rotter is always is mean His repeated false blame undermines the confidence and accomplishments and potential of the faithful partner (FP) Some very good giving and wonderful spouses are assailed with doubt or are convinced that they are to blame and are deeply flawed – yet this is NOT their fault No wonder this world has a major depression crisis and a self-esteem deficit

What It Is We Fail To Grasp 

The cheater has inflicted an injury to a real person – his supposed closest most loving friend - by abusing trust and everything else

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The injury is real and very deep and painful

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Society looks the other way – as they once did for slavery, race bigotry, and all the other socially acceptable cruelties – people today are made of the same stuff and are just as amenable to “permitting” adultery to be a private unspoken acceptable cruelty

What It Is We Fail To Grasp 

The cheater has inflicted an injury to a real person – his supposed closest most loving friend - by abusing trust and everything else

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The injury is real and very deep and painful

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What It Is We Fail To Grasp 

The cheater is clueless as to the extent of the injury – and wants you to be

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The cheater has grown comfortable with making pain, with manipulation, deceit and lying, and with risking his family’s future

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If busted, the cheater will stop at nothing and spout any heartless vicious lie or hurtful false blame to justify or dodge

What It Is We Fail To Grasp The cheater doesn’t want to know – any expression of pain that is given he sees as an unjustifiable personal attack on him  He will reject any discussion of inflicted injuries as rudeness and not be moved by it – he doesn’t even want to know what he did to his family - his compassion is broken  The cheater is a clueless cruel predator recklessly manipulating his prey so he can keep satisfying himself 

Why Be So Negative? Yup. Compared with the happy clap-trap we get from the prevalent pro-adultery propaganda, this all seems more negative than realistic  The real harm is very rarely out in the open, so we have not been privy to its sharp reality.  Keeping it hidden is the goal of the wrong-doers and their cheerleaders  It’s time to open the shades and let the light in – hundreds of thousands of blameless trusting caring spouses and children are taken from their intact families each year by this modern plague 

You Think I’m Negative? Look Again

    

How do you imagine that the predator cheater treats his faithful partner? Yup. All his wicked blame-passing and cruel carping blows up into loud nasty well-engineered arguments Of course, he has no intention of resolving any issues, just in pinning blame to let himself off the hook This constant trip-wire of painful bickering is just what he wants to “justify” his deceit and betrayal If his faithful partner takes any of this blame seriously, she will be able to resolve nothing – and just become frustrated and more morose – the cheater’s whole point is to torment the faithful partner and put her in a bad light – and “prove” that her exasperation and faults make it okay to kanoodle with outsiders

You Think I’m Negative? Look Again

    

You Think I’m Negative? Look Again

    

See a Bickering Couple? Look Again

 

The outrageous blame game is the cheater’s way to provoke pester and torment The trapped faithful partner is damned for denying the false and exaggerated blame ... and damned for trying to take it seriously and resolve anything

If she ever gets close to making a point, the cheater will escalate the fury and simply change the subject to another “more grievous fault” of hers  But she is supposed to sit there calmly while the carping cheater spouts outright lies and gets away with constant cruel attacks 

Just See a Bickering Couple?

See the Provocateur It is a deliberate unfair fight provoked by a cruel biting piranha  outsiders “think” it was a senseless couple quarreling – and be duped into thinking both are equally at fault - or at least “incompatible” – or even that the faithful spouse is “bitter and resentful”  Shame on us for missing the whole point of these sham arguments 

See the Provocateur 



He has nothing to lose in these fights – he is rehearsing his “complete justification” and has mostly written his family off already She may want to come to a resolution since she has not written him off – so is easily sabotaged by cruel accusations, constant interruptions, side-attacks, jaw-dropping bizarre explanations, and repeated lies Who is the provocateur? Well it looks to me like you would wrongfully blame her when she raises any “past issues” or looks angry

Look Past the Anger To The Hurt

Anger and sadness are flip sides of the same coin  Harm, intense fear, frustration and unfair back-stabbing attacks will provoke both these emotional responses  Don’t get stuck thinking that genuine anger is a sign of wickedness  It may be a sign of pain and hopelessness 

See a Bickering Couple?

Then Prescribe Witch Doctor Cures The clowsellors will urge ”anger management” to both – what the cheater really needs is “recovery from blame addiction”, “pestering reduction” and instead to take responsibility for his own conduct  Rightly so, the counsellors will also say it is a communications problem, and It sure is!  Chiefly since the cheater has no intention of ever letting his faithful partner communicate at all – especially ever in any way about resolving the betrayal and its consequences  It’s a outlandish table-turner. He gets to sabotage communications - and she gets sent to reform school to “correct” her communications issues 

Is This New View Just An Attack? 

No, far from it. In fact, if anyone it’s The Cheater who is the attacker - so far by acting in stealth and manipulation. ◦ This new view is an overdue and much needed balance to the old “look the other way and whisper” school that tolerates cruelty and family destruction ◦ This new view finally defends those whom society abandons and ignores – faithful spouses and the forgotten family all harmed and taken for a ride

Is This View Vindictive and Bitter? 

Let’s put these cards on the table:

◦ The prey does want the deep deliberate harm to be acknowledged and recognized – and be at last freed from the prison of a callous uncaring society ◦ The prey wants society’s quick buy-in of lame excuses and “blame the victim” campaigns to stop ◦ The prey does want society to call it like it is, not surrounded by infantile lying words like “lover” and “affair” ◦ The prey wants to find expression for the pain, not just giving the microphone again and again to the glib predators and their charming back-up vocal groups

 

That’s not bitter – it’s realistic and long overdue Do you call rape victims vindictive and bitter if they want the same?

Is This New View Just Harm? 

No, it’s The Cheater who clings to his own betrayal. ◦ It is no favor to the self-betraying cheater to leave him numb and callous - a clueless lying manipulative predator ◦ He once professed genuine love and caring that he has traded that now for an addiction to cheating and meanness ◦ Can he live well after he jettisons his warm heart to live a cowardly life guided by passing feelings and ducking the truth?

As Long As He’s Lying He Ain’t Even Trying 

Yup, the lies do much more than undermine respect and trust



Those cruel lies sabotage any hope of rebuilding or salvaging the relationship – they are home-wrecking lies Did you think he could deny, deny, deny and still be giving his family a chance to deal with him on any level?

As Long As He’s Denying He Ain’t Even Trying 

Yup, denial isolates him from seeing the damage and hurt he is causing



How can a callous person find his warm heart if he can’t face it and see his responsibility for all the misery

Did you think he could deny, deny, deny and still recover his true heart?

And He Is Lying By Doing Lots of Lie-enabling Deflect  Contort  Evade  Failing to tell  Skip Relevant facts  Throw cloud of irrelevant facts  Change Subject  Interrupt to ask sham trick questions 

The cheater doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to be reminded about loss, pain, hurt and damage. He just wants to go on manipulating his prey to get out of the way so he can continue serving his own ego and groin appetites.

Pop Culture’s Beguiling Little Myths A

Little Bird Told Me:

◦ Only 5% or 17% of Divorces Were Caused by Adultery ◦ Over 80% of People Commit Adultery ◦ It Was Something Minor ◦ It Was About Finding A Compatible Partner ◦ It Was Just A Symptom ◦ It Was Caused By All That Bickering

I Thought Only 5% or 17% of Divorces Were Caused by Adultery 



Infidelity leads to divorce and is probably the single most damaging thing that can happen to a marriage. 80 per cent or more of contemporary divorces are filed on “no-fault” grounds, obscuring the actual prevalence of adultery Psychiatrist Frank Pittman has written, “In my 45 years of clinical experience with couples, divorce occurs quite rarely in established first marriages without someone being unfaithful and most likely keeping it secret throughout the divorce process.” http://www.theinterim.com/issues/marriage-family/ divorce-and-adultery-weaken-marriage-foundations/

I Thought Only 5% or 17% of Divorces Were Caused by Adultery 



I Thought Over 80% of People Commit Adultery You believed that ... and at the same time believed that only 5% of divorces were caused by it? You want to buy some of my swampland too?  The adultery cheerleaders play their bologna exaggeration story both ways – “everybody’s doing it but nobody gets divorced because of it”  Get real. Look at publicized cases. 100% of the Hollywood celebrity magazines feature multiple “affair scandals” and if you follow them carefully they seem to be a big trigger for divorces  Maybe they were just incompatible, you ask – well, after the cheating they sure get to be very incompatible 

I Thought It Was Something Minor Post-adultery “success” statistics quoted often include misleading groups such as those who cannot afford divorce but have a totally shattered life together  Try a real statistic 

◦ 78% of those couples who remain married despite an affair later describe the marriage as unhappy or empty http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats31.htm

And that 78% includes cases where the cheater came clean.

◦ 78% of those couples who remain married despite an affair later describe the marriage as unhappy or empty http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats31.htm

And that 78% includes cases where the cheater came clean.

I Thought It Was About Finding A Compatible Partner

 Well, if 



so, it's not working out

Affairs affect one of every 2.7 couples, according to counselor Janis Abrahms Spring, author of "After the Affair," as reported by the Washington Post on March 30, 1999. Ten percent of extramarital affairs last one day, 10 percent last more than one day but less than a month, 50 percent last more than a month but less than a year, but 40 percent last two or more years. Few extramarital affairs last more than four years. A lesser known fact is that those who divorce rarely marry the person with whom they are having the affair. For example, Dr. Jan Halper’s study of successful men (executives, entrepreneurs, professionals) found that very few men who have affairs divorce their wife and marry their lovers. (sic) Only 3 percent of the 4,100 successful men surveyed eventually married their lovers. (sic) Frank Pittman has found that the divorce rate among those who married their lovers. (sic) was 75 percent. The reasons for the high divorce rate include: intervention of reality, guilt, expectations, a general distrust of marriage, and a distrust of the affairee. http://womansavers.com/infidelity-statistics.asp

I Thought It Was About Finding A Compatible Partner

 Well, if 



so, it's not working out

I Thought It Was Just A Symptom This is rhetoric. You can trace indirect original causes for anything, and that immediately diverts discussion from where the line really gets crossed  Ask yourself a simple question: is it an excuse or a direct inescapable reason? And who is scrounging for excuses? The same person pleading that it is just a symptom  And say the reason might be real: even then, Is cruel betrayal the absolute first available cure for that so-called reason?  Maybe rape and murder are just symptoms too. If so, can we just look the other way? 

I Thought It Was Caused By All That Bickering

 

Yes, that pestering, blaming and sniping came from somewhere Maybe they are just the natural outcome of a normal betrayal, err “love affair” ◦ The cheater scrounges for blame and false fault to cruelly and repeatedly spew at the faithful partner – to give himself “moral justification” ◦ This unfair torrent of pestering leads to acrimony ◦ More acrimony when the cheater is busted – he goes into overdrive to run over the spouse and shut her up ◦ Much of society’s deplored negative bickering is really the cruel symptom of un-deplored adultery

I Thought It Was Caused By All That Bickering

 

I Thought It Was Caused By All That Bickering Sometimes the cheat picks fights, puts the faithful spouse to the test, and walks out ... As a convenient excuse to walk out  Sometimes the cheat picks fights, puts the faithful spouse to the test, and flies into rage ... Just to rehearse his excuses and blame  Often he starts quarrels because he has built a habit of starting and maintaining fights 

I Thought It Was Caused By All That Bickering It’s never about an issue he wants genuine resolution for  The fight itself is the reward for the cheater: justification and excuse to neglect her and continue cheating  The hell and pestering he puts his faithful spouse through is damaging and painful and often cruel ... And not realising there is no resolution ... she too often takes it to heart ... and falls into believing there is something wrong with her 

Who is the unforgiving judgemental hypocrite? Society foolishly calls people “hypocrites” if they fail to always live up to their ideals. This is a cheap shot to ridicule anybody who espouses ideals. It is used to give a free pass to people want to duck any accountability for harm they do. Let’s see what a real hypocrite is. How about a deliberate liar who fakes his loyalty so he can live two lives and feed off the honest efforts of a trusting friend.

That’s a real hypocrite.

If you don’t applaud adultery, they will call you a hypocrite, judgemental, and unforgiving. This is hollow name calling.They are defending a real hypocrite who judges himself superior to his trusting friend. As for unforgiving, note that whenever he works on justification, he invents blame merely to excuse his evil, and consistently refuses to offer understanding and forgiveness for his trumped up accusations of fault against his sworn partner.

The cheater is clueless about lies and life. The cheater is a cruel manipulator of precious ones – callous and dangerous. In his guts he thinks it’s okay. He “deserves” more. It is all very one-sided. It will place other lives at risk. But we are urged to forget all that equal treatment and word-keeping stuff. He arrogantly believes he is privileged - his cold heart is special. His “needs” must be met. He is now a predator.

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sex is just a natural appetite.We all have it.â&#x20AC;? Quite so... as far as it goes.

But not even the predators devour and destroy the ones they should be protecting. And sexual intimacy between people is not about hunger objects it deals with real people.

What It Is We Fail To Grasp ď&#x201A;&#x2014;

YES - The cheater is a clueless cruel predator recklessly manipulating his prey so he can keep satisfying himself He is not a lover â&#x20AC;&#x201C; he is a selfish love-killer It is not properly called a love affair, it is unabashed cold-hearted spouse-dumping. It is cheating. Betrayal. Enabled by deceit. It is straightforward cruelty and abuse. As evil as any other violent attack on those who are in your care.

Sneak Preview

Pro-Adultery Propaganda

That We Will Now Expose as Bullroar #1 

If Cruelty is called Love, We have no name left for real love.

B.S. “Love” Spin ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

They are lovers having a love affair It’s nobody’s business Anyone who objects is a hypocrite Anyone who objects is judgemental It’s a private matter – butt out

Sneak Preview

Pro-Adultery Propaganda

That We Will Now Expose as Bullroar #2 

Only if Love is a lie do new rules for love make sense.

B.S. “New Times” Spin ◦ This is the 21st century – we should take an enlightened no-fault view ◦ Anyone who objects is a fanatic prude fundamentalist religious nut

Sneak Preview

Pro-Adultery Propaganda

That We Will Now Expose as Bullroar #3 

If it is really such a little thing, why make a big dodgy deal to avoid a frank talk that reveals its harm?

B.S. Deflection ◦ Let’s just move on ◦ It’s better to forgive and forget the sooner the better ◦ Anyone who objects is a irrational and crazy ◦ Anyone who objects is jealous ◦ Anyone who objects is bitter and angry because of their own issues

Sneak Preview

Pro-Adultery Propaganda

That We Will Now Expose as Bullroar #4 

If it was so necessary, why hide the 1000 excuses for it until you got busted?

B.S. To Make Fake Excuses ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

I had to - my needs were not met I had to – I was just unhappy It’s just a small mistake Watch for We are incompatible Special Pleading Why all the oneI had to find myself sided talk about I can’t live a lie issues? Was the faithful partner It just happened

really having a 100% jolly ideal life?

Sneak Preview

Pro-Adultery Propaganda

That We Will Now Expose as Bullroar #5 

If the harm was small, why insist on pleading & justifying the deeds that caused so little harm?

B.S. To Minimize Damage ◦ I am not responsible for your feelings ◦ It’s not all that damaging – you are oversensitive ◦ You just feel rejection so put it in the past ◦ It’s just an attraction we all have anyway ◦ What’s the big deal about a harmless bit of sex

Sneak Preview

Pro-Adultery Propaganda

That We Will Now Expose as Bullroar #6 

If it is so helpful and good, why not brag about it instead of hiding it?

B.S. Pep Rally for Adultery Cheerleading ◦ It’s takes a 50-50 change to get over it ◦ Hollywood and Science have both already proven this:

◦ Adultery is common and natural, often harmless and helpful – An exciting good romantic fantasy

Stay Tuned

Pro-Adultery Propaganda

Exposé 

 Laugh at the sick proadultery propaganda.



After this exposé you will want to puke when you again hear all that excuse-making propaganda Better for your spirits if you merely mock it to laughter You will become enlightened, but the culture you live in will still accept cruelty and its excuses

Much Better Than Puking

Try Light Humor 

Light Humour: Laugh back at them when they use these words “Oh, God (chuckling) ‘Love Affair’, o lordy that’s rich (ha-ha-ha out loud) ‘This delusional cheating is Love’ (ha-ha-ha) – Let’s a hope you’re not advising your children to look for their true love in that dark corner.”

The Shop Window For The Hall of Mirrors Inside 



The partner “is seeing somebody” and did things in secret with a new “lover”. The faithful partner is angry, judgemental, irrational and jealous. The impact is a broken relationship, Let’s help it by healing, by moving on and restoring peace for the sake of all.

Does this sound familiar?

VISIBLE IMPACT Based On Society’s Bogus Messaging 

The partner partner“is“isseeing seeing The somebody”and anddid didthings things somebody” in in secretwith witha anew new“lover”. “lover”. secret



The faithful faithfulpartner partneris isangry, angry, The judgemental,irrational irrational and judgemental, and jealous. jealous.

 

The impact impactisisa abroken broken The relationship,Let’s Let’shelp help it by relationship, it by healing,by bymoving movingononand and healing, restoringpeace peacefor forthe the sake restoring sake of all. all. of

ACTUAL IMPACT Hidden.



HIDDEN

Have You The Courage To Face The Actual Impact?

VISIBLE IMPACT Based On Society’s Bogus Messaging

ACTUAL IMPACT

Enlightened truth, still just Pluralistic Ignorance



The partner “saw somebody” and did things in secret with a new “lover”.



BETRAYAL - The cheater manipulated and lied to an innocent trusting loving friend to do what he swore never to do



The faithful partner is angry, judgemental, irrational and jealous.



DECEIT - The cheater deliberately repeated, schemed and falsely blamed to maintain his furtive activity TORMENT - The lied-at and bitterly blamed faithful partner was raped emotionally and tormented and put at risk without concern DEVASTATION - A large part of the life of the faithful partner was turned from a proud joy to a nightmare



The impact is a broken relationship, Let’s help it by healing, by moving on and restoring peace for the sake of all.



Have You The Courage To Face The Actual Impact? Then read all of it.

CHEATER’s IMPACT Society Knows This

ACTUAL IMPACT (continued)

Enlightened truth, still just Pluralistic Ignorance

What’s the big freaking deal? I am not responsible for your feelings! – well, at least a callous lying manipulator would certainly agree with that



WALK AWAY - The burden of cleaning up the mess is placed on the only caring heart and shoulders available – the faithful partner



Bloody outmoded Victorian judgemental fundamentalist busy-body prudes think it’s a big deal



DETOX - Recovery for the faithful spouse is going to take years of difficult healing personally, socially, emotionally, physically and financially



It’s the 21st century – we are too enlightened to take on guilt for expressing healthy natural universal appetites



VERBAL ASSAULT - The cheater, unaware of most of the damage and with a callous lying manipulative heart will resent being caught and attack and viciously blame his partner for everything



CHEATER’s IMPACT Society Knows This



All the cheater lost was a relationship that he already trashed and belittled in his mind anyway He is already “bid on” and is confident of a new relationship He has had time to adjust by gradually decommitting

Faithful Partner’s IMPACT Society Thinks It’s Just A Mistake



The faithful partner lost a good marriage and a closest friend she believed in The faithful partner lost a whole future she believed in, and is abandoned The faithful partner lost a proud joyful past now totally tainted with lies and betrayal - Years Destroyed

“We all lost something. Put it aside. So Let’s Just Make Up?”

CHEATER’s IMPACT Society Knows This



ACTUAL IMPACT (continued) 



The faithful partner lost a good marriage and a closest friend she believed in The faithful partner lost a whole future she believed in The faithful partner lost a proud joyful past now totally tainted with lies and betrayal - Years Destroyed

We all lost something different.

CHEATER’s IMPACT Society Knows This

    

I’m OK – I feel good about it I am not responsible for your feelings! It may help make me a better person It’s healthy and natural She’s just jealous and vindictive

ACTUAL IMPACT (continued)

She will lose that sparkle in her eyes and desire to hug you or anyone freely & unconditionally  She will have a long path to get to the point of having a functioning trust in anyone  She was stabbed in the back – meaning that it is a real injury and comes from an unguarded trusted corner – showing that her basic nature is trusting, not wary or jealous 

We are impacted very differently.

CHEATER’s IMPACT Society Is Told To Believe This

ACTUAL IMPACT (continued)

 I’m

 She

OK – I feel good about it  It may help make me a better person  It’s healthy and natural

will lose that sparkle in her eyes and desire to hug you or anyone freely & unconditionally

Which One Is Delusional?

CHEATER’s IMPACT Society Is Told To Believe This

ACTUAL IMPACT (continued)

I

am not responsible for your feelings!  She’s just jealous and vindictive

Which One Is Delusional?

CHEATER’s IMPACT Society Is Told To Believe This

ACTUAL IMPACT (continued)

It



may help make me a better person

Which One Is Delusional?

The “Cut the bullshit” Guide answers:

What is A Love Affair? Cheating 

Just state the simple facts, like you are talking to adults – not words like “messing around”



Only children need to hear infantile words like “lover” and “love affair” to hide unpleasantness We should privately puke when we hear these tableturning words – they are as out of line as calling racial prejudice “private views on social betterment”

The “Cut the bullshit” Guide answers:

What is A Love Affair? Cheating 

Adults can call things what they are ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

Cheaters (CP), Cruel Manipulators Cheating or “Screwing Around” Other Person (OP) or Betrayal Buddy Adultery or Infidelity or Betrayal or “Deceitful Sexual Partnering” or Unfaithfulness or “Intimacy Betrayal” “Hunting for Sex outside Marriage” or “Home wrecker” It's really all about Social Predators cruelly assaulting their victims – so use the right names.

Is It Just A Broken Marriage? For the cheater, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all it is, and he got somewhat used to that some time ago ď&#x201A;&#x2014; For his partner, a lot more is lost ď&#x201A;&#x2014;

Is It Really a Broken or Failed Marriage?

No, It’s a Destroyed Marriage 

A big part of somebody’s life destroyed ◦ Lost life of goodness and sharing ◦ Lost life of parenthood ◦ Lost life of mutual care and purity

  

Permanent damage, awakened distrust Shattering dirty damage, unrelieved shock Lying and manipulation to cover up ◦ False blame-making as a self-excuse ◦ Minimizing the damage to avoid facing up



And guess who gets to clean the mess in the marital toilet bowl?

It’s not just a Lost Marriage – it’s a

Big Part of a Person’s Life Destroyed The cheater already gave up and went elsewhere at his own pace and in stealth  The faithful spouse wasn’t ever invited to close a chapter honestly, but, counting on you to the last moment, every trusting day she shouldered on ... until she abruptly discovered that she was duped – her entire married life has now been clouded by a dirty travesty of deception of unknowable size 

It’s not just a Lost Marriage – it’s a

Big Part of a Person’s Life Destroyed The faithful partner has invested heavily at a deep personal level, and is now served a foul dish that taints every day she was married and every word you ever said to her  Here’s how ... 

It’s not just a Lost Marriage – it’s a

Big Part of a Person’s Life Destroyed The past life ... Is destroyed by who can tell how many lies?  All its pleasant assuring memories ... Now a horror show marred with deceit  A no-answer puzzle. How much was true? How much just manipulation and cover for betrayals?  The future dreams? Is anything real and committed? How much was just more bull-roar to sooth suspicion and boost up the cover of convenient trust to expedite selfish betrayal? 

Who Remembers How Deep The Pledge?

Who Remembers What Was Lost? She took great pride in being your spouse and your model of a deep honest relationship  She found friendship, joy and strength in her most significant relationship with you, and had your children  There were times she would have died for you  In fact daily she made many sacrifices and special favours which appeared to her to be appreciated 

Who Remembers How Deep The Pledge?

Who Remembers What Was Lost? ď&#x201A;&#x2014;

Your appreciation for what she did out of love and caring was often unspoken but taken as understood - because she knew your love was there even when not expressed as kindly or as often as she would have wanted

ď&#x201A;&#x2014;

Her stable home environment was her rock, her children were safe

Who Remembers What Was Lost? A Secure Life of Goodness and Sharing

She shared her innermost dreams, her heart, her apprehensions, fears and humour with you, and put up with a fair degree of discomfort and crap to accommodate you  She shared her most intimate expressions and life with you as a special private haven  She shared her compliments and suggestions  She shared her hopes and future and placed them both together with you  You led her to believe that you were not interacting just to take advantage of her  She was secure: she had your pledge and was not in a secret competition 

Who Remembers What Was Lost? 



A Life For Love and Truth and Parenthood She gave you her heart and heaped on her love She was in a sharing partnership of loving care for the children, giving them a secure normal childhood and a nest to grow confidently in life Your marriage was - at the core - normal and innocent without any stain of a tabloid secretive second life duplicity or selfish unfair treatment She still admired you for the way you were true, trustable, and yes she felt this reason to love you was one of the original reasons she fell for you She had no reason to feel duped about the way she put you on a pedestal for the things she admired about you - such as your honesty

Who Remembers What Was Lost? 



A Life For Mutual Care No matter how crazy and dismal her day might have been, she could go home to you and her family and feel safe and secure. Right up to the last minute before you got busted, you deceptively schemed in many ways to assure her that the total supportive mutual love and intimacy deal was still on Then kaboom! You knocked it all out of the

toppled down house and broken heart. ◦ She had to wrap her mind around the horror that

her husband had been a lying unfaithful cheat and that you had all along (or for ?? months) been undermining her steady home environment--her solid rock

What About Personal Loss? Everything that she was dedicated to is marred by this ď&#x201A;&#x2014; Every special moment she held onto for comfort is now a painful memento of how much of a horror her relationship has become and how little it really meant to her devious partner ď&#x201A;&#x2014;

What About Personal Damage? Shocking loss plus emotional and real burdens ages people quickly, puts them in trauma, can trigger suicide  Unfairness plus society’s callous disregard gags people  Torrents of deceit and torments of backstabbing blameful excuses weakens people 

Hey callous Ones. Are You Saying:This is really boring. Big deal. Who cares?

What About Permanent Loss? Isn’t It Just Dreams Anyway? Yes. The Best Dreams.

It should come as no surprise that the faithful partner was heavily invested in a future that included a vowed friendship, a marriage with a true loving person to support and comfort  This was a source of pride and contentment, a joint legacy and a stable ongoing example of goodness and right living to children and grandchildren 

Love Me When I’m 64 -Beatles

Before then I’ll show you the door. -Rats

◦ Close loyal loving life-long friendship and parenthood ◦ A time for anniversaries of joy and happiness - more to come. ◦ A full life with strength of character and mutual respect

What About Wicked Lying? Isn’t It Just Dishonesty Anyway? Yes. The Cruellest lies.  UnEffingbelievable

  

And if he’s still lying (in denial and making blame and excuses - as they too often do) it can’t be anything good. Every hour he fails to come clean – in fact even the single dodge he tells her next - is as blameworthy as anything else, bitterly

resented, and unshakably proves how callous he is and just how far he will go to spout any shit.

Shit. Yup.

Deceit? Lying? Maybe still “holding out” (lying) after you are suspected... And busted? Forget all about an honest relationship. More like relationshit. The cheater callously stupidly pisses on it. It can’t be the same. Ever. Not even close.



Oblivious to his cruelty, he is addicted to manipulation and immune to telling the truth. To underline his delusional deceit, he dodges answering or outrageously piles on more and more lies for his empty justification of arrogant denials

and clueless pompous rationalizations.

What About The Shock? Crashing Down When The Parachute Won’t Work  She could look up to him for inspiration and in her trusting nature was proud of him, comfortable, not needing to be wary nor guarded.

Before, for years: ◦ Can share even the worst news and rely on goodness and support ◦ Can always fall back on feelings of love, trust, partnership ◦ In hard times you still have good memories and joyful celebrations ◦ Can tell children to respect parents and their unswerving love



One Second After:

Left Very Alone to suffer. And now ... All those builtin emotional supports are gone. All of it pissed on and blown away - just when you most need it.

Worst still, it’s personal. Your needed parachute was stolen by your loving partner some time before he threw you and your children out of the plane.

Do you still have questions about why the faithful partner is speechless, broken-hearted and in uniquely devastating pain?



One Second After:

Left Very Alone to suffer. And now ... All those builtin emotional supports are gone. All of it pissed on and blown away - just when you most need it.

Worst still, it’s personal. Your needed parachute was stolen by your loving partner some time before he threw you and your children out of the plane.

Do you still have questions about why the faithful partner is speechless, broken-hearted and in uniquely devastating pain?



One Second After:

Left Very Alone to suffer. And now ... All those builtin emotional supports are gone. All of it pissed on and blown away - just when you most need it.

Worst still, it’s personal. Your needed parachute was stolen by your loving partner some time before he threw you and your children out of the plane.

Do you still have questions about why the faithful partner is speechless, broken-hearted and in uniquely devastating pain?

What About The Giant Mess? Guess Who Has The World’s Worst “Mop Up Duty”? Stabbed in the back. Left alone to bleed Lied to before, lied to more, falsely blamed even more. That one sided cheater took and still wants to take more.



Gained: Cleaning The Marital Toilet - The Faithful Partner takes on a new burden: a filthy painful energy-draining time-sucking self-critiquing lie-uncovering mess of 1000 activities – all avoidable: ◦ After betrayal, having to deal with intimate dirty words and disgusting solo mop-up duties that no person anyone loved should have to be placed in ◦ After deceit, having to immerse one’s mind and soul in the craziest darkest corners of lies and suspicion Do you still think she should just lighten up?

What About The Simplest Fact of All? The cheater cruelly lied.



The cheater still lies. Every kind thing his partner does is just there for the cheater to exploit in his cruel onesided way.



One of them has been living with a person who has no compassion in the ordinary sense of the word ◦ While she has been operating with her own gentle trusting kind-hearted instincts, he made her believe it was mutual love, through his deceit and duplicity ◦ In loving faithfulness, she is a compassionate giver, now kicked abruptly down the stairway and her contribution mocked The Cheater is a cruel taker and manipulator , who exploits his partner’s best nature and draws on her soft heart and hard work against her and for his sole gratification Do you still think she should just get over it fast?

Cheating is ... ? CHEATING ON ANYONE IS DEEPER THAN PEOPLE REALIZE. IT SABOTAGES THEIR OUTLOOK ON LOVE, ON FAITHFULNESS, ON TRUST, ON PEACE OF MIND. THE CARING TRUSTING GIVING PERSON IS MADE TO FEEL THAT GOODNESS IS UNREWARDED AND EVIL TRIUMPHS. THEN AN UNCARING WORLD MOCKS HER PAIN AND ASKS HER WHAT SHE DID WRONG TO DESERVE IT.

Ready To Buy A Vowel?

Or Have You Had Enough To Solve The Puzzle

Take The Social Predator Empathy Test

Take The Social Predator Empathy Test Impact of Adultery √

Does the cheater do harm and real injury?

√

Is the injury to one who grants the cheater trust and admission to an intimate personal relationship?

√

Does the cheater betray that trust?

√

Does the cheater mount a campaign of deceit, relying on his special relationship and unguarded trust to get away with lies?

√

Does he manufacture exaggerated shifted blame to justify himself?

√

Does he create risks for the precious ones he is supposed to (and pledged to) protect?

√

Does he callously divert resources from his family to his sneaky hurtful self indulgent campaign of injury?

Yes?

Is your first instinct to makes excuses and play down the extent of the damage?

Yes?

Do you buy into the words “lover” and “love affair” to describe this?

The Empathy Test Scores Rating Zero YES

Empathy Triumph

One YES

Empathy Challenged – back to class

Two YES

Empathy Deprived – callous and clueless Comparison of Scores

Scored Two YES’s

Other Score

Hollywood Porn producers Romance Novel authors Most Marriage Counsellors Most Relationshit Advisors Most Pastors and Priests Social Gossips Schoolyard talkers Most people Perhaps YOU now

Saddest Fact on Empathy Even the remorseful cheater often has only a partial grasp of what he is remorseful for.

What About It?

Empathy for the Cheater too? Surprisingly ... Yes Probably most cheaters at one time were loving caring people who could be trusted and return loved  They have gone toxic, and lost their true heart. Don’t honor them as “lovers” and leave them broken. They now act mean.  It is no favor to make them comfortable in their zombie uncompassionate state  Of course, some may be unredeemable because of a severe personality disorder that leaves them without empathy  

What About It?

Empathy from the Cheater?   

Very unlikely, often just short term guilt quickly taken back and overridden with: “I am not responsible for your feelings” This psycho-babble really means:

◦ I want a free pass - I am not responsible for anything ◦ I don’t have to be the least bit considerate ◦ I don’t have to take responsibility for my own actions ◦ I don’t recognize the extent of damage and harm and pain – I just blame my prey for being oversensitive

Call it out for what it is: callous cold blame-shifting crap

A Scar and A Tumor

The Great Wall of Meanness Think about it. To continue an “affair”, every cheat must routinely tell lies to a trusting family, evade questions, manufacture false cover stories, deflect blame and tell himself that he is fully justified  Over a period of weeks and months, any such activity becomes a habit of course – and habits let the mind sleepwalk through accustomed behavior – without thinking about it any more  The synapses in the brain, once attuned to reacting with caring and respect, now morph him into a total stranger that reacts with callous nonthinking and a knee jerk mean response of lying and ignoring outside pain – just as it relaxes into a pattern of pleasure association with the cheating 

He Is A Total Stranger If you want to see what this inner physiological change looks like, do not look into his eyes or face; they are fully slaves to lies and treachery  Consider watching “The Invasion of the Body Snatchers” – the physical body is unchanged but the emotional response and the tone of the recollected memories are not the same  You think the last summer’s warm loving visit to the beach was a highlight of mutual love and caring? Not so. What he remembers best is the fact that you booked the wrong resort and ruined his dinner plans – and his plans to cheat on you 

He Has Become Addicted And Joined A Cult The drug of choice: ego gratification at any cost  And it will be hell to de-program the cult’s party line and drug dosages out of him 

Some Day He May Return 

He might de-program, take the 12 steps to recovery and gain freedom from the cheating addiction and habits ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦

Of blaming YOU for his cheating – and picking fights Of looking for it Of inviting it Of not caring about his intentional meanness

Till Then You Are Just Road Kill On His Highway to Cheating

Part 1 of 1001

LET’S START UP THIS ROAD NOW

THE 1001 EXCUSES

How Did We Get To This Point?

SOCIAL PREDATORS LIE AND WE ALL BUY IN! LET’S LOOK BRIEFLY AT

HOW BIG TIME REPEATED LYING WINS AND HOW COMMON SENSE IS OVERTURNED

Alas, We Got To This Point By Buying Into Three Big Lies Sweet names

Junk science

Look the other way

Alas, We Got To This Point By Buying Into Three Big Lies Sweet names

Junk science

Look the other way

It’s not murder, it’s cleansing.

It’s survival of the fittest, the proven way of the future.

How I deal with my citizens is my business. -Stalin

Alas, We Got To This Point By Buying Into Three Big Lies The first lie is in our alluring misrepresentation of facts - that the behaviour we tag with sweet names actually become sweet just because we are getting away with using sweet words. The second lie is in the junk science of the harmless Hollywood-flogged infidelity - that there are anecdotal examples and social studies that prove adultery is common, harmless, healthy, helpful, and a good romantic adventure. The third lie is that we should look the other way from the harm done when social predators feed off the lives of the most vulnerable and innocent of those around them.

Devious Words

Smear With False Analogy “The Liar’s Best Friend” It’s the Same Word but Twisted to Fool You

“We all are attracted to others, so we are all equally guilty of adultery…”

Devious Words

Smear With False Analogy “The Liar’s Best Friend” It’s the Same Word but Twisted to Fool You

“We all are attracted to others, so we are all equally guilty of adultery…”

Were you ever fooled by this We all are attracted to nice gifts, blatant false analogy? That mere so we are all equally guilty of attraction is the same thing as theft, kidnapping, extortion, planning or and committing harm? robbery blackmail…

Devious Words

Smear With False Analogy “The Liar’s Best Friend” It’s the Same Word but Twisted to Fool You

We all are attracted to others, so we are all equally guilty of adultery… We all are attracted to nice gifts, so we are all equally guilty of theft, kidnapping, extortion, robbery and blackmail…

We Should Guard Against Lies in the Form Of Devious Words As you know, words with meanings flipped around help liars. Fuelled by A Delightful Lack of Perspective

The sneakiest lies consist of a truth taken out of context. The most common one is as follows: “We all do x, So what if I do too.” For example: “We all lie, you lied about eating the last slice of pie, so we all lie (you are just as guilty)”.

The Sneakiest Lies False Equivalence – The Liar’s Other Friend

It’s the Same Word but Ignores the Extent of Harm

Clearly not all lying brings the same harm. Lying in court to put an innocent party in jail is not anything like lying about your age to a casual stranger at a cocktail party. YOU have to test each “equivalence” to see whether it is a false equivalence manufactured to divert genuine blame, distract and warp your sense of values.

The Sneakiest Lies False Equivalence – The Liar’s Other Friend

DO NOT Ignore the Extent of Harm

Some lying brings no harm, like cajoling a honored host to attend his surprise birthday party. Other lying attacks and destroys a trusted bond of caring at the core of a vowed relationship. YOU have to test each “equivalence” to see its harm - is it to help or part of a greedy cover for deep personal harm and betrayal.

Attack With More Devious Words Slamming All Judgements as Wicked To Get Off The Hook

Often the cheater seemingly takes a high moral road: “It is wrong to be full

of blame and judgement.”

• No. It is just another blaming deflection from the cheater. •Who is he to preach about right and wrong? It is very wrong - to be destructive and betraying. •It may be annoying or painful for the cheater to be called out for being callous and damaging, but he must be called out with truth. •He has not bought a free pass to evade the truth and cast stones at his victim.

Special Pleading with Devious Words Slamming All Judgements as Wicked Except His Own Judgements

The cheater’s attack is one-sided: “It is wrong to be full

of blame and judgement.”

• What a pack of bull from this bold unrepentant hypocrite. • This is the same cheater that has 1000 excuses to blame the victim (falsely) and now is himself very unfairly judgemental about the victim for expressing any factual statement about what he really did. • Did he think it would all just go away in spite of ongoing lies and callous unrepentant behaviour?

Be On The Lookout For Sweet Excuses Self Interest Creates Effective Good-Sounding Excuses

When people cross the line they will always have easily-swallowed excuses. They will build them to sound very convincing. Firstclass shady roofing sales people have a slick compassionate-sounding script that lets them off the hook, in order to support their basically selfrewarding activity.

We Should Expect Lies And Be On The Lookout For Them Cheaters Repeat Excuses Until We All Buy In

They obsess about their excuses as easily as they ignore any and all damage they do. They repeat them, buy into them easily, and inspire you to buy in.

As soon as they can, they attack all opponents â&#x20AC;&#x201C; their faithful partner, the guardians of the truth that calls them out, and you too - if you disagree.

Social Predators Recruit Those Around Them Lies Need and Use Lots of Allies Social predators of all kinds work to co-opt the guardians of a rewarding society – that means all of us. Many Ways To Lure Collaborators

•They want you to NEVER see how they use trust as a cover to betray, deceive, blame, defraud, discredit and deeply harm their prey. Here’s how: 1. 2. 3.

Psychological cover: “We all want good things, so we are all really thieves for all intents and purposes – we deserve it” Social cover: “We all can see that you are a raving judgemental dinosaur if you see any real harm, it’s natural and good” Collaborator cover: “Here help me hide the gun” and now you are part of it too

No matter. Never mind. Butt out. Chill baby.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT THE CHEATER WILL RUN AGAINST COMMON SENSE LOGIC AS A LAST RESORT TO CLOAK HIS SHAME

When Cheaters Are Confronted

They Panic and Improvise The slippery cheater will panic when confronted with the facts about the damage and real pain he has caused ď&#x201A;&#x2014; The deceitful are rehearsed at deceiving and excusing themselves ď&#x201A;&#x2014;

When Cheaters Are Confronted

They Frantically Grasp At Straws 

They start mouthing “logic” that is nothing more than their way to brush it aside: ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦ ◦



Truth? What truth? Whose truth? It’s only my business You have no proof You only live once You are a obsessed puritanical prude I am not responsible for your feelings

Just ask yourself, if a rapist said these lame excuses, who would believe them?

When Cheaters Are Called Out

Society Grasps At Straws Too The cheater has plenty of allies and cheer-leaders  We dodge the unpleasant facts and instead help him turn the tables  We call on casuistic word-twisting to avoid even hearing about adultery and the harm it does  “Adultery? I guess it could be wrong but that’s not a concern of mine”  Or Distracting from the topic: Real Marriages with commitment ◦ “Could be it's consensual” ◦ “Could be it’s agreed to like a polygamous marriage” 

When Cheaters Are Called Out

Society Grasps At Straws Too  



We call on casuistic word-twisting to avoid even hearing about adultery and the harm it does “Adultery? It isn’t really wrong in itself?” ◦ “Could be it helps marriages” ◦ “Could be we all do it – just by looking at a person of another gender” ◦ “Sociology proves it’s just some relic of our superstitious past” ◦ “It’s a relic of owning spouses as chattels” ◦ “It’s just jealousy made into a big deal” There is no better definition of conceding that your case is weak than by grasping at diversions and sophistry like this

My Message To Cheaters

Just To Keep This Honest, Lover I assume that you married because there was some meaning and purpose to marriage, sweetie.  And, if you ever start acting like contradictions are okay in serious discussions, you are the only fool here.  We’re talking real here. Fools must leave the room: 

◦ If you keep dodging and weaving about “marriage vows having no meaning” or are all obsolete – but you still took the vows and are still pledged - leave the room ◦ If your appropriate way to end a marriage is by retaining it while carrying on with other partners until caught – leave the room ◦ If you rest your shaky case on social norms changing, or on the permissiveness of some subcultures that drill Swiss cheese sized loop-holes in marriage vows - leave the room

Message To Cheaters

Just To Keep This Honest, Lover 

We’re talking real here. Fools must leave the room: ◦ If you keep dodging and weaving about “marriage vows having no meaning” or are all obsolete – but you still took the vows and are still pledged - leave the room ◦ If your appropriate way to end a marriage is by retaining it while carrying on with other partners until caught – leave the room ◦ If you rest your shaky case on social norms changing, or on the permissiveness of some subcultures that drill Swiss cheese sized loop-holes in marriage vows leave the room

Gaze On The Three Phases Of Evil

HOW HOLLYWOOD DEPICTS

ADULTERY

NOT AS A BETRAYAL, BUT A

SWEET UPLIFTING WELL DESERVED REWARD

Hollywood Romance Talk vs. Plain Talk 

So, what is really going on, lover? ◦ They keep saying cute twisted sugary words ◦ Hollywood`s selective words mislead ◦ They only tell us a part of what is real



Life is real; life is earnest. To think clear, we need plain talk

The Distorted Words of Hollywood Love affair, Lover

Affair, Relationship

Great, fulfilling

Fresh New Love

The Distorted Excuses of Hollywood

Common

Love affair, Lover

Affair, Relationship

Great, fulfilling

Fresh New Love

Makes Me A Better Person Nobodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Business

Natural

Meets Unfulfilled Needs Harmless Fashionable Very Normal Part of Some Cultures and Subcultures

If They Sold Any Other Product This Way It Would Be Called Fraud

Common Harmless

Love affair, Lover

Affair, Relationship

Great, fulfilling

Fresh New Love

Makes Me A Better Person

Natural

Nobodyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Business Meets Unfulfilled Needs Fashionable Very Normal Part of Some Cultures and Subcultures

Translating the Words of Hollywood Indulging Vanity About Personal Attractiveness

Secret Thrill that Costs a Betrayal

Indulging Fantasies

Selfish Letting Others Down Taking

Great, fulfilling

Masking Doubts about Personal Worth

Affair, Relationship

Love affair, Lover

Lowering Standards

Casting Off Adult Ways

Fantasy of Reduced Accountability

Uncaring Betrayal

Family Killer

Love Killer Deluded Escape from Growing Older

Fresh New Love

Sex Trip Sex Trip

Massaging Emotional Escape Ego Breaking One-Person Escape from Mundane Real Life Your Word Feeling Important By making Family Unimportant

Ruin Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Love Killers Sense of Security

Tormentor

Narcissistic Creep

Child-Nappers

The Censored Words of Hollywood

Home Invader

Unkind Cruel Heartless Ruthless

Home Wrecker Shit Disturbers Adultery Cheating

Uncaring Harmful

Cold Manipulator

Cheap

Taker

Great, fulfilling

Causing major irreparable pain

False Accusers

Infidelity

Affair, Relationship

Love affair, Lover

Trashing intimacy Vile Disgusting

Betrayal

Underhanded

Back Alley

Deeply Painful

Complications

Double Dealing Deceitful Activity Trashing relationship Mean Time Bomb

Fresh New Love Tossing oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own children

Bogus Fantasy

into abandonment hell

Dangerous Changes to Self Habituated to lying Unfaithful back stabber Destructive Indulgence Breaking Commitment Abandoning family Hurt to Self Dealer in Pain Unfaithful liar False lover Abandoning Love Betrayal of Trust Deceitful blamer Chronic liar

Ruin Childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Love Killers Tormentor Sense of Security

Narcissistic Creep

Child-Nappers

The Un-Censored Words of Hollywood

Home Invader

Unkind Cruel Heartless Ruthless

Home Wrecker Shit Disturbers Adultery Cheating

Uncaring Harmful

Cold Manipulator Taker

Back Alley

Causing major irreparable pain

Infidelity Deeply Painful Complications

Deceitful Activity Double Dealing Mean

Pisser

Cheap

False Accusers

Cheating

Heart Breaker

Trashing intimacy Vile Disgusting

Betrayal

Underhanded

Trashing relationship

Destroy Love Bogus Fantasy

Time Bomb

Tossing oneâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own children into abandonment hell

Why Are You Still Cheer-leading for Adultery?

Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s What Real Empathy Looks Like. ď&#x201A;&#x2014;

Just like life itself - marriage is not always easy, fun, harmonious and less likely so if you don't remain committed.

I feel for the VICTIMS of these people - and their ARE victims. Good people who are guilty of nothing more than believing in another and were likely presented with reason to. From a comment on an internet sex blog .

Why Are You Still Cheer-leading for Adultery?

Here’s What Real Empathy Looks Like. 

Good people who for a time accepted the other’s abusive ways in manifesting their continued commitment to that marriage. Good people, many of whom have had their full life potential compromised by some despicable Cheater or Homewrecker. From a comment on an internet sex blog .

Why Are You Still Cheer-leading for Adultery?

Here’s What Fake Love Looks Like. 

FAKE LOVE = Family-wrecking + Heart Breaking + Personal Betrayal + Lies + Manipulation + EGO Pumping + Sex + Selfish Adulation Addiction

Love - That Was Nice!  The

real words now  Affair = Manipulation and Betrayal, Screwing Around  Lover = Betrayal Buddy  Messing Around = Family Smashing  Having a Love Affair = Love Betrayal  Having a Love Affair = Back-stabbing those closest who trust your love  Have Unmet Needs – Has “Great” Excuses

Look Again At Out Culture’s Nice Hollywood Words Why Not Give Your Mind And Body A Harmless Treat? You deserve it!



Neutral words (“affair, relationship”)



Special and caring (“Love affair, lover”)



New Start (“Fresh New Love”)



Specially Complete (“Great, fulfilling ”)

That Was Nice!  It’s

back to Junior High Prom Night at the emotional flirt level  But with real adult bodies, real adult flattery, and a fresh source of easy carefree sex  We tell ourselves: this will make me young again – I am entitled to it while I can  But

suppose we forget about High School and clarify what we are talking about

Was That Nice? 

Aren’t we forgetting about adult relationships? ◦ A person who already is in an existing relationship with a person he/she has promised to keep faithful to ◦ A relationship that provides (or should provide) safe harbour and the haven to encourage longterm plans and short-term sacrifices; mutual sharing is a given ◦ Possibly children or plans of having children ◦ And that deep but easily trashed word: love

Was That Nice? 

Aren’t we forgetting about trust relationships? ◦ Definitely deep mutual exclusive emotional, financial and personal investments in the other person; commitment freely made ◦ Promise held above whim, definitely above opportunities to better oneself by noncontribution – or by abandonment – or by theft ◦ Based on trust and respect – yes love too ◦ The one place you can go and be safe home

Was That Nice? 

Aren’t we forgetting about real adult commitments? ◦ Most likely legally binding ... as well as just one’s word – we expect that bond to be there for us ◦ A relationship that we are sharing and expect to continue to be taking from a committed other (as long as we are undiscovered) ◦ And I know this sounds old fashioned, but don’t we still rightly expect good faith from others, including from the one we are cheating on

Try To Remember Maybe, you say, Hey, isn’t that commitment stuff a bit overly restrictive nowadays?  Perhaps you should wake up: 

◦ Nobody forced the cheater to make the commitment ◦ In fact the cheater led the faithful partner to expect a long term commitment ... And is still leading her on ◦ In fact the cheater cleverly pretends the pledge is still good ... To keep her trusting nature in place to help shield his back-stabbing and lies 

You gave your word ... Without loop-holes ◦ Is giving your word a disposable gift? Is “your word” just a permit, all the better to mislead others?

Try To Remember This

never really just about you and some old promise. It is

ď&#x201A;&#x2014; Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

about what you have become and your numbness to your constant deceit even at this hour of the present day

Try To Remember This

never really just about you and some old promise. It is

ď&#x201A;&#x2014; Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

about what you have become and your numbness to your constant deceit even at this hour of the present day Take a look in a mirror that is not painted over with excuses.

Try This Mr Cheater

Take a good look at yourself in a mirror that is not painted over with excuses. What happened to that caring loving partner? The partner who swore his love, his care, his protection, his honesty, and was building a sweet family dream?

Try Not to Dodge & Weave, Mr Cheater 

Now look right at all your wonderful lame excuses and justifications. If they are good excuses for your betrayal today, will they also be just as true and valid when you decide to dump and cheat on you next “ideal hunny”? They say shitloads about your callousness, and nothing about the faithful partner that you cruelly blame with excuses and exaggeration.

What Does Adultery Give Off? 

What happened to that caring loving partner? ◦ The partner who swore his love, his care, his protection, his honesty, and was building a sweet family dream?



He got mean – very very cruel and mean ◦ He did not intend – at first - to become unkind or a blame-spewing monster ◦ But he was addicted – and ashamed and annoyed that he came home to a kind loyal spouse ◦ And he need to collect blameful faults that served to make good-sounding excuses for himself

Why Commitment?

Commitment 101 

In fact, the cheater deals in deceit successfully only by ◦ Acting as if the commitment were “still on” ◦ Using partner’s continuing trust to get away unchecked with his story-telling and dodging ◦ Relying on the cover of the very trust he discards



If the cheater really feels that commitment and trust are unimportant ... Why not openly work at breaking the ties? (Answer: He takes the coward’s selfish way out.)

Commitment 102 

  



Does the free pass and 1st Prize in our society go to the first “lover” to break his word and cheat and manipulate? Does the booby prize go to the one that keeps her word? Is that how you want relationships to work? Is that what you want for the committed relationships that your parents, siblings, and children get into? Lover? Love Affair? What a load of crap! Real love doesn’t hide from promises and doesn’t base a companionship on harm to others. Get real. Sort out your issues.

Commitment 103 They say “It’s personal”.  When social predators say “It’s personal” they just mean it is private. “Butt out. It’s nobody else’s business.” That is just a coward’s shallow dodge to get a free pass by gagging society’s disapproval.  Is that how you want families to work? Covering up for predators and looking the other way? Who decided that we treat great deliberate harm as a private matter? 

Commitment 103 

It sure is personal – but not private. ◦ It’s what that person has become and it’s time that others call out the cruel lying betraying character of a social predator.  “It is not a private matter when somebody hurts and is cruel to another person. It is not a private matter to deceive those who expect publicly promised protection and trust. “

◦ No good people look the other way. Nobody but a manipulator should dare expect us to act as silent collaborators to cruelty. 

If you play with fire, we will pull the alarm.

Commitment 104 

  



They go off the Commitment Reservation and then say “It’s just a little mistake – you are just oversensitive”.

When social predators say “It’s a mistake” they

lie

They would stop if they really recognized it as a mistake It sure seems to be a very big deal for them – in spite of what they say - they make massive efforts to hide it and justify it Summary – if it’s really a little mistake, why are they willing to become blaming manipulators to justify it – don’t they know that the habit of false blame will kill and doom a relationship?

You Say We Should Lighten Up Isn’t it best to cool the ill will and emotional anger the FP has?  Not by making her magically lighten up and pretend her pain has gone away  Get helpful.Very helpful. Get on side. Why don’t you give all faithful partners a reason to be cool by assuring them that you will no longer go along with the sophisticated blameful lies of adultery’s cheerleaders 

What Do These Nice Hollywood Words Say?

And What do they Avoid Saying? 

Neutral words (“affair, relationship”) – implies: not painful or



Special and caring (“Love affair, lover”) - implies positive,



New Start (“Fresh New Love”) implies not the death of



Specially Complete (“Great, fulfilling ”) – avoids admission

destructive or demeaning or false

loving, not damaging, not shameful, not done in secrecy and cheating, with grave risks to those promised care relationship and betrayal of faithful partner and betrayal of own vows that such “love” is bogus and very incomplete and dependent on fraud – manipulative - the old partner(s) not cut out - still taken for a ride ... To

paint a nice sanitized ideal picture, it lies and you lie - many parts are absent: ignores daily grind, chores, kids, impact of stealth, turning you into a habitual manipulating liar

IT IS NOT JUST WORDS. HOLLYWOOD SWEET WORDS SMUGGLE IN A FULL SET OF DISTORTED ASSUMPTIONS Let me tell you this, you great wonderful honey lover. When you buy into the fantastic enlightening liberating flattering deceitful Hollywood words, you find yourself buying in to the most egregious set of “advice” on how to live and love.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Here’s Why: To Excuse Adultery 

The Sick Hollywood Mantra:

◦ Adultery is common and natural, often harmless and helpful – An exciting good romantic fantasy

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Here’s Why: To Excuse Adultery 

The Sick Hollywood Mantra:

◦ Adultery is common and natural, often harmless and helpful – An exciting good romantic fantasy ◦ Please Pay Attention – if even one word of this resonates with your view of the world, you have been drinking the kool-aid far too long and desperately need a de-programming out of the snares of the pro-adultery cult

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Here’s Why: To Excuse Adultery 

They beat this drum and spin this mantra:

◦ Adultery is common and natural, often harmless and helpful – An exciting good romantic fantasy   

This comes with a subtext to whisper the lie “it’s okay” into your ear To the cheater: “it’s okay – it’s no big deal” To the onlookers and the culture: “butt out, it’s none of your business –it’s okay”

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Here’s Why: To Excuse Adultery 

Note the biased intent of pitching this bull: ◦ Common? I guess x must be okay, x is common ◦ Harmless? I guess I am old-fashioned for finding it harmful ◦ Helpful? I guess I am missing out on something that makes me better. This is my last chance. After all, everybody needs comfort. ◦ Romantic Fantasy? No wonder I feel dull, bored – I have been denying myself and missing out on a rich, vital part of life I deserve. Time to live for the moment.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

“It’s common” 

Common? Cut the bull. ◦ How common it is can be debated, but hey that’s never the point:  the point is that nobody who knows anything about real cheating ever ever wishes it to be common for any people they love (self, mother, daughter, son, friends)  Common or not, it is a cancer, not a tiny zit  Water pollution, war-mongering and financial mismanagement are more common ... So what?

◦ Don’t you think things that are harmful should be made less common?

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

“It’s Harmless” • Harmless? Cut the bull.  Adultery is uncaring and inflicts needless massive pain and damage – studies show that women raped are less traumatized than women cheated on  Adultery threatens children's future  In Chapter 4 we will see much more harm: Adultery is a box of chocolates with 13 poisons in it for the cheater

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

You still call it Harmless? 

Ok, the gloves are now off.You’re still in denial, pretending that betrayal is just about a harmless sex act.  To the young and naive, you may be asking, “how could an act of sexual intimacy cause such harm? Why is the faithful partner so resentful? It’s irrational.”  Get it straight right now. Let’s be blunt: Adultery is not about f*%king and being upset about f*%king. Adultery is always about a wounding betrayal, arrogant manipulation, not keeping your word and constant deceitful lying about it.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words? 

You still call it Harmless? Look - it’s really all about callous lying that undermines the core of trust, and treats loved ones as objects.  Any betrayal attacks and destroys the basis for every relationship: trust  Try trusting a boss that lies about the pay you will get, and you find you’re totally duped for your hard work - he’s giving it to someone else behind your back and laughing about it, and keeps on lying finally until he finds a way to blame it all on you

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Harmful In What Way? 

What other harm is there in a betrayal of trust? ◦ The harm includes being a victim of lies, pain and manipulation by a trusted partner who is secretly uncaring and inflicts needless massive pain and damage – accusations, blame, shaming. ◦ The cheater, if suspected, whips his partner. If busted, the cheater is in rage and resentful, lashes out with false accusations, unfair blame and horrible repeated lies.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Is Deceit Harmless?

ď&#x201A;&#x2014;

So the cheater brings all this horrid crap home, stealing what he promised, casually breaking his word, callously risking the lives of children and the personal warmth of one who trusts and loves him, all for a license to hide and run a second personal life. The cheater takes a third person into a dedicated pledged love relationship. The cheater-welcomed third person is undermining the relationship either deliberately or without concern for harm to you Betrayal is the harm; sex is just one addictive channel for that harm. Pain is real and comes from your closest ones.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Is Deceit Harmless?



Harmless? Don’t even go there. ◦ We will see much more harm.

 The lying manipulative creature goes on the attack if his secret life is ever threatened and puts those around him in hell.  The horrid reality is that in the guise of a caring partner, he becomes a pain-inflicting lying monster that will spout any shit and do any harm to keep his delusional attachment to a secret new partner.  He resents anything that gets between him and his sweetie. If resentment is unjust long-term anger: Who’s calling who resentful now?

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

How Harmful Really?  You still call it Harmless? Ok, let’s clinch it.

 Consider this. If somebody you don’t know trips up your business deal  by lying and manipulating,  slips a large bad check with his name on it and  takes away a few months of hard work,

 Is that harmless? Of course not.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

How Harmful Really?  Try this scenario and compare it with the last one.  Somebody who is trusted, mutually committed for a lifetime of love, very close to you and is your source of comfort  uses that closeness to take away a lifetime of life and dreams by lying and manipulating

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

How Harmful Really?  Then he  Uses your trust against you by blaming, denigrating and attacking you so that he can keep entertaining his ego/genitals  - - and does this while hypocritically demanding your full dedication to your side of the shared bargain,  ignoring bodily risk and emotional loss to children, is that harmless?

 He also breaks his word and becomes nasty at you when caught. Who’s being irrational about “harmless” now?

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Is It Helpful and Healthy? • Helpful? Give Me A Break. ◦ More like delusional and dangerous - Help built on lies and sneaking? And fraud? And grave risks?  Adultery always turns the cheater into a complete manipulative liar, not a better person  Adultery forces cheater to lose values & break promises made with self – Will impact negatively on family, children, friends ... Then you will all need help

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

Is It Helpful and Healthy? • Helpful? Can It Help the Marriage?  This is the lie that gives cover to social predators  They can tell themselves that it is a counsellor-approved cure for bad relationships

 So... Isn’t it more like Aesop’s tale about the fox who lost his own tail and bullshits the other foxes

that it is a good thing  The helpful part IF ANY (“made the relationship better”) occurs only after an atom bomb explodes to end the adultery, and then only if you work hard & are very lucky

 There must be better less rancid ways of curing a zit than beheading yourself first

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

It’s A Good Fantasy 

Good fantasy? Cut the bull. ◦ So advise your children to have this fantasy too – tell them that Romance Novels and Porn Flicks are great guides to love and life – tell them an Adultery Theme Park has a floozy doll waiting for them in Fantasyland!

Hi Eliot, let’s kanoodle for cash.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

It’s A Good Fantasy 

Good fantasy? What a load! It uses and abuses

people you pledged your love to. ◦ It’s built on deception not dreams!  The fantasy part burns out fast when complications are recognized  Fantasy turns into nightmare for cheater  immediately loses respect for self and people close to him/her  backlash from lying and excuses and pain inflicted on family is going to pit him/her as enemy of all that he should be defending  will worsen or rupture the goodwill of those close  even worse news comes later

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

It’s A Good Fantasy 

Good fantasy? What a load! It uses and abuses

people you pledged your love to.

The “fact” that some cheaters see nothing wrong and are “happy” about it speaks

loudly about their broken compassion and nothing objectively about cheating

Read that again. And again.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

It’s A Good Fantasy 

Good fantasy? What a load! It uses and abuses

people you pledged your love to.

The “fact” that some cheaters see nothing wrong and are “happy” about it speaks

loudly about their broken compassion and nothing objectively about cheating

Read that again. And again.

Why Does Hollywood Use These Words?

It’s A Good Fantasy  This wonderful fantasy is an inflicted nightmare for faithful partner and children, and stays painful years after any confession and amends are made  Fantasy paid for very dearly, and regretted with bitter tears  By hurting real people – and by the cheater realizing that harm – or in denial by ignoring the pain and destruction  By banning reality and having a bogus relationship – always different from being committed -even later with same “lover” Let’s not even mention the children

The Big Repeated Hollywood Lie 

They really say or imply:

◦Adultery is common and natural, often harmless and helpful – An exciting good romantic fantasy

A Correction Hollywood Will Never Make 

They really mean: ◦ Adultery is an unwelcome poison common and natural, often very harmful to many others and traumatic beyond any expectation harmless and self-destructive through delusions and by turning cheaters into habitual liars helpful – An exciting a permanent nightmare ride into horrible regret good romantic fantasy

What Adultery Promises You 

Hey lover, is this love?

◦ A Lifetime of Lies ◦ Destructive Delusions ◦ Massive Pain and Hurt – All Needless, all by ongoing choice ◦ Breaking Homes, Hopes, and Your Word all to make shady associations and give your ego a drug and your emotions a blow job

A Reality Show that Takes Deep Bites

THE ROAD TO DEVASTATING REALITY IS

PAVED WITH PAIN & DUMB EXCUSES

One Sample of Millions of Harms

Sure, Feel Free to Shrug It Off, and Flip the Page.

One Price of Harmful Fantasy • If you live in a shady pain-making delusion for long, what Happens? • You slit your heart – you betray your own capacity for real fulfillment, real understanding, real acceptance • You castrate yourself from the goodness of real giving, real relationships • Numbness. Is that love? • Is that the new better you?

Maybe You Just Forgot Your Promise?

Not at all.You remember it well. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just that you are numb to the horrid destruction. Face it. Numb to the treacherous pain you cause.

You have changed into something you once hated: A self-centered lying cheat who just doesnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care any more. Heartless, not a romantic. Manipulating the trust of other to get your way.

Any Regrets?

Not yet. Because you are the new emotionally comatose person you feel little regret.You have loads of excuses.You can blame others or the situation.You look the other way and minimize harm. Regret gets in the way of fantasy and feeling good about bad actions. Face it. You are not one of the good people

anymore. Unless you get in touch with your heart again, you will always be a changed person â&#x20AC;&#x201C; with a touch of evil.

One Price of Harmful Fantasy • Is it possible to live 2 lives and not betray your own opportunity for a rich life built on treating others fairly  Is this toxic partner, that you now have become, going to be “the new you” in every relationship?

One Sad Consequence of Covering Up the Harmful Fantasy • Anything good you do repeatedly and with motivation every day for six weeks will become a good habit that helps you • Anything shameful thing you do repeatedly with the strong motivation of a drug will become an ingrained habit even sooner • Lying and blaming will turn your character that fast – you will automatically repeat lies and blame and “believe” them – and excuse your numb self – your compassion is broken

One Payoff for Harmful Fantasy • If you get comfortable in a pain-making delusion you get to enjoy scoring “pain points” by winning at manipulation and torment  Is that new you - looking like compulsive liar, a borderline personality, or a narcissist?  If that feels right, then the cheater may be (or be close to becoming) a clinical case of personality disorder (repeated harm to self, harm to others, callously using others as objects, spouting delusions, carrying on regardless, lacking, feigning or cloaking empathy, addicted to adulation or sex or cruelty)

The One Big Take-away:

Guard Against Thinking That Life Has No Consequences

The One Big Take-away:

Guard Against Thinking That Life Has No Consequences 



Don’t be impressed any more by people who have glib answers that seem to smooth the waters Let your brain say “whoa” when your emotions say “this sounds like knowledge; as a bonus, it feels great and leaves me free to do anything” No smooth words can dry up the ocean of consequences from acts that make selfish use of other people – they just tempt you to think there are no consequences

Is it at least an adventure of self discovery, a lesson?

Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s an important free lesson guys ...

You never need to experience evil yourself I can get a very good look at a T-bone by sticking my head right up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it.

Now for A Reality Game Show Coming up is a test for you. Choose well.  If you detect what is true, you win.  If you are misled, you chose unwisely. 



Of course, this is only a test. Had it been real, part of your life would be in tatters and you would be subject to pain mockery and contempt from one who is close and whom you trusted.

Hollywood versus the Real World

The Sniff Test – Part 1 

Your daughter brings home somebody who she finds special and is considering marriage. You later learn a few things about his past. ◦ He is a handsome soft-spoken church volunteer with a wonderful repertoire of great stories and jokes ◦ He likes children, has his own successful business, his has his own sailboat and teaches young people how to sail ◦ He enjoys helping out and is always doing special things for neighbours ◦ His previous marriage lasted until his ex turned on him and made his life hell. He tried, but it turns out they were incompatible.  he takes it good-naturedly and says “Well, I kind of blame myself too – I would do it much better the next time. It’s always 50-50 when things go wrong. We both have learned to put it in the past.”



No wonder your daughter took to him – he’s even a bit of a role model

The Sniff Test – Part 2 

It also turn out during his last marriage: ◦ He carried on an affair while helping one of the neighbours – a young married woman who enjoyed his jokes and felt his flirting made her special ◦ He also had a nice thing going with one of the young women who he taught how to sail ◦ When his wife discovered this, he denied everything and blamed her at the same time –”I wouldn't even be looking if you weren’t such a cold and unloving creature.” He kept up seeing his mistresses. This made his wife’s life a living hell. She would try counselling, reconciliation, but right after counselling session he snuck off to “see” one of his hunnies ◦ The neighbour’s marriage broke up, leaving the husband damaged, their hopes dashed, children and mother on welfare, and their lives destroyed ◦ The young sailor lass had herpes which he passed on to everybody

◦ He still thinks it is 50-50: “If only she had been better to me this would not have happened. I never intended it. But I have reasons of the heart.”

The Sniff Test â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Part 3 Now, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all in the past, and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be the least bit judgemental, but after all he is going to marry your daughter: For years, he cheated and lied and caused pain to his wife while still handing her his laundry and sharing her earnings. Did he become a better person by cheating? He brought joy into the lives of his friends and let them experience a special close relationship if they secretly had sex with him. Was he good for those who got close to him?

He presents himself in the community as if he was a giver (teaches, socializes). He used these occasions to hunt for more of what he wanted and year after year ignored the pain he caused. Do his good acts give him a pass for making a few mistakes? He lives in blame, lies and excuses. Is he a role model and a good pick for your daughter to trust?

The Sniff Test – Part 4 Now, imagine that you cheat, and don’t be the least bit judgemental, but after all it is YOU being asked this time: For years, you cheat and lie and cause pain to your partner while still expecting help and comfort from your partner. Are you a better person by cheating? You bring joy into the lives of your cheating outsiders and let them experience a special close but hidden and non-exclusive sexual relationship. Are you good for those who got close to you?

You present yourself in the community as a contributor and hard worker.You use these social occasions to hunt for more of what you want and year after year ignore the pain you cause. Do your good acts give you a pass for making a few mistakes? You don’t mean to, but you can only deny by blame, bitter lies, excuses and more lies. Are you a role model and a good pick for people to trust?

Sorry for that Sad Sniffly Lesson

Now Isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t this Picture Sweeter? Adventurer Fulfilled Happier Better Self New Self Esteem

Romanc e

Fresh New Love

Lover Ideal New Partner Conquest Outside Interest

Affair

Love Affair Relationship, Adventure Fling, Liaison, Tryst, Meeting of Minds Sweeter,Growth yes. Opportunity

But it is just icing on the B.S.

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