2006

f,i

4

i':, -.

i,

?,

rI\

'

F

:..;-

ln grave trouble...

I am walkint back

to ny house when

to

realise that I am being followed by a large pack oa blood thirsty vampire she-b€asts.Their faces twisted, bloodied and hideous, I note from the guttural nois€s they make that they fully intend to eat rny flesh.l drop rny shoppinS and begin to run feverishly throuSh th€ streets to try to find a good place to hide, I hope that in t}le meantime tiey will grow tired of what must seem a tedious pursuit to them and decide to concentrate their efforts on a different victim instead. I run jump over walls and crawl under fences and note that rny lithe physique is no match for their decrepid fornrs as they

I gredualb, beSin

try wer harder to catch me,

After some time I lose sight of them but uttedy exhausted,l collapse in the middle ofa graveyard too spent to take another step. Sensing that they may be drawing close, I begin to claw at the loose soil of a nearbt grave and soon reach the smooth polished surhce of mahogany at a depth of six feet.With fear rising inside of me I prise open the coffn and with some dificulty s€nfiralt manage to haul the fetid body up from dte crypt I glance brief,y to check the coast is clear before slipping inside the moist interior, hearing the lod click as the lid closes with a noisy creak ln total darkness I begin m laugh uncontrollably, completely o<hilardted that I have managed to compreher> sively outwit ry tormentors.

After an hour, I stop lauShing and try to op€n the lid.

I lie there in silence wondering how I 8ot rn),self into this mess.

Welcome to this, the second and ffnal Black Bag of the editors' par as editors. lt may interest you ro kiow that we died several times creating this piece for you so we hope that you're grateful.

Nevertheless, have fun turning these pages of d€ath but please !@l have skronkmares... \A/ith love,

hrnru\d-

YEX Cr€dits Editors...

Brian Mackay and Robert Rulach

Contributors....

Sam Daries, Rachel Gale. Rozy Glitterzone,Jo Hainin& Susie Ho8g, Tamryn Mcconnell,Tom Miller Emma Phillips,Anna Romito,Wynne Smith and

TomryWhile Thanks to.,.

Horseworld, the HP Pavillion, lrdagePrint and McAfee ScanBoot - saviour!

\ Printed at lmagePring Que€ns Road, Bristol

Rqar

l4o#w plO Ball Bag - Glitter

Galenicals

Black Bag talkr to the outaoina and incomina presi. d€nts about havins the top iob in Gal€nicab.,.

Tnevor say die...

P14 p1 I

Check out some of the unbelievable otrers.urr€ntly available from Black B.a ln5t.umentation...

Mule be impressed...

p16

Brutus died but find ort who (or what) lilled his enoF

Music special

M""t 'n' Dales

Kirwan

p20

Bristolb pr€miere strip show ot 2006 r€vi€wed by ou. own dedi.ated roamlng reporter

p34

Hot Lesbian Fuck-fest Cusco'r sex llfe's may have gone up the

$out but

can our

Agony Aunt AlYty do anything to help?

Obituanies

p36

p22 Learn more about th€ lif€ of our b€lov€d, but yery dead

Dicki€ l.lcTrouble's new album, new rcleases from Black Baa records and medic band Bluespeter talk frankly to the Bag

Professor

p9

We\e covered all the societle. YOU most want to hear

Black Bag meets the infamous .ecretar-t..

Equip thyself!!!

Look in horror as your boozed up face and garbled ram. blinSs appear unadulter.ted in print

p12 Society focus

A chllllng ln.lght into the workings ofa genius

Wendy Hammonds

p6

ZOOE

Ot1q,etv." *

p28

Feedbackfailur€, SSC$ exams and much, much mor€

If y Lwffi^e,Bag<..

lT's youR rrrrEns, p4

x Nrws Rouwo-uB p5

* CuNrcAL P-REVUE,

Pg

*

*

LovELL's PANCAKE FrAsco, p24 * JoB FEESL p26 * * THE SwNDoN TRTANGLE, p32 * MEEr SHrccy, p33 *

*

x BoorwoRms, p38 x Ar.ro Frumrv, e39 *

\ryhar did ta4 ih,Dk

or

OAAFEEI)

The questions Yqq wanted answ€rin8 "

much trouble. He will go out of his My to son out any quibbb you have - I've even ventured into the library sincel Greac choi(e of sublecr BB, I look friMard ro the next inceryi{.

?iRBt5'3:'ti;"''1

Anonymous 4th Year Student Bewe're gbd you enjoyed iLhz n indeed d splendid fe M ond itl6 obsolulf pleasure to shote hE tne. Enbaftssingly, we mispdnlrd hE sunme so re'd like to opologbe on<e oEoin' in ftinL Sory JeL

tu

lnsult to injury 5irs,

ennot believe how ofiensive your la5t edition w6. Moreover,dE quanfty of tactual and gnmmmatical errors you oyerlooked r€s quite simply arociousI

Do something about this otheMise I will vent ny anter in

lercld

+ + -

I read

I €njoyed

d€ maFrine

You €annot be serious!!!

more Fictures

SiB.

Go to your personal details on www.bristol-ac.uldstudentinfo and ro to your.ddress and details. Under ethnic origins,look past whhe, afro-caribbean etc. and you'll lind lrish Travellei\ 4y I ask you is lrishTraveller th€r€l Pr€sumeably,the choices are made on the amount of people ofa certain ethn'c origin who to ro B.istol

University and all dre rest go under other How many l.ish Trawllers do you know in Bristol Unive6't),? And surely by def' nition theiraddr€ss would immediately be nullandrcid.And sinc€ when has b€int a traveller be€n an ethnic minon'ty? Ran€loads of UK travellers go to Thailand, lndia etc. 'trav€llind', wlry isnt Endish

Tnveller an option on the website? ADa'/ay, to bolster the numbers, I implore you. get that lrish pdspon, get a knapsack <aaEn, anything that's mobile and ioin me, on my crusade to tet Bristol UniEEit), to hare instead of Halls of Residence. Car Park of Residence, instead of mains elect.iciry, we w t Calor ga onisters free, and instead of log nres, we want buming q/res-Join the campaisn. Chanse your erhnic oriFn- Do it today!

I'n

gonna be

Sirs, I am sure I am not alone in making the observation that it is oft6 difficuh to tell when you are being seriors and when you're iu$ takinS the mic-To this end lwa thinkingthatyou should utilise a codint system so that the @der 6n telldre serious articles from the tunny ones. I am wonied that if you dont I may not laugh at some of the funny stuff or even worcq stan lauShing at a sedous afticle unl€ss you indicate splicitly which is which.

Love the mat thouth tuys - the picrue are hntastic!!!

Babina Calorhead, 2nd Year BE Yes.Ihank

fu ttot

Bobino fuhot o

lMIy nme

by

ke

woyl Arc

ys

dlot you'rc not olone in that resped: We've osked tl.,e opes ttot write rl.€ moE to noke surc here is no .o.r

sing{e?), Please J€r us dssure you fJJJion in

bb

Picturc

editioL Hopefully you won't hove too

thislt!!

nud

trouble wtk

-,

t.-

SiB,

lam writint to complain abourthe amounr of text in the last edition. Don't tet ne wrcn& I love the mag but I'm so busy on peripheril attachment and fnals drar I just do not have time to r€ad the rcxt you writ€. I'n sure irb w€ll written and funny etc bLrt couldnt you just have the picrur€s instead? I've asked ny

PEdEig O'l'4urplry Surc thing dude!

year

BB-

Outrage

B*

fth

Chill out yeah? Listen, wete only nessin' wit da nind kong yedn Deol widl iL Plus gammnoticol is otuow sqeh"Cromnotkal".

lt

I deslre

Henry,

th.

a v6t1

friends

lezzamar^'-zllll

d they all say the same. Plelse?!!!

The pictures in the lait edition were lake proper amazing!

Sirs.

Thank for your hst edition - what a blinder!

I have to say I particularly enioyed your anicle on Jea the libnrian. I think it provided your readeB with a ral ins'ght into what to€s on behind the bookhelves and front desk which might have frightened them amy from the libEry at first glmce d it sems to be lill€d with libErians from depressed donymous. Je is a great fellow w€ll hirhlidted by interyiew. Since the edition we have had the pleasure of beinr taurtlt by him and you couldnt fnd a nicer more helpful 8uy, h€ is so down to eanh and norhinr too 's

Lov€ and kjsses bo)-r,

8E Please donl be domed The En is only Aere 6 o meons of nokins the picturcs look note inteBting. Rest dssure4 tie doys ofd pots up Block Bag wherc an enomoG fol&up pha us sptinss out in yout

i

fo.e o.e rcpidty o!4roachin9...

l

tsranfuNovuytsa4t

Dairyl€a "Unsafe" says watch. doc A night wtchman accompa-

"Medi< Cad€ts"

The Channel4 re:lityw series "Medic Cadets" has been bmadly criticised by medical pvernint bodies in a recent repon published in the BIYJ. Contestanti on the show based at Bristol Mediol School believe rhey ar€ training to be doctors only to be told at the end oftheirtrainintthat itwas allan elabordte hoax.Along the way they are given all manner of ridiculous tasks and situadons to deal with little or no iustification or *planation for them.

Hirhlithts so far have included contestants being rerbally abused and berated by hospital staff, travelling five hou6 per day to nonresidential GP placements and assigned mark5 for e-ms dd SSCS ln response, Clive Robens, Clinical Dean of Bristol Med'cal School, defended tfie show by sayins, "l'm sorry, but if the contestants are too stupid to realise it's a hod then that's their oM fauh.l haE no s/mpatty for them. C'est Ia vie'.

The s€ri€s as set reach-its-{llmd in lune 2006-

Brcadmead to be demolished The Nationk hvourit€ shoppinS c€ntre is to be r?z€d to the trcund to facilitate

a

Japanese Peace Garden and 2 Primark Mega-

mans. Kayleigh. 14, a regular Broadmead shopper reacted with shoclr "A Peace Gard€n?They'll be fucking luclqa But the Primark sound like a tood idea." Lord llayor MosesAbahm claims will cut teenaF preSnancy rates in the area by at ledt a third,'t and child-on-child ffime by a quarrer'k willturn Brcadmead back into the premier shoppingarea ofthe South West, and draw allthe niddle .lass wankere back from Cribbs.' he said off the record,lt will be compl€ted last Thursday.

nied by his do8 guarding the

r , \ Dairylea factory in ;\ \ Brislinston were incapaci-

tated and the Dairylea facwa5 robbed of sev€ral boxes of Lunchables and a cas€ of Dairyl€a tri:ngles.

tory

'Th€ factory ne€ds better prote.tion," sajd the recoverint do&

Strangelove Syndrome imprison€d man with Dissociative Lamb Syndrome has had his left arm imprisoned for dle brutal murder of a do8. He was found wirh his left arm viciously pummelling a Scottish Terrier ("Haggis") while simultan@usly tD,ing to resuscitate it with his right arm :nd mouth-n'e iudSe sentenced his arm to 3 years.Th€ man's hmi'

A 44 year old

said the sentence was an "outra8e" and was typacal of a "justice system wfiere the left arm didn't know what the right arm was

doing.'

DiAging the FoundationYears

It w?5 on€e noted that if you put monkeF in frcnt of a gp$riter to type, given enough time. they will produce a play

by Shakespeare.The monkeys in the Depanment of Health have don€ one better and typed out the FoundationYear polic)a and 8et them

Cradle to Grav€ Obltetric surgeon MrA Cndle hB been replaced at

St. Michael's

Hospital by a consultant from Winchester. l,1r Derek Grave- Mr Cradle has gone to play golf indetinitely.

Compulso.y Genetic Testing At Bristol Gen€tic tesdng will be phased in over the next 2 years to determine who is of the "right stuF for Bristol, the Deputy vice Smut Porn Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder announced today.A genome is currendy being assembled from current student5 to form th€ acceprance criteria- Albinos are under-r€presented a5 are ethnac minoriries.Th€se groups are Soing to have their celh taken sever-

al times to counter balan.e the

pre-dominan€e

ot

blond

Volksvr"!€n Polo-driving women currently skewing the population.

Cells will ont be taken from genitalia in Schrceder's oflice.

Nes

Obituary

Medical S.hool

All live members of Girls Aloud perish€d in an aircraft crash d'is mornang. Heathrow lnrernational Airport fitht controllers apparently told them that they were runnint out offueland needed to land.They apparently replied drat they didnt need any good advicq and that they were alread), wasted.They c6hed landed loon after and formed a large cmter near Hounslow tube sEtion. Doris, a

Admissions are up atain at Bristol Medical School.The new intak€ for 2006/7 pedicred ro be 3,10 students, approximately enouth 's ieiThis is us€ful becaus€ th€ only aaachm€nts for to fll a iumbo them will be many miles aMy.

n€a.by r€sident who was in her cellar at the 'the sound ofthe underground, only louder"

tine described it

?s

Reverse Suicide Craze Hits Clifton Suspension Bridge Pro-life campaigneB have been bunr€e jumpinr oft the Clifton Suspension Bridge to campaign for anti-aboftion laws. One 36 week pregnant anti-abonionist died when the recoil was too much and flung her into the underside of the bridte rdth€r than 8ra.e fully bobblingly in mid-air in gEtiting smalle. bounc€s. ln midflight, once she realised he. fate, she called the Smarians from h€r mobile declaiming that she wanted to lire.

Show nightsr May loth, I lth, l2th 2006 \rt/inston Theatre, Union. 7.30pm.

Tickets: WEDS f3 / f2.50 Galenicals Members THURS / FRI f3,50 / {3 Galenicals Membe6 proceeds: All BRACE (www.alzheimers-brace.org)

ldied \a;h en lread the script..

YOHO!!! ZAPGEIST!! ! SKRONKWAD!!

!!

to

be the shortes!, funniest and mos! refreshirEit performed oritinal clinical revue ever this calendar year \ y'e have turrEd established revue ideas and concepts on their heads and created a fantalaic first-class funfair offully formed, free llowing flamint freefall foot feasts for a.tYes! lf you like "F" wordsl you're sure to love this year's revue!!!!

This year's revue promises

lru

to stobilise yout vitol functions!!! so thought provoking your brcin will exit your heod vio yov nostrils! so sery yow reptuductive ttdct will implode and you'll sufer severe sexuol dysfunc on so funny thot you'll need d stoy on

fot l0 years!

bs!The volatile, highly explosive mixture of skronk and twazz dished out by our dedicated script apes is nor fo_ faint hearted. Dr Revue is prescribing extra doses of fun, laughter and surprise for all!!! Please, make d@ ntment for a much needed check-up.We want you to get out of it alive2 F

pfd.ul

rt<'{

words do not ln.lude "lo.k' or lB de hdve!.lhe ure 6l thh erd rnd oiher pbranlder llke r. hiw be€n k€p! to . m nimum wh.tftr po$ible to qu.lrt/ $d rtlni. m€.|ts ol rh€ shd.Acba lound Eulhy or sell lnduleenr,relrgadth! prohnhy or poor rmpbvkadon wlll be shot on seSe withrn 35 re.o.dr

!

it th.

nd h.ll My throush. Kn.e epplng squrdroni wlll b€ op€Edng ' hllarioost tunny maerrrlonsEse.nd on vid€o b rid thrs prcce$,

end ol lhe !how.

ll b. udngnrldly

during both

ad

ind iudlenc. menb.ro ae ltrondy .Dcoo68cd @

.rr rii

Tl'@ Wl+oIP' ? er'Sorv

C a,4/oy. . .

Dlslnhlbtt yout left brcin, Prcpote done and becominS'one ofthem'. for chaos. lGep o look out fot ice- Sdll.she knew it mljst be done and she ate her bergs, Enjoy the credtive penetrubreakfast as if it was laced with arsenic-slow tlon figm these ,rumdinge.r.., troubled, thouShtful. She gathered her things

'The Scared Girl' Bv Samuel Davies

The gruelling day onfolded like a wrapped up sandwich. The cling lilm holdint the patient tight into her bed,securely ke€pang her ther€ as if it were her prot€ctoiThe tiShtness, oddly making her feel safe, even thouSh sh€ knew

and left her secure house. She boarded the bus, mor€ and more fearful every sr€p, and thought about missint her stop, But no, this was going to be a good thing'she told herself, as she ros€ from her seat in th€ GP walting room, ready to find out what had be€n making her so unwell for the last three months...

l4y arms blown otr in

t

delivered

two performanc€s of 'C-e._ the lirst year's \Mbe

TaleJ' in aid of

Person Care course and Palliativ€ Cu: and Oncolo$/ compnent of the lifrh )€:

The play, lirst performed a5 a reh€6ne reading at RADA in 2001, movii€^. explores the experiences of two wo.E struggling to com€ to terms with a d€-

As she edSed out of her secure place, she tained some conidence. It's not so bad aft€r all. But as the breakfa5t presented atself, she felt fiat fear again. Why has this happenedl What would happen nowl She knewshe must go to get some answers but a larte pan ofher dad not want rhese answers.Thar pan of her longed for th€ itnorance that she aho wanted to dispel. Contndiction had become her life recently. Un:ble to do what she had once

Friday 23rd I'larch 2006. LeYd

Commissioned by "executiv€ prodGs' DrTrevorThompson, the honed and 6f, acting troupe "The Palliactors" (l-.ls \^r'illiams, Caroline Lafier, Amy Nicol a< Rupert Rickt directed by Brian Made.

she must throw backthe bed sheets, tet ready and go.This day had been a lont time in rhe

coming. She had given in to the constant reminders that 'something's not quite rithC from her friends and hmily, but most of all from herself.Wt'y had her own body decided to treat her in thk way and wty was she left with this truelling taskl

CancerTales (Nell Dunn) Tuesday 7th l.larch 2006. E29

Of special note is $e moumenral, h€-culean efforts and todlike vision of D-

losh said l4asic

Zzzzz. I sleep. Sleep.

Sleep. Oh sheet....

Thompson whos€ unfinchint suppo.r i.. the project and inspirational actint advia ('the audience is d€af and stupid") re yl treasure forryer. Thanks once aSainTrs

fttut oo*,..a.qea Soo Society N6wsletter 2005-2006" Medic's Apathy Society (MAS)

By Ron O'Reilly-Slack, co-founder

"Promise much. Deliver linle" I first came up with the idea ofthe MAS in 2001 when I suddenly realised how many apathetic medical students there were in medical school. Howevei it wasnt until November 2002 that I eventually 8ot round to completing the 25 word e-mail that Galenicals required to start the ball rolling. By May 2003 I eventually made it

l!!!

meering took place in mid April.I discussed some prefty cool ideas for the remainder of the year, including a big

charity variety show and a big night of mlsic in the medic's bar.After a couple of pints though I decided that it would be too much effort for me to do and so I crept off home after last orders for another compulsory 18 hour nap.

Four weeks ago sheer delight as I received an e-

mail saying ourT-shirts have been waitint for collection at the BRI now for the fourth consecutive year. I have down to one of their meetings to share my ideas. made this our society p ority and am confident that we Needless to say, they all thought it was a tremendous will be able to distribute the live shiru to those conidea and gave me a loan of {1000 to get the society off cerned sometime over the course of the next few months. the ground.The society hasn't looked back since!

I found out last week that Galenicals had This year has been the best ever!!! FRESH saw our sign up sheet rcach 600 members for the first time approached MAS to ask for our solidarity and support in our history!That said,when lfinally got round to look over the Fl iob matchint scheme. However, having linally got round to checking my e-mails, I noticed the deadat the siSn up accounts last week I realised we still need to chase up roughly 599 of these people for their flo line had expired 3 week previously. Realisint my missubscription fees. lt seems a daunting task but I remain take, I then decided it probably wouldnt be wofth the optimistic that they will come forward with their money. effort to oppose the University's plans to aboljsh the For those concerned, I've gone to lhe lenglhy effort of existing scheme and replace it leaving a drop off box labelled "f", balanced carefully on with a washing machine and 46 numbered balls. my window sill on the 2nd floor.

The AGM this year EveD/one will agree that the first social was pretwas cruelly overshadowed ty incredible! Only two hours late,lwas a little surprised that no-one had bothered to turn up! Facing a long walk by the untimely death of up Park Street to get back home, I decided to continue Kenny B Othered, coas planned and trcat myself to the heights of drunken- foundel who was electrocuted by loose wirinS on a After 12 pints, I began to feelviolentb/ sick but I remote controlled electrcnic

couldnt be bo$ered to make it to the toilet" Swallowing backscratcher. I was taking minutes down on each rhythmic convulsion I eventually gave up at-the tirn'e whilst rolling a particularly challenging rizzla and aggressively splurged my gastric contents onto the and watching "Monk' on my laptop so I was unable to midriff of a 20 stone ape-man in leathers.After enthusi- provide basic life suppoft for the 30 seconds it took for astically acceptint several fists to my nose and chin, I a passinS cleaner to simultaneously betin CPR and call brushed the remainder of the sick from my blood the emergency services.

After his body was eventually removed from the soaked M&S iumper and set about rearranging the flopauditorium, I reluctantly decided that I would yet again ping mass of cartilage hangingfrom my hce.l handed him my wallet as he had asked, and muttered the four ditits stand for another year as president Having not thought of my pin through swollen lips. Feeling the cold pavemen! of writint an election speech I nervously took to the hit my face, I picked myself up, helpfully aided by a sharp stage in front of an empty hall. Somehow I narrowly upstroke of a steel capped boot in the ribs. I staggered managed to secure a winnint martin of one vote.

Next year will be firy fifth year as president but home and indulged myself to my usual 18 hours of kip.

Only three week later I was annoyed to realise looks to be the most challenginS yet. A run of financial rhat I hadnt adually rold anyone about the meetint in bad luck shows no signs of letting up and threatens to the first place. I remembered that I was going to send overshadow our big plans for next yearThe unpaid f I I out an e-mail but didn't bother in the end because the credit card bill from 2001 has continued to rack up 40% e-mail addresses hadnt been typed up from FRESH. Plus interest every month and now havint accrued roughly Neighbours was on and lcouldnt be bothered to do it f40,000, this debt shows few signs of abetrint. myself. Nevertheless, I tried to document the social for Fortlnately at an emergency meeting held yesterday in the webpage but discovered the subscription hadnt my bed I took decisive action and decided the best way was to leave it alone and let it work itself out. I then been renewed since 2002 so I crawled back off to bed.

After several cancellations, our first commiftee rolled over and indulged mpelf to 2l hours of sleep.

To join e-mail me ac Reillyslack@hotmail.com

O':to'the'nenGal,e,vvirnl.,ypre*:tte,nt..,ftK1rfu to mor€ on \,Vhat w€re your reasons for \

trear

ger

pEople

board.

becomina President?

I like a challenge. I feel like

Ar€ you still planning forthiShtly meetings? hsnt been d*ided yet.l'm goitrg to Mit for the committ€e

That

and we can make a group decision on thac

Galenicak that

\,vho would you like for position. ofGaleni€als?

I know a lot ofthe people runnint fo. positions and I think they're

I

d

What do Galenicals do

allwonderful.A! long

think people don't

Would you die for Galenicals?

realis€

how much work goes on behind the scenes. I know that Sarah and Andy an panicular have worked really hard r€pr$enting students an difrerent commiae€s - 8 difterent committ€es lthink. But non€ of drat kind ofthinS never Sets publicised or nobody's really awar€ of it so lthink they do that very well.

And tfiey've achieved a lot of stuf behand the scenes this yeanThey do a lot organising social events, DHB f4ums and Dads sch€mes as always good.And will respond to student's requ€s6 or news.

people are keetr it's allSood.

What do you think ofBlack

Bag? Amazing. Brilliani lt's a hagh quality publication edited by two very

Glven a choice who would be your dream Black 8as €di.

Ewan l4accresor and lohnnywilkinson (Sword).

at)

o ll

How do you think Galenicals as an orAanisation could

I

a -t o

I thank they need to be a lot more accountable for what rhey do.

People put a lor of money in ro join - {45 at fresh and lS0 after peopl€ have the ridt ro know where rhat money goes and what it's sp€nt on. I think it needs to be more accessible to more people. I think Galena.als i! baled on a cenarn group of people who are aheady very acnve in the medical s.hool and I think it needs to be more aPPealing to more P6ple.

--{

m

o ! n m a g

What do you think will b€ the bigg€st challeng€ for

m

Galenicals during your y€ar as presid€nt?

z-l

but lthink people on previous committees have been met with a lot of resist2nce form th€ medical school and p€ople at higher levek so making .hanSes it's pretty tough geaing through all the different committees. So whilst I might have some Sood ideas I cant prcmise that

Ithink making changes.You can

have the good ideas

F

o o 'tt

v

Durina your yea. d pEsideng what are your top three things you want to achieYe?

a o z o

2.lmprove student support year at medical school panicularly particularly in the academies.

3. Expand the website. h should have more information than it has

m

-l

m

n

atthe momenrltshould

give greater warning about things that students are doing.l'd like to us€ rhe w€bsite to provide that.

Why do you th:nk you got the presid€n€y and 8en and Greg didn'tl I don't knowll!They're both lovely tuys and have a lot going for them.I think having my 3piel liBt on rhe w€bsir€ was helpful.

z

How will you make Galenicals more accountable?

k

vg

o t o

a a o o 5

I want to publish

$€

accoun$ on line. Make everybody aware that can access them if rhey winr ro and wh€r€ver possable publish the minutes on rhe website too.l dont know how easy that will be do as I know the issues Galenicals g€6 ar€ conlid€n.i:l to a cenain degree blt as far as is possible lwould lik€ to make student! aware aboutwhartoes on at Galenicak meetints and whar w€ talkrbout.

Would you consid€r throwing the meetings open if there w€re people who had any issues?

Absolutet lt's @lly impon ntto involve more people.k would be

t0

o E o o a a

=

o z

S

ay qooil>y s tc

\,vhaa wEre your reasons

Lh.et oldt P re*Ld,e,nt . . S aralv A for becoming Galenicals What does Galenicals do well?

fubonhpadt

Pr€sident?

Ithought itwould be agood idea atthe tjme.I really enjoy€d b€ing year rep in my second year and I think I'm loud enough and stub-

I think we work rell a5 a team. Everyone has their oM iob to do but aho wh€n we meet it's a real forum for throwint arcund ideas and everyone g€ts to put their own srance and express their own

born enough to make sure that our yiews got heard and ther€ didnt seem to be many other people going for it at the time.Allaltruistic reasons! I think you do haye to be quite altruistic to give that

What do you think Galenicals doesnt do so well?

Hd

much time did it take up p€r week?

Prcbably about l0 hours per week on average but it tends to go in

Do you think people understand how much work goes on behind the scenes?

Probably not butth€n you possiblywouldnt exp€ctthem to.lts just assumed that these tiings iust tick over and it's th€ bureaucraric side that tak€s the time to tet thints soned out and pur thrcugh.

Getring in touch with all the people that getting things soned our

How did you find the iob?

It was really reallygood!The only hard thing was ffying to balance work and enms - thanKully I've managed to.lfyou had done this interview me after a very unfortunate COMPI orACS €xam I think the answer wolld have b€en very differentl But it was line.That was th€

I think the financial side of Galenicals is always going to be hard to manage because medics are very good at doing lots of things but most of those a.tivities require fundint and it's dlways hard to maintain enough money in the accounts to be ableto give lots of peopl€ from different activities enorgh money totet started. Disrributang it fairly so you've got enouSh mon€y to sive to e.ch of the individual years so that as someone hasSone th.oud theirfNe yeare they feel that they have got their money's wonh from the subs that rhey

Would publishing ac€ounts on line help this situation?

It might do a5 it would mak€ at more transpar€nt for people but I dont think th€ f:ct that they'd be rhere and people could look at them would solve he problem that youle dMys Soing to ne€d money in ord€r to sustain the things that Galenicals wants to dq So the Ents side ot things, Spons, Black Bar, DHB and all these things require funding so just publishing the accounts so people can seewherethe money is spent won't tackle the

underlyinS prcblem

enough mone),

to

of

makinS sure th€re is the thints that

sustah all

hardest thing.

How did the iob compare

to how you

From your answer ther€, mon€y s€€ms to

thouSht it was going to b€?

I

have been a bia challens€ for Galenicals.What

tuess I completely underestimated the amount of

time it would take to put things into action and geaing things done always took much longer than erpected.

What prcv€d to be the main stumbling blocks in that

would you say are the other bia challenges facing next year's commiftee?

I think the futur€ chall€ntes in terms of representing rhe student body will be any chang€s to the personal turor system that a.e coming abouc Ensuring that th€r€ is as much information possible about the foundation years and that that lilters down to the rele-

s

I think it was prcbably the papervork side of icAll ofthe admin.lf you Mnt som€thint to happen you have to tet in touch with rhe ritht people and then th€y have to d€cide whether they're happy to stan the b,ll rollint.Then ir hE to to throuSh Enou and actually start an idea frcm scrrtch to implementing a change in policy or a chante in the way things are done in the medicalschool just takes months to go thro%h the various committees.

knt

Who is the bigaest obstacle to change in the medical

What would you change about Galenicals?

I dont know. l've never thoutht about that before! I dont know if there is an).thing l'd actively chaqe.lthink it's a pretry good sysrem panicularly in comparison to what other medical schools have. I

I think the biggest problem is that you've got a bureau€ratic system that tends to hold things up because it tends to delay thangs getting from A to B and plans being implemented.The very fact that a med-

ical school has to exist between the university on the one hand and the NHS on the other is always going to creat€ a kind of blockade.

year groups and also settjng up a system

to repon any con-

cerns that you have about studentr will be in the pap€ line.Thosewill be the three biggest challenges next yeai

Do you think that syst€m will be aburedl Ithink any system has potentialfor abuse but ifyou put in enough safety nets in place then it

wont

be.

think a bit mor€ cohesion between the yarious grcups that are an of{shoot that have t€nuous link. Maybe if we could coilare allthat is toint on it could be a beder oiled machine. Bur rhen groups are quite happy to work on their own and they should have independ-

What would you say have been your proudest achievements in your year as prcsident? l'd lik€ to think that we're going to get mor€

f€edback. Hopeftlly

we'v€ made some real progr€ss in actually g€tting feedback for the students in all the various ass€ssments that we've had. More constructive f€€dback from your SSCS or immediate feedback after an OSCE station and 8et your marks back hster from written exams.

Then ther€ are things that are still Soing through now such as changing the professional behaviour form that you hav€ to sign at the end of each clinical attachn€nt.Trying to make that more user friendl/

and allowing room for positiv€ comment! rather than *eryone beins iust "satisfactory''.

What do you think of Black Bag and its editorsl I think it is the treatest magdine *er invented - couldn't

hav€

picked two tiner specimens.

Would you die for Galenicals?

Probably not. Not by choice.

What do you think about lo? Any advice you'd give h€r?

Ithink she'll do a fantastic iob.Advice?Just keep perspective on the widerworld.lt m.kes things going on seem less of a challense.

t

Trev Or Thompson ?

in the

vi[ we haw todcy? FtAndl, joly whole percon cote nev? Ot Dt Ihompson, ocodeni. nonioc, irye or of he SHAT onalysis, pbneet of rcbranding the bio+s.t ho-so<iol nodel of nedkine into norc dtspoftre, confusinc ond Poindess wqs?

Who

concurrent

realms of the standing

of the

patiendperson in societ)a the standing of the person/patient

in relation to their genetic family and

The Trev we know consists of thre€ domains: the Lecturer Trevoi the SocialTrev, whom we may me€t in th€ pub,and the Medical Dr Thompson.What i! the name for somebodywho is thr€e in one and one in threelThe HollTrinitt*l No. Som€one with a multiple p€r-

allied socio'biological ssociateiffriends. and

sonalaty disordei These muhipl€ personalities thrcw off seveEl ideas at a time such a! 'l think a mini-SSC would be a tnnd thing to do" (Lecturer), "Shall I be nice todayl" (Social). and "Patients " who needs them?'(Medical) (Fitue l).v€nn diasEms were sp*ifically designed for this btuch of medicine.

ultimately with a view decide pathways and access to treat-

to

ment depending on the value aa.ibuted to the problem by the clF nician, be it personal, psychological or med-

It is imponant to note that man/ medi<al professionals suffer from this muhiple perconaliv disorder, and entate in utterly pointless self-involutions formins the Thompson@ Domain-atrix Loop GitUr€

2).

lt is recommend€d to not€ €xactly

wher€ one is on th€

Thompson@ Domain-atrix Loop diaSram. Some people are in the "Gestational phde' where althoud rhey pan of all three domainatrices, they are aolying in the ba5e of the djaSram, whilst some are at the 'Eiection phase" where 6eir development h complete. h must be noted that inv.riably, at any one time there is 'one domain sup€riority'. and from dis. such things that would be ndiculous if said in the presence of the other domains, are allow€d to be

o

o

o o

6O o^ oU -.)

o;

ln conclusion,the response to how a problem is dealt with depends on which domain is in domanation.As $€ sayinS 8oes, "You pays your money, you take your pacL' ln r€trosp€ct, most stud€nt have paid th€ir money, and from what! currentt on off€r, th€y have a very limited pick.

Geal tdeos OfThonbson et noi (tok n "Sally,

Oi've 8ot

a

fffi

his

didobh.net:

great n€w take on the domaans oidea. l'm going to

callh the "Piza holanly",where every slice is a pan ofthe bio-psycho-social mod€l of medicine.tu a clini€ian you thiok onlyabourthe bits with pepperoni on it, and avoid chose anchovies. but that's really where the flavour is.lt! great! Oi chink oi c:n get it published in the Britjsh Journal Of Gen€ral Pracdce.'

"Sally, Oi've just been struck again but iust how many things are goinS on inside a consultation and how we need a system of management for all ot this. Son of loike the Cha$ idea,only a bh more

sometimes I just dont think I can stay alive in ny consultations. I moiSht record them on <omputer and play it back to my "Salba

"Note to sell Don't tell S:lly about all Iny be$ oideas. She mithr

o

For dample, jf th€ id€a of th€ SHAT (Superficial Hierarchical Attempt atTreatment) analylis (Firur€ 3) war intrcduced toTrev. he would lind it absolutely hilarious, buy you another pint and say something like "what a pile of wnk". HoreEa introduce this concept to DrThonpson, it rculd be taken 6'aSeneralisrs approa€h to quannry the inherent uncenzinti€s in d'atnosis, the rkk management thereol widr a view of ltratitina the presentinS prcblem in a rich mult'tudinous systems, whilst ob!€rvint both the person as a pad€nt, the patient a5 a person, and the inteBctions betwe€n both,

t2

'Foll.wing

a

muld like b

complini about tlle u$ ot reliSids im.gerylpocry in the l1n ksue, I .lrit ihri rhis reteE.@ @ dE Holt Trinily is in n6 v:y 6so.taftd

rcrt ampBsiw b se Muslims p'@*iry worldChhrirnirt .ould ralt haw Soi rid ol dxi Eri€r jolt ofiensire "jent sprinser de mu3idl' ir rh€y had a bit more yio-

widl Eligion. On . side point, tt wide Eally

,boft ihos atuons -

is

p€rnapt

Dr Lovell's Pancake Day Recipe

Now frst, an appeal. Can you all turn off your mobiles, not put them iust on silenr. beouse if one ofthem starts to communicate with their b6e station, it interferes with the radio mike, and I (pouse fot &anotk effe.1) go deat Now how many people in the last year did you see make pancakes? (Silence) About 5? (Sirence) Perhaps 2? B*ause I can tuarantee you in 18 months time when you become Fl housemen, you'll see it more commonly.A lot more commonly.And what's imporEnt about this is that when it goes wrong, it toes wrcnq - (pause fot drcnort efe.t) BIG TIME (Mioophone .Jofktes eaensivety) Now who's seen someone make a pan.ake wirh 2 etgs? (s,lence) How about 4 etts? (s.ihnce) How about I e88s? (s,leice) The most l've seen is 22 eAgs being us€d in a pan€ake.And wa5 the pancake normal? Now the pancakes you saw last year, did you see any signs that it was eg8-overloaded or €tt-depleted? (s,,ence) No - most pancak€s can withstand high or low ett loads. Does this surPrise you? lntrcducang a large amount of ett actually nises the colloid osmotic pressure ofthe pancake mixture because the e88 contains - (pouse) albumin. But this is normally offset by the hydrostatic pressure prcvided by the floui Now, what do you think will happen ifthe flour is inadequate to fu y mop up all the lnbound albumin?You tet a egg heavy pancake - and what are the signs of an eg-overloaded pancake? (sirence) A very heav),, unflippabl€ mound of douSh.And what is the other k€y ingredient of a pancake? (s,leice) And more imPortantl)a what rote does at ptayt (Jong siJence) llilk - this is a key iso-osmotic substance that acts to maintain the albumin-flour complex by comPlicated hydrophattic forces. Now, there's a key formula tying this alltogether - tfie Bootle Equation.ln shoG its a dynamic equilibrium of pro-pancake and anti,pancake forces, and runs betw€€n an oedematous pancake and a egg-overloaded pancake. Both are Potentialt

E= molar ecc

amo!.t (s)

is the €oefficent of fat in milk (the Gufiner Co€fiicient) where for whol€ milk x=1.34, for semi+ log y (wh€re Fh€ cow coefiicient (or l.lcMardells Constant) which varies from whence the milk )ee-2,3 skimmed carn€ from e.g. Fresian y=233,55, Goat F523.99, Dutch Belted y=224,33,rersey Fl) and for skimmed dyldc3x2+o.1 I I I l)

xtl= l'lilk (l) (x

F= molar flour amount (C) The formula to tie allofthis together is therefore quit€ simple: E/F = xr'r (ef + y2 -6.88A)

-3f - 32*r

(tsb+?G.44? - ?2 + 2?))

Whi€h laves yo(l wath a pancake with the EF ratio of arcund LThe reference mnge for this in most of the labs in th€ Southwest is 0.999999 to gV ratio is potentially (pouse) cataI .9000000 I . So any deviation in the strophic.And as we shall se€ later this is crucial k maintain tood ,luid management. Now, who's planning to to to Africa for their electives? (stlence) lndial (Sihnce) Because you won't s€e this there.You're much more iikely to s€e chappattis with a UF ratio way inffeased to about somerimes a v€ry low UF ratio, commonly reduced to about 0 5 or lorer in - yes - poppadums.Wty does this matter to me you may ask? Because in some paru of the UK high and low AF ratios are hr more commonplace than 50 years a8o and are on the rke. Now let's look at pancakes in action, using a stat€ ofthe an Piece of machinery Pankate.

Pankate is a fully robotised automat€d pancake-makint woman. She walks, talks and

like awoman. lYost imponantM her physiolodcal r€sponses are damn as nar spot on to a realwoman. Go on,:sk h€r a question. No - I'lldo it.Tell me Pankate, how many eggs are you puaing into this Pancak€ mixture? fvost quonaty of stotk dnd o non's voEe goons,'oh it hutts all ovet,4 €g8s.') At this mom€nt, Pankat€ is going through physiological process which Soes on every year at the stan of Lent (;a:tted - (pouse in antkiponoi ofon onswer) Shrove Tuesday. Now I'm Soing to simulate a errant pancak€ mixing s.enario and we'llsee how a pancake making can €asilySo wrong (into hit nioophone he soys, "Aton, @uld you gi\E ne 200 Crc s fout wtk o quod W infu' sbn ot 3g pet ninute.") Now this is d€liberatet a hyperosmolar pancake mixture and even with the addition of milk ("AIan, push 568 mik of nlk Fresion ot Dukh Behed") we

cookiust

a5 makes no difierence

:

that th€ pancake will never r€store normosmolality and will always have these nodulo-cystic bumps of hydrophallic flo'ir - these will cause pancake €mboli and rapidly

see

(pouse) death.Thank you for listening.

t3

Black Bag interviews Wendy HammondS *'c'

(ono).ourse co-ordinator

fot reginentng the O&C cou6e, het rcputorion goes b4ote Responsible

he'j EffKhnt to drc point of being brutol, unfoduingly nringeft and houn&

ingshe is fearcd thtougrout the me&

kol

sdrool. Howetet, os Block

kg

dis-

cwets,wendy is fa. fwn the <honctet thot some people woub ho'le you

How does that dealina with the students differ from th€ medical administration?

Being a s4erary, you'y€ ahrays got someone givint you things to

What do€s your job entail?

Providing complet€ administration back up for the RHCN cour!€.

!/vhat houB do you work?

I'm employed to work 30 hours a reelc but when its als€lsm€nts

time or n€w group stamng time,

itt a lot more dran

that

whe@s when you're administering the €ouBe, its all left to you b@use ).ou loow th€ deadlines you've got to meet and it's quite auronomous iob, but v€r} int€r€sting, very nice. and its very rMrdins when you !€e p€opl€ graduate at the end and you think .or I r€memb€r th€m, and then you walk arcund th€ BRI or Fr€nchay and think cor golt that Ms one of our students I 0 yars do,

480.

D€scribe a day in th€ life of your iobt

Very varied, quite often mdiq quit€ prelsur€d, dealing with anything dd eEryrhing that turns up on $e day, from sordents crrint their eyes out to le€turers getting angry to photocopieE brealdng down and me having to run som{here els€...,th€re isnt a 8ene.al day as they are all very different

r,v]'y did you <hoose to work herc?

ls that the one MnA on the floor with the hafempty botde of gin?

No, I've never seen one of them-

What would you say ar€ the most rcwarding parts of the iob?

I chose to work here because I had just got married dd I wmted a pan-time iob.This is quite local to where I live,I k.s I could get h€re €asih there w:s always som€where to park at that tjhe when you got here, it wa5 convenient, it ws very int€r€sting too, and when I came to interyiew the people who int€ryi€wed me were re-alty nice and welcomin& dd it iust fek lik€ a nice place to wor*.

And it is a nice place to rcrk.

How long hav€ to wo.ked her€?

I staned working Obs and Gynae 25 yearu ato, dts Septembe': I was a secrerary then, but I've been dealinA with th€ sordent teaching for about 17 yaE now.

What would you say i5 th€ most unusual prcblem you've

up dd say thank you, that really work rell.

Thet's nice.when you look at dre pals list at the end and you see peple who've maybe had prcbl€ms and someone's had to rcrk extE ha.d for $€m and help them and they've got thrcu8h. So thals verl Ewarding as w€ll. S€e there are good tiings about m€

when stl denG come

And convers€ly, what are the wors€ parts of the iobl l'd tet th€ s:ck if I told the truth. Sometimes there! a lot of conllicr be e€n the NHS and the univeBity for t€aching time and facilitier and thats quite dimcult because everyone's 8ot their own littl€ biB they want ro hang on to and I'm som€where in the middle sometim8 tn/ing to get the tm to me€tAnd the long hour!. s your major bugbear with the students? bitg€st butbear are students who don't read the notices $/ b@use I think w€'r€ quite g€nerou! in providinS a lot of del2iled infomation ar the bednnint and probably 5 out of I 0 of the people who +par at ny doorand ask me a question,ifthey had actualt l@ked in dEir book they would have found the anve. to their question.And that wor.ies me sometimes when I think youte

What

I've had to overcome student5 whh peBonal prcblss and some of those of those have been quite b'zarr€.Thatb the

quit€ oft€n,

How was your three w€eks away from the ofice?

I wasn't on holiday.Well,I wa5 on holiday for one wek the other

on the

Mrd dd ).ou!e tot to

@d them ekh€i.... But not

A.d how did th€ departm€nt

compensate

for your

read notes, if you dont bother many of them are bad-

to

hs, do you think you are per.eived by the medical studentsl Ha ha halwell I think I wa5 ponrayed as one of Hitlels assistants in one of the Revues. Umm, I don't know. I think $ey see me as someone who expect! th€m to follow the rules. I dpect some d'ink l'm @lb. horrible, but they'r€ probably the ones who hde iried to bend the rules anyway.

So

worked a lot of overtin€ b€fore I went to make suE that a lor of stutr Ms already don€, and there was one part-timer that wa here trc days a week to cover any ltuff that came up a5 an emergercy. Other than that, it all et on ry dsk waitint for m€ to come I

Would you cra€k

dNn

hard on people who try

to break

I ont crack down on people, I haven't the authority to crack down on th€m.l can ask th€m to look at the notices and stick to it, but it! not ny responsibility to cr.ck down on anyone.

'rltimatet

t4

Would you like to hav€ the authorit)' to crack

Not

really. I'd like stud€nts to understand that I'm only carrying out the rules set by others on the t$ching team. I'd like

to be happy and jolly. and really nic€.

everythint

l've got two children at university and l'd lik€ to think that somebody

cares about

th€ir

cours€.so I hope thar

I

PUr car€ into the course for our stu-

What do you think the reasons ar€ that people fail Obs and Gynaet Hundr€ds ofthem lthink.Some p€ople panac,some jun don't apply th€mselves the first tim€ round and have to do it atain :nd learn from their mistakes, some people might have personal r€asons for having a bad few months and hde to do it atain,but usuallx by the

What are you personal opinions on the pordolio?

I think ir's good for the reasons l'ye just said, in that if a stud€nt wanted ro, they.ould just pick up a book the), could r€ad the whole course, they could know instantly what was €xpected of th€m. I think some t2ke it to an extreme and become obs€ssed about ticking boxes, which isn't what its meant for.lts meant to be a tuideline.Yes, you do have to hav€ box€s ticked,but if you've actually tak€n a full pan of everFhing throuth the course,you can tick those boxes an)+,/:X unless you're yery unluclg with your atrachment I €an see why some p€ople dont like it. lf you iust take it gradually and work through it then they're good.And I think a lot of studen6 think they're Sood as well, from the'r feedback.And 97% of the students would b€ really good and do the work but there's alwaF the odd one who wouldn't bother if they didn't have to write it down.And we've got to show th:t we've assessed you and you are safe to

Pass-

l.lany students have felt that additional pressures on their performance applied by your oflic€, regarding €omPleting th€ir attachments, geftina th€ir Po.tfolios finished and

turning up to things detracted from their enioyment of the attachment. How would you r€sPond to that?

First of all,lam ont an administrator.l don't set the course.ldont

rime people get to Year 4, it5 quite unusual for somebody to fail.

You've gone thrcugh allthe hard bit bythe time you 8et to lrs.Ijust said that but I haven't done it mysell

do the reachin8 and I don't do the assessing.All I do is provide th€ couEe and ensure that everyboq/ has a chance to att€nd iL lf l'm asked to find out why people didn't aftend it, then I have to go and dkthem wly they didn't.I can't make p€ople complete their portfolio eithei ltl myjob and I'm dointwhat I'm told to do,l'm at the bottom ofa very high ladder

ls ther€ anyway you €an predict who going to fail in the

Do you ever shak€ the bottom ofthe ladder and see if any-

Somebodywrote a paper in the student Bl''! and it said that they could tell frcm the tirst week that th€ stud€nts who didnt till in the .ighr forms at the ridt times, didn't hand in the things they were asked to hand in that first week,they could predict that they would be the ones havin8 problems at the end ofthe course and maybe they were going to be the borderline students.And I think thatl got a lot to say for it.We allused to joke that lcould asterix up the students who were Soing to bil. lt doesnt work all the time. But there are some that yotl worry about all the way throuth and you just think oh pldse please, make it through.

What's your personal philosophy?

Do:s you would be done b)a I like to thinkthat lwouldnt do tiangs to people that I wouldn't like be done back to me. I like to treat people with decen€y and hope that they would tr€at me the same way.That's not to say that I dont lose my temper sometimes.

Portfolios.Where did they come from and why w€re they I'm not sur€ l'm the right person to be asking about this.

Everybody's moving to pordolios now the consultants all have to have a ponfolio thrclthout their career lt was a wa/ of assessing coursework and keeping in all in one book so s(dents could see at a glance exactl/ what wa5 dpected of them thoughout their course.They had allthe information in there.and it se€ms an edier way than to k€ep on Siving out bits of paper throughout their course, it was all contained.And it was gettint students into the system of having to complete all their experience.l think we w€r€ one of the first to do it but several more cources are doing it now or are goint to. Please bear in mind I have nothing to wth what

I

do.l'm not very good at not sayin8things when l've 8ot thinSs to but ultimately I'm a secreary lts quite difiicult sometimes

say,

because l'm the one you allsee,and I'm the one who has to stand up in front of you and say than$, but actually its not me who makes the rules. but l'm the one who has to stand there and take th€ abuse sometimes.whatever I do, its only b€duse I really want you to 8et the best out ofthe course and 8et to the end of it without cominS round panicking at the last day that lou hav€nt done this orthat because sometimes its just too late to do it and lcant wave a magic wand.lts much easier ro go grad'rally through the course.

Have you got a message for the medical students?

Yes.l'd like to tellthem that lonly haye theirtood in my mind wh€n l'm trying to help them thrcugh the course and I hope that if anybody's got any prcblems and they come, that they feel that I've helped them.lt may not be th€ way they wanted some help because I cant chanse the rules, but I do my best to help them and I do hope they understand that I'm doing my best.

Voru ,^es(ths!!!l

fl A&IftET,@E cilr,EEltA

rn

itr

3 !aAd

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fucking clinical revue wouldn'r l? Ughhlll! Have they put a scorpidown his rrolseBf! Fuck.lcan almost r€ad rhe barcode on his --rotlllYou know I've se€n cocks in my time and never seen 5 biti:. ones in all my lifelll what a Sroup oI Iannies. reminds me of

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''Jhar rhe fuckt Solo dances? ll I Mnted to see a pathetic sad loner i.?!in8 in tront of me like a screcrcw Id hav€ gone to see fuckin8 6 :.rc€ a! the NEC...

Ci rhank fuck those tmts have come back on sta8elll Lesbo Sirl '-:kI€sr?l I've always fancied a holida), to the island of Lesbos and

::.kflckyou'vedelivered!l! Childrenwiih leukaemial FuckthatlTits :-d arselll! OWVWWWVII!ll! Show us y€r dts lovel!l! Owl

:Jronomic dysfun€tion...oh yes!l! Hello Nancylll oh and now I've :i a mess on rhe noor Oh well.You're fuckinS better than Ulrika .:rnsson and I ber you could tak€ a punch or two you dhty bitch. 'sh fou want some as welll Ohl Dear 8od.An ejaculatory inferno

October

minute you walked in the joint I could see that you could see my a real bi8 benderl Good looking, so refined I ber yo'r could whar was Soing on in my panrs... WorkinS 9 til 5 wha! way lo -!ke: livinr!When lget you home love you'll be working 24 hours,T ::/, a week, 365 days a year until I tell )ou to stop. Get rich or die

-_e

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i

:-

'-.<i.8lll OWW\ r'v\.vvw!!!! Oh couldn't hear what that fuck iust r!.Oh goodl l1ore lovely ladies. OvwwvYwv!!l!l UGHllll Oh nol

:

@ks like my ball bag's hanging touSh I Oh! Well, l'll iust look objecar rheir toned bodies like everyone else. UGHH!l!l Oh what?l i_: r€minds me of HunterWait a minute. that is Hunterl!lAnd he's :.': a tache? What the fuckl h! another steroid accident for slrrel -:.es who are men who are men who are honeys. Awoogallll

:.eiy

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:- iolwhat dyou mean its over!Thewolf :.rrenders

ready? Gladiators readyl!

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hasn't been fed yet.

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J"X f"n*t yotu eyea'orql th'i* dm)>Ip *proa'd'"' Severn and Wessex Deanery

f^Vfi

Severn lnstitute !tencha! llosPilal

Ret: KF/ISP/Studenls

l't Flmr.

28 March 2005

Academic Câ&#x201A;Źnte

Frenchay Park Road

Brinol BSl6ll,E

Dirccr'ltlr 0l l7

9?5 7054

F.x: 0l l7 975 7060 l(dhy.feestlosewerdeanery.nhs ok ww.sewesdeaner,v nhs uk

Dear Students, year's Following our plenary session on Friday, I wanted to write to you and draw a line under this posts and now have year You all you next for for oul what waa agreed r"t"t'ind pa"t"" your you during "l,id "et placements that expenencâ&#x201A;Źd quite pleased with the in ti"t ."oit ot you """med Shadowing.

There is always going to be a degree of unhappiness wlh any compet N-e process that means fkst post We tni iou Oo n,jt s-et *-hat you wani This is especially lrue when applyingJor your process However' this ot with some elemenis for dissatlsfaction lh"t th"t6 ur"r" orounds happened what has now about """"ot can do of us is lrttle any liiptarnea on Frioai there

ii

Theshadowingexperiencewasintendedtohelpyoutobegintowoi(andthinkasprofessionals Deveiooino a o'rofessional att ude and approach is important as you move ftom your rcle as Sorne of you unfortunately came ac.oss on Fdday as a bit aggressive in

"tua.nito"ooJtor. oiiiJssing yorr aissatistuction with the matchrng and application process Taking this sort of ig!r.""io"n'ritt you lnto your professional lile will not be beneficia'to you lt is also unpleasant for everyone. in The Deanery will endeavour to hold a workshop ne)i yea. for all trainees who.would like help within of the apptcation torm for F2 posts This form will be dsveioped unJ"i"1"naiig tt'" "oncept few months next the the Deanery over We are all trvinq very hard to deliver a difficult agenda that is not always enlirely of our making on vour behalf appreciateyour anxiety but hope thal in future some of you itro". ot u" 'rrr-o means of expressing this in a more professional way are able to find a "oir

With best wishes.

.ruw<-

Yours sincerely,

Kathy Feest PhO,BA (Hons) Associate Dean

Director Foundation School

26

. ::

**]-.*"r.

may be seven month.

0,. , ,.". , not because of revision I might add. Sadly, it is the that's -:.bes..-and of rny endeavou6 to comp ete the application form for my nrstjob.

-=:!vely simpie p.ocess you would thin k.Well th ink again.This form has rhe ropic of great debate at hiSh level meetings involvinS the b€st cli_::_r in our country, has been nurtured and carefully developed oyer tne result..-a joke. But l'm not laurhins.

"*,

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.,.

: : id :::- rernents offormi :.isul!

':'-: --

ofilcial toundation s.heme (glorified name for 'qualined for

-s,rcon ro be general dogsbody seeks paid employment') website. .Lr how to apply (who needs people these days, aye?)

:--all

a central oftice (i.e.glorified call centre, manned by monke/t to an official student rank numbe': ofi reams of forms (and pray...printer doesn't decide to eat them :=-l woman manning theA4 paper decides you arent wonhy oftillins p.inr rray, ns often happens / NHS has gone over budget and :ren't -,::yins:ny more paper until 2007)..-and hope you opted for the Endish

-:::!e

r -.r

i :.

4. Spend many hou6 deliberating overwhich jobs rc apply for (con-

sidering options including: how far away it? / what are the con's and do thel eat stusultants like dents for breakfastl / what is the calibre of the local shops/bars? / is the accommodation stillstandint or am i likel), to need to srpply a tentl) and mnkfrom sixty fourJealous yet?

oneto

: $eid

many more hours answering the offlcial application form quee lines of:'give two examples, more than 75 words (or you will not pds go or collect 1200)" and re exampes of recent teamwork,leadeBhip and academic achi€ve-

::_;. which usualt start something alongthe

- -.

-=:-

. :.nsuh rhe internet for local supplieB of rifles and consiier shooting - 3rFnise two referees,whose input will not affect the outcome ofthe -:: cdon. Logical,ayel : out online application form,lauth out loud to the tick box questions - -e end which ask about n:me, age, nationaLity, dcability and sexualori :-=.on

(in the hishly pc phmses of: (a) am attracted to peBons of the same sex (c) both (d) don't wish to comment and (e) - -: your own business). : :,bmir and wait until mid January, by which time the omcial monkeys - have read your :pplication form, scored each answei added up the :- (correctln you hope), looked at your rankings and (still) random y

:i:osrte sq, (b)

:

'vonder wh:t was wrong with the old approach of CV coverint letter

:.:.-narive approach,for ranking jobs...Cut up printed ofjobs into 64 liftle pieces and place in a haL

=-::

::er

a

bottl€ ofwine. Drink contents. Pick paper

:,: cf har at mndom- Result likely to be the :-: and a lot more f!n::::.arlve

=-...make

:pproach, for writing application it up. Oh, sorry,that's what we all do

i -ere you have it. l4y aqplication h soon to be tmv: -: rhe internet highmy on its way to the NHS zoo,where, -::enrally, i v/ill soon have the pleasure of working. I will keep you post' lhe outcome of this ufterly illosical (and a most amusind process

:: ..

27

Black Bag interviews Professor Ki rwan -

What are the weaker points of the y€ar 3 curricu-

we

haven't completely changed

the system over to b€ like we want it to be in the academies,

and thats been challenge

for

a

Panicular

l'ledicine

and

Surgery rcachin8. The way it's opehting at the moment is only halfway

to the way we

really

want it to be.The concept

,t , I

in

year 3 is that we're dealing with an understanding of clinical encounters, history taking and

a bit atouc investiSanons. but the examhation, PerhaPs

r€ason why we do thin8s in this way, the reason why we ask these sons of questions, the logic behind the aPProach that we take, and we used difierent areas of medicine to illustrat€ that Medicine and

surgery in ten€ral needs mor€ time, but lou get more time in l'ledicine and Surger), in year 5, when you'v€ done other medical specialities and you .an actually appre.iate l'l€dicine and Surgery better.And the medicine and SurSery inYear 5 is more soPhisti€ated and is more directed to how you're toinS to pmctice medicine So we don't pretend that at the end of year 3 that yo'r know your medicine and surgery One of the weaker things of year 3 is that whole mess:8e hasn't y€t been <ompl€tely 8ot across to stud€nts and we'r€ not completet implementing that in yetr 3, in the way l'd The other thing about year 3 and the newacademy strucQre is that it's supposed to be ba5ed around tutorial grclPs.That works v€ry well in |\1DEMO, it work! satishctoraly in Psychiatry and Ethics' where people have split up even more. but medicine and surgerv haven't yet pulled toSether the tutorialsrctiP concePt,which means that some of $udemt feel that the medicine and surgery is a bit fragmented, and they're nor realt sure who they're with, but thals because they haven't tot a tutorialtrouP to be with and they havent got a tltor to look aft€r them.l would say that's the single weakest

I

at th€ momenr But we're working on that. lt'll be noticeably better next year. ls that a problem with r€cruitinS tuto6 or organlrationally

pan of Year

in the academiesl It's a problem with both. ln the academies, in fact getting the new medicine and suryery arrangemenE workinS has Sone a bit b€tter than in Nonh Eristol, and panicularly Sourh Bristol. Because the people there had old mys of doing thinSs whereas PeoPle in the academies didn't have old sys of doang thints so they've almostgot it goint. Not quate but .lmosL ln one or o academies, they have got it goint actually. Back here at panicularly UBHI we've had the problem thar rhere ws an old system in effect whi.h had to be quite radically changed.And lthinkthatsome teachers {ound that uncomforrable and havent gone along with it v€ry well, and I think there hd been a r€luctance amonSst some teachers to adoPt this new approach that's necessary I drink the academic staff have got some responsibiliry for that, and lthink that some of our NHS consultant .why should really we work at colleagues have looked on and laid puttint much elfoft in.'But I do think that this if they're not r€alt it clar to all academic staff that hs made is changing.The universiry their responsibility Ior teachinS can't be duck€d. Pan of ny iob a5 head of teaching in the d€panhent her€ is to make sure that the academic staff in our depanment who have got a commitment to teachinS and ats part of their salary to teach, are actually delivering that teaching. And I 6'nk that we haye been not as good :s we should be, but again already I can see sitns that iCs chanting, and that's pint to be taken more seriously.

aa

chai'man, year 3 commiftee

We've been through 2 vears in the medical school wher€ all the aFention hs been on $ying to make sure that our research a5setsm€nt has been done pbpedland everybody's b€en focused on that and the question of how people ar€ delivering their teaching commitments hasn't really been up at the frcnl But that is starting to change now. We 8et mosr of our money for teaching not for research.80 % ofthe income for the medical school is for teachint' or will be by the end of.ext year when the full s$dent exPansion has Sone allthe way thrcugh.80% forteachinS and 20% for research So I think students have every riSht to say that they should be gettint their money's wonh.And I think that dle change in the philosopty otacademic stafi here at $e UBHT would have changed faster if we hadn't had this huge emphdis on the research outPut over the js too last year or two. Quite a lot of us tfiank that that emPh:sis from the acamore buy-in re willSet conlident that strcng.l'm very demic staff to the new teaching arEntements in the next 12

How would you s€€ this manifest itselfl I think we'll get the tutorial trcuP system set up ProPerly in medi-

cin€ and surgery and therefore some ofthe fraSmentation that the students see will disappearTheyll still be fmSmented in th€ sense that they'llgo to tomebody's clinic for a couple of we€ks and somebody else's clinic for a couple of week, but theyll be Ftting back together in their tutorial 8.oups and they'll be sharing th€ir €xperiences of those clinics and they'll be working with their tutor to make sure they'v€ covered th€ range of stuf they sho'rld be covering and so on. I think that will make a bit difference.

So wlll therc same tutor stay with them for the whole of m€dl€ine and surgery?

No. for each unit.You'llhave one twor for TUBES, and that tubr will be responsible for helpinS you choose your internal SSC and will alro be responsible for marking it,8 from the tutor 8rouP, not jlst one, a bit like we do in MDEl"lOThaCs the model w€'re working rowards, you'll also be involved as a tutor 3ro!p in terms of laftl€ projects and littl€ internal pres€ntations . What we're doing in MDEMO is realt what we w"nt to hapPen in medicine and surgerv A and g. and also iCs similar to what we want to haPP€n inYear 4.

But year 4 will take a bit more time to Srow and deY€lop But some sections of year 4 are based around solne tutorial work already but we ne€d to stren$hen that.what osed to be a nrm, where you'd have clinicianr wirh rrudents attached to them.will no longer exist, iCll be the tutor trcup that studenrs are attached to, and they'll be using the clinicians as resources to h€lp them learn specific things' to make sure they've covered the curriculum for that part of the

ln comparison to the old teaching where th€ students had to d€mand their teaching a lot more, the tutorial system sounds a lot mor€ organised.

It will be. Some ofthe confusion which exists about internal SSCS will disappear because the tutorialSroup would look after that. So Ithink it will delinitely 8et eaiier. lt will ako ti€ us a r€aloPtion for doint some other thints which is more integration in year 3.The opkhalmolo$/ k like aken out of MDEMO and w€'ve already agreed in principle that w€'d like to integEte it a bit more. ln that th€ eye complications of rheumatic diseas€ would be quite a good example, where you're doing both things at the same time.

Some ofthe things like the diab€tes week can almost cenaanly be delivered in the academies if w€ had some w€b-based learning to back at up.l think there's quite a tuw things like that and th€.e will be things like that in year 4. Pathology has 8ot to be put out into the academies. now we'll be able to do that with some ofth€ new developments that the medicalschool has Sotithere's going to be a vinual patholoty library and a virtual microscope that you can use on]ine and stuff like this, and I think that s really Yery excitin&This k money that the pre-clinical medical school has tot to develoP case,

these learninS thinSs and pathology is pan of that. So theret Soing to be €ontinlin8 development of the academkatiofl system using technology and usinS the tutorial SrouPs.This willgive us great Rexibility for continuing to develoP the course, and inteErat€ more things and take advantage of areas we are strong in Bristol What would )iou say your philosoPhy oflearnlnS lsl All students who get here are briSht, intelliSent, and caPable of or8anjsing themselves. You don't 8€t into medical school unlets you'r€ like that. And the average student at Brlstol is absolutely excellent.The real thing that I think you need to do as a student ls to widen your horizons.And lthink everythint els€ follows if yoLr do that. So in MDEMo, w€ put in a lot of effon to make the ttudents f€el welcome, and to make them feel that thk is an exciting area and there's lots to learn and it should b€ good fun lf you can get peoplefeeling like that,they'll80 offand read the book! because they're interested. They see patients because they're interested, they do littl€ prol€cts because they're lnt€r€sted And you get to the end ofth€ colrs€ and gosh you've learnt allthese things and it wasn't painful at all. So my own Personal PhilosoPly is to get People interested. I llke to €hallenge students, I like to treat them like grown ups and say what do you think about thk, how do you put for stud€nts to do this rog€ther? lt is a bit more 'rncomfortabl€ that, iCs rhuch easier to sit and take notes in a lectur€, blt actually in real lif€ yo!'d 8et really bored ifyou had a lot of lectur€s

Are you .oncemed that the corc curriculum wlll eventual. ly evolve into a countrywide final exam?

Ithink a national €xam fails to recognise that there are diferent wiys of lookint at medicine and th€r€'s different abilities that you at6in that are equally valid, they're just different,that's all. Different sorts of doctors use different sons of techniquesto dothinSs.lam worried that PeoPle ar€ tryingto cod' it everythint for the sake of a few weak peoPle who manage to can 8et and qualities you can

squeeze through the system. So on€ of the thinSs w€ n€ed to make sure we do at medical school is hil students who aren't in the right lind other ways for them to do things.The universiry is very

receprive to students appealint to be allowed to continue on the 'ob.or

ofthe students who faibd nnals were students who already had Prcblems along the way and we could have saad that they were Soing to fail I'm not sure we're doing these studenB a favour by letting them m€dical €ourse. But if you look at the finals results. half

carry on eyen thouSh that's what they think they want to do They're the few who we're having to contemPlate hute national proSrammes, not only for the id€a ofa national enm, but ako the revalidation process for dperienced doctoE, its atl been brought in be€ause of a few people who arent very Sood.And if we were

just a linle bit strongen.. I mean l'm actually in favour of saying to students when they'ye hiled that they've failed and that's it - you have to go and lind somethinS eke to do. Now I don't mind helpint them to find something else to do and I think the univeBiq, should be lookins for ways of helping student to find alternative things to do, but at the moment I thinkwe let them back too easily. Perhaps it's b€cause students are bednning to pay more so th€y feel more in control ofthe situation, but just because somebody wants something, doesnt mean iCs tood for them.

Do you think the university is happierto let People back in to th€ cours€, firstly because they pay good money to the

university, esp€.ially with overseas students, and also due to concern of th€ picture the league tables niSht Portray reSardinS drop.out rates?

Where I have been involEd, I haven't seen that

as an issue on the

table in discussions.I have fek that the educationalkts are lookint for an educationally sound decisionandthe legalists are makinSsure the University cant be sued.And I actually think that iCs the letalists who are more lenienr But 9 out of l0 students who 8et in here willqualifyas doctors and willbeSood doctoB. HavinSsaid that, it's the students who are no Sood that Sive medicine the bad rePutarion in the lon8 run. Cenainly in Year 3, the exams in Y€ar 3 are geared to trying to lind the PeoPle that can fail.We dont v6nt to fail anybody, it's actually a real nuisance for us to fail a stud€nt, we've got extra \{ork to do and all the other stuff, but we're very ke€n to say that ifyou're weak yo!'ll be found out.ln f.ct, student! who Pass but not very w€ll get qllte alot of feedback. Another thing w€ havent done in Year 3 is that w€ havent made it clear to the student body at a whole that we're on the look-out for students who are getting by but are a bit weak and that w€ actually Sive them the opportunity for some feedback and tell th€m where their weak_

it b€fore they fail an exam, Bur about 50% of the students that w€ offer that f€edback to never come and take it.And they're the PeoPle who really need the feednesses are and whar they can do about

back.Andoybodylbo-dce$!$tlredbarkjri

.sowhen

stud€nrs have said that they'd really llke some feedback,I know that s&dent representatives were not aware of that extent of feedback that we gave, and have given for years.We will make lt more cl€ar in next year's student handbook that that is what we'll b€ dolng lCs definltelya situation wher€ no news is good news But the standard of stud€nts here is really high.The average score is a C.We set the exams so the averag€ scor€ is a C.Anyone who 8et5 a C is doing very well.A C minls ls satisfactorily. and a C Plus is someone who r€ally doing well.A C is excellenrwe do this because that's what we'v€ been asked to do by th€ medical school.You can't exPect to be the best at everythlng when the pool of peoPl€ you are compar" in8 yoljrs€lf to are so good.

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29

Extemal

SSCS.

What

was the rationale

behind saying that PeoPle cannot now l€ave the local acade-

my ar€a without special circumstances?

There has be€n some debate about this and the feeling isnt universal but the large majorit), of

teachers

in year 3 do

not think that students have the breadth of knowledge

or

experi-

€nce to m.ke good use of going away when so

many Sood oPPortuni

ties ar€ here in plac€.

You could a€ue that there are

a

few students

and a few instances where it would b€ wonh them going outside the a@ or even abroad.The troubl€ is then fiat you'd th€fl haE to sEn maklng value iudtemenB, and you'd haE to have a whole seElp in place for these judFm€nt! wh€r€ will only benefft a f€w saudents each yearThat would be 't our academic opinion-Whereas by the time you tet to do your €lective yeai w€ would be !ain8 most students should be doing something away frcm Bristol, unless they've got lp€cial reasons because now sE dents und€Kand medicine much bettei understand themselver much beft€r - are much better at learning. I used to b€ the el€ctive cGordinator and I spent all Ey time to try and get studerlts to to d do inter€sdry thints, chall€nge them about the obiectivs of their visic l'm very pGwidening your mind but I honesdy think dEt yo'r have to hM a prepar€d canvas to do this exp sion of ids on, and I think thet for most students in year 3 th€y havent y€t been adeqrhtev prepar€d. And what's mor€, th€ next st€p of what $€y @ do which is still a challenge to them, and is still int€r€sting ard dMdin& we can ea5it Prcvide in and arcund Bnltoland tne a@ddie!. So th€n you have to d€cide are you so'ng to put a huge effon into h€lpins a few students, or are you just goinS to say the rule i! nobody does it and then w€ can our €fiort lnto other things because we only hare a limited amount effort :vailable.TheE ar€ a f€w people who disaF€e.The medical €ducation commntee debat€d it and there was a larSe majoriq/, two-thirds or so, in favour of the Pr€sent Position. But it isn't black and whire. but you have to have a rcrkabl€ syst€m.we have 270 students dd if 5 ofthem miSht have been able to do a liale bit better by goint off somewhere else dd now canl the/re still doing okay by sitting arcund.That's not enouth benefit for the effon you haE to put in to make sure its all correcrwhat the faculry board did, the top committee, enough members of the faculty board thought that d s was wordr persuing to ask th€ SSC coordinatoi David Cahill, to @rtinue to look to see if th€r€ might be a way in which dt6e {ew srudents could be accommodated. So we're sttll dfnking ahout iLTh€ r€al problem is getting th€ teaching time.We arc going to E@gnise suppon for dt€mal SSCS a! pan of cllnical teachin& So all th€ academic statr at UBHT ar€ supposed to spend 4 houE a we€k t€achin& not countinS teaching in clinic or on ordimry ward rounds. It msns teaching rounds, or running a seminar, or orSanising the teaching, could be at a committee. One of rhe rhings wfiich can cou.t against that dme is supervising extem.l SSCs.That is just being brcught in now lt does mean that psple! €ffons towards teaching a.e r$ognised

30

Excepting the old firm systern,arc thet€ any major obsta. trting to do withYear 3?

cl€s to what you are

There ar€ some challenges which hat€nt stopped us yes but will be a challeng€ as people setde dowr and setde in to things. On€ main chall€nge is equ'ny of larning acrcss the diferent academies.

That's not the sam€ as equity of opponunity becuas€ different acad€mies have difrerent strendls,theyve 8ot differ€t clini(al sPecialities available and so on, but a! lonS as students are Setting the

to achieve the obiectiE of the cou6e, then I salute the diversi+ I don't s€e wly some s$dsts lhouldnt 8et a chanc€ to some$ing extra, just b€cause another grcuP of students dont get that opponunity- J'i!t be.ause we @nt dve the oPPortunity to everybody shouldnt in€:n dlat d s half @n't 8et ir lt's not that you're losing out, it! iust that thq/E geRint something extra.The point k you'll to on to a unit next time wh€n you roate some_ where and you'll g€t something *sa in that un'c What would b€ your car€er hiShPointt It's where I am now. lt's been a gEt car€er, each year l'v€ done more ns things and more intecsting d n8s and I've been able to build on what I've b€en able to do in dte past and face n€w challeng6 wii,h all that extra stuff behind me, built uP oYer th€ years. ln tems of education, the time which eally afected me was when I did ny student electiv€ and I went to a m€dical school 6lled Mcl'laster Medical School in C:mda beouse I was interested in medical education and it had invented a new curriculum which wa! entirely based around tutorial grcups dd no lectuEs at all. From day one you met patie.ts dd frcm day one you were in tutorial groups.Th€ whole thi.8 wls done dtat way.l wem over $ere and spent 4 months there and I did a special project there and I wrote a I'ale book about it, wfii<h thcy published aftervrards about the medical course and that ge me a view of wfiat students €ould achieve and what eduation @uld be like, which has stayed with me ev€r sinc€.The o$er pl6int thing was when I tot rry chair two years ago be@use a Frlonal chai[ which was what I got, is a recognition of what you!€ achieved.

Do you have a message for the m€dic5l students?

Stop worryinS about fie oarns. Do interestint medical thinss.You can play .utby if you want or d.ink in fie ev€nings if you feel like ir dd all d|at son of stufr, but when you'r€ doing your medical work get interest€d and do thit'8s md I prcmise you you'll Pass all chance

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{& ala.krsell Publish;nq

On peripheral detachment... fitted, describ€d the look ofsurprise when the doctor ing her said that the coil had "slipped out".

oanin-

Somewhere in the triongulat oteo between juncdons 14

ond 15 on the M4, ond The Mogic Roundobout in Swindon, stronge things hove been hoppening Very stronge things.Ihings which begg belief.Things which ore stronger thon fiction. But orc rcal......

Gary was shopping in the town centre, He had iust walked out of

JD Spons with some

Sold lam6

adidas

sports shoes, to match his Sold lam6 tracksuit

bottoms, and indeed

"So like my G.P had opened up my mutr to have a lookand then sh€ pops er' 'ead out and says,like, it's slipped out, but I don't b€li€ve'er.l think that itl disappear€d. Just like what'appened to Kylie, my daughten"

Extensive inv€stiSations follow€d. We canvassed th€ manufacrureE of contraception to s€e if ary hulty batches wer€ reported, w€ asked contraception clinics thrcughout th€ Swindon area if th€r€ had b€en any drop in number receiving contraception. No rational answer could explain wty so mat'y women became preSnant in this pan ofSwindon. Moreov€r, w€ found thas ph€nomenon in many other towns and cities: Taunton, Weston-super-mare, Knowle W€st, a.€as Gloucest€r.We w€re left sittingon our hands,lostasto how to

of

his 8old lam6 tracksuit

top. Then his phone ran8. He

ficked out his

phone, saw that it was

his girlfriend

calling

'Yeah babe?"

"Gary I'm ln ho3pltal.

You better

come

qulck,"

Gary l€apt into his veuxhall Corsa end sped to The Great

w$tern

Hospital.

Thankfully he had a real spoiler so that he didn'r lole .ontrcl of his vehlcle, and the turbo he fitted gave him that €xtra accel€r-

ation,Th€ n6n5 and sub-woofer didnt help much though. He screeched to a halq leapt out of his cer and ran lnto hospltal, desperate to find out what was wrong with hb darllng, to find her standing at the front entrance, with a huge smile on her "Honey,l'm preSnant," This story is common in Swindon.When Black Bag int€rvlew€d GarX he categorically stated that he had used condoms, even when 'she's on h€r period". gut one incideng 3 weekr before his girlfriend went into hospital, he described thhl

and when we r€-examined the cultures, the semen had become incredibly strongea had vastly improved motlllty and mobilhy, so much so that we calculated that iust 4 sperm from thk tr€ated sample could tlagellate enough thr$t to get into orbit. Hence

they were called Spunknlk!. Could thls be what causing the Swlndon Trlanglel Super strong ejaculate, power6d by alcopops, d$troylng all known formr of contraception in their path?

Probably not,

Fu-rrvly oU wodfu,..

MEDICAL STUDENTS USE OF THE DOCTORS MESS

We would likc to draw to Your attention thNt the Dr Mess is funded by th€junior doctors and for their use onlJ. (i.c, ie!. .offeq p.pe , t@d ud T\rls pald tor bt monthly n€ls tccr)

lhe

Ercessive Dumbers ofyou have been using it. especiallY at lunch tlme

Bag

which has been drlving the doctors out.

We request in foture you only come into the mcas on the lhvitation o{ the tcsm you are attached to.

Any problems you haYe with a lsck

receives. Bayleigh, also from Swlndon recounts how one day she

ofe rest area ofyour own should be

"l was on top, yeah, you know banging 'ei and wh€n I 'ad linish€d, the condom had dlsapp€ared. Gone.Vanished wiwout a

Gar/s account is not dlsslmilar to many letters Black

was taking h€r contrac€ptive pill, but when it reached her mouth it "disappeared". Don€sha describes how one day she could feel the contrac€ptive implant, th€ n€xt day "it had gone."

Shayna describes her prcFsterone inj€ction: "Th€ nurs€ Md Rlled up this syring€, y€ah,like wiv stuff. and then she said 'all finished' yeah, and the syringe was empty. lt had all

Ev€n p€ople older than 15 wrote in. Chanelle, who had a coil

??

Then we got lucky.We were culturjng some monk€y spunk in the laboratory when one ofthe lab assisbnts accidentally spilt som€ WKD Blue into the Petri dish. She iflcubated lt anyway

addressed to Somerset academy. .oihd drhs blcp

163& or

\,,;;ii;J$ ,.,r

!63 lid s. lrll rra4.

ro

Jo Haining explores the world of Shigong Guo... sotne of

yN w knor be

+,r,yu".

How about cercal? For example, would you put any kind

of

legend hot k Slligong Guo, t'/hlht othe6 nay hove heord hts l,sme spok€n h hush€d tones orcund the medGol

sauce on rice crispiesl I dont eat tho!€, I'm a fruit and nut guy. I'm lactose intolerant, so

crcoturc. Krarln to mory os Shigg/ he heors PotenIs by doy ond .ook uP slon'],s W nig!1L But how mud do we

Hui and travelling. By law when travellint I try to find the n€ar€st Chinese r€siauEnt when I t€t there, I dont like foreagn cuisin€.1 also like ballroom danc'ng,I'm good at the salsa,the jive and the charha but I'm f,ot toint to Sive you a demonstration.

So *hat else do you like?

TurkBh kebabs,d|e kebab man on the triangle is nice to m€ and he AE! me lots of.hilli euce on try kebah we are mates. I also like

us€ soF milk, it! a npoff, and it causes a huge budget no, no sauc€ on ny c€r€al.

I

d€licil But

s.hoot ond wondered ()k so, detracting from the subiect of food for a moment, , heket kis Petson rcofty do you have any hobbies? exists, ot is iun o ryhkd Addiry sauce! to food, cookiry, computer games- but not as much

rcolt kiow about hin?

Finding nyselfin hE p.esence

one oftemoon,I took it upon ,']vself to tol* to moke! up the p€rson thor is Shigone Guo...

hin

ond

fnd 6ut what

meetjng international people, but

FiEt up, how old are you and when is you" birthdat, so all your fans will know when to send you cards and pr€sentsl I am 21, my

binhday is the 5th ofJuty.

Ok just some 8en€ral qu€rtions to 8€t to know you a bit better.What's your favourite colour and wlryt Red, because

it represenB

as Joseph

ener8y, passion and blood- you can't B€t

Whaes your favourite TV show?

Um, probably th€ Simpsons, because Homerb a non{onformist, altholjgh a bit stupid.lalways try not to conform and I've tumed our alright.

What's your layourit€ erticl€ of Glothing?

I like a good coat, like ski ja€k€ts, other iack€r, iost arent warm

I dont

like international food

aenin$,

because I dont like their food, it's rubbish, I would rather iust cook and eat ry own thank.

So what arc your dislikes?

Really stupid r€d-nerk who sa/ thi.rts lik€"lsJapan in rhe middle of Chinj',6ose people need to to back to school! I also dislike for€ign food apan frcm lndian,Turkish and ltalian food, minus ch€ese, I

ah la.tds€ intdleant So, you seem like

youh qulte fixated

on food, does your litu

revolve around foodl W€ll,I'm tryinS to cut down on food breakhsts. I do lik€

really. I eat too many English to ask people who've lost weitht rhou8h for

their tip!.

Speaking of weight lo$, I hear you've ploneercd a nev, di€t

enough and I cant stand the cold.You ako need a 8ood comry paar

wher€by you use your lactose intoleran.e to lnduce diariftoea in order to losr weight, how's that goingt

How about musla, whads your favourite Senrel I dunno, I quite like R&8. Usher is pr€tt), tood. I dont really

\nr'ell,I've lost rvro kilogr.ms already! lil(€

pompous bourSeok classical music, it's for the upp€r class.

So what cl$3 do you feel you belonS to?

Well, ny dad was a pe.sant.l think I belong to the p€asantry I'm a peasant and proud.They're the people who put tood on the table and s€ll you bananas for lsp when they're beint exploir€d. I have respect for those peopl€.

So what ha5 been your favourite bit of medicine .o far?

Public health.

So onto your favourit€ topic, foodl You arc known to be qulte fond of putting several difrer€nt sau.es on every m€al you eat, wlly ls thl.l Food is r€ally bland, it has no flavour.And also, th€ sauc€ is fr€€ and that way I 8et ry moneyl wonh.Take this meal, I paid {5.99 for this, I delinitely mnt to get ny monetl wonh.

Shigong then prc<eeded to opply 9 so.he6 of differcnt souce onoo his llsh ond chips neol, including drc golden peos.

S€veral people have suag€sted that your table manners al€ qoite appallin& what do you haye to say to thisl Table manners are a siSn of clals suppression which w€re mad€ up to take the mickey out of poor peopl€.

So how does this r€lat€ to you haying bad table manne6!

I'm not that bad, itb not like I spat ny food out, I iust cant be arsed to read a book about it.As I said, tabie mann€rs ar€ a sitn of class suppression and cultuEl imperi.lism.

So is there any kind of food you wouldnt put

exrrr.auce

Are you thinklnS of patentina your diet?

I dont believ€ in making profit from other people's misfortunes and allerSies so l'm not goinS to patent it.Anyone can use my dlet if they lik€.

Have you thou8ht about releasing an €xercise video to go with your diet?

No, not r€ally, thatt an over-satur.ted mark€L I think you should iust

do lots of sit-uF, I do on€ hundred a nlghl So for any admir€rr out theFe, do you have a

glrlfriend!

Thaes too bad,I'm sure a few hearts have been brcken now.

How about 3winglng though, would you be interested in

thatl I'm not at the riSht sEge for swintin8 How common is it anyway?

I dont larcu, soFy. But what do you thlnk about bondag€!

I'v€ afiiaF found it hard to understand.What would be the ethical sanc€ on sadism and masochism?

I don't think ther€ is one. But what kind of music do you think best to seduce a lady with?

I'v€ never used music to woo a lady before, but I write quite a lot of

Thatr int€l€sting, perhaps you could submit a piece? But anyway, thank you for your time, do you have any last words

or advice fo" our r€adeE? Y6. dont listen to peer-pressure. ltl the worst disen5e of the soul.

As long as what you'r€ doint doelnt hurt anyone, dont give into p€er-presure to chanF, carry on-

McDonald! hamburs€rs, th€y alr€ady come with s:uce on them, lpathetti bolognaise, but not anlthing €lse r€:lt t'la/b€ dssens like

And wtti dtot Shisy con'nued to eot h:E fsh @d dths @d.onner'Ed on hot nud' beltet tt wos, oftet rhe opplication of severcl different

33

tsodt tswV - obthm'rLe*...... based clairuoy- the role of Brutus in a traYellint school's ant, Unkle Pete.Jokes relating to the enor- animalised version of Shakespeare's'lulius mous lenSth of his face had now becom€ Caesa/', in which Caesar was played by a

fulv €rylain€d via Knowle

tiresome and Bruuls began ploftint escap€.

an

lobsi€r.

At the summer solstice with the

crabs intoxicated and congregated far P€rhaps triSSering memories of his childinland, Brun$ made a swim for the main- hood in.arcerntion, Brutus had obvious land and

fre€dom.

reservations about the role. On th€ op€n-

Half drcwned (s Brutus had never learnt to swim). the €nd€avour ended fonuitously for him d he was dredged up to safety by chb tawleB fishing in the shallows.

HoweEr, hNiry <aptor€d a bona ide seahoEe, they panded the dishevelled horse in frcnt of : near delirious throng on their rerurn to Oban harbour. Bated and prod-

-

ing night, the murder s€ene became horrn ically marred by Brutus'pulping of the lobster so rapidly that he did not hav€ time to say his linal liner"Et tu Brutel"- lt took sev-

eral teachers 2ominutes

to

eventually

restnin th€ enormous bealt in front of 200 terrified chaldren.

A short but controversial spell as a realit/ €ventually sold for 20 AA baF TV chef follow€d. However. this came to an *,"0"r to ro.ar entre- end after cordon Ramsav ate rrcm a wok prene'r Bemaid "t Mannine (not the famous that Brutus had accidentarry dehe€ated ' into. sacked, Brutus was halnted by his vices. I.r social situations he wolld oft€n mictu.t€ on demand, a skill that offered Brutus' fonun€s luddenty chanSed. Manning,s controt, Bnrtus ioineJ stnnner much work on gtue peter and morninS

ded. he

vrs

.-...".," iii",.'0.."''

-"-. " i:::1'I'::l:--... *! y:1'1i'-'-',T --" ::!.*ft ItL.k ttot Tlly": hotse lrui to sleeD ,ost -'-- Ms " r:'.* .^

::-"' :-' :-- :.-' on€), Novembe' ot o time ond locotion undG

by Horcewodd' whit'hut'h' Thk uider 'losed undeBtondobly .ome.os o shock to.us not foteworned obout-th:ts imminent denise, comm;nity Circus, as the stronSest news progr.mmes. How€v€r, this work potficuldt, when fve weels before we

took

him. lover.Gone,

Horse. Using Manning,s equipmenc he

dis-

soon drieJup and he was eventua y forced

the expensive deosion to sponsor A friend.A btother.A Ihe sense ofloss reduced os oll to

covered he coutd perform some amazing into early redremenr feaB and €l€crriffed audi€nc$ alt over hofiUq Scodand. Crowds would swoon as grutus H€n€e. in 2004 Horceworld leaped at the iflcessonl effonlessly hauled two heavy .ars twenty chance ro have Bnitus. But the celebrity he So in tribut€, B,ock 8og hos commissioned feet intotheairwicha rope attached to his receiv€d took its toll and he became thits speciol feoturc to celebruE the life ond tonSue. Sadly for Brurus. it was ManninS unwell, developing arthritis and a misanwho would let him down.An expose in the thropy that would brinS his life to a Premadeorh of &uars - lltl Evanton Gazett€ revealed that Mannint's ture demise.A5ked by vets if he would llke

teors.

horse.

It isfairto say Brutus did nor have an easy life which staned like so many, ar binh.Th€ 87 hour tabour fina y spawn€d BrKus who emerged some 14 times normatsize.tn the finat srages of tabour, his moth€r ruptured violently and though vets tried

pulley syst€m grutus had been using to continue with life, his r$Ponse was r€duced the force required to rhar of a "nei8h'. overpower€d by his Sroomers and

br€ath extinglishinga candlefron one ind one vet in a landroven Brutus died Peaceaway. Brutus distraced, mock€d and fully. His enormous carcass was then prompdy sacked, he left rh€ carcus forever. scoop€d into a bitra bin and incinerated.

Resr in Peate. He wlll b€ sorelv missed bv admirably was that Brutus all at glack Ba8. sonething to stem the bl€eding and scrape her Luck however. in Andy McKmh horse had .bundanc€. entr.ils back into her abdom€n, a group of passing foxes r.n off with much of the ofal. agent for the stars' saw rhe beast at a meat li I -

ffifr#l*'ffifii#ffiffi**trtr* edged Achilbs

albatross.

was lomething that came

Ery naturally for

ru

clive J' C' Roberts Brut!.- H€ 6n.e rh,* hims€tf over a crifl M'D" F R'C'P' |'LT'M' Aft€r this traumatic binh, Brutu5 ms in'Black B€auty lv" before €ven tormally 1943-2006 shapped to the Hebrides to convalesce. siSnint contncrs and volunteered to be The above named Proved to be honest' dili" However, a8€d six weeks Brutus ws sud- blasted, on Rr€, 4fi)ft into d'e air a5 pan of th€ whole hardworkingthroughout denty maut;d by a swe of cEbs whitsr a reconstruction sequence for "999" wirh sentand retaxing on the Leach. Though Brutus ws Micha€l Burl(e. H€ even performed the first spared;he was etrecrivety kid-napped by the hors€ bury€e, or "Horungee", as pan of a crustaceans. After two year, he eveniualy "C-asualty ' storyline that wa5 late. ared. became used to the cmbs but he woutd atways be painfu y aware that he wB difier- se€lningt on the verSe of fame, tmgedy ent. Brutus was forced to co ect m€at struck as McKnab died suddenly at home. scnps and moss for the <Ebs s they Srurus, now abandoned, embarked on a "lounged around mocking" him, a5 he tsr- seri€! of disastrou! acting mles He landed

36

of the curriculum and had a satishctorv academic re.ord. He had a wa.m and empathic

personality and was able to form Sood rcrking r€lationships with all tndes of m€dical and panmedical stafr. H€alth and attendance records were ako satisfactory and I have no hesitation in recommending him to you St Pet€r'

(millionaire businessman and darts olayer)

The funnl thing

abour

death is rhat nobod/ realll

k rntil the/ And by rhen thinkint

thinks abour die.

time is seriously limited. lm goinS ro give you some free advice and you be$er take it orherwise you I end up looking like anoth-

er one of those tits in

saying,"anl mon€/ for some cheese Gromitl" lto d him straigh! to fuck righr oft I said to him rhat lcould buy him. his wife,rhis friggint hospira and a I the bloody patients in it if I thoLrtht I wasn't Soing to be pissint my morey up rhe wall. AnywaI, I wdked on, srroking my beard, and then it hit me. Shir.Another fuckins heart attack.I collapsed on to lhe lloor and heard rhe palter of lonS novelry shoes and the sighr of a whked out face v/ith a big .ed nose.'That's jusr what a need, a frjgging ctown ffyin8 !o resuscitare me,' lrhou8hr. Bollocks.This was t!rnin8 iito a rcal mickey morse ope.aron and Iwasnt going to stand for it.The problem was tha! lcouldnt move very wett to $! into m/ Ro ler and get a nroye on to thar nice BUPA hospitai up

a

coffin.Whar with ),our life flashins before your eyes, the pain and dct.action of

clowns jumpin8 on ),our chest and pumpint /ou full

l! mus! have looked lke I was beirg iobbed by some circus elcapees, as one of them leapr or my chesr and starred tiving ne the o d heave ho. Unluckily for them, m), bodyguard had seer the !a I end of this, and thoughr that I was beinS mobbed.

adrenal ne which to be honest save me quite a kick (bu! not my hearr unfortunarety) t takes a grear deal of conc€ntration to deal with dearh.

So he 60r our his truncheon, ran in and started beatnS rhe merry shi! ou! of the Good Samarirans. Bollocks. Soon my desigrer suit was coyered in not m/ own bloody blood,l had a

Take me for example. I was wa kinS pan the BRI and ir was someWallace and Gromit day and a lot of docrors and nuBes were ou$ide the fronr enrrance with bucke$ in rheir hands,collec!ing for lhe r charity and dressed in funny outfils. Now I don t normally

And it was then thar rhe angel of dearh came down, floaring down from the sl</ and hovered over the ensuing m€ 6e. She

of

!o evenls like rhis because I have better th ngs ro do.

I once kicked a charity rnuger in her les iust to get her to piss off pay any heed

dren and doctors makinS pricks of rhemselves a n r totng ro make me start growinS a big far wet one and Eetting my waller

ou!.The lasr thinr lwant to see is someone who I pay my bloody taxes for dressinS up in a bi8 fat plasricine model and

M-"

1s659'

was blndin8y white and carried a harp. She said ro me,slran8e ly in my owr voice, "Oh,Alan, you're really in a pi e of shk now ain't /ou?" I assented, strantely $ansfixed. "Thar suits look n8 ike someone\ rampon - I thouEhr you'd be a lot betrer dressed

lor the occasion." Now I am the mosr be/ligerent guf you wil

Earning nine pound a-bloody-hour and asking m€ for cash? She must have been takine the mi<k. Anywa/, ch l-

AM5

heart which was Soing tits up fast,and my bodyguard was racking up counts of assau r like ir was eoing our of boody fashion.

AM5 Ambicor

ever meet and on lop ofrhat,lwas havinr a bad day, by anyone's ltandards, so I to d her ro piss ofi. Piss right otr and shove rhar harp up her arse too.

And you <now whari She did jusr rhar.I realised rhat I had ius! chealed dearh. I stood up. Brushed ofi what muck I could.Told Terry to srop kicking the sh r olt of Gromit.Walkei into my Roler and drove off Only loseE d e.That s how to do t boys.

AMS 700'Series

f'av

t;

.\,

,y 37

tsoo?-tuorvn* The hands.on doctors Blockwe[ Publishing ISBN: 140513609X 'A practical no-nonsense, hands-on guide

to real life as a PRHO":which in reality is not a bad summaq/ of this book lazzed up with delightful sky blue

headings this book will take you through everythinS from acute emergencies to sorting out/our car insur-

ISBN: 1,105129832 Great - straightforward - fantastic. 3 words I have to say about this little minx of a Glance. lt 6kes you from the pituitaq. Sland all tne way through girls and boys anatomy, fertilisation, preSnancy, gynae conditions and finally to a few nasty bits

and bobs you onl)r w.nt to read about - not have. Havin8 completed Obs and Gynae I'm gutted I didnt find this book earlien as the concise content - aptly in pink - would have

ance Gerioust). Also included are tips on how to earn a few extra quid with invaluable info on crem forms and how you might want to organise been invaluable as a quick reference, a drug rep to speak at a lunch,charSe them fl00 and provide caterint for no nonsense book that would com{50, Del Boy himself would be plement that obnoxious portfolio proud!! Added info aside the bulk of nicelt Heffner and Schost have done the book provides incredibh/ useful well,with a nice double spread coverand easy to follow advice for a Sreat int each topic; you can either iust majority of the day to d4/ situations look at the succinct diagrams or read you will tind yourself in as a PRHO.lt all of the text for tiat well rounded will prove a Sreat help when tettint approach. Nice. to grip with the iob in the first few Oncology months,and wellworth storing in the LectuFe notes locker for the morning after pay dqr Elocl<wev Publlshlng Paftf, -r ISBN: 1405124024 SummaD/:Well worth a butchers.

At first glance this litEarential Sports de book, with its matt grey paSes migh!

Medicine Bla.t<well Publishlng seem like our Bristol weather dull ISBN: 14051 1438X and tloony, however closer inspec"A core text for those tion reveals 8 pates of glossy colour who want a compre- photos from the text - which helps to hensive yet concise further illustrate the authoy's well practical tuide to diatnosis and treat" made points.lt's actually the frsr time ment of sports injuries". cancer has made any sense - in a well Unfortunately the bleak cover is tle ordered format which mekes it easy brightest moment of thi! book. The to follow the texg key boxes, flow written content itself is actually Sood; diagrams, pictures and CT scan if you are willing to read reams of images all help to Suide the reader text in search of an elusive dull grey throuth this little gem.After the well diagram. Probably better suited to a written introduction to the topic, the depressive physiotherapy student cancers are all categorises in separate wishinS tiey actually had cause to chapters so it is eaq/ to fnd exactly wear a stethoscoPe. what you are afier if you are iust Summary: Not worth the shelf space reedinS the odd section at a time.This - unless you are a GP doing a diplo- book gets a lhumbs up from me.

CtwLotW...

Y'k/yto1^,, I cn it tdLthezlt eed.In) d,{flere'nrcr..

38

The Renal System at a Glance Blackwe Publishing ISBN:1405131365

The Reproductive System at a Glance Blockve Publishing

Everything you expect see from an '.At a

to

Glance" book very to read, concise and does well not to overwhelm the reader with technical detail. ln short very user easy

friendly with an €xcellent and copious number of infromarive. clear illustrations. As always, for those with an

interest in the lubiect (well, who doesnt - renal physiology is a particis pnched at the no nonsense crammer or for those who

ularhve) the level

want the jist 2omins

before

clinidward round.Allthe same - great book for an important subject.

Surgery at a Glance Bid.l<well Publishing

ISBN:4051318tX Quality! lt is unsurprhing this textbook is

such

a hit with

stu-

denrs, probaby for the way it condenses the essentials of what is a massive subject into such manateable setments. Taking a symptom based

iourney throuth surtery, Surgery at a Glance Sives enouth information to help ).ou 8et the basics so you dont

look like such an i€tit when on a ward round the consultant turns to you for 6 clinical features of appendicitis! Howevei it does lack detail if you need ia ln summary - ligate my aorta and call me Jeoffrey!!! lt! a smashinS little book!!!

orford Handbook ofClinical Diatnosis Oxfod Univertltl Pr€ss

ISBN:192632,193 Potentially very useful. Provides a pocket differential diag-

for everT pr€s€nting complaint tiat you care to mention with supportinS evldence. Pertuct for tryinS to fi8ure out exactly what your history and examination findinSs actually mean. Another handy pocket companion to put in your white coat... nosis

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rrmr;agc bv

l{ lr,.ill0Cd

in

rfule.