FEATURES CLOSERANGE
Thephotographyof RonnieTessler 33
BLOOMOFYOUTH
SpencerLucasOakes Youcankeepgoing,themoonsaid, ifyouwantto 40
WALKINGINTHEWOUND
JudyLeBlanc Iamgoingtotellyouabout averybaddisease 49
2Geist121Summer2022 Volume30 · Number121 · Summer2022
Photo,detail,byRonnieTessler(seepage33)
3 Ideas&Culture,MadeinCanada
DeborahOstrovsky SaintJoseph,PatronSaintof BadPronunciation 7 StephenOsborne WaitingforLanguage 9 JeremyColangelo iisanother 10 GrantBuday Reduce,Reuse,Reincarnate 11 DanielleHubbard Themusehunt 12 ConnieKuhns MarriageontheDownload 13 DebraRooney WeirdJobs 14 FINDINGS 16 CollagenMatrix BalkanEconomics BallooninaSuitcase Statement068 Past,Present,Future What’sItLike? GisforGaslighting Posthumans andmore… COLUMNS AFTERLIFEOFCULTURE CollateralDamage StephenHenighan 56 DEPARTMENTS MISCELLANY 4 ENDNOTES 58 PUZZLE 64 COVERIMAGE: ReclinedYellowPetal, 2020,collagebySondraMeszaros, courtesyNorbergHall.
NOTES&DISPATCHES
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OnDek isanewcomixseriesonthe ongoingsat Geist byourAssociateEditor,TanviBhatia.ThenewGeistteam hasbecomemoreandmoreentrenched inthisweirdandwonderfulworldof words,andaswediscussnewideas, projectsandprocesses,ourunderstandingofwhatisfactandfictionisbecomingmuddled—onthepage,inourlives andeveninoursleep.Duringourinhouseretreat,themorningafterasixhourdiscussiononeditorialdirection, wediscoveredthat Geist hadinfiltrated ourdreams. —TheGeistTeam
INMEMORIAM
Thisissueof Geist isdedicatedinmemoriamtoJoCook,StevenHeightonand NorbertRuebsaat.Theirindividualcon-
tributionstoGeistasfriends,writers andcorrespondentswillalwaysbe appreciatedandremembered.“Waiting forLanguage,”atributetoNorbert Ruebsaat,canbefoundonpage9.
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4Geist121Summer2022
MISCELLANY
GEISTINTHEOUTBACK
No.119spottedinBrokenHill,AustraliawheretheupcomingmovieMadMax: Furiosawasfilmed.PhototakenattheMadMaxMuseum.Thankyoutoouron-site correspondentJenThompsonforbringing Geist alongfortheride.
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Miscellany5
EldredAllen isanInukphotographer fromRigolet,Nunatsiavut,NL,who hasgarneredattentionforhisexpansive andstunninglylitscenesoflandscape andwildlifeinhiscommunity.Hisphotographs’compositionandcolouring elevatetheireverydaysubjectmatterto theextraordinary.FindhimonInstagram@The.SmallLens.
EruomaAwashish isfromthe AtikamekwNehirowisiwNationand grewupintheOpitciwancommunity. Herartisticapproachistoimprintwith spirituality.Sheaimstocreatespaces ofdialoguetoallowforabetterunderstandingofFirstNationscultures.The decolonizationofthesacredisatthe heartofherpractice.Sheiscurrently settledinPekuakami(LacSt-Jean,QC) andherstudiocanbefoundinthe MashteuiatshIInucommunity.Findher onInstagram@Eruoma_Awa_Rebel.
NicolaMacNeil isamixedmediacollageartist.Herworkisinspiredbyher loveofephemeraandforgotten momentsofthepast.Sheisonanendless huntfornewmaterialtouseinherwork. ShelivesinVancouver,BC.Findher onInstagram@NicolaMacNeilArt.
SondraMeszaros explorescounternarrativesoffemalesexualityinher work.TakingcuesfromfeministperformanceartandDada,herworkinvolves aconstantarchivingandre-presentationofcollectedreferencematerials.By usingfeministandpsychoanalyticlenses, sheaimstodisturb,renegotiateand reclaimtherepresentationofwomen andthefemalefigureinimage-making. ShehasanMFAfromtheUniversity ofWindsor.ShelivesinCalgary,AB. FindheronInstagram@SMeszaros.
BrittanyNickerson (she/they)isalensbasedartistwhoseresearchandpractice usesautoethnographytoexaminepatri-
archalstructuresofarchiving.Through aQueerperspective,Brittanyaimsto disruptandreconfigurehistoricalnarrativesinherfamily’sarchive.Shehas anMFAfromEmilyCarrUniversity ofArt&Design.ShelivesinMohkinstsis(Calgary,AB).Findheratbrittanynickerson.com.
DebraRooney isaretiredgraphicartist wholivesindowntownVancouver.Her cartoonsandillustrationshaveappeared in Kinesis, RadioWaves, Herizons, Xtra! West, ThePeak, OutofLine,HEU Guardian,CUPE PublicEmployee, VancouverSun, VancouverFringeFestival, Wimmin’sComix andthe BayGuardian.She enjoyspokingfunatquiteafewthings.
FarihahAliyahShah isalens-based artist.Usingphotography,videoand soundinstallation,herpracticeengages photographichistoryandexploresiden-
tityformation.Sheisamemberofthe Gallery44CentreforContemporaryPhotographyandWomenPhotograph.She hasbeenexhibitedinAsia,Europeand NorthAmerica.ShehasaBFAfromthe OntarioCollegeofArt&DesignUniversityandaBHRMfromYorkUniversity.ShelivesinBradford,ON(Treaty 18).Findheratfarihahshah.com.
AdrianStimson isaninterdisciplinary artistandmemberoftheSiksika(Blackfoot)NationinsouthernAlberta.He haswonnumerousawards,including theGovernorGeneral’sAwardforVisualandMediaArtsin2018,the REVEALIndigenousArtsAwardin 2017andtheQueenElizabethII GoldenJubileeMedalin2002.Hiswork hasbeenexhibitedacrossCanadaand theworld.HehasanMFAfromthe UniversityofSaskatchewan.Findhim atadrianstimson.com.
6Geist121Summer2022 6Geist121Summer2022 ARTISTSINTHISISSUE
NOTES&DISPATCHES
SaintJoseph,PatronSaintofBad Pronunciation
DEBORAHOSTROVSKY
ScrapeeverylastbitofEnglishoutofyourthroat
EverysecondThursdayIwalkto Outremonttoseemyorthophoniste. Iliketothinkofmyorthophoniste,a speechtherapist,asatherapistinthe psychologicalsenseoftheword.This isbecauseIdon’treallyhaveanydiagnosabledisorderofspeech.WhatIhave isanaccent.Mydesiretochangeit seemstoindicateanothertypeof pathology—thedesiretofitin—rather thanaclinicalneedtocorrectdifficultieswithsyntaxoramotorspeechdis-
order.(“Sheisbilingual,”statesmyofficialevaluationfromtheorthophoniste. “Shewishestoreduceheranglophone accenttofeelmoreatease…”).
InitiallyItriedtoseeanorthophonisteonRueSaint-Joseph,afourlaneboulevardnearmyapartmenton thePlateau.Saint-Josephislinedwith theofficesofrealestateagents,psychologists,naturopaths,osteopaths, hypnotists,doctorsandorthophonistes.It’snotfarfromourlocalpublic
school,whereIfirstspokewiththe soft-spokenstafforthophonisteImet whilevolunteeringatthelibrary. We allhaveaccents,shereassuredme. Besides,soundinglikeanativefrancophonespeakerisrelativetoyourgeographicalpositionatagivenmoment intime,likebeingaBelgianinDakar, oraQuébécoisinToulouse,she explained.ShewasborninFrance,so shehadanaccentdifferentthanthe oneyou’dhearinRimouski. Beeasyon yourself,shesaid.
Still,Istartedsearchingalong Saint-Joseph.I’dbeingoodhandsifI couldimprovemyaccent,Itold myself,onastreetnamedafterthe earthlyfatherofChrist,apatronsaint ofadizzyingarrayofthings,including families,Canada,theUniversal Church,travellers,craftsmen,expectantmothers,engineers,immigrants andworkingpeople.Iamaworking person,marriedtoanengineer,and thedaughterofimmigrantsto Canada.I’mnotCatholic,butitfelt liketherightstreetonwhichtodo somehealing.
Notasingleorthophonisteon Saint-Josephwasavailable.Iendedup a40-minutewalkaway,inOutremont, attheofficeofayoungorthophoniste withkindeyes,recitingfive-syllable words,textsabouttheodourofapples, and“LaCigaleetlaFourmi”from Les fablesdelafontaine.
IfIcouldwitnesswhatgoesonduring myappointmentswatchingfrom above,perchedontheceilinglooking downasIpracticeexercisesinlaphonétiquecorrective,soundingoutvowels andshapingmymouthintoan“o,”or the“u”inlutin,discussingtheaccent tonique,Imightfeelcompassionfor myself.JustasIwouldwatchinganyone whosehairisgettinggray,thinning
Notes&Dispatches7 Notes&Dispatches7
Photo:SaintJosephstatuette,byDeborahOstrovsky.
aroundthecrown,tryingtochange somethingthatmayneverchange, readingthingslike“Deleurmontrer avantsamort/Queletravailestuntrésor”outloudwiththespeedanddeliberationofaseven-year-old.
Lookingdownfromtheceiling,I mightrecallthatyearsago,Itookan out-of-townfriendtoSaintJoseph’s OratoryonMountRoyal.Wespent anentireafternoonintheVotive Chapel,circulatingwiththecrowdsin frontofalltheofferingsofwooden canes,crutchesandlegbracessuspendedbetweenthecolumnsand rowsofcandles,leftbypilgrimswho’d beenhealed.Aftervisitingthechapel, wewenttoabusyrestaurantnear MétroBeaubienandwereseatednext toalongtable,adelegationofartisan foodpurveyorsfromtheBasque Country.Thedelegationsuddenly burstintosong,entreatingustocome dancewiththem,shoutingatusin Frenchtosingourownfolksongs.My friendandIlookedateachotherin stunnedsilenceuntilmyfriendcommencedameekrenditionof“Barrett’s Privateers.”
Andwhatareyourfolksongs?a Basquewomaninaredscarfand whiteblouseturnedandlookedatme, hervoicecompetingwiththeruckus andtheclatterofcutlery.
Iwantedtoexplainthatmyfather haddiedafewmonthsago.Wewere estrangedforoveradecade.Henever metmydaughter.Athisfuneral,Idiscoveredthatmymotherwasn’tsure whathismothertonguehadbeen. I thoughtitwasRussian,Itoldarelative. Da,therelativesaid.Russianwasmy father’sdominantlanguage.Butthings hadbeenchaoticduringhischildhood.Myfather’syoungersiblings spokeHebrew,theolderonesRussian, whichmeanttheyspoketwodifferent languagesathome,ifnotmore.Later, anotherrelativeexplainedthatmy father’smaternalgrandmotherhad fledRussiainthe1920s.Onaboatto Constantinople,nowIstanbul,she
rippedupallheridentitypapersand changedhername,cuttingtiesto RussiaandUkraine.Myfather,born inJerusalemamidsttheviolentclashes oftheBritishMandateofPalestine, emigratedtoCanadaandeventually changedhisnametosoundEnglish (“ItwastheColdWar.Youkidsdon’t understandwhatitwaslike,”yet anotherrelativesaidwhenItoldhim, atthenextfamilyfuneral,howI insistedonusingourRussianfamily name).Myfather’saccentwasBritish English,asIrememberit,buthe neverquitemasteredthesilent“l”in salmonoralmond.Meanwhilemy maternalgrandparentshadsentmy mothertoelocutionlessonsinpostwarBritaintobanishherworkingclassaccent,erasingtheirpastinthe nameofBBCEnglish.
Decadesaftermyfamilychanged namesandaccents,andcutties withcountries,languages,andoftenwith oneanother,IspendmyThursdays scrapingeverylastbitofEnglishout ofmythroatwithadeterminationborderingonobsession,tosoundFrench, moreQuébécois,somethingI’llnever be—aforegoneconclusiondetermined bythecurrentpoliticalclimatehere,the typeofnationalismwe’restartingto see,butalsobecauseasyoutryto becomesomeoneelseyoubecome awareofwhoyouarenot:apersonwho canbeltoutfolksongsatrestaurants.
Oneevening,Idescribedmy dinnerwiththeBasqueartisanfood purveyorstoaneighbourfrom Bucharest,andshestartedsinginga folkmelodyaboutabride,agroom, andadowry.Hervoicewavered.The floodofmemorieswastoostrong.She stopped.Shecouldn’tsingandcryat thesametime.
ButthereIwasinanoisyrestaurantatdusk,andnoneoftheseevents —theRomaniandowrysong,mysessionswiththeorthophonisteand reciting Lesfablesdelafontaine—had happenedyet.Confrontedbythe
womanintheredscarfwhileeating myappetizer,Ishruggedmyshoulders.Igotuptodance.Wealldanced, myout-of-townfriendandI,the Basquedelegation,thewaitersandthe chef.Bymidnightwespilledoutonto thestreet,joinedbythesoundand lightingcrewofaBelgiantheatre troupeandanaccordionplayer.
SoonafterIstartedseeingan orthophoniste,asmalltreeoutside ourapartmentlostallitsleavesand died.Myhusbandpulledupthetree. Itsrootswerewithered.Mydaughter swirledtheloosenedearthwitha shovel,creatingpilesofdirtinthe holewherethetreehadbeen.Somethingshimmered,asilveryobjectin theearth.Mydaughterpickedatit withtheshoveluntilitsvisiblesurface grewbigger.Ashiny,metalfigurine appeared,glintingsilverinthesunlight,peekingoutofoneofthepiles. Itwasaleadstatuette,Jesusperhaps, aboutthelengthofanadulthand.We broughtittoalocalhistoricalsociety whereavolunteertookit,promising toconsultwithsomeelderlyneighboursaboutitshistorywhenshe could.It’sgoodluck,thevolunteer explainedonthephoneafewweeks later.ItwasSaintJoseph,whoisalso thepatronsaintofhousesellersand buyers.PeopleburylittleSaint Josephsoutsidetheirhomeswhen theywanttosellthem,shesaid.The statuettewasprobablyahundred yearsold.Thesocietywantedtokeep itfortheirarchives.Wouldweconsiderdonatingit?
Ofcourse,Itoldthevolunteer. We’re notmoving. DeborahOstrovskyhaswrittensatire for McSweeney’sInternetTendency and PointsinCase.Hernon-fiction hasappearedin Tablet, Maisonneuve,the MontréalGazette and Geist.SheiscurrentlywritingabouttheMagdalenIslands andlivesinMontréalwithherfamily.
8Geist121Summer2022
WaitingforLanguage
STEPHENOSBORNE RememberingNorbertRuebsaat
Whenhewasayoungmaninthe 1970s,NorbertRuebsaatbegan writingtinyunperformabledramasin actsof3or4linesandpublishedanumberofthemin 3-CentPulp,thezine publishedbyPulpPressBookPublishers(nowArsenalPulpPress).Oneof thesetinyworkswascalled AHog NamedDesire,andanother CheArrives inCanadatoLeadtheStruggleagainst Oppression. Youmightsaythathewas reachingforlimitstoconventionaland evenunconventionaldramabeyond whichitwouldbeimpossibletoproceed. Bordersandboundaries,limits,transitionsandtranslation:thesewereelementsof“cross-writing”thatbecame centraltohiscreativework.
IntheninetieshetaughtESL classesinwhichheintroducedthe conceptof“cross-culturallistening”— awayofunderstandinghowcultures learntoheareachother.Manyofhis students,hediscovered,feltthat secondlanguageslocatethemselvesin
differentareasoftheirbodiesand occupyspacedifferentlythanfirstlanguages,sothatCanadianlanguageis experienced acoustically inadisparate dimension.(Inevitablythepoliticsof accents,whichareunheardinthefirst stagesoflanguageacquisition,further complicatesthegrowthoffluency.) Someofhisstudentspitchedtheir voiceshigherwhenspeakingEnglish, theytoldhim,inordertoreflecta changeinstatusbetweentheiroriginallanguageandthisnewone—they feltthemselvestobesmallerinthe newlanguage,theysaid,andhewas remindedofhisearlylifeasanimmigrantsix-year-oldingrade1who spokeonlyGerman:hecouldhearthe otherstudentsspeakingalanguage thattoldhimnothingatall.“Itmade methinkIdidnotexistinthislanguageanddidnotexistinthisplace, andthisthoughtmademepanic,”he wroteyearslater.Heimaginedthat theQueen,whosepicturewasabove
theblackboard,spoketheperfect English(whichheoftenreferredtoas his“stepmothertongue”)thathemust learntoimitateifhewantedtolivein Canada:“Iimaginedheralsotobethe authorofallthebooksweread,andof thealphabetthatranalongthetopof theblackboard.WhenItoldmyESL studentsthistheysaidtheyunderstoodmeperfectly.”
In1990,hisstory“Nazis”won awardsforbothfictionandnon-fiction. Thesinglehingebetweenthetwo otherwiseidenticaltextswastheinitial lettergiventothenarrator’suncle, whoasUncleWinfictiontransitions intoUncleNinnon-fiction:inboth versionshewasaNazikilledinthe warinRussia“byasniper’sbullet.” Whentheschoolshowednewsreelsof theNazisandthewar,Norbertcould heartheGermanspokeninthe soundtrackleakingthroughbeneath theEnglishvoiceoftheannouncer: theywereneversayingthesame thing,asonlyNorbertcouldtell. Cross-culturallisteningbecameNorbert’sworkingmethodintheessays, reviewsandstoriesthathepublished widelyinCanadianperiodicals.He wasaregularcontributorto Geist. (Hislivingroomwasthelaunchsite fortheprototypeissueof Geist—“a magazinenamedinneitherofficial language”—in1990).Hepostedfrequentlyontheliterarywebsite Dooney’sCafé,andwrotemanybook reviews,featuresandarticlesforthe VancouverSun,the GlobeandMail,and variousliteraryjournals.Healsopublished Ruebsaat’s,anoccasionalnewsletterwhichfeaturedpoetryand storiesbyhimselfandotherCanadian writers.Heproduceddocumentaries oncross-culturallisteningforCo-op RadioinVancouver,whereheworked formanyyearsasaprogrammer,as wellasCBC’sIdeasseries.Hewas alwayswriting,rewriting,translating, interrogating,interpreting…remembering.HewroteintheRockyMountains,theKootenays,theCariboo,
Notes&Dispatches9
Photo:AndreaSaba
HaidaGwaii,Germany,Franceand elsewhere.
HeproducednumeroustranslationsofGermanplaysoncommission fromthe(erstwhile)TorontoFree Theatre,TheOtherTheatreinMontréal,theBanffCentrefortheArts andtheGoethe-InstitutinLosAngeles.Hepublishedpoetrywidelyinliterarymagazinesandanthologies;his poetrybook, Cordillera,waspublished byArsenalPulpPress,andhewrote numeroustextsandlibrettosincollaborationwithCanadiancomposers BarryTruax,HildegardWesterkamp andAlcidesLanza,amongothers.In 2007hecontributedtoBrianHowell’s
iisanother
JEREMYCOLANGELO
everyoneismade ofsomeone who mypointisthat theshade ofanyonein everyonethewho ofthemthethemthat tarries suchthatallthat isissuspect particledecay ofnoone someone everyone toanyone weightiestofelements radiationofthewhoinall
photostudyofpeoplewhoimpersonatecelebrities, FameUs:Celebrity ImpersonatorsandtheCult(ure)of Fame (ArsenalPulp).Examplesofhis workcanbefoundatgeist.comand dooneyscafe.com.
AfterteachingCommunicationand MediaStudiesforseveralyearsat SFUandColumbiaCollege,Norbert movedtoNewDenverwherehefinished hismemoir, InOtherWords:AGerman CanadianStory—inwhichhischildhood investigationsarecarriedforwardinto the“grown-up”structuresofmemory andstorythatcamebeforeandthen camelater.In InOtherWords weare
returnedtothesix-year-oldimmigrant boysittingtongue-tiedinagrade1classroominEdmontonin1951,waitingfor thenewlanguagetoarrive.
NorbertRuebsaatdiedinMarchin NewDenver,BC.Hewasseventy-six. OneofhisearlyworksthatIrememberwellisanunperformableplaythat pressesontoevenfurtherlimits;itis called ATapeRecorderKnocksatthe GatesofHeaven.
StephenOsborneisco-founderof Geist (withMarySchendlinger)andhehasbeen afrequentcontributorto Geist since 1990.Readmoreofhisworkatgeist.com.
*
mapslikeparticlespresent thenonofnonexistence
letthemountainsgrazeyour fingers andtheriverdryyourhand coordinateand unityinflatness shapethatmakesaworld mypointis linkedtoyours
anovelisamapwhereallroadslead toending apoem isasketch oflandspicked clean
* that beingsaidi wonder specifically i question topically i wander stochastically seek mypointthat iisbuta:colongrown toolong
JeremyColangeloisanauthorandacademicfromLondon,ON.Hisstorycollection, Beneath theStatue,waspublishedin2020,andhisworkhasappearedinthe NewQuarterly, EVENT, Carousel,the Puritan,the DalhousieReview,andelsewhere.Heteachesatthe UniversityofWesternOntario,King’sCollege.
10Geist121Summer2022 10Geist121Summer2022
Reduce,Reuse,Reincarnate
GRANTBUDAY
“There’snomoneyinbooks,”said Selma,whoranthebookrecyclingprogramforBritishColumbia. “Theprogram’sbeingcancelled.We’ll sendatrucktopickupourbins.”A weeklateralleightbinsthatwehadon site,eachthesizeofaporta-potty,were gone.Thatwasacoupleofyearsago.
Nowwhenpeoplebringbooksinto therecyclingdepothereonMayne Island,Isaytotakethemtothethrift storeorburnthemintheirwoodburningstovesathome.Ifthat’stoo Fahrenheit451 forpeople,Isuggest tearingthebooksapartandpeeling thegluefromthespinesandthenwe canassimilatethemintherecycling stream.Theproblem,Iexplain,isthe glue.Peopleusuallyremarkonthe amountoftimeandeffortinvolvedin dismemberingabook,towhichIsuggesttheydoitwhilewatchingNetflix. TheystudymyfacewhenIsaythat, notsureifIambeingsincereorsarcastic.Iassurethemthat’swhatIdo withbooksIintendtorecycle.
ItisanOrwellianexperiencetosit infrontofthetelevisionanddismemberanovelorahistorytextorany bookforthatmatter.It’sonlythe mouldy,tatteredandunreadablethat undergothisprocedure.Though admittedlythecategory“unreadable” isambiguous,includingbooksphysicallyindecipherableandbooksthatI deemdreck.Ioftendismemberbooks whilewatching DowntonAbbey. Some peoplerateitdreck,butIenjoy watchingtheplotunfold.Thewriter dealsobstacleslikecardstothecharacters,whomustplaytheirhands.I especiallylikethetoffwhosurvives thesinkingofthe Titanic andistaken toMontréal,buthasamnesia.Agood SonofEmpire,heenliststofightthe Kaiserandthenregainshismemory duetotheshockofamortarblast.He returnstoDowntonwithfacialscarringsoseverethatnobodybelieves himwhenheidentifieshimself.In anguish,nolongerinlinetoinherit Downtonorwedthecoolandaloof
MaryCrawley,hedragshimselfoffto whoknowswhatfate.
DuringtheCOVID-19pandemic, Amazon’sbusinesshassoaredas peoplegetthingsmailedtothem ratherthanriskenteringretailspaces. Thevolumeofcardboardcominginto therecyclingdepothasconsequently alsosoared.Isolated,atomized,online andathome,wepulpevenmoretrees topackandprotectourpackages.
Morepackagingmeansmorerecycling.MayneIslandhasapermanent populationofaboutthirteenhundred consumers.Thedepotisopentwo daysperweek,andeachdaywebale some450kilosofpaperandcardboard.Everyseconddaywecollect Styrofoaminabagsixfeetindiameter,likeanenormoussnowball,easyto rollontothetruck,aparodyofthe stoneSisyphusiscondemnedtoroll upahill.Forusatthedepot,asfor SisyphusinHades,theStyrofoam neverends.
Onepaperproductindeclineis newsprint.Thisisbecausemoreand morepeopleprefertheirdailydoseof depressiononline.Still,newsprint retainsonevalue—itisindemandas firestarter.Manypeoplecomeinto thedepotwithnootherpurposethan toaskforit.
Alongwithnewsprint,booksand corrugatedcardboard,wegetmagazines:the NewYorker, Harper’s,the LondonReviewofBooks,the Guardian, the RollingStone andallmannerof tradepublication.Sometimespeople bringindecadesworthof Life magazine,whichsmelldampandcheesy. Weoftenseeboxesof NationalGeographic datingbacktothe1950sor earlier.Thesehaveadifferentodour,a littlemorechemical,likelyduetothe typeofstockandthenatureoftheink. Orit’samatterofhowtheywere stored.Thismassofprintedmaterial meanswehaveplentytoperuse.Here isanarticleontheRatPack,witha smilingyoungFrankSinatra,fedora tippedback,facetippedup,ridingthe
Notes&Dispatches11
Destroyingbooksforthegreatergood
Image: TheShadowandtheTraceIII byBrittanyNickerson,2018,archivalphotograph.
AmericanDream.Theads,freeof guiltorirony,peddlethepromiseof thesophisticationandsatisfactionto behadthroughcruisingaboutinconvertibles,enjoyingarefreshingcigarette,orstylishlysippingamartini.
Thereisalotofmartinisipping, winedrinkingandbeerguzzlingon MayneIsland.Icantellbythevolume ofempties.Theyareoneofourlarger sourcesofrevenue,thereforewe encouragepeopletodrinkasmuchas possible,assuringthemitisforagood
cause.Thebookcollectionprogram wasforagoodcauseaswell.The bookswenttoorphanages,asylums andprisons.
Reducing,reusingandrecyclingare ratedwiseprotocols.Thepapercollectedatthedepotgoestoaprocessing facilitywhereitisrenderedintomore paper.Thismeansitispossiblefora shoeboxtoberebornasabookof poems,anartist’ssketchbookoranovel thataddresseselusivebutpersistent questionssuchasreincarnation,orthe
fateofanamnesiac—likethecharacter inDowntonAbbey,whoregainedhis memorybutlosthisfuture. GrantBuday’smostrecentnovel, Orphans ofEmpire,wasshortlistedfortheCityof VictoriaBookAwardandtheRoderickHaigBrownAward.Hisshortstory“MarryMe” willbeincludedintheanthology FiftyYears ofBestCanadianStories.Heliveson MayneIsland,BC.
Themusehunt
DANIELLEHUBBARD
Ireachedapointinmyearly thirtieswhenIhadtoacknowledge myselfawashed-uppoetso Iplacedaclassifiedadinthe BrandonSun thatread:Wanted,onemuse. Verveandinspirationrequired.Ability toworkobscurehoursincluding weekends,pre-dawn. Thefollowingresume arrivedbyfax:Oneex-military man,52,applying forduty.Credentialsinclude thecapacitytosleep fourhoursanight. Physicalstamina.Fiveyears intheAirborneandathumbtattoo toproveit.Excellentlibido, abdominals.Oncejumped fromaHueyhelicopterat2,000 feetoverHelena,Montana andlandedonacactus. OncejumpedfromaC130Hercules inBaggotville,Quebec underredlightinthemiddleofdark.
Oncejumpedwith300 poundsofradiokitandatwisted chutethatonlydeployed100 feetbeforeimpact.Oncejumped fromaLockheedC-141Starlifter, greatname.Oncejumped fromaheliumblimpat 800feetoverEngland.
Onceservedfourmonthsinmilitary prisoninEdmonton asaresultofanincident withamachete.Twicemarried
andtwicedivorced.Oncetorearotator cuffliftingaChristmastree, stillsufferingtheconsequences. EnjoysChardonnay.Inexperienced withpoetrybut willingtolearn.Afterarigorous andlong-drawninterview,I signedhimupbecausehowcouldInot?
DanielleHubbard’spoetryhasappearedinseveralliterarymagazines, includingthe MalahatReview,the Fiddlehead andthe Antigonish Review.Whennotwriting,Danielleenjoysswimming,cycling,and exploringnewplaces.ShelivesinPortMoody,wheresheworksas thedeputydirectorofthepubliclibrary.
12Geist121Summer2022
MarriageontheDownload
CONNIEKUHNS
Ifmarriagewasatelevisionshow,itmightlooksomethinglikethis
unheardofthen,aswewerenotmarried.Wehadneverbeeninabed togetheralonefortheentirenight. Thesheetsweresocoolagainstmy legs.Wetouredtheoldterritorial prison.Thedesertwasburningup. Jackhadpickedmeuphitch-hiking, orratherhehadpickedupLisa,my roommate.Iwassellingticketsatthe RivoliTheatreandshewasacashier inanofficeparkinglot.Wewould meeteverynightafterworkinfront ofthepostofficeonLongBeach Boulevardtohitchhikehome.Jack andhisfriendCharliehadstopped forher.Theirdestroyerwasdrydocked.Theyhadjustreturnedfrom asalvagemissionoffthecoastof Vietnam.Jacktoldmethey’d droppedexplosivesofftheship,day andnight,topreventtheVietcong fromswimmingoutandblowing themup.Theywerestonedon mescalineandlisteningtoJimi Hendrix.
Isleptwithhimrightawayand often.Lisawasavirginandexpected metobeone,too,soIpretended(to her)thatIwas.ThatmeantthatJack andIhadtogoacrossthestreetand dodgehelicopterspatrollingthe beachifwewantedtobealone. Ashamedyetdetermined.Iliedto Jack,aswell.Itoldhimthathewas onlythesecondguythatIhadever sleptwith.Healsowantedmetobea virgin.
MyfriendLoriaskedmeoneday ifIhadevergivenmyfirsthusbandablowjob.WewereeatinghotdogsinCostcoatthetime.Itoldher, quitehonestly,thatIcouldn’tremember.Ithadbeenoverfiftyyears.Too badyoucan’tcallhimupandask,she said.Butsexwasn’tthatdeliberate
then.Atleastitwasn’tthatdeliberate forme.Backthen,itwasstressful enoughjusttobenaked.
Whatdidcometomind,though, wasthatnightinYuma,Arizona,a fewmonthsafterImethim.Wehad gonetovisithissisterandsheputus upinthesamebedroom.Thatwas
Duringthatsummer,Jackgot bustedwithacoupleoflidsofmarijuana.Heinsistedtomethatthey belongedtosomebodyelseuntilthat momentincourtwhenthejudge askedhimifthe“contraband”was his.Hesaidyes.Hewassentencedto theLAcountyjailinNewhallwhere CharlesMansonwaswalkedthrough inshackleswhilebeingprocessedon hiswaytohell.IwenttoseeJack everyweekend;therewasa“jailbus” thatleftdowntownonSundaymornings.AndwhenIcouldn’tafforda tickettherewerealwaysothers
Notes&Dispatches13
Image: Surprise byNicolaMacNeil,2022,mixedmediacollage.
offeringridesonthecheap.Ionce caughtaridewithawomanwhowas alsoonherwaytoseeherboyfriend. Icouldn’ttakemyeyesoffhermassiveunderarmhair.Ihadneverseen suchathing.Itwaslikeanesthangingfromherbranch-likearm.When Ihitchhiked,Icarriedoneofmy grandmother’skitchenkniveswhichI turnedovereachtimetheguards searchedmypurse.ItalkedtoJack overaphone,whilesittinginabooth. Welookedateachotherthrough bullet-proofglass.
Ayearaftermeetingonthatstreet corner,JackandIgotmarried. Therewasreallynowayout.Backhome, allmyhighschoolfriendsweremarried.Iwasfastbecominganoldmaid. Iwasbarelytwentyyearsoldandhe wasnumberfour.
Themorningafterourwedding, whenweawokeinmygrandmother’s bed,whichshehadlovinglygiventous forourweddingnight,Iwasadifferent person.Thelightswereon.Thefog hadlifted. WhathaveIdone? ButIhad mademybed,whateverthatmeans.
Jackwasjealous.Hedidn’tlikeme
talkingtohisfriendsorattractingtoo muchattentiontomyself.Hefound thejournalthatIkeptthatfirst summerIarrivedinCaliforniaand toreitupinfrontofme,sayingit mademesoundlikeawhore,which, atleastinthecontextofthisstory,is alosstotheliteraryworld.
Ifourmarriagehadbeensomething like LoveAmericanStyle,apopular televisionshowatthetime,itmight havelookedlikethis:
EpisodeOne: TheGuest.Iinvite theinsurancemantoourhome.One
14Geist121Summer2022
Image: WeirdJobs byDebraRooney
ofJack’sex-Navybuddiesshowsup stonedafewminutesbeforethe insurancemanarrives,andissitting onthefloorinthecornerofthe livingroompretendingtodrumto theDoors.Ijustkeepontalking aboutpremiums,pretendingCharlie isn’tthere.
EpisodeTwo: TheAngryWife.We aresupposedtoleaveforSanFranciscowhenIgetoffwork,butIcan’t findmyunemployedhusband.When Ifindhim,heisonthebeachtripping withTina’shusbandChuck,who offersmesomeacid.Igetvery,very madandImakeJackdrivetoSan Franciscoanyway.Iwon’tincludethe partabouthisdifficulty“transitioning”fromthemilitaryintocivilian lifebecausethatwasn’taconcept backthen.Thesunsetisspectacular, apparently.
EpisodeThree: TheMovieCritic. It’stherapescenein“StrawDogs.”I haveneverseenamovielikethis beforeandIhateit.“See,Itoldyou womenlikedit,”Jackwhisperstome. WearesittingintheBelmontTheatreandIsuddenlyfeelsick.
EpisodeFour: We’veOnlyJust Begun.Webuyaseasonpassto Knott’sBerryFarmandgothereat leastonceamonthforayear,thinkingittobeoneofthemostmagical placeswehaveeverbeen.Ithinkwe arejustliketheyoungmarried coupleintheCrockerBankcommercialwhodrivearoundlisteningtothe Carpenters.
EpisodeFive: SayWhat? MyhusbandasksmewhyIdon’tmakehim homemadesoupforhislunchatwork likethisotherguy’swife.IsayIwon’t havehischildrenbecausehisbrother-in-lawisracist.Hisfathercallsme longdistanceandtellsmetostartlettingJackmakethedecisions.Iyell outduringafight,“Youthinkyou werenumbertwo,well,youwere numberfour!”
ButJacklovedme.Hemademe spoonringsandonceswipedsomefire
hosenozzlesformetouseascandlestickswhenwecouldn’taffordthereal onesatCargoWest.Hemadetortillas fromscratchanddedicatedspecial songstomebyChicagoandSealand Crofts.Hisarmsweresmooth.His bodywaswarm.Hemadesexnormal. Ilearnedhowtosteamporkchops, whichinawayanswersLori’squestion.Whileourhusbandsdidtheir thing,CindyandIexchangedrecipes andTinaandIdecoratedourtables withbaby’sbreathinbrownpottery; weweremarriedcoupleslikeeverybodyelse.
Ourmarriagestartedcoming apartsometimeafterIboughtthe album Tapestry.IsupposeIcould blameCaroleKingforputtingwords tofeelingsnotcommonlyspokenby women.IknowIwasalotofwork, especiallyforaguywholookedlike GeorgeHarrisonandjustwantedto gohometoMissouri.IsuspectIwas “transitioning”aswell.
SeasonFinale(imaginary): The TruthIsAlwaysBeautiful.Ayoung wifestartsafireonthebeachand burnshercopiesof BeHereNow,the KamaSutra, OpenMarriage, Cosmopolitan (althoughthereweresome goodarticlesaboutthetrickshusbandsusetogetoutofdoinghousework), TheArtofSensualMassage for itshorribleillustrations,anybook aboutorgasmswrittenbymen,and thetheatricalreleaseof Bob&Carol &Ted&Alice.She’stiredofeverybodytellingherwhosheissupposed tobe.Shekeepsherthreevolumesof CarlosCastaneda.
ConnieKuhnshasaforty-yearhistoryas anessayist,photographerandmusicjournalist.Heressay“LastDayinCheyenne” (Geist No.84)wasnamed“Notable AmericanEssay”in TheBestAmerican Essays seriesandnominatedforaWestern MagazineAward.ShelivesonSaltSpring Island,BC.
Notes&Dispatches15
FINDINGS
CollagenMatrix
THERESAKISHKAN
From BluePortugalandOtherEssays byTheresa Kishkan.PublishedbyUniversityofAlbertaPress in2022.TheresaKishkanistheauthoroffifteen booksofpoetry,fiction,andnon-fiction.Shelives inSechelt,BC.
WhenourdogLilydiedin1996,webroughther bodyhomefromthevetandthoughtaboutwhere we’dburyher.ShewasalargeLab-Shepherdcross, withalittlewolfinherpast.Youcouldseeitinher body,inherface.Andinherwildnature.Shewas happytobepartofourpack,butshewouldn’tbe trainedintheusualway.Ifitmadesensetoherto comewhenwecalled,thenshewould.Ifshewas
doingsomethingelse,somethingmoreimportant toher,thenshewouldn’t.
Anyway,shewasbig.Thethoughtofdigginga holeinrockygroundforherbodywasdaunting. ButJohnfoundaplaceinthewoods,adeep hollow,withcedarsallaround.Heclearedouta spaceforLily’sbody,lineditwithmoss,andcarriedherthereinthewheelbarrow.Hecoveredher withathicklayerofmoss.Thenhecutbranchesof cedar,salal,andheapedthemoverthetop.
Acoupleofyearslater,Iwenttotheplaceand pushedthebranchesandmossaside.Icouldseea cleanskeletoninthehollow.Ireachedin, removedasectionofboneIquicklyrealizedwas Lily’spelvis,andbroughtitintothehouse.I soakeditforafewdaysinmildbleachsolution anddrieditoff.Iwantedsomethingofheronmy desk.Inthoseyears,mychildrenweregrowingup
16Geist121Summer2022
Untitled1,2015and Untitled7,2015,20"x30,"35mm,CanonAE-1,from CityscapeIII byFarihah AliyahShah.Shotdoubleexposureonfilm,theseriesexploresoscillationsbetweenman-madeandnaturalelements
indailylife.ThemeldingofimagesofQueen’sParkanddowntownTorontoexpressesadesiretopreservenature inurbanization. soquickly,andIknewthey’dbeleavingsoon.In fact,theoldesthadalreadygoneawaytoschool, andImissedhimterribly.Iknewourfamilywas changing,andIwantedaphysicalanchortothe yearswhenwecampedinthesummers,Lilywith us,thenightssweetandstar-filled.
Sometimespeoplewouldseetheboneonmy deskandwonderatit.WhenIexplainedwhatit was,Icouldtellthatmostofthemthoughtitwas macabretokeepadog’spelvisathand.Butitwas beautiful,thecleanbonesmoothasivory.Andhow differentisittokeepantlersoractualivory?Both shareacollagenmatrix,thoughivoryhasno systemofbloodvessels.Thirty-fivethousandyears ago,peopleweremakingrepresentativefigures fromboneandivory—Venuses,horses,reindeer— andalsohadshrinestothedeadthatincluded bones.I’mnotmakingacaseforfetishizingmy
dog’spelvis.Ijustwantedtohavesomethingofher tolookateveryday.Torememberherstrong body,herhighhips.
Perhapseightyearsago,Iwasinthekitchenand Iheardaloudcrash.Itcamefrommystudy.Wehad nohouseholdanimalsatthattime.Hadabirdor someothercreaturecomeinthroughanopendoor andknockedsomethingheavytothefloor?(Once, aweaselfounditswayinandracedaroundthe house,runningupawallofbooksandalongthetop ofawindow,untilwewereabletoshooitoutwith abroom.)Investigating,Isawthatahighshelf erectedabovethebigwindowinmystudy,the widthofthesmallroom,hadfallen,bringingits cargoofreferencebooks(EarlyGreekMyth, The Landmark Herodotus, Cruden’sConcordance, Bartlett’s FamiliarQuotations),anelkskull,andanoldbean crockfrommyparents’housedownontomydesk.
Findings17
Mylittledesklampwasbroken.Ageodehad crackedinhalf.AndLily’spelviswasbrokentoo, fracturedfromthepointoftheischiaticarchalong thelineofthesymphysispubisandischii;theentire sacrumhadbrokenaway.
Crack.CRACK. Ithoughtaboutputtingitbacktogetherwithsome sortofglue.Maybehotglue?Orthekindofadhesiveweusedtoinstallceramictilesonourcounters. ButIneverdid.SometimesI’dtakeupthethree partsandfitthemasthey’dbeenbeforetheirfracture.
BallooninaSuitcase
TAMASDOBOZY
From GhostGeographies byTamasDobozy.PublishedbyNewStarBooksin2021.TamasDobozyis theauthoroffivebooks.Hisbook Siege13 (Thomas Allen/Milkweed)wontheRogersWriters’TrustFiction PrizeandwasafinalistfortheGovernorGeneral’s LiteraryAwardforFiction.HelivesinKitchener,ON.
Hubakeptaconstantlypackedsuitcasewithafull changeofclothesinside.TherewereAmericandollars,too.Therewasacompass,streetmapsofVienna, Paris,Madrid,andablack-market Playboy.Hubasaid hewasreadyforanything,includingtheloneliness oftheWest.Mostimportantlytherewasanewspaper articlefromthe NeuesDeutschland aboutafamily thathadbuiltanairballoonbackin’58inanattempt togettoWestGermany.Thearticleincludedafacsimileoftheplansdrawnuponabarnapkin,placed strategicallybythenewspaper’seditorsbesideapictureoftheactualballoon,crashedanddisintegrated aroundfoursplayedbodies,asadisincentivetoanyonewantingtotryitforhimself.Whenevertheygot drunkthearticlewouldcomeoutandHubawould talkaboutwhatagreatideaitwas.Notasuccessful one,butstill.Withhisknowledgeofaeronauticsthey couldtweaktheplanstomakeitwork.Butthenext morningHubawouldbesoberandthearticlewould gobackintothesuitcaseandhewouldn’ttalkabout ituntilthenexttimetheystarteddrinkingagain.
ItoccurredtoBánko,oncehe’dturnedfrom Írén,thattherewouldbenoneofthatinfamous alienation,rumouredtobethemainflawofthelifestylesoftheWest,ifHubaandhewenttogether.
Itwasinterestingtorunmyfingeralongthehard compactboneontheoutsideedge;itresembled ivory.Within,thecancellousbonelookedlikefine drysponge,containingwhatwasleftofthemarrow. Lily’spelvishadcradledherbladder,someofher intestines,and,originally,herreproductiveorgans, beforeherovariesanduteruswereremovedwhen shewasyoung,beforeshecametous.
Thedesklampwasrepairedwithducttape. Andnow,morethantwentyyearsafterLily’s death,Iamholdingherpelvisinmyhands,thinkingabouthowlongalifeis,andhowbrief.What vanishesandwhatremains. ��
Hespenttherestofthemorningtryingtogetto Huba’splacewithoutbeingfollowed.Leapingonto streetcarsatthelastsecond,thenleapingoffatthe nextstop,onlytostepontoanotherheadedinthe oppositedirection.Climbingupanddownthesteps ofbuses.Goingbackandforthalongthestationsof the kisföldalatti.Doingwhateverhecouldtothrow offaninvisibleandforallheknewimaginarypursuit.SometimesBánkojuststoppedandstaredat thesky,grippedbytherealizationofwhathe’dleft behind.HewasnolongerawrestlerontheHungariannationalteam.Itfeltexhilarating,likethat uncertaintythatalwaysgrippedhimbeforeamatch, andwhichhe’dalwaysregardedashistruechallenger,onehecouldneverfullydefeat,thathe alwaysneededtofightagain,andwasmaybeeven thereasonhefoughtinthefirstplace.
Hubawasworkingunderthetableinthosedays astheunofficialsuperintendentofhisbuildingon Villányiút.Beforethathe’dbeentrainingasanair trafficcontroller,ajobthey’dsuggestedafterhis mandatorymilitaryserviceintheHungarianair force(suchasitwas).Hismainproblem,backthen, wasthathe’dneverjoinedtheparty.Hehadn’tbeen vocal,eitherfororagainstit.He’djustdemurred.So hewassuspect,passedoverforpromotion,though heknewasmuchaboutthejobasanyone.Then,one dayin1953,Huba’sfatherwastakenaway.They receivednoexplanation,beforeorafter.Onedayhe simplydidn’tcomehome.Hubawentwithhis mothertothepolice,whoshruggedandsaidthey’d makeinquiries.AttheNationalRailwaysoffice wherehisfatherworkedoneofthesecretariessaid he’dbeen“paidavisit”andleftwiththreemen.The wayshesaidit,inthattone,suggestednoonehad
18Geist121Summer2022
beensurprised,andhiswifeandsonshouldn’tbe either,asifhisfather’sinsurgencywascommon knowledge.Hubahadhadtoracehismotheroutof therebeforeshespatinthewoman’sface.Whenhis fatherreturned,arrivingintimefordinnerafew monthslater,hewasinpieces.Bothhishandswere bandaged,andHubahadtosendhismotherfrom theroomwhenhechangedthedressings.Each fingerlookedasifithadbeenflattenedwitha hammer.Theoldman,andhewasoldnow,having gonefromfiftytoeightyinthosefewmonths,shook hisheadwhentheyaskedwherehe’dgone,whathad happened,asifwhattheÁVOhadwantedfromhim wasnotinformationbutitsopposite,interrogating himuntilheagreedtoclosehismouthforever.In theweeksthatfolloweditbecameobvioustoHuba andhismotherthattheoldmancouldnolonger stayawayfromhighbalconies,traintracks,the whirlpooloftrafficaroundMoszkvatér,whereone dayhebrokefreeofthemandsteppedinfrontofa streetcar.Hismother’sheartlastedforafewmonths afterthat.Itwasimpossibleforhertostopseeing it—themomentofimpact.Hubafoundherbodyin thevestibuleofherapartmentonemorning,fallen underanopenumbrella.
Hisfather’sincarcerationwastheendofHuba’s jobatFerihegyairport.Youcouldn’temploythe offspringofareactionary.Allthingsconsidered he’dbeenlucky.Theycouldhavejailedhimforlife, broughtinthetorturer,madehimdisappear.Had Hubabeenamemberofthepartythat’sprobably whatwouldhavehappened,andwhenhelaughed duringthattime,whichwasn’toften,itwasat that—howhe’dbeensavedfromtheregimebyhis reluctancetojoinit.Instead,alltheydidwasdeny Hubaanincome,leavinghimtostarvetodeath. Nowhewasunofficiallyunemployed,which,apart fromtheword“official,”wasthesameasbeing officiallyunemployed.Butsomeoftheresidentsof hisbuildingcametogetherandpaidhimpiecework forfixingventsandpipes,stovesandfridges,hinges, parquetfloors,crackedcement.Thesuitcaseinhis closet,firstconceivedwhenhisfathervanished,was lessaplanthanashrinetotheideaofescape,and everynighthe’dtakeitoutandchecktomakesure everythingwasinplaceintheeventthatmagic indeedexistedandhesuddenlyfoundhimselfairliftedtothecornerofPhilharmonikerStraßeand KärtnerStraße,hankeringforaniceespresso.The truthis,Hubawasterrifiedofescape,andthattiny suitcase,andthehopeitsignified,mighthavebeen enoughofthewestfortherestofhislife.Hecould
havesubsistedonthat,uplate,unpackingand repackingthesuitcaseinthelightoftheredstar risingabovetheministrybuildingacrossthestreet.
ButonthatAprilafternoonBánkoburstin, rivuletsofsweatrunningdownhisshirt.Helet looseatorrentofgibberish: wrestling, Zabrovsky, murder, Írén, escape.IttookHubaanhourtocalm himdownwithbrimmingshotsof pálinka,until themorning’seventscameoutinlogicalsequence andattentionturnedtothesuitcase.Youcan’tbe serious,Hubatoldhim,butBánkojustgotupnervouslyandpacedfromwindowtowindow. They’regoingtobecomingforme.Hubawent andpeeredout,unsureofwhatheshouldbelookingforexceptmaybeuniformedpolice.Seeing none,hewentbacktohisseatbythetableand slumpedinit,restinghischinonhisforearms.You can’tbeserious.
GISFORGASLIGHTING
From HallelujahTime byVirginiaKonchan.Published bySignalEditions,animprintofVéhiculePress,in2021. VirginiaKonchanistheauthoroffourpoetrybooks,four chapbooksandacollectionofshortstories.Sheisthecofounderof Matter andlivesinHalifax,NS.
Gisforgaslighting,thespellunderwhich youconvincemeI’mcrazyforlikingtolive, termoriginatingfroma1938playtitledsame. Gisforgarlic, allium sativum,floweringplant praisedforitscurative,alimentaryproperties. G:gyroscopes,gastronomy,bathtubgin. Greenisthecolorofthepatinathatgrows onthesurfaceofcopper,brass,andbronze. GarthBrooks,golems,andgastricbypasses. Glamor,grammar,goodness,gavels,ghouls. Genesis’fifthday,whenourGnosticcreator inventedcreaturesofthesea,sky,andland: God’sfemale,accordingtoArianaGrande. Thefinalwordsofanauctioneerafterthe highestbidisoffered:going,going,gone. PabloPicasso’santi-warpainting Guernica Itismoreblessedtogivethantoreceive. GalGadotintheroleofWonderWoman, whowentbackintimetosaveWWI: shapeshifterofflightandinvisibility. G:glitter,glow,gleam.Intimations ofarealmbeyondthis,immortality.
Findings19
Bánkokeptuphisnervouspacing,butitdidn’t surpriseHuba.Bánkowasalwayslikethis,supercharged,whetherhethoughthe’djustkilledsomeoneornot.HewastheonlyguyHubaknewwho’d comeoutforawalkwithyouandendupcrossing thestreettolookatsomething,thencrossbackto walkbesideyoufortenorfifteenpaces,thenenter somebuildingforfifteenminutes,comeoutthe backway,andmeetupwithyoutwoblockslater, thendisappearoncemoreintoapublicgardenonly tointerceptyouatthedoorofthebaryou’dagreed upon.Hehadthemotion,theenergy,oftenmen, andsometimesÍrénteasedhimwiththenickname, “Csapat.”ThatwasBánkosinceaslongasHuba couldremember—stronger,braver,alwayswiththe bestgirl—andHubawouldhavefeltjealousexcept therewasnowayanyofBánko’sattributescould everhavebelongedtohim.Itwasoutsidetherealm ofpossibility.Hemightaswellhavefeltjealousof BuddhaorJesusorElvis.
TheAmericanembassy,saidHuba,sittingup. I’msurethey’dlovetoseeyoudefect.Youcould jointheirOlympicteam.ButBánkojustshookhis head,sayingitwasthefirstplacethey’dlookfor him.Thetwoofthemsatforsolonginthesilence thateventuallyHubahadtogetupandturnonthe lights.Wehaveonlyoneoption,Bánkosaid.We havetobuildthatballoon.Balloon?Bánko nodded.Theoneinyoursuitcase.
Oh,thatballoon.Hubahadlookedoverthe designsomanytimeshecouldrecallthebarnapkin stainbystain.Sheetsoftaffetastitchedtogetherinto aninflatablesphere,agasburner,kerosene,what
couldgowrong?Wewouldn’thavetoflyfar,Bánko said,ifwetakeofffromthesouthwest,say Nemesmedvesorthereabouts.Atnight,upinthesky likethat?Toohighforsearchlights?Theywouldn’t evenknowwewerethere.We’donlyhavetotravel tenmilesatthemostandthenwe’dbeinAustria.
BALKANECONOMICS forGoranSimic
From AllIHaveLearnedIsWhereIHaveBeen by JoeFiorito.PublishedbySignalEditions,animprintof VéhiculePress,in2020.JoeFioritoistheauthorofnine books.HelivesinToronto,ON.
ThelasttimeIsawsugar, itwas$100akilo duringthewar— hesaid,stirringthreespoons intohisdouble-shot Americano.
We’dbeoverAustria,Hubasaid.Twohundred feetoverit.Duringthenextday,heputeverything hehadintodissuadingBánko,managingtokeepup anargumentagainsthimforawholehourbefore thewrestler’senergyburnedhimout.Itwasonlyon daytwothatHubathoughthe’dcomeupwitha surefireobjection:Okay,let’ssaywegothrough withit.Let’ssaywefindaridedownthere.We’ll findaridedownthere,answeredBánko.Right,continuedHuba,sowehavearide.Let’ssaywefind thatgasburner,kerosene.Hubanoddedaftereach word,authoritativeasateacherputtingcheckmarks alonganassignment.Hubahadexpectedallofhis certainty,therewasnothingbutconfidencewith Bánko,butforthefirsttimeeverhefeltasifhehad theupperhand,thathewastheonesettingthetrap. Allthisisfine,saidHuba,albeitinsane.Butthebig questionis:Who’sgoingtosewthesheetstogether fortheballoon?You?BecauseIcancertainlytell youitisn’tgoingtobeme.Toprovehispointhe indicatedthejaggedandcrookedcurtainsoverthe window—whichlookedasifthey’dbeenhacked withamachetefromarolloffabricwhileitwasstill rolledup—heldinplaceovertherodwithamixture ofadhesivetapeandbentpaperclipsjabbed throughthefabric.Shit,saidBánko,you’reright, hishandmakingstitchingmotionsintheair,asif mimingitlikethatwaspracticeenough,asifit mightgivehimtheabilitytomastersewingright thenandthere.Hestoppedsuddenly,thoughtful. Sothat’sthat,saidHuba.Wecan’tdoit.We’ll havetofigureoutsomethingelse.Bánkoscrewed upaneye.Italmostsoundedasifhehadn’tpreparedwhathewasgoingtosaynext.Íréncansew, hewhispered,andatthosewordsHubarealized he’dbeentheonestandingonthetrapdoorthe wholetime,BánkofingeringtheleverevenasHuba believedhe’dwontheargument.Írén?Ithought youwantedherleftoutofthis.Bánkoshruggedand saidtherewasnootheroption,andHubawondered athisfriend.ItwasunlikeBánkotoriskthelivesof thoseheloved,nomatterwhatthecosttohimself. Hewouldhavediedfirst.IftheSovietauthority foundoutthatBánkohadescaped,andHubaand Írénhadhelpedhim,theywouldbearrested, imprisoned,andworse.Hadtheincidentwith Zabrovskyfrightenedhimthatbadly? ��
20Geist121Summer2022
305LostBuildingsofCanada
RAYMONDBIESINGER&ALEXBOZIKOVIC
From 305LostBuildingsofCanada byRaymondBiesingerandAlexBozikovic.PublishedbyGooseLaneEditionsin2022.Raymond Biesinger’sillustrationshavebeenpublishedinthe NewYorker,the Guardian and TIME.AlexBozikovicisanarchitecturecritic forthe GlobeandMail andco-authorof TorontoArchitecture:ACityGuide (McClellandandStewart).
CHARLOTTETOWN,PE
PETERPANDRIVE-IN1958–2020
Inthepostwaryears,thePeterPanwasbelovedbylocals foritsmilkshakes,burgers(servedinabasket),andlobsterburgers.Therewerefewfranchisedfast-foodrestaurantsatthetime;thislocallyownedplaceinanA-frame buildingwasalandmark.Therestaurantclosedin2013 andwasdemolished,butcarpentersfromHollandCollegerescueditssign,featuringPeterPanandlettering thatseemedtohavebeencreatedbyayoungchild.711 UniversityAvenue;demolished.
SASKATOON,SK
COMMODORERESTAURANT 1947–2007
SteveLeakoslefttheGreekmainlandasaboyoffourteen andwoundupinSaskatoon;herehewasoneofahalfdozencountrymentorunrestaurantsinthedowntown. ThisoneLeakoscalledtheNewCommodoretodistinguish itfromitspredecessoron21stStreet.Itwasahangout forthecoolerhighschoolkids,including,apparently,a youngJoniMitchell.Therestaurant’snamealsoappeared onsportsjerseys:inthe1950sownerSperoLeakoswas generalmanagerofthesemi-proSaskatoonCommodores baseballteam.ThebuildingbecameaChineserestaurant, Chau’sCommodore,andwasdemolishedafterafirein 2007.1082ndAvenueNorth;nowaparkinglot.
OSHAWA,ON
MAYFAIRBOWLINGALLEY1930S–1957
Inthe1920sand’30s,bowlingwasamongthemostpopularsportsinthecountry.(ACanadian,ThomasRyan, hadinventedthefive-pinversioninhisTorontobowling alley.)Oshawa’sMayfairwasasharpdecobuildingwith portholewindows,glassblock,andneon.In1948,itscandalizedavisitingPresbyterianministerbyopeningon Sunday.Lessthanadecadelater,itburnedandwentdown. 39CelinaStreet;nowaparkinglot.
HALIFAX,NS
AFRICANMETHODIST EPISCOPALZION
CHURCH1846–1955
Therehasbeenasizeable communityofBlack Haligonianssincethelate eighteenthcentury,yet theywerelongsegregatedintoafewspecific neighbourhoods.One washere,alongGottingenStreetinthethen prosperousNorthEnd. Intheyearsaround 1900thischurch,partofaBlack-ledbranchofMethodism broughttoNovaScotiabyBlackLoyalists,stoodatthe community’scentre,runningaschoolandcharitable work.Thechurch’scongregationshrankasotherBlack churchesgrew,butafter1930thechurchwasrestored withcommunityhelp—andthenvandalized.Suburbanizationandurbanrenewalprogramsdecimatedthe neighbourhood’sbuildings,andthechurchwasdemolishedinthe1950s.26GottingenStreetandFalkland Street;nowanemptylot.
Findings21
MyMoneyandMy DaughterGotoCornell
KELLEENGAN
From GoodMomOnPaper,editedbyStacey MayFowlesandJenSookfongLee.Publishedby Book*hugPressin2022.Excerptedfrom“What HaveYouDoneToday?”byKelleeNgan.Kellee NganisawriterofChinesedescentandCaribbean heritage.Herworkhasbeenpublishedin Geist, Grain and PoetryisDead.ShelivesonBowen Island,BC.
ItwasduringarecentcreativestreakthatI’d reportedwhatIthoughtwasavictoryformyself andmynovel-in-progress.
“Iwrotefivehundredwordstoday,”I’dsaid. Therewasanimplied“ta-da!”aspunctuationbut everyonefailedtopickuponit.
“Isthatalot?”thekindergartnerasked.Thisis akidwhousedtospendhoursbeingcharmedby mismatchedTupperwarelids.Nowthathe’sin school,he’sgotopinionsandisfarlesseasyto impress.
Hissisterinterjected.Athirdgrader,sheisturbo-chargedonreadingandwillburnthrougha novelinonesitting.Shewillgladlytellanyone whoasksthatshe gets books.Andmath.Icouldsee herdoingtheadditioninherhead,fingerstapping onthetabletodoublecheckthecalculation.
“Butaren’tthere,like,millionsofwordsina book?”shesaid.Theupspeakattheendboththe resultoftwomissingfrontteethandadesiretobe atleastatinybitdiplomatic.
“It’smoreliketensofthousands,”Isaid.But neitherofthemwasparticularlyinterestedinthe distinction.Fivehundredoutofanylargernumber equalsnotenough.
Mykidsareharshbutfaircritics,somethingI attributetotheirgeneticheritage.Myparents wouldreacttheexactsameway,viewingthe typingoffivehundredwordsintoacomputer documentasinconsequentialuntilprovenotherwise.It’snotthatthey’reunsupportive;it’sthat theyhavenotimeforflattery.Praisefrommyparentsisdeliveredinthesamematter-of-fact mannerasatakeawayorder.WhenItextedmy mothertoaskforheropinionontheepisodic children’saudioplayI’dworkedon,shereplied: Listenedtotwo,sofar,shouldbegoodforthekids. Thenshee-transferredLunarNewYearlucky
moneywithinstructionstobuyhergrandchildren somethingtheycoulduse,likepants.
MymotherandfatherarrivedinTorontointhe late1960sfromJamaicaandHongKong,respectively.TheymetattheChineseCatholicchurch theybothattendedandwouldgoontostarin theirownversionoftheimmigrantsuccessstory inwhichtheirstoicworkethicledtoabetterlife forthemselvesandtheirCanadian-bornoffspring.
WhenIwasyoung,Irecallthatmyparents workedalot.Theybothhadfull-timejobs.My motherwasateacheratacommunitycollege,my fatheranelectrician.Foraperiodoftimemy fatherworkednightshifts,hiscareerpathdivertingfromnormalwakinghours.Hisschedulerenderedfamilydinnersimpossiblesomedays,but therewasalwaysfoodonthetable.
Theirdedicationtotheirworkpaidoff.My fathereventuallyswitchedhisfocustorealestate, anothercareerwithgreattimedemandsbutbetter returns.Byworkinghard—andneverquitting untiltheywereofferedthegoldenhandshakeof earlyretirement—theywereabletobuyahouse, putmeandmyolderbrotherinavarietyofactivities,andnearedtheapexofAsianparentingby sendingusbothtouniversity.
WhatIdon’trecallisthemdoingmuchfor themselves.They’dchauffeurustoschoolandour extracurriculars,buttheyrarelyboughtnew clothesorwentonvacationsasacouple.Theytake yogaandtaichiclassesnowasemptynesters,but Idon’tthinktheydidanythinglikethatbefore: Nopickupsoccerforold-timers,nowinenight withfriends.Iftheywenttothereccentre,itwas totakeoneofuskidstoswimmingorsocceror skating,andthenearestthingtoanightoutwould beafamilywedding—withtheemphasisonfamily. Intherear-viewmirror,thesenseofdutyandsacrificeflashestothepointofblinding.
Startinginpregnancy,mothersbegintoloseparts ofthemselves.
Ina2018 NewYorkTimes articleentitled “Reframing‘MommyBrain,’”writeranddoctor AlexandraSacksreferstoastudybypediatrician andpsychoanalystDonaldWinnicottthatexplains thephenomenonknownasprimarymaternalpreoccupation.Dr.Winnicottfoundthatmothers,out ofnecessity,mustlaser-focusontheirhelpless dependentinordertokeepsaiddependentalive. Ourgreymattershrinks,ourbrainsalteredto narrowourfocustoourchildren.
22Geist121Summer2022
Whilethispsychologicalstateofintenseattentivenessisnecessarytohelpthebabythrive,itcan comeatthedetrimenttothemother’spsychologicalwell-being.Ifthebabyisherworld,whathappenstoeverythingoutsideofthatorbit?What becomesofthosepartsofthatwomanthatexisted beforemotherhoodandareindependentofher identityasaparent?Talkaboutano-winsituation, wheretendingtoyourownneedsisseenasaderelictionofduty.
Thecultureofcontemporarymotherhoodhas triedtorallyagainstthisimperative.Inrecentyears, themessaginghasbeenthatmotherscan—and shoulddemandto—haveitall.“All,”inthese instances,meantkillingitatthemomgamewhile climbingthecorporateladder.Fromthestoriesof workingmothers“leaningin”àlaSherylSandberg, totheriseofmommyinfluencerswho’veparlayed parentingintoapaidgig,examplesofsuccessful motherhoodhaveremainedcentredonthereconfigurationandrebalancingofworkandfamily.
Themathseemsfaulty,oratleast,incomplete.It supposesthatitonlytakestwopartstomakethe wholemother:hercareerandherchildren.Itsupposesthatourinteriorlivesarelessnotableandin noneedofnurturing.Whycan’tmothersstriveto haveafulfillingsocial,spiritual,orcreativelife,too? Tonotonlycareforlovedones,butforourselves?
Ofcourse,therearemotherswhosecreative practiceistheirwork.Andfull-timeartmomsare myheroes.Iapplaudthem,respectthem,andnotso-secretlyenvythem.That’sthedream:todo whatyouloveandgetpaidforit.Thatdream, however,istemperedbytherealitythatartisnot oftenwellcompensated.Accordingtoa2018study bytheWriters’UnionofCanada,morethan85 percentofwritersearnanincomefromtheirwritingthatisbelowthepovertyline.Ifthemajorityof workingwritersinthiscountrycan’tsupport themselvesthroughwritingalone,howcanone hopetosupportafamily?
Agoodmotherprovidessecurityforherchildren—thisisthetaleI’vebeentold.Themoralof theimmigrantsuccessstorymakesitclearthatI shouldfocusonfeedingmychildrenfoodover poetry.Fivehundredwordsadaywillnotkeep themalivethewayasteadypaychequewill.Five hundredwordsadaywon’tpayforopportunities.
I’vebeenremindedofthisadviceoften.After ferryingmetouniversityforthefirsttime,myparentswenttothecampusstoretobuyatchotchke tomarktheoccasion.Ithoughtthey’dpick
FIRSTLETTER
From AfterVillon byRogerFarr.PublishedbyNewStar Booksin2022.Thepoemsin AfterVillon arebasedon thewritingsofthe15thcenturypoetFrançoisVillon. RogerFarristheauthoroffourbooksofpoetry.Helives inVancouver,BC.
Villon, Languageisagameinwhichtherulesareknownonlyto theplayers.
WhenItranslateoneofyourpoems&comeacrossa wordIdon’tunderstand,Ibluff.SometimesIwin,sometimesyoulose.Irecognizeonlyafewwordsofthelanguageyouwrotein.Someofthemwerecounterfeits coinedbyyou&neverseenagain.Webothcheat.
It’sallverydifficult.Iwanttodeciphertheformof life,thegame,notthe“objects.”Ialsoseeksomeadvice about vice.Theproblemissomeofthecodesmayhave beencrackedbycops,&webothknowbetterthanto trustapoeminwhichthepoet sings
I’mgettingwearyofcheaterscheatingcheats.Mash somethingup.Swapthedice.Pretendit’snew.Poets aren’tmurderers.We’re executioners.Honouramong thieves.Thisiswhatismeantby“theTradition.”
Mostofmycontemporarieshatepoetry.Theygetup early,writetheirpoemsinthedark,beardownonthe meaningofeveryword,churnthewordsaroundintheir mouths,garglewithdifferentwords,thenspititoutinan emailaddressedtosomeonedoingtheexactsamething acrosstown.OthersfindpoemsamongtheWires.They havenocontrolovertheirdigits,don’tknowhowto stop.That’stheworst.
Villon,you’renotastraighttalker—yourwordsare queer.Youusewordstocommunicateideastocertain people,whiledeceivingothers.It’sasthoughyou’re playingaGame:yourpoemsarenotthegame,but ratherthemeansforone.Yourwordsarecodes,orcards. Isuspectthemannerinwhichyoudealthemholdsthe secret.
ThatiswhatImusttranslate:an arrangement.It requiresnewmethods.Theoddsaren’tgood.ButI mightgetlucky.
Irepeat—webothcheat.
—RF
Findings23
STRANGERSTOBATSTOLOVERS
AselectionoffanfictiontagsfromArchiveofOurOwn,anopensourcerepositoryforfanworks.Tohelpreadersfindthekindsof storiesthey’relookingfor,fanficauthorstagtheirworkswith keywordsandphrasesthatarelinkedtogetherinacomplexmetadatataxonomybyAO3volunteers.Findmoreat archiveofourown.org/tags.CompiledbyKelseaO’Connor.
Time-TravelShenanigans
DubiouslyHelpfulWoodlandCreatures
Female-LedReimaginingofDwarvenCivilization
CompleteLackofOlympicsKnowledge
Probablemisrepresentationofhowairportswork
UnrealisticallyLargeBathtub
Vintagegaysadness
StrangerstoBatstoLovers
Derelictmotorvehicles
Authorseeksownemotionalcatharsis
JokesAboutSocks
Directlyinspiredbyawfulholidaymovies
Geese
Scienceisexplainedbadly
AdvancedCuddling
GratuitoususeofaBarenakedLadiessong
Ruralcanadianqueers
CanCon
TheMortifyingOrdealofBeingKnown
Warningforcoldoatmeal
StrangerswhoMetinaFieldtoCoworkerstoFriendstoLovers
TheMortifyingOrdealOfHavingAPodcast
AccidentalBabyAcquisition
Pivotalcheesecakemoments
crueltytohouseplants
LunchAsAnObstacle
Graphicdescriptionsofaterriblesuitbeingdestroyed
Behavingcarelesslyaroundexpensivesilkrobes
Tooth-RottingFluff
CompetitiveBoyfriending
Goose-typicalviolence
horrificmanglingofhockeyfacts
BasedonaTaylorSwiftSong
HistoricallyAccurateGayPeople
TheseeminglyrestorativepowersoftheNorthernLights
Lovelanguage:reheatedchicken
TheInherentRomanticismofaJointRetirementFund
Pastriesasalovelanguage
MinorCharacterDeath-Lamp
Two-personlovetriangle
SpaceWives
somethingwithutilitylikeamugoramousepad. Buttheyoptedforaflimsybumperstickerthat lookedlikeithadbeenprintedfromaglitchy dorm-roomprinter.Itread:MYMONEYAND MYDAUGHTERGOTOCORNELL.I rememberthemhavingagoodchuckleaboutit, saying,“It’sfunnybecauseit’strue.”
Theyneverputitontheircar.Instead,itwas tackedabovetheclothesdryerinthemudroomof ourhousewhere,whenIreturnedonbreaks,I’d beguaranteedtoseeitandberemindedoftheir sacrifice—andthattheleastIcoulddoishelpwith thelaundry.
BeforeIhadkids,IvowedthatIwouldn’tletmotherhoodchangeme.Butthebabiescamealongand theywreakedtheirhavoc.Notjustonmybody,but mybrain.Thankstothatchangeingreymatter,I nowspendadisproportionateamountoftimefeeling badaboutwhatI’m not doing.
Thisguiltoccursregularly,mostoften expressedinastreamofconsciousnessdownward spiralthatmyhusbandreferstoasmyhomageto LucyEllmann’s Ducks,Newburyport:ThefactthatI can’tbeagoodwriterifIdon’tdedicatemoretime toit,thefactthatIdon’thavetimebeforemy boardmeeting,thefactthatthekidsneedtofinish theirValentine’sDaycards,thefactthatnoonewill wanttopublishmybookevenifIfinishit—Iprobablywon’tfinishit;thefactthattheroastwon’t defrostintime,thefactthatIforgottaketheroast outofthefreezer,thefactthatIdon’thaveenough timetowrite,thefactthatIcan’twritewhenIhave time,andtheclockinthekitchenhasstopped.
“WhydoIevenbother?”isthestandardcoda. Myhusbandwaitsformetoutterthisclosingline beforeherespondsinhisusualrationalfashion: “Youwouldn’tfeelsoguiltyaboutitifyoudidn’t wanttodoit.”
Thatmuchistrue:theneedtowritepersists,as doesthedesiretobeagoodmother.Thesolitary exerciseofwritinghasalwaysappealedtomyintroversion:theopportunitytobealone,butalsoina worldofmyownmaking.It’salotliketacklinga jigsawpuzzle.Bothcanbeanexerciseinfrustration, giventheinevitablestallsinprogressandhoursspent staringattheholesinthescenes.Butasamother jugglingamentallaundrylistoftasksandtheburden ofemotionallabour,there’snogreaterfeelingthan figuringouthowallthepiecesfittogether.Toknow thatmybrainstillhasspacetomakesenseofchaos and,forthatmoment,tocontrolit. ��
24Geist121Summer2022
From ToKnowYou’reAlive byDakotaMcFadzean.PublishedbyConundrumPressin2020.DakotaMcFadzeanhasbeenpublished in MAD magazine,the NewYorker, TheBestAmericanComics and FunnyorDie.Heistheauthorofthreegraphicnovels. HelivesinRegina,SK.
Findings25
Past,Present,Future
Thesepictographsarefromthesculpturalwork Calgary&AlbertaPast,Present,FutureCount,createdbyAdrianStimson fortheCalgaryCentralLibrary.Theproject,whichincludesforty-onesteelpictographsandthreesculptures,reimaginestheBlackfoot languageofpictographs.Traditionally,itwasuptotheartisttodeterminethesymbolthatrepresentedasinglewordoridea,and thoughdepictionschangedovertime,therewasoftenarecognitionofpreviousartists’work.Throughhiswork,Stimsonaimsto becomepartofthatpictographichistory,honourBlackfoottradition,andbridgetogetherpast,presentandfuture.
NATOSI
TheSun,theuniverse,thegreatmystery.Thecentre ofallthings,knownandunknown.
NAPI
OldMan.Blackfootcreatorandtrickstercharacter. HisstoriestellofBlackfootcreation,lifeandways ofBeing.
GIPITAKI
OldWoman.OftenaccompaniesOldManin Blackfootwaysofbeing.Shereflectsbalance toNapi’sunpredictableways.
OTTER
OneofNapi’scompanionsontheraftinthecreation stories.Otterdovedownandcamebackwithnothing.ConsideredoneoftheBlackfootanimal totems.
BEAVER
OneofNapi’scompanionsontheraftinthe creationstories.Beaveralsodovedownand cameupwithnothing.Consideredoneofthe Blackfootanimaltotems.
LOON
OneofNapi’scompanionsontheraftinthecreation stories.Loonalsodovedownandcameupwithnothing.ConsideredoneoftheBlackfootanimaltotems.
MUSKRAT
OneofNapi’scompanionsontheraftinthe creationstories.Muskratdovedownandcame upwithclaywithwhichNapimadetheland. ConsideredoneoftheBlackfootanimaltotems.
IINII
ThesefourbisonrepresentthetimebeforeEuropeancontactwhenbisonwerebountifulandfilled theirlandscapes.FortheBlackfoottheywerecentraltoallaspectsofbeing.Shelter,clothing,tools, food,medicineandspirituallife.
HORSECULTURE
RepresentingtheintroductionofthehorsetoNorth America,andtheBlackfootmasteryofthisrelationship.
SKYBEINGS
Honouringandrespectingtheforcesofnature. Specificallytheforcesofthesky:wind,thunder, rain,snow,stars,auroraborealisandmore.
SIGNINGOFTHETREATIES
RepresentingthesigningofTreaty7.Thepeace pipecrossingthetomahawkindicatespeaceful coexistence,livingtogetherwithoutconflict.
SIKSIKANATION
ExistingpictographicsymbolfortheSiksika Nation.
STONEYNAKOTANATION
ExistingsymbolfortheStoneyNakotaNation.
KAINAINATION
ExistingsymbolfortheKainaiNation.
TSUUT’INANATION
ExistingsymbolfortheTsuuT’inaNation.
PIIKANINATION
ExistingsymbolforthePiikaniNation.Note: Missingbreathinfrontofmouth.
THEENGLISH
Firstcontact,thecrossrepresentstheBritishCrown.
ROYALCANADIANMOUNTEDPOLICE
HistoricallytheMountiesweredepictedwith pointedortriangularshapedheads,referencing thepickelhaubeonthetopoftheirhelmet.
METISNATION
ArtistinterpretationoftheMetisNation,consistent withhistorictribalidentifiers.
26Geist121Summer2022
THERAILWAY
TheNationalDream,linkingthecolonies across‘Canada.’
RESIDENTIALSCHOOL
1870–1990s.150,000Indian,InuitandMetis studentsattendacrosstime.
CATTLE
TheintroductionofAgricultureandCattle acrosstheGreatPlains.
HORSE
TheintroductionofAgricultureandHorses acrosstheGreatPlains.
AGRICULTUREANDFARMING
Thereplacementofnaturalprairielandscape withmonoculturalfarmingpractices.
RESOURCEEXTRACTION
Referencingoil,gas,mineralandother resourceextractionprocesses.
AUTOMOBILE
1901,thefirstautomobilearrivesinAlberta. EvolutionoftheHorseCulture,leadingto pavementandroadandtransportationsystems.
AIRPLANE
1911,thefirstaircraftarrivesinAlberta.
CALGARYSTAMPEDE
TheGreatestOutdoorShowonEarth!The beginnings,Blackfootparticipation.
FIRSTWORLDWAR,THECRASH ANDDEPRESSION,THESECOND WORLDWAR
Theeffectoftheseeventsworldwideand theCalgaryandAlbertaconnections.
HUMANSINOUTERSPACE
Anarrowintothesky,theknowledgethat humanshavereachedspace.1961.
THEHUSKYTOWER
NowknownastheCalgaryTower,thissymbol wasoncethetallestbuildinginCalgary, Openedin1968,IremembergoingtoCalgary fromtheeast,thefirstthingwewouldsee wastheHuskyTower,itwasthrilling.
1988OLYMPICGAMES
AninterpretationoftheCalgaryOlympicGames in1988.Thelargetipi,thecauldron,themountains,foothillsandOlympicrings.
TWOSPIRITPERSONS
AnewinterpretationofTwoSpiritedpeople,the bridge,thegenderfluidity,thespirits,theheart.
THEWIDEWORLDWEB
Wearecaughtinaweb,aworldwideweb.What doesitmeanaswebecomefurtherentangled? Whatdoesthebinarycodemean?
BLACKSNAKE
ThePrairieBullSnakecanbemistakenforarattle snakeorlooklikeablackshadowinthegrass. TheLakotaprophecyabouttheblacksnakerefers tothepipelinessnakingacrossthecountry.We areatatimeofreflection,urgencyandaction.
CHANGINGENVIRONMENT
AlsoknownasEarthEmergency,thechanging environmentisuponus,wewilleitheradaptor perish.MotherEarthspeakstous,arewelistening?Whatdoesthefuturehold?
ANEWHOPE
Learnfromthelittleones;observe,learn,mimic, cooperate,defendandnurture.Naturewillteach uswaysofseeingtheworldaroundus.Ourfuture dependsonit.
THEEAGLE
Asymbolofhonour,powerandhopeintothe future.Theeagleholdsthesevengenerationsin itsheart.
THEUNIVERSALTIPI
Frombeneaththeearth,tothelandandwater, foothillsandmountains,theearth,cosmicwaves, apartoftheUniverse,oursunhurtlingthrough space,planetstrailingintotheGreatMystery. PleiadesandBigDipperguidingtheway.Weare alloneintheGreatMystery.
BISONBEING
ThereturnoftheBisontotheGreatPlains,The BuffaloTreaty,assigners,wehavethehonour andprivilegetobringbackthebisontotheGreat Plains.TheBisonisinallofus,makeroomfor theBison.Whatdoesthefuturehold?
Findings27
STATEMENT068
From TheEmployees byOlgaRavn,translatedfrom DanishbyMartinAitken.PublishedbyBook*hugPress in2022. TheEmployees waslonglistedfortheDublin LiteraryAwardin2022andshortlistedfortheInternational BookerPrizein2021.OlgaRavnistheauthoroffivebooks andlivesinCopenhagen,Denmark.
WhyshouldIworkwithsomeoneIdon’tlike?Whatgood couldpossiblycomefromsocializingwiththem?Why haveyoumadethemsohumantolookat?Icompletely forgetsometimesthatthey’renotlikeus.Standingin lineinthecanteen,IsometimessuddenlyrealizethatI feelakindoftendernessforCadet14.She’saredhead.Or maybeyoudevelopedthemlikethatintentionally,sothat we’dfeelthissympathyfortheirbodiesandthebeings theyare,ifyoucancallthemthat,andmakeworking withthemeasier.Yes.Onlynowyouwantmeto,youwant tochangethenatureofmyassignment?Sowhatyou’re askingmetodoissuperviseCadet14’smovementsabout theship,withouthercottoningon?Becausewesharea bunkroomtogether.Isitbecauseshewon’ttalktoyou? I’mnotverycomfortablewithit,obviously.Whatyou’re askingmetodoisthesameassurveillance,isn’tit?Idon’t likeher,butIstillthinkaboutherallthetime.Sointhat senseIsupposeI’mtherightpersonforthejob.Itryto understandher,whosheis.She’snotjustanembodiment oftheprogram.There’smoretoherthanthat.Isthat
thekindofthingyouwant?Inthereport?Whethershe speakstoanyoftheotherhumanoids,andwhatthey saytoher?Allright,I’llkeepaneyeout.HowwouldI characterizeher?Cadet14ishumanoid,fifthgeneration, female,awell-likedemployee.Doesherworkimpeccably. Arathermeekanddocileversion,likemanyofthefifth generation.She’sfondofthefrecklesonhernose.She looksatherselfinthemirrorinthebunkroombefore goingtobed,andputsherfingertoherfreckles. How human,shesays.Tothinktheygavemefreckles.What morecouldsomeonelikemewishfor? IthinkIloveher.
Ineedtoworkthatoutofmysystem,obviously.No,you don’thavetotransferhertoanotherbunk,I’vealready toldyou,I’llkeepaneyeonherforyou.Isn’tthatit?Isn’t thatwhatyouwant?IfI’mtobeperfectlyhonest,ifthat’s wherewe’reat,Icansayshe’samuchbetterworkerthan me,weallknowit’sthetruth.WhathaveIgotleftother thanafewrecollectionsofalostearth?Iliveinthepast. Idon’tknowwhatI’mdoingonthisship.Icarryoutmy workwithcompleteapathy,sometimesevencontempt. I’mnotsayingthistoprovokeyou.Perhapsit’smore ofacryforhelp.Iknowwewon’tgetawayfromhere inmylifetime.Cadet14hasn’tgotalifetime,orrather hersspanssuchagiganticstretchoftimeit’sbeyondmy comprehension.She’sgotafutureaheadofher.Sonow you’resayingmyjob’schanged?ThatnowI’mtowatch her?Ithinkthismightsavemylife.
What’sItLike?
ELAINEMCCLUSKEY
Excerptfrom RafaelHasPrettyEyes copyright ©2022byElaineMcCluskey.Reprintedbypermission ofGooseLaneEditions.ElaineMcCluskeyisthe authoroffourshort-storycollectionsandtwonovels. ShelivesinDartmouth,NS.
Twitter TheGlobeandMail @globeandmail34m
Areyouonyourthirdmarriage?What’sitlike?Pros? Cons?EmailourreporterDeidreFairfieldforastory: Xavierd@globem.com
To:Xavierd@globem.com
From:gregmac@yahoo.com
Yes,Iamonmythird.What’sitlike?Thinkback towhenyouwereateenagerandimaginethat youweretheonlykidinyourneighbourhood forcedtoattendsummerschoolbecauseyouhad flunkedalgebra.It’sthatsamefeelingofdreadand shamewhenyouawakeeachmorning.Andthe sunmaybeshiningandyourfriendsmaybeheadingtoChestermanBeachinavan,butyouare trudgingtosummerschool,afailure.It’slike that Andyoudon’tknowwhyithappened.Youtell yourselfyouwerejustlazy.Peopleunderestimate laziness.Theymistakenlybelievethatunder-
28Geist121Summer2022
achievingchildrenmustbetroubled,handicapped, orfailedbytheirparents,whensomearejustlazy. Youhopeitis that.
Butyoufearitissomethingworse.Youfear thatyouaresodeficientthatyoumayneverbe goodatanythinginlife.Likesummerschool,a thirdmarriageisyourlastchance—theone thingthatstandsbetweenyouandthatdirtroadtrailerwithpowerlinesrunningfrom someoneelse’shouse,aplasticrainwatercollector,andanangrydogchainedoutside.
Thepros:ChristmasorEasterarenever boring.Whenyouhaveanextendedand estrangedfamilylargeenoughtostageafull productionof ComefromAway—someoneis boundtogooff,andtheyalwaysdo.Andit makesyouquestioneverydecisionyouhave evermadeinyourlife,everyroadtakenandnot taken.Andself-examinationisagoodthing, isn’tit?
Thecons:Thinkaboutit. Robert
Iwouldpreferthatmyrealnamenotbeused because—well,Iamsureyouknowwhy.
DearRobert, Areyouavailableforaninterviewaboutyourworst Christmas?Wecoulduseyourinitials. Cheers, Deidre
From:MaeveandDonald@hotmail.com DearMissFairfield, Istruggledtofindmypathaftermanylost yearsduringwhichIwasdistantfromGod.And thenIwasblessedwhentheeldersinstructed metomarryDonald,agoodmanwhosewife diedthreemonthsago.IamgratefulthatIhave thehealthtotakecareofDonaldwhoisenteringhisninetiethyear,ablessing.Todaywasa wonderfuldayatthetemple,whereIdidone endowmentandDonaldfour.Nextmonth,we aretravellingtoUtah,whereDonaldwilldo thesealingforhisgreat-grandson.ThereIwill meettherestofhisfamilybeforereturningin timeformythirtiethbirthday,whichwewill celebrateinourhome.
Pros:Themanyblessingsweshare. Cons:None. YoursinGod’simage,Maeve
BUCOLIC
From AHistoryofTouch byErinEmilyAnnVance. PublishedbyGuernicaEditionsin2021.ErinEmilyAnn Vanceistheauthorofthenovel AdviceforTaxidermists and AmateurBeekeepers (Stonehouse)andfivepoetry chapbooks.
Confession:Ifellasleepbythefirelastnight. Itwascoldandnowmysockshavesmallcratersburntinto thetoes.
Confession:Ididnotfeedthegoat beforeIshutthebarndoorandwentinsidetoread.
Confession:Ioftenprodyoutoseeifyouarestillstiff withcold. Whenthetemperatureshifts,Iworry thatyourskinwillsloughoff.
Confession:Idon’tbotherwiththewalktotownmostweeks. InsteadIeatthepickledonionsanddrinkwarmwater inwhichI’vedroppedeggwhites.
Confession:Icrossmyfingersasthewhitescloudinmyglass andwishforyourchildtoleapintomywomb. Theeggwhitesalwaysrevealourbarrenness.
Confession:Ibakedthefollowingitemsintoacake:theleft lensfromyourspectacles;amolar—Ican’tremember whetherit fellfromyourmouthormine;yourweddingband;aquail’s egg; appleseeds. Thecakewaslarge,butIateeverylastbit.Iswallowed theeggwhole.
Afterthewake,Ipeeledanappleinonelongstrip andthrewitovermyshoulder.WhenIturnedtoseethe initial ofthemanIwouldmarrynext,thepeelwasgone.
Confession:Ididn’tthrowitovermyshoulder.Ituckedit underyourhead.Ibrokeoneofthechurchwindows andheldashardofglassunderyournosetosee iftherewasanybreathleftinyou. Therewasnot.
Findings29
DearMaeve, Wouldyouandyourhusbandliketobeina photo? Cheers, Deidre
From:Mike@nili.ca DearDeidre, ImaybetheonlygaymaninCanadawiththree legalmarriagesonthebooks.IthinkIwasjustso happywhenwefinallygotourrightsthatIwanted in.AndsoImarriedaprofessornamedDennis—an expertin“thehierarchiesofdesirabilityviaerotic capitalinthevaluesystemofgaydesire”—aftertwo shortmonths.WhatcanIsayaboutpoorpedantic Dennisthathasnotbeensaidbefore,thatyoucannot lookupforyourselfonRateMyProf,butIamnot abouttodemonizeDennis.Notatall.
Dennis was adifficultperson—andIsaythat withlove—thatpersoncapableofmakingthe mostbenignoutinguncomfortable.Ithinkofthe timewhenwetookhismothertodinner,andthe waitressaskedifwewouldlikewater,andDennis repliedwitharesounding,“No!!Ibringmyown. Ionlydrinkwellwater.”Andthen,forthedurationofthemeal,nevertookasip.
AfterDennisandIdivorced—hekeptthe Gatineaufarmhouse—ImetArthur.Atthispoint youmaycuetheschmaltzymusic,youmayroll outeveryclichéabouttrueloveandhappyever after,becauseitwaslikethat.Itwas.Arthurwas perfect.Afirefighter,hecouldfixthingslikepipes androofs.Hecouldcook.Whenyousawsix-foottwoArthurarrivingatapartywithaTupperware containeroflemonsquares,yournervoussystem relaxed.Youfelthappy.Arthurwouldmakethe rosesinyourgardenmoreglorious,awalkonthe beachmoreexotic.Arthurwouldgiveyouhislast bottleofhomemadePinotGrigioorhisbest orbitalsander,andmakeyoufeellike you had done him afavour.Andthenhedied.
Whenyoulosetheloveofyourlife…well,you losetheloveofyourlife.Afterthat,youmayfind alesserlove,youmayfindcompanionship,you mayfindalovelymannamedScottwhowilltravel withyouandwhounderstandswhyyoulighta candleonArthur’sbirthdayandwhyyouvisithis momatChristmas,whyyoucollapseinapuddle oftearswhenasongcomesontheradio.Ifyou arelucky,youmay…
Mike
DearMike, Sorryforyourloss.IsScottokaywithbeingin astory? Cheers, Deidre
From:hockeyfan10@hotmail.com DearDeidre, Threetimes.Callmeanoptimist.WhenIgotmarried attwenty-one,Ibuiltusaloghousein MusquodoboitHarbour(NS).Wewerelivingthe dreamwithtwobeautifulkidsandagoldenretriever namedRocket.Ifyouaskmewhatwentwrong,I willdefaulttotheoldestclichéinthebooks—we weretooyoung—whichmeansabsolutelynothing. ButI will tellyouthatmyheartbrokewhenthat marriageended.IlovedthathouseasmuchasIloved GuyLafleur.
Ontherebound,ImarriedAngie,theKenny Linsemanofspouses,masterofthecheapdirty shot,whichisallIwillsayaboutthat.Iwaslikea hitchhikerthumbingacrossthecountry,entering strangecarsandstrangetownswithasenseof fearlessnessthatwas,inhindsight,apathy.Ididn’t careenoughaboutmyselftobeworried.Ididn’t careaboutmyfuture.Iwasreadytotakewhatever lifehadaimedatmebecause,well,shagit.
Numberthree:Igotitrightthistime.Gailis thesweetestwomanyouwouldevermeet.Welive inDartmouth,wherewebothgrewup.Some goofsacrosstheharbourcallitDarknessand that’ssupposedtobeaslag,butthat’sokay becauseDartmouthhasJoelPlaskettandMatt Mayswhowritesongsaboutthetown.DartmouthhasSidtheKidandNathanMacKinnon, whileHalifaxhastheRat.TheLittleBallofHate orwhateveryouwanttocallhim,notthathe cares.He’sgota$49millioncontractinBeantown whereheisahero,andthat’s$49millionmore thanyouorIwilleverseeinourlives,sowhatthe hellamIgoingonaboutanyway?
Pros:It’sajourney. Cons:Idon’tknowwhatIamtalkingabout halfthetime.
Greg DearGreg, Itsoundslikeyouhavefoundyourperfect match.Imaybeintouch.
Best, Deidre ��
30Geist121Summer2022
RonnieTesslerdocumentedrodeosacross westernCanadaandthroughoutthe AmericanNorthwestfrom1976–1979. Herphotographscapturemorethanjust thesportitself;theyexplorethe momentsbeforeandafterthemainevent, thecommunitysurroundingrodeoand thelifestylethatcomeswithit.These photographsweretakenwithshortlenses atcloserange,allowingTesslertocapturetheintimacyofsmalldetails:facial expressions,flashesofemotion,minute gestures.We’rerighttherewithheras shewatchesamangetbuckedoffhis horseorspotsacowboyinaquiet moment,stretchinghislegsbeforearide.
In2021,SarahGengeproduceda documentaryaboutTessler’sRodeo SeriesincollaborationwiththeJewish
CloseRange
ThePhotographyofRonnieTessler
MuseumandArchivesofBC,where thiscollectionofphotographslives, titled Crackin’Out:TheRonnieTessler Collection.In Crackin’Out,acamera zoomsinonaselectionofTessler’s photographs,onebyone,astheyare placedindifferentlocations—ashop, anemptystadium,acity—afilming techniquewhichmimicstheexperienceofapproachingaphotographon thewallofagallery.Gengeinterviews aselectionofTessler’ssubjectsalongsidepeoplewithdifferentconnections torodeo,creatinganintersectionof voicesthatmirrorsthemanyanglesof Tessler’sphotojournalism.Gengeaims toexplore“thewayinwhichaphotographevokesdifferentstoriesandideas todifferentpeople,justasmuchasit
depictsaparticularmomentintime.” Onewaythat Crackin’Out achievesthis isinquestioningwho’smissingfrom thesephotographs,andfromourculturalnarrativeaboutrodeo.Thefilm touchesbrieflyonqueerandIndigenoushistoriesofrodeo,bringinginthe voicesofAdrianStimson,CeliaHaigBrownandNicholasVillanueva, amongothers,toplaceTessler’sphotographsinabroadercontext.
Whatisunchangingaboutthese images,despitethelensthroughwhich they’reperceived,istheirundeniable energy.Thefull Crackin’Out exhibit, whichfeaturesaselectionofTessler’s photographsalongsidethedocumentary,canbefoundatjewishmuseum.ca/ exhibit/crackin-out. —TanviBhatia
Portfolio33 PORTFOLIO
Clownundresses,ca.1976–1979.JewishMuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbia A.2019.005-1-3-L.27137.
Horsebucking,OklahomaCity,OK,1978.JewishMuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbia A.2019.005-1-3-L.27013.
34Geist121Summer2022 34Geist119Winter2021
IvanDainesstretching,ca.1976–1979.JewishMuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbia A.2019.005-1-3-L.27100.
Steerrider,Edmonton,AB,1979.JewishMuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbia A.2019.005-1-3-L.26901.
Cowgirl,ca.1976–1979.JewishMuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbia A.2019.005-1-3-L.27214.
Portfolio35 Portfolio35
36Geist121Summer2022 36Geist121Summer2022
BigBird(CarlGerwein)andothers,Lillooet,BC,1976.JewishMuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbia A.2019.005-1-3-L.26968.
Cowboysstandingnearthearena,Edmonton,AB,1978.JewishMuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbia A.2019.005-1-3-L.27001.
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JimSolberg,JayWilliamsandothersgettingreadyfortherodeo,Kamloops,BC,1979.Jewish MuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbiaA.2019.005-1-3-L.26904.
IvanDainesandhisfirstwifeKay,preparingiceforhimafterhisride,Edmonton,AB,1977.JewishMuseum andArchivesofBritishColumbiaA.2019.005-1-3-L.27204.
JohnsDoddsandJordieThomsonattheCanadianfinals,ca.1976–1979.Jewish MuseumandArchivesofBritishColumbiaA.2019.005-1-3-L.27097
Womenon horses,Riske Creek,BC,1978. JewishMuseum andArchivesof BritishColumbia A.2019.005-1-3L.27033.
RonnieTesslerbeganhercareerasadocumentaryphotographerin1973.Sheworkedon numerousphotographyprojects,exhibitingherworkinCanadaandtheUnitedStates through1990.Herartworkresidesinanumberofpubliccollections,includingtheNational ArchivesofCanada,theCanadaCouncilArtBank,theCanadianMuseumofContemporary PhotographyandtheJewishMuseumandArchivesofBC.
38Geist121Summer2022
Portfolio39
BloomofYouth
SPENCERLUCASOAKES
Jonesy’sheadinjuryhadexposedacrackandrevealedavoid
Jonesywentfromhousepartytofour-waystoptoemergencyroomtothewaiting areaofahospitalatcapacitytoastairwelltoahallwaywherehewaitedfora radiologist.Theothersfromthefour-waystopwereaheadinline,stiffandstill, wrappedinwhitegownsandmedicalgauze.Lyingflatonagurney,Jonesythought hisbladdermightpopinthebusycorridorsoanursegavehimabedpanand whenheturnedonhisside,hemadeamess.Eventually,thenursenoticedthe darksheetsandshinypuddlebeneaththebed.Jonesyfeltlikeanidiotbutmore thanthathefeltdistant,likehisheadbelongedsomewhereelse,space,maybe. HefoundoutlaterthattheSUVthattransformedhissedanintoabright messofglassandsteamhadcomefromthepartyhejustleft.Ahouseinaquiet suburbonlyafewblocksawayfromthefour-waystop;whenJonesynolonger recognizedanyoneatthepartyhedecidedtogoandtheotherpeoplemust havedonethesameandeventhoughtheytookdifferentpaths,thecoiling streetsledtothesameplace.Jonesy’sfriendParkoalwayssaiddrunkdriving wasn’ttheproblem,otherpeopleweretheproblem.
40Geist121Summer2022 SHORTSTORY
Onthehospitalbed,Jonesy’sfoamneck-conerobbedhimofhisperipheralsandhiseardrumschirpedonloopwhilehiseyeswateredunderthehallwayluminescence.Herecalledtheambulance’slightsarrivingfirst,maybe notfirst,buttechnicallyfirstthatday,becausetheambulanceappearedsecondsaftermidnight,and,morespecifically,JonesyrememberedParkoand Seblosingtheirmindsoverthetime,howtheykeptyelling,Fridaythe13th! Canyoubelieveit?andlaughingandhadtheaccidentoccurredafewminutes earlierthisdetailwouldbenodetailatall,yetJonesycouldstillhearthem, singingtheirsong,achorusfillingthecorridorwhilehisnursehelpedhim intoanewgown.
Next,Jonesyrememberedgettingtohisfeetbeforebeingpulledbackto theground.Summer’sfinalwarmmomentshadsoakedintothepavementand ParkoorSebkneltoverhim,hiseyesandcheekswet,thesludgeoftearsrunninghotdownhistemples,coolinghisskin,beadsrollingintohishair.Seb, ormaybeParko,pushedthemelsewhere,makingsurenoonesawanddespite
ShortStory41
theday-warmedcement,Jonesy’sbodyshiveredinthenight.Trynottomove, they said.I’mlatefortraining,hesaid,ashestruggledagainsttheparamedics. AfewdayslaterwhenSashavisitedJonesy,ashelaidinbedathomeand performedlittlemorethanthesmallactsofwatchingTVorobservingtheceiling,shetoldhimthatParkoandSebweren’tthere.Inthecar,youmean,Jonesy said,butSashameantthepartyandtheaccidentandthehospitalandshe seemedprettysureParkohadbeenathomeandshedidn’tknowaSeb,shesaid, letaloneanyoneontheBulldogswiththatname.
AmonthpassedinablurforJonesyashislastsummerasauniversitystudent cametoanendalongwithpreseasontraining,whilehisearscontinuedto ring,remindinghimofhiscar’shorn.
Jonesyfoundhimselfstandinginhisroomwiththeblindshanginglow;thin slitsofsunlightilluminatedtherockycoversonhisbed.Sweatpants,ahoodie, cottonsocksandspentunderwearonthecarpetlikeconfetti.OntopofJonesy’s dresserwastheget-well-sooncardhisteamhadsignedandgiventohim.Sasha founditonthefloor,underhisgymbag,andtoldhimheshouldputitout.“Winnersneverquit,”“Championshipmentality,”“Victoryisastateofmind,”they wrote.Someoneelsedrewapenis.Abovethechestofdrawers,thewhiteand blacksquaresofacalendarhadbeenpinnedtothewallwiththemostimportant squarehighlightedinyellow,itstextreadHOMEOPENERinaspeechbubble sproutingfromtheheadofacartoondog,abulldog,andwhile,technically,the seasonbeganthisweekendwiththeteamawayontheroad,visitingSt.Mary’s CollegeorDoncrestUniversity,Jonesydidn’tgobecauseofhisconcussion,but, whentheyreturned,andifJonesywasclearedtoplay,itwouldbehisfinalhome opener,ever;hewasaseniornow,thoughhisinjury,hisstupidhead,hadhim seriouslyconsideringwhatitwouldmeanifhecouldn’tplay,ifhehadtospend histimeonthebench,thesideline,likeanobody.Hemightneverplayagain, mightneverwinagain.I’mnotreadyforthebenchoralifetimeofsidelines, Jonesythought,notreadytoberelegatedtonobody-dom;sohedecidedhewould dowhateverittooktomakesurethatdidn’thappenandif,no, when another chancetoplaycamealong,hewouldn’twasteit.
Thefollowingweekslidbylikemistofftheriver.Jonesytriedtoforget theaccidentandfiguredactinglikeeverythingwasnormalwouldserve himwelland,inasense,hefoundthatputtingoninthiswayfeltnodifferent fromanyotherdayofhislife,soevenwhenhisconcussionmadehimfeel especiallylost,whichwasmostofthetime,hestillwenttothegym.During liftsandcurlsandsquatsascratchyhazemadehimfeellikethewallswere closinginonhissight.Jonesypushedextrasetsthroughthedimminglight. Normally,hisinhalesandexhaleswerefluidandunthinkingbutnowthey feltscattered,inscatchingouts,dogschasingtails.WhenJonesy’svisionfully returned,eveninghadarrivedandhefoundhimselfinbed,unsurehow.He assumedhetookthebuseventhoughhiswallethaddisappearedinthecrash. Jonesydriftedoffagainbeforeavibrationcausedhisphonetoglowtolife. Asocialmedianotificationdirectedhimtoawallofpostswherepeoplecommentedonastringofpictureshe’dbeentaggedin;grainyscansanddigital photosoffilmphotosofSebastianSisleski.Jonesycaughthimselfinsome
Photoonpreviousspread:SnowWingsbyEldredAllen,2021,DigitalPhotograph.CopyrightEldredAllen,courtesy theStephenBulgerGallery.Thisphotohasbeenmodifiedfromtheoriginaltomeetprintsizespecifications.
42Geist121Summer2022
oftheimagesfromwhentheywerekids.InonepictureheandSebwere kneelinginthefrontrowofateamphoto,roundwhitefacesandpinkcheeks, bumpycloudsinthebackground;inthenextpicture,aboveacommentlabeled “firstdayofschool,”thetwoboysstoodwiththeirarmsaroundeachother, brush-cutheads,asoccerball,thumbsup,squintingfromthesunlightbeaming offthedriveway.Jonesyrememberedthatwasthefirsttimehe’dshavedhis head,anactofsolidaritywithhisfriendSeb,whodiedofcancerattheage oftwelve.HowcouldhehaveforgottenSeb’sanniversary?Jonesywondered intheshadowsofhisroom.
Inthemorning,Jonesyreturnedtothegym.Hehadn’tslept,whichultimately seemedlikeagoodthing.HesawParkolaidoutonabenchonthefarside ofthefluorescentroom,pressingdumbbellsintotheceiling.Jonesybeepeda treadmilltolife.
“Jonesy,youlittlefuckboy,you’relateasshit,”Parkosaidwithoutinterruptinghisreps.
Jonesyjoggedandsaidnothing,twothingsthatneverfailedhim.Looking overhecouldseechunksoflightinParko’ssweatwhenParkodroppedhis weightstotheblackrubbermatsthatjigsawedthefloorandsaid,“How’sthe head?Stillsoft?”
Jonesyincreasedthetreadmill’sspeed.“Whyaren’tyouwiththeteam?” Jonesyasked.
Parkolookeddownatthewhitetapewrappedandwoundaroundthe middleofhisleg,hiskneecappoppingoutlikeanegg’syolk,andhobbledcloser toJonesy,exaggeratingthelimp,leaningonthetreadmill’srail.
“SometimesIforgetthatyouneverhadalotgoingonuptheretobegin with,”Parkosaid,swipingahandatJonesy’sbobbinghead.Jonesylikedthe heightdifferencethetreadmillgavehim.Healsolikedthathedidn’thaveto tapeoverhishead.
“Isallthattapenecessary?”askedJonesy.Parkoreachedforthecontrolson Jonesy’streadmillandincreasedthespeed.Jonesyjogged,ran,thensprinted with noproblem,andhesaidasmuchtohimself,repeatingthewordsnoprobleminhishead,untilParkogotbored.
“Youseemfinetome,”Parkosaid,movingawayfromthetreadmill.
JonesypushedhimselftokeeprunninguntilParkoleftthegym,thenrested hisweightonthetreadmillandheavedforair,wideninghiseyesasiftotrigger feelingnormal.Sometimeshecouldn’ttellifheandParkowerefriends.Jonesy liftedropesandmedicineballs.Whenhegotdizzyhelookedathisphoneina searchforfocus.MorepostsaboutSeb’sanniversary.Jonesytypedacomment thencutit.Hedidn’tknowwhattosay,didn’tknowhowanyoneeverknew whattosay,andfelthedidn’twantanyoneelsetoseewhathemightwriteanyways.Sebyouweremybestfriendlol,Jonesydeleted.
Amongthepolishedconcretefloors,rubbermatsandsteelapparatus,a mirroronthewallcontainedanimageofasingularJonesy.Helookedlikea lesserversion,ablinkingsatellitecopy.Thelastfewweekshadrevealedtohim thatit’sonlywhenyou’remadetobeinisolationthatyourealizehowaloneyou are.Hefoundithardtobeawayfromtheteamandunabletoexpresshimself intheusualways:throughslidetackles,headers,laughswiththeboys.Jonesy’s headinjuryhadexposedacrackandrevealedavoid.HetextedSashathatthe workoutwentwell,hisbestoneyet,andsherepliedwithasmileyface.He askedforaride.
ShortStory43
Inhisbedroom,Sashagotontop,movingslowandgently,asJonesy’sstomach tensed;hetoldherheneededaminute,tookadeepbreathandpeeredoverthe sideofthebedbeforesittingup,whiletheringinginsideofhisheadcameonlike afirealarm.
“What’swrong?”Sashaaskedasshemovedtositbesidehim.
“It’smyhead.”
“Whichone?”SashalaughedbutJonesystaredpasthimselfatthefloor.They sattogetherontheedgeofthebed.Jonesyleaneddownandpulleduphisshorts.
“Ihaveanidea,”Sashasaid.“Stayrightthere.”
Tenminuteslatertheywerestretchedoutonthebedwiththeirfacescovered inamint-greenlather.Aloeandwhitetea,SashatoldJonesy.Thetelevision glowedwithsitcomrerunsinthedarkroom.Eventually,SashagaveJonesyahairbrushandsatbetweenhislegs.AsJonesybrushedSasha’shairhesensed,forthe firsttimeinamonth,partofthepaininhisheadcoolunderthecoldlayerof lotionandtenderlaughtracksgushingfromtheTV.
Jonesysleptthroughacommunicationsclassandalab.Hecouldn’tremember whyhe’dregisteredinalab.You’reinthewrongroom,someonesaid.Jonesy almosthittheguy.Atlunchhewenttobuytextbooksbutthebookstoreeluded him,toohardtofind.ThecampuspharmacyrevealeditselfandJonesyaskedifthey hadanythingfordizziness.Apharmacistlookedover,inthemiddleofpreparing aflushotforayoungwoman,andaskedJonesyifhewasokay.Jonesytookabottle ofPepto-Bismolandleft.Hispinkdrinkseemedtoworkbecausehefoundhimself atpractice.Theteamwasbackfromtheirmatchawayandaneveningsunsank flushwiththeearth’scurve.ParkotoldJonesytojustwearahelmet.Coachtold himtogohomeandrestforFriday’sgame,everyonewastalkingaboutthehome opener.Jonesyshaggedballsbehindthenetuntilitbecameclearhewasn’tneeded. Eventuallyhecaughtabusgoinginthedirectionofhishouse.Jonesysawababy-faced manwholookedlikeSeb—sameshorthair,holdingasoccerball—getoffatone ofthestopsandgopoofinthedazzleofstreetlights.
Fridayarrived.Onhiswayintothelockerroom,Jonesycouldseethestandsfilling, peopleinjerseysandscarves,thesmoothgreenfieldundertowersoffluorescent light.Alotofblueandwhite.Heheardpublicannouncements,thesmallmarching band,musicfillingtheemptyspace.JonesyfinishedanotherbottleofPeptoandthen thetrainerinterceptedhimsohefollowedthetrainerintotheclubhouseandlifted himselfontothemedicaltableashisstomachknotted.Jonesypreparedforhislife tobesidelinedasthetrainer’spenlightdevouredhiswholeworldinaflash.
“Okay,youlookgood.You’reallset.”
“What?”Jonesypushedtocomprehendthroughthepenlight’sglarewhich superimposedtheroom.
“Yeah,you’reallset.Goodtogo.”Thetrainerwrotesomethingdownina notepad.“Allsignsofheadinjuryorconcussionhavedissipated.Completely.”
“Areyousure?”
“Well,yeah.What’sgoingon,Jonesy?Doyoufeelokay?”
“Ifeelfine,”Jonesysaid.“Completely.”
InthelockerroomtherestoftheteamwentoutoftheirwaytowelcomeJonesy backwithshouldergrabs,softslapstothehead,handshakesandhugs.Bazasked
44Geist121Summer2022
aboutSasha.Soobzlaughedhard.CoachcalledtohimfromtheofficebutJonesy didn’thear.
“Jonesy,”Roddosaid,“Coachisaskingforyou.”JonesylookedupatRoddo,one oftheyoungestplayersontheteam,anewrecruitwholookedlikeachild,likehe’d neverbeenhurt.“Youdon’tlookgreat,”Roddosaid,“Imean,youlooklikeaghost.”
Jonesypassedthetrainer’sofficeandsawParkoonthetable,lookingflat,knee wrappedinbagsofice.“Iceage!”JonesyyelledbutParkodidn’tlaugh,hejust staredaheadanddeflatedonthetable.
“H
owareyoufeeling?”Coachaskedfrombehindhismetaldesk. “Ifeelgood.”Jonesywobbledandleanedonthedoor’sframe.“I’mallset.”
“Youlookfit,”Coachsaid.“Iheardyou’vebeenintheweightroom.”
“Iwas,yeah.”
“That’swhatIwanttohear.You’reatcentre-halftonight.Iftheywantin,they gothroughyou.”
“Starting?”Jonesyasked.
Jonesyhadstartedeverymatchsincefirstplayingfortheuniversitythree yearsago.Coachlaughedhimoff.
“Dosomedamageoutthere,Jones,we’vemissedyou.”
Jonesy’smemoriesofthegamewereminimal;enduringacalfcramp,colliding withopposingplayers,streaksofcolour:greens,bluesandreds,thefieldon fireinparts,acar’shornhonkingwheneveraplayerkickedtheball,likeacartoon, puddlesofglassandsteamswirlingnearsidelines,howhesawSeb’sfaceonthe opposingteam.Thecrowdshowednothingbutblankfacesofotherpeople,sometimesstopsignsorhigh-beams,andduringamomentinthesecondhalf,Jonesy foundhimselfoutsidehisbody,butmorelikehehadexitedhispain,tradeditfor theflowofthegamewhenanelbowangledoffhischeek.Hefoundhimselfinan automaticcarwash,thensomeoneelsetookoverhiscontrols,instantlyhewas verytall,tootall,hisheadaplanet,inconversationwiththemoon,Whatshould Ido?heaskedthemoon.Youcankeepgoing,themoonsaid,ifyouwantto.I don’tthinkIfeelfine,Jonesysaid.You’vetranscendedfine,myboy,saidthemoon. Iwantittostop,saidJonesytothemoon,butthemoonhadvanished,leavinga blackspotfilledbyayoungSebwhogazeddownathimasheshranktotheearth. Jonesywasonhisbackwhenhisteammatesliftedhimfromthegrassandplaced himinpositionforthenextplay.
TheBulldogswontheirhomeopenerandcelebratedintheshowers,inthe lockerroom,bytheircarsintheparkinglot.EveryonetoldJonesyitwashisbest performance,theyweregladtohavehimback.Jonesypuked.Theycheered.They weregoingtoahouseparty.
Inhisbedroom,Jonesyheardaringinghethoughtsignalledhowpermanently damagedhemightbe,buthedidn’twanttotellanyone.Whenheclosedhiseyes, hesawimagesofacrashtestdummy’sfacegetmashedwhilerubberandplastic balloonedinslowmotion,likeaTVcommercialplayingonaVHStape,thenhe sawemptysidelines,unoccupiedbleachersandnobodies.Hishigh-pitchedreminder cooledbrieflywhenSashaappeared,thoughhedidn’tnoticehercomein.
“Mygentlegiant,”shesaid,andsheputherhandonhisshoulder.Itlookedlike she’dbeeninthebedforsometime.Theykisseduntiltheydidn’t.Againhe
ShortStory45
couldn’tgethard.Sheranherthumbsoverhistemples.Atouchlikefeathers,like runningwater.
Sashaneverspentthenight,butshehadfallenasleep.Jonesylistenedtoher breathandwhilenotwantingtowakeher,gotupforaglassofwater,thinking maybehecouldflushthehurt.Inthebathroom,hefilledandemptiedtheglass, losingcount.He’dstayupallnightorwethimselftrying.Whenhecouldn’tdrink anymore,hewentbacktobed.
Sashasatperchedontheedgeofthemattress,themoonilluminatingher throughtheblinds.Shehadherclotheson,leatherjacket,keys,phone,baginhand.
“Ifellasleep,”shesaid.
“Youshouldstay,”hesaidandsatbesideher.
“Maybenexttime.”Shekissedhisheadinthemosttenderspotandwhite flashesfilledtheroom.Jonesydidn’tmove.
“I’msorryabout,youknow,whatever’sgoingon.”Helookedathislap. “Don’tworry,okay?”
Jonesywantedtosaythathewasn’tgoingtobeokayandSashaseemedtobe waitingforhimtosayasmuch.HethoughtaboutshowingherthepicturesofSeb andhimaskids.Theysaidgoodnight.
Porndidn’tdoanythingandheeventuallyturneditoffforsportshighlights whichalsodidn’thelpfindpeaceorsleep.Theclockread2:47.Lyinginbedand lookingintohisphone’sblindingscreen,Jonesyscrolledupthroughtimeinhis textconversationwithSashaandstoppedataphotoshe’dsenthim.Init,she stoodacrossfromamirrorhavingjustgotoutoftheshower,withherphonein herhandandbeadsofhotwatercoatingherbody.Jonesyremainedlimp.He swipedtothenextpicturewhichwastheselfieshetookofthetwoofthemwith theirfacescoatedingreen;itwasn’tlikehefeltnothingwhilestaringatthephoto, no,infact,hefelttwelveyearsoldagain.Hetypederectiledysfunctionintohis phone’sinternetbrowser,butthatjustmadehimfeelstupidandthenthescreen’s glarebegantopressintohimlikeaniron,andhisstomach,withamindofitsown, madeitswayoutandhestumbledintothebathroombeforevomitingintothe toiletandontothefloor.Jonesydrankmorewaterwhichalsofounditswayinto thetoiletbowl.Hesearchedforreliefamidboutsofpukinganddizzystreaksbut allhefoundinthetoiletwaterwashisdistortedsilhouetteandafeelingofconfusionandheknewthenhowoftenhehadbeenconfused,alifetimespentinadaze, asifallthistimehisinnerworkingswerefallingshortofwhathisprogramming intendedhimtobe.You’realwaysconfused,hethought,don’tknowhowto grieve,can’tevenloveright.Jonesyfeltcheatedbythewayhehadlivedhisentire life.Winningwasnothingbutadebtowedtotheinevitabilityofloss.
AtpracticetomorrowJonesywouldsayhewasnotfine,hewouldtellhisteammatesabouthisfriendSebandfinallyopenuptoSasha,butnowthedimworld dimmedandflickeredandhisdreamsofchangefadedeverytimeaheadrushcircledandlandedlikeadrunk-driversideswipe.Hekneltbeforethetoilet,fighting thespasms,faceleakingintotheporcelain.Jonesysquintedinthedarkandmade outthebitsofhimselforbitingthetoiletbowl—whoheusedtobe.Thismustbe whatlosinglookslike.
SpencerLucasOakesisawriterfromSaskatoon,SK,livinginVancouver,BC.Hiswriting appearsin Maisonneuve and PRISMinternational,andwasrecentlyshortlistedforthe Fiddlehead’s2021fictioncontest.HehasanMFAfromtheUniversityofBritishColumbia’sSchoolofCreativeWriting.
46Geist121Summer2022 46Geist120Spring2022
ShortStory47
WalkingintheWound
JUDYLEBLANC
Itisracism,notrace,thatisariskfactorfordyingofCOVID-19
Theblurredoutlineofalonefishermanemergesoutofthemorningfogalongtheshore. It’sOctober2021,andwe’rewellintothefourthwaveoftheCOVID-19pandemic.I sitatmydeskandthroughthewindowIwatchthefishermancastandcastagain.I’ve spentthemorningdiggingontheweb,whichhasledmetothereportnowopenonmy computerscreen.FromtheTŝilhqot’inNation,it’stitled DadaNentsenGhaYatastɨg;in Englishthismeans Iamgoingtotellyouaboutaverybaddisease
***
Englishivycreepsfromtheneighbour’syardandembedsitstinyrootletsintothefence, concealingtheboardsbehindaleafycurtain.Wetearatit,butitpersists.It’sthesame withthefieldbindweedthatspreadsevenfaster,drapingthebankalongtheshoreand twiningaroundthebarbedleavesofthenativemahoniaandtheNootkarose.Alover ofdisturbedsites,itoccupiesthespacebeneathandaroundthestairstothebeachbelow ourhouse.Itsleavesaretheshapeofarrowheads,anditsvine—skinnyasthread—iseasy enoughtosnapwithaflickofthethumbnail,buttherootscrawlundergroundwhere theytracegreatnetworksimpossibletodislodge.Inthisway,theyrecordahistoryon theland.
***
Disease,too,writesahistory.Mygreat-auntStellawasoneofmanychildren—roughly oneinfiveatthetime—whoreturnedhomefromaNativeAmericanboardingschool withtuberculosis,orTB,onlytodieshortlyafterwards.TB,abacterialinfectionprimarily affectingthelungs,spreadinNativeAmericanboardingschoolsduringthelasthalfof thenineteenthandthefirsthalfofthetwentiethcentury.ThesituationinCanadawasn’t anybetter.Dr.PeterBryce’sreportfrom1907statesthattuberculosiswasrampantin Indigenousresidentialschools,withtwenty-fourpercentofstudentsdyingeitheratschool orsoonafterleaving.DavidDejongreferstoTBasthe scourge ofIndiancountry.
Essay49 ESSAY
IcantracemyCoastSalishancestors onmymother’ssidebackto1853whena womannamedZICOTofthe WSÁNEĆ NationmarriedaScotnamedPeter Bartleman.TheirdaughterRosaliemarriedWilliamHoustonwhosemothercame fromeithertheSuquamishtribeinWashingtonortheTsleil-WaututhNationfrom BurrardInletinBritishColumbia.Rosalie andWilliamweremygreat-grandparents. Theiroldestofeightchildrenwasmy great-auntStella,andtheiryoungestwas mygrandmother,whohadsixchildren includingmymother.WhenIattemptto sketchafamilytree,namesanddatesmultiply,burgeonoutwardandlengtheninto branchesthatcrossoveroneanotherleavinggapsandblankspaces.Thisfamilytree, asifitwerealivething,fansintoafiligree inwhichpatternsrepeat,thenabruptly end,thenstartupagain.Acreeping rootstock.
***
TheTŝilhqot’inNationreport,dated March2021,isaboutatwenty-firstcentury scourge.Apullquoteintheintroduction reads: ThisreportisspecifictotheCOVID-19 pandemic.Butthemessagethatemergesisthat theemergencyisnotsimplythepandemic. Rather,theunderlyingandongoingemergency isthepersistenceofcolonialisminCanada.
***
SomedaysallIseeareinvasivespecies.I walkthedogatthebaseofthemountain onoldloggingroadsovergrownwith Himalayanblackberry,bracken,variousthistles,andcolumnsofScotchbroom.In 1850,CaptainWalterGrant,aScottishsettler,broughtScotchbroombackfrom HawaiiandplanteditonhisSookefarm. Perhapshewasattractedbytheprospect ofhillsideslitupinspringtimewiththe shrub’sbrightyellowflowers.Asitturns out,theseflowersaretoxictohumansand animals,andbroomdisplacesnativeand beneficialplants.Theproblemissobadon VancouverIslandthatavolunteergroup namedBroombusterssetsouteveryspring
toclearroadsides,parksandproperties oftheinfestation.
***
Upuntilthe1950s,“virginsoil”theory, whichheldthatIndigenouspeople hadn’tbeenexposedtothediseasesof thewhiteman,andthereforewere moresusceptibletoillness,wasthemost widelyacceptedexplanationforthe higherratesofTBamongsttheIndigenouspopulation.Thisbeliefpersisted despitemountingresearchimplicating socio-economicconditionsandevidenceconfirmingthepresenceofTB antibodiesandlong-healedlesionsin Indigenouspeople.Inanarticleonthe CBCwebsitetitled“WhyhaveIndigenouscommunitiesbeenhitharderby thepandemicthanthepopulationat large?”AinsleyHawthornclaimsthat thevirginsoiltheoryabsolvedEuropeansettlersof“anymoralresponsibilityfordepopulation.”
Whatresponsibilitydowehave towardoneanother?Accordingto IndigenousServices,asofDecember 2021thereweretwiceasmanyactive casesofCOVID-19onFirstNations’ reservesthaninthegeneralCanadian population.TheTŝilhqot’inreport outlinesdisparitiesinaccesstoclean drinkingwaterandhealthservices betweenIndigenousandsettlercommunities.Foodinsecurity,underemployment,povertyandinsufficientdata trackingthenumbersandlocationsof infectionsincreasetheriskofcontractingCOVID-19.Theseconditionsexist inFirstNations’communitiesacross CanadaaswellasacrossNativeAmericancommunities,makingthem vulnerable,not susceptible tohigherincidence ofdisease.
***
In1870,adoctorwhoworkedwiththe Winnebagoessaid,“Theprevailingdisease istuberculosis,whichisslowly,butsurely, solvingtheIndianproblem.”
50Geist121Summer2022
***
ThedogandIwalkonthedesertedlogging road,andaboveusclear-cutsdotthemountainsidelikerawsoresandthepowerline snakesupwarduntilitdisappears.Itstransmissiontowersandcableslinkonetoanother, scoringanavenuethroughtheforestand acrossthemountainsidesinalldirections. Inthedistance,theIslandHighwayhums withtrafficheadingnorthandsouthorto oneofthreeferryterminalswherecarscross thewatertomeetthenetworkofroadsthat traceanentirecontinent.
***
Great-AuntStellawasofmixedrace,and herIndigenousancestorshadlived
amongstwhitesettlersandbeenexposed totheirdiseasesforoveracentury.She contractedTBatagefourteenin1905 whileattendingChemawaIndianBoarding SchoolnearSalem,Oregon,witharound sixhundredotherstudents.Adocument fromtheSeattleArchiveslists148childrenintheschoolhospitalwhenGreatAuntStellawasadmittedinJanuary1905, roughly25percentoftheschool’spopulation.TheMeriamReportreleasedin 1928deliveredascathingassessmentof theconditionsinNativeAmericanBoardingSchools.Poornutrition,overcrowded dormitories,andunsanitarylivingconditionswereidealconditionsforthespread ofdisease.
Essay51
Image: KakakewWapikoni byEruomaAwashish,2022,InkjetprintonHahnemühlePhotoRagpaper.
***
The2021Tŝilhqot’inreportstatesitis “racism,notrace,thatisariskfactorfor dyingofCOVID-19.”
***
Nearthegravelpitofftheloggingroad,a handfulofbulletshellsarescatteredonthe groundalongwithsquishedbeercans.A pieplatenailedtoatreeshowsevidenceof targetpractice.I’mgratefulthere’snoone aroundtoday.Gunblastputsmeonedge, sotoothethoughtofacougarsomewhere inthetrees,waiting.Butthisismyfamiliar, thebodyneverquiterelaxed.I’mathome withthescruffandscramble,thestruggle betweenoldmountains,cedarandshifting sky—andarudeandinvasivespecies.My earattunedforgunsandcougars,forsigns ofruin.
***
Mygreat-grandparentswerenottoldthat theirdaughterStellawasilluntiljustbefore ChemawaIndianBoardingSchoolsenther hometodie.AfterStellareturnedhome, herparentswrotetotheschoolmanytimes toaskthattheysendherbrotherFredso hecouldbewithhissisterinherlastdays. Theselettersweremetwithsilence.
***
WhenmydogandIwalkaloneonthemountain,Icarryastickcarvedfromalaurel branch,anotherinvasivethatwe’vebeen unabletoeradicatefromouryardbutdo keepundercontrol.Thestickisofadense, heavywoodthatmightonedayprotectme fromacougar.Idon’tknowifthere’sa cougarnearby,butthere’salwaysthepossibility:VancouverIslandhasthehighest concentrationoftheminNorthAmerica.
Hypervigilanceisconsideredasymptomoftrauma.Ithinkoffamilystories nottold,mymother’smistrustofothers, howmyfathersaidshewas“slowto warm.”Irecallherquickintakeofbreath, widenedeyes,thetensioninherjawatthe firstsignoftrouble:anoverlookedbill,a busyhighway,asickgrandchild.
***
Atthebeginningofthefirstwaveofthe COVIDpandemic,aYellowheadInstitute researcher,CourtneySkyefromtheSix Nations,saidonCBCthatwithholding dataaboutspecificwhereaboutsof COVID-19casesunderminesIndigenous autonomyandputsIndigenouslivesat risk.Knowingthereexistsathreatinone’s environmentwithouthavinganyspecific informationoragencytoactonitengenderswhatSkyecallsa“vigilantementality.”
***
SometimesIlongforafreckle-lessskin, mymother’ssmoothbrownlimbs.Ifeel— whatisit?—shamethatIpasssomuch moreeasilythanshedid,thatsheandI knewsolittleaboutourCoastSalishancestry,thatweknewnothingaboutAuntie Stella.Ihaveahouseonthebeachonthe traditionalterritoryofthePentlatchspeakingpeoplewhosenumbersweresignificantlyreducedbytwosmallpoxepidemics,warwiththeLekwiltokpeople fromthenorth,andencroachmentfrom settlers.Theirchildrenwouldhavebeen senttoresidentialschools.ThisI’veonly learnedrecently,andthemoreIlearn,the moreit’sasifthepastmergeswiththe present.Iliveinthishigh-ceilingedwaterfronthouseonthislandthatthrumswith history.Myprivilegeislikeasentence,the costofmygrandmother’sbetrayalofher ancestry,myfamily’sdenial.
***
IwriteabriefarticlefortheFannyBay flyer,anappealtoorganizethecommunitytoridthebeachofitsbindweed.I describetheproliferationofthisinvasive speciesonthebankandthepotential destructiontothecoastalvegetationabove theshore.Noonecontactsme.
***
Knowledgedoesn’tleadtochangethough wisdommay.Astrongsenseofequity formsthefoundationofwisdomandat itsbasisarecognitionoftheintercon-
52Geist121Summer2022
nectednessofalllivingthings,or interbeing,aphrasecoinedbytheBuddhist teacherThichNhatHanh.Thisechoes theexpression“allmyrelations”used amongstmanyIndigenouscommunities toreflectaworldviewthatacknowledges aninterdependencebetweenallthat existsintheuniverse.Theshoreisme andyouareme.Iamyou.So,too,the nativekinnikinnickandmahonia.We keeponeanotherinbalance:you,meand themahonia,andthereforeweare responsibleforoneanother.
***
Iwanttoknow,butnotinthewayone knowsafterreadingbooksonracismand attendingtalksonculturalsensitivity.I wanttowalkthroughaclear-cutandlet thedistantsquealofasawandtheechoingscreamofacougarfracturethe silence;Iwanttoyankandtwistthe ScotchbroomawayfromthekinnikinnicksohardIgetblistersonmyhands, maybeevenblood,tofeelhopelessness, butIwon’tstop.IthinkwhatImeanis Iwanttoknowitinthebody,tositfor uncomfortablehoursandmeditateon loss.
***
Althoughtheterm soulwound hasbeen expropriatedbypopculture,according toEduardoDuran,NativeAmericanpsychologist,ithaslongbeenanintegralpart ofIndigenousknowledgeusedtodescribe themultigenerationaldebilitatingdistressthatistheresultofcolonization.In the InternationalHandbookofMultigenerationalLegaciesofTrauma,Duranetal. describethesymptomsof acculturative stress as“anxiety,depression,feelingsof marginalityandalienation,heightened psychosomaticsymptoms,andidentity confusion.”
Mymothertellingmemonthsbefore shediedthatshedidn’tknowwhereshe belonged.Andyearsbeforewhenmy fathercalledtosayshe’dfallen,thatit washardlyafall,butshewouldn’tgetup
andshewouldn’tlethimnear.Heputher onthephone.
“Hesaysthere’snopain,it’sallinmy imagination.”
Therewaspain.
***
Aclear-cutisawoundonthelandscape. Fromthehighway,theseloggedpatches makethemountainappearscrapedraw,and asyoudrivenorthonVancouverIslandpast smallerandincreasinglyremotecommunities,theclear-cutsspreadwiderandare morefrequent.Theheavilypopulatedsouth Islandwaslogged,subdivided,anddevelopednearlytwocenturiesago.Atitstipin Victoria,whereIlivedformostofmylife, itwaseasytoforget.UnliketheComox Valley,Iwasn’tconfronteddailywiththe remainsofagreenerday,animmenseforest fromatimethatisslippingaway.IguessI wasinsulatedfromthepast,butnowIthink Iwasmissingsomething.WhenIwalkin thewoundonthemountain,I’msurroundedbylifestrugglingtocarryon. Awarenessofthisstrugglecomesmorefrom adeepknowingthanfromseeing,aresult ofseeking.
ThedogandIknowplacesonthe mountain:long-abandonedroads,animal trailsbeneathtallmaplesthatdwarfthe coloniesofScotchbroom.Againstablue autumnsky,themaples’andthealders’ brittleyellowleavesglitter.Theairis wovenwithcedar-scent,anddeeperinthe thirdorfourth-growthforest,thickbedsof mossarespeckledwithmushrooms.SometimesthedogandIsitbytheriver,the rollingwatermurmuringlikevoicesfrom thepast.
***
Duranetal.delineatesixphasesinhistorical traumaspecifictoIndigenouscommunities. Underthe“BoardingSchoolPeriod”they saythat“childrenwereforcedintoacolonial lifeworldwheretheNativelifeworldwas despisedandthoughtofasinferiorandevil.” IsthistheechothatpassedfromGreatGrandmotherRosalietomygrandmother
Essay53
Pearlwhomarriedaltogetherthreewhitemen, tomymotherwhomarriedmywhitefather, tofreckledpale-skinnedmeraisedasawhite womanwhoseesherIndigenousancestrydissolvingintoanelusivepast?
***
In1958ataBritishconferenceontuberculosis,SouthAfrica’stopTBexpert,B.A. Dormer,said,“…ifanynationwithlimited resourcesatitsdisposal,betheyfinancialor human,weretoputitsmoneyintogoodfood foreverycitizen,properhousingforevery citizen,cleansafewaterforall,properdisposalforsewageandwasteforthewholecommunity—itcouldsafelyignoretheever increasingdemandfortheprovisionof expensivehospitals,clinics,physicians,chemicals,antibioticsandvaccinesinthecampaignagainsttuberculosis.”Morethansixty yearslater,TBpersistsinthepoorercommunitiesoftheworld,includingIndigenouscommunitiesinCanada.In2018,Canada’schief publichealthofficerTheresaTampresented areporttitled“TheTimeisNow,”atwentypageappealtofinallyeliminatetuberculosis inCanadawhereshenotedthatratesofTB werefortytimeshigherinFirstNations’communitiesandalmostthreehundredtimes higheramongsttheInuit.
***
COVID-19entersthelungsinthesameway asTB,thoughtheformerisviral,andthelatterbacterial.ChronicObstructivePulmonaryDisease,orCOPD,whichisn’t contagiousunlessmanifestingascertaintypes ofpneumonia,isagroupofprogressivelung diseases,mostcommonlyemphysemaand bronchitis.Mymother,whowasagrand smoker,ultimatelydiedofCOPD. Researchersarecurrentlyinvestigatinga geneticdispositiontowardthisdisease.A numberofyearsago,Iwasdiagnosedwith mild“exercise-induced”asthma.I’venever beenasmoker,thoughIlivedwithsmokers forthebetterpartofmylife.Whenthedog andIgoupalongtheoldroadstowardthe mountain’shigherpeaks,sometimesaspectral handclaspsmylungsandcausesmetostop
tocatchmybreath.Mylimbsgrow leaden,andI’masnumbasaclear-cut;I nameitgrief.Iwishmymotherwerehere. Ithinknowwecouldtalk.I’dtellher sometimesIfeelasifIamtheinvasive species.
***
Colonialismspreadsitstendrilsintoeverything,fromhowweteachourchildrento howwecareforthesick.Butitstenacity issurfacespreadonly,itssubstratuman illusion.Thereisnoupendingcultures whoserootshavegrowndeepintothisland forthousandsofyears.TheTŝilhqot’in areoneofmanyFirstNationswho’ve takenactionstoprotecttheircommunitiesfromCOVID-19.Thesenationshave sentpetitionstothegovernmentinwhich they’veaskedforjurisdictionovertheir owndata;they’veerectedroadblocksto limittheircommunitiestoresidentsonly; they’vearrangedvaccinationsfortheir membersandisolationforthoseinfected withthevirus.They’remanagingthepandemicintheirterritoriesdespitebarriers atthebottomofwhicharepersistentracist attitudes.Thesearenottheactionsofvictims,buttheenactmentofresistance,of survivance. ***
Bytheafternoonthefoghaslifted,and thefishermangonefromtheshore.The sunslantsthroughthetallfirsandwashes theopenpartoftheyardbeyondthewindow.It’soneofthosefinefalldaysIlove. I’vebeentoolongatmydesk,andsometimesthishouseisatrap.Ineedtoget outside.Onmywaydownthestairstothe shoremyeyesscanforbindweed,looking pastthedunegrass,thewildroses,the thimbleberrybushesandmahoniaasif they’renotthere.SatisfiedthatmyhusbandandIgotmostofitinAugustwhen westagedourlastassault,Idroptothe beachandstretchmylegsoutonthe gravel.
Thatdaywe’dtornattheflimsy weedsthroughthehotmorning,our
54Geist121Summer2022 54Geist121Summer2022
armsscratchedfromrosethornsand ourforeheadsslimedwithsweat.Our neighborwithhisolddogathisside hadstoppedonhiswalk.Sinewyand tough,hewasaformerloggerlikemy father.
“You’llneverberidofit,”hesaid.He shookhishead,andweagreed.Hegesturedtowardthespadeinmyhand. “Youdon’tneedtodigitout.Soonasit appearsabovethesoil,plucktheleaves. That’llweakenitsrootsandslowit down.Justdon’tgiveitthelight.”
Theseaisstill,abrilliantblue,and thesunwarmsmyback.I’mwondering whatitisIgivethelightto.We’vebeen talkingaboutcuttingdownafirtomake roomforanoakthathasgrownfroma seedlingtoatwenty-foottreeintheten yearswe’velivedhere.Thiswould removetheoakfromthefir’sshadow, allowingitmoresun.Theoakgrows slowly,butitstrunkanditslimbsare
muscularandgraciousatthesametime. Ever-lengtheningbranchesspanoutwardstotraceleafypatterns.It’sanative treethatquietlyinsistsonitspresence, asdothehistoriesofthisland,asdoes thefuturewhichwecan’tpossiblyknow. Wecanlieinwait,steelourselvesfor whatmaycome:disease,climatedisaster, deprivation—orwecangrowwhatwe have,strengthenourgoodroots.Iclose myeyesandliftmyfacetothesun.A breezestrokesmyface,andIgettomy feet.
JudyLeBlancisawriterfromFannyBay,located ontheuncededtraditionalterritoryofthe K’ómoksFirstNation.Severalofherstoriesand essayshavebeenpublishedinCanadianliterary journals,andhercollectionofshortstories, The PromiseofWater,waspublishedbyOolichan Booksin2017.
Essay55
CollateralDamage
STEPHENHENIGHAN
Whenbuildinganation,culturalrichescanbelost
Asixty-five-year-oldwomanwho livesinmyfriendFedir’sapartmentbuildinginKyivwenttoworkin thegardenplotofhercottageonthe edgeofthecity.Glancingup,shesaw Russiansoldiersapproaching.She watchedasyoungpeoplecameoutto challengethesoldiersinUkrainianand wereshotdeadinfrontofher.Speaking tothesoldiersinRussiantogivethem theimpressionthatsheacceptedRussiandominance,Fedir’sneighbour retreatedtohercottage’sdirt-floored cellar.Shelivedtherefortwoweeks, survivingonvegetablesfromhergarden.Bythetimeshewasabletocreep outatnightandslipintothecitycentre, Russiansoldiershadtakenupresidence inhercottage.
FedirandImettwentyyearsago, whenwewereroommatesfora monthwhiletakinganadvanced RomaniancourseinBaiaMare, Romania.Webothbecametranslatorsoftheearlytwentieth-century writerMihailSebastian,IintoEnglishandFedirintoUkrainian.For yearswespokeoffindinganexcuse forFedirtotraveltoCanadaormeto traveltoKyiv.Itneverhappened;our mostrecentin-personmeeting,in 2018,tookplaceinRomania.Asingle maninhisfifties,Fedirbelongstoa generationthatgrewupasRussianspeakingcitizensoftheSovietUnion. Thoughhislatemotherwasa
nationalistpoetwhowroteversein UkrainianduringtheSovietperiod, Fedirlearnedtobecautiousinhis assertionsofUkrainianidentity.He applaudedtheyoungUkrainianswho foughtfordemocracyandtiestothe EuropeanUnionduringthecrisisof 2014,whenRussiaoccupiedCrimea, startedawaronUkraine’seastern borderandtriedtoinstallapuppet presidentinKyiv.Yet,asmuchashe admiredtheseyoungpeople,Fedir continuedtodistinguishbetweenthe KremlinandtheRussianlanguage: betweenthecolonizingapparatusand theculturalachievementsofRussian writersandthinkers.Hisstudents, increasingly,didnot.In2019Fedir wrotetomethatwhenteachingthe historyofancientGreeceandRome, hecouldnolongerassignsecondary readingbytheRussianscholarsfrom whomhehadlearnedaboutthesubject.ThoughUkrainianandRussian aremutuallycomprehensible,hisstudentsnowrepliedtotheassignment ofRussian-languagereadingwith, “Sorry,Idon’tspeakRussian.”
Ukrainehasaccelerateditstransitiontowardsnationhoodwithaspeed thathasoutragedRussianassumptions andbewilderedsomeUkrainians. Muchisgainedinbuildinganation; richescanalsobelost.Ifirstentered UkraineonaJulymorningin1994, oneofabusloadofESLteachers
headingeast.Afteranightdriving throughthePolishforest,wereached theUkrainianborderat5a.m.The bordercrossingtookthreeandahalf hours.TheSovietUnionhadceasedto existtwoandahalfyearsearlier,yet thescrappypaperformswewere obligedtofillintolduswewereentering“theUnionofSovietSocialist Republics”andmustpresentfor inspectionall“printedmatter, manuscripts,films,soundrecordings, postagestamps,graphics,etc.”Theuse ofresidualSovietformsandbureaucracy,invokingthecensorshipofthe past,madeUkrainefeelasthoughit lackedtheapparatusofanation.The transitionfromPolandwaschastening. Thefieldsweresmallerandscrubbier, theroadswereclutteredwithloose fowl,oldwomeninscarves,children withoutshirtsorshoes.Thecityof Lvivwaswreathedinwhitishsmog. Thecountrydidnothaveaformal currency,onlytheKarbovanet,popularlyknownasacoupon,whichtraded at45,000totheUSdollar.Behindthe desolationrosethegrandioselinesof Habsburgarchitecture,attestingthat westernUkrainesharedahistorywith PragueorBudapestratherthan Moscow,orevenKyiv.
Iwasremindedofthiscultural diversityonalatervisittothewestern partofthecountryin2008.In Suceava,innorthernRomania,I
56Geist121Summer2022 AFTERLIFEOFCULTURE
innocentlyboardedabusthatserved asavehicleforasmugglingrun.The driverandthewomenlugginghuge bagsofcontrabandonboardwere astonishedtoseeaforeignerappear andhandthedriveraticket.Thistime myentrytoUkrainewaseffortlessas theborderofficialshadbeenpaidoff.I wasvisitingChernivtsi,whichRomanianscallCernăuţi.DuetothescramblingofbordersineasternEurope, thiscity—whereRomania’snational poet,MihaiEminescu,spenthischildhood—isnowinsideUkraine.The numberofRomaniansinUkraineis disputed,withjournalisticestimates runningfrom150,000to500,000 people,andstaunchRomaniannationalistsclaimingthatonemillionoftheir compatriotsaremaroonedonthe wrongsideoftheborder.Though RomaniahassupportedtheUkrainiansduringtheRussianinvasion, Ukraine’scurtailingoftherightsof Romanianchildrentostudyintheir ownlanguageremainsatenseissue betweenthetwocountries.In2017, confrontedbyevidencethathigh schoolgraduatesfromethnicminority groupsoftenlackedproficiencyin Ukrainian,thegovernmentinKyiv tightenedupaccesstoschoolingin languagesotherthanUkrainian.In July2021,Ukrainianwasdeclaredthe country’s“constitutionallanguage,”in whichallchildrenmuststudy.SchoolinginRussian,Romanian,Slovak, Hungarianandotherminoritylanguageswasterminated.Thissuppressionoflinguisticdiversityisattheroot ofHungarianpresidentViktorOrbán’s furtivesupportforMoscow.Orbánhas boastedthatHungary’srewardfor helpingtheRussianswillbethe restorationofHungariansovereignty toUkraine’sTranscarpathiaregion, whichcontainsanestimated150,000 Hungarianspeakers.
InChernivtsiIfoundViennesecoffee houses,cobblestonedstreetsnamedafter Jewishwriters,Austro-Hungarianapartmentblocksundergoingrenovation.
Presidingoveratentativeeconomic stabilitywerethestatuesofthe nationalpoetsofRomaniaand Ukraine:EminescuandTaras Shevchenko.Thefactthatbothbards werepresentfeltlikeevidenceofa tolerationofculturalmultiplicity.On themorningofmydeparture,latefor mybusbacktoRomania,Iflagged downataxi,andtriedtoexplain whereIwasgoinginmynon-existent Ukrainian.Thedriverinterruptedme innativeRomanian:“Areyougoing togetthebustoRomania?”Yes,Itold him,delightedtofindsomeoneI couldspeakto.Ihadbeenrescuedby culturaldiversity.
Fourteenyearslater,Fedir’smost recentemailmessagedescribeswatchingfourRussianrocketsskimlow overhisapartmentbuildingtodestroy thefactoryattheendofhisstreet. “People,”hewrites,“havebeentransformedintosavagebeasts.”Thefactorywasgone,hetoldme,andsowas theRussianlanguage,recentlyeliminatedfromhisuniversity’scurriculum alongsidethreesubjectsheusedto teach:Greek,LatinandRomanian. EvenUkrainianliteratureisbeingcut tofocusonteachingtheUkrainian language.“Iwon’tfarewelliftheRussianscome,”Fedirwrites.Ukraine’s strugglefornationalsovereigntymust bewon.Butthevictoriousforces cannotallowculturaldiversityto becomecollateraldamage.
StephenHenighan’smostrecentnovelis TheWorldofAfter.Overthewinterof 2022–23,MonicaSantizo’sSpanishtranslationofStephen’snovel ThePathofthe Jaguar willbepublishedinGuatemala, andStephen’sEnglishtranslationofthe GuatemalanwriterRodrigoReyRosa’snovel TheCountryofToó willbepublishedin NorthAmerica.Readmoreofhisworkat stephenhenighan.comandgeist.com.Follow himonTwitter@StephenHenighan.
AfterlifeofCulture57
ARTICULATINGTHE INARTICULATESPEECH OFTHEHEART
ENDNOTES
REVIEWS,COMMENTS,CURIOSA
We Geist readersareasophisticated bunch,no?Weknowthedifference betweenJaneAustenandBridgertonand betweenJohnLeCarréandDavidBaldacci(who’she?).Whenwe’retoldthat therearereallyonlysevendifferentplots wesay,“Morelikeseventy!”When GeorgesPoltiwrotethattherearejust thirty-sixdifferentdramaticsituations, weresponded“Doesn’themean360?” Didyouknowthatthereare130emotions thatcanbeevokedinfiction?Sowe learninthesecondeditionoftheself-
published TheEmotionThesaurus: AWriter’sGuidetoCharacterExpression byAngelaAckermanandBecca Puglisi.Theemotionsrangefromthe commonplace:anger,disappointment, griefandregret,tothemoreesoteric: connectedness,powerlessnessandwanderlust.Foreachonetherearesuggestionstohelpwriterssignaltheemotion intheircharacters.Regret,definedas “sorrowarousedbycircumstances beyondone’sabilitytocontrolorrepair,” canbeevokedbyabentposture,wincing orgrimacingorbylosingthethreadof conversations.Itcanproduceinternal sensationsofalossofappetiteordullnessinthechest.Mentally,acharacter mayhavefeelingsofinadequacyoradesire togounnoticed.Overthelongterm theymaynolongerfindjoyinhobbies orfavoritepastimes,ortheymayget ulcers.Actinglikethelifeoftheparty mightshowthatacharacterissuppressing theirregret.Regretcanescalateinto shame(describedonpage240),frustration(134),depression(84),self-pity (238)orself-loathing(236).Itmaydeescalateintomeresadness(226)or embarrassment(118).It’seasytofeel smug(246)about TheEmotionThesaurus. Orperhapsevenfeeldisgust(102)with thewholeendeavour.Surelyourfiner writers,theliteraryauthorswhomwe lionize,wouldguffawiftheystumbled onthisbook.Orwouldtheyfindithelpful? —ThadMcIlroy
KNOWNITALL
WhenJames(Jim)H.Marshwasayoungster,hisfathergotintoanargument withhismother,pickedupashotgun andthreatenedtokilleveryoneinthe house.Jimwaspreparingtoescapeout abackwindowwhenheheardthegun gooff.Hismotherhadconvincedher enraged,drunkenhusbandtofireacoupleofroundsharmlesslyinthebasement.Thiswasjustoneincidentinthe turbulentlifeoftheMarshfamilyin Toronto’sJunctionneighbourhoodduringthe1950s.Jim(fulldisclosure:we haveknowneachotherforfiftyyears) willbefamiliartosomereadersasthe foundingeditorialdirectorof TheCanadianEncyclopedia,thehugelyambitious
58Geist121Summer2022
andsuccessfulprojectpublishedbyMel Hurtigin1985.Butlongbeforetheworld ofbookstherewastheworldoftheJunctionwhereJimgrewupthesonofa vicious,resentfulmotherandawardamaged,alcoholicfather.Hehasnow decidedtorevealthisearlylifeinamemoircalled KnowItAll:Findingthe ImpossibleCountry (DurvilleBooks). Itwasachildhoodofviolenceandterror.“EverynightIlaysleeplessinthe dark,fearingmyfather’sfootstepson thestairs.”Forherpart,hismother cuffedhimsomuchabouttheheadthat hedevelopedpermanentringinginhis ears.Andwhentheyweren’tbeating him,theywerebeatingeachother. Thankstohisdiscoveryofbooksand libraries,Jimescapedintotheworldof publishingandthatstoryispartofthe memoiraswell.Butliketheproverbial trainwreckfromwhichyoucannot lookaway,itistheaccountofhischildhoodthatisbothabsorbingandhorrifying,readthroughthefingersthatyou holdoveryoureyes.
—DanielFrancis
THEDOORSOF
PERCEPTIONHADTOCLOSE
ForsomeofusfromNewWestminster, HollywoodHospitalholdsaplaceinliving memory:thebuildingbeganasaprivate mansionin1892andwassoldandrepur-
posedasahospitalshortlyafterWorld WarI.Fortunately,thelandscapedgardens, wrap-aroundporch,elaboratebalcony andclassicVictoriantowerwereretained. Beginningin1957,experimentalwork inpsychedelictherapywasconductedin thetopofthattower,whichcametobe knownastheAcidRoom.AuthorsJesse DonaldsonandErikaDyck,in TheAcid Room:ThePsychedelicTrialsand TribulationsofHollywoodHospital (AnvilPress),haveprovidedadetailed historyoftheformerhospital’scontributionstothefield.Includedaresomeprofilesofpatientswhoexperienced successfuloutcomesfromthistreatment method,includinganaccountofthelocal weightliftingchampionandcultfigure, DougHepburn:“Havingheardaboutthe experimentaltherapybeingconducted insideitswalls,Hepburnwasintrigued bythepromisethatitcouldtransform anindividual’sself-image,reportedly accomplishinginanafternoonwhattraditionaltherapycouldn’tinyears.”After adecadeofseeminglyhopelessalcoholism,DougHepburnmanagedabodybuildingcomebackthatgainedhim almostlegendarystatus.HollywoodHospitalclosedinJuly1975,duetolackof funding(and,moregenerally,lackofsupport),althoughitspsychedelictherapy programhadceasedbyaround1968. Withinweeksoftheshutdown,amysteriousfirebrokeoutandthebuilding wasfinallydemolished.Thesiteisnow amassivegreymallknownasWestminsterCentre.However,ifyougoaround totheback,you’llseeagroupofDouglas firsandacoupleofmapletreesthatlook asthoughthey’refromtheoriginallandscapeofHollywoodHospital.Thatis prettymuchallthatremains,exceptthe hopethatpositive,alternativetreatments formentalhealthissuesarebeginning toresurface. —JillMandrake
NOREGRETS
Iremembersingingalongwith,and laughingat,thelyricsto“TheSwim-
mingSong”fromKateandAnnaMcGarrigle’seponymous1976album:“This summerIswaminapublicplace/And areservoirtoboot/AtthelatterIwas informal/AttheformerIworemysuit /Iworemyswimmingsuit.”That album,andtheoneswhichfollowed, mademealoyal,long-termMcGarrigles fan.IboughtalltheiralbumsandI’d seethemwhenevertheycametotown, whichwasneveroftenenough.What Ididnotknowbackthenwasthatthose wittylyricshadbeenpennedbyLoudon WainwrightIII,Kate’shusbandatthe time.Andalthoughtheirmarriage didn’tlast,themusicalpartnership endured;youcanheartheresulton albumslike TheMcGarrigleHour from 1998,whoselinernotesmademewant tobeadoptedintothatmessyextended family.KateandLoudon’schildren, RufusandMartha,havecontinuedin thefamilybusinesstogreatacclaim, andnowtheirdaughterMarthahas writtenamemoir, StoriesIMight RegretTellingYou (PenguinRandom House),whichbringsbackMcGarrigle andWainwright’smemories—both delightfulandsad(Martha’saccountof hermotherKate’sdeathfromcancer isparticularlypainfultorelive).Among Martha’sownrecordingsisalivealbum ofEdithPiafcovers, SansFusils,Ni
Endnotes59
Souliers,àParis,butit’sharderthanyou thinktolivebyPiaf’smaximto“ne regretterien.” StoriesIMightRegret TellingYou pullsnopunches,butMartha isashardonherselfassheisonher famousbutemotionallydistantfather, Loudon.Thestoriesshetellsareraw andunvarnished,butitallfeelsfair,and it’sarefreshingchangefromthestandard,self-serving,celebritymemoir.
MichaelHayward
COMINGUNRAVELLED
In2015,SylviaOlsenleftherfamily’s woolshoponVancouverIslandtobegin aroadtripacrossCanadawithherhusband,Tex.Visitingthenation’syarn shops,teachingworkshopsandcollectingstoriesfromtheknittersshemet, Olsendocumentedherjourneyin UnravellingCanada:AKnittingOdyssey (Douglas&McIntyre),adelightful recordofhowknittingspansCanada’s history—andpresent—inmanysurprisingways.CoastSalishknitting,made famousbytheCowichansweater,isthe intersectionoftheinnovationof indigenousknitterswithtoolsandskills learnedfromEuropeansettlers.Olsen usesthisasabasisforherbook,looking atsimilartechniquesusedaroundthe worldandthosepassedonthrough decadesofknittingcultureinCanada. TheCowichansweaterallowedCoast Salishknittersameasureoffinancial independenceandrenownastheonly knittingtraditionestablishedinCanada. Ontheroadtrip,Olsensearchesforthe oldestsweaterinCanada,findingcandidatessheestimatesbeingknitinthe 1930s.SteepedintheCoastSalishknittingtradition,Olsen’sownworkhas beeninfluencedbythetraditionalgeometricdesignsandnaturallydyedwool— butherprojectforthisroadtripisto knitadresswithamapleleafdesign. Thedressneverquitematerializesas Olsen’sideasforthedresschangethe farthershegetsalongtheroadtrip,a tidymetaphorforhergrowingunder-
standingofCanadaasanation.Olsen musesaboutcolonialism,culturalappropriationandquestionsofCanadianidentity,sometimesinawaythatfeelslike alighthistorylesson,asshetravelseast, meetingknittersofallages,backgrounds andskillsetsinavarietyofcolourful settingsthatcertainlymademewant tovisitdistantyarnshopsanddrive throughtheMaritimes.Olsenshows knittingassomethingthatlinksthe presenttothepastandjoinscommunitiestogether.Iwasinterestedtolearn aboutNONIA,thegovernment-backed knittingcottageindustryinNewfoundlandandLabradorthatpaidruralknitterstocreateknitweartosubsidizelocal healthcare.Asalifelongknittermyself, Iwaspleasantlysurprisedatthedepths ofknittingcultureinCanada,something Ihadneverspentmuchtimewonderingabout,whilethetravelmemoir aspectofthisbookscratchedmy pandemic-inducedtourismitch.
—KelseaO’Connor
CALLYOURSELFAWRITER
Reading Resonance:Essaysonthe CraftandLifeofWriting (AnvilPress) feltlikesnoopingaroundthedesksof someofmyfavoriteCanadianwriters.What’sintheirnotebooks?How dotheyorganizetheirthoughts?What countsaswriting?(Staringblanklyat yourkeyboardandfoldinglaundry,says ChristinaMyers.)Writingcanbealonely endeavour,butreadingthisbookislike havingcoffeewithafriendwhoischeeringyouon.Whatmakesitdifferent fromotherwritingbooksisthatthese writersaren’ttellingyouhowyou ought towrite,butrathersharingideas,tips andtricks.Insteadofassumingauthority,theystartfromaplaceofbelieving you’reasgoodawriterasthem.The comfortingmessageacrosstheseessays isthatnoneofuswritersreallyknows whatwe’redoing.Inthis,there’s immensefreedomandplasticity—as LeanneDunicsuggestsinheressayon
60Geist121Summer2022
hybridforms,“DangerousTerritories: OnWritingandRisk.”Thebook,edited byLauraFarinaandAndrewChesham, isatestamenttotheuniquecommunityemanatingfromTheWriter’sStudiocontinuingstudiesprogramat SimonFraserUniversity,whereboth editorswork.Thiscommunityowes muchtoBetsyWarland,whodesigned anddirectedtheWriter’sStudiofrom 2001to2012,andherapproachto writing—aprocessthatbeginswithcallingyourselfawriterandbelievingit. Thisisawritingbookbuiltonthegenerosityofartistssharingideas,methods andprocess.Becauseeventhoughwritinghappensalone,itdependsonus relatingtoeachotherthroughfrequenciesandfeedback—indeed,writingis anactofresonance. —AprilThompson
PARTOFTHECROWD
Poetrybookspublishedin2019hadthe disadvantageoflittleornopromotion, astheCOVID-19lockdownsoonfollowed. CrowdedMirror (DurgaPress) isacaseinpoint.Anyofthesefifty-one poemsbySheilaDelany,medieval scholarandprofessoremeritaofSimon FraserUniversity,wouldhavegenerated
anamazingresponseatanin-person booklaunch.Thiscollectionislikefifty shadesofnear-boundlesscreativity.The longest,mostintricatepoemsare “DoctorJazz,”“Scenesfromreallife,” “Astraeainexile”and“Twoheads.”A womanwhovoluntarilygrewtwoheads isthenarratorofthelatterpoem.One headresemblesJanisJoplin,theother SophiaLoren.Halfwaythroughthenarrative,Sophia,tryingtobehelpfulbut comingoffaspatronizing,tellsJanis thateverywomanneedsthreethings: agoodlawyer,agoodtherapistanda goodhairdresser.Janisreplies,“Igot ’emall…andtheyallputthemakeon me.”Thecontinuingbanterresembles notonlyacrowdedmirror,butalsoa crowdedpsyche.Theshortest,most impactfulpoemsare“Three,”“Birthdayeve,”acharacterstudycalled “Dianne”andahaikuthatbegins“This appledeserves.”ThelatterpoemisreminiscentofWilliamCarlosWilliams’s “ThisIsJusttoSay,”althoughthetree fruit’sdelectabilityinDelany’shaikuis conveyedinfewerwords.Thepoem withthemostforcemaybethemidlength“Mistakes,”comprisedofmusingsaboutarelationship’sfinalcurtain; aseriesofone-linersdeliveredbya stand-uptragedian.Thesesadandwistfullinesactuallyhaveanaffirmative,if nothappy,ending.Theclosingone reads,“Hethoughthe’dneverstopcrying.”Butthisisapoemaboutmistakes, sothere’ssomereliefinknowingthat hewasmistaken;hedidstopcrying.
JillMandrake
VANISHINGCAREERPATHS
InhighschoolIdreamedofbecoming asellerofusedbooks,acareerpathfor whichtheguidancecounsellorcould offernousefuladvice.Tworecent memoirshavepersuadedmethatitwas perhapsjustaswellthatlifetookme downadifferentpath. TheLastBookseller:ALifeintheRareBook Trade (UniversityofMinnesotaPress)
Endnotes61
describesGaryGoodman’syearsasa rarebookdealerinMinnesota.In Goodman’sview,theinventionofthe internetmarkedthebeginningofthe endfortherarebooktrade.Suddenly, buyerscouldsearchtheshelvesofthousandsofbookstoressimultaneously, andtitleswhichwereoncethoughtto bescarce(andpricedaccordingly) couldnowbefoundonlinebythehundreds.Prices(andprofits)plunged. The LastBookseller isamournfulaccount oftheglorydaysofaonce-vibrantfield, itspagespopulatedwithinfamous bookthievesandeccentricbooksellers. AFactotumintheBookTrade (Biblioasis)isacollectionofessays—digressive,opinionatedanderudite— whichtakeusthroughMarius Kociejowski’sforty-plus-yearcareeras anantiquarianbooksellerinLondon, England.Thereareprofilesofnotable bookcollectorsandoffellowbooksellers(amongthemthelate,andlegendary,VancouverbooksellerBill Hoffer).Kociejowski,whowasraised inafarmhouseinruralOntario,isalso apoetandarespectedtravelwriter; heisdefinitelythebetterwriterofthe two.Sowhatlessonsdowelearnfrom thispairofmemoirs?One:thatyou shouldsupportyourlocalusedbookstoreswhileyoucan,becausetheir daysarenumbered.Two:thatthose whoaredrawntothebooksellingtrade areinthegripofsomethinglikean addiction.Andthree:ifoneofyouroffspringeverexpressesawishtobecome abookseller,itmightbebest(though perhapsfutile)foryoutopointoutto themthemanybenefitsofaccountancy,ortheunder-appreciatedexcitementsoftelemarketing.
—MichaelHayward
ARCHIPELAGO
Lastyear,Iread ADreaminPolar Fog byChukchiwriterYuriRytkheu (translatedbyIlonaYazhbinChavasse) and AMindatPeace byTurkish
writerAhmetHamdiTanpınar(translatedbyErdağ Göknar),twonovels publishedbyArchipelagoBooks. RytkheuwroteinRussianduringthe Sovietera,andhisworksaresetinhis homelandinnortheastSiberia,where theChukchipeopleliveontheedge oftheBeringStrait—asfareastasone cangoontheEurasiancontinent. Tanpınarwasbornjustbeforethefall oftheOttomanEmpire,onthecusp ofthetumultuoustransitionto Ataturk’sTurkishRepublic.Like Rytkheu,heisalsooftwocultures, OrientalandWestern,theoldandthe modern. ADreaminPolarFog follows JohnMacLennan,aninjuredCanadian sailorstrandedinaChukchivillageand forcedtorelyuponthelocalswhenhis armsareamputated.Rytkheucaptures thestoicbeautyoftheArctic,and managestoadapthispeople’smyths andhisfamily’soralstoriesintomodernprose.Ironically,rytgļv,fromwhich hisnameisderived,supposedlymeans “unremembered”inChukchi.Like ArkadyandBorisStrugatsky’s Roadside Picnic—thebasisofAndreiTarkovsky’s 1979film Stalker—theCanadianconnectionseemstobeawaytoconnect theoutsideworldwiththeinsular USSRwithoutmakingovertpolitical claims.EverythingaboutCanada,it seems,ismildlyneutralandunoffending. AMindatPeace chroniclesthelives ofagroupofrelatedpeopleinIstanbul duringtheearlyyearsofrepublican Turkey.Tanpınargoestogreatlengths tocreateimagerythatcapturesthe livelystreetscapesofIstanbuland offersvividdescriptionsoftheGolden Horn,yethissentencessagwithnostalgia.Youcanalmostbreathein Istanbul’smelancholicclimate— hüzün.Itisnothardtoseehowthe novelistOrhanPamuk’sflirtationswith OttomanaestheticsareindebtedtoTanpınar.WhatismoredifficulttounderstandiswhyTurkishliteraturetakes uplessspaceonreaders’bookshelves thanRussianworks.
—AnsonChing
62Geist121Summer2022
62Geist121Summer2022
Abigandheartfeltthankstothefollowingdonorsfortheirgenerouscontributiontotheannual Geist fundraisingcampaign.Everydollarfromthefundraisingcampaigngoesrightbackintomaking Geist theweirdandwonderfulmagazinelovedbyreadersalloverthecountry.
Anonymous(11)
Ourgenerousdonors:
Endnotes63
CarolineAdderson KenAlexander DilinBaker RobinBaugh BarbaraBaydala AlejandraBertorini JoanBevington BarbaraBlack KrissBoggild NancyCampbell WendyChin RebekahChotem ScottAndrewChristensen BarbaraCollishaw SarahColquhoun SusanCrean DennisCooley CharlesCrockford RossCrockford JaneClaireCrosby SusanCubitt SandraCurrie KimDeane RobynneEagan BrianEckert DavidElenbaas CaryFagan M.A.C.Farrant FrankFerrucci DanielFrancis JackGarton MicheleGenest
AdelinaVlas LorenzvonFersen
TrishWhite
THANKYOUFORSUPPORTINGGEIST!
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WendyC.Williams LindeZingaro Tolearnmoreandtojointhislistofgenerouspeople,visitgeist.com/donate.
TheGEIST
CrypticCrossword
PreparedbyMeandricus
Sendacopyofyourcompletedpuzzle, alongwithyournameandaddress,to:
Puzzle#121GEIST
#210-111WestHastingsStreet VancouverBCV6B1H4 orgeist@geist.com
Awinnerwillbeselectedatrandomfrom correctsolutionsandwillbeawardedaoneyearsubscriptionto Geist ora Geist magnet.
ACROSS
1 Tonyalwaysbragsabouttheweather intheMuskokas
3It’sextremelydepressingtoexperience allthosecarfads
8Hedidn’tneedbatsinhisbelfrytobe afraidofthatbloodycontagion
10SoundslikeBlackBeautymayhave originallybeenFrench
12Itcoveredeverythingthatwasoveror underit!
14WemetinRomein’92
15Ted’sbeenchannelingtonsofgigabits! (abbrev)
16Pleasefindacureforallthatbeige
18Whentheshortwomanmixesitup, she’selectric!(abbrev)
20Stoptheboat,avat’sgoneoverboard!
21Putthecultureinthosevialssowecan studytheforest
22Theconductorcouldlendahandbut thatwon’tstraightenoutthosetwisted horns
23Blessyou,thatsuntanoilfeelsgood!
24Nexttimehe’shome,let’sgetKenney tojoinourstretchinggroup
26Takeitinbeforeitmakesmeanxious!
28Billtoldhissontostaystill
31WasBentheBoreabsentwhenyou gothitinthesternum?
32Sadly,theSwedeworeblackwhenhe smokedinthegarden
33Shewasnotpreparedtobeunderthe weather
34Oh,Beaulovesthesoundofthewind inthecanes
37WhymustIbeinthistinyroomto makephonecalls?
39Thatdruglentanairofgoodwillto theotherwiseannoyedpeople
40Canourgadgetstashreallyhelpkids becomefashionable?(abbrev)
42Watchout!Thoselittlehornetsreally scootaround!
44Howmuchofthelowesttariffdidthey choosetopaylastyear?(abbrev)
45Theproblemsoriginateinyourmadeupstory
46Whichdishrewindsbackwards?
47ItsoundslikeBonniewasrunning awaywithasheep!
DOWN
1
Theycontrolthefoodwastefromthat largemass
2Hehadonacuteshirtbeforehegot readyfortheball
3Howdidthatbootlacebummanage toputeverythingbackinitsplace?
4What’smakingyousick—something youdrank?
5At3Iwasalreadyalltherage
6Forsomereasonthoselittleguysreally likedalfalfasprouts
7Aftercloseconsideration,Icanseewhy shewantedthebluestcar
9It’snottheDiner’sClub,butithas3 layers!(abbrev)
11It’sgreatwhenarebeloxcanbe movedsimplybyanearnestrequest
12That’sbigandodd-shapedbutIcan stillhandleit
13Inchurchtheyalwayssingtheloudest
16Ratherthanabetevil,Ithinkitisavoidable
17I’daskpolitelyforyourbreathyreply butI’vegotsomethingcatchy(abbrev)
19Tuckthatmerryfellowintotheprayer house
20Foronesec,Imiscastyouasafollower ofminimalistideas
25EveryoneinthebarlovestobeforgivenbyDesmond
27Whenthebellsoundswewillpray thatwecanpay(2)
29InAmericayoucanwinasailingjug!
30Givethatlionenoughspacetosing
35Honey,weneedtofinishthatquilt beforetheQueen’svisit
36Sometimesittakestoomuchtokeep thescreenfromwearingoff(abbrev)
38Folkwisdomsays,nevermailaletter toavampire!
39Mark’sbeenwrestlingwithshowing hisexuberantfeelings
41Thesedayswe’retryingtostopthe flowoffemalesawayfrombasicunits
43Thatwrinklycreaturewillendupat Anne’splace(abbrev) SolutiontoPuzzle120
64Geist121Summer2022
ThewinnersofPuzzle119wereJimLoweandBrianGoth.ThewinnersofPuzzle120wereGrahamAnnableandSusanGeist.