86 - DEAR ELLA... issue 178
STAYING IN TOUCH words by: ELLA WOODCOCK design by: KATIE MAY HUXTABLE The end of the term. For many, the end of university life. For some reason leaving university never has the same feeling as leaving school did. It kind of sucks, waving through the window as your last housemate gets kidnapped by their parents. The fridges are empty and there is no milk left to steal… it is time to leave. Goodbye should just mean see you later. It makes everything a lot less sad and will help you to maintain healthy adult relationships. The art of staying in touch is easier said than done, but it is equally as important as the work you put into making the friendships in the first place and the hours you spent getting your degree. Friendships are one of the most important things to earn from going to university; these are the people that you chose to surround yourself with for these years as you grew into an adult and found your feet in the world. Chances are these friends have seen you at your worst and helped drag you up to your best. That is why, through everything, you must try and keep in touch. Social media and smartphones have such a bad reputation. In many cases, rightly so. But in this case, we can use it for good.
Texting, and other forms of social media, can help us to stay in contact with the people we love. If you are in a relationship do not let that get in the way of the time you give to your friends. It is hard to get that balance, and when you are not physically close to them then it can be even harder. But in the same way as you would not stop contacting a romantic partner, you should not stop contacting your friends. Despite this, try not to rely completely on social media. Sometimes it feels like a text conversation is enough to fulfill that void of communication. It can be, but try to organise to see friends. Obviously, there will be some who live far away, which is part of the beauty of going to university. This does not automatically mean you can never see them again. Positive people in your life are worth the effort. You could organise a weekend with them, make visiting them your summer holiday (or part of it). If you are lucky enough to have friends who live a little closer, it is really nice to introduce them to other friends you have, this way you can see them on a more regular basis. Make sure though that if you are doing this, your friends are comfortable and that you still make time for one on one interactions. Failing this, try and utilise the more interactive aspects of your laptop or phone. Video calls or voice calls are a much more personal way of staying in touch and you can actually say a lot more in a shorter period of time than you can over text. Setting aside an hour to speak to a friend in the evenings is a nice way to fill that time between getting home and an acceptable time to eat your dinner, but it will also make you and your friend feel as you are having a proper conversation. Nobody is under any illusion that life is crazy. We have jobs and family and friends from home that live nearby. Everyone does. You need to give your friends some leniency. Do not let the lack of what you deem to be adequate communication be a factor that pushes someone away. If they are important enough for their distance to upset you, then they are important enough to express your feelings too. Respect that time is valuable – organise a weekly phone call and let them know you miss them. Some people are better at communicating long-distance than others, but this is not necessarily a reflection on that person’s feelings towards you and your friendship. They may just need a gentle reminder and some reassurance from you that this is something that you want. The sad reality is that, as you leave university, you will not keep hold of everyone you encountered at that time, and that too is okay. Just as there are only certain people from school you remain in contact with, the same will be with university. So do not feel upset when particular people slip away. Just make sure you know who you want to keep, let them know and have a mutual effort in maintaining these connections. The world works in crazy ways. I have often found that people end up resurfacing later in life. You may both get a job in the same city in ten years or start working with their partner. Goodbye should always be a see you later when it comes to friends.
