1 minute read
SCHOOL LIT FOR DUMMIES
WARNING: Spoilers
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Romeo and Juliet: Two rebellious teens fall in love but their clashing families prevent their relationship. The Taylor Swift song Love Story, that (don’t deny it) you probably know all the lyrics to, inspired by the play is a lot more hopeful than the play itself. The two lovebirds are too stupid for their own good and essentially end up killing themselves.
There Will be Blood: The only thing I remember about this movie was “I WILL DRINK YOUR MILKSHAKE” and a child being blown away by an oil explosion.
Great Gatsby: Gatsby is a major simp. He throws all these parties with Pigs-In-A-Blanket and everything in case his crush Daisy will just DROP BY and doesn’t even invite her. Like, dude, literally grow a pair. There are some other random things that happen too like some guy gets run over by a drippy Rolls Royce. The only saving grace is that Leonardo DiCaprio plays Gastby in the movie version, who I think we all can agree was hot af when he was younger.
Purple Hibiscus: This book will make you need therapy. Essentially, this dad who thinks he’s God beats up his family as his kids drink hot tea for the sole purpose of burning their tongues because it makes them think of him. Like…wtf.
Great Expectations: I had great expectations for this book. Okay so it’s about this orphan child who “plays” for this old lady who may or may not have a kink for children 1/10 her age. Then he grows up and inherits a lot of money and becomes really arrogant and catches feelings for this absolute b**ch.
The Catcher In The Rye: Your average horny 16 year old going through a midlife crisis. He fails out of school 4 times, has a friend who pops his pimples all over the place and basically hates the world.
Frankenstein: Legit the most boring book I’ve ever read, and that’s saying a lot. Okay, to be fair, the premise sounds interesting: A mad scientist makes a giant man baby out of disheveled body parts. But in reality, I was just annoyed throughout the entire novel about how dumb the characters are. The monster baby (who’s name btw is The Creature, NOT Frankenstein), chases the mad scientist until they basically get depressed and give up.
