2008 1

Stack 257 SUMMER

$ de

2OO8

FREE TO THOSE THAT CAN AFFORD IT

BAG Bristol Universitv

[ibrary

2{

Philosophy, poems, Eastern knowledge and PORN!

JUl,t

2000

Current lssue

U

NOT TO BE REMOVED From the Library

p close and

personal with E

uge ne

oyd and Alice Roberts Ll

Pote nt

Hangover cures and

the truth behind the DHB Emergency

There's

!

!

a

Panmandemic

cominq !!

Do vou YING or YANG?

Contents Ponmondemic!11.........

Come work for CRAP........

The Reol Eugene 11oyd.........

The

PhilosopnicolMedic.......

Out ond Aboui in the South West.........

Alice Roberts - the unofficiolinterview...

yeors.........

Hongovers.

SouJyCLlCPics...

SkiTrip '08............

Sports Reports......

An Alternotive View....

The Femcle Of The Species.....

Book Reviews.............

The DHB

"""""'3

"""""""""""4 """""""""'5 """""""""'7

""""""""""10 """""""""'11

"""""" "" "

13 "' 15

""""""""''16 """"""""18 """"""""'21 """""23 """"""""26 """"""27

Panmandemic!!

By Nicok Connellylt has been repoted that we are cutrendy experiencing a surge of Y chromosome related disease! As this fatal

plethora of syndromes sweeps the nation, black bag brings you coverage of the ma(i)nmorbidities stalking normal blokes out there!

Hold onto your stethoscopes... it may make them shrink back up, it may make them fall off, Manology is upon us, the 'penny'has dropped!

Manfluenza They think iCs a myth, they laugh and scorn at the blasphemous utterance of it as an excuse for a duvet day. But man, rest assured, female denial of this condition is due to the X chromosome. It is simply not possible for a woman to accePt man flu is a reality, because the virus only impregnates itself in Y chromatids (unless it's bisexual there have been cases). As such, this horific malady is exacerbated by unsympathetic remarks.

Mankolosing Spondylitis Patients are classically funny shaped Q), not due to an incredible hangover or catalepsy.

Manchausens

Lntlia4pants on flte!

Watch out for these patieots, they will try and beftiend you. Making allies in vulnerable doctors, Manchausens ensure you do their bidding. Alas, thads not really a fit, hold onto yovD:,oizepam; this gendeman is exhibiting Neuralgia Diabolica. They may also show

Mangina {.:at" fait males (dont have gallstones) who like a litde too much beer and haven't made the s$/itch to Benecol yet.

Mangina is particulady worrisome during footy matches. With existing CHD, watching a game on the big screen increases your relative risk of a coronary event by 507o1 (check the reference if you're sad enough, but be congratulated for yout curiosrg George)

They re frfqr,

Mancreatitis Alcoholics, Patrick Swayzee wanabees2 (too soon?) or those who are unfortunate enough to have been bitten by a scorpion in Broadmead; beware! These gendemen are screwed unless Levy manages to come across an issue of Nature marketing stem cell islet transplantation.

Shovr whole person cate to these patients.

They may be yellow, ascetic and confabulating but they still require unconditional positive regard (fwe concurwith Trev). Also, remember to congratulate yourself for diagnosing on the basis of tetroperitoneal back pain. Winner!

N.B. as a female of the species, I absolutely do not agree with any of this twaddle, however, we now know that is because genetically immune to understanding... @ OriqinalArti< Râ&#x201A;Źp.oajudro^

hghts

obtainablâ&#x201A;Ź

I'm

frcfr

signs of alarming haemorrhage, false heart attacks and messy gastrointestinal upset. It's a

tricky one though, how to differentiate between the hospital hobo and the real McCoy?! Ultimately, a law suit vzill decide. If in doubt, give him the Pethidine. He'may not have renal colic, butyour uteters are on the line if he's telling the truth!

w--dtuqery6kFrktu4.@-'

Maniscd tear Only true footballing blokes incur this malady Alas, the congruent providers are notorious\ a bugger to heal and can lead to complications of gimpy legs, not such a good look as the name infers.

Manorrhagia Something men still don't want to talk about. ..

t

BMJ 2000 Dec23;321 (727Q:1552-1554 Cardiovascular

mortrality in Dutch men during 1996 European football championship: longitudinal population study Daniel R Witte et al

t

Chronic pancreatitis caused by alcohol can precede

pancreatic cancer.

Are you errthuslstic, irrbllilerrt and firll of ad€as?

Do you have a GGSE grade C or above in English?

Are you excibd about research? lf lh€ answer

b

all of tfiese is

Ys!

Come and work for

cmP

The Greating Revolutlonary Acronyre ProJecf seeks lo lirrcn up the urorld of medical acronymsFlero al GFaAP, ute cam€ uP with the PROGRES trial ior secondary prevenlion of strd<es, lhe CFIOP chaomo regime, and llte m'emorable CURB rating for prrurrrontre severlty.

Apply now.

Help us make more great acromyms.

Go on, make a difierence todaY

The madness of mad people Alys Maconie Wed, B.1Opm

I've been to see a mad person today. Properly mad, mind, none of this 'personality disorder' shit. He was actually rather pleasant in a sort of way. Properly mad people are harmless in the flight-of-ideas main. It's the non-mad psychopaths you want to look out for. Anyhoo, this gtuy was very amusing, particularly at one point where I could have sworn he said, "I'm eating a lot of pet-food recently". I had to bite the insides of my mouth. j-n the medical community frequently make fun of our patj-ents, and those with mental heatth problems are an easy target. A consuftant I know categorises his patients in "Window-Iickers", "zombies", "acopics" and "Brown." Unkind you might think. Well, Y€s, but in the underfunded NHS, there ain't much else to laugh at. But, here's a thought. In a Court CaSe a few years agO, nOw knOwn as "Re C", a man with pSychosiS and a gangrenous leq won the right not to have his leg chopped off. The orthopaedic surgeons wanted it off - they said he was not competent to decide. 'C'had a del-usion that he was an orthopaedic surgeon, and was convinced that it wou1d be ok. The court ruled that 'C' was competent to decide the fate of his own leg. To everyone's surprise, the legt survived. The moral of this story? If you are going to have del-usions of beinq a surgeon, have delusions of being a rea11y gtood surgeon!

We

AII this has lead me to wonder if I am actual-ly having delusions of being a student doctor. Perhaps tomorrow, I'l-l- go onto the ward, and shuf f l-e.

4

THE REAL EAGENE

LLOYD Recently BlackBag caught up with the man behind those physiology lectures, Eugene Lloyd, to grind his

mind.......

Tell us a little about your childhood I grew up in Wales, from an early age I was interested in becoming a teacher or a doctor. lt was after a visit to a hospital in Cardiff that I decided on medicine. I think I was enthused by the variety and human contact in the job as well as the problem solving element in making a diagnosis. These things are unique to clinical practice and in their turn very rewarding.

Uni days?

I came to Bristol in the 1990s when the course was still very traditional. At that time I became very interested in clinical pharmacology after an intercalated degree in pharmacology. After graduating I spent a year teaching physiology, got hooked and I've been here ever since. However, I still keep up some clinical practice in emergency medicine which gives me the advantage of seeing clinical toxicology in action in terms of dealing with the overdoses and poisonings.

What would be your best advice to cu rrent medical undergrad uates?

The best advice I could give is 'to learn to learn.' Our current undergrads coming straight from school are not used to the study skills needed for medicine and to learn how to study, think about and understand material and subsequently apply it, takes time. lt is these skills that people must continue to hone beyond graduation.

Why did you pursue this alternative career path?

When practicing medicine I was always interested in the underlying mechanisms of disease. I feel there has been an

increasing tendency over

the

Past

decade for more recipe based treatment and although this may work for 90% of patients, when encountered by the patient for whom this doesnt work, that is when you have to go back to first principles and really understand the underlying workings of the human body. lndeed, my clinical practice is very frontline and very much applied physiology. lt is this practice that helps inform my teaching but my interest in basic principles also helps my clinical work.

What is it about teaching that draws you to it?

One of the key things is to see the look

on peoples' faces when you can see that they have really understood a concept, and also to be challenged by students. Every year I teach over 1000 students (medical, dental, vetinary and science) and they come up to you with questions that make me go away and do some further research. lt is this continual learning that is very stimulating to me.

The worct part of teaching?

Dealing with limited resources. We have this fantastic opportunity for helping people training as doctors and whilst lectures are great for delivering information I'd rather see more small group teaching. This would be a real key for improving the excellence of the medicalschool.

What does your current research involve?

I'm currently involved in evaluating the fidelity of our human-patient simulator,

that is, whether the

physiological responses agree with what is published

in the scientific literature. So far we have found that the responses are fairly consistent with human physiology but there are a couple of fundamental flaws which we are hoping to Persuade the manufacturer to change!

What is your take on alternative medicine?

My interests in understanding disease mechanisms and drug actions makes me want to see good evidence for benefits of any alternative therapies.

They need rigorous scientific evaluation as does any other kind of treatment'

EUGENE'S WORD ASSOCIATIONS

ta summers dayt

10

level. I

Your views on this 'publish or perish climate'?

I think whether peoPle choose to do

research should dePend on their interests and abilities. We have an ethical obligation to make sure that the science we publish is good and I have the impression that some people try to publish material to tick the box for career progression - that's a fairly sad state of affairs. There is stress upon the individuals to do something they don't want to do and therefore don't do particularly well. Nobody really benefits from this.

ii._

in

years time?

I hope to be doing a similar job to what I'm doing now but more involved in raising the profile of physiology in the undergraduate curriculum on a national feel quite stronglY that

Bristol medics:'alcohol' Academia:'challenging' NHS: 'a good idea!'

Clifton: 6pretty'

Caln:

Where do you see Yourself

physiology is important to medical practice. Everybody seems to be trying to re-invent the wheel in teaching and assessment but I think that bY increasing cooperation between medical schools there is a way of sharing best the best practice and working interests of the students.

in

Life outside work?

I like spending my free time walking - I have a schnauzer called Harry (!) - and I tend to relax by walking Harry (not me!) in the fields near mY house. I also particularly like spending time with friends and family.

--

BREAKINGNEWSBREAKINGNEWSBREAKINGNEWSBREAKINGNEWS training, it hL 9..1 announced ^-- part iiii As -- the continuing shake up of Bristol undergraduate r---- of year berween 3'd and 4th year in which they will Ji"" ii ii ittut'rtoo.nts shall take a compulsory will be encouraged to reflect ii ii wittr a patient and their family. During this time they models ii creativeiy and in a holistic manner upon their day-to-day life and apply wPC !i guidelines ii ii fn. -orr. has been brought about by Bristol's interpretation of the new GMC itr atiu. to ensure that its undergraduates have little clinical knowledge by the time ttrev ii ii ii ii reactr their finals, but can reflect maturely on this ..th. a t'toti*til years,'o said poor in recent very been has students of our knowledge clinical i! ii !!,. (f,D much fuuwu as injecting rrrJvvLurS by uJ "and frend Llvll(l !i :: recent rttuEl.LL the [tlti up keep Keep to Io keen Keen are we wg "and spoKesperson, ii spotcesperson, !! iiii ii meaningless holon into our

,:jlit.

;ri

iiii ii

fact.

curriculum." curriculum."

ii

f,

Trevors were harmed in the writing of this

piece

ji

The Philosophical Medic - An account of his work habits

by Eoin Dinneen

O'ut And About Around the Souttt West As always, we at BlackBag l-ook out not only for the academic needs of our readers - but for their psychological wel-l being. As such, we have gone to great lengths to research the very best in l-ocal- attractions, so that Bristol medicaf students can make the most of much needed and infrequent'down time' .

If you're sick of the sight of Bristof and want to go somewhere different (but not too far away) , or if you're looking for ideas for birthday treats, a romantic day out or just pure relaxation - then Bath Spa is the place for you. Now we're not talking about the Roman Baths' Ittfrougfr they are highly recommended for a day out - but they are not quiet as relaxing as the Thermae SpaI won't bore yor, "itt"r the history because if your interested enough in going you can read afl- about it there - and if your not interested then lrrurli" no point in me wasting my time by telling you (pfus its all on their websj-te: www.thermaebathspa.com). However I can tell you it is wel-l worth a visit. includlng an open roof top heated pool visit, to There are 3 l-evel-s which was by far my favourite. Tt is best to get there whife the air is sti1l a bit chilly as the warm waters and cool air together make it

real1y invigorating.

Fortunately (or not) everyone is obliged to wear appropriate swimwear, and the changing rooms are communal with individual cubicfes to change in. The set up makes it ideal for couples and groups. For our gentl-eman readers, there is not only the benefit of the spa itself but of some rather smashing views - from the rooftop I mean. But it's worth noti-ng, cameras and blnoculars are prohibited' For the ladies the views can be equally as riveting, although we would remind all our readers that if you happen to find any one view particularfy attractive, please make sure it is not already occugled'

Hetets an adyeft from BlackBag {945 - lnterostlng to 3ee how the term sWirelesst has changed over the decadesl

First

in 1922

WIRELESS BRISTOL LIMITED 60, QUEEN'S ROAD 24A51 Telephone

-

BRANCHES AT

52, COTHAM HILL

76, REDCLIFF STREET IIO, HENLEAZE ROAD FISHPONDS ROAD

55, STOKES CROFT 25a, EAST STREET

t4, uNloN STREET 37, MILSOM STREET, BATH

The Leoding House in the West for Modern Rodio FOREMOST VER SINCE 10

ALICE ROBERTS

-

tne Unofficial Interview

Our reporter Terry Smyner caught up with Dr Roberts mid way through

a

live bronchoscopy for her latest televisual extravaganza. Between takes she took time out to answer some ofthe questions all Bristol medical students have been dyrng to find out: Terry: We note from our zubscription data that you have been a BlackBag reader for What do you like about it so much?

some yeaxs.

while back ('Rdesigning the Human Body,' ishe likely to follow in your TV footsteps?

Alice: Mo's

flaws' Terry: As

a new

TV

star in the medical teaching

staff, do you feel any envy from

your

colleagues?

Alice: Not at all. And the stuff I'm doing on TV is just a small part of the public engagement work that I and other people across the 2 medical faculties and across the university me involved in. We do lots of schools outreach, public talks and get involved in events like Cheltenham Festival of Science and Science Alive in the Galleries. There are quite a few of us Bristol academics in the media if you look closely.

Kathy Sy*es' Alternative Medicine, Harry Witchel in The Truth about Food, and the lovely Eugene doing the physiology on Don't Die Young. We're all engaged in stealth science on

TV. There's actually very little science on TV at the moment (but we've formed a growing underground organisation working

a

colleague of mine in Anatomy, and

great communicator. He was talking about his own research on joints, in the context of 'design

a

Alice: The advice about pickles.

to

change

in the human

body. This

medicine understandable/accessible/interesting to the public, is also about publicising the ground-breaking research that goes on in our universities. I think there's a moral obligation here as well. A lot of the research is publically frmded, so the public should get to find out about it.

Terry:

Zane Low e or Westwood?

Alice: Oh dear! Radio 4, I'm afraid. (There's not enough Pearl Jam or System of a Down on Radio

I

anyway).

Terry: Congratulation on the book deal too. Is it true you describe the brain as ugly and boring in that chapter?

thaQ.

Alice: Yes. Why do you think Terry: What characteristics do you most deplore

is a really

important side of science communication, which, as well as generally trying to make science and

I

don't teach

neuroanatomy?

in a medical student?

Terry: What did you want to be when you were Alice: This is a difficult question to answer, and

growing up?

a shame really, as most medical sfudents seem to

be dedicated, fairly hard working, quite wellrounded and generally nice people (which is

good, because that's the sort of people we ty to select onto the course). Having said that, a very few have the annoying chmacteristic of The Arrogance of Walking Into A Lecture Very Late, At the Front. (I mean if they're going to be late, you would have thought they'd have the decency to creep in quietly at ttre back?!).

Terry: Our radar also picked up Mo Sharif (who some of the intercalaters know) on radio 4 a

Alice: A horse. (This is absolutely true;

I was

asked when I was 5, and that's what I said. I have

no idea if medical

science

will

make this

achievable in my lifetime).

Terry: There seems to be a great deal of emphasis on not smoking in the health advice you give. Have you ever been known to partake in a cancer stick or two?

Alice: I couldn't possibly comment. All I can say is that Im very lucky not to have a tendency to addiction. I think the smoking ban in pubs will

1l

really help people give up (or not start), and I'm

just amazed that, given ttre enormous cost to individual health, the NHS and society, our government, which is so often accused of nanny statism, didn't do this earlier.

Terry: Do you have any guilty pleasures? (i.e. music or films you love but know 1'ou shouldn't) Alice: Film: Babe (but I'm not that guilty about it). Music: Johnny Coppin (bit of a West Country folk hero).

Wonder Woman; Johnny Morris; Johnny Ball; TonyHart.

Terry: What book are you reading at the moment?

Alice: Several (I always do for different moods):

Chris Stinger's Homo

Britannicus Tale

Richard Dawkins' The Ancestor's Jose Saramago

-

Blindness

Terry: ln 2004, Snoop Dogg reached no.10 in UK charts with 'Drop it Like ifs Hot'. It contained the line "*I got a living room full of fine dime brizzles, Waiting on the Pizzle, the Dizzle and the Sh:g:zle, Gs to the bizzack, now

the

Terry: Your career seems to have moved from embryological to archaeological and then returned to general anatomy. Can the second years anticipaie a move away from embryology in the curriculum too?

ladies here we gizzo*". Can you shed any light on what this may mean?

Atice: My research since I came to Bristol has focused on pathology in old bones, so I'm still in

lyrics?

touch with the archaeological (and forensic) side of things. I do teach in this area as well (though not to you

lot). I did an embryological

project during my intercalated degree, and although Im not doing research in this area now, embryology and the links with comparative anatomy and evolution has alwala fascinated me.

Most of my teaching on the medical course is

about straightforward, topographical anatomy,

but I think it's essential to know a bit of embryology in order to be able to understand anatomy and congenital defects. Embryology is getting a bit trendier again, as well, as research into genetics starts to reveal the links between the genes and morphology. So don't expect it to disappear out of the medical curriculum any time soon!

Terry: Have you ever

been arrested?

Alice: No! I'm far too careful.

Alice: Snoop needs some help with writing Terry: If you had to co-present with a member of the Medical teaching staff, who would you choose?

Alice: Eugene Lloyd or Andy LevY

Terry: Due to increasing financial pressures, Black bag is considering having a cover price rather than being left in corridors in the hope it before was free anyway. What price would you put on this someone might pick it up and glance at

ttrowing

it in the bin

because

it

quality publication?

Alice: Obviously, it's priceless. But you could consider making rainforest).

it an e-publication (to

save the

Terry: And finally, is it true you are related to the most eminent clinical pharmacologist and sadly departed (from his role as clinical dean) Clive Roberts?

Terry: No doubt you'll feature in the pre-clinical

Alice: Absolutely not. I like to keep you on your

I am probably some kind of third cousin twice removed. I expect if we both faced our family tees back far enough, we'd discover a corlmon ancestor, sitting on the side of a mormtain in North Wales and hoping the

toes.

Romans don't get in.

review once again. Are you able to let us know what hair colour you may have by then so we can keep it topical?

Terry: Who were your childhoodheroes?

Alice: In chronological order: Piglet Champion

the Wonder Horse (bit of a theme merging perhaps); Princess out of Bafile of the Plmefs;

T2

Alice:

Terry: Thanks for your time Dr Roberts.

BlackBag appreciates itbaby. Good luck

with the TV stuff Alice: Thank you BlackBag. Always

a

pleasure.

A brief history of time- the DHB yeans

By Dan Watson The BRI was founded in 1735, records show it's' specialties were smoking cessation and the treatment of lateral epicondylitis from beating one's slave too often. The founders of the hospital were well into a holistic approach to healthcare and situated the BRI next to a homeopathic centre called "The Dolphin" which specialised in essence of hops and yeast extract in a variety of concentrations for the treatment of all of the fragilities of man.

The pioneering homeopathic "Oakhill Invalid Stout" (a forerunner of today's Agent Orange) was far superior to the medicine of the time and as a result sometime in the 4O's, 50's or 60's The Dolphin was incorporated into a new wing of the hospital- Dolphin House.

With the invention of new resource hungry branches of medicine like dermaholiday and Care of the Smelderly, NICE decided the cost per QALY for the wonder drug was not clinically significant although it was better than placebo. It was no longer offered on the NHS and its secret was lost, only kept alive by a secret societ5r of learned men (women weren't invented until much later) known as the fellowship of the dring-k.

The fellowship protected the d-ring-k in the bastion of Da cHamBer of secrets (DHB) from the evil Lord He Who Must Not Be Named (he works for UBHT and is a knob) and his orc a-rmy for many years. The chamber was discovered by the orcs because of their love for shit, when arr over excited student found the DHB and promptly soiled himself and threw it around in celebration. The chamber was sealed for many years and the fellowship were cast out into the wilds of the waterfront. Whilst away they experimented using the very latest advances in homeopathy combined with acupuncture and Reiki to form a new dring-k - the mythical Agent Orange.

The DHB was reclaimed by the fellowship and filled with psychedelic crap artwork and a pool table, it was a perfect home for the new d-ring-k. Many searched for the d-ring-k, but the fellowship didn't make it easy; only the most worthy made it past the trolls guarding the entrance using wit, charm and a UBHT swipe card. Only the most courageous ald well anti-perspired made it through the fiery belly of the DHB without dissolving or being cmshed by a group of fresher dwarves dressed as babies. Those who made it were rewarded the new and improved ultra homeopathic d-ring-k Agent Orange.

Here the story gets abittnzy as the precise homeopatlry of the Agent raises the drinker to a whole new level of the holon hierarchy where time goes at a 45 degree angle and ethereal dance is the only form of communication. It is

impossible to distil the funk back into words but a rough attempt boils down to, "Hey fresher- fancy a shagl andf or, "I'm so fulI of holons I need to chunder".

13

The final chapter in the history of the DHB starts on a cold dark night, it might have been raining I can't remember. Hundreds of friends and peers descended on the DHB and sat around playing garnes like scrabble and kerplunk, everyone had a very jollY time. There were (PartY)PoPPers, quavers, cheese and pineapple on sticks and pickled onions for light refreshments. Everyone had to be uP early the next day so we all had a horlicks and were tucked uP bY 8.30pm. It was the best night ever.

The next day the orc army found the DHB again and flew into a jealous rage.

No one ever wanted to PlaY kerPlunk with them it was so unfair. Lord he who must not be named caught the fellowship and demanded they tell who was the best at kerPlunk so he maY destroy them. The fellowship would not tell so the lord threw every last one of his toys out the pram and destroyed the DHB for ever.

Cooking time: Not long Method: Take butterfly net and creeP uP very quietly behind Trevor T taking care not to spook him- he can turn into ether and fly away at the slightest noise.

During his morning yoga routine is an excellent time.

Vigorously wave the butterfly net above his head and catch as many holons as you can.

Staple the holons together to stop them floating away and then whilst listening to the whale song simmer them in the surgical spirit for 5 minutes.

In the meantime crack oPen the calendar to the girls fuIl strip page and clean the pipes.

Allow to cool before adding the OJ stirring 3 times clockrvise and 4 times anti-clockwise. kave it in the fridge to cool.

Serve in a plastic Pint glass

The End- or is it????

Disclaitns: this history is based slightlg on magbe one fact and 4.3 rumours, the rest is confabulnted. It doesnT representthe uiews of the Galenicals committee, BlnclcB ag e dito rs or euen the auttnr so if it upsets gou chitl out, gou willliue longer.

Exclusivel I FellowshiP reveal the recipe for Agent Orangell You will need: A stapler 400m1surgical spirit A butterfly net 1 cup of orange juice (freshly squeezed) Some whale song Trevor T A copy of the CLIC 08 calendar Prep time: A little while

t4

PfiTT Dlsctalnrr: Holons handled incorrectly can cause AIDS (the good kind) always use protection.

Ceutlon: Prolonged use of Agent Orange therapy can cause the user to begrn to refer to themselves in the third person, a rare side effect only reported once in the case of "the Garc", probably due to an interaction with steroids.

Hangovers You know how it is, one turns into two, to three and so on. The hours melt into each other and before long lady gin has flashed her sultry eyes and gyrated her filthy hips at you too many times. She's a hadot and you know it but you cantt resist. Yet in the cold light of morning she's not such a looker and nor afe you. The sun Stfeams through youf cfap curtains and the thought of a JRT lecture makes a lobotomy seem like a picnic. So what do you do? I frnd a nice bowl of Frosties covered in lashings of vodka help, but for those freshers still wet behind the lugs, here's BBts compilation of completely stupid international hangover remedies:

Menu Holland:

Take a liver (a cow's not your own), sheepns trotters and oatmeal. Boil them for 6 hours and strain. This, err delicious sounding 'soup' is a comfort food high in protein and carbs. Just the job if you're a 17th century peasant who wants to stay that way.

Outer Mongolia: Should you ever find yourself suffering from a surfeit of fermented yak's milk, take a pickled sheep's eye from the jar in which you keep your yuil specially for this purpose, pop it in a gtass and fill with tomato juice. Stare manfully into the glass until one of you blinks then down the horrid beverage in one. This cure is so revolting that your hangover wili soon seem trivial by comparison.

Germany:

Before they had logic and science in Germany, they had fish. The herring is attributed wffi almost mythical anti-hangover properties by its supporters. (lf I were feeling more droll. I would have called this the'herring aid')

lran: Abstinence

- very sensible

lreland: Half a dozen oysters and a pint of Guinness are recommended as a liftle tonic in lreland Guinness is loaded with all sorts of minerals and foodie things to restore your body's yirtg and yang as well as booze to ease your brain and dissolve your pain. Them oysters got zino baby.

Puerto Rico: Slice a ripe lemon in half and rub firmly in your armpits. This one actually works, honesUyl Some, more or none of these may have been taken from Alex Benady's

A Little Book of Hangover

Cures

The Ballad of the Morning After What is this awful pounding sound Like rocks being cracked inside mybrain?

My tongue feels like the desert ground, My stomach's gurgling with pain!

I sink beneath the sheets and moan, My red eyes blinded by the light.

I issue forth a mournful groan And wallow in hung-over plight.

Its rear-end rips a back-door belch,

A Hunger Hatch kebab-type smell Accompanied by a little squelch - An awful moiste,ned fartyhell!

Leaping from the dragon's lair

I swagger to my shaking feet, My clothes are scattered everywhere; I must enforce hasty retreat!

Last night's a sketchy half-lost dream Of booze-induced bawdy excess.

I can't recall a single scene It's all hazy tequila mess.

With socks and pants I stop and freeze; As the beast growls a waking roar!

Its pimpled nose gives a snotty sneeze; Its eyes locate me near the door!

I ply open blood-shot eye-balls And honor suddenly hits home; These are not my bedroom walls!

Hang on a sec... I'm not alone!

It opens up two bulbous lips And gives an smiling yellow-tooth leer, Lifting the covers, with a Bristolian lisp: "Do it again my lover, my dear!"

Oh God. Who's in this foreign bed?

A lounging lump snores by my side;

Beneath the sheets a floundering flump

Its fleshy back rests near my head All covered with a hairy hide.

Ofrolling squelching fatty skin; A bilious burping bouncy frump, Oh what possessed me! Oh what sin!

I pear from underneath the sheets

At the slumbering shape's design; It smells like unwashed hippo feet And awful fetid sewerage slime.

It could be woman, man, in-between, And looms before me like abull; Secreting a greasy, sweaty sheen: Dear God! I hope we didn't pull!

Well ne'er so hideous have I seen As the blubbering mass within that bed; I turned, and ran sbaight from the scene Innoughtbutpants and socks I fled!

The moral of the story goes Be cautious of that extra beer, And don't tnrst what yow drunk eye shows And always keep you good sense near!

It rolls over and Oh! the shame!

A face like Porky Pig looms great, Irecoil from its pufr-pink frame: Dear God! I pray we didn't mate!

Medics Ski Trip 2OO8

Richard Pellatt

-

Les Arcs

by Sally Henderson (and Sam Grahame)

Soaked as usual from the Bristol rain, 54 very excitable Bristol Medical Students boarded the coach from hell, each armed with a bottle to 'help the joumey pass' (and prepare our livers for the heavy week that lay ahead). A few of rounds of 'blankety wank' later (ably chaired by our most organised ski captain Neil, who we even managed to misplace on the ferry), a forgotten passport, 10 The male ski captains firlfilling freir role by disposing oftte uine

litres of urine and a lot of sleeping later, we arrived at Les Arcs 1800 28 hours after just departure, considerably more tired than we had started off, but thrilled to see our with faced were we eyed Bleary now mucn snow there was waiting for us! clearly had which warren rabbit coloured accommodation for the week: a brightly been designed by a manic patient. Of course, it was straight to the bar for most members of the auftg. a fholesome balanced meal at the kebab shop) and some get to know would who they reps ski the with group rushed to become acquainted better throughout the week...

As the majority were hangover free on the first morning, we awoke early to sun and lots of powder eager to jump on the lift and make the first new tracks, boarders and skiers alike.

Ski School Gomm commenced early for the beginners, featuring some beautiful parallel turns but no tips on how to stop'..needless to say this lead to a few problems for the newer skiiers when they actually ventured a bit further up the mountain! Everyone was interested to see the worlds most fearless skiers Ben Bowsher and Ian O'Brien who began careering down the off piste powder straight away after only a weeks experience The pno skiers led byEllie Gaff (self taught naturally), and Guy, Alisdair and Ellie showed everyone how to do it on the hardest slopes' As naturally over:competitive medics (some more than others..'Jones) the bordercross race was an essential part of the week. Rachel Jones cruised to a disputed victory in the beginners girls, whilst Laurie Anderson took the intermediate girls, and Giesen thL advanied. As unfortunate as it was that Guy Morris was beaten by jLeonie girl (well done Fiona) in the snowboarding race, Will Maclean (decked out in the belt retro ski suit of the week) trudged in shamefaced after being beaten by two!a Matilda Lawrence also mastered the technique in skiing on water, whilst Willo had little swim!

Alcohol fuelled a plethora of medic incest with some brilliantly organised nights out.

Samantha Grahame managed to keep her blood alcohol levels at an all time consistent high throughoutine notiday, trtina Beck kissed the aptly named'pigeon' Lauren van Lancker ended the week with sofefy becausi ne Uorignt -andher a drink,-and no mobile phone! Fancy dress was of the high standard e stjples in her head Supeiheroes and Tutus as the themes. The foil clad Easter, with medics of e*peitea Lindt bunnies have to be given a mention, if only because most people had nightmares about it for days Lfter, Will Maclean managed to incorporate an element of drag into every outfit and Rich French's full Marks and Spencer's suit on the slopes was definitely something that had to be seen to be believedl Other great outfits included the Easter Chicks (with great chicken dancing from Lucy Morgan), the Easter Egg Hunt (featuring Hilary and Linda), the Easter Wizard (who definitely exists".Matt Williams), Benazzir Bhutto and even the rock that rolled from lesus' tomb (congratulations to Becky King for the most unimaginative costume EVER). Tutus were worn by all on the slopes Ski School Gomm

t9

to celebrate Jess Robson-Davis' birthday and there was even a bottle of wine fuelled rendition of her CLIC dance on the mountain.

As the week progressed, morals declined and reputations were ruined, reaching an astonishing climax on the final night (known to many as 'night of filthJ. Drinking games were many and varied; many discovered a new found love for'Good

pants/Bad pants', inevitably leading to Good chest/Bad chest and a tantalising round of 'Cock or Ball'. Spin the bottle was an outright success for Dan Adlington and Rob Gordon and Ed Gomm got a little Tutu time too close for comfort during a round of 'A and B'.

Yolande Squire was successful in being the 'most drunk'on superheroes night, and one bathtub certainly saw its fair share of vomit for the week.

a highlight of the trip.

Starting traditionally early, we all caught the final lift to the top and stopped at lArpette restaurant.

It was a recipe for disaster: pitchers of vin chaud, a bottle of wine each, table dancing and a whole lot of cheese (congratulations to those boys who fought through the cheese sweats and managed to finish theirs). Needless to say, skiing home was a bit of a challenge for some (Neil made his way back down in the piste basher) and there was a lot of snow ploughing down the blue run which lead back to the bars at the bottom. SAS style, skis FluS Easter Chicks were buried in the snow to prevent them being stolen so the lash could continue. Unfoftunately for 2 girls (who shall rename nameless), their efforts were just not good enough and they woke up in the morning not only with a hangover but without any skis, meaning a red-faced trip to the police station.

The mountain meal was

Overall we were lucky with only a few injuries. The most severe consequence was a lost tooth when Rob Gordon stacked it 769 metres down a black run at 80 mph (or did he just chomp too hard on a sausage...?). Bowsher, Emily Barrow, and Laurie all had some classic falls, but Sam won the award for best wipe out after coming crashing down and causing herself a nosebleed (probably still drunk.'.).

The end of the week was upon us in a flash...as we made the long painful journey back on the bus (no thanks to Guy Morris for the smell) our bodies and livers had certainly taken a battering but new relationships evolved, ski techniques improved, goggle marks were at an all time high and everyone who went can look back and reflect (chiefly on facebook) on an awesome week!

Ski Captains: Samantha Grahame, Neil Ryan and Ed Gomm

20

$Rorts

ret$

$0FnlaAntoni0[ Our year as Club Captains has come to an end!

Congratulations to Damien and Jen on their appointments we know they will do a fantastic job.

W6 woutO like to take this opportunity to thank all the team captains this year. They have been wonderful and a pleasure to work with, their hard work has meant that allteams have blossomed.

Here are some of things that have happened in the sporting world since the last black bag: NANTES

-

home hostinq

Women's Football had a convincingB - t victory with new talent Catherine Rowland

showing her star shooting skills oveithe French in a Closely fought and exciting match. victory enjoyed Men's Rugby What Final score was 17-15, with a sign of relief as the French failed to convert their try. can I saY, the better team won!

Men's Football unfortunately lost 4-1 to a polished French side. women,s Rugby lost to a very strong and experienced French side. Many of their team were Doctors who had come for the occasion; we think this might be cheating! play the Final score following the matches: Bristol 2 Nantes 2. We let the internationals team intemational Our Rugby. tiebreak, as Saturda-y night saw England vs France in the obiiged and we were glad to call it our victory.

JI(rl;^tiY'

lllâ&#x201A;Źt

I Ivulllqlllerrl

rrr rrrv vvsrr'

I Y'-

The weekend of Nantes coincided with one of the biggest events in the Hockey cale-ndar, TITS. eiistot was host to tribes of Medics from Cardiff, RUMS, Warwick, Manchester, Southampton, Brighton and Sussex. 10 hockey teams congregated at the pitches. The tribes fought it out lrmed with only a stick and a ball to see who would emerge the true victors! The day drew to a close with Bristol's very own Doctors team clasping the Cup trophy, and the Bristol Medics with the Plate. Congratulations must go to Sam Grahame, Sophie Tate, Ed Gomm, Hannah Courtney'and Pels Heyrvood for organising the extremely successful event'

2I

Women's Ruqbv - Rach Jones

Galenicals Women's Rugby (renamed team shlag due to antics off the pitch!) have been living up to the name with impressive social presence at uni and medic events! While we lost to the French at Nantes, the

sevens tournament in

Southampton should bring more success - bring on Jesters! Of particular note our team member Harriet Billam (1st year) who is now a regular starter for premiership club Clifton.

is

Netball - Katie. Chess and Sarah Galenicals Netball have had a great year, we have played in three leagues this year and been to many places showing off our skills. ln NAMS, we beat Birmingham, Leicester and Warwick to qualify for the Finals. Unfortunately finals day was called off due to bad weather at the end of last term, but we are hoping that they will be re-scheduled for early next term! ln the intramural league we won the autumn toumament, much to the lawyers disgust!!

Galenicals

2

came top

of their league and

Galenicals 1 came fourth in their league.

Lacrosse - Ash and Jonnv ln keeping with tradition the unrelenting rain and dissertation pressures have once again hindered lacrosse training in the Lent term.

However this has not dampened the lacrosse spirit, and with the acquisition of new goals and sticks we fully expect there to be a resurgent campaign in the summer term; a time when lacrosse shall flourish, albeit with regular intervals of ice-cream, bbq's and pimms on the downs!

Tennis - Ellie and Will Medics' tennis has been coming along nicely this year, with training being able to move indoors during the cold winter months thanks to generous sponsorship from the UBHT.

22

An alternative view

r

You may be fotgiven for tlrinking that all male Bristol medical students a destined to be orthopaedic surgeons . . . . . think again. There are dark and mysterious forces at work within our ranks comrades, you could be sitting very neaf to one as you read this. Go on, look over your shoulder, it could be him. One such mysterious force is Paul Watson, fourth yeat student and qualified Chinese medicine practitioner who invited ,fvlana and I up into his flat/ surgery one S aturday aftemoon. .

walked up the long staircase I btaced myself for dried monkey heads and voodoo charms to be hanging from the ceiling. The reality was much, much worse. An acrid stench permeated throughout the dank intedor. As I peered into the cavemous crannies of his horrific midden I could make out the bodies of snakes coiling and writhing, fighting over the last live mouse. Shrieking birds flew manically around their tiny cages and every available surface dripped and oozed with rotten flesh. A diseased-ridden feline slinked is way between my quivering legs and as I glanced down I recoiled in horror at the sight of magots devoudng crov/s' heads, knocking over a tank of scoqpions in the process. As it crashed to the floor a cacophony of screams went up ftom the diabolical creatures entombed within this Dark Place. The blackness enveloped me. I felt my very soul succumb to the Evil and relinquish its grasp on my reality as I fell to the floor in a stupor.

As

I

came to my senses, regetting the LSD I consumed months previously, and tealised that the view from the flat was rather charming. I settled back to talk to Paul and discover what makes him tick. It all began with what was meant to be a 12-month trip through India and South East Asia and a chance encounter with an amicable monk in the Himalayas (this zs true!). On discovering that Paul wanted to learn a litde Chinese he pointed him towards the island of Taiwan.

I

"I'd nevef heatd of Tatttran, apatt fiom as toy manufactufes, but I went anyway. I odgina\ planned to stay for a few months and learn Chinese before heading on to China.

Chinese was a litde harder than I had anticipated and I ended up stalng for a year But whilst I was there I thought why not study acupunctr.rfe to?" After several months of acupuncture training he became deeply engrossed with its theories and found a clinic where he

began an apprenticeship

in

traditional Chinese medicine (herbal medicine and acupunctute). Through the course of 5 yeats of training he became increasingly proficient in taking histories, making diagnoses and prescribing.

23

'Just as in westem medicine, the diagnosis is the hardest part. Once you have this, the formula (the concoction of herbs aken) becomes obvious." Paul explained why Chinese medicine is a 'slmthetic' fotrn of medicine in that a diagnosis is synthesised from diffetent aspects of the body. Body habitus, volume of speech, pulse (therc are 27 classical pulse characteristics!), tongue and face colout plus symptoms described all come into it. "Yet westem medicine is exacdy the same to me, this synthetic idea being somewhat of a false division."

The pattems of diagnosis he describes are indeed complex. Intemal and extemal, deficiency and excess and organ diffetentiation. "You might end up with pattems such as kidney chi deficiency, kidney essence deficiency or yin ot y^ng deficiency." We go on to discuss "rising yang in the gall bladder meddian" and quite frankly, I'm buggered if I have any idea what he's talking about. But I persevete.

It seems that despite il7 appeannces, the way Chinese medicine is practiced is very gtounded in physical symptoms, a common misconception being that the concept of energy is at its core. "The terminology we use makes it sound esoteric but it is just a w^y of descdbing what is happening physically. W-hen we talk about depression as 'livet chi sagnation', this has nothing to do vdth the liver, it's just a word. We are simply using a different paradigm to think about what is happening u/ithin the body."

Paul explained how in China, anatomy was banned from 1000BC till the 1800s and so although physiological problems were attfibuted to different organs, the diagnosis really has nothing to do with those organs. It also becomes clear that 'energy' is a very poor translation of the

word 'chi,' a concept so

deeply engrained in Chinese culture but with no westem countelpart. "It's energy,

potential energy, movement and function, with the emphasis on the correct function of specific aspects of your life."

You may have also guessed that Chinese medicine is practiced in a holistic manner (oooh Ttevor!), the result being that every symptom can be attributable to an imbalance within some system. It is this imbalance that an herbal formula aims to tectifr. 'Yet as humans we are obviously not smart enough to be able to link every symptom or experience to a specified undedying problem within the body, and so to remain practical and effective I treat specific symptoms

as

well."

One of the problems detractors seem to have with complementary therapies is the lack of good evidence for their efficacy. But when one considers that RCTs and the like have been designed to analyse the methods of western medicine it is easy to see why the current framewotk does notprovide a levelplaying field.

24

profound drive for evidence based medicine today and although I have huge fespect for this, and appreciate that it has produced zmazing advances, there is an obvious who dryness to ir W. ,r. ,rot p.opl.-orientated anymofe. We all know some doctors better lives people's don't datewell to their patients. Everyone says they want to make but as a westem doctor you simply cute disease. It's very much disease orientated compared to people orientated. And thii is where western medicine falls down. If we take into consideration the way people arc and the way they think and use this to make sense of what's going on for them,-they arc able to accept their situation and this helps them get better, and helps their immune system work better." he So why did Paul begin medicine at Bristol with the wealth of knowledge and experience clinical has in Chinese medicine? "I have always wanted to know about research, pfopef research. I saw lots of seriously ill patients and not all got better so I wanted to know how their expected outcome with westeri medicine. I wanted a balanced view. There is a lack of ,..."r.h in Chinese medicine and westem medicine is much more evidence based."

So what does the futurc hold for us in the west? ..W'e have this

..It maybe that in 20 yearc, medicine will be incredibly evidence based - we could all go to .o-p,r,.rr, q?e in orrr symptoms and out PoPS a pilMr it could be that people will focus hope it's the latter because if people go to their doctor -ori o1 interpersonal interiction. I the for purely physical things that makes fob so boring."

Although ,o.h .h"rrg"L..- unfeasible in the modern NHS, with its budgets and high volume-of parients, PLI believes the answer lies in an attitudinal shift. The tendency for us to hide behind high-powered tests and machjnes means that patients arcleft dissatisfied and ultimately ttke ati, Lng.t to get better, and this can be a drain on resources. "But I believe that generally people dJ re..irr. good treatrnent within the NHS and doctors are good, it's iust that they'te rushed."

Ok, soapboxes away, time to sample the goods. We follow-Paul into his kitchen where a l"rg. poi bubbles aw^y on the stove. Niver mind yn and yang, mote like Cheech and Cfrl"g. He hands ,rs .ach a glass full. Alana necks hets in one. I take a small sip. It's like a mix of flzt cola and ridiculously strong tea. "Isn't it refreshing?" No, it's disgusting and I feel slightly sick. But at least the side-effect profile is insignificant comPared to conventional

medications and it's much cheaper. The nexl room along is the surgery. Two walls are lined couch is in the other comer. Paul shows me h-is with farc of dried herbs and un

".opor.ture well-thumbed course books from Taiwan (remember he studied chinese medicine in Chinese!) and explains that the goolies of his meridian model must always remain covered! ..I have seen hundreds of patienis up here ovet the years and I still have regylars ftom when I started. But I'm cutting L^rk^bit now and getting my head down in the 46 yeat"

Before we go I ask if he'll stick a few acupuncture needles in me. I explain the tension itt -y a neck and shoulders and he chooses 2 points on my hand. As the fust needle goes in I feel needle next very odd sensation deep inside my hand and strangely I start sweating' The as sends a shooting ..nrrtio.t uP my arm. Apparently acuPunctufe is not always as relaxing relieved ptetty I'm couch. the on into tears people believe i'nd he has had patients burst I'm left with a strange sensation in that hand all day.

-fr..r h. takes the needles orrt

"nd

25

But more importantly I go away with plenty of food for thought. Dark and mysterious forces? More.like thoughtfirl and considered ideas that go some way to reconciling our orthopaedic destiny.

Westem medicine has a lot to leam from out eastem countefparts. Take home messâ&#x201A;Źe; keep an open mind and remember the old Chinese prcverb 'The crafty rabbit has three different entrances to its lair'.

BOOKREWEWS Medicine for Medical Students The complete guide to both OSCE & written exams

Author: Dr. Marc Crutchley BScMBChB Puhlisher: MAC Medical P ublicafions

If there is any book you really should buy in medical school, this 15 it. I know that's a clich6, but just take one look and you will see what I mean. For the very reasonable price of f,25, this book is everything you need to know to get you through exams, and no waffle or supplementary unnecessary information. Medicine for Medical Students covers all the main specialities, and so provides comprehensive and up-to-date material you will use on all clinical rotations. Each speciality is covered in sections which include history taking, clinical examination and interpretation of results. What is unusual about it is that it prwides details of common diseases and infections, and the standard medications and untibioti". used in their treatment. When I first looked through it, I was reminded of my own notes - or rather how I would like to have my notes! It's simple, concise, and readable and answers the questions that I ask myself but can never find in any otherbook.

Medicine for Medical Students is as valuable as good bedside teaching, something that is now becoming all too rare for medical students. Having all the information in written form means it's available as a handy revision tool too. In case I've mislead anyone into thinking this is a snappy revision guide for last minute cramming, it is much more than that, and is just as useful for the honours student who wants to get the basics just right.

Without doubt, this book is a real jewel and obviously written with students in mind, see for yourselves.

Viktor

Frankl

Man's Seurch for Meaning

- Random House f7.99

Holocaust survivor Frankl knew that no goals in life can lead to illness and even death. lt's a bit worrying then that his arch book also recalls that most students "exist in an existential Meaning vacuum" ... you look it up. Anyone who survived three years in Auschwitz, Dachau and other concentration camps during the Second World War demands respect and Dr Frankl's look at what keeps us going from day to day has been widely acclaimed.

Professor of neurology and psychiatry at the University of Vienna medical school until his death in 1997, Frankl first published his book in 1946, using it as the platform to launch logotherapy. While the first part of the book recalls his day-to-day experiences in the death camps, part two Logotherapy in a Nutshett- takes us deeper inside the minds of people then and now.

Unlike psychoanalysis, logotherapy, says Frankl, focuses on the future, when man's search for some meaning in life becomes his primary motivation. He describes how in the camps men gave up on life when they felt their future had

'

27

been removed. "The ultimate cause of my friend's death was that the expected liberation did not come...lowering his body's resistance to typhus. His faith in the future and his will to live had become paralysed and his body fell victim to illness...." ln his preface Gordon Allport describes Frankl's first-hand knowledge of existentialism. "stripped to a naked existence in the camps, his wife, father, mother and brother already dead and expecting extermination at any time, Frankl new all about uncertainty."

Allport says that Frankl's experience of death in the camps led to the birth of logotherapy. lt's heavy stuff ... to live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. No man can tell another the purpose of life, each must find out for himself. lf he succeeds he will grow in spite of all indignities.

Perhaps all medical students can learn something from this. ln a piece of classic understatement, Frankl concludes - " I felt responsible for writing down what I had gone through for I thought it might be helpfulto people prone to despair."

The Comforts

of Madness Paul

A friend recommended this rather unassuming little novel havinq found 1t nestled on the shelves of one of those musty smelling charity shops. Winner of the 198B Whitbread Book Prtze, it is the story of Peter who shares his view of the world from behind silent catatonic eyes. Mute his and destroyed by upbringing, dysfunctional the suicide of his mother and the disturbing death of his abusive father, Peter is 'rescued' by social services and placed in a psychiatric hospital where he exists as a passive, observer other-worldly divorced from and repulsed his own visceral by plain In exi-stence. pitiless prose he tells of the madness and mundani-ty around him and of his 28

Sayer ?Xâ&#x201A;Ź

c{}xrcn?3

PAU SAYE I ourney

disturbing

through

a

experimental

treatment at 'The One Worl-d' center run by a glory-seeking leader whose staqnant fishpond and its dying carp serve as a

poignant metaphor for the institution he is running.

Told in the first person/ this is a thought provoking if rather gloomy book meditating on notions of existence and different realities both experienced and observed. The title derives from the 'comfort' to be had in totalthe from alienation

physical world and the retreat into a numbed and emotionless

voyeuristic

might' which existence be termed societally, care Ideas of 'madness'. also and its motives are explored, with individuals often revealing themselves to be sordi-d, self ish and by driven corrupt., primitlve and instlnct feedinq off the mi-sfortunes of others. The endlng is powerful and upsetting and not for the feint hearted but amonqst all thj-s there are gilimmers of hope and compassion. Not one to read for entertainment but a evocative wel-l- written piece for the thoughtful reader.

My submission for your organ "Hope Springs Eternal" This poetry is here to prove That Medicine's a thing to rue. 'fore reaching univers ity To study MBChB Your writer was a normal lass Who kept away from matters crass.

But four years working NHS Left mind and morals in a mess

As daily she observed the scene Ofpatients and consultants mean.

Such a vision causes pain And would drive any girl insane.

This trouble, coupled with the grind Of OSLERS, simply warped her mind.

One's driven to the worst extremes To keep the hospital from your dreams.

By second year we've picked a sin To drown our cynicism in.

Some drink like fishes, some smoke crack, Puff cannabis or shoot up smack.

Other doctors medicate By nicking patients' valproate For when you're old, you'll never know Your doctor's taken yourbenzo.

Gym addicts, gamblers, thieves and smokers,

Work'longside with chicken chokers.

Some pick med students to deflower Or masturbate upon the hour.

There is no end to human vice That swarmthe NHS like lice.

To cope with hours beyond our means And being paid very small beans We waste our lives on debauchery And persist in the vanlty That'Doctor' still commands respect Though often our patients reject The knowledge thatweVe studied for.

Soon seeing them becomes a chore.

Many demands, no gratitude, Just non-compliance and attitude.

Hardly surprising then to find That doctors often lose their mind And in their fifties take a ride Down the one-way road called suicide.

But, Reader, there's another way To avoid this fateful day Become a capitalist cynic And go and start a private clinic!

by Alys Maconie

29

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