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April 9, 2014
sPRING, issue 6
Bugs in SGA ballot allow for multiple votes, non-student voters
Student Government 2014 Election results Presidential Results
Winner: Carla Deras
Vice Presidential Results Photo by Efram Goldberg Carla Deras, Jess Cushman and Maddie Sciullo conduct the first SGA meeting of the semester.
Drew Lacy Contributing Writer Bugs in the Student Government Association election ballot system allowed non-students to vote in the elections and allowed voters to vote multiple times. The Crimson determined through independent testing that at least one faculty member, two staff members and one alumnus were able to submit test ballots into the live system on April 4, the last day of SGA elections. Two Crimson staff members were also able to submit two test ballots each into the system by voting on different computers. The election ran from March 31 to April 4, and it is unclear how many other voters, if any, may have discovered or exploited these bugs. But ultimately, the bugs might not affect the final outcome of the elections. “Unless I receive documentation to indicate voter fraud changed the results of this election, the election results are valid,” said Dean of students Rodney Bowers, who certifies election results. Student Government president Carla Deras, who is running for re-election, first requested the form from web applications analyst Ian Koss on March 19, who responded by asking for a list of candidates. Koss intended to use an existing ballot form updated with the new candidate names. Deras said she sent the list of candidate names only five days before the voting opened because several candidates dropped out of the race. When Koss attempted to implement the names, he found that the original ballot system would not work on modern browsers. “The whole thing basically had to be rewritten in a couple
of days,” Koss said. “I finished it on Friday afternoon [March 28] and sent an email to Carla saying ‘Please test it over the weekend.’” Deras sent a link to the form to eight other SGA members for testing, including all four members of the election committee: Donald Thomas, Bella Schultz, Emily Burch, and Carolyn Chabuz. “We found mostly just dumb stuff,” Burch, an SGA senator, said. “The date on the form said
pend on identity is really, really hard,” Koss said. While Koss could “pretend” to vote as anyone – student, staff, faculty or alumni – when testing on his own computer, once he made the form live, he could only test as himself. It is nearly impossible to determine if these bugs were exploited because votes are anonymous, according to Koss. TRACKS usernames are converted by the system to “hash,” strings of characters that can be used by the computer to identify the TRACKS user but extremely difficult for a person to tie to an individual user. “There’s just no way of voting who voted for whom,” Koss said. “There’s really no way to be sure.” K o s s is currently working on replicating and determining the cause of the ballot bugs. “A student worker here in tech support was able to cast another ballot, but only one ballot,” he said over email. “Further attempts were properly denied, regardless of which computer he used.” Because the form was only live for a few more hours at the time the bug was discovered, Koss was unable to do significant testing on the live form and was reluctant to do so because of the potential to disrupt the results of the election. “If I can name a root cause to all these problems, it’s a tight deadline with no time for thorough testing,” Koss said in an email. “It’s hard to lay the blame for the short coding window at a single person’s feet.”
Unless I receive documentation to indicate voter fraud changed the results of this election, the election results are valid.” -Rodney Bowers SGA elections 2000 instead of 2014. The official candidate list on the SGA Facebook was also different than the ballot we first received, so that had to be fixed pretty quickly, but it all did.” The testing group didn’t catch the bugs that allowed multiple votes or ineligible voters to vote, and the form went live on Monday, March 31. It was not until the last day of voting that SGA and Koss were made aware of the bug. “As soon as I heard there was a problem […], I tried to update this code in the production form, but it was too restrictive and students were now being denied votes, which is an even worse problem,” Koss said. He removed the staff, faculty and alumni filter entirely, to allow voting to continue until the close of elections. “Testing systems that de-
Op/ed: SGA elections marred by apathy See sga, page 2
Winner: Jessica Cushman
Treasurer Results
Winner: Karley Herschelman
more election results, pg. 3
pro and cons: how i met your mother finale See mother, pg 6
OPINIONS....................... 2 campus life................. 3 sci/tech...................... 7
OPINIONS SGA elections marred by apathy, lack of opposition candidates
2 - April 9, 2014
Christopher Penta Opinions Editor The lighting-fast, lighton-issues SGA debates held on March 26 shocked candidates and students when the only opposition candidate for Student Body President, freshman Tamerlan Yeleussizov failed to appear, leaving incumbent Carla Deras without any legitimate opposition, allowing her to presumably skate to
the Florida tech crimson
victory with her running mate, the also unopposed, also incumbent Jessica Cushman. With the current makeup of the SGA body as unlikely to substantively change hands as the North Korean Parliament, we are left with a question: Are we really this satisfied with SGA? And if not, who dropped the ball here? Clearly, we have the student body to blame, we have campus media to blame, and I have myself to blame. Either through cowardice or complicitness, we,
the student body, failed to push ourselves to nominate serious opposition candidates. The SGA debates, if I’m honest, were an outright bore. Essentially with the VP seat totally uncontested, VP candidate Cushman and Presidential Candidate Deras had the floor to themselves, using the balance of their time to talk at the tiny audience and FITV cameras about their open-ended goals for the next year, and how much they have accomplished in the past year. One of the most ironic instances during the debate was when Deras said she wanted to, and has, increased student participation with SGA. I truly do agree with the sentiment, but I really question whether the student body will do this willingly, as evidenced by her de-facto unopposed candidacy. Not her fault, naturally, but I questioned what variety of participation she was talking about. Spectatorial? Clearly, hands-on participation is lacking. We need to increase attendance and awareness, and not just by making meetings mandatory for receiving funding. That’s essentially buying participation. People need a better
reason to care. The treasurer candidates talked about not spending money too fast, lest they run out, while still spending enough money to make it look like they were spending money. The other candidates agreed wholeheartedly with each other, and the debates ended. The facts are clear. SGA participation and interest is at an all-time low during my time at FIT, with limited contested seats, and four fewer candidates running for senate seats than last year. The reasons for these facts are far less clear. Running for an office, assuming you actually want that office, costs nothing but a very limited amount of your time, with free ad space in the Crimson given to anyone who asks for it. If I were to wager a guess, it is partly due to the imposing prospect of running against a majority Greek ballot, each candidate is nearly guaranteed at least a 50 or so vote advantage over their nonGreek opponents. I think treasurer candidate Karley Herschelman hit the nail on the head when she noted that while only 12% of the student body is Greek, over 60% of SGA is Greek, with the entire current executive
board being Greek, and with a Greek candidate running for every 2014 exec position. With 31 senate candidates for 20 slots, if you have a fraternity behind you, you are probably going to get elected. I hear you, I hear you. “But Penta, maybe Greeks are just more motivated to participate in student life.” That is certainly true, but they have their own elections within their organizations. Why are we, the independents of the student body, going to sit back and let an oligarchy form? SGA, while presumed irrelevant by much of the student body, has control over the activities budget ($200,100.00 for 2013-14), and at the very least reflects the student body as a whole. Were it not for mandatory attendance of senators and organization heads, SGA meetings would be fundamentally a closed door meeting of the exec board and a handful of senators. It remains to be seen whether Florida-Techians woke up in time for this election, but I think things will begin to change only when they believe they have an actual reason to participate beyond begrudgingly attending meetings to collect funding.
Have a response to this or any article? email it to us at crimson@fit.edu, and you may see it on this page next issue!
3 - April 9, 2014
CAMPUS LIFE
the Florida tech crimson
Student Government 2014 Election Results Presidential Results
Winner: Carla Deras
Vice Presidential Results
Winner: Jessica Cushman
Treasurer Results
Winner: Karley Herschelman
senator Results
Campus life
4 - April 9, 2014
The Florida tech crimson
Registration is here, have you registered yet? Daniel Hereau Staff Writer With registration for the Fall 2014 term now open to all students and classes filling up, many students are registering as soon as they can using the online service, which is easier and faster to use according to the registrar. Hunter Robinson, a junior aeronautical science with flight major, said he registered online the first day a few hours after the initial rush to register was over and had no trouble registering for the classes he needed. “It wasn’t first thing, it was two hours later after everything had cooled down,” Robinson said. Allycia McKingley, a sophomore psychology major,
met with her adviser the week before registration opened to prepare for it, but forgot the day she could first register and didn’t register until a day after. She got into all the classes she was trying to except one, which was a class she said most people in her major had difficulty getting in to because of limited sections. “I have to take Research and Statistics 1 and 2 and it only has two sections with everyone trying to get in at the same time,” McKingley said. Jennifer Lee, an adviser in the Freshman Advising Center, said that the first semester freshmen are in college they are block registered for class, or the registration office picking their classes for them, so they get all the classes they need for their
Florida Tech makes first stop in $100 million campaign Carlo Mencarelli Staff Writer President Anthony Catanese’s ambitious $100 million fundraising campaign received its first donation on the evening of March 31 in the Hartley Room. Among the attendees were several College of Engineering and College of Business professors, Florida Tech’s board of trustees, and a local politicians. At the podium, Catanese didn’t waste any time in announcing the grant valuing $24.1 million received by Massachusetts based software company PTC. Parametric Technology Corporation (PTC) enterprise information systems software for over 27,000 companies across the world including many on the Space Coast such as Harris, Boeing Defense, and NASA. The grant donated by PTC includes access to its product lifecycle management (PLM) and CAD software, Windchill and Creo respectively, for use by students in the College of Engineering and College of Business. In addition to the use of their software, PTC is providing 20 scholarships to Florida Tech students who wish to learn their programs at a deeper lever. The students receiving the scholarships are split between engineering and business, mostly
undergraduate students. The lead PTC Scholar is Carla Deras while the professor leading the group is Abram Walton from the College of Business. “Speaking on behalf of all the PTC scholars, this is an incredible honor.” Deras said. The scholarships provided will give the student access to over 3,300 hours of training in the programs. With the requirement to do training every week it is almost an additional class without course credit given. Though there are only 20 scholarships initially, the licenses will be given to new students as the current PTC scholars either graduate or stop the additional training for other reasons. PTC senior vice president of global education, John Stuart spoke after Catanese explaining more about the program. “This is a unique relationship between PTC and FIT in that it’s the first to have the inclusion of a business department and engineering department.” Catanese also mentioned that the inclusion of both departments will help foster collaboration between the colleges. Since the software is used to such a wide degree Catanese and Stuart both agreed that knowledge of the software will greatly improve employment opportunities for students after graduating.
major. She said that the only major complaint they got was the times of classes frequently being either very early or very late. Jessica Ha, the transfer student success coordinator of the First Year Experience program, said something that she helped transfer students with frequently was understanding that their first semester’s grades at Florida Tech were important because they are working from a blank slate with their GPA. “In order for Florida Tech to accept any of the credits from another institution it needs to be a C or better,” Ha said. “But
the grades for those classes don’t transfer, only the credits do.” Charlotte Young, the registrar, said that she thinks the numbers and usability of the registration system, especially the online portion of it, have improved over the years. Young said they were trying to automate the system as much as possible by making more things available online to make things easier and more convenient for both the students and staff. The number of students using the online service to register has increased greatly in recent years, she said, with over 1,000 students
being registered the first weekend of registration before the registration office itself was open. “I mean it’s amazing,” Young said. “You think of the enrollment we have on campus right now, and you come in the registration center the first week of registration and it’s not that crowded.” Young said that she thinks the registration experience will continue to improve as refinements are made to the online service and more things are made automated, user friendly and available online.
Campus life
5 - April 9, 2014
The Florida tech crimson
Secular Student Alliance sponsors event to increase awareness of human trafficking Lisa Sforza Secular Student Alliance On Friday, February 28 at 7pm in the Gleason Center for the Performing Arts, the Florida Tech chapter of the Secular Student Alliance sponsored a presentation organized by Josh Gordon, Jake Honadle, and Ian McClure. The event generated quite a bit of talk in the brief month during which it was organized. The goal of this event was to bring awareness of human trafficking occurring across the globe to students at Florida Tech and members of the surrounding community. In the month leading up to the event itself, the organizers were given publicity in the form of our local radio station, WFIT, and the newspaper, Florida Today. The Secular Student Alliance was called in to sponsor the event because those organizing it needed a Florida Tech club in order to reserve the Gleason Center. Without the agreement of the SSA, this event would not have even been possible. Several influential guests were invited to speak on the topic of human trafficking,
including Claire Ellis as a representative of Zonta International, Cris O’Brien as a representative of Tiny Hands International, Agent Sandra Roblin as a representative of the Brevard County Sheriff ’s Office and member of the East Coast Human Trafficking Task Force, which was represented by Anthony Davis. All of the guests represented themselves well and all had the same basic information. Essentially, human trafficking is a $9 billion per year business and it is becoming more profitable than drug dealing and gun trafficking combined. The statistics were rather frightening, truth be told. Between 100,000 and 300,000 children in the US are used in sex trafficking every year. Because our local community has tourism, which brings people in and out of the area every day, human trafficking is more common than one might think. Women are used in the commercial sex industry as well as in hospitality at hotels. Because we have a strong agricultural industry, men and children are trafficked for labor purposes. Claire Ellis discussed the mission of Zonta International and informed the audience
ways in which they may help the organization in their cause. She explained several laws that have been passed in the last couple of years to help the victims of human trafficking. The goal of these laws is to help law enforcement recognize the victims as victims. Ms. Ellis explained how unfair it is for the minors involved in human trafficking to be immediately criminalized once they turn 18. Zonta International hopes to increase awareness of human trafficking and help eradicate this industry at an international level as well as at a local level. Nick O’Brien, a singer/ songwriter and member of Tiny Hands International played guitar and sang an original song before his brother, Cris O’Brien took the stage. Cris O’Brien, 18 year-old activist for the end of human trafficking, discussed the works done by Tiny Hands International to intercept young girls being taken across the border of Nepal into India to be sold into the commercial sex industry. He played a video containing interview excerpts of girls who were recovered by Tiny Hands International and various members of the organization itself. Despite the distinctive air of charismatic Christianity during both the
video and Cris’s presentation, the information contained therein was eye-opening and compelling. Following Cris’s presentation, Agent Sandra Roblin of the Brevard County Sheriff ’s Office was introduced and took the stage. Her statistics were a little outdated, but all in all, she was a breath of fresh air for this event. Agent Roblin shared ways of recognizing victims of human trafficking and encouraged the audience to get involved and get formally trained in the recognition of these victims. She also discussed several cases involving human trafficking that took place right here in Brevard County. Her presentation was not only informative, but it brought everything that had been said so far to a personal place right in our backyard. Yassine Rayed, another singer/songwriter, performed an original song on guitar and vocals before Anthony Davis took to the stage. Because he was the final guest of the night, he went through his presentation quickly. Mostly, the information was similar to what the other guests had already presented, so Davis glossed over the statistics. As a representative of the East Coast Human Trafficking Task Force,
he discussed some of what the organization does and how they contribute to ending human trafficking on a local level. He also was fairly knowledgeable about the inner workings of prostitution rings and waxed eloquently about how the girls are treated both by the pimps and within the hierarchy. Davis ended his presentation with a video that portrayed girls being abused, raped, and sold in the commercial sex industry. The video was a very powerful way of ending the event. During the event, there were several things that stood out as unsubstantiated in mine and my colleagues’ minds. Some of the statements made during the guests’ presentations were blanket statements that overgeneralized certain situations and statistics. As a student at a tech school, I would have liked to have seen some references for the statistics and blanket statements made during the event. Overall, the event was a success. My only regret is the lack of credit given to both Ian McClure and the Secular Student Alliance. Without either of which, this event would never have been able to take place.
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ENTERTAINMENT Television Review: How I Met Your Mother finale
6 - April 9, 2014
the Florida tech crimson
Pro Joshua Aguilar Contributing Writer Finding love for Theodore Evelyn Mosby (Josh Radnor) as well as the mother of his child ended last Monday night on the series finale of How I Met Your Mother. Met with much anticipation, roller coaster of emotion, closure, and ultimately severe criticism for what would only be the final two minutes of the hourlong segment. The journey to finally meeting Tracy McConnell had been a story of five friends, mostly at a bar, through career progress, love triangles, and the many dare I say legendary adventures that only New York City could backdrop. Season nine presided over Barney and Robin finally maturing and settling down during their wedding weekend, Lily (Alyson Hannigan) and Marshall(Jason Segel) rekindling their commitment to supporting each other’s careers, Ted moving on from Robin and New York and to Chicago, and Tracy meeting the cast one by one. The subtle teases and quirks as to what the mother was like during the first eight seasons, i.e. the show tunes by English muffin, bass guitar playing, t.c. boyle reading, had finally been replaced with future memories of Tracy and Ted dating, being married, having children. The finale bridged the gap between Ted meeting Tracy and Ted telling the story of the series to his children in 2030. The ever after sequences began with (spoiler alert) Barney and Robin being unable to cope with Robin’s Diane Sawyer-esque career and divorcing after three years, Marshall and Lily coming back to New York and having more kids, Robin isolating herself from the group, and Ted living his dream with Tracy. Robin let her career hold priority over her love life. Barney could not devote himself to a single person until, in one of the more beautiful scenes of the series, says in essence an unbreakable vow of love to his
photo property of cbs How I Met Your Mother ended a nine year run on March 31. daughter born out of wedlock. The gang had come full circle having grown yet staying true to themselves and what they truly wanted out of life. As the finale reached the moment that Ted and Tracy finally meet at the train station, the camera pans out as 2030 Ted finally concludes how he met the mother. His children cannot believe that the whole point of the story was to meet their mother while their mother is barely in the story. A story that could be told in less than ten minutes should not consist over the nine years of previous self-discovery. His children convince Ted that his story was a way to validate going after their Aunt Robin six years after Tracy had passed away from illness. Ted goes through with this and greets Robin with the same blue French horn he stole for her in the very first episode, ending the show. The finale gives a conclusion that makes sense. Carter Bays
and Craig Thomas wrote love as anything but cookie cutter and something that definitely ends in death. There’s no doubt that Tracy is the love of Ted’s life. Tracy overcame her loss of Max early in life and found love with Ted. In the same way, it seems only right that, as sad as Tracy dying is, Ted continues to live. If a follower of the series cannot accept Ted moving on, then they represent a selfish version of Ted’s kids. The backlash from followers of the series can only be summarized as an inability for society to accept finding love after love. Tracy having been a mother that is a completely new character to the series destroyed the idea of guessing the mother’s identity, conditioning an anticipated and emotional finale to be more of a victory lap than a possible twist. But, that’s just not how life works.
con David Barkholz Sports Editor I guess I should start off by telling you How I Met Your Mother is my all-time favorite sitcom. I should tell you that (for nine seasons) I’ve followed Ted Mosby, a hopeless romantic who just wouldn’t stop believing in “the one,” on the epically twisting journey through the most adventurous years of his life. I’m telling you this because what comes next won’t fit. Yup, I’m one of those people who think the last five minutes of the HIMYM ruined the entire series – well to an extent. I mean, am I still going to watch re-runs of my favorite episodes on a regular basis? Probably, because this show was that good, but there will always be a little black cloud hanging over those episodes for myself and many others – because now we know how it ends. If you care enough to be reading this right now then you already know how the HIMYM finale went in a nutshell: Barney and Robin get divorced 15 minutes in, Ted finally meets the mother, the mother dies and now-single Ted pursues (again) now-single Robin. Yes, each of these events take place some 10 years apart from each other, but think about, that’s the basic summary of the episode. That is the ending to Ted’s epic love story. I’ll admit, the divorce at the beginning of the finale did eventually lead to a perfect ending for Barney – a woman-
izer who turned into potential husband material, who regressed back to his old ways because of the divorce, which spawned an accidental pregnancy and the birth a daughter, the love of his life – but doesn’t this divorce make everything that happened in season nine useless? After all, the whole season revolved around and was dedicated to Barney and Robin’s wedding. Then we find out it was all for nothing. The same thing can be said about Ted finally meeting the mother his kids – you know, the whole point of this story in the first place? The two meet for the first time in a genuinely beautiful scene on the platform of a train station just as Ted admits that he’s given up on searching for “the one.” With the help of a pushy old lady, Ted musters up the courage to approach the women with the yellow umbrella and the couple instantly connect, each insisting the iconic symbol of the series is theirs. Then the mother dies. Then 2030 Ted ends his story. Then his kids insist he go after Robin. Then he does. Then HIMYM is over. Forever. This five events all happened in about five minutes and left what seems to be about half of show’s fan base (including me) with their jaws collecting dust on the floor. We’re given no explanation of the mother’s death or even time to grieve before Ted is on to the next one…who ends up being Robin. AGAIN. I’m not a Hollywood writer, so I’m not going to try and tell you here how the series should have ended. What I do happen to be is just one of many unhappy, unsatisfied HIMYM fans.
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SCI/TECH
7 - April 9, 2014
The Florida tech crimson
How well does Google know you? Christopher Pangalos Staff Writer Offering the most popular search engine, social networking services, YouTube, and cloud storage gives Google access to vast amount of user information. So just what information do they get from us and how is it used. According to Google’s privacy policy they collect user information directly from user input and from the use of their services. The information they get from users includes the information provided when creating an account such as name, email address, telephone number, or photos. Google does ask that you use your real information. Of course users realize
they’re providing their information to Google when they type it in, but what information does Google get through the use of their services? According to Google’s policy they may collect device information such as hardware model, operating system, phone number and device identifiers which can be used to distinguish your specific device, Google states they “may associate device identifiers or phone number with your Google Account”. Whenever you use a location-enabled service such as Google maps, Google states they “may collect and process information about your actual location”. Which is done not only through GPS devices but also through information from Wi-Fi access points and cell towers. Google also collects and stores log information when
using their services such as your Google searches, email contents, telephony information including phone number and duration, IP address, and cookies specific to your own browser or Google account. According to Google the main purpose of all this information is to improve Google services, protect services, and give relevant adds. More specifically, Google is makes a significant amount of revenue through Google ad services which uses all of this information to target ads to users based on their demographics. Google states it does not share personal information with companies but may with affiliates, government or law enforcement upon request. Over the years there has been significant criticism of Google’s collection of user data. In 2007 a consultation report by Privacy International, an organi-
Gadget Corner
zation committed to defending worldwide privacy right, gave Google the worst ranking of those reviewed calling it “hostile to privacy” In 2010 it was discovered that cars photographing for Google Maps’ street view had been connecting to unsecured Wi-Fi networks to collect location data. According to PCWorld news after investigation Google admitted that they had inadvertently been using software that collected payload data from these networks which could include non-Google emails, password, documents, and personal information. Google was cleared of wrongdoing by individual suits and the FCC, but lost a class action suit by 38 states in the court of appeals. Google maintains that connecting to the networks does not violate the Wiretap act because they are publicly available.
Just last week Google asked the Supreme Court to hear the case. In 2012 changes to Google’s Privacy policy sparked a wave of controversy, particularly in Europe. The changes merged the sign-in and privacy policy of different Google services, allowing Google to merge information from different application. As a result Google could build a user profile listing your name from Gmail, Google search history, location from Google maps, and videos from Youtube. According to Marketing Land news, January of this year French courts found Google to be in violation of their privacy laws and forced them to post a statement on their site admitting they had been found guilty and fined.
Library Corner
Joseph Stoltz Staff Writer
Airzooka Air Gun Since the gadgets I gave you last year for April Fools’ Day could possibly result in major computer mayhem, and also in accordance to that, it could possibly cause you to be seen in quite the lesser light, I decided to give some gadgets this year that don’t cause cyber mayhem, but instead physical mayhem, because we all love physical mayhem. The first gadget I have for you will allow you to launch a “full air assault” on you unsuspecting neighbors; sadly not long after reading this claim, I found out that it was not referring to actually launching missiles, but instead the statement was literal. What this gadget actually is is a tension powered air cannon designed to turn order into disorder, and as for the name of this gadget, it is called the Airzooka. Sold by ThinkGeek, the Airzooka has a simply designed nozzle shaped body with an attached handle for easy holding, and at its larger end there is a loose bag like covering with a tension cord in the middle. To use the cannon, all you have to do is pull back the cord so it’s taut and let lose, this will send an air ball flying out to ruin whatever your friends are working on. ThinkGeek claims that the ball of air is able to travel over twenty feet, so if that’s really the case, then you should have no problem getting a head start running away. If you interested in buying an Airzooka, ThinkGeek sells them for only $12.99, and they’re designed entirely without requiring any ammo to shoot, of course other than air, or any batteries to power it.
photo property of evans library Students share ideas around one of Evans Library’s three collaborative study tables. Evans Library has installed three collaborative study tables as part of its digital scholarship initiative. You will find one table on the first floor and two on the third floor, each available on a firstcome, first-served basis. Each table includes four HDMI inputs that allow users to display their screens on a 39” high-definition monitor, and switch between displays at the push of a button. Bring your HDMI-ready laptop, Macbook Pro, tablet, cell phone, or other device, plug in, and collaborate!
USB Rocket Launcher I felt bad about the Airzooka not actually shooting missiles, but thankfully I was able to find this other gadget ThinkGeek has that will fulfill that purpose and rain hellfire; well an extremely toned down version anyways. That being said, the gadget is a USB rocket launcher, which has also lazily been named the USB Rocket Launcher. To use the rocket launcher, all you have to do is plug it into your computer with the USB cord and then install the software required to aim and shoot it. The rocket launcher has a full 360 degrees of motion in the horizontal, while it is able to rotate up to 45 degrees vertically, but the best part listed is ThinkGeek’s claim to it being able to shoot targets up 6 meters away, which translates into 20 feet away. You might think this gadget would be pretty expensive, but on ThinkGeek, it’s actually only listed for $29.99, so it’s definitely quite cheap for the hours of torturous enjoyment it will bring you.
If your device is not HDMI ready, you are welcome to bring your own adapter or check out a Macbook mini-display to HDMI adapter at the Service Desk with your Panther Card. View a list of devices and equipment (laptops, projectors, cameras, etc.) available for checkout as well as our technology lending policies on our website: http://lib.fit.edu/about/policies.php.
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Everyone is welcome here.
An interactive map is on our website: www.oursaviorpalmbay.org. Or call us at 321-723-8032 for more information. Sunday Service at 9:30 am
what a bunch of idiots
April 1, 2014
sPRING, issue Meh
President Can’tanese takes over as quaterback, appoints trustees as first stringers
Botanical Gardens to be mowed down, replaced by football stadium David Barkholz Very Tall Person In an attempt to get students more excited for the upcoming season, Florida Tech President Anthony Cant’anese has announced the university’s immediate plans to clear-cut the Botanical Gardens in order to create space for the summer construction of a stateof-the-art football stadium. “Well I think it’s going to be terrific for the community,” Can’tanese said at a black tie event Monday morning. “It’s going to bring a whole new level of interest for alumni and $100 million campaign donators, as well the
image by Christopher Penta
President Can’tanese said Saturday he was eager to toss around the “old pigskin” with the “youngsters”.
Christopher Penta Gun Enthusiast
Tech Board of Trustees, who had all played football back in the “good ol’ days”. They figure they could trounce the Newbury team, which had also replaced its first string with their board of trustees.
President Can’tanese, eager to boost the Florida Tech football team’s performance, said Saturday that he would be cutting the first string of the Florida Tech Panthers, replacing them with the Florida
students.” When asked where funding for the new stadium – which will be called the Can’tanese Coliseum – would be coming from, Can’tanese said Florida Tech will be making substantial budget cuts across several different departments, but assured reporters his salary would not be deducted in any way. Created in 1968, the Botanical Gardens have served as a constant reminder of Florida’s natural beauty, as well as being prominent fixtures in the Melbourne community and front pages of university marketing materials. According to athletic director Billy Jorgensen, Florida Tech
is trying to be as understanding as possible during this transition. “We realize the removal of the Botanical Gardens may bring inconvenience to some,” Jorgensen said, “so what we’ve decided to do – and I think this is really great – what we’ve decided to do is take the pre-existing grass from the gardens and incorporate it into the natural playing surface of the Cant’anese Coliseum.” Season tickets for Florida Tech’s 2014 football season inside the new stadium are available for purchase online at floridatechsportsball.com. According to team sources, prices are outside your financial limits.
Florida Tech security to require towels in all buildings, set up checkpoints
See sportsball, pg 98
Graduating senior learns of SGA’s existence David Barkholz Sportsball Editor Pete Mitchell, an electrical engineering major who will be graduating from Florida Tech next month, says he first heard of the Student Government Association last week around lunchtime in Panther Dinning. “ I w as just, you know, eating some nachos and minding my own business when this freshman walked up and asked me to vote for him for senator,” Mitchell, an active member of multiple on-campus clubs and Greek life, said. “At first I was really confused because, like, the kid looked like he was 15-yearsyears-old and shouldn’t be running for any federal position, but then he told me the school actually had its own pretend government thing.”
According to Mitchell, this incident was the first he or any of his four friends also sitting at the table had ever heard of the organization in their four years of attending
Chriztopher Penta Silver Editor Florida Tech security last Friday made the unprecedented move of requiring all students to bring a towel in order to enter all
the university. “I guess any freshman can go out and start a club these days,” Joe Cooper, one of Mitchell’s brothers at the table, said. “When you think about it, it’s kind of sad really.” Grimson reporters attempted to contact the president of SGA for a statement, but quickly realized they did not know who that person was or where their office might be located.
Student athlete seen wearing normal clothing See clothes, pg 2nd
buildings on campus. Jessica Dos Equis immediately took to FITforum, attempting to drum up a protest to the impending new policy, but got nowhere. “I have been going to this school for four semesters, and I’m
already not allowed in the gym because I don’t have any towels, but now I can’t go to class in Crawford? This is ridiculous!”
See TOWELS, pg eleven
Florida Tech researchers closer to solving crosswalk crises David Barkholz Just Some Guy With yet another student falling victim to the front windshield of motor vehicle last week, campus researchers have ramped up efforts towards making the University Boulevard crosswalk a safer place for pedestrians. “We have brightest minds of this prestigious university working around the clock to find a solution to this problem,” said Yosemite Graham, director of security and self-proclaimed
sheriff of Florida Tech. “While we are not ready to officially announce anything at this time, I feel confident in saying that the annual number of cars smashing into our students will be decreasing dramatically in the near future.” The unmonitored crosswalk, which strategically dissects the busiest road on campus, has long been the main predator of many unsuspecting panthers – both newborn and grown. When asked by one reporter
Native American Burial Ground Found on Florida Tech Property See less parking, next page
if the solution to the problem would come in the form of more trollies, Yosemite Graham quickly changed the subject, asserting that the safety of students is one of Florida Tech’s top 15 concerns and appropriate solutions will be implemented as quickly as possible. Until then Yosemite says students should practice proper safety protocol, such as looking both ways before crossing the street and wearing bright-colored neon shirts in order to better seen by motorists.
Fitforum.................... 13 trolleys...................... 1 last issue.................. -4 memes...................third grimson...................... 8