DEATH BY HEARTBREAK

DEATH BY HEARTBREAK

By KEVIN DU PLESSIS

Not everyone has been so lucky or unlucky, whichever way you choose to see it, to have experienced true heartbreak. A sorrow so deep life itself loses meaning, causing all manner of physical and mental pain. But what exactly are the effects that lost love can have on the human body? And can you really die of a broken heart?

Early this year my mother lost her husband to a heart attack at the age of sixty, leaving her widowed at fifty years young. Even though I could see the state of utter hopelessness she was in during the week of the funeral, I could not quite comprehend her loss. That is, until recently when I got a taste of the bitter poison myself.

The venom coursed through my body, torturing me for being so dumb as to have ever fallen in love. My heart raced for three days non-stop, I could not eat, I could not sleep and when I did it was for short intervals that were haunted by nightmares. I lay naked in my dark bedroom for days, just playing things over and over in my head.

It wasn’t until my mother called me, just to check in, that I realised that we were sharing something: the loss of true love. I could finally catch a glimpse of her damaged heart and soul, it started making sense how she lost so much weight, how she suddenly felt way too old for her age, and how excruciating her heartache must be after losing her sole companion of almost two decades, with whom she had never spent more than three nights apart.

We cried over the phone, lamenting over lost love and how the conclusion to Romeo and Juliet’s tale made so much sense after all. But what exactly happens to a person when their heart breaks? Some might think it is a metaphor, but I assure you, hearts can break just as much physically as they can emotionally.

Robert Emery and Jim Coan, professors of psychology at the University of Virginia agree that terms such as “heartache” and “gut wrenching” are not just sayings. When going through an ordeal that causes severe sadness it causes emotional stress which in turn triggers physical reactions in your body, including muscle tightness, increased heart rate, nausea, abnormal stomach activity and shortness of breath. It is a fact that emotional pain involves the same areas of the brain as physical pain, which makes them equally severe and dangerous to your health.

Scientists cannot quite explain how emotions trigger physical sensations, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that our minds are more powerful than we suspect.

Scientific American writes that according to a 2009 study from the University of Arizona and the University of Maryland, activity in a brain region that regulates emotional reactions called the anterior cingulate cortex helps to explain how an emotional insult can trigger a biological cascade. During a particularly stressful experience, the anterior cingulate cortex may respond by increasing the activity of the vagus nerve – the nerve that starts in the brain stem and connects to the neck, chest and abdomen. When the vagus nerve is overstimulated, it can cause pain and nausea.

When emotional trauma is extremely severe it can lead to cardiac consequences, says the American Heart Association. There are established ties between depression, mental health and heart disease. It is aptly called broken heart syndrome, also known as stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy and it can strike even if you are perfectly healthy. (Takotsubo, by the way, are octopus traps that resemble the pot-like shape of the stricken heart.)

This can happen as a result of a number of different things such as the death of a loved one, a divorce, a breakup, a betrayal, or romantic rejection. It can even happen after a “good shock” such as winning the lottery. Your body reacts to a surge of stress hormones, triggered by an emotionally stressful event.

Broken heart syndrome is often misdiagnosed as a heart attack, as it tends to have many of the same symptoms, just without any evidence of blocked arteries. In broken heart syndrome, a part of your heart temporarily enlarges and doesn’t pump well, while the rest of your heart functions normally or with even more forceful contractions. Researchers are just starting to learn the causes, and how to diagnose and treat it. It can lead to severe, short-term heart muscle failure, but the good news is that is usually treatable. Most people who experience it make a full recovery within weeks, but be warned, the heart is not to be trifled with because in severe cases it can be, and has been, fatal.

In symptoms, look for typical tell-tale signs such as chest pain and shortness of breath. Arrhythmias (irregular heartbeats) or cardiogenic shock may also occur with broken heart syndrome. Cardiogenic shock is a condition in which a suddenly weakened heart can’t pump enough blood to meet the body’s needs, and it can be fatal if it isn’t treated right away. (When people die from heart attacks, cardiogenic shock is the most common cause of death.)

Death by heartache is perhaps rare, but the effect it has on your immediate health is frightening. The discomfort, malnutrition, and sleeplessness that accompany your emotional stress can render you unable to go to work, perform household tasks, see to your personal hygiene and it is often not a far cry from considering suicide.

I look at my mother’s once sparkling eyes, full of love and laughter, now always staring off in the distance lost in memories of love and sadness at its sudden absence and it makes a few things crystal clear to me.

Firstly, and most importantly, that I have found true love. My reaction to almost losing my boyfriend taught me that I was at the beginning of my love story, that my love for this boy is as strong as my mother’s was for my dad. Where she stands at the end of a road, unsure where to turn to, I am at the beginning of mine and if I f*ck that up I do not deserve to be loved. Not while others have lost so much.

Secondly, do not tamper with love. Love has no short cuts, so make sure you never find yourself in a position where you break someone else’s heart, as well as your own, for any stupid reason. They might just die, or you might out of regret. Just be honest when it comes to matters of the heart.

And finally, I have learned that even though my mom’s great love has gone on to wherever we all end up, she still has more love to give, because in a big way she saved me from losing my Romeo to the poison I would have inevitably drunk straight after him. And I love her for that.