Generation Magazine - February 8, 2011 - Nothing is provocative anymore.
CONTENTS
Featured Also 05 | Editor’s Letter
Advice from our own Valentino.
07 | Agenda
Sports. Music. Comedy.
08 | He Says, She Says
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09 | Interview with Ahnold Hasta la vista, California. It’s all speaking tours from here on out.
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10 | Dating Schwartzenegger?
This article is a thinly disguised cry for help.
11 | Man.Myth.Muscles. Um...more Arnold. 12 | V-day Guide Good things to know in advance.
14 | Hipsterific!!! Josh Q. Newman enters the dark heart of hipsterdom.
15 | Hit or Bulls***
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(716)2010-GEN Text us your comments, advice questions, texts from last night, picture messages or whatever else you want other people to see (and we do text back). 716- 201-0436.
A range of issues, no doubt of great import.
18 | Tech Guide
A new Android? It’s like everything in Bladerunner is coming true!
19 | Album Review
Adele. Also sounds like a crappy tech company.
20 | Literary
Valentine’s haikus and lovable chipmunks!
23 | Parting Shots
OMG! A real life princess!!! And a wedding!!!! At the same time!!!!
EDITOR’S LETTER
Generation Magazine
Valentine’s Year
Valentine’s Day is upon us, and we have devoted a large portion of this issue of Generation to the day when boyfriends suddenly become really good boyfriends and women suddenly become sexual demons. It almost seems like it is a packaged deal. But why must we devote just one day on being extra good to our partners? In this letter, I’m going to share a few tips for guys on making Valentine’s Day a year-round thing. First of all, being a manly man is fine, but trying to be a manly man
100 percent of the time while in a relationship is not going to impress the girl. It will probably get annoying after a while. In my opinion, all men have a soft side, and many of us purposely hide that side. To show your girlfriends that you care and that she is a big part of your life, you must allow yourself to express your softer side, and not make it seem like you’re doing it on purpose. If you hide a side of yourself, you’re not being yourself. Instead of acting like you hated that romantic comedy, tell her the truth. Tell her that you loved the happy ending. Why wouldn’t you like a happy ending? Also, don’t pretend like you don’t like watching drama. Women like watching drama, and so do men. So if she likes Gossip Girl, invite her over and watch it together. I can bet that you will enjoy it, and probably learn a thing or two. The best part is that women remember this stuff and love reciprocating, so next time Dexter is on, she’ll be in your arms. Secondly, quit with the cliché gifts. Flowers on Valentine’s Day are over-
priced, and those huge heart-shaped chocolate boxes seem good in theory, but only show laziness and lack of personality. Just because it’s heartshaped does not mean it’s a universal gift that every girl will love. Start by giving her something more meaningful, and go on from there. How about a cute teddy bear on which you lightly spray some of her favorite cologne? Or instead of a bouquet of overpriced red roses, get her one rose of her favorite color unexpectedly throughout the year. Although if she loves Valentine’s Day and also bragging about how awesome her boyfriend is, buy her the largest bouquet of her favorite roses that you can find. Women love showing off, and nothing will make her friends more jealous than a huge bouquet in the middle of her room. Women often feel as if they are expected to have sex with their boyfriends on Valentine’s Day, and even throughout the relationship. To be a better boyfriend, make sex the last priority. For most women, the feeling of being pressured when it comes to sex actually makes them want it less. It may be hard to stop thinking about it, but you can at least try to stop bringing it up and let her bring it up. If you allow your girlfriend to control the sexual portion of the relationship, it will become more enjoyable. When she does it on her own terms, she won’t be pressured, and that will benefit both of you. There are plenty of other things you can do, and Generation is here to help. Look through the rest of the issue for helpful hints, foods and events that will help you make Valentine’s Day memorable, and hopefully, a better partner. If you hate Valentine’s Day, we have a great interview with the Governator, a couple of features on his speech, and a feature on UB’s hippie culture. That should keep you entertained for now.
Until next time. Xoxo. DH. Chart by Catherine Prendergast
2011 - 2011 Staff Editor in Chief Dino Husejnovic
Managing Editor Kathryn Przybyla
Creative Director Elizabeth Flyntz
Contributing Designer Jordan Rosenberg
Copy Editor
Catherine Prendergast
Associate Editors Seon McDonald Steve Neilans Allison Balcerzak
Photo Editor
Marina Bayramova
Circulation Director Rashid Dakhil-Rivera
Contributing Staff Josh Q. Newman Nathan Grygier Jessica Brant Allison Ruiz
Business Manager Ariella Goro
Ad Manager Tommy Zhao
Cover design by Dino Husejnovic. Generation Magazine is owned by Sub-Board I, Inc., the student service corporationat the State University of New York at Buffalo. The Sub-Board I, Inc. Board of Directors grants editorial autonomy to the editorial board of Generation. Sub-Board I, Inc. (the publisher) provides funding through mandatory student activity fees and is in no way responsible for the editorial content, editorial structure or editorial policy of the magazine. Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephone numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260 Submissions to Generation Magazine should be e- mailed to ubgeneration@gmail.com by 1 p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2011 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free. Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief. Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief. Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers. Press run 5,000.
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source: reddit user: skeezer
AGENDA
MOVIE | JUST GO WITH IT | FEBRUARY 11
It’s the Valentines Weekend and the movie studios have smartly teamed up two of Hollywood’s most likeable actors - Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler in a romantic comedy about a man (Sandler) who hires a woman (Aniston) to pretend to be his soon to be divorced wife in an attempt to woo the woman of his dreams..
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SHOW | THE ROYAL COMEDY TOUR | FEBRUARY 18
Looking for a good laugh? The Royal Comedy Tour will be sure to serve up some raucous jokes. Headliners inCONCERT | GRETCHEN WILSON | FEBRUARY 11 clude famed Comedian Bruce Bruce, the rambunctious Fresh off her 2011 Grammy Award nomination for the hit song “I’d Love To Be Your Last”, Country Sommore and funny man DM Curry. Tickets start at $73 singer Gretchen Wilson popularly known as the “Redneck Woman” will serenade the crowd this Valen- Venue: Shea Performing Arts Center tines weekend. Tickets start at $35. Venue: Seneca Niagara Casino & Hotel Events Center
SPORTS | SABRES VS MAPLE LEAFS | FEB 16
Ice hockey Fans, Buffalo’s home team the Sabres will take on Toronto’s Maple Leafs. Sabres may need your support as they are at risk of missing the playoffs this year. Tickets can be purchased from the HSBC Arena starting at $60
MOVIE | UNKNOWN | FEBRUARY 18
This action thriller starring Liam Neeson centers on a man who after reviving from a coma finds that his identity had been stolen. With his not even his wife recognizing him and mysterious assassins on his trail he embarks on a deadly journey to uncover the truth.
TEXT US YOUR QUESTIONS! 716-201-0436
He Says, She Says An advice column divided by the sexes, starring Catherine Prendergast and Nathan Grygier
My girlfriend wants me to take her out for dinner but I don’t really have any money. Where can I go to be cheap, but not seem cheap? NG: Well, places to avoid should be pretty obvious. A good rule of thumb to use is that if there is a drive thru, she’s gonna think you’re a stingy bastard. Chinese food is always a good choice for something that’s cheap yet not that cheap. If you go to one of those places that has been caught dragging a dead deer into the kitchen, then I wag my finger at you. However, Red Pepper on Maple or Gin Gin on Sheridan both offer cheap, good eats without sacrificing quality. You can pay for the two of you without spending under 20 bucks, and she’ll be none the wiser you financial dynamo you! CP: Amy’s Place!! If you’ve never been there, it’s a quaint little restaurant on Main street and Merrimac. They serve a creative blend of Lebanese and American cuisine, that is incredibly low priced for the superb quality. Every time I go there I try something new – whole grain banana pancakes, a “Bruce Bowl”— which is lentil soup with onions, cheddar cheese, and hot sauce, so much better than a garbage plate— chicken sandwiches...and I have never been disappointed. Amy’s Place is sure to be the perfect restaurant for your dilemma. The food is cheap, but you will appear to be the opposite—in fact, I almost guarantee your girlfriend will love the chill, friendly, diner-like vibe, not to mention she’ll be thrilled you didn’t take her to Wendy’s. Amy is better than Wendy. (Hey Amy’s Place, can I get some store credit for this?) My father’s girlfriend transferred to UB last semester and has been hitting on me all of this semester. What do I do? NG: Hitting on you how? Has it
been blatantly obvious or has she been more subtle? Is it like a “Hey let’s meet up in the union for some nomage, lol” or is it more of a “Yeah I have a three hour break and a bottle of wine, think of the possibilities.” If it’s the first, then calm down she’s probably just trying to be polite. If it’s the second, then you should probably go ahead and bang her. This way, if you and your father ever get into some argument where he really really pisses you off, you can just be like “Yeah dad? Well I banged your girlfriend, suck on that old man!” You may lose the war, but you will have won the battle. CP: Wow. Congratulations. This has got to be the strangest question I have ever received. First of all, your father’s girlfriend transferred to UB. What, as a graduate student? An undergrad? How old is your father? Is your dad really dating a girl in a 20-26 year old range? Did you and your dad make a pact to both date girls the same age? I cant decide if that would be funny or weird. Regardless, this girl is now hitting on you. I can’t say I’m surprised. She’s been with an old, wrinkly man and is now surrounded by, can it be, men her own age! Not only that, she’s around you, and you’re like an appropriate, younger, fitter version of your father. I say if she’s cute, hit on her back. But only after you convince her to break up with your dad. How do I make Valentine’s sexual when I have a cast on? NG: Wait a second, since when weren’t casts sexy? Think about it, what’s all the rage right now? You got it, sexting. Now as fun as that may be, imagine how erotic dirty cast messages would be. She writes a little dirty message on your broken arm and all of a sudden that’s not the only thing that’s stiff. Or, if she’s kind of a freak, then you can just put on some amputee porn and see
how she reacts. If she’s like “ew.” then you should probably turn it off and disregard any hopes of sex that night. However, if she’s into it, then you just role play and you are the king of romance. CP: Well, where’s the cast? If you’re talking broken leg, then it’s really no big deal. You can still please / be pleased, am I right? Broken arm? Same thing, really. Broken nose? Honestly I do not see how a cast would inhibit you in any way. It may force you to think outside the box… which is always a good thing. So is Valentine’s day sex the same as “birthday sex”? In other words, do I have to do whatever my boyfriend wants just because he bought me half a dozen roses? NG: Actually, Valentine’s day sex is a step above birthday sex. If you were wondering the ranking system, it is as follows : welcome home sex, make up sex, valentine’s day sex, birthday sex, glad you tested negative for an STD sex. You have to do shit that he wants without him even having to ask you or tell you that he wants it. Roses are expensive! We’re in a recession, don’t be selfish, pay him back with some sweet sweet raunchy late night lovin’. CP: Uh oh, looks like your boyfriend has been keeping up with the latest news. Until recently, Valentines Day sex was only required if your significant other performed at least four actions: sent you a card, sent you chocolate, sent you hearts (in any form), took you to dinner, paid for dinner, and paid for dessert. Any four of those, by law, guaranteed sexual repayment. However, state officials have just modified the law in New York so now it only requires a lover to give flowers to receive Valentines Day sex. Why did they change it, you may ask? I’ve heard that the government just felt like
society could not handle four activities anymore – we used to be about romance, but technology has slowly taken over. Also everyone is broke, everyone is worried about calories… the safest thing? Flowers. So, yes, if you want to be a law-abiding citizen, you better do whatever your boyfriend wants if you get some flowers come February 14th. It’s February and my lips are all chapped and cracked from the cold and the rest of my skin is all flaky and dry. I’m actually afraid of getting lucky because kissing me would be like kissing a ball of fiberglass insulation wrapped in sandpaper. NG: I’m kind of at a loss for words actually, because there is a product that I thought was commonly known to all that can cure just that. It’s called Chapstick, it’s really not that new of a product considering that it was invented in the 1930s. Maybe you should worry more about products that are widely known than getting lucky. If you don’t know what Chapstick is, chances are you missed the boat on lube, condoms, and many other products. Do yourself a favor, go to the CVS in the commons and buy some chapstick and condoms, because no girl wants to be rawdoged by a man with lips that are flaky and dry. CP: This is not a question. This is a couple of sentences. Are you looking for a trade? Okay then. What happens to you in February? Specifically, skin-wise? How are you feeling right now? Happy? Sad? Thoughtful? Warm? How is your love life? Are you single? When was the last time you were kissed? How did it feel? Can you describe it for me? Are you happy with your kissing situation, maybe in relation to your skin condition? I think I need some advice? Okay, your turn!
Source: Flickr User Id10t
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GENERATION February 8,2011
Photos by Steve Morse
People with Hard to Pronounce Last Names are Hard to Forget By Kathryn Przybyla Greater words could not have been said to me. With an extremely Polish last name made up of a noticeable lack of vowels, I have often had to defend my eastern European roots with multiple spellings and pronunciation. But when Governor Schwarzenegger uttered “if it is difficult to spell someone’s name, it is also difficult to forget them”, I could not have been more inspired. Last Thursday started off on a noticeably different note on campus, with random Terminator impressions being uttered throughout the hallways in anticipation of the Distinguished Speaker event that night. The choice of attire for a couple of undergrads walking through Baldy included “Arnold is numero uno” t-shirts. No one really knew what to expect, but they knew it was going to be big. Prior to his speech for the University at Buffalo community, I got a chance to sit down with the “Governator” along with the Spectrum’s Andrew Wiktor to ask him some questions on college student’s minds. Following a sponsor photo opportunity, we were quickly ushered in to the green room. Governor Schwarzenegger took off a navy blue sport coat he was wearing for the speech that night and sat down. He showed off the unique lining of his coat, complete with a sewn in combination of the American and his home state flag. That was so California. Right off the bat, I wanted to know what kind of advice Governor Schwarzenegger had for graduating seniors that are looking to take their first steps into the working world. Here is what he had to say: “The most important thing now is to be creative. If you go and do what everyone else does, then it’s going to be a competition with everyone else. I always think that it’s easier to carve out a niche for yourself.
But for that you have to be creative. “I came over here and we created a bricklaying company in the early 70’s because there was no money in bodybuilding. We made great money. It was enough to pay for our food, our apartment, and our college education, but I didn’t wait for someone to give me a job. I created it. “You’ve got to sit down quietly, without people saying you should do this or do this, because most people don’t know what they want to do. They are always listening to their mother, their father, or their coach or educator. You can listen to them for advice, but you’ve got to go and figure out for yourself what you are really passionate about. “It’s all about finding your passion and being creative. In America, this is the place that is asking you to be creative. Don’t fall into the trap of everyday things. It’s just too competitive. I could never have been just another actor. But because I had the body and the muscles, I could go and beat the drum in Hollywood and say these action guys are all skinny rats. I look like an action hero. I can do action movies.’” The things he was saying were inspiration at its finest. His view on success was such a simple concept. To be successful, you need to be different. You need to stand out from the pack and prove to everyone else that you are the best. It is so true, especially with a wobbling job market, no one will be at graduation handing you a job as you accept your diploma. The topics of conversation then turned to future aspirations of the Governor and what his plans were for the future. Besides public service and staying active in his state’s affairs, the Governor was excited to talk about upcoming projects in the entertainment business: “I’m looking right now at all the scripts that were available to be before I became Governor, and it was because I became Governor that I couldn’t do them.
“We are about to sign a deal with a publisher to do an autobiography, and I’m going to do a book on my seven year experience as Governor and what it was like dealing with politics and how we move forward again as a state and as a country. There will be a lot of opportunities and things that I will be getting into, things that I have done in the past and new things that I haven’t done. I like to do new things, like going forward with this speaking tour. This is a new thing I have never done. “I had a great time these last few days doing some speeches up in Canada. But this is the first one I’ve done in the United States here in Buffalo.’” And what a speech it was. Getting up on the infamous stage with our treasured golden buffalo, Governor Schwarzenegger looked as comfortable as ever, sans any cheat sheet to get him through the talk. It was an impressive feat in itself, seeing as most politicians struggle terribly without glass prompters guiding them. He began with some great one-liners to get the audience going. It is doubtful this man has any insecurity when it comes to speaking in front of a large crowd, seeing as he fed off the audience actively. Dancing with Danny Devito, imagining Sarah Palin naked, and sleeping with a Kennedy, were all but some of the first things referenced. But just like Bill Clinton, Governor Schwarzenegger is still bossed around by a democratic woman; his beautiful wife Maria Shriver. We then learned of the start of his career, and the dreams of a young man growing up in Austria. With a mother who wished a “Von-Trapp” lifestyle and a wife named Heidi for her son, Governor Schwarzenegger stayed true to his vision and sought to succeed in America through bodybuilding. Since then, he won the World Bodybuilding Championships 13 times among numerous other awards. This was his chance to cross over into acting. He was being creative and he was different. He stood out and people were noticing. Flash forward to an incredible acting career filled with so much success, that even
people who have never seen his films know who he is. From Conan the Barbarian to the Terminator and even a cameo appearance in The Expendables last year, Governor Schwarzenegger sure knows how to do what he loves, and he does it well. Professional success led to getting more involved in his community, which then transformed into a seven year stint as Governor of California. Over his time in office, Governor Schwarzenegger spent more time fighting for the people than for his party. He was the epitome of bi-partisan collaboration, arguing that legislators in California have signing the back of too many checks, instead of signing the front. And yes, they are the girly men. They are the ones who were afraid to fail. But Governor Schwarzenegger has never been afraid to fail. He has overcame obstacles and was determined to follow a dream of his, no matter how many people told him no. He is the ultimate American dream. “This country has given me everything” he said after reminiscing on his fascinating life. And when asked the reoccurring question that if the U.S. constitution was different, would he ever run for President? He responded that he absolutely would, but after everything he has accomplished, he’s not going to complain about the one thing he can’t do. I would have to say, that of the 10 or so Distinguished Speaker Series events I have attended while at UB, I left this one the most inspired. Not only did the Governor share stories of his success, but he encouraged us to do the same and never settle for less. Looking to get into the competitive fields of journalism, television, and broadcast when I graduate, this was just the motivation I needed. It was more than my pleasure to sit down with Governor Schwarzenegger and ask him a few things on a lot of college student’s minds. There is a lot that will still be unknown to me once I graduate this May. But if not being afraid to fail and breaking a few rules is all it takes, I’m looking forward to the challenge. ubgeneration.com | 9
Why I Would Rather Date Arnold by Steve Neilans
Flying solo on Valentine’s Day isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. I guess I would compare Valentine’s Day to spending an entire day watching “The Notebook”; some people think that sounds like the greatest thing ever, while others would sooner be found holding a hacksaw next to their freshly severed genitalia. I’m not insinuating that being sane, free from the wrath of the opposite sex, etc. for an extra day in the year can’t be an enjoyable experience, but Valentine’s Day certainly wasn’t created with the single person in mind. I sometimes wish I could go back to the days where Valentine’s Day was about getting sweet Power Rangers cards from everybody in elementary school and eating candy. I felt like the biggest pimp back then letting every girl know that they needed to be my valentine with a sweet Tiny Toons cardboard card. Back in those days, kids wouldn’t look at you like a cancer patient if you were single on V-Day, they just wanted your candy. It’s been all downhill from there. If I were to give my early prediction of things I will probably do on Valentine’s Day, watching movies like “Total Recall” and “Terminator” would probably rank fairly high on the list (next to self-loathing). I might throw in (500) Days of Summer for a little bit just to feel a deep hatred towards crazy women who like the Smiths, but I think that the appeal of midget strippers and triple breasted women from Mars will draw me back to “Recall”. Besides, it would allow me to spend 10 | ubgeneration.com
time with the person that I’d rather date over any other woman in the world… Arnold. I am not a gay man, but I certainly can’t deny that the games women play hasn’t made me question if I like the right team once or twice. Dating Arnold Schwarzenegger would certainly get rid of that problem. I don’t even think I’d be technically gay because he’s a machine anyways. His CPU is like a neural net processor anyways, a learning computer, duh? He would never leave me for long because he’d always be back and he’s a cop (you idiot) so he’d always keep me safe. Plus, I would always know that I was in a long lasting relationship because if it wasn’t he would have just traveled back in time and erased any memory I ever had of him. That sounds way more fun than dealing with the cryptic messages that I get to fumble through day after day from women. Way more fun. Is walking the ridiculously fine line between not trying hard enough and trying too hard too hard for you? Arnold would crush that line with his robotic legs. Things would never get too dull or too hot and steamy, because the boiling point of titanium is 5949 degrees Farenheit so everything will just be totally within his control. I don’t even think that last statistic made any sense really, but Arnold doesn’t care as long as it contains badass pieces of information. My one hesitation would be when it came to the physical side of things. I don’t know if I’d be thrilled to have a re-
lationship with an electronic device under the covers, but I’m sure there are a few people I could talk to who might tell me it’s better than the real thing. Dane Cook was dead-on when he said that women were brain ninjas who can cut you and slip back into the night with their katanas. I won’t act like the innocent choir boy and say guys never do that sort of stuff either, but girls are black belts. The only things that can beat that sort of ninja power are the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Schwarzenegger. I am still quite sad that I wasn’t able to meet the machine of my dreams when he came to UB a couple weeks ago. When that kid had those two DVD’s signed, I clenched my fists in a jealous rage that only Jennifer Aniston could ever understand. When only Kat could go to that interview for our issue… I don’t even want to go there. So much rage deep within my soul… However, he did shed some of his wisdom onto me which makes me feel fairly confident that he’ll appreciate my listening skills when we do eventually become life partners. For example, I will now always know that it’s “ok” to hang pictures of half naked dudes on my wall because that just proves how manly I will eventually become. Totally makes sense. Breaking all rules is totally cool too. The part of his speech which really let me know that we were destined was the section where he talked about girly men. For anyone who missed it, the moral was basically that “girly men” are anybody who
lets their fear of failure prevent them from doing anything. I could be sensitive and have those things some crazy people call feelings, and not be a girly man. Profound. My jaw was on the floor. I wasn’t quite sure if he was having the same homoerotic moment from 16 Candles that I was having, but in that moment I knew we were made for each other. Unfortunately, I woke up and realize that my dream won’t come true. Just like the classic Weezer song, our relationship was meant only for dreams. I will have to settle for living my fantasies with him as I watch his movies and smoke hookah in my neighbor’s garage. I guess I might go back to liking women eventualy, but I’m going to need a lot of personal time with Douglas Quaid before I do anything too crazy. Long story short: Valentine’s Day isn’t great for everyone, but don’t spend it alone or single (for a day at least). Life’s too short. If you feel like spending it with Arnold, go ahead, I even have a bunch of his movies you can borrow. Or get retarded drunk and make bad decisions with your TA at the Steer. Just do something that makes you happy. Living in regret is worse than living with embarrassing stories. And if you get too bummed out about not having a valentine, just think about how much fun Ronnie had without Sammi and how much his life sucks with her. Oh yeah.
GENERATION February 8, 2011
By Jessica Brant
Schwarzenegger started out by reassuring us that a political spiel was not The sound of his name is as power- lined-up on the agenda, which I’m sure ful as his presence. When I heard “Ar- relieved many; we had the Terminator nold Schwarzenegger” echo through the in our midst, the body-building chamspeakers, I envisioned a Roman God: a pion of the world, a small-town kid serpent strangler, a boar wrestler, and from Thal bei Graz, Austria who made a bolder crusher all in one. And then his way to the top--the Arnold most of right before my eyes, the modern-day us grew up with—and that is the Arnold Hercules appeared on stage, in a crisp the students wanted to hear speak to blue blazer and a pair of designer jeans. them, and that’s what they got. Schwarzenegger holds many titles: Of course, Arnold came with style The 38th Governor of California, a and a stash of political zingers that seven-time Mr. Olympia, the youngest didn’t disappoint. When talking about Mr. Universe winner ever, and to add his family life, he declared his admirato that list, the Undergraduate Student tion for his wife, TV journalist Maria Choice speaker for the 24th annual Di Shriver, niece of Democratic president tinguished Speaker Series. John F. Kennedy. There was plenty of man and plenty “Just like Bill Clinton, I also get of muscle that evening in Alumni Arena bossed around by a Democratic womto satisfy everyone as Schwarzenegger, an,” he said. 63, addressed politicos and aficionados Schwarzenegger was asked by a Bufof the UB community. He discussed falonian in the airport if he still worked coming to America, his bodybuilding out. His response, in true Arnold fashcareer, and his success as a Hollywood ion: “Last week I lifted 400 lbs…Rush actor, dispelling the myth and leaving Limbaugh out of his chair,” he laughed. an audience more pumped-up than ever While the Governator is quite the before. The Governator chose UB as his character (one UB students tried their first speaking engagement in the U.S. darndest to mimic in the entertaining, after finishing his second term in office. school-sponsored imitation video con-
test), he has character, making him one well-respected guy among the student populace. His advice was clear and to the point: “Always break the rules” and “Never take no for an answer.” And those who are afraid to fail, he warns, will never know what it’s like to succeed. “This why I call the legislators in California “girly-man”…You’re not a girly-man when you’re depressed or crying…you’re a girly-man when you’re afraid to fail,” he said. Arnold has come a long way in his career. He is one of the highest paid actors in Hollywood, earning an astounding $30 million for his role in Terminator III. As governor, he helped create the California Hydrogen Highway and the Global Warming Solutions Act of 2006. These achievements would not have been possible had Arnold not had any direction in his life, which he found through friends, family, and deep within himself. “It’s important to find what you’re passionate about,” Schwarzenegger said. And that passion need not be guided by salary. Meaningful work is priceless.
Schwarzenegger and his wife are supporters of The Special Olympics and are long-time contributors to the organization. He also founded Arnold’s All-Stars, which is part of the Inner-City Games Foundation. The program provides after-school activities for all middle school students in California. “It’s about how much you give, rather than how much you make,” he said. Many experiences were musclesculpting, but all of Arnold’s experiences in America, whether good or bad, were character-building. They have forced him to look outside of himself and into a world where the freedom of possibility sits there for the taking. “The heart doesn’t just pump blood, it pumps passion,” he said. “I wanted to give something back to America.” Arnold seized that freedom and never looked back. And he stayed true to himself all the while. Simply put, he “talks like a machine” and makes no apologies.
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Valentine’s Day 2011 12 | ubgeneration.com
UB’s Plans “No definite plans, except to wear as much red as possible” Y “Hate on whatever nonsense goes on in the Union” YY “Attempt to ask this girl out…but probably wont” Y “Hitting on my sexy TA” YYY “Going to dinner with my boyfriend” Y “What I do every year—get really drunk with all my friends” YY “Receive countless of boxes of chocolates from my many lovers”
By Catherine Prendergast
Y = sounds boring YY = sounds fun YYY = sounds HOT!
YY “Find a nearby White Castle – apparently they decorate it for Valentines Day!” YYY =“Wear red lipstick to class” YY “Talk up all the cuties on campus” YY “I think I have an exam that day” Y “Order pizza and watch TV, alone” Y “Go to dinner with my friends” YY “Skip class and sleep” YYY
GENERATION February 8, 2011
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By Josh Q. Newman
Hipsterific
Sitting in Spot Coffee on Elmwood Avenue on a cold Saturday morning, I knew I was in the right place. The hipsters were everywhere. Even though it was pretty warm inside, people were wearing French berets and beanies (I counted at least four), sipping coffees, having a nonchalant conversation with their friends, or if they were alone, reading a novel or taking notes on a notepad – if, of course, they didn’t bring their laptops. I saw a lot of flannel or just good fashion sense: scarves, high-heeled boots, etc. People, much like me, looked ponderous, chewing on the end of their pens as they waited for the next brilliant thought to come to mind. If I wanted to, I could’ve counted the big-framed glasses or skinny jeans in the shop but I didn’t out of fear that the number would’ve exceeded the fingers I had on both hands. There were customers outside smoking, braving the 20-degree weather. Original, avant-garde paintings were framed on the walls and in the back there was a large, opulent interpretation of Elmwood in mural form that included two suave baristas staring right at you serving coffee – rather hippie-ish, but whatever. The lamps shining above were covered by what seemed to be a leoparddesign and the curtains hanging from the top of the windows could be at first glance mistaken for velvet. Even the food shouted out hipster. Spot served focaccia sandwiches, specialized pizzas, club wraps, and the earl-gray tea that I ordered came with the biggest fucking teabag I’ve ever seen. I came to Spot Coffee at the recommendation of a friend who said this was a place I could find hipsters. Don’t get me wrong, I liked the place and would come there more often if it weren’t so far away from my home in East Amherst. But my first objective was to find out who, and what, hipsters are. What I found was both interesting and discouraging, which shouldn’t be a surprise: categorizing a group of people with scattered definitions generally yield those results. First, how to spot a hipster. Hipsters come in a variety of shapes, sizes, ages (if you consider 18 to 29 a variety) and fields (again, media studies vs. comparative literature). They’re known to wear plaid and flannel shirts with skinny jeans, or if they’re girls, spandex. They also wear ironic t-shirts, like shirts with a monkey astronaut, or a line from a movie you’ve never heard of. They have fixed-gear bikes and smoke cigarettes (I heard Parliaments are popular). Some are near-sighed, in which case they wear Urkel-like glasses. They tend to wear beanies and caps, even during the spring and summer. They also congre14 | ubgeneration.com
gate in small enclaves in large cities, such as Elmwood and Williamsburg in Brooklyn. They’re most likely English graduate students. But those are bare-bones, somewhat stereotypical descriptions (come on now, some of them study history) of the hipster community. What truly defines a hipster – what makes them a cut above the rest – is their attitude. Hipsters love irony and apathy, or in other words, having the belief that they’re well informed but too proud to address a topic directly. But above all, they love coolness. What is cool, you may ask? Well, talk to a hipster and he or she will tell you. Mark Greif of “The New York Times” writes that their “pride comes from knowing, and deciding, what’s cool in advance of the rest of the world.” What they consider cool is independent and not in the mainstream. They value critical thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, and everything and anything creative. Hipsters loathe cultural ignorance and mainstream consumerism (even though, as I will later point out, they show signs of both), and acquire a positively bohemian look to battle the horrors of suburban, home-bred American capitalism. They’re not afraid to latch on to trend to trend or to borrow from things past (80’s vintage, Bob Dylan’s
haircut, etc.). All hipsters care about is the cool – and appearing smart and witty while doing it. Of course, those things could be construed as stereotypes as well. Just look at urbandictionary.com. “Hipsterism” is a state of mind as much as it is a culture. What kind of culture, though, isn’t too clear. I tried to find out the history of hipsterism to clarify where this pastiche of coolness came from. The term “hip” itself can be traced back to the 1920s, 30s and 40s. “Hop” was slang for opium and “hipi” came from the West African word for “to open one’s eyes.” Fuse the two together, make it a noun, add the Jazz Age, and bam: hipster. People talked of hipsters as white people who followed African American culture, especially jazz and especially in Harlem. In the 1950s, hipsters found their literary voices in writers like Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg. The movement, though, didn’t gain true recognition until Norman Mailer came along. Mailer, ever one to defy convention, wrote an article for “Dissent” magazine in 1957 titled “The White Negro.” He tried to characterize the hipster as a man of the 20th century. In an era ravished by the Holocaust, World War II, and the atomic bomb, Mailer believed that the only people that would come out
alive with the human spirit intact were the hipsters. Hipsterism was a “muted cool religious revival”; the hipster “a philosophical psychopath.” Mailer in a frustratingly grandiloquent manner claimed that people must embrace their primal, psychotic urges to make sense of an increasingly whitenoise world. He said that the hipster was a delinquent, a criminal, a druggie, a radical (he used actor James Dean as an example). He said that the hipster was not a professional nor an artist but a man on the run with nowhere to go. His definition is akin to that of Friedrich Nietzsche’s Superman, an existentialist with no conventional morals and tastes to speak of but one who could rise above the meaninglessness of the universe. “The hipster,” Mailer wrote, “is equally a candidate for the most reactionary and most radical of movements.” Mailer’s hipster manifesto would come to fruition through beatniks, hippies, punks, rockers, even grungers, and as the Cold War went on and eventually led to the gogo Clinton 90s, hipsters would come into the fray. Yet I didn’t see any of Mailer’s saviors of humanity in Spot Coffee. The modern hipster seems to have slipped into the world’s glass slipper. How is reading a novel no one’s ever heard of or wearing clothes from American Apparel going to save the world? Criticism against hipsters point out that hipsterism, unlike the flapper/beatnik/hippie movements that came before it, is a mere exercise in taste, and a bad one at that. Douglas Haddow of adbusters.com wrote “Hipster: The Dead End of Western Civilization.” In it he blasted hipsters as selfobsessed, pseudo-intellectuals that have created a culture void of actual substance. Hipsterism is “a culture lost in the superficiality of its past and unable to create any new meaning.” Hipsters’ bohemian look is nothing more than a façade to identify with the working-class without actually becoming a member of it. Let’s face it: hipsters aren’t poor. They don’t have to scrape the bottom of the garbage can if they’re living in places like Elmwood and frequent Spot Coffee and Second Chic. But even if you ignore their economic status, it’s hard to ignore their social one. In trying to be cool, the hipster actually “mirrors the shallowness of mainstream society.” Their tastes and behaviors, for trying to be so unique, are homogeneous. They shop at the same places and attend the same art-parties. They have the same smug attitude against the world, thinking that they’re making a difference by blogging (or worse, posting moveon.org articles on Facebook) on how much the Tea Party sucks. They read alternative presses like “Vice” and “Another Magazine,” all the while adhering to the GENERATION February 8, 2011
same lackluster creed of authenticity. Haddow makes the case that hipsterism is the first movement born under the watchful eye of the advertising industry. Hipsters have become a consumer group, using rebellion and coolness as capital. When a trend ends, they pick up a new one, only to discard it when it has garnered too much exposure. Other movements have tried to change society. Hipsterism only seeks to change itself. Christian Lorentzen of “Time Out New York” echoes the same. In “Why the Hipster Must Die,” he slams hipsters as “a pageant of the bohemian undead.” They have in their arsenal a “repertoire of meaninglessness.” Wearing chic clothing and watching independent movies doesn’t constitute an actual culture, or even a personality. Instead the whole “I’m cooler than you” shtick rubs off as blatant posturing. “Hipsters,” he writes, “in their present undead incarnation are essentially people who think of themselves as being cooler than America.” So hipsterism is more of a contest rather than a culture, an undertaking that seeks the appearance of coolness rather than its acquisition. Greif, too, writes that hipsterism is the result of social status-building. Coolness is a way for hipsters to undermine their opponents, who seem to be everyone else. Borrowing from the views of Pierre Bourdieu, a French sociologist and philosopher, Greif writes that one way social classes define themselves is through taste and, as such, hipsters use taste as a symbol. They take pride from knowing what’s cool in advance but don’t want to admit the effort. Hipsters, then, are flannel-wearing hypocrites, using taste as a social monkeywrench without really knowing how to use it. These critics, it should be known, aren’t established journalists. With the exception of Greif, they’re pissed-off twentysomething free-lancers that think they, just like hipsters, have the answer for cool. But what about me? I should mention that I, too, wear flannel, but more importantly I have failed to actually go and find out hipsterism for myself. I didn’t talk to a single hipster. The only solid things I did were read Norman Mailer and go to a coffee shop for half an hour. How can I claim that I went to a savage journey to the heart of the American hipster without actually meeting, studying, capturing the essence of one? Well, perhaps I did. The only thing that comes close besides my tea-drinking at Spot was a poetry reading I went to on Allen Street. Rust Belt Books held a reading in its backroom. Organized by UB English graduate students, the reading had the most hipsters in a confined space I’ve ever seen. This meshing of hipsters was the closest I came to observing hipster culture. I liked what I found. The hipsters there weren’t smug or cold. They were actually very nice. A lot didn’t even wear the typical clothing endemic of hipsters. There was one poet, a former drugged-out teenage rocker, who looked like he was out of Siberia. The poetry itself was pretty creative, not the doggerel you’d expect of a Friday night reading. One guy read a poem aloud while playing old-school Super Mario and another read out of a scene of “Dead Poets Society.” By the end of the reading they were flickering their lighters and singing lyrics from TLC out loud. The people I talked to didn’t seem smug or even intentionally ironic. They were just downto-earth students that liked to smoke and watch independent movies. They were, to me, cool. Of course, this is assuming that they are hipsters. But that’s the point. What truly makes a hipster? Despite all the research and “observing” I did, I can’t come up with a cohesive answer. The hipsters I met didn’t fit with Haddow’s and Lorentzen’s furious critiques, nor did they identify themselves as one. When I brought up the fact that I was writing an article on hipsters to a group of them, they all looked a bit puzzled and laughed. “Are we hipsters?” one asked with a smile. I don’t know. Perhaps they’re not what Mailer described the “rebels of our generation” but then again, they’re not in an aesthetic vacuum either. Hipsters, I learned, are in the eye of the beholder.
Hit or BS
By Steve Neilans
HIT>>Dogs’ Noses
You may want to let your dog continue to drink from the toilet. It was discovered that some dogs have the ability to detect the early stages of bowel cancer by smelling someone’s breath or stool. A trained dog with the skill was able to detect 97% of patients with cancer through their stool and 91% through breath. So the next time Max is on your lap and acting suspicious, just remember, it might be because you have cancer.
BS>>Meteorologist
Getting a snow day is nice, but it’s a little embarrassing when you’re expecting a SNOWPACALYPSE and get clear skies and maybe an inch of snow. Who paid those guys to say it was going to be horrible and where can I thank them?
HIT>>Skin Gun
Scientists have developed a gun which can repair a patient’s skin in less than 2 hours. Stem cells are taken from the patient and sprayed onto the area which needs new skin (typically for burn patients). The skin grows back and never has the chance to become infected. The previous system of skin grafts took about 4 weeks. This is still it’s prototype form, but it has already helped a dozen patients.
BS>>Bing
Google recently discovered that Bing has just been using its search results. Google conducted an experiment where they tested a search result on their site with random characters that wouldn’t result in finding anything in Google. The same test was then done with Bing and a couple weeks later the random text would show up as a search result, proving Bing is using at least part of Google’s code. So much for search overload.
HIT>>Beavis and Butthead
Music Video Television is adding another show that isn’t actual music, but we’re strangely happy about it. The classic animated show which ran for over 200 episodes will be coming back to MTV after being hinted at for a couple months. It will be interesting to see if the show still keeps its charm 15 years later considering Beavis and Butthead should both be in their early 30’s by this point.
BS>>White Stripes Break-up
The White Stripes are breaking up. In a statement released on their website they wished to “preserve what is beautiful and special about the band have it stay that way.” Jack White will surely start a project but it is a little weird to think the White Stripes, who have been together for 15 years, are breaking up for good.
HIT>>Epic Meal Time
The best channel on YouTube right now. The concept is simple: a bunch of guys who cook crazy food for crazy people. For example, in one recipe the guys made a hamburger that totaled over 100,000 calories called the Sloppy Roethlisberger. In another recipe, they deep fried every item they could find and covered it in Four Loko. These guys do not *crow noise* around.
BS>>Outdoor Adventures
During the Winter Olympic Games last year in Vancouver, the company Outdoor Adventures decided to breed 100 sled dogs to give more excitement for tourists at the games. Last week, it was discovered that once the Olympic Games were over they were to all be shot and killed. If that wasn’t enough, reports also say the dogs were often killed slowly and were all buried in a mass grave, some even buried alive. I hope FEMA and SPCA completely destroy these scumbags. ubgeneration.com | 15
By Thom Cleland The “L”, “G”, “B”, and “T” of the acronym “LGBTQ” are all pretty well defined, but the “Q” is interesting. “Queer” (for today’s purposes, but possibly also “questioning”) seems to be an ambiguous catch-all phrase that pertains to many individuals. I’m rather new to the community (although not the activities), so I decided to do some research. The Association for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Issues in Counseling of Alabama (ALGBTICAL for very short) says on their website that while it can be offensive when used in the wrong context, “queer” is used to describe “a sexual orientation and/or gender identity or gender expression that does not conform to heteronormative society”. What I would especially like to touch on, as it’s the story of my connection to the LGBTQ community, is the fact that “queer” also can pertain to “gender normative heterosexuals whose sexual orientations or activities place them outside the heterosexual-defined mainstream,” with BDSM practitioners and polyamorous individuals included according to ALGBTICAL. Crossdressing (which is not the same as drag) may also be considered queer, although I know straight, bi-, and (presumably) gay men and women who have dabbled in just that. Present company not excluded. For years now, I’ve practiced selfbondage, a form of BDSM. In case you didn’t know, BDSM is actually an acronym for six things: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/submission, and Sadism/Masochism. (If you remember Vanessa Vandersloot’s O-ring collar from the professional drag show way back during Coming Out Week, that’s actually a symbol that represents a general interest in BDSM activities – though she wore and wears many cos16 | ubgeneration.com
Q tumes, so I wouldn’t jump to any conclusions.) As a submissive male (and somewhat of a masochist, someone who gets off on pain), I’ve never been comfortable around super macho guys. I don’t follow sports and I don’t chase Skirts like the world is ending. That’s not who I am or how I want to act. Interestingly enough, this is a phenomenon addressed by Dr. Robert Heasley, assistant professor of Sociology at Indiana University of Pennsylvania, in a paper called “Crossing the Borders of Gendered Sexuality: Queer Masculinities of Straight Men” which explores the far reaches of heterosexuality – the final frontiers, if you will. I thought it was really aggravating how the hosts at the two drag shows on campus insisted on asking who was gay or who was straight in the audience. What was I really supposed to say? I mean, I like to think of myself as “straight” so I raised my hand for that - though grudgingly because that doesn’t really describe me. Something akin to Kinsey’s Scale might be appropriate in this situation, but instead of measuring various degrees of bisexuality, you would have to compare absolute “vanilla” behavior (which is another word that shouldn’t be used scornfully) to something like a 24/7 Dominant/submissive (D/s) relationship. However, make no mistake: us kinksters have to deal with the same closet that gay men and women have to face. Telling your parents you like to get tied up and whipped could be met with mixed results. In fact, sadomasochistic tendencies are noted on psychological examinations in a similar way that homosexuality was labeled in psychology only decades ago, which is to say not favorably. (Note: this comparison isn’t an absolute parallel. To-
day, the degree to which one’s masochistic tendencies affect that individual’s life would determine the gravity of the diagnosis, whereas prior to about 1987 a passive “diagnosis” of homosexuality would be considered mental disease). Likewise for Dominants, it is in no way socially acceptable for a Dominant male (“Dom” for short) to tell the general public they get off on hitting women (or men). Female Dominants, or Dommes, might get by a little easier in that regard, as what they say can be regarded as a joke and brushed off. Besides, I haven’t surveyed my straight friends, but I would assume that most heterosexual couples are “progressive” enough to allow the girl on top without her Topping her man, per sé. For the most part, UB seems to be a comfortable place for LGBT folks (especially after Coming Out Week), but don’t forget about us! We’re straight and some of us are as queer as some of you! I’ll admit: I’ve never been involved in any LGBTQ community before now, so I’m not sure where everyone stands when it comes to bondage, but I really urge you to learn about it (after all, that is why you’re at college, right?). Check it out, read around or even ask me - least you forget your “Q”. So in closing, I thought I would just highlight the fact that us ropey leather-types are out there (and we’re probably not who you’d expect). I guess that makes this a sort of coming out on my part. So congratulations, me. I always suspected I was kinky. Now, I wouldn’t expect to see any sort of Bondage Show at the school, but I think it’s important that our presence
Is Queer the Final Frontier for Heterosexuality? is known; Queers seem to be chronically underrepresented. I especially want to get across to as many people as possible that BDSM is way more than fuzzy cuffs, blindfolds, and spanking (though if you’re looking to venture into deeper waters, those would be a decent start). Really, those are just the gentler relatives of restraint, sensory deprivation, and impact play – which might sound kinda scary now, but don’t knock it ‘til you try it. Behind the latex and leather, there are many people who have genuine, loving relationships with their play partner(s) despite commonly held misconceptions. And if I can get one message across: always, always, always make sure there’s a deep level of trust between the two (or three or four) of you and play on the SSC (Safe, Sane, and Consensual) side. Alternatively, for those of you already experienced with BDSM, make sure you’re practicing RACK – or Risk-Aware Consensual Kink – a more updated version of SSC. As a colleague discussed with me, members of the leather community will be the first to admit that not everything we do can be defined as “safe” or “sane”, so we must take every precaution to play as safe as possible and research the risks in advance. Just remember: if you break your toys, you can’t play with them anymore.
GENERATION February 8, 2011
Tech Update
by Seon McDonald
3.0: Honeycomb Manufacturers are still scrambling to catch up to the Apple iPad and with Google’s latest iteration of Android, they might have a fighting chance. Android 3.0 codenamed “Honeycomb” is a specifically designed for tablet version of the popular android mobile OS. The new user interface takes advantage of the larger touch screen offered by a tablet offering more features and enhancements. Multitasking, notifications and the general layout of the home screen have been retooled and polished providing intuitive navigation and a higher degree of user customizability. There is now a “Persistent Ac-
tion Bar” that gives users one tap access to options, status, notification alerts and more. There is a system wide clipboard with drag and drop capabilities and improved copy and paste Applications have been reworked specifically for tablets with a new UI framework that provides the user with a more interactive experience. Apps like Gmail now feature a multi-pane UI allowing users to interact with each pane independently. Widgets are expanded on, for example allowing users to quickly flip through collections as 3D stacks or grids for quickly glancing at content on the go. Honeycomb
features better performance in terms of graphics too with improved 2D and 3D renderings. Incorporating hardware accelerated graphics might alleviate one of Android’s chief weakness- smoothness when scrolling, pinching or zooming. The first tablets to hit the market taking advantage of Honeycomb are the Verizon Motorola Xoom and the T-mobile G-Slate. The Xoom is a 10.1 inch dual core processor with up to 10 hours battery life. There’s a rear facing dual 5MP LED flash camera as well as a front camera. With 32gb of memory on board and up to 1080p playback, this is quite a media powerhouse.
The Xoom goes on sale February 24th for the Verizon Network. The Tmobile G-Slate manufactured by LG has a HD 8.9 inch 3D capable screen capable of viewing 720p HD content on the device and 1080p via HDMI output. The usual fare is here; dual core processor, front and rear cameras, gyroscope and accelerometer. Where it stands out is the 3D shooting capabilities. You can take 3D pictures using the two cameras at the back. You can also view 3D content on the tablet with the glasses provided. Release is schedule for March 23rd.
PlayStation Phone The next generation of the portable PlayStation has some new button configurations, a new user interface and more social connectivity. The PSP sports a quad core processor with a 5 inch touchscreen OLED display and it’s the first portable gaming system with dual analog sticks. With a rear mounted touchpad, accelerometer and gyroscope motion sensing, the PSP is quite the device for gaming on the go for folks who prefer the tactile feel of buttons and haptic shock from the dual sticks. Sadly Sony plans to start selling these during the holiday season which is like 10 months away. Most interesting is Sony’s attempt give casual gamers best of both worlds with this crodd pollination of PSP and phone. The PlayStation phone officially called the Experia Play is a full Android smartphone that features a slide out gaming pad. Featuring a 4inch multitouch screen, 1GHz processor and a half gig of RAM, the Xperia Play is up to par with current smartphones on the market. Where it differentiates itself
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is in the delectable gamepad with a pair of shoulder buttons. The usual game buttons are featured while substituting for actual mechanical sticks is a pair of touchpads. Interestingly Android is not proliferate in games that could take advantage of the gaming pad so to remedy that, Sony is introducing the PlayStation suite; a store for android gaming. Similar to Microsoft’s Xbox Live Games hub on the windows phones, the PlayStation Suite will be the place to go to purchase games, play and challenge your friends. The suite however will be platform independent, which means any android device can download it with emulators for phones without the slide out game pad. Sony also hinted at the suite being “platform independent” which means they might port it to the iPhone or Windows Phone. The games will be compatible both this the android phones and the new upcoming PSP. These as well are expected to be released later this year.
GENERATION February 8, 2011
By Seon McDonald What perhaps started as a trend when the British chanteuse Amy Winehouse reinvigorated retro-vintage soul music has introduced several female artists of blue-eyed soul, most notably Duffy, who is continuously compared to Winehouse. Adele herself has acknowledged that more doors have opened since, allowing for artists like herself to achieve mainstream success. While Adele may have benefited, the comparisons stops there. Achieving international success with her debut Album “19” titled after the age at which she recorded the disc, Adele has now returned 2 years later with a follow up disc titled “21” that’s as mature if not more than her age suggests. It immediately becomes apparent to the listener how distinctive Adele’s voice is, a fine textured, but a powerhouse of a voice that takes the stunning opening track and lead single “Rolling in the Deep” and reaffirms that Adele is a talented songstress with a vocal dexterity that easily soars and soothes. “The scars of your love leave me breathless, I can’t help feeling we could have had it all, rolling in the deep, you had my heart and soul and you played it to the beat” she sings. The memorable and upbeat “Rumor has it” is a highlight of the album where Adele adds a twists to story of the other woman; “Rumor has it I’m the one you’re leaving her for”. The disc features many lush
ballads that are accentuated with strumming guitars and breathy orchestrations. “Turning Tables” is amongst Adele’s most stunning vocal work while the blue “Don’t You Remember” serves up the emotional heart of the album. Perhaps if the album suffers from anything at all is the general pessimistic tones of heartbreak and heavy metaphorical pangs of love. I suppose Adele does not take the subject of love lightly but lighten up a little she should as the material sometimes belies her young age of 21. Regardless, she unapologetically wears her heart on her sleeve and channels the aching into the words and you appreciate the honesty and admire the vulnerability. Rounding off this stellar sophomore album is the sweet “Lovesong” where she affirms her devotion in the chorus “However far away I will always love you, however long I stay I will always love you”. The closing track “Someone Like You” is perhaps one anyone can relate too as there’s always the one that got away. She muses regretfully sans the bitterness “I’ll find someone like you; I wish nothing but the best for you too”. Adele has little left to prove as an artist as she has undoubtedly come into her own with a confidence and longevity cementing her status as one of the finest voices of soul music today. ubgeneration.com | 19
LITERARY
Animal House By: Josh Newman
As a rule of thumb, any book that has a talking AIDS-infected rat or a self-conscious pig is bound to be good. David Sedaris’s “Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary” has just that and then some. Sedaris, known for his acerbic wit and observational humor, packs in a lot of anthropomorphist gall in a very short space. Together with illustrator Ian Falconer (get it?), Sedaris paints a not-so-modest version of this American life by using animals in his stories. The animals may be cute and cuddly but the stories themselves are so lewd and adult-themed that they would make Aesop’s jaw drop. The book is a collection of short stories (the longest one being 15 pages, double-
spaced) that employ animals to do Sedaris’s observational dirty-work. The topics vary from infidelity to selfishness to selfesteem issues. All of them are dark and all of them, in one way or another, have the characters lose in the end. In “The Faithful Setter,” for example, a dog recounts how his wife would continually cheat on him with an English bull terrier and how he’s okay with it. “Everyone’s entitled to one mistake, aren’t they?” he asks the reader. In another story “The Motherless Bear,” a bear wallows in self-pity and refuses to do anything besides talk about her dead mother – only to receive a fate ultimately more painful than death. The dark humor in the book is outstanding, something that Sedaris has made his claim to fame.
That’s not to say, however, that all the stories are like this. Some are fairly lighthearted. In “The Parenting Storks,” for example, two sister storks bicker about where babies come from: sex or mice with magical pockets. In another, a toad, a turtle, and a duck make violent and racist jokes on a complaint line. And you don’t want to know what the kitten is up to. The ribald nature of the stories packs a wallop. I’ve never read anything so rude containing bunnies and parrots before. Sedaris has a natural advantage: the fact that he uses cute animals for dark stories makes the stories even funnier and more shocking. Reading these stories makes you think about important issues but they also will make you sick. The AIDS-infected rat is a
character you won’t forget. Falconer’s graphic illustrations, too, match the bleakness and irony of Sedaris’s created situations. He draws in black and white with the occasional orange to highlight the animals’ ridiculousness. Some are very violent and realistic while others are tame, even cute. They make Sedaris’s stories even more imaginative. “Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk” is a short, erudite, and witty spin on both children books and modern fables. Sedaris has a natural talent for storytelling and a keen understanding of what people expect from animals – and humans.
Love Haikus In honor of Valentine’s Day the staff of Generation Magazine decided to write our own “Love Haikus.” So what happens when you tell a bunch of writers to go write a love poem? See for yourself. Josh Newman On Valentine’s Day I have one movie in mind: Silence of the Lambs Love is like a drug It is a lot of fun and It makes me vomit Gifts for your loved ones: Nothing says I love you like Condoms and vodka Ally Balcerzak Valentine’s Day sucks There is too much PDA GO GET A DAMN ROOM! Love is in the air Can you smell it everywhere? The scent of despair I think he likes her I believe she likes him too Just date already
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Kathryn Przybyla I drew a doodle It was a picture of you Be my valentine
Pratyush Joshi Standing in the cold Sharing breaths under the stars Hear love from our lips
S.S. As snow melts away Relationships form anewEnd in shining tears.
I want to play but, Love means nothing in tennis Game, set, match for me
Can I write haikus For Valentine’s Day? No way. Wait! Um...I love you?
Candle-lit coffee Conversations eager flowOutside darkness calls.
Haikus are easy But sometimes they don’t make sense Read Generation
I like you so much Although you’re red and I’m blue I still won’t frag you :)
Romance on paper Even ideal visuals Ain’t reality.
It’s cold, lets cuddle Pretty please bring your snuggie It makes me giggle
You’re so sweet, you spark My diabetes. REALLY! GET MY INSULIN!
Fall, frost, youthful spring Talks, nights, dreams and promisesLook back, smile perhaps.
Catherine Prendergast Valentines Day is Not such a big deal for a Happy buffalo.
Samantha Engel I just want to say: Dear Knight in Shining Armor, Come forth my sweet prince
Kay Duz To my dear Jane Doe I am sorry to hurt you But I love John Doe
I thought I wanted To date you, but then I saw Your brother’s picture.
His breath on my ear, The whisper of a promise, A kiss on my heart
My dear Valentine You look so pretty so still Like a mannequin
Seventeen percent Of couples who married met On a dating site.*
Your hand on my cheek, Your strong fingers in my hair, Kiss my breath away
One hundred and nine Freckles on your perfect face Be my Valentine?
*in the last year
GENERATION February 8, 2011
LITERARY Too Far Gone You You You You
Directions: Find the underlined words from the poem below in the word search. Challenge: Use the underlined words to create an original poem and submit it to Generation Magazine (ubgeneration.com)
Sonnet 145
By: William Shakespeare
Those lips that love’s own hand did make Breathed forth the sound that said ‘I hate’ To me that languished for her sake; But when she saw my woeful state, Straight in her heart did mercy come, Chiding that tongue that ever sweet Was used in giving gentle doom, And taught it thus anew to greet: ‘I hate’ she altered with an end That followed it as gentle day Doth follow night who, like a fiend, From heaven to hell is flown away. ‘I hate’ from hate away she threw, And saved my life, saying ‘not you.’
were grounded. were sane. had issues. liked the pain.
By: Corey O’Brien Is spinning out of control. You insist you’re fine But we can all see You’re about to fall. I can’t save you this time
I was there. I caught your fall. I saw the light. We had it all.
There you go, Diving in slow motion, Right into the ocean, Can’t even see the shore.
But then you pushed me, Shoved me, and blamed the Problems that we had
You are dying. Music without timing. Telling me I’m lying. You jump but there’s no floor.
On all my issues, While I had all the tissues. Why did it go bad?
And I won’t be there To catch you. You’re too far gone.
There you go, Diving in slow motion, Right into the ocean, Can’t even see the shore.
No nets can help you. A life vest just won’t do. You’ve got to start to swim.
You are dying. Music without timing. Telling me I’m lying. You jump but there’s no floor. And I won’t be there To catch you. You’re too far gone. You think you’re better. You wear a crown. You set yourself up to be let down. You ignore all The warnings gave. You kick down Protections made. And now you’re soul
But you think that You’ve got all the facts. You think you see when lights are dim. There you go, Diving in slow motion, Right into the ocean, Can’t even see the shore. You are dying. Music without timing. Telling me Im lying. You jump but there’s no floor. And I won’t be there To catch you. You’re too far gone.
Blind Horse
By: Melissa Wright
I nodded at the blind horse, who asked the cat whether he was allowed to look at the king, who painted a picture that had a lot of meaning, which hung on the wall of a Castle, which also happened to be the home of an Englishman, who frequently asked his children to only be visually available, and who also decided that women should only leave the house to be married and buried, and they are allowed to bury their faces in the bosom of the family, --oh, and it’s also OK for them to stand behind good men, who all know that giving a dog a silly name is the same as hanging it, which is the same as giving a man enough rope, but God said that he helps self-starters, and all this reminds me that hard work, it never hurt anyone, but that one also shouldn’t let those bastards really pound you down either, but I guess it’s kind of like hurling your pearls before pigs, and quite different, but loosely related to teaching Grandma how to suck eggs. ubgeneration.com | 21
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Parting ShotS
Prince William put a ring on it. By Kathryn Przybyla Here in America, we don’t really get the royalty thing. We don’t have kings or queens and the closest we have to a matriarch is Hilary Clinton (yikes). To us, royal affairs with princes and princesses sound more like the next storyline of a Disney movie, than actual news. But in honor of our “love issue”, why don’t we explore the fascination that is Prince William and Kate Middleton. The two love birds first met while attending the University of St. Andrews with is the oldest university in Scotland; doesn’t sound too far off from kindling romances that begin here at UB. Studying together, walking to class together, and getting lunch in the Commons togeth… wait. Well, I’m sure they were doing whatever the English version of that is.
After college, Kate stayed in the public eye attending events with Prince William and going through what seems to be a “royal bootcamp” to see if she has what it takes to be part of such a high profile family. With an engagement this year and a wedding planned for this spring, it seems she certainly does. From royal standards, Prince William and Kate seem to be taking a detour from the way things usually go. For instance, their engagement was first announced via the royal family’s Twitter account (@ClarenceHouse) with the 132 character message, “The Prince of Wales is delighted to announce the engagement of Prince William to Miss Catherine Middleton - www. princeofwales.gov.uk.” Who knew Prince Charles could tweet? Also, in contrast to the lavish childhood
he grew up with, Prince William has decided to live a less extravagant lifestyle than expected. While his father, Prince Charles employs 149 staff to assist with his daily life, Prince William and Kate will live without the aid of royal helpers. Can you imagine a future King of England that does his own cooking, cleaning, and laundry? How scandalous. In fact, this love story is almost refreshing. Finally we have a modern day couple who are looking to start a life together, but not as celebrities. Even though she is only considered a royal subject with no royal blood herself, Kate Middleton will take the title of “Duchess” of somewhere yet to be decided. There is a good chance she will eventually be Queen of England as time goes by, and people are excited about it. With all of the comparisons to Prince
William’s late mother, Princess Diana, the pressure on this 28 year old woman must be intense. But she seems to be handling it with the grace of well… a princess. How fitting. It will be exciting to see Prince William and Kate Middleton’s wedding unfold, taking place at Westminster Abbey on April 29th of this year. What will she wear? Who will be in attendance? And all sorts of questions will be answered on this just announced national holiday. See, it is still possible to grow up and be a princess one day. Prince William may soon be off the market, but his younger brother Prince Harry is still available. It’s nothing a semester in England can’t solve.
#BeMine? (But don’t expect much) By Kayla Hardesty I know what you’re thinking, just another feminist woman ranting about some asshole guy who did her wrong. Au contraire, this is simply an article inquiring as to where traditional courtship has disappeared. Everyone has seen the romance movie where the eager suitor pursues the object of his affection with diligence and charm while every female viewer is left wondering, where have all those guys gone? The answer however lies not solely within the male species, but within our increasingly technological world. Especially around Valentine’s Day, lack of romance rings ever more loudly in everyone’s ears. What used to be a time of excitement and intrigue is now one of annoyance and eye rolls. Modern technology has clearly
enabled this predicament by making initial face-to-face interactions a thing of the past. Before Facebook, texting, and instant messages, one had to legitimately devote effort to find and communicate with someone that they were interested in, thus making their intentions very clear in the process. Now, one can meet someone out at a party, acquire their name, find them online and chat with them all with out leaving the comfort of their bed: what a lazy bunch of people we have become. Furthermore, women’s expectations are at the point where a simple Facebook chat from a potential guy is rewarding, “wow, he clicked on my profile and typed ‘what’s up’ to me, he must really care!” Not to mention the awkward discrepancy between one’s online personality and who they are in person, making traditional dating nearly
inconceivable. I cannot express how many times I’ve met people briefly, got to know them via a social networking site and then when I finally interact with them in person, I realize that they are completely different from how they portray themselves online, and usually not in a good way. Although social networking sites can be a valuable means for shy and reserved individuals to finally learn how to interact socially, the tool is being exploited and used to alter all methods of interaction. The technological cultural change has had an effect on holidays such as Valentine’s Day as well. It is commonly known as the holiday of love and expression, but now one is more likely to receive a ‘wall post’ with hearts on it than something thoughtful that requires physical effort. Not only is technology making our generation increas-
ingly lazy, but it’s also encouraging individuals to wear a mask and hide who they really are from the world. Is this cold and impersonal method of communicating really our future? Only if we let it be. I challenge all male readers, on Valentine’s Day to put down the Xbox controller and call the girl you’re interested in rather than text; to purchase flowers and bring them to her room rather than send an emoticon kissy-face via Facebook chat; and to turn off SportsCenter and initiate a face to face conversation with someone you’re interested in for the first time rather than friend request them. It may seem difficult at first, but this is how real connections form, and this is how real connections last.
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