Volume 30 Issue 7

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ubgeneration.com

GENERATION MAGAZINE

Sniper No Sniping Twi-hards Unite!

That's so gay

Jewish Christmas It Takes Two

Table of Contents EIC Letter 5 Give us more time!

Agenda, Hit/BS

7

11

The world is ending

Recipes 8 Nom Nom Nom. Eggnog.

Gay Stuff 9 Gay vs. Lesbian

Call Me in Four Years Take Two

College Sports

10 11

The Sports Fetish

Twilight 13 The End of a Saga

He Said/She Said

15

Awkward.

13

Halo 16 Welcome home, John

What to do in Buffalo What to do, what to do

Life of Pi

18 20

Excellent Adaptation

Poetry 21 “Saudade”

Parting Shots Have you found Jesus?

I am Generation

22

20 Cover designed by Melissa Osterweil and Emily Butler, cover photo by Ally Balcerzak, photo source from all credits goes to respective photographer. http://www.google.com/imgres/the-twilight-zone., http://www.google.comimgres.NEW-Trailer-Django-Unchained.http://www.google.comimgres/the-twilight-saga-eclipse/blog.moviefone.com/media/twilight. google.com/imgres/www.slate.com/content/dam/slate/articles/arts/movies/2012/11/121121_MOV_LifeofPi.jpg. http://www.google.com/imgres/wikipedia.org/wiki/Master_Chief(Halo).

http://www.

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Editorial and business offices for Generation are located in Suite 315 in the Student Union on North Campus. The telephoane numbers are (716) 645-6131 or (716) 645-2674 (FAX). Address mail c/o Room 315 Student Union University at Buffalo, Amherst, NY 14260.

Submissions to Generation Magazine should be e-mailed to ubgeneration@gmail.com by 1p.m. Tuesday, a week before each issue’s publication. This publication and its contents are the property of the students of the State University of New York at Buffalo 2011 by Generation Magazine, all rights reserved. The first 10 copies of Generation Magazine are free. Each additional copy must be approved by the editor in chief. Requests for reprints should be directed to the editor in chief. Generation Magazine neither endorses nor takes responsibility for any claims made by our advertisers. Press run 5,000. ≠≠≠

Editors Letter.

T

he only thing about school that I dislike more than midterms is finals. Nothing about the last three weeks of the semester is pleasant. Ever since the week before Thanksgiving I have been running around like a turkey with my head cut off. Before break I had a ten page research paper draft due, and now that we’re back, that paper has been joined by another nine page paper, a few more pages on my thesis, the wrap up of an independent study and studying a semesters worth of poetry for a final.

Needless to say, the number of Red Bull cans on my desk has been increasing exponentially. With those energy drinks has come the Finals Diet. Warning to freshmen, if you thought you’ve been eating poorly all semester, you have no clue what you’re in for now. The Thanksgiving leftovers are gone which means so is any hope of me eating a balanced meal. Instead of roasting chicken to go with rice and a salad for dinner, I’ve found myself eating frozen pizza, pasta, chips and sugary snacks for at least one meal a day; and that will sadly be becoming three meals within in the next day or so.

The worst part of finals is the time crunch, even the most organized and efficient students breakdown around this point in the semester. Classes officially end Friday, December 7th, and finals begin Monday, December 10th. According to the calendar on the Registrar’s website, Saturday and Sunday are “reading days.” Really UB?

guys before exams.” I must have missed the memo where UB created the concept of Saturday and Sunday.

Adding insult to injury with this is the fact that even professors think these reading days are a joke. I was sitting in class on Thursday and my professor asked us all to go to administration and demand more reading days for students after we graduate. Sure most of us won’t care whether or not students get enough time between classes and finals to study after graduation, but she made a good point. If alumni threaten to withhold donations unless students get more reading days, administration would have to do something. We go to a state school, without alumni donations the university would be screwed.

So here is my plea to administration: GIVE US MORE TIME. Classes could just as easily end on Wednesday instead of Friday. Those extra two days of study time would help students tremendously. Newsflash, more study time means better grades. Better grades from the students, means a better reputation for the school. Throw us a bone here, you’ll benefit in the long run. All we’re asking for is a couple extra days to study; it’s not that crazy of a request.

There’s little hope of us seeing reading days get added for spring semester this year, but if we keep complaining maybe administration will finally hear us and consider it.

Until then, we’ll have to continue on with our twice-yearly panic. Personally, I should probably have a handle on finals by this point in my academic career, but of course that’s not the case. I’ve known all semester about some of these projects, but I did what everyone does and procrastinated.

Had I just worked on my thesis and independent study more back in September when I had half the workload I do now, and I wouldn’t be single-handedly paying for the bonuses of Red Bull’s corporate officers. Alas, I cannot change the past, so now I must continue on in a caffeine induced haze, surviving off of everything Michelle Obama has been telling kids not to eat for the past four years.

Good luck studying!

STAFF Editor in Chief Ally Balcerzak Managing Editor Keighley Farrell Creative Director Melissa Osterweil Assistant Creative Director Emily Butler Photo Editor Dinorah Santos Web Editor Gabrielle Gosset Copy Editor Lee Auslander Associate Editors Laura Borschel Carlton Brock Paul Stephan Circulation Director Dan Warne

Call me crazy, but if administration is going to give us reading days for finals, they should probably make them during the week. Calling the weekend “reading days” is merely stating the obvious and allows them to tell incoming students, “Oh yeah, we actually schedule reading days for you

Ally Balcerzak

Business Manager Brian Kalish Ad Manager Jessica Bornes

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Agenda HIT

T I H S L

L U B

OR

Naked AIDS Protesting

When we heard about people storming Boehner’s office to nakedly protest potential cuts to programs that help fight AIDS, we knew it was something we could get behind.

Sometimes to get people’s attention you just need to lose your pants. Remember that next time you’re walk of shaming it in last night’s hook-up’s shorts.

Twilight Zone Marathon December 31-January 1 It’s Thanksgivinggggg The SyFy channel will once again air its traditional New Year’s marathon of The Twilight Zone. Ring in the New Year and overcome your hangover with one of the best TV shows ever made.

HIT

The makers of the “Friday” video surprised all of us with a Thanksgiving themed song entitles “It’s Thanksgiving”. It was reminiscent of many of the “Friday” song effects, like teaching us the holidays and what kind of food belongs at every white suburban family’s Thanksgiving dinner.

BULLSHIT

47% Call it poetic justice but Romney received the exact potion of the vote he said was the

problem with the country. Perhaps this will teach Republicans to watch what they say in reference to numbers. Since sometimes the American people like to be ironic and make it backfire on them.

Elmo

HIT

It is unclear what happened behind closed doors. But the end result is this: we now live in a world without Elmo. Did you hear that? It was the sound of the final nail in the coffin of your childhood. RIP Nineties Kids.

BULLSHIT

Django Unchained: Christmas Day

Quentin Tarrantino’s newest movie releases on Xmas Day. What better way to spend a holiday than watching Leo?

Texas Secession Hundreds of thousands of Americans have signed petitions for their state to secede from the United States. Leading in signatures, of course, is Texas. While we’d hate to see the Union break up, it’s hard to imagine us being worse off after losing a state that teaches creationism and leads the nation in executions.

HIT

Climate Change The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Association reported that February 1985 was the last month with a below-average temperature. This means that, for most college students, every month of your life has been warmer than average. Is it time to finally act on climate change? Yeah, we think so.

BULLSHIT

Griswold Reunion Everyone’s favorite dysfunctional family, the Griswolds, recently reunited to film an Old

Navy commercial. We couldn’t care less what the company is trying to sell us. All we care about it getting another chance to laugh at Chevy Chase attempting to cover a house in Christmas lights.

The End of the World: December 21st, 2012 It’s the end of the world, as we know it. December 21st is the supposed end of the world according to reliable Mayan sources. I point to the reelection of President Obama and hurricane Sandy as evidence of this prediction.

HIT

Taylor Swift Giving Love Advice

We love Taylor Swift here at Generation. But we do not support her giving out love advice in Seventeen Magazine. The girl made her career on writing angry songs about her exes, she is the LAST person who should be telling girls how to fix their love lives. Well, maybe second last, we’re not sure Adele would be any better.

BULLSHIT

Life With Lee

Important lessons brought to you by our favorite Long Island Jew

M

Holiday Recipes

y favorite holiday is Christmas. I know, you’re going to call me a horrible Jew and I’ve never actually celebrated Christmas, but in my defense, I don’t eat bacon (also because I think pink piglets are cute). The reason I love Christmas is because this holiday has the best flavors out of any other holiday.

And yes, I do mean flavors. Peppermint. Gingerbread. Eggnog. My mouth is watering just thinking of these magical things. One of my hobbies (and probably the one my friends appreciate most) is baking. The holiday season lets me experiment with these fun ingredient and I get to spread holiday cheer giving people the fruits of my labor. So what better time to bake than Christmastime?

Gingerbread Cookies

Eggnog

Peppermint

My favorite recipe for gingerbread cookies is from allrecipes.com. You can roll them out and use different cookie cutters, not necessarily just the standard type. Or you can use a circle cutter and just decorate a face for them. Gingerbread faces instead of gingerbread men.

When I first heard of eggnog, I thought it sounded disgusting. I thought it would taste whole milk, which I hate since its so thick. But of course I was wrong. Eggnog is magical. And even more magical when its in the form of a truffle. You’re welcome.

And of course, there’s peppermint. I’m not as big of a fan of peppermint as eggnog and gingerbread, but I will say that peppermint chocolate crinkle cookies are still really good. Chocolate crinkles are really easy to make and you can switch what extract you put into them easily, so if you prefer something else, then go for it!

Ingredients:

Ingredients: 1 lb white chocolate 4 ounces cream cheese, softened 1/4 cup confectioners’ sugar 1/4 tsp nutmeg 1/4 tsp Rum Extract (And that’s extract, not actual rum, although using the real stuff should definitely be attempted)

Ingredients:

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour 2 teaspoons ground ginger 1 teaspoon baking soda 3/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves 1/4 teaspoon salt 3/4 cup margarine, softened 1 cup white sugar 1 egg 1 tablespoon water 1/4 cup molasses 2 tablespoons white sugar

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Sift together the flour, ginger, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, and salt. Set aside.

2. In a large bowl, cream together the margarine and 1 cup sugar until light and fluffy. 3. 3. Beat in the egg, then stir in the water and molasses. Gradually stir the sifted ingredients into the molasses mixture. Shape dough into walnut sized balls, and roll them in the remaining 2 tablespoons of sugar.

Place the cookies 2 inches apart onto an ungreased cookie sheet, and flatten slightly.

4. Bake for 8 to 10 minutes in the preheated oven. Allow cookies to cool on baking sheet for 5 minutes before removing to a wire rack to cool completely. Store in an airtight container.

Directions:

1.Melt 8 ounces of the chocolate as directed on package.

Beat cream cheese, confectioners’ sugar, nutmeg and extract in large bowl with electric mixer on medium speed mixer until well blended and smooth. Add melted chocolate; beat until well mixed. Cover. Refrigerate at least 4 hours or until firm.

2.Shape into 24 (about 3/4-inch) balls. Place on wax paperlined tray. Refrigerate until ready to dip.

3.Coat only 12 truffles at a time. Melt 4 ounces of the remaining chocolate in small microwavable bowl for 1-1/2 minutes, stirring after 1 minute. Using a fork, dip 1 truffle at a time into the melted chocolate. Tap back of fork 2 or 3 times against edge of dish to allow excess chocolate to drip off. Place truffles on wax paper-lined tray. Sprinkle truffles with nutmeg. Repeat with remaining 4 ounces chocolate and remaining truffles.

4.Refrigerate 1 hour or until chocolate is set. Store truffles between layers of wax paper in airtight container in refrigerator up to 1 week.

5.Recipe adapted by a blogger from the original McCormick one

1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa powder 1 cup white sugar 1/4 cup vegetable oil 2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract 1 ½ teaspoon peppermint extract 1 cup all-purpose flour 1 teaspoon baking powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup confectioners’ sugar

Directions

1. In a medium bowl, mix together cocoa, white sugar, and vegetable oil. Beat in eggs one at a time, then stir in the vanilla. Combine the flour, baking powder, and salt; stir into the cocoa mixture. Cover dough, and chill for at least 4 hours.

2. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Line cookie sheets with parchment paper. Roll dough into one inch balls. I like to use a number 50 size scoop. Coat each ball in confectioners’ sugar before placing onto prepared cookie sheets.

3. Bake in preheated oven for 10 to 12 minutes. Let stand on the cookie sheet for a minute before transferring to wire racks to cool.

Eggnog, peppermint and gingerbread don’t have to be baked into ‘Christmas’ baked goods. I’ve made Jewish star gingerbread cookies before with my Star of David cookie cutter (Yeah, I own three. So what?). The point isn’t necessarily that it’s Christmas flavors but that they’re tasty and everyone loves to be given the treat of homemade cookies. Or if you’re like me, you enjoy making them and sharing them with friends and family. Happy holidays, everyone!

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Everyone is Gay

Article By: Laura “The Sexy Fox” Borschel

Since coming out a few years ago, I have had constant internal issues over the word “lesbian” and its common usage regarding female homosexuality.

I first started coming out as gay to my friends in high school. While they were all extremely supportive and accepting, I began to notice a pattern. After the initial “I’m gay” statement, several of my friends responded with something along the lines of “Ok, so you’re a lesbian.” Everytime this occurred, I was struck with an odd and uncomfortable feeling over having the term “lesbian” applied to me. Initially I didn’t think much of it and would ultimately agree with them, even though I preferred to identify myself as gay.

After several months of mulling it over in my head, I reached a few conclusions about the word and its attachment to my sexual identity. I decided to pull a Ted Mosby and make a comparison list of my preference for a “gay female” identity over a “lesbian” identity.

Gay

Lesbian

- An adjective: A descriptor used to describe a noun. Something that is used to describe an aspect of something larger, not its entire existence.

-A noun: A specific person, place, thing, or idea. A noun functions to define an entire existence or nature of something.

- By nature, adjectives emphasize one part of the subject. When coming out or saying, “I’m gay,” people want to communicate a specific part of who they are, not “what” they are.

- By nature, nouns have a very distancing effect in relation to the subject or self. So, in order to use the word correctly one must say, “I am a lesbian.” It essentially makes someone articulate “this ‘thing’ is what I am,” forcing people to describe their sexuality in relation to their entire identity, not just an aspect of who they are.

- Usually a descriptive word to exclusively describe male homosexuals.

- Ex: “A gay man.” There is no separate objective noun to describe gay men.

- Isolates women from a “gay” identity, because the term “gay” is almost always used to refer exclusively to men.

- Old timey word to describe a joyous or happy state.

- Aesthetically sounds too much like thespian.

Also too many syllables.

M

y biggest personal issue regarding the word “lesbian” and its use is how people, in general, do not consciously recognize its actual weight and the ramifications behind it. I choose and feel comfortable with the label of “gay female.” Thinking back on various friends’ statements, I realized that I really didn’t like the fact that without choice, I was being assigned the specific and immovable label of “lesbian” by others. To me, they were defining me as an object; “what” I was, not an individual aspect of my being.

Every time I hear someone say “I’m lesbian” I suffer an internal crisis that makes me want to rip my hair out. I have no qualms about people who identify as lesbians but it bothers me when the word

itself is not used properly. The word “lesbian” is not an adjective. It is a noun. You can identify as “a lesbian,” and you can be “gay” but you cannot “be lesbian.” The nature of language does not structurally allow this.

In part I feel like this possibly happens as a way to further distance female homosexuality from male homosexuality. The perpetuation of the word “gay” in only being used to describe male homosexuality is probably the strongest indicator. By adding on a separate identity to women a hierarchy is formed.

The crux of this matter is that an equal balance does not exist. Why don’t men get a separate noun to objectively describe male homosexuality? Why is

it that female homosexuality must be individually categorized?

The word lesbian need not be eradicated. It simply appears to me that equal terminology is needed to fill the gendered gap.

As I’ve stated before, people can label or identify themselves any way they choose. However, on an individual level, I cannot help but feel personally conflicted over words like “gay” and “lesbian.”

Whether by intention or not, I worry that they function to polarize gay men and women, when what we really should be focusing on is the similarities that tie us together as people.

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PULSE

Take Two, and Call me in Four Years

T

he election may be over, but the affliction remains. Permit me then, as a make believe political pharmacist to write a prescription for our beloved country for the next four years. No doubt the airwaves will be saturated with the debate over the looming fiscal cliff or immigration, however, permit me to discuss a few structural issues that require addressing in order strengthen our future.

The first issue is money in politics. Following the Citizens United decision in 2010 the floodgates of corporate money buying elections has been unleashed. The whole idea that corporations are people is ridiculous.

Can corporations get married and have kids?

Can they get driver’s licenses? No, and the fact they are allowed to spend unlimited amounts of money in the form of independent expenditures is poisonous to our democracy.

In an era of biased media sources, the over impressionable electorate doesn’t need big money interests influencing its decisions. The BCRA Act should be reinstated, and strict campaign donation limits should be imposed.

Elections should not go to the highest bidder.

The second area is the vacancies on the federal judiciary. Because of our polarized partisans in the senate, no judicial nominees are getting a confirmation vote. They are all being delayed or filibustered. The new rule should be a simple up or down vote for all nominees within 90 days. The fact that the average vote takes over 200 days is insulting. The caseload for the federal judiciary is skyrocketing and the senate plays politics with the business of justice. We have seen, since the failed confirmation of

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Robert Bork in the 1980s, an increasingly political confirmation process. The issue isn’t Supreme Court nominees being confirmed, the issue is the district and appellate judges not being given a vote. Americans love to sue, but there are not enough judges to process the cases. The result is the diminution of justice.

This should not be a partisan issue, just do the right thing. The politicization of the judicial nominating process, especially for Supreme Court nominees, is detrimental to the judicial branch. There is no shortage of qualified people to fill the vacancies, just a lot of hot air coming from senators.

The two biggest social issues we are and will be facing over the next 20 years are the legalization of gay marriage and the legalization of marijuana. As a person who believes in small government, I say legalize both nationwide. As our cultural norms shift to favoring these ideas, resistance toward them becomes more and more futile. Let’s not deny reality; just legalize them now and move on.

There is no compelling state interest in saying two people who happen to be gay should not be allowed to marry each other. You can pick your favorite constitutional provision, I like due process here. If you believe it’s against the bible, the solution is simple; don’t marry someone of the same gender. Otherwise, stay out of other people’s business. Gay marriage is legal in a handful of states already and the world didn’t end. As for marijuana, if people want to smoke it, just let them. We allow people to smoke cigarettes until they get lung cancer or emphysema and people to consume voluminous amounts of alcohol. Why not

Article By: Eric M Carlson

let them roll a joint and blaze it up? Get the government out of people’s personal lives. If you’re conservative you should be advocating for this, and if you’re liberal you already are.

Hey, this bipartisan stuff is easy!

Lastly, we need to pass a constitutional amendment prescribing term limits for members of Congress. 12 years (2 terms) for senators and 8 years (4 terms) for representatives. Careerism in politics stinks of impropriety. If these people knew their time was limited, they might spend more time doing the work of the people and less time running for re-election. We term limit the president to prevent the genesis of an American monarchy, so we should term limit Congress to prevent an American Oligarchy.

This was attempted and achieved in the 1990s, but the Supreme Court struck it down saying a constitutional amendment is required. The prospect of the people in power voluntarily firing themselves is grim, so as a compromise, current members will be grandfathered in.

You’re welcome.

This is a partial list of the changes that need to come about in the next four years. As citizens, we have an obligation to educate ourselves on the relevant issues of our time. The greatest enemy of the government is its people. As we begin our real lives upon graduation, we need to remain cognizant the people in Washington have a real effect on our lives. Let’s make sure we get a fair deal.

PULSE

The Sports Fetish

Why It’s Okay if the Bulls Keep Losing

O

ur society loves sports. We don’t just like them, in the same way that we like ice cream or like watching people trip when they walk up the stairs. We actually love them, in a really deep, emotional, even romantic sense.

Some examples: Every Sunday at about 3:00, without fail, my newsfeed fills with posts about the Buffalo Bills. They’re normally pretty depressing. When Joe Paterno was fired for failing to address sexual abuse, Penn State students rioted. Fantasy sports, which aren’t even real sports, make up a $3-4 billion industry. Almost every newspaper in the country has a section dedicated to sports, and the local team’s win or loss often makes the front page.

decides it doesn’t want to save your waterfront one fishing accessory at a time, people tend to get bummed out.

With sports, though, we can experience community even when we don’t win. In fact, we feel even more connected with our fellow fans and with our team when they lose. We tell each other that we’ll do better next game, or next year, or at least we’ll get a nice draft pick, or that we only lost because the refs were unfair, and the opposing point guard

For more proof of our obsession, look no further than ESPN. We have an entire television station devoted to sports. Twentyfour hours a day, seven days a week, this channel is either covering a game or talking about it. They have so much to cover, in fact, that they’ve expanded to ESPN2, ESPN3, ESPNU, ESPN Classic, ESPNews, and ESPN Deportes.

Why do we allow ourselves to get sucked into this? The main reason, I think, is that we really want to be part of something larger than ourselves. When I watched the Bulls men’s home opener, I felt a connection to UB. I felt a connection to the other fans.

I even felt a connection to the individual players. (Javon, if you’re reading this, we should really hang out sometime. My office is on the third floor of the Student Union.)

is an asshole anyway. And we reassure each other by talking about how we’re not fair-weather fans, and we’ll stand by our team no matter how many times we lose to schools we’ve never heard of. Our shared grief provides a wonderful communal bonding experience.

Sports have the handy effect of uniting people just because they live in the same city or are wearing the same color on a particular day. We could unite around other things, like downtown economic development. But let’s face it; we might be really disappointed if we did that. When Bass Pro

We actually get a lot out of losing, and the brilliant thing about sports is that we don’t actually have to lose to feel like we lost. There’s always an injury, or problems with the offensive line, or the next game, or the next season to keep us in a constant state of anxiety. Even the New York Yankees, who

Article By: Paul Stephan can bankroll any baseball player they want, have fans that are constantly afraid they’re not going to win the World Series for the umpteenth time. So even when we win, we lose, and when we lose, we still kind of win.

Sports provide community, but there’s another reason we’re hooked: We, as human beings, want to think we’re smart, and we want other people to think so too. I’m from Pittsburgh, and after Steelers games, every 40-something male in the county calls in to the local radio station so he can air his own crackpot ideas on why we won or lost. The pregame and postgame shows are longer than the actual game.

We do this with friends all the time, talking about different athletes and teams and how they’re performing. The best part about it is that we don’t actually have to know what we’re talking about. All we need to do is watch one game or one ten-minute segment of SportsCenter, and we have enough information to pretend to be experts. Sports, just like that poem about a wheelbarrow, let us talk about something for hours without having to study a lot of source material.

Eventually, we talk so convincingly about sports that we come to believe our own bullshit, and we start to think we could be doing a better job than the players and the coaches and the commentators.

Sports provide us with two fundamental human needs: the need to experience community, and the need to think we’re smart. They also feed into our need for laziness by allowing us to experience community without doing anything for our community, and to think we’re smart without actually learning anything. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go watch dodgeball on ESPN8, the Ocho.

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Meow.

The End of a Saga Article By: Ally Balcerzak

T

here are few things in life that are scarier than watching a bunch of tween fangirls and their middle aged-should-not-beobsessed-with-this-movie mothers wait for a Twilight movie to start. Now try doing that four times. Seeing a Twilight movie in theatres is an interesting experience, and it’s something I could have gone by whole life without doing, but back in high school my friend Feren and I went to see the first one opening day, and from there it became a tradition.

As we stood in line outside the theater at the Galleria mall, I began questioning why people are so obsessed with these movies. I read the books the summer before my senior year of high school and they weren’t anything special. Sure, I insisted on picking up the fourth book the day it came out even though we were in Long Island for a lacrosse tournament, but I had an eight hour drive home and I needed something to occupy me. The characters weren’t terrible, I’ll give Stephanie Meyer that, but they are by no means in the same category as Harry Potter or the Hunger Games. Something about Bella just annoyed me in the books.

Despite my lack of love for the novels, I didn’t hate them and was mildly excited when it was announced that they were becoming a movie. As opening day approached, Feren and I decided we’d get tickets and go see it that night. We opted to forego the midnight showing, but opening night was just as crowded. I remember sitting in the theatre, surrounded by a couple hundred girls between the ages of 13 and 20, without a single guy in sight. By the end of the movie, I knew a new fad had been born.

Flash forward a year and Twilight madness would be in full swing. Stories of mothers getting into fights while waiting for tickets, and tween girls destroying friendships over Team Jacob vs. Team Edward became front-page news of the tabloids.

For some crazy reason, Feren and I decided to attend a midnight showing of New Moon and it was terrifying. I watched as two groups of girls, and their mothers, got into an argument over their place in line. It got so heated that security had to go over to break it up. Every two minutes someone would screech because they thought we

were going into the theater. By the end of that movie I vowed to never see Twilight in theatres again.

Of course that wasn’t the case though. I saw Eclipse when it came out; I just waited a week so it would be a little less exuberant in the theater.

I even skipped seeing Breaking Dawn part one in theaters, but for part two Feren made me go back to tradition. So there we were, standing outside the Galleria theater again, waiting in line again, to see the final Twilight movie. We had spent the car ride preparing for the worst. I’ll fully admit that I had little faith in humanity to get through that movie without something (or someone) going absolutely crazy.

As it turns out, I was wrong. The girls in line in front of us were the same age and very nice. All of the crazy mothers were lined up across the way, so we were able to laugh from afar without having to risk getting caught. We even managed to get great seats in the theater and didn’t have to deal with tweens talking and screeching the entire time. It was the most pleasant Twilight experience I had ever had.

When the movie ended, people hung back in the theater. It was as though they were afraid to leave because that would mean acknowledging the series was over. Personally, Feren and I got out quickly to avoid traffic, but we understood not wanting to let go of the saga. For a lot of people, seeing the movies was a tradition with friends and family. It brought them together every year for a night of slight chaos and move magic.

Twilight will never be my movie franchise of choice (that is solidly The Hunger Games). But I’ll admit I’m a bit sad to see it over. I enjoyed attending the movies and making fun of the overly obsessed fans, and in the office we get a kick out of picking on a certain BuffaLove editor for her K-stew obsession. Without Twilight I wouldn’t have some of my funniest memories from the past few years. So thank you Twilight, for keeping me entertained with your overly dramatized and ridiculously over-acted entertainment.

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He Said She Said Awkward.

My girlfriend wants to have sex when she’s on her period. I don’t really want to because it’s nasty as hell, but I really like her. What do I do?

HS: So you want to put your hot dog into her ketchupfilled bun, eh? If you’re going to go through with this, you should seek expert advice first. Maybe consult a sex column, I recommend Cosmo.

SS: Did you know that blood is a natural lubricant and will make intercourse more pleasurable for the two of you? If you decide to take this slip and slide route into her pool there are a few things you should know.

According to Askmen.com, the leading authority on female sexuality and health, the higher the pH of your woman’s blood the more she will be willing to try new things in the bedroom like food play. I recommend not using any red food, as it could cause confusion.

What was the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?

HS: I took Cialis and experienced an erection lasting more than four hours. I thought I knew when the moment was right, but then it got really awkward when that moment was over 45 seconds later.

SS: So this one time, I too took Cialis and experienced an erection lasting longer than four hours. I called my doctor and she told me to take my strap-on off.

Everyone keeps saying that Obama won a few weeks ago, but Karl Rove and I are still holding out for Romney to win Ohio. How do I avoid awkwardness while talking to friends when we disagree about the election’s outcome?

HS: One of my favorite journalists wrote, “For the life of me, I could never understand why people choose to abuse the help of government agencies.” I couldn’t have said it better. Everyone who voted for Obama

Article By: Paul Stephan and Laura Borschel was just waiting for a government check. Unlike those moochers, I get paid by my employer, SBI, and receive a scholarship from UB. So hold out, my inevitably white male friend, and stick to your guns.

SS: Everyone knows that the capital of Ohio is Cleveland, one of top five poorest cities in the nation. And it’s obvious that every person in Cleveland is on welfare. There is no other logical explanation for Obama’s win. Also, you know what else starts with a “C?” Communism. As Americans we know that communism is to blame for the health care overhaul and the Jew controlled media. There are already four of them who are on our staff.

My mom found my life-size blow-up doll of Emma Watson and asked what it was for. What should I tell her?

always discreet when checking girls out. I swear; they never know when we’re looking at them.

SS: She should be flattered because you were giving her the “make me a sammich” eyes. My guess is she was giving you the “F*ck you, I’ll f*ck you with a sandwich” look in response.

So I got into a van, but there wasn’t any candy.

What should I do?

HS: I hate it when this happens! I was in a similar situation a few years ago. My Cinnabuns have never been the same.

SS: You know how your mom always said that you have to eat all the vegetables on your plate or else you won’t get dessert. Same principle applies here. Make sure to eat/drink everything they give you, but don’t look when they are preparing it, it’s just bad table manners.

HS: Your body is changing. At this age, it’s natural to experience some urges that you might not be used to.

The important thing is that you express those urges in a healthy way. Just make sure you don’t have a latex allergy, or that will lead to an even more awkward conversation with your mom.

SS: Do you ever have the urge to touch yourself ? I think it’s obvious that you feel the need to rub your genitals against inanimate objects. This is not normal.

Luckily, there is help. All you need to do is accept the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ into your life. At least that’s what the guy in front of the Union told me.

I was staring out into space the other day in class, and some girl thought I was staring at her boobs.

Please help me out of this sticky situation.

HS: Don’t ever get caught staring at a girl’s boobs!

Come on, this is the first thing they teach you in middle school sex ed. You’re a disgrace to all men, who are

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Welcome Home,

John Article By: Gabrielle Gosset

O

n November 15, 2001, Master Chief John-117 awoke from cryosleep aboard the UNSC starship, The Pillar of Autumn and revolutionized console gaming. The franchise, under the development of Bungie Studios, popularized sci fi and the Halo universe became one of the most recognized and loved fictional worlds. From the first game, recently recreated with HD graphics for XBOX 360, where Master Chief first encounters the Forerunner structure, Halo, a weapon capable of destroying all life upon which the Flood feed, came to life. It is the only weapon that can stop the spread of the Flood, but it would also destroy all of humanity. Master Chief destroys the Halo at the end of the first game in an attempt to save humanity.

Throughout three games, Master Chief battles a theocratic group of alien races known as the Covenant who are adamant about destroying humanity and a parasitic species that threatens to take over the Universe known as the Flood. Eventually, through the help of the Arbiter, an Elite from the Covenant, a truce between the Covenant and humanity is finally forged. Master Chief discovers the Ark, another Forerunner structure capable of reconstructing the Halo rings, is currently reconstructing the Halo that he destroyed in the first game. The Gravemind, the hivemind leader of the Flood, has concentrated the Flood to attempt to destroy the Ark, therefore destroying the only way the Halos can be reconstructed so once they destroy each Halo, they will be unstoppable.

Together, the Master Chief and the Arbiter fight together to fire the Halo rings from the Ark to destroy the Flood. At the end of the game, aboard the Forward Unto Dawn, the Arbiter and Master Chief attempt to escape the self destruction of the Halo ring through a portal, but the ship is torn in two and only the half with the Arbiter safely returns to Earth. The Master Chief is left floating in unknown space aboard half of the Forward Unto Dawn with only his AI, Cortana, to keep him company.

After the epic trilogy of intergalactic war and seemingly impossible heroism, Master Chief was presumed to be dead and a memorial service is held in his honor. But as a Spartan, a cybernetically enhanced super soldier created by Dr. Halsey, his file reads missing in action, as Spartans never die.

While Bungie Studios had announced that the Halo games were a trilogy and after Halo 3, the trilogy was finally finished, completing the game on Legendary difficulty revealed a few extra seconds of the cutscene at the end, showing the wrecked half of the Forward Unto Dawn drifting towards an unknown and strange-looking planet.

For a while, it was believed that the Halo universe so many fans had grown to love was finally retired from the gaming world and Bungie Studios announced that it would be persuing other projects. But the rights to Halo were still in Microsoft Studios hands, even after Bungie left to work with Activision, and a new studio including some members of Bungie that wished to continue the legacy of Halo was created: 343 Industries.

When Halo 4 was announced, there were mixed reactions. Bungie had done an amazing job not only delivering a great storyline and characters, but also revolutionizing online multiplayer gameplay. Some wanted the trilogy to remain closed and complete, while others were excited to see Master Chief live to fight another impossible fight. Either way, 343i had a lot to live up to, but fortunately, they were up for the challenge.

The Campaign As the first game of a new trilogy entitled: the Reclaimer trilogy, Halo 4 shifted focus a bit from the action-packed never ending battles in the first trilogy to the humanization of characters we all love and thought we knew. The characterization of Cortana and Master Chief is at the center of this game, adding dimension and depth to their individual characters as well as the relationship between them. This characterization was beautifully written and through the incredibly detailed and stunning cutscenes, the real depth of the characters came through. The cutscenes were stunning visually and cinematically. 343 used face capture technology and real actors to create these cutscenes, which led to visuals so realistic that there were times where it was hard to tell if it really was digitally created rather than live action video.

But the real action happens between the cutscenes. Unlike previous Halo games, the cutscenes and the gameplay really meld together into one coherent storyline. The mini cutscenes during missions as well as the video chat messages that appear in a corner of the screen during gameplay really add an

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immersion factor that was lacking or less than satisfying in previous games of the franchise. There are criticisms of the campaign, the most prominent of which is the lack of sufficient ammo. While it is arguably harder to find ammo and there’s an overwhelming push towards the Forerunner weapons over Human or Covenant weaponry, it also makes sense, since the game takes place on a Forerunner planet.

While there wasn’t an overabundance of ammo and other weapons, which made the game more challenging, especially on Heroic and Legendary difficulty, it was also a fun kind of challenge.

The cohesiveness of the storyline also came from critical themes that were woven into every aspect of the game, the most important and evident of which was Cortana’s rampancy. As a “smart” AI, Cortana should only be active for six years. After six years have past, AIs will go into rampancy, where their neural processes become too overwhelming and as Dr. Halsey has explained, they “think themselves to death.” The AIs will start to exhibit signs of insanity like extreme mood swings, irrational behaviors, etc. In the beginning of the campaign of Halo 4, Cortana reveals that she has been active for eight years and is beginning to show signs of rampancy. These signs continue throughout the campaign adding not only a sense of mystery but also urgency as Master Chief and Cortana try to find a way to fix the problem. Herein lies the central theme that allows 343 to intentionally shift from the action of the Halo universe to the humanization of Cortana and Master Chief. This new approach to the universe is definitely a switch from previous Halo games under Bungie’s supervision, but it is executed well and gives a new dimension to the world that was much needed to add depth and set the stage for the next two games in the Reclaimer Trilogy.

Multiplayer The campaign is the main story of the game, but the multiplayer is what keeps players coming back for hundreds of hours of competitive online gameplay.

343i continues the tradition of sharp multiplayer gameplay, adding upon the legacy in critical ways. First, the addition of even more customization in both the way each character looks and how each gamer can play. The addition of armor abilities in Halo: Reach was an interesting facet that added a new way to play Halo multiplayer that was borrowed from other popular

first person shooters. The criticisms of copying Call of Duty customizations continue as Halo 4 adds not only armor abilities but also customizable loadouts, specializations, tactical packages and support upgrades. Did they copy some of the ideas from other shooters like Call of Duty? Maybe. But that’s not really the issue. Who cares who copies who as long as it progresses the games forward and make them more fun for players?

This game’s multiplayer feels a lot sharper and more balanced than previous games.

Tweaks have been made from previous Halo games to improve multiplayer gaming including getting rid of the dreaded Armor Lock armor ability and including sprinting for all loadouts instead of as a specific armor ability on its own. The addition of waypoints marking all power weapons on the map instantly levels the playing field. Gone are the days of simply knowing where the hidden shotgun was, now everyone knows where it is. This not only evens out the score to some degree, but it also can create a kind of battle point where people go to fight over the power weapon. Even the assault rifle has been upgraded a bit to no longer be the placeholder when you spawn as you look for a better weapon. There is also the addition of instant respawn which makes games go quicker and push the adrenaline to pump a little harder. However it does lead to strange quirks like a double kill while dying in between kills and other odd “glitches.”

One of the best additions by far is the addition of ordnance drops. While playing in certain game types (Infinity Slayer is the most popular) every action that you take gains a certain amount of points. Anything from assists to assassinations to flag jousting, 343i has made sure that you are now properly rewarded for all your hard work, even when playing a support role rather than offense. Now you earn points for driving the warthog, not just operating the turret in the back. The points that a player earns fill up a meter on the left side of the screen with a little box in the middle. Once it’s filled up, the player has the choice between three different weapons or abilities. Sometimes there are power weapons or grenades, but there may also be an overshield, damage boost, or speed boost ability. You choose which one you want and it drops right in front of you, taking a mere second to pick up and start using. This truly adds a whole new dimension to gameplay and after a

few hours of having a personal choice of power weapons delivered right to my feet, I don’t know how I lived without it while playing Slayer. There’s even a specialization that lets you reroll the random three choices for your ordinance to try to get something a little more favorable.

Another addition to the multiplayer is new game types. Dominion, which is similar to territories from the previous games, has players try to capture bases that when captured resupply the holding team with power weapons, allows for the construction of automated turrets at entry points and even places team-specific shields on the entrances to the bases so that only the controlling team can enter and leave freely.

It’s fast-paced and the plethora of power weapons makes it an exciting game type.

There is no longer a true Free for All playlist, but Regicide is an interesting and fun replacement. The King is the player with the most points in the game and while the points operate much like they do in Infinity Slayer, the King has a waypoint over their head announcing not only where they are on the map, but also the bounty that players receive as additional XP when they commit regicide (or killing the King).

It’s an interesting new game type that is definitely fun and fast-paced as well, but there have been complaints about missing the true free for all experience, but who knows, it might be making an appearance in the future sometime. There are classics as well, like Capture the Flag and even Oddball makes a return, with the addition of now having the ability to throw the ball.

There are daily, weekly, and monthly challenges like in Reach which add additional XP bonuses once completed, but unlike Reach, while loadout options can be purchased with Spartan Points gained by leveling up, armor customizations are unlocked at certain levels or by completing certain commendations.

Along with the rotation of challenges, game playlists will also revolve from week to week. 343i has stated that they really want to keep the multiplayer dynamic, by adjusting to the way people are playing from week to week and rotating games in and out of the playlists to give people a chance to play different game types.

I’m personally upset that SWAT is not considered a permanent playlist, but it’s already proven to have a big enough fan base that it’s been kept in rotation for an

additional two weeks, so that’s promising.

This gives 343i the freedom to try out new game types while also letting the players have a say in what should be returning to the playlists in weeks to come.

There’s also Spartan Ops, which is like Firefight’s cousin on steroids. This continuation of the campaign comes in episodes that are released every week. Along with a cinematic cutscene that furthers the story, the gameplay is on a massive scale, allowing for both co-op and solo play. This is 343i’s dynamic approach to continuing the storyline while not losing what Firefight mode used to be. This mode of play also gives you XP to level up.

Beyond the Video Game The most amazing thing about 343i’s new adventure into the Halo universe is the way they are integrating all the parts of the game together into one coherent story.

Each part stands on its own brilliantly but it truly is a case of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts. From the continuing story in Spartan Ops to the reconfigured multiplayer, 343i really aims to make Halo 4 a complete experience and including every gamer into every aspect of the game.

This mentality was evident even before the game came out. Forward Unto Dawn was an online miniseries of five episodes that were released on Fridays in the weeks prior to the game release. It featured live acting, Hollywood-quality production, and a story that told more about the universe than we had seen before. It also seems that 343i may have been prompting players into reading the Halo books that delve further into the universe. The opening cutscene speaks briefly about how Master Chief went from an innocent child to arguably the strongest super-soldier of the UNSC, which may prompt gamers to put down the controller and pick up the first Halo novel, The Fall of Reach. Of course, this nudge in the direction of the books did lead to some inconsistencies in the story for people that are not as familiar with the accompanying novels, such as the reason why you’re still fighting the Covenant after the truce with the Arbiter, or what the Forerunner really are, etc. However, this expansion into the other media outlets of the Halo universe is something unique to Halo 4 from other games, and is another way that 343i has proved that they are up for the task of taking on the legacy and continuing its legendary progression.

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BuffaLove

Surviving a Buffalo Break We know some of you loathe breaks because “there is nothing to do in Buffalo.”

Well here at Generation, a few of us decided to take it upon ourselves to defend our hometown and give those of you stuck here for break some ideas on how to occupy your time.

Dinorah Suggests: The Science Museum and Elmwood Now for some fun, The Buffalo Museum of Science is an exciting experience for people of all ages. The admission prices are a steal for what you get out of it. The museum focuses on everything from anthropology to zoology. They also have traveling exhibits; just recently they were featuring Grossology. Afterwards you can head down to Elmwood, a funky strip with all kinds of stores, restaurants, and cafés. You don’t even have to enter the stores because the scenery itself is worthwhile. The stores are all also locally own so you would be supporting your local businesses. To wrap up your night, you could catch dinner at Panos. A locally own Greek Restaurant with decent prices. The environment is both kid-friendly and romantic. The food selection is exquisite and is a must go if you are on Elmwood.

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BuffaLove Laura Suggests: Delaware Park and Spot Coffee One of my favorite things to do in Buffalo over winter break is going to Delaware Park. Personally, I am a huge fan of building snow forts and snowmen in my backyard. But, more than anything though, I really love being in the park setting because you never know who you’re going to encounter while in a modified fox hole fighting a savage and arbitrary snowball war.

Another great thing about Delaware Park during the winter is the people watching.

One of my favorite hobbies is to grab some hot chocolate from Spot Coffee and go on the hunt for hipsters.

Hipster spotting during the winter is especially difficult because their outer garments, hats, weirdly placed fur and odd facial hair, actually make sense. Delaware is perfect because many of the hipster folk still attempt to do something “original” to set them apart from the pack, like making ironic snow angels. Other activities that they enjoy consist of riding fixed gear sleds and trying to find the right white suburban middle class snowflake that best accentuates their uniqueness.

Carlton Suggests: Lasertron, Go See a Movie or Spending Time With Family Last year I found myself, our esteemed Editor in Chief, along with a host of our closest friends embroiled in a very intense game of Lazertron. Needless to say, Team Carlton won because we’re the best in the world at what we do, (and what do we do? Annihilate team Ally obviously.)

Oftentimes I find myself at the movies because I like quick breaks from reality to see explosions. This year I’ve already got Les Miserables, This is 40 and The Hobbit on my sights. You should keep an eye out for those along with Life of Pi, which should be in theatres all month long after the rave reviews it has received.

Something else I suggest people do all over regardless of where they are celebrating winter break is to spend time with loved ones. Even if you’re in Buffalo, chances are as a college student you really aren’t spending enough time with the family between classes, homework, work work and those pesky friendship things. So go ahead and sit down with your family for dinner. Watch Elf with your little brother. Listen to your sister’s worries about how wearing glasses will make her look like a nerd. Just be a good family member.

Ally Suggests: Go to a Sporting Event or Go Back to High School Every winter break I make it a point to get to at least one professional sporting event. There is something about sitting at the First Niagara Center or Ralph Wilson Stadium screaming my head off with thousands of other crazy Buffalo fans that makes me feel like I’m home (granted I never really leave, but there is a distinct difference in school Buffalo and break Buffalo). Without hockey it looks like I’ll be forced to brave the elements at the Ralph, or wait until lacrosse season starts, but either way there is never a dull night at a Buffalo sports game.

Take winter break to visit teachers from high school if you still keep in touch with them. I’ll pick a day over break and just spend it hanging out in my high school Chemistry teacher’s room. Not only do I get to see her, I also get a chance to answer questions about college and help her students make sense of the process. It is one of my favorite days of the year purely because I can give back a little while enjoying ice cream I got to make during lab.

LITERARY

Another Excellent Adaptation Article By: Carlton N. Brock III “Which is the better story?” A question asked by Pi in both the movie and the book is a question that leaves the other people involved in the conversation trying to decide toward the end, without giving too much away. This fall, readers and moviegoers have had to ask that question a lot between remakes like Red Dawn and Dredd, sequels like Skyfall and Taken 2 and book to movie adaptations of Perks of Being a Wallflower and Breaking Dawn. Life of Pi, which falls in the latter category, is the latest cinema experience to pose the question of superiority in storytelling for viewers.

The answer is extremely relative. The works are both absolutely fantastic.

The book, Life of Pi is an uplifting survival memoir following the adventures of Pi, the son of an Indian zoo keeper as he is trapped on a life boat after watching a ship sink while his family is still aboard on its way to Canada.

Making matters more interesting is the fact that Pi is trapped aboard the ship with a group of animals from the zoo itself, a hyena, an orangutan, a zebra, and most notably, a tiger.

The story is excellently written, taking the reader on an imaginative journey from the perspective of Pi, whom is set early on to be an extremely savy and capable main character. Outside the story itself, Pi the character shows his intelligence in everything he does from the way he devised his name to his knowledge of religions and training animals, this knowledge adds heavily to the reader’s

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ability to suspend disbelief despite a clear avenue to mark the story off as ridiculous. Instead the reader is taken on an emotional journey where the reader is tempted to laugh, cry, and free a tiger from the zoo.

Life of Pi the movie works in a similar fashion. Here Pi is introduced to us as a subject of an interview for a novel.

While still largely the same story, the movie does provide some differences. It rushes through the opening sequence to get to the main part of the story, not uncommon for movie adaptations but it makes Pi seem less human until a bit later in the film. Which takes away from the suspension of disbelief in the films early goings. The film also has several extended cuts to Pi as an adult talking to the novelist. These give the viewer more of a view of Pi that wasn’t present in the book.

Where the movie succeeds greatest is the fact that it is a visual marvel from start to finish. There is no scene which isn’t absolutely beautiful to look at from an audience perspective. From the introduction of minor character, Mamaji, to moments where Richard Parker, the tiger, are brought to life there is always something to look at.

Visually speaking, the commercials did this movie no justice as it truly benefitted from the big screen treatment.

In this sense Life of Pi succeeds where the other critically lauded book to movie translations didn’t this year, it made the movie feel necessary. By comparison to another book to film adaptation, Perks of Being a Wallflower, which

was excellent in its own execution, would lose nothing on the small screen where Life of Pi, like Avatar would feel incomplete. Gaging by the sold out, Black Friday, audience’s reactions to several of the films major scenes, the majesty of the film was best experienced as a large screen experience. One does not simply feel the enormity of a whale, or a sinking cargo ship, looking at a computer screen or a dorm room television, so definitely see this one in theatres while you can.

Another interesting thing that the film does is make each character their own, while because of the nature of a novel told in the first person the book doesn’t always do so. This does sacrifice the initial intimacy that the viewer would have had with Pi’s point of view but it is quickly regained in later scenes as the story is presented in the Castaway-like situation for the majority of the film and movie.

So again the question is presented here, which was better.

And again the idea of better is relative. Which do you prefer, the power of your own imagination or the power of visual marvel? Seeing how a character reacts on screen or reading how a character feels on the page? Do you have the time to read a book with impending finals? Do you have the money to see a movie? The comparisons could go on and on but it will always comes down to one’s personal preference. Do yourself a favor though and experience Life of Pi in some fashion.

LITERARY

“Saudade”

By Hanna Bender

I’m so tired. It’s the bloodshot eyes, the dry mouth, the insomnia of lust that bring your memories to the surface. Maybe I’m subconsciously reminiscent of the exhausted nights we spent. Pulling them to my vision evokes such cowardice, these feelings; I am beginning to see the change you’ve become in me: the churning in my stomach, my head in my hands, the fingertips leaving scars on the jawline they used to kiss. My body, wracked with ignorance as the craving for your skin became the habit that finds me now- enervated, on my hands and knees. I find you when I can’t find a way to sleep. I don’t dream of you any longer. The longer it took for you to say goodbye was no sign of your intentions.

The tip of your tongue on my teeth. I find no regret in nights spent with you. I pull from these reminders the weeds that cloud the way it felt in your lap, upside -down, watching ocean waves crash into the night sky. Something so naïve, it hurts. You were not the one under any false pretense. I fooled myself into thinking I could pull words and feelings from you, but somehow leave emotion, leave you without scars, and leave myself unattached. All you can find to give me now is remorse.

What happened to hair-pulling and bite marks? Word after austere word, syllables and consonants hurled like acid rain on trees that never could have grown. Planted in sand and lacking someone to tend to them; I can relate. I’ve been wrong. Been shallow, hypocritical. Been the terrors that haunt you at night. Been lugging these bricks, these...lead memories, pulling the strings of my heart down to this wasted ground. Lost in this dark, murky cloud. I feel like a balloon, let go from the hand of a toddler, so distressed at my loss, but both of us liberated. He, realizing that things will slip out of your grasp at the slightest of movement; and I, so afraid of rising, of letting go of the hands I once knew, now delivered to this thick, hazy atmosphere to float freely, and somehow find the joy in being lost.

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Parting Shots “Have you found Jesus today?”

S

o there I was, minding my own business. I was in a hurry, as usual, and had just barely managed to grab my habitual iced coffee (black, for those who are keeping track) from Timmy Ho’s.

Scrambling to my next class, I was barely out the door of the Union when I saw them, coming towards me in slow-motion.

The religious pamphlet distributers.

I made a fake to the left, hoping I could trick them in to leaving my current path, but it was no use. The man stepped in front of me with that sh*t-eating grin, extended the small folded paper to me, and in a voice as smooth and soothing as nails on a chalkboard, asked me, “Hello ma’am, have you found Jesus today?”

As someone who absolutely abhors random acts of confrontation, I do what I usually do. I smile awkwardly and accept the booklet, shoving it haphazardly into my purse and scurrying away with my eyes averted, now painfully aware of my own

Article By: Keighley Farrell existence and visibility in the crowd around me. I later retrieve the pamphlet and read it once over, wrinkling my nose at the same old, “Redeem your life, there’s always time to start again!” or “Accept Jesus as your savior, or burn in the fiery pits of Hell!”

Here’s why these fliers literally ruin my day.

It has nothing to do with the religion aspect itself. While I am not a person of religious background, I respect and commemorate people who live by the morals many religions have to offer. When used as it should be, religion can be a beautiful tool for selfdiscovery, promoting kindness, humility, and a gracious attitude towards mankind.

But these fliers are some bullsh*t. These small scraps of paper that are distributed to hundreds of students every week hold a common theme: No matter what you’ve ever done, how hard you’ve worked, who you’ve become, until you believe what we believe, all of this will be for nothing; you WILL burn in hell.

I am Generation

T

here is a sign on the second floor of the Student Union that says, “I am diversity. I am UB.” You can go see it yourself. I’m not making this stuff up.

In the past few years different companies, universities, and social causes have been using the phrase “I am [noun]” in advertizing campaigns. It needs to stop.

This is not who I am, and this is not okay.

First of all, I am not diversity. I am white. I am straight. I am male. I do not encapsulate diversity in any way whatsoever.

I am also not UB. I was not born in 1836.

I do not have three campuses. I am not accredited under the Middle States Commission. I do not give people degrees. In fact, I do not resemble a university at all.

So why do I own a t-shirt that says, “I am UB?” Because it was free. That’s why.

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So if I am not diversity, then who is?

Maybe the person that made the sign is diversity, or maybe he knows somebody

I’d like to distribute a rebuttal, a more personalized propaganda, if you will. My credo will read as follows: “YOU ARE DOING GREAT. You are working hard, you are getting better, and you are growing stronger everyday. You are NEVER guaranteed another MINUTE in this life, let alone an afterlife, so why would you ever let these ‘what-ifs’ and ‘maybes’ boss you around? You’re awesome. You are a rad human. You don’t need to worry about this garbage. Have a SPECTACULAR day, keep on keepin’ on.”

So the next time someone hands you a piece of paper on your way to a lecture, reminding you what a “scumbag” you are for not filling out their mailing list and accepting someone as your savior, save yourself instead. Hand them this issue of Generation Magazine. Smile proudly and say to them, to yourself, to the world, “I’m doing just fine.”

Article By: Paul Stephen who is, but I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting Mr. or Mrs. Diversity. Similarly, I have never met someone who is UB. This is an announcement to the PR world that more than one verb exists in the English language, and we shouldn’t confine ourselves to “to be.” It doesn’t make sense to say, “I am diversity.” Maybe a better slogan would be, “I appreciate diversity.” Maybe we should run with “I love diversity.” Then we can swap out the word “love” with a red heart, and print the slogan on t-shirts, because no one has ever used that before in New York.

But even these three-word slogans lack specificity. We’re in college after all!

We should be able to clearly articulate our thoughts. How about this: “I have a genuine interest in promoting and supporting diversity at UB, and while I may or may not belong to a minority group, I find value in all people, regardless of

any individual’s race, color, national origin, sex, religion, age, disability, gender status, pregnancy status, gender identity, sexual orientation, predisposing genetic characteristics, marital status, veteran status, military status, domestic victim status, ex-offender status, or appearance on reality television.”

As for “I am UB”, why on earth are we trying to be UB? Whatever happened to shirts that just say, “University at Buffalo”? Doesn’t that imply that I’m a student here or that I’m interested in this school?

I’m tired of being UB. I just want to go to class here. Now there is one advertizing campaign that I absolutely love. Did you ever notice that “UB” sounds the same as “you be”? Isn’t that crazy? I think it’s so clever that we have posters and t-shirts that say, “How will U B diverse?” or “Don’t U B throwing up on the bus.” I can’t get enough of it. Really.

Woof.