Empire Times 41.2 by FUSA Association

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empire times Vol. 41 Issue 2

FREE!

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Contents Mad March

Editorial �� 2 Letters to the eds ��3 Contributor Spotlight �� 5 prez dispenser ��6 Dear Dorothy �� 7 external student association �� 8 mistress m ��9 brain and brawn �� 10 unladylike snort ��12 another white cockatoo �� 14 state election ��15 a guide to the mature age student �� 16 grandma e �� 18 animal house interview ��19 womadelaide ��21 vox pops �� 26 flinders uni hall charity fair �� 29 alison bechdel interview ��30 theatre review ��32 film review �� 33 fiction �� 34 poetry/prose �� 36 music reviews �� 37 music interview: art vs science �� 38 food review �� 40 recipes �� 41 food for thought �� 42 games reviews �� 43 the science of hangovers �� 44 dance review ��46 crossword ��48

Editors: Jade Kelly, Flik Schemmer & Jess Nicole Front Cover by Madeleine Kartuz Inner Front Cover by Charles Chiam Chuang Chao Empire Times is a free publication of the Flinders University Student Association. Visit us at facebook.com/empiretimesmag, tweet @empiretimesmag or find us on FUSA.edu.au Empire Times would like to acknowledge the Kaurna people who are the traditional custodians of the land Flinders University is situated on. We would also like to pay our respects to the elders past and present of the Kaurna nation and extend that respect to other Aboriginal peoples. All views expressed by contributors belong to them alone.

[ editorial ]

Greetings beloved readers!

Hello, Heyos, Hi,

Between honing my editing skills, making cold rolls in the wee hours of the morning and moving house, I’ve managed to meet an amazing bunch of new and old Flinders students. I’d like to send out a warm thanks to all those who visited the O’Week stall and sat down for a chat. Manning the stall was a blast and even though I got smacked in the face several times by our own banner and had to cocoon myself in beanbags due to the winds and the mistake of wearing a dress, I feel like it was an overall success! I’d like to give a shout out to Dylfunkle and Lucas (you can see their lovely faces in the Vox Pops section) for being our minions for the week and playing Tetris with the lounge we had to maneuver into various offices.

And the penguin was like, “Maaaaaaan that’s my tuxedo!” Bah dun dun tish. Heyo’s guys my name is Jade, the final editor that makes up the triplet likings of Empire Times. I’m a passionate buddy of the health and fitness world represented by my every day attire of gym clothes (#fitspo), but I also enjoy obsessing over The Hunger Games, Big Bang Theory (shhh I’m secretly Amy and Sheldon’s love child) and yogurt - I really, really enjoy yogurt!

A highlight for me was getting to meet Cal Wilson backstage after her gig here at Flinders. Yes, I fangirled all over her (it was disgusting to watch) and I may have accosted her with high pitched squeaks but hey, it was CAL WILSON. I would like to apologise in print to Jesse Barker Gale for giving him a sudden gender reassignment by misrepresenting him as female in Issue 1… as well as swapping his names around. You’d think I’d have been more astute given the fact I’m one of ‘those’ people whose name is made up of three first names and therefore constantly suffers similar mix-ups. However, this deeply regrettable editorial fail happened and I have to say: Jesse, I am terribly sorry and thank you for being so understanding. Now, onto the good stuff: you have to check out J.J Nestor’s killer fiction piece ‘James Street Days’ on top of the poetry section which features moving words by Tim Walters and Michael Adams. So that’s it from me! Keep calm, carry your student ID and try to attend lectures!

I’m super dooper excited to be apart of the ET team for 2014! Jess, Flik and the media team at FUSA have been welcoming beyond words and I’d like to thank them by doing a little dance, *right now imagine the running man mixed in with the snake to a mash up of all the best 90’s songs*. Done! As you devour the second issue, don’t forget to check out the feature article about CrossFit here at Flinders University, written by two PhD students (need some sort of stress release from writing a forever long thesis) and the music interview with Dan from Art vs Science. We are totes biffles after that interview (oh man how I wish that was true). This second issue has been an awesome adventure beginning from O’Week meeting some lovely and unique characters to learning the design process and having a completed issue. Would not trade this experience in for the world. Remember: when in doubt, dance it out! P.S I really like your shoes. Yes your shoes, right there protecting your little pigges. Where did you get them from? Cheerios, Jade!

Jess

Hey folks, I had an awesome time with this issue. So many events and article I could hardly keep up with! Seeing you guys settle down on the yellow couch and write for Dear Dorothy was a stage of enlightenment for me. People actually love reading this magazine so much we could barely find any left over issues after O’week. Well done readers! The feedback mechanism of media by students for students is absolutely off the charts right now. Speaking of which, I’d like to warn you of this magazine adverts lurking around campus, the so called Hijacked. Be wary on this beast, young padawan. This magazine claims to be by students and for students, yet this could be no further from the truth. It’s literally hijacking the entire student media culture around Australia. It’s not ironic, it’s sick. So folks, please do us a favour and support our magazine by contributing your legendary articles over to us. Despite my inane ability to bypass roadblocks, something has spun be out rather like mercury in retrograde. There’s a strange build up on negative vibes – hung parliament, contrasting weather patterns, some sort of hyper flu outbreak and a plane missing off the face of the earth. So what do I do in this situation? I manage to scramble my way to the polls at 5:45pm. Obnoxiously, I go inside and act like I’m actually an alien from outer space. I then proceed to accidently lose count when voting below the line, all the while there’s a low-pressure current is hovering over us decides to downpour hard, fast, and sideways. Lingering between a cold and acute back pain, I decide to lay down in a heap of sweat and fluster. Luckily, my vote went through in the end, but I never thought voting would be that dramatic an ordeal for myself. So the lesson of the day here folks is when in doubt, lie low and breathe. Pretty soon all hell is pass over and you can get back to being you again. Flik xx

[ letters to the eds ] Jade, Flik and J

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THANK YOU! Thank you to all the gifted contributors that helped bring these pages to life! You guys are the peanut butter to our jelly. We appreciate all the time and effort that went into your work and the continuing support you have given to Empire Times. If you’re keen to join us for Issue 3, shoot through an email to:

empire.times@flinders.edu.au Or check out our Facebook page: facebook.com/empiretimesmag Writers Adam Rau Brendan Whittaker Charles Chiam Chuang Chao Colin Hargreaves Danny Mangos Elizabeth Daw Emma Maguire Emma Sachsse Georgia Brass Grace Hill Holly Richter J.J Nestor Jo Schofield Kimberley Anastasiou Lachlan Larsen Laura Telford Lauris Buckley Michael Adams Miranda Richardson Robbie Peschel Rohan Neagle Shaun Hobby Sine Aberdour Stef Rozitis Tim Walter

Artists & Photographers Charles Chiam Chuang Chao J.J Nestor Karlien van Rooyen Madeleine Karutz Rafal Banasiak Correction: Issue 2’s amazing ‘Howzat?!’ article by Hannah Macleod was incorrectly attributed to a different contributor. We are very sorry for this and deeply regret this error. 4

[ contributor spotlight ] Melanie Pal

Tell us about yourself! Well I guess for starters, I’m a 20-year old Cambodian, born and raised in Australia, who loves cats (despite an allergy to them), enjoys watching Star Wars, collects vintage shibang-abang, and is deathly afraid of moths or any insect with largeass wings. I am currently starting my first year of Media Arts, though originally I was in an Arts degree for two years before transferring. Also in my spare time, I play guitar and sing, sketch, read manga, watch British comedies, make videos; perhaps the occasional song cover or two; a skit maybe, and I even wrestle bears (not really). You are the talented contributor who designed Volume 41, Issue 1’s front cover - what or who inspires you as an artist? Well when I was young, the people who inspired me were my two older sisters who liked to take up art when they were in high school. Up until my teens, I grew an interest in the general anime/manga art style, along with Art Nouveau, and drew much of my inspiration from artists such as Alphonse Mucha and Aubrey Beardsley. What’s the first thing you would do if today were your last day? I would try and spend as much time as I could with close friends and family, because why be lonely on your last day? I’d also take the time to do things I could never do, such as skydiving, and then have as many milkshakes as possible because

everybody loves milkshakes! (With the exception of the lactose intolerant and those who despise milkshakes I suppose…) What’s one thing you’re excited about right now? At the moment, I’m quite excited about the Adelaide Fringe. Hopefully I get the chance to see the wonderful live entertainment, buy some cool knick-knacks, and eat ALL THE FOODS! I also recently got a new camera so I guess it kind of gives me a chance to take some really lovely photos around the place as well. Best/Worst Flinders moment? My worst moment at Flinders was when I entered a Battle of the Bands competition with some friends at the uni last year and I ended up forgetting my lyrics halfway through a song by jumbling words and having to improvise everything (sorry to my bandmates for enduring that), of which I cringe thinking about to this very day. What do you see yourself doing later in your life? I hope to see myself doing graphic design or advertising in the future, maybe become a filmmaker or editor if I end up changing my mind, then maybe do what most people do after uni and travel for a while. If worse comes to worse, I’d most likely be training myself up for professional bear wrestling. Soon enough… soon enough.

[ prez dispenser ] union rights. However, this is a clear victory, and illustrative of the importance of protest and activism. It wasn’t out of the goodness of their shriveled hearts that the Senate conceded, it was because thousands of us around the country fought every step of the way, and that’s something we should be proud of. We need to continue to put the remainder of the cuts where they belong – in the garbage, and we need to dig in our heels and put up one hell of a fight against any attacks on work rights, uni funding, and all other neo-liberal moves which would serve to widen the divide between rich and poor. And now the bad news: I’m sure some of you have seen what happened on Manus Island in February, where one refugee was murdered, at least one was shot, and over 70 were seriously injured. This happened during an attack on the detention center by PNG police, locals, and militia-members. This attack wasn’t an accident; it was the direct consequence of the policy of the former Labor and current Liberal governments of dumping refugees in one of the poorest countries in the world indefinitely, and paying a militia to “secure” them. I am proud to say that the student council has taken the formal position that the Australian Government’s policies of mandatory detention, offshore processing and deportations are racist, and have called for their abolition. We have also taken a position of support for refugees who protest in detention centers. FUSA is a political body representing student, and it’s important for us to take a stance against racism wherever we see it. Flinders has many students from refugee and migrant backgrounds, and I see this as another reason for us to have absolutely no tolerance for racism, whoever it’s coming from. Hey everyone, One last thing, a reminder that FUSA isn’t just for all the new How about that O’Week! It was definitely the best one I’ve been

undergrads who have come to uni for the first time this year, we’re

to in my time at Flinders. I hope you had a chance to ride the

here for postgraduate, distance, international, and mature aged

mechanical bull, visit all the clubs, get a rad student diary, have a

students too. We’ve had a couple of great events on campus for

go at the scavenger hunt, and most importantly sign up to FUSA!

postgrads and mature aged students, including an “O-day for grown-

If you haven’t yet, please pop into the office and join.

ups.” Through the year we’ll have many more great events, including

Since the last Empire Times issue, there have been some important

Market Days and Welfare Breakfasts.

a repeat of last year’s awesome Multicultural Festival, regular developments. The first is a positive one – we’ve had a massive victory in terms of the Education Cuts. The Senate has caved and

See you around!

removed the parts of the Social Services and Other Legislation Bill that would have seen Start-Up Scholarships for Centrelink students

Grace Hill

converted to loans. We’re not out of the woods yet though, $900

million in cuts are still on the table, and the Abbott government

President,

seems intent on attacking welfare, Medicare, penalty rates, and

Flinders University Student Association

De a r y h t o r Do ,

Dear Dorothy

supposed m a I . lp he r u o d I need y r words. o f s s lo a t I am stuck an a tter but I am le a u o y e t ri w to The Unicorns

are swarming!

Lots of Love, Dylfunkle Dear Dylfunkle, Gather the duck heard the penguins and dial the seahorses. Lets take these unicorns out for a dinner date and movie.

Dear Do

rothy,

Mistakes are not mis ta experienc es to build kes. They are learn ing ou us the pe ople we ne r character and mak ed e seemingly n egative e to become. Recent , xpe me more ab out myself riences have taught than years bliss and f o or this I a m thankful. f ignorant Love, The Ramb

Dear Dorothy, I am actually a panda. I eat cheese and frequently watch Princess Diaries with my panda friends.

lin’ Womba

Dear The Ramblin’ Wombat, For this I am thankful, your words. BAM! I now pledge you under the oath of Edward Scissor Hands as the new Dear Dorothy!

Love, Eliza. Dear Eliza, Please pass the bamboo, Mia just had her make over. She’s sooooooooo pretty :’)

Why Have A Nationwide External Student Association? Words by Colin Hargreaves, AOESA President Illustration by Karlien van Rooyen

Nobel Prize winner, Nelson Mandela, was possibly the world’s most famous external student. While incarcerated in prison for 27 years, he studied Law as a University of London External Student. More examples of Nobel Prize winning external students include Derek Walcott, Sir FG Watkins, Prof R Coase and Wole Soyinka. This is just looking at the University of London. Some of these would now be called international students, studying externally as they lived far, far away. But what is the difference between ‘distance’ and ‘external’? These terms are often confused and used synonymously, but there is a key difference. An external student does not attend lectures and seminars on campus. The term ‘external’ seems more meaningful as it denotes how the person interacts with the university, while the term ‘distance’ could be anything from a few kilometres to 5000kms. There are also ‘internal’ students who study online for a third trimester and many other mixed mode combinations. For the between whether own or

student, the major distinction internal and external is possibly one is mostly studying on one’s whether one congregates with

other students for lectures and tutes. The meetings with other students tend to provide a great deal of support, purpose and encouragement. Students living on campus are often provided with meals, room cleaning, sports facilities and entertainment, and in some cases a lot of partying!

these other groups are fully represented on student association boards and university councils, external students hardly feature at all. Furthermore, the terms ‘distance’, ‘external’ and ‘online’ do not exist in the Higher Education Acts while all the other distinctions do.

In contrast, most external students are part-time (75% in 2012), having to hold down a job while studying. They often have a family to attend to, with all the interests and responsibilities that that entails. While the proportion of female internal students has remained the same (53%) over the past 12 years, the proportion of female external students has risen to nearly 66%, 2 in 3.

With the rise of Massive Open Online Courses (MOOCs) and the lack of space for city universities to physically expand, the number of external students is predicted to rise significantly. Hence, given the vast difference in the interests and issues faced by external in comparison to internal students, we have formed the Australian Online and External students Association (AOESA).

Having finished work, cooked the family dinner and put the kids to bed, it can be hard to find the energy to study. It can also be very lonely, having to cut oneself off from one’s partner or family to focus on studies. The needs and wishes of external students tend to be very different to on-campus students. This year the proportion of external students in Australia is likely to be about the same as the proportion of postgraduates and of overseas students, about 1 in 4. While

AOESA was formed in late 2012 as a nonprofit, national, democratic, pan-university body. Membership is currently free. We are approachable, transparent and always open to suggestions. We may not be able to get students out of incarceration but we will do the best to help your studies run smoothly. s For more information see www.aoesa.org

Sex Ed With Mistress M: Losing your Virginity Virginity is a load of bollocks. “Losing it” even more so. You don’t “lose it” or “give it away” - it isn’t behind the couch or in someone else’s possession. You merely had sexual intercourse with another person. It shouldn’t be built up into this massive event. It should merely be the natural progression of adding another experience to your growing sexual exploration of your body, when you want to. Having good, enjoyable sexual experiences with a respectful partner who gives you pleasure is the important thing. Not whether a penis got put inside a vagina. This will ring especially true for the lesbians and the homosexuals. Generally, they are not so big on penis/vagina penetration as a landmark event. And nor should the rest of society be. We aren’t living in the dark ages where a woman’s virginity was owned by her father to be passed onto her husband. Oh wait, we are, there are purity pledges in America where girls pledge their virginity to their father at a ceremony and get a ring that wont be taken off until they get married. Quite frankly it makes me want to throw up a little. I have nothing against your wish to stay a virgin for your religious beliefs, just leave your father out of it.

body before doing anything else. As you become more experienced you may be able to work these things out about a new partner in a shorter amount of time, but just having penile/vaginal intercourse without any decent foreplay will generally be disappointing. If you are not turned on, don’t stick a dick in. If you are still a virgin, it is not a big deal; there are other virgins on campus. You just wont always know about it - again, because we live in a society where it is seen a “rite of passage” to have “lost” your virginity and lots of people lie about it to fit in. Do what is right for you, not what you think other people think you should be doing. What is important is making sure you respect yourself and others and develop the sort of sexual relationships that are lush, rich, enjoyable experiences that make your bodies tingle with pleasure. This may or may not include actual intercourse. Things you need the first time you have sex; Condoms: you can get pregnant the first time. Condoms: you can catch an STD the first time.

So many of us have bad “first time” stories and feel some sort of regret about that because Hollywood, porn and out of date misogynistic belief systems have built the “first time” into a romanticised big deal. You do not change because a penis was inside you. It isn’t a magic wand. And you do not “become a man” because you had a vagina around your penis - again, it is not magic (although it might feel like it). And you are not even more of a man because you “took” a woman’s virginity. The whole mythologising of the “losing” of your virginity is out of date.

The Pill: inexperience means more slip-ups with condoms and you can get pregnant the first time. Lubrication: nervousness may mean that although you really want to have sex you may dry up a little so make life easier. Respectful, Considerate Partner: do not have sex with jerk offs. Love yourself, touch yourself and be good to each other.

The first time you drive a car is important but it isn’t a massive deal, learning to drive the car and actually getting your license is the big deal, but it takes months of practise to be proficient enough to get your license and we all know more experienced drivers are much better at it. Having a more experienced, thoughtful, generous lover to show you the ropes can be a welcome way to learn more about sex. Unfortunately there is no license that you can get to carry around to say, “I have learnt the rules and can turn corners and Parallel Park.” If you are embarking on a sexual relationship it is important to get the basics right first; are you good at mutual masturbation, can you give and receive oral sex in an enjoyable manner? If not, why not get these things right and learn about your and your partner’s

Yours,

Mistress M

www.askmistressm.com See “Ask Mistress M” on You Tube; Virgins, getting caught masturbating and oral sex while driving: http://youtu.be/dDhYk7KDrsU

Brai n and Brawn Lachlan Larsen and Danny Mangos, two Flinders PhD students talk about their experiences involving CrossFit.

Lachlan Larsen: CrossFit president, and PHD student. CrossFit in six words is “constantly varied, high intensity functional movements.” That’s normally where you lose most people when they ask you about it but actually, CrossFit is a lot more than that. I first stumbled upon CrossFit on New Year’s Eve of 12/13. I had come home from an RPM class at the Flinders gym and turned on the TV. Scrolling through Foxtel channels, I found what turned out to be repeats of ESPN’s coverage of the 2012 CrossFit Games: Female competition. I’d tuned into the “Track Triplet”, an event in which the athletes were required to perform three rounds for a time of; 8 split snatches at 34 kg, 7 bar muscle-ups and a four hundred metre run. Put simply, I was stunned. These

women were flying through this workout, throwing this weight from the ground over their head like it was nothing. They went from hanging onto a pull-up bar to having their arms fully locked out on top of the bar and then sprinting 400 metres, before doing it all again! I was glued to the TV for the rest of the day (until I had to get ready to go out and drink the year away), watching amazingly fit athletes do handstand pushups, rope climbs, sled drives, overhead squats, double-unders and ring dips and they made it look easy! From that day on, my mind was made up. I needed to find out what these people were doing and start doing it myself, or at least try to. I was talking to Shane, a personal trainer at Flinders OneFitness and, as luck would have it, Flinders University was planning to open their own box (CrossFit for gym) later

in the year. I rocked up to the first ‘come and try’ session (which still are happening) and I was hooked. The workout only lasted about twenty minutes but I was completely spent, in a good way. Since that first session almost a year ago, my understanding of what a fit and healthy body should be able to do has changed dramatically and keeps evolving. There’s always a new skill, movement or position to try and learn or an old one to work on mastering. If you can’t do something because you’re not strong enough or “mobile” (read: flexible) enough to do it yet, there’s always a scaled option for you to work on first. From there you have a goal to work towards. One of the biggest advantages that CrossFit has is that there is a community in the box that’s going to support you until you reach that goal.

Unlike most normal gyms, everyone knows your name at CrossFit Flinders Uni and everyone wants to see you achieve your goals, whether it is competing in a fitness competition, getting fitter or getting your first strict unassisted pull-up. They’ll clap, cheer or tell you to get a move on until you’re able to cross that goal off. The best thing about CrossFit is that it’s a lot harder to wake up in the morning and say “Nah, not this morning, it’s too cold”, when you know everyone else is going to be at the box waiting for you. Ultimately, that’s why I’ll keep talking and trying to convince someone to at least give CrossFit a try. Danny Mangos: Uni Games team captain 2013, squash club president, and PHD student

I had heard of this new craze, which had been branded ‘CrossFit’, through the generic memes that are going around social media. Some graduate students from my faculty explained that it is quite demanding and elitist, but in a different way than what the memes portray. It demands elite form and function to achieve some very rewarding milestones.

especially with trainers like Matty and Shane; they’re great and have an OK taste in music too. As a squash player I have definitely developed burst strength and the ability to generate power through the body and transfer that weight to maximize my efficiency. Being a university affiliated sporting club; the focus is very community oriented.

Naturally people would retort and say “yeah but CrossFit does things differently to other sports, that’s not a real chin-up, that’s not how we do our push-ups” – they’re right, it’s not. It’s different and it delivers. CrossFit are an international community with strong purpose and occasionally martial discipline.

The milestones are personal achievements but you appreciate everyone’s engagement and success along the way. There’s a funny joke going around. How do you know if someone does CrossFit? Oh they’ll tell you (a rehash of the vegan joke). And now I have.

I think the elitism comes from their strict technique, which is not a bad thing at all,

Come and try CrossFit for yourself with a $25 two-week special - on offer until the end of March. s

" The milestones are personal achievements but you appreciate everyone’s engagement and success along the wa y.

" 11

Unladylike Snort Life’s a stage, but whose satisfaction are you dancing for?

As the whole political spectrum inches

out these supposed fraudsters. We invent

the wom’ns officer IS allowed to make up

over to the right, we begin to absorb what

lovely words for surveillance and control: we

new words, I think I am allowed about 5 a

we are told and we may not even be aware

talk about communication, accountability,

month) and “more talented than thou” and

we have absorbed anything. We tend to be

partnership and excellence. We take pride in

“more creative than thou.” We expect people

blind to the assumptions we hold and we

allowing people to constantly demand more

to account to us for everything they do if

tend to think that our way of seeing the

and more and more work from us (without

we give them anything (no matter how far

world and society are inevitable. I promised

paying us any more) and responding to calls

under a fair wage they have been paid).

myself I would not refer to peer-reviewed

for constant improvement, exceeding what

articles as you all have lecturers for when

we or our predecessors have already done

Mental illness is on the increase, and albeit

you are in a nerdy mood, but I am talking

and pressuring ourselves to perform better

with compassion and acceptance we still

about cultural hegemony. Google it, go on,

and better and better; to be efficient, to

blame the deficit of the individual for it. We

you know you want to. Hegemony stops us

prove we are productive every second of the

don’t look at how much we have begun to

seeing the assumptions on which we base

day; to “value add” and to be ready to show

give up our personal freedoms in exchange

our opinions and decisions.

we are more than worthy of the pittance we

for the right to feel smug and superior to

are paid.

those who are not worthy, not successful or don’t measure up somehow.

And so somehow, even us lovely bourgeois

left-wing people have begun to delude

This happens in most jobs these days. What

ourselves that money is more important

is even more alarming though, is how much

We feel a great sense of outrage at social

than people. We would never put it like that

we do it to ourselves in our volunteer jobs,

loafers (real and perceived) at the fare

of course, but we get extremely anxious

in the way we run our household, in how

dodger, the dole bludger, anyone who is

about the possibility that someone might

we bring up our children and sometimes

getting a freebie or a handout they didn’t

end up being paid money they don’t deserve

even in what we do with our holidays. Life

earn or is not “giving back” to society

(overpaid for work they didn’t do, or for

becomes a huge performance for actual and

constantly (or not as we see it). We feel

being a “dole bludger”) and a lot less anxious

prospective employers, for our “networks.”

less outrage at loss of privacy, loss of

about allowing all sorts of surveillance and

We fill Facebook and Pinterest with

valuable time with families, unpaid overtime,

control mechanisms for the sake of catching

“productiver than thou” (yes for the record

invasive and time consuming accountability

" We are all meant to keep our perfect looking homes spotless while raising our creative genius children, cooking, sewing, gardening and (insert craft here) to perfection, preferably also working for money, volunteering at something and undertaking professional development of some sort.

" measures or the fact the direction of the accountability is inevitably from the less powerful upward to those who don’t bother to return the favour. The less someone gets paid, the more we demand they prove they are worthy of the crumbs that fall from the tables of those who have fat bonuses year after year independent of the fact they are pleasing nobody. of all this). We are meant to be likeable and

for how little we measure up to all sorts of

Ok so how is that a women’s issue (apart

positive, soft-spoken and agreeable (again I

multi-faceted perfection; that we don’t have

from the fact I mentioned Pinterest)?

fail on all counts). We are meant to expect

to get defensive the moment we actually

Women, even more than men, are exploited

and welcome outside feedback, advice,

want to be treated with trust or respect.

– their once invisible labour is now still

surveillance and guidance for everything we

That we can be honest about the amount of

underpaid or unpaid but now supposedly

do.

work we have put into something without

a badge of honour. We are all meant to

explaining, or accounting and that we can

keep our perfect looking homes spotless

Do you think I am exaggerating? Please!

demand fair pay and respect for what we do

while raising our creative genius children,

Find examples in your own life where

and how capably we in fact do it.

cooking, sewing, gardening and (insert craft

you are allowed to be free, lazy, uncouth,

here) to perfection, preferably also working

unskilful, loud, fat, selfish or opinionated.

That we can, for a moment, take our worth

for money, volunteering at something and

Then examine your feelings about how you

FOR GRANTED and not have to check it

undertaking

development

are there. Can you allow yourself ever to be

past other people to see if it will wash. And

of some sort. Not to mention keeping our

any of those without feeling guilt? Can the

not worry if someone else didn’t work their

bodies perfect at the gym and salons (anyone

people around you accept you being these

arse off, or can’t prove that they did. s

who has met me, my body, home, children

things? I would love to think I am wrong,

or work ethic will know I am the antithesis

that we women don’t constantly feel guilty

professional

Words by Wom’ns Officer Stef Rozitis

Another White Cockatoo I spent six weeks of my summer break in Darwin, interning for the Northern Territory’s largest law firm through the Aurora Native Title Internship Program. The North Australian Aboriginal Justice Agency (NAAJA), an Aboriginal legal aid organisation that does work in Criminal, Family and Civil Law cases. Furthermore, their Law and Justice section deals with law reform, legislative inquiries, policy issues, media releases and community legal education. I was placed with the Law and Justice section. This allowed for exposure to a broad crosssection of NAAJA’s inner workings as we liaised with lawyers from civil and criminal sectors to establish working examples of how laws are applied. I was also lucky enough to visit the Don Dale Juvenile Detention Centre multiple times and the alcohol Mandatory Rehabilitation Centre. It should be noted that an internship with NAAJA not so close to Christmas, New Year and the monsoonal downpour of the wet season could see you visiting remote Indigenous communities. Meeting some of the men, women and boys affected by the Northern Territory’s inescapable racist policy of incarcerating Indigenous people was life changing. One of NAAJA’s Indigenous employees described the many locum doctors, lawyers, nurses, social workers and miners, who fly in and out of the Northern Territory, especially to the remote areas, as white cockatoos. They fly in, squawk a lot, spread their droppings everywhere and fly out! It was this very sentiment that kept me cautious of undertaking an internship in the Northern Territory. Current generation Indigenous people in the Northern Territory have seen their lands opened up and traditional laws abandoned in

favour of intervention. This has been in the form of the Northern Territory Emergency Response and currently Stronger Futures. These are top down, broad policies that go against a central tenet of Little Children are Sacred, that “you can’t solve these things by centralised bureaucratic direction.” The political backdrop and overwhelming public opinion proliferated by local media would have a casual observer conclude the government is racist, with an overarching aim “to clear the drunks off the streets.” * Yet, perhaps ironically, Indigenous legal services like NAAJA have received increased funding from the intervention policies. Though, my section head, Jared Sharp sees this as giving enough rope; in that legal aid funding is nowhere near enough to match the increase in workload as a result of the intervention. This should give an increasing impetus to volunteer and contribute work that is off the grid. There are strings of small victories that are regularly won, for instance NAAJA’s ThroughCare team cut their client’s recidivism rates down from >45% to <15%. Another recent victory was Chief Justice Riley’s decision to allow Yolngu law to supplement mainstream bail conditions, resulting in seemingly total rehabilitation and community acceptance and peace for the male offender. With greater support from volunteers and greater political focus from widespread awareness, applying the methods of success to all cases, will equate to large victories. At the moment most of the culturally appropriate and effective programs are run by non-government organisations, like NAAJA. Anyone considering working in the top end should roll up their sleeves and dive in. There is a huge amount of work to be done and great appreciation from the NGOs doing that work. More importantly, you will

not be a white cockatoo to most Indigenous community members. On one of my last nights I attended a screening of John Pilger’s Utopia, a film that paints Australian government in a very dark light, from invasion to current day. Despite the film failing to highlight positive work by white people, or Indigenous people who have prospered against the odds (it is propaganda, in a good way), speeches afterwards called for social change. Doctor Djiniyini Gondarra OAM emphasized the importance of walking together, Larrikia Elder, June Mills pleaded that “we need you!” Interning with Aurora will see you supported from start to finish, with help available by phone or email whenever you need. There is a hugely diverse list of organisations you can intern with - across the whole country. My experience has answered so many questions and asked so many more. Although I am not sure if I intend on working in an Indigenous legal field, I highly encourage interning with Aurora and NAAJA. s *Dave Tollner, NT Chief Minister.

Words by Joseph Hyde

Applications for the winter 2014 round of internships are open from 3rd through 28th March 2014 on-line via the website at www.auroraproject.com.au

pol i t ics

And the winner is ….. Us? Words by Laura Telford

Election campaigns. Everybody hates them, and yet they are an essential part of our democratic process. Politicians will promise more money, more resources, and even the kitchen sink, if they think it will give them a leg up on the other party. In the name of winning votes, pollies will plaster their face on Stobie polls, on billboards, and subject themselves to the humiliation of standing on the side of busy highways in order to capture those extra few votes. A debate is a debate – and the state leader’s debates on February 17 and March 4 were two of my favourite debates to date. One of the best things about the electing of a new government, whether they be at a state or a federal level, are the leaders’ debates. The leaders of the two major parties, Jay Weatherill for the incumbent Labor government and Steven Marshall for the Liberal opposition fought it out trying to influence the voting public of South Australia. With the result setting in stone the state’s path for the next four years. The leaders’ debates not only brought up issues closely related to the state, but that are also (or tried to be) echoed at a federal level. Women in politics, budget surpluses and deficits, public transport, health sector upgrades and unemployment are

major concerns for people from all walks of life. The fact is – the major parties say they want to see more women in politics, yet they are scarcely chosen for safe seats during pre-selections. Although the Steven Marshall was quick to point out the plethora of women in his shadow ministry, it’s certainly a stark contrast to that in the federal Cabinet. Furthermore with the closure of car manufacturing by the end of 2020, entire suburbs in SA are likely to lose a major employment option, which will have catastrophic effects on families if the government (whatever the electoral outcome Liberal, Labor or a minority government) doesn’t have a foolproof plan ready to go. While the Labor government has created a reputation spanning the last 12 years the Liberal opposition has been a relatively new creation. When the government oozed confidence and composure at the hands of Mike Rann and then Jay Weatherill, the instability within the Liberal Party prevented them from gaining office. For many years, the Liberals mimicked the federal Labor Party with leadership tiffs and attempted spills, whereby the South Australian public were not keen enough to trust them with the precious keys to the state. How times have changed.

If opinion polls and the general consensus on the streets is correct, Liberal leader Steven Marshall is positioning himself a worthy leader for a state that in the last few years has gone from strength to strength in terms of new infrastructure and global recognition. Which is not to say we are without faults: public transport (GAH!!!), upgrades to certain roads, mental health, relationships with rural areas, and cutting taxes are all issues that will play a major role in voters decision making. But the writing may already be on the wall for Jay and his team. Whether that be a continuing result from the federal election last September or the ‘it’s time’ factor coming to rear its ugly head once again. One thing is for certain, the Labor government will have their work cut out for them if they want to return for a fourth term in power. On the other hand, if the Liberals get into power, they will not only have their work cut out for them, trying to convince voters they have what it takes, trying it ‘fix’ the state, but they will need to work with the Federal Government to get the best results for the state and not just follow party lines as well. And who knows, if all that fails, a government at the hands of a few Independents may be our only option. s

“I am not your f**king mother” A guide for the mature age student

After two years of vertigo-inducing learning curves, I am nearly out the other side: relatively unscathed and almost a graduate. Therefore, if you are a mature age student (and according to statistics I read somewhere, 17% of you are) and the grey matter feels it has suffered from such neglect that it now mirrors a fungus infested bath mat, or the last month of interaction with our shiniest and brightest sends you to bed with the exhausted prayer: “Oh Lord, please don’t let me be both old and stupid!” Do not despair; there is a cheat sheet…of sorts. Below are my Top 10 First Year Tips for Mature Age Students:

For somebody who had barely finished high school, followed by countless years of dragging up unruly offspring, catering to a sometimes-ungrateful husband, the in-laws and the other paraphernalia that comes one’s way in modern life, the idea of gaining a university degree was initially conceived in a rosé haze. However, that may well have had more to do with the actual number of glasses I had drank of it rather than any real concept of what I would be embarking upon.

1. You are not Robinson Crusoe – Everyone is new and nervous. In fact, since you (for the most part) resemble a responsible adult, you will often be measured with jaundiced suspicion by the younger set. Be relaxed, say hello and try to remember names. Keep in mind it is good for youth to have a certain level of fear when dealing with older people. 2. You have received the invoice of how much all of this education is going to cost you and are currently feeling a combination of nausea/high blood pressure/drop-out syndrome. Don’t worry, at your age there

is a very good chance you will never pay off the HECS debt. I wouldn’t give those odds to many of the 21-year-olds dreaming of a grad job that entails doing bugger all and pays $100k. 3. You WILL soon be amazed by what you actually DO know. Snippets of information will join together and pieces of knowledge you have unconsciously gathered via the ‘idiot box’ will have lain dormant in the brain via some sort of osmosis – I promise you. The upside is you may have literally lived during some of the historical context and can understand why things are the way they are now. This is a bonus, use it. 4. Professors and tutors will harp on: “Do the reading. If nothing else – do the reading.” All I can say is that this is sound advice. So unless you enjoy looking like a dickhead, DO THE READING! 5. You don’t have to know the answer – chances are others won’t know either. Ask questions, that’s what the HECS debt is for. Professors don’t have all the explanations either; this usually allows discussion for interesting theories. Make those academics work for their tenure and who knows, your ideas could one day be published.

6. Avoid group work at all costs. If you cannot avoid it, set VERY clear boundaries – preferably written in blood by your team mates from the outset. As a rough guide, a team should over-manage a project at the beginning and under-manage it towards the end. Vice versa is a total nightmare that usually involves classmates you now hate or haven’t even met. Either way – they don’t care! 7. Your household WILL turn to bedlam, that’s OK. Kids do not perish from eating ice cream for dinner while you attempt to finish a paper, nor will your significant other die from lack of sex, despite what they say. Just remember: “Peer reviewed, or didn’t happen.” Bear in mind that your family is now beginning to miss the “old” you. They too are on this trip, like it or not. Try to involve them as much as possible – it makes for smoother sailing. The university employs over 1000 people, many of whom have families and understand the associated

demands. Just don’t leave communication to the last minute in either sphere.

don’t settle to be spoon-fed what can now be Googled.

8. Befriend the librarians – they are cool! These people are the gatekeepers to all the answers no matter how obscure the question. Example: I once decided to write a political case study on prostitution in South Australia and was directed to an incredible mine of published ideas via the Special Collections Department. Make the effort to check out the Special Collections, even if it’s just for fun.

10. Be gentle on yourself. Most of the mature age students I have met are high achievers; they are at university with a singular focus, and regard their time dearly. This is because, for the most part, they have overstretched on commitments; be it study, work, family, lovers, and friends – everything takes a battering at some stage. Remember, there is only one of you. Take time off occasionally to do absolutely, guiltfree nothing and my personal intention as I look upon my final year – my one and only goal and the best piece of advice I can give you – really enjoy the ride! s

9. Embrace the new. University is like Doctor Who travel: it introduces different cultures and alternate ways of living and thinking, without the tediousness of passport control post 9/11. With this in mind, consider joining a club and the student union (even if you do nothing else than sign up with either, you will receive e-notifications of what’s going on). I recall a lecturer once saying, “A university is an academic community.” She was right –

Words by Jo Schofield*

*Jo Schofield is a 40ish, pre-menopausal undergraduate student majoring in Public Policy, but really should be concentrating her efforts on writing erotic fiction.

How to behave at uni. Wise words from Grandma E For starters: grow up and have some manners. You are an adult now, start acting like one. Back in my day, manners seemed to be a bit more fashionable than now but there is a reason for them - they make everyone’s lives easier. When we can’t rely on manners we have rules. I can’t believe it has to be said but the silent section of the library is meant to be silent. If you are in the silent section of the library, how about a bit of hush? And if you are talking and someone asks you politely to be quiet, they are perfectly within their rights to do so without you carrying on like someone stole your lollipop. Just go and be in one of the many other areas of the library that aren’t silent. This isn’t a high school library - it is a place where, even though it is the first week, some students are already doing important work on which they wish to concentrate. Others are just trying to write an article for the Empire Times. Oh, and if you have a child and bring it into the silent area, understand that it is not appropriate. Do not get upset and huffy with me and storm off because I have gently and politely tried to let you know that this is an area where you should not even think of bringing a child. If I can’t even eat in here why your child should be allowed to gurgle and babble is beyond me. Either way, if people have chosen to be in the silent section of the library, they have a right to expect that it will be silent. And another thing, when you attend lectures, actually attend. By this I mean turn up and pay attention. Do not, I repeat do not spend the whole time chatting. It is disrespectful to your lecturer and to your fellow students. If you don’t want to be there, no one is making

you. This isn’t high school where you get marked on attendance. Sleeping is fine. I have done some of my best napping in my 3pm lectures. Oh, and you mature aged students can stop looking so smug - I have a bone to pick with you too. The appropriate time for your irrelevant personal story is… never. We have all paid for this course and came here to hear what the lecturer has to say, not to listen to your outstanding flashes of insight. Feel free to talk to the lecturer after the class or during tutorials, workshops and seminars. Not during lectures, unless you are asked a specific question. In which case, please try and answer that question and not go off on a tangent. You may feel you have a greater depth of understanding than your younger colleagues but please keep this to yourself. And I haven’t finished with you young ones either. If you must play computer games or scroll though Facebook, please do it in the back row. It is distracting when you sit in front of people. If you still feel this ridiculous compulsion to attend lectures when you don’t want to be there then please at least be considerate to those of us who do want to be there and want to pay attention with as few distractions as possible. Also, try to turn up on time. If you haven’t worked it out yet parking up here is a nightmare. Walking in late to lectures and

making a lot of noise is understandable for the first week or two - you are still yet to grasp the extent of the parking problem and you are getting lost and not allowing enough time for either delay. But by week three please try and have respect for your lecturer and fellow students by turning up a little early or making sure you enrol in courses that only have lectures late in the day so you don’t have to get up early to get there on time. And you young ladies in the short skirts, feel free to keep wearing them just keep in mind there are a lot of stairs here where the male population can stand underneath. Outside of lectures and the silent bit of the library, I really don’t mind what you do to explore your new environment, your new freedoms, and your new adventure, just don’t do it in the streets and frighten the horses. Cheery bye for now,

Grandma E

The Biological Sciences Animal House Charles Chiam Chuang Chao throws some questions in the direction of the Animal Facilitties Officer Leslie Morrison regarding Flinders University’s lake and the animals which reside there.

What exactly happened to the lake? Basically, there’s a species of fish in there called a Speckled livebearer (Phalloceros caudimaculatus). It’s a notifiable pest species, introduced, not native. They degrade water quality and displace native fish. So, Biosecurity from Primary Industries (PIRSA) came out and did some netting and that’s how they found it there. They check places from time to time, like bodies of water and looking for pest species of fish.

food. They would eat almost anything which meant we couldn’t put any native fish in there – they wouldn’t survive. They also needed to see what state the bottom of the lake was in. A lot of silt had built up over the years – it’s over knee deep. Buildings & Property are working with The School of Environment who are giving them advice on how to best rehabilitate the lake - perhaps digging up silt to make it deeper to have better temperature regulation and so we can look at having more fish in there. At the moment, it is so shallow: when it gets hot, a lot of species won’t survive.

Apart from the detection of invasive species, are there any other benefits? Yes. Not only have they gotten rid of those, they are able to assess the lake lining – like what helps to retain the water, and make sure that that’s all intact. And, to look at what the silt build-up is comprised of, so they know whether they can dig it out, just cart it away or maybe they could build an island in the middle. Draining has allowed them to do all, look for any cracks in the bed of the lake – like where the lining is – cause you would obviously get water leaking away.

So, there’s actually an organisation looking for invasive species? Yes, that’s part of what PIRSA do - protect the native flora and fauna. They survey for flora as well, look for invasive species and manage it. So they found the Speckled live bearer and have been working with the university to manage them. Building & Properties would drain the lake for approximately six week, depending on the weather, to let it totally dry out. That’s the best way to get rid of them, for the fish are tiny. That would explain it. I was wondering how dangerous they were since it required the drastic measures of draining the lake. It’s actually a requirement under the Fisheries Management Act 2007. Carp are another prohibited (noxious) species. We didn’t know the carp were there until the lake was drained. In some ways, the carp are even worse because they are so large and stir up the bottom when they look for

At the moment, it has become very shallow. You obviously get a lot of evaporation too, so they want to be thoughtful about how we keep it full of water. Does the 98.2mm total rainfall in February impact the project in anyway? No, they are refilling the lake now (now that they got the OK from Biosecurity). We can’t really just go about filling it with tap water because tap water’s obviously been treated, so it’s got chlorine and things like that in it. I think Buildings & Property are trying to do some collection of clean wastewater – maybe from air-conditioners and roofs. What are the highlights and challenges you faced as Biological Sciences takes care of the animals? The challenge was to capture them because it was very muddy out there and not easy to move around on that mud to actually get a hold of them. There’s a good chance they can look after themselves, but they would have to make their ways into the drains and whatnot for water. It’s easier, by which I mean better for their welfare, if we just collect them all and keep them here. I saw the pictures on Facebook. The turtles look like they are smiling. They have a particular mouth shape that makes them always look like they are smiling – even when one of them bit me.

Any ideas how the two fish got here? The Speckled livebearer is very small, so it’s possibly been carried by birds – it only takes one fish and some eggs, and that could be enough. The carp: I don’t know if someone put some in there or if it was some kind of prank – you don’t really keep carp as pets. They could have been there for twenty or thirty years because the lake’s been there since the 70s. There are various urban legends on what may or may not have been in the lake. Obviously, now that it’s drained, not much. No Loch Ness Monster then? No. Will new species be introduced after the lake is refilled? Hopefully. We would like it to be more representative of a native environment. We have researchers working with endangered native fish – it would be good if we can maybe restock with them, but at the moment we can’t because it’s far too shallow. The species that the researchers are working with at the moment are Yarra Pygmy Perch and Southern Pygmy Perch. How are the turtles doing? They are doing fine. We’ve got nine of them at the moment because, during the hot weather, some eggs hatched so there are a few babies running around. Once they started refilling the lake, another large one and several babies came out of the pipework.

They had obviously been nesting in there so they are already back in the lake. When will the lake be fully refilled? I think they are just slowly refilling it, over the next few weeks. What are your hopes and wishes for the lake? It would be nice to see a couple of little boardwalks or jetties – just some timber structures. It would be great for the aquaculture undergraduate students because it would be easier for them to collect water samples from the lake. Thank you very much for your time. s For more information on the pest species and the Speckled live bearer: http://www.pir.sa.gov.au/biosecuritysa/ aquatic/current_and_potential_pests/ prohibited_noxious_fish_list http://www.pir.sa.gov.au/biosecuritysa/ aquatic/current_and_potential_pests/speckled_ livebearers

Words by Holly Richter People clustered under shade or standing and swaying in the blistering sun. Thin nymphets with dirty locks flit and frolick through the throngs. An Egyptian theatrical thudding hypnotic tune emanates through the park whilst the blue sky is peppered with flags, trees, birds and lanterns. Base camp is for blankets and patterns; on Friday you feast on expensive whites and reds, wine that tastes smooth and soft and strong and special then on Monday you guzzle goon and Tim Tams and marvel at your good fortune.

Dust.

Barefoot stomping as one with a crowd that smells like weed, sweat and enthusiasm. Flags flutter in a gentle breeze that carries music and moments. Cold beer, warm red. Iced chai, hot latte. Sore knees dirty feet matted hair but a light and full heart. That rave culture, that trance, that skank, that Fat Freddy’s Drop, that dance. You see light in all the ways you didn’t realize you could; lanterns, spotlights, the stub of a cigarette glowing red against the blue night sky, glowing from your mate’s phone, when the sun sets behind a stage or pretty fairy lights or in a camera flash; a lighter for a moment illuminates a couple of soulmates and the dappled sunlight finally trickles through the umbrellas and the trees and the leaves and you’re home.

Heat.

Sweat.

Beats.

grooving the Womad vibe with Holly, Liz, and Flik Words by Elizabeth Daw Womadelaide is one of the most diverse music festivals on offer, both in musical styles and demographic. Retirees dance to every music genre under the sun next to small children and every age inbetween. Part of this wide appeal comes from the overall feelings of joy and community that the festival manages to capture. Walking into Botanic Park on Friday night and seeing the familiar colourful flags and sights of Womad feels like an embrace from an old friend.

Aside from music, Womad has a stage designated for thought provoking discussions by experts in areas such as politics, activism and the environment. I attended one about the role of law and legislation which addressed climate change featuring Polly Higgins, Peter Garrett and Tim Flannery. Flannery suggested as a society the need to look at the role, construction and expression of empathy as a form of being proactive in dealing with inequalities and abuse.

Over the long-weekend, the days are hot and sweaty and I thank the Womad gods for strawberry thick shakes, crisp ciders, fresh juice and Cibo ice-coffees for keeping me going through the day. The choice of food stalls in the Global Village is overwhelming; with delicious smelling and looking treats coming from all of the stalls, it’s almost too hard to choose what to eat. The craft stalls also offer a range of beautiful goods; the cigar-box guitars were particularly impressive and always had a crowd of intrigued people browsing and playing.

The day-of-the-dead themed children’s parade was a highlight. Kids dressed up and marched through the park with large puppets and music. The parade summarised what Womad is about; family, music and happiness. It really is a brilliant festival, with so much to see, do and experience – there is never a dull moment. I trudged back out of the park on Monday night completely exhausted with dirty feet, but utterly content.

I began my 2014 WOMAD experience with organic pad thai and Coopers’ newest beer – Celebration ale. Fruity and full and so, so good. Welcome to Botanic Park; aren’t you glad you came? I wander over to the Moreton Bay stage – famed over the years for its ability to provide a brilliantly green home for gorgeous acoustic sets from up and coming Aussie talent. Tonight was no exception; Sitara, led by Radelaid-ian sisters Tess and Erin Fowler, singing their stories. Their harmonies remind me of First Aid Kit but with deeper bass, bigger sounds and more depth. These girls know how to tell a folk story and sex it up with their sassy alto tones. It felt like the new wave in feminity. ‘On the Ground’ is a love song with clarity and blissful vocals. Their timing is impeccablemasterful and mesmerizing musicianship to put a smile on your face. Tess is haunting and ‘Surrender to Sin’ is both entirely under her control yet vulnerable and raw. Blue and purple spotlights only further the fairytale experience. This band reminds me of Jennifer Lawrence in American Hustle – it’s like honey that hurts. Tess sings about the price of being used, her heartbreak strong and self assured. The crashing climax concludes their set and I’m sold; get their EP, go to one of their shows, stalk them on Facebook. Sitara: make music your ears want to hear. Friday night continued in painfully cool style; Red Baraat with their giant tuba and effervescent performers made for relentless dancing fun and a buzzing warm up for the trance experience that was world leaders in skank, Fat Freddy’s Drop. An other-worldly set; dare you to stand still whether stoned or sober. Dub Inc opened my Saturday with a stomp, shake, jump and skank. Osaka Monorauil followed- this you have to see. Straight up Japanese dudes wearing tight suits. A sneaky bass face and some hip thrusting hints at something brewing and next minute you’re grinding to James Brown – these boys bring the bass. Ryo Nakata is one of the sickest dancers I’ve seen – not to mention his Ray Charles impersonation and funked up grunt. I could write for hours more about the Helpmann exhibition, the Coopers Bar or the Holy Cow chai tent. I could comment on the crowd – alive with youth, joy, diversity and freedom. About the little kids on dad’s shoulders, old ladies and young men, liberty of expression and countless baggy pants and tiny shirts. I could write about the colour everywhere – in people’s skin, clothes, hair, mannerisms, souls, in the music itself. But instead I’ll finish with some things the artists had to say. This tune is for unity.* Breathe in, breathe out. Like you used to.** We’ve all made a contribution to roots music; it’s a global thing.*** *Dub Inc **Thelma Plum ***Billy Bragg

Thelma Plum

You’ve probably heard of Thelma Plum. I didn’t realize just how much I liked her until I saw her live. Her acoustic set blew me away and cemented her place as one of the most talented songwriters in the country. A wide-eyed young creature whose honesty is endearing. She swears, makes jokes about Pharrell Williams and has absolutely no filter whatsoever – “you become very bitter when you date a lot of dickheads.” Her

nerves only made you like her more whilst her angelic voice and celestial personality brought a childlike innocence to her soulful set. I won’t tell you about the birthday sex thing – you had to be there to appreciate it. Another outstanding Australian talent was Saskwatch – maybe the most attractive group to grace Speakers Corner. Their brass, beauty and energy highlighted that magical thing about WOMAD and the diversity that is this crowd. As usual, Speakers Corner smelt of marijuana¬—although I don’t think anyone was complaining. Instead plumes of smoke permeated the grey skies somewhat poetically as bats partied overhead. The lights and colour perfectly complemented the set; this is proper rock n roll, orange and warm and lustful. ‘When I call your name’ sounds like heartbreak and anger and soul and regret. It looks like Solange Knowles crossed with 90s garage crossed with sexy hipsters and cool cat band nerds. A cowbell provided yet another dimension (fun). These guys can play; not to mention climb the rigging and rock out to ‘Hands’ from five metres above the ground.

La Chiva Gantiva All this music takes a toll on your body and by Monday I thought I was almost cooked. Then I turned up to the main stage to check out La Chiva Gantiva – I’d seen some cool clips on YouTube and thought they were worth a look. An hour later I was grinning like a maniac and proclaiming to anyone who’d listen that they were the best show I’ve seen at WOMAD, ever! A pink flamingo do-rag and some Willow Smith style hair whipping contrasted outrageously with a clarinet, a

tiny dreadlocked babe shaking her hips and a bassist wearing a prison jumpsuit. Their cool fusion of music, choreography, costumes and character is irresistible. They brought sexy soul, silly smiles and all that heat. Those drums kill. As the crowd thickened, expanding with sweat and energy and stoke, the rock vibes came out to play and all of a sudden we were moshing Rage Against the Machine style. A couple of stripteases and a splash of rain later, when all of a sudden lead

vocalist Rafael Espinel was asking if we’re ready for the game. The entire crowd now follows their dance moves; stumbling and salsaing and shaking our way around each other. I guess when you mix Colombians, Belgians, a Frenchman, and a Vietnamese, you’re bound to make something kind of incredible. Do yourself a favour and google them. Then go see them live and learn what joy is all about.

billy bragg

Billy Bragg rounded out the festival; the headline act was an undeniable crowd favourite. His accent, characteristic buggery and banter – “no one knows nuffin’ anymore yea” – were all slick. He somehow blends country western folk vibes with British spunk and political backbone – don’t ask me how. Felt quite the activist just laughing at his jokes and cheering when he said things like ‘all you fascists are bound to lose!’ Anyway; his music was beautiful too – Bragg weaves jokes, politics, guitar, blues and history with ease. I was dirty, sticky, sore, smelly and blessed and could feel the power in unity that he was banging on about; I wish I’d got more of the Thatcher jokes although the Brits I was sitting with seemed to like it.

Words by Holly Richter 23

Neko Case

Friday night American songstress Neko Case took to the stage. Case is a member of Canadian indie-rock band “The New Pornographers” and while some of that genre is transferred into her solo works, she also writes Americana and alternative-country style music. Case’s set predominately consisted of songs off her new album The Worse Things Get, The Harder I Fight, The Harder I Fight, The More I Love You. Case’s voice is beautiful and silky, which was enhanced by lush harmonies, courtesy of her backing singer Kelly Hogan. Hogan and Case also produced some wonderful onstage banter between songs, making fun of themselves as well as at the expense of other band members, both expressing genuine happiness to be playing at Womadelaide and visiting Adelaide. The heat of the day was still lingering by seven on Saturday night, but this did not deter Jon Cleary and the Absolute Monster Gentleman from putting on a killer set of New Orleans inspired blues and funk. Despite being one-man down, with guitarist Derwin Perkins not able to make the trip to Australia, each song sounded full and complete which is a real credit to the band. A highlight of their set was the slap bass solo by Cornell C. Williams, who was proudly clad in an Adelaide 36ers basketball singlet. Their set was perfect for starting to get a groove on and boogie in preparation for the night ahead.

Pokey LaFarge American Pokey Lafarge, who is signed to Jack White’s record label Third Man, played on both Sunday and Monday afternoons, with many members of the audience from Sunday returning as ‘repeat offenders’ on Monday. Lafarge and his band put on great sets that were visually and musically entertaining and fun on both days. Lafarge plays his own take on American country blues and ragtime music and embraces the style and look of early 20th century American clothing too. Lafarge was joined by a two person horn section and his original backing band, “The South City Three”, consisting of guitar, upright bass and percussion.

Altogether the band is really musically talented and tight, each member of the band also brought their own quirks to the performances. Both the second guitarist and bass player took skilful solos as did the trumpeter who gets a great fat sound out of his instrument. The percussionist is a real character, playing a bunch of different instruments and knick knacks. His harmonic solos were fantastic and lively, in particular a ‘look mum no hands’ trick where he shoved the harmonic into the inside of his cheeks while continuing to solo. He also played a washboard decorated with bells that the crowd went wild for. The clarinettist was the sole female in the group and had a great stage presence dancing and miming when she wasn’t playing. The tone of her clarinet really helped in setting the style and tone of the songs. Ever the charmer, Lafarge dedicated a cover of ‘My Window Faces the South’ to South Australia and had the audience eating out of his palm. Over their two sets Lafarge and band played a wide range of songs from his early recordings, recent self-titled album and new unreleased songs. Even if you hadn’t heard the songs before, they are easy to sing along to and the crowd really got into ‘Two-faced Tom’ and ‘La La Blues’ in particular.

Megan Washington

Megan Washington took to the stage on Sunday afternoon. Wearing all black, Washington played a bunch of new songs during her hour-long set. They are a slight change in style for Washington with a more melancholic feel and out-look on life than the songs on I Believe you Liar, which although had gloomy themes they were juxtaposed with catchy pop hooks. Washington’s style has also changed with the addition of a synthesiser player to her band. There is no release date for her new album yet, but it is reportedly finished and this was obvious during her set. Each new song felt whole and complete, as if Washington has worked and crafted them extensively before setting them upon the world. Washington has also grown visually as a performer, making the effort to step out from the piano and really embody the role of a front woman.

Dub Inc

Lior

French-Algerian group Dub Inc put on an incredibly energetic and fun set. Combining elements of reggae, roots, dub and hiphop Dub Inc took over the main stage and turned it into one big party. The two frontmen got the whole crowd dancing, jumping and singing in English and French. It was impossible not to dance and only got harder to resist with every song. Ending with a competition between the two MCs as to whose side of the audience could jump the highest and sing the loudest, making it one of the most entertaining sets of the festival.

Having recently played in Adelaide with Nigel Westlake, a huge crowd gathered for Lior’s Sunday night set. Backed by a tight band, Lior played a good mix of new and old songs. Guitarist Ben Edgar had impressively already played a full set that afternoon in Washington’s band. Edgar’s skilful guitar solos enhanced the songs and added an exciting extra element to the performance. Lior’s breakthrough song ‘This Old Love’ went down a treat with Lior dedicating it to the couple who had been married at Womadelaide earlier in the weekend. While his band is excellent, Lior finished the set with a bracket of songs performed solo. This really just highlighted that with his incredible vocal range and tone Lior’s voice alone is enough for a show all by itself.

Words by Elizabeth Daw

Rachel Degree: PhD (Chemistry) Are you going to indulge in any “Mad March” events such as the Fringe or WOMAD? Yes! I’m trying to squeeze in as much Fringe as I possibly can. It’s the best time to be in Adelaide. A duck named Fred comes up to you and asks for your assistance in world domination. What do you do?

Haydn

Luke

Degree: Bachelor of Psychology

Degree: Bachelor of Medical Science

Are you going to indulge in any “Mad March” events such as the Fringe or WOMAD?

Possibly. It depends on what I get dragged along to. A duck named Fred comes up to you and asks for your assistance in world domination. What do you do? Please, if anything Fred will be the one assisting me.

Perhaps, if I can afford it. A duck named Fred comes up to you and asks for your assistance in world domination. What do you do?

Ask if his plans have been risk assessed.

Why did you choose Flinders University?

Recruit him into my cause and provide him with a questionnaire to determine his usefulness.

Why did you choose Flinders University?

I applied for university alphabetically.

Why did you choose Flinders University?

Flinders is the only university that offered my undergrad course.

What are you most looking forward to at Flinders this year?

I don’t like the city; I prefer landscape.

What are you most looking forward to at Flinders this year?

Finishing.

What are you most looking forward to at Flinders this year?

Any time ChurrOz are here.

If you could be any super hero, who would you be and why?

Expanding my mind and world domination scheme.

If you could be any super hero, who would you be and why?

Night-crawler. I’ve always been a fan of teleportation and prehensile tails.

If you could be any super hero, who would you be and why?

Catwoman – she ends up with Batman. Plus she’s a badass.

Finish this sentence: When in doubt...Headshot (and twice to make sure).

Wonderboy! With the power to teleport, I could finally live out my dream to canoe down a pyramid.

Finish this sentence: When in doubt…Choose ‘c’

Finish this sentence: When in doubt…Divide by zero and start a fire.

VOX

Karen Degree: PhD (Chemistry) Are you going to indulge in any “Mad March” events such as the Fringe or WOMAD? Yes! Sammy J and Randy, Illuminate, Comedy Pub Crawl and more. All the Fringe fun!

POPS

A duck named Fred comes up to you and asks for your assistance in world domination. What do you do?

Dylfunkle

Catherine

Degree: Bachelor of Medical Science

Degree: Bachelor of Behavioural Science

Are you going to indulge in any “Mad March” events such as the Fringe or WOMAD?

Yes. I will be drinking as much as my vital organs will allow.

Already seen a few :)J

A duck named Fred comes up to you and asks for your assistance in world domination. What do you do?

A duck named Fred comes up to you and asks for your assistance in world domination. What do you do? Question his motives and make a decision based on how honest I think he’s being.

Throw bread at him and steal him as an office pet duck.

Accept him or her as my rival and give them the choice to join me or fall to my sword.

Why did you choose Flinders University?

Great options and nice campus.

Because it’s close.

Good reviews from other students (past and current).

What are you most looking forward to at Flinders this year?

Going!

New experiences and meeting fresh faces.

What are you most looking forward to at Flinders this year? Pub-crawls and finishing my PhD (good joke). If you could be any super hero, who would you be and why?

If you could be any super hero, who would you be and why? I am one but I can’t disclose who.

I’m BATMAN. Just coz. Finish this sentence: When in doubt…Dance about!

Finish this sentence: When in doubt…Whip it out!

Why did you choose Flinders University?

If you could be any super hero, who would you be and why? Invisible girl – just to mess with people’s minds. Finish this sentence: When in doubt…RE: Leftovers: “when in doubt, throw it out” RE: Everything else: “when in doubt, try it out”

Ma dele ine Ka rutz

Flinders University Hall Charity Fair

In the opening year of this program, Flinders University Hall’s students logged a massive 1363 hours of volunteer work over the year! Their students volunteered their time through activities such as: donating blood, tutoring children, helping settle in refugees, coaching children’s sport, participating in fun-run’s, and much more! This year, they hope to see the number of hours volunteered go up even higher!

This year, Flinders University Hall shook up its O’Week and held its first ever Charity Fair! Flinders University Hall (part of Flinders Living, our on-campus accommodation) has taken the admirable step to introduce what they are calling their ‘Philanthropy Program’ to their college. This program effectively challenges each and every student living there to complete 10 hours of volunteer work over the year. The main aim of the program is to foster personal growth, encourage altruistic practices, and most importantly to promote the continuation of contributing to our community even after their time residing at Flinders University Hall. They hope that this program serves not only to enrich students’ personal college experience, but also to increase Flinders Living’s charitable presence in our community.

To support the integration of this program into college life, Flinders University Hall took a morning out of its busy O’Week schedule, to dedicate some time to promote volunteer work. To do this they invited down a number of different charities to come along, set up a stall in their courtyard, and meet their students. The music, BBQ and sunshine made for a fantastic atmosphere; even their mascot Bruce Stryker took part! The Charity Fair saw participation from a huge range of different charities. Those taking part were: The Royal Flying Doctor Service, The Red Cross, The Salvation Army, Oasis, The Smith Family, Inspire, Oak Tree, Make a Wish, World Vision, One Girl and CARA. It was really encouraging to see how many charities already had a strong base here at Flinders University; some were even founded by Flinders such as the Inspire Mentor Program! Our University has a rich culture in volunteering/charity work, and has its own clubs that support: The Red Cross, Oak Tree, World Vision/Vgen, and Flinders’ Fair Trade Society, that anyone from Flinders can easily get involved in!

Another fantastic initiative of Flinders University Hall is the support of our community through their ‘Residential Tutor’ team. The team is made up of 13 different tutors, that each runs a different charity event over the year. This year the events range from running in the City-Bay, Clean up Australia Day, Do-It-In-A-Dress, Movember and much more! With the unique and refreshing spirit of Flinders University Hall, it’s easy to see how the event was such a hit. It was estimated that over 100 students signed up or put an expression of interest in to a Charity on the day, and the gregarious nature of the Hall’s residents was hard to miss! The second the fair opened each stall was flooded with students, eager to find out what each Charity did and how they could get involved. It can be easy to forget or overlook the power a tight-knit community such as a college can have. But when you see a day such as the Hall’s Charity Fair, incorporated into its own O’Week, supporting its very own Philanthropy Program, you can’t help but recognise just how extraordinary a college’s community is. Safe to say, college life is changing. And Flinders? Well, we’re the face of it. s

Words by Sine Aberdour

Interv iew

Alison Bechdel

Intellectual Cartoonist, Compulsive Diarist and Contented Outsider Words by Emma Maguire As a comic artist, you are invested in telling women’s stories and, more specifically, telling queer women’s stories. Why is this an important project? As a young person I did not see reflections of women like myself or my friends in the world, and it was a bad feeling. It made me feel invisible and not valued so it was important for me to create those reflections myself. I figured, you know, no one else is going to do it so I will. And, I feel like I would have drawn my lesbian comic strip even if no one else had ever read it because I needed to see it. I needed to see myself, depicted as a worthy human being in the world. It was very therapeutic for me to do that. I found it very necessary. So I assumed if that was true for me, it’s probably true for everyone. We all need to see people like us in the culture – it’s almost a bodily, organic need that we have. Your comic strip Dykes to Watch Out For developed a dedicated following. Did that affirm your assumption then? Yeah, very much. The comic strip was part of a movement. In the eighties, when I began doing it, there was this very vital gay and lesbian subculture with newspapers and community centres and this vibrant cultural life, which we don’t have any more. It’s kind of hard to imagine those times, but there was almost this parallel world. I had a very engaged audience because we were all part of this movement, it was an activist era and we were all in it together, and so the comic strip was almost like what a blog might be now. I got lots of feedback on it and the feedback in turn coloured the direction that the story took and the topics that I addressed. What is it about the genre of autobiographical comics that appeals to readers who might not otherwise think of themselves as comics readers? I, personally, have always loved reading autobiographical comics. When I discovered that stuff in my early twenties I was reading stuff like Harvey Pekar’s American Splendor, Robert Crumb and Aline Kominski Crumb’s collaborations together about their personal lives. There was a very rich culture of autobiographical cartooning going on in the underground comics world. I think people

love that stuff because it’s so riveting to see other people exploring these intimate aspects of their real lives that mostly we don’t talk about. I think it’s very liberating for all of us to see that stuff: people really talking about their secrets, their bad behaviour and their shame. I think that’s liberating for all of us. For most of your life you’ve kept a personal diary - what does diary writing do for you both as a practice in its own right, and also in terms of your work? I’m sort of a compulsive diarist. I sort of have to keep track of myself by writing. I don’t feel like myself unless I’ve kept tabs on myself in writing. I think that’s probably some sort of disorder, some neurosis [laughs], but it’s a functional one for me. I get a lot of mileage out of it because I have this record of everything I’ve done and most of the things I’ve thought and felt. As a memoirist it’s great to have that sort of material to draw on. Do you have a typical daily work routine? I try to be pretty disciplined, but I always fail somewhat [laughs]. I always get up later than I would like, but I have a pretty strict routine in the morning where I do some exercise, yoga, meditate and have breakfast, and then I sit down at my computer. I try to get to my computer as quickly as I can after all of those activities because I just think best in the morning. I like to write first thing in the morning because that’s the only time my brain is really good for that. Then I write until early afternoon. And when I say “write” my process is kind of strange because I’m a cartoonist, so I’m sort of writing and drawing together. I’m writing on my computer but I’m writing in a drawing program, so I’m not just typing - I’m thinking about images, researching images and playing with designing my pages. So my “writing” looks a little different than what a writer writing might look like. Then, when I use up my fresh morning brain, I turn to other activities - I can draw at night. I need a different kind of brain energy and I have that later in the day. So it works out well because I basically have to have two jobs: I’m a writer and an artist, so I split them up over the course of the day.

Could you talk a little bit about what drives you? Well, you know, different things drive me at different times, but [pauses] maybe it’s all the same thing. Maybe it’s the same thing that makes me want to keep a diary - there’s this urge to record things. I want to capture my experience. When I was younger that took the form of this comic strip about the lesbian community. I wanted to capture that experience, and as I moved on to this autobiographical stuff, it’s exploring my own inner life and my own psychic battles with my parents. I need to be working on something – I feel crazy and anxious when I’m not immersed in a project. So, [laughs] I guess what I’m saying is, what drives me is… neurosis! I have to be engaged in this weird, obsessive project of writing and drawing about my life or I don’t quite feel right. What books, comics, movies or TV shows are you into at the moment? I am kind of obsessed with Girls. I’m a little disappointed with the third season, but I just love it. I loved the first two seasons - I love Hannah. And I love how real it is: [Lena Dunham] has created these flawed, real, wonderful women characters, which is still a new thing. You know, women haven’t gotten to be the fucked up protagonist in the way that men have. So that’s refreshing, but it’s also just really good writing. Movies, though…you know, I get really nervous when people start talking about the Bechdel Test [laughs] because I don’t really watch that many movies! Did you want to say anything about the recent controversy over The Bechdel Test being used as a viewing recommendation in Sweden? Some people have called the test a kind of censorship. That’s just insane. I certainly didn’t intend it to be any kind of official scale or grade, but it is a useful tool. I think it’s just shocking to people when realise how few movies really do meet the criteria of the test. But that’s not to say a movie that doesn’t is a bad movie or shouldn’t be seen. We rate movies for violence and sexual content, why not rate them for how realistically they treat their female characters? s

*The Bechdel Test comes from Bechdel’s Dykes to Watch Out For comic strip (above) and has been adopted more widely as a way of illuminating gender bias in film. In the original strip from 1985, one character says that she requires three things of movies: “One, it has to have two women in it who, two, talk to each other about, three, something besides a man.”

Theatre

(fing e r)p r i n t s Words by Georgia Brass

I love quality theatre. I love quality theatre by budding thespians. I love quality theatre by budding thespians from Adelaide, and the Adelaide Fringe is a perfect time to see it. (finger)prints, a creative collaboration between Urban Myth Theatre Company Senior Ensemble members Hannah Fallowfield and Chloe Eckert, is such a production. Fallowfield and Eckert have directed and written a play that tells the story of four roommates/friends/lovers whose lives both entangle and unravel over a tragic intoxicated mistake. The turmoil which the audience bear witness to with both the before and aftermath of said mistake, leads into an emotional, emancipating, yet quietly epic ending. Following her phenomenal debut Sage in the 2013 Adelaide Fringe, Flinders University Creative Writing student Eckert delivers yet another powerful, poignant piece of theatre that makes her audience closely consider their own companions and their own choices in everyday life. A real story with raw characters, (finger)prints follows four young adults whose relationships and resolutions would rip them apart as one of them is killed and the three that remain struggle with who to blame. I was completely blown away by Eckert’s writing and how it depicted a deeper, darker side to human beings and how our drunken, diabolical and desperate decisions can determine more than we comprehend. Demonstrating innate talent and incredible training in directing, Fallowfield’s directorial concept allowed her audience to transcend reality – time and space were elective in this play where Fallowfield’s troupe of actors dabbled in physical theatre and moved between surrealism and realism from moment to moment, interweaving interpretive dance, flashbacks, and news broadcasts with the tangible tale unfolding onstage. Actors Harry Breese, Keenan Haynes, Maddy Herd and Emma Kew were all immaculate embodiments of their characters; overwhelmed Ollie, muddled Max, ever-present Esther and strong-minded Sammi respectively. The four worked together with impressive chemistry,

with the love triangle between Breese, Herd and Kew’s characters being convincingly intense. Conveying complex characters in complicated relationships with themselves and each other, each actor created a character that the audience could only sympathize for at the play’s conclusion. (finger)prints tight, effective technical elements were very key in shaping the world of the characters for the audience to immerse themselves in. The set design was so simple, consisting of lines on the floor to create an apartment layout, and in this was both functional yet worldly, able to take the audience into many different places and times while all being set in one space. It was functional for all audience members to be able to see what was happening at all times, as well as allowing Esther’s ghost to paranormally pass through ‘walls’, which had an omniscient presence through the entire play. The props were so effective in depicting an apartment atmosphere, as well as reflecting each character’s interests in what lay in each of their bedrooms, such as Ollie’s Xbox and Max’s books. Costuming also assisted in depicting characters, from Sammi’s simple dress and head wrap that gave off an artsy bohemian vibe, to Esther’s LBD and stain-washed denim shirt that allowed a sense of rebellion to roll off her. The lighting framed the action while also creating a mesmerising mood, particularly in the moments were Herd’s character was hauntingly lit by the headlights that ultimately killed her. The hardcore, harrowing sounds of local music artists Horror My Friend, Alfalfa, Animal Shadows and Archers used throughout the play were fantastically atmospheric. Fallowfield and Eckert’s (finger)prints was ultimately a captivating, confronting, cathartic, contemporary play which conveys a critical message about considering your choices carefully and being aware of how we all impact and imprint on each other’s existence. Each theatrical element was developed and executed with professionalism and panache that is to be praised – everyone involved in this production is to be commended for their creativity and commitment that shone through on opening night; that left the audience amazed.

Film Review Mary Shelley’s classic monster is a lumbering, tormented maniac birthed by science into a world that would never embrace him as one of their own. He is stitched together from the corpses of a finals series worth of dead men and unleashed upon an unsuspecting world by a regretful creator. Were it not for a sincere attempt on the part of that creator to drown his progeny soon after birth, Stuart Beattie’s I, Frankenstein would almost be the perfect extended metaphor. Aaron “Harvey Two-Face Dent” Eckhart plays the titular monster (given the name Adam early in the film, but still referred to as Frankenstein throughout) in this play between good and evil and things that sometimes stumble through the awkward spaces inbetween. Gone are many of the tell-tale characteristics of previous portrayals. Eckhart’s monster is every bit a grown-up man-made abomination. He is largely freed of the existential angst of his formative years and possessed of an almost effortless sense of style (not to mention convenient tailoring). I, Frankenstein feels like a poorly-tailored patchwork quilt of a film. The overall surface of the plot is riddled with so many holes that the story itself exists in the negative space between them. The entire story quickly begins to feel like the character of Frankenstein’s monster was accidentally air-dropped into the world of the quicklyforgotten but still marginally better Gabriel (2007). The world itself is a seemingly endless grey nightscape. The only glimpses of daylight are seen in the prologue and in the brief refractory period between the main plot’s climax and the settingup of the (unlikely) sequel. Despite this lack of natural light, all of the darkened sets are bathed in the glow of a moon so large that questions must be asked about whether it orbits the earth or if the relationship is perhaps reversed.

The construction of the world as a neon-pockmarked wasteland appears to be in the service of the frequent use of flame-oriented special effects. Many of the action sequences quickly degenerate into confusing messes of arcing flame and columns of light. Neither of these would be half as spectacular if the scenes took place in full sunlight. Also, it might prompt a reaction from curious passers-by about why part of the building they’re walking past just sprouted wings and took off wielding a four-foot long mace that wasn’t part of the original statue. In a nutshell, the demons want to know why Frankenstein’s experiment was such a rousing success. The gargoyles want to stop the demons from having access to any more information that may tip the balance of the war in their favour. Frankenstein’s monster wants to be left alone. Miranda from Mass Effect wants to reanimate the world’s largest rat. Bill Nighy wants to pocket yet another cheque for playing the big bad in one of these cheesy Kevin Grevioux films; and Grevioux takes obvious delight at chewing up screen-time in his usual role of Henchman #1. At least poor Bill gets away without having to utter a line as dire as the one in Underworld’s ‘I loved my daughter!’ scene. Just. The acting is wooden, the dialogue a source of unintentional hilarity and there are plot holes you could fly a legion of stone flying ape-lionthings through. The film has the familiar reek of an up-and-coming Director and middling screenwriter convincing a couple of namebrand actors to come to Melbourne for a holiday. I, Frankenstein’s greatest enduring value will likely be as fodder for a liver-destroying drinking game. Frankenstein’s monster may find redemption, but the film itself does not.

Words by Shaun Hobby

FICTION

s y a D t e e r t S s Jame

I fell into the punk scene slums when I was sixteen and had

bring his guitar over, and we’d smoke joints and write songs together.

nowhere else to go. There were shitloads of kids just like me, some

He taught me how to play, and when I became better than him he

a bit younger, some in their twenties. We lived in a really seedy

even gave me his guitar. Even druggies have hearts.

area outside the city. There were about eight houses on two blocks that we all swapped between. These were grungy, fucked-up houses with about twenty people living in four or five bedrooms. We shared everything from toothbrushes to needles. We’d wash them out with boiling water though; we weren’t stupid (you can never be too careful sharing toothbrushes).

The first night I banged heroin, Doc shot me up. At first I closed my eyes as he slowly slid in the needle, but then I forced myself to open them because if you’re going to do something disgusting you should be brave enough to see it. The blood drew back and turned the liquid pink and then it was inside me, consuming me just as I had consumed it.

The worst part was the smell. Months of mouldy dishes and old food filled up the rooms; every inch of carpet was either stained with bong water or beer or burnt from cigarettes. We all bathed, but we didn’t buy soap or shampoo so I guess we all stank after a couple months.I moved into a house on James Street. Immediately when you walked in there was a small corridor to your left and a large staircase leading upstairs to the main living area and the rest of the bedrooms. The corridor led to a single room so small it was almost worth sleeping in the adjoining closet..

The days slipped into weeks and months, and I slipped into a fuzzy oblivion until one dark night when Gen returned from work and smiled in a way that told me she had gotten us a nice taste. We fixed up in record time and fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately, I’ve never decided) had just finished and were both lying on the floor in head to head bliss, when I heard the loudest fucking noise I’d ever heard. I later found out it was the front door being broken down. Seconds later, huge dogs were barking in my ears and blue uniformed cops were shoving guns in my face and holding me down

Gen was two years older than me. Perhaps it was because we shared

on the floor (as though I could get up!).

a mattress in the corner of the lounge, perhaps it was because we were the only girls in the whole house who didn’t fuck around for drugs, but we had each other’s backs. We didn’t judge the other girls – although in retrospect it might have saved a couple of lives – but we sure did laugh at them. Gen once said to me, “if I don’t suck cock for heroin, I’m sure as hell not going to do it for love,” which was funny because she’s a dyke who really loves her heroin.

For a moment, I was outside of myself completely - a calm spirit in the corner of the room, watching all the action. I saw our hovel through new eyes, as the policemen would have; milk bottle containers full of used needles, crack pipes, baggies, ciggies, water bottles and rubbish all over the coffee tables; a clearly stolen plasma television on the floor; mattresses everywhere. Colourful murals over one wall in the lounge room (in chalk - we wanted our bond back). Some of the

Doc, so called because he was basically a pharmacist without the

most beautiful art I’ve ever seen was on that wall, though one corner

degree and because he never left a mark, was the oldest person

consisted of a giant picture of a squealing pig wearing a police hat.

in the house at a staggering thirty. When I first started crashing at James Street he lived there but we were only housemates for a month or so before he moved on. We got into a routine where he’d

“That’s a pity,” I remember thinking. Then we were all taken down to the station, every single one of

us. I stole a few panicked glances at Gen before we were taken

the photo they had, didn’t need to look into those piercing eyes and

into separate rooms.. I sat at a table across from two very serious-

that handsome jaw line to know that Harry Anderson was Doc.

faced men and just kept telling them my name and age and asking for a lawyer. They, in turn, kept asking if I knew a man named Harold Anderson or a girl named Olivia Franks.

They still hadn’t tracked him down when Gen and I left town a few weeks later. I don’t know if they ever did. Maybe it was the magnitude of that particular moment that drove me to seek out a different life.

I knew Olivia all right. That bitch skipped town and still owed me

Maybe I thought that I owed it to Olivia Franks and the other girls

a hundred bucks. I honestly had never heard of Harold, but I kept

from the punk scene slums that we lost from overdosing or suicide

laughing when they asked if I knew “Harry” because that’s what we

to not let their deaths be in vain. Mostly though, I think it’s because

called heroin.

Gen and I arrived at the same moment at the same time. We didn’t know how to love ourselves back then but we loved each other and

The first cop said, “Olivia Franks is dead. This isn’t a laughing matter.” That shut me up. I put my hand to my mouth and tears sprung to my eyes.

there was no way I was letting her slip through the cracks. I still find it ironic that I got my first shot of heroin from a murderer named Harry.

He continued: “Are you meaning to tell me that you lived in a house for six months with a strangled corpse and didn’t realise? Didn’t smell it? What the hell is wrong with you kids?”

Words and illustration by J.J Nestor

I didn’t know it was possible to shock someone into sobriety, but I was suddenly clear-headed. “Where?” I asked. They exchanged a glance. “The closet in the downstairs bedroom.” I freaked out a little then. I started yelling defensively, screaming that I had a right to an attorney; that I had no idea what this was about, before promptly throwing up on the floor. It might have looked suspicious if they didn’t already know who did it. I didn’t need to see

Poetry & Prose This Moment The air is cool but the earth warm to touch, There is no sound to be heard but I hear too much. The grass is soft yet the blades cut my hand, The trees are short but tall from where I stand. The sun is low but its light blinds my eyes, The wind seems to whisper but it’s telling lies. The water rests peacefully buts it’s full of rage, The mood is simple yet hard to gauge. The scene is beautiful but it brings me to tears, The world seems young but is old in years. This moment is endless but will soon be forgot, This poem will end but forget I will not. Words by Michael Adams

Two street drives Magnificent sun, benevolent rays Bathing my face, eyes in a haze Onward we march, until night falls Harmony gripped, innocence calls Marching somewhere, the tracks don’t end A house appears, upwards we ascend Two men greet us with expressive eyes They say they know then leave with our cries She came in March, blood in her veins With her singing birds, in June she remains Words by Tim Walter

Nothing left to do but sleep

I feel the old familiar feeling in my chest shallow breathing facial twitching body itching eyes ticking Wait for my old friend Mister Sun to rise When the birds start chirping I know it’s time to try to fade away from this world, to let my chest rise and fall with the steady breath of unsteady sleep and when my dreams become nightmares and the kittens become grizzly bears and axe murderers hide behind doors. In fact, I don’t think those birds are chirping anymore, maybe they’re crying and those cries, along with mocking Mister Sun infiltrate my dreams persistently and meld together with every horror in my head. In a bed, covered in pools of sweat. I dream fragments of my worst regrets who play poker with my biggest fears and swap jokes at my expense for bets Words by J.J Nestor

Bye Moving through these hollow streets My world is silent, my mind can’t sleep I want to close these wounds Stooped down off my feet Life keeps on passing me by Echoing forward, not turning back You’re out of sight, my vision turns black I scream a silent shout I can’t be set free Life keeps on passing by Stepping on feet, touching the ground I hear a whisper, an abandoned sound The voice is empty The words aren’t seen And life passes me by Words by Tim Walter

mus ic

The Satanist

What’s Life Without Losers

Words by Shaun Hobby

Words by Jess Nicole

Behemoth

Mikhael Paskalev

When I saw Behemoth in 2006, I was convinced that Demigod was the definitive blackened death metal record. What ground was there left to tread? Quite a bit, as it turns out. Nine years and seven studio albums in, they continued to move from strength to strength as one of the most reliably brutal and inventive bands in both the Polish and global death metal scene. The current line-up, which has remained in place for over a decade, has emerged from the studio and delivered a staggering tenth studio album of bludgeoning Polish fury. The Satanist (Nuclear Blast, 2014) is an undeniably punishing offering by a band that has an excellent track record of pushing the boundaries of the blacker end of the death metal oeuvre. A five-year absence from the studio and front-man (and founder) Adam ‘Nergal’ Darski’s battle with Leukaemia have not slowed down the band’s creativity or commitment to making seriously heavy music. What it may have tempered a little is the overall pace of the music itself. The Satanist is an album that is not afraid to take its time in making its point, because it knows you’re going to stick around to hear the end of the story. Nergal’s trademark rasping growl has taken on a measured clarity that serves to remind the listener that this album is a blunt-force weapon being wielded by experts in their field. As always, drummer Inferno provides a monumental framework for the album. Heavy, but perfectly measured, his work on ‘Ora Pro Nobis Lucifer’ is a personal highlight. From the almost funerary dirge of the opening track ‘Blow Your Trumpets Gabriel’ to the unexpected-but-very-welcome acoustic interlude sandwiched between brutal bookends of ‘In The Absence Ov Light’, the album feels like one of the most complete albums from a band that has reached a new peak of its dark power.

It’s hard to fault a cheeky 26-year-old man with a beautiful moustache, mesmerising thrusts and a knack for singing in a way that makes your cheeks flush and hips swing - so, I won’t. What’s Life Without Losers is the debut album from the Norwegian/Bulgarian singer/songwriter Mikhael Paskalev who headed down under in early March to further charm his fans and woo those untouched by his catchy, twisted pop tunes. What’s Life Without Losers was released on March 7 complemented by a brand new single and music video ‘Jive Babe.’ ‘Jive Babe’ is an upbeat and rambunctious song depicting a summer romance that has gone wrong. The music video, reminiscent of Tarantino’s creations, starts off with a chic vixen whose pursed lips should be a warning sign for what’s to come. As the sun packs up for the day, it is revealed that the cherryeating femme fatal has taken the gaffer-taped Paskalev as hostage. Paskalev has no mode of action but to sit and watch as she and the Eastern European locals bustle and dance beneath the moon’s glow. It’s a morbid, eerie feeling when the heroine approaches her victim with a petrol canister and douses him in the liquid, all the while the crowd sporting manic smiles and doing burnouts on the grass to the sound of handclapping. Other tracks of note include ‘Susie’, a nostalgic love song spiced with country notes, as well as a personal favourite ‘Dust’ that delights the listener with a haunting voice and earthy guitar. Paskalev’s songs are deeply routed in springin-step alternative country pop and draw influence from Edward Sharpe, The Mamas and the Papas, Paul Simon and The Shins. What’s Life Without Losers is characterised by robust choruses, hopelessly charismatic instrumentation and spirited videos such as the platinum selling ‘I Spy’, which sees Paskalev breaking household furniture mid tight whitey-dance.

ART vs SCIENCE Awesome Sauce! That is all Jade Kelly can say after speaking with Dan McNamee, keyboard, guitar and vocalist for Art vs Science. Triple J’s 2009 Unearthed winners, Art vs Science are back with a new pulse to dance to while procrastinating from your uni assignments at 2am (we all know its true!)

Is it true Art vs Science was initiated after you attended a Daft Punk concert in 2007?

Can I say you have the best music clips going around – do you design these clips yourself?

Yeah, that was me. It was a long time coming, like the trigger point. We’ve been playing in bands a long time and the one I was in (rock and roll band) was coming to an end. I started to experiment with electronic music and stuff and then saw Daft Punk’s concert. Actually, I was kind of into political movements and, weirdly enough, the concert showed me it was an awesome medium to transmit positive messages on a massive scale. So after that I thought yeah!

We have input but most of them are designed by a guy called Alex Crawford – a film director in Sydney. We met him on a tour in 2009 as a budding young film director who wanted to do a behind the scenes documentary. We were at an after party in Byron Bay, all stoned and doing mime fighting. He saw that and then got the idea for the video for ‘Parlez-Vous Francais?

You have rather a unique sound, what or who has influenced your musical career? ACDC and Rolling Stones sort of rock and roll bands where it’s about capturing a really vibe-y performance of musicians in a room playing their instruments, really enjoying the fact that they are playing, and do a good take. And the Beatles of course: I sometimes fantasise about us taking a similar trajectory in, and into music in general.

‘Create/Destroy’ is your new single, and what a dandy single it is. Tell me, how did this new single come together? It came together in a 15 minute jam midway through last year. You know if it goes for 15 minutes then you have a good riff. *Uses voice to make sounds of the riff* It kind of sat on the shelf for a little while, we got it back down, tinkered with it, and made a demo on Garage Band. Andrew Gregg, a budding sound director, saw us at a gig and said “I’d love to record you guys” so we went to a sound engineering student place and

recorded ‘Create/Destroy.’ So yeah, that’s the process. Just like our children, conceived in 2013 and born into the world. It then goes through all these trials and tribulations and then emerges as an adult on Triple J. Is this new single the sign of another album? If so, can you give us any sneaky insights? It’s the sign of two EP’s instead of another album. I don’t know how much I should be saying. You are touring Australia with the Create/Destroy Tour. In your experience, what makes for an awesome tour or performance? When it’s long enough. I mean, this one is only five shows and we are already rehearsing for it so it will be good, but I really like the long tours. When you get about two weeks into it and you really start to hit your stride and all the muscle memory has been learnt, you can just have fun! Also, the shows where the crowd is vibing and you’re in the pocket.

Do you have any pre-show rituals? Just before we go on stage we bang our heads together and say, “Make the party!” We did a show at Falls in 2009 and just before I was going on stage Calvin was like *insert 50 year old American man voice*, “Hey man, how ya going?” “I’m pretty good just a bit nervous.” He like, “don’t be nervous man, just go out there and make the party!” Where has been your favourite place to tour and why? Falls 2009 – one of the best festivals in Australia. It was on the main stage, just about sunset, and the whole festival was there. We’ve been going to that festival since 2005 as youngins and we got to play at it. Everything was just so good.

What has been some of your favourite gigs or concerts you’ve been to throughout your lifetimes and why? Tame Impala at Homebake. Like, watching them - there was all this wind blowing on them, coming from the harbor and as I was watching them I got this feeling that it was one of those classic shows that you will be talking about for a while. They’re just a really, really, really good band. I really like them.

What advice can you give to any aspiring bands?

What has been the craziest experience you’ve had as a band on tour?

A duck named Fred comes and asks for your assistance in world domination. What do you do?

In Townsville we were walking back from Groovin’ The Moo Festival and Dan saw a bridge over the river and decided to jump in. He said he landed down there, hit the bottom and got stuck in sticky mud up to his knees under the water. He was like, “Fuuuuuuuck!” I had started to take my thongs off to do the same thing.

Think about what you want to say to the audience – you want to have something interesting to say that could help someone in one way or another. Just don’t take it all so seriously. When people go out to see a gig, it’s not a therapy session, it’s supposed to be fun. That’s the main thing: make it fun and have a pulse, something you can dance to.

I’d say “What are your plans once you’ve dominated the world?” Then I would decide whether I want to help and if it doesn’t agree with my plans, I’d exterminate him. s

Party hard at Art vs Science, April 4th at Adelaide Uni Bar

Garden of CulinaryDelights

The Fringe Festival brings international artists to our quaint little city, flooding it with culture. In Mad March there’s so much to see and do, and it doesn’t stop with the arts. The Garden of Unearthly Delights and the new Royal Croquet Club host a range of food vendors in the one place; when else can you eat Jamaican food before seeing an Irish comedian? You don’t need plans, just spontaneity and someone to share the ride with. The Garden has been around for years; it’s an icon. The anticipation creeps in as you see the tents erected early in the month. At the opening night it seems everyone is there and the edginess of the dull lights and loud noises make you feel as though you’ve stepped into a 1950’s circus. Before show-time, it’s dinner-time. Forget dagwood dogs and greasy burgers, fresh and vibrant food is served in the Garden, just like the acts it hosts. Voodoo Burger stands out next to all the other eateries only because of the fresh and honest burgers the customers are carrying away. Service is fast and friendly. The Cajun burger is precise, enough salad, not too much spice and soft bread. It’s worth $10 but the hunger pangs are not quelled so a side of fries may help. La Cantina Co proudly display nachos on their board, an ideal food for sharing. But as you make your way to the front of the (slow) line, disappointment creeps; they’re sold out. Tacos are a second option but they are not second-class. Interesting flavour combinations work well, like the pork and pineapple, and the beef filling is rich and earthy, with big hunks of meat. The tortillas are the highlight; not homemade but still deliciously chewy and far removed from store bought. Little Adelaide Pizza Co ticks all the boxes. The made-to-order pizzas are thick and cheesy with generous toppings. It’s nothing different, but sometimes a familiar slice of pizza hits the spot. The 15-minute wait could put you off, but it hasn’t been sitting under a heat lamp for a few hours.

Croquet is the last sport you’d expect to see in the middle of Victoria Square, but the new design has given potential to this space and breathed life into the once mundane side of the city. Where the Garden is more about the arts, the Croquet Club focuses on drinks and food. It is sophisticated and refined, just like the game. Reminiscent of an English summer garden party on a village green, everyone is happy sipping on their drink of choice, soaking up the sun and atmosphere. Juxtaposing the cosmopolitan ambiance is an odd character with a questionable haircut swallowing less than sanitary swords. But when all the croquet makes you peckish, there’s a few places from which to choose. Jamaican Me Crazy sounds like a bad pickup line but there’s nothing bad about this place. The Beef Brisket’s deep spice flavour isn’t overwhelming and cleverly contrasted by the creamy crunch of the slaw. The pineapple salsa combines mustard with sweet fruitiness and compliments the dish perfectly. Although the service is speedy this is not fast-food. Phat Buddha Rolls is a regular at Flinders Campus. The Cambodian rolls are generous, the salad crunches and the chicken is spicy, sweet, coconutty and much more. We don’t have to sell this one to you. Delectaballs offers lamb and beef meatballs, and while the beef are tasty, the lamb steals the show. The doughy bread roll becomes a little soggy with the meatball sauce and tzatziki, but that’s part of the fun and more reason to eat it faster. Although the Garden is an old favourite, the Royal Croquet Club has brought something different to the Fringe this year, and it has worked. We can only hope it’s a returning feature of Mad March and a sign of things to come. s

Words by Lauris Buckley and Robbie Peschel

Mad March Munchies Ways to share and save in this month of madness. March is crazy. Between starting back at uni, trying to make it to as many Fringe events as possible, the Festival, WOMAD, Futures and everything else under the sun, eating can become the last thing on your mind. However, forgetting to plan can take a toll on your pocket and your health. Often the cheapest snack is the worst for your health. So next time, why not bring some homemade healthy muffins, muesli bars or kidney bean brownies along? Or simply chop up some vegie sticks or bring a piece a fruit. You’ll be amazed how much you save by planning ahead and how much less you crave that doughnut or hotdog! Impress your friends at your next event with some of our favourite party munchies with a healthy twist...

Banana and Raspberry Muffins

Kidney Bean Brownies

Ingredients

• 1 cup wholemeal self-raising flour • ½ teaspoon ground cinnamon • 1/3 cup rolled oats • 1 egg, lightly beaten • 100g natural yoghurt • 40g vegetable oil • 1 medium ripe banana, mashed • ½ green apple, peeled and grated • ¼ cup honey • ¼ cup fresh or frozen raspberries

• 400g can of kidney beans rinsed and dried • 3 eggs • ¼ teaspoon of vanilla essence • 3 tablespoons of canola oil • ¼ cup of cocoa • ¾ cup of brown sugar • 100g dark cooking chocolate chopped • 2 teaspoons baking powder

Method

1. 2. 3.

Preheat oven to 180 degrees fan forced. Spray a muffin tin with oil or line with paper cases Sift flour and cinnamon into bowl & stir in 1/3 cup rolled oats. 4. Make a well in the centre. 5. Lightly beat egg in another bowl. 6. Add eggs, yoghurt, oil, banana, apple and honey. Stir to just combine. 7. Fold raspberries in mixture. 8. Fill muffin tins- ¾ full. 9. Sprinkle top with the rest of the oats. 10. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes until golden or until skewer comes out clean. 11. Remove muffins and place on wire rack to cool.

Method

4. 5.

Preheat the oven to 180˚C (fan forced) Grease 20x20cm baking pan Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth Pour batter into pan Bake for 30 minutes or until when skewer inserted comes out clean

Recipes supplied by members but originally from OPAL and Eat Like a Dietician. To become a member of the Flinders University Nutrition Club or find out more email: anas0014@flinders.edu.au or visit www.trybooking.com/EKPJ

Food for Thought Entrepreneurs in Conversation

Words by Lauris Buckley Photos by Flik Schemmer It seems you can’t go anywhere in Adelaide without stumbling upon a food truck, yet a few years ago you would have been hard pressed to find someone who even knew what one was. Since Rob Dean (a Flinders graduate) introduced Adelaide to Burger Theory and the wonderful world of mobile eateries there has been an influx of young entrepreneurs following in his footsteps. Rob shares his knowledge at the Entrepreneurs in Conversation event held at the new Hub Adelaide. Rob doesn’t take credit for inventing the idea of the food truck, simply stating that he imported the idea into Adelaide after coming to the conclusion that we “needed a shakeup”. Portland (USA) has built its reputation on food trucks so why can’t Adelaide? Melbourne has already embraced the concept and with the increasing difficulty of finding commercial space in Adelaide CBD, Rob scoured eBay in search of a van instead. If you’ve eaten at Burger Theory (let’s be honest – who hasn’t) you’ll know that their burgers stand out against the plentiful competition in Adelaide and Rob credits this to his business partner Dan. While Dan flips the burgers and Rob drives the van and organises the books he admits they’ve both learnt a lot about every aspect of the business. Rob trusts Dan’s culinary

decisions but also makes suggestions thanks to his ever growing knowledge. No other burger place in town has someone behind the counter with a deep southern drawl and they think this may have helped to set them apart. Their food is genuine and Dan’s accent reinforces this. As is the case with many American eateries, Burger Theory grill their patties to medium, which is made possible by hand grinding the meat every day; how many other burger places can say they do that? When asked questions about the largest purveyor of burgers in the world, McDonalds, Rob has a lot of respect. Although Burger Theory serves fresh handmade burgers, he states that McDonalds have created a unique and brilliant machine and Burger Theory admires their kitchen operations. Social media has been a key player in making Burger Theory such a success, especially since the team utilised the far-reaching tool very early on in their planning stage. Rob and Dan started documenting the journey whilst they were still experimenting with recipes, using family and friends as guinea pigs and posting success and failures on Twitter. Unlike most people on Twitter, whenever someone contacted them with criticism, advice or support they always replied. They figure that if someone was interested it was “polite” to respond. Even now they are willing to listen to any advice given and if it happens to be rubbish “we ignore it”. Feedback is important to any up and coming business and still is, despite the headway Burger Theory has made.

The continued success of the Burger Theory truck and other food trucks in Adelaide lies heavily on events that draw public attention to this new phenomenon. Gone are the days of only being able to buy a soggy burger at a community event, now the Fringe hosts a wide range of popup eateries and food trucks, and even St Jerome’s Laneway Festival had food trucks sprawled out along the concrete, proving to be a hit with the festival goers. Fork on the Road is a dedicated event solely aimed at promoting street food and Rob agrees that it is an extremely helpful event that enables them to reach a captive audience of street food lovers. Of course setting up a business does not come without trials and tribulations but Rob has had some previous experience. He quips at being called an entrepreneur, thinking it’s “another word for not being suitable for the job market”. He maintains that although it would be idyllic to say the business priority is delivering a fantastic product, it’s also about making money, after all you can’t sustain a business that doesn’t pay the bills. Burger Theory have now opened a static shop, off Rundle Street and say they could not have done this without the truck’s success. Rob and the team at Burger Theory have opened the imaginations of young entrepreneurs and that can only be good for Adelaide’s food industry. s Experience Fork on the Road for yourself Friday 4 April, 5.30pm in Light Square.

ga mes

Jazzpunk

Renegade X

Words by Brendan Whittaker

Words by Adam Rau

What the hell did I just play?

Rarely does a fan-made game inspired from a popular franchise ever see the light of day, though one incredible exception is Renegade X, an incredible remake and improvement on the third person/first person hybrid shooter Command and Conquer Renegade. Complete with two teams, the GDI and Brotherhood of Nod compete for domination of the battlefield with infantry, air, land and support-based units.

Necrophone Games

Jazzpunk is a comedy adventure game produced by Canadian indie outfit Necrophone Games, and published by Adult Swim. That’s about all I can say about this game with any sense of objectivity, as it is so incredibly dependent on very specific tastes - much more so than anything else I’ve played in recent years. To be specific – it’s a comedy driven title, so if you enjoy the humour, you’ll have fun. If you don’t, you won’t. I was one of the people who didn’t, but maybe there’s an audience for this sort of thing who’ll enjoy the whole experience a lot more than I.

The game is ostensibly set in an alternate world depicting that of the 60s Cold War, populated by robots and other anachronistic technologies. You, as Agent Polyblank, are tasked with carrying out a series of vaguely-espionage themed missions aimed at... saving the world... I guess. Really, the premise is nothing more than a set up – a vehicle that places the gamer through as many computer-puns, surreal gags and pop culture references as possible. The actual interface and gameplay are very simple – you’re given free reign to wander around areas to solve your task; and there are a few skill and puzzle based sections, but nothing terribly taxing. Mostly you’ll be moving through a world of whoopie cushions, spit-takes, vomiting seafood, robots falling over, and non-sequiturs. Before you know it, you’ll eventually emerge at the end of the game, squinting in the sunlight and wondering, what on earth just happened? It’s best described as taking the formula of Dear Esther and Gone Home and giving it an extremely surreal comedic twist. Fans of Family Guy and Archer might want to take note. Everyone else might want to give it a miss.

Totem Arts

Alike the strategy game, resources are gathered to obtain credits (although this is a thankfully automatic process) provided you defend the Harvesters from enemy attacks. These credits can be spent on additional units and upgrades, purchasing unique characters or powerful items useful in the destruction of enemy units and structures. The destruction of particular structures will have immediate effects – destroying an airfield will make aircraft inaccessible, while destroying a harvester will limit the credits at a team’s disposal. Overpowering the enemy with smart resource management, strong team communication, and tactics along with the destruction of key structures is the key to winning the game. Made with the blessing of Electronic Arts, Renegade X improves on the original game with new units, new characters, impressive visuals and addictive gameplay. The only issue that stands between Renegade X and perfection is its outdated combat system. In the effort to remain faithful to the original game, the developers have retained the combat mechanics of the original, which simply does not cut it twelve years later. Hopefully this will be fixed in a future update. Despite this, Renegade X is absolutely worth your time if you have a bunch of friends to jump in with. Best of all, it’s 100% free! No ads, no in-game purchases, no downloadable content to be purchased. Be sure to check it out! Come along to Flinders video-game club, FUDGE, on Monday night movies at Humanities North Theater 1. BBQ starts from 5pm and movie kicks off at 6pm.

The Science Words by Rohan Neagle Illustrations by Rafal Banasiak

Science has tried its best to try and explain the important things: like, if I eat a shrew, do all of its bones break down in the human digestive system? Or, more importantly, why am I throwing up all over the place and feeling miserable - can someone please explain my agony? Okay, I’ll do it. Just, make an effort to aim into the bucket this time, please!

Alcohol makes your hypothalamus release lower quantities of something called antidiuretic hormones. You need these hormones to retain the water in your blood. Less antidiuretic hormones means more water leaving the blood via the kidneys and, hey presto, you’ve got more water going into your bladder to be pissed away. That’s how alcohol dehydrates! You know what dehydration is? It means your body is dying. Oh god, you need water to live, how do you not know about this?

When the body metabolizes ethanol (science word for PURE ALCOHOL) it doesn’t just break it down into nothing. Your liver uses a type of enzyme known as alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH) to turn that delightful swill into something called acetaldehyde (pronounced assa-tell-dehide).

Acetaldehyde, this bastard right here, is 1030 times more toxic than ethanol is to the human body. Getting too much of this bandit can make you feel incredibly sick.

of Hangovers The acetaldehyde is converted into acetic acid by the aldehyde dehydrogenase (ALDH) enzyme and then broken down into its other forms such as carbon dioxide and water. These alternative forms will finally leave your suffering body alone. And of course, not all alcohol is converted. Some leaves your body via breath, sweat, and other holes.

Thanks to some genetic variations, some people can’t tolerate alcohol so well, and it’s all thanks to this fun-hating process. In particular, this genetic variation comes out of East Asia. A different kind of ADH metabolises the ethanol really quick while the ALDH metabolizes the acetaldehyde really slowly. This leaves some folk hate-puking their poisoned guts up because of an incredibly high build-up of acetaldehyde.

A study has shown that high levels of sodium acetate, a form of acetic acid, made rats experience headaches. This is because it inspired another substances to accumulate in the brain: adenosine. Adenosine is meant to act as a neurotransmitter depressant in order to shut up your brain and keep you from getting over-excited. This increase in levels of adenosine halted with the introduction of caffeine into the rats cured aforementioned headaches – this is where the coffee cure comes from! Hangovers are essentially a mix of dealing with your body being starved of an essential and precious resource, an incredible build-up of a highly toxic substance that your body makes on purpose, and swishing around a butttonneofaceticacidhell-bentonmessingwithyourbrainchemistrytothepointwhereitattacksyoupsychically. Well, that’s what we’ll think it is until a study proves us wrong! We out.

Just Dance!

Probably one of the biggest reasons that pushed me into dance was the realisation that exercise is extremely boring and unpleasant. I’d been telling myself I was too old to learn dance since primary school age, but really I think it just took me a while to learn how to handle the state of not already knowing how to do something. So I decided I might as well just toughen up and try it. Since the beginning of last year I’ve been sampling various forms of dance, and each of them has changed me in ways I really didn’t expect. The advantage I was hoping for came through: Dance is a lovely thing I like to call ‘incidental fitness’. You end up concentrating so much on learning the steps that you don’t really realise you’ve been working your body that hard until you emerge at the end of the class covered in sweat. But dance also leaves you in a great mood. It’s probably a combination of endorphins, the excitement of seeing yourself improve, and the general creativity among friends. Fitness and happiness are both essential contributors to better health. The other thing that really affected me was how much it improved my perception of my body. I actually spend a fair bit of time feeling terrible about my appearance. But even on my worst days, dancing makes me feel like I’m okay. There have even been moments during classes that made me feel, for the first time

in a while, that I could actually be beautiful. Regardless of their weight, gender, age, etc., everyone finds their own unique grace and allure. So if you might want to dance and you’re not sure where to start, I have taken the time to sample a variety so that I can give you a quick run-down. Irish Dancing The happiest dance ever. It’s about community, friendship and love. It’s simultaneously powerful and elegant, as well as wild and fast. I pretty much feel like a deer when I do it, and male Irish dancers remind me of stags. When you get into hardshoe, you can really make the floor thunder beneath your feet. The dance is limited within its emotional range because it’s pretty much impossible to leap and skip in a sad way. It also rarely uses arm movement, which can feel a little rigid sometimes, but the complexity of the footwork makes up for it. This is also one of those dances that looks way more complicated than it is to actually do, so you’ll start to look like you’re good at it quite quickly. It’s very high impact and it will make your calves mega buff. Ballet Doesn’t feel as strict as it sometimes looks. Granted, any dance will feel more rigid when you start trying to perfect advanced

technique and take it super seriously, but ballet can actually make you feel free. It feels very floaty and smooth. It’s fairly hard to get the technique perfect as a beginner; despite that, you can still look and feel pretty graceful from the start. The feet turnout takes a bit of getting used to, and when it gets to dancing on the points of your toes I’m sure that also requires adjustment. Ballet is perhaps not a very natural or instinctive way of dancing but it seems to be about transcendental strength, grace and nobility. Contemporary Blew my mind a bit. There isn’t much repetition or many patterns to follow and all of the steps kind of merge together. It’s very free and expressive – you can show a lot of emotions with it, though it’s generally got a bit of an angsty, passionate vibe. It looks great in ensemble or solo. One of its strongest principles is actually about efficient use of energy. Instead of controlling movement all the way, you relax your muscles completely whenever you can use gravity instead. That’s what gives contemporary that loose appearance. If you’re looking for structure I would look elsewhere, but a lot of people enjoy the simplicity of the movements and free expression. Salsa Salsa is one of the few couples’ dances I

tried. The trouble with couple dances is that you can’t practice without a partner, and you need to work as a team rather than just focusing on learning your moves on your own. But this can be a great benefit to some; you’re always in it together with your partner, you can learn from each other and laugh together. The steps and movements for this dance come more instinctively and naturally to me than any other, though everyone finds that certain dances suit them better. Salsa is really about flirting and showing off – in the best way possible. It’s fast, sexy and vivacious.

no other part of your body should move with them. It’s a really interesting skill to learn and it looks pretty cool. Also, I never thought I’d be proud of any part of my body that jiggled when I wiggled, but this dance really makes you love your lady lumps. It’s low-impact but gently works your core, as well as your legs and arms. You also get to wear a coin scarf around your waist so that the chinking sounds help you refine your movement. Despite what you might expect, guys can do it too – look up videos online; they’re pretty amazing.

rock the hips and curves too.

Hip-hop

Learning how to dance gives you freedom of spontaneous self-expression that acknowledges your whole identity: mind, heart and body. Illness and negative perception of your body often results in separation of body and self or an obstacle. Dance unifies your identity in every possible way, reminding you of all the strength and capability that your body does have. Your body enables you to do amazing things. Dance is the undeniable reminder of the implicit beauty that lies in all of us. s

Belly dancing Surprisingly disciplined for something so exotic and sensuous. If trying all these dances at once was like trying to learn multiple languages at once, belly dancing was like adding sign language to the mix. While most dances balance movements within the body and show reactions all the way through the form, belly dancing emphasises isolation of body parts. Ideally, if you move your hips,

An interesting combination of loose and controlled movements. It uses some body parts in isolation and makes some big slamming motions as well as almost robotically smooth rolling moves. It gives you stacks of confidence and is a great release for anger and attitude. It seems to usually be about showing off and proving your point; it’s fairly masculine and has a lot of wide stances and posturing, but it does

While I haven’t tried these dances myself, I’ve heard from other people and seen how pole dancing can pretty much turn you into an athlete. If you think about it, holding onto a pole using only your thighs requires a lot of strength. Jive is a lot of groovy rock – jumping around, cute flirting, cool tricks and a bit of a sense of humour. Samba is a Latin dance you can do if you prefer to dance solo. It’s the one you wear huge fans of feathers with and really emphasise your hips.

Words by Miranda Richardson

Complete the crossword and send a picture of your answers to stephanie.walker@flinders.edu.au and WIN one of ten free double passes to Palace Nova!

ACROSS 1. Julia Roberts plays an escort 2. Tom Hanks sitting on a bench 6. I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy. 7. Mads Mikkelsen is wrongly accused of sexually assaulting a kid 10. 1986 coming-of-age film about four boys looking for a missing body 11. There’s a snake in my boot 15. Ryan Gossling plays a motorcycle stunt rider who robs banks 16. Bradley Cooper plays a bipolar, former teacher trying to get his ex-wife back 20. Leonardo DiCaprio plays a corrupt yet wealthy stockbroker 22. Aaron Eckhart plays a silver-tongued tobacco lobbyist 23. Killer shark 24. DeLorean DMC-12 time travel machine 25. 2014 Chinese fantasy adventure story of the rebellion against the Jade Emperor 26. To save her boyfriend’s life, a woman needs to find 100,000 Deutschmark within 20 minutes 27. Superhero film starring Nicholas Cage and Eva Mendes

DOWN 1. Studio Ghibli’s fantasy depicts a village under attack by a possessed demon boar 3. American drama film written starring Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman 4. Biographical sports drama starring Brad Pitt 5. 2013 humorous drama whereby a young singer journeys through 1961’s NYC’s Greenwich Village folk scene 8. An unruly and sarcastic NYC teen whom tries to break the hold his domineering family has over him 9. Said to be the female version of ‘The Hangover’ 12. Tina, you fat lard, come get some dinner! 13. Two boys dealing with their parents’ divorce, produced by Wes Anderson 14. Stuart Beattie creates a monstrosity 17. 90s Liv Tyler and Renée Zellweger in short skirts working at a record shop 18. The college days of American post-World War II writers starring Daniel Radcliffe 19. Waste collecting robot 21. Keanue Reeves’ rebellion against machines