Issue 3

an alternative voice since 1984 an SBI publication 10012013 Vol. 31 Issue: 03

Todays Specials GENERATION MAGAZINE

Does it count as a veggie burger if there’s no real meat?

Tae Kwon Donuts Extra Lit

Safety Shuttle South Campus Only *UB ID required to ride

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Safety Walks North Campus Capen Library

Sun-Thurs: 8pm-2am

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South Campus

Health Sciences Library Sun-Thurs: 8pm-12am

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Shuttle Stops every 30 minutes at: Health Sciences Library, Main Loop, Parker Hall and Goodyear Loop. sbihealtheducation.org facebook.com/SBIhealthed twitter: @SBIHealthEd

Table of Contents 05............EIC Letter 06............ Agenda

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22

Hit or Bullshit What’s on our Playlist

07............Generation “Y” Criticism

A 20-Something’s Rebuttal 08............League of Legends

A New League of E Sports 09............Phone

Phone-Stalgia 10............Syria Study Guide

For Those Involved 11............Rape Culture

India’s Revolution 13............Beautify Our Campus 14............Tae Kwon-Donuts 15............He Said/She Said

Law, Laptops, and Liars 16............Morality of Veggies

Vegitarian by Degrees 18............Bad Food

Why Our Food System Sucks 19............Literary

Hospital Walks 20............Literary

Shades of Black 21............Literary

Allnighter 22............Parting Shots

Wrecking Ball Reviving the Dead World of Fashion

Cover designed by Emily Butler and Steve Bernhardt, Photos taken by Steve Bernhardt. Photo source from all credits goes to respective photographer. http://www.foxnews.com (4), memecrunch.com (6) Generation Magazine is owned by Sub-Board I, Inc., the student service corporation at the State University of New York at Buffalo. The Sub-Board I, Inc. Board of Directors grants editorial autonomy to the editorial board of Generation. Sub-Board I, Inc. (the publisher) provides funding through mandatory student activity fees and is in no way responsible for the editorial content, editorial structure or editorial policy of the magazine.

Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephoane numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260.

Submissions to Generation Magazine should be e-mailed to ubgeneration@gmail.com by 1p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2013 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free. Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief. Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief. Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers. Press run 5,000. ≠≠≠

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Editor’s Letter In regards to our previous issue’s “Fall Fest” ad,

For those who don’t know, the page was a joke. We in no way intended to challenge the Student Association’s chosen lineup, or their abilities to pick their artists.

We love SA and everything they do for the students of UB, and we are all sufficiently stoked for this years’ performances. Though we put together that page in an attempt at humor, we recognize now that our groups need to stand by each other. We are united in the common goal of representing the students honestly, supportively, and creatively.

The purpose of our publication, The Spectrum, SA, and all other studentrun organizations, is not to cause rifts in the representatives of the student body. We respect the work that these students do to better our university, and to build our community.

To anyone who may have thought that our “ad” was a slight at SA, I would like to publicly apologize for any misunderstandings. We’re all homies in this endeavor, and we meant no harm.

That being said, we want to state that our purpose is to represent the student body in the best way we possibly can.

STAFF 2013 Editor in Chief Keighley Farrell Managing Editor Angelina Bruno Creative Director Emily Butler Assistant Creative Director Babita Persaud Photo Editor Steve Bernhardt Web Editor Gabi Gosset Copy Editor Audrey Foppes Associate Editors Laura Borschel Jori Breslawski Sushmita Sircar

As always, send us your thoughts at ubgeneration@gmail.com

Circulation Director Matt Benevento

Cheers,

Business Manager Nick Robin Assistant Ad Manager Adinda Anggriadipta Contributing Staff Adam Johnson Cara Shelhamer

t T I i H ullsh B

OR

T I H

The Nick Cage wrecking ball parody.

Everyone is familiar with Miley Cyrus’ new music video, and parodies have been made left and right. But I can guarantee that you have seen nothing if you haven’t seen the video that superimposes Cage’s face on Miley.

T I H S ULL

B

After a long battle in the Swedish courts, a decision has been made: public masturbation is now legal.

As great as this sounds, one has to wonder where and how this will be applied. I for one, will not be going to Sweden any time soon.

HIT

Uefa, the key soccer organization in Europe, has backed the idea of shifting the 2022 World Cup in Qatar to the wintertime as Qatar is among other things, a desert.

Realizing that maybe playing in 120 degree Fahrenheit is unhealthy for men who spend 90 minutes running back and forth chasing a ball, the organization is pushing for the games to be held in either November, December, or January of that year, when the high temperatures are only in the 70s. This has been a key issue among fans since discovery they would have to watch ‘the beautiful game’ on a pitch that is in a freaking desert

B

T I H S ULL

A young couple in India was murdered this week for falling in love.

The family members who murdered them showed no remorse, saying “it had to be done” to prevent their cultural values from being “diluted.”

Africa- Toto Hang With Me- Erato Dark Horse- Katy Perry The Boys- Girls’ Generation You’ve Got Time- Regina Spektor All Night Long- Lifetime Little River- The Tallest Man on Earth Prayer of the Refugee- Rise Against Night Terror- Laura Marling Ghost- Yellow Ostrich

AGENDA September 28th:

Ask A Stupid Question Day!

Unfortunately, the 28th is a Saturday, However, I feel it would be appropriate to celebrate this momentous occasion on the Friday before (I’m sure your professors will be thrilled).

A 20-something’s Rebuttal to “Generation Y” criticism Article By: Cara Shelhamer

A

s a Generation, we “Millennials” as they call us, now between the ages of ten and thirty, are harshly accused of presenting a long list of unflattering characteristics: being self-entitled, narcissistic, lazy, and unrealistic with our expectations of the world; that we believe we are the main character in our very own adventure movie based on, of course, ourselves. We can’t be all that bad, seeing we make up a good chunk of the population. And anyway, can we really be blamed?

To be called self-entitled, narcissistic and lazy, is just rude.

Anyway, Narcissism is nothing but self-love, and what’s wrong with that? I am one of the prettiest people I know.

Everyone that knows me, has to love me. Of course I love myself! As “Millenials,” especially those of us currently college aged, we’re in our prime; we are near perfect, and getting nearer by the minute. Speaking of being college aged, sometimes professors think that just because we don’t hand in an assignment, we’re lazy. It may look that way, but deep down we’re really hard workers, we know Myself and many other “Generation Y’rs” were raised on that we can do any assignment with ease. We could show Disney movies. And personally I have seen every Disney off our capabilities, but life outside of school is really princess movie there is to date, and I’m sure I’m not the demanding. Beauty sleep and naps really take a toll, can’t only one. That being said, we are pretty darn qualified in they just understand? “Generation Y” isn’t plagued with our knowledge of the ways of the world. It’s pretty simple self-entitlement, we just know what we deserve. And actually. At some point in my life, I’m going to meet a we deserve the best. Just because we may look and act totally handsome guy who I really click with (and is likely lazy, does not mean we are. If my professors and future a super-rich prince), and eventually we’ll fall in love. employer’s saw how much effort is put forth to do my hair, nails, and makeup to perfection, they would see how Either before or after we fall in love, we’ll have to hard of a worker I am and give me A’s, raises, and a cushy overcome a huge obstacle in which handsome and I will office chair. have to defeat an evil witch or sorcerer who despises me for some reason or may be trying to take control of the Next time you see someone between ten and thirty, who land. After we do a bunch of heroic acts, save the people seems like they are slacking off, don’t go so hard on them. of the land and become King and Queen, handsome and Maybe they just sword fought an evil dragon, or spent I will get shacked up and live happily ever after in a forest the past two and a half hours beauty sleeping. You never with some animal servants, or in a castle or something. know what they just went through that was probably a lot more important than any assignment. So give them a I’ve been trying to figure out where college fits in… break, it’s honestly a burden being this awesome. but I have no solid conclusions yet. See you soon Prince Charming!

A New League of E Sports W

hile some may think that video games are not the most popular form of media, the gaming industry actually makes more than all of Hollywood combined consistently and immensely. Within the industry there are many different genres from console to PC, RPG to arcade. Within this industry a newer entertainment venue is popping up and growing popularity incredibly quickly: esports. But I’m not here to talk about esports generally (for that, see last issue’s article) but instead about a particular game in esports that is taking the scene and the gaming industry by storm: League of Legends.

League of Legends is a MOBA (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena) which makes it a lot easier to cast as an esport than other popular games like Halo or Call of Duty. There are over a hundred different champions that a player can choose from and each have different abilities and fill different roles within the meta (or usual way to play) and there are dozens of items that each player can buy for their champion to affect their abilities and play. All of these champions have unique personalities and quirks and each of their abilities are named and are different actions from each other. While this does make the game have a higher learning curve, both while playing and while watching the esport.

This also allows for different team compositions and strategies to emerge, with new ways to play and fight cropping up both on and off the competitive scene constantly.

The game is also always in a state of flux as the creators, Riot Games, change up how the game is played whether it be changing how items act or are built from smaller items or changing up how different champions abilities work to make the overall balance of the game more level.

Another aspect of the game that makes it an exciting esport is the perspective. Instead of being in first person like most first person shooters (FPS), every player can see the field from the same angle. This allows for casters in tournament games to be able to see all of the champions from the same angle, instead of needing to switch from player to player to see different perspectives or what different players are doing. This convenient

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Article By: Gabrielle Gosset perspective is further amplified by the fact that the game has a built in spectator mode that allows for the camera to be moved and all champions’ items and certain other characteristics of each player’s champion can be seen at the same time.

All of these aspects combined make League of Legends a very popular esport with competitive teams forming in regions all over the world from North America to Asia to Europe. Currently in the season, the Groups stage of the finals have concluded with two teams from each group of five moving into the Quarter Finals to face the four teams that were at the top at the end of their respective region’s tournament. So far going into the Quarter Finals are two European teams (Fnatic and Gambit BenQ), one North American team (Cloud 9 HyperX), two Korean teams (NaJin Black Sword and SK Telecom T1), and two Chinese teams (OMG and Royal Club) and one from Taiwan (Gamania Bears). As of the writing of this article, these are the top eight teams that will compete for the title of Season Three Champions as well as winning a cool one million dollars during the finals which will be October 4th.

Esports are a fun way to get involved with the gaming community without actually playing the game. If you want to get involved, it is admittedly much easier when you already play the game, but if not, there are plenty of resources online to help you learn the game and talk the talk, as it were. Many games even have live streamers that play the game live while streaming it online so that people can watch and learn the game and how to play it. Esports is a great way to get involved with a game’s community and studies have found that games with esports communities tend to be more active both competitively and casually among gamers. Rooting for your favorite team, having friendly rivalries, and having gatherings with friends to watch the games is all a part of the esports community. Who knows, maybe someone will even make an esports club on campus to promote and hold events for these things someday…

Soon everyone had unlimited texting. People weren’t inviting me to hang out anymore for fear of calling my house phone and having to talk to one of my parents. When I was invited, I witnessed text conversations going on around me that I was not part of. Without a phone, I felt like I was becoming a relic of the past. Dramatic appeals to my parents on numerous occasions were shot down. They finally bought themselves two cell phones so that we could call them from school, but notably did not include my sister and I in their plan. When I was allowed to borrow my dad’s phone for a school trip, it was glorious. I didn’t have to bother anyone for a phone and I could take it out and play with it as if I too was important.

After countless trips to the mall playing with the display phones at kiosks, the dream of getting my own phone finally became a reality my sophomore year of high school. I remember selfishly telling my parents that if I couldn’t text with whatever phone they chose then they shouldn’t bother getting me a phone at all. My sister, an eighth grader, also received the same phone that year. Since that time, I have hung on to my flip phone even as I watched my sister switch through four separate phones. The deal has always been that if we get a smartphone then we need to pay for our own data plan. I used to think it was ridiculous that they wouldn’t cover it. I worked hard enough at my studies and community service, why wouldn’t they take care of it for me when I had other things to pay for? I was acting spoiled and selfish.

I have grown to appreciate the discipline my parents instilled in me, part planned, part accidentally. In college, I have seen how hard people have to work to pay not only for their phone, but their car, insurance, and apartment. My parents would not cover this expense for me, but they support me in so many other ways. I needed to grow up and learn how to responsibly make things work for myself. I used to want a smartphone because of all the fun apps, but now I see it as a resource that can help me to achieve my goals.

Working hard may actually be hard, but the self-respect that comes from being able to support your own decisions, financially and otherwise, is worth it.

So now the last step: actually following through and getting a new phone. I have had an upgrade for a couple years now and for the past few months my excuse has been waiting for the new iPhone to come out. But now that it is time, now that it has been ordered, I still wonder, will the dizzying world of apps, touch screens, and finger-print sensors overwhelm me? The answer is no. Worrying and waiting for problems to solve themselves is no longer a reasonable way to operate. I will use my phone to the max of its utility because I worked hard to earn it. A phone should not be about status or being cool, but about joining the modern age as an adult. A phone is not a toy, and although I’ll be downloading Instagram and Snapchat, I am mainly looking forward to checking my email on the go. I will be more in touch than ever before, all with the touch of a screen.

Article By: Angelina Bruno

Growing up during a time when it was a novelty to have a cellphone, I felt denied. I watched as all my friends around me received cellphones for Christmas and birthdays.

The phones started out simple, just to make calls, but soon they had cameras and even texting. Hours were spent at sleepovers listening to ringtones and taking pictures. I covetously learned to use the T9 function on my friend’s phone during the space of one musical rehearsal in the way only overactive adolescent hands can.

Phone-stalgia

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very time I leave a room, I make sure to check my pockets. No, I don’t empty them out or anything, just a quick touch at each one, phone on the left, keys on the right.

For five years the same phone—my first and only phone—has been in my pocket. Always the same size and shape—it just feels right. Soon, very soon, this phone will no longer be part of my life. This may sound melodramatic to you, the emotional attachment to my Samsung Alias 2 unwarranted, however ordering my new smartphone marks a turning point in my life. Looking at the place I am in now, in contrast to where I was when I received my first phone, has helped me to take stock of my life.

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PULSE

A Syrian Study Guide D

(An Overly-Simplified Account of Those Involved)

espite the best efforts of strategists, politicians, and pseudo-intellectual journalists (myself included), the Civil War in Syria has remained a complicated narrative made by strands of history, ideology, conflict and religion. Reaffirming the nature of reality as being labyrinthine and chaotic, the conflict remains ever fluid and ever difficult to pin down. The point of this article is not to provide insight into the narrative of the conflict or to predict what will happen next. Instead, it is to illuminate the many actors orbiting the violence. It in no way claims authority on the nuances of the conflict, but is meant to provide some basic facts and assumed motives for the reader unfamiliar with just how complex the situation is. Underpinning all of this are hundreds of years of history, global political competition, religious division and conflicting cultural norms that confirms nothing is ever plain simple.

The GOVERNMENT The Assad Regime: The Ba’ath government has run the country since 1970, when Bashar al-Assad’s father Hafiz won control of the country in a coup d’état. Bashar took control of the presidency from his father upon the latter’s death in 2000. The Assad regime is made up of members of the Alawi community, an offshoot of Shi’ism, and like all governments, wishes to retain its power.

Hezbollah: The Shia militant group situated in south Lebanon has been fighting on the side of the Assad government with the backing of Iran (which sees itself as the bastion of Shi’ism in the Middle East). Understanding the sectarian divide between Shia and Sunni is helpful in understanding the presence of many non-state actors in the conflict.

Loyalist/Shia Militias: Non-governmental troops from Syria, Lebanon, and Iraq have also participated in the conflict to protect Shia and Alawi interests in the state.

Russia: Syria’s most prominent foreign ally, the Putin administration has continuously blocked any intervention attempts from the Western members of the United Nations Security Council.

This is both because Russia is one of Syria’s biggest arms dealers and because Russia wishes to block American efforts to shape the region.

China: China’s response has been more nuanced than Russia. It sees Syria as an important trading partner, but more importantly, it does not wish to set a precedent of intervention that may lead to international involvement in its own internal conflicts in Tibet and Xinjiang.

Iran: Having stamped out the “Green Revolution” in 20092010, Iran is looking to maintain its influence as the Shia hegemon in the Middle East and stop the expansion of Sunni (and Saudi) power, especially after the transition to Shia leadership in Iraq. A recent easing of tensions with the West suggests a possible changing of strategy for the nation. How it will affect its role in Syria is unclear.

Article By: Adam Johnson

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The REBELS The Rebels are by no means a homogenous group. There is very little centralized organization and it remains unclear what binds them together other than a desire to end Ba’athist rule.

Free Syrian Army (FSA): A (self-avowed) non-sectarian group of mainly army defectors under the nominal command of Gen. Salim Idris. It is this group that is usually meant when Western media and governments speak of ‘The Rebels’ Syrian Liberation Front & Syrian Islamic Front: Two rebel groups (in the southeast and northeast of the country respectively) who claim Islamist ideology.

Jabhat al-Nusra: A small but highly organized Sunni militant group arisen from the post-war insurgency in Iraq and defectors from the FSA. They have pledged allegiance to al-Qaeda in Iraq and fight for the creation of a Pan-Islamic state under Sharia law.

It remains unclear that if Assad is defeated they would continue working with the FSA. United States, United Kingdom, France: The remaining members of the Security Council have pledged support for the rebels, providing funds and arms via Saudi Arabia and Jordan. They have a vested interest in Syria not becoming a safe haven for terrorists and extremists in the region, as well as the creation of a less hostile, more democratic regime in Damascus. The United States has wobbled on its position of using military force to intervene. The United Kingdom is against intervention, while France(Syria’s one-time colonial ruler) is strongly in favor.

Saudi Arabia & the Gulf States: The Gulf States, and specifically Saudi Arabia, have quietly backed the rebel forces in Syria with support of the U.S, providing weapons and funds smuggled in through the Jordanian border. As the United States wobbles on its position towards military strikes, Saudi Arabia has remained firmed in its backing of any attacks. In a sense, the conflict can be seen as part of a greater regional conflict between Sunni Saudi Arabia and Shia Iran over who should be the dominant power in the region. The push to exclude Iran in any peace talks shows an interest in preventing Iran from mounting a serious challenge to Saudi Arabia’s hegemony in the peninsula.

RAPE CULTURE

PULSE INDIA’S REVOLUTION Article By: Jori Breslawski

The rape culture in India gives the message “don’t get raped” rather than “don’t rape”.

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n December 2012, a 23-year old student was brutally gang-raped and beaten to death in New Delhi. The night of the rape, the young woman had gone to see a movie with a male friend. After the movie ended, they boarded a bus, upon which more than five drunken men beat up her friend and dragged the woman to the back of the bus. The men took turns raping the woman as the bus drove through the city for almost an hour.

They used an iron rod to violate her, injuring her internal organs so badly that they had to be removed. When they were done, they dumped her and her friend on the side of the road. She died two weeks later.

On Friday September 13, her four rapists were sentenced to death by an Indian court. The judge’s decision sent a powerful message to Indian society about changing opinions on the treatment of women. It met the widespread outrage that had spread like wildfire across India when news of the attack broke, that had sparked demonstrations that demanded harsher punishments for sexual abuse. The announcement of the sentence was greeted by cheering from hundreds of protestors outside the court. That’s the good news.

The bad news is that rapes in India leave victims and their families vulnerable to severe social stigmas. Considering that family honor is the currency of social relations, rapes in India have resulted in forced marriages to rapists, as well as dropping out of school because of social pressures on victims and their siblings. Last year, there were 24,923 reported rates, according to the government’s statistics. This number greatly underestimates the actual number, as many rapes go unreported. Rape victims are often silent because of the backlash they will face for coming forward. Cases can take years to be heard in court, and perpetrators often go unpunished for their crimes. Even worse, men and some lawmakers blame women for wearing seductive clothing that cause men to succumb to temptation. The rape culture in India gives the message “don’t get raped” rather than “don’t rape”.

However, opinions are changing in India, and these changes are being reflected on the international level.

A few months ago, Ban Ki-moon, the United Nations secretary-general, said of sexual violence, “It is the perpetrators who should feel disgraced, not their victims.”

Jury’s out on what the perpetrators of the December rape are feeling, but their families are certainly feeling the aftershocks of their actions. The four men convicted of the rape and murder of the 23-year old student have undoubtedly claimed another set of victims; their

decisions have inundated their families with social opprobrium. The Hindi notion of karma, which states people deserve to suffer the consequences of their actions, contributes to the stigma attached to criminals and casts a shadow on the rapists’ families.

As well as suffering social disgrace, the families are facing a momentous loss in income and savings. Ram Singh, the driver of the school bus in which the rape happened, had used his monthly salary (187 USD) to pay private-school tuition for his six-year-old son and to buy food and medicine for his elderly parents. Since Ram’s arrest, his son has been withdrawn from private school and his parents have been forced to forgo treatment for their asthma, heart, and eye ailments. The parents, who spent all their life earnings on their sons, are left with nothing but the lost hope of their grown son looking after them.

Vinay Sharma, another convicted rapist, was a critical contributor to his family’s precarious finances. His salary helped to pay for his 14-year-old sister’s diabetes medicine. In order to make up the loss of income, his family has spent their entire savings since his arrest, erasing hopes that his sister would be able to have reconstructive surgery needed to repair burns on her face from a childhood accident.

Since the attack in December, there has been a significant rise in the number of women reporting rapes in India. The widespread outrage about the attack has empowered women to come forward more than they did before, and the recent condemnation will undoubtedly have potent effects on how India understands rape and perceives its victims. However, though the prosecution of such crimes has been improving, it will be a long time before the evolving attitudes permeate family and school environments. Women in India are witnessing the dawn of what one day could be a culture that has no tolerance for rape or violence against women. The glimmer brings with it a great deal of hope; however, there is still a long way to go.

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716.645.3036 223 Student Union asksmi@buffalo.edu

Beautify Our Campus W

hen I took my first tour of UB, I was ecstatic to see the kind of environment I would be spending the next four to eight years in. The classic architecture, brick and ivy palaces of knowledge, full to bursting with enthusiastic students in the latest fall fashions. The open courtyards where students could study and mingle, tossing Frisbees and strumming acoustic guitars in the autumn breeze. A glorious modern-art fountain where I could imagine meeting my true love in an accidental encounter that rivaled the most romantic fairy-tales…

Wait, rewind.

I saw absolutely none of this.

UB’s North Campus has the population of a small city, with absolutely none of the quirk and culture that draws us to the urban landscapes in the first place. While aesthetics aren’t what keeps us at a university, they are the first things we see when we start touring campuses, and they will be the last things we see when we drive away, waving our mortar boards.

Not to say that this place is “ugly,” I suppose. But with the amount of artists willing to work for free just to practice their craft, myself included, it wouldn’t kill anyone to give the go-ahead on some murals or installments. There are a few scattered throughout, and the CFA has given the rest of campus a run for its money, but the spirit of the students is

Article By: Keighley Farrell

buried in all this cement.

I recognize that this is not an easy task. It would take a lot of funds, sponsorship, and support to transform this campus into a veritable “hub” of artistic expression. But the benefit would be astronomically greater than the cost, if only for enrollment reasons alone.

Many students who make it to the college level have a clear idea of what they want to do later in life, and just as many have absolutely no idea whatsoever. However, more importantly, almost all of us have changed our mind at least once. While sometimes this could just mean redirecting our majors, some of us decide to pack up and leave our given school altogether, setting our sails for different horizons. Any ways that UB can prevent this from happening here, as well as lure weary travelers from other schools to our “humble” establishment, would result in higher rates of enrollment, and, in turn, higher rates of graduation.

Students want a place that they are proud to call their alma mater. When we bring our friends and families to Buffalo, we want them to say “Oh!” and not “Oh…” when they see where we spend every waking moment studying, partying, and generally residing. While it isn’t essential, and in no way reflects the quality of the education offered inside these gargantuan buildings, appearance is important when winning the hearts of prospective applicants.

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Tae Kwon-Donuts Article By: Matt Benevento

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I

t was 1969 and Gourbeeni decided he needed a change in his life. With a fresh diploma in music studies from his local community college he quested to Reno, Nevada to learn from the music masters in the budding, desert music scene. For the next few years he lived in squalor, forced to humiliate himself daily as an Elvis impersonator, to pay for his studio apartment, located underneath the National Automobile Museum.

Broke and alone, Gourbeeni was ready to give up on his dreams and move back into his parent’s house in Buffalo. His father had put in a good word for him at the cereal factory, which was always looking for people with keen, musically, trained ears to signal when the cereal had reached the quintessence of snap, crackling, and popping. He packed his meager belongings that included a few items of shredded, clothing and his most cherished instruments; an old duct-taped vuvuzela, and a faded red kazoo.

Destiny however, had other plans for Gourbeeni. Reeling from an epic hang-over compounded by malnourishment after eating nothing but skittles for three days, he accidently boarded the wrong bus. The man in the seat next to him passed him a flask that left a strange aftertaste in his mouth. Before he knew it, he had slipped into a euphoric slumber.

He awoke hours later

disconcerted and weary. The man next to him introduced himself as Johan Matteus the lighting technician. He explained that they were on legendary rock band, Jefferson Starship’s tour bus and were making a stop in the band’s hometown of San Francisco for a concert. Matteus had mistaken Gourbeeni as the new roadie they were supposed to pick up in Reno.

Gourbeeni immediately came clean and told Matteus his story.

As fate would have it though, the band was in dire need of a seasoned vuvuzela technician.

Over the next year the men became close friends as they toured the country.

One day before a show in Beaufort, South Carolina, Gourbeeni finished calibrating the vuvuzelas and kazoos early.

He decided to explore the basement of the dilapidated amphitheater. He had heard stories that it was haunted by the ghost of famous inventor George D. Smith and wanted to make contact with his childhood hero.

As he descended into the dark abyss, Gourbeeni heard strange noises coming from a small room.

He was surprised to find his friend Johan, deep in concentration, dancing in a strange way that puzzled but, also awed Gourbeeni. He hid and watched Johan for over an hour, until he finally worked up

the courage to ask him what kind of dance he was doing. Startled, Johan’s face turned bright red and he admitted that he was practicing the ancient Korean art of Tae Kwon-Do. He explained that it wasn’t a dance at all but, in fact a martial art. Gourbeeni was dumbstruck, he had always wanted to do martial arts but due to financial constraints he had never had the opportunity.

Gourbeeni begged his friend to teach him the ways of Tae Kwon-Do so he might be “super cool” and “entice hot women with his skills”. Johan agreed but, warned Gourbeeni that the road to enlightenment wouldn’t be easy. The men, having served there two week notice and saying their goodbyes to Jefferson Starship were dropped off in New Mexico, a place Matteus described as “The Mecca of martial arts.”

The pair travelled deep into the relentless desert and summoned rogue remnants of the Anasazi tribe who were renowned for the infinite wisdom of the foot and fist. After proving themselves by reciting the Oath of Desolace they were invited to a clandestine meeting deep in a forgotten mesa.

The tribe leader ceremoniously distributed the sacred cactus to Gourbeeni and Matteus. At first Gourbeeni didn’t feel anything and thought he might be being cheated out of the $17 he had to pay the tribe however; he soon

slipped into a bottomless trance.

He awoke in a field of purple grass that came up to his knees, the sky filled with the remnants of a fractured planetary nebula.

He wandered around for what seemed like seconds and/ or millennia until he came upon a waterfall of black silk.

Underneath he found two men in an epic duel. He immediately recognized the fighters as Jim Morrison and Jerry Garcia. He sat down on a plush oriental rug and spent the next 3 years watching the endless battle.

As Morrison was about the land a fatal blow on Garcia with a leg sweep, a massive hand reached up from the depths of hades and pulled him underground.

He trashed about wildly until he realized he was back in the desert with Johan standing over him. Johan informed him that his training was now complete and that he was now a true martial arts master.

In 1993 he moved back to Buffalo and opened the most successful Tae Kwon-Do school in the history of Western New York. He now teaches over 4,000 students every day and has dazzled (with his martial arts skills) over 200 hot women.

Disclaimer: Any similarities to persons living or dead are coincidental and should be ignored.

d i a S e H he Said S Laura

“

nd nto a l e v e he en att B d” Borsc M : y n eB sta Articl ’t Under n o You d

Law, Laptops, and Liars

I just watched Legally Blonde the musical, and now I can’t stop thinking about following my dreams and being the hottest lawyer in O’Brian. Like, how should I start prepping for law school?

HS

Having never seen Legally Blonde, I have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about. But, from what I’ve heard from my peers currently attending law school, your first step to prep might be to hang yourself with your own belt. Just a thought.

SS

Gurl, we all know that Elle Woods wasn’t statistically qualified for that position. She was a special snowflake: beautiful, one of a kind, and white.

Unless your daddy is going to pay your way too, I would recommend something more practical. Like stripping!

Hey, I want to start making hash oil in my dorm room but I don’t wanna be caught by the cops. What should I do?

HS

The key to producing hash at UB and not getting caught is to create an airtight seal around your dorm room. Use rubber cement to seal the windows and make sure you stock up on plenty of Lysol to spray in the hallway when you are finished. Remember to use a butane torch, because they provide a controlled, even burn, that will make you feel like a true professional.

SS

Didn’t you know that deregulation of hash oil in the U.S. caused the oil spill in the gulf? Do you have any idea what that could do to the pristine lake LaSalle and the endangered population of geese on campus? To be blunt, I highly doubt you even realize the impact this would have on green living at UB.

I recently came across a few pornagraphic videos, that just so happened to star my TA. Unfortunately, the other day in class I accidently referred to her by her stage name. I feel like I can never go back. What do I do?

HS SS

Well, what kind of porn was it? If she was doing lesbian porn, I don’t see the problem because everyone knows that lesbians can’t really have “sex”.

The only realistic way you can hope to mend this relationship is to even it out. Make your own dirty video and send it to your TA via a proxy email so it feels organic. When you hand in your next homework assignment “accidently” write your new stage name on it.

I was looking at my new girlfriend’s computer history and some of her favorited sites were “flamingcrosses.org”, “whitepowerwholesale.com”, and “hiterdidnothingwrong.net”. Am I dating a neo-Nazi?

HS

As it turns out, this is all just a big misunderstanding. Did you even bother to investigate these websites? Whitepowerwholesale.com sells bulk industrial bleach, hitlerdidnothingwrong.net is an art discussion forum, and flamingcrosses.net is a Christian barbeque enthusiasts club. Now who’s being ignorant?

SS

I think the real question here is why are you going through her search history? I think you need to sit down with yourself and really concentrate on why you did this. A solid relationship is built on trust, and to be frank, I think you violated that.

I keep hearing that you guys are going to be bringing back the personals, but it seems like it’s never going to happen.

Why do you keep lying to us?

HS SS

Don’t worry, I have it on good authority that another on campus publication is building on the steam generated by a popular sex column to launch the best personal ads in the history of UB. How about this, Generation will bring back the personals when we get matched up with another on campus periodical that can appreciate us. We are sick of being ignored by the “popular” girl in school who doesn’t even know who we are, let alone even knows our name. We need a periodical who we can share the spotlight with us and one that doesn’t just write us off.

Send your questions to ubgeneration@gmail.com!

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egetarian by Degrees Article By: Audrey Foppes

S

o many of us have, at some point, walked into the Student Union (or the food court or that greasy dive), eager to find a moment’s respite in the savory comfort of an allAmerican burger, only to be cut short of our nearly tangible goal by a pair of earnest eyes, a flutter of brochures, and a hasty speech having something to do with chickens in small cages.

With the exception of those rare few among us, we are annoyed.

We take the darn brochure and nod emphatically and feign interest in the graphic images which have just been thrust into our hands. We walk away, quickly, and not entirely in the direction of our desired meal, but close enough, and as soon as those earnest eyes look away, the brochure meets the garbage and we are in line, trying desperately to forget what they almost made us think so we can still enjoy our coming lunch.

ers. Recently, however, I began inspecting my own annoyance.

Were those advocates of meat-free diets really upsetting the intricate flow of my masterfully crafted and immaculately timed schedule?

Or was I annoyed because their brochures made me face a reality I conveniently forgot each and every time I bit into my burger, my bacon, my steak?

Vegetarianism has long been a point of controversy, met with scorn and derision from both sides of the picket line. As a zealous carnivore myself, I have often wondered at the philosophies behind the decisions of various friends and family members who chose a meatless (or entirely vegan) existence. And, truth be told, once I began examining their principles and moralities, I was hard-pressed to find a reason within myself to continue my relationship with meat.

esting and insightful knowledge that made me think twice about what and why I eat.

To begin with, Tartaglia pointed out that, despite the prevalence of meat consumption in our current society, meat was eaten far less prior to the twentieth century.

Only since the advent of factory farms has meat been included with each of our three daily meals.

We all remember Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle, a grisly exposé of the meatpacking industry in the early 1900’s. This industry was a byproduct of the Industrial Revolution and the development of convenient mass production over half a century before. Now, over a century later, not much has changed and we are still reaching for those plastic containers of presliced deli-meats without really understanding where it came from or why we’re eating it.

In addition to the increased My search for answers began with availability of meat and animal It would be a lie if I let you believe Lauren Tartaglia, one-half of the products, Tartaglia noted that the that I have never been guilty of authorship behind the Urban Her- amount of protein recommended such hunger-driven behavior. In bivores blog and website (located by the beef and dairy industries is fact, it would be safe to assume at urbanherbivores.com), which a proven myth. Furthermore, few that I reacted in such a way nearly provides “reviews and recommen- people seem to understand exactly every time I saw a flyer left pasdations for vegetarian-friendly why protein is a necessary part of sively on a lunchroom table or restaurants in New York City (and our diets and even fewer people overheard similarly desperate occasionally, other places around seem to remember that there are monologues directed at hapless the world).” As a long-time vegother sources of protein besides meat-lovers who made the mistake etarian and an active promoter of dark, white, and red meats. Proof purchasing their food within meat-free living and animal rights, tein is found abundantly in beans, the vicinity of devoted abstainMs. Tartaglia offered some internuts, and in various vegetables,

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like broccoli. In fact, by seeking your protein from non-animal sources, you significantly diminish the amount of cholesterol you consume, thereby making healthier your diet. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can adopt a vegan lifestyle, which completely negates your cholesterol intake, since cholesterol is only produced in animals.

To prove her point, Tartaglia noted that nearly one billion members of Hindu society don’t eat meat (or, at least, they aren’t supposed to). This fact alone squelches the argument that you “need meat” to maintain a healthy diet or that alternate sources of protein are insufficient or inconvenient. One billion people have managed to get by comfortably without the consumption of meat, which makes virtually all justifications in favor of eating meat sound fairly feeble.

Vegetarianism, however, is not all facts and figures. There is a strong and intimate sense of morality that has underlined the philosophy of every vegetarian I have met, and Tartaglia most certainly was no exception. That is not to say that their philosophies were all the same—I have heard a range of justifications, from health benefits to questions of humanity, to explain the vegetarian lifestyle.

That being said, before I posed

any questions of morality, I decided to try to decide where I stood on the matter, since the decision to eat or spare another living creature is a decision personally significant to each of us as an individual.

As I began considering what vegetarianism means to me, I came to the conclusion that at the heart of it all was the animal, which is where, I believe, one’s morality begins. The most basic question I found within myself was whether vegetarianism would be, for me, a stand against hurting animals or a boycott against the meat industry and their factory farms. That is to say, would I feel more comfortable eating ethically farmed animals? My answer, initially, was yes.

Tartaglia answered this question somewhat differently. Firstly and most simply, ethically farmed meats are hard to find and, therefore, extremely expensive, making this a difficult option to maintain for almost anybody (but especially for a chick scraping by on her Dining Dollars). While she conceded that if, somehow, we could return to the more natural farming methods of yesteryear, it would be step in the right direction, it still would not be ideal. Tartaglia’s vegetarianism stems from her belief that no animal should be killed for the pleasure of consumption. Moreover, in today’s world, there are countless alternative sources of sustenance and, more

specifically, of protein, that are readily available to most everyone.

Killing animals for food, she says, simply isn’t a necessity anymore.

But even this elegantly simple reason is not entirely black-andwhite. If the justification for the vegetarian lifestyle is born from the desire not to cause harm to animals, where does that leave other animal products, like milk, eggs, yogurt, and cheese? Animals who are farmed for their by-products are kept in equally miserable conditions as those farmed directly for their meat. What about baked goods, which contain eggs and milk? You can bet those cows and chickens that helped produce your Wonder Bread weren’t free-range and happy.

This line of thinking can quickly spiral out of control and, thus, you are faced with yet another question: How deeply do your principles lie and how far are you willing to go to uphold them?

Personally, I feel comfortable in stating that I am against animal cruelty and would like to pull my support from the largest industries: meat and dairy. For me, merely a reduction in my animal-product consumption seems to satisfy my sense of moral outrage at the conditions of factory farms without breaking the bank or rendering my diet too entirely inconvenient to maintain.

But what about non-food products?

Where does that leave leather sneak-

ers and animal-tested shampoos?

Most people answer this issue with veganism, abstaining from all animal-products entirely. But this jump is difficult to make, even for the most sincere and devout animal lovers and protectors. Tartaglia no longer drinks milk or eats eggs, but admits that cutting cheese from her diet has been the most difficult and is a goal she continues to work toward. Of meat-eaters, Tartaglia stated, “When someone who eats meat is asked why they eat meat, their answer is always “because it tastes good”. To me, once someone is aware of the suffering animals go through, a statement like that couldn’t be more selfish. Animals are not ours to kill.”

species, we are not entitled to inflict harm on these faultless citizens of the world; rather, we have the moral obligation to do what we can to reduce their suffering. Dominion over animals is a responsibility, not a right. Exploitation of innocence in whatever form is a wrong. We should all endeavor to remedy and prevent.”

It’s hard to disagree with that statement, but by the same logic, a person who doesn’t eat meat should not be eating cheese made with factoryfarmed milk simply “because it tastes good,” but still, I find myself as yet unwilling to give up cheese.

The issue, again, becomes a question of how thoroughly you are willing to lash yourself to your personal set of principles.

After one’s initial trip down the rabbit hole of vegetarianism, it is hard to emerge unchanged. In the end, however, each of us must decide where the lines of our morality lie, how committed we will be to each new ideal we are presented with (for surely, there are a lot), and most importantly, we must decide what we can sleep with at night in the silent confines of our own mind and conscience. Whether you decide to give up bacon for a month or all animal products forever, I believe Walker is right about our responsibility as the dominant species on the planet: we must demand of ourselves to be consciously aware of our existence and the impact our decisions have on the lives of others. Furthermore, we must accept responsibility for those impacts.

As for sneakers and shampoo, Joshua Walker, the second half of Urban Herbivores, offers a few thoughts worth considering: “Animals are purely innocent beings who have the capacity to feel, to fear and to suffer. As the planet’s dominant

Walker also quoted a wry and pungent statement by comedian Ricky Gervais: “Dear intelligent people of the world, don’t get shampoo in your eyes. It really stings. There.

Done. Now f*cking stop torturing animals.”

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3&

Reasons Why Our Food System

Sucks

Things You Can Do To Help Make It

Why it Sucks!

1

It’s wasteful: According to the United Nations (UN), 1.3 billion

2 3 -18-

tons of food is wasted every year, which costs the global economy about $750 billion a year. Not to mention, it adds 3.3 billion tons of greenhouse gases to earth’s atmosphere according to the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO). The average American wastes about 20 pounds of food each month. Mind blowing, isn’t it? Studies show that one of the contributing factors is that consumers buy more food than they need or can be used before the expiration date. We are all guilty of taking two cookies at the dining hall when we really only are going to eat one. If you just try to be a bit more conscious of how much you are buying at the store or putting on your plate, you can cut down your contribution to the tons of food wasted every year.

It’s filled with GMOs: 85% of the food we eat on a daily basis

contains Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs). The scary thing is that few people realize it and it’s difficult to avoid because the Food and Drug Administration does not require labeling of genetically modified food. The only way to avoid eating products containing GMOs is to purchase items that are organic. Other countries, such as Australia, Japan, and the European Union either have significant restrictions on genetically modified food, require labeling, or ban it completely. So what is the problem with GMOs you may ask?

Well, their effects are largely unknown because they are new and the lack of labeling makes studies difficult. However, genetically engineered crops typically use herbicides and pesticides, which is harmful for the environment.

It’s hyper industrial: Our hyper industrial agriculture system

uses 10-times as much energy as it produces. It consumes fossil fuels, water, and topsoil at rates that are unsustainable, and it contributes to air and water pollution, soil depletion, and diminishing biodiversity. The meat industry contributes disproportionally to these problems so you should all be vegetarian. Just kidding.

But the amount of grain fed to livestock in order to produce meat involves a great loss of energy, which makes animal agriculture more resource intensive than other forms of food production. The factory-style meat industry causes many health concerns as well as environmental concerns from the high concentration of animal wastes and the extensive use of antibiotics. Both the humans and environment would benefit from a shift to more sustainable systems of production.

Better

What you Can Do!

1

Don’t buy them, regrow them: Many of our kitchen scraps

2

that end up in the trash can actually be directly regrown. Re-growing vegetable scraps means less landfill waste, less money spent on food, and organic food from your own kitchen. There are many fruits and vegetables that can be regrown, but some of the easiest are avocados, carrots, celery, ginger, mushrooms, romaine lettuce, and even pineapple. Think. Eat. Save. is a great organization that has plenty of tips to reduce your food footprint on their website.

Check it out and start a garden!

Meatless Monday: It’s the newest trend so hey, why not? Even if going full on vegetarian isn’t for you, you can still make a big difference by reducing your meat consumption just one day a week.

Cutting out meat, even just once a week, can decrease your risk of heart disease by 19%. It can also decrease the risk of diabetes and curb obesity. In addition to benefiting you, cutting out meat for just one day a week will help the environment by reducing fossil fuel and water that is used to raise livestock for food. Every time you don’t think you are making a difference, just keep this in mind: Water used to produce 16 ounces of soy=220 gallons of water Water used to produce 16 ounces of red meat= 2000 gallons of water Personal savings on meatless Monday= 890 gallons of water

3

Fossil Fuel used to produce 8 ounces of tofu= 332 calories Fossil Fuel used to produce 8 ounces of prime cut beef= 24000 calories Personal savings on meatless Monday= 23668 calories

Vote with your purchases: Every dollar spent at a farmers’

market is one less dollar spent supporting the industrialized food system. Although the season is winding to a close, most farmers’ markets in Buffalo are open until the end of October. Some great markets in the area include Clarence Hollow Farmer’s Market, Downtown Country Market, Elmwood-Bidwell Farmers’ Market, and Kenmore Farmers’ Market. Go apple picking. Go pumpkin picking.

The options are endless. Thank you for making a difference!

Article By: Jori Breslawski

N

HOSPITAL WALKS Article By: Keighley Farrell

ovember, life was fading everywhere there. My footsteps tapped on the tiles as I navigated the halls, avoiding eye contact with the passing white coats and colorful scrubs. I made sure to look as empty as possible so that no one would ask me where I should be, where I was going, who I was there to see. I wouldn’t have even had any answers.

The lights gave everything a strange blue tint, and they covered each room in an aura of coldness, of sterility. The only warmth came from a single lamp in the corner of my mother’s room, casting shadows on to her expressionless face. The monitor beeped steadily, deceivingly, giving the deceitful impression of life. I sat in the corner and watched my family fall in to patterns of strained normalcy.

They’d chat about the weather, about the election, about the strength of a good cup of coffee.

But behind their eyes lurked a fear that I had witnessed daily; the time to choose was running out. This was a heaviness they could not glaze over with small talk, and I refused to let them pull me in. So I would wander.

The rooms in the intensive care unit had large sliding glass doors.

Through them I could see every beeping monitor, every flowerfilled windowsill, every happy family ready for departure. I offered a half-hearted smile and a wave to a man sitting motionless at a bedside, a sentiment he returned with a blank stare. I’d been this man every day for the past month, and no one had smiled at me. If they had, I wouldn’t have smiled back either. I continued to roam the surrounding halls, boarded the nearest elevator, let the people around me push the buttons, rode it to random floors.

I would become overwhelmingly

hypnotized by the smell of bleach and excrement and soap and coffee beans, and before I knew it I was lost.

On this day in particular, I became lost in a new place. The walls were unfamiliar, the people happy. I had walked right in to the maternity ward, and I knew I did not belong there. But something pulled me to the nursery window, where families had gathered to marvel at the tiny creations that stretched tiny fingers towards the light. I watched the babies wriggle and writhe, kicking their feet and looking curiously around the room. One of them looked at me and smiled, as if it somehow recognized my face.

When I returned to my mother’s room we were alone. I followed the tubes and wires around her body like a road map, protruding from hands, chest, neck, head.

My grandparents would tell my little cousins that she was asleep, that everything was going to be fine, but even they could see the machinery, the medicinal mechanisms beeping and whirring and filling the quiet with a soft hum of uncertainty. I heard it then, as I stood by the side of the bed, and I hummed along to the pitch.

I waited for her to look at me and smile, recognize my face. But her eyes remained closed, her face remained still, and the monitor beeped as steadily as it had for weeks. A symphony of waiting.

I walked over to the window and leaned my head on the glass, looking down at the people coming in and out of the building. I saw my father smoking a cigarette with a woman who I could tell had lost everything. She had the same look on her face that I’d seen in the mirror every morning, the same look I saw reflected in the window.

In the hallway I could hear the doctors whisper.

“She shouldn’t be in there alone,” one of them hissed. “She’s just a kid.” Another doctor, whose face and strong handshake I’d grown very accustomed to, replied with a stern finality: “She’s fifteen, and she’s holding their family together. She can stay as long as she wants.”

A coma is described as “a state of prolonged unconsciousness, including a lack of response to stimuli, from which it is impossible to rouse a person.” I was starting to question whether or not it was me who needed the diagnosis.

I couldn’t have known that it would be even worse when she finally did wake, months later. The impact from the windshield would leave her staring blankly ahead, forever frozen in the stupor before metal crushed metal crushed my family. Eyes scanning the room mechanically like windshield wipers, tears streaming like cracks through glass, she cries like she’s just not behind the wheel anymore.

A fate worse than death, she is immobile; a hollow husk of a human being that breathes in and breathes out and nothing else.

When I visit her now, I am the same way.

When I leave the hospital I feel nothing. My footsteps tap on the tiles as I navigate the familiar route down the stairs, out the door. The smells of autumn, the warmth of summer, the bite of winter, the false hope of spring; it all feels empty and fleeting after watching the light fade slowly from the eyes of the broken. Each time I stare blankly ahead, slowly beginning the walk to the car. I feel no sadness leaving, nor relief. Once again, I retreat back to a state of prolonged unconsciousness.

I never would find those answers.

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I

t was cold outside, but not yet snowing. Quite a bit of walking involved. In the middle of the night, and with far too much alcohol, shoes would hardly be a consideration. Inside their dorm room, however, it was a pressing question for Avery.

“What goes with this dress?”

By: Sushmita Sircar

Shades of Black

Her roommate lifted her head from the books. Avery could see the exasperation in her eyes, the quick retort of unconcern about her sartorial choices.

“The black heels, you think?”

She said something about choices that went with everything, and might have quoted a play condemning conformity. Then she didn’t care once again.

It was true, Avery thought, scanning her closet. Black heels were ever so predictable. A glance at the mirror confirmed that her green- no, chartreuse- dress complimented perfectly her cascading auburn locks. She had no patience with hair straighteners, mostly because her light waves drew enough compliments. Silver hoops. She liked, too, her violet eyes and pointed chin.

But the shoes- they needed careful picking. With green the red flats would be ridiculous. With her red hair almost everything would be ridiculous. None of the open sandals. None of the black ones. Ballet flats was such a ridiculous name- it called to mind always a flutter of elegance, a touch of regality. Hard to live up to when you were shivering through winter nights. Boots were a category of their own. Wine colored, charcoal, coral blue…

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It would be so easy, she reflected, if wearing a guy’s favorite color was all it took. “The periwinkle of your shoes- I couldn’t help but notice…”

Not that he liked periwinkle- he probably preferred grey or cream or black or any of the myriad hues that made no attempt at statement. And not that she’d wear shoes in adherence to his taste, anyway.

Hoops were what she always wore. She rifled through her drawer again for inspiration. A sharp beep let her know her friend was on her way.

And the shoes weren’t picked yet. Hoops it would have to be.

“Will you be late coming back?” her roommate asked.

Oh, dear lord, how she hated her roommate. It was twelve, and she hadn’t left. Would she be late? Geez, no, she would be very early indeed.

Maybe she’d appreciate the humor of that statement- a year ago she might have. Cohabitating was hard.

“Yes, probably. Quick question- these black boots… do you think?”

“Perfection itself.” Rolled eyes.

At any rate, they would have to do. She slipped into her black coat.

There was no other shade for black, no flight of imagination to break the monotony of its flexibility. As she slipped out, she glimpsed her black silhouette in the window. Black from head to toe but for her hair, she needn’t have worried so much about her clothes after all.

Allnighter

By: Sushmita Sircar

To start out and not think of completion to click the letters clack on the keyboard in perusal of half formed thought rushing nowhere except an imagined page, winding their way onto eternity in the blink of the cursor and oblivion in the blink of an eye too hurried to link words that might not even mean for all their hurried declaration, for perhaps it’s all just wishful thinking in the face of far too many cups of coffee quaffed away on thresh of sleep till their very lack of brevity begins to unravel onto the edge of reason only waiting to be found out by letting go and not letting end till the strictures of page limits clamor for an ending, a full stop, a period of time winding to the moment when the ephemeral awareness of eternity gives way to dawn and the death of a night that was laced with the merest knowledge of its own inevitable conclusion.

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Parting Shots Wrecking Ball

Article By: Laura Borschel

S

o pretty much everyone who knows me has come to learn of my recent love affair with Miley Cyrus. If you would have told me two years ago that I would be swooning over her glorious figure on a piece of construction equipment, I would have blankly stared at you and laughed.

into madness on one thing: gay hair.

I blame my decent

I didn’t think twice of Miley when she had that sloppy bun that had its own twitter page. Absolutely nothing. But, as soon as she chopped off that mess, I saw her for the majestic creature that she really was. Sure, I was horrified at the stages

that her hair went through. When she first cut if off people made Mean Girl references about her looking like a “British man”, and compared her to Draco Malfoy. The harsher comments were about her resembling some sort of bird whose wings Billy Ray needed to have clipped.

Luckily though, Miley started to come into her own and her hair made a remarkable recovery from its bad experience with puberty. She emerged looking like a glorious phoenix rising from the ashes of her old bad hair choices. For a long time, I was a happy camper who was totally smitten with her revamped image.

Then, it happened. I was over at a friend’s apartment catching up with them and talking about our summers when I glanced over at the TV. I saw my glorious new love in a teddy bear unitard, twerking on Robin Thicke. Sure I was socked, even dismayed. I realized that I could get past the bad fashion choices, the blatant appropriation of black culture, and even the world-class douche bag she was dancing on. The one thing that I could not get past however, was what Miley did to her hair.

Reviving the Dead World of Fashion

H

ere we are again, that time of year when we all, myself included, realize that those skimpy shorts and sheer T-shirts just aren’t going to cut it for our brisk Buffalonian autumn (which, incidentally, started in August this year). I, like many of you, I’m sure, have already begun my coldweather-clothes shopping operation, since we all know that we’ll have a Western New York winter any day now. Unlike most of you, however, this marks one of the few times a year that I deliberately shop for clothes (not counting incidental sales and unfortunate and embarrassing rips). The fact that the frequency of my shopping trips is considerably less than average would explain, I suppose, my repeated and progressively more disgusted realization each and every time I venture into the racks: Our. Clothing. Sucks.

As an amateur seamstress myself, I am consistently appalled by the crooked seams, the loose threads, the unflattering cuts, the cheap materials, and the egregious amount of cardboard and glue used in our “garments” these days. More disgusting, however, is the outrageous expectation of these companies that I pay for such poorly constructed, barely durable so-called “trendy” clothing.

Well, then, I’ll say it. Hispters beware. If that’s trendy, I want

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nothing to do with it. Honestly, is it too much to ask that when I spend my money (which I have scraped together all month) on an article of clothing, I want it to last more than a few months before stretching, fading, ripping, running, or wearing?

Moreover, I disappointed in my style options. You can’t buy pants if you don’t want jeans, you can’t buy tops if you don’t want a T. What happened to blouses and buttons and ruffles and skirts tailored to flatter and dresses draped to stun?

When did it become acceptable to wear flannel out of one’s bedroom or sweatshirts out of the gym? When did everyone throw up their hands and decide they didn’t care anymore?

Professor Linda Przybyszewski at the University of Notre Dame was struck by the same realization, which prompted her to begin teaching her class entitled, A Nation of Slobs: The Art Ethics, and Economics of Dress in Modern America. She was quoted on CBS Sunday Morning as saying that her students are often “floored” by the beauty of the clothing of decades past. Her goal, she says, is to revive the “lost art of dressing.”

Przybyszewski even remarked that she sews her own clothing because she feels that clothing with fine and intricate details (superfluous buttons and delicate stitch-work) are hard to find.

I proceeded to yell at the TV, “What has she done? WHAT HAS SHE DONE? What have you done to your beautiful gay hair?”

I had no idea what Miley meant to me anymore or where she fit into my life. Was there anything she could do to win back my heart?

The answer to that question is a resounding yes. Like the phoenix I always knew she was, she picked herself up and made a little video called “Wrecking Ball”.

Miley was back to her old self again, if not hotter and even better than before. I remember watching her in awe as she swung around clad only in her leather combat boots, vulnerable for the entire world to see. And of course, her hair never looked any better.

Article By: Audrey Foppes I have often entertained such notions myself: I’ll just make it myself, confound it! But in reality, on a college girl’s time and a college girl’s budget, purchasing fine fabrics and dedicating myself to the creation of my desired clothing simply isn’t a reality.

But until such time as conventional clothing departments carry pieces I find to be flattering, affordable, and quality, I am happily resigned to sorting through second-hand racks and perusing the internet to find those unique garments to fit my style and my wallet.

If your interest has been piqued and you would like to hear more, Professor Przybyszewski’s entire interview can be found on the CBS Sunday Morning website under the title, A nation of slobs?

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