Empire Times 43.2 by FUSA Association

EMPIRE TIMES YOUR STUDENT MAG

43.2

Nature Fairtrade fashion | Bar review | Blackadder | consumerism | Blackstar

WaNt tO sEe yOuR wOrK hErE? SuBmIt tO uS aT eMpIrE.tImEs@fLiNdErS.eDu.aU

- Editorials -

Hey Folks,

Issue 2 already? Wow.

I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with nature. I love animals and plants. I’m an avid gardener. I’m a passionate environmentalist. I’ve got a relatively successful Zoology blog on Tumblr (Obsecure Zoology) that I sometimes remember to update. I started my first degree (Animal Science) with the intention of becoming a zoo keeper. It was my childhood dream to save an endangered species (realistic, I know).

Again, my editorial is a last-minute thing. I guess it’s just in my nature. As are terrible and tenuous links to the theme.

Yet I hate the outdoors. I don’t like hiking. I’m paranoid about skin cancer and thus never spend any longer in the sun than I have to. I don’t like going to the beach because of all the sand and wind. If I could spend all my free time at my computer playing Dragon Age, I probably would. This aversion to the outdoors (not helped by the fact our extended summer is UNBEARABLE) is probably what changed my mind about the whole zoo keeper thing (that and the lack of jobs and poor pay), and turned my interests into more indoors-y pursuits; writing.

O’Week’s done and dusted. The semester has started. It’s about this time of year the initial new-uni-year rush seems to finally begin to die down a bit. It’s already been a more hectic year than I could have imagined, with political intrigue, a new hub, and a brand new feel to the uni. Of course, the Tav has to be one of the highlights of the new-look Flinders, and the place you’ll likely see the editors if you can’t find us crying under our desks (which thanks to the decals, you can’t see anymore). Nice and shiny though the hub is, it hasn’t got a fucking thing on my coffee tower – a tribute to the fuel on which ET runs!

Yet even though I’m not the type of person who likes to spend afternoons strolling through forests or climbing mountains (I tried that once. Worst day ever), I still very much appreciate that nature exists — and not just because it’s the very life-support system that makes our existence possible.

I don’t know about you, but it feels like the vibrant culture Flinders used to have is well on its way back, and I think that’s a damn good sign for the future!

Nature is wonderful and chaotic and endlessly fascinating. I’m confused by those who are so determined to see it destroyed. Don’t you realise we can’t breathe without the trees? Can’t drink if you’re poisoning the water supply with Coal Steam Gas? Can’t eat if you’re ripping up the Food Bowl for mining? That nature is more integral to human (and all) life than profit?

Also, Matt, I know who you are. Enough of your bullshit.

See you at the Tav on Friday nights. They better have the footy on the TV.

A wise woman, and former student magazine editor, once told me that when you write an editorial, you should write it like you’re having a beer with a friend, and telling them what being a student magazine editor is actually like. So, flashback to O’Week. It was Wednesday, the ET and Clubs day, and I arrived at 8am. I worked at the ET stall; I took a break from that to interview The Rubens (interview is on our website, check it out!); I met some cool cat contributors at The Tavern; then I went back to our ET office to put The Rubens interview online; and to work on this lovely issue in your hot little hands... I didn’t get home until 8 at night. It had been a huge day in the middle of a huge week. I was tired, sore, and a bit stressed; it was just the nature of the beast. But as I was walking home, I saw a huge rainbow, and it stopped me in my tracks. It put everything in perspective. Nature has a funny way of doing that, doesn’t it? Whether it’s walking along a beach at sunset, the sound of birds singing to each other, the smell of fresh rain, or a rainbow brightening up a stressful day — nature always reminds me how lucky I am to be here, a part of it all. We’re really quite spoilt for nature here at Flinders main campus; we have beach views, a gully with fantastic walking/biking trails, a lake, ducks, and lots of other natural beauties scattered around campus. The next time you feel stressed, take a deep breath and soak it all in. Eleanor

Even if I’d rather experience nature through David Attenborough documentaries, I’d very much prefer it if people stopped ruining the very system that ensures we have a future.

Fabulous Caricature done by Allan Addams at O’Week. www.cartoonguy.com.au

Simone

TOP PICKS FOR THIS ISSUE

p. 20 p. 34 p. 39 p. 46

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What the FUC V for Vegetarian Ask JT Blackadder

Ask JT Hain’s & Co. Blackadder V for Vegetarian

Ask JT Colouring Page Get Smart Devil’s Advocate

- Contents -

OH HELLO there. Vol 43 Issue 2 EDITORS Simone Corletto Liam McNally Eleanor Danenberg

SUB-EDITORS Anupol Bordoloi Kayla Gaskell Jess Miller Marithe Solis

COLUMNISTS

Aden Beaver Rhianna Carr Kevin Clark Ashley Curtis Jordon T. Early Richard Falkner Brenton Griffin Kelly Guthberlet Amber Laing Karen Smart Elle Void

ILLUSTRATORS

Benjamin Hall Kiralee Thompson Julia Woodall

CONTRIBUTORS Jason Byrne Simone Corletto Eleanor Danenberg Kayla Gaskell Grace Hill Sean Lamonby Eilish Macguire Liam McNally Christopher Norman Alex Panagiota Caleb Pattinson Jordon O’Reilly Hamish Richardson Ai Roush Anita Sanders Joshua Sunman

FRONT COVER Sheydin Dew

INNER FRONT COVER

NATURE

Empire Times is the student publication of Flinders University. All work within remains the property of the producers and may not be reproduced without their consent. Empire Times reserves the right to republish in any format. Empire Times would like to acknowledge the Kaurna people who are the traditional custodians of the land Flinders University is situated on, and that this land was never ceded, but stolen. We would like to pay our respects to the elders of the Kaurna nation and extend that respect to other Aboriginal peoples, past, present, and future. ‘The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the editors, Flinders University, or Flinders University Student Association. Reasonable care is taken to ensure that Empire Times articles and other information are up-to-date and as accurate as possible, as of the time of publication, but no responsibility can be taken by Empire Times Magazine for any errors or omissions contained herein.’

WITH THANKS TO Steph Walker for her advice, support, and steadfast sense of humor. We thank all of our wonderful writers and sub-editors for their hard work and dedication, and our artists, for truly excelling with their artwork this issue. *Love heart eyes emoji* We’d like to thank Student Council for giving us so much material to work with in this issue. Finally, we’d like to thank George Lucas. For everything. Contact us: empire.times@flinders.edu.au www.empiretimes.com.au @empiretimesmag @empiretimesmag /empiretimesmag Empire Times Contributors

Amber Hall

INNER BACK COVER

Emma Hobbs

Advertising: stephanie.walker@flinders.edu.au

- Contents -

contents. INTRO 1

EDITORIAL Words from the Editors

LETTERS TO THE EDITORS Talk to us!

COLUMNS

CREATIVE 34 FICTION V is for Vegetarian 38 POETRY A Stain on the Network

FEATURES 10 POLITICAL PLAYGROUND Forestry and Conservation

CONVERSATIONS WITH CALEB A word from your SC President

11 CONSUMERISM Environment et al

SC INTERVIEW What even is a General Councillor?

17 NATURE VS. NURTURE You can’t blame your genes for your shitty personality.

POLITICS The Nature of Politics

19 BREAKING IT DOWN Make any assignment a breeze

INTO THE GENDER VOID Second Puberty Blues

22 Bar Review Hains & Co.

DEVIL’S ADVOCATE “Natural” Beauty

24 VOX POPS Voice of the People

TECHNOLOGICA Eyes in the Sky

26 POCKETCHANGE PANTRY Sugar-free Salmon & Crunchy Slaw

GET SMART When your relationship is unnatural

WHAT THE FUC Flinders Palaentology Society

HIDDEN GEMS Victor Harbor, South Australia

ASK JT Advice from the best.

30 SKELETONS IN YOUR CLOSET Ditch the sweatshop for fairtrade fashion 32 CONSPIRACY OF SILENCE An Insight Into Student Council

CULTURE CORNER 41 ANIME REVIEW Osomatsu-San 42 BOOK REVIEW The Price of Salt 43 MOVIE REVIEW The Hateful Eight 44 GAME REVIEW Mordor 45 LEVEL UP Proteus 46 10 SHOWS WHICH CHANGED TV Blackadder 48 MUSIC REVIEW Rufus - Daughter - David Bowie

FUN STUFF 40 CROSSWORD Win movie tickets! 41 COLOURING PAGE Not just for kids! Artwork: Julia Woodall

APR IL Monday

Tuesday

wednesday

- Calendar -

thursday 1

Week 5

Week 6

saturday

sunday

Last day to withdraw from Semester 1 without fees!

ES Soul Food Every Wednesday 1pm-2pm @ Multimedia Lounge

friday

Speakeasy Creative Readings Multimedia Lounge @ 2pm FESA Pedadrunky Pubcrawl @ 8pm

11 Mid-Sem Break

Mid-Sem Break

Week 7

ANZAC DAY

FUSA Pubcrawl

HIRSA Pubcrawl @ 5pm FLICS Screening The Thing Nth Theatre 2 @ 5pm

Fill this in with all your upcoming events and deadlines! If you would like your Flinders University event to appear in an ET calendar, please contact us at empire.times@flinders.edu.au

- Letters to the Editors -

Letters to the Editors Hey Eds,

Hey guys

hat Kylo Did you hear t ed. Ren is shredd he saw him in A buddy said ylo Ren has the shower. K . an eight-pack

Loved your first issue! I especially enjoyed

the decision not to put the Star Wars review

Cheers Technician Matt -Radar

on a colour page. Bold

choice. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll stick it to those nerds. - Trekkie

Fuck yeah, $6 happy hour beers at the Tav! - Notapaidadvertisement

Dear Ed, Whenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the last time you called your mother? She worries about you. - Grandma Mildred

Nice mag. Needs more ducks From Milton (Flinders Duck Lord)

Got a question? Compliment? Complaint? Send your letters to empire.times@flinders.edu.au, tweet us at @empiretimesmag or message the Empire Times facebook page. 5

- Student Politics -

FUSA Student President Conversations with Caleb

Caleb Pattinson People often underestimate how influential the natural environment is to your study. In this sense, Flinders University is very blessed. Yet we still see this environment under attack from the administration. Last year a conversation began regarding the lake at the Bedford Park campus. The arguments against the body of water are that it’s not economically and environmentally sustainable, valid arguments. Yet surely an institution that is waxing lyrically about being in the top 2% of the universities in the world would have students able to solve this conundrum. The lake is not only an icon of the university, but also serves important academic purposes. Staff and students at the university use it as a resource for research work and practical demonstrations. The lake enhances the natural environment for which the institution is known. This university provides an alternative to the high-rise city lifestyle. Would somebody please think of the ducks!? Filling in the lake is part of the changing nature of universities. The focus is on cost saving measures and expanding infrastructure – not for the existing students, but to increase student numbers at a radical pace. Around the country we are seeing an increased focus on the ability of technology to ‘replace’ the in-classroom experience. Classroom sizes continue to grow and educators

are expected to adapt and innovate in these impossible settings. The constant threat of restructure and staff cuts loom over the student cohort. There is no doubt that the landscape must shift to continue to innovate and grow as a society, but there is a fine line. Too big a shift would be detrimental to the quality of education that Flinders students receive. Nothing can replace the conversations that are constantly being had in the lecture theatres and tutorial rooms around the campus. The lake can be seen as a metaphor for how the administration twists figures and facts to what suits them best. I get the environmental argument against the amount of water required to sustain the lake, I really do. I ask though, where does this question end? Do we now question the amount of water to sustain the various courtyards through the university or the sports ovals off of Sturt road? How many litres of water is required each year to sustain the green growth of the new Hub and Plaza lawn area? Again, would somebody please think of the ducks?! Each one of these University assets serves a different function and purpose and perhaps this is why one is questioned over the other. Yet there will always be those who hold the lake of Flinders University close to their hearts and will fight very hard against its removal. Or maybe they could fill in the lake and make more car parking?

- Student Council Interview -

Meet Your Student Council... Grace Hill, 24, Bachelor of Government and Public Management I ran for Student Council to fight for student rights. I’m a member of the Socialist Alternative club, the activist club on campus which led the Flinders leg of the successful fight against fee deregulation, and I think we need more of that fighting spirit in FUSA; especially when we face an administration intent on cutting staff, a government with student welfare payments in its sights, and an opposition whose idea of supporting students is cutting the start-up scholarship! All these attacks on students are exactly why we need socialist politics in FUSA, and this year I hope to keep bringing the politics of protest to our student association. I’ll be continuing the campaign to have Flinders offer refugee scholarships (thanks if you already signed the petition!), and also continuing the fight against Reclaim Australia, a group of racists and Nazis which unfortunately has a base on the Flinders main campus. If you’re a left-wing student keen on getting involved in education and anti-racist activism, get in touch with me: h.grace1991@gmail.com

Jordon O’Reilly, 21, Bachelor of Education (Middle and Secondary) Hi, I’m Jordon, and I’m currently in my third year at Flinders. I ran for Student Council because I believe that our university needs to become a more bright and vibrant campus. We stand in a unique position with the revamp of the Hub and the 50th anniversary of Flinders University; we can create a new atmosphere on campus. I got involved in student politics through my participation in Australian Young Labor, and wanted to be an advocate for real change to university. Some of my aims this year are to make sure that your student association stays relevant to you, and makes a positive impact on your time at Flinders. As a General Councillor (GC) I have no specific area of focus, as General Councillors should be there as advocates to Office Bearers and to assist them in campaigns they run. As a GC for this year, my aim is to help the Welfare Officer run a campaign for cheaper textbooks, and reach an outcome from the car parking survey. I am happy to meet with any student and raise any concerns to council, throw me an email at orei0066@flinders.edu.au or contact the FUSA staff and they will put you in contact with me.

Josh Sunman, 20, Bachelor of Law and Legal Practise / Bachelor of Arts (American Studies) Hey, I’m Josh, and I’m one of your General Councillors for 2016! I am currently in my third of far too many years ahead at Flinders. I ran for this position last year because I thought it would be a great chance to help get some student input on university decisions. This year is a crucial year at Flinders, with the opening of the new Student Hub, and the closure of Unibooks. I hope to use my position on council this year to help make sure that the new Hub is genuinely student focused, providing the study and recreation spaces students have been crying out for, and does not simply amount to a $60million token gesture. It is also very important that a viable alternative to Unibooks is made available. I look forward to supporting campaigns run by FUSA to ensure that university remains affordable and accessible for all students, and that textbook costs are kept as low as possible. If any students have questions or ideas about how I and other General Councillors can help, my contact email is: sunm0003@flinders.edu.au

- Student Council Interview -

General Councillors Chris Norman, 24, Bachelor of Law and Legal Practise / Bachelor of International Studies My name is Chris Norman and I ran for General Councillor of FUSA because I wanted to make the everyday lives of Flinders students better by making sure that they have adequate representation from their student union, as well as making sure their needs at university are looked after. This year, I am hoping to help run campaigns around SSAF awareness, so that students know what happens with their SSAF money and what it contributes to. Also, I would like to help shine some light on student placements, especially in the Nursing and Teaching areas, as it has been brought to my attention that placements in these areas need to be improved, as they currently cause unnecessary amounts of stress and angst to the students undertaking them. I would also like to try and make improvements to public transport to the university. While it is unlikely I will be able to create a massive change on that front this year, I would like to help get the ball rolling for future Student Councillors. I am happy to talk to any students about issues around the university, the best way to contact me is via email: norm0091@flinders.edu.au

Hamish Richardson, 19, Bachelor of Law and Legal Practise / Bachelor of Criminology Hey students! My name is Hamish Richardson, and I’m beginning my second year at Flinders. I ran for Student Council because I saw a need to bring our campus back to the good ol’ days of an engaging and active campus that provides students with the strong support networks they need to succeed and change the world. This year, I want to make sure that Flinders University is an organisation that proactively challenges gender inequality and its product, male violence against women. I also want to make sure that students are the centre of direction of the university; a place of learning is only ever going to be successful if its focus is empowering students in every way. FUSA is a powerful body that exists to represent and fight for students, and I became involved so I could be a part of that vision and fighting force. I hope I get to see you all around campus! Get in contact with me through email, if I or my fellow General Councillors can help with any issues facing students: rich0585@flinders.edu.au

Sean Lamonby, 22, Bachelor of Education (Senior/Secondary) / Bachelor of Arts (History / Italian)

I’m Sean Lamonby, and I am currently studying Education and Arts. I hope to travel overseas to teach English once I’ve finished my degrees. I’d love to teach English on every continent on earth; I’m not sure if the penguins in Antarctica will make for very good students, though! When I began at Flinders University in 2015, it became clear very quickly that while Flinders is a great place, there are many things that can still be done to improve the campus culture, facilities, and general life and welfare of students here: I believe there is always room for improvement at universities. This inspired me to run at the student election, running on a ticket that works extremely hard for the welfare of all students. I’m very proud to have been elected, as I am very passionate about improving the culture on campus for students. This year on student council I will be fighting for cheaper textbooks for students, more free events on campus for students, and upgrading essential facilities. I also want students to be more exposed to the decisions of the higher ups of Flinders, and to truly be able to express their feelings regarding those decisions. I’m excited for the year ahead, and I look forward to seeing everyone on campus this year! Contact me at any time throughout the year if I, or anyone else on Student Council, can help you out: lamo0040@flinders.edu.au

- Student Representation -

Political Playground are the interests of forestry and conservation balanced? SOCIALIST ALTERNATIVE No, and while capitalism exists they can’t ever be. In this system, profits will always trump the environment. Current forestry practices are unsustainable, there is overwhelming public consensus that something needs to change, and governments around the world claim to recognise this. Regardless, nothing changes. This isn’t because politicians and forestry company heads don’t have access to the evidence about deforestation or don’t understand it - they’re some of the most informed and educated people in the world. It’s because they have a class interest in environmental destruction. Capitalism necessitates competition. Forestry companies, just like other companies, need to outcompete their rivals. They need to make more profits than the rest, and that requires doing things as cheaply as possible, environment be damned. This competition drives companies to relentless expansion, and to disregard all except accumulation. Under capitalism, everything is produced for profit, not to satisfy human need. The minority who control the economy, making the decisions that affect the lives of every single person on the planet, and the planet itself, are locked in competition with each other to produce the largest profits. Capitalism is inherently environmentally unsustainable. While it exists, there can be no transition to sustainability. Such a transition would cost the forestry, mining, and resource capitalists too much profit, and therefore cannot be allowed to happen – even if the majority of people want it to be so. The only way that the environment can be saved, and the challenges of the oncoming ecological crisis can be met, is with the overthrow of capitalism and the establishment of a new, democratic system based on human need. Grace Hill

Labor Right Australia is rich in natural resources spread across the land. For decades, forestry has been an issue which divides the nation. There is an ongoing fight between conservationists and the forestry industry over access to Australian forests. Finding the balance between these two groups is a challenge not easily solved. Labor is committed to maintaining the balance between protecting Australia’s native forests and enabling our forestry industry to continue. The safety of our native forests is key if we are to ensure their existence for future generations. The conservation movement is key to helping preserve the forests found across Australia, particularly in Tasmania. Protecting our native forests is an important task which cannot be ignored by any government. Australia has a unique eco-system which should be protected and the conservation movement will continue to advocate for these interests.

However, there are always two sides to this argument and the forestry industry is a very large employer in Australia. Employing over 60,000 people, it is important that this industry is allowed to continue in a regulated and sustainable manner. As it stands, large parts of Australia’s forested land is currently protected by the Federal Government with certain areas of land accessible by foresters. This is a good system which allows companies to harvest trees from lands which are grown specifically for the purpose of harvesting. Companies are not able to harvest from heritage listed land which further helps to protect our native forests. It is difficult to balance the interests of conservation and forestry in Australia. The system we have in place which allows for legal challenges and government oversight means that it is possible for checks and balances to exist in order to help balance the wishes of both parties. It is a system that works and will continue to maintain this balance. Jason Byrne

The greens

Growing market trends over the last five years have seen a significant increase in demand for forest products. Overall the total value of forest product imports has risen by 11.7 % in 20132014 and reached $4.6 billion according to the 2015 report made by Forest Industry Advisory Council (FIAC). With this in mind, there is no doubt that the Australian Forestry industry plays a large role in our economy – however, what about the role of maintaining our Australian conservation? It seems that the Coalition are succumbing to the economic pressures of forestry industry, to the extent of even trying to delist Tasmania’s World Heritage Forests for the purposes of logging in 2014. Some may argue that the 20 year Regional Forest Agreements (RFAs) were developed to ensure the sustainable management and conservation of Australia’s native forests. Although when reviewing forestry operations in Tasmania for example, it is apparent that as long as an operation that is undertaken in accordance with an RFA, there is not an obligation to seek environmental approvals otherwise required by the Environment Protection and Biodiversity Conservation Act, nor protect the CAR Reserve System’s listed threatened species. That’s a dangerous loophole. It seems that the interests of our conservation come second to that of the forestry industry, where even plans to supposedly keep our conservations safe, and hold the forestry industry accountable, have major ambiguities. So how should our government balance the two? Well for starters, a removal of the RFAs. If our government is serious about our conservation, it should acknowledge that the RFAs do not successfully provide for the protection of Australia’s unique forest biodiversity. The government should consider an introduction of re-growth forest to old growth state will see an increase of biodiversity, as well as carbon uptake and water yield – if they are truly serious about balancing the interests. Alex Panagiota

Labor Left and the Liberals were also approached for input but failed to respond in time.

- Features -

CONSUMERISM Consumerism - ‘a social and economic order and ideology encourages the acquisition of goods and services in everincreasing amounts’

With this in mind, I’m certainly not advocating we all sell our stuff and become minimalistic overnight. Many still view such a shift as extreme and idealistic, arguing that such lifestyles could never fit within our economic system, and would ultimately lead to disaster. What I am advocating is that we all start to rethink what we need in life, and what we can do without. Further, how we can minimise the impact of our needs, both socially and environmentally. As it currently stands, there is no doubt that our rate of consumption needs to change. Report after report and study after study are proving the world simply cannot handle it. Forget concerns about personal happiness and wellbeing; we are legitimately running out of resources to continue mass producing at the scale we are now. There simply isn’t enough wood, water, coal, gas, or metals to sustain our endless desires. In fact, some are questioning whether there will be enough resources to meet even our most basic needs in the decades to come.

As a society, our lives are dictated by stuff. We are constantly told we need more things to survive, to be happy, to be socially accepted. We now seem to need hundreds of different things to get by in everyday life; a car, a washing machine, a hair straightener, TV, an iPod, an iPad, an iPhone, a smoothie maker… the list goes on. And not only that, they all need to be updated constantly. Wear the same clothes two days in a row? Never! You would be shunned by society. The iPhone 7 is set to be released this year? Your old phone is now out-dated, slower, and at risk of falling behind the technological capabilities of your peers. Equally, these things we buy are not designed to last, even if we wanted them to. Instead, they break, fail, and become redundant quickly, so we continue to buy the newest, shiniest, trendiest models. So what does this rapid consumerism mean? We are buying more, which means we’re spending more, which means we have to work more, to earn more, to spend more, to buy more. It’s a vicious cycle, and one we all seem to be trapped in. But do you have to? Just stop and think for a moment. How much stuff do you really need? What is essential for you to live? Food, shelter, and water. Easy. Now think about what is essential for your personal happiness. For me, it’s simple. I would say spending time with friends and family, plus probably traveling and being outdoors. Do I need the latest phone for that? The one I have works fine. I can talk, text, and use the internet. The next question is, what is the cost of what you’re buying? Clearly it has a monetary value but what about the hidden costs? How many hours of my life, which I could be spending doing things I enjoy, would I lose to earn the money to buy that new phone? How much of my happiness am I effectively ‘spending’, and what am I really gaining in return? A quicker speed? A higher quality camera? More internal storage? Is it really worth it? More and more people are beginning to view the world in this way; challenging their consumerist lifestyles and re-evaluate what they truly value. Minimalism and self-sustainability are gaining traction, and over and over again these people rave about how much more happy, healthy and free they are, with more time for friends, family, and themselves. From personal experience, I’d testify to this; once you learn to differentiate between what you’re told you want and need, and what you actually value, a distinct sense of freedom follows. Plus, I’m now saving a lot more money, able to work less, and have more time to spend on things I actually care about!

Then, there’s the humanitarian perspective. Have you ever considered where that $5 shirt from Jay Jays came from? Who made it? How old were they, what did they get paid, and what conditions were they in? These are all questions we need to start asking, because the reality is, the answers are pretty unacceptable. So, next time you get paid and head out on a shopping spree, ask yourself: do you really need another blouse? Why is it considered a faux pas to wear the same thing two days in a row? And what’s really wrong with the phone you have? And when you really do need things, check out your local op-shops! Those places are goldmines - practically brand-new clothes for a third of the cost! There are also numerous other avenues to swap or buy secondhand (or even brand new) products, through social media groups such as Tradelaide on Facebook, Gumtree, at car boot sales, community swap meets, or garage sales. The sooner we start changing our consumerist behaviour, the better off we will all be in the future. And if we don’t, we’re going to be in for a very rough shock down the track. Want to know how ethical your favourite brands are? Check out the Baptist World Aid Fashion Report: http://www.baptistworldaid.org.au/assets/Be-Fair-Section/ FashionReport.pdf Want to find out more about sustainable consumption, minimalism and how you can reduce your impact? Take a look at the following sites: www.wwf.org.au > Get involved > Change the way you live www.simplerway.org www.biologicaldiversity.org > Programs > Population and Sustainability > Featured Links > 12 Ways To Live More Sustainably Live more sustainably

AUTHOR Ali Roush, FUSA Environment Officer, 21, Bachelor of Environmental Management (Honours) The most impressive natural wonder for Ali would be nature itself...and she acknowledges that’s a pretty corny answer.

11 11

The Nature of Politics - Politics -

It really is the nature of the beast... Do you remember reading George Orwell’s classic political satire, Animal Farm? If you haven’t read it, stop reading this and do that now, trust me. While it was his take on the failed Russian Revolution, and his opinion that Lenin and his Bolshevik successors eventually became just as evil and oppressive as the Tsarist Romanovs, it is also a prophetic warning and stark reminder of the nature of politics. Since writing my last article in Issue 1, I have been thinking a lot as to what right we have to demand social change from the government. At the end of the day, what say do we really have? Finally, I concluded that we have the right to hold our ‘ministers’ accountable. They have the responsibility to represent the interests and protect the people they pledge to serve. They are there not as selfish, bloated pillars of greed and inaction, but to work with us, to ensure we all live in the best conditions we can. While I can appreciate that being a

politician would be a massive headache, it is obvious this government is not doing the right thing. Last year, when it was leaked that 579 filthy rich multinational companies do not fully pay their taxes, the country exploded, and rightly so when you consider that they are using our natural resources, our roads, our hospitals, all funded by our taxes, to secure their extravagant profits. Instead, they purposefully and criminally exploit legal loopholes to drain the most they can from this country without giving back. This damaging blow to the government’s reputation came after a year of proposed budget cuts to education, healthcare, veteran care, age care and the forced closure of Aboriginal communities, all in the name of getting the budget back to a surplus. After the knowledge of the tax rort, it made many wonder why the fuck the government was not doing its job. Why

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- Politics -

were they poised and ready to take from those who rely on welfare, while giant companies don’t even pay their fair share? Why the hell is the government seemingly trying to broaden the wage gap between rich and poor even further? Now, I’m no expert, but history has a pattern of repeating itself. Bloated, greedy, oppressive governments do not last forever. Eventually, people will have enough. That is the nature of politics. Power, wrapped in politics, is cyclical. Often a party will enter the capital with the desire to make waves and to shake up the system. This was seen in the libspill of last year. Turnbull became Liberals’ pin-up boy because he was speaking a different language to Abbott. He wasn’t prone to as many gaffs as our dear old ex-PM. He had an air of rejuvenation about him, of hope even. For a few blissful weeks Australia thought they had a hero. Months later, however, very little has changed. Turnbull has settled into a nice little corner, ready to wait out the clock. He is confident he will crush Shorten in the next election, but until then he is just waiting, not wanting to offend anyone. After the election, whatever the outcome, Australia has a new opportunity. The way I see it, there are three ways that this new reign can transpire. First, the government embraces change, reforms occur and national policy becomes more in line with this century. This includes many things, from tax reforms to social change. It’s a tough road to go down for sure, but it is the best one. Second, the government will continue choking the life out of Australia until they become a ruthless dictatorship. Extreme as it may be, and not very likely, it should not be taken off the table.

Third is revolution. The people and the masses will rise up and overthrow the despoiled husk that was democracy and bring in a new system of government. Now, I am a strong advocate for reforms; I am, however, wary of extremism. While I am not keen on living in a 1984-esque dystopian dictatorship, violent revolutions often go array, usually costing thousands of lives. But if the past is to be our teacher at all, it is screaming at us. People will not endure oppression forever. It will end; it just depends in what way. Many think that while the government is bad, it is not seeking to impose an authoritarian regime. I would love to agree. But if 2015 showed us anything, it is that Canberra is willing to implement horrific policies. Last year, we almost had the Stasi-like Australian Border Force ‘randomly’ asking for people’s papers in Melbourne. Although Operation Fortitude was canned due to immense backlash, the question has to be asked: how would the ABF have known who was a foreigner and who was not? On top of this, we had multiple politicians calling for something to be done about Muslims: from reforming their religion to banning them entirely from the country. We had Tony Abbot eating a raw onion to show solidarity with farmers. The government now collects our metadata. The government has condemned 267 refugees, many of them children, to return to the hellhole that is Nauru. Australia is already pushing the limits of authoritarianism. At the end of the day, politics is cyclical, it is in its nature. Because of that, Australia will not continue down this path of inaction. Something is going to change. Let’s just hope that it is down the road of democratic reform and change, and that we don’t go completely off the deep end.

AUTHOR Brenton Griffin, 22, Bachelor of Arts (History) Brenton sees the ocean as this world’s most impressive natural wonder; after however many millions of years that the earth has been around, the ocean still remains unconquered.

INTO THE

GENDER

VOID

Someone I am close to recently showed me an email conversation that their extended family had held behind their back. This conversation was about trans issues, what trans people are, and about this person and their trans-ness (and whether it is real or not). I’ve decided to refute some of the things brought up in this conversation via this column because it’s important to know about trans people in general and not necessarily specific to any one person in particular. Being trans is not a mental disorder, regardless of previous medical descriptions of it. Gender Dysphoria is a term doctors use to define whether someone is, in their eyes, distressed enough by their outward appearance to warrant being given permission to medically transition through legal routes. Gender Identity is not mentioned in the first or second editions of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), showing up for the first time on page 71 of DSM-III. Gender Identity is expanded on in DSM-IV from page 532. However, in DSM-V the name changes from ‘Gender Identity Disorder’ to ‘Gender Dysphoria’ (page 451). The change of the diagnosis is important to recognise as a step towards removing the stigma of being transgender. As ‘Gender Identity Disorder’ it stigmatises the entire identity of trans people as being a mental illness, while the new DSM diagnosis of ‘Gender Dysphoria’ defines only dysphoria that some trans people experience as a problem. Gender norms are taught to almost everyone from birth, but a lot of people don’t identify with them. Boys can enjoy the colour pink and girls blue, dolls and cars aren’t exclusively to be enjoyed by different sexes. It’s not as if you can look at someone’s interests and immediately know that they are one gender or the other (which is an entirely binary point of view in the first place). While some people realise they are trans from a young age, not all trans people do. In fact, some people don’t realise it until well into their adulthood. Being trans is far more than someone realising that things don’t quite add up. I can’t exactly tell you when I knew I was trans because I didn’t actually have one single revelation. There is no one way to be transgender and that’s perfectly okay. Cisgender people can’t understand what being transgender is like. When people talk about being trans it is often equated with hating your body or feeling like you’re in a body of the wrong sex. And for some people it can be this, but assuming that all trans people feel this way is like assuming all frogs are green. Trans people come in a lot of different types. Transitioning is an individual avenue to go down, so everyone who transitions does so at a different pace and different ways, for entirely different reasons. Some of the different ways for people to transition include socially transitioning, or simply letting people know that they are trans. Socially transitioning most often is when a trans person requests you use different pronouns for them, or informs you they have changed the name they go by. Another method of transitioning is hormonal transitioning. Hormonal transitioning, AKA Hormonal Replacement Therapy (HRT), is taking hormones that your body doesn’t produce by itself. Trans men take testosterone, while trans women usually take estrogen and testosterone blockers. Bodies being entirely different from other bodies means that the levels of hormones

taken will be different for different people, as will the methods that these hormones can be taken. It’s also not unheard of for people to modify their HRT to suit themselves; I for one take an extra pill every once in a while because there are 28 pills in a sheet which leaves me with nine days’ worth and one spare. Testosterone blockers aren’t always a requirement either, as estrogen or surgical operations can slow and even halt testosterone production. The most common method of transition to be spoken about is surgical transitions. Often upon finding out I am trans I will be asked if I have had “the surgery” yet. This mystical surgery seems to be what many people believe to be the only way to be properly transgender, and is really quite offensive.* Caitlyn Jenner said she needed her surgery in order to not look like “a man in a dress” – and this is an insensitive and elitist view, as not all trans women have enough money to do what Caitlyn did. There’s the implication that if trans people don’t have their surgeries, are they less “trans”? In reality there are dozens of surgeries available to trans people, stretching from the commonly spoken about reassignment surgery (AKA ‘sex change’) to ‘top surgery’ (either a double mastectomy or breast implants). Many of these surgeries are considered cosmetic surgeries, and are not covered by healthcare policies. This puts them out of reach for lots of people, particularly poor people. The reality is, what is down my pants isn’t really any of your business unless you’re going to be doing something down there. It’s regularly assumed that gender and sexuality are linked, in that heterosexuality is presumed and people actually believe that transgender people trick other people into having sex with them. Transgender women are not gay men who have “gone too far” or want to trick straight men into sleeping with them. Trans men are not overly masculine women or lesbians wanting to trick straight women. In popular media, trans people aren’t always portrayed in the nicest light. It’s not a nice thing for people like you to only ever be shown as murder victims, sex workers, or moral deviants in some way. And even when trans people make their way into big budget productions it is never in a way that is positive for us. Having male actors wear a dress and some make-up is in no way similar to casting a trans woman, however Hollywood productions cast men as trans women on a regular basis, such as with Eddie Redmayne in The Danish Girl, because it seems a man in a dress is the same thing to them. There are a whole bunch of words used to describe transgender people. You’re going to be best using trans or transgender. You might have seen an asterisk used, ‘trans*’ in order to be more inclusive, however the asterisk has a problematic side to it. Using trans by itself is just as inclusive. The word trans-sexual is also a word that has been used to describe transgender people. It isn’t a bad word to use per se, however, the word has historically been used to describe transgender people who have undergone sexual reassignment surgery. This word is still often used, however you should not use it to describe someone unless you know they prefer it. There are also many slurs used to describe trans people, particularly trans women. There is absolutely no reason to ever use a slur to describe a trans person, regardless if you know that they use it to describe themselves. I am one trans girl, one trans person even, and not all of my experiences are the same as other trans people.

AUTHOR Elle Void, 24, Bachelor of Social Work Elle thinks I think the best natural wonder is the current evolutionary level of humanity, if it is natural at all...

- Devil’s Advocate -

"Natural" Beauty? How Hipster culture (and other “natural” lifestyle trends) shape gender normativity within society... One particularly pervasive fashion trend still saturating the market is Hipster Chic, or as I prefer to call it, the “holy crap, my local barista has become a lumberjack”. Now, I’m not beefin’ with anyone’s fashion choice here; the purpose of this piece is to reflect on how “natural” beauty standards shape gender expression within society, so, many apologies to would-be woodcutter enthusiasts out there. My particular issue with the latest reboot of Hipsterism is not just the personal grooming schedule it requires from its participants, but also how it re-establishes heteronormative gender roles as archetypal expressions of gender within fashion. Over the last ten years, there has been a push for organic, cruelty free, and natural food. When reviewing the progression of Hipster culture, its natural roots can be seen in this desire for fresh, raw, and unearthed products. Yearning for the days of yore when the contents of a product were straightforward, this modern trend towards “natural” lifestyles has encouraged the mass production of new vintage and hand-made chic products. With shopping boutiques such as Dangerfield, department stores, and op-shops all cashing in on the Hipster phase, making it easier for people to fit in without having to wear recycled clothing. Regardless of where the clothes come from, more people are using their clothing choices to express a desire to return to “natural” lifestyles and “natural (read: gendered) standard of beauty. Hipster fashion has become a key tool in expressing to others that the wearer is socially aware, conscientious, and cares for the world around them. Since the 2000’s, the Hipster movement has shaped many aspects of our social lives, including the way we express our gender through our personal fashion choices. When deconstructing the visual signifiers of Hipster style, it becomes apparent that there’s a real push for hyper-gendered categories within its fashion. For example, the key visual signifiers of “the Lumberjack” consist of a natural, down to earth guy, adorned with tatts, leather derby shoes, expensive flannel shirts, rolled up jeans (to show off those toned calves, from riding his expensive vintage-inspired push bike around town), and the cherry on top is his bushy, unkempt beard (which takes hours to maintain). “The Lumberjack” is the epitome of gendered masculinity; he is toned, rugged, outdoorsy, brooding, and composed. Oddly, the Hipster female counterpart has no one archetypal image, but appears to be expressed as a series of watereddown “bro” categories. With a variety of styles (and marketing opportunities), a lot of focus for female Hipster style comes from waist accentuating high-cut torn-off shorts, oxford shoes, loose, faded band tees (tucked in to show off your figure), big leather/denim jackets (creating a severe contrast between the hourglass waist and overly pronounced shoulders) and flowing

feminine maxi skirts, etc. Interestingly, while female Hipsters are still encouraged to accentuate their feminine assets, many still chose to quash one of their most natural aspects of being human, which is body hair. Female body hair is still taboo, and while it’s becoming more popular to express feminine body hair (i.e. grow out and dye your pits), there’s still significantly less road travelled in regards to public promotion of leg and pubic hair. To understand the bizarre modern phenomenon of body hair shaming, let’s take a little walk down memory lane. In the early 1900’s, razor companies decided to shift their demographic from men to women, as they had become majority of the population left over from the war. In order to sell razors to their new demographic, companies like Gillette focused on promoting hair-free women in order to get sales pumping. From that, many companies then followed suit and jumped on the female bodyhair bashing band wagon (say that real fast five times) in order to sell their products. Bringing us back to the present, this initial instigator for removing female body hair has over the years turned hairlessness into an archetypal expression of femininity. As such, for many women, growing out their body hair is a form of resistance, to assert that this is the natural female form and that no amount of filthy looks or snide comments is going to stop someone from being themselves. Having said that, I do get the feeling not all people growing their hair out do it with resistance as their motive. For me, the most frustrating aspect of Hipsterism is how commercialised resistance to social norms is becoming. For instance, the trend toward women dying their grown-out pits requires you to buy dye. The logic behind dying armpit hair is baffling to me. Either you’re dying it to stand out (which feels disingenuous), or you’re dying the hair to feel more pretty and feminine. Regardless of the reason, the armpit hair is now not natural; it has become a product of marketing. Honestly, my main beef with popular fashion trends promoting “natural” beauty is 99% of the images marketed as “natural” are so far removed from the actual natural human state. Everyone deserves to feel good about how they look (be it their weight, clothing, gender expression) without feeling pressured to conform to a standard that is ultimately damning if you can’t pull off the image. For me, it’d just be nice to see people happily celebrating their bodies without being made to feel guilty if you don’t conform to a larger societal ideal of beauty. Plus, constantly monitoring the growth of your body hair is time consuming and hair removal products (and stupid dyes) are a real strain on the wallet. AUTHOR Amber, 23, Bachelor of Behavioural Sciences (Psychology) Amber thinks the most impressive natural wonder is the Daintree Rainforest.

Get Smart --- Technology

Technologica

Eyes in the Sky As you drive out into the country, you might notice a magnificent pair of wings casually drifting over large swathes of land as they survey the terrain below. While many are about the size of an eagle, they hunt very different prey. Farmers are now employing drones to help with everything from weed spotting to feed management.

to improve this technology to provide predictive models for what could be grown in the future as the effects of climate change begin to become even more pronounced. With many species around the world threatened, including many varieties of coffee bean, this could be the key to saving the caffeine supply lifeblood of IT departments well into the future.

Drones can allow operators to examine a large area of land in a short period of time, for a fraction of the cost of a plane or helicopter. When combined with intelligent pattern recognition technology and/or thermal imaging, drones can give any interested party access to a range of data that will help them make informed decisions. Farmers, for example, can assess what areas of crop need the most care, or even insecticides; while conservationists can measure regrowth following a natural disaster or water levels across a national park. However, even with footage of these events, human experts aren’t necessarily the best way to interpret the results. Increasingly, artificial intelligence is providing methods for better interpreting this information.

However, using technology to assist with the monitoring of the environment is far from a new concept. For many years, conservationists have been using GPS tracking collars to follow the behaviors of grizzly bears in the Rocky Mountains, lions across Africa, and the many travels of great white sharks. They also help us track much cuter animals such as pandas, where recent data has suggested that these symbols of conservation around the world are actually much more social than we first though—those that are still left, that is.

One company that uses agricultural analysis with machine learning algorithms on a much larger scale is Descartes Labs. Descartes Labs uses satellite imagery to observe the current crop trend and assist both agricultural companies, as well as any interested investors. They can discover what is being grown where, and with what levels of success, all around the world. They are also working

Technological development has often been associated with the destruction of natural habitats for the last few centuries—as we find faster ways to destroy with less effort. It may be that the solution is even more technology: finding more efficient ways to save what’s left.

AUTHOR Kevin Clark, 21, Bachelor of Engineering (Software) Kevin says that his favourite natural wonder is people.

Na Often when people come across an abnormality, such as criminal psychopaths, they like to question what is responsible for their behaviour. Is it genetic, coded in their DNA? Or was it learned in their environment? Nature or Nurture? The answer is generally: both. We are all the sum of our genetics in relation to our environment. That’s it. That’s all a human is – a walking hunk of meat and hormones and electrical signals, raised in a prescriptive social structure that influences how we see the world. Kinda takes the magic away, eh? Yeah, I’m fun at parties. People love to credit things with genetics. Any problem, any insecurity, any personality flaw; if you can blame your genes, it’s not your fault, right? Wrong—well, sort of. Our genetics are responsible for a lot of things, such as hair and eye colours, skin colour, height, and general predisposition to some diseases, just to name a few. But it’s much more complex than that. Recent(ish) studies are finding significant support for the concept of epigenetics, which basically talks about changes to the genetic code that you inherited from your grandparents based on their environmental conditions. This proposes that in that their environment affected the development of their spermatozoa and gametes, which eventually turned into your parents, and then into you. Epigenetics has become a bit of a buzzword, and some scientists are linking your grandparents’ health and environmental conditions to everything from your weight to allergies. As with all science, we’re still working on more definitive answers for that one. But the notion that how much nutrition you receive growing up might affect your grandkids decades from now is certainly fascinating, and perhaps a little alarming (that’s right, put down the Pringles. Do it for your future grandkids). Speaking of nutrition, a lot of your genetic make up is also due to nurture

- Science -

ture or

Nurture?

as much as nature. Height, for example, is generally cumulative from your parents’ genes, but it’s also reliant on how much nutrition you received growing up. People are getting taller and taller as generations go on, partly because our parents are taller than theirs were, but also because generally speaking, the quality of our food is getting better. Yes, I know, we have a lot more sugar and salt in our diets these days; in terms of access to actual nutrients, however, it’s a lot better than it was a hundred or so years ago, when trade was a lot more limited and we had to grow everything ourselves. Especially in places like Australia, where you can get just about every cuisine pretty damn easily, and there’s no need to rely entirely on rice or potatoes. You can have dragonfruit for breakfast, cook up quinoa and fish for lunch, followed by a hearty pizza with pineapple for dinner. What a time to be alive. When it comes to personality traits, one thing people seem to love is to explain morally reprehensible (or “evil”) people as a product of their genes. It’s the underlying theory in the whole “going back in time to kill baby Hitler” thought-experiment; that people are predisposed towards evil because it’s written in their DNA. This is also much more complex than that, but the short answer is no. In the case of Hitler, there is the argument (ok, usually it’s just me making this argument) that if he hadn’t been rejected by his first career choice, a position at the Vienna Fine Arts School, he would have never joined the military and thus launched his campaign against Poland and Jewish people. World War 2 may have never happened. Thanks, Vienna Fine Arts School selection board of 1907.

Of course, it’s also entirely possible that Hitler could have gotten into the school, dropped out after a semester and joined the military anyway—that’s the problem with speculating on alternate history. Every and any option is a possibility. But, what we can say, is that personality isn’t simply a product of the deoxyribonucleic acid chains in

every nucleus in every cell in your body. And we know this thanks to twins. Science is fascinated by twins, maternal twins specifically, as naturallyoccurring perfect genetic clones of each other. They make the ideal test subjects for just about anything, where you can leave one as a control and the other takes the drugs, or in this case, exposed to certain stimuli that the other isn’t. This way we have a direct way to see how much of something in their environment affects a person, by having a genetic clone who doesn’t do the test, and comparing the difference. Of course, any testing on human children is incredibly hard to get ethics approval for and only the Nazi’s had free range to do all the super squeamish stuff (presumably something about not needing ethics approval when you don’t consider your subjects human?), so these studies are a bit limited. But the stuff that has been tested tends to be looking at the natural circumstances of twins outside the lab, such as comparing those who were raised together in the same family environment, verses twins who were separated and adopted out into different environments. These sorts of tests have shown that traits such as language and religion tend to be learned (no shit, amirite?), while blood type and eye colour are definitely genetic. There are of course outliers where twins who have been separated end up living identical lives—even down to the names of their spouses— but whenever you read anything on Cracked.com you never know how accurate it might be.

Gender is another related issue people like to bring up – and just quickly touching on that here, gender and sex are two different categories that do not necessarily rely upon one another. Genetic sex determines what bits you have in your pants, and also which sorts of hormones float around your body and affect your growth during puberty. Gender is a social construct that decided that girls love pink and shoes and boys are into football and beating up anyone who shows emotion—we

know this because what is considered inherently “masculine” and “feminine” has changed over time, and varies between cultures. Pink used to be a boys colour because it was stronger than those soft blues. Odysseus in Homer’s epic The Odyssey weeps all the bloody time because showing intense emotion was apparently the height of manliness in ancient Greece. You can’t be genetically coded for gender, but you can (and generally do) grow up in an environment that pushes you to like certain things depending on what’s in your pants, unless you have some very ahead-of-their-time cool parents who didn’t try to push gendered toys and clothes on you growing up. Not that there’s anything wrong with having a gender identity that matches your bits—I’m one of those too. It’s just important to recognize that not everyone identifies this way, and sometimes the social conditioning we all incidentally go through as kids doesn’t work for everyone. And that’s fine. Identity itself is a complex, messy collage of what we’ve been exposed to (plus or minus genetic influences), and it takes more than a few theory topics in Humanities to properly decipher, so I won’t pretend to be an expert. But I have read Foucault, so I’m not just making this shit up. To answer the age-old question, it’s not even a question of ‘Nature vs Nurture’. It’s more ‘How much is nature affected by nurture?’ So the next time someone tries to tell you ‘I can’t help it. It’s in my blood to be late/tall/narcissistic!’, I hope you’ll slap them and cry: ‘WRONG. It’s more complex than that!’

AUTHOR Simone Corletto, 24, Bachelor of Creative Arts Honours (Creative Writing) Simone’s favourite natural wonder is the Great Blue Hole, a giant underwater sinkhole off the coast of Belize. The ocean is full of amazing undiscovered shit. If Kraken and mermaids are hiding anywhere, it’s probably there.

- Get Smart -

When your relationship feels unnatural If you think the dangers of gas-lighting pertain to the consequences of lighting one’s farts on fire, then buckle up, because we’ve got a lot to talk about. Gas-lighting is a form of emotional abuse whereby the abuser seeks to manipulate situations and conversations with the intent of eroding the victim’s trust in his or her own perceptions and memories. It’s an insidious form of abuse, a real coward’s game, because it slowly chips away at the self-belief and self-worth of an individual, all the while convincing the abuser and victim alike that it’s not really abuse because there are no bruises to hide. Which is, quite frankly, total bullshit. The term ‘gas-lighting’ originated from a 1938 play (and later, films in 1940 and 1944) in which a husband attempts to have his wife committed by employing a number of mind tricks designed to make her doubt her own sanity. In the original story, the husband isolates his wife from other people, lies to her, tries to implant false memories, and bizarrely attempts to convince her that she is a kleptomaniac who shouldn’t be allowed in public – for her own safety of course. What a catch! When an abuser uses gas-lighting techniques, the victim is more likely to stay in the relationship or situation. They are led to believe that their own reactions and instincts must be wrong or untrustworthy, that everything their abusers tell them must therefore be correct, and they stay longer in the face of physical abuse. Maybe I did deserve that shove? I really need to stop being so sensitive – after all, it’s not fair on my partner. The victim is left feeling as though they have no control over their own thoughts and no power to make autonomous decisions. We can all see what’s wrong with this picture, right? Gas-lighters often initially give lavish praise and attention to their victims. Both individuals become dependent on the ‘warm fuzzies’ of the relationship – the abuser because it feeds his or her narcissistic tendencies and elevates them to the position of power broker in the relationship, and the victim because, well, who doesn’t love to be needed? Eventually the victim will have fulfilled whatever purpose was needed in the abuser’s life, and can often be tossed aside because the abuser’s main objective was always to look after Numero Uno first. The victim – now dependent on the relationship and bereft at its demise – tries harder to win affection, temporarily inflating the ego of the Mr (or Mrs) Narcissist, and the feast-and-famine cycle continues. Gas-lighters use a number of sly tactics. Discrediting you to others “I’m sure Sue is a nice person, but I just can’t rely on her in group projects anymore – I always feel like I’m doing ninety percent of the

work.” (To prove her reliability, next time Sue does 100% of the work) Assertiveness + fake compassion = You’ve got it all wrong “Remember hon? You hate prawns. I don’t want you to have a bad meal.” (turns to waiter) “She always forgets – bring her a salad.” (Despite wanting to try new foods, the girlfriend falls into the habit of always ordering a salad because it’s easier). Changing the subject “This isn’t about dirty socks on the floor – it’s about your mother coming to visit. You always become irrational when she’s coming over and I’m always the one who suffers!” (Victim tries extra hard to be pleasant and never asks for their partner to pick up their socks again). Minimising your response “Why are you being so sensitive? I was just messing around with the lads – can’t you take a joke?!” (Victim starts to question their interpretation of the event and avoids speaking up when insulted or degraded in the future) Denying the problem altogether “You’re crazy – I never said that.” (Victim internalises that he/she has a bad memory and must react unfairly to their partner) Doing the twist “I didn’t beat you up. I just gave you a clip around the ear for discipline, like all good fathers do. You need to harden up so you don’t become a sissy.” (Reinforces traditional ‘masculine’ stereotypes for both parties, humiliates son, demonstrates that physical violence is a normal way to react in this situation and wraps it up in fauxlove/concern) Gas-lighting doesn’t just exist in the realm of a romantic relationship. It can happen at work or at home, and be perpetrated by a colleague, boss, parent, child or friend. Think back over your past relationships. Does any of the above ring any bells? Abusers who rely on gas lighting to control their victims are cowards, plain and simple. And if you build up the courage to rid yourself of a toxic gas-lit relationship, you haven’t failed. You’ve just decided that your mental health is more important than someone else’s ego. AUTHOR Karen Smart, ‘On the flip side of 30’, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing) Karen’s favourite natural wonder is the ocean; “no matter what else is going on in your life you can sit by the ocean and it will instantly calm you”

-- Features Features -

How to succeed at University, one step at a time. University can be tough—but it’s not impossible. In this piece, I would like to share with you my best strategies for tackling the mountain of assignments we face at university.

Mini tasks “A task is a piece of work to be done especially one done regularly, unwillingly, or with difficulty” (Cambridge University, 2016). Mini tasks are dividing, managing and organising tasks in to small and simple piece of work in order to make those tasks to be more manageable and help implementers to achieve goals. To do this requires self discipline and positive thinking to help you to reach your mini goals, and increase your motivation. For example, instead of focusing on problems of what you cannot do, trying to draw attention of what you can do, even the small pieces of work, that you can begin with. Many students would face some tough tasks, such as assignment questions that may take time to understand, gather information and synthesis ideas. These circumstances are probably difficult for many students to produce productive assignments but it isn’t impossible to them to achieve those tasks. Positive thinking allows you to create plans and actions that motive you to keep moving forward and focus on ways to find solutions rather than problems. Hence, positive thinking plus mini tasks implementation will help many students to achieve not only their mini goals but also positive outcomes. These strategies are very beneficial for students, especially for those who are studying their Honours, Masters and PhD degrees as these studies require more independance than undergrad. Setting mini tasks based on realistic plans and effective time management are significant factors in achieving their goals.

One thread at a time “The best way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time” (Haddon cited in Trainingzone, 2013, p. 1). In terms of academic approaches, this idea regards to breaking big and difficult tasks down into controllable and manageable tasks that we can achieve in our daily plans. We can apply this same approach to our coursework. It’s easy to be overwhelmed thinking that there are a lot of assignments, with topic A requiring

2000 words and subject B needing another 3000 words (for a total 5000 words), sometimes all due date of those assignment around similar time. When students face a lot of assignments bombarding them at the same time, they may feel overwhelmed at the mounring pressure to get everything in on time and at a quality to get the best results. However, by breaking the assignments down into mini tasks, you can approach them more effectively.

How to think positively through mini tasks implementation Instead of focusing on the 5000 words we have to submit, we think about what we can do today by breaking the assignments down into daily mini tasks in order to achieve the main goals and sticking to a time management plan. Many students could produce at least one or few ideas or many ideas per day depending their different abilities. To achieve this, some students may struggle how to find ideas. One way to generate ideas is brainstorming. Writing out relevant ideas as much as possible would help and can create some concepts to add in your assignments. Another means to assist you have ideas is reading relevant articles from varieties of sources that are trustworthy. The more you read, the more ideas and information you can use. We can focus on what we can do today by thinking out loud and writing out sentences or ideas in order to support main ideas and argument points. This way of thinking is very beneficial to us, as students will soon see some progression of plans that they are setting. Time is an integral part to set plans in order to ensure that assignments are submitted on time. Here are some other suggestions for time management:

1. Setting daily plans:

It is a good idea to set out daily plans for mini goals such as today’s plan are to finish out line for an assignment, an introduction part and reading at least three sources to support ideas, or aiming to finish at least two ideas or write at least 200 to 300 words today.

2. Applying flexible plans: In some circumstances you may not wait until finishing every point in one go but you can add points depending sources

and ideas that you can work out bit by bit. Do not spend too long on difficult parts of assignments; apply flexible plans to find another parts that you could do. Trying to set specific and realistic plans as much as possible is very important and helps to save time.

3. Choosing an appropriate time:

You can pick the best time to study. Different students have different times that they have enough energy with which to study. While the best time for some students to study is in the morning, for others the best time to study is in the afternoon or evening.

4. Priority time frame:

It’s important to set priorities for each part of a big assignment by separating it into subheadings, such as introduction, body (further divided in point 1, point 2, point 3 and so on, followed by supporting arguments and examples for each) and conclusion. Then, set an approximate time frame in hours or days to complete each part.

5. ‘Positive thinking generates positive

outcomes’. Do not give up on the plan, especially those who are international students who are studying in languages that are not our mother-tongue. The first thing to handle in each step is to think positively about how to reach your goals. Although some tasks are tough, perseverance will assist us to reach our goals. Be proud in each mini task that you achieve day by day, and believe that you can do it. I am sure that students who have the strong desire to complete their academic tasks will reach their goals. As long as students are self-disciplined enough to work on their plans, think positively, and don’t give up on their difficult tasks, they will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hopefully, by doing this, you can find a proper way to cope with and overcome any difficulties in your studies.

AUTHOR

Danaphone Chaleunsouk, 31, Master of Public Administration (Management)

Danaphone says “My favourite natural wonder is Khone Phapheng falls on Mekong River. The falls are located in “Si Phan Don” or “Four thousand Islands”, Champasak Province, Southern part of Laos. This is one of the largest water falls in South East Asia. There are rare Irrawaddy dolphins and flora. Additionally, these glistening water Falls are very impressive and provide beautiful view points.“

WHAT THE

FLinders University Clubs

Flinders Palaeontology Society On an idyllic autumnal day on the playing fields of Flinders, two cricket teams gather under azure skies to compete for a shovel. The Diggers’ Shield, to give the shovel its proper title, is the annual match pitting the Palaeontology Society against the Archaeology Society. What was the outcome of this match, you ask? Did the Palaeos make it five shovels on the trot or did the Archies breakthrough for their first victory? I caught up with self-professed cricket and palaeontology nerd Sam Arman, to chat about the branch of science that has captivated him for as long as he can remember, and the unique contribution the Flinders University Palaeontology Society (FUPS) makes to Australian palaeontology. Sam has been involved with FUPS since 2007. As an enthusiastic board member, he is a regular participant in the society’s principle activities, field trips. These trips range from weekenders close to Adelaide to month-long expeditions to Alcoota, Northern Territory, in the mid-semester break. No matter the distance travelled or the length of time, Sam assures me that these trips are all about getting down and dirty – digging and sifting all day in the quest for fossils. Sam outlines the aims of the society, ‘We try to bridge the gap between amateurs who are interested in palaeontology and researchers and academics. It is a very popular science but there are not many opportunities for amateurs to participate in it. We provide people an opportunity to get stuck into field work. In turn, this enables researchers to get the most out of the society by providing them access to free labour.’ Collaborating with museums and high schools, FUPS reaches beyond the traditional university boundary to involve anyone with a passion for Palaeontology. And what exactly is Palaeontology? Sam tells us, ‘It’s a blanket term that covers any information about past life – fossils, foot prints, past climate, geology – that provide insight into how life has evolved and changed. It is a world of dinosaurs and giant mammals –including those freaking giant marsupials. Technological advances and

climate change combine to constantly reveal new discoveries. Sam illustrates this point, ‘Recently, palaeontologists have been able to analyse skin samples of mummified mammoths, found beneath newly melted permafrost in Siberia, and have determined their haemoglobin was altered to survive their freezing climate.’ In Australia, palaeontologists study the alteration to the environment caused by the arrival of the first people 50,000 to 60,000 years ago, and European arrival 200 years ago, to understand the effects humanity had on the environment and try to feed into today’s animal management. ‘For example, bettongs are now found in fragmented communities but they originally inhabited a vast expanse of the continent,’ Sam explains. Australia was a comparative latecomer to Palaeontological research. There used to be a cultural-cringe where any fossil discoveries were shipped off to Europe or the USA for examination. However by the 1950s, palaeontologists started coming to Australia to conduct field research. At this point, Australian Palaeontology was kick-started. Sam says ‘this means we have way more fossils in situ and the ability to apply the latest techniques to them when they are unearthed.’ In the highly factionalised Palaeontology world, Sam admits he is a card carrying member of marsupials’ team. The conversation then ranges across unearthing fossils of the long extinct mega fauna – diprotodons (like a truck size wombat) and thylacoleo (marsupial lion) to the more recently departed thylacene (Tassie tiger). As for the media hype about using cloning tech to bring back the thylacene, Sam would prefer us to ‘better look after what we have left before we attempt to bring back more.’ He explains, ‘there’s more to it than cloning. Nature and nurture factors need to be considered and the genetic variability would not be sufficiently diverse to sustain the species. Further, thylacenes were a plains animal, therefore if they were still around, their natural habitat has been destroyed.’

FOUNDED 1988

EMAIL flinderspaleao@gmail.com

President Diana Fusco

patron Ernest lundelius III, University of texas

Membership 100 (ish)

activities And why should new students join FUPS? Sam grins, ‘It’s an awesome way to get away from the city and dig up an animal that used to exist. If you are interested in Australian history or biology, there is no better way of getting an understanding of the place.’ Sam then steps me through the field trip routine. ‘We car pool up to a town close to the site. We meet at a bakery, convoy out to the site, and set up camp. Next morning we get up, shake off hangovers, and review the site – checking for erosion and other things that have happened since we were last there. We then uncover the site and excavate all day. We repeat the process every day until we scurry back to town. I have great memories from the field work: my discoveries, what other people find, being out in the field drinking beer as the sun sets.’

field trips, master classes, open labs, ‘beer and bones’ magazine

Achievements Diggers’ SHIELD winners 1997, 1998, 2014, 2015, and maybe 2016

Not surprisingly, the name of FUPS’ magazine reflects the members’ shared passions. ‘Beer and Bones is a semi-irregular publication which provides news about what Flinders Palaeo are up to, articles from international researchers and, to satisfy the name requirements, craft beer reviews,’ Sam explains. Away from the field work and the magazine, the society conducts master classes where visiting researchers demonstrate techniques and, open lab visits. Then there are the social fun times such as the annual FUPcakes fundraising stall and the Diggers’ Shield. Speaking of which, who did win that cricket match? You’ll need to dig into that story for yourself, dear reader. AUTHOR Richard Falkner, 51 - not out, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing Richard considers Uluru the great natural wonder - who needs pyrotechnics or a light show? Walking around the base of Uluru gives you a sense of the age and unique wonder of our continent. But please don’t climb on it. Respect the custodians.

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Behind the Bar:

Hains & Co. The Adelaide bar scene has, in the past few years, undergone a pretty dramatic transformation. Fancy cocktails and craft beers have become the norm even in some of the more traditional venues, and it seems like every week there’s another new bar popping up in a laneway you’ve never looked twice at. Hains & Co, a nautically-inspired gin and rum bar, is a standout. And you probably have looked twice at this laneway, because it also houses the Pancake Kitchen. I haven’t passed through the doors of Hains & Co since last spring, when I thoroughly enjoyed a wintry, fireside-esque warm spiced cider; today I’m back to meet the operator, Marcus Motteram, and catch a glimpse at what goes on behind the scenes. Number 23, Gilbert Place is confusingly shrouded in mist. Looking up at the wide verandah, I see that the light spray is coming from a misting machine in the process of being installed. I suspect I’ll be coming here primarily to cool off in the summer months! It’s just past 3pm and Marcus and today’s bartending duo are all-handson-deck preparing to open at four. Many drinks and components thereof are prepared days in advance at Hains & Co, such as the fruit, which is thinly sliced and dehydrated to release a stronger and more unusual flavour. Having come on a Thursday, I’m hoping to catch the weekend preparations and learn some trade secrets along the way. Seated at the bar, I am served one of the bar’s signature cocktails, the Crimson Mainsail, a sloe gin sour. The sloe gin is made inhouse from Tasmanian sloeberries, which Marcus tells me are like small plums. These are steeped in gin and turned daily for three months before the resulting liquor is ready for use. The ‘sour’ element is seasonal, but typically made with lemon. Tasting the eye-pleasing creation, I can immediately understand its popularity. A large, folding window connects the bar to the outside world. Seeing it open, some earlybirds lean over the counter and ask for a drink, which they are given without fuss. Customers come first at Hains & Co, and there’s no trace of the condescension or indifference that too often ruins boutique bars. The most important traits for a bartender to possess, Marcus tells me, are passion and humility. A passion for the job is a must, and good banter is the cornerstone upon which Hains & Co’s open, friendly vibe is built. Humility, Marcus explains, permeates every aspect of bartending. It is the knowledge that you are not the

best bartender the city has ever seen, and that there is always something new to learn, be it from your team or from a customer. Combine love of your work and a thirst - pardon the pun - for betterment, and the result is a continuously-evolving bar with a heart of gold (with bonus brass fittings, polished timber and plush upholstery). As Marcus and I talk, the team behind the bar present three versions of Espresso Martini and an open discussion begins about which has the most ‘Adelaidey’ flavour. Marcus’s ancestors arrived in Largs Bay in the late 1800s and Marcus grew up in Adelaide before moving to Melbourne. Returning to Adelaide, he was on the lookout for a suitable building to accommodate his vision of a laneway bar combining his greatest liquid loves: gin and rum. Serendipity led him to Gilbert Place, where he approached the owners of the business then occupying the Hains & Co building, agreed to purchase it to carry out his vision, and the rest is history. Speaking of, Marcus’s family history is very much present in Hains & Co, from the massive Largs Bay jetty timber used on the bar to the name itself: Hains is his mother’s maiden name and also lent itself to the family furniture store, which operated just around the corner on Hindley Street. All roads lead home, it seems! Another cocktail is assembled before us, this one less of a looker but with a name that promises good things: the Cool Breeze. It’s named after a type of cucumber, and combines 30mL cucumber syrup, gin and lemon juice in a drink that puts the humble G&T to shame with its off-the-chart levels of refreshment and summeriness. Mmhmm. Meanwhile, the lemons have been sliced ready to go in the dehydrator; I follow a bartender upstairs and watch him slide the trays into place. Simple as that. While upstairs, I am also treated to a viewing of the house spiced rum maturing in its huge, ropeknotted glass bottle. Finding myself back at the bar, I’m given some to try. I am not a big fan of rum; I enjoy it with mixers and have even used it to create my own fruit liquors, but on its own, I can’t find much to like. This, however, is something else. Those magical, secret spices have made it - dare I say - delicious. I explain all this to Marcus, who springs into action, ordering bottle after bottle be brought forth from the shelves. Not liking rum?? This calls for an education!

Six bottles and six glasses are assembled on the bar in front of us: first, a white rum for comparison, Ron Cubaney Plata Natural; Bacardi eight-year-old; Pusser’s British Navy Rum; Gosling’s Black Seal; Plantation XO (extra old) Barbados 20th Anniversary; and finally, Ron Zacapa XO Solera Gran Reserva Especial, which is as expensive and sought-after as it sounds. And it’s now that Marcus’s knowledge and passion come to the fore. Knowing that I don’t have a palate for rum yet, he guides me along from low-end to high-end with talk not of the intricacies of the taste but of the history of each of these rums, which I find incredibly impressive and unexpected. When I’ve tasted the white rum and the Bacardi 8 year old, he picks up the Pusser’s rum and tells me that it’s exactly the same rum that sailors were given as rations for centuries. To prove the rum’s strength, gunpowder was added to it; if the powder didn’t dissolve, the rum was deemed strong enough (hence the term ‘proof’). Leaving England, gin was packed on board, and when they got to the tropics and the gin was running out, trades were made for rum. Finally, an explanation of why these liquors are thought of as piratey! Gosling’s Black Seal is next, and having tried three extremely different rums, I am now beginning to pick up on the subtleties of flavour. I still can’t pick out the flavours that the back of the bottle promises are in there, but this dark rum is definitely a bit fancier than a Bundaberg. The Plantation XO is different yet again, and while I don’t especially enjoy it, I can appreciate the elements that set it a cut above the rest. And, last but not least, the Zacapa XO. I can tell I’m being given the royal treatment, getting a taste of this drop. I feel like the scene could easily turn into a dramatic period skit: Master: ‘You there, fetch me that Ron Zacapa!’

‘Yes boy, get it down!’ (master clicks fingers impatiently, servant climbs ladder to the top shelf which holds a single padlocked bottle, finds a delicate golden key on his oversized keyring, unlocks it with trembling fingers). And, yes, it is worth all that. Even my uncultured tastebuds can tell that much. Six rums later and my eyes have been opened to a world that stretches far beyond the humble bottle-o catalogue special. I wouldn’t say, now, that I don’t like rum. I’d say I don’t much fancy Bacardi, but I could sure go a Gosling’s, danke schön! I feel, now, like I’ve got all I need. I’ve had cocktails, taken photos, learnt more than a few new things and tried some incredible liquor. I know what Hains & Co has to offer: drinks that challenge preconceptions and delight your tastebuds, customer service that lives up to and exceeds the definition of ‘hospitality’, fantastic vibes and, most importantly, a misting machine. Man, that’s a really pretty cloud. I don’t think I can drive home just right at this particular moment in time. Arrrr.

AUTHOR

Rowena Edwards, 20, Bachelor of Creative Arts Honours (Creative Writing) Rowena says her favourite natural wonder is the Great Barrier Reef

(servant looks hesitant) ‘... are you sure, Master?’

23 23

x vo p

1. Morgan Freeman

2. In a cottage, like in Downton Abbey 3. Fire

4. Frozen (Really, Shrek, but that’s Pixar)

1. Barack Obama 2. Forest 3. Fire

1. Snoop Dogg

2. Mountain or valley 3. Wind

4. Iron Man

4. The Emperor’s New Groove

5. Autumn

5. Spring

5. Autumn

6. A daisy, because that’s my favourite flower, or “9”, because that’s my lucky number

6. A blue bird with a cherry 6. Possibly the Smashing in its mouth, because I like Pumpkin’s logo, as they are to imagine that one day we my favourite band may be able to fly like a bird

Karlee Business (HR)

Dilraj Psychology

Brodie Archaeology

1.WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO NARRATE THE DOCUMENTARY OF YOUR LIFE? 2. WHAT TYPE OF LANDSCAPE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO LIVE IN? 3. WHAT ELEMENT WOULD YOU HAVE SUPER POWERS OVER? 4. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE DISNEY FILM? 5. WHAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE SEASON? 6. IF YOU WERE TO GET A TATTOO, WHAT WOULD YOU GET AND WHY?

pops 1. Morgan Freeman

1. Adele

1. Idina Menzel

2. Mountains

2. Beach

2. Forest

3. Fire

3. Water

4. Aladdin

4. Tangled

4. Mulan

5. Winter

5. F.R.I.E.N.D.S Season 5

5. Spring

6. I wouldn’t get one

6. Wouldn’t get one

6. Two quavers on my wrist, as I’m a singer

Alison Speech Pathology

Victoria Physiotherapy

Ruby Education / Arts 25 25

- Cooking -

Pocketchange with Eleanor Danenberg

Sugar free Salmon on Crunchy Coleslaw I first discovered this beautiful recipe in a sugar-free cookbook that my sister got for Christmas. Since Christmas, I’ve made it probably 5 times, and each time I do, I tweak bits and pieces and try out different things to make it my own. This recipe has a lovely, fresh, crunchy taste, and it’s a great way to get more yummy, healthy salmon into your diet. Serves: 2-4 people Ingredients: • 1 bunch broccolini (chopped into bite-sized bits) • 250g coleslaw* (make your own or get 250g bags from your supermarket) • 1 tablespoon chopped macadamias, almonds, or cashews* • 2 teaspoons apple cider vinegar (with the oil/vinegar in your supermarket) • 2 teaspoons coconut oil* (from the health section of your supermarket)

*Coles has kaleslaw, and once I used a beetroot coleslaw (also from Coles) which was a yummy variation *I love a crunchy coleslaw with this dish so I use a handful instead of a tablespoon

• Sea salt and pepper

*Sometimes the coconut oil can be a bit of a mushy solid

• 2-4 salmon fillets (or one per person). skin optional.

form, so I would recommend microwaving it for ~10

• 1 tablespoon smoked paprika

seconds until it’s a liquid and can be easily mixed with the

• Juice of 1 lemon to serve

coleslaw

- Cooking -

Pantry Method: Preheat oven to 200 degrees Celsius and line a baking tray with baking paper.

Cooking for 1:

In large bowl toss together broccolini, coleslaw, nuts, vinegar, oil, and season with salt and pepper.

recipe is enough for 2-4 serves, so I buy a 2 pack of

Spread coleslaw mix evenly on the tray and place salmon on top – skin side down. Sprinkle paprika on top of salmon.

dinner 2 nights in a row. After mixing the coleslaw with

Bake for 12-14 minutes. Serve with lemon squeezed on top of dish. Enjoy!

I often make this recipe for just myself. The coleslaw salmon fillets from Coles ($13) and have this dish for the wet ingredients, I use half, and keep the remaining half in the fridge until I cook it the next night. Otherwise, you could use half of the coleslaw mix with the salmon in the oven, and save the other half to have as a cold side salad with another meal; I’ve had the coleslaw with both steak and chicken.

CHEF / AUTHOR Eleanor Danenberg 20, Bachelor of Arts High Achievers (Women’s Studies and Creative Writing) Eleanor says her favourite natural wonder is the Great Barrier Reef. She doesn’t believe in astrology, but she admits she is a pieces who loves the water...

The original recipe came from Sarah Wilson’s I Quit Sugar: Simplicious , which has tonnes of healthy and delicious recipes.

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- Hidden Gems -

Hidden Gems Victor Harbor, South Australia

When it comes to nature, South Australia has so much to offer. One of the most popular nature attractions would be Victor Harbor. If you have never been here, this is a must do for you! Located about 70km from university, this is the perfect excuse to get a few of your friends together and go on a little road trip. There is so much to do in Victor Harbor, from exploring the incredible beaches and eating the freshest fish and chips, to whale watching and visiting the penguins on Granite Island. An incredible thing about Victor Harbor is that it is located next to a small island known as ‘Granite Island’. A 630m causeway has been built, so you can walk across from the Harbor to the island. You may want to bring along a jacket as it tends to get quite windy on the causeway; however, it is still bearable without a jacket. There is also a horse-drawn tram along the causeway, which is owned by ‘Victor Harbor Tramway’, who have qualified horse husbandries to train the horses to be able to draw you along the causeway, making you feel like you are back in the 1800’s. This is the only horse-drawn tram way left in Australia and it is around $10 for a return fare. After crossing the causeway onto Granite Island, you have the option to take a scenic walk around the island or head over to the Penguin visitor centre to book a tour to visit the penguins. The penguins usually come out at dusk which is when the tours are held. After exploring the island, stop off at the popup cafe and cool down with a coffee or a cold beverage, and

cd Fun fact: Victor Harbor was strongly considered for South Australia’s capital city...

But our fair city of Adelaide had the edge, and was victorious.

perhaps buy yourself an ice cream. There are incredible views and look-out points on this island and the best thing is that it is not overcrowded, so you can enjoy a peaceful walk, take some amazing photos and explore all the island has to offer. Once back at Victor Harbor, walk along the beautiful beach, take the kids to the playground along the esplanade or relax outdoors and have yourself a little picnic in the sun. You can also visit the South Australia Whale centre, where you can book boat tours to go whale and dolphin watching. There is also kids entertainment provided, including a bouncy castle and a fun fair ride! There is so much to do in Victor Harbor, and the best thing is that you can do it all in one day. On your way back from Victor Harbor, if it is in the late afternoon, stop in to the famous Port Elliot bakery on your way home, then take a detour to ‘Freeman’s Knob’ and look out of the free telescope that overlooks the beautiful ocean. If you are feeling adventurous, go and climb along the rocks and see how far you can get to the edge. These rocks also make for great and memorable photographs! Take care, Ash xx NOTE: If you were planning on taking your dog/s along with you, please know that they are not permitted on Granite Island and there is a fine for walking them along the causeway to the island. AUTHOR Ashley Curtis, 21, Bachelor of International Tourism The most impressive natural wonder to Ashley would be the Northern Lights in Iceland. She has not been there herself, but looking at the photos and the videos they look incredible, and you can feel like you are in a whole other world. “You get black skies, blue skies and sometimes a pink sky, but can you imagine a green and purple sky? Simply breathtaking!”

- Hidden Gems -

- Features -

The skeletons hiding in your closet… One of the largest threats our planet has ever seen is literally sitting on our shoulders. The fashion industry, worth an estimated USD$1.5 trillion, is constantly growing and evolving. The demand from consumers to follow the next big trend, at the lowest possible cost, has put strain on the supply chain. This pressure has welcomed in a new trend, ‘fast fashion’ ─the phenomenon of rushing trends from the runways into stores by using cheap and quick production methods─ while having a positive impact on our bank accounts, the real outcome is far more ominous. In 2013, over 1000 factory workers in Bangladesh were killed in the tragic Rana Plaza collapse. Many of these individuals, predominantly women and children, were working long hours in an illegally constructed building. The clothes they were manufacturing were to be sent to Europe, Australia, and America to be sold in cheap outlet stores. The fast fashion industry places unrealistic and dangerous expectations upon producers in the developing world. Larger orders with harsher time constraints means that workers will be forced to work longer hours in unsafe conditions. Despite the media coverage on this tragedy, the demand for cheap clothing is still increasing, with 80 billion new pieces of clothing being purchased each year. The environmental impacts of the clothes we wear (and eventually throw away) aren’t often mentioned in discussions about fashion, though they really should be. Approximately 3,625 litres of water are utilised in the production of one pair of jeans, which is equal to the amount of water required for an individual’s basic survival for 2.5 years. On top of that, 3kg of toxic chemicals are used and then released back into the waterways and 13 square meters of land are harvested. With all of these elements combining to contribute to climate change and a more dangerous lifestyle for workers, we must pose the question: is it worth it for one pair of ripped up jeans? What’s more, that same pair of jeans is unlikely to stay in our closets for more than a year. With more clothing being purchased each season, the amount of clothing ending up in landfill is shocking. Each year, an individual will send approximately 35kg of textiles into landfill. Synthetic materials do not decompose, whereas organic materials such as cotton and wool do— contributing vastly to greenhouse gas emissions that damage the environment.

Long story short, fast fashion is bad. Whether you care about human rights, climate change, deforestation, water pollution, ending child labour, or caring for animals, even if you just care what you look like; fast fashion is not sustainable. We cannot sit around day after day while we have the blood of factory workers and the remains of forests woven into the clothes on our backs. Despite what the mainstream retailers would have you believe, cheap, unethical clothing is not the only option. There are many brands emerging, both within Australia and internationally, that have made the pledge to ensure that every step of their supply chains are ethical. They are creating a new, sustainable trend that they call ‘slow fashion’, which falls into the Fair Trade movement. You may actually be surprised by which brands are making great progress towards being ethical and sustainable. How would you discover which brands get the tick of approval, you may ask? Our friends at Fashion Revolution have provided us with a report card for many popular clothing brands against a variety of criteria. Do they use sustainable cotton but refuse their workers a fair wage? Have they committed to ensure no children are working in their factories but have been found using dog fur in vests? (Hard to believe, but that has happened!) The 2015 report, made available at fashionrevolution.org, is the best place you can go to find out. Also, be sure to keep a look out for logos such as the Fairtrade symbol, which guarantees that the workers involved in the production of your clothing were given a fair wage and good working conditions. Educating yourself about fast fashion is important, though it is the way we go about our purchases that requires the biggest change. If we only buy clothing that is made ethically, but still dispose of those pieces after wearing them only a few times, is it really much better? Enter the faithful op-shop. Thanks to the hipster revolution of late, recycling and upcycling has been made cool. This is great news for both the environment and our pockets, because we can give these clothes a second life for far less than the price of our textbooks. Every dollar we spend is casting a vote for the world we want to live in, and I don’t want to live in a wasteland.

AUTHOR Eilish Maguire, 20, Bachelor of International Studies Eilish’s favourite natural wonder is Aurora Borealis─ visiting it is the number one thing on her bucket list!

For more information about slow fashion and how you can make a difference through your purchases, head to www.facebook.com/fairtradeflinders

STUDENT COUNCIL 2016 OFF TO ROCKY START Student Council at Flinders has been quite a peaceful one by the standards of student politics. That is, until the events of recent weeks. There have been disturbances such as the controversy late last year over the proposed Empire Times regulations, but nothing of the level this has reached since FUSA’s start in 2012. Education Officer, Jack Harrison, and General Secretary Genevieve Danenberg have both left student council following a tumultuous period of political disturbances. The current makeup of FUSA Student Council has the group drawn up into three groups. The Labor factions who would have seen campaign in their green Activate shirts (the Left), and Fresh in their orange shirts (the Right). At the last elections, Activate swept to power, with Hamish Richardson, Sarah Polanco, Amy Huepauff, Genevieve Danenberg, Jack Harrison, Christopher Norman, and Joshua Sunman winning their positions. The current editors of Empire Times joined the ticket, as did Caleb Pattinson, Angela Tomarelli, Ali Roush, and Christine Bennetts. Fresh is represented on SC by Jason Byrne, Jordan O’Reilly, Alfred Lowe, and Sean Lamonby. Grace Hill campaigned under the Student Voice ticket and remains an independent. Harrison, a member of National Labor Students (a group representative of the left wing of the Labor party who campaigned as Activate in election week) resigned following a series of rumours. When questioned by Empire Times, members of the Activate caucus (a broad-left collection of individuals from Labor Left and independents) were evasive or refused to comment. Empire Times has been told by a few sources that former University Council member Leon Cermak informed other members of NLS of our attempts to reach him for comment and requested all members not to provide us with any comment. Cermak refuted the claim when approached. Empire Times has approached all members of SC for comment. The majority have declined comment. Some independents have stated they don’t know enough to comment. Hill refused comment. Richardson declined to comment. Sunman declined to comment. Polanco declined to comment. Huepauff declined to comment Jack Harrison took an NLS policy to executive (a smaller section of student council made up of President, Welfare, Accessibility, and Education Officers, plus General Secretary and others elected to it) that would effectively have FUSA condemn Parallel Importation Restrictions. He later amended this to read that FUSA’s executive condemned PIRs. Whatever came of this at executive, it would remain necessary for this to be put up at the full student council. PIRs enforce restrictions that enable local publishers to locally print books. This makes books more expensive in some cases, but may also help to sure up local jobs. NLS favours retaining these restrictions, whilst the Labor Right faction, Unity (who campaigned as the orange-shirted Fresh team) favours the abolition of the regulations. A motion was put forward by Jason Byrne and subsequently passed that Harrison would be condemned and thus forced to

apologise. He did this but was informed that an apology was not enough despite assurances. Believing his position to be impossible to continue, Harrison put in his resignation. Genevieve Danenberg subsequently joined her partner in resignation from student council. According to Danenberg, Harrison attempted to open up communication with Pattinson ‘many times’, later trying to ‘facilitate a meeting with a mediator’ when this fell through. She also states that Harrison organised a meeting with Pattinson the day before the meeting that saw the end of Harrison’s time on student council. Pattinson cancelled the meeting and did not provide a reason. Pattinson stated that ‘mediation was being organised’ between him and Harrison at the time of the resignations. This was to be held with the aid of ‘an unbiased party’. Pattinson indicated he did not believe Harrison was aware of his attempt to begin mediation. He added that ‘making sure we are representing the student cohort’ was his primary concern. ‘I would rather have seen [Harrison] focus his energy on running a campaign for fair and accessible higher education’. When asked whether another eventuality was possible, Pattinson simply stated that ‘ultimately, it is a personal decision to resign from council’. Environment officer Ali Roush was approached for comment and stated it was her belief that ‘resignations of some kind were inevitable before the council could go back to functioning properly’. Danenberg’s stated her view was that her working relationship with other SC members ‘could not be repaired’. All of this occurred prior to the student council meeting. Empire Times has been informed that the discussions turned towards Harrison’s alleged resistance to allow independents into Activate, a particular case being student president Pattinson. Harrison says that he was ‘absolutely welcoming’ of Pattinson and ‘offered to meet up’ to ‘talk more about it’. Pattinson, however, ‘wouldn’t have any of it’, according to Harrison. Women’s Officer, and Independent councillor Angela Tomarelli, confirmed to Empire Times that Pattinson ‘called Christine [Bennetts], Prash [Magandram], Alex [Chen], Ali [Roush] and [herself] into a room 30 minutes before the meeting’. There he said he ‘couldn’t work with this council’ and had ‘decided to quit’. He had a letter in his possession in which he had drafted a resignation. Tomarelli says she asked him at this point whether his resignation claim was genuine, or whether he was just playing politics’. She states that Pattinson’s response was to say ‘I can’t believe you would even ask me that’, and then to ‘storm out’ of the room. Empire Times was present at this student council meeting, and at no point during the meeting did Pattinson refer to a potential resignation on his part. Tomarelli says she was ‘blown away by the unprofessionalism of a good portion of [her] fellow SC members’. Madeleine Seppelt, Director of Events and Engagement was present initially. She delivered a presentation to which less than half of the council attended. Danenberg stated that she left student council out of a belief she ‘could not work constructively with the majority of the council’, adding that she ran in the elections to ‘improve student life and atmosphere on campus’, and that as she believes ‘many members of council do not share these intentions’ and don’t have ‘students’ best interests at heart’, she felt it necessary to resign.

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- Features -

Student council members Josh Sunman, Hamish Richardson, Christopher Norman, Simone Jowett, and Sarah Polanco (all from Activate) have all stated that they will not speak on the record regarding the resignations of two of their colleagues. In the case of the five aforementioned student council members, they are colleagues within the same factional caucus. Josh Sunman is in fact the Empire Times liaison for 2016 but has declined to help ET in repeated attempts to find the truth of Activate’s actions. Sunman’s silence is hardly surprising as an Activate insider states he was the one who instigated the vote getting rid of Harrison.

Hamish Richardson declined even to comment on why NLS was late to the student council meeting on February 2, that heralded the end of Harrison’s and Danenberg’s respective terms. NLS missed the entirety of the presentation by Madeleine Seppelt, and were also late to the student council meeting afterwards.

THE PAGE STUDENT COUNCIL WANTED CUT

The current problems of student council at Flinders are significant. Claims and counter-claims shoot around from some quarters, whilst others remain steadfastly silent in the face of inquiry. A source inside NLS describes the faction as a ‘shambles’, stating that in an unheard turn of events, senior members of NLS have been ‘intervening’ in ‘an attempt to fix’ the faction at Flinders. Deanna Taylor, former National Union of Students president and senior National Labor Students member, with Emily Gore (Young Labor Left South Australian Convener) have been parachuted into Flinders in a desperate attempt to salvage the ailing faction. Furthermore, ET has been informed that Activate no longer accepts independents in their number, restricting the membership to the Left-wing NLS faction.

An Activate source tips Simone Jowett (Ex-SC, current Uni Council) to run for General Secretary and Richardson to take more of the recently-ousted Harrison’s positions by running for Education Officer in the upcoming by-election triggered by the departures. Richardson stands to gain a great deal from Harrison’s resignation. It certainly appears that Activate is not keen to allow their members much freedom, as ET was unable to approach Activate member Sarah Polanco without Richardson present. Before any questions were asked, Richardson stated that any answer from Activate would be ‘no comment’, regardless of the question. When asked whether Harrison’s resignation was a foreseen consequence of the recent events in Flinders student politics, the

- Features -

go to empiretimes.com.au for more on the unfolding story!

silence in response was deafening. Hamish Richardson declined even to comment on why NLS was late to the student council meeting in February, that heralded the end of Harrison’s and Danenberg’s respective terms.

‘There were so many backroom, behind-closed-doors “caucus” discussion and most councillors were not informed at all as to what was going on’, Tomarelli says of the student council in the lead-up to the resignations.

Richardson is the convener of Activate but been unable or unwilling to help Danenberg and Harrison, his factional comrades. He now has the highest position in Activate after Harrison’s departure. It has been claimed that Richardson was ‘ringing around [the day of the SC meeting] to get the numbers against [Harrison]’.

This is a student council unable to communicate within itself, and even seemingly unwilling to do so. Transparency is not something they hope for, or will act towards, simply because it will not show them in a good light in this instance. Student council is not working to represent Flinders students so long as this is their approach to politics, and not willing to be accountable so long as this is their approach to the media.

Jason Byrne, member of the orange-shirted Fresh faction, was approached for comment. Unlike all Activate members, he gave a response. When asked if Harrison’s near-forced resignation was a punishment fitting of the crime, Byrne responded that ‘student unions must be held to high standards in integrity and transparency’. Empire Times is in agreement with Byrne in so far as that’s important. This FUSA student council has utterly failed on both counts. The council has hidden its dealings from the students and from student media. They have been stunningly unrepresentative, they have failed tests of integrity and they are unarguably deeply invested in opposing transparency in an effort to hide their dubious dealings. Byrne opposed Harrison’s condemnation of PIRs, as this is the stance taken by Unity. He also criticises the methods Harrison took in his pursuit of the policy. Byrne was out of the country at the time Harrison produced the motion. The fact that Harrison took the motion to the Executive Committee is another point Byrne objects to as Executive exists to ‘transact the business’ of FUSA, ‘on behalf of the Student Council, on urgent matters’ believed to be impossible to be delayed until the next Student Council meeting, according to the FUSA constitution (12.2). Women’s Officer, Angela Tomarelli believes ‘factionalism… to be the driving factor behind most of this’. She states her belief ‘the animosity towards Jack took up most of the discussion’ and that she feels ‘very strongly’ the treatment of ‘Jack and Gen in this instance was unfair’.

The test of transparency of the student council was this. All agreed to transparency in principal but once there was something to hide, it became a matter student politicians pulling editors aside to tell them they would issue no comment on the matter. Two office bearers have resigned due to feeling unable to continue working in the environment of student council, and with the people on student council. This is a time for transparency. This is a time for which student media was created. This is the time that members of the Activate caucus are trying to prevent us from doing our job by a considered campaign of silence. Present on campus at many of the key moments has been Alison Taylor, who holds no current official position in student council, university council, NLS, or the National Union of Students but has apparent influence on student politics. All things considered, there is one unavoidable fact: two democratically elected office-bearers have left, feeling unable to continue and have been all but removed, and the party responsible for doing this is so lacking in transparency and accountability, they refuse to let students know why.

AUTHOR Liam McNally, 23, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing)

Liam’s favourite natural wonder is the Door to Hell - a pit of gas that’s been burning for 45 years.

- Fiction -

- Clubs -

V for Vegetarian

By Kayla Gaskell

“

- Fiction -

arco breathed heavily, his back pressed to a dirty concrete wall in the Thriving Sector, a name that was deceptively ordinary. The Thriving Sector was generally left alone, excluded from the regular raids in the Prosperous or Blooming Sectors. As a result, the people had been able to cultivate a secret garden on the outskirts of the city, allowing the people access to all manner of fruits and vegetables. Before the Crisis he had been a vegetarian and recently he’d heard about some field mushrooms in the Thriving Sector. Finding the vegetable seller had been the easy part. The squat man had set up shop selling rugs in the square. The rugs still stunk of dye, deterring any Sniffers--Sniffers were trained to sniff out everything from cabbage to the now-extinct truffle. They prowled the streets beside their Handlers, men who wore bright red coats and walked with a menacing air. Patting his pocket to reassure himself that the package was there, Marco moved through the crowd, his heart jumping every time he glanced around. He expected a Sniffer to leap out at any moment. Despite his fear of discovery, Marco could not help his excitement. For the first time in over two years he would eat vegetables. Vegetarians and vegans had suffered the most from the Crisis. They had been hunted down and tattooed with an ugly black ‘V’ on their foreheads. Most had been forced to convert back to meat, taking nutrient tablets to replace what was lacking; some had suffered from nutrient deficiency before the inevitable conversion while others stuck to their guns even on their deathbeds, becoming withered paper dolls, their hair turned white and brittle. The Crisis had begun with the recall of fungi. They said that the soil they’d grown in was polluted. It was slow at first but before long all fruits and vegetables had been recalled. Nobody knew what was safe for human consumption—they were told only meat was safe. Marco’s strides lengthened as he entered the Blooming Sector. It was home. He approached The Cube; a tall, light bricked-building with a white rickety staircase that led to the upper levels. Marco stopped to take a good look around. His motorbike leaned against a nearby wall. Despite being a heavy hunk of machinery, it was reliable. He swept his sweat-darkened hair from his face, his hand automatically travelling to his top pocket to check the package. The grounds were deserted but for some stray pigeons. That was good. He’d not be interrupted. He took the stairs two at a time, climbing until he reached the fifth level. He found his room and unlocked the door, giving the courtyard below an anxious look. Could he be lucky enough to get away with this? He entered his room. It was plain, furnished with a bed, a chair, a television; there was also a bathroom and a small kitchenette.

He went to the kitchenette first, opening a little fridge and pulling out a dish of butter before finding a skillet and turning on the gas stove. He’d have the mushrooms first. He turned to grab a knife out of the brick behind him and carved a generous wedge from the butter. The pan sizzled at the addition and Marco smiled at the familiarity. He waited for the butter to melt before pulling the package from his pocket. Inside were four field mushrooms, a handful of beans, a carrot and a withered radish. Marco already anticipated his next purchase. He hoped there would be some Portobello by then. Taking a deep breath Marco wondered whether he should cut off a sliver to eat while he waited. Glancing at the knife, he picked it up and cut a generous portion before tossing the remainder into the skillet. The aroma of buttered mushrooms slowly grew, filling the room. Marco picked up the sliver, staring at it indulgently before raising it to his mouth. His senses were alight and he couldn’t help but want to draw out the moment. Marco closed his eyes and dropped the morsel into his mouth. He bit down, releasing its meagre juices, its chewy flesh rolling over his tongue. He savoured the treat for just a moment. It had been so long. He opened his eyes and gave the skillet a toss. Something in his periphery caught his attention and he turned away from the pan. His mouth fell open and he realised he was seeing the city outside through a ghostly wall. Hearing the creaking of the staircase, Marco turned towards the sound and through the wall he could see a Sniffer and his Handler ascending. The dog was straining at his lead. Marco froze. He would get no warnings as a branded vegetarian. He needed to run. But where to run? He was on the fifth level of The Cube and there was only one exit. Marco headed for a window, peering down to the ground way below. There was no way that he’d survive the fall. Glancing back towards the stairs, Marco watched the ghostly image of a Sniffer closing in. Reaching for the bag of his black market produce, Marco plucked out a bean pod. If mushrooms made him see through walls, would beans make him jump? Only one way to find out. Marco threw open the window and climbed out, perching precariously on the window frame. Taking a breath, he bit down on the bean pod. They were better than he remembered. They crunched as he chewed, their sweetness reminding him of days at university when he’d first sought alternatives for meat. Once he’d swallowed his last mouthful he heard his door crash open. Hearing the dog’s growl, Marco leapt out of the window.

“

- Fiction -

Marco twisted as he fell. Someone more graceful might have been able to flip. All he could think about was landing on his feet. He would either push back off on landing or break his legs from the fall. He prayed that it would be the former. Nearing the ground, Marco closed his eyes. What had he done? How could he think he’d survive this drop? He bent his legs forward to brace himself and tried to imagine that he was jumping on a trampoline. Trampolines catapulted you back up. Realising his mistake, Marko’s eyes snapped open just as he reached the ground.

handle bars, Marco ruffled his hair and surveyed his surroundings. Finding the stairs was the easy part. Getting down them and away without being discovered was the hard part. The ground beneath him seemed to wobble with each step. Marco hoped no one would notice. Opening the door to the stairs he paused to listen. There didn’t seem to be anybody around. Time to try the beans again. Marco took a running leap, pausing on the landing before the momentum carried him onwards.

Everything seemed to pause as he wobbled. His legs felt like jelly and he’d left his insides in the room above. With barely a second’s respite Marco was thrown upwards again. He steered towards the road, hoping that his luck would hold out long enough to reach his bike. He had to get away, and fast.

Coming to the ground floor, Marco put out his arms to brace himself against the walls just as a young woman with straight blonde hair rounded a corner. She was busy examining her phone and didn’t see him coming.

Bringing his elasticity under control, Marco bounced the last few paces to his motorbike. Beside it was the van that the Sniffer and Handler arrived in. As he pulled on his helmet he heard a shout from above. The Handler had let go of the Sniffer, allowing the dog to race downstairs ahead of him. Marco was in trouble now.

It was too late. Marco crashed into her and they both fell with a clatter. Her phone went flying and Marco swore.

Mounting the bike, Marco kicked it into gear and felt the engine rumble to life beneath him. Waiting just long enough to confirm that the engine caught, Marco kicked the stand closed and sped away with the Sniffer in pursuit. He could just hear the Sniffer over the growl of the engine and he reassured himself that the dog couldn’t keep up for long. Shifting through the gears Marco turned onto a busy road, weaving through traffic.

‘I’m sorry! Are you alright?’

Sure enough, the dog was lost somewhere behind him. Marco was free—for now. He knew he’d have to ditch the bike. His pursuers would be looking for it. It was too conspicuous. But where to go? His few friends would be more likely to report him to the authorities than harbour him. They too had been brainwashed about the dangers of vegetarians. He needed to find the vegetable seller. He wanted more. If mushrooms could make him see through walls, and beans could make him jump; what would other vegetables make him do? The light was fading and Marco switched on his headlight. He needed to find somewhere to ditch the bike. Coming to a secure car park he headed in, climbing several levels before finding a park. He could still see shadows beyond the walls but it seemed like it was beginning to fade. He wondered whether the beans were still working. Sliding his helmet onto his

‘Watch out!’

The woman let out a scream and Marco jumped to his feet, holding up his hands and trying to look innocent.

She scrambled away from him, using the wall as support while she climbed to her feet. ‘Get away. You’re a vegetarian!’ Her eyes were wide with horror. She looked down at herself as if frightened that she’d been contaminated. ‘Look, I don’t mean any harm. It was just a mistake.’ Marco was already looking for a way around the woman. If someone had heard her scream he was done for. He watched as her face transformed from horror into fascination. ‘It’s been years since I’ve seen a vegetarian.’ She took a deep breath and a long look. ‘How did you survive the Crisis?’ Marco scratched his neck, feeling the familiar prickle of guilt. ‘I converted back.’ The woman nodded. ‘And so you should.’ Marco gave a deliberate nod, knowing not to start a

- Fiction -

debate. He edged around her, heading for the door. ‘Sometimes I miss vegetables too.’ ‘They’re more trouble than they’re worth.’ Without waiting for a response, Marco left the staircase buoyed by her fascination. She couldn’t be the only one missing vegetables. If he had gone to such lengths to procure them, it surely wouldn’t be long before others did. Marco came out into a dark street. So much electricity had been diverted to the labs where experiments were conducted on the soil to make it safe again. Looking down at his meagre selection of vegetables, Marco frowned. He remembered an old wives’ tale about carrots making people see in the dark. Could it be true? He’d never even considered the possibility before now. Pulling out a carrot, he bit a hunk off of it, wincing at the noise as he chewed. It was much sweeter than he remembered and he almost believed he could taste its colour. His vision shifted again and the street came into focus. The shadows seemed darker now, and everything looked as if it was highlighted by a dusky light. Marco patted his jacket pocket once more, reassured by the little packet. All he had left was a radish. He wondered what it would do. There would be time to find out later. For now, he just had to find the vegetable seller.

”

the bag. The raddish had lost its crunch. He examined the familiar texture as he ate, remembering days when he’d refused to eat them because of their awful taste. The Sniffers were closing in on him. The nearest one growled fiercely. As Marco swallowed, he wondered why the dogs hadn’t attacked yet. They were known to be vicious, deadly creatures. Why were they waiting? Marco gasped. He couldn’t breathe. Both hands flew to his throat and he staggered, falling against the wall. Could radishes be deadly? He barely had time to register the change. One moment he was in the alley, cornered by two Sniffers, and the next he was in the middle of a field. He panted, bent double with his hands braced against his knees. Coughing, he straightened, his head brushing an ear of corn. Marco battered his way through the cornfield, emerging to a view of the biggest garden he’d ever seen. Rows and rows of cabbages and cauliflower flourished before him. Looking around, he could see fruit trees in the distance. Before the trees was a big farmhouse. Light poured from each of the windows, illuminating a huge sign. A replica of the ‘V’ branded into vegetarians. Marco straightened. Now, he thought, he’d be safe. The woman’s voice was quiet, but it echoed in the confines of the staircase. Marco paused, turning back to her for just a moment.

Making it back to the Thriving Sector where he’d found the seller earlier, Marco found himself in a barren square. He kicked the dirt angrily, realising that the merchants had gone for the day. How was he supposed to find the seller? Looking around, Marco registered the sound of sirens. In the distance, lights were flashing and dogs were barking. The few people that Marco could see were hurrying into their homes, shutting their doors and shooting him suspicious looks. Marco ducked into a nearby alley and let his head lean back against the wall. His night vision was beginning to fade. So much for that. The sound of dogs grew louder and Marco soon had no choice but to flee. He headed along the alley, hoping to find a way out. He was more than half way down when he heard the growling of Sniffers ahead of him. Fearful, he turned ready to head back into the square. He’d gone only a few paces before he saw another Sniffer, this one already examining the alley’s mouth, restrained by its leash. Looking at either side of the alley, Marco resigned himself to pulling out the vegetable packet. Hastily, he tipped the radish into his mouth, emptying

AUTHOR Kayla Gaskell, 20, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Creative Writing) Kayla says her favourite natural wonder is the Aurora Borealis. Having loved Philip Pullman as a kid, she can’t help but think of Lyra Belaqua venturing into a new world.

ART Sheydin Drew

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- Poetry -

A Stain On The Network I am asking you to listen. I am asking you to see me as I am now. I know you want to search, Type my name and read my life But then you’ll only see my mistakes. Let me spoil the surprise, The articles cast me as a brute, Ugly and undeserving of your humanity. I was a fighter on the wrong side. Look, look at me now. My résumé is trembling in my hand. My muscles have been used up Like the money I once had. My clothes are muddied from the gutter And I know without you, I’ll die there. Please ignore the internet,; Think for yourself. Give me a chance to be your hardest worker; The past doesn’t always determine the future. Anita Sanders

T J k s A Love-life got you down? Got a problem that no amount of therapy or booze will fix? Fear no more for JT is here to answer all your burning questions. Dear JT, There’s this really cute guy in my tute but I don’t think he even knows I exist! How can I get him to notice me? -Lovelorn In Law Judging from your name, I’m assuming you’re a law student? That’s a shame, because your dating pool is full of sharks. And not of the type many are protesting we shouldn’t cull, but rather the type that viciously attack humans and happily consume those they consider lesser without any empathy: aspiring lawyers. Let’s face it, Lovelorn, the greatest love of a law student, besides laughing at those doing any degree that isn’t law, is coffee. And if “really cute guy”—probably dressed in the latest Roger David fashion fiasco—doesn’t see the hot steaming mug of espresso that you already are, perhaps you need to percolate for someone more deserving. But if you’re really set on him, coyly yell, “Objection!” when he next speaks in class. Then when he turns to look at you, say: “Objection to me not having your number yet, that is.” He’s going to be so flattered or concerned that you’re a creep, but either way, objective accomplished: you got him to notice you. Dear JT, a few months ago my friend started dating this total loser. He’s always so rude to the baristas in the laneway, and he always leaves his rubbish on tables for other people to clean. Worst of all, he makes fun of my friend for her love of Beyonce. Last week I saw her delete all the Queen B music from her iPhone. He’s ruining her life but she won’t listen when I try to tell her. What can I do?! -Worried Ah, Worried, admittedly I have dated my fair share of questionable people and in doing so, have developed a list of dealbreakers. In order of importance, they are as follows: 1. Leaves rubbish/trays in food courts for the cleaners. 2. Is disrespectful to staff members of any business. 3. Disrespects my music choice (naturally, Queen B is included in this) 4. Offers to baptise me in the lake behind their house. (“Baptise me? What religion are you?” I had asked. “I’m not religious,” he had replied.) 5. Is an axe murderer. So basically, Worried, your friend’s boyfriend sounds like Donald Trump’s presidential run announcement: not good news. Honesty is the best policy, tell your friend without apology that their boyfriend is Toxic: not the incredible Britney Spears song, but the slaughtering mess that is the Glee version. You shouldn’t suffer in silence and pretend everything is okay, like when that guy offered to baptise me (I mentioned that didn’t I?). I’m sure your friend will see the light just like I did when I was held under the water of the lake a bit too long. Hope this helps.

JT, I have a problem. I’m living a lie. Everyone around me just goes about their classes, writing their algorithms and calculating their r coefficients. But I can’t go on pretending anymore. How can I face the shame? How do I tell my friends that I’m secretly a poet? -Begging for Byron There were many words I didn’t understand in your question so I’m assuming you are doing a Bachelor of Languages. Well Byron, it’s important to know that there is no shame in being a poet. A lot of people progress through their degrees and have an epiphany that their passion is something else. I myself have a passion different from my degree but when I auditioned for the lead role in 2Pac’s upcoming biopic, the director told me they were trying to make the film appropriate for the Oscars so they decided to cast Christian Bale instead. Telling your friends will be so relieving. Say it straightforwardly and bluntly. They will completely understand for there is poetry everywhere. There is rhythm in ‘algorithm’, and a ‘coefficient’ sounds like a whimsical creature one would encounter in a Dr. Seuss book. You deserve to be free and capture this world through your iambic pentameter and assonances without fear of being judged. P.S. You’ll have to tell me what ‘algorithm’ is Spanish for. Help! I got caught in a time vortex and ended up married to a Mongolian war lord! All I wanted to do was hand in my history essay! - Lost in Social Science South The circumstances that lead us to meeting to love of our life are so incredible, don’t you think? There you were, walking through the depressing grounds of Social Science Gone South when you suddenly found a rift in the fabric of time, and got transported to ancient Mongolia where you married a war lord? That’s going to be an interesting story to tell your children – assuming you deliver boys. The best I’ll probably get to say is: ‘We met on Tinder’ or ‘When he started delivering food to my cell, that’s when I knew he was special…’ Clearly, the only thing you need help on is in relation to handing in your history essay. Fret none, my chum. I don’t know what the WiFi is like in ancient Mongolia but oftentimes, you are able to submit your essays through FLO, or email them directly to your tutor if special circumstance allows. I would check with my course coordinator about whether getting caught in a time vortex is considered a ‘special circumstance’ because I don’t know whether you pay attention to some of the fashion here at Flinders, but let’s just say you don’t need to actually travel back to the past to feel like you’re living in it. P.S. Would love to see wedding photos. Please e-mail me your Instagram.

Send all your desperate wonderings to empire.times@flinders.edu.au!

Complete the crossword and send a picture of your answers to empire.times@flinders.edu.au and WIN one of ten free double passes to Palace Nova!

ACROSS

DOWN

2. A classic Australian film that spawned the expression, “That’s going straight to the pool room” (2 words)

1. A historical film where Eric Bana woos sisters and ends up beheading one of them. Awkward. (4 words)

3. An 80s John Hughes film where the male protagonist ends up with his spunky female sidekick, not the popular girl he was originally wooing. (4 words)

2. 3 middle-aged women team up to get revenge on their respective exes. (4 words)

4. The film where Lindsay Lohan’s underrated twin stole our hearts. (3 words) 6. An alien touches Scary Spice’s breast. (2 words) 7. “Sanka, you dead? Yah, man” (2 words) 8. Matthew McConaughey leaves his fiancé on the day of the wedding for another woman. Don’t worry, Matthew, we would too. (3 words) 9. A brand new Bond goes to New Orleans with Dr Quinn, medicine woman. (4 words) 14. There’s a gatemaster, a keymaster, and a giant marshmellow man. 16. “You got into Harvard Law?” “What, like it’s hard?” (2 words) 19. The film that brought awareness to the various issues that ridiculously good looking male models face. 20. “You’re a virgin who can’t drive”

5. “You can be my wingman anytime.” “Bullshit. You can be mine.” (2 words.) 10. Translate: I’m intending to give them a proposition they won’t say no to. (2 words) 11. A pair of sisters throw a wild party to say goodbye to their childhood home. 12. Epic mullets head banging in the car to Bohemian Rhapsody can only mean one movie. (2 words) 13. Matt Damon goes on the famous potato diet. (2 words) 14. Rosamund Pike is NOT one of the cool girls. (2 words) 15. Steve Martin and his complicated extended family reunite. 17. An Irish woman moves to America and becomes torn between the two worlds. 18. Writer, director, actor, mumbler, boxer, stallion.

21. A movie seemingly about a wedding is actually about female friendships and an Irish policeman. 22. A former Mr Universe undergoes a scientific experiment to become pregnant; now, that’s just great cinema.

Crossword clues by Eleanor Danenberg

Colouring Page

Uni stressing you out? Unleash your creativity and unwind... Artwork: Kiralee Thompson

REVIEW

The Hateful Eight

Quentin Tarantino captivates and electrifies with eight hate-filled characters in a revitalised Spaghetti Western. The Hateful Eight presents the paranoia and betrayal experienced amidst these eight characters who reveal their craggy personalities through interaction with one another in a confined space. Soon enough you begin to jump from character to character wondering, ‘Who did it?’ Who is in cahoots with bounty hunter John Ruth’s (Kurt Russell’s) captive murderess Daisy Domergue (Jennifer Jason Leigh)? Tarantino found inspiration in John Carpenter’s The Thing as it showed the paranoia felt within a confined space that he wanted to convey in The Hateful Eight, so he screened this film to the cast. As is expected from Tarantino films, it opens with mood setting credits. The names roll over the top of a snow covered stone crucifix in a white landscape, accompanied by suspenseful and thrilling music. Ennio Morricone composed, orchestrated, and conducted 50 minutes of original music for The Hateful Eight, for which he won a Golden Globe (Best Original Score – Motion Picture). A stagecoach carrying John Ruth and Daisy Domergue comes to a halt. Major Marquis Warren (Samuel L. Jackson) is sitting in the middle of the path, and proceeds to ask Ruth for a ride. Ruth and Warren appear to have a past together, and he is granted a lift. The stagecoach is hailed a second time by a suspicious character who goes by the name of Chris Mannix (Walton Goggins), declaring to be the Sheriff of their destined town. Mannix hops on board. These characters arrive at the cramped confines of Minnie’s Haberdashery, where the remainder of the 3 hours and 7 minutes plays out. Minnie’s Haberdashery is already housing the remainder of the hateful eight: the intellectual gentleman, Oswaldo Mobray (Tim Roth); the lone wolf, Joe Gage (Michael Madsen); the southern general, Sandy Smithers (Bruce Dern); and the Mexican, Bob (Demián Bichir). The Hateful Eight is the eighth film to be made by Tarantino, so it seems only fitting for there to be eight hateful characters. The Hateful Eight was shot in Ultra Panavision 70 format, and the equipment needed to accomplish this had not been used since the

1966 film Khartoum. It is ideally projected in 70mm, a screening only some could experience as there are limited cinemas who still cater for the dying format. 70mm shows a huge increase in image quality and the quality of colours, shades, and shadows. Panavision made a 2,000-foot magazine to accommodate for Tarantino’s taste for long-takes, which allowed him to shoot for 11-minutes at a time (considerably longer than the normal 1,000-foot magazine can handle). I was not lucky enough to see this film how it should be seen, but the greatness of it all still carried through on the average cinema screen. It is unusual to be shooting on such wide film stock when most of the film is set bound rather than open landscapes, but Tarantino being the unconventionally brilliant director that he is makes it work. The frame width provides extended vision to the characters who are like chess pieces, and you have to keep an eye on every single one of them. It also shows the inside of Minnie’s Haberdashery beautifully. The set is candlelit and is in keeping with the time period (some time after the American Civil War). The Hateful Eight is a film you can watch more than once and see things you did not see previously. As a warning, racial slurs are used and violence is shown towards the female character, but as with Django Unchained (also directed by Tarantino) these are not things to be focused on. Anything can happen to these characters, as is the way with reality. On top of the Golden Globe award for Best Original Soundtrack – Motion Picture, The Hateful Eight was also nominated for two other categories: Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in any Motion Picture, to Jennifer Jason Leigh; and Best Screenplay – Motion Picture, to Quentin Tarantino. An interval would have been nice, but it was a great experience. The brilliant revival of the 70mm format and the enthralling storytelling have destined this film to be a classic.

aaaae AUTHOR Rhianna Carr, 21, Bachelor of Media Arts

Rhianna says the greatest natural wonder to her is that there are still places on Earth never seen by humans.

B O O K R E V I E W The world has recently taken wonderful and overdue steps in granting the queer community the right to live and love freely. Although the sexuality war is still a long way from being over, the conversations won and lost in its trenches are being reflected in contemporary films and books. A prime example of this is Carol, the 2016 film starring Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara, which was reviewed last issue by Liam McNally. Whilst it is necessary to celebrate what the film achieves as a political message, I am more fascinated by the novel it was adapted from, written by Patricia Highsmith (of Strangers on a Train and The Talented Mr Ripley fame) and published in 1952 as The Price of Salt. As a depiction of lesbian romance during the 1950s, what this book meant to its readers can only be understood with a little context. Highsmith found it difficult to publish The Price of Salt due to its “controversial” nature; eventually she had to use the pseudonym Claire Morgan to protect her commercial success, and to avoid being trademarked as a “lesbian-book” writer. Literature up until this point had presented lesbian relationships as tragic, and lesbians themselves as punished for their immorality, or heavily sexualised in pulp fiction. Of course, this was only a reflection of the crueller reality. As Highsmith herself described it, ‘those were the days when gay bars were a dark door somewhere in Manhattan, where people wanting to go to a certain bar got off the subway a station before or after the convenient one, lest they be suspected of being homosexual’. It is easy to understand, then, why Highsmith received such a sensational outpouring of gratitude from the gay community, which continues to this day. The love story between department store worker Therese Belivet and housewife Carol Aird is not pulpy, nor is it presented as a tragedy of sins. I came to this book excited to discover how Highsmith would go about this romance—how explicitly the narrative would respond to its own daring, and whether I would find some of Highsmith’s famous suspense tucked away between the pages. What struck me during reading The Price of Salt was how Therese and Carol, whilst two very different personalities, both struggle with and ultimately refuse to conform to the traditional role of the woman within society. Highsmith presents this struggle rather

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cleverly, not just in their actions and decisions, but also in their occupations. Therese’s dream of working as a set designer pairs with Carol’s past ownership of a furniture shop to suggest a shared compulsion to create and cultivate homes. This is precisely one of the gender roles they are rejecting by being together. I was deeply intrigued by this juxtaposition, and curious as to what Highsmith means by it, if anything. Does the house-building motif represent what Therese and Carol are leaving behind, or does it foreshadow the life they will build together? Does the fake reality of Therese’s sets expose the social construct that is the doting wife/mother ideal? Or am I simply too keen for an underlying meaning, and they are merely occupations? I may never know which symbols and omens Highsmith deliberately planted in The Price of Salt—but what she undeniably, unabashedly filled it with was a whole lotta love, and beautifully depicted love at that. Therese and Carol’s relationship manifests itself in language both suspenseful and easy to read, whilst feeling at times like the cover for something underlying and mysterious, something no one apart from they will ever quite know. This is the kind of love which respects its lovers, and which most of us can relate to—the giddiness, the fear that your love is not reciprocated, the joy when it is, the awkwardness, the comfort, and the inability to understand how you were ever happy before them. I was not fond of Carol Aird at any stage during the novel, but perhaps this is the point—that love is for the lovers only to understand. Considering today’s gay marriage debate, this message is particularly resonant. I may not consider Carol a ‘lovable’ character, but I cannot deny that Therese loves her, and my say in their relationship begins and ends with my role as reader. In short, it is none of my business. Remarkable, then, that this message is so simple and understandable within a book published sixty-four years ago, but is often so difficult to get across in current discussions surrounding gay marriage and sexual politics. And that’s why books like The Price of Salt are needed more than ever—to remind us how simple this all should be. aaaae AUTHOR Jess Miller, 22, PhD (English and Creative Writing) Jess’s favourite natural wonder is Ben Whishaw’s hair. Her second favourite natural wonder is the rest of Ben Whishaw.

- Review -

ANIME REVIEW:

Osomatsu-san

Osomatsu is back, and better than ever! Looking for a classy, relatable and charming comedy? Then Osomatsu-san might not be for you.

If American animation studio, Adult Swim, had a Japanese sibling raised on Tarantino and absurdism, it would be Osomatsu-san. You won’t find humour anywhere else that’s nailed it’s comedic niche as precisely as this modern day reimagining of 1966 and 1988 animes, similarly titled Osomatsu-kun. After leaving its mark on Japanese media culture the anime was bought back in October 2015, for the 80th birthday of Fujio Akatsuka, the author of the original manga. This was a momentous occasion for Japanese audiences, while western anime devotees were left slightly perplexed at some of the humour which is, of course, way funnier the 300th time. That being said, Osomatsu-San places original and innovative twists on the characters and structure of the show. With the first 13 episodes released late 2015, viewers can expect another 12 episodes in 2016. The situational comedy anime follows sextuplets Osomatsu, Karamatsu, Choromatsu, Ichimatsu, Jyushimatsu, and Todomatsu as they try assimilating to society as adults, with responsibilities and stuff. This involves jobs, pachinko slot machines, wasting time in public bathhouses and worshipping Todoko-chan (local fish idol). The sextuplets’ synergy on screen generates lots of humour with each one having his own qualities and style. Osomatsu-san additionally centres on an eccentric cast of side characters, that you you either love or hate—either way they certainly provide a strong element of cringe humour. Osomatsu-san’s animation and art style brings a rare contrast to the modern anime scene, harking back to Kyoto Animation’s Nichijou days, the characters sport simplified designs and almost cartoon proportions. They might not be the most aesthetically beautiful, but what really shines through is

their vibrant personalities. It’s just fitting that this is the style veteran animator Pierrot chose, sticking very closely to the original series designs; it transfers swiftly to modern animation standards. Not to mention the perfection with which the physical humour and essence of the sextuplets is delivered makes it all the more satisfying to watch. Wow factor! When it’s funny, IT IS FUNNY. I’m usually not one for comedies but I found myself waiting for my weekly dose of painfully off-beat humour. Once the viewer is able to truly distinguish the identical sextuplets from each other, they’re in too deep. Honestly though, the sextuplet’s personalities are all so enchanting and genuinely funny it’s almost impossible to pick a favourite (but like, Karamatsu wins). In the end Osomatsu-san is the anime for viewers looking for something different, but not necessarily the good kind. The vibe of the show is so ethereally shameless that viewers will be left with a hunger for more, after going so far into the guttural depths of the dramatic arts they lost all memories of what an anime should be. Taking us on a journey of the bizarre and unfamiliar, it easily stands up against anime comedy classics. Rating: 3/5 shinji-kuns

AUTHOR Emma Hobbs, 18, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Digital Media) Emma says that echidnas are her favourite natural wonder.

Level UP

Proteus: a Trek through the wonders of Nature

The other day, I decided to go for a walk. So, I booted up my computer, switched on the monitor, and loaded up Proteus. My eyes slowly opened, and I found myself on an ocean shore, an island looming in the distance ahead. The pixelated light reflected from the blue water, as I headed towards the equally blocky trees of this wonderful island that was to be my home for the next few “days”. This island was the only land in sight, surrounded by endless water, and I was soon to find out that it is a strange and mysterious place. Proteus is a single-player, open world, exploration video game, released in 2013 by Ed Key and David Kanaga for the PC, PlayStation 3, and PlayStation Vita. It was aimed at being nontraditional and nonviolent, with the only goal of exploring an island. The game world is procedurally generated, meaning that a different world is created every time you play the game. Proteus is a simple game to play, with the only options being movement; you walk around the island and interact with nature in different ways and forms. The real magic comes from the procedurally generated music that changes whenever you interact with something new; lively chimes as you walk through trees, a victory fanfare when you find a castle tower, the bright hopping of little green frogs, higher pitched chirps for the chickens that you chase around. Throughout the day you explore the island to discover animals, nature, and manmade structures. You may discover the aforementioned tower, a long abandoned cabin, or a ring of statues atop a mountain. At night, the world continues to change with spectacular meteor showers, fireflies, and a ring of lights that eventually appears. This ring of light leads you to an area of the island where it then tightens around you and speeds up time, leading you through to the next season. After spring, comes summer, where everything is a little brighter, the music changes to a more upbeat tempo, and new animals appear including mosquitos, crabs, and bees that will chase you around. The flowers also dance a lot more, so everything is more lively and happy in general. On the first night of summer, I again found the portal of lights and was transported through to autumn. Autumn was darker, cloudy and foggy with a lot of rain; all the trees had turned

orange and were losing their leaves. The mosquitos were dying on the ground, and the music became more moody and dark. It was during autumn that I discovered some more secrets of the island that I won’t spoil for you now, but suffice to say the game is deeper than it may seem. I spent two days in autumn before I made it to the next portal of lights, through which I found the bleak and dead landscape of winter. Here, there were no animals to be found, everything was buried under snow, and the trees themselves were black and barren. It was a dark, dead, and desolate world, and the grim, classical-styled music reflected this very well. There are no animals to be found in winter, so there is an absence of chicken chimes, frog bounces, and crab drums, which reflects the general silence and stillness of the winter landscape. As night fell, I realised that I could see barely anything through the dense fog and clouds, so I decided to walk up a mountain to find the stars. While climbing the highest mountain around, I soon realised that I was walking above the clouds themselves, slowly hovering higher and higher. In front of me in the black night sky was an aurora, the colours crested in waves; that and the stars were all I could see. I kept hovering until the clouds formed a carpet below me, and it was only the night sky and I. Eventually, after I had floated high enough, my eyes began to close, and the game ended. This game was really more of an art piece, and there are questions as to whether it counts as a game at all. However, the creator has said that since it involved player interaction with the world, and an overall goal (progressing through the seasons), it does count as a game. I would recommend Proteus to anyone looking for a quick and relaxing adventure game (gameplay takes about an hour), or who is particularly a fan of indie art games or “walking simulators”. The game is suitable for all ages, and is available to purchase on Steam for the PC. AUTHOR Kelly Guthberlet, 21, Bachelor of Education (Middle and Secondary) / Bachelor of Science Kelly thinks the most impressive natural wonder is “that cute little immortal jellyfish that turns back into a child instead of dying.”

--Television TelevisionShowcase Showcase--

Artwork by Ben Hall

10 shows that changed television #2 ‘I have a cunning plan...’ It’s difficult to think of a comedy as influential and long-lasting as Blackadder. I first watched it when I was ten and my Dad, nostalgic for his adolescence, decided to introduce his children to 80s television. I thought it was a funny show, but nothing to go crazy over. Nothing special. Now, twelve years later, I find myself judging people on whether or not they think Rowan Atkinson’s career began with Mr Bean. Three decades after it was first aired, Blackadder remains in Top 10 TV Moments lists; its cast and crew dominate today’s entertainment industry, not only in the UK, but also internationally. The series revolves around the notion that an Edmund Blackadder, played by Atkinson, can be found at any point in history: enter the idiotic Prince Edmund of the Middle Ages, who calls himself the Black Adder. The second series sees Lord Blackadder a favourite of Queen Elizabeth II and in the third, a butler to the Prince of Wales. By series four, Prince Edmund’s descendant Captain Blackadder has found himself trapped in the trenches of World War One. Whilst spanning centuries, there are various constants in Blackadder’s life. He is always accompanied by his servant Baldrick (Tony Robinson), and with the exception of series one— which was cancelled, and called for a complete re-envisioning of the show—he is always the smartest, snarkiest, and most bitter

person in the room. Blackadder’s attempts to get rich and avoid being murdered are a breeding ground for hilarity, ingenious turns of phrase and constant face-palm moments. Says co-writer Ben Elton: ‘We were not allowed to say, “What’s the time? Oh no, they haven’t invented watches yet!” That sort of joke...The whole thing was, basically, that Blackadder was the wristwatch that hadn’t been invented.’ Blackadder’s timelessness as a character is one of the reasons the show has been so incredibly popular for so long. Atkinson plays his role in such a way that we constantly waver between thinking he deserves to fail, and being sympathetic to the fact that he is surrounded by morons. It’s the kind of comic misery that resonates with the deepest, darkest parts of human nature. You know—that voice in your head that creates increasingly extravagant insults for that one person you don’t like, but who your friend likes, so you keep having to talk to them at parties. Blackadder’s dialogue is essentially what you wish you could say to that person. And what glorious dialogue it is! Ten to fifteen times an episode, Atkinson gets to flaunt such wordgasms as ‘If a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit,’ and ‘It’s the most pointless book since How

- Television Showcase -

to Learn French was translated into French.’ If you love words like I do, and you haven’t seen Blackadder, you need to get yourself to a TV ASAP. Series two through four are the result of comedy’s finest young minds drafting and redrafting in a dusty little writing room. It’s the kind of fast-paced, full-to-the-brim dialogue that in the contemporary television age might be loosely compared to an Aaron Sorkin script (think The West Wing but less politics, more cravats and murders.) Unlike much of the more slapstick humour it succeeded, such as The Goodies, Blackadder was and is a comedy of words. And similarly, whereas historical comedies were often satires of that period, Blackadder’s fourth series in particular helped pave the way for a more sincere kind of comedy, which gave respect to history. Setting series four during World War One—an era which still deeply resonates with most of us—makes it necessary to end by placing the comedy to one side, and acknowledging the tragedy that until now we have almost laughed ourselves into forgetting. Of course, however, Blackadder does not end here. Many of the characters have featured in Comic Relief specials, not to mention in a Christmas special and in Blackadder Back and Forth. This 1999 special saw a modern Blackadder and Baldrick travel back in time to the periods of earlier seasons. Its wild return to humour is heralded by Blackadder kicking Shakespeare (a very young Colin Firth) in the groin, exclaiming, ‘That is for every schoolboy and schoolgirl for the next 400 years!’. Additionally, an elusive series five has been speculated upon for decades, and there are over fifteen ideas, including The Red Adder (starring Blackadder as a KGB agent), as well as a series set in the fifties, in space, and in a POW camp during World War Two. It is, however, highly unlikely that another series will ever be made, due to the sheer difficulty of not only gathering up the cast, but, with their collective fame, being able to pay them. Blackadder’s influence on television can, after all, be best described by the careers it launched. First and foremost, it catapulted Rowan Atkinson to the forefront of British comedy; Mr Bean aired in 1990, only a few weeks after Blackadder’s series four finale. Co-writer Ben Elton has since garnered an acclaimed career as a novelist. Richard Curtis (Elton’s right-hand man) would be behind Vicar of Dibley and Four Weddings and a Funeral, which at its time of release in 1994 was the highest-grossing British film Below: The cast of Blackadder Goes Forth (series four). From left to right: Captain Darling (Tim McInerney), General Melchett (Stephen Fry), Private Baldrick (Tony Robinson), Captain Blackadder (Rowan Atkinson), and Lieutenant George (Hugh Laurie).

in history. Curtis of course has gone on to make some of the most famous romantic comedies of modern British cinema, such as Love Actually, Notting Hill and Bridget Jones’s Diary—so he is, in turn, pretty much responsible for the success of Colin Firth and Hugh Grant. 1987 saw the beginning of a partnership between two young Blackadder stars and university friends—a couple of awkward, self-deprecating geniuses named Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie. Fry and Laurie’s comedy duo act, A Bit of Fry and Laurie, would go on to inspire contemporary sketch careers such as Alexander Armstrong and Ben Miller, as well as David Mitchell and Robert Webb. Laurie would of course later become one of America’s highest-paid TV actors as Gregory House, whilst Stephen Fry blossomed into a national treasure as the face of QI. And if this weren’t enough, Tim McInnerny, Miranda Richardson, Robbie Coltrane and the late but oh-so-great Rik Mayall were also thrust into the limelight. Of course, many of these actors would have found other methods of exposure, had Blackadder not been made. But it’s deeply unpleasant to think about even one of them slipping through the cracks. A life not knowing about Stephen Fry? No, thank you. And so Blackadder, in my (stubborn and immovable) opinion, is quite simply the most brilliantly crafted comedy ever to air. That so many modern comedic geniuses can trace their careers back to a tiny writing room at the BBC—to a show very nearly killed before it began to live—is something which has since not been replicated. There is something just so timeless, so untouchably golden age about Blackadder. Something which makes even the hundredth re-watch a joyous discovery of fresh humour which (and it pains me to say this) not even Dylan Moran’s Black Books can match. It feels appropriate to end my love-rant with the words of the wonderful Brian Blessed, who once said: “From the way each generation has embraced it, I think Blackadder will go on for thousands of years; there is a universality about it, and I think that it has very long legs...In the end, more than Mr Bean, more than whatever, Rowan’s Blackadder is the finest comic performance in television history.” AUTHOR Jess Miller, 22, PhD (English and Creative Writing) Jess’s favourite natural wonder is Ben Whishaw’s hair. Her second favourite natural wonder is the rest of Ben Whishaw.

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- Music Review - - Music Review

The Music Column

Music - RÜFÜS /Daughter / David Bowie

AAAee

The masters of repetitive Indie dance-house, RÜFÜS, return, with their sophomore album Bloom. Their debut album, Atlas, was a hit, and had many keen for what they would do next. This release, however, falls short of the standard that Atlas had set. Bloom sees the band mostly stick to the tried and tested house formula, with a collection of 10 atmospheric and melancholic dance tracks at a cruisey 130 BPM. On tracks like “Brighter” and “You Were Right”, Rufus experiment with new sounds and melodies, which mostly pay off. The truth is that while many tracks on Bloom are great, they aren’t as memorable as the main singles, or even the entirety of Atlas. In experimenting, Rufus have lost sight of what made Atlas so great; simple, slickly produced 4/4 dance beats. Rufus’ ear for chill electronic sounds isn’t lost, however, and Bloom is worth picking up for that reason. Summing up the new LP of indie-folk band Daughter, Not to Disappear, is simple. The record is a dark, moody, unnerving album which progresses from echoing vocals and distorted guitars to upbeat house and bass while maintaining recurring themes and messages throughout. Instrumentals on tracks like the soft, beautiful instrumental parts on “Doing the Right Thing”, the very upbeat “No Care” and the inaudible house beat on “Alone/With You” keep the album far from boring. The latter half of the record pushes the band’s sonic boundaries while maintaining the running themes of sadness and relationships. There’s a clear progression in maturity here as well; on “Numbers”, Elena sings of a wild night out, but later on the track “Mothers”, Elena sings of raising children. Daughter have built upon the sounds of their debut record, If You Leave, and in doing so, have left their youth behind and embraced adulthood.

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Referred to as the “parting gift” of David Bowie, Blackstar has to be taken into account with the context of his death—only Bowie could turn his own death into a work of art. The record itself is undoubtedly Bowie’s most experimental, and begins with a 9-minute epic title track. The song contains many shifts in instrumentation and Bowie lyrically references death, including his own death among the lyrics. “Lazarus” is perhaps a standout track of well-produced experimental jazz-rock, with saxophones overlaid across both this track and the whole album. The song is sombre and Bowie’s voice sounds weak, as he again references his own death in the introductory verse. Coupled with the ghostly, bass-heavy track “Girl Loves Me”, and the mournful “Dollar Days”, Blackstar cements his legacy as one of the greatest pop stars to have ever lived. cements his legacy as one of the greatest pop stars to have ever lived. AUTHOR Aden Beaver, 18, Bachelor of Creative Arts (Digital Media) Aden thinks the most impressive natural wonder is Victoria Falls.

By Emma Hobbs By Emma Hobbs

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CALLING ALL ARTISTS & WRITERS announcing the Empire times annual creativity competition: 4 categories: Fiction, Poetry, Photography and visual art.

1st prize: A year’s subsciption to ‘Kill Your Darlings’ Magazine + $50 2nd Prize: $50 Competition Time!

Entries close 20th of April. Winners announced in Issue 4.