Don’t rain on our parade

SYDNEY HAS JUST HOSTED ONE OF THE BIGGEST AND MOST EXCITING EVENTS ON THE GLOBAL CALENDAR: WORLDPRIDE!

It was the eighth iteration of the seismic LGBTIQ+ festival, following New York in 2019 and Copenhagen-Malmö in 2021. Think Mardi Gras but dialled up to a seventeen. Or the World Cup without the riots and way more glitter. But with the buzz comes the backlash (well, more background noise, really) and of late, some have asked the inevitable: why is there no ‘straight pride’?

On a surface level, this may seem like a valid question. If we celebrate one, why not the other? To answer this we need to understand what ‘pride’ is all about, where it came from and what it means to the queer community… and why the notion of pride doesn’t apply to the straight mainstream.

Pride is generally accepted as beginning with the Stonewall riots in New York City in 1969. Fed up with police intimidation, patrons of the Stonewall Inn and neighbouring Greenwich Village bars rioted against their oppressors, thus sparking the gay liberation movement. The Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras was born out of similar circumstances less than a decade later, in 1978. These events, and many others, saw queer people standing up for their right to live openly and freely, not with fear but with pride.

An important component of pride is therefore fighting back against oppression. Against society hell-bent on punishing queer individuals for things out of our control. It’s saying, “I’m proud to be who I am and I don’t care that you think it’s wrong”.

Queer people all over the world share the challenges of being queer. Acts of harassment and violence against people based on their sexuality or gender identity is rampant — even in many places we consider safe and open. Many queer people risk losing their jobs, housing, family or life by living as their authentic selves.

Straight people don’t share any of these hardships. There’s not one country on earth where it is illegal to be straight. I’d challenge you to find a single culture in recorded history that persecuted straight people.

‘Straightness’ is in fact, celebrated everywhere, as it is the lifestyle seen as forming the traditional foundations of society. Straight people never had to protest against systems of oppression to get the right to marry or not be discriminated against. Nor did they have to ‘come out’ — because heterosexual is the default. There’s no unifying struggle that straight people around the world face. So what’s there to be proud of?

Recently on Twitter, One Nation NSW leader Mark Latham posted, “We love the gays, but it’s overdue to recognise the Heteros with our own flag, parade”. Firstly, how cute, just like an abusive spouse, he tells us he loves us! Secondly, pardon me, but overdue WHERE? If you’re stuck wondering why you don’t have a special day celebrating your hetero-privilege it just might be because EVERY day is your special day! When you think about it, isn’t a straight pride parade, just traffic on a busy morning commute?

ISN’T A STRAIGHT PRIDE PARADE JUST TRAFFIC?

In one of the final scenes from Sacha Baron Cohen’s film Bruno (2009), the titular character has seemingly transformed from the prissy fashionista into the full-blown macho (complete with handlebar moustache) ‘Straight Dave’. The host of a WWE-style wrestling showdown, he cajoles the unsuspecting audience with cries of “Are you 100% hetero like me?” and “STRAIGHT PRIDE!” before his former lover and assistant Lutz storms onstage. After a brief tussle, the two passionately embrace and kiss, to the outcry of the duped crowd.

It’s difficult not to draw comparisons here with the current calls for ‘straight pride’. After all, it’s hard to imagine straight pride being anything more than homophobia masked as a parade. And a parade without queerness doesn’t sound nearly as fun.