Empire Times 44.6 by FUSA Association

SCOOBY DOO, IS ADELAIDE EVEN REAL? KANYE WEST: GENIUS OR NUTTER?/

MYSTERY

E FOURTY

The Team EDITORS Eleanor Danenberg, Lisandra Linde, Liam McNally SUB-EDITORS Elise Christopher, Ainsley Ewart, Kayla Gaskell, Brenton Griffin, Jack Harrison, Cameron Lowe, Patrick O’Loughlin, Vanshika Sinh, Karen Smart, Marithe Solis, Sundus Raza, Kirsty van der Veer, Leeza Von Alpen COLUMNISTS Amber Anon, Aden Beaver & Tom Goldblatt, Brenton Griffin, Patrick O’Loughlin ILLUSTRATIONS Sheydin Dew Michelle Eoncheff Emma Hough Hobbs Julia Woodall

CONTRIBUTORS Georgina Banfield, Ashleigh Barber, Sean Cullen-McAskill, Chelsea Griffith, Amy Hueppauff, Catherine Jones, Meaghan King, Cameron Lowe, BM, Jordon O’Reilly, Marithe Solis, Leeza Von Alpen, ADVERTISING/MEDIA Steph Walker stephanie.walker@flinders.edu.au About the cover art:

“This artwork, titled ‘Fierce’ is part of a series of artworks I completed exploring the theme of Feminine Empowerment. Completed with black lead pencil and acrylic paint, the colours within this piece have a symbolic nature focusing on concepts of empowerment, regality and wisdom” - artist and Flinders Uni student, Julia Woodall

With thanks to: Fay & Stacy from FUSA for always helping us behind the scenes whenever we need it. Enquiries Level 1, Student Hub, Flinders University (FUSA) 1 Registry Road Bedford Park, 5042

Empire Times would like to acknowledge the Kaurna people who are the traditional custodians of the land Flinders University is situated on, and that this land was never ceded, but stolen. We would like to pay our respects to the elders of the Kaurna nation and extend that respect to other Aboriginal peoples, past, present, and future.

Empire Times is a publication of Flinders University Student Association (FUSA). Empire Times is printed by Flinders Press. The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of the editors, Flinders University, or Flinders University Student Association. Reasonable care is taken to ensure that Empire Times articles and other information are up-to-date and as accurate as possible, as of the time of publication, but no responsibility can be taken by Empire Times Magazine for any errors or omissions contained herein.

WRITERS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, ILLUSTRATORS & MAKERS OF PRETTY INTERESTING THINGS! Empire Times is a student publication that prints 10 times over the academic year. It is made by students, for students and provides a unique opportunity for students to be published, to talk about what's important to them and to be read by those in their community. Empire Times relies entirely on contributions from the readers to make up its content. Each selected piece goes through a collaborative editing process. We're very friendly, email empire.times@flinders.edu.au to find out everything you need to know about being part of the team.

On Campus Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s going on?

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to your student association, you can pick up some great freebies like food, haircuts, and massages. RELAX!

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O c tob er 13 The annual FUSA Ball is here!

C ont r ibutor D e ad lines

Tickets will be available online soon: keep updated via the FUSA Facebook! Follow FUSA down the rabbit hole for a night of nonsense, face painting, dancing and music. (The Lion Hotel, North Adelaide, 7pm to late)

FUSA Ball

Editorial

Pondering over what to write in my editorial, I thought long and hard about the word ‘Mystery’. The theme of ‘Mystery’ has been a recurring one in the last few months. I’ve been watching GLOW on Netflix, the show about the female wrestlers, and it’s just amazing! It’s about proving people wrong, girls of all different shapes, sizes, and backgrounds working together towards something great, and finding yourself and your strength; not to mention, it’s set in the 80s so the costumes and music are amazing! (As I’m writing this, I’m listening to the GLOW soundtrack on Spotify and it is full of 80s bangers and a few forgotten gems too) I have been trying to pace myself with the ten-episode first series, but I have a sneaky suspicion they’re going to end the season on a cliffhanger, which makes me very excited/ nervous/mostly just nervous. I haven’t even finished the first season yet and I’m already wondering how long I will have to wait for the second season to come out. Another mysterious factor in my life is university and what will come after. I’m currently in the 4th year of my degree and the 2nd semester is somehow already here. I thought about doing Honours in Women’s Studies (shout out to Dr. Heather Brook, and Associate Professors Barbara Baird and Yvonne Corcoran-Nantes for making Women’s Studies the best major ever and one I never want to stop studying) but for now, I want to get out into the big bad workforce. I have many worries, questions, and curiosities about my life next year... Will anyone hire an advanced Bachelor of Arts graduate/writer/2-year-long uni magazine editor? Will there be a decent coffee place near my future workplace? Is my ‘Burn Your Bra’ shirt considered appropriate work wear??? Only time will tell! Love, Eleanor

Hey there lovers of mystery, crime drama and casual murder. Do yourselves a favor and watch the Norwegian law/crime drama Aber|Bergen. Also, binge on some Broadchurch because, holy crapola, it has two timelords in it. Then read some Sherlock Holmes, drown in Stieg Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy and read about murdering people with household appliances in Yrsa Sigurðardóttir’s novel ‘The Legacy’. After you’ve done all that please don’t forget to vote ‘yes’ for marriage equality. You’ve probably noticed that this issue is late. And I mean really late. What’s the deal with that? Do I honestly want you, dear readers, to believe that the editors actually screwed up colossally? Because, boy-oh-boy, we did. My body decided that ‘too sick to walk without falling over’ was the new cool way of existing. I decided, why the heck don’t I just move house in the middle of everything? And my Honours supervisor calls me a masochist. Psh. How are you all handling the second semester? How many cups of coffee into your study have you gotten? How many cups of instant noodles have you shot back? How many shows have you binge watched to avoid reading those boring set texts your lecturers assigned you? Fear not, dear readers, in this here magazine you will find much to ease your weary student minds. Sick of instant noodles? Well, pocket change pantry is here to give you the good stuff. Want to veg out? Why not read some reviews or a certain avian ask column? Sick of words? Check out some stellar art from your fellow Flinders students. Not content with this issue’s content? Why not submit to us and get your stuff in print? Now don’t mind me, I have plenty more work to do badly. The Editorial Witch of your nightmares, Lisandra

Hey. Welcome to the Mystery issue. One of you will die but I can’t tell you who. This magazine has a long and proud history of progressive politics and being on the side of the more robust and challenging element of social discourse. This magazine was not founded on ideals of conservatism and choosing the safe path but on being more radical and daring. Student media sticks out as a unique beast in the media landscape. Conservative elements and Murdoch-issued thinkpieces dominate in the broad area of mainstream media. Journalism is facing a tough future and student media must ensure it is there to fight without fear or favour and with determination to succeed in providing a voice to the unheard. A student magazine need not necessarily reflect popular opinion but should be open to fair discussion and not shy away from the tough topics simply because it is easy. Media as a whole is not in a good place, so student media, more than any other, has to challenge itself to be better and to lead in discussion and risk tackling the difficult topics. This is the environment for experimentation and endeavour. We should never become like the political echo chambers of certain national newspapers and should always look externally. Our focus should never be on ourselves but in the pursuit of a very specific agenda - the agenda of free press and challenging discussion. All this is easily said, and said by many, but we must always ensure it does not become window-dressing but actually our way of doing things at all times. Let’s rock, Liam

23 Art by Emma Hough Hobbs

E FOUR

Vox Pop: The Voice of the People

Why I’ll Never Tell My Parents I’m Bisexual

Poetry: Rumours

The Mystery of Sex

Pocketchange Pantry

Fiction: The Lost Boy Who Came Back

How to politicise a tragedy without being a cunt

Is Adelaide Even Real?

Poetry: Death’s Garden

Questions

Interview: Nick Prescott

Student Council: President’s Report & Interviews

Unpacking the Mysterious Metaphor

Ask [Detective] Milton

The Mystery of Kanye: Genius or Nutter?

Fiction: Lucrative Business

Crush Flinders students shaking up the romance genre

Scooby-Doo!

Vox Pop

Voice of t he p e ople (on c ampus) Central Campus

Joanna

Oli

Steph

B achelor of Psycholog y (Honours)

B achelor of Cre at ive Ar ts (Cre at ive Wr it ing)

FUSA: Me di a Of f icer

Q1. Detective Olivia Benson (Law and Order: SVU) Q2. Bush did 9/11 Q3. Colonel Mustard. In the Conservatory. With the dagger Q4. Spider-Man Homecoming. I loved it! Best Spider-Man to date Q5. I have no survival skills but I could be fairly manipulative so I might do okay...but probably not long at all

Q1. Sherlock Holmes, preSteven Moffat adaptation

Q1. Agent 99 from Get Smart

Q2. Lizard people running the world

Q2. Conspiracies make me anxious. But the alien and mutant conspiracy theories are cool and make me happy.

Q3. I only ever played the Simpsons version of Cluedo, so I’d have to say Bart with the slingshot in the Kwik-E Mart Q4. Moonlight. It’s a really visually beautiful film and the story is so far from what is usually told, so definitely a good watch! Q5. About two minutes, probably

Q3.Professor Plum, in the Library, with the Rope Q4. Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2, and yes! Q5. 6 days. I’m conniving, I can make a fort with sticks and such, and I could probably find food. But as soon as someone would be mean to me, I’d leave.

Q1. Who is your favourite fictional detective or spy? Q2. What’s your favourite conspiracy theory? Q3. Who would you be in Cluedo and what room and murder weapon would you choose? Q4. What was the last movie you saw at the cinemas, and did you like it? Q5. How long would you last if you were a contestant on Survivor?

Stacy

Fay

Hara

FUSA: Administ rat ion Ass ist ant

FUSA: Of f ice C o ordinator

Gradu ate Diploma of G ender and D e vel opment

Q1. Robert Langdon from The DaVinci Code (aka, Tom Hanks’ character) Q2. The US Government are hiding information about aliens and UFOs from us Q3. Mrs White, in the Dining Room, with the Dagger Q4. The Mummy, and it was very disappointing Q5. 2 days

Q1. Sherlock Holmes Q2. All of the many JFK conspiracy theories Q3. Miss Scarlett in the Conservatory with the Candlestick Q4. I saw Boss Baby with my kids...no, I didn’t like it Q5. 4 days. I’m strategic, but it wouldn’t take long for people to vote me out. Also, I’d get really hungry

Q1. The first season of True Detective; Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson are the best duo Q2. There are a lot, but my favourite one is that Beyonce and Jay Z are part of the illuminati Q3. The mysteriously scheming Lady Lavender in the Conservatory with the Candlestick Q4. Snatched with Amy Schumer. I didn’t think I’d enjoy it that much, but I laughed a lot Q5. Not very long. I’m not ruthless enough. My downfall would be the food challenge

c olu m n / p ol iti c s

colu m n/ s ex u a l ity

The ‘Mystery’ of Sex Why we need to stop glorifying sex as being mysterious. Amb er Anon

When I was growing up sex was treated as a mystery. Spoken of in hushed whispers or alluded to with euphemisms, sex and sexuality weren’t talked about directly. It was only until Sexual Education in primary school that I even learnt the logistics of how the human body functioned sexually, and that I had much to look forward to as a human with sexual organs. However, after that week of Sex Ed classes, sex went right back to being a mystery and even mentioning it was a punishable offence at school. I had all of this new knowledge, yet any time I tried to talk about it I was scolded. Due to this unquenchable thirst for sexual knowledge I was branded a slut in primary school; even though I didn’t have sex until a few years after, my desire to know more about sex apparently deserved retribution. I was being punished simply for expressing my desires within the public sphere. So why is it that sex is still treated as a mystery when we as a society know so much about it? Granted, we’re learning new things everyday about sexuality, gender, and the nature of our own sexual selves, but why is it that sex is still considered ‘sacred’ when the media is saturated with it? Even within the media, sexual dichotomies within this hierarchy can be seen: the encouragement of sexual activities of men, and the punishment of sexual acts performed by women; heterosexuality is sanctioned and privileged, where the LGBTQIA+ community is vilified; puritanical sex within matrimony is still regarded as the ‘be all and end all of sex’, while people who have sex without attachment for pleasure or for income are treated as second class citizens. Why are these hierarchical dichotomies still impacting the way in which so many people interact with one

another in our daily lives? Surely the entertainment industry wouldn’t be producing media that was divorced from the way that majority of people actually interact sexually towards each other? Sarcasm aside, I wonder whether the continual glorification of sex within the media and the negative societal perceptions of enjoying sex are two parts to the same dichotomy. For that matter, is it that life imitates art or is art imitating life? Are there people out there in the world that think it’s ok to be the perpetrator of damaging sexual behaviours because they’ve seen it on TV, therefore normalising the occurrence and frequency of these behaviours both in real life and in the media? Or is it the nonchalant attitude society and legal systems have towards pervasive damaging sexual behaviours that normalises their occurrence, therefore encouraging its saturation within media, and solidifying the taboo status of sex within societal norms? Or worse (and more than likely), is it a combination of both? However, when it comes to sex and how it’s represented and perceived in society, resistance is everywhere. Minority groups continue to push content through the saturated media industry with innovative media that uses critical thinking to reject the normalisation of damaging sexual behaviours. By actively challenging these normative perceptions, each individual’s use of critical thinking and resistance can shape these norms for the better, enabling wider societal perceptions and legal systems to reflect a more holistic approach to sex.

colu m n/ s ati re

How to politicise a tragedy without being a cunt ‘The art of politicising a tragedy is a common Pokémon needed in any good Trainer’s bag, no matter your side of the political aisle’.

Ade n B e aver & Tom G oldbl att It’s just so hard to write a column that doesn’t focus on communism. If there was ever a chance for either of us to unleash a tirade of abuse at a goddamn red, we’d consider the opportunity. However, we would probably then discard it because believe it or not, in person we are actually very nice people.1

government and attempt to assign blame to any number of MPs who could’ve overlooked something. Protesters marched on Whitehall demanding justice and in short, using this as another excuse to call for PM May’s resignation, criticising her handling of the disaster. Notice anything about the two?

Today I’d like to teach you the art of politicising a tragedy, a common Pokémon needed in any good Trainer’s bag, no matter your side of the political aisle. What better example to take than from the motherland, the United Kingdom of England.

Immediately after the disaster we have Comrade ‘I’m not a socialist, but Castro was a hero’ Corbyn, suggesting that the government requisitions the investment properties of foreigners to house those who have been left homeless by the fire. Sounds good, right? Until you realise that Jeremy ‘the IRA wasn’t that bad’ Corbyn is suggesting that private property rights should be taken away in the event of a disaster; first to those not even in the country. But how long until it would be expanded? People bitch and moan and compare every single politician’s tactics they don’t like to Hitler’s2, but you know what? Hitler came to absolute power after a very large building also burned down in the middle of a major city.3

The UK has suffered threefour major terrorist incidents this year, in the space of two months. The Manchester Bomber was a man who was well known to the British security services, and detonated a bomb killing 22 concert goers in an act of revenge, in the name of Islam. Two weeks later three Islamists armed with knives stabbed and killed civilians in the heart of London. But the media did not exploit these attacks for political gain. No outlet demanded that Theresa May resign over failing to protect these people, protesters didn’t march and demand that she do more to stop Islamist terror and help the victims. Unlike these incidents, the debate around the fire that struck Grenfell Tower and tragically killed at least 12 people has swiftly turned into a political one. Many people and outlets, from Jeremy Corbyn to the BBC have used the incident to attack the Conservative 1 It’s not a lie, we promise.

So anyway, the point is If you’re going to use a disaster to attack a government, be subtle about it. Or instead, you could do something useful to help the victims, instead of using their tears as bullets in the machine gun that is your Twitter account.

2 Which, by the way, is always a disgraceful comparison and should never be used in an argument 3 See the Reichstag Fire, 27 February 1933

fe atu re / qu e st i ons

Questions ‘No one can perfectly understand our thoughts and emotions, and I think no human being ever can — simply because the answers to all our questions seem elusive’.

Mar it he S olis We, humans, are perplexing creatures. No one can perfectly understand our thoughts and emotions, and I think no human being ever can — simply because the answers to all our questions seem elusive. Having said that, humans bleed emotions and those emotions leave scars. Sometimes the scars become apparent and others see them, but sometimes they don’t. This is why there are times I wish I was a mind reader, but I’m not. I wish everyone could speak their minds and stop bottling up their emotions, because the mystery is driving me bonkers. I can’t really talk though; it’s hypocritical of me to say that, because even I bottle up my emotions too. Admittedly, some things are simply easier said than done. Do you ever feel haunted by things you didn’t do or say? Do you ever wonder why we are scared of doing or saying certain things? Why is it so hard to reveal everything about ourselves? Why are we scared of being vulnerable? Evidently, there are so many ‘whys’ but not everyone tries to open up. Not everyone tries because they’re scared of how the world will react when they reveal everything. Maybe it’s because we live in a world where we are expected to abide by all the rules. If we break them, or deviate from the accepted norm, we are deemed absurd, inappropriate, deranged, or stubborn. But why does this have to be the case? Life would just be so much better if more people were open-minded and not quick to criticise others. Having said that, I don’t think we should let this stop us from

being vulnerable. Vulnerability - every day we experience the uncertainty, risks, and emotional exposure that define what it means to be vulnerable, or to dare greatly. However, it is important to note that vulnerability is not a weakness and is, in truth, our most accurate measure of courage. Vulnerability is both the core of difficult emotions like grief, fear, and disappointment and the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, empathy, innovation, and creativity. When we shut ourselves off from vulnerability, we distance ourselves from the experiences that bring purpose and meaning to our lives. In a world where “never enough” dominates and feeling afraid has become second nature, vulnerability is subversive. Without question, putting ourselves out there means there’s a far greater risk of being criticised or feeling hurt. But when we step back and examine our lives, we will find that nothing is as uncomfortable or hurtful as standing on the outside and looking in and wondering what it would be like if we had the courage to say or do the things we’ve always wanted to but never did. It will always remain a mystery until we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. We should ask ourselves this question; why are we scared of being vulnerable when everyone is also simply trying to make their way in this insanely crowded world?

fe atu re / l ang u age

Unpacking the Mysterious Metaphor Using her journal from her days as a midwife, Catherine Jones teaches us a few things about the power of the mysterious metaphor.

This article is about an old trick that helps me to understand more about the academic papers I read, and I’m passing it on to you now. I learned at primary school that metaphors, like the ones in the poem ‘The Highwayman’ by Alfred Noyes, were used by poets to describe something in terms of something else. Noyes described ‘the wind as a torrent of darkness’; ‘the road as a ribbon of moonlight’; ‘the moon as a ghostly galleon tossed upon cloudy seas’. I later learned metaphors were not a theory belonging to poetry alone, but that they are used in everyday life. We gradually build on what we already know, in life. When we read or talk or write, our minds decide on the words we’ll use to talk about it. What we know, what we believe, what we’ll say, what we hide and what connections we are making with what we already know, how, and why, are edited in our minds before and as we speak. Often we use metaphors as linguistic devices that reflect that thinking. I once read a paper suggesting we live by our metaphors. I agree and suggest part of our thinking is known by them too. I was a midwife. What do these little speech acts from one of my journal entries tell you about the knowledge and belief that directed my approach to patient care in ‘being with’ a woman labouring during delivery. “You are a real star the way you are doing this”; “You’re the boss here: you manage your own body because you know it best; listen to it and do what it tells you the way we talked about”; “I’m just here to assist you in what you do”; “You can choose how you want to deliver; lying down, standing, squatting, leaning over something, in the shower, in a beanbag, in the spa; but preferably not on the floor, under the bed, or swinging from the chandelier er light tube”; “Your baby’s telling the monitor its fine, but it just wants you to go with the flow and get it outta there”; “Do you really want to hang onto that pain or would you like a coupla swigs from the mask right now?”; “Yep! The door is wide open down there and the bub is all ready to head out. Right now. It’s time to push it on its way”; “Here’s

a contraction, take a deep breath in and close your mouth to keep it all in, now push into your bum like there’s no tomorrow”; “Fantastic. You got it right first time”; “You clever woman you!”; “Don’t worry. I’ve heard most of words. You can swear like a trooper if you need to. See if you can give me a few new ones, hey?”; “Great! Fantastic! Bub’s head is out. Stop pushing now and take a little breath or two, like you’re excited”; “This little one’s got a mop of black hair’; “OK! No cord around the neck and the bub’s looking around for you, so you can push on again”; “Here’s a contraction, a big deep breath then a huge push like there’s no tomorrow again”; “Coupla deep breaths and once again, and Yayy! Here we are. Hello baby! You darling thing, yes, we’ll get you to mum in a mo; Yes you tell her you need her right now, you little star’; ‘Here’s a handsome young man ready for meet and greet mum. Congratulations. You did a great job.” I think my speech acts revealed that I knew enough theory about each of the stages and the processes of birthing, and also what signs would tell me if a doctor needed to be consulted along the way. I knew that this patient had been assessed as capable and fit enough for birthing naturally, and she wanted to do that. I had had plenty of experience in my role. I believed in no body meddling in a natural process unless the mother or baby really needed it. I was holistically focused on supporting my patient’s own choices and management of her birthing and also, in building her self-confidence by informing her of everything that was happening and how well she was managing it along the way, and that it was going along in the way we had discussed it beforehand. I was also focused on getting her baby born smoothly and safely. I was also concerned with helping her to bond with it immediately at the end of a very grueling athletic race. Would metaphor be a useful strategy for you unpacking your papers and meeting their authors along the way?

fe atu re / mu si c

Kanye West The unsolved mystery of the elusive Mr. West: genius or nutter? Chelsea Griffith

The unsolved mystery of the elusive Mr. West – genius or nutter? Before we unpack his sanity in reference to some of his most infamous quotes, we need to talk rap. Mr. West has even said himself, ‘Generally rap is misogynistic’. How can I, a feminist, appreciate Kanye West as an artist, you ask? Ok, let me explain the thing I try to explain to haters such as my mum (sorry, love you) and my Kardashian/West-judging friends. Rap can be acting. If I got onstage and performed the role of a misogynistic character, would you judge me, or would you judge society for being misogynistic? If you chose the latter option, then why should you judge a rap performance for being misogynistic in place of society? I believe Kanye is commenting on society through his music, rather than merely telling us his own personal opinions. An author can write misogynistic characters and we call them a profound artist, but Kanye does the same, through a different platform and in a different style, and we call him a sexist pig; something to think about. Disclaimer: rap is not always acting. There are some rappers who probably do just tell us their own misogynistic opinions of women through their music, and I do not believe these rappers are geniuses. Yes, West refers to women as ‘bitches’. But, he also refers to himself and other African-American men with a certain derogatory word. It is because of this, that I, as a woman, don’t automatically take offence to Kanye’s use of ‘bitch’. When Kanye stated in an interview that he believed rap was generally misogynistic, he explained this in saying ‘you just scream at the person that’s the closest to you’, referring to male rappers unleashing their frustration on the females in their lives, perhaps at a girlfriend. It’s not an extensive explanation, but one that does make sense. My boyfriend cops a lot of my frustration, sure, and to be honest, he cops a lot of my frustration at the patriarchy even when he isn’t being misogynistic himself. For that reason, I can understand how frustration at a larger problem can be targeted at someone who in some way or another represents that problem, or who doesn’t understand the problem like you and the rest of your gender/race/religion/culture/sexuality does.

Now comes the reason you started reading this article… the Kanye quotes… I am Warhol. I am the No. 1 most impactful artist of our generation. I am Shakespeare in the flesh. Honestly, who is going to sit down and dedicate hundreds of hours to creating a piece of art if they don’t, somewhere deep, deep down, believe that they are or could be Warhol or Shakespeare? If I genuinely believed that I was a terrible writer with absolutely no potential to someday be a ‘successful’ writer, I wouldn’t be writing this article right now, I’d still be bingewatching the Netflix show about a nun that went missing in the sixties. Honestly, it’s a great show and I would have continued to watch it instead of spending the time to something out. If I thought I acted about as well as Kel Knight dresses, and believed I had zero chance of ever being as good as the actors I admire, there is no chance in hell I would have publicly humiliated myself by crying and screaming in front of friends, family and complete strangers for six years. We put time and effort into our creative endeavours because we think we have the potential to be Warhol, Shakespeare or Meryl Streep – if we didn’t believe we had that potential, there’s no chance we would have taken the bold and terrifying risks that we take to learn and grow as creatives. Kanye believes he is Shakespeare in the flesh? Cool, same. Maybe I’m not Shakespeare yet, but with practice, I could be one day. Reading something so self-confident probably made you shudder with second-hand embarrassment, and that’s okay, but just ask yourself - why? Why can’t we deal with high ambition and self-belief?

>> Art by Sheydin Dew, Sheyded Art on Facebook.

But for me to have the opportunity to stand in front of a bunch of executives and present myself, I had to hustle in my own way. I can’t tell you how frustrating it was that they didn’t get that. No joke - I’d leave meetings crying all the time. Kanye doesn’t break the integrity he has to be his true self. If a bunch of CEOs or politicians entered a room and talked about world issues in the meeting room in the same way that talk about them at a bar with mates or with their families at dinner, maybe the elephants in the rooms would start getting addressed and balls would get rolling. What good ever came from a bunch of people hiding behind the façade of professionalism and saying things they don’t really mean for the sake of an image? If Kanye walks into a room and describes an idea in his own language, wearing gold chains and derelictèesque outfits, I would trust him a hell of a lot more than I’d trust a businessman in a tailored suit reeking of Russian cabdriver cologne, with so much wax in his hair his wife gets him mixed up with her Glasshouse candles and accidentally lights him when they’re having guests over. Why? Because Kanye is true to who he is, he is more transparent. Candle Head however, could be anyone underneath that factory-mould exterior. Kanye’s exterior is true to his interior. He dresses in a way that aligns with who he is and what he feels, and he makes decisions that benefit him rather than please others. Every genius was thought to be crazy at first, merely because they weren’t conforming. That’s something about Yeezy that I take inspiration from. For three years, telling family members, family friends, people’s parents, my GP, dentist, mailman’s cat’s best friend’s sister, and other random people who asked what I was doing at uni, ‘Arts’, was sometimes really uncomfortable. I felt like I was telling them ‘I aspire to live off your hard earned tax money in a caravan, within which I will watch Antiques Roadshow with a bowl of Mi Goreng, for the rest of my life.’ As much as it was sometimes uncomfortable, telling people I ‘did Arts’ was liberating. Yes, I am believing in myself enough that I’m investing time into my future as a creative writer/ actor. Yes, I realise you and everyone else in your family has chosen to study medicine, law or accounting. No, the only reason someone chooses to do something other than medicine, law or accounting is not because they couldn’t get the entry score.

Studying something creative at uni, if it isn’t seen as a cop-out or water treading while waiting to realise what one actually is going to do with their life, is also seen as big-headed. ‘You mean, you actually think you’re so gifted at (insert creative pursuit/vocation), that you’re going to dedicate three years of study, three years of HECS debt and three years that could have been dedicated to becoming a lawyer who can afford a house near Burnside Village so you can have coffee in the latest Lorna Jane collection at Burnside Cibo (A.K.A the infamous graveyard of that heritage-listed tree)? Wow, you must be pretty big-headed to bet all that on your own ‘talent’.’ Who else do we know who gets labelled as big-headed for pursuing the things that everyone else is too scared to pursue (e.g 2020 Presidency)? That’s a yeezy one! It’s Mr. West. I’m not saying Yeezy is perfect. He’s definitely not. He has said and done a lot of cool stuff, but he has also done a whole lot of stuff I don’t agree with, such as tweeting ‘BILL COSBY INNOCENT’ and ruining Taylor’s moment at the VMAs. However, I’m not going to boycott him just yet, because despite his flaws, I see a whole lot of good in Kanye. I see lessons to be learnt from him. I read an article once, in which Kanye said ‘people don’t listen to my music because they love me, they listen to it because they love themselves’. And that, right there, is why I listen to Kanye. When my knees are shaking as I walk to an audition I play Power, when I’m walking out of an audition after I’ve completely choked, I listen to Stronger. When I’m driving around Adelaide and want to feel like Kylie Jenner in one of her Snapchat stories, I listen to Highlights. Rapping some of those self-affirming lyrics really does turn my mood around and make me believe I am Warhol or Shakespeare, and I can take over the world. So yes, part of me does think Kanye is a genius. Why? Because he knows how to make me believe I am one. I’m sorry, Imma let you finish, but this is the best Kanye quote of all time… Would you believe in what you believe in if you were the only one who believed it?

Why I’ll Never Tell My Parents I’m Bisexual

People have reasons for keeping secrets: here’s mine. Nikita Mickan You’ve probably looked at the title and gone, ‘wait, what? Never? Yeah, right.’

2. They are very much anti-gay.

It’s true, I’m never telling them. Unless I find a woman I want to have a serious relationship with. But outside of that? Never.

Not anti-gay in terms of disownment or anything like that (my uncle is gay and we still talk to him) but they express disapproval in anything remotely connected to LGBT+.

I have two simple reasons for not telling them – ever. 1. I’m still a virgin. Yes, I’ll be 21 in September and still a virgin. How? Well… That is a long story. I’ve had one boyfriend, it didn’t work out. I could please him easily – got him off most times. He couldn’t get me off, I became pretty good at faking the big “O”. I’m not shy talking about it. Ask my best friend, she’ll tell you that I’m quite open to discussing everything from how fucked up 50 Shades of Grey is to making lewd comments about her own sex life (Sorry!). I’d think about having sex with him and it just made me feel… uncomfortable. I ended it soon later. The rest of my sexual experience consists of making out with a random guy in The Woolshed and having another guy ask me to come to him at 12.30am for sex. The make out session reminded me of that washing machine type of kiss that all the teen magazines talk about and the request for sex made me tell him to become quite acquainted with his hand. I don’t put out with random guys for sex, especially at 12.30am. So by now you’re probably wondering: how the hell can she know that she is bisexual if she’s never even made out with a female? Porn, people. Well, that and the fact that I went out to town for a friend’s birthday last year and really, really wanted to kiss one of the other girls there. We had decided to be each other’s “lesbian for the night” because neither of us wanted to be harassed by random guys at Reds (Birthday drinks card = cheap [or free] drinks). We danced like any other couple and I really liked it. I’ve danced with my best friend like that (same reason as before) and never, never felt anything like it. But at the end of all that, I came to the conclusion that I am bisexual and if anyone has an issue they can take a hike. You probably noticed that I haven’t mentioned my family… Well, here it is:

My grandfather is a homophobic man in his late 80’s and I am not causing the man to have a heart attack – enough said. I don’t know where my brother stands but my parents… Well… They hate the concept of schools accommodating transsexual teenagers. They disagree 100% with SafeSchools. They don’t agree with same-sex marriage. And I’m pretty sure that they would ideally want me with a man because they saying ‘oh, when you get a boyfriend’ or ‘the man you want to spend the rest of your life with’ (enough to make most people gag…). I can only imagine what they would say: ‘But you’re a virgin, you haven’t been with a man, how can you know?’ or the big one that continually comes up: ‘You haven’t experienced life yet, you can’t know what your feelings are.’ Firstly, my sexual orientation has nothing to do with the status of my virginity – it just means that I haven’t had sex yet. No big deal. Secondly, I may not have travelled without my family but I’ve experienced so much in Adelaide that has made me who I am. And part of it is my sexuality. So, because they’ll reckon that I need to have sex with a man to work out that I am bisexual and that they are largely against LGBT+, nope, not happening. I’m never telling my parents I’m bisexual.

fe atu re / p o cke t ch ange p antr y

The Flinders University Vegetarian and Vegan Society Presents

Pocket Change Pantry:

Bite-size (Black Bean) Brownies These delicious brownies feature nutritious black beans, making them gluten-free and suitable for vegans

Ingredients

Method

1 can of black beans, rinsed and drained

1. Preheat oven to 180 degrees celsius. Grease/oil a 24 slot minimuffin pan (If you don’t have one, a standard 12 slot pan will work too.)

½ cup white sugar 2 tbsp ground flax seeds 3 tbsp canola oil (or other neutral flavoured oil) ¾ cup cocoa powder 1 tsp vanilla extract

2. Add all ingredients into a food processor and pulse until combined, scraping down the sides of the bowl as necessary. The mixture should have the consistency of cake frosting. If it’s too thick, add 1-2 tbsp water. If it’s too runny, add 1-2 tbsp rolled oats. 3. Spoon the mixture into the muffin pan, flatten the top of each brownie with your finger or a spoon. Bake for 20 minutes, the edges of the brownies will pull away from the muffin pan. (Bake for 25-30 minutes if using a 12 slot pan).

1 ½ tsp baking powder

4. Allow the brownies to cool completely before removing them from the pan, they’re very soft and fudgy so remember to be gentle! Store brownies in the fridge or freezer.

Optional: Mix some crushed nuts or vegan chocolate chips into your batter before baking.

Additional Info RECIPE BY: Laura Rees For more info and to get involved with the Flinders University Vegetarian and Vegan Club check them out online

“Legumes have been linked to reduced risk for heart disease, type 2 diabetes, and colon and other cancers, as well as improved weight control” (Skerrett, 2012, November 30) Recipe inspired by www.minimalistbaker.com Fact source: Skerrett, P. J. (2012, November 30). Recipe for health: cheap, nutritious beans. Harvard Health Publications. Retrieved from http://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/recipefor-health-cheap-nutritious-beans-201211305612

IS ADELAIDE EVEN REAL?

For lack of Adelaide-bound concert tours, Empire Times writer Ainsley Ewart finds herself asking the question: Is Adelaide even real?

In early June, around peak exam time, Harry Styles and Lorde announced Australian tours on the same day. I excitedly signed up for Lorde’s mailing list about tickets, only to make a grim discovery: both Harry and Lorde are intending to skip Adelaide. Lorde is even playing a show in Canberra. Harry is already playing Melbourne and Sydney in December, but announced new dates for April as well. But none for Adelaide, bye. We should really be used to this kind of dismissal, and it’s even leading to Australian artists dismissing us once they make it big internationally. Sia, who is from Adelaide, has skipped us on her first Australian tour in years. She will only be playing Sydney and Melbourne, much to her hometown’s disappointment. Australian act 5 Seconds of Summer also avoided us last year, chosing instead to perform in Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney only. We are also discriminated against when people actually come to perform for us. Ed Sheeran’s Adelaide Oval concert sold out almost immediately. An additional show due to demand has been ruled out due to being logistically impossible. However, it is logistically possible for him to have four dates in Melbourne, three in Sydney and two in Brisbane and Perth. Of course, I know these decisions are not likely made by the artists themselves, but instead by their touring managers. That isn’t to say that the artists don’t have some kind of slight say. For example, Lorde is doing many tour dates across her home country of New Zealand, somewhere that is also often skipped by larger artists. So why then would Sia not state that she is from Adelaide and should play a show there? Who knows, maybe she had some bad experiences performing for her home crowd? 5 Seconds of Summer once stated that they loved performing at Adelaide’s own Thebarton Theatre, and were in Adelaide when they got the call to support One Direction on a world tour.

I get sick of Adelaide dates being supposedly “up for discussion” and never eventuating while there can be three dates each in Sydney and Melbourne. Therefore, I present a couple of ways in which to sell Adelaide to artists. One, we have little to no media presence. This is both a positive and a negative. Because we don’t have this, people avoid us because there’s no publicity. However, it means artists can roam our city without being hounded by east coast camera crews filming their every step and analysing their every purchase. Two, you can do what Dave Grohl did and hire a free bike to ride around the city, something other states are discussing right now, but would actually cost money elsewhere. Three, we have wine. People seem to really like the wine made in South Australia. Many of the places where the wine is made are very pretty and have great walking tracks if you’re into that kind of thing. If not, many wineries also have great restaurants. Or you know, just wine in the first place. Four, in many cases you’re travelling out to Perth, which is a long trip. You can drop in and see us on your way over from or to Melbourne and break up your trip a bit better. I’m sure you could spend an evening with us, we promise not to bite (I take that back, in the case of Harry Styles. Some fans may bite, but you probably find that most places you go. Everyone else should be safe, though.) To tour managers and artists: please consider Adelaide as a place to visit. I know we’re overlooked when theatre shows don’t sell well in other states (see: Queen musical We Will Rock You that was meant to come to Adelaide last year but didn’t sell in other states and so never eventuated) but if you can give other states a thousand extra shows (Michael Gudinski, I’m looking at your decisions around Paul McCartney and Ed Sheeran), I think you can spare a visit to us (and maybe some other forgotten states? Or is that too much?).

fe atu re / i nter v i e w

An Interview with

Dr Nick Prescott

Empire Times editor Liam McNally sat down with Dr Nick Prescott with to talk about Crime Fiction, Creative Arts, and the worlds of artists like David Lynch, Patricia Highsmith and more...

How significant do you think your own interest and passion in a subject is when it comes to persuading students to engage with the subject? I’ll start by briefly talking about it from my perspective if I may. I think that having an enthusiasm for, and indeed hopefully, a love for, the texts you’re talking about is enormously important when teaching. For me, passion about the material has always been really crucial and I’ve been very lucky for the most part to be able to teach things I love. Whenever I get students to do in-class presentations on one text or another, the first thing I end up saying is to choose something you’re really passionate about. That means that [usually] you already have a whole range of facts and theories about that text and also the fact that you’re passionate about that means that you’ll likely bring that passion to the audience. Going back to your actual question, I hope that my enthusiasm for the texts I often lecture about and teach helps the students to see there is something intriguing and valuable [there]. I’ve been told, over the years, that the enthusiasm can be quite infectious. Even if [students] look over the syllabus and think ‘I don’t know if I’ll be interested in that’, seeing me so excited about the texts made them think there was something worthy of analysis. I think that the seeing the passion of the teacher helps the student to see that the text is worthy and interesting. I’m delighted when someone will come up to me and say ‘that novel, or that film, is really important to me [and] I hadn’t heard of it before’. That’s a beautiful moment. With a subject like Crime Fiction, that entails such varied texts as Miller’s Crossing, Spooks, Sherlock Holmes adaptations, and David Lynch’s Twin Peaks and Blue Velvet, and The Talented Mr Ripley, did you feel that it was particularly important to include such a variety in a subject that might have appeared narrower for its genre guidelines? Yeah, I did. I wanted to show with that topic the way that the notion of the mystery and solving the mystery, this narrative device, that you can find almost anywhere, or in almost any narrative. I feel that’s a really deeply-routed desire, and fancy as it were – it’s a human desire to see a mystery solved in some way. Or I might make a

qualification in talking about someone like David Lynch, if not seeing the mystery solved, then at least elucidated in some way. [After going down the rabbit hole] even if you don’t emerge from the rabbit hole with all the answers, the journey has been absolutely intriguing. I think with someone like Patricia Highsmith [editor’s note: author of The Talented Mr Ripley] who is an amazing creator of psychological portraits of often quite aberrant people, the notion of crime and detection can be very, very broad as you say, and encompass all sorts of different texts but one of the great things about embracing that breadth of material is that you can also draw all those things back towards the notion of evoking a mystery and making some way towards resolving it in the text. It’s also just lovely to offer to students very different takes on that idea, so you have the wonderful hardboiled [Raymond] Chandler and [Dashiell] Hammet type of world and Miller’s Crossing connects to that [as a ] very convoluted narrative involving tough guys and corruption and then you have something like the forensic part of the genre which [details] very disturbing criminals whose crimes are described and solved by hyper-rational women in the case of that part of the genre. There’s an amazing breadth to that kind of text and I think the notion of intrigue is really important. Mystery exists even in texts you wouldn’t think of as entailing some sense of mystery like Great Expectations. I remember the thing that really intrigued me the first time I encountered it was the notion of finding out who was Pip’s benefactor. Who was this mysterious person who was endowing him with all these riches? So often there is a question at the beginning of the narrative that helps us with the desire to pursue the narrative. Considering the breadth of narratives and texts in Crime Fiction and your Creative Arts topics, how often do you find that some students will react well to some texts and not to others? Yes, that certainly happens. Especially with more challenging material, there’s always a small group of students who won’t quite go to the challenging aspects of some of David Lynch’s work, or some of the wackier writings of Philip K Dick. That’s okay – it’s part of my job to understand that some of these texts are really quite challenging and help those students who find them very puzzling or alienating. I get a lot of ‘WTF’ responses when I show Blue Velvet in Crime Fiction. There’s always some people who feel unprepared to deal with something so bizarre or so non-linear. Again, I find that bizarre [element] really exciting. When I’m in the hands of an artist I trust. But I do have to find a way of letting students encompass that.

In the case of Crime Fiction, is the order of the texts very specific? Absolutely. I’m kind of a fan of chronology. I think chronology is a really much-maligned way of making sense of things. When you talk of literary theory, a lot of academics say ‘oh, that’s incredibly boring, just to do things in a linear fashion’ but with something like this genre, I think it makes sense to start at a particular point in history and trace the development of the genre. Sadly, one can’t escape the grip of time and seeing in the case of crime fiction, [Edgar Allen] Poe, [Sir Arthur Conan] Doyle, and perhaps Wilkie Collins sort of gave birth to the genre and from there you can see the amazing complexities and convolutions and subgenres that have evolved since then, the only way to make a proper fist of making sense of it is to do it in a very specific and ordered way. So do you feel it important to hold texts like those created by David Lynch and Patricia Highsmith to later in the semester? Yes, I do, actually. Because by the time you’re halfway through a topic like that, you’re equipped with the foundations, the traditional blueprint. And one of the interesting things about Poe and Doyle and their stories and detective figures is that you can see very clearly that it is a very firm narrative shape [with] devices and archetypes that are easily identified and turn up again and again. Just think of [Agatha] Christie. Many people would say her work is utterly formulaic and I guess I would agree to a large extent but of course she does wonderful subversions of our expectations. I think with any topic, if you help people to understand the traditions and the foundations of a literary device, when you then introduce challenges and complexities to it, that are derived from that model, it makes much more elegant sense. So I wouldn’t want to start with, say, Paul Auster [editor’s note: writer of The New York Trilogy] because it would just bewilder people, I think. If I had begun my reading of crime and detective fiction with something like that, I would never have any idea what he was doing. I think a solid grounding in the original structure is really important. You don’t understand the challenge they’re making, or the subversion that they’re offering, unless you know what is that they’re subverting. One of the things I find so exciting about Highsmith is that she was almost puzzled by people saying, ‘this character of Ripley is so repellent, how do you expect audiences to follow him through a number of novels?’ Essentially she said, ‘No, I adore that character. I think he’s fantastic. I wish I were more like him’. I love that about her. One could never be certain how seriously she wanted people to take those responses

which is a lovely thing about authors. I really adore the fact that she, rather like Lynch, does what she does and doesn’t in any way approach the notion of offering a sort of excuse. She just says ‘this is what I’m interested in doing’. With Lynch, I simply adore the fact won’t give any sort of, quote, unquote, ‘explanation’ for his work. He simply puts it into the world and offers it to people. I think in some cases those are the most fertile kinds of texts where the artist simply lets something out into the world and goes on to the next thing. One can have an experience with that even if it’s not a linear experience, or a resolved experience. It can be incredibly rich and rewarding.

Pictured: Nick Prescott, surrounded by the many books in his office. Photo by Liam McNally.

colu m n / a dv i ce

Hi Milton, I’m currently studying to be a chef in which I’m almost finished. My question is why do my spoons alway go missing??? If you can help solve this mystery I’ll give you some of the Sourdough we made for our restaurant service. ~Sincerely, the partner of one of your minions. Dear Chef-to-be, Spoons, like other human utensils are fond of hiding in dark corners and in the tight gaps behind kitchen appliances. Once a spoon has built itself a nest it will be virtually impossible to retrieve. The most likely solution to your dilemma is to become a spoon. In this way you will never lose your spoon as you can never truly lose yourself (unless you are a philosopher or a rap artist from the early 2000’s). The best way to be a spoon is to always walk around with your mouth open and your hands tied behind your back so that you can stoop and scoop at a moment’s notice. As a duck I have a great deal of experience in dining without cutlery and, if genetic science was advanced enough, I would suggest having a bill installed for easy scooping and consuming. Best of luck, Miltz.

You call yourself a Detective but, good sir, I find that hard to believe. Far be it from me to suppose myself an expert on the mental capabilities of avian fellow such as yourself, but I find it doubtful that you are in fact a qualified law enforcer and/ or sleuth of intellect. Please give me evidence of your dubious qualifications lest I am forced to decry you and your practice in the public sphere. Adieu to you sir, Holmesie It is you, sir, who do yourself discredit by questioning me and my methods. Are you aware that Holmsie is not a proper name? That in checking the register of detectives in Australia I cannot find one instance of your name. You assume my guilt and transgression without one whit of self-reflection. I do ask you to bugger off at once with your pathetic attempts at defaming me, the great detective and wisened sage. Freelance Detective and Slueth, Milton ‘Not-in-my-town’ Mallard

Milton, Milton, Milton, My old nemesis. This time you will not be able to save them. If you are brave or foolish enough to face me again meet me at the bridge. Do drop in. ~ M. Goose, Evil Genius Ah but you are the foolish one, Herr Goose. For you see, you made the mistake of believing that I have some sentimental affection for my office humans. But, sadly for you, I do not. Besides, I believe they can still serve me without their precious, juicy spleens. Ever the victor, your adversary, Milton

Dear Miltonius, Oh great seer and unraveller of impenetrable mysteries, please divulge to your humble servant the answer to this poser. When the Duck Lords ceded control of the planet to humans did you honestly think we would make a go of it? Or was it a sick long term joke which you quackers have been basking in the fall out as it has played out over the millenia? May we return to the trees now? Oook F.UC.K. A’Duck I am afraid, my dear old friend, that mention of the Duck Lord council and its actions are strictly clearance level 1 information. Ergo, not for the eyes and ears of the common populace (even the common duck populace, especially not that good-for-nothing miscreant Fred). All I can say is this- this is only the beginning. Look to the trees for wisdom (also for a note from my secretary, Joanne. She has sent it by express mail to no. 2, the tree, Law and Comms.). Your faithful ally in the grand scheme, Herr Milton Mallard, third earl of the Lake

Would you like to have your question answered by the wise and enigmatic Milton? Contact him on Twitter or Facebook. Alternatively, scream your questions into the abyss and let the wind do the rest.

A Note From Milton: Dear readers, I thank you kindly for your wonderful questions. Unfortunately I was not able to answer them all this time around. Certain human *servants* proved unreliablewhat with their weak bodies and predispositions for ‘getting sick’ and ‘having to have their spleens removed to pay off their HECS debts’. I pity them and their feeble human bodies but, alas, I am not as skilled as typing on a keyboard as one would assume of someone as great as myself. Nonetheless, continue to send me your wonderful words, be it praise or query. Your Duck Overlord and Supreme Ruler of Flinders University, Milton Mallard

@milton_ducklord @miltonducklord

Lucrative Business Being a female PI elicits complaints

By Georgina Banfield

cre at ive / f i c ti on

Cigarette smoke wafted out of Peggy’s office, creating a thick haze which concealed her silhouette through the glass windowed door. The door opened, letting the spring breeze filter in. Taking another drag; she waited. Heavy footsteps trampled the timber floorboards. That would ensure a complaint from the tenants below her. Being a female P.I. elicited complaints – disrupting those below her elicited more. A slight limp. Six foot? His shadow paused at her doorway. Broad shoulders. She sniffed the sweet eucalyptus leaves that came with cigars. Australian. Not Cuban. Not like her home-rolled cigarettes. Middle class then.

occurrence. Gnawing on a blood red fingernail, she flipped through the file. Neilson Park. Not far from her office. She flinched at the black and white picture of the corpse. He lay on the beach. A bullet shot through his right temple. Blood coated his clothes. A banker. Like her father. Small waves lapped at his limp body. Dry sand clung to his limbs. His arms and legs were skewed in different angles and the sea had taken his shoe. He lay precariously positioned between dry sand and the high tide.

‘Ms Covington, a word.’

No man flailed his limbs out in different directions if he’d committed suicide. In her experience, he would have crumpled. Possibly rearranged.

‘Detective Sergeant Heron, I assume you’re here for business rather than pleasure.’

‘I spoke to the widow, she was mess couldn’t get anything coherent out of her.’

She stubbed her cigarette out on the ashtray. She took a tobacco packet out of her desk drawer. Breaking off some, she rolled it in the wheat-straw paper and lit it. She repeated the ritual again. Satisfied, she pushed out her chair and turned to the table behind her.

‘You think she has something to do with the death.’

Pouring out two glasses of scotch, she handed one to the detective. Heron sat stiffly in the wooden seat opposite her desk. He seemed constrained by the chair. If he moved, she was sure it would burst. His thick arms rested on the arm rests, fists clenched. The man looked around the room, noticing the newly cleaned office; not a paper out of place, files in the appropriate cabinets and the swept floors. “It’s cleaner than I remember.” ‘Yes, it helps when the men you’re having trysts with don’t flail their arms around,’ she said, with a wry smile. Peggy moved to his side and leant back against her desk, crossing her legs at the ankles. He crossed his legs and fidgeted with his cuff sleeves. A beige folder sat on his lap. He kept running his fingers along the edge of it, thumbing through it. Wet ink coated his fingers. ‘What makes you think this is a business visit?’ he said, not meeting her eyes. Chestnut curls obstructed her eyes. She flicked them out of her face. She looked him up and down. ‘It’s 3 p.m. in the afternoon and you’re already drinking. I expect that from myself but not from such an upstanding man as yourself. The stench of cigars is overpowering. You haven’t chastised me for being 25 and unmarried.’ She paused, taking a sip of her scotch. ‘I also saw the press release. Your name came up.’ The man let out a sigh before downing his drink. He held out his arm with the glass outstretched towards her. ‘It was ruled a suicide but I suspect it’s a homicide. I thought you might be interested.’ She topped up his glass before leaning back. Heron exchanged the file for a cigarette on her desk. The room filled up with the stench of booze and smoke – but that was a regular Thursday afternoon

‘It’s a gut feeling. But I thought she might be more receptive to you. You do have certain feminine sensitivities about you. Just as long as you don’t tell the boys back at the station I’m here.’ She gave him a terse nod. Taking her coat off the wooden rack, she headed out the door. She hailed a cab, climbing into the backseat. The detective sat next to her, placing his hand on her inner right thigh. She left it there. It was easier to get away with unorthodox methods if she let him have his way. Due to that, she had half of Balmain Police Station wrapped around her finger. Except his fingers were wrapped around her thigh, in a vice-like grip. The cabbie pulled up on Palmer Street. One of the nicer houses. One without the walls crumbling and without the paint chipping away. One with well-kept roses at the doorway and a white picket fence. It may not have been the suburbs but it was close. Something to create the illusion at least. Two rooms, Peggy assumed, small kitchen and front room. They were rich enough for a nicer house, so it must have sentimental value. Peggy followed behind Heron as he pounded on the door. A blonde pregnant woman opened the door. Her hands rested on her slightly rotund stomach. She was barely showing, three months maybe. Her blue eyes were bloodshot and red; shoddy makeup failed to conceal a black eye and split lip. ‘Detective Sergeant Heron and this is Ms Peggy Covington; she’s a PI. I thought you might like to speak to her.’ ‘Of course, come in, come in. Fay Montgomery. Thank you for coming. I can’t believe Auggie’s gone. I just want to know what happened.’ Jumbled vernacular. Heavy breaths. The woman couldn’t string a sentence together.

cre at ive / f i c ti on

She stood to the side as the two entered the room. A lace tablecloth covered the table, with polished silverware in the cupboard. New sofas sat in the front room, which she guided the investigators towards. Not a place Peggy thought a rising star would live in. Even if she’d only been in the od musicals. ‘Can I get you a cuppa?’ she asked, heading over to the kitchenette. ‘That would be wonderful, thank you,’ Heron said, ‘and one for the lady as well.’ The woman nodded once. She turned away from them She put a clean handkerchief to her eyes and began to sob. Peggy never understood the bond that bound married couples. It seemed too... flimsy. Love, in any capacity seemed frivolous and destructive to her. Just look at the woman: Puffy face, hands rubbed raw, bitten down nails. Peggy moved to her side, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and pulling her close. The woman buried her head in Peggy’s shoulder, her shoulder shaking. Whispering in her ear, while her hand slid down to Fay’s hip, tugging her closer. ‘Darling, it’s all going to be alright.’ ‘Love, can you think of anyone who would want your husband dead? Or did he show any signs that this could happened? We have to ask these questions, I know it’s hard. We just have to determine the cause of death. Come sit down with the sergeant and I’ll finish with the tea.’ Clasping the woman’s hands in hers, Peggy guided her over to the seat. The petite woman sunk into the fabric, which seemed to envelop her frame. Running a bitten down nail over the white fabric, Fay choked back a sob. ‘I should have known back when he bought the gun. I should have known something was wrong. Ever since he found out about the baby, he’s been acting strangely. I thought he was having an affair. He was distant. Oh – I wish he’d said something,’ she wailed. She doubled over, her body wracking with sobs. ‘Did you find the weapon?’ ‘No, I’m sorry ma’am. We believe it was washed away with the tide or someone took it. Would you mind showing me where the gun was kept?’ Heron asked, his gruff voice unable to hide his discomfort. ‘He kept it in the bedside drawer.’ Neglecting the tea, the three of them went into the little room to the right. The widow pulled open the drawer. She rifled through socks and underwear to find nothing. There was no gun. A whimper escaped her lips. She collapsed onto the bed. The springs creaked under her weight. She groped sound on the bed looking for

something to hold onto. Her hands found a decorative pillow, which she squeezed. Mascara ran down her face, revealing the extent of the bruises. Peggy shook her head. It was all too common among her women who walked in through her office. Tears. Begging. Exclaiming that it wasn’t true. Stroking Fay’s hair, she waited for her to calm down. The woman was a good actress. At least she had been before her marriage. Although the adored woman had been forgotten after marriage. So much so that she became ignored. Ignored when she’d been broken. She hadn’t been ignored by Peggy. * The streetlamps had only just flickered on when she’d walked into Peggy’s office. A thick coat was pulled around her, hiding her pregnancy. She sat on the edge of the desk rather than the chair. Her eyes flickered around the room. ‘I heard for the right price that you engage in lucrative business ventures,’ Fay whispered. Peggy sat back in her seat, pen between lips. She took it out and poised it above a blank page. ‘Depends on the business.’ ‘Murder.’ Peggy raised an eyebrow. ‘How did you hear about me?’ Fay leant closer, so they were not even inches apart. Moving even closer, so her lips touched Peggy’s ear. ‘Josie, from the nightclub, one in the Cross.’ Peggy nodded. She wasn’t there to solve a murder but to commit one. Fay left her Cherries in the Snow imprinted lipstick kiss on her cheek. Without a second of hesitation, Peggy wiped it off. ‘I expect payment up front. I assuming it’s your husband, I can see the bruising. I know you’re an actress, I saw you in Pygmalion a year ago, and from what I can recall you could act. I have a thought, but I need to know if you’re serious…’ * The trigger had been pulled. The gun was at the bottom of Shark Beach. Their feminine wiles would protect them. Nobody needed to know.

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cre at ive / p o e tr y

You fell into his trap, Your body his carefully cultivated garden.

RUMOURS Ash leig h B arb er

You feel beautiful. As the garden continues to grow, sapling sprouting from every crack, You plead for death to prune it, But he declares that it must continue to grow. But you cannot contain the garden bursting from your skin, And feeding on the blood travelling through your veins within. Like a wildfire it spreads, burning through anything So you empty yourself of it. and everything in its path. Like a cruel Hades, it dictates life for the ones that will soon become the Your pour out the blood until the last drop hits walking dead. Everyone stares as they make their way the floor. to the next life aflame; everyone stares, but no one extinguishes the fire. No one offers help. They are all Until your body is a vacant vessel, save for afraid, but of what they do not know. With nothing Death’s garden. on which to focus their fear, no hope exists of finding a cure. And he will walk to where you lie, All that is known is there is no truth, only altered reality. But to question the lie is to question the fire, a He’ll place it in your hair, kiss you gently on the suicide no one will confront. Thus, life is left a burntcheek, out hole where once a mixture of decision lay. Now, nothing is chosen; all is decided by one who has not And he’ll smile. seen the sum. And never again will life be the same since the day the fear caught everyone. And you’ll smile back because the heaviness you feel every morning and every night is gone. And pluck the richest, reddest rose.

Death is charming. How else could someone bury themselves in your bones, Make you dig them out til you’re empty, Yet still make you smile?

c re at ive / f i c ti on

The Lost Boy Who Came Back B.M.

All lost boys, except one, stay lost. No-one quite knows why this is, for when something is lost, especially as important as a boy, a considerable effort is put in to find it once again. I first met the lost boy when he was just “boy”. He hadn’t yet been lost, nor had he been found. He had simply been. Our meeting began like most; two strangers nervously exchanging words blissfully unaware of how this one moment could potentially change their lives. We didn’t notice at the time, but stars shifted in their alignment, crossing both their own paths and ours, piecing together our story. Time passed gracefully. We shared in memories and moments that would be forever ours to cherish. Smiles and laughter were exchanged, echoing into empty air in the silence of the calmest nights and resonating through crowded halls. There were tears, as there always are, cradled in each other’s arms; our voices whispering tenderly to heal the wounds inflicted. On the surface, we were perfect. Until one night I caught him looking longingly to the second star on the right; toward the Neverland. It boasted of warmth and happiness, and it began to call to him and his desires – those that I could not deliver. What he couldn’t see, were the beasts lurking in the darkness. The

Neverland wanted to swallow him whole and keep him trapped within its branches. It wanted him to become lost within its wonders. At first, he could ignore the seduction. The way the Neverland whispered into his ear was nothing more than the soft breath of the wind in his hair. As time went on, however, he couldn’t ignore the voice beckoning. The Neverland began to win and he began to fade into it. He fought until the day he disappeared completely.

well. For what seemed like an eternity, he just stood and smiled while I stared at the living corpse in front of me. My lost boy had come back. I leapt into the arms I thought would never again embrace my body. I sank deep into his chest, swimming in the scent of the Neverland woodlands that had woven itself into his natural musk. There we stayed until we began to take our breaths in unison, and our heart beats were no longer racing.

The stars that had once crossed over so our paths could align, had disconnected.

The stars of our past had realigned to set my lost boy on his way back home.

He became a lost boy.

Time passed, but not as gracefully as it had. The Neverland had buried its roots deep into the mind of my lost boy, and though he was glad to be rid of the darkness and the beasts, he continued to pine for his unattained desires and the promises that the Neverland had made. Still, I could not provide them. Though I fell asleep each night clasping his hand in mine, I could feel his body drifting toward the Neverland while he tossed and turned, still shaking the beasts, but still yearning for something more. I began to close the curtains before we went to bed, hoping to block the starlight and the call of the Neverland, but in the middle of the night I would catch him peeping through the slit.

I searched for him. Oh! How I searched! The Neverland had him firmly within its grasp, hiding him among the hollowed trees and within the shadowy caves. I could only imagine the fear in his eyes as the obscured beasts emerged to tear apart his flesh, the security of sunshine giving way to the vulnerability of night. Oh, how I wished that I could reach into the Neverland and pull him from its grip; but the claws of the beasts held tightly to their captive, pulling him deeper into their iniquity. I thought my boy would be lost forever; but I was wrong. Covered in wounds, some raw and bleeding, some scabbing over, he stood outside my door with the smirk I came to know so

My lost boy who had come back, yet again began to fade.

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c re at ive / p o e tr y

Death’s Garden B.M

I had always pictured Death as a skeleton clad in black. Nothing more than a figure lurking in the dark, Hunting the Earth, as a predator to prey, Feeding on the wandering souls of those we’ve lost. Now, I figure death to be charming. With a voice that disguises his harsh commands, As sweet-nothings that trickle through your ears, Slowly seeping as you lay sleeping, Planting in your mind the first of many seeds. He must be beautiful. With deep, alluring eyes full of warmth, And a smile so seductive that the danger of his presence is almost irresistible. Death must be attractive. For without beauty, or charm, or his articulate manner, The garden he grows, The climbing vines, the sweet orchids, The rich, red rose, Would surely perish. But he whispers with such confidence, That he knows where to find the happiness you seek, And there’s a sincerity in the manner that he speaks, That trust seems to come easily. Slowly, he consumes your vision in darkness, And within the gloom his garden is blooming. The vines tie you to your bed, afraid to leave the warmth, The thorns of the roses pierce your skin, soaking in the blood they draw.

c re at ive / p o e tr y

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PROJECTOR IMAGE L e e za von A lp en

he told her that he loved her she, the most colourful movie he had honestly ever seen; that she left him reeling with this wheel of feelings and that she made his clean grin gleam but her eyes were wet from crying while he was so swooningly sighing because loving her he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t yet regret she, a projector image who he met but not the stark silhouette silently sobbing behind the screen

cre at ive / p o e tr y

ORANGE YOU GLAD James Mar r

I want to feel like I feel when I sleep. Hollow out the trike sized sheep and Follow me over the bridge of sighs. Reach into that abandoned fridge And retrieve an orange. Pray the squeak of the door hinge Wonâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t awaken the weaves of fleshEating spiders from within. The shepherd sips his cider, A life carved in living guilt, Gazing at his empty field of sin. I want to feel like I feel when I sleep.

stu d e nt c ou nc i l /pre si d ent’s rep or t

Student Council President It’s July when I’m writing this article, I’ve officially passed the 6 months mark of my term. I spent a bit of time reflecting on my term. The truth is, you’ll always look back and find something you could have done better or differently. So I want to right one of those now. The road to university is often sold to students as simple. Go to your lectures, do your readings attend your tutorials try and submit your assignments on time, then in three or four years you’ll get your piece of paper and be qualified for the area you studied in.

Jordon O’Reilly Contact Jordon directly via email student.president@ flinders.edu.au, or visit fusa. edu.au or call us on 8201 2371.

My name is Jordon O’Reilly and I’ve spent the last four and half years, studying a four year degree to only be somewhere between one and half and two years through my degree. Your road to University may never be as straight forward as it’s made out to be, despite being asked by parents seemingly almost every time at dinner if your ever any closer to finishing. And it’s okay to not be in the fast lane to finish you’re study. Before I go on, I just want to make one thing clear I’m not the model student. My GPA isn’t as high as it could be. I don’t attend as many classes as I should. But like a lot of people that study at university I’m doing my best to make it work. I finished year 12 with an ATAR of 50.2, I got into Flinders University in 2013 to study Education off my Stat test score. I’ve only studied fulltime (at least 4 topics) at Uni for one semester. Why? Because life gets in the way, we study at University during such a significant period in our lives. In 2014 I started working two jobs, to earn myself a bit of cash. In early march in 2015 I landed job with a union, becoming a union rep, while also working my part time retail job; my study took a back step. In 2016 I left my union job as I tried to find a bit more balance in my life, only to become a student representative, and spend most of my time working to represent students at Flinders University. Throw in Federal elections working for MPs and candidates and at the end of last year being elected your Student

President while also working part time for a senator. While most of that comes down to what I prioritise in my life, we have to accept that sometimes life throws lots of challenges, and a part of growing up is learning to deal with them. 83% of Australian University students feel stressed, 35.4% have thought about self-harm and suicide, 59.2% have felt hopeless/worthless. I guess the point I’m trying to make is that it’s okay to let your study take a back step for life. You can’t do everything you want to achieve right now, but in time you can. We are quite lucky here at Flinders University that we have access to a free health counselling and disability service that you can access to help with anything relating to your physical and mental health, and help you navigate your way through university. FUSA offers Student Assist which can help you with and financial, academic advocacy and welfare support. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for help.

Flinders Health Counselling Service Level 3, Student Services Centre next to the Sports Centre. Open: 8:45am - 5pm, Monday - Friday Tel: (08) 8201 2118 http://www.flinders.edu.au/currentstudents/healthandcounselling/

FUSA/Student Assist Level 1 Student Hub P: (08) 8201 2371 E: student.assist@flinders.edu.au http://fusa.edu.au/studentassist/

stu d e nt c ou nc i l /i nter v i e w

Student Council International Officer YOUR STUDENT COUNCIL IS MADE UP OF 19 POSITIONS, AND WEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;LL INTRODUCE YOU TO ALL OF THE COUNCIL MEMBERS IN EMPIRE TIMES THROUGHOUT 2017/

What drew you to the position of International Officer? I have always been passionate about the International community and being a strong voice for the vulnerable. Being an international student is very challenging. I have faced many challenges myself; even now, being away from home is the hardest. We have no support network or a fresh meal to come home to. Academically, sometimes we do not have a cheer squad. Our teachers may not understand our struggles, and the support system may not always be supportive. This is why I became the International Student Officer to understand what services are available and how we can support fellow international students. It is not easy being a student, especially an international student with no luxury of home close by. Being an international student can be isolating at times. It is easy to fall under the drapes of homesickness and depression. However, it is also a great gift, for we learn independence and confidence. Through this international student experience, we grow to be fine young adults. Because I have suffered myself, I realised to create change, we have to become the change we want to see. Also, if we want to change something we have to lead the change; that is why I chose to be International Student Officer. What are you hoping to achieve this year as International Officer? The Multicultural Festival is an enormous thing for us. I have been working closely with many on bringing the best for our students. Some ideas work and some donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t, and we

keep trying new things. Student engagement in events like this is very important to us. I have been working on the four pillars of my campaign promise. They are academic, welfare, social wellbeing, and social integration. Social integration is a growing concern for international students, as we are not integrating enough with the Adelaidians. All the events I have been hosting so far have been reflecting the above themes. I have also been doing work on the policy level, constantly engaging and participating in conversations that can bring change and benefit to all international students. For instance, the ESOS act is legislation that protects international students, and came to force in 2001. Why is International Officer an important position for Flinders University? We have almost 5000 international students. Representation is very important for such a large group. For instance, Student Assist provides student advocacy for students. At FUSA, we have Sue and Vanessa who are willing to advise students on the best course of action available if they are struggling academically, financially, or with any other complicated issue they may be facing. Being an International Student Officer, I often refer International students to Sue and Vanessa for help. Please send in your thoughts, expectations, and aspirations regarding my position. I strive to work with everyone in Student Council to bring out the best for you all. Also, if you have any questions I am happy to catch up and discuss over coffee.

Vieshnavee Pandiyan

Contact Vieshnavee directly via email, international.officer@ flinders.edu.au or visit fusa.ed.au or call FUSA on 8201 2371. Find on Facebook: FUSA International Collective

Students

stu d e nt c ou nc i l /i nter v i e w

Student Council General Councillors What drew you to the position of General Councillor? I was drawn to the position of Student Councillor because I’m passionate about ensuring that students have the best university experience possible. What do you hope to achieve as General Councillor, or what have you already achieved? I hope to get more students involved in campus life and make them passionate about their university. I’d also like to ensure that more students become aware of the services of FUSA and the university; we work for the students and I personally want to ensure that students always feel supported by their university, as well as their elected representatives. Why is General Councillor an important position on Student Councils across Australia? General Councillor is an important intermediary position that ensures that the Officer’s on Council can ensure that they are delivering the best results for students, we help to make their jobs easier and assist them in delivering the best events and student assistance possible.

Meaghan King

What drew you to the position of General Councillor? I was drawn to the position after seeing the role FUSA played in revitalising the campus and my strong belief in student associations that stand up for the rights and wellbeing of students. What do you hope to achieve as General Councillor, or what have you already achieved? Two achievements for FUSA I participated in were in helping during O-week and organizing the first semester pub crawl. They’re great opportunities to get to know new students and make them aware of what FUSA does, the support available to them as they transition to university, and how they can get involved in the campus community.

Sean Cullen-McAskill

Why is General Councillor an important position on Student Councils across Australia? All university students are familiar with the challenges of juggling commitments and office bearers are no exception. That’s one reason General Council members are important: we help the OBs so that they have the extra support in everything from planning and organizing events.

What drew you to the position of General Councillor? I chose to run for General Councillor because the position is flexible and allows me to explore a variety of areas that I’m interested in working on. I am also able to work with different people on Student Council to help students in different areas. What do you hope to achieve as General Councillor, or what have you already achieved? This year I have worked on the FUSA Op Shop stall, getting it up and running. I have also helped the Education Officer with several National Days of Action, and the General Secretary and Women’s Officer on a few things. Why is General Councillor an important position on Student Councils across Australia? General Councillor positions are important because we are here to help the Office Bearers achieve their initiatives. There are a lot of things that Office Bearers may wish to achieve in their terms and not always enough time to achieve them in. General Councillors offer another set of hands to help Office Bearers achieve these goals as well as running our own initiatives

Laurence Lacoon Williamson is also a General Councillor but was unable to be interviewed for this issue.

Amy Hueppauff

Crush

Shaking up the romance genre Jess M. Miller

When we think of romance, we often recall the traditional formula: a man and a woman, flowers, that pesky love triangle, steamy sex scenes, and a reliable happy ending. But there are countless works of fiction which question this formula, that seek new approaches to a well-loved genre, and Crush—a short story anthology to be published this August by MidnightSun—is one of these works. This project began, as most romances do, with a little spark of magic. In 2016, Flinders’ own creative readings club Speakeasy held a romance-themed event in conjunction with the Romance Writers of Australia Conference. The event sought to showcase fresh approaches to what it is about romantic love that makes our hearts leap and our stomachs flutter. Speakeasy and RWA 2016 convener Amy Matthews then partnered with Adelaide’s local publishing house MidnightSun, the minds behind a similarly minded anthology—Breaking Beauty, published in 2014, which dissects beauty in all its forms. Crush features thirty-six established and emerging writers who, in nuanced, beautiful, and often funny ways, attempt to answer perhaps the most complex question of all: what is love, exactly? The stories in this anthology encompass a huge array of themes, tones, subgenres, and characters. Within these pages are characters of all genders and sexualities; loves monogamous and unconventional, joyous and dangerous. Loves that interrogate the possibilities of happy endings, the idiosyncrasy of connection—loves contrasting and similar, but never identical. Furthermore, there is a healthy dose of satire in this book which is often missing from the genre, and which will resonate with diehards and cynics alike. Whatever your opinion on romantic love, there is a story waiting for you in Crush.

‘Crush features thirty-six established and emerging writers who, in nuanced, beautiful, and often funny ways, attempt to answer perhaps the most complex question of all: what is love, exactly?’

Launch Details: August 27th 2-4pm Room 1, Level 1, Flinders 182 Victoria Square

colu m n/ b o ardg ames

Board Game Baptism Know Your Enemy: Hidden Role games

‘Not knowing which of your friends will betray you is an exciting feeling’.

Patrick O’Loughlin With the theme being Mystery, I thought it would be appropriate to take a look at hidden role games. These games often rely on imperfect knowledge to create tension and drive interesting interactions between players. Not knowing which of your friends will betray you is an exciting feeling, and these games adopt this fantastic mechanism in very different ways. Spyfall is definitely the funniest game this article will explore. In each round, all players are dealt a card. These cards for the most part depict a location—think zoos, pirate ships, submarines, and so on. One player, however, is dealt a card that simply states that they are the spy—this player then has no idea what location the other players have been dealt. It is the goal of the players to ask each other very subtle and hopefully clever questions to discover who the spy is. It is the task of the spy to use all available information to work out where the players are. If the spy figures out where the players are, then they win, but if the players uncover the spy, they win as a group. This can lead to all sorts of silly situations, wherein people might be accused of being a spy when they’re just having difficulty asking good questions, with wrong accusations making an instant win for the spy. Or, a spy might ask a flat out ridiculous question, like how people got to work when they are in fact in a submarine. It all makes for some fantastically funny

situations and creates the potential for some very inventive questions and answers. Conversely, Deception: Murder in Hong Kong is the darkest game this article will examine. In Deception, players are investigators attempting to solve a murder. Each player is given cards depicting murder weapons and evidence. The player adopting the role of ‘forensic scientist’ acts as the game master, as they know who the murderer is and they therefore attempt to guide players with the use of crime scene tiles. The problem is that one of these supposedly good-hearted investigators is the murderer, and will use every opportunity to incorrectly guide the course of the investigation. In games of eight players or more, an ‘accomplice’ role is also introduced—this player also knows who the murderer is, and will contribute to the spoiling of the investigation. It all makes for a very effective point-and-shout-atfriends platform. In Mission Red Planet, hidden roles take a smaller role. Players are vying for control of fruitful, luscious Martian turf, and they do this by loading up space shuttles with little plastic astronauts and shooting the shuttles from launch pads. This is achieved by players first selecting a role card from their hands at the start of every round (each player starts the game with an identical hand), such as the saboteur, the spy, or the

explorer. Each of these cards is assigned a numerical value, so once players choose their cards, a countdown begins (starting from nine) until the number representing a player’s role is announced. For example, the explorer numerical value is eight, so when eight is announced, all players who chose the explorer are able to fulfill its action, which is primarily to move their astronauts around Mars. The beauty of this system is the chaos it creates. The saboteur role, who is assigned a number five, is able to destroy a space shuttle as well as place an astronaut in a docked ship. As each shuttle has a finite capacity for astronauts, the player who chose the saboteur could destroy a docked ship filled with astronauts, or a ship that they know will be used by a player with a role of lesser numerical value. In short, chaos reigns when you don’t know the role card other players choose every round, which makes for a lot of fun and second guessing. After players get to Mars, points are achieved by controlling and fighting over certain sectors and resources. Other fantastic hidden role games include the classics Resistance and Resistance: Avalon, Coup, Dead of Winter and Libertalia. Each is worth checking out for their unique spins on the genre. Happy board gaming!

fe atu re / p op c u ltu re

23 47

“Well Gang, It Looks Like We’ve Got a Mystery on our Hands.”

The Many Adventures of Scooby-Doo Cameron Lowe

Saturday morning, 6:30am.

the

early 2000s:

I switch on the TV in my room. The aerobics program on a fuzzy Channel Ten has ended, and I await the start of my weekend ritual: the Saturday morning cartoons. My heart races as bats fly from an old dark house on the screen. Then that theme begins, “Scooby dooby Doo, where are you? We’ve got some work to do now!” I watch the montage of Scooby-Doo and Mystery Inc. as they fight monsters and fumble around. It all ends with Scooby-Doo licking fairy floss from his face and smiling, the start of this week’s mystery, and the start of one of my all-time favourite childhood series. The Scooby-Doo franchise started in 1969, when Scooby-Doo, Where Are You? was first broadcasted. The show combined mystery, horror, and comedy, and aimed it at children. The original show only ran for two seasons, but it spawned eleven sequel cartoon shows, three live action films, and countless animated movies, books, comics, and video games. By a storytelling standpoint, Scooby-Doo is extremely simple. Each story is told in a three-act structure: the initial problem, an attempt to solve it, and finally the solution. The differing episode plots throughout the series also follow a style known as, ‘mystery of the week’. This style gives us a new story, a new mystery, and new monster each episode, with little to no continuity of previous episodes, or overlying series arc. This is a common trait in many classic

speculative mystery TV shows from the era, like Kolchak: The Night Stalker and The Twilight Zone. Scooby-Doo is a series soaked in clichés. Almost every horror cliché that’s ever existed is present in the series, from creepy castles to graveyards. They use classical villain archetypes, which does lead to some lack of character depth and pathetic ways they’re captured. There are moments in these stories that are repeated heavily throughout the series, the primary one being Velma losing her glasses. I can’t begin to number the many times Velma’s lost her glasses throughout the series. And, as much as I hate to admit it, the Scooby snack moments are overused too. Fred, Velma, and Daphne always seem to be always miraculously carrying around Scooby snacks for both Scooby and Shaggy, which is ridiculous, I think. So, with all these clichés and repeated elements, why is Scooby-Doo so popular? What I believe it is was how they took all those clichés and added goofiness to them. All the rushing through the doors, hiding in stupid places, and fooling the monsters is funny and quite creative. My other favourite cliché in the show is Velma’s explanations of everything in the end. She lists off the solution to each problem like she’s known all along and explains the unexplainable with such precise detail, much like Sherlock Holmes. Like many long-running series, the quality of Scooby-Doo has dropped over the years.

Despite this, Scooby-Doo! and KISS: Rock and Roll Mystery movie is by far one of the most original entries into the franchise in recent times. Released in 2015, this movie is a love letter to fans of both Scooby-Doo and the music of KISS. It features the voices of the current KISS members, some of their songs, and one hell of a weird mystery. Next time you have some of Shaggy’s stash and a box of Scooby snacks while in the back of the Mystery Machine, pop this movie in and you’ll get a unique experience. Scooby-Doo has been a massive influence on popular culture due to its ridiculous and clichéd setup. I’ve seen this franchise referenced in pop culture works like: Stephen King novels, The Simpsons, and Family Guy. My favourite reference to it by far is the segment from the Futurama episode ‘Saturday Morning Fun Pit’ (Season 7, Episode 19). This segment satirises all the clichés the Scooby-Doo franchise is known for and places them with the characters within the Futurama universe. It’s further enhanced by having George Takei as a guest star and a basketball team full of clones of Larry Bird (don’t ask me who the fuck he is). Well gang, that right about wraps up the mystery. Let’s all go for some malts and burgers to celebrate before leaving town.

Flinders University Palaeontology Society

Flinders Uni Tavern 6 PMÂ flinderspalaeosoc.org/palaeointhepubdeserts