live @ the lounge
Lizard takes up paddock racing
Whitevan immediately let go all his vital fluids ...
Yeah gidday. Lizard here. An old mate of mine, Arthur Poole (yes, should have got a full one) had let his back paddock go to seed. This was not because he was lazy or from lack of trying. Old Arthur’s passion was that the secret to growing crops was in cross pollination. This passion, coupled to a powerful self belief, led to many very unfortunate and monumental failures. For example, he crossed kale with turnip. Great in a salad or a broth, it said on the tin. He still has 400 cans. His persimmon/cumquat/zucchini combo showed initial promise but the then Apple and Pear Board were very uncomfortable to get behind the promotion. They told poor old Arthur that it had flavour notes of leather and early market research indicated it had strange sexual undertones. So for years his paddock just grew wild flowers. Pretty but not money-making. That was until Arthur Poole met Fangio Grabelli. As you will recall, Fangio was the only Henderson-born left-hander to ever drive a home-built special in Formula One. Well, not actually on the track as it burnt to the ground while still on the trailer going over Mont Agel heading down to Monaco. It was 1951, summer, and the Austin A40 wheel bearings on the transporter exploded from the heat. The fire not only torched the car and trailer, but also Fangios right hand and the widow Mrs Giovanni’s sheets that were drying behind the hedge on the side of the road. By way of an apology, Fangio stayed with the widow Mrs Giovanni for two weeks. The passion for racing however, never died. Fangio suggested to old Arthur, that they should join forces and hold a GrassKana in his back field. “We’lla maka bloody fortune. Folksa willa comma fromma everyplace.” Strange how Fangio kept his grandfather’s accent but had only left Henderson Valley the one time for a total of three weeks when he was already in his 30s and
spent two of those three weeks never leaving the widow Giovanni’s bedroom. “What a good idea,” said Arthur. That’s when I got involved. Whitevan had been hassling me for ages to get rid of the gutless Novgorod diesel, some say Russia’s finest engine, and re-power him with something that had real grunt. I’d popped an early Cadillac V8 engine from a 60s Coupe deVille in the bottom of the linen cupboard knowing one day it would come in handy. Shaz had to give me a hand lugging it up the stairs because she was afraid I’d get grease and oil all over the sheets and pillowcases. After a couple of weeks of sleepless nights, we’d got the engine in and it was time to fire up Whitevan and run a few practise laps around Arthur’s track. “Taker abitta easy Lizard. Just getta the feel of the place.” Little did he know, Whitevan and me had once raced Waikaraka. Well, we didn’t realise it was a demolition derby until it was too late and were so scared, Whitevan immediately let go all his vital fluids. We coasted to the infield and watched the rest of the race from there. Back at Arthur’s paddock I gave the throttle a couple of pumps and sure enough, he fired right up. “‘She’s a sweet runner,” said Arthur. Anyway, the first race is at the end of next month. So far, so good. Still plenty of time for fine tuning. I’ll let you know how we get on or maybe see you at Arthur and Fangio’s track-warming-BBQ on the last Sunday of this month. As we paddock racers always say … Stay fast on the grass. Later, Lizard.
Proud
to be a Westie T-shirts
Leave a gift to nature. Bequests can be made to “Royal Forest and Bird Protection Society of New Zealand Inc”. For more information on how to make a bequest contact: Fundraising Manager, Forest & Bird PO Box 631, Wellington Freephone: 0800 200 064
www.forestandbird.org.nz
22
The Fringe APRIL 2021
Now available from Corban Estate Arts Centre 426 Great North Rd, Henderson Ph 838 4455
It’s Our Place! Community organisations, sports clubs, craft clubs and other non-commercial organisations are welcome to post their news and updates on The Fringe’s web site, FREE. Email your updates and information to info@fringemedia.co.nz See Our Place at www.fringemedia.co.nz
Opinions expressed in the The Fringe are solely those of the writers and are not necessarily endorsed by the publication or its publisher. Fringe Media Ltd is not responsible in any way for the contents of any advertisement, article, photograph or illustration contained in this publication. While every reasonable care will be taken by the Editor, no responsibility is assumed for the return of unsolicited material. © Copyright 2021 by Fringe Media Ltd. All content in this issue is the property of Fringe Media Ltd and may not be reproduced in any way or form whatsoever without permission from the publisher. All rights reserved.
advertise with the fringe & reach 70,000+ readers
