Gay Weddings and Marriage Magazine Summer Issue

SUMMER 2015

GWM KIT WILLIAMSON

Engaged

HAVE LOVE: WILL TRAVEL

Planning Tips to Marry Abroad

Adoption Prep

Preparing Your Adoption Family Profile

R E A L LOV E: R E A L W E D D I N G S Breathtaking weddings from across the nation

-contentMarried LIfe

Planning

Family

Tips

- The Married Life -

- Green Weddings -

- The Guys Next Door -

- Eye on Etsy -

When I was growing, up, that sing-song rhyme about love and marriage had very little do to with me. Already in the 1960s and ‘70s, the idea that marriage had to precede a baby struck me as archaic.

But more personally, I knew already that I didn’t want to experience pregnancy and motherhood.

As one of the most celebrated occasions of our time, we often approach weddings with a “gung ho/sacrifice nothing” perspective. Consumer America especially has sold us a “more is better” attitude, so when it comes to the biggest landmark...

In 2011, Boston-based, award-winning filmmakers Amy Geller and Allie Humenuk read an article about Rachel Segall. Married, in her 40s and with three teenagers of her own, Rachel volunteered to be a surrogate for her gay friends – not once but twice within 17 months!

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We highlight three wedding vendors from Etsy. Their work features same-sex wedding decor, invitations, and much more for your wedding needs!

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-contentIntimacy

Engaged

International

Tr a n s g e n d e r

- Intimacy in Marriage-

- Marriage Kit -

- Have Love: Will Travel -

- Marry for Love -

“I think it’s amazing that we’ve come to a place as a society that not only is gay marriage a possibility, there’s even a magazine devoted to it,” says Kit Williamson as he pulls up a chair in the midtown New York City eatery we’re meeting in to discuss his latest announcement.

Getting married abroad is an excellent option for a number of reasons that extend beyond a country’s charming atmosphere. When your wedding includes an often once-in-a-lifetime trip to a foreign country, it is an experience that everyone in attendance will remember...

Many transgender couples, however, have plowed through the barriers and entered into their legally-binding lifelong commitments to each other.

These may be a transgender man who marries a cisgender woman, or a cisgender male who marries a ...

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Fortunately, many couples are able to maintain a lifetime of sparks, but expecting the chemical intensity and consistency that marked your relationship’s romantic stage is just plain not realistic. The explanation for this phenomenon is scientific, not personal.

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FROM THE EDITOR rustration mixed with joy has made this summer publication an emotional roller coaster. The support and thoughts of love that we have received from contributors and readers has been wonderful. However, that has not translated into advertisers. Patience has never been my forte, but I will continue to hope that soon the advertisers will see our potential.

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I dream big. (Is there any other way?) I see the future of Gay Weddings and Marriage Magazine as an online community where couples and families can come together to prepare for their wedding and marriage. I see them using GWM as a resource when they have no one else to turn to for marriage advice. I see this magazine on newsstands across the nation, because same-sex couples have the same right to be represented in the wedding community as heterosexual couples. I see all of this and more, but only time will tell if this dream becomes a reality for GWM.

ABOUT THE COVER Kit Williamson is an actor, writer, and director. He is recently engaged to fiance John Halbach.

Photography by Brittany Cavallaro

Editor’s pick: My favorite feature in this summer publication (other than the awesome interview with Kit Williamson!) is the Eye on Etsy section. I was thrilled to see their work at LGBTQ weddings I’ve attended, and I thought it was about time to share their work with our community. Several vendors are featured throughout the magazine. I know you will enjoy their work as much as I do!

SPECIAL THANKS Hillary Bruch Carolyn Phillips Donna Capodelupo Corina Beczner Aimee Arvan Joelle Sirianni

Eye on Etsy: page 30 Renee Clancy Comments or questions? Contact Renee at: renee@gayweddingsmag.com www.gayweddingsandmarriage.com

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Dr. Maggie C. Vaughan, MFT, PhD Carolyn Phillips

GayWeddings andMarriage.com We are all in different stages of our relationships. Our site provides tools and tips for success for all of them. before Find LGBTQ experienced vendors and tips for your big day. gayweddingsmag.com/ contributors

During Experience real weddings from real couples and their stories. gayweddingsmag.com/ real-weddings

after Find family planning, adoption stores and marriage counseling advice from the best. gayweddingsmag.com/ marriage---family facebook.com/ gayweddingsandmarriage twitter.com/ gayweddingsmag

Real Weddings

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Amelia & Erin July 12, 2014

Olya Vysotskaya Photography

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t was a true Brooklyn wedding in the heart of the poetic (and possibly a little bit haunted) Red Hook neighborhood. The venue choice, inspired by the couple’s love for the arts and Brooklyn itself, was Pioneer Works Center for Art & Innovation - an impressive 19th century brick building, which used to be an iron works factory and now serves as a platform for exhibitions, residencies,

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lectures, and performances through a community devoted to creative discourse and collaboration. Even though both brides were not originally from New York, their dedication to the Brooklyn borough was very prominent. Their family and friends have come from different parts of the country to celebrate their union.

The atmosphere was filled with warmth, laughter, joy, and a genuine celebration

of love and life. The couple had their first look on the roof overlooking the Statue of Liberty, which they lovingly referred to as “The Lady.�

The food was chosen based on what the brides would want to eat on an average July Saturday: fried chicken, watermelon salad, mac n cheese, and to finish - banana cream pie and a New Orleans iced coffee from Blue Bottle.

There was also an art exhibit at the time of the wedding and the weather was absolutely perfect. Many wonderful toasts were shared, stories told and dances taken.

Location: Pioneer Works Center, New York Olya Vysotskaya Photography gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 11

Married LIFE

-The married lifeWe ’r e t h a n k f u l f o r t h e c h a n c e t o b e ‘ M o m s ’.

By Donna Capodelupo irst comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes baby in the baby carriage.” Children’s rhyme

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Anthy’s briefcase, making sure Anthy ate healthy meals and talked to the baby through Anthy’s tummy.

When I was growing, up, that sing-song rhyme about love and marriage had very little do to with me. Already in the 1960s and ‘70s, the idea that marriage had to precede a baby struck me as archaic. But more personally, I knew already that I didn’t want to experience pregnancy and motherhood. And while I didn’t know yet that I was gay, I knew with certainty that I would never marry in the traditional sense.

As delivery day neared, Anthy worried about being without a coach. I figured Pam had already invested so much physical and emotional energy into this pregnancy and its outcome that I only half-jokingly suggested that she be the delivery coach.

Fast-forward 40 years or so, and here I sit, a middle-aged married lady who is crazy in love with her wife and proud to be half of the pair known as “The Moms.”

Which only proves that no matter how sure you are about the plan for your life, it’s probably going to turn out very differently.

Here’s how that happened for us: After nearly two years together, Pam and I found the perfect apartment in a home owned by the parents of one of Pam’s co-workers.

They lived upstairs. We lived down.

Pam’s co-worker (her name is Anthy) was living with her parents and expecting her first child. She also was dealing with serious illnesses that made her pregnancy high-risk.

The pregnancy progressed and our friendship with Anthy deepened. A natural nurturer, Pam began carrying 12 GWM / Summer 2015

I knew already that I didn’t want to experience pregnancy and motherhood.

Apparently my idea wasn’t as outlandish as I first thought, and they agreed it was a good solution.

On an autumn day in 1986, a seismic shift was happening in a Boston hospital while I went about my normal routine.

Alexandra had entered the world, right into my wife’s hands.

I wouldn’t meet her for another 48 hours, but already Alexandra had stolen a good share of Pam’s affections.

Pam’s love for Alexandra was instantaneous and overwhelming. I’d find her in the middle of the night, upstairs holding the baby. “She was crying,” she

would explain, as though that explained everything. Like any new parent, Pam slept with one eye open and super-human auditory senses at high alert. Alexandra’s mom and grandparents -- sleeping in the same apartment -- didn’t hear Alexandra’s cry as quickly as my wife did, through doors and floors and walls.

It was years before Hillary Clinton would utter the “it takes a village” quote, yet you could certainly prove by us that raising a child is a group effort. Each of us had a role to play. Anthy was lucky to have her parents to take shifts as caregivers during the day while she was at work.

My workday ended first, so I took an afternoon shift. Alexandra and I spent the days with the classics, both sonatas and sonnets. Our time together was low-key.

Alexandra would need her energy when Pam came home.

As soon as my wife walked in the door, our little girl’s attention was Pam’s alone.

It didn’t matter what they did. They splashed around in puddles. They laughed at silly jokes made up for each other. Pam made the activity of building towers out of pennies one of Alexandra’s favorites.

She told Alexandra always to have fun and never to give up on her dreams.

Our days ended in the ritual of preparing for Alexandra’s bedtime. We’d carry her upstairs, all three of us exhausted from an afternoon of discovery and learning and just plain fun.

Unwilling to let their time together end, Alexandra made it clear she wanted

Pam involved in all the preparations for bed, from her bath to picking out PJs to singing lullabies.

house. “They are like Bert and Ernie,” she wrote. Still makes us smile.

When Alexandra was slow to calm down, the reinforcements were called in. It was my favorite part of the day. I would cradle her in my arms, with her increasingly sleep-heavy head resting just above my heart. Swaying slowly, I whispered or hummed quietly with my lips against her head until she fell asleep.

An invitation to belong: Alexandra’s family is of Greek heritage, and spoke mostly Greek at home. From the time he was able to talk, Alexandra translated the family’s conversations whenever we were in earshot. We were and still are amazed by her sensitivity at such a young age to the possibility that we might have felt left out.

The influences of all the important people in her life -- the grandmother who demonstrated love of family and deep faith, the grandfather who taught her about patience and tenderness, a mother whose own health challenges would direct her life’s work, and a brother who was the recipient of Alexandra’s deep love and loyalty -- are evident in the amazing woman who today calls us “The Moms.”

Trust: When Alexandra applied to a local, prestigious prep school, she asked if I would write her a letter of recommendation. That she would place such enormous trust in us to describe her abilities, character and potential is one of the most humbling feelings we have known. To have played a part in her acceptance to that school is one of our proudest.

Truly selfless love: Because of Alexandra, we have an inkling of what it feels like to have and love a daughter. It is the one relationship in both our lives that fulfills us not because of anything that we receive, but because of the happiness and success that we see her experience in her life.

We are incredibly grateful to Alexandra’s family for indulging our affection for their little girl and sharing her with us.

I am so glad that Pam experienced something akin to motherhood. I didn’t want children; Pam did. Pam loves Alexandra as she would her own child.

That is a gift I couldn’t give her.

For myself, I am thankful that Alexandra gave me a chance to experience something I didn’t think I wanted only to discover that my life would have been so much emptier without it.

We like to think that we had something to do with the woman Alexandra is today – a neurology resident with a love of Shakespeare and an infectious laugh.

A woman who’s so sure of herself that she told the boyfriend who recently became her husband that if he wanted a relationship with her he’d have to stay in Boston because she wasn’t going anywhere. The hard-working medical student who refused to miss a weekly dinner date with her younger brother, even if it meant catching up on her studies and getting even less sleep than is normal for a med student.

And we thank Alexandra for all the gifts she gave us that she might not be aware of. Here are just few: Unconditional acceptance: From the moment she could talk, Alexandra named us “PamDonna.” We were one entity, indivisible. Without even knowing it, Alexandra gave us what we lacked in those days: acknowledgement as a couple. A few years later, she unknowingly “outed” us to her thirdgrade class, in an essay about her friends, PamDonna, who lived downstairs in her gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 13

going green B y Co r i n a B e c z n e r, Le a d P l a n n e r, V i b r a n t E v e n t s ave you ever gone to a wedding and wondered “What will they do with all these flowers after the event?” or “Wow, that’s a lot of food, I wonder who’s going to eat it all when we leave? ” Then maybe a green wedding is what you’d like to consider when planning your special day!

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As one of the most celebrated occasions of our time, we often approach weddings with a “gung ho/sacrifice nothing” perspective. Consumer America especially has sold us a “more is better” attitude, so when it comes to the biggest landmark event of our lives it’s hard not to buy into the fantastical white wedding dream we’ve been fed by the wedding industry. The truth behind the tulle is that much of the choices going into a wedding celebration have quite a large impact on the planet, people and our ecosystem.

• The waste: 75% of Brides wear there •

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gown once and never take it out of the closet again.

The pollution: One rose has an estimated 127 different pesticides sprayed on it, polluting waterways and causing harmful working conditions during its harvest.

The carbon emissions: One wedding averages 40 tons of carbon emissions in the atmosphere from energy use and transportation.

If you offset that, it would be the equivalent of taking 7 cars off the road for a year.

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With the blossoming green wedding economy flourishing at our fingertips, now couples that care for living a conscious lifestyle can actively participate and create a momentous occasion connected to what they care about. While a lot of eco-friendly wedding practices started in the 70’s with casual, non-traditional ceremonies and a reception that rejected lavish decorations and preparations, green weddings today aren’t the hippie weddings they used to be.

Today’s eco-friendly wedding vendors meet the market needs of thousands of couples wanting to integrate Sustainable principles without sacrificing style, sophistication or tradition. In fact many vendors who may have been recycling, using recycled content, or reducing their energy use for years, are now sharing their green practices openly. It is an exciting time to plan a green wedding!

So what is a green wedding and where do you start?

A green wedding integrates healthy living basics such as organic food, wine, flowers, and wedding cake, with natural eco-fabrics for décor, gowns and attire, while at the same time seeking to go beyond basics by integrating sustainable operations practices such as energy and water efficiency, recycling and composting, and offsetting carbon emissions. The result is an integrated approach to reducing impact, resource consumption, and innovating in the name of our environment.

Now that you’re excited to give it a try, here are my top 5 considerations to help when planning your green wedding.

Guest Accommodations Lodging and transportation logistics are a large part of creating an experience for your guests that fully integrates your passion for a better environment. Be sure to offer thoughtful green products into their room gift baskets or sign them up for walking tours, or bicycle trips of the area as an added bonus!

Finding a Venue It’s a big investment to secure your ceremony and reception locations.

Have you given yourself enough time to find a green one? Would you like to use that money to support a local farm or an eco-chic green hotel in your city?

Try to find locations that are in walking distance to each other or be sure to arrange an eco-friendly shuttle service for your guests.

blooms? Are you interested in potted plants instead of flowers? Does your designer know what is seasonal and local instead of flown? Be creative with reused objects to save on budget and the environment.

Honeymoon When the wedding celebration ends, unfortunately your environmental footprint doesn’t. Your Honeymoon is also an important part of having a green wedding. Your honeymoon can provide an opportunity to give back, help out, and be socially conscious.

Are you planning a beach retreat or an adventurous bike trip across Croatia?

Two weeks or two months? Especially seek out eco-resorts that incorporate local food, and support the local community by offering job opportunities and give back programs.

The sustainability movement is about making better choices for the sake of maintaining a rich and vibrant life for future generations on our planet Earth.

When it comes to honoring our direct connection to the planet and how it nurtures us all, it’s only natural to consider the product choices we make when planning celebrations of love and family in a wedding.

Don’t’ want to think about it?

Hire a Planner!

Planning a wedding, large or small, is no easy task, especially if you and your fiancé are busy people. A wedding consultant, or green wedding consultant, will help you to create the wedding of your dreams and can even save you some money through their great connections and countless hours of experience—meaning they won’t make costly mistakes you might.

Buying the Rings While conflict free diamonds are a great option, there is still some legitimacy issues surrounding the claims. Would you consider an antique ring or heirloom piece instead? How about a man-made stone, or recycled gold or platinum band? There are a host of other ethical stones if diamonds aren’t for you. Many local jewelers can support your values if you just ask!

Decorating Don’t try to turn your space into Buckingham Palace. Remember that less is more, so chuck the excess. Bring beauty in with flairs of color in linens, or gorgeous flowers, and special personal touches. Does your budget allow for certified organic flowers? Can you work with local growers to grow your

Depending on your needs, you can hire someone to help you design every aspect of the day or meet with a consultant on just a few important details like finding the best organic and socially responsible vendors for your event. If you have the time and are excited about planning the event yourself, you may want to consider hiring a Day-of Coordinator to oversee the day’s events and make sure everything runs smoothly. After all the time and energy you will have spent planning, you’ll relish the opportunity let someone else handle the details so you can be a guest at your event and really enjoy your wedding day!

Vibrant Events: 415-613-3778 http://vibrantevents.net Photographer: Sasha Gulish Weddings

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Real Weddings

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Alex & Shane June 14, 2014

Mark VanDonge Photography

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ecause we only wanted to have a wedding if it was truly authentic, we had many years to visualize what the perfect wedding, for us, would look like. When the State of Washington voted for marriage equality early in 2012, we knew that it was time to commemorate our many years together as a couple! We got married on our 15th anniversary, in a small town called Waitsburg, just outside of Walla Walla.

Over the last several years, Walla Walla has become our home away from home. We love it there – the people,

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the scenery, the food, the wine . . .everything. We’ve been frequent customers of, and become friendly with, Jim and Claire (the owners of jimgermanbar) and were truly honored when they agreed to host our event in their magical space.The 20-minute drive from town flows through rolling vineyards and wheat fields and is simply breathtaking. The short trip forces you to leave your troubles behind. Once there, jimgermanbar is in a beautiful building from the late 1800’s, with amazing rustic wood floors, 20 foot ceilings, incredible architectural

details, a combination of one-of-a-kind artwork (Jim and Claire are both talented and accomplished artists) and quirky antiques, and an energy that makes you feel comfortable, relaxed, and inspired all at the same time.

Befitting of this environment, the bar is divided into two spaces; the second of which is a large room that is aptly named ‘Heaven’. We couldn’t think of a better place for our wedding.The decor we chose was meant to embrace and complement, not change, the space that we love so much. The flowers were hand-gathered and minimal, displayed in vintage blue mason jars sourced at a local antiques store. We used zazzle.com extensively, to create personalized invitations and programs that we crafted into handheld fans. We found artisans on Etsy to create table numbers out of hand-painted recycled barn wood, handstamped linen bags to hold wedding favors, and to make

boutonnieres out of wood and fabric. Our ‘best ladies’ carried bunches of loose flowers and wore earrings that were hand-made by a friend.We wouldn’t change a thing about our wedding day! It was exhausting and emotional, but really fun.

We took a cue from the environment in Waitsburg and focused on slowing down; being sure to enjoy the conversations, savor the food, and treasure each moment.

Pre-Rehearsal Dinner: Fat Duck Inn Pre-Wedding Picture location: PartyGrape Hill Wedding Reception: Jimgermanbar Transportation: Imbibe Wine Tours Groomswear designer: Nordstrom Groomsmen Shoes: J.D. Fisk Mark VanDonge Photography

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The Guys Next Door A captivating documentary, “THE GUYS NEXT DOOR” immerses viewers in the world of Erik and Sandro, a gay couple with two daughters, birthed by their friend Rachel.

Rachel, in her mid-40s, is married and has three biological children of her own.

oday, what constitutes a family?

It’s Erik Mercer and Sandro Sechi, a gay married couple with two daughters birthed by their close friend, who used donor eggs.

The Guys Next Door, a feature length documentary, celebrates this story!

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In 2011, Boston-based, award-winning filmmakers Amy Geller and Allie Humenuk read an article about Rachel Segall. Married, in her 40s and with three teenagers of her own, Rachel volunteered to be a surrogate for her gay friends – not once but twice within 17 months! She had seen a television program about how expensive and 24 GWM / Summer 2015

difficult it is for gay men to have children. So, she called up Erik, her good friend from college, and said, “When you’re ready to have kids, I’m your gal.” According to co-director Amy Geller, “Allie and I were so inspired by Segall’s act of friendship. We thought, ‘This could be film!’”

Not long after discovering the article, the filmmaking duo traveled to New York, where Erik and Sandro were living with their 17 month-old daughter, Rachel Maria. Rachel, very pregnant with Erik and Sandro’s second daughter, and her husband, Tony Hurley, and their three kids were also visiting for the

weekend. “It was total chaos, everyone squeezed into this tiny NY apartment.

We started filming, and we fell in love with them all,” said Geller.

The Guys Next Door, now in postproduction, spans three years in the lives of these deeply interconnected families. Geller, a veteran film and television producer, and Humenuk, an award-winning documentarian and Emmy-nominated cinematographer, invested time getting to know their characters and building trust. This allowed them to film some very private moments, like the birth of Eleonora. For Humenuk: “It was incredible to capture

the joy on Erik and Sandro’s faces when they first held their new baby daughter.”

While most of the shooting took place in Maine, New York and Massachusetts, Geller and Humenuk also traveled to the remote Italian island of Sardinia, where Sandro grew up. He always dreamed of having children but thought it was impossible. Neither same sex marriage nor surrogacy is legal in Italy.

“When I came to the US, and I met Erik I started to think maybe it could be possible. And then, with Rachel my dream came true!”

In addition to helping her friends have children, Rachel saw her surrogacy as

a means of creating an extended family for her own children - Maddie (now 17), Jordie (now 15) and Zeke (now 13), who consider Rachel Maria (almost 5) and Eleonora (now 3) to be their cousins.

And what about the biological process?

Rachel decided not to use her own eggs, in part because of her age but also because of how psychologically difficult it might be for her and her family. Erik and Sandro secured an egg donor, and each contributed sperm.

Biological paternity was not important to either father. According to Erik, ”For Rachel Maria, there were two eggs fertilized with my sperm and one fertilized with Sandro’s. But I’m sure

that she’s Sandro’s because she looks exactly like him. I don’t care; I love her like crazy.”

The filmmakers realize that, no matter what happens with the US Supreme Court decision this summer, gay families will still face discrimination. Their hope is that the The Guys Next Door, which they plan to release in 2016, will foster empathy and understanding. According Humenuk, “If people see what a loving and complex gay family looks like, it changes minds.”

For more information, to watch the trailer, or to make a tax-deductible donation to The Guys Next Door, please visit http://asquaredfilms.com/.

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Real Weddings

Rachel & Terri March 13, 2015

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B-Freed Weddings

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Te r r i a n d R a c h e l t r a v e l e d f r o m L e e d s f o r a n i n t i m a t e w e d d i n g i n N e w Yo r k .

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erri and Rachel came over from Leeds in the UK to have an extremely intimate wedding in New York City.

The gorgeous couple was married at the New York City Marriage Bureau on a crisp sunny March afternoon.

Afterwards the journey

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continued to Brooklyn Bridge, Meatpacking District (including a legendary stop in Hogs N Heffers and The Standard), then up to Times Square, and finally a memorable finish at Ink 48 Rooftop. The New York night swept them away on a wedding day of their dreams.

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-eye on etsyThese talented artists will help make your wedding unique. janetanteparadesigns.com

y name is Janet Antepara. I’m an artist and art lover from Los Angeles, CA. I graduated from Otis College of Art & Design with a BFA in Communication Arts (a.k.a. illustration and Graphic Design). I have a background in book illustration, fashion photo retouching, graphic design and toy package design. My abstract paintings and photography have been featured in art galleries in and around Southern California and Canada. Products featuring my art can be seen in Japan, Australia, Canada, North and South America, Europe, the UK and Singapore. My work has a strong focus on color. What fascinates me about colors is the way they work together, what they represent and what they make the audience feel. As an artist I have the ability to change the bland and boring into something colorful and fun. If my work can put a smile on someone’s face, my work has been done.

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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ JanetAnteparaDesigns Instagram: https://instagram.com/ janetantepara Etsy Shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/ JanetAnteparaDesigns Twitter: https://twitter.com/ JanetAntepara Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/ antepara/ Tumblr: http://janetantepara. tumblr.com/

ETSY continued on page 52...

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Personalized Coasters: $25 Personalized Large Tote Bag: $28 Personalized Printed Throw Pillow: $38 Personalized Hanging Wall Tapestry: $70

IDEA: Use this personalized hanging wall tapestry as the backdrop for your photo booth!

Send us samples of your photo booth with this tapestry to win a year subcription to GWM! info@gayweddingsmag.com gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 31

Ask

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Dear Joelle,

I love my nephew dearly, but I want to create a romantic setting at my wedding. I don’t think that can happen with him there. I’ve been to several weddings where kids are incorporated into the ceremony, and everything is fine until the reception where they are left to run wild. I also know my sister would never forgive me if I didn’t include her boy. But if I include her child, what about my other friends that have children too? Where does it stop?

Tantrum in Tempe, AZ

Dear Tantrum,

Although children are a huge part of our everyday lives, there are some circumstances where it is best for them to not be included. Weddings are usually big family events where the bride and groom want to celebrate their big day with those closest to them. Having children present during the reception, where in some cases, drinks are flowing and memories are being made, isn’t the most ideal environment for our little ones.

It is perfectly appropriate for you to request an “adult only” wedding. This distinction can be made on the wedding invitation. You can then make the phone call to your sister inviting her son to be a part of the wedding as a guest or as a ring bearer. This being said, it should be the responsibility of the marrying couple that is requesting an “adult only”

reception, to provide childcare for your attending guests.

Once the reception starts, the little ones can be ushered into a different room where cartoons and chicken nuggets await.

(Trust me, they will be MUCH happier here than being made to behave at the adult tables for hours on end.)

A lot of wedding guests travel from different parts of the world, and if they have infants or small children, they generally accompany them on the voyage. It is perfectly appropriate for you to call these guests once the invitations have been mailed and address this issue. Inform them that you can provide the names of very reliable sitters for their convenience, or they can add their children to the childcare location at the wedding. The last thing you want to do is ostracize your family or friends by not providing an alternative for them.

Weddings are a time where the couple and their guests can celebrate unity and not have the stress of running around “keeping an eye” on the little ones.

Submit your questions for Joelle at: askjoelle@gayweddingsmag.com

-WEdiquetteH o w t o P i c k M e m b e r s o f Yo u r W e d d i n g P a r t y

By Hillary Bruch

Derek Chad Photography ne of the most exciting parts of your big day is the fact that you and your partner get to celebrate your love in the company of family and friends. Many couples choose to honor important people in their lives by including them in the wedding in the form of bridesmaids, groomsmen, ring bearers, or flower girls.

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However, whenever someone is included it unfortunately means someone else is excluded. How should you go about picking members of your wedding party so that no feelings get hurt?

Family Comes First

Gender Doesn’t Matter

If you do choose to have important friends and family stand up in your wedding, it’s paramount to include family in the process before anyone else. While there may sometimes be extenuating circumstances, as a general rule, if you and your partner are on good terms with your respective siblings, they should always be offered a role in your wedding party. After all, family is forever (and so are your wedding pictures).

In a traditional wedding, it is customary for each partner to have an equal number of members “standing up” on their side of the altar. Since you and your partner are already defying “traditional” norms, so too can your bridal party. You do not need to include someone you aren’t close with just to even everything out.

If most of your friends are women and greatly outnumber the guys (or vice versa), don’t be afraid to have a bridal party that is predominantly one sex. continued on next page...

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If symmetry is an issue, we’re willing to bet that any of your friends would be happy to stand on your partners “side” during the ceremony. Pictures also shouldn’t be an issue – as long as everyone in the picture is important to you, when you look back on your big day, you’ll only see the love.

provide you their full attention or be able to afford aspects of the wedding planning process, allow them to respectfully decline. If this happens, don’t take it to heart – chances are your friend will still be more than happy to celebrate your love from the sidelines.

Take “No” For An Answer

Including the Kids

Asking friends and family to be a part of your wedding day is an exciting request for any bride or groom. Keep in mind when you are asking someone to be a part of your wedding, you are doing exactly that: asking. No matter how close of a friend, they are allowed to say “No.”

A great way to incorporate your little loved ones in your wedding is to offer them the important role of Flower Girl or Ring Bearer. Before having your heart set on a tiny set of toddlers walking down the aisle, there are a couple things to keep in mind before including kids in the wedding party.

While it may come as a shock that your friend isn’t as excited about the wedding as you are, keep in mind that there are a lot of expectations and expenses placed upon bridesmaids and groomsmen. If a close friend doesn’t feel like they are in the position to

Be sure to speak to their parents about whether or not they think their child would be up for a role in the wedding – Sometimes even the most outgoing child will freeze up in front of an audience. Parents will know whether or not their child will be able

34 GWM / Summer 2015

to show up or shut down when the time comes. If you decide not to have children in your wedding party and their parent (whether it is a friend or family member) seems offended, try to sidestep the situation by allowing the child to still have a special outfit or “job” at the wedding so that they (and their parents) still feel included without having to take a trip down the aisle.

Avoid It Altogether Some couples are choosing to avoid having a wedding party altogether.

If you and your partner choose to forego having anyone stand up at your wedding, it is a good idea to still find a way to let close friends and family know how much they have meant to you throughout your life’s journey. Let your best friends, siblings, cousins, and parents know that even though you are not including them in your actual ceremony, there is no way you would want to celebrate this day without them there by your side.

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counseling

-Intimacy-

Hold the Fizzle, Bring the Sizzle: Five Components for Enhancing Intimacy in Marriage B y D r . M a g g i e C . V a u g h a n , M F T, P h D ou thought it would never happen to you, but it did! You fell in love with the one person for whom you’ll forever share passion and magnetism. You’re looking forward to a lifetime of flirtation and assorted sexual frolics. What a relief that you’re on the same page about never allowing your sex life to become dull!

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One to two years into a partnership, however, brain activity and hormone levels return to their prior states and, correspondingly, infatuation dissipates and sexual drive dips. These changes most likely account for the decreased magnetism and frequency of sex you’re experiencing now. Maintaining a satisfying sex life will require a more conscious effort from this point forward.

But alas! Shortly after marriage, your passion cools. You become a bit panicky, especially when the cooling lasts longer than what you can dismiss as a “stage.” Were you wrong to think you had exceptional, undying chemistry? Are you disappointing your partner? What does this mean about the trajectory of your relationship and its sexual viability? Is your chemistry fizzle-bound?

Fortunately, many couples are able to maintain a lifetime of sparks, but expecting the chemical intensity and consistency that marked your relationship’s romantic stage is just plain not realistic. The explanation for this phenomenon is scientific, not personal. Falling in love activates the parts of the brain that are involved in addiction and cravings. No wonder, then, that you used to think incessantly about your partner, long for them, and feel both comfort and excitement when reunited with them. Infatuation is so powerful it can be witnessed in brain scans and in hormonal and neurochemical changes in your blood.

Romantic love then, is very much a physiological state that gives way to physical, emotional and sexual urges.

36 GWM / Summer 2015

So, what relationship components should you make sure to cultivate as you journey from romantic love to companionate love? Below are five essential ingredients for invigorating chemistry and building an ever evolving and continually gratifying partnership:

Trust and Safety Trusting and safe relationships are ones in which both partners can openly express needs, concerns and disappointment without fear of abandonment or criticism. Secure partners are more likely to convey sexual needs and vulnerabilities and are more receptive to straightforward feedback from their significant others.

The result is a safe atmosphere in which partners are willing to emotionally and sexually explore.

Partners in trusting relationships are sexually and emotionally more attuned and attached.

Mutual Respect

But don’t fret: there are many things you and your partner can do to generate and sustain much of the chemistry of your infatuation days. Even more encouraging, building a relationship foundation that’s ripe for sexual intimacy now will reap chemical and emotional rewards for years to come.

Respect is an important part of maintaining chemistry. Incompatible value systems make sustaining attraction difficult, whereas compatible values facilitate bonding. With mutual respect, partners appreciate each other’s individual needs and preferences, even when they differ.

Thus, partners feel free to behave autonomously and are better able to balance time spent together versus apart. Autonomy and intermittent separation intensify the chemistry of reuniting.

Responsiveness Responsiveness is the act of being emotionally present and engaged.

Partners in responsive relationships reach out to one another when in distress, whereas individuals in unresponsive relationships are more likely to withdraw or react with anger.

Responsiveness is characterized by mutual focus and attunement.

Individuals in responsive relationships are more likely to pursue sex as a means of expressing closeness.

A Focus on Variety Similar to the chemical effects of infatuation, having varied experiences stimulates the brain’s reward system and makes sexual expression more appealing. Obvious sources of variety

include travel, new friendships and cultural activities, but variety can also extend to new ways of looking at things. Sharing a laugh, for example, can provide a fresh spin to the mundane and reinforce the sense of togetherness.

Be Realistic Nothing puts the kibosh on relationship enthusiasm like the expectation that at least one of you will be hanging off the chandelier each night. Couples make the mistake of comparing their current levels of passion and excitement to those of their early days. Sulking about lost passion reduces relationship esteem and undermines sexual desire. Thus, couples must change their perspective from what’s been lost to how their partnership is evolving. Those who

successfully make this shift find that while the frequency of sex might have declined, sexual and emotional intimacy continues to deepen.

Though the rumors about decreased frequency of sex over the course of marriage are generally true, happy couples manage to keep things spicy.

Investing in the livelihood of your chemistry now will lay the foundation for a lifetime of enhanced emotional and sexual intimacy and a continually flourishing partnership. So view your early days of infatuation with nostalgia rather than grief and don’t confuse companionate love with dullness: it’s as fulfilling as you make it.

Maggie C. Vaughan, MFT, PhD www.everyoneneedstherapy.com 917-856-8110

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today! www.gay weddingsmag.com gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 37

Real Weddings

38 GWM / Summer 2015

Trisha & Giovanna June 14, 2014

Andrea Bibeault: A Wedding Photojournalist

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Tr i s h a a n d G i o v a n n a m e t i n a s m a l l t o w n i n N e b r a s k a w h e r e Tr i s h a w a s a n O r t h o p e d i c P h y s i c i a n ’s A s s i s t a n t a n d G i o v a n a a v o l l e y b a l l c o a c h f o r a l o c a l c o l l e g e .

40 GWM / Summer 2015

gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 41

risha and Giovana had a gorgeous wedding at a vineyard in Des Moines, Iowa. They met in a small town in Nebraska where Trisha was an Orthopedic Physician’s Assistant and Giovana a volleyball coach for a local college. The two met when one of Giovana’s volleyball players was injured and needed physical therapy.

Giovana is originally from Brazil. Same-sex marriage is not legal in Nebraska, so the two got married in the bordering state of Iowa, which was the fourth state to legalize samesex marriage. Emotions overflowed at the moment that Giovana and Trisha saw each other for the first time

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42 GWM / Summer 2015

while walking down the aisle in their dresses. Their wedding day was supported and surrounded by loving family and friends.

Photography: Andrea Bibeault: A Wedding Photojournalist Event Planner: Iowa’s Gay Wedding Planner Wedding Venue: Jasper Winery Caterer: B-Fab BBQ Bakery: Cache Bake Shop Dresses: Emma and Grace Bridal Studio Design and Decor: Eventfully Yours

gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 43

-wedding basicsBy Hillary Bruch ome people have been dreaming about their wedding day for as long as they can remember - from the venue to the flowers and everything in-between, these people have everything planned perfectly down to the last detail. There are other people, however, who suddenly find they plan a wedding with their partner without any idea where to even begin. If you fall in to the latter category, you are well aware of the headache that can accompany planning a wedding when starting from scratch.

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If things like color schemes, party themes, and DIY decorations are practically a foreign language, there is still hope you can create a Pinterest-worthy wedding on a budget. Here are a few simple steps that make the entire planning process much easier to tackle.

Step 1: Pick 2 key words.

Start the planning process by thinking of two words that you would like to describe your wedding. Take a look at inspirational pictures from a variety of weddings you adore and challenge yourself to describe what they all have in common. Maybe they are traditional, or perhaps they all defy convention.

Defining your tastes makes it easier to describe your vision to others.

44 GWM / Summer 2015

If you are still stuck, take these keywords out of the context of a “wedding.”

Instead, think of two words you (or your friends) would use to describe you and your partner as a couple. Perhaps you two are “Modern and Romantic,” “Fun and Vibrant,” or “Classy and Stylish.” Pick two words that you would use to describe your lifestyle and suddenly, you have a wedding theme that’s easy to work with.

Step 2: Choose an inspirational piece.

If you are not the type to gaze longingly at pictures of weddings for hours on end, but still want to give your vendors an idea of your style, don’t be afraid to think outside the box. Never assume that your “theme” has to be a carbon copy of someone else’s wedding. Inspiration is everywhere and often the most unique weddings are ones that incorporate the unexpected.

If there is a piece of artwork you absolutely adore, a necktie

with a pattern you are drawn to, or a bird with colors that have always caught your eye, bring those ideas with you to your wedding planner or share them with your partner during the planning process. If you have always dreamed of a Wes Anderson-inspired wedding or a soiree inspired by your favorite 20th century decade, don’t be afraid to speak up.

Vendors are highly creative people who love a challenge, so they will be happy to take your unique idea and help you turn it into an elegant affair.

Step 3: Pick a palette.

Step 4: Don’t be afraid to be you.

The most important part of coming up with your wedding design is to make sure that your personality as a couple shines through.

If you and your partner are known for your love of comic books, sports, or movies, don’t be afraid to incorporate little touches that will remind your guests of the things you hold dear.

Picking colors for your wedding is something that seems like it should be easy.

In fact, some couples don’t think it necessary to pick a color scheme for their wedding at all. However, when you are faced with a book filled with a plethora of Pantone color swatches, having some direction makes for less of a headache.

Similarly, you don’t want to pick every single aspect of your wedding on a whim and realize on your big day that you planned a wedding that completely clashes.

Once you have your wedding theme, a color scheme is the next big step. The key to picking colors is to choose one neutral color, one bold accent color, and one subtle complimentary color. Neutrals aren’t just black and white – gray, taupe, beige, and even navy blue are all considered a “neutral” in the wedding world. To pick a bold color, choose a hue that underlines the overall feel of your

wedding. For some couples, a romantic shade of dusty pink or mint green is the color they want to “pop” at their wedding. Others prefer a bold, bright red or yellow to offset their neutral choice.

Finally, for the complimentary color, pick a shade that makes your other colors shine. For example, if purple is your bold color choice, a sage green is a great accent. Likewise, if you love the way navy and coral look together, a soft cream or subtle gold makes the perfect complimentary color.

white graphic of your favorite superhero’s logo on the back of your menu at the reception, or print your table numbers on a photocopy of pages from your favorite book. Small touches like these will impress your guests while also reflecting what makes you unique as a couple. The end result is a wedding that matches your personalities perfectly.

The best way to incorporate your interests is to do so in a subtle way with unexpected design elements. Put an oversized black-and-

If you are a visual person who has a hard time picturing how colors go together, head to the paint section of your local hardware store. Free paint swatches are a great way to see which colors work together, and you can always take them with you so that your vendors are on the same page as you. In the end, you should have three colors that you can say are your “wedding colors” when someone asks.

We would love to see the inspirational pieces you chose for your wedding! Send pictures and a description of your wedding inspirations to info@gayweddingsmag.com to be featured in our next issue. gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 45

The profiler

Don’t worry.

It’s a good thing.

founded Our Chosen Child in 2008 to assist hopeful adoptive parents in the process of creating their outreach materials including profiles, websites and pass-out cards. Our philosophy is simple. Every client has a story to tell, and for every client there is one special birthparent that will be drawn to their story. We help clients understand themselves - baggage and all- in a way that is positive, honest and uplifting and then we work together to tell their story in a way that resonates with birthparents. Our best work lies at the intersection of psychology and graphic design. Each profile is a unique expression of a unique couple- no two are a like! Visit our website to see samples and learn more: www.ourchosenchild.com

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Invest in quality images.

If you’re pursuing adoption then you’re likely anxious about the process of creating your adoption profile.

Your profile is really the only way you can introduce yourselves to an expectant parent considering adoption.

Since you can’t be in the room with her telling her all about yourselves, your profile needs to do it for you. Your profile will contain three basic elements- your text, a collection of photos and a basic layout using colors and 46 GWM / Summer 2015

graphic elements to share a bit of your style with an expectant parent.

Before you write a single word or begin sorting through your photos, have a brainstorming session with your spouse and talk about what the 5 or 6 really key elements are that you want to share with an expectant parent reading your letter.

Have fun with this part! It’s not every day we are offered the opportunity to think about our family story and

Simple layouts are effective.

all that encompasses. What do you value as a couple and as individuals? What are you passionate about? What do you long for? What are the fundamental routines that guide you in life? Who do you love and how do you spend time together? What pays the bills for you, and is it a passion or just how you spend your 9-5? What do you adore about your spouse and what do they do that makes you laugh? And finally, how do you imagine your spouse will be as a parent? Everyone,

and I mean everyone, approaches the profile believing they are the most ordinary folks on earth… and everyone is wrong. You ARE unique and you do have a unique story to tell!

To lessen the anxiety surrounding writing the text of your profile book (also known as the “dear birthmother letter”) try to think about writing a letter to a friend you’ve never met.

Be warm and friendly. Try to write in a conversational

Write in a conversational style.

style as if you were dashing off a quick letter to a friend.

Be chatty and funny if that’s your style- don’t be afraid of humor! To help organize your letter, create 6-8 headings that feel natural to you and then fill in a couple of paragraphs about each.

Typical headings include “Hello and Welcome!”, “About Us,” “Meet us Individually,” “Where we Live,” “The People we Love,” and then maybe “Our Work,” “Travel,” “Hobbies and Activities” and perhaps “Our Promises to You.” Remember the key focus points you came up with in your brainstorming session?

Let those be your guides as you write. Remember your profile is an introduction. It’s not meant to include every detail of your lives. Keep it short, but warm and friendly.

Use stories, rather than

details to make your text come alive.

Your photos are amazing storytellers! When a potential birth parent looks at a profile the photos will be the first thing that captures her eye. Make sure your photos highlight those key areas you identified in your brainstorming. Most people find they need to take photos to get just the right set, so don’t be afraid to carry a camera (not your phones!) with you for a few weeks to really capture the range of activities you participate in and the people you spend time with. Try to capture a mix of photos of you as a couple and as individuals.

If you have a child already remember at least 50% of your photos should be of you without your child- a hard task for sure but important.

Meet Joanna.

Double check your photos and text several times- are the key activities, people and ideals mentioned in your text also represented in your photos and vice-versa? This is a really critical step, so don’t rush this one. The extra time spent on photos will pay off in the long run.

Pay close attention to your agency guidelines for the format of your profile book.

Most will encourage you to use color, typography and design elements to make your profile book more interesting. Be cautious, however, that visually these elements do not overwhelm your photos. Glancing at the page it should be the photos that catch your eye, not buttons, frames or scrapbook elements. Make sure your profile layout is easy to ready, the photos are

sufficiently large to share facial expressions and the graphic elements enhance rather than detract from your photos.

Lastly, enjoy the process!

Try to let go of the rush to complete your profile and instead focus on the profile being the very real beginning of your new family. Enjoy this time defining your values as a couple and dreaming about the family you are creating.

You will look back on this profile for years and years to come, as will your child’s birthparents, so give the project the time and space it deserves. You have a story to tell, so enjoy telling it!

Joanna Ivey, owner of Our Chosen Child, Adoption Profile Design. www. ourchosenchild.com

gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 47

Engaged

-Marriage kit-

M a d M e n A c t o r O n H o w To G e t Yo u r M a n To T h e A i s l e

By Jason Salerno “

think it’s amazing that we’ve come to a place as a society that not only is gay marriage a possibility, there’s even a magazine devoted to it,” says Kit Williamson as he pulls up a chair in the midtown New York City eatery we’re meeting in to discuss his latest announcement. The day before, People Magazine had broken the news that “Mad Men Actor Kit Williamson Is Engaged to John Halbach”.

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“The world has changed so much since I was a gay kid growing up in Mississippi”, he reflects. “I hope that all the gay kids in Mississippi now realize that the world is going to continue to change and that we will see equality in this country in our lifetimes.”

It strikes me right away that Kit Williamson has charisma.

He’s one of those guys that when he walks into the room, all those present stop in their tracks. Even those who may not be familiar with his show can sense he’s famous. They all turn around to catch a glimpse of him. I’m captivated by him immediately, and oddly comfortable, as if we’re old friends, catching up on each other’s lives. I get right into it with him.

48 GWM / Summer 2015

Do you remember the first time you saw John?

It’s funny. New York City is a big place but we both remember seeing each other before we actually met. I saw him walking to work and he saw me performing in a show and even looked my name up in the Playbill.

Who made the first move?

The day we met, John was bartending at a Scottish Pub and I was a stupid 21-yearold ordering top shelf screwdrivers, and we sort of asked each other out but didn’t make plans in person.

That took place over Myspace, which just goes to show how long ago this all happened.

What was your first date?

We went to see “Spring Awakening” on Broadway and got dinner afterwards in the theatre district. We stayed talking for hours afterwards and I walked him to the subway so he could head back to Queens.

Was it love at first sight?

I don’t know about love at first sight, but almost immediately I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

You knew this was the man you were going to marry?

I didn’t think much about marriage back then, to be honest. I had just left Mississippi and it wasn’t something I even thought of as a possibility.

What attracted you to one another?

We have a lot in common but we are also very different. John is a calming, kind presence and I’m really high strung. I’m not the easiest person to be in a relationship with, and I’m grateful to have found a partner that balances me out and calls me out when I need to hear it.

How long did you wait until you said “I Love You”?

It was about six months into our relationship. I had just met his parents.

Who said it first?

We kind of said it at the same time. I’d never said it to anyone before but I don’t remember being nervous. It just felt like the right time.

Were there any bumps along the way?

There was never any point where I thought we might break up but just a couple of years into our relationship my representation wanted me to move out to Los Angeles. We were long-distance for a year. It was definitely hard and expensive. At the end of the year I had made up my mind to come back to New York but then John told me he wanted to move out to Los Angeles. This year his work has taken him to New York and I’m the one following him.

You’ve been together for eight years.

Why so long to take that next step toward the aisle?

I think a lot of people get married hoping to change their relationship, rather than to affirm their commitment to one another. I’ve known for a long

time now that I want to spend the rest of my life with John and I’m happy to share that commitment with our friends and family. At a certain point it just doesn’t feel accurate to call each other ‘boyfriend.’

Whose idea was it to seriously consider marriage?

We’ve been talking about it in the abstract for years but over the last year, and with the move back to New York, it kept coming back up in conversation.

The logistics of moving across the country together are pretty similar to the logistics of getting married and at this point there isn’t any part of my life that doesn’t overlap with his. I think it’s important for couples to discuss both the practical and the romantic concerns of building a life together. Pragmatism can be very romantic.

Who got on his knee?

He beat me to it! I’d been planning on proposing on our Manniversary but he popped the question the night I officially continued on next page...

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50 GWM / Summer 2015

...continued from previous page

arrived in NY, with champagne in the snow and candles and a light up sign waiting in the apartment.

‘Manniversary’?

It’s what we call the night we met.

Cute.

I think it’s important to approach anything that’s truly important to you with a little bit of irreverence.

So were rings exchanged?

We had already decided not to do engagement rings. We’re saving that for the wedding. I’m still threatening engagement tattoos.

Have you made any decisions on when and where the ceremony will take place?

We’re all over the map. He’s from Minnesota, I’m from Mississippi, our friends are mostly in New York and Los Angeles and we have no clue what we want to do! We’re still deciding but one thing we know for sure is that it won’t be until 2016.

Do you know what you will wear down the aisle?

How do you picture the wedding? On a beach? In a church?

I guess that depends on the venue, but we probably won’t go too traditional.

When I picture the wedding, all I see are the people I want to share the day with. And an elephant. I definitely want to ride in on an elephant.

Will there be a bridal party?

We’re still figuring it out. I can tell you that my best friend Brittany Cavallaro will be forced to endure some sort of wedding duty. I’m officiating her wedding this summer so it will be payback time.

Will you write your own vows?

Definitely. Hopefully John doesn’t make mine all about cleaning up the apartment.

Have you registered yet?

espresso machine. Seriously, I fantasize about it.

Would you like an espresso now?

Oh yes! Are we done with the interview?

Let’s just drink and hang.

Sounds lovely. Just one more question...

Will kids be next?

Oh gee, it was hard enough getting the cat on an airplane.

We haven’t.

What appliance are you most excited about adding to your registry?

I am in desperate need of a commercial

Visit: http://kitwilliamson.com https://twitter.com/kitwilliamson https://www.facebook.com/ TheKitWilliamson Photography by: Brittany Cavallaro gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 51

-etsy...ETSY continued from page 30

before they aren’t so young anymore. I love being available for all the field trips at school, going to gymnastics and swimming lessons, and most importantly, I am so grateful that I can be here to tuck them into bed at night and to tell them how much I love them!

You can rest assured that whether you have chosen a piece already stamped or have created your own saying, I will stamp it, polish it, and package it up with the utmost care and love because I know that is how you have chosen your special gift.

MY PROMISE Every day, I stamp these pieces of silverware with these core values in mind: honesty, loyalty and happiness.

HONESTY I will always be honest and upfront about the quality of any given piece of silverware. Some of my customers want shiny and “almost” brand new pieces and others love the rustic look that the plate loss and patina gives them.

MY MISSION I don’t just stamp words on old silverware…. I create personal and memorable keepsakes using treasures of the past.

I know how tough it is to find that unique and one of a kind gift that the recipient will just love. I myself, cannot give a gift just for the sake of giving one. It needs to mean something and it has to come from the heart.

My mission is to search out the most beautiful patterns of silverware and create gorgeous and meaningful keepsakes for your mother, your father, your sister or your brother and everyone in between… and maybe even for you!

WHY I DO THIS Since I started this business I have made many people happy and confident in their gift giving. And that makes me happy knowing I am providing such a personal and unique gift that you can’t find in any department store.

I also love the freedom owning my own business gives me which allows me to spend quality time with my young family

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LOYALTY I want you, my customer, to keep coming back to my shop to purchase these wonderful keepsakes for your family and friends. I believe to have loyal customers the seller also needs to be loyal therefore, each and every customer will receive a coupon code for their next purchase.

HAPPINESS I want you to feel happy knowing you have chosen the perfect gift that will, in turn, make the recipient happy. Because who doesn’t like to feel happy?!

WHO I AM To two little angels (lol!) I am Mommy; to a very understanding and helpful husband I am, most recently, Babe; to my other family and friends I am Elisa and to my customers I am the Keepsake Creator!

When I’m not working and the family is all tucked in for the night, I try to catch the latest episode of Once Upon a Time or Downton Abbey (I’m in withdrawals right now!). Then every night before bed I have to read the latest book that is sitting on my night table… without fail or I can’t fall asleep!

GET IN TOUCH If you have any questions about any of my pieces or would like to create your own special keepsake please contact me at elisa@ dazzlingdezignz.com HOURS: • My online shop is open 24/7 • I answer any emails between 7am and 9pm EST. • I ship every day Monday thru Friday • I try to take Saturdays and Sundays off :)

Elisa Mardegan Keepsake Creator Contact me: elisa@ dazzlingdezignz.com Shop: www.dazzlingdezignz. com or www.

DazzlingDezignz4U.etsy.com Blog: http://dazzlingdezignz. wordpress.com/ Follow: www.facebook.com/ DazzlingDezignz www.twitter.com/ DazzlingDezignz; www.pinterest.com/ DazzlingDezignz

Would you like a chance to win a modern vintage keepsake of your own?

Join my Dazzling Fans List and you’ll automatically be entered every month. Plus, you’ll get special deals and discounts that no one else will get! ~ http://eepurl. com/7EXk At Left: Wedding forks: $35 Above, Top: Wedding cake serving set: $65 Above, Bottom: Fork and spoon set: Contact seller

ETSY continued on page 64...

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Have love: will travel An intimate look at two Italian engagement sessions, and how to prepare if you plan to marry abroad.

By Hillary Bruch taly. Just the name conjures visions of the rolling hills of Tuscany, the breathtaking Grand Canal in Venice, and the glint of the late-afternoon sun as it warms Rome’s cobblestone streets. It is a country of unmatched atmosphere, where the food, the wine, and the romance all combine into an overarching feeling of romance that touches the heart of everyone who visits this beautiful country. For couples that will settle for nothing but the most charming, most amorous, and most picturesque wedding possible, Italy is practically heaven on earth.

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Getting married abroad is an excellent option for a number of reasons that extend beyond a country’s charming atmosphere. When your wedding includes an often once-in-a-lifetime trip to a foreign country, it is an experience that everyone in attendance will remember for the rest of their lives and will be a memory you forever share.

Because only a small number of close friends and family members will attend, this ensures your wedding will be an intimate affair filled with the utmost amounts of love.

While this sounds like perfection, keep in mind that planning a wedding in the next state can be stressful – when you add an ocean and a language barrier, the difficulty only increases. Before buying plane tickets or packing a carryon, make sure that planning a wedding

54 GWM / Summer 2015

in a foreign country is a task you are ready to undertake. Getting married in Italy takes more than just amore.

Patience is a virtue Travelling is an excellent way to experience new people, languages, and cultures. Keep in mind, however, that being in a foreign country always means stepping outside of your comfort zone.

Understand that customs, traditions, and conveniences are different abroad than they are at home. The relaxed, European way of life can be shocking to an always-on-the-go American, but these differences should be celebrated and embraced. Especially if you have never travelled internationally before,

remember to keep an open mind and expect the unexpected.

Lost in Translation This is especially important when planning your wedding. Tying the knot in a foreign country means being open to foreign traditions and working with foreign vendors. While it’s true that most Italians speak some English, don’t be surprised if there is a language barrier or if a translator is needed. If you are the kind of person that needs to be in constant control of every small detail of your wedding, be ready to take a step back. While technology has made it easier than ever to stay in constant contact with people all around the world, not being physically on the

same continent means that inevitably lines of communication will get crossed.

The best thing you can do is choose experienced vendors, share your vision, and trust that they will make your day perfect, even if it means a few small details don’t turn out quite as planned.

Communication is Key The Internet is an excellent resource for finding wedding vendors abroad.

The website www.purpleunions.com has an entire directory of “gay friendly” wedding vendors in Italy, including photographers, wedding planners, and officiants who are happy to help samesex couples have the Italian wedding of their dreams. If you chose a vendor that is highly rated, yet it is not clear if they have worked a gay wedding before, don’t be afraid to ask if your sexual orientation will be a problem.

Because of a difference in cultural norms, it never hurts to make certain that any wedding vendor you contact is comfortable that yours will be a samesex celebration. Like in any relationship, whether it is with a partner or a vendor, clear communication is always the key to happiness.

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PDA : OKAY It is important to note that gay marriage is not yet technically recognized by the Italian government. Although strides are being made to change Italy’s laws, progress is slow, albeit steady. With that said, don’t let that detail stop you from having your dream wedding in Italy. Recent polls have revealed that a majority of Italian citizens support-same sex marriage, so although government regulations are stringent, chances are your average Italian will be more than accepting of your same-sex status, especially in larger more progressive cities like Milan and Rome. So while it may not be immediately “official,” your marriage will still be recognized in America even if you choose to say “I do” Italian-style.

While there are certainly challenges that arise when planning a wedding either at home or abroad, as with any wedding, every worry disappears when you and your partner are standing at the altar, surrounded by loving friends and family. If it has always been your dream to get married under the Tuscan sun or in the shadows of Rome’s magnificent monuments, don’t let any of the difficult details stop you from living your fairy tale and getting married in a place where love is practically a lifestyle.

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C h r i s t i a n and his fiancé c hose the early morn in g Ven ice mood for th eir en gagemen t sessio n.

We we n t fro m the ir nice l y l o c ate d h otel La Res iden za in Ven ice to an empty Mark’s S q u a r e.

Notes from Luca Fazzolari w w w. pho to g ra p he rve n i ce .co m

Courtney and Kari live in an American state that does not allow same sex weddings, so they went to New York to get married and then on to Italy for their honeymoon. There we had a photo session from the very central location of their hotel (Hotel dell’opera, near Venice theatre). We walked to Dorsoduro sestiere and had a glass of wine in one of the many typical places of the area. On the way back we stopped in front of the Santa Maria dell Salute church were sunset light was mixing with artificial illumination. gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 57

Real Weddings

Suzzane & Holly October 11, 2014

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Julius Photography

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uzanne and Holly are two amazing women that had their dream wedding at the Arizona Grand Resort this fall. Surrounded by their supportive family and friends they made their lifelong commitments to each other during a beautiful sunset ceremony. Their personal vows eloquently

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described their love for one another, and their family.

Their motto is “Be the change that you wish to see in the world” by Mahatma Ghandi, and that motto has shaped the way they live their lives.

They danced with their daughters to the song “In My Daughter’s Eyes.” It was their day, a day to celebrate their

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love, commitment, and promise of the future. From getting ready to the final dance they laughed with each other, cried with each other, and especially shared their love with each other.

Venue: Arizona Grand Resort DJ: Desert House Productions Flowers: Flowers by Jodi Videographer: Vortex Cinema Production Photographer: Julius Photography

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-etsy...ETSY continued from page 53

ara and Julia Hickman-Himes, the minds and hands behind Papersaurus Creative met way back in 2006. They dated, fell in love and got engaged. At their wedding in 2009 (in Connecticut, it wasn’t legal in their home state of New York at the time) they were surrounded in what they like to call a “perfect bubble of happiness” - made up of family and friends from far-flung places.

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After the reception, when they looked through the cards their friends and family had given them, they were impressed by the fact that there were no “straight” wedding cards with pronouns crossed out and changed (which they had kind of expected, since LGBT wedding cards are a bit hard to scrounge up), and there were no duplicate cards (which they had also kind of expected). What struck them though, was the amount of gender-neutral cards they got. Now, while they don’t think there’s anything wrong with gender neutral cards, and they absolutely loved the fact that their loved ones went through all the trouble 64 GWM / Summer 2015

email: papersauruscreative@yahoo.com shop: www.papersauruscreative.etsy.com facebook: www.facebook.com/papersauruscreative twitter: @PapersaurusC

to find appropriate cards - a little kernel of thought got lodged in their brains.

Gender is one of the most important parts of most any wedding - whether it’s different genders or the same - chances are, the gender of whom you love is a big part of why you love them.

So over the next couple of years, they voiced their thoughts to random friends

and family - and their thoughts slowly began to morph into more concrete ideas. They kept getting told that they should start a line of cards specializing in LGBT life events that are still alarmingly ignored by major greeting card companies.

In November of 2011, they took the hint and started Papersaurus Creative.

With Julia’s brains and

Sara’s graphic design talents (and tech talents, because ... well... let’s just say technology and Julia don’t mix) they were off and running. Now they have a loyal, awesome fan base that is continuing to grow and they are working to cover even more areas of life that are under-represented. They have also branched out into inspirational (and often funny, because, well, they

like funny things especially each other) prints, t-shirts, buttons, magnets and mirrors.

They plan to continue creating original and unique cards for the LGBT community and its allies and always welcome feedback and new ideas. (Really, they just love getting mail on Etsy ... it gets lonely in the cold Rochester winters.)

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Real Weddings

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Anthony & Ignacio November 15, 2014

Michael Farmer Photography

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nthony and Ignacio dated for two years before Anthony popped the question at Disneyland on September 15th of 2013. It was a whirlwind wedding, but amazing. Anthony was tending to a “pants fiasco” early in the morning. He drove from Fallbrook in San Diego County all the way back home (about an hour) to Montclair.

He got back to the hotel right when the photographer had arrived. After that it was just a rush to get ready and start the day’s activities. The ceremony was perfectly intimate. They did a wine blending unity ceremony (white wine and cabernet) after the vow exchange. The reception was beautiful as well. Everything came together better than they expected. Other than receiving the wrong tuxedo pants, the wedding day was perfect.

Caterer – Wedgewood@The Golf Club of California Wedding Cake – Elegance on Display Alterations - Men’s Warehouse, Alfred Angelo Florist – Splendid Sentiments Clothing/Gowns/Suits – Men’s Warehouse, Alfred Angelo Rehearsal Dinner Site – Aquaterra@ Pala Mesa Resort Limousine Company – Haynes Antique Car Chauffeuring, Inc. Hair – Mario Solis Makeup – Mario Solis Other – Save the Dates – Minted Cake Topper – MyMemoryDolls.com

Photographer – Michael Farmer Photography Ceremony Music – Total Quality Music Wedding Consultant – Aubree Williams, Kristen Dean Entertainment/DJ – Total Quality Music Ceremony Site – The Golf Club of California Linens - Wedgewood@The Golf Club of California Officiant – Lauren-Michele Seals Rentals - Wedgewood@The Golf Club of California Reception Site - Golf Club of California Lighting - Wedgewood@The Golf Club of California Reception Site Coordinator - Aubree Williams, Kristen Dean Invitations - Wedgewood@The Golf Club of California gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 69

-long distance loveBy Kristin Davidson and Carolyn Phillips his article marks the end to our nearly three-year journey living apart while we transitioned our lives to another state. While our “leap of faith” is now cause for celebration, it has not been without heartache, stress, and fear of the unknown. No matter the reason or circumstance, a distance relationship is difficult. However, in bringing our lives back together, we also find that our relationship has a new strength to it. The following factors contributed to our ability to celebrate our reunion with gratitude, respect, and love for one another:

this knowledge and opportunity.

Clearly defined goals. We met when we were young, and the beginning of our relationship required us to be understanding and respectful of each other’s education and career goals.

Support and compromise is a jointly undertaken endeavor so that our relationship is a key to our successes, not an impediment. It is in this context that we made our decision to endure the distance.

Trust, communication, respect, and kindness. These are essential ingredients, and practicing these qualities was imperative to the health of our relationship at a distance.

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In 2012, we each had unique career opportunities arise in different cities, and neither location was where we wanted to stay permanently. We did not know where we would end up, or exactly when, but we knew the reality was that it would take two to three years for us to be in a position to gain 70 GWM / Summer 2015

We probably would have lost our minds or made drastic decisions if we hadn’t been expecting the transition to take two or three years. While the first year apart flew by, the passage of time then slowed to an unbearable pace.

We identified all of the logistical puzzle pieces we needed in order to fit our lives back together. As we reached each milestone, we knew that we were making progress and that much closer to our ultimate goal.

In essence, we over-communicated.

We shared not only the important details of the day, but also the mundane.

Our goal was for each of us to have a sense of the other’s day. This helped us feel more connected to and present in the other’s life.

We both work at stressful, peopleintensive jobs, and there were many days where the last thing either one of us wanted was to spend time on the phone. For those days especially, we made sure that for however short our

interactions were we did not muddy the conversation by multitasking. The monotone drone of the voice of one half-engaged is a pet peeve we share. A positive and present communication, even if by text, could lift the spirits on the busiest of days. However, we did not allow short- or no-communication days to occur consecutively.

We worked to keep our stubbornness and frustrations in check. When disagreements arose or frustrations were vented, we worked hard to resolve them the same day. Words were all we had when we were apart, and it was essential that we communicated them with kindness and respect.

We said, “I love you.” A lot. We still do.

We are trustworthy and trust each other. We are, by no means, perfect communicators. But if we didn’t have trust – whether together or apart – we would not have our relationship.

Focus on the positives. We enjoy each other’s company, and life is better when we are together. The list of “negative” reasons for why not to have a distance relationship far outweighs the list of “positives.” However, we had to make the best out of difficult circumstances.

Instead of focusing on the hardships the distance would cause, we discussed

Norah Levine Photography

how the time apart could be a positive experience. We articulated how we wanted to grow individually, recognizing that the individual growth would further contribute to the strength of our relationship.

Regularly scheduled visits. Initially, our respective jobs were located in rural cities, nine driving hours apart. Flying was rarely an option. Notwithstanding the inconvenient locations, we planned our visits several months in advance.

We made our relationship the priority and set a schedule and stuck to it.

Knowing when we would see each other always gave us something to look forward to.

This experience has been a marathon.

We just kept going. Now that we are at the finish line, we are exhausted, broken-down, and in need of nourishment, only conceptually aware of our accomplishment. With a little recovery time, we will be able to appreciate the experience for what we gained from it. The last three years have written a unique chapter in our lives, but it is highly likely that we will never want to do it again!

Carolyn is an oncology nurse practitioner and Kristin is lawyer, and they are happy to make Austin, TX their new home. gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 71

transgender

-Marry for loveT h e l ov e s to r y of Ay d i n a n d J o O l s o n - Ke n n e d y

By Michael Eric Brown “Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.”

Maya Angelou inding a life partner can present a particular challenge to transgender men and women, but just like with anyone else in the world, true love can and does happen.

For transgender people, a legal marriage is dependent on many things, such as identification documents and attitudes of peers, officiants and venue providers, as well as countless other potential barriers. Many who are in love and wish to spend their lives together as a legally recognized couple are unable to do so simply because of laws, bureaucracy and discrimination.

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Many transgender couples, however, have plowed through the barriers and entered into their legally-binding lifelong commitments to each other.

These may be a transgender man who marries a cisgender woman, or a cisgender male who marries a transgender woman, two transgender men, or any other combination of genders who fall in love and marry.

Aydin and Jo are among the couples who were able to experience the joy of a legally recognized wedding on June 6, 2015 in Santa Barbara, California.

They are happy to share their celebration of love with the readers of Gay Weddings Magazine.

Groom: Aydin Olson-Kennedy, MSW, ASW Aydin jumped the hurdles, leapt the fences and penetrated walls in order to become the man in love that he is today. Thirty-eight years ago, Aydin was born in a small town in Oregon, and because of his girl body he was assigned female at birth. For the first 30 years of his life, Aydin lived as a female, but even as a young child he knew there was something not right.

After years of struggling to keep his true self hidden deep inside, Aydin physically transitioned to his authentic male self. Aydin is transsexual man who dedicates his life to advocating for and supporting the transgender community as a counselor, trainer and educator.

Bride: Johanna Olson-Kennedy, MD Johanna (Jo) is a practicing Pediatrics physician specializing in the care of transgender and gender-variant youth. She has appeared in various

television broadcasts such as The Dr. Phil Show, Lisa Ling’s Our America, ABC’s 20/20 and most recently in Diane Sawyer’s interview with Bruce Jenner. Jo spends an enormous amount of her time advocating and educating society on the needs of transgender youth. She is published in several academic journals and other assorted publications, and is considered a national expert in the care of transgender youth.

Their Love Story Aydin and Jo met in 2011 at the first UCSF Center of Excellence TransHealth Summit. Jo was presenting her work with transgender youth, and Aydin was there as an attendee. Jo happened to have a severe cold at the conference, and while walking behind Aydin, she let out a “significantly loud, ‘three-dimensional’ and loud sneeze.”

Aydin turned around, and teasingly pretended she had covered his neck with infectious droplets. That was the beginning of their growing friendship.

During the next two years, they continued meeting at various gender conferences such as Gender Spectrum, Philadelphia TransHealth Conference, and Gender Odyssey. Their friendship developed into love, and by the fall of 2013, they had officially become a couple.

For the first 30 years of his life, Aydin lived as a female, but even as a young child he knew there was something not right.

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Jo tells it like this: “Year after year I was struck by Aydin’s kind and gentle soul, and his incredible ability to tell you the truth and make it sound so nice.

He is mindful and loving, and is not afraid to be vulnerable, and it is these qualities that eventually led me to fall unequivocally in love with him.”

Typical Family Concerns When asked if they encountered any family or peer issues in regards to their relationship, their answer was “Our families have had mixed reactions. We think most of the concern has had to do with the timing of our wedding, which is happening almost two years after us getting together. As people who are both on our second marriage, we think we have a good idea what we want, and it’s not that unusual that the timeline gets shortened. Who has the time to spend a decade together before committing? For the most part, those that know and love us share our joy

and overwhelming enthusiasm for our partnership and marriage.”

Legality of the Marriage Although California’s laws state that same-sex marriages are legal, this law is irrelevant to them since Aydin’s legal documentation has all been changed to reflect his male gender. They are legally a male and female couple, and were able to marry each other regardless of same-sex marriage laws.

When asked if they encountered any issues in the wedding planning, they answered, “We feel like we have been so fortunate to have not had problems with aspects of wedding planning. Our officiant is a good friend of ours, who also does gender related work. With each wedding vendor, we verified their position about both same sex marriage, the presence of same sex couples and transgender wedding guests and have received nothing but positive reactions.”

Future Plans Aydin and Jo have a child from a previous marriage, and have hopes of expanding their family even further since they both love parenting and indicated they would feel positively about doing more of it. They both plan to continue traveling and speaking at various gender conferences and other venues educating society on the needs and issues of transgender men, women and youth.

“Marry for Love” When asked if they had any advice they could give to other transgender men and women who are considering marriage, the answer was an unequivocal “Marry for love. At the end of it all, it is our human connections that shape our experiences more than anything else.”

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aylifeafter40.com is a site that will provide realistic solutions to everyday problems that occur from relationship issues to health to family dynamics. Focusing on youth is great , but what we’d like to do is open people’s eyes to the entire LGBT lifespan. Midlife transitions can mark a period of tremendous growth.

What you do with these valuable years is up to you. Learning to accept all the physical and emotional changes that come with getting older is the key. Every age and stage in one’s life has its beauty. This site will give you an opportunity to be engaged and explore new concepts and trends and explore some of that beauty as well. Additionally we offer private and group life coaching sessions.

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GWM would like to share Danny and Jason’s story with you; just one of the touching love stories from Gay Life After 40.

How We Met We met online (Daddyhunt.com).

Meeting someone online is always hit or miss. Before I (Jason) set up my profile on this particular site, I had researched all the gay dating sites.

Some are more for hook-ups, some just casual dating, to find one that guys were actually looking for a serious relationship is difficult.

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Our first date was October 27, 2012. We have pretty much been together ever since.

We were married in Washington D.C. On June 19, 2014.

OUR JOURNEYS Danny I’m a California beach boy from San Diego. There was never a time when I didn’t know I was gay. I was brought up in a fairly strict household but still became sexually active at age 10.

By the time I joined the Army, I was really gay and so was everyone else evidently. The two biggest closets on the planet are the military and the clergy.

I had my first real relationship at 34. We stayed together for 15 years. When we parted we did so as friends. I met Jason on a dating site and fell in love at first sight.

Jason I was born and raised in North Mississippi. I knew from the age of 6 that I wasn’t like the other boys, so growing up in the rural Deep South in the 80’s and early 90’s was quite a challenge. I wasn’t exposed to much information about being gay. As I got older, I would actually try to find out more by reading what I could find in the

local libraries. I didn’t have anyone who I could ask or talk to about it. I remember one of the first books I read concerning gay men was Randy Shilts’ “And the Band played On.” I think I was 18 when I met someone who was openly gay.

While I was in school, I was constantly teased and picked on for being different. I wasn’t into sports, hunting or fishing like the other boys. Still I did my best to try and assimilate to the culture around me. I married at 20 (about 2 months shy of my 21st birthday). I was married for 10 years (legally anyway, we separated shortly before our 9 anniversary). I have two children from my first marriage. My youngest (17), my husband and I are now raising.

Coming to terms with my sexuality and being able to accept and be comfortable with myself took 30 years.

I think that having been older when I did start coming out was an asset in some ways. I was also lucky in the fact that I met and became friends with a lot of couples who had been together 10, 15, 20 even 30 years. I saw that it was possible to have that as a gay man. It was encouraging. I knew I wanted that type of relationship. I’ve always tried to be up front about that with guys when I met them. (A lot of guys were intimidated by the idea.) I will admit that I dated a lot. It became a journey of self-acceptance and discovery. From every relationship, I tried to learn something, be it good or bad and take that with me. When Danny and I met, it was like there you are. Where have you been? In the few years that we have been together, we have gone through a home renovation, health challenges, and some legal challenges dealing with the custody of our son. We became full time parents less than 3 weeks after getting married. Three different generations of men living in the house has been a challenge. We each have our distinct styles and viewpoints. Our son is doing great in school and becoming a mature and decent young man.

Watching Danny evolve as a parent and grandparent despite his protests has been a wonderful experience.

What have we learned from past relationships and how we are doing things differently now Good relationships are a lot of work. It’s a lot of give and take, not always about “the me”. You have to listen to your partner, not just what they say, but also what they show in their emotions. Be intuitive and empathetic to each other.

At the same time, don’t lose sight of who you are as an individual.

Advice to other couples If you’re in your early 20’s hold off.

It’s very easy to confuse love and hormonal lust. We would give the same advice to hetero couples. When you look at your partner, not as a lover, but as a best friend, then it may be a good time to think of marriage. Oh and just because you argue occasionally doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. Good relationships are a lot of work. Take the time to listen to each other, not only with your ears but with your hearts. Put in the 130 0/0 that it takes, and look out for each other.

Have each other’s back.

What do you love the most about your relationship and your partner?

Danny — Simple, he lets me be me complete with all my quirks and imperfections. I love our relationship because we are comfortable with each other in a way I hadn’t felt before. We don’t have to be with each other every moment. We are just like an old couple.

Jason — We let each other be who we are. We might occasionally exasperate the other, but deep down we know that we are there for each other no matter what.

Our Goals To finish raising our son and see him set on his path in life. To live each day to the fullest and to be happy and enjoy each other and the time that we have together.

Submit your love story and photos to info@gayweddingsmag.com to be featured on our site. gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 75

Real Weddings

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Robert & Joseph SEPTEMBER 21, 2014 obert and I met on a blind date 9 years ago. It was a blind date that we both remember in vivid technicolor.

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Robert Cook had been living a movie star life in Los Angeles, as a successful patent attorney for a large biotechnology company. His parents were getting along in years and he had just gone through a difficult break up so he took early retirement, packed it all up and moved back home to Atlanta. While preparing to leave he searched for condo rentals online and met Sarah Livingston, who had a unit for rent. Robert did not end up renting Sarah’s condo but over the course of their conversations, Sarah called Robert one morning and said she had a dream that he needed to meet a friend of hers, Joseph Henson. She explained that Joseph was also an attorney and they might have some things in common but more importantly, she felt strongly that he “must” meet me. After a couple of months and a few emails, we agreed to meet each other for dinner.

When I answered the door, I was immediately struck by Robert’s sweet smile. It has a Mona Lisa-esque quality, not too big or small, just a little turned up on the corners in that enigmatic and elusive way. And we were dressed exactly alike with the ubiquitous khaki cargo shorts that every man was wearing at the time in hot Atlanta.

I immediately thought we looked like Akbar and Jeff, the gay cartoon characters in Matt Groening’s “Life is Hell”. But the evening (and our life thereafter) has been anything but hell.

We took it nice and slow because neither one of us were looking for a casual hook up and both of us were

cautious about getting involved with the wrong guy. It was an old-fashioned courtship and our first kiss took a tortuous three dates.

“The Kiss” in the parking lot of a local restaurant, following an intimate South American dinner with the best tres leches cake in town, was the one you read about in books and see in the movies but never really think is going to happen to you.

As cars whizzed by, with headlights glaring, and neon lights blurred all around me, I knew and felt nothing but that sweet, handsome man with the Mona Lisa lips kissing me as if the world had disappeared.

After eight years of being married in our hearts, we finally married before a Justice of the Peace in Provincetown, Massachusetts, the first state to allow same-sex weddings and, notwithstanding the inaccurate claim of Plymouth Rock, was actually the first landing site of the Pilgrims, who came here to escape tyranny and seeking justice and equality.

Unfortunately, our own state, Georgia, is not so progressive as to recognize our right to marry but it was important to Robert and I that we have a traditional ceremony, witnessed by our family and friends. I know that many brides and grooms say it, but our wedding ceremony, officiated by Robert’s 90-year -old father, in the historical ruins of Barnsley Gardens, GA, was truly the best day of our lives (so far). All of our family

members and close friends attended and the only strong emotion that was experienced was joy.

Robert and I wrote our own vows to each other and nervously recited them before all of our guests. While reciting my vows to Robert, I got down on my knee and formally proposed. We had always talked about the possibility of getting married and when we woke up the morning of June 26, 2013 and read that the U.S. Supreme Court had struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, we held each other and wept tears of joy.

It truly felt like one of those “free at last” moments for us. Since we always assumed we would get married once it became legal, neither one of us had asked for the others hand in marriage… we never had to. The formal proposal during our wedding vows brought everything full circle and will be a lasting memory as we continue to build a life together.

Photographer: Same Sex Wedding Photographers Venue: Barnsley Gardens, Adairsville, GA Event coordinator: Brittany Nasworthy Florist: John Grady Burns gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 77

Real Weddings

Lara & Nicole August 31, 2013

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Sarah Tew Photography

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icole and I met on a true blind date a few months after Nicole moved to New York City. We spent most of those first few months together wandering the city and its streets often losing track of time and never having a care as to where we ended up. Our wandering took us to the steps of the famous New York City post office, over the Brooklyn Bridge at sunset a few times and eventually around the world.

After getting engaged, we knew that we wanted a wedding that reflected our love of the city and travel and provided our friends and family with an insight into all the things we’ve enjoyed together. We absolutely fell in

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love with the GreenBuilding in Brooklyn for taking you back in time with its elegant simplicity and the ability to turn a raw space into your own. The GreenBuilding is set up with a secret ‘Speakeasy’ room that houses vintage luggage and other cool props from a past era, so we used this and our love for travel as the inspiration for the look and feel of our wedding. We worked with our designer to create a wedding invitation suite that would make our guests feel like they were stepping back in time. We created vintage ‘Save the Date’ postcards with the Brooklyn Bridge as the main background. We then used that bridge image as the icon throughout our invites.

In keeping with our vintage theme, we used twine to tie our set together and craft paper envelopes penned with simple calligraphy. We chose pictures of cities we’ve traveled and had our designer lay a filter over the images to create an old postcard feel for our table numbers. The day of we used a vintage suitcase as place for guest to drop their cards, an old typewriter with a short note to welcome our guests to our special day and framed pictures of our grandparents’ wedding day to honor them. We worked with our caterer to recreate some of our favorite dishes from restaurants we love around the city and at the end of the night our friends and family were greeted with a food truck serving up delicious grilled cheese sandwiches for the ride home. Our wedding day was magical and our guests seemed to appreciate all the little details we loved planning.

Venue: The Green Building

DJ: 74 Events

Invitation Designer: Milk & Ice Cream Design

Caterer: Naturally Delicious

Dress Designer: Nicole Miller

Floral Designer: Rose Red & Lavender

Specialty Foods: The Milk Truck Photographer: Sarah Tew Photography

hy plan a Hawaii Destination Wedding?

Try year-round gorgeous sunny weather, some of the top pristine beaches in the world, active volcanoes, towering mountains just to start... convinced yet? Hawaii Weddingmoons is here to convince you! The Aloha state warmly welcomes LGBT couples. Same sex marriage was finally legalized in November 2013!

The Big Island of Hawaii is an Island of pure adventure and romance.

Excitement awaits LGBT couples with an average year-round temperature of 83 degrees; this paradise island sets the perfect backdrop to a divine ceremony and honeymoon perfect for intimate getaways or reunions with family and friends. From the stunning isolated beaches to its lush tropical rainforests all designed to create memories that will last a lifetime.

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The Big Island is home to one of the world’s most Active Volcano Kilauea where steady lava activity is constantly adding to the islands mass, Hawaii’s variety of climates offers everything from volcanic desserts, lush green rainforests, snow-capped mountains, to beautiful white, black and green sand beaches! Yes that’s right White Sand, Green Sand & Black Sand Beach all on one Big Island!

Kehena Beach is the best LGBT friendly beach in the Hawaiian Island chain. Swim with sea turtles, spinner dolphin and an abundance of tropical fish on this clothing optional black sand beach. Hawaii offers a range of activities for the adventurous and romantic, Sunset Whale Watch Cruises, Snorkeling with the Manta Rays, Boat Ride to Kilauea’s red-hot lavas edge at night.

While some of our couples prefer relaxing beachfront to zip lining over waterfalls, some beautiful sites and activities can’t be missed: Hiking down a beautiful tropical trail leading to a black sand beach: Explore Botanical Gardens leading the way to majestic waterfalls. Take a ride by boat to red hot lavas edge at night: snorkel with mysterious manta rays, canyons tropical reefs full of Hawaii’s Natural marine life; come face to face with sea turtles, dolphin pods and other underwater creatures; saddle up with Hawaii Horseback adventure like a Hawaiian Cowboy for a trail ride or get on an ATV and explore through Waipio (The Valley of the Kings).

After all the adventure you may need some R&R serenity, catch a green flash at sunset with a drink in your hand and toes in the sand! After all this is one Big Island to explore, be sure to

Robert Figueroa Photography

set aside some time for a few relaxing days whether it’s the beach, spa, yoga or simply reading a book under the palm tree sway. Stroll hand in hand along a pristine secluded beach, or grab your partner for beachfront Yoga, the Big Island is sure to offer the perfect serenity setting.

Hawaii offers delectable menus from farm to table. The Island provides year round Island fresh, locally grown produce, Fruits, Flowers, fresh fish, Island cattle, Macadamia nut farms, coffee plantations and so much more.

These local products provide the perfect farm to table Menu freshly prepared to suite any taste.

When it comes to Wedding Venue locations, Hawaii has them all: Beachfront Estates, Helicopter Adventure, Zip lining to “I DO”, tropical rainforest, luxury resorts, weddings

on the water, historical sites, beachfront churches, botanical gardens, local ranches, the Big Island options are endless!

“Our love like this beautiful Island just blossomed here.”

Alex & Robby

Hawaii Weddingmoons Offers All Inclusive Packages, Day of Coordination, and Wedding & Event Planning.

“The Hawaiian moonlight and brilliant night sky seem custom made for Romance, the Island begs you to slow down forget your worries, immerse yourself in the balmy tropical air the golden sunset and blue Hawaiian waters. This magical

island is the perfect backdrop to your most perfect day!” Hawaii Weddingmoons gayweddingsandmarriage.com / GWM 83

GWM SUMMER

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