Love bombing:

Is your new romance too good to be true?

Picture this: you’ve just come back from a first date and it went really well - in fact, you’re head over heels. You shared your dreams and goals and even talked about marriage, and you both feel as if you’ve found ‘the one’.

While it might seem like the start of a beautiful romance, the reality is that the above scenario could just be your first experience of love bombing. Gaining popularity as a term in recent years, Christina

Foxwell, Life Coach

They say all you need is love, but what happens when your fledgling romance turns into a nightmare? We talk to Christina Foxwell, leading Australian life coach, about the phenomenon of love bombing, and how you can avoid being taken for a ride in your relationships.

love bombing is defined by an attempt to influence someone with over-the-top displays of affection and attention very early on in the relationship, followed by a sudden and unexpected drop-off of interest that develops into an emotionally-draining cycle.

the lovey-dovey language or even display anger and annoyance towards you which can feel like you’re seeing a whole new personality emerge - the secret here is that you’re likely to be seeing the real person now, so take heed.

The calling cards of a love bomber are particularly insidious as they overlap with genuine displays of interest that happen in all new relationships, so keep an eye out for these red flags:

If you feel as if your relationship might be a love bombing situation, it’s important to nip this in the bud. A love bomber won’t like to be called out for what they are, so try to address this concern in person and be the one to pump the brakes - this way, you throw them off balance and halt the cycle continuing.

Life coach Christina Foxwell shares, “Love bombing is characterised by specifically toxic behaviour that will eventuate in control and codependency. We are seeing more awareness of the term because in recent years, people are recognising the impact of unhealthy relationships and the toll on mental health.”

So, why do people love bomb? Christina explains, “It’s a manipulative tactic to draw in a new partner to be more in control by increasing the dependence on the love bomber. People that love bomb could have a poor understanding of boundaries, but often it suggests narcissistic tendencies.”

By the time you’re ready to start updating your Facebook status and planning the honeymoon, your love bomber is likely to start pulling back and switching up how they engage with you. They may stop texting or calling regularly, suddenly drop

1. Words over actions: Love bombers aren’t looking to commit to someone, they just want the thrill of the chase, so while you’re likely to hear all their big plans for your relationship, a love bomber won’t back it up with action consistently - in other words, if they don’t walk the talk, you might have a love bomber on your hands.

2. All-in from day one: A love bomber may profess their love for you well before you even feel like you’ve got to know them. If your new romance is dropping that four-letter-word within the first weeks or even days of knowing you, they may be trying to lure you into a false sense of security.

3. It’s a rollercoaster: If you’re further into a love bombing scenario, you may have already experienced the drop-off and find yourself confused, anxious or let down. You may try and step up your efforts to re-ignite the “magic” you had in the first weeks, but remember that for a love bomber, this is exactly what they want to see.

Christina suggests setting clear boundaries, guiding us to “Be clear on your romantic expectations. It could sound like “I have many commitments that are important to me right now, this is what I can dedicate to our relationship” or “When you say overly romantic things to me it makes me uncomfortable,” for example”, Christina adds, “If they become angry or unhappy with this line of conversation, you need to consider if this is right for you. Are you being drawn in to be controlled? Will this relationship be healthy in the long term?”

If you feel as if you could be love bombing within your relationships, Christina has these words of advice: “Recognise that your behaviour is not allowing you a healthy relationship. Be open to get support from a coach or therapist, listen to your partner and be open to change.”

When ongoing, love bombing can signal the start of an abusive relationship, so seek support from family, friends and even professionals to end and separate yourself from the situation.