Generation Magazine, Volume 27, Issue 5

A MEMORY, A MONOLOGUE, A RANT AND A PRAYER Sunday, February 28- 7 pm 112 Norton Hall – Woldman Theater Tickets $5 with UB ID, $7 without

Tickets can be purchased at: SBI Ticket Office 221 Student Union

THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES Sunday, March 21 – 1 pm and 7 pm Monday, March 22 – 7 pm Student Union Theater $8 with UB ID, $10 without The Sunday show will be performed simultaneously in English and American Sign Language

http://subboard.com/he/

features

Feb. 23 - March 22, 2009

12 | films

OUR OSCAR PICKS

There are winners, and there are losers. And then there are the should-be winners. Josh Q. Newman breaks down who’s going to take home an Oscar and who’s going to get robbed.

CONTENTS 04 | Editor’s Letter

Ren ain’t afraid of no ghosts... or phantom gunmen.

06 | Snapshot

Generation sits down with Mark Schroeder, your friendly local assemblyman.

07 | Agenda

Check out all the cool stuff going on from Feb. 23 to March 22.

08 | He Says, She Says 14 | music

METALOCALYPSE

Something’s brewing in Buffalo, and it’s not another Spot Coffee.

Buffalo’s metal and hardcore scene is being invigorated by bands like Calamity from the Skies and What Lies Beneath. Eat your heart out, Robby Takac.

All the questions you were too afraid to ask your parents when you were younger.

| Repubs vs. Dems

Members of both parties share their thoughts... and they didn’t even have to write notes on their hands.

09 | Edible Material

Celebrate Eating Disorder Awareness Week by eating proper portions at Sample.

10 | At the Movies

17 | nickel city

SHAKE, RATTLE AND ROLL

If you’re tired of staring straight ahead on a stationary bike, or running in circles is getting old, try something different at the Belly Dance Academy in Kenmore. Your abs will thank you.

Buffalo’s own International Women’s Film Festival screens a story about two Iranian girls with peculiar identities.

| Rumor Timeline

Who said what during the gunman scare?

11 | The Fashion Page

Cause all the cool kids look like dorks.

16 | Blueprint

Check out some crazy spring break stories and expand your cursing vocabulary.

18 | Ask a Geek

(716) 2010-GEN Text or call our anonymous tipline with suggestions or questions for our advice columns. Forward us your texts from last night.

If you’re still spinning away at a rotary phone, just call us at 201-0436.

Drew Brigham answers your pressing tech questions in binary code.

20 | Literary

Serving you a heaping portion of book reviews, poetry and non-fiction tales about Hurricane Katrina.

22 | Parting Shots

Asst. Creative Director Dino Husejnovic and Associate Editor Melissa Wright share their thoughts on advertising and... pooping?

Photo Credits: Cover: photo courtesy of Arjun Chennu, design by Dino Husejnovic. Page 2: ad provided by Sub-Board I, Inc. Page 3: top photo courtesy of Andreas Praefcke, middle photo courtesy of Calamity from the Skies, bottom photo courtesy of Alfonso Lima. Page 4: photo by Ren LaForme. Duh. Ad provided by Sub-Board I, Inc. Page 5: ad provided by Sub-Board I, Inc. Page 6: all photos by Joshua Bach. Page 7: on left from top to bottom: photo courtesy of Riverdance, photo courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures, photo courtesy of Sten Rüdrich, photo courtesy of Sony Music Entertainment, graphic courtesy of V-Day. Top right: photo courtesy of David Shankbone. Page 9: graphic courtesy of mypyramid. gov, ad designed by Dino Husejnovic. Page 10: Image courtesy of Hubert Bals Fund. Page 11: Top photos, left to right: courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company, MTV, the CW, Stop Wars Clothing Company.

Bottom photos, left to right: courtesy of Just Jared, Fox Broadcasting Company, National Broadcasting Company, the CW. Page 12: ad provided by the Student Association, photos from top to bottom: Paramount Pictures, Artina Films, Lee Daniels Entertainment. Page 13: photos from top to bottom: Universal Studios, Artina Films, Paramount Pictures. Ad provided by Collegiate Village. Page 14: Photo courtesy of Jake Yaeger/Calamity from the Skies. Page 15: Photos, left to right: courtesy of Hannah Wiech, Calamity from the Skies, Calamity from the Skies. Page 16: all photos by Ren LaForme, ad provided by CowPok. Page 17: Top photos courtesy of Laura, bottom photo courtesy of Alfonso Lima. Page 18: photo by Jennifer Peters. Page 19: ad provided by Average Joe’s. Page 20: photo courtesy of Scribner. Page 21: photo courtesy of Justin Watt. Page 22: top image by Ren LaForme, bottom image by Keeley Sheehan. Page 23: ad provided by Sub-Board I, Inc. Page 24: Ad provided by American Campus Communities.

ubgeneration.com | 3

editor’s letter Too soon?

T

he alleged gunman incident that occurred in Lockwood Library on Tuesday, Feb. 16, 2010 will go down in history as a day that shaped UB’s future.

Students spotted a Caucasian male with what appeared to be a shotgun or rifle, which, depending on who you ask, was hidden discretely under his pea coat or slung over his shoulder. Details.

Someone alerted the University Police Department, who may or may not have determined, using surveillance footage, that the male might have a weapon (we can’t be sure). And so, in conjunction with police from Buffalo and Amherst, they stormed onto campus and secured the area—evacuating the library and saving everyone from certain doom.

No one can say for sure where the (gun)man went, or if he, or his gun, ever existed at all, but one thing is for sure— the university shat the bed. Their inability to defend students from a phantom gunman was painfully revealed to all on that February evening.

According to extremely credible news outlets that never, ever report rumors, a student called the UPD at 4:05 p.m. and testified that a gunman may have

come into the building. Police checked the surveillance footage and, unable to determine if it actually was a gun, decided to evacuate the building at 4:40 p.m.

That’s a 35-minute difference.

Think of what could have happened during that time. He could have used his (circle one: gun, tripod, drafting tube, sizeable sex toy) to (shoot people, take a picture, draw, stimulate nearby women). It could have been a (tragedy, snapshot, architectural masterpiece, orgy)!

Without concrete answers, the incredible force of Rumor Mill 2.0 ® lifted its Cerberus-like heads and barked like an Italian mother on sites like Twitter and Facebook. Rumors quickly spread that the gunman had a knife, was taking hostages and that Generation decided to print personals again. Alas, no dice.

But we’re very lucky. Nothing happened and we can now rest easy. Some of us.

After police deemed the building safe and administrators decided that Wednesday classes would resume as scheduled, students staged massive protests in front of Capen. Oh wait, wrong decade. Students created a group on

“Clearly this deranged phantom needs to be brought to justice and local police aren’t up to the task. Who you gonna call…? Not Ghostbusters. PRONE, maybe?”

Facebook to voice their concerns, because everyone knows that Facebook groups are tremendous catalysts for change. The group “No UB classes till gunman is arrested” sprung up shortly after 7 p.m. on the day of the incident, and students demanded that the (man, phantom, O.J. Simpson) be arrested.

Students posted musings about the (gun)man, his possible motives and some—who must have done well in Clairvoyance 101—even gave detailed itineraries of what he was going to do next. One student was so terrified that she forgot how to use punctuation and the shift key: “there is someone seriously disturbed who is clearly upset with ub that could very easliy strike again n why not if he

already got away with it no one knows who whats wrong with him or what he wants we dont even know who he is but all that we know is he is roaming free” Clearly this deranged phantom needs to be brought to justice and local police aren’t up to the task. Who you gonna call…? Not Ghostbusters. PRONE, maybe?

The ugliest stuff came after the incident. That’s when the whiners, gun nuts and conspiracy theorists emerged, all holding differing opinions but all clamoring for change.

The whiners: “I’m moving to another school [editor’s note: good!]. How dare the university allow non-students to step foot on public property! They should have security guards and swipe cards at

SBI student pharmacy Students on the domestic plan only pay a $10 co-pay instead of a co-pay of $30 for Generic and $45 for Name Brand at outside pharmacies.

Students on the international plan have no co-pay.

Lo c ated at 17 M ichael Hall, S outh Campus Monday & Friday: 8:30 am - 5 pm Tues, Wed, & Thursday: 9 am - 5 pm 4 | ubgeneration.com

http://subboard.com/pharmacy GENERATION February 9, 2010

every door. Anyone who’s not wearing a UB armband should be arrested and sent to jail. We need to extend the Patriot Act to allow UPD to wiretap phones. Where’s Dick Cheney when you need him?”

The gun nuts: “None of this would have happened if students were allowed to carry concealed weapons on campus.

I would have pulled out my [insert menacing sounding firearm name here] and busted a cap in his ass. If everyone had guns, there would be no crime.”

The conspiracy theorists: “This is all a part of UB 2020. You’ll see!”

Listen, if you want to skip classes and stay home because someone might have seen something, go for it. I won’t stop you. In fact, I’d encourage it—your absences will lower the class GPA and curve up my grades. God knows I could use that.

But honestly, you’re not safe anywhere you go. You could be slurping on a Big Gulp the next time you go to Target and forget to look both ways in the parking lot and BAM!, a little granny could make you a permanent part of her Buick’s grill. Or you could get a little too drunk and hook up with someone without protection—after all, AIDS is the No. 1 killer of reproductive-age women. These are the kinds of things we should be worried about—the things we can prevent.

The situation could have gone better.

The delay between the initial sighting and the first official messages from UB was pretty lengthy. Over 30 minutes? Really? Evacuate me the minute you hear about a gun. I’ll make like Sarah Palin and run, even if the odds are stacked stu-

pidly against me. The administration’s response was confused, murky and, ultimately, laughable.

Official information was sparse and that’s why rumors spread so quickly.

Don’t send me a text message about evacuating a building and not give me reasons. Did someone set off a carbon monoxide alarm with an epic fart? I’m sure that if people knew a gunman was around, they would have moved a lot faster and wouldn’t have stood in front of those huge Alfiero Center windows.

But it also could have gone a lot worse.

UPD demonstrated that it clearly has its stuff together. The task force of police officers from varying districts moved smoothly and efficiently, and swept the building four times before giving the all clear. You didn’t want to be walking around with a tripod when these blokes came around. Somebody give them a medal of honor or a call of duty or whatever those awards are called.

And at the end of the day… nothing happened. Nothing. Laugh about it.

Make jokes. It’s human.

Watch what you walk around with, Ren LaForme

Editor in Chief

Editorial Staff

Business Staff

Editor in Chief Ren LaForme

Business Manager Elizabeth Caruso

Managing Editor Keeley Sheehan

Interim Ad Manager Joshua Bach

Creative Director Katelynn Padowski

Asst. Ad Manager TBD

Asst. Creative Director Dino Husejnovic Associate Editor Joshua Bach Associate Editor Kathryn Przybyla Associate Editor Melissa Wright Photo Editor Jennifer Peters Circulation Director Abraham C.L. Munson-Ellis ContributingStaff Jason Davis Matthew Dunham Scott Patrick Kerrigan Josh Q. Newman Alexandra Pivovarova

WE NEVER FORGET THE ONES WE LOSE ALONG THE WAY. Cover design by Dino Husejnovic.

Generation Magazine is owned by Sub-Board I, Inc., the student service corporationat the State University of New York at Buffalo. The Sub-Board I, Inc. Board of Directors grants editorial autonomy to the editorial board of Generation. Sub-Board I, Inc. (the publisher) provides funding through mandatory student activity fees and is in no way responsible for the editorial content, editorial structure or editorial policy of the magazine.

Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephone numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260 Submissions to Generation Magazine should be emailed to ubgeneration@gmail.com by 1 p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2009 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free. Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief.

Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief. Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers.

Press run 5,000. Rachel, don’t send this to the listserv.

ubgeneration.com | 5

snapshot

in their church. It is never a good policy to discriminate against anybody.

What sorts of things have you done to improve UB students’ experience in Buffalo?

I am on the UB 2020 bill, which has now escalated to what I call the SUNY 2020 bill. I’ve worked very closely with the government affairs staff at UB and, in particular, I have cultivated a very good relationship with [UB President] Dr. [John] Simpson who I like very much, and I think he has balls. I think he calls out politicians, and calls out New York State for doing the same thing over, and over, and over again.

UB and other universities like UB need some flexibility to make decisions and make things happen in a transparent way.

What piece of legislation are you most proud of?

Mark Schroeder The assemblyman for New York District 145 talks about his decision to support gay marriage, his favorite Buffalo restaurant and why he thinks John B. Simpson has balls.

You grew up in South Buffalo, and went St. Thomas Aquinas School before graduating from Public School #72 and Bishop Timon High School. What made you want to become a politician?

I was involved in community service my entire life, mostly because my father was involved and my mother was a Buffalo school teacher, along with the enculturation by the Sister of Mercy and the friars at Bishop Timon.

The sense of community was always there. I was involved in a lot of things when I was young.

In fact, when I was 24, in 1981, I ran for office in the Erie County Legislature, and I got beat. After, I stayed in the private sector until 2001; 20 years later I ran for the Erie County Legislature and I won.

You have a Twitter and a Facebook account. Do you find that this is a good way to keep in contact with your constituents?

Yes and no. I don’t know if it is really a constituent base yet. Most of the people on Facebook are the people who are around Buffalo Metropolitan area and Erie County, but how many who are actually regular people who live in the houses that I represent, I’m not quite sure about that yet. I think potentially communication 6 | ubgeneration.com

will completely change over the next 10 years in politics in terms of reaching out to people.

Has it changed your way of interacting with people at all?

I actually had a couple of young interns in here that told me I should really have a Facebook, I asked them why and they told me, and now I do. I mean, we still send out newsletters, but frankly, most people in my district, most voters are seniors. They are very loyal voters and most of them are going to read the newsletters; 20, 30, 40-year-olds aren’t going to read them, so this is how we can communicate with them, through Facebook.

You recently announced that you’re going to seek re-election.

Give us a quick stump speech.

Why should we vote for you?

First of all, having come from the private sector, I work by objective and I still try to think logically, which, in my view, government doesn’t. The reason why people should consider voting for me is because I am not a politician that is the issue of the day. There are a lot of politicians, especially in this town, who are going to be all over the issue and they’re going to do a press conference. We really don’t do that at all, we stay with the objectives I set. I am castigated on

the floor of the Assembly because I stand up when I think my party is wrong. I stand up and say what I have to say in conference or on the floor of the Assembly. I’m not afraid of any of them, I don’t report to any of them, and I don’t take a penny from their monetary fund DAC, the Democratic Assembly Committee.

You spoke out in favor of samesex marriage in New York State and you helped the Assembly pass a bill legalizing it, even though it was shot down by the state Senate. Why do you support same-sex marriage for New York?

Initially my internal position, which never came up on the floor, is that I was opposed to it. But my door is always open to anybody and over the last couple of years, several groups have come in an explained to me why they thought it was important. I was beginning to understand it, but I still wasn’t there yet. What got me there is that I went to the Assembly Library, and I must have spent probably 12 hours in that library, and I researched some things and it became clear to me.

Within the first 60 years of New York State there was only what was called “Common Law Marriage,” there was no Civil Law marriage until the 1820s to ‘30s when several lawyers came together to put together 21 clauses to protect marriage. The only reason why they did it was because it was a protection for people, especially in terms of property. So I thought about it and I thought to myself, I am an elected official in the state of New York. I don’t represent the country of the religion that I follow, so I made the distinction that the bill is very clear that it can’t impose on any religion to do same-sex marriage

Amanda’s Law, because it is life and death. Jan. 17, 2009, a 16-yearold girl went to a sleepover and never wakes up because of this poisonous gas—the only child of her parents Ken and Kim Hansen. The next week her father is in my office at my conference table. I literally took out a yellow pad and said, “OK brother, you tell me what you want and I will guarantee that we will amend the law to make sure this never happens again to anybody in our state.” He told me what he wanted, I wrote it down, and drafted a bill. At the end of the day we got the bill through within one session—even no-brainers take longer than that to pass. As of Feb. 21, everyone in New York State must have a carbon monoxide detector in his or her home.

My district has the best restaurants around. My favorite is DiTondo’s, located across from Chef’s in my district, as well as Francesca’s that just opened up on the Seneca strip in my district.

I’m a real big shop-in-your-neighborhood, support-your-merchant person, and everyone knows that is one of my themes over the past nine years.

When you have it, what do you like to do in your free time?

I don’t really watch TV but I am a runner for probably 30 years.

I have run nine marathons and I am thinking about doing my 10th—but I don’t know because 26.2 miles is a lot. I am also an amateur historian. A lot of colleagues of mine will kind of always roll their eyes because I never speak on the floor of the Assembly or Legislature without referencing history first.

As a politician, you’ve been on all of the local news channels and been covered in all of the local publications. Do you have a favorite?

I’ve never really thought about it in that way. There isn’t anyone that I am not comfortable with, especially in this town. I have an open door policy to everybody and I’ve never felt that there was somebody or some group that I don’t want to talk to.

Do you think that it is important that we save the Statler Building? Should we sink a lot of money into it when the economy is so poor?

Yes. I think it’s very important to save it.

What do you think would be the best way to save it?

Right now Western New York Americorps, a non-for-profit, is trying to be involved and they’re trying to negotiate this right now, to give them a role to play until there is a viable developer. I think it would be a good interim position for Western New York Americorps, or any other nonfor-profit, to get in there to try to get it buttoned up so it doesn’t deteriorate and fall apart, so it doesn’t cost more money in the end to rehabilitate it.

Where do Buffalo politicians go to eat? Don’t say Chef’s, that’s too cliche.

GENERATION February 9, 2010

agenda DANCE | Riverdance – March 5 through March 7 Come see the farewell tour of this Irish Dance troupe—based out of Ireland—at Shea’s Performing Arts Center. Over 21 million people have seen the show live over the 16 years since it opened in Dublin in 1994. The U.S. touring troupe promises to put on a great performances with some pretty quick steps. Ticket prices range from $34.50 to $59.50. You can order tickets online, or by calling the Box Office at 1-800-745-3000.

MOVIE | Alice in Wonderland – Fri., March 5 Johnny Depp brings the crazy as the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s highly anticipated whimsical romp into Wonderland. Australian actress Mia Wasikowska plays teenage Alice, who returns to Wonderland once again, this time caught up in a quest to defeat the Helena Bonham Carter’s big-headed— literally—Red Queen, once and for all. Anne Hathaway stars in the Disney flick as the White Queen, and Michael Sheen and Alan Rickman lend their talents as the anxious White Rabbit and hookahsmoking Caterpillar. Go see it for a twisty take on the perennial classic, not to mention the kooky characters and trippy sets.

EVENT | The 82nd Academy Awards – Sun., March 7 Actors Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin host the Oscars this year. It’s Martin’s third time leading the show, and Baldwin’s first. With a staggeringly talented list of nominees this year, and a starstudded list of attendees; this year’s apex of awards shows is a can’t-miss. At the very least, tune into the likes of E! to catch the Red Carpet glitz, glamour and epic gaffs (we’re talking to you and your golden globes, Mariah Carey).

ALBUM | Broken Bells, “Broken Bells” – Tues., March 9 One half Gnarls Barkley, one half Shins, Broken Bells is the hottest collaboration since Lennon met McCartney. Well, maybe not, but they’re pretty darn good. James Mercer has pulled his indie-strum fun out of the shadows of “Garden State” to combine them with Danger Mouse’s drum loops, keyboards and synths. The combination is oddly satisfying, even if you’re too cool to admit it.

EVENT | “The Vagina Monologues” – March 21 and 22 UB will again take part in the annual V-Day campaign to stop violence against women and girls with a performance of Eve Ensler’s “The Vagina Monologues,” based on interviews with 200 women, and covering topics from sex to masturbation to rape. Proceeds from the UB performance will go to support the Anti-Rape Task Force and the V-Day 2010 Spotlight: Women and Girls of the Democratic Republic of Congo. The performance will be in the Student Union Theater. The Sun., March 21 performance is at 1 p.m., and the Mon., March 22 performance is at 7 p.m. Tickets are available at the SBI Ticket Office in 221 Student Union or at subboard.com/tickets, and are $8 with a UB ID, and $10 without an ID.

The Buffalo Powder Keg Winter Festival We here at Generation heard through the grapevine that they (whoever “they” is) are shutting down part of the Buffalo Skyway for tubing.

Yes, snow tubing. The Buffalo Powder Keg Winter Festival is set for Sat., Feb. 27 and Sun., Feb. 28. The festival features a whole bunch of snowy stuff, downtown by the Coca Cola Field and Pearl

Street Grill & Brewery at 76 Pearl Street, like broomball, snow soccer, a huge ice maze, and minisnowman building.

And the Skyway Seneca Street ramp will be closed for thrill seekers looking for a little frozen downhill fun, so grab some hot chocolate and snow suit up. For more information visit powderkegfestival.com.

Power of the People The Buffalo Chapter of the United Socialist Movement of the Americas will present “Power of the People Week” in the Student Union from Feb. 22 through Feb. 26. The week’s events aim to celebrate left wing and progressive history, and raise awareness to its causes.

“UB has had a history of political action,” says William Richardson, president of Buffalo USMA. “In the last 15 years, it’s kind of ebbed. We thought it would be good to remind students of political history of UB and the nation.”

The group organized the event in conjunction with other organizations like UB Students for Justice in Palestine, UB Students Against Sweatshops, the LGBTA, the Buffalo International Action Center and the WNY Peace Center.

USMA will present talks about socialism, in conjunction with Buffalo Class Action organization of Anarchist Communists in Buffalo, which will discuss, appropriately enough, anarchism. Both groups

will talk about the history and ideas of the movements they represent, presenting together because both groups are anti-capitalist.

Each day will feature different activities and workshops from 11 a.m. and 2 p.m., and speeches and talks after 4 p.m. Tuesday is “Anti-Capitalist Day,” Wednesday is “Worker’s Power Day,” Thursday is “Day of the ‘Man,’” and Friday is “Power to the People Day.” Students can come to the events to learn about topics like the Black Power Movement, the Palestinian Liberation Movement, and the unsavory business practices of corporations like Walmart.

“You won’t learn this in the classroom, or from the government, or from the established institution,” Richardson says. “It’s good to learn about the past to make the future better.”

For more information, contact Richardson at 381-2186 or e-mail usmabuffalo@gmail.com.

ubgeneration.com | 7

UB

He Says, She Says

by jason davis

playlist:

An advice column divided by the sexes, starring Alexandra Pivovarova & Dino Husejnovic

Spring Break

Music Gone Wild Planning a Spring Break trip?

Somewhere warm, where you can lay in the sun with just your iPod and a nice cold drink? Thought so. Here’s a playlist that caters to both relaxing days in the sun and wild parties before you hit the town of your Spring Break destination. So pack your bathing suit, some sunscreen, and your iPod with this playlist loaded onto it.

You can thank me later.

1. Miami Will Smith 2. Daydreamin’ Johnny Polygon 3. Shots LMFAO feat. Lil Jon 4. Rich Girls The Virgins 5. Get U Home Shwayze 6. So Fine Sean Paul 7. Shut It Down Pitbull feat. Akon 8. Buy You A Drank T-Pain feat. Yung Joo 9. Kids MGMT 10. Somebody Told Me The Killers 11. It Don’t Make Any Difference To Me Kevin Michael feat. Wyclef Jean 12. Right Round Flo Rida 13. Sunshine Lil Flip 14. Let’s Get Crazy Cassie feat. Akon 15. Fill Me In Craig David 16. Telephone Lady Gaga feat. Beyonce 17. Nothin’ On You feat.

Bruno Mars B.o.B. aka Bobby Ray 18. Sex On Fire Kings Of Leon 19. Say Aah Trey Songz feat.

Fabolous 20. Dirty Talk Wynter

8 | ubgeneration.com

Q: I have a condition called Temporobimandibular Jaw Disease. If I eat too much, talk too much, or move my jaw in any stressful way, my jaw locks up and hurts. My problem is that I want to give my boyfriend oral sex, because it’s his favorite thing, but I’m afraid of getting lockjaw. What else can I do to make him happy?

AP: Sucks to be him. I’m just kidding. But seriously, I’m sure there are other things that make your boyfriend happy. It’s not like oral sex is the only thing keeping you guys together. What you need to do is have a talk with him and explain your condition, and see if there are any acceptable alternatives. If he does not understand, and decides to break up with you, then he’s a jerk. Get it? Jerk? Never mind.

DH: This is obviously a medical problem; therefore you are excused from having to perform oral sex on your boyfriend. That is, if you are OK with being a subpar girlfriend. If you want to be an awesome girlfriend, a good way to circumvent this problem (sort of a pun there) is to tease him. Tease him to hell; sex him up to the point where he’s about

to blow. Well in this case, you are going to blow, but you get the point. Think of it as the point where you are boiling water, and it’s almost fully boiling, but not really, because there aren’t enough bubbles. If you can catch your boyfriend at this state, you can accomplish his favorite sexual activity in less than 10 seconds, and spare your jaw. Did someone say, “Thank you Dr. H”?

Q: In a couple of weeks, I’m going to be the best man at my cousins wedding, who also happens to be one of my best friends. He and his fiancée look like a great match on the surface, but I actually think she is totally wrong for him. Should I say or do something?

AP: Yes. You should definitely voice your concerns, but only if they are reasonable and significant. He deserves to know your opinion, but remember that it’s just that, your opinion, and nothing more. Unless of course it’s an actual fact, in which case be gentle when you tell him that the love of his life is an adult phone entertainer or that she has a baby daddy in Oklahoma. If it’s nothing of that caliber, and it’s simply your intuition telling you that they are

not soul mates, keep it to yourself.

DH: It’s tough seeing a fellow brother fall into the cave of devotion, sacrifice and misery that is marriage, but sometimes all we can do is stand by and watch. But that would be boring. What you have to do is take advantage of the open bar and cake. I mean, c’mon, there’s going to be cake!

Why would you keep an event with free alcohol and cake from happening? Alcohol is free and fun. Cake is free and delicious.

Imagine your cousin being alcohol and his fiancée being cake.

Awesome combination! With that said, get tanked! Grab the microphone, take your pants off, climb up on a table, and show your amazing singing skills with a rendition of Cyndi Lauper’s “Time After Time.” You have the power to give your cousin the farewell he deserves.

Q: I’m looking for a somewhat normal girl to date. How do I go about finding one?

AP: I’m not sure what you mean by “somewhat normal,” but either way there are thousands of girls on campus. Of course, a certain percentage of those girls have boyfriends, some are les-

Republicans vs. Democrats

The U.S. political three-ring circus keeps getting nuttier. Generation sat down with members of the political clubs on campus—Travis Nemmer, vice president of the College Republicans, Leland Murphy, communications coordinator for the College Democrats, and David Noll, who says he is a member of both groups—to get their thoughts on the latest political goings on.

We cover water boarding, tea baggers, and midterm elections. But if there’s one thing all three can agree on, it’s that guns are fun.

Given the recent events at Lockwood Library, do you think it’s a good idea to allow concealed weapons on school grounds?

Leland Murphy: No, certainly not, definitely not—an unequivocal no. The presence of more guns just presents a greater opportunity for shootings to occur. Who says the people concealing the guns on campus are people you’re going to trust with guns? That’s literally any

crazy who goes to this school—and there’s a lot of them—can have a concealed weapon on campus and I don’t agree with that.

Travis Nemmer: No, not this [university]. Apparently Students for Concealed Carry did wonders in Utah, but this isn’t Utah.

David Noll: The big problem with having a concealed carry movement on a campus like Buffalo is that people, even adults, not just college students, aren’t responsible enough to put down their fire arms, lock up their fire arms, before they start drinking. And because drinking is such a huge part of the college student lifestyle, even though it’s had slight successes in some regions, the number of accidental shootings you get without legal firearms due to alcohol related issues makes it just a bad idea, especially when you have this many students in such close proximity.

TN: I’m for increased gun rights in

society as a whole but not at this school, because like Dave said, there’s a lot of factors—it’s predominately young people here, there’s drinking, there’s drug use. This is just a bad place for people to be wandering around with guns.

LM: I do that with my friends at home; go out drinking with shotguns, but not in a highly urban area—that’s out in the middle of the boonies … Guns are fun. **Laughs** TN: **Laughs** That is the official stance of the College Republicans on that—guns are fun.

LM: I even have to support that whole-heartedly, guns are lots of fun … They’re dangerous but lots of dangerous things are tons of fun.

The New York Times released statistics showing that the economy is improving. Who do we credit with this?

DN: Would it be crossing the line to

bians and some might be transsexuals, so I would be careful if I were you. Out of the remaining, only a select few are “somewhat normal.” But don’t let that hold you back. Go for it, in the halls, the union, class, anywhere really.

As long as she can pronounce her words correctly, has a vagina, 10 toes, and 10 fingers, I think you’ll be alright.

DH: You could try looking under the women seeking men craigslist personals. Those always work well. That’s one idea. I think it would work for you, since you seem as desperate as the women who are cheap enough to post personal ads on craigslist. Not that that’s a bad thing or anything.

Just note the fact these girls are desperate, which usually means that they are clingers, and there is nothing normal about clingers.

If craigslist does not work out, as a last-resort fix to your dating woes, try chatroulette.com. That is, if you don’t mind seeing a few dudes wanking off while looking for the love of your life.

Got a pressing personal or academic question? E-mail it to ubgeneration@gmail.com or text it to 716-2010GEN. Sound answers are not guaranteed.

say it might have been recovering regardless of the control? … We had a national bailout to our national crash. But there was this global bailout in response … it was … Keynesian economics, on a global scale, all at once.

TN: The American people. We’re buying a lot of stuff, and also the natural cycles of the economy.

This society hasn’t really evolved much beyond the rain dance, blaming our chief when it doesn’t rain.

There are some things that we just can’t control, and our economy is certainly one of them. There are a lot of people—as much as I don’t support the guy—a lot of people’s anger toward President Obama is misplaced because he wasn’t able to wave his fairy wand and make the sun rise and the rain fall for the American people, as far as the economy went. These things correct themselves. Did the stimulus play into that? I don’t doubt that was a factor but the rest, just people getting out, buying stuff again, just natural cycles of the economy.

What does Scott Brown’s Massa-

Continued on page 19 GENERATION February 9, 2010

edible material

Sample Restaurant

By Joshua Bach

S

ample Restaurant in downtown Buffalo is anything but dull. Located at 242 Allen Street, large modern windows line the front of the comfy corner eatery. Walking through the curtain wrapping the inside of the entrance, the soft sounds of relaxing music float into your ears, and the smell of a thousand different flavors permeate your senses. Pushing the curtain aside opens up a dimly lit room resembling an old studio apartment. The first floor is littered with tables and bar seats, and a sleek bar sits in the middle of the restaurant. A narrow staircase on the

left leads to a second-floor dining area; there isn’t a bad seat in the house. Large sheets of print fabric hang from the walls, illuminated by dim backlights. A disco ball twirls from the highest point on the ceiling; all elements coming together to set the hip, relaxing ambience.

First time going to Sample? No worries, from the moment you walk in, you’ll immediately feel welcomed, ready to start the sampling.

The items on the menu are all samples— appropriately enough—served individually or in flights. The samples are about two to three bites apiece, meant to allow you to experience a mouthwatering array of flavors.

Platters are also available, serving two, as well as a Chef’s Platter, a run through the whole menu for the food lover.

The first piece of the Chef’s Platter is the Cheese platter, featuring ricotta cheese sprinkled with fire-roasted red pepper and pineapple chutney, finding the perfect balance between bitter and sweet, and an aged provolone fondue, extremely rich and smooth with fresh bread to dip. A mini Mediterranean platters follows with an elegant olive

tapenade finely ground to perfection, a homemade hummus seasoned to please your taste buds, all with fresh, warm pita bread.

Next, it’s time for your flights of samples.

First are the soups, from French onion in a flakey homemade mini bread bowl to a noodle-less chicken “noodle” and a mushroom ramen soup, balanced with sweet and sour flavors, all with the consistency of a demiglace sauce.

Then comes your flights of varying samples. Options include hand-cut poutine fries covered in red wine braised gravy, satisfying crispy eggplant Parmesan, Beef on Weck in a homemade marinade, and a steak frite—a piece of flank steak over a thick slice of baked potato, all coming together with balsamic and Worcestershire aioli to create an incredible and flavorful glaze topping.

A flight of desserts finishes off the Chef’s Platter, and includes three different dessert samples. Jasmine rice pudding is first. Jasmine rice is used in certain rice puddings to give it a thicker and less watery texture. Sample’s is lightly sweetened and topped with

pine nuts, providing extra flavor and that satisfying end crunch. Banana ice cream follows, creamy and not too sweet, infused with real bananas. The flight finishes with a rich coconut panna cotta with a smooth and decadent dark chocolate sauce, all topped with a piece of granola and coconut infused together with candied walnuts. Other dessert options include a crème brule and s’more dessert platter.

Whether it is a long awaited gathering with friends or a special date with your significant other, Sample is a great choice and is just the type of restaurant that you would expect to find in the heart of Buffalo. Sample offers daily specials throughout the week and samples are conveniently priced between $2 and $4, platters at $10, and the complete run-through at $36—affordable whether you choose to have a drink and munch, or splurge and make a meal out of it. The incredible combination of flavors is enough to make anyone want more, and there is no better place than at Sample, where you can choose how much or little you want to try.

Eating Disorder Awareness Week

By Elizabeth Caruso

“

I would rather be run over by a truck than be fat.” That’s what half of the females between the ages of 18 and 25 said in a recent study, “Big Fat Lies: The Truth About Your Weight and Your Health.” Two-thirds of those participants also said they would rather be “mean” or “stupid” than “fat.”

An estimated 25 percent of females on college campuses suffer from some sort of eating disorder. An eating disorder is characterized by extreme habits that can include extreme reduction in daily intake of food, extreme overeating, or extreme feelings regarding one’s body weight or appearance. Eating disorders involve biological, behavioral, and social components that make the severity of each person’s eating disorder quite different.

Health professionals once thought there were two main types of eating disorders—anorexia nervosa and bulimia nervosa—but they later added a third category: “eating disorders not otherwise specified,” or EDNOS. Anorexia nervosa is characterized by extreme reduction in food consumption, an obsession to be thin and an unhealthy distortion of body image coupled with a fear of gaining weight. Females who suffer from anorexia often cease to menstruate and still see themselves as overweight even when they are emaciated.

Bulimia nervosa is characterized by excessive consumption of food in a short period of time followed by an excessive behavior that “compensates” for their binge, such as vomiting, fasting or exercising. People with bulimia are often of “normal” weight.

Some sort of psychological problem, like depression or substance abuse issues, usually accompanies anorexia and bulimia.

Eating disorders are most often seen in adolescents and young adults. College can be an emotional and stressful time; students may feel a lack of control over their lives. In order to gain some control, some individuals turn to extreme behaviors, such as excessive exercising and dieting. Researchers are still unsure of the underlying issues behind eating disorders. Some think there might be a genetic component that puts an individual “at risk,” but they agree that social and behavioral components ultimately exacerbate the disorder.

UB is presenting events and activities for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week from Feb. 21 to Feb. 27. On Wed., Feb. 23, there will be an arts and crafts event in the Student Union lobby from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., with eating disorder education. Visit wellness.buffalo.edu for more information.

If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, visit Counseling Services in 120 Richmond Quad and meet with the UB Eating Disorder Treatment Team or go to Wellness Education Services in 114 Student Union and schedule an appointment with the dietician.

campus & region I

Mirroring identities

By Melissa Wright

10 | ubgeneration.com

n a crowded Dipson Theatre within Market Arcade on Feb. 18, students, professors and theatre patrons attend “The Apple,” one of the films chosen for the 14th Annual International Women’s Film Festival. This series of films, made possible by UB’s Gender Institute, is not your average, sit back and consume, action-packed blockbusters out of Hollywood. “The Apple,” like several of the other independent films chosen, was produced on low budgets, 35 mm film, and without any professional actors.

Ruth Goldman, an adjunct professor in the Department of Media Studies stood up before the audience to give some opening comments and background. Students of Goldman’s scatter the audience as each of the films in this year’s festival are part of a requirement for her Gender and Film course this semester. “I want you to think about the limitations you have as a Western viewer while watching this film,” she incites.

Directed by Samira Makhmalbaf, the daughter of well-known Iranian film director, Mohsen Makhmalbaf, “The Apple” tells the true story of Massoumeh and Zahra Naderi, two Iranian girls who are held captive in their home by their father for the first 12 years of their lives.

Makhmalbaf shot the film at age 17, overcoming tremendous cultural taboos.

“Filmmaking is not an acceptable career for women in post-revolutionary Iran,” Goldman says in her introductory remarks.

Goldman references Jaycee Duggard, the young American woman rescued last year after being held captive for 18 years. Goldman makes this cross-cultural

parallel and then retracts, “but of course the circumstances are different.” “The Apple” comes from another world, one where female oppression is embedded in the very laws of the country. Unlike Duggard, the young girls’ captivity is made public to the surrounding neighbors. Our knee-jerk disgust of their maltreatment is undercut by a culture where women are already limited, are already objects to be possessed, married, ruled.

The Naderi property is almost entirely publicized. Their open yard, enclosed by concrete walls and a metal sliding door is entirely viewable to the second story neighbors, who daily can witness the two smiling, twin captives poking out from behind their barred-room jail cell. The father, an uneducated man, dedicated to his religion, pays for food through charity from the neighbors. His work? Prayer— for money he prays for his neighbors.

Chanting and signing, the girls watch him with untrained eyes, hypnotized and delighted. His chants are sad and bellowing; they match his wrinkled, joyless face. He is the sole caretaker for the children; their mother is blind and chooses to isolate herself within their dark home.

But, back to the beginning. The film begins right away with a sense of otherness. The camera is zoomed in on the writing of a letter, the right to left script, already disjointing us from our Western defaults. The letter is a plea from the Naderi neighbors to Social Services. In a rather matter of fact tone, the neighbors describe the young girls’ predicament, citing as most vital their lack of proper hygiene. For this, Social Services take

them into custody to bathe them. They are released on the promise that their father will provide them proper care and stop locking them up. (At this, a few people in the audience gasped.)

The opening scenes seem at first to capture the girls’ entrance into the outside world—jagged film cuts from scene to scene, uncomfortable angles, and insistent interviews with the girls, who can respond with little more than stuck out tongues, gibberish, and innocent smiles. The film angles and shots become calmer once the father brings the girls home. Immediately, he locks them up. (And this time, laughter across the audience.) The girls do not resist. One thinks of Stockholm syndrome, but there is something deeper and less clear-cut at hand. There is not a villain and the girls do not act like victims. They re-invent their captivated space through art—soot hand prints stain the walls and they clash their spoons in rhythm against the jail cells. The father is not a villain in the way we expect.

At roughly mid-way through the film, the social worker checks in on the Naderi family to find the girls locked up. She hands the girls a mirror and a comb each, both superficial objects. Immediately, Zahra holds it up to reflect the lock that holds her in. Neither looks at their own faces.

It calls to mind the Brazilian short film, “A Vida Politica,” that started the evening off. One of the female activists looks at the camera boldly and says, “Beauty is politics.” In “The Apple,” the social worker, an ambassador for the state, provides

Continued on page 19

GENERATION February 9, 2010

the fashion page

Geek Chic

By Kathryn Przybyla Never has it been more hip to be square.

Stylists around the world have succumbed to a love affair with the uncool and they show no signs of stopping. Geek chic—a casual professional look with a splash of nerdy—is taking Hollywood by storm and we are all jumping on the Millennium Falcon bandwagon.

The trick for a successful “I have a 4.0 GPA but hang with the cool kids” look is to borrow from the stereotypical geek image sparingly. Try to avoid going overboard with too many pieces. Combining urban, boho and preppy trends will create a very

Having trouble finding a date? It might seem counterintuitive, but the 12-year-old Pokémon-playing version of yourself might have better luck. Throw out those Uggs and North Face jackets, it’s time to geek out.

appealing look. We want a Stefan Urquelle, not so much a Steve Urkel.

Early adopters of today’s latest gadgets are leading the way in this shift from classic sportswear to contemporary studywear. Techies are rocking their cult classic, Marvel comics-inspired shirts, dressing down the mainstream spiffed up attire.

We have a new respect for these nerds who are changing the way stereotypes are portrayed. What was once an expertise in Hyper Text Markup Language (HTML) has now become an “I know ‘How To Meet Ladies’ ” metaphor.

Choosing style pieces for the geek chic look is feasible. Classic black-rimmed glasses are the easiest approach, with non-prescription glasses available at most clothing stores. Justin Timberlake and JayZ have most recently worn them at award shows this season.

The argyle sweater is also no stranger to geek chic, having played a major part in Chuck Bass’ wardrobe on Gossip Girl. But be wary of knee socks and suspenders. An overdose of geek glam could lead to an unexpected fashion malfunction.

Save these two accessories for special

occasions that are few and far between.

Pairing them with neutral looks that need a sprucing up is your best bet.

Quirky hats have also made a comeback.

Military style, fedora hats, newsboy caps, and ivy caps are all making a big statement as fashionable headgear. Feminine geek chic takes a different route with a more conservative look. The newly appointed Queen of the “geeks,” Rachel Berry on Glee has taken advantage of high necklines and colored tights. These looks are here to stay and will be slowly but surely making their way to our closets by fall 2010.

Style Inspirations 1. Rachel Berry – Soprano queen bee on “Glee.”

2. Alexa Chung – Vogue’s most stylish woman of 2009.

3. Blair Waldorf – Upper East Side socialite on “Gossip Girl.”

4. Natalie Portman – Star Wars convention icon.

5. Justin Timberlake – Scarf-wearing ex-boybander.

6. Artie Abrahms – Guitar playing, paraplegic cutie on “Glee.”

7. Andy Samberg – Current SNL cast member on a boat.

8. Chuck Bass – New York City Casanova and resident antihero on “Gossip Girl.”

ubgeneration.com | 11

GENERATION’S

By Josh Q. Newman With the 82nd Academy Awards nearly two weeks away, Generation proudly presents its predictions for the best films of the year.

Best Picture Avatar • The Blind Side • District 9 • An Education • The Hurt Locker • Inglourious Basterds • Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire • A Serious Man • Up • Up in the Air What Will Win: The Hurt Locker. The Best Picture category is different this year. Instead of the traditional five nominees, there are 10. In addition, the Academy is having voters rank the movies, giving “smaller” films a better shot. The indie war drama “The Hurt Locker” is a tense and eccentric take on the Iraq war and soldiers in general. It has garnered considerable attention this awards season, and it’s favored to win. Don’t count out “Avatar,” though. If the Academy actually wants to acknowledge box office receipts—why, by the way, it doubled the number of nominees for Best Picture—then “Avatar” is a shoe-in.

What Should Win: Up in the Air. This drama-comedy is the perfect blend of sharp writing, social commentary, and good acting. George Clooney is outstanding as an agent for a company that fires people. This film, which was sure to win up until the release of “Avatar,” shows that Hollywood still has the power to both entertain and inform. It may not have the flair of “Avatar” or the punch of “The Hurt Locker,” but given the times it’s truly the best movie of the year.

Best Actor Jeff Bridges – Crazy Heart • George Clooney – Up in the Air • Colin Firth – A Single Man • Morgan Freeman – Invictus • Jeremy Renner – The Hurt Locker Who Will Win: Jeff Bridges. Bridges’ portrayal of a washed-up country singer in search of meaning and love certainly has its merits. Almost everyone in Hollywood loves the Dude, and will love him even more after he receives an Oscar basically for his illustrious career.

Who Should Win: Colin Firth. Firth is the underdog in the category, but his first nomination should also be his first win. Firth plays a homosexual man reeling over the lost of his lover with such despair and tenderness that it’s impossible to ignore.

Best Actress Sandra Bullock – The Blind Side • Helen Mirren – The Last Station • Carey Mulligan – An Education • Gabourey Sidibe – Precious • Meryl Streep – Julie & Julia Who Will Win: Meryl Streep. This is a somewhat bold prediction considering that most of the awards so far have gone to Bullock. However, the Oscars are full of surprises, and giving Streep her third Oscar for playing the incorrigible cooking icon Julia Child would be sure to rock the Kodak Theater.

Who Should Win: Gabourey Sidibe. Playing an abused 1980s Harlem teenage incest victim “Precious” is a lot to read, let alone watch. Yet newcomer Sidibe does it so compellingly that you’re willing to ignore the fact that Mariah Carey doesn’t wear makeup, and you’re free to embrace this emotional Oprah-backed movie.

Best Supporting Actor Matt Damon – Invictus • Woody Harrelson – The Messenger • Christopher Plummer – The Last Station • Stanley Tucci – The Lovely Bones • Christoph Waltz – Inglourioius Basterds Who Will Win: Christoph Waltz. The Academy has lately been giving this award to

OSCAR PICKS virulent psychopaths like Anton Chigurh and the Joker. This year will prove to be no exception. Waltz’s “Jew Hunter” Col. Hans Landa in Quentin Tarantino’s bloody WWII fantasy is the most compelling movie character of this year. Waltz plays Landa with devastating charm and brutal accuracy. There is no way he cannot win this. The 53-year-old Hollywood neophyte has a glorious career behind and ahead of him.

Who Should Win: Christoph Waltz. See above.

Best Supporting Actress Penélope Cruz – Nine • Vera Farmiga – Up in the Air • Maggie Gyllenhaal – Crazy Heart • Anna Kendrick – Up in the Air • Mo’Nique – Precious Who Will Win: Mo’Nique. Mo’Nique, who until this movie was not known as a serious actress, plays the monstrous mother of Sidibe’s character. She uses tooth and nail to tear apart the heart of Precious. Although her malicious efforts prove unsuccessful, she certainly holds a place in the dark side of cinematic characters.

Who Should Win: Mo’Nique. This category is locked. Sorry.

Best Director Kathryn Bigelow – The Hurt Locker • James Cameron – Avatar • Lee Daniels – Precious • Jason Reitman – Up in the Air • Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds Who Will Win: Kathryn Bigelow. Bigelow uses documentary-style filmmaking to depict a bomb-squad’s trials in Iraq. Although there are better—and more unique—war movies out there, Bigelow is the favorite. She already won the Directors Guild of America award, which is traditionally a precursor for the Oscar winner. It also helps that she is a woman. Only four women directors have ever been nominated and none of them have won. This year will probably be the exception.

Who Should Win: Jason Reitman. Reitman has a quirky, brilliant technique. He is a young master of the camera. “Up in the Air” isn’t flawless but it does have a seamless rhythm and well-crafted motifs. Adventure/war movies usually get the prize, but Reitman shows that there is more to directing than blowing things up—real or not. That means you, James Cameron.

Best Original Screenplay The Hurt Locker • Inglourious Basterds • The Messenger • A Serious Man • Up What Will Win: Inglourious Basterds. Tarantino’s encyclopedic knowledge of humor, violence and good filmmaking is handy in making great movies, and will surely earn him his second Oscar. His writing puts most screenwriters to shame. Don’t let the misspelling fool you. “Inglourious Basterds” is amazing to watch, and it’s mostly because of Tarantino’s pulpy pen.

What Should Win: Inglourious Basterds. Why not?

Best Adapted Screenplay

District 9 • An Education • In the Loop • Precious • Up in the Air What Will Win: Up in the Air. You guessed it. Reitman and fellow screenwriter Sheldon Turner transform Walter Kirn’s 2001 novel into a compelling screen tale. The dialogue especially stands out. Whether it’s describing the modern relationship or breaks down how to professionally sack someone, the screenplay is as good as it gets.

What Should Win: Up in the Air. This isn’t up for grabs.

ubgeneration.com | 13

Brutality, Blood and Brotherhood Between 60 and 100 people are standing inside the dimly lit Xtreme Wheels Skatepark.

They watch adolescents on skateboards coast up half-pipes and ollie over rails as they attempt to recover from the thunderous band that just swaggered off the stage. Sweat beads up on dozens of foreheads and then rolls down to the floor, moistening the now-dry mud that the concertgoers tracked in on their shoes.

Anticipation swells. The stage is quiet—for now.

Six young men set up their gear and glide onto the stage; guitars, microphones and drumsticks in hand. One bends down and flicks a power switch on his alltube Peavey amp. A light inside burns red. The drummer lifts his drumsticks high above his head and forcibly brings them down to meet the stretched Mylar on his snare and floor tom. Guitar picks meet strings, sending surges of electricity across magnified pickups, down twisted cables, through beat-up stomp boxes and into amplifiers that push out hundreds, if not thousands, of watts of sound through dozens of speakers. Dual singers emit a combination of roars and shrill screams. All hell breaks loose.

Your ears are suddenly assaulted—or, depending on who you speak to, glorified—with 14 | ubgeneration.com

music that’s about as wicked as the skies above Hiroshima on Aug. 6, 1945. But with an atomic bomb, that’s it, you’re gone. This is constant, sustained—more of a global thermonuclear war than just one measly eruption.

Meet Calamity from the Skies.

The band continues as the crowd fractures into two groups; the ruthless and the frightened.

The frightened retreat to the sides of the building and the ruthless begin to mosh. They’re violent.

Chaotic. They move without purpose.

Some choose to stand around the edges, focused on the band but pushing back when the moshers get too close. A cheery looking kid with sandy brown hair named Runk stands among these onlookers. Nobody can say for sure if Runk is his real name, or what his last name is, but that’s inconsequential at this point. One mosher flails a little too hard.

A little too fast. He spins out of

control and hits Runk directly in the face. Hard. Blood spurts from his nose and mouth. He spits out two teeth onto the stained floor.

He waits until the band finishes about a half hour later and then he goes to the hospital, where the staff will attempt to mend his shattered nose and teeth.

In many ways, Runk’s plight exemplifies the stereotypes people have about the metal scene in Buffalo. But in a sea of physical aggression and anger, Runk is actually an exception to the rule.

“That was the worst one,” says Dave Mahoney, one of Calamity from the Skies’ two singers. “I’ve just heard of other people getting bruises, bumps, whatever, hit here and there.”

Many try to write off bands like Calamity from the Skies and their followers as typical angry teens, but in reality, they’re anything but. There’s more to these kids than stitches and screaming. Just

a quick glimpse at Buffalo’s metal scene reveals a brotherhood, a philosophy, and most importantly, a group of young men and women who just want to have fun. Eat your heart out, Cyndi Lauper.

LUKE BRIGHT IS PISSED. So pissed, in fact, that he took the radio out of his battered Chevy Blazer to avoid hearing the “music” that kept coming out of it. “Radio rock, radio pop, radio rap—it’s all annoying.

You need to get pissed,” he says.

Bright, 21, is a guitarist and songwriter for the local metal band What Lies Beneath, and a junior history major with a minor in classics at UB. And let’s just say that he doesn’t look like the kind of guy you’d want to butt heads with in a mosh pit. He’s built. He exudes the stoic confidence and sheer sturdiness that is usually only reserved for members of the Marine Corps. His closely cropped hair and substantial biceps certainly don’t dissuade

this image.

And despite his physical characteristics and the incensed words that are now finding their way through his black and white tribal-patterned band T-shirt and out of his robust frame, Bright is not scary. He’s friendly, open— essentially the exact opposite of the typical angry metal-head stereotype. At first, that’s hard to see.

“We like really aggressive, violent music and we put on a smile when we play it,” he says, explaining the popularity of the scene and his bandmates’ motivation. “We kind of do—at shows—want to see violence. The more movement, the more jumping off shit and breaking stuff, the better.”

But as Bright continues to talk, it becomes obvious that he’s not the kind of guy you can pigeonhole into a formula. Like most people, he is complex, intricate. It’s easy to add one and one and get two, but Bright is more than that. He’s GENERATION February 9, 2010

keenly aware of the stereotypes associated with his music, and he’s a little bit offended.

“I get it all the time; ‘you listen to that screamo shit. You worship the devil.’ Like no, I listen to Christian shit sometimes,” he says.

Bright says that some bands, like Knoxville, Tenn.-based Whitechapel, think that “the world is a piece of shit and everybody should die.” But metal is a diverse genre and it’s intriguing, he says, how some bands can combine Christianity and metal and create something like As I Lay Dying, a San Diego-based metalcore band

CALAMITY FROM THE SKIES are practicing at an ear-massacring volume. They’re in a second-floor room that’s been outfitted for metal, floor to ceiling. In many ways, it’s everything you would expect from this sort of band.

The walls are adorned with axes, daggers and swords, held up by slight brass prongs. It seems like the rumble from the bass and constant chest-thumping pounds bellowing from the double bass drums could release them from their hold at any time—cascading them into someone’s back or foot or head.

names are Fish and Slick and they’re the exact opposite of what you’d expect to see at Calamity’s headquarters.

The band is a diverse group of kids from across Niagara County.

Bassist Topher Miller is easily the most intimidating, on first glance at least. His head is shaved bald. His earlobes have been stretched with large plugs. There’s a menacinglooking piercing cutting through his septum. But five minutes with Miller in a relaxed setting reveal a laid-back, very chill guy.

Appearances mean nothing.

Doug Griffith drums with all

every time. Sarikey has a bit of an advantage over his companion; he’s been trained to play classical music. His training lends itself well to the metal genre. He’s precise, unrelenting. And he has the sickest afro in the entire scene.

Steve McIntosh does not have an afro. Steve McIntosh is intense. He is sitting on a speaker, leg resting on a piece of Griffith’s massive drum set. He’s a veritable dichotomy when he performs. He looks docile, almost Zen, when he’s not singing. But as soon as his jaw drops open, things

“Got the job done though.” They explode into a song called “The Scarlet Hue” as McIntosh devours his burger and fries. This time, Mahoney performs both parts.

From a distance, Mahoney is the archetypical metal singer.

He’s got the long, flowing hair— metal hair, he calls it. He’s got the scraggly beard coming down the sides of his face and meeting on his chin. He wears a dark band T-shirt, and his jeans are ripped.

But take a look closer. His hair is light brown, almost blond. You get the feeling that, if it was shorter, he’d be the kind of guy that all the

“Our full intention in this band is to be as heavy but also technical as possible. We just want to be really raw. Really raw, really in your face. That’s how we have fun, man.” -Dave Mahoney who sing about life, struggles, relationships and other issues from a uniquely Christian perspective.

“Metal is fucking weird,” Bright says, explaining that a band named For Today has song titles named after bible verses, like Ezekiel and Isaiah. Buffalo’s own For the Horde, who play a selfdescribed “no-genre, ridiculous music,” exemplify the diversity of metal, and they seem to be proud of it. Their Myspace page announces that they sound like “a new way to worship.” “[Lead singer Tommy Beitner] sometimes takes a break in the middle of a set. He stops and says, ‘the only reason we’re all here is because of Jesus,’ ” Bright says.

“Then he throws down and gets heavy.”

As the conversation progresses, Bright begins to reveal the hidden layers in the metal scene—the ones that many on the outside fail to see. For Bright and many others, metal isn’t about anger or violence. It’s not about broken noses, unlit venues, the devil or Jesus. For the same reason many people like radio music, ironically, Bright likes metal because it makes him want to move.

“I feel the music. [It] evokes some sort of feeling in me—it makes me want to bounce,” he says. “We just want you to come to the show and have fun.”

There are drawings on the walls.

Unfinished, dazzling drawings of fantasy creatures caught between concept and completion in gray pencil. There is a blanket hung on the ceiling above the drums, to dampen the sound and decrease echoing. And the speakers. There are speakers everywhere—lining one entire wall and taking up room on a few more. There’s an awkward corner, tucked back into the right side of the door, that’s completely filled with speakers. Large, black, daunting.

You get the sense that earplugs are a necessity in this room.

The smell of an unmentioned kind of smoke sweetens the air, mollifies a few of the young men standing around and gives the whole place a communal feel.

The house itself seems more like a hippie’s haven than a metal asylum. A kid with red eyes and unwashed hair leans flippantly against a door frame. “I’m just here, man,” he says, sounding more philosophical than he meant. A friendly black Labrador named Moe greets everyone who walks into the door, and two shih tzus with thick winter coats yap from a distance. The little black one growls, prompting laughter from visitors. The cream-colored one sniffs at the air. After a minute or two, they come closer and nuzzle legs and shoes with their indented noses. Their

the intensity and precision of a cheetah hurtling through the African savannah in pursuit of fresh prey, breaking landspeed records in the process. The only thing more impressive than the might at which he hits his Tama drums is the precision that he employs in the process. You can write off metal bands as deafening and callous as much as you want, but you can’t deny pure talent, and Griffith has plenty. He plays shirtless, building up layers of sweat and cooling off during the few seconds between songs.

For Griffith, this isn’t a practice.

This is it. This is life.

Jayke Jerla, the youngest of the band, stands tall among his bandmates. He’s slender. Quiet.

Right now, his long, dark hair is tucked neatly into a black beanie.

He’s relatively tame tonight, moving swiftly only to stomp a pedal or adjust a knob on his amp every now and then. But on stage, his long hair makes him a theatrical presence, flipping up and down over his shoulders and exemplifying the intensity of the music coming from the black Ibanez in his hands.

Kahlil Sarikey is trying to teach Jerla a complicated fingertapping riff. Sarikey’s fingers move effortlessly over the mahogany fretboard on his black, seven-string Ibanez as he repeats the riff over and over. Flawless

change. His brows furrow, his eyes gaze straight ahead. It is at this moment that you realize that McIntosh is the most frightening member of Calamity from the Skies. If his face took this form in any other setting, you’d think he was about to pull a foot-long blade from his pants pockets to stab you in the jugular. And even though he’s screaming, he doesn’t look particularly strained. You get the sense that he’s capable of pushing things farther—so much farther—but you’re afraid to see it.

McIntosh’s co-singer, Dave Mahoney, is… no one seems to know.

“Where is he?” someone asks between songs.

“Being gay,” another says.

Everyone laughs. It stands out as a sunny moment between two hugely brutal songs. It turns out that Mahoney is at a friend’s house, helping to fix a wall.

“Must be taking longer than they thought,” someone says. Then they spontaneously break into another sadistic song.

MAHONEY WALKS IN A few minutes later. He’s just in time. McIntosh was fatiguing from performing two singers’ jobs. Mahoney hands him a Burger King bag, and everyone else gets Arizona’s Arnold Palmer Half and Half iced tea. “Sorry it took so long,” he says with a shrug.

girls talked about in high school.

He’d be the not-quite-nerd, notquite-prom-king type of guy that everyone was friends with.

Mahoney is, in fact, funny, well spoken and a genuinely nice guy.

But right now he’s roaring like a pissed off gorilla, and he does not look friendly.

“The Scarlet Hue” is a slowburner, at least compared to the songs they’ve played so far. It starts with an airy—yet pointed—guitar riff, backed up by machine gun drumming and a rumbling bass.

The band quickly moves in sync to an uphill battle against some unknown combatant. Mahoney comes in, screaming high, then low, and soon the band unleashes its fury like they’re battling to save humanity against the forces of hell on the end of days. McIntosh finishes his BK and the band is throwing in everything they’ve got, for 4 minutes and 15 seconds, until they break down into a wellorchestrated ending. “That was fucking awesome,” someone says.

Everyone agrees.

WATCHING CALAMITY PLAY OUTSIDE of a show, it’s easy to see that they’re not in it because they’re a bunch of angsty teens.

For one, these guys are in their 20s. And honestly, they’re not really all that angry.

Continued on page 18

Dave Mahoney

Luke Bright

Steve McIntosh

ubgeneration.com | 15

blueprint Generation asks:

What’s your best spring break story, or, what would your ideal spring break be like?

Ernesto Alvarado

David Rose

Senior, international politics

Senior, urban public policy

“We got robbed in Puerto Rico. We were in Puerto Rico and we were going to the jungle. Our bus broke down and we got stuck in a small town. We had to wait for another bus to come and they told us to go into this restaurant. So we’re chilling in this restaurant, we come back out and everything was missing.”

“With all the tragedy that’s been going on around the world, there’s always something to do, whether it’s going down to New Orleans … or an alternate spring break helping a community in Buffalo. Community service can be a way to go.”

Zach Violanti Freshman, business

“Everybody was wasted.

Dicks in butts, fingers in butts, everyone was on top of the bar slamming tease holes.”

Brad Parker

Freshman, communication

“Everyone was wasted. I got with a girl who had a boyfriend. She didn’t tell me.

The boyfriend got a hold of my number. He was in UCF wrestling and he said he was gonna come and kick my tease hole.”

Editor’s note: Zach and Brad both contended that “tease” was a German word for “ass.” However, urbandictionary.com told us another story: “Tease: An individual who enjoys looking at his/her looks, is infatuated with his/herself, dreams of being an underwear model, and acts like an 11 year old.” However, Brad did apologize for his horrendous Jersey Shore accent, so we’ll let it slide.

nickel city “It’s about being patient and getting the brain to connect with the right muscle. It’s not something that’s often natural but if you do work at it, you do get it.”

- Instructor Mandy Hoeplinger

Smooth Moves

The sexy world of belly dancing

C

By Keeley Sheehan lass at the Belly Dance Academy in Kenmore hasn’t started yet.

The single-room studio—one wall lined with mirrors, the opposite wall a deep dark red— is unoccupied, save two performers who fill the time and the empty space.

They’re practicing for a Mardi Gras performance in Buffalo. Four dancers will perform, but for now, the two work together to perfect their moves in a flurry of shakes and rolls.

The woman, barefoot, glides her way through the routine, her dark hair pulled back into a bun. She wears loose black pants, a thin black tank top, and two scarves around her hips—one red, one black, both a little shiny, with coins dangling from the edges. The man appears out of place at first—nondescript track pants, bandana tied around his forehead. But his swift, sure movements make it clear that he knows exactly what he’s doing. The dance is a series of graceful hip rolls and serpent-like arms, to Madonna and Justin Timberlake’s “4 Minutes.” The mesmerizing dance ends far too soon.

The woman, instructor Mandy Hoeplinger, later practices a routine with her Monday night choreography class. She and

the two students dance to a song mixing traditional and contemporary elements.

Each move seems to flow effortlessly into the next, but their cool precision and penetrating gazes betray a purposefulness behind each step, a combination of elegance and confidence that leaves onlookers entranced.

Belly dancing has its origins in traditional Middle Eastern dance styles—different regions have their own styles and costumes. The exact story behind belly dancing is uncertain, but some believe it may have started as a method for women to demonstrate the process of childbirth to other women—a theory popular in the West because of its implicit contrast to negative female stereotypes. Some think it may have started in Northern Africa, spreading to the Middle East via caravans, and some think it originated in Ancient Babylon, as a dance women performed at celebrations. Belly dancing has since found increased popularity in the Western world.

“Belly dancing helps your back, your posture, overall health, cardio, self-esteem, self-image,” Hoeplinger says. “There’s no down side.” Belly dancing is a low-impact, aerobic activity. “I always leave feeling better than when I came in,” she says.

Belly dancing can be difficult at first be-

cause it employs muscles that most people don’t use in regular daily activity. “It seems foreign when you first start, but it becomes intuitive,” Hoeplinger says.

One move she practices with her Monday night beginners class has students standing upright with their knees slightly bent, raising the pelvis, each hip separately and—in the middle of the hip and pelvis—each oblique. The instructions draw looks of puzzled concentration from a few in the room, wondering exactly how one is supposed to raise an oblique. “It’s about being patient and getting the brain to connect with the right muscle,” Hoeplinger says. “It’s not something that’s often natural but if you do work at it, you do get it.”

Hoeplinger got involved in belly dancing after watching a friend who belly danced perform locally. “She seemed like a whole different person. She was graceful, she’d lost weight, she looked serene,” she says.

“The next day I called and signed up.”

She uses a wide range of music in her classes and performances, and often favors contemporary styles that she has more of an emotional connection with. She’s used everything from traditional styles, to Guns N’ Roses, Fatboy Slim and Beyoncé.

It’s “belly dancing on a budget” that night. Hoeplinger begins pulling handmade belly dance costumes from bags as the students in her choreography class look on. The costume staples are simple—a basic black bra and some fabric fashioned into a panel skirt—two strips of fabric with a decorative belt worn over black pants. But each piece is personalized, hand sewn with embellishments from craft store sales, K-Mart clearance racks, friends’ second-hand jewelry collections, and furniture store odds and ends. She holds up a black bra.

It’s trimmed with pieces of a black feather boa—the perfect last-minute Halloween outfit. Another is intricately decorated with thick woven green trim from a fabric store. A large tassel normally used to hold back drapes dangles from the center. Small gold coins dangle from most of the bras— one is completely weighed down with them.

The Belly Dance Academy offers a variety of classes for seasoned dancers to beginners, and everyone in between. The school offers a beginner tribal-fusion class on Monday nights from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. The class teaches

tribal-fusion movements, technique, and is ideal for those with no prior dance experience—beginner to intermediate level.

They offer a similar beginner tribal-fusion class on Tuesdays from 5:45 p.m. to 6:45 p.m. that Hoeplinger says is a good class for beginners. A new session of that class just began on Feb. 2.

The school also offers a few earlier class times during the week for those who can’t make it to a later class. On Wednesdays they offer a high impact fusion fitness belly dance class from 10 a.m. to 11 a.m. The class combines dance moves and other exercises for a toning cardio workout. A new session will start in May. On Thursday nights from 7:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. the Belly Dance Academy holds a new folkloric world belly dance class, exploring different styles of belly dance from countries like Greece, India, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia—they recommend students taking this class have knowledge of basic belly dance techniques. They offer a number of other classes geared toward different levels of experience, as well as a few yoga classes. Visit thebellydanceacademy.com, call 983-7788 or stop by 2938 Delaware Ave. for more information.

Classes are $12 per class drop-in rate, $50 for five classes, and 10 classes range in price from $85 to $100, depending on the class. Some of the classes allow users to pay online for five or 10 sessions.

ubgeneration.com | 17

Ask a Geek an advice column by Drew Brigham

I am looking to find cheap and/or discounted electronic devices, can you point me in the right direction?

You bet your bottom dollar I can point you in the right direction for cheap electronics.

Since I started writing this column, you’d be surprised at the number of people that come up to me and say, “Hey, aren’t you that computer geek from Generation?” and then lay their personal computer problems on my shoulder.

My first piece of advice is to have your mind set on a particular item. I’ll use a personal example of purchasing a television for my new apartment. In my mind I picked out the screen size, brand name and how much I wanted to spend on the TV ahead of time.

I then went to stores like Best Buy, Walmart and newegg.com to scope out the prices. After that, I checked the Web site slickdeals.net (if you need help navigating to a URL on the Internet, perhaps this column is not for you) from time to time to look for potential savings on the TV in question. Then I waited. And waited. And waited. After weeks of browsing slickdeals.net, I found a reasonable offer. Ultimately, I purchased an LG 42-inch 1080p TV— usually $700—for $540, including tax and shipping from Sears. In addition, the store was having a promotion for all LCD TVs, and I also got a 7-inch portable TV to go along with the larger one. I found some of those savings using Microsoft’s search engine, bing.com.

A number of stores will give you cash back through the Web site simply for searching for items on bing.com. I got 20 percent off my TV through Bing. The only drawback is you have wait 60 days from the initial purchase to get reimbursed.

Another money saving tip: Everything you purchase doesn’t have to be from a big box store to be a quality product. Best Buy sells HDMI cords, which connect a high definition source to your television, for around $40. I got an HDMI online through Amazon for only $3, including shipping and tax. My $3 HDMI cord delivers the same HD signal than the more expensive brand name cord at Best Buy. 18 | ubgeneration.com

Metal continued “Some people like to stay in their comfort zone, but when you get into extreme metal and stuff, it’s just a visceral experience,” Mahoney says. “And some people like to mosh. It’s an exertion of anger in a positive environment. It’s not necessarily constructive, but it’s definitely not negative. It’s just having fun.”

It just so happens that these guys like to have fun by screaming, pushing, howling and moshing their way into oblivion. At face value, this might seem a little out of the ordinary. Maybe even unlawful. But Mahoney sees it as just another masculine thing—no different from playing a game of tackle football in the backyard.

“There’s a lot of underlying understandings going on. It’s like this code—not really a code of conduct—but it’s a respect thing. Everyone just does what they do and maybe someone accidently gets hit sometimes … it’s like a masculine appreciation, like playing sports. You get bashed by your buddy, it’s no big deal, it happens sometimes.”

Sure, kids like Runk get hurt sometimes.

Luke Bright says he’s been hit too—one injury sustained at a show meant he had to get 15 stitches. But for this scene, that’s the name of the game. “No one left in an ambulance,” Griffith says. “No cops ever showed up at our shows or anything like that.”

Athletes get hurt on a weekly basis—they face life-changing disfigurements. What does it really matter if one or two kids get a scratch or two here and there? “If they’re friends it’s like, ‘aww dude you got me.’

These things happen,” Mahoney says.

IT BECOMES CLEAR THAT there is an entire fraternity built around this Spartan appreciation for fun.

“It’s kind of like a brotherhood thing,” Mahoney says. “Of course, it’s not just guys, there’s all sorts of girls all over the whole thing. Hell, I’d say it’s 50-50.”

Bright and Mahoney agree; there exists a core of bands—a core of closely-knit friends—at the nucleus of the scene.

Calamity from the Skies. What Lies Beneath. For the Horde. Amongst the Ruin.

Construct. They formed around the same time, or they’ve been friends forever, or they’ve played together a couple of times— how they met is inconsequential. What matters is that they draw crowds. Big ones.

“We’re all just dudes that want to have fun,” Bright says. “I can’t name a dude who I don’t like. We all just want to play music and have fun doing it.”

The bands team up to create chaos in venues all over the area, from Xtreme Wheels to Club Diablo, from Amvets Post 13 to Penny Arcade in Rochester. Some gigs require the bands to sell tickets and some of the bands resent that. Calamity’s members refuse to sell tickets. Bright doesn’t like to sell tickets, either. That’s why he—like many others in the scene— prefers to play at the Hyde Park Pavilion in Niagara Falls.

“It feels like a hangout,” Bright says. “We know everyone there. We all just sit in a room and chill. It’s more like a family feel— you know everyone at the show. They’re not just there to see some big-name band that doesn’t give a shit about anyone.”

And despite the physical element, despite the fact that people leave with bruises and scrapes and, from time to time, bloodied appendages, the people seem genuinely to care about each other. “It’s usually a friendly environment; if somebody falls,

somebody will pick them up,” Griffith says.

“You see someone get there late and he’s hugged individually by everyone going around,” Mahoney adds. “It’s a friendly thing; it’s a friendly environment.”

The people may be close, and the bands may be closer, but that doesn’t mean that they all sound the same. “Besides the whole screaming aspect, none of us sound remotely alike,” Bright says. Each band has its own sound, its own look, its own crowd and its own unique temperament. Bright says that one of the bands he saw put on onesie pajamas and hopped on stage with a techno intro. Others are more intense.

“Calamity from the Skies is the most violent band in Buffalo. You’d have to go to Rochester to find someone close,” Bright says.

Mahoney takes this as a compliment of the highest order.

“That’s really flattering and I love that anyone around here could ever say that.

That’s really nice,” he says. “Our full intention in this band is to be as heavy but also technical as possible. We just want to be really raw. Really raw, really in your face. That’s how we have fun, man.”

THE METAL SCENE IN Buffalo is not underground. The metal scene in Buffalo scratches and screams and tears itself out of basements and bedrooms in search of the spotlight. Everyone’s in it for fun, of course, but that doesn’t mean they can’t have other ambitions. Mahoney lets his out early.

“We want to tour. We want to get our name out. We want people to know who we are,” he says. He catches himself.

“Actually, we just want people to move around at shows. We just want people to have fun. Fun is our objective. This is our recreation.”

Griffith points out that they’re currently working on a full-length album. Eight songs and an intro. Griffith went to a music recording school in Ohio, and he’s amassed quite a bit of gear working at Guitar Center on Niagara Falls Blvd. He’s really giving it his all for this album. He previews a couple of the songs that are done, or at least close to it. There’s one called “Dogma.” Though it’s lacking Mahoney’s vocals, it is raw, closer to the live experience than the stuff on their EP, “Emissaries Of Jahbulon.”

“We have good feelings when we get this done,” Griffith says. “If we get it in the right people’s hands we could get signed, maybe.”

Mahoney reveals that they’ve been waiting for this. “We’ve had offers from smaller labels but we’re trying to aim kind of big. You know, start your way in the middle, work your way up if you can.”

Bright is more specific. Fame? No. Riches? No. He wants to travel.

“I just enjoy playing the guitar and writing music,” he says. “I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m never going to be Nickelback and see the whole world and make lots of money. I just want to tour and see the U.S. I want to do some cool shit that not everyone can say they did.”

Bright can say that he’s already accomplished some of that. What Lies Beneath packed up and traveled to Cleveland to open for Disturbed at the Warner Bros. Amphitheater in May. And their drummer missed his senior year of high school to tour with It Dies Today.

“If I can get out of doing real work for a year or two, hell yeah. That’s the real drive,” Bright says. “It’s like winning the

lottery—it’s like the American dream. To be able to get by just doing what you love.”

IN SOME WAYS, THESE bands fit into every lame metal stereotype you’ve ever heard.

They sing about gore, death, heaven, and hell. Upon closer inspection, the words seem a little too familiar. That’s because you’ve heard them before, you’ve seen them before—mostly on the silver screens of theaters across the nation.

“We have [a song] that’s about H.R. Giger’s ‘Alien’,” Mahoney says. “Sometimes we like to do the type of thing that other bands are doing where they’ll write from a serial killer perspective or something crazy like that. Just brutal, visceral, raw things.”

Mahoney’s favorite lyric from a Calamity song is “liberate tutemae ex inferis.” It means “save yourself from hell” and it’s from the space horror flick “Event Horizon.” Bright says a lot of What Lies Beneath’s songs are similar. “A lot of our songs are about nonsense violence or exgirlfriends.”

Mahoney mentions briefly that some of his lyrics are political, and even calls Calamity a semi-political band. Based on his online profile, Mahoney is more than just a little political: “The monetary system, capitalism, the ‘free-market’ economy and various other popular sociopolitical standards are simply methods of controlling the masses with fear, and I simply have no interest in any of it, place no faith in any of the aforementioned conventions, and wholeheartedly advocate the advancement of the human race in a drastically different direction than the way it is currently headed.”

The songs might appear to be pissedoff anthems of youth to some, but they’re actually anthems with a very pointed purpose.

LUKE BRIGHT IS TALKING about his favorite memories of mosh pits of yore.

“Last time, somebody got kicked in the balls—that was funny. It dropped him like a stack of bricks. It was beautiful.”

Metal will always be associated with violence. Whether that violence is something to fear or not is up to you.

Bright doesn’t think it’s anything you should be afraid of, and he’s an expert on the serious kind of violence—he worked as a camp counselor for a local children’s organization for several years.

“I would hang out with kids and make sure they got their homework done and keep them from fighting,” he says. “Those 7-year-olds like to fight, man. Little Willy beat the shit out of Jamal. They’re 7 years old, swinging like Mike Tyson.”

Mahoney and the rest of Calamity from the Skies are going to keep doing what they do, whether it’s violent or not, unapologetically. “Artistic expression and recreation coupled together—that’s what we do for fun. Sometimes it’s a little angry.”

Just don’t judge them until you’ve experienced it yourself.

“Don’t think it’s some strange [group], and don’t do the whole gothic label thing.

Don’t do any of that. Just go to a show and experience—see the look on everyone’s faces and why they’re enjoying themselves.

Experience it for yourself. And if you’re not interested, you don’t have to go and you don’t have to listen to it.”

GENERATION February 9, 2010

Republicans vs. Democrats continued chusetts win mean for your party?

LM: It’s kind of a shame, but the people of Massachusetts have spoken. That’s democracy. It’s definitely unfortunate for our standing in the Senate but those kinds of things happen. It’s not something to really complain about. We’re all in support of democracy.

TN: Symbolically, it’s huge for us. This is a Republican taking Massachusetts, but let’s be honest here, it’s not like the Democrats had a coherent voting block anyway. Sixty looks great on paper but we’re talking about lots of conservative Democrats who were voting with us on health care. It looks great but we’ll still be just as gridlocked as before. Harry Reid [Senate Majority Leader] was sitting on a super majority and he was able to do nothing with it. He had less of a super majority, but you can’t do less than nothing.

What are your thoughts on the Tea Party?

Re-invigorated base or fringe characters?

LM: Can you just answer “LOL” for that for me? I just can’t really take them seriously.

DN: I’d say that from the Democratic standpoint, it’s a powerful point because it’s going to separate the party. It’s going to pull a lot of the more radical, lower IQ Republicans away from the party platform and in the next election, if they run a legitimate candidate, not necessarily Sarah Palin, you’re less likely to see a Republican elected.

TN: I’m not a fan of the Tea Party movement, I’m not a fan of Sarah Palin, [and] I’m not a fan of the Club for Growth. There are people in my club who are; but I think [the Tea Party is] divisive, they’re under informed, and quite honestly they’re fucking stupid.

DN: The Tea Party movement can really go either way at this point because the Republican Party has kind of reached a vacuum for powerful leaders. Either the Tea Party leaders can step up and make legitimate arguments for the Tea Party and then join the Republican Party by becoming a little more mainstream. Or they can try and steal the lime light from the Republican Party, come in as a third party and then neither of them will win and it will just ensure that the Democrats re-elect Barack Obama in 2012, and possibly in the future, depending on how many times they try to run.

TN: While they’re in a great position to offer constructive solutions—they can talk about things for the future, plans for the growth of the Republican Party, they provide this energy that if we had it in the mainstream Republican Party would be fantastic—but they haven’t been able to propose any of these coherent solutions, so really they’re a real buzz kill. Fuck ‘em.

What’s worse: a TelePrompTer or hand notes?

LM: Definitely, definitely a Teleprompter.

I’m going to say that for sure; I mean, that’s just classy. Teleprompters, that’s sort of how politics works now. People sort of accept Teleprompters; I don’t know about hand notes. If I ever actually saw an elected official look at his hand—that would just be bad news for him.

TN: A TelePrompTer has a whole speech on it…

DN: The thing with the hand note incident—I don’t really know why it became such a con-

Int’l Film continued troversy. She had three points written on her hand. These are less tips than pretty much any presidential candidate or even people in gubernatorial elections have as tips. They were just basic topics to remember because often times when you’re speaking, giving a speech or just general public speaking, you’ll forget or you’ll skip over an entire point and then when you go back and look at it, it’s a serious problem.

TN: But you shouldn’t be skipping over these points. I mean, these are generic points and this is a former vice presidential candidate, and she has to forget energy?

DN: OK, raising the American spirit is a very important point to make sure you don’t forget. **Laughs** TN: You’re at a Tea Party rally, that’s what they’re for.

DN: There were some serious problems with Sarah Palin’s use of having notes on her hand; however, [they were] less complicated notes than a speech on a TelePrompTer. I think it’s a very good thing in politics, having our politicians involved in what they’re saying instead of being given a speech for the first time to read and look over when they’re giving it. That’s pretty much a fall of American democracy—our candidates don’t even know what they’re saying before they start speaking TN: As you can tell, I’m not the biggest Sarah Palin fan in the Republican Party, [but] if she’s making her own speech, if she’s using her own information, if she’s got to write a few things on her hand, I’ll overlook it, because it’s her work.

culturally deprived girls mere surface level gifts—artifacts of their entrapment outside of the cell.

The social worker demands the key to the gate and unlocks the girls. They leave the premises for the first time on their own.

Outside, their lack of social awareness and etiquette becomes all the more apparent.

They steal ice cream from a young boy vendor and allow another young boy to lead them hypnotized by an apple on a string into town. Everywhere in their neighborhood are boys dominating the social space; violating the space of the Naderi yard to fetch a ball, selling ice cream, playing tricks.

And yet the gender inequality does not seem to affect the girls. One young girl they meet out in town even mistakes Massoumeh for a boy and kisses her on the cheek somewhat flirtatiously. Unlike the socialized girls they meet, Zahra and Massoumeh do not fulfill any clear gender roles and as such seem to resist some of the ideology that has ironically held them captive.

Throughout the film, we never see the Naderi mother’s face, as it is completely covered by her traditional scarf. Once she learns the girls and father have left, she wanders out into the street mumbling and swearing, “little bitches.” Just before the movie ends, we catch a glimpse of her covered face in one of the girls’ mirrors.

The Western in me wants to see her face and I catch myself while experiencing this impulse. Face, beauty—how shall women grapple with identity and equality with the socializing mirror always flashing in our faces?

Final image: Right after the girls are released and play in the street, they look in a mirror for the first time, but only as the mirrors are held under a running spigot, their images refracting in the light.

ubgeneration.com | 19

literary Point blank DeLillo

By Josh Q. Newman Don DeLillo’s new book, “Point Omega,” is a concise exercise in theoretical reasoning, metaphysical axioms, and existential bivouacking.

If you didn’t understand the first sentence, then you won’t understand “Point Omega.”

And if you thought the sentence didn’t make sense, then you’re in good company. It didn’t.

Neither, at first glance, does DeLillo’s novella. While his prose is as always extraordinary and gorgeously rendered, DeLillo depicts the convoluted as if it were a bike ride: easy and accessible. The title itself refers to French philosopher Pierre Teilhard de Chardin’s term for the ever-evolving universal consciousness. DeLillo expects the reader to follow him and his feckless characters to the edge of the universe, expounding philosophical enigmas through wry conversations and dry narrative. That’s not to say that books shouldn’t be complex.

However, in this case, DeLillo narrows his audience to the breaking point, making the reader unsure of what exactly he or she read.

“Point Omega,” 117 pages long, follows the troubled but brilliant intellectual Richard Elster in a peculiar stage of his life. Long considered a scholar, Elster was called on by the Pentagon during the Iraq war to apply his skills in areas like troop deployment, counterinsurgency, tactical necessity, etc. Elster claimed he was privy to top-secret documents and military personnel. It’s unclear why the military would want a scholar in metaphysics, but Elster’s experience has clearly left a mark on him. After his service he secludes himself deep in the California desert, spending his days cooking and thinking about the areas of life long pondered by wiser men.

Later on, Jim Finley, an independent filmmaker who 20 | ubgeneration.com

wants to make Elster his next project, accompanies him. Of course, nothing happens. Only when Elster’s daughter Jessica comes by to visit do the two men produce something beyond comprehension. And when something happens to Jessica, all three of them are thrown off base into a realm that they knew was coming.

Make no mistake: “Point Omega” is a deeply philosophical novel. It is essentially plotless and relies heavily on Elster’s whimsical ramblings.

Everything that comes out of Elster’s mouth—every question he answers, every creed he gives—flies above the head of the reader like a stealth bomber.

Take, for example, his response to Finley’s curiosity about his role in the Pentagon: I talked to [the military] one day about war. Iraq is a whisper, I told them. These nuclear flirtations we’ve been having with this or that government.

Little whispers…Something’s coming. But isn’t that what we want? Isn’t this the burden of consciousness? We’ve all played out. Matter wants to lose its self-consciousness. We’re in the mind and heart that matter has become. Time to close it all down.

This is what drives us now.

A little drunk, Elster is.

Elster is a fascinating character. He has the weird resonance of Dr. Strangelove and the tenacity of Galileo.

Listening to him will make you feel like you’ve won the Nobel Prize in any category.

Intellectuals have a reputation of being boring, both in what they say and generally in who they are, yet Elster breaks out of the stereotype with a considerable amount of humor, a product of his eccentric lifestyle and thinking. If Descartes was right, then Elster should be the president. He is that cerebral.

But DeLillo sets up a danger

Ruleta del Sueño

By Scott Patrick Kerrigan You found me traveling at The speed of light; In words and pixels.

A game of red and black, Blue and green tambien When it was time to put them out, We promised to dream of each other.

You said “Dream of a wineyard…”

You meant “Sueña de una viña, conmigo, por supuesto.”

Pidgin gloss pitches us beyond these premeditated pastures.

that is not quite rectified in the text. And that is to take Elster’s dialogue like the word of God. DeLillo, who took the title and main ideas of the novel from a Jesuit thinker, isn’t particularly religious. God’s name is not evoked in the novel, or at least not enough to be noticeable.

At face value a reader might consider Elster’s theories as the next best thing since Nietzsche.

There isn’t much resistance to Elster’s theories to provide an antithesis. That may not be needed in every book but Elster is the kind of guy that should be challenged and not be taken straight up.

As for the big picture, the omega point, DeLillo both expounds on the idea and throws it away. “Point Omega” is one of his least accessible books. He doesn’t provide context, requiring the reader to find it out on his or her own.

Philosophy majors may get a

kick out of it, but otherwise the book is a bit elusive. DeLillo probably wanted it that way.

Late in his career, DeLillo can pretty much do what he wants and get praised for it—his novels have gotten progressively shorter over the years. The idea that human consciousness has reached an acme that will either fail or reach something even higher beyond all possible comprehension—a “2001: A Space Odyssey”-like scenario— is not impossible, but certainly not easy, to grasp. De Chardin did it successfully but DeLillo, despite his talent in writing prose, does it so abstractly that it doesn’t quite carry over.

“Point Omega” is still a good book but until the omega point is reached, we will have to settle for Elster’s gentle speeches and Finley’s weak observations. For someone who worked at the Pentagon, Elster doesn’t believe in straight lines.

Your hand wafted overturned earth, The sun sounded so far off; It led me there through the dark.

Swathed in a picnic, time decanting As if it were dangling on the vine.

“A steak, a salad, para ti, para mi, respectively.”

This is our only memory, Which I forgot as soon as The light found me again.

How about the usual place tonight?

If I could only remember where…

The penumbra of my mind?

The fire in my heart?

The wineyard of my soul.

GENERATION February 9, 2010

T

he relativity of time is astounding. If one were to make the case that the only reality is what we perceive, rather than some kind of physical externality all around us, an analysis of the way we think about time might be useful. Time is relentless: always moving forward, every second that passes is irretrievable. It is consistent—and persistent—because it moves in only one direction. But the universally constant passage of time begins to break down with any consideration of the relative speed of time. Some days seem faster than others, depending on what we’re doing and with whom, and if are happy or sad, thirsty or hungry. When we need time the most, it slips away from us too quickly; when we want time to go faster, it slows to a standstill.

My father and I left for New Orleans the morning of Aug. 23, 2005 with a 1,460-mile road trip in front of us. I was so happy that I was finally on my way to college—to a new place, to meet new people—and the trip stretched on forever in my mind.

We drove halfway that day, and almost the rest of the way the next day, Wed., Aug. 24.

At around 5 p.m., we stopped in Slidell, La., just north across Lake Pontchartrain from New Orleans. Our hotel reservations in the city were not until the next day, and we had just driven almost 1,500 miles in a little less than two days, so we took that evening to relax and collect ourselves. We had some pizza and wings, and turned on the television, hoping to sample the local flavor by watching the news.

The main story that night was Tropical Storm Katrina’s impending landfall in eastern Florida. The forecasters were predicting that the storm would upgrade to a hurricane sometime during the next few hours, with landfall coming in the early morning. At this early stage, though, they didn’t know much else about the storm. One forecaster thought it would cross Florida and enter the Gulf, posing a threat to the Gulf Coast.

Another forecaster was certain the storm would turn northward after making landfall in Florida, briefly entering the Gulf and then making landfall again along the Panhandle.

That night, Katrina was a relatively weak tropical system, and it seemed that residents were unconcerned. Tropical storms and Category 1 hurricanes are a fact of life along the Atlantic and Gulf coasts; there was definitely a waitand-see mentality. There was one ominous statement,

though, from a forecaster who thought the storm might enter the Gulf and head more west than north. He said something about the unusually warm water in the Gulf—90 degrees and above—which could cause a rapid intensification of the storm. It was a brief mention of what appeared to be a passing thought, but if he saw that as one eventuality on Wednesday, then it is even more of a shame that any organized response to the storm took as long as it did. There are a lot of smart people out there thinking about these things, but the knowledge has to be combined with action for anything to occur.

My father and I discussed the storm for a few minutes, but it did not really occur to us that it could pose a threat to New

dows, the lush greenness of the massive trees that line many New Orleans streets. And the trolley driver was very garrulous. At one point, she stopped the trolley for a minute or two to go to the bathroom in a little café where they knew her by name.

We were all a little stunned when she suddenly left the trolley, but when we realized what she was doing we were amused.

On Friday, my father and I picked my mother up at the airport, and we retraced most of what we had done on Thursday.

She had never been to Tulane or New Orleans before, and wanted to see the university, so we spent most of Friday touring the campus and the city around the Garden District. She thought the weather was a little too hot—Friday was another perfect day in

were warming up with the day’s heat and the many bodies passing through them.

By the time we finished, my father and I were both drenched in sweat. My mother only made the last trip, preferring to stay with my things on the curb as we brought everything up. Conversation between all of the parents and students was good-natured that morning, though the threat of the hurricane became more real with every passing minute.

Perhaps we were all in denial, but Katrina was only mentioned a few times. By 9:30 a.m., my roommate and I had moved all of our things into our room. He was from Detroit, and he seemed like a good kid, albeit fairly quiet, so our first impressions were warm. He and I spent the next hour or so helping others on our

Evacuation

By Matthew Dunham

Orleans—or to us. It was so far away, and so many factors had to come together for the storm to affect my orientation weekend, that we more or less wrote the storm off as an unfortunate threat to some, but unlikely to concern us. We did the same thing that everyone else was doing—we were comfortable with the status quo and we did not want to let the possibility of severe problems upset it or us.

Thurs., Aug. 25 was a perfect day: Slightly breezy, low 90s, moderate humidity. Every minute we spent outside re-affirmed my love of the climate and continued to validate my decision to go to Tulane. We made the short drive into New Orleans that morning and settled into our hotel room. St. Charles Avenue follows the east-west crescent of the Mississippi River, and our hotel was located toward the east end; Tulane is at the west end.

There were constant trolleys running along St. Charles Avenue; all we had to do was get one outside of our hotel and let it take us directly to the university. There always seemed to be something idyllic and quaint about riding the trolleys—the gently rocking motion of the trolley itself, the quiet chatter of the passengers, the fresh air passing through the open win-

the low 90s with pure sunshine— but otherwise was just as fascinated as we were with the distinct otherness of New Orleans.

That day was haunted by the ever-increasing specter of Hurricane Katrina, which by that time had started to strengthen, gaining momentum in the Gulf. The expected northward turn was taking longer than forecasters had predicted. They were slowly revising storm tracks westward along the Gulf coast; at first, they didn’t include Louisiana in those predictions, but as Friday rolled into Saturday—and as I prepared to move into my dorm—eastern Louisiana became the center of most predictions.

No evacuation had been ordered when we went to bed Friday night, so when we woke up Saturday morning, we proceeded with moving me in. We arrived on campus at around 7:30 a.m., the campus already bustling with parents and students. We unloaded my things on the curb outside of my residence hall; by 8 a.m. it was already 85 degrees and very humid. My room was on the sixth floor. There were only two elevators, so we spent the hour between eight and nine dragging my things up some very hot stairwells. The first few trips weren’t too bad, but every trip after 8:30 was increasingly difficult, because the stairwells

floor settle in, while slowly unpacking our own things. But at 11 a.m., the other shoe dropped.

The RA came into our room and informed our parents and us that Tulane was ordering a mandatory evacuation because of the hurricane. The university wanted everyone off campus by 2 p.m. We were told we could leave our things in our rooms, because they expected we would be able to return by Tuesday or Wednesday. The city-wide voluntary evacuation was not ordered until 5 p.m. that day, so Tulane was a full six hours ahead of the city of New Orleans. Regardless, my parents and I were unsure of what we were going to do. Our first inclination was to go to the airport and take any flight we could out of the city, but that proved harder than we imagined. We piled my things in my closet, got in our car, and headed for the airport. Although the airport was only a few miles from Tulane, it took us about three hours to get there. The traffic was already bad, several hours before any kind of official evacuation.

We arrived at the airport around 2:30 p.m., and found complete chaos. All flights were fully booked and some were even cancelled, adding to the anger and frustration many people were feeling. We stayed at the airport for about 15 minutes, and then abandoned it as a lost cause. We would travel west, to Austin, Texas, because my brother lived there.

It was about an eighthour trip from New Orleans under good traffic

conditions—we had no idea how long it would take us to get there.

Our best guess was somewhere between 12 and 20 hours.

Luck was on our side this time.

Contra-flow, which closes highways to inbound traffic, started at 3 p.m.—right as we were leaving the airport. We entered the highway as contra-flow was happening, and we were the lead car for quite some time. Traffic eventually caught up with us, because my father did not want to push his speed in unfamiliar places, but it was surprisingly smooth driving almost all of the way to Austin. Just after we crossed into Texas, I looked left out of the car, to the south. I saw what is now indelibly imprinted upon my brain. We were only a few miles north of the Gulf at that point.

Dusk was falling across the land.

Stretching for hundreds of miles across the sky, and 40 or 50 miles up, was the biggest and most violent bank of clouds that I have ever seen, illuminated by the last vestiges of the sun that we couldn’t even see anymore because of the curve of the earth, with constant lightning issuing forth.

According to weather reports on the radio, it was a wall of super cell thunderstorms, the leading edge of Katrina. For those few seconds, I was mesmerized.

It was the most beautiful and terrifying thing that I had ever seen, putting into immediate perspective the cold, impersonal power of the hurricane. Prior to that moment, Hurricane Katrina was just a concept to me—something that I had seen swirling over the blue waters of radar screens for a few days. The intensity of the lightning and the awesome magnificence of natural power drove home that Katrina was a real force and had real potential to do catastrophic damage.

We ran into one other hiccup before reaching Austin. About an hour outside of the city, we drove through some super-violent, super cell thunderstorms that spawned a few tornadoes. It was the perfectly awful end to a day that could have been much worse, but was still the complete opposite of what I had wanted and expected. At that moment, I should have been spending my first night in a college dorm.

I should have been meeting all the new people that would become my good friends. I should have been experiencing Tulane and New Orleans, eagerly immersing myself in a new place.

But instead, I was pulling into the parking lot of my brother’s apartment complex around 1 a.m., Sun., Aug. 28. I did not comprehend the true power of Katrina at the time—no one could.

I was selfishly upset at my own misfortune, though I was safe and very far from New Orleans.

I was fortunate to have transportation and enough time to get out of the city. So many others were not so lucky.

ubgeneration.com | 21

parting shots

Crappy Revolution

By Dino Husejnovic I do not know how I survived so many years of life without an iPhone. I cannot remember how I managed to wait for an hour at the DMV, and not go crazy from being bored out of my mind. I certainly have no idea what got me through the bus ride from Goodyear to Flint Loop during my freshman year. But what makes me wonder the most is how I have gotten through so much time sitting on the toilet while doing nothing.

It is estimated that the average person will spend three years of their life using the toilet. Most people use the time on the toilet to relax and reflect, but I do not want to spend three years sitting on a toilet and pondering the meaning of life. Instead, I want to be productive, connected, entertained, informed, or anything else that will make the time enjoyable. The iPhone is only one of gateways to making the visit to the bathroom more than just nature calling.

This may seem like a disturbing concept, but based on a small survey, conduct by myself, I have

realized that only a tiny portion of the students at UB have strong negative feelings when it comes to being connected on the john.

Out of the 20 students I interrogated, 17 admitted to regularly using their cell phone while using the bathroom. And I say interrogated because most of the 17 rejected the claim at first, due to embarrassment. The other three strongly opposed it, referring to the time in the bathroom as a time of meditation, relaxation and reflection.

Why does our culture frown upon the use of electronic devices in the bathroom? Just because our ancestors had to walk out of the house to do their business and there was no Wi-Fi to reach the outhouse, does not mean we should be afraid of bringing our dear phones, iPods and even netbooks into the bathroom. Is it the fact that taking a crap is considered dirty; therefore we would be transferring germs to our beloved devices? By this logic, it would mean that we should enter the bathroom naked, considering that our clothing probably absorbs more germs and odors during one visit than a phone would.

Imagine almost finishing your essay that is due in half an hour and you suddenly feel the need to go to the bathroom. Would you sacrifice your academic success just to succumb to the pressures of our culture? No, of course not— you will bring the laptop with you and type away.

According to the little survey I conducted, the most popular device to bring to the bathroom is a phone. The limitations of the phone determine the entertainment possibilities. The iPhone, or any type of smartphone, is the ideal device to do business with, because of the wide range of connectivity and application options the user has, and also one-handed operation.

The future looks even brighter when it comes to toilet entertainment, or, as I like to call it, “toiletainment.” According to the hosts of Diggnation, Alex Albrecht and Kevin Rose, the iPad is the “perfect pooping device.” I agree with the weirdness factor. Bringing an iPad to the bathroom? Weird. But it makes sense. We use our laptops when we sit in bed or at the table, and we use our cell phones to talk while we walk or elimi-

nate awkwardness in the elevator. The iPad fits right in between those activities, and so does going to the bathroom. With the large easy-to-read screen, a bookstore, and all your favorite iPhone applications like Facebook, Tweetie 2, and Fart Machine, it makes perfect sense that the iPad will be the perfect pooping device—although using Fart Machine on a toilet is kind of redundant.

At the end of the day, we all love to think we’re innocent and squeaky clean little students, but in reality, we all share the same little secret. We are bored on the

toilet and we love our technology, so we occasionally use it in socially unaccepted situations. I am here to tell you that you are not the only one. “Research” has proven that UB loves dropping a deuce and tweeting about it. You can ponder the meaning of life while waiting for your prints in Lockwood. Use your potty time wisely—play a game of Facebook Scrabble with your girlfriend, pay your bills, delete creepy friend invites, and make sure you always disinfect your device.

ing life feel like a lovely pasture of organic soymilk and bike rides to the local book store. Yoga is really good for you. I practice. You meditate. You breathe. You hold the weight of your body up on your tippy toes as sweat pours from every crevice. The jingle from that commercial you heard yesterday pops into the way back of your head. Push it away. Push it all away.

And then you leave, fully exhausted yet refreshed. “So are you going to buy a yoga pack-

age?” Of all things, I would think that yoga could resist the painful solicitation, reminding us the bottom line of this transaction.

But life is material. My resistance is almost childlike, holding on to an idealized understanding.

All I can say is that I really wish more of those cheesy car salesmen, low budget commercials were on more often. At least they don’t pull any smoke and mirrors from the reality of what they’re doing (selling shit, man).

Capitalistic Yogini

By Melissa Wright I get really pissed off at commercials. Cue the white, clean marketing hue ala Mac. The music that makes you feel like we’re all in this together and you just donated all your life savings to charity. HSBC is the World’s Local Bank and American Runs on Duncan.

Of course now, with the recent economic meltdown, so much of the marketing is directed toward saving money, tight budgets, and a real down-home concern for your wallet. Avoiding the economical concerns, let’s just focus on the psychological. Commercials feign camaraderie, that girlnext-door, I know what you need (come on down to Applebee’s) suspension of our consuming disbelief.

I think it’s that feigned suspension that ticks me off so much.

This aesthetic coating over a very tangible product. And the more money the corporation makes, the better they seem to get at convincing us that by buying their product or using their service, we 22 | ubgeneration.com

are joining a community, a way of life, a shared experience. And this isn’t so bad, is it? Humans crave a sense of connection, inclusivity.

Quick caveat before I get into Walmart. Walmart obviously has a public service: they offer affordable stuff for folks who may not have the privilege to shop at local stores, where prices simply are not as competitive. However, when the residents of Alden, N.Y. were polled on whether they needed the items in Walmart (as there were serious moves to build a Walmart on a marsh in the town), the survey came back with telling results. Residents claimed that they, on average, did not need the majority of the products sold at Walmart.

I recently saw a Walmart commercial with the mom redecorating her living room (which would still rack up a decent bill, even with the rolled back prices, which is one of the most mocking gimmicks, because it continuously points to the vanishing value of the products themselves and the labor/cost of production) and I

tried to picture myself as a mom, relating to this woman, her son very concerned that her “steal” was not literal stealing.

Marketing confronts us on all these angles: an ethical push from her morally enriched son, a flare for the cute pillow cases, and of course, the “mom on a budget” media love story. Sounds way too cynical yet? OK, you ask, so what’s the alternative? Yes, I try to shop at local businesses, but cannot always resist the neon lights and sprawling accessory racks of Target. But what if, just once, a commercial actually came clean: Our corporate stockholders and overall economy needs your business. We know that our products were not made with ethical consequences in mind, but the world is harsh and you are lucky enough to live in America, sucka!

And then there are the spaces within our cluttered, technological lives that aspire to offer peace, meditation. I see the yoginis on Elmwood, walking down the street with their mats, sipping fair trade green tea at Spot, mak-

GENERATION February 9, 2010

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