Generation Magazine - March 29, 2011 - Don’t be a fool!
CONTENTS
Featured Also 05 | Editor’s Letter
Why is Chris Brown attacking win- dows and “GMA” supporting him?
07 | Agenda
12 11
Free iPads!
08 | He Says, She Says More weird bathroom habits.
09 | Interview
What up, BJ Novak!
10 | Campus Trash UB is gettin’ dirty. 11 | Fashion
16
Interview with Jeffrey Nelson.
14 | Friday Rebecca Black is coming to UB!
15 | Hit or Bulls***
Everyone has an app now.
16 | The PINK Party
23
(716)2010-GEN Text us your comments, advice questions, texts from last night, picture messages or whatever else you want other people to see (and we do text back). 716- 201-0436.
NYC image by deltabelun on flickr
14
The most promising party of all.
18 | Crappy Merger AT&T is getting ready to take over
T-Mobile and we look at the ef- fects
Short stories and poems. Oh yeah!
20 | Literary
23 | Parting Shots
Did anyone go to the dog sledding competition at Boulevard Mall?
EDITOR’S LETTER
Generation Magazine
WTF “GMA”
When almost everything in the world is going wrong, one of the best ways to alleviate the negativity surrounding our lives is to talk about celebrities. When times get tough, our trusty media outlets pick a scandal or a story that they will beat to death until everyone is talking about it. For example, as the gas prices inch toward the $4 mark and we become less confident about the economy, everyone suddenly becomes interested in Charlie Sheen. When there is a terrible tragedy in Japan, Charlie Sheen disappears and everyone stops for a minute. Although, a few days later, Elizabeth Taylor passes away and Rebecca
Courtesy of Socialite
Black comes out with a crappy but addicting song, and everyone is talking about them (it’s unfortunate I had to use those two names in the same sentence). But what happened at the “Good Morning America” studios on March 22, 2011 is the story that took me for a spin, as a Chris Brown fan, a critic of the media and an addict of a Manhattan gossip site. Here’s a short summary of what transpired, or at least from my point of view: Chris Brown goes on “GMA” to promote his album “F.A.M.E.” because he wants to make money. “GMA” asks him about Rihanna since Brown’s publicists approved the question, and he responds, “Don’t talk about her! Talk about my album, bitch!” So they talk about his album. He goes back to the green room and violently trashes it while ripping his shirt off and breaking a window with a cooler. So what? He’s just got some anger issues, right? Yes, he does. I mean, he’s on probation for punching a woman in the face. You would expect that he still have some anger issues. What he doesn’t realize is that if you punch a woman in the face and the entire country talks about it, they will always see you as a domestic abuser, no matter how fancy you make your album title. Therefore, when you go to interviews, you will be asked about it. Still, I am less outraged at the way Chris Brown reacted to the question compared to the way “Good Morning America” reacted to the whole ordeal. If I went into an ABC studio and started breaking windows and ripping my shirt off, I would most likely fail at the ripping of the shirt, but will succeed at ending up at the police station for destruction of private property or some outrageous offense. But “Good Morning America”, they love their domestic abusers. Chris Brown walked out halfnaked and over the glass shards with no charges whatsoever, and a heartfelt “We’d love it if you came back!” invitation. What the hell is wrong with you, “GMA”? Gabe from VideoGum. com asks the question in the most articulate way: “ What kind of pander-
2010 - 2011 Staff Editor in Chief Dino Husejnovic
Managing Editor ing, pro-violence, egomania-enabling, fucked up world without consequences (for a chosen few) do you live in, you assholes?” I don’t know, Gabe. I don’t know. I do know that it’s all about the ratings, and it seems that the morning show is so desperate for ratings that they would go as far as inviting him back and looking like they don’t mind the violent behavior. “GMA” has also been criticized for bullying during the Rebecca Black interview, quoting tweets that rip apart her and her video. But if they want the ratings so bad, why don’t they decide to be the hardhitting morning show and ask everyone the tough questions? They interviewed Charlie Sheen and never asked him about the charges he pleaded guilty to for assaulting his ex-wife Brooke Mueller, or the temporary restraining order she got against him after he allegedly threatened to behead her. This show is mean and plays a dirty ratings game. This game feeds us the news, scandals and gossip that distract us from the things we don’t want to think about during tough times, but it’s not always moral. Criticizing Chris Brown is understandable, but “Good Morning America” deserves the beating here. (but we’ll still give Brown’s album a bad review) On a more serious note, what has happened in Japan is something that we cannot ignore. I urge everyone to donate to Red Cross to help with the relief efforts. If you pay your cell phone bill, text REDCROSS to 90999 to donate $10. It’s a couple Starbucks Frappuccino’s that will make a difference.
Dino Husejnovic Editor in Chief
Kathryn Przybyla
Creative Director Elizabeth Flyntz
Contributing Designer Jordan Rosenberg
Copy Editor
Catherine Prendergast
Associate Editors Seon McDonald Steve Neilans Allison Balcerzak
Photo Editor
Marina Bayramova
Circulation Director Rashid Dakhil-Rivera
Contributing Staff Josh Q. Newman Nathan Grygier Jessica Brant Allison Ruiz
Business Manager Ariella Goro
Ad Manager Tommy Zhao
Cover photo by Marina Bayramova. Stock photos courtesy of stock.xchng Generation Magazine is owned by Sub-Board I, Inc., the student service corporationat the State University of New York at Buffalo. The Sub-Board I, Inc. Board of Directors grants editorial autonomy to the editorial board of Generation. Sub-Board I, Inc. (the publisher) provides funding through mandatory student activity fees and is in no way responsible for the editorial content, editorial structure or editorial policy of the magazine. Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephone numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260 Submissions to Generation Magazine should be e- mailed to ubgeneration@gmail.com by 1 p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2011 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free. Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief. Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief. Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers. Press run 5,000.
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AGENDA
MOVIE | ARTHUR | APRIL 8
With the looming shortage of fresh ideas, Hollywood has commissioned the remake of a film The British R&B singer of Indian descent and a about an ambitionless billionaire who risks losing favorite among the ladies has beaten the odds to his inheritance by falling for a woman his family become an international sensation. Venue: Galla- does not approve of. The comedy stars the ecgher Center Lewiston, NY. Tickets start at $20 centric Russel Brand, likeable Jennifer Garner and Dame Helen Mirren.
CONCERT | JAY SEAN | APRIL 1
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GIVEAWAY | NEW APPLE IPAD2 | APRIL 1
MOVIE | INSIDIOUS | APRIL 1
The creators of the Saw franchise team up with Paranormal Activity director Oren Peli to produce this bone chilling horror that pays homage to scary classics like the Poltergeist and Amityville Horror. The story is about a family who moves into an old house and soon realizes creepy forces are harming their son.
COMEDY | BJ NOVAK | APRIL 2
BJ Novak better known as “Ryan Howard” from the American version of the TV show “the Office” will be appearing at our very own Alumni Arena Saturday. Tickets are free for students, and $20 for the general public.
Fresh off the heels of earning $6 billion in profit on $26.7 billion revenue it is no surprise that Apple is feeling a bit charitable. The ever-generous CEO Steve Jobs has announced a new program aimed at introducing technology in college classrooms by giving out iPads! Beware, quantities are limited so be prepared to camp out the student union the night before.
MUSIC | LIGHTNING BOLT | APRIL 1
This is real! Ultra-heavy bass and drums combo Lightning Bolt are playing at Soundlab, backed up by VWLS and locals All Them Witches. Tickets $10-$13.
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TEXT US YOUR QUESTIONS! 716-201-0436 8 | ubgeneration.com
He Says, She Says An advice column divided by the sexes, starring Catherine Prendergast and Nathan Grygier
My girlfriend wants to give me a hand job on an empty Stampede. Weird places is kinda our thing. How do we do this? NG : Well if you’re looking to do this on an empty Stampede I don’t really think that should be that hard to accomplish. Just go in the back seat, take a school publication (preferably not this one!), and place it over your lap and let her do your thing. However if you do have to use our paper I can understand the pun of shooting a load of your future generation on the Generation. CP: Interesting idea, but I feel like this is going to be extremely difficult to pull off. First of all, when is there ever an empty stampede? I mean, I have a couple times been on one that’s pretty empty, but never completely student-free. If you manage to find one, definitely go to the back. You don’t want the driver to catch a glimpse of anything sketchy, and miss the red light and crash the entire vehicle. Unless weird places in a fiery explosion is also your thing. Use a sweatshirt or something to cover your actions, and go for it. To preserve water, my roommate washes his face with the new water that collects after flushing the toilet. I didn’t mind it at first, but he’s got a girlfriend now and they make out. Should I tell her? What’s going on here? NG : Now that kid takes conservationism to a whole other level, kudos to him for that. However, that is pretty horribly disgusting, so you should tell her, but not right away. Wait until the relationship gets long and secure and he starts bringing her around your place everyday. Once you get fed up with her presence and you can’t even sleep because their noises of squishing and body thumping keep you up all night. Then you tell her, “Hey, bet you didn’t know the guy you’ve been making out with over here is a toilet face! That’s why you got that rash.” Your revenge will have been conducted, and you can pat yourself on the back. CP: Well if him and his girlfriend get serious she’s going to find out soon-
er or later. I would let her find out by herself. Who knows, she could be a freak too. Maybe they started dating because they both found out that the other had some absolutely absurd bathroom routine. He washes his face with water from the toilet, maybe she drinks from it. Sounds like a match made in strange bathroom habit heaven. My friend has no fashion sense and wears the most embarrassing things, like boots with sown-on bottle caps. I’m embarrassed to even leave the house with her. Any advice on how to get her to wear normal clothes? NG : Yes, just tell her that she looks absolutely ridiculous and the only guy that would ever consider getting with her has a hefty collection of both anime and acne medication. I assume you’re talking about a girl, but in the rare case that there is a man out there who actually thinks it’s a good idea to sew bottle caps on his boots, you need to give him a good old fashion ass kicking. No man should know how to sew, and in the rare case that they do know how to they should not use this skill to bedazzle their footwear. CP: Sounds like your friend has been in the fashion monkey house for way too long. I’m all for eclectic style, but there’s a fine line between visually appealing off beat, and straight up headache inducing. To get her out of this fashion funk, you must outdress her. Wear the craziest shit you can, crazier than anything she has worn before. She’ll finally be able to see what these clothes look like to other people, and she’ll tone down her wardrobe. Otherwise you could always take her to Target and force her to try on normal clothes. If you pay, she may accept. I have a habit of saying a particular phrase over and over again until I annoy everyone around me. I do this without thinking. For example I just blurt out “brown chicken brown cow” randomly...do I have a problem? NG : It sounds like you have a much less serious/less hilarious version of
the Tourette syndrome. Either that or you’re just kind of dumb and ate paint chips in your youth, leading to repetitious habits in your adolescence and adulthood. Maybe you should try saying random phrases that are funnier or offensive and see if your friends notice. Maybe you can even wrangle yourself a catch phrase and a network television show? I mean if The Cleveland Show keeps airing I think you have a good shot. CP: A problem? No. Has anyone ever been as far as decided to do look more like? I mean, come on, we all do this at some point or another. Pelican’d. Today, I found out on Facebook that the girl I was obsessed with in high school got married to a guy I hated. For some reason, this really depresses me. How do I deal with this? NG : There is only one thing that can be done in a situation as heinous as this one : murder. How dare she love someone other than you, especially since you haven’t been in contact for years! Just kidding! I need to stop watching Dexter. Anyways, get over it! Obviously it’s not going to work out with them, and she’ll be back around when you graduate. CP: Do not feel depressed about it. I understand, this girl was your old epic high school crush and she always held a place in your heart. But she just got married. Married! At this age! Come on, who’s the one who should be depressed? She just threw her life away to some loser. Just think how you have years and years of freedom and not being tied down. She’ll have three kids just as you’re reaching the height of your bachelordom. I can’t get “Friday” out of my head! What the fuck is this shit?! How do I get it out? NG : There’s nothing that you can do, Rebecca Black is like a mental terrorist, but instead of actually harming you she just releases the most awful shit music anyone can ever imagine. You just kind of have
to go along with it, sing it and skip to classes, look forward to all the fun fun fun fun fun, fun fun fun fun fun you’ll be having while partying, partying, yeah. CP: You can start by having a neurologist performing a craniotomy and having the hippocampus removed. Now I know what you are thinking, this seems like a real pricey procedure, but in the long run, it will be the utmost beneficial. If this is out of your budget, a few nights of heavy drinking are always in the cards. If you are part of the sober crowd, a shovel to the back of the head can always produce good results. Otherwise, party on. My car is broken. Should I fix it? 1991 Buick Century. NG : Well I’m not going to pretend like I know anything about cars/fixing them or any of that jazz, but if the car is nearly as old as you I think it’s probably time to part ways with it. Using my knowledge of the Kelly Blue Book and some Googling, it says that your car, in EXCELLENT condition only is valued at $825. Considering you said it’s broken, I’d assume you’d be lucky to get like 300-400 for it. So I would sell it for scraps and lease a different one. CP: Sorry I don’t speak car. You should ask the hilarious guys at Car Talk, if NPR hasn’t lost all its funding by then. I heard Generation writers get paid 30K/semester? Is this true? Is this where all our money is going?! NG : Hell yes it’s true, we’re leaving the motherfucking lavish life up in here. Not only do I get to write about hand jobs and relationships, but I’m banking a sweet 30k per semester. I throw Diddy white parties like it’s nobody’s business. I would invite you, but normies and minions aren’t allowed at these lavish shindigs. Maybe you can be a doorman, if you play your cards right. CP: Absolutely. Don’t hate us cause you aint us.
GENERATION March 29, 2011
CP: Hey, BJ! How are you? BJ: Straight up chilling, and yourself? CP: I would say chilling as well. So tell me a little about yourself, to get this interview going. BJ: Well, as you can see, I am a young male with superb facial features. CP: Yes, I can see that. BJ: But more importantly, I currently play Stanley on the hit series The Office. CP: I thought you played Ryan Howard? BJ: Oh yeah, you’re right. [Laughs]. Life can be confusing sometimes. CP: It sure can! So what’s it like playing Ryan? BJ: Oh, it’s super easy. I basically play a smart and sexy worker who is way too good for his job—aka, myself. CP: Yeah, whenever I watch The Office, I always think that Ryan should not be working at a paper company! BJ: You’re a smart watcher. CP: I like to think so. What else have you been up to, besides acting? BJ: Well, I do a lot of writing and directing as well. CP: That’s pretty cool. BJ: Did you see the episode where Michael Scott had promised a bunch of kids that he would pay for their college tuition? CP: I loved that one! BJ: I directed that. CP: Wow, good job. BJ: Thanks. CP: Speaking of “job”, do people use your initials as— BJ: Do not even go there. CP: Okay. Are you excited to perform at UB? BJ: I mean, I went to Harvard, so all colleges seem sub-par, but I’m sure I’ll have a good time. CP: I’m sure you will too. And don’t worry, if your jokes tank, I’ll be in the audience, cheering you on. BJ: That’s very sweet of you. CP: I like to think so. Anything else you would like to say before we part? BJ: Kids—don’t do drugs. CP: HA! I love you, Ryan Howard. *April Fools. Everything in this article is fake.
Interview with
BJ
Novak
by Catherine Prendergast Stand-up comedian, director, and actor BJ Novak was kind enough to take some time and chat with me about his life, and so on and so forth. Check out Novak when he comes to UB, April 2nd.
CAMPUS
TRASH By Ally Balcerzak
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Has campus seemed dirtier to you? Have you walked into a classroom only to find garbage there from the day before? If you haven’t, well congratulations, your classes must be along the tour route. If you know exactly what I’m talking about, welcome to life at UB now that the budget keeps getting cut. Since 2008, the New York State government has cut the SUNY budget by over $266 million dollars, which has led to a loss of over $40 million for UB. Want to hear something even crazier than those numbers? The SUNY budget has recently been decreased by another 10% for next school year, which means about another $13 million gone from UB. If that doesn’t scare you then you should volunteer for an experiment in the psychology department because clearly you’re braver than the average person. It’s been hard enough trying to get into the courses we need with the constant reduction in classes, this upcoming budget cut only means things are going to get tougher. Last semester UB eliminated its Classics program due to budget issues. What’s next, one of the engineering concentrations? Newsflash everyone, the financial crisis has hit home, and it has hit us hard. But enough with the numbers and the whining about fewer classes being offered, I did that article last semester. The real concern at this point is what is going to happen to our campus and campus activities. Like I said in the beginning, it is becoming an all too common thing to walk into a classroom and find it dirty from previous days. Now, before you jump to conclusions about whether or not the janitorial staff is doing their job, consider this: administration has had to find places to cut spending these past couple of years, and they found it better to cut janitorial staff than student groups. If that doesn’t change your opinion on our hard working janitorial staff, I don’t know what will. Here at UB, we’re lucky to have the SA, which gets its funding directly from us through the mandatory student activity fee we pay each semester. It is because of this fee that we are able to have so many clubs and organizations on campus. But suppose the SA were to lose control of that activity fee. What if it comes down from administration or even SUNY that due to budgetary issues leading to tuition increases, it is no longer realistic to charge students extra money to support on campus activities they may or may not be a part of? I’ll tell you what happens, no more Fall Fest, Spring Fest, or Galas. Intramural sports dwindle, and creating a club for your
unique Pokémon fashion obsession is no longer possible. We’ve already lost properly cleaned classrooms; it isn’t too far of a stretch to say we’re on the verge of losing our clubs and campus activities. Now, it’ll be a battle for the school to infringe on the SA budget, so chances are we won’t see that happen any time soon, but more cuts are coming, you can guarantee that. The Wellness Center in the union gives out free tea, and has a masseuse come in three times a week. With so few students really utilizing this, administration may find it a nice and easy way to save money to take away our free tea and massages. You can get free condoms from numerous places on both North and South Campus, if administration were to say they could only be handed out in Michael Hall, they’d save money there while inconveniencing anyone living on North. I took to the union to see what fellow students think about the impending budget cuts. “I hate them, it’s bad enough getting into classes is nearly impossible, now going to them isn’t even hygienic half the time. If I’m going to have an 8am physics class, I’d like it to at least be clean,” said Andrew Tranello, a sophomore Biomedical Engineering major. Corey O’Brien had this to say after coming from a class in Knox, “I swear it looks like there was a party in that classroom. Just walk up and down the aisles looking at each row, you’ll find enough trash to make you wonder if the rooms been clean all year.” All this talk of messy classrooms does not sound like an image the school wants to project. As students we have a right to clean learning spaces. Maybe UB should start assigning students with community service hours to clean up different buildings. At least then classrooms would be cleaner. The budget crisis has gotten worse the past few months. When things started to go down hill a few years ago it seemed like there would be an easy fix and we could continue on our merry way to a college degree. But now, it is going to take effort on our part to keep UB looking the way we want at a price we can afford. It may seem easier to just sit back and accept the dirty classrooms and lack of classes, but at the end of the day do you really want to? Tuition may be a bargain compared to a lot of other schools, and that may seem like just cause to skimp in certain areas. But is it fair? I don’t think so.
GENERATION March 29, 2011
Breaking into the Fashion World:
Interview with UB’s Jeffrey Nelson, founder of Acquired Taste Design Studios By Jill Romano
could make money from it because people always want to look good. We started Spoiled Goods when I was 17. It was just a small company selling t-shirts. When I went to school, I started studying fashion and getting into high fashion. I mostly studied old gentlemen who have style and tried to replicate what they did. Now, fashion is also a way for me to boost confidence. Do you consider yourself more a businessman or an artist?
You may not know the name Jeffrey Nelson, but you might have seen him on campus. He’s the one who’s always dressed to impress, always deep in conversation with someone over a new business opportunity. He’s the type of guy who can find potential in anything or anyone and after meeting someone, will leave that person feeling like they’ve just made a very important acquaintance. For his latest business venture, Jeff is looking to break into the fashion world, and he has a line of experiences to help get him there. He was the president of the Fashion Student Association during its brief existence last year, and since then he has founded his own fashion line, Acquired Taste Design Studio. He has big plans for Acquired Taste and as a platform for his business, he is trying to create a strong web presence at myacquiredtaste. com, where other creative UB students collaborate with him on ideas and artistic endeavors. Already they have held photo shoots with four UB students and have other projects in the making. So if you don’t know the name Jeffrey Nelson yet, be patient because you will soon.
That’s a hard question. I see myself as both pretty much. A business man in the sense that I see opportunity in everyone that I talk to. But I’m also an artist because I can pretty much look at anything for inspiration and channel it into making clothing. But that’s a hard question, I’m going to be thinking about that now. What or who inspires you? Life and the idea that you can wake up to a new day and see something that will spark your creativity. I think what inspires me is just the human race and how God has made everyone so creative. All my peers, a bit of everything. Just life in general. Tell me about Acquired Taste Design Studio. There are multiple lines within the brand. AQTE is a seasonal line, Acquired Taste Black is black and white clothing, Acquired Taste Rose has limited, handmade pieces of clothing, Acquired Taste Vintage comes from a vintage style with lots of tweed, corduroy. All the rough material that personifies American culture. I have books of design sketches. Possibly in May I hope to start talking to investors because I’ll have more time to focus on it and give it 100%.
Tell me about yourself.
Is it just you working on Acquired Taste?
I’m 21, I am a business major with a concentration in marketing. I’m graduating in May of 2011, and I intend to start up my own company. I would like to say I’m a visionary of my youth, somewhat of a sartorial gentleman.
As of right now, there is myself as the founder and president, and David Rose is the creative director. Right now it’s more of just an adjunct with a lot of creative minds coming together. Maybe like a round table. What I see in the future for Acquired Taste is a design team with some structure, but not like a corporation. A meeting of the minds sort of thing. It’s an artistic opportunity as well as a business.
Where are you from? My family is originally from Ghana in west Africa, but I was born in Brooklyn, NY and I currently live in the Bronx. Why did you choose fashion over any other business? Growing up I didn’t have the most money to buy the most expensive things, so my brother and I would take his clothes and alter them- cut jeans into shorts, make my own t-shirts. My friends started asking me for t-shirts, and eventually I realized you
What does the name Acquired Taste mean to you? It is a form of expression, style, and etiquette. Capturing the inner you and not what others want you to wear. It is your acquired taste. Can you tell me about the website, myacquiredtaste.com, that Acquired Taste is starting up?
The website is basically our portal to expose things: everyday fashion of welldressed people, writing samples of your work, environmental issues. I want Acquired Taste to have a crowd of followers because they believe in the movement, not just because they’re like, I want to buy this because Kanye West is wearing this. One important aspect of Acquired Taste is that they use eco-friendly fabrics and materials. Why is eco-fashion important to you? Eco-fashion is not new, but designers haven’t made it fashionable enough yet. You see somebody with an eco-friendly t-shirt but not an eco friendly blazer. My goal is to make something that is quality and fashionable, but also eco-friendly. And it’s important because we live on Earth. It can take two gallons of pesticides to make one pair of jeans. When the pesticides are sprayed on the cotton, they run into the water streams. So we just try to make people aware of the damages of the apparel manufacturing industry. We want to be socially responsible by being innovative about manufacturing. I don’t want to contribute to making a more hazardous world, only a more beautiful one. Are there any challenges in combining eco-friendliness with high fashion? It is very expensive and not everyone appreciates an alternative lifestyle or the effort that goes into creating eco-friendly clothing. Some brands do not want to fully be green, but still use eco-friendliness as a selling point. They will say something is eco-friendly, but in fact it is not 100 percent accurate based on the materials they use. How would you describe UB’s style? You have the people who dress up and you have the people who don’t care. If you show up to class with sweatpants on and crust in your eye, it says something about you. When people look at me and they think I’m so fashionable, I’m really not. It just seems like it because everyone else is wearing sweatpants. But everyone has their own personal style. Fashion to me would be a jacket tailored nice, but fashion to someone else might be jeans and a button down shirt. I think men in general are starting to care more about their appearance and starting to dress up more. Who are your fashion icons or who do you look up to in the fashion industry? I draw my style from Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Miles Davis, and the Duke of Windsor. Do you have a favorite designer? I have several brands that I like at the moment. Lanvin, Burberry Prorsum, and Phil-
lip Lim. What fashion tips do you have for UB students? My brother taught me that with fashion, there are always going to me new trends, but if you have a certain look to you, if your style is timeless or classic, I think it resonates more than studying trends. You have to know yourself and know your style. I know you’re going to ask what trend should people wear for spring, but if you have a timeless style, you don’t have to worry about trends because you know your own style. But you can never go wrong with colored v-necks in the spring. And I think guys should definitely accessorize more with colored belts, beaded or wooden bracelets, watches, hats. I heard Acquired Taste hosted a vintage sale last semester. How did that come about? That came about because I was shopping at the thrift store and everyone kept asking me where I got my blazer. As a businessman I saw that as a way to make money. And will you be doing that again? I wanted to do a vintage sale that was more like an exhibit, like at the CFA. If I were to do it again, it would probably happen in April. How can people find out about that? They can go to the website and there will be flyers.
Stores recommended by Jeff: Ragamuffins 3126 Main St Buffalo, NY 14214 (716) 833-1987 Price Range: $20 - $150 Not your usual store. However you can get a bang for your buck. This space holds various one of kind articles of clothing that you will not find everywhere.” Plato’s Closet 3125 Sheridan Drive NY 14226-1903 (716) 836-5000 Price Range: $5-$30 Cheap and affordable clothing at a discount price. Good quality name brand clothing. Platoscloset.com Splash Panic 818 Elmwood Ave # B, Buffalo, NY (716) 844-3344 Price Range: $20- $100 Upscale urban wear this place is perfect for the casual and contemporary individual”
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GENERATION March 29, 2011
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Friday I’m In Love By Steve Neilans For one special day at the end of the month, Friday will be on a Saturday. We, we, we so excited to announce that Rebecca Black will kick off her world tour at this year’s Spring Fest on April 30th. It’s on a Saturday, the day after Friday and the day before Sunday. Monday comes afterwards. She is looking forward to that weekend. “I’m really looking forward to making my flight to Buffalo,” Black said. “I still haven’t decided if I will sit in first class or coach, let alone aisle seat or window seat! So many seats, so many options.” Rebecca Black, 13, is the latest recording artist to emerge from the prestigious ARK Music Factory. The critics didn’t believe that Black could follow up the successes of legends like Ishraq, Pato, or Amanda Williams, but she has. Her latest hit single “Friday” has taken the nation by storm, accumulating over 44 million hits on YouTube in just over a month. If there is anything that Black has proven during her climb to fame, it’s that people love Fridays and people love fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, 14 | ubgeneration.com
fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, and fun. Black informed Generation that you already know what it is. “Friday” is a critically-acclaimed masterpiece. Receiving perfect scores from Pitchfork and Rolling Stones, both agree it’s a shame that she didn’t release her single earlier; it surely would have won a Grammy. Rich, shaggy-haired white kids are totally in right now. “I was listening to this shitty King of Limbs album when my editor sent me a copy of a new single I should check out. I checked out the video and my life was changed instantly.” said a spokesperson from Pithfork who wishes to remain anonymous to preserve her objectivity. Many critics are calling Rebecca Black a clone of Justin Bieber; the ultimate compliment. Lady Gaga has even called Rebecca Black a genius, calling anyone who might find her cheesy full of shit. When Lady Gaga speaks, you need to shut up and listen. “I’m never gonna give up listening to this song. Never gonna let the volume go down. Never gonna run around and desert Rebecca Black,” said Rick Astley, a proud supporter of brilliant music. The buzz throughout the UB community to this GENERATION March 29, 2011
breaking news is out of control. A Facebook group has already been created to reschedule Spring Fest a day earlier so her lyrics of “It’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday” have a deeper impact in the student community. One student has proposed to Black, and another has offered to help her keep track of the gray areas during Monday through Thursday. Once Black arrives in Buffalo, she plans on getting fresh before she takes the stage sometime around 7 o’clock. Endorsed by UBreathe Free, Black’s performance will give the town of Amherst a chance to recover from the massive amounts of smoke that will inevitably accumulate over the course of 6 hours. Wiz Khalifa, Nas, Damian Marley, Big Sean, and Tinie Tempah were not available for comment because they were having a bowl, and cereal. In other unrelated news, UB NORML approves of this Spring Fest. Black’s concert will last 45 minutes and will contain dubstep, classical, and bluegrass remixes of her one song to keep the audience going. There will also be an acoustic session similar to MTV Unplugged where she will really break down the trials and tribulations of a teenager girl in the OC. “I was at the bus stop and nobody was there. I didn’t know what to think. Where will I sit? WHERE WILL I SIT!??!” Black said. “If it weren’t for my friends with really good hair, I might have had to use the public transportation system.” Black will not be alone when she performs for a packed stadium at Spring Fest. All of her awkward friends from her car ride, the creepy guy who touches her butt at 1:55 in the music video, and the black guy who raps with a bunch of 13-year-olds from the OC will all be in attendance. “I can’t believe how much money I’m making off of this white girl. I love my life right now,” said the one black person that Rebecca Black knows. Once the concert concludes, Rebecca Black plans on returning to UB during the Distinguished Speakers series sometime in early June. She plans on counting numbers or exploring the letters of the alphabet in her next single, and realizes that many students at UB would appreciate that insight. “I enjoy telling people general facts of life that are completely obvious,” Black said. “I must have been born with it.” When Rebecca Black decided that she would include UB on her world tour, she didn’t only surprise UB students; she also surprised a few people in Student Association. SA originally believed that Rebecca Black would be too “big-time” for a school like UB, and didn’t anticipate on receiving her confirmation a month early. An SA spokesperson informed Generation that Black realized it would be foolish not to sign up for an event with such a stellar record of having great music. “If Three Days Grace was good enough to headline Spring Fest last year, I’m definitely good enough to headline this year,” Black said. “I’m all about partyin’.” The UB Stampede will be providing transportation to any student wanting to attend the fest. Seats in the front and back will be provided. Tickets are free for all undergraduate students with a valid ID, or $30-$50 (bleacher seat or field seat) for anyone else. *April Fools. Everything in this article is fake. besides the part with Lady Gaga, she seriously said that.
Hit or BS
By Steve Neilans
HIT>>Justice
This electronic music duo from France (not named Daft Punk) is finally releasing their sophomore studio album, which is still unnamed, on April 4th. It has been four years since they released their first Grammy-nominated album Cross, but oddly enough, they’ve been dominating advertisements recently. Whether it’s the ad with coaches dancing on ESPN or the new adidas ad, they are generating a lot of buzz for their newest album. Electronic music has slowly began to creep in mainstream radio, and it would seem that Justice is poised to bring the genre over the top.
BS>>Duke Nukem Forever
Fans are starting to get blue balls of steel waiting for Duke’s latest adventure. DNF is probably the most delayed game of all time, so why not have one more delay from May 3rd to June 10th? The creators even posted a video poking fun at the fact that they are delaying the game so much and invited anybody to yell at them for it. So this is me yelling. It’s time to play, chew bubble gum and play the new Duke Nukem, and I’m all out of gum.
HIT>>Anthony Robles
Winning a national championship in wrestling instantly makes someone badass. Winning a national championship in wrestling with one leg is legendary. Anthony Robles, born without his right leg, recently won the 125-pound national title as the best college wrestler in the nation. He also was undefeated for his senior season. Robles currently plans on getting fitted for a prosthetic leg and enjoying his career after wrestling
BS>>Duke
This is why you suck. Duke had the lead going into halftime, and was then outscored by Derrick Williams and the rest of the Arizona Wildcats by 22 in the second half. Kyrie Irving played well, but he still wasn’t enough to bring Duke over the top. He will probably leave, along with Nolan Smith and Kyle Singler, which leaves Duke in a really bad spot right now. Jalen Rose and the rest of the Fab Five are loving life right now.
HIT>>The Hobbit
Guys, turn off the smartphone and buy a dog. A Discovery News report has found out that only 36 percent of women think smartphones make a guy look more attractive. Dogs, however, were found to be the best man accessory for picking up women proving once and for all, women like it ruff.
BS>>Tiger Woods App
Want to learn how to be like Tiger Woods? Well, without the whole ruining your life aspect. Well if you answered yes, maybe you should check out Tiger Wood’s new MySwing app. For the low price of $10, Tiger will give you all the tips which have turned him into a shadow of the golfer he used to be. Seriously, it’s insane to think that anybody wants to swing like Tiger right now when he is ranked behind a guy named Martin Kaymer. Tiger, please just stick to golfing.
HIT>>Baseball
The purest sport of them all. Just ask Barry Bonds. Baseball season is starting up and there are a million storylines for this season. Will the Yankees pitching staff be horrible? Will Boston win the AL East? Will Kenny Powers make it to the big leagues? You know it’s almost summer when baseball is here, and that rules. And if you don’t like baseball because of the game, I hear there’s a good deal at the Bison’s games for an open bar. Cheers.
BS>>Post-Spring Break
The school year is slowly coming to an end, and there isn’t a slower part of the year than after Spring Break. Nothing ruins the buzz of Spring Break more than exams beginning or projects being due. There isn’t really a lot to say about this month other than it’s going to be very long, so strap in and try to maintain your sanity.
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Perseverance Integrity Normality Kindness the GENERATION party ?
tional skills as Generation Magazine Editor-in-Cheif would only add to the awesomeness that he brings to the table.
The New York State Budget will not be fixed using UB student’s money. That’s dumb.
Vice Presidential Candidate: Tommy An incredibly cool Asian, this Honduras native is all about making the Student Association better than it has ever been as SA Vice President. His current position as Advertising Manager for Generation Magazine fully qualifies him to rock our world.
Textbooks and Class Materials All UB students will be given a brand new iPad during the 2011 - 2012 school year. These wondrous technological devices will be our replacement to overpriced textbooks. We will have students download their textbooks to the iPad or use online versions. This is also eco-friendly. No need for the UB Bookstore I guess... we’ve been buying used copies of textbooks off Amazon for years. Campus Dining Credit cards will be accepted at all UB Campus Dining locations. Yes, all of them. A great addition to The Commons, “UB WASTED” will be a new on-campus bar with a great selection of student-fee-subsidized alcohol. Also, a Jim’s Steakout, Mighty Taco, and Duff’s will be moved on campus to fulfill student needs after a visit to UB WASTED. All Campus Dining locations will offer free food during reading days and exam week. They will not close and leave students hungry when they want to eat the most.
Treasurer Candidate: Kat A local Buffalonian, this hard working chick has been in charge of more UB money than she would like to admit over the last 4 years. As Managing Editor of Generation Magazine, her over-achieving skills would fit perfectly as the new SA Treasurer. SUNY SUNY SUNY SUNY
Delegate: Delegate: Delegate: Delegate:
Steve Catherine Allison Steve’s Cousin
Generation Party Platform After a late approval by the current SA Executive Board, Generation Magazine is pleased to announce the “Generation Party” is joining the political race! Last week, Members of the Generation staff, got together to form a last minute entry on the 2011 - 2012 SA Executive Board and SUNY Delegate ballots. Students will be able to vote for the Generation Party along with the two other campaigns; The Blue Party and Be the Voice Party. As opposed to the other political parties who have chosen more primary colors for their campaign, the Generation Party has chosen pink as
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their campaign color. They like to stand out from the rest. Obviously, we got the exclusive details on just exactly what this new party stands for. What do they want to change at UB? What do they want to keep? Take a look at the Generation Party’s platform and consider voting for them for the 2011 - 2012 SA Executive Board and SUNY Delegate positions! Presidential Candidate: Dino A mysterious Eastern European, Dino would bring the cool factor to the Student Association as SA President. His excep-
Student Finances & Tuition Once elected the Generation Party will cut the current UB Student tuition in half for all in-state, out of state, and international students. No money from any UB student’s tuition will go to Albany. We do not support the use of student’s money to fill potholes in the streets of New York City. All tuition collected will go directly to UB and provide a better campus, education, and living space for all UB community members.
Transportation & Parking We will get rid of the Faculty parking lots. Student commuters reserve the right to park closer to campus instead of professors that don’t have office hours. During the winter, snow plows will not only keep the lots clear and safe, their drivers will personally dig out all cars they bury under when plowing.
GENERATION March 29, 2011
Faculty will get to use the New UB Faculty Stampede buses to get to and from work. Think of it as a fun middle-school experience. The Ellicott shuttle buses will switch their route and go directly from North Campus to Chippewa. They will run from 6:00PM - 6:00AM on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. A new moving sidewalk system (that is tunneled for the winter) will replace the Ellicott-to-North Campus route. Airport style! Classes All classes will remain open regardless of how many students want to register. If 5000 students are interested in Yoga 101, then we will just have class in the Football stadium. All classes will be filmed and posted online like the distance learning classes. This gives every student the opportunity to make up the work they missed. A professor’s “Rate My Professor” rating will be taken into consideration when deciding on their salary and tenure. We should get rid of tenure. Entertainment We will buy a box suite for all HSBC Arena events, Sabres games, and Bills games and give out tickets to all of these as a weekly free drawing for students! Students will have input on all Distinguished Speaker Series events. (Charlie Sheen please!!) In addition to Fall Fest & Spring Fest... we present SUMMER FEST! This will be a summer concert of all live DJ techo & house music. UB Libraries We will double the amount of computers in all UB Libraries so the wait for a computer space is shorter or non-existent. Coffee shops will be located in all UB Libraries, with a fine amount of caffeinated choices for students pulling an all-niter.
tion about their account, don’t have to wait in a 3 hour line for people to pay their tuition bills. No more lines and getting rid of BIRD. We still don’t know what it’s used for. Clubs The finance department for clubs will work like an actual bank. This way it will take up to 2 hours to access your club funds and not 2 weeks which it currently is at now. Money and events will be officially approved once and not by 7 different UB offices, multiple times. We will get rid of the no alcohol policy that is currently instated. Hello... this is college? More vans will be purchased for clubs to use for any of their events. We can’t walk to Florida! There will be unlimited printing for everyone. If you want to print a textbook, go right ahead (but you won’t need to with your iPad!) More trashy romance novels in the library.
ternities on campus. Syracuse has some MANSIONS that are pretty ballin’. We can top that. Clean bathrooms that are connected to all rooms. No more showers down the hallway to the left.
Senior Privileges Cap & Gowns will be included in tuition and you won’t have to dish out $70 just to look good. There will be an unlimited number of graduation tickets available. The limit of four per CAS student is not OK. Every graduate will receive a fancy framed diploma and not just a slip of paper. Come on that’s four years worth of work! There will be guaranteed job placement through Career Services after graduation, or UB will hire back any student they do not land a job for.
Generation Magazine We are in support of keeping good writing and publications on campus and available to students. All Generation Magazine editors will receive an enormous bonus in terms of pay for their exceptional work. High-gloss print will be made available for all issues of the magazine. We are looking for Generation Magazine to compete on the level of Vogue, GQ, and Wired. Hey...it can happen.
Student Housing We will offer some pet-friendly housing complete with doggie parks and a small Vet. Hospital. Awwww Nice Greek housing for all approved fra-
Student Response Center The SRC will be split into different offices depending on different student issues. Financial Affairs, Student Accounts, and the Registrar will all be moved into separate offices. It gets confusing in there! This way students looking to ask a ques-
UB Presidential Selection We loved President John Simpson, but if he has to go we would like to nominate Charlie Sheen for UB President. He is currently available and not working on any TV shows. We want this to be a WINNING Campus. He would fully support our UB WASTED bar too. So there you have it. The new and creative outlook on things the Generation Party would like to see changed and added here on campus. We’re not sure that everything would work out, but some of these things would be pretty sweet. Make sure you get out and vote for the Generation Party during elections for the Student Association on March 29, 30, and 31. Author’s Note: This is a fake campaign and we are not really running for office. But you can still vote for us anyway! *April Fools. Everything in this article is fake.
AT&T prepares to buy T-Mobile By Seon McDonald It came as a shock to many when AT&T announced that they have entered into a strategic deal with Deutsche Telekom, the parent company of T-Mobile, to purchase the T-Mobile USA wireless provider and effectively become the nation’s largest wireless carrier. Currently in the United States there are four major wireless carriers. In terms of subscribers Verizon Wireless leads with 102 million, AT&T is second with 95 million, Sprint third with 50 million, and lastly T-Mobile with 34 million. The deal hence vaults AT&T past Verizon with a combined 129 million subscriber base while effectively reducing the competition to a 3 legged race; neck to neck with Verizon while Sprint limps behind. The details of the acquisition reveal that AT&T will pay Deutsche Telekom a total sum of $39 billion in cash and stocks. Specifically, $14 billion in stock, which means the German Company will have an 8 percent stake in AT&T. The deal is far from complete at this point as they must first pass through approval hurdles from the Department of Justice and the FCC (Federal Communications Commissions). With up to a year before its official, this might give competitors enough time to lobby against the merger. Meanwhile Sprint has already cried foul. Steve Elfman, Sprint’s president for network operations worried that the merger would impact their profit margins. “They could get better pricing from suppliers than we could and we could be at a disadvantage,” he said. “If we have to go down in pricing it will affect our profitability. It could also drive pricing up,” Sprint’s concern is not unfounded, as the company’s last earn-
Artists to Watch: Das Racist 18 | ubgeneration.com
ing’s report was not all rosy. Even after their promising merger with Nextel, they posted a net loss of 865 million with a net loss of 75,000 customers. Verizon, on the other hand, remained poised and simply said they were “interested” in the details and shot down rumors that would buyout Sprint in a retaliation move. Verizon recently launched the CDMA version of the iPhone signaling an end to the exclusivity that helped grow AT&T subscriber base while negatively affecting the reliance of its network. AT&T definitely sees the opportunity to gain a foothold in the LTE 4G market while improving its public perception. T-Mobile has always been the underdog in the phone market, ranking first for customer service in almost every independent survey, while AT&T ranked at the bottom. When the popularly of the iPhone continued to grow faster than the network could handle customers found they experienced signal problems and slow data speeds and chiefly blamed AT&T. Many jumped to Verizon as soon as the iPhone became available, forcing AT&T to get creative to stop the hemorrhage. Carriers aside, the group most affected by this acquisition is the customers. T- M o b i l e was the only alternative GSM carrier that priced
their plans aggressively against the behemoths. Not only are the plans cheaper on T-Mobile, but the carrier is one of the two left offering unlimited data plans rather than the capped bandwidth offered in tiers by AT&T and Verizon. (Sprint still offers unlimited data). It is inevitable that all this will change once AT&T takes the reins and many current customers are understandably nervous. One would also think that the iPhone would immediately become available to T-Mobile users, but according to the FAQ page on TMobile’s website that might not be the case: “T-Mobile USA remains an independent company, as the acquisition is expected to be completed in approximately 12 months. We’ll continue to offer cutting-edge 4G devices like the Samsung Galaxy S 4G, as well as the new Sidekick 4G, the TMobile G2x and the G-Slate tablet coming later this spring.” Also alarming is that eventually all T-Mobile customers who currently utilize 3G will have to replace their phones once the carrier assimilation completes. AT&T plans on reconfiguring the T-Mobile 3G towers to work for 4G service. This is part of the company’s long term strategy of being the nation’s premier provider
of 4G service, a huge selling point against Verizon. The specifics of this endeavor involve augmenting AT&T’s 700MHz LTE spectrum with T-Mobile’s 17000MHz AWS bands. This would ensure AT&T deploys its LTE 4G standard to 95 percent of the US population, even rural areas. Ralph de la Vega, CEO of AT&T stresses that phone replacement costs have been factored into the 39 billion dollar deal and that by the time the merger is legit, customers would be up for upgrades and would be given choices of compatible devices. He also hinted that T-Mobile customers on contract may be able to keep their plans by having it “grandfathered in”. Hopefully this means users with unlimited data plans get to keep that status without extra fees. Monopolies in any market always pose the risk of slowed innovation and lack of competition. This is the basis of Sprint’s reservations reflected in the carefully worded statement released by the company “If approved, the merger would result in a wireless industry dominated overwhelmingly by two vertically-integrated companies that control almost 80% of the US wireless post-paid market, as well as the availability and price of key inputs such as backhaul and access needed by other wireless companies to compete” This might not augur well for consumers who are left with fewer choices save for smaller companies like Metro PCS or Simple mobile both of which lack proper nationwide coverage. However all may not be doom and gloom as the AT&T’s own coverage would be greatly improved and 4G technologies get the push that it rightly deserves ushering America into a bright future of strong network infrastructure.
By Catherine Prendergast
at Wesleyan University in Connecticut. In 2008, Kool A.D. and Heems had their stage names set and came out with the hilarious and upbeat single, “Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell.” This song has been called everything from silly to profound. Contrasting terms have also been used for their first mixtape, Shut Up, Dude and their second, Sit Down, Man. Whatever Das Racist is, humorous, hip-hop, a joke, an urgent voice, there is no question that the duo is worth a listen. Behind the catchy beats lie substantial lyrics that reference the genre of rap, consumerism in America, and diversity. Look out for their newest album, Relax, coming this June. GENERATION March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 5th, 2011: Victor Vazquez, aka Kool A.D., chugs beer he grabbed from screaming fans between verses, while Himanshu Suri, aka Heems, keeps the rap going, and Ashok Kondabolu, aka Dap, busts out a little jig. These guys are the members of Das Racist, the first two creators, the third their hype man, who joins the pair for shows and many music videos, including the one just described, which was at Buffalo’s own Soundlab a couple weeks back. Kondabolu and Suri both attended Stuyvesant High School in New York City, while Suri met Vazquez
Photo courtesy of Onemendo
By Seon McDonald
Album Review: Chris Brown “F.A.M.E”
A “comeback” is a term usually used to refer to an entertainer who returns to popularity after a period of irrelevancy. One can argue that Chris Brown was always in the public eye whether artistically or through his own personal troubles, yet a comeback is exactly what he needs in order to solidify his standing in the R&B landscape. His previous effort “Graffiti” failed perhaps because in the court of public perception he was found guilty, but it unquestionably failed because it lacked both the direction and energy his debut album boasted. F.A.M.E. - an acronym for “Forgiving All My Enemies” - seems to imply that Chris Brown put together a disc of songs that reflected his growth and maturity as an artist. Sadly this isn’t the case as the album careens off track and never achieves its intended effect. F.A.M.E. opens with the promising and slickly produced “Deuces” where Brown ditches a drama loving chick, then segues into the intimate R&B ballad “Up to You”, which gives Brown a chance to show his romantic side. By the next track things quickly take a turn
for the worse, with crass chest-beating lyrics. Brown, who co-wrote the majority of the material on the album, adopts a bravado persona that’s as vapid as his new blond hairstyle. The track “No Bull Sh*t” begins “three in the morning / you know I’m horny / so why don’t you come over my place” What’s even more jarring is the somber tone of the track that belies the tactless lyrics. Perhaps as a nod to the man he claims to emulate, Brown sampled Michael Jackson’s “Human Nature” in “She Ain’t You”. He sings “ When I’m with her it’s only about the sex / with you I had a bad romance / and if I could just trade her in I would / cause nobody can pass you up”. It’s clear no inspiration whatsoever came from Jackson’s song other than its signature melody and vocal phrasings. Where the album stands out is the club heavy beats on the up-tempo tracks. In “Look at Me Now” produced by famed DJ “Afrojack”, Busta Rhymes adds his patented 90mph lyrical flow along with Lil Wayne completely upstaging Brown. The club hit “Yeah 3x” is a highlight and has charted well, peaking at fifteen on the
Billboard 100. F.A.M.E. isn’t lacking a track of contrition or two. On “All Back” Brown flexes his vocals earnestly reminding us he is a capable crooner “You never miss a good thing till it’s gone / I want it all back” he croons. “Should’ve Kissed You” is another ballad that’s evokes some sort of emotion from an otherwise odd production that features “Next 2 You” - a head scratching and forgettable collaboration with Justin Beiber - and the inane dancehall fodder “Bomb” featuring Wiz Khalifa. Closing the album is a euro-pop siren of positivity “Beautiful People” produced by Benny Benassi. It inherits the seasoned producer’s knack for deep synth beats suited for raving under strobe lights but sticks out like an orange amongst apples. Overall Chris Brown did better than his lackluster previous album, but not by very much. There’s something missing here and perhaps Brown has some growing up to do in order find it.
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LITERARY “Don’t tempt me Marvin, you’re on thin ice,” yelled Sarah across the yard. She was starting to get frustrated; Marvin was always home in time for dinner. For the fifth time in three minutes she checked the time on her cell phone. “Come on Marvin... where are you.” After waiting another two minutes Sarah stormed across the yard, heading down the path into the woods Marvin had cleared months ago. It was a wide path, so wide she didn’t have to worry about getting her hoodie snagged on a stray branch or even tripping over a fallen limb. Marvin was meticulous about his path, she had to give him that. Normally he never gave her any reason to worry. Sure he would occasionally break something on accident, but that’s to be expected when your best friend and roommate is a five foot tall T-Rex. Sarah let her mind wander as she made her way deeper into the forest, heading for the lake Marvin liked to visit. The first time they had met was back when she was four. He had started out as an experiment in her Dad’s lab, no one had expected him to last long, let alone become a functioning member of society. Marvin was a clone, well, technically, but he had been genetically altered to be less than half the size of a real T-Rex. Sarah’s dad had managed to extract enough DNA from one of the T-Rex bones in the skeleton in NYC to construct an entire genome back when he was only a grad student at MIT. That feat alone had earned him a Nobel Prize and enough money to retire. But he was young, engaged, and had a daughter on the way, so the idea of retiring never even crossed his mind. Instead, he took his genome and began to play around with the idea of creating an actual clone. At first no one thought it was possible. It was one thing to clone a sheep from fresh DNA, but to clone a dinosaur from DNA that was thousands of years old seemed impossible. Dr. Andrews proved everyone wrong two years later. Half of the science community was in shock while the other half feared what would happen if he actually got the T-Rex to live. The thought of a twenty-foot, two-ton beast running around was enough to make anyone cringe. What no one knew until later was that Dr. Andrews had thought about the ramifications of his actions and altered the DNA prior to creating the embryo. He never had any intention of creating a full-size dinosaur. Instead, he wanted to create a miniature one that could be a household pet. The day Marvin was “born” Sarah was in the lab with her dad. She was four years old, and thought there was nothing cooler than watching a baby dinosaur being born. Her dad wouldn’t let her be in the actual chamber with him though. Instead, she stood up in the observation area 20 | ubgeneration.com
Marvin By: Allison Ruiz
with her mother, watching as her dad removed the dinosaur from the specially created chamber. No one knew what was going to happen. At the time, Sarah had no idea that her dad could have been seriously injured by his experiment. Luckily he wasn’t. In fact, Marvin was rather calm after his birth. A smile crept across Sarah’s lips as she remembered Marvin’s first few minutes on earth. He had stood immediately, and within two minutes of being “born” he was walking around the lab looking at everything. Sarah had wanted to go down and play with the baby T-Rex but her mother wouldn’t let her. So the two stayed up in the observation area watching as the little dinosaur let her dad check his vitals, measure, and weigh him as if there was nothing odd about the situation. Dr. Andrews had stayed at the lab for a week straight after Marvin was born. He was afraid to leave the baby dinosaur alone, but eventually he needed to go home. When Dr. Andrews first tried to leave, Marvin went crazy. He ran after the man he had come to know as a father, scared that he was never going to see him again. That’s when Dr. Andrews first decided to bring Marvin home. Sarah’s mom was livid that first night. She said it wasn’t safe for a little kid to be around a baby dinosaur, but Marvin stayed anyway. That night Sarah snuck into the garage to see him after her parents had gone to sleep. It was as if they belonged to the same species. Communication between them seemed to flow easy, and they stayed up late into the night coloring and playing with blocks. Sarah had even fallen asleep in the garage next to Marvin. Her mom was not happy in the morning, but quickly realized that Marvin appeared to be somewhat harmless. “Come on dude, I’m hungry,” muttered Sarah as she walked. Up ahead she could see the sunlight reflecting off the lake, her own personal clue that she was almost as her destination. She walked the last few steps and stepped over a log into the clearing that surrounded Lake Wanita. Sunlight gleamed on the water, giving the space a Heaven-like feel. “MARVIN!”
she looked around hoping to catch a glimpse of her dinosaur friend. Nothing in the forest seemed to stir around her. The eeriness of the whole situation had begun to get to her, “Come on Marvin!” “Boo!” Marvin appeared from the trees behind Sarah. “Ahh! I hate you,” she said as she punched her friend in the arm. Marvin chuckled, “No you don’t. You can’t hate a talking dinosaur. I’m pretty sure that’s illegal.” He let out a hearty laugh that came out more like a roar, shaking the trees closest to the lake. “Fine, you’re right. Happy? Where have you been anyway?” “Sorry, I started chasing a coyote and kind of lost track of time…” “You would,” laughed Sarah. “Of course I would. Let’s go, I’m starved.”
It was too quiet; a shiver ran down Sarah’s spine as GENERATION March 29, 2011
LITERARY Rockstar Life By: DCJ If you thought I wouldn’t be here If you thought it was too far If you thought I would’ve failed Well im a big rockstar You would have never guessed And had no fucking clue I’d be here like I am Well I am gonna show you So stand around and listen Cuz I’ve got some things to say I’m here to entertain you So you better god damn pay I’m a superstar Ridin in my sexy car Got a mansion in LA Gonna party every day
April Fools Day By: Audrey Heller When it’s April Fools Day, you better beware. There’s so many pranksters, lurking out there. They’re waiting to bait you, with stories so bold. To see your expression, on what you were told. If they get a reaction, they’ll consider you real cool. They’ll blurt out and say...April Fool! Through the course of the day, you can be sure others, will be ready to pounce on you. Be a good sport and have a retort, enjoy the moment too! Directions: Find the underlined words from the poem in the word search. Challenge: Use the underlined words to create your own poem and e-mail it to ubgeneration@buffalo.edu for publication!
I’m singing to a crowd They stalk me to my car I step outside my house Always on the front of STAR I’m a superstar Ridin in my sexy car Got a mansion in LA Gonna party every day My music is insane And I’m livin up my fame Spendin tons of cash Stepped into that camera flash Some people just like to complain Say they hate all the fame That it gives them so much pain But they know they’re tellin lies Secretly they love their lives The cameras they don’t desipise.
My music is insane And I’m livin up my fame Spendin tons of cash Stepped into that camera flash
I’m a superstar Ridin in my sexy car Got a mansion in LA Gonna party every day
My life is in Magazines Though it probably ain’t too real Got a million facebook friends They be bowing at my heels
My music is insane And I’m livin up my fame Spendin tons of cash Stepped into that camera flash
Why My Job Sucks and Rocks at the Same Time By: AB Mommy can I have ice cream? That’s not ice cream. Oh God… Mommy can I have the thing That looks like ice cream?
No, You’ll spoil Your dinner.
Thank you lord But it has fruit! You said fruit is good! Oh shit… No, We’re going to Fat Bob’s for dinner.
Praise Jesus! Wait, What?
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Douchebaggery: A Love Story By Josh Q. Newman When I wrote “Hipsterific” about two months ago, I couldn’t have imagined the grievous impact it would have on the hipster community. It seems that I struck a nerve. After its publication I received many complaints about the article, mostly from hipsters about its inaccuracy. I can’t count how many times a hipster has written me by email or Facebook to rail against, as one guy put it, its “fucking douchebaggery” (a term only a hipster could come up with). One thing’s for sure: the people in the poetry reading on Allen Street that I wrote about weren’t pleased. The organizer of the event sent me a nasty email, saying that I had no right to cover the reading without her permission. She said the line “the reading had the most hipsters in a confined space I’ve ever seen” was offensive because she is claustrophobic. She didn’t like how I characterized English graduate students as hipsters, pointing out that a lot of them are hippies as well. She called me a Republican-lover and finally challenged me to a poetry-slam. Wait, there’s more. One hipster on
Winter is like a Bad Ex-Boyfriend By Kathryn Przybyla It is the end of March and pretty much the beginning of April. But something seems off. When I think of the start of spring, all I can picture is daffodils starting to pop out of the ground and the sounds of birds chirping. There should still be a chill in the air, but the ski jackets and parkas have long been put away. Unfortunately that is not the picture that has been painted as of late. Instead, I am writing this article after Mother Nature decided to drop one last pile of awfulness (aka snow) onto Buffalo, and I’m freezing. Being a local, I’m used to cold weather and have perfected the art of unfreezing my windshield. But along with most residents in this city, I have reached my breaking point. Those couple of weeks of “sort-of” 50 degree weather were such a tease, that I foolishly believed that winter would be cut short this year. I believed there was a good chance that spring would quickly transform into the wonderful summer I have been longing for. Never mind the heat, just the fact that the sun was not imprisoned behind a never 22 | ubgeneration.com
Facebook (his profile picture featured him twirling a hula-hoop while smoking a cigarette) said that my research was flawed. The sources that I used – Douglas Haddow, Mark Greif, Christian Lorentzen – didn’t know what they were talking about. They were “bummed-out losers” that “couldn’t tell a hipster apart from an Al Qaeda training instructor.” Even poor Norman Mailer didn’t escape his crosshairs, calling him a “hack” and “Gore Vidal’s bitch.” “Maybe next time,” he wrote, “you should actually say something in your article.” He said that hipsters aren’t as arrogant and self-centered as these authors made them out to be. Funny how I couldn’t tell. Of course, I probably should have expected stuff like this from hipsters. As I made clear in my article, hipsters get very defensive when their identities become exposed. It gets to them on a profound level and no amount of raves or snide comments while watching shows on “TV Land” can alleviate their paranoia. What I didn’t expect, though, was criticism from non-hipsters. A professor in the Media Studies department wrote to Generation immediately following its publication. She raised concern that the writer “paid very little attention to the up-and-coming field of Hipster Studies.” The field, led by Prof. Marcus Treebottom of the New School in New York, was created five years ago to address the growing trend of hipsterdom in the United States. A surprising amount of scholarship has been devoted to Hipster Studies,
which I apparently ignored. A professor from Vanderbilt University, for example, wrote a paper called “Duping Joyce: The Hipster Subjugation of Ulysses” in which he examines the phenomenon of hipsters talking about James Joyce’s novel without actually having read it. Another professor from Ohio State University did a survey of liberal arts departments around the country and found that 30 percent of faculty and graduate students either a) identity themselves as hipsters or b) wish that they be gone forever. One rather young philosophy professor at Columbia University went as far as dressing up as a hipster for a day to see how his students would react. Apparently he was asked repeatedly if he had any cigarettes. I appreciate the Media Studies professor’s concern. Had I known that Hipster Studies actually exists, I could have deflected some of the criticism I’ve been getting from hipsters, sending them with their tails between their skinny jeans. The last piece of criticism I care to share is from the owner of Spot Coffee on Elmwood. He was enraged by my description of his customers. He said that I deliberately exaggerated the atmosphere and misrepresented his customer base. “There weren’t nearly as many ‘hipsters’ at Spot as you made out to be,” he told me over the phone. “The only hipsters found in my shop are my employees, and they’re all very nice.” I explained to him that I didn’t mean to offend him or his staff, that I actually liked his shop and went there many times
after I wrote the article. Still, he was upset about my description of the mural found in the back, which I described as “hippie-ish,” because it was done by his daughter, who was an art major at Buffalo State. “She was going for Fauvism. What the fuck don’t you understand!” This got me a little angry, so I told him that I’d love to talk to him about the article in person, perhaps at a nice coffee shop like Starbucks. He hung up. With all the criticism it has been getting, I guess I can call my article a success. I can’t recall a time I’ve received more complaints, not even when I wrote an article last year bashing Jon Stewart. (I can only imagine what a hipster would do if I had somehow combined those two together.) I’m rather proud of “Hipsterific.” I wrote what I thought was a professional, slightlybiased but thorough essay about a group of people who I thought were interesting. If I have offended anyone I apologize but keep in mind that hipsters are supposedly about free speech and expressiveness. Dorothy Parker, who would probably be a hipster if she were born in 1985, once quipped that “writing well is the best revenge.” So to all the hipsters out there, I say this: make my day.
ending wall of clouds was a blessing. I feel tricked and deceived. And so I went to bed on that Tuesday night, assuming the usual happenings would occur the next morning. Boy was I wrong. I was greeted on Wednesday with a car covered in snow and un-salted roads. Late to every class and no parking on campus (no surprise there), it was an awful Wednesday. The walk from my car through the blistering wind to the student union was really all I could take. Thank god I wore sun glasses that day to help block the wind from my face. Not a good feeling. With all this ranting, you would think I’m a Queen City hater. But it’s certainly not true. It’s more of a dislike of what comes to Buffalo between the months of November and March – snow. I’ve never been a skier or snowboarder, and have no interest in joining Schussmeisters anytime soon. Being born in July, the summer is when I’m alive and thrive. I crave the sun, being outside, and just enjoying warm weather. You can understand my frustration with the season that just won’t go away. Winter is like a bad ex-boyfriend. I’m giving Mother Nature another two weeks. Fingers crossed that by then, my tank tops and flip flops can slowly start making their way out of my closet and on to my feet. I’m ready for the sun. Bring it on. GENERATION March 29, 2011
Parting Shots Just Announced: cessible. The only vehicles that will be allowed on the premises will be service vans and trucks, such as the anti-rape task force, the UB Stampede, and the shuttle buses. “UB has made enormous strides to be a sustainable, clean, green campus,” says one of the officials, who wished to remain anonymous. “We cannot be eco-friendly with all these students and teachers driving cars to campus every day.” Needless to say, this decision has students in an utter panic. “They’re kidding…. right?” desperately asks a pharmacy student. “I need my car, it’s like, everything.” “I drive to my class, and I do not see a problem with that,” adds another undergrad. Protests have already taken place. Over break, students gathered in the Diefendorf parking lot, holding up signs, such as “U-can’t-B-car-free!” Many stayed in their cars, blasting music and honking horns, to make the point.
While most students are entirely opposed to the new plan, teachers, on the other hand, seem to be very accepting, if not excited, about the idea. “Many students are terrible drivers,” says an English teacher. “Fewer accidents for me.” “Heck, I’ll start riding my bike again!” beams a Business professor. “I’ll finally get in shape!” And that is one of the main arguments for the car-free plan. Officials hope that by banning personal vehicles, not only will our air be cleaner, students and teachers will walk, take public transit, or ride bikes to campus. “See, we’ve figured this out, this is not some crackpot, coo coo idea, like most of them,” states the same official. “We realize we will now have several empty parking lots. But this is okay. Bike racks are going to be built, and there will even be a shelter system for the snow and rain.” He also said how a budget will be set up so every student will get a helmet and a proper lock. “I am surprised students are so opposed,” he mentioned. “No longer will they have to pay for gas. No longer will they hunt like tigers for an open park-
ing space. If they ride a bike, they’ll get in shape. Sounds like a win-win situation to me.” However, even as confident as the officials are, there are many un-fixed holes in this extreme restructuring. UB does not have the money for any more Stampedes or Shuttles, which will make every single ride utterly packed. Officials are also still debating how much of a fine cars that sneak in should get, any amount tension causing. Since UB hopes to have a car-free campus by 2012, the process of getting there in time will be a painful one. Parking spaces, one by one, will be replaced by a bike rack starting this summer, when there are “fewer students to cause a ruckus,” explains the anonymous official. By the fall, when most students return, half of their beloved parking lots will well be on their way to car unfriendly. UB: smoke-free, soon to be car-free, maybe this campus will eventually be student-free.
weaving in and out of each other and other mall kiosks that couldn’t be moved for the race. It was quite cute to watch actually. What isn’t adorable about huskies frolicking in snow? I’ll tell you. For one thing… the snow. My friend Kaitlin and I decided we wanted to watch the race so we were cutting the fruit in the front of the store instead of the back counter like we normally do. At first it seemed like a great idea. But on lap two, the snow had softened a little bit and was starting to fly everywhere. By lap six, we were getting pelted in the face with snow every time the dogs came by.
At one point Kaitlin got nailed in the side of the face with a giant slush-ball. It was hysterical, but also sucked since snow is so damn cold. The other thing that sucks about watching dogs run in snow is the wet dog smell that takes over after a couple laps. I’m sure everyone knows what I’m talking about on that one. There are few smells as disgusting as a dog’s wet fur, now imagine that wafting by a few dozen times and then lingering for hours. Yeah, let me tell you, it sucked big time. Then there were the puddles. Someone on the maintenance crew decided to
turn the heat on full blast after the race ended, and all the snow wound up melting. Originally, the snow was supposed to be shoveled out of the mall, that way there wouldn’t be a river where people were walking. But after it melted, no one knew how to get it out so we had to simply put up with the wetness. People fell, actually, a lot of people fell, mainly senior citizens and little children that parents weren’t watching. A tween wiped out right in front of the store, which was the highlight of my day, but other than that it was kind of depressing to see people fall. I’m pretty sure the Boulevard Mall will be getting sued from all this. Overall the race itself was a big hit. The dogs posed for pictures with people and even took a few kids for a ride around the food court. It was merely the fallout that had people fuming. When I ran into mall management later that day they said the race was going to become a yearly tradition, but that there would be more precautions taken next year to ensure the mall floor wouldn’t resemble the Nile afterwards.
UB to Become Car-Free by 2012
By Catherine Prendergast Last week, UB officials voted 60 to 40 on a radical new plan. By 2012, the University at Buffalo will no longer be car ac-
Mall Dog Sledding By Ally Balcerzak
This past weekend the Boulevard Mall hosted its first ever Indoor Dogsled Race. Yes, that’s right, I said indoor. Eight contestants and their dogs lined up in the food court at 9am on Saturday morning for the ten lap event. The event was very spur of the moment. In fact, it was only announced three days prior. Originally the now infamous Indoor Dogsled Race was supposed to take place at the Amherst Pepsi Center but due to the ice melting at HSBC Arena, the Sabres had to take over the rinks for special practices before playoffs start. So just three days before the big event, with the dogs already on their way, event planners had to scramble to find a different facility. That is when Boulevard Mall managers stepped in to rescue this - what they thought was a once-in-a-lifetime event allowing it to happen. Now, as a mall worker, I was pretty excited when I first heard that there were going to be dogs running around. It didn’t even occur to me that I’d have to attempt to do my job while this was happening. But there was no way stores were going to be closed on a Saturday, and since the race was scheduled to be over by 10am, we all had to report at normal time. I happen to work at Yogen Fruz, which was right near the sled turnaround so that they could head back down to the food court to finish their laps. So there I was, at 9:15 on a Saturday morning cutting strawberries as a few dozen sled dogs ran by,
*April Fools. Everything in this page is fake.
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