Girlfriends Talk Real People, Real Talk, Real Issues
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Letter To Family and Friends Of Girlfriends Talk From Founder and Editor –In Chief Janice L. Carter
We are half way through the year already. Talk about time flying! I can’t really say that I am where I thought I would be by now but I’m holding on and if you are reading this issue, thank you for hanging in there with me. The children are getting ready for summer vacation and some parents are too. What are your plans to help keep your children busy this summer? Hopefully we have some tips that will give you some idea. I hope you all enjoyed last month’s issue. This month’s is also loaded with a lot of good articles and need to know material. Make sure you check out the great feedback to April’s “A State Of Bliss or Blues” and we hope to hear your feedback, comments and suggestions as well. Last but not least, Father’s Day! If you are fortunate enough to have a male figure in your life make sure you show that extra special appreciation.
Who's Stealing Your Cake? What Cake? "Metaphorically speaking" By Frank Comer The sweet baked mixture of life containing ingredients of joy, happiness and laughter; woven into the many layers of marriage, employment, family, love and spirituality. Having them transferred or stolen during ordinary everyday living, creating a sour loaf that's baked with unhappiness, frustration, pain and deception. What is ever happening in your life be grateful and thankful for what you have and never take anything for granted because life is full of obstacles. Food for Thought?
June 2011
Contributors Chaquilla Barnhill Columbus, Ohio
Racquel Bonner Columbus, Ohio
Blk Abyss Chicago, Illinois
Juneteenth Ohio Festival Franklin Park
June 17-‐19, 2011 6pm
June 19, 2011
June 24,2011 5pm-‐8pm
DW Lounge Grown & Sexy Talent Show 2545 Petzinger Rd.
Flip the Script -‐Rebel Cosi 333 West Broad Street Chris Tucker Live Veterans Memorial
June 24,2011
Happy Father’s Day Father's Are Wonderful People Fathers are wonderful people, too little understood, And we do not sing their praises as often as we should, For Father struggles daily to live up to his image As protector and provider and hero of the scrimmage, And perhaps that is the reason we sometimes get the notion That fathers are not subject to the thing we call emotion. But if you look inside Dad's heart, where no one else can see, You'll find he's sentimental and soft as he can be. Fathers are just wonderful in a million different ways, And they merit loving compliments and accolades of praise, For the only reason Dad aspires to fortune and success Is to make the family proud of him and bring them happiness, And like our heavenly Father, he's a guardian and a guide, Someone we can count on to be always on our side.
Looking for inexpensive things to do with Dad this Father’s Day? 1. Quality Time 2. Park – Go hang out 3. Walks 4. Create a keep sake (like a video) 5. Help with the yard work 6. Fix dinner 7. Wash Car 8. Invite his friends over for a get together 9. Watch a movie 10. Go to a game
Ways To Keep The Children Busy This Summer 1. Yard Work 2. Helping the elderly neighbors with chores 3. Visit the Zoo and Museums 4. Read A Book 5. House work 6. Summer School work 7. Sports 8. Camps 9. Walk Dogs 10. Babysit
Key Signs of Midlife Crisis in Men By: Lisa Bower The signs of a midlife crisis in men are more than buying a fast car and working out. Though these are the signs most commonly touted in films, television and books, there are other signs to look for. A midlife crisis is more than a husband leaving his wife of two decades. A midlife depression can result in as much anxiety and stress for the individual as the people around him. Thus, if you are aware of the key signs of a midlife crisis in men, you can help your man through his. Contrary to popular belief, a midlife crisis is not all fun, games and fast cars. One of the most common things of the condition is a midlife depression. This is a time where people start to realize their mortality. This means that people may become obsessed with death or start to lose hope in humanity. A person in the grips of a midlife crisis may have trouble sleeping or may sleep all of the time. No matter how much they sleep, they will probably still feel tired. A midlife crisis is exactly what it sounds like: a crisis. Men dealing with this are bound to feel alone in the world and as if there is little to no future for them. The media would like folks to believe that a mid-life crisis is a time where libido rises. Instead, the opposite is actually more common: men experience a decrease in sex drive and impotence. This is one of the many reasons they may run away from their responsibilities: they think they cannot satisfy anyone, whether that be their wives or their employers. A drastic change in appearance is also a common sign of a midlife crisis. A man may start working out a lot more, even becoming obsessed with the gym, or he may put on a lot of weight all at once. Men experiencing a midlife crisis will definitely be more self-conscious about their appearance. This is because their skin is drying out, their hair is falling out, and their muscles ache. In NEWBURGH, N.Y. (CBS NewYork) — Newburgh authorities believe Lashandra Armstrong of Orange County killed herself and three of her children by driving her minivan into the Hudson River Tuesday night. Officials say that Armstrong, 25, had all four of her children in the minivan when she drove it into the murky depths of the Hudson River. However, one child — 10-year-old Lashaun Armstrong — managed to escape by slipping out of the van before it sank below the waves.
Police announced Wednesday the apparent murder-suicide took place after Armstrong was involved in a domestic dispute. Armstrong had apparently found out that her husband had been cheating on her and was distraught. short, a midlife crisis means that men are feeling their age and freaking out about it.
Happy Father’s Day Mr. John Allen Davis
A great father story I have for you would have to be my father John Allen Davis. He just turned 50 years old this past Monday. Although he is none of me or my other three sisters biological father, whenever we introduce him we say he is our dad. He has been with us for as long as I can remember and would do anything for us. We come from a family of mostly all girls until recently. Together him and my mother have 7 girls and we have all grown to have our own children, which now there are 6 grandchildren and one on the way, which I am not sure what I am having yet but out of the grand children so far there are 5 girls and 1 boy. My dad is definitely the man in all of our lives. He does it all for us and I just wanted to try and do something nice for him to show him that his girls love him and we appreciate him and everything he has done for us!
Thank you for that heart felt message Ms. Antionette MsPretty Collins
Treat Em’ Right!
By Janice Carter
I sit here thinking how difficult some people make it to love one another. Especially our black men. You can call them "fix 'em uppers"," no good" or "can't get right". I don't look at them as such. Some people take this as me making excuses for men and their behavior. That's not true at all! I feel like we all need to be loved, we all need to be nurtured, we all need someone... Someone we can trust. A lot of us are not blessed to have had anyone like this in our lives. Rather it be family or friends, lack of any of the things I mentioned above, can pretty much determine your feelings towards any or all human beings. I'm not saying accept any abuse, verbal or physical but I am saying accept that no one's perfect and just maybe a situation is much deeper than you. For a woman the pain comes from trying to change a person verses trying to understand a person. We as women become overwhelmed in our emotions and believe deeply in our hearts that we are a target to be torn down and destroyed, when the reality is we don't want to ever let go of a situation or a person for the sake of losing... losing a relationship, losing the one we love or the fear of losing him to someone else. Women if loving unconditionally isn't easy for you, then maybe trying to be in a relationship with a man isn't something you should be considering. Although some men need longer than women to figure out just what they want and need it takes much longer to figure out what's important and what's not. We as women can see all the potential in the world in a man but nothing will ever transpire until they have made up their own mind. That angers us, make us want to fuss and fight not realizing that we are making a bad situation worst. We use everything from our past pain to our children against these men. We label them everything from cheaters to deadbeat dads, bringing them down even more. In some cases there will be truth to this but in most, we as women fuel this fire. For the record women, a deadbeat father is a man who won't acknowledge a child\children. Some women want to brand a man “deadbeat” because he is not financially able to provide a child everything that the child's mother thinks the child should have or the woman is angry because of the outcome of the relationship. Women need to realize a father is so much more than that, allow that man to have memories of seeing their children grow up. You as a woman will regret it when they grow older and realize the truth. Time is of the essence, something you can't get back so why waste it on foolishness. We as women are told, "make sure you get a man that can take care of you"! Nine times out of ten this man will be too busy trying to make that money it takes to keep you and who ever else his heart desire. We are so busy looking for the jackpot until we over look the man who will take out your trash, mow our lawns, fix up around the house, take the time out to ask, “How was our day “ and wait for the answer. A lawyer once told me, some of these men came through life without a father or any type of positive male figure in their lives. Some of these men weren't taught and have the slightest clue on how to be a fathers or husbands possibly because of the absence of this type of man in their lives. Bottom line is except a person for who they are and do not go into a situation thinking you have the power to change them. We all have some self -‐maintenance that will come after mistakes, after growth and after maturity.
June 19th, the 3rd Sunday of the month is the day recognized as Father’s Day. A day when we celebrate the men who have made a positive impact on family and community. Unfortunately in my research for this article I could not find a universal song that reflects the passion and love for this day…. Oh yea... I remembered one of my favorite urban daddy songs “Just Like Daddy” by Tupac!.. lol. There are many famous fathers that we can celebrate on this day. From our 1st black President Barrack Obama to Bill Cosby our rich history of famous fathers is well represented. The list is a who’s who of political leaders, activist, poets, movie stars, and many other fields where successful black men have spread their drive and determination to the next generation. I have had the pleasure of knowing a few not so famous fathers as far as glitz and glamour and society are concerned. These are fathers who make a way for their families. These are the fathers who provide for and support not only their children but their community as well. These fathers are the unsung heroes in my opinion. These fathers live by their own unwritten code of moral uprightness and strength. These fathers sacrifice their wants and desirers to ensure that they are giving their very best at not only being a good father but a real man. Judge Hatchett always refers to her father on her show to inspire and break the stereotyped thinking of what a father does. She constantly gives examples of how her father, a lawyer, worked outside of his chosen profession day and night to provide for his family. Work is not just the 9 to 5 that pays at the end of the week for a father. Work is being a beacon in your community and in your home. In these days and times being a good father is harder than ever. Judge Mathis is another who routinely reinforces the need for fathers, real men, in all of our lives. In my own life I have a father. A father from whom I learned how to be a hard worker. A father from whom I learned that failure is not an option. My father taught me that a man continues to get back up no matter how many times he is knocked down. My father worked his entire life 1st for someone else and then for himself. From humble beginnings in the projects on the South side of Chicago, to running his own electrical contracting business I watched my father transform himself into a success. After my father received a full academic scholarship to Hales Franciscan High School, a former
prestigious all male catholic school, he continued on his journey to Purdue University. Along with many other black men of his generation my father started at the bottom of the workforce. Not allowing himself to be satisfied with the status quo, my father held down two fulltime jobs and attended Local 134 training during the day. Graduating at the top of his class my father took his new career to heights himself could only imagine. When he “made it” he didn’t turn his back he encouraged his troubled younger brother to join him and turn his and his families life around. With these down economic times my father’s company and position have helped take care of not only himself but many of his friends and colleagues by providing jobs in a very desperate time. My father may not have been perfect but he is now a shining example of what hard work and determination can actually get you in this world if you give yourself a chance. In a perfect world I would end this article on a high note. But this is not a perfect world. FAR FROM IT. Just like I went hard on the state of women last month, I would be doing myself and any readers an injustice if I did not do the same to men. What does it mean to be a father or a real man for that matter today? We can start by examining the state of ourselves first. I personally am not a father. That is to say I was a father until I had a Maury Povich moment with a woman who lied to me for over 10yrs about my supposed son. I never abandoned him nor did I mistreat him because of his mother. I tried to do everything she wanted and begged her to allow him to live with me to ease her burden and allow the 3 of us to grow and be the best we all could be. My son was on a downward spiral of bad behavior that as father I felt it was my life’s duty to correct. When his mother agreed repeatedly to allow him to move with me into his own room and out of the room he shared with her I thought my dreams had come true. I felt like the barrier that she had placed between me and my son would be knocked down. The last time she tricked me into believing he was finally coming to live with me, not in another state but 20 minutes from her, it was the last straw! Child support had been on my back because instead of spending the money I put in her hand on my son she chose to buy clothes and other shit. She begged me to give her money instead of sending it to the court and she would then inform them of my payments to her to balance the debt she was putting me in. needless to say none of this happened. After reaching my breaking point I was given an opportunity to prove that no sane woman would behave like this if he was truly my son. It was the darkest day in my life when a home DNA test confirmed what I should’ve known all along. It felt like my soul had been torn apart. My embarrassment continued when I had to go to court and threaten her in front of the adjudicator to file an action against her. Again I had to pay for another DNA test. When she began a big fight at the courthouse in line waiting to be have DNA done even the police could see that she did not want to be there. The adjudicator who presided over my case looked at her in complete shock after she had so proudly spoke ill of me months earlier by asking her in a voice where someone knows you have lied to them “ mam you do know he is not the father?” Her only response was can he file another case against me for the child support he paid me? Even the states attorney urged her after sitting in the same room with us and other fathers and mothers and hearing the results he urged her to keep taking child support from me. By law I had no rights! At no time did she bring up my son. Her last remark to me was she hoped I was happy now! Because of this I vowed to never have a child unless I could be sure that child would have a family. As I grow older I sometimes regret finding out the truth. I wanted to grow with my son and teach him things and be there for every moment of his life. Now I face the reality that I won’t be the young man with his children that may have to rear them, but an old man who like many can’t handle am missing his birthdays. I have never openly discussed this because it not only brings me pain but also to my family who can see who this still affects me to this day.
Today the role of being a father is in a state of emergency. Because of my situation I am in awe of the lack of good fathers. Being a father is a gift from GOD! Nowadays we see fathers as ATM machines and sperm donors. So many are more concerned with chasing chickens around the hen house or the club than being there for their children. I am not referring to all fathers. I know a few as I stated with multiple baby mamas but actually take care of all of their children. The fathers I am referring to are the assholes that turn their children into pawns to increase their manhood. Fake pimps and studio gangstas are the representatives of fatherhood now. The lack of good fathers and real men has basically turned this world upside down. Women are lost and children are running around wild as hell because men are disappearing at an alarming rate. Jails are packed with the guilty and the innocent that have been taken away from the black society. The media and culture are teaching women and men that it is okay for black families to exists without a father. Given our situation in our communities this is the most dangerous type of thinking. Men today are afraid to stand up and be men. We as men have allowed our spirit our strength and our ability to be “the foundation” to be taken away. It has been replaced with child like wants and needs and a laziness that generations before us put aside to help us achieve greatness. So many men today are being programmed to accept that they are expendable because of a woman with no regard for the children they bring in this world. Government funded welfare agencies drive this notion home by giving fathers no rights except to pay. Fathers have no rights! And our relaxed attitude allows all of this to happen. Women strut in the streets succumbing to every vile man they can find in search of the father who was not there. Boys turn to the streetlife to gain the manhood and respect that was never taught to them by their absent father. All of this is a vicious cycle that can be stopped if “REAL MEN AND FATHERS” stand the fuck up! Even though my father is an inspiration now he was an absentee sperm donor for most of my life. This lets me know that change can be achieved and the black society can be saved! R.I.P. GIL-‐SCOTT HERON and GERONIMO PRATT! IT’S NEVER TOO LATE! WAKE THE FUCK UP! HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
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Did You Know? Ernest Davis (First Black Heisman Trophy winner) Born on December 14, 1939, in New Salem, PA; died on May 18, 1963, in Cleveland, OH; son of Marie Davis Fleming Education: Syracuse University, BA, economics, 1962. Career-Professional football player, 1962-63 (died before playing in first game). Life's Work- Ernest R. Davis, commonly known as Ernie, was one of the best running backs ever to play college football. He followed the legendary Jim Brown to Syracuse University, where he led the Orangemen to a national championship in 1959, and in 1961 he became the first African American to be awarded the Heisman Trophy, given to the college game's best player. On the precipice of a promising career with the Cleveland Browns of the National Football League (NFL), Davis was struck with leukemia. He never played in a single NFL game and died on May 18, 1963, at the age of 23. He is remembered as a superior athlete and a young man who lived and died with dignity, grace, and compassion. The Young Athlete- Davis was born on December 14, 1939, in New Salem, Pennsylvania, to Marie Davis. His parents were separated, and his father was killed in an auto accident before Davis was born. Young and needing a job, Davis's mother sent him to live with his maternal grandparents in Uniontown, Pennsylvania, when he was fourteen months old. Willie, a coalminer, and Elizabeth Davis already had twelve children but welcomed their young grandson into their home. Davis spent his early years playing sports with his older uncles. When he was eleven years old, Davis's mother remarried and summoned her only child to Elmira, New York, to live with her. For Davis, who was quiet and shy, the transition was tough, but his athletic abilities, already apparent at a young age, helped earn him the respect of the kids at the local community center. Also, even in his youth, others noticed the special quality of Davis's character that radiated sincerity, enthusiasm, and friendliness. He played tackle on Small Fry football for the Superior Buick team. Although he was big for his age, he never delivered punishing blows and often would simply pick the smaller kids up and wait for the whistle to blow rather than slam them to the ground. As a freshman at Elmira Free Academy, Ernie joined the junior varsity football team, but broke his wrist in the first game and was out for the rest of the season. However, it did not stop him from playing basketball. Having made the varsity team, Davis, with his wrist still in a splint, came off the bench in his first game to score 22 points. He also played first base and pitched for the baseball team. Although baseball was the weakest of his three sports, several professional scouts kept an eye on him. In 1955, during his sophomore year, Davis played defensive end on the football team, and they went undefeated on the season and won the conference championship. The following year his coach moved him to halfback, and the Blue Devils won another league title. In 1957, Davis's senior year, they suffered some losses due to a bout of the Asian flu that weakened the team, but Davis earned all-conference for the third consecutive year. In the thirteen games he played in the halfback position, he carried the ball 179 times for 1,314 yards, averaging 7.4 yards per carry, and he scored a school-record 138 career points on 21 touchdowns and 12 place kicks. Davis also continued to excel on the basketball court. He led his team to 52 straight wins during his junior and senior years, averaged 18.4 points per game, and set a conference record of 1,065 points. He could jump, rebound, and shoot. If the game was close, his point total would go up; if the Blue Devils had a padded lead, Davis would back off and his point total would fall. It was simply his style to never try to play to the crowds or embarrass an opponent. A career in professional basketball was well within Davis's reach, but, in the end, football was his first love.
College Career- More than thirty colleges and universities, including football superpowers the University of Michigan and Notre Dame, actively sought to add Davis to their football programs. He was also heavily recruited by Syracuse University, another football powerhouse, who sent Jim Brown, their All-American running back and one of the team's first African Americans players, to convince Davis. Based on Brown's influence, his own coach's friendship with Syracuse coach Ben Schwartzwalder, and its close proximity to his home (90 miles), Davis chose Syracuse.Davis's freshman team in 1958 went undefeated. At 6-foot, 2-inches and 210 pounds, he was a fast, strong, and smart player. He was a skilled running back, compiling 100-plus yards in eleven games during his college career. He could also return kicks, block, catch passes, and even kick the team's extra points. In the days when players freely switched between offense and defense, he also was an effective defensive back. Not only did Davis impress those around him with his athletic skills, he also earned their respect for his kind and generous nature. "Ernie was just like a puppy dog, friendly and warm and kind," Schwartzwalder told Sports Illustrated. "He had that spontaneous goodness about him. He radiated enthusiasm. His enthusiasm rubbed off on the kids. Oh, he'd knock you down, but then he'd run back and pick you up. We never had a kid so thoughtful and polite."In 1959 Davis, now a sophomore, rushed for 686 yards and led the Syracuse Orangemen to an 11-0 record. Davis individually outscored Syracuse's opponents 80-73. On January 1, 1960, the Orangemen faced second-ranked University of Texas in the Cotton Bowl for the national title. While practicing place kicks prior to the game, Davis strained his hamstring and played the game hurt, but it did little to slow him down. On the third play from scrimmage, the Orangemen ran a halfback pitch in which Gerhard Schwedes took the handoff and then flung the ball down the field to Davis who caught the pass and ran for an 87-yard touchdown, setting a Cotton Bowl record. Davis later caught a 4-yard touchdown pass, scored a 2-point conversion, and intercepted a pass while playing defensive back.Tensions flared during the game when Syracuse players accused the University of Texas players of directing racial slurs at one of their black players, and a bench-clearing brawl broke out just before the end of the first half. Although Texas managed to get on the board in the second half, Syracuse won the game 23-14. Davis was named player of the game, but when he was informed that he would have to leave the banquet after receiving his award and that he and his two black teammates would not be attend to the dinner, the entire Syracuse team boycotted the event. During his junior year Davis rushed for 877 yards and was named an All-American. Although his senior year of 1961 was not his best all-round performance, Davis was once again named an All-American. He also had a stellar performance in Syracuse's 15-14 win over the University of Miami (Florida) in the Liberty Bowl, with 140 total yards and a touchdown, and was named the game's most valuable player. Over his college career, Davis broke numerous records previously set by Brown, including 2,386 yards rushing, 6.6 yards per carry, 35 touchdowns, and 220 points. At the end of the season he edged out Ohio State halfback Bob Ferguson by 53 votes to become the first African-American player to be awarded the Heisman Trophy, college football's highest honor. NFL Career Cut Short- After graduating from Syracuse with a bachelor's degree in economics in 1962, Davis prepared to enter the NFL. The Buffalo Bills of the fledging American Football League reportedly offered Davis a three-year contract, but Davis wanted to play in the NFL so he turned down the offer.
The Washington Redskins took Davis as the overall number-one pick and then traded him to the Cleveland Browns for the Browns' running back Bobby Mitchell and their number-one pick. Cleveland gave Davis a three-year contract worth $200,000 (initially reported at $80,000). Jim Brown was already a member of the Cleveland organization, and Browns' owner Art Modell was looking forward to having the most explosive backfield in the history of the NFL. Looking back, those who knew Davis first remember seeing a change in him at the Coaches All-Star Game on June 29, 1962. He looked tired and sluggish. Davis blamed it on the scorching heat out on the field, but after the game he continued to complain of fatigue and mentioned to a friend that his gums were bleeding. In late July Davis flew out to Chicago to begin practice for the College All-Stars match-up with the Chicago Bears, and others began to notice his lackluster behavior on the field. On July 28, 1962, Davis felt swelling in his neck and was admitted to Evanston Hospital. It was suspected that he had the mumps or mononucleosis, but the tests brought back much more dire results: Davis had acute monocytic leukemia. The doctors did not disclose Davis's condition to him but rather called Modell and broke the news to the team's owner. Modell immediately traveled to Evanston, where he conferred with doctors and checked Davis out of the hospital. Told he had some type of blood disorder, Davis flew back to Cleveland and was admitted to Marymount Hospital, where Modell insisted the lab work be redone. The results were clear: Davis had less than a year to live. After undergoing a round of chemotherapy and spending almost two months in and out of hospitals, Davis's leukemia went into remission, and on October 4, 1962, Davis's doctor, with Modell present, finally explained the extent of his illness to him. Although Modell's doctor told Davis he could continue to play football as long as the disease was in remission, the Browns' head coach Paul Brown refused to allow Davis to suit up on the advice of his own team doctor. It became a point of contention between Modell and Brown, but Davis never complained. He remained hopeful that he could beat the disease and refused any pity offered by others. While the disease was in remission, Davis reported that he felt fine. He even participated in some exhibition basketball games with some Browns' players. He remained hopeful that he could beat the disease and refused any pity offered by others. While the disease was in remission, Davis reported that he felt fine. He even participated in some exhibition basketball games with some Browns' players. While the disease was in remission, Davis reported that he felt fine. He even participated in some exhibition basketball games with some Browns' players. According to ESPN Classic's Bob Carter, Davis wrote an article for the Saturday Evening Post in March of 1963, in which he said, "Some people say that I am unlucky. I don't believe it. And I don't want to sound as if I am particularly brave or unusual. Sometimes I still get down, and sometimes I feel sorry for myself. Nobody is just one thing all the time. But when I look back I can't call myself unlucky. My 23rd birthday was December 14. In these years I have had more than most people get in a lifetime." Died at Age 23 Shortly after the article appeared, the leukemia reoccurred, and Davis once again became a regular at the hospital. The Browns paid his salary and all his medical bills. "He used to come in to my office," recalled Modell, according to Newline, "and apologize for taking the money. He knew he was dying but he never lost his poise. Knowing him taught me a lot about life. You could not know him without suffering for him which was exactly what he didn't want you to do."On Thursday, May 16, 1963, Davis wrote Coach Brown a note that said, "Going to the hospital for a few days. Don't tell anybody. See you around." He then went to Modell's office to say that he was once again entering the hospital. Although at the time Modell wondered why Davis had not simply called, later he understood that Davis was coming to say goodbye. Davis then checked into the hospital for the last time. On Friday night he fell into a coma. At 2 a.m. on Saturday, May 18, 1963, he coughed once and died. Thousands turned out to mourn his passing. Nearly thirty Browns players and staff flew in to Elmira for the funeral service. President John F. Kennedy sent a telegram, and more than 10,000 people filed past his coffin in one day. The Browns retired Davis's number 45, even though he had never played an NFL game. He was elected into the College Football Hall of Fame in 1979. According to ESPN.com, Jim Brown said of his friend: "The way he carried himself, the way he did not drown in his own tears, the way that he did not hang on his sickness, the way that he functioned as a human being under all of those conditions was tremendous courage."
Why We Need To Take Black Women’s Signs Of Depression More Seriously
Depression. It seems like every Monday morning I get a new bout of it, with recurring symptoms. Every morning my alarm goes off until Friday afternoon at about 6pm when suddenly, I’m good as new, until Monday morning comes round again that is, and I’m back feeling the blues for another week. Everyone gets down occasionally, sometimes you have a good reason, other times you’re down for reasons unbeknownst even to yourself, but you’re still down. And then we all moan and bitch about being depressed until we snap out of our mood and carry on life as normal. Because everyone, at some time, feels like this, people brush off when someone is actually suffering from depression like it’s no big deal. People tell them to snap out of it, toughen up, get up out of bed and move on. The fact that depression is a real psychological illness which needs actual care seems to elude a lot of people, because “depression” is just something that everyone feels on occasion. If you let it get the better of you, then it’s a sign of emotional weakness, not a disease. But the facts are that depression is a serious disease. In fact, “depression is one of the most common health conditions in the world,” which, if left untreated, can seriously alter the sufferer’s quality of life. Depression has even been found to be more damaging to your long-term health and well-being than chronic illnesses such as arthritis and diabetes. Therefore, our preconceived stereotypes of what is a “depression sufferer” need to be reassessed – and pronto. Lasonda Wilkins-Hines, a licensed social worker specializing in depression, rationalizes that this stereotypical attitude of depression is seen with African-American’s especially because; “We come from a culture where we need to be strong as African-American women and it’s been passed down for generations that you suck it up or you talk to the pastor.” Psychologist Dr. Yolanda Brooks agrees, stating; “Black women tend to present themselves to society as strong, resilient human beings… you can trace this dynamic back to slavery, when a woman had to pretend she was okay when she was actually suffering inside.” This social stigma is particularly relevant to African-Americans – of the nearly 20 million Americans who suffer from depression each year, African-American women are affected more than any other group! In 2009, the National Alliance on Mental Illness reported that only 12% of African-American women receive treatment for their depression, which, sadly, but perhaps tellingly, is the number one cause of suicides in this country. Reading the case this week of the mother, LaShanda Armstrong, who drove off a pier, killing herself along with three of her four children, it struck me how isolating depression can be. The psychologist’s and police officers who spoke of the tragedy claimed that none of the woman’s family or friends noticed any depressive symptoms, and she hadn’t said anything to them, but clearly there was something going on, as she could think of no other avenue out, but suicide. Relatives and friends of the woman have said she was a “good mom…. she just needed a helping hand,” but (at least from what has so far been reported), no one thought to seek professional help for her. Maybe because, they didn’t know what symptoms to look for. Dr. James Bolton, a Consultant Psychiatrist lists some common symptoms of depression to look out for in your loved ones, and urges people to seek help, for, “it can be helpful for people to talk about their problems and offload. It isn’t always easy to do but there’s a lot to be said for the ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ proverb.” 1. Physical changes Dr. Bolton believes that sudden shifts in sleep patterns are a strong physical symptom of depression. “Finding it difficult to get off to sleep or waking up during the night, or too early in the morning are all potential physical signs,” he says. Also take notice of other physical changes; most notably, when someone starts losing their appetite and losing weight, libido and an interest in sex.
2. Mood Swings In terms of personality change some people might be angrier than others and some might be more risk taking. However, as even a bad day at work, or a lot of traffic on the drive home can alter your mood, Dr. Bolton notes that mood changes may be only depressive symptoms when these changes are new. He says, “in terms of our personality we will all have a fuse of a certain length. So we will all get irritable under certain circumstances. But when someone is suffering from depression they find that their fuse is much shorter. They’ll fly off the handle at people quite close to them that they normally wouldn’t get angry with. Also things that they can normally tolerate and cope with will make them lose control.” 3. Fracturing relationships Dr. Bolton notes that people with depression find it difficult to recognize what is happening to themselves and thus, become difficult to live with, especially if their partner is trying to help them, for they don’t recognize the problem. They begin to put in less time with their friends and family, and become increasingly moody. If anyone you know looks like they are suffering from depressive symptoms, help them out. Don’t wait for another tragedy like LaShanda Armstrong and her children to occur before we acknowledge that depression is a serious illness. NEWBURGH, N.Y. (CBSNewYork) — Newburgh authorities believe Lashandra Armstrong of Orange County killed herself and three of her children by driving her minivan into the Hudson River Tuesday night. Officials say that Armstrong, 25, had all four of her children in the minivan when she drove it into the murky depths of the Hudson River. However, one child — 10-year-old Lashaun Armstrong — managed to escape by slipping out of the van before it sank below the waves. Police announced Wednesday the apparent murder-suicide took place after Armstrong was involved in a domestic dispute. Armstrong had apparently found out that her husband had been cheating on her and was distraught.
Usher & Akon heats Up Columbus, Ohio May 18, 2011 at the Schottenstein center
Make it Last Forever… By: Frank Comer
As A Brother who desires to be married one day, I can really appreciate the contents in the article “ A State Of Bliss or Blues”. It was very informative and it helped me to understand some things and realize some others. I also believed that there is meaning in the sacredness of marriage. Having read the article several times, it is obvious to me that what is missing from today’s marriages and relationships is the perfect balance between trust and commitment and complete restriction from the human experiences of temptation. The values and sacredness that made both the relationship and marriage so rewarding and fulfilling was the commitment that symbolized something internally special and became the foundation for longevity. Unfortunately, now we live in a time where the process of evolution has changed the meaning of what it is to be in a monogamous relationship and the meaning of the vows and the sacredness contained in each word. The concept of being married, or having the desire to be married, may still be original, but everything else such as: Love, Honor, Obedience, In Sickness and In Health, For Rich or For Poor and Till Death Do Us Part has taken on a whole other approach that is less than methodical. In the combining of two souls under the eyes of God, you must be sincere in every aspect. A sense of disregard and unconventionalism has replaced tradition and conventionalism. I agree that there’s a long list of things that prevent or impede the journey of man and woman into the cherishables of love. Through my own observation, I’ve seen a purposeful intent in wanting to change even the minute details of a person so that he or she conforms to a certain mode or criteria creating a puppet of a person that will erode any possibility at long-‐ term happiness; where those involved have been unknowingly a victim of deception, betrayal, and mistrust. Those persons who are perpetrating this fraud are in fact, masquerading with their motives as true and unconditional love. When exploring true love & happiness a couple must feel marriage in their hearts which then becomes conducive to their actions. They must be committed emotionally and psychologically, because both has chosen the other to be a life long partner in mutual dependency and this is a commitment that both are willing to take, because they believe in its conventional and traditional concepts. Marriage and/or a relationship are full of highs and lows and both, if it applied correctly, will endure the test of time. While the work in the bedroom can be mind-‐blowing and increase the world’s population, when that becomes just a sizzle, then what is next? Today, some people who are in marriages or relationships must be able to collectively maximize their full potential in cases where they are void in tradition. On days where you just want to quit, you have to be strong and remember that marriage is holy and worthy of respect and requires attention 24/7. Every woman, every man, wants a strong significant other that is confident, independent, and very secure within their own individuality, but are willing to share a part of their innermost self, based on mutual respect and understanding. Consider this: When you have chosen to be united in holy matrimony, remember that vows and their sacredness are indeed sacred, so make the marriage or relationship last forever, or as long as you both shall live…
Thank you Carol King for representing Girlfriends Talk at this year’s Race For The Cure Rest In Peace
Charlotte Elaine Cunningham October 16, 1972-‐ May 3, 2011
5 Obstacles to Fitness Success
You want to be fit. You know how much you should weigh. You know your ideal pant size. You can even picture how great those skinny jeans will look. So why aren't you living life in your ideal body? There are many complex reasons that make weight loss a challenge, reasons that go deeper than simply calories-in versus calories-out. I'm talking about the life issues that get in the way of your success. Read the following 5 obstacles and the solutions to unlock your best body ever. 1. You don't want to be bothered. It's in your DNA to avoid pain and seek out pleasure. Unfortunately this works against you when trying to get fit. In your mind, it's painful (or at least uncomfortable) to deny yourself the tasty food that you crave and to exert yourself with exercise. There's a simple way to work around this obstacle: Find something painful about being fat to motivate yourself towards healthy eating and exercise. Focus on the negative impact your current weight has on your health, self-esteem and lifestyle. Convince yourself that the pain of being out of shape is much greater than the discomfort of losing weight. 2. You don't want to wait for the good stuff. Just as you wish to avoid pain, you are also an expert in seeking out pleasure - namely food. This served the cavemen well, but these days it ends up as extra pounds around your waist and thighs. There's good news: extra calories are not your only option to stimulate the pleasure center of your brain. Find an activity or two that make you smile and indulge in those regularly. A walk outside A good book A night out to the movies or theater A spa day You can also retrain your brain to crave the pleasure of exercise-induced endorphins. Talk about weight gain kryptonite! 3. You are crazy busy. Let's face it, you work too much, commit yourself to too much and don't even get enough sleep most of the time. The fast-paced way you live leaves you exhausted, stressed and hungry for comfort food. You even begin to feel too busy to take care of your health. It's time to reprioritize. Let go of your perfectionist standards and remove a few commitments from your schedule so that you are able to cook healthy meals, exercise and get a good night's sleep. Remind yourself that taking care of your health is not a luxury - it's a necessity. 4. You don't deserve it. I don't agree with it, but you sure act like you don't deserve to live the good life in the body of your dreams. Take a moment to think back on all the times you have self-sabotaged your weight loss efforts. If you don't believe deep down that you are worthy then you'll never give yourself a chance at a fit body. I believe that you deserve to have a healthy body - and I urge you to dig deep down to uncover why you don't. Once you conquer your feelings of unworthiness, getting on an exercise and healthy eating plan will be easy. Take the time to take care of yourself. You DO deserve it. 5. You are afraid.
5 Obstacles to Fitness Success
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You're afraid to start because you just might fail, and wouldn't that be embarrassing? You're also afraid to start because you just might succeed, and change makes you uncomfortable – even if it's change in the right direction. When you decide to get fit you will need to go through a bushel of changes. New diet New exercise routine New friends at the gym New clothes New self-image Focus on all of the ways that losing weight will make your life better. Envision that better life everyday so that it goes from being new and scary to familiar and comfortable. I want to personally help overcome every obstacle standing between you and your ideal body. Call or email today to get started on a program that will change your life and body forever...in a good way :) Lose it in 24 Days! In 24 MINUTES you will FEEL the difference! In 24 HOURS you will KNOW the difference! In 24 DAYS you will SEE the difference! The 24-Day Challenge is a SYSTEM that is producing up to 10 inches and 10 lbs LOST on average in 24 DAYS. Energize your mind and body, feed your muscles and starve your fat as you lose inches, improve health and melt away body fat in a way that will fit into your busy life and be realistic for any hectic schedule. This jumpstart program will teach your body to continue losing body fat and increasing lean muscle. 100% OF CHALLENGE COST GOES TOWARDS YOUR NUTRITION! COACHING IS FREE! Join us on this win to lose journey!
24 Day Challenge! www.Advocare.com/10086059 Your friend, Regret
Have you ever felt regret the day after you passed on dessert? Of course not! You gave yourself a high-five for dodging the calorie bullet. When temptation presents itself in the form of fattening foods or sugary desserts, decide how you want to feel the next day. Would you rather be guilt-ridden and bloated OR guilt-free and svelte? T he choice is yours. Healthy Chocolate Shake
What is better than a creamy chocolate shake? A creamy chocolate shake without the guilt! You won't miss the fat and refined sugar as you slurp up this tasty treat. Servings: 2 Here's what you need: • 2 bananas, frozen • 1/2 cup nonfat milk • 2 scoops chocolate whey protein • 2 Tablespoons raw almond butter • dash of ground cinnamon • 2 cups ice • Throw everything into a high speed blender. Blend until smooth and creamy. Nutritional Analysis: One serving equals: 292 calories, 7g fat, 33g carbohydrate, 7g fiber, and 25g protein. Spread the word. Use the "refer a friend" link below to forward this newsletter to your friends, family, and coworkers.
Melody Moments
Black Music Month June st
As of May 31 , 2002, President Bush has proclaimed the month of June to be Black Music Month. Recognition of this critical part of American heritage will be highlighted all month long with various events urging citizens to revel in the many forms of music from gospel to hip-hop. African-American musicians, singers, and composers have contributed an immense amount to our nation's history. It should be acknowledged and celebrated. Below are some links to get you started in the exploration of this vast area of musical talents. We've also added a timeline of links that explores important people through biographies and music samples. Take part in this celebration and learn something new!
10 Of My Favorite CD’s
1. Usher – Confession 2. R. Kelly-‐ Chocolate Factory 3. R. Kelly – Double R 4. Michael Jackson – Thriller 5. Big Poppa-‐Life After Death 6. Jay Z-‐ Reasonable Doubt 7. Jay Z-‐ In My Life Time 8. Dr. Dre – The Chronic 9. Nas-‐ It Was Written 10. Tupac – Strictly For My Niggaz
Girlfriends Talk Magazine It’s about Sense and Science, or Rational Astro!
Fathers Aries-‐ Each new baby will find him behaving like the devoted, proud papa of your dreams. Later, he may be a little bossy with the children, and try to dictate their careers. Taurus-‐Taurus men make loving, affectionate, warm and sympathetic fathers. He’ll set high standards for the children and expect them to respect property and possessions. Gemini-‐With the youngsters, he’ll be a buddy, but not a disciplinarian, and he’ll teach them a lot before they even get to kindergarten. They’ll love to confide in him, because he is seldom shocked or harsh. Cancer-‐He’ll be a fine parent, because of the same caring, gentle, sympathetic, and understanding nature he exhibits. He’ll have infinite patience with the children, and spend countless hours entertaining them. Leo-‐They make warm, wonderful father, perhaps somewhat too permissive between stern talks about proper behavior. The offspring might chafe under his demands and be bored with his long lectures Virgo-‐A Virgo father will place great emphasis on intellect and train his children rigidly in matters of ethics, courtesy and good citizenship. Their children usually grow up with both love and respect for books and learning. Libra-‐ The children of a Libra will always benefit from his strong sense of fairness. Libran fathers will exercise discipline with quiet authority, and they’ll try to give a logical reason for punishment. Scorpio-‐From no other father can children learn so much truth about the way life really is. Often his offspring will find him gentle and funny; still there won’t be any question about who is boss. Sagittarius-‐Although he’ll enjoy the kids more when they a re older Sagittarius fathers usually love to take the youngsters on outdoor excursions. He may be closer to the boys who share their sports or activities, but he’ll be tender with the girls. Capricorn-‐As a father, he’ll be a Father—the literal personification of the word. He’ll always be at the head of the table, and that goes for picnics, too. He’ll demand respect and obedience, and he’ll insist on routine and discipline. But he’ll repay them with his honesty devotion, and self sacrifice. They do not spare the rod. Aquarius-‐The children will find him the greatest listener on the block. He’s a whiz at complicated arithmetic questions and he’s an expert at storyteller. Pisces-‐Chances are he’ll take them boating, swimming, and fishing. He may sprinkle them with a little way-‐ out philosophy and keep their minds active. They’ll probably adore him.
Thank You Jim Tressel !
James Patrick Tressel (born December 5, 1952) is a former college head football coach. He was the head football coach at Ohio State University from 2001 to 2010 and at Youngstown State University from 1986 to 2000. Tressel is most notable for his tenure at Ohio State. He was hired by the Buckeyes before the 2001 season to replace John Cooper. During his tenure as Ohio State's 22nd head football coach, Tressel's teams played in three BCS National Championship Games. His 2002 squad won a national title and achieved the first 14–0 season record in major college football since Penn went 15–0 in 1897.[1] Tressel finished his Buckeye career with an overall record of 106–22 at Ohio State, including seven Big Ten Conference championships, a 6–4 bowl record, a 5–3 mark in BCS bowl games, and an 9–1 record against the arch-rival Michigan Wolverines. Tressel's nine wins against Michigan place him second in school history to Woody Hayes, who had 16. He is the only Ohio State head coach to win seven consecutive games against the Wolverines. On October 9, 2010, Tressel won his 100th game at Ohio State with a victory over Indiana. Tressel resigned as the Ohio State football coach in May 2011 amid an NCAA investigation of rules violations during the 2010 season.
ten seasons with a 106-22 record
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Lamont Dontae Holly Missing from:
Destinie K Preston
Kaisha Sue Hudson
• Missing from: • Columbus, Ohio
• Missing from: Gibsonburg, Ohio
• Missing since: 5/16/2011
• Missing since: 5/12/2011
• Missing age: 17
• Missing age: 14
• Missing age: 17
• Current age: 17
• Current age: 14
• Current age: 17
• Date of birth: 3/18/1994
• Date of birth: 1/1/1997
• Date of birth: 12/2/1993
• Gender: Female
• Gender: Female
• Gender: Male
• Race/Ethnicity: Black
• Race/Ethnicity: Black
• Race/Ethnicity: Black
• Height: 5'0"
• Height: 4'8"
• Height: 6'0"
• Weight: 200 lbs
• Weight: 100
• Weight: 150 lbs
• Hair color: Black
• Hair color: Black
Eye color: Brown
• Eye color: Brown
•
Forest Park, Ohio
• Missing since: 5/20/2011
• Hair color: Black • Eye color: Brown contact Forest Park Police Department at (513) 595-5220.
Lorraine Cherrell Jones • Nickname or alias: Lorraine Thomas • Missing from: Cleveland, Ohio
• Hair color: Black • Eye color: Brown
• Missing since: 5/10/2011
Cleveland Police Department at (216) 621-1234.
• Missing age: 14
• Current age: 15 • Date of birth: 5/22/1996 • Gender: Female • Race/Ethnicity: Black
Sandusky County Sheriff's Office at (419) 332-2613.
Columbus Police Department at (614) 6454545.
• Height: 5'6" • Weight: 145 lbs