FS magazine Issue 136

The fit and sexy gay mag ISSUE #136 June/JULY 2013

Off your

face!

Drug f**king the weekend away...

FSMAG FSMAGAZINEUK WWW.FSMAG.ORG.UK

Also Gay sex guide Why don’t you use condoms? Is hairy the new hot? “I cum too quickly”

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31/05/2013 07:55

Announcement A message from Matthew Hodson, GMFA’s new Chief Executive @matthew_hodson Just before the last issue of FS went to press we found out that its funding was being stopped, along with other contracts that GMFA held for HIV prevention in London.

This cut is part of a pattern of reductions in spending on HIV prevention. In 2001 the NHS in London allocated £19.2 million for HIV prevention. By last year that figure had dropped to £1.96 million and from April 2013 this budget was again halved, with FS and GMFA’s websites being among the casualties.

Last year GMFA’s websites had well over 200,000 visits from Londoners looking for information and advice about safer sex, sexual health and HIV prevention and testing.

The sites are accessible for all gay men, whatever their age, whatever their HIV status, whether they are out of the closet or not.

FS, as our readers know, also provides information about sexual health but in the broader context of the issues that we all face as gay men: drug use, how we feel about our bodies, gay porn, the numbers of men we have sex with, whether we’re monogamous or not – all of these have an impact on the way that we think about sex and about sexual safety.

The annual amount of money that GMFA received for our websites and for FS magazine, combined, amounts to less than half of what it costs to treat just one person living with HIV. GMFA will continue to fund FS and our websites for as long as we can while we seek additional and alternative funding for them. To support this, the adverts in FS are now paid for (we thank our supporters for this, and welcome others to come join them). We believe that both services have a valuable role to play in informing and advising gay men about HIV and sexual health and in preventing new infections. We believe that they should be funded. Our goal over the coming months is to convince those who have the power to fund them to agree. If you value FS and want to add your voice to ours, let us know.

Obviously this is a financially daunting position to find ourselves in but I also believe that it may prove to be a great opportunity for GMFA. I know I am not alone in thinking that increasing portions of the gay community are considerably less engaged with HIV prevention than in the past. I see this as a chance for us to rethink our work and ensure that it remains relevant for gay men today.

Over the last 20 years we have seen a dramatic, and welcome, drop in the number of people dying as a result of HIV infection. It’s no surprise then that the fear which once prevented many people from taking any sexual risks is diminished. But, despite these medical advances, people who live with HIV continue to suffer severe physical and emotional disadvantages over the course of their lives as a result of their infection.

And there have been further, tumultuous changes in the gay scene that have affected the environment for our work.

Greater legal equality, the rise of dating apps, increasing patterns of sexualised drug use, all have had their own impact on how we operate as a community, how we select our sexual partners and the kind of sex that we have.

I know that there is no one group, no single need and therefore no single message which will have the impact that we aspire to, but we now have the opportunity to think in new and creative ways about harnessing the powers of social media, engaging with new dating technologies, finding new motivators in our messages about testing and condom use, to engage in a way that I believe has not happened for some years.

We are of course interested to hear your ideas. With fewer resources available to us we may not be able to put every idea into practice, but we want to hear how we can best support you, and we want to hear from you how you think we’re doing, every step of the way, as we work to increase our community engagement.

Gay men still carry a disproportionate burden of HIV infection and poor sexual health. Each year the number of gay men being diagnosed with HIV increases, and the proportion of our community that is living with HIV rises in turn. We believe that we can make a difference. With your support and guidance we believe that we can prevent new infections and improve the health of our community. I hope that you will join with us to be part of this new adventure.

Matthew Hodson Chief Executive, GMFA To get involved with us, email gmfa@gmfa.org.uk, tweet us via @GMFA_UK or drop us a line via our Facebook page at www.facebook.com/GMFA.UK. If you would like to support GMFA you can donate by visiting www.gmfa.org.uk/donate.

GMFA - the gay men’s health charity. Unit 11, Angel Wharf, 58 Eagle Wharf Road, London N1 7ER Charity No: 1076854 part of

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Em We C

31/05/2013 08:31

Hello!

Model: Marco Sessions @MarcoSessions

Editor’s letter @IanHowley

We’re still here! Welcome to the first unfunded issue of FS magazine. In case you missed last month’s announcement here’s what’s going on.

Back in March we were told that the Pan London HIV Prevention Partnership was being disbanded and that local authorities were now responsible for HIV prevention funding in London. Well, they decided that they were not going to fund FS magazine any more (without giving any reason, might I add).

Now we could have sat there crying into a bowl of soup (pint of beer) but we didn’t. GMFA took the decision to self fund FS until we can get funding for the magazine. We’re confident we can keep going for at least a year but we’re not too sure after that.

But why? Why are we bothering to continue producing this magazine? Because we know just how important FS can be to gay men living in London, beyond London and throughout the rest of the world.

After we publish each issue of FS you, our readers, tell us through Facebook and Twitter just how much you appreciate this magazine and the articles within it. Whether it be Kristian Johns’ column, our main features or an opinion piece – we see that people are engaging with the articles in FS like no other form of health promotion. This is why it would be crazy for GMFA to just let this magazine die. We firmly believe that what we are doing is changing lives in some shape or form for the better.

So here we are, unfunded, still alive and kicking. We don’t know for how long but we certainly won’t go without fighting.

Anyway! Let me introduce this issue to you. As you can see from the cover, our main feature is about the drugs gay men are using to increase their sex lives. We all know that drugs are a big part of the gay scene and certain drugs come in and go out of fashion quicker than a Britney Spears single. But it’s the type of drugs that are in fashion at the moment that are quite worrying. Drugs such as G and Crystal meth are becoming more popular with younger people on the scene. Stuart Haggas has written a brilliant feature on this, which makes for a damn fine read. We also have some sex tips to spice up your love life plus lots of great articles to keep you entertained for a while.

It’s been fun putting it together and I hope you appreciate our first unfunded issue of FS magazine. Enjoy!

Ian Howley, Editor Cover shot by Chris Jepson © www.chrisjepson.com

Published by GMFA Unit 11 Angel Wharf, 58 Eagle Wharf Road, London, N1 7ER Tel: 020 7738 6872 Email: gmfa@gmfa.org.uk Website: www.gmfa.org.uk Charity number 1076854 ISSN 1750-7162

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The FS team for issue 136 was Ian Howley (Editor), Theo Bain, Stuart Haggas, Matthew Hodson, Gareth Johnson, Liam Murphy, Richard Patrick and Gavin Smith.

Design and layout by www.christiantate.co.uk­.

Appearance in FS is not an indication of an individual’s sexual orientation or HIV status. The views of our writers are not necessarily the views of FS, of the organisations mentioned, GMFA, or of the editor.

Volunteers contribute to the planning, writing, editing and production of FS.

31/05/2013 08:31

Ginger power – what’s our obsession with ginger men?

by Liam Murphy*

@liamwaterloo

*Disclaimer: The fact that the editor of FS is ginger in no way influenced the tone and direction of this article. And he definitely didn’t tell me to say that.

For millennia ginger women have been celebrated in society. From Wilma Flintstone and Queen Elizabeth I to Tori Amos and Amy Pond from Doctor Who, the red-headed woman has been revered, worshipped and adored by the general populace. Ginger men, however, have had less of an easy ride...

Time was, the most prominent flamepale skin, freckles and flame-like hue haired males were Mick Hucknall and unfairly lumped them into the ‘geek’ or Chris Evans (the TV presenter, not the ‘token comedy friend’ category during good-looking one), adolescence, and and unless you had it seemed that a fetish for ginger the ginger of the dreadlocks, they species were weren’t exactly doomed to be lusted after pinthe perpetual butt ups. However, as of terrible jokes the 21st Century and subject to gets into full swing, unfair bullying the hot, sexy ginger at the hands of man has risen the blonds and Phoenix-like from the brunettes. obscurity.

However, the When I was hair colour tides Perhaps at school, redhave seemingly cementing the headed boys were changed. only one up on the Early pioneers true ‘arrival’ of the ‘people the cool such as David ginger sex-symbol kids ignore and Bowie and Robert sneer at’ scale Redford helped was HRH (His Red from the chubby pave the way Hair) Prince Harry and for the modern fat children who were bad at sport. red renaissance, his bum-flashing The ginger kids but it was surely antics in Las weren’t identified 2012 that truly by their name, but by saw the ginger male Vegas. insults masquerading enter the hearts, minds as monikers, from the and pants of the gay likes of ‘carrot top’ and ‘ginger community. It started off small minger’, to the less pleasant ‘tampon with US drama Homeland becoming a head’ (none of which are extremely worldwide smash and Damian Lewis’ funny, or should be repeated). Their maybe-terrorist becoming an instant

Do you agree with Liam? Tell us on Twitter @FSmagazineUK or at www.facebook.com/fsmag.

www.shutterstock.com/Mr Pics

UPFRONT

sex symbol, and Michael Fassbender continued to wave the ginger flag for actors with a series of films to follow the previous year’s todger-baring turn in ‘Shame’. The Olympics brought with it something brighter than a gold medal in the form of flame-haired Greg Rutherford, who quickly, and rightly, became a gay men’s mag favourite. And perhaps cementing the true ‘arrival’ of the ginger sex-symbol was HRH (His Red Hair) Prince Harry and his bumflashing antics in Las Vegas. By royal appointment, the gingers had claimed their rightful place as lust-objects proper.

Surely it can’t just be hair colour that makes some of you throb below – there have to be other physical attributes to accompany their locks, right? “The pale skin and freckles appeal to me,” says Fernando. “I’m from Brazil and it’s rare to see a ginger guy. I wouldn’t say it’s a fetish, it’s just something out of the norm for me and I find it a turn on!”

Speaking to Chris, there’s one particular stereotype associated with red-heads that he’s interested in, “It’s apparently common knowledge that ginger men are well hung. I’m not sure where the rumour started but I’ve slept with a few ginger guys and the size varies. Although it never stops me being intrigued.”

Have ginger men themselves noticed a change in attitude to their manes over the years? “I hated being ginger from the day I was aware of it”, says Ben from Middlesbrough. “Kids at school made fun of it mercilessly. Over the past couple of years I’ve noticed red-headed men becoming more popular, but I kind of feel you still have to have something else going for you as well – like the ability to long jump. I’m not sure whether normal ginger men are revered in the same way. I don’t feel more attractive now that gingers are ‘in’. I still feel pale, awkward and like I stand out (not in a good way). But hopefully young boys and teenagers with ginger hair feel less like a freak now than I did back then.”

There are so many different types of brilliant men in the world and ginger folk are just part of a larger technicolour wheel of sex bombs to obsess over. Of course lusting after a hair colour is silly – there’s more to a man than that – but let’s celebrate the fact that ginger locks are becoming less of a punchline and a stick to beat a fellow human with, and something that’s desirable. All hail the ginger man!

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www.shutterstock.com/FeatureFlash

We asked our Twitter and Facebook followers the same question.

Here’s what some of them had to say... @UKPositiveLad They’re just HAWT. The freckles, the pale skin – what they’ve got going on down below ;) @ParisLees Ginger boys are always cheeky, always. Green eyes too? Heart melts! Seriously have never understood gingerphobia. @W6_bloke Love the milky white skin, freckles and in my experience ginger guys are cheeky n norty!

Ollie: I’m a Black guy who’s been fascinated by redheaded men since a teenage crush at school. I have wondered if being so drawn to redheads was similar to guys who’re hot for black men – I’ve had problems with those before. I ‘confessed’ my particular predilection in a Black men’s group years ago and found that most of us shared a similar ‘interest’.

I think that part of it is about the way ‘gingers’ are treated as the group it’s OK to make nasty comments about. As a Black man who has experienced racism I do see uncomfortable similarities. After all, red hair is just a genetic trait – like Black skin. Unlike Black people, redheads have no political movement or history to protect them. Oh, and a final confession is my LOVE of/fetish for red pubes.

Brian R. Douglas: I find all types of men hot. I find calling them gingers and chocolate and any other term than a human being stupid and immature.

Lucas Owen: It’s a fine line.

Some are drop dead gorgeous, others make my hard-on drop dead. Ultimately, the bloke needs to be handsome in the first place – red hair just adds to it. And ALWAYS a beard. So hot redhead chaps... Hit me up.

www.fsmag.org.uk

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YOUR ADVERT HERE FS magazine is now inviting businesses and health agencies to advertise in our magazine. This is a great opportunity for you to get your message to gay men living in London and beyond.

FS is distributed to gay pubs, clubs, saunas, health centres, GUM clinics and colleges in London. Our digital version is availble to read for free online and our app is available on iTunes and Google Play. FS magazine has an estimated readership of 50,000 people.

To advertise in FS magazine:

Call 020 7738 6872 or email fsmag@gmfa.org.uk for more information.

All adverts are placed in the print, online and app editions of the magazine.

GMFA - the gay men’s health charity.

Unit 11, Angel Wharf, 58 Eagle Wharf Road, London N1 7ER Charity No: 1076854 part of

advertise in FS.indd 1

15/5/13 16:42:07

LIFESTYLE

KRISTIAN LIFE

Did having a six-pack truly make me happy?

Photo © Chris Jepson, www.ChrisJepson.com

@guy_interruptd

It’s official: I have a belly.

I never believed it could happen. I survived the first couple of years of my 30s relatively unaffected by the battle of the tummy bulge – I trained four to five times a week, ate whatever the merry hell I liked and never had to worry about the “a moment on the lips” mantra. My abs stayed tight and my confidence stayed high. Nothing could touch my waistline. Until I turned 33. And went freelance.

I used to think I was disciplined, but the last couple of years have taught me that I’m far, far from it. With no boss breathing down my neck to arrive in the office on time, and no gym to pass by on my way to or from work, my morning alarm got later and later, and my gym routine, which bookended my 9 to 5 lifestyle, slipped from ‘obsessive’, to ‘lip service’ in a couple of months, and off the edge of the map in the last year. I mean, who on EARTH wants to actually leave the house to go to the gym when the office is a five-second walk from the bedroom, and the fridge is only a few yards further in the next room? Plus I can work in my pants and not get fired.

And, much as I’ve tried to ignore the gradual softening of my once rockhard abs into something resembling uncooked dough with acne scars, I can’t deny the lack of room inside my waistband these days. Those few pounds have had themselves a love-in and bred little fat kids of their own.

And they all live happily in a spare tyre around my belly. My muffin-top runneth over. And it sucks.

Am I grossly overweight? Nope.

As a gay man, with ridiculously high body standards and a poor body image, I feel like Ten-Ton Tessie. And her fat Siamese twin.

Am I hideous as a result? Negative.

I’m a 32 waist (31 if I breathe REALLY deep and hold it) and my tits still stick out okay. The face still fits, thankfully.

But as a gay man, with ridiculously high body standards and a poor body image, made worse by the saturation of the Vauxhall clones and their steroided perfection, I feel like Ten-Ton Tessie.

And her fat Siamese twin.

What a little weight has done to my body is visible, but what it’s done to my confidence is catastrophically immeasurable. But let’s look at it objectively: there was a time when my doctor put me on steroids because I

was so skinny after becoming HIVpositive that he felt I had no more weight to lose if I got ill again. Far better to have a few reserve pounds, he said, than to risk serious damage and longer recovery from something later down the line.

At the time, I weighed just nine stone. Once the steroids kicked in I filled out, developing muscles in places I never knew I had. I got a bit hench, if I do say so myself. For the first time, the muscle lads were looking at ME instead of the other way round. Buff body = more sex with equally, if not more buff, boys, but looking back, it was just empty, transactional sex. I pinned my self-esteem on the attention I got from hot guys, my strong-looking body covering up the fact that my immune system had turned on me. Let’s face it: the drugs are the only thing stopping me from looking like a human skeleton covered in lesions.

Ironically, I put that newly-strong body through absolute hell. I went out of my way to prove how superhuman I was, throwing every substance I could up my nose and down my throat. I stayed up all weekend if I could manage it – the weekend being from Thursday to Monday evening, and perhaps a little drinkie on Tuesday to ‘start’ the week.

These days, things are different. I’ve settled down with someone who doesn’t give a monkey’s what my 13 stone body looks like, and I’m a far cry from the skinny 22-year-old, desperate to prove that his body wasn’t failing him by coating it in a layer of muscle. I suppose I should be grateful the drugs have kept me alive long enough to put on all this weight. Should I just hang up the gym kit? Hmm. Something tells me I’m not done with being vain just yet.

But, having run the gauntlet of body shapes in the last few years, I can say this with confidence: my spare tyre mightn’t look as good on the beach this summer, but the hardest abs in the world won’t protect you against your own demons.

Kristian Johns is an author and former editor who now runs his own copywriting agency. When he’s not raising awareness of HIV issues, his sole mission in life is to convince his boyfriend to let him have a dog. www.fsmag.org.uk

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SOCIAL GROUPS

FANCY DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT? Are you stuck doing the same things and bored of just going down the pub, but don’t know what else you can do?

Do something interesting, engaging and at the same time meet new people.

Join a HERO social group.

Current groups includes: • Board games group • Cinema group • Theater group • HIV-positive support group • Film making group • Plus much more...

Visit www.gmfa.org.uk/socialgroups

or email michael.flaherty@gmfa.org.uk for more information.

GMFA - part of

. Charity No: 1076854 - Unit 11, Angel Wharf, 58 Eagle Wharf Road, London N1 7ER.

HERO/GMFA - Charity No: 1076854. Unit 11, Angel Wharf, 58 Eagle Wharf Road, London N1 7ER. social groups FS advert.indd 1

23/05/2013 14:18

ADVICE

the issue

So why don’t you use a condom?

www.shutterstock.com/katalinks

by Matthew Hodson

@Matthew_Hodson

The grand authorities on HIV data reckon that about 80,000 people in the UK have avoided contracting HIV as a result of condom use. That’s pretty impressive. That’s more than the number of gay men who have contracted HIV to date. But is it good enough?

Condom use is not the only weapon in the HIV prevention armoury.

Although too often it can go wrong, selecting a partner on the basis of a shared HIV status has also prevented many infections (I’ve not heard an estimate on how many). And people In the heat with diagnosed HIV who have an of the moment, undetectable viral load are unlikely to and perhaps transmit the virus to their partners. lubricated with drugs, But despite there now being many more men diagnosed, the number of alcohol or the rush that new infections is not going down. It you get from sex with seems that the benefits from decreases a really hot man, we in viral load are being balanced by don’t always think increases in unprotected sex. I believe we should be aiming for better than entirely sensibly. this. So, while we continue our efforts to get people diagnosed as early as possible (better health for them, better health for their sexual partners), we need to continue to promote other Sensitivity ways of reducing HIV infections. Yup, thirty years into this epidemic, and it I’ve read stuff which categorically looks like we still need to use condoms. denies that there is any loss of sensation from using condoms. If that’s the way you feel, that’s great for you.

So what’s the big deal It’s not how it feels for me. Finding anyway? the condom that’s the right fit and thickness is going to help but most Condoms are readily available, of us will have to accept that it feels relatively easy to use and also prevent different. a whole range of other STIs. ‘Use a condom every time’ and we’re job done and time to go home, right? You Spontaneity see it on the message boards of gay news sites: ‘For fuck’s sake, just use a I saw a (ahem) art-film the other day condom’, people scream into the ether. that showed a willing bottom in doggy For some people it really is that easy, position, reaching between his legs for others it’s not. If we pretend it’s easy and skilfully rolling a condom on to for everyone, then we fail to address the top. It was all very slick, quick and the reasons why so many gay men (and sexy. For the rest of us the condom straight men too) struggle with condom moment usually requires some break in use. the action, reaching into the bedroom

drawer, tearing the packet, peering (often in dim lighting, often when not sober) to ensure you’ve got it the right way round, holding the teat and rolling it down. Practice makes perfect and all that, but it’s still an interruption.

Intimacy In relationships, or even just to show someone that you really like them, some choose to forsake condoms. Is this a sensible strategy? Well, from the number of times I’ve heard people say that they became HIV-positive as a result of sex with a partner, I’d have to say ‘no’. Is it an understandable thing to do? Well, yes, I get it.

Perhaps, if you don’t use condoms you have some other reason. I suspect the truth is often that condom use just didn’t happen – I said nothing, they said nothing and then (in terms of condom use) nothing happened. The rest is mainly justifying it after the act.

For most of us, if the choice is between a little less sensation, spontaneity and intimacy and a lifetime of the physical, social and emotional disadvantages that HIV infection brings, we’d choose the condoms. For those of us living with HIV, we don’t want to pass it on. But, in the heat of the moment, and perhaps lubricated with drugs, alcohol or the rush that you get from sex with a really hot man, we don’t always think entirely sensibly and it’s easy to tell yourself, “Just this one time it will be fine.”

If they make no discernible difference to your sexual pleasure – stick with them – easy. If you really can’t get on with them, find another way round it (a partner of the same HIV status or who isn’t likely to transmit his virus). But unless you have accurate knowledge of status and viral load or use condoms the price can be a heavy one. You know what the risks are.

The truth is that if we’re going to bring down the number of men in our community who go through the trauma of an HIV diagnosis (and make no mistake, for most it’s a shattering event) we need to increase early diagnosis, reduce infectiousness AND maintain or, even better, increase condom use.

That’s what’s going to turn this situation around. So, what’s the problem with condoms? They’re not perfect – but then neither is life.

Matthew is the Chief Executive of GMFA. This article is Matthew’s own opinion and not necessarily the view of GMFA as an organisation. www.fsmag.org.uk

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getting slammed cover story

Drug fucking your weekend away?

by Stuart Haggas @GetStuart

HISTORY REPEATING

recreational drugs scene of today.

Although the infamous opium dens of Limehouse in east London now There’s nothing new about taking exist solely in the novels of writers like illegal substances to get a party Charles Dickens, Oscar Wilde and started – it’s a phenomenon that’s Arthur Conan Doyle, there’s always existed for centuries. Go back to some drug or other in vogue and some the 14th century, and you’ll find that sex and drug-fuelled subculture opium was used as the first to sample. Today, those recreational drug in the drugs are crystal meth, Ottoman Empire, and G and mephedrone, in China a century The gay club and are used in later. Historians scene normalised scenes such as acknowledge that party drugs like ecstasy chem‑sex (a sex even then this – but the wholesale session while on recreational drug replacement of these with drugs like crystal) use was strongly more dangerous and more and slamming associated with addictive drugs like crystal (taking crystal sex. meth, G and mephedrone or mephedrone Opium had is creating something intravenously) – but spawned a lucrative genuinely worrying. is it a case of different international trade drugs, same story? by the 17th century “Epic orgies have been but, with addiction enjoyed by gay men since the becoming an increasing dawn of time,” says writer, editor and global problem, it was prohibited DJ Stewart Who? “Read Larry Kramer’s in many countries during the early 20th Faggots — it was just the same in the century. Prohibiting the recreational 70s and 80s. But meth is addictive in a use of opium didn’t solve the problem; way that LSD, Quaaludes, ecstasy and it simply forced dealers and users to even coke, never could be.” go underground. The pattern of illicit Journalist and author Paul Burston production, smuggling, distribution and agrees, adding: “The ‘old highs’ like using that followed can be considered ecstasy aren’t as reliable any more. By a precursor for the underground

the late 90s, people were no longer popping a pill and dancing all night.

They were combining E with other drugs like coke and ketamine. When G first arrived it was marketed as ‘liquid ecstasy’, although it bears no relation to ecstasy.”

The gay club scene normalised party drugs like ecstasy – but the wholesale replacement of these with more dangerous and more addictive drugs like crystal meth, G and mephedrone is creating something genuinely worrying.

In fact, many claim they’re destroying the gay scene.

“I’m from the Trade generation,” says GMFA’s Matthew Hodson. “A core group would go out every weekend and get completely trashed and ecstatic.

Back then there was no effective treatment for HIV, and the government was hostile to homosexuality, so it’s easy to see the appeal of the blissed out, mindless hedonism. At the time many people said that ecstasy was destroying the gay scene, just as they now say about crystal, G and mephedrone, so the same pattern seems to get repeated with each generation, but each wave of drugs seems to be more perilous than the last.

“Reports from the US and Australia talk about the devastating impact that

Photo © Chris Jepson, www.ChrisJepson.com

They stand accused of destroying lives, and some say they’re destroying the gay scene. Stuart Haggas looks at the truths and consequences of drugs like crystal meth, G and mephedrone.

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Photo Š Chris Jepson, www.ChrisJepson.com

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crystal had on the gay scene there,” Matthew continues. “It seems that in those regions crystal use has peaked, but in the UK it looks as though usage is increasing rapidly. The signs suggest that it’s going to get worse here before it gets better.” But if these drugs are more addictive and perilous, what is their appeal?

“The gays have always been very laissez faire about recreational drugs,” says Stewart Who? “We’re always the first in line when a new drug arrives, and we always take it to the max. Why? We’re kids in a sweet shop.”

“These drugs do what they say on the tin,” explains David Stuart of Antidote @ London Friend, the UK’s only LGBT-targeted drug and alcohol service. “They are powerful disinhibitors, and people feel good when under the influence of these drugs, be it dancing, sex, socialising, or escaping life’s harsh realities. They’re also very normalised on the gay scene; even if you are not particularly interested in “Now using these drugs, they’ll I see young very likely be offered to guys coming you when you hook up onto the scene, online, or go clubbing or slamming crystal to a sauna.” every week, and they “Partly I think it’s can go from sane to peer pressure,” says schizophrenia in Paul Burston. “People under a year.” want to fit in. If you’ve grown up gay and isolated, and you come out on the gay scene, the pressures to fit in can be enormous.”

“Having grown up feeling ‘different’, gay men might face challenges, such as a hyper-vigilance about being rejected or ridiculed, or not feeling as fit or sexy as our scene sometimes demands,” adds David. “Some men also associate sex with disease, rejection or sin, and these drugs can mask that very well, providing a feeling What you need to know: Crystal meth - also called: Tina of guaranteed horniness, the freedom to explore taboos and the perception of Possible side-effects: Long periods of being awake; invincibility. These drugs can provide all hallucinations or psychotic episodes; becoming prone to this, though not without consequences violence or depression; reduced inhibitions and judgements. which people experience differently.”

You can become psychologically dependent on it.

What you need to know: G - Also called: GBL, GHB

Possible side-effects: Addiction/dependence; unconsciousness and possibly a coma; in some cases death if overdosed; particularly dangerous when used with alcohol.

Photo © Chris Jepson, www.ChrisJepson.com

I WANNA KNOW WHY

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cover story What you need to know: Ketamine - Also called: K, Special K

Possible side-effects: K-hole (you aren’t able to move – likened to a near-death experience); as you don’t feel pain properly you could hurt yourself without knowing; bladder problems; long-term effect on mental health.

Photo © Chris Jepson, www.ChrisJepson.com

TRUTHS AND CONSEQUENCES Roy got into drugs in the 1990s, when famous gay clubs like Trade and party drugs like ecstasy were at their peak. He readily admits that whenever there’s a new drug out there now, he’ll give it a try. But there is one significant difference. “I don’t enjoy going clubbing any more,” he says. “It’s too aggressive on the dance floor. If they’re not passing out from G, they’re prowling for sex.”

We asked Roy how else the scene has changed. “Drugs like E and LSD didn’t destroy you like crystal, crack and heroin can,” he explains. “Now I see young guys coming onto the scene, slamming crystal every week, and they can go from sane to schizophrenia in under a year.”

Roy tells me that drugs like crystal aren’t good for clubbing anyway, and admits he takes them primarily for sex.

“Drugs can offer great sex – there’s no denying that. Pornstar sex facilitated by confidence-inducing drugs, right now and just around the corner – why not?” says Antidote’s David Stuart. “Except that for many, the consequences are unmanageable and very damaging. Additionally, some gay men feel challenged by sober sex. We’re more prone to rejection, feeling unattractive or less horny when we’re sober – and the expectation of delivering fit, horny pornstar sex with a complete stranger can be quite daunting. Drugs can help with that.”

Every high is followed by an inevitable low, and these drugs have side effects and health risks like any other. “If you use at the weekend, you’re going to be fucked all week,” says Roy. “You’ll struggle to get through work, so you’ll save a bit of crystal to have before work on Monday, then again on Tuesday, and again on Wednesday. You’ll be lying in bed awake after drinking a bottle of vodka.

You’ll try to take sleeping pills. And that can be when paranoia kicks in.”

“With meth it is the lack of sleep that is an inevitable consequence of using, which can very often lead to a psychosis that can last a few days after having stopped using,” explains David. “It can be terrifying, and even

What you need to know: Poppers

Possible side-effects: Poppers have been known to increase the risk of passing on HIV because it can cause the blood vessels in the anus to expand. If these vessels burst then this makes it easier for HIV to be passed on.

Fast facts Of the Crystal meth, GBL and mephedrone users at Antidote: 95% are using them to facilitate sex.

70% report having shared needles to inject (meth and meph).

Prefer to use ‘Bareback’ sites to find sexual partners.

Report an average of five sexual partners per ‘episode’.

75% are HIV-positive. Of these: 60% report not taking their HIV medication while ‘high’.

90% attribute their HIV diagnosis to the use of drugs and alcohol.

Of the HIV-negative clients at Antidote: More than half have had one or more courses of PEP in the last year. dangerous to some. The depression that comes with the comedown can also be difficult, and if this is a weekly experience, the depression can compound and become chronic.

“Injecting obviously leads to HIV and Hep C risks if equipment, water or receptacles are not sanitary.

Abscesses can also be problematic if correct injection procedures aren’t followed. The sexual behaviour that is mostly associated with meth can also lead to HIV, Hep C and other

STIs, as the feeling of invincibility and horniness can make us forget our usual boundaries and self-care.”

G has its own unique health risks, as David elaborates: “GBL can too easily be poorly-measured when ‘dosing’, leading to overdoses and comas that some people accept as a normal part of their ‘G experience’. Though many wake up from these overdoses feeling fine, others are frequently hospitalised, and a tragic few have died.

“Additionally, GBL has a great potential to create a physical dependency (addiction), with users needing to dose up many times a day just to avoid very difficult and dangerous withdrawal symptoms. If you use it daily, stopping can be very dangerous, and ought not to be done without medical supervision.”

PARTY ALL DAY, PARTY ALL NIGHT The gay scene is nothing if not resourceful, and as a community we’re adept at turning a negative into a positive. But some things can be spun so much there’s a risk of them spinning out of control: for example, the compulsive feelings and inability to sleep that you get from a drug like crystal meth makes it ideal to use if you’re wanting a weekend packed with non-stop sex.

“I don’t think people always plan to stay awake for two or three days shagging,” says David. “It’s often just an unavoidable consequence of the drugs which are compulsive.”

“There may be some men who treat sex as a competitive sport, just as they compete with other men to see who has the best body, the biggest dick, and so on.” adds Paul Burston, “but mostly I think it’s due to the fact that drugs are very more-ish. And sex on drugs can be amazing. If it wasn’t people wouldn’t be so keen.”

“They WANT diminished www.fsmag.org.uk

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cover story What you need to know: Viagra

Possible side effects: Generally used by men who find it difficult to maintain an erection. However gay men who partake in PnP sessions use it to help them to have sex for longer periods of time.

Viagra increases the blood flow in the body and increases the heart rate. Using Viagra and other drugs could lead to heart failure.

What you need to know: Mephedrone - Also called: Miaow Miaow

Possible side-effects: Nose-bleeds (when snorted); sore throat (when swallowed); heart palpitations; sleeplessness; anxiety; hallucinations; fainting. Can cause psychosis when used for two or more days.

LOST WEEKENDS LOST FRIENDS

Cocaine - Also called: Coke, Charlie

Possible side-effects: Confidence boost can lead to people taking stupid risks; long-term use can damage cartilage in the nose; can lead to craving more and more of the drug.

looking for their next sex, instead of enjoying what is there. I’ve been rushed to casualty in an ambulance having a panic attack. I have lost six friends to Tina, all suicides.”

Non-stop sex and partying with loads of hot guys may sound like a recipe for the best weekend ever – but there are some sour ingredients in the mix. “Despite RISKY BUSINESS how normalised chem-sex is in certain circles, it is developing a stigma that As Antidote’s David Stuart prevents it from being glamorised,” explains, prolonged sex and drugs says David. “There are plenty of men sessions can seriously affect tired of their hook-ups ending in sorry your health and wellbeing. “The states as a result of drugs, and there is risks include being less concerned also plenty of press around at present with safer choices around condoms about the harms. Although I and sharing needles, which understand the reasons can lead to Hep C, HIV and motivations for and other STIs, and “If you’re chem-sex, it is difficult the psychosis that into epic PnP to be unaware of the can often follow an (Party ‘n’ Play) harm and chaos extended session; sessions with lots of that is becoming there is also a lot partners the [HIV] risk widespread on of non-consensual our scene as a sex that happens is further increased, result.” while people are because positive men “I think it worse for wear, may not be taking their has become most often having meds and so their normalised,” agrees ‘gone under’ on viral load will be Paul, “to the point GBL. The affirmation higher. ” where you see people that comes from a passed out in clubs with sexual encounter, and people dancing around developing a dependence them as if it was perfectly normal. on this affirmation, can sometimes Personally I find that alarming.” take precedence over family, friends, “You can be awake on it for six hobbies, work and other affirming or seven days, so ask yourself how activities. It is also very easy to develop attractive will I be? Would you want a daily dependence on GBL, in quite to sleep with yourself after you’ve a short amount of time, which leads to been up 36 or 48 hours or more?” many dangers.” asks Roy. “I’ve been to sex parties “I think that Viagra has had a huge where everyone is sitting around in the impact on risk taking and drug use,” depressing glow of iPhone screens, adds GMFA’s Matthew Hodson. “Lots

of drugs can interfere with your ability to maintain an erection so, even if your inhibitions are down, the fact that you can’t keep it up may prevent you from taking risks. But mixing Viagra with other drugs, as well as increasing the strain on your heart, makes risky sex more likely.”

“Statistics suggest that a lot of men are having unsafe sex, whether they’re on chems or not,” says Paul Burston.

“But obviously the risks are higher if you’re having chem-sex with someone you don’t know and you’re not using protection. Maybe part of the reason chem-sex is so appealing is because it blots out any lingering doubts that what you’re doing may be putting your health at risk.”

“Today we are well aware of the consequences,” adds Stewart Who? “but try to fry that knowledge from our minds by downing industrial solvent and jacking up crack that’s cooked up in amateur labs. Makes ya proud, doesn’t it?”

“The health risks of drug use go far beyond sexual health. Your heart, liver, bladder and kidneys can all be seriously damaged by drug use and there also

Photo © Chris Jepson, www.ChrisJepson.com

responsibility,” says Stewart Who? “Once you’ve had a hit on the pipe and swigged down some G, the last remnants of logic and sense are gone. You’re just a sex animal, free of emotion, common sense or clarity. It’s very liberating, in a pretty lethal way.”

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Photo © Chris Jepson, www.ChrisJepson.com

can be dangerous interactions with HIV medication,” Matthew continues.

“Beyond that though, the sexual health risk is considerable. There is a high risk of transmitting HIV, through unprotected sex or through sharing needles. If you’re into epic PnP (Party ‘n’ Play) sessions with lots of partners the risk is further increased, because positive men may not be taking their meds and so their viral load will be higher, and because the sex you’re having may go on for longer, leading to cuts and tears that will increase the chances of transmission, plus the risks of Hep C, which is transmitted through blood, often in group sex scenarios.”

“I think many are aware of the risks,” acknowledges David, “but drug

use and sex are both activities that are rarely associated with conscious deliberation about the consequences and reasons for doing it. They are both very compulsive and primal pursuits. It’s quite easy for horniness to override our common sense, and the same can be said for drugs – mix the two together and you have your perfect storm.”

TRIED AND TESTED Even when we’re aware of the risks, people like to experiment and try things for themselves. If you want to try this at home, what advice is there?

“Plenty,” says David. “Put some thought first into what you are

looking for or hoping to gain from the experience. Have some boundaries that will help reduce the harm, perhaps being sure about what sexual risks you are prepared to take, and how to communicate those confidently to a shag as well as online. Perhaps a time limit on how long the ‘episode’ will last.”

“It needs to be treated with respect,” says Roy. “Do it with someone you trust, such as your boyfriend or a fuckbuddy. Plan for the following day’s food and water, even if it’s just something like Dunn’s River Nurishment. Consider if this is really what you want to do, because you will lose any inhibitions you have, and you will not be able to negotiate safer sex, if you can even be bothered – and you really don’t want HIV and Hepatitis C. Once you start slamming crystal to have sex, you won’t want sex any other way. I can’t have sex sober.”

“There are many dangers with this choice, and it is okay to discuss it with an Antidote worker, to learn some practices about being as safe as possible during PnP,” adds David. “No one will be judged for seeking advice around this choice. Better to make it an informed deliberate decision than a poorly-planned impulse-choice.”

“In no way is slamming ever a sensible idea,” Roy continues, “but get someone to show you how to do it yourself. If I don’t have my own pins, I’m going to want to watch to check how much crystal, how much water, make sure everything is clean and sterile, and you must never ever share.

“Guys now are also slamming with mephedrone,” Roy adds. “Unlike crystal, it only lasts 1½ hours, then you have to re-dose. With mephedrone your eyes go double and you can’t see straight, so when you want to slam again and need to hit a vein, you won’t be able to see clearly when you’re trying to do it.

And the comedown is a nightmare.”

CHEM SEX AND HIV Those on HIV medication should also take steps so not to forget to take their pills, as David explains: “A drug bender or PnP session can go on for days, and it is very possible to have a skewed concept of time while high.

It is very common to forget to take HIV medication, and this definitely can make a person more infectious, particularly if it happens a couple of times a month.

It can help to have a daily alarm set on your phone, or to have your pills conveniently ready to be taken and in a pill box where you can’t miss it.” www.fsmag.org.uk

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BREAK THE CYCLE Although drugs are addictive, it is possible to break the cycle and either ease off temporarily or give them up for good.

“Commit to a break, be it a week, or a month… whatever feels appropriate,” suggests David. “Fill up your diary with some non-sexual social life.

Contact friends, ask for support in occupying your time differently. Get involved in things that stimulate you and make you feel more affirmed and valued, otherwise you’ll be more prone to ‘triggers’. Stay away from the sex sites online, or at least word your profile differently to convey that you’re unavailable for chem-sex. Try dating perhaps, or forming a bond with someone over a meal or drink before deciding to shag them. And if sober sex is a bit frightening or unappealing… share that with your date – you may find that they can identify.”

“When you’ve had enough, speak to someone like Antidote, or Narcotics Anonymous,” adds Roy. “There’s even a Crystal Meth Anonymous group in London now.”

“It can be very difficult, admittedly, without support,” agrees David. “A chat with an Antidote worker can be judgement-free and can provide some tips and support that just might make all the difference. Remember, there are a lot of men struggling with the same thing, you’re not alone.”

For more info about drugs, visit www.londonfriend.org.uk/antidote.

If you feel that drugs are affecting your sex life, visit the Code Clinic: www.code-clinic.co.uk.

To find your nearest GUM clinic to get tested for HIV, Hep C and other STIs, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.

FS survey: Have you ever had chem sex?

We asked our Facebook and Twitter followers to complete a short and anonymous survey about using drugs while having sex. Nearly 300 people filled it in. Here are the results.

Have you ever had chem sex?

(This is having sex while using drugs such as meth, G, MDMA, poppers, etc) Yes No

81.6% 18.4%

When was the last time you had chem sex?

In the last week In the last month In the last six months In the last year In the last 5 years More than 5 years ago

27.0% 23.3% 19.1% 9.8% 14.4% 6.5%

What drug(s) did you use?

(Tick all that apply) Poppers Viagra Cocaine Mephedrone GHB/GBL (aka G) Ketamine MDMA Ecstasy Crystal meth

70.1% 35.5% 33.2% 27.6% 24.8% 18.7% 17.8% 17.3% 16.4%

Breakdown in age: When we broke down the ages we could see what drugs were popular with each age range.

Overall poppers was the most common drug used during sex.

The top five drugs used by each age range after poppers were: 16 - 24 year olds 1. G – 40% 2. Mephedrone – 33% 3. Viagra – 33% 4. Crystal meth – 20.1% 5. Cocaine – 20%

25 - 34 year olds 1. Viagra – 38.9% 2. Mephedrone – 37.5% 3. Cocaine – 31.9% 4. G – 25% 5. Ketamine – 18.1%

35 - 44 year olds 1. Viagra – 35% 2. Cocaine – 32.5% 3. Mephedrone – 25% 4. G – 23.8% 5. MDMA – 22.5%

45 - 55 year olds 1. Cocaine – 47.4% 2. Viagra – 34.2% 3. G – 23.7% 4. Ecstasy – 21.1% 5. Ketamine – 18.4%

says: Take control and be responsible We all know drugs are a big part of the gay scene. It would be foolish of us to think that we can cut this down over a short period of time. To many people, drugs are manageable and helps their sex lives.

To others, they lead to a downward spiral that can ruin their lives. If you are using drugs for sex or just for fun, please make sure you know your limits, know how to party safe and be careful when having sex while under the influence.

Responsibility is the key here. How many times have you said “I was drunk” or “I was too high”? We blame alcohol and drugs because it frees us from responsibility. Alcohol and drugs do not cause you to have unprotected sex. They just allow you to do what you really want to do. Be responsible, lads.

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HEPATITIS C INFECTIONS AMONGST HIV-POSITIVE GAY MEN ARE RISING

Hep C can be sexually transmitted by fisting, group fucking, sharing sex toys, sharing pots of lube or fucking without condoms. It can also be transmitted by sharing drug injecting needles or snorting straws.

Hep C can cause serious liver disease and premature death.

Hep C often shows no symptoms.

Early diagnosis and treatment are vital.

ASK AT YOUR CLINIC ABOUT HEP C TESTING For more information visit www.gmfa.org.uk/hepc GMFA projects are developed by positive and negative volunteers.

To volunteer or donate, call 020 7738 6872 or go to www.gmfa.org.uk Charity number 1076854 • Information accurate as of June 2010 • Design by craig.hewitt1@virgin.net Photography by James Stafford • Dakota Strong supplied by www.maleorderagency.com Supported by the Derek Butler Trust

R

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ADVICE

Rock my world So you think you’re good in bed?

We all think we are legends in the bedroom.

We all think we’ve mastered the art of sucking a big juicy penis but the fact is some of us actually suck at this – not in a good way.

So here at FS HQ we have come up with eight rules for you to improve how you do your thaaang.

Fucking, bumming, blowing, rimming! It’s all part of the package when it comes to sex with another man. And at FS we love it.

But! Have you ever been in bed with a hot guy and it’s just not happening? Everything he does is wrong. Too fast at sucking you off. Too slow at fucking you from behind.

“Harder dammit!”, “Faster!”, “God will you ever finish the fuck up so I can tweet my thoughts about The Great British Bake off.” Sound familiar? Well guess what? The chances are that has been said about you too. No? Really? In denial are we?

www.shutterstock.com/ Zdorov Kirill Vladimirovich

Rule one: Take it slow

You can’t just stick it in straight away and expect him to be happy about it. Frankie says relax… and enjoy some foreplay. Unless a guy is chilled and ready, fucking his arse will probably be a painful experience. Taking the time for foreplay will make sex much more comfortable. This can include rimming, gentle fingering, lubrication, patience and listening to each other and responding appropriately. www.fsmag.org.uk

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Lick it before you suck it, suck the head before you suck the whole of it… don’t go straight in for the kill like something out of Piranha 3D

head before you suck the whole of it… you don’t want to go straight in for the kill like something out of Piranha 3D. Listen to him And let him see you licking and sucking it. Watch out for sensitive men though, Being a top isn’t about being they tend not to like too much action at dominant. It’s true that some guys the tip of the cock as it becomes overly like to be dominated but not everyone sensitive (obvs). Get in there and use does. Don’t just charge in there. If you his whole cock. And if you have a bad ask him how he likes to be fucked you gag reflex there are two things you can can try and fulfil his request, if you like do to help. Orange juice helps due to the sound of it. Listen to his reactions the citric acid in it. But, also put your too. If he is making noises that suggest thumb in your fist and clench really he’s in pain, try to move more slowly. hard. This helps distract the brain. Who Most guys like a change in rhythm now and then so variation is good, but if he’s or lube in the palm of your hand and the knew, eh? screaming with joy, keep doing what underside of your fingers you can pretty you’re doing! much get him going. Just get yourself nice and slippery and pass your palm and fingers over the head of his cock Have a ball (or two) – gently, mind. Spend enough time on Hand jobs are the king! this and even men with less sensitive It’s not just his cock that’s going cocks can really start to squirm. to enjoy the feeling of your velvet tongue all over it. There’s also his The biggest mistake people make balls, though you do have to go in more is treating someone’s cock like gently here as most men are, quite a ketchup bottle. You can’t shake sensibly, nervous when people start his thing so hard to start off with and Suck it and see chewing on their bollocks. You can tell expect him to like it. Start slowly and how hard he likes things by the volume build up the speed as you go. Listen to When taking a guy’s cock in your of his moaning and the motion of his his moans and that should help with the mouth, again, remember to build hips. An often forgotten place is the speed you go at. Also, with a bit of spit up. Lick it before you suck it, suck the

Rule five:

Rule three:

Rule four:

www.shutterstock.com/Alvaro Pantoja

Rule two:

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advice hard bit (well, it’ll be hard if his cock is) between his balls and his arse. Lick it, nibble it, and gently bite it. It’s not that it’s especially sensitive like his cock head but it’s a major turn on and often smells strongly of him (we’re assuming you like him by this stage).

Rule six: Go both ways

Negotiating who is going to do what to whom is a diplomatic dance, a time-honoured ritual.

Sometimes putting a finger in his arse – gently and with lube – or rimming him makes it seem that you are going to be the one doing the fucking but it’s not always the case. Don’t forget, you are allowed to talk about this. A simple, “I’d really like to fuck you” or “I’d really like you to fuck me” is perfectly socially acceptable.

Rule seven:

Sex is fun but...

Okay, so this is the bit where we turn into Cheryl Cole, put on our best Geordie accent, flick our hair back and say “Here comes the science bit, love.”

Putting your penis into another human being is fun but it also causes problems. HIV is still here and is not going away any time soon. There is no cure for HIV. In 2012, over 3,200 gay men were diagnosed HIV-positive in the UK. There are roughly 50,000 gay men living with HIV in the UK.

Rim-a-licious

About 1 in 7 gay men on the scene in London are HIV-positive.

Some people love rimming, some people hate it. Some people only get into it when they meet a certain person, and then the thing that’s always put them off suddenly makes sense and they can’t wait to get their tongue in there. And some people love having it done, while others find it a slimy old non-event. Like all sexual practices, there’s no such thing as one-size-fits-all. If you’re going to do this with a man, make sure he likes it first. The biggest thing that puts people off after rimming is having to kiss. Like, who really wants to kiss their own arse? Having some water (if possible) after rimming to take the taste away can help.

8 out of 10 new HIV infections come from having sex with gay men who didn’t know they were positive.

Rule eight:

We also realise that sex often happens with some form of drug being used, whether it’s alcohol or chems. When having sex under the influence it becomes harder to make wise decisions. If you’ve had sex and you think you’ve put yourself at risk of HIV, then PEP is available.

PEP is a treatment that can stop you becoming HIVpositive if taken within 72 hours after sex.

Find his sensitive points

Some men want you to get in there and go straight to the point.

Others like to be worked up. Finding men’s sensitive points can be very rewarding and makes sex even better.

Ticklish areas tend to be great to explore during sex. So focus on the neck, ears, just behind the ears, torso, lower back and sides. One point, which lots of men never try but works, is the back of the knee. If you don’t believe us, try it. Watch him go crazy as you play with it with your tongue.

1 in 5 gay men who have HIV still don’t know that they have it.

Remaining HIV-negative is your responsibility. If you don’t want HIV then you need to look at how you’re having sex. If you’ve been taking risks then the chances of becoming HIV-positive increase.

It goes without saying that condoms are a good way of preventing HIV. But you should also be testing for HIV regularly. Now, when we say regularly we don’t mean once every three years. Gay men SHOULD test at least once a year but if you are having multiple partners, or any unprotected sex, then you should test more often.

To find out more about PEP or where to get it, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/pep.

To find your nearest GUM clinic to get tested for HIV and other STIs, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.

GMFA has a website dedicated to learning how to improve your sex life. For more information, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex. www.fsmag.org.uk

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Treatment can stop HIV being passed on. But thousands have HIV and don’t know it.

Together testing, treatment and condoms can stop HIV. Order your free postal HIV test or find where to test:

StartsWithMe.org.uk

startswithme

@ startswith_me

LIFE

www.shutterstock.com/Ollyy

The rise of the Keyboard Warrior

of screaming ‘Homophobia!’ from the rooftops often has the opposite effect. Certain online media outlets publish opinion pieces brimming with barely concealed homophobia with the clear intention of baiting the chattering classes. Within minutes of these articles reaching Twitter, they are brutally savaged by the Twitchfork Mob

By Richard Patrick @incrediblyRich until the link has been retweeted so many times that an otherwise obscure article is showered with bucket loads of In 1985, Marty McFly travelled thirty free publicity. years into the future to a world of It’s also curious which stories hoverboards, flying cars and the Keyboard Warriors choose self-lacing sneakers. While to pounce upon and which the promise of a hoverboard stories are given only a remains a distant dream, brief nod of disapproval. we’re all equipped with US rapper Azealia Banks an everyday object far became embroiled in superior and one which a war of words with most of us take for blogger Perez Hilton, granted. Within our calling him a “messy pockets sits a small, faggot”. After followers illuminated rectangle reacted badly to her of immense power. posts, Banks responded The battery might be by claiming: “A faggot is a crock of shit, but not a homosexual male. when our phones are A faggot is any male who fully loaded we can acts like a female. There’s access all of the world’s a BIG difference.” Despite knowledge with the swipe Azaelia’s bizarre efforts to of a thumb. Combined with The justify herself, the Keyboard desktops, laptops and Keyboard Warrior Warriors had a field day sending tablets, social media arms himself with a her a cavalcade of abuse and puts us at the forefront vowing to hound her out of the music lightning-fast thumb, of the newswire, not industry. Yet a few weeks later they only as readers but a flagrant disregard responded with relative nonchalance only as contributors and for fact-checking to the story of a teenage boy who died was his influencers. and a fondness for from severe and substantial injuries complaint While the majority of sustained while attending a South retweeted over extreme knee-jerk Twitter users wield this 2,000 times, but so African camp linked to ‘gay conversion’. power with a modicum of reactions.

This particular story hit most major was the assumption restraint and good humour, news outlets, yet the Keyboard that his experience was the increasing popularity Warriors seemed much less concerned motivated by homophobia. of Twitter as a news source has with spreading this tragedy than they The hotel would later confirm that provided the perfect platform for did with the misguided comments of a the couple had booked their room the infamous Keyboard Warrior to through an online booking system and mediocre pop star. wreak havoc on our timelines. Hidden They might be desperate to portray there were no double rooms available behind the anonymity of a poorly-lit themselves as bastions of equality, when they arrived late at night. The selfie, the Keyboard Warrior arms dripping in rainbow flags and storming couple made it clear that the problem himself with a lightning-fast thumb, a into battle atop their unicorns of rage, lay in the behaviour of the staff, not flagrant disregard for fact-checking but their hearts are ultimately in the the technicalities of the mix-up and and a fondness for extreme knee-jerk right place. If only they could use these the hotel apologised as such. Most reactions. News stories break and powers for good and spread messages news sources reported this event within minutes they become a shrieking which directly benefit the gay with a degree of reticence until the herald of pessimism, unleashing a community at large. I think we’re all facts were confirmed. But facts were barrage of vicious comments and guilty of witnessing a story unfold and irrelevant to the Keyboard Warriors. retweets upon anyone who dares to They bombarded the hotel with endless joining in with the outrage to a certain question their relentless tornado of degree. But the next time you feel the tweets of condemnation, ensuring rage. urge, perhaps take a step back and the story gained maximum exposure.

Take for example the recent case of wait for the facts to roll in before you Their main objective was to whip up a young gay couple denied a double conduct all out warfare with your such a moral frenzy that no amount of bed at a London hotel. The individual thumbs. Unless of course the breaking Cillit Bang could remove the buckets concerned believed he was mistreated story involves Cher quitting the music of outrage thrown across the walls on the basis of his sexuality and took to industry. In which case, RAGE ON. of Twitter. Unfortunately, this method Twitter to express his frustrations. Not www.gmfa.org.uk

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social groups FS advert.indd 1

23/05/2013 13:55

OPINION

Opinion

perhaps even if I am not), I am pretty sure I could get laid as easily and as regularly as the next fella but I choose not to. That is the choice I make and it is a choice that does nobody any harm.

Now, what I would like to know is why so many gay men bang on about having their life choices respected and yet when other gay men live outside the gay

By Malikai ‘stereotype’, they don’t receive the same level of respect that they are expected to give to the gay men that are *ahem* banging? I ask this because for as long as the sex doesn’t involve children and is consensual (so all animals are excluded) and for as long as it doesn’t impact negatively on anyone else’s life, I honestly don’t give a fuck what people get up to.

If someone wants to fuck three different people in one night, good for them. If they want to go to a sauna and take part in an eight person orgy, good for them. If they want to play with shit or be pissed on, good for them. If they want to dress up as a panda bear and get (consensually) gang raped by two squirrels, three sea horses and a free range hen in acting out a fantasy role-play, good for them. If, however, they choose not to conform to the sexual stereotypes that are adopted by gay men, that’s also good for them. My point is that I respect the sexual choices Consider the following dialogue between Now, regardless of the amount of contact other gay men make but, oddly, a lot of gay men I have met have not afforded it has with another human being, I do two men. “You’re frigid”, he said. my choice not to hop from one cock still have a penis and the last time I had “Frigid?” I said. “Yeah, you’re frigid”, he to another the same level of respect. said. One could be forgiven for assuming sex before ‘that’ conversation, I had no Correct me if I’m wrong but does that not trouble becoming (or staying aroused) that the participants in that conversation smack of hypocrisy? nor did I have any trouble being were two quarrelling lovers, but Could it be however that I am wrong responsive. So with those sadly, it was me and one of and that I am supposed to do what men factors in mind, I took my my closest friends and “I do not friend’s comment with a are biologically programmed to do and was in response to feel the need fuck, fuck, fuck? Perhaps, perhaps not. pinch of salt. my asking him why Whichever it is, does my choice make me However, in he thought I didn’t (or have the want) any less gay? the years that make a very good to have endless sexual Surely if we want to be treated as have followed, gay man, why we encounters, not because equals, we must first treat each other as there have been were so different.

I think there is equals? As @mrseras stated in his article several occasions While I welcome in the April issue of FS “...let’s stop when guys have and respect the anything wrong with questioned my sexual judging other people for the choices they opinions my friends, I promiscuity but it’s want to make.” history and most, completely disagreed just not for me” if not all, have been with this one and I shall puzzled by the fact that tell you why.

What do you think? Let us know I have chosen to abstain The word frigid is via @FSmagazineUK or at from sex for most of my adult life, www.facebook.com/fsmag. defined online by the Oxford the longest period being five years. The Dictionaries as “(of a woman) unable to be sexually aroused and responsive” and fact of the matter is simply that I do not Do you have an opinion you’d like

by Cambridge Dictionaries Online as “(of feel the need (or have the want) to have to share in FS? Maybe you’d like to endless sexual encounters. Not because have a rant about gay life? Tweet us a woman) having difficulty in becoming I think there is anything wrong with sexually aroused”. Interestingly, there is @FSmagazineUK or email us at promiscuity, but because it’s just not for no mention of the adjective being used fsmag@gmfa.org.uk and tell us what me. If I am as handsome as I am told (and you’d like to talk about. to describe a man’s sexual capabilities.

www.shutterstock.com/Andy Lim

It’s my choice not to have sex

www.fsmag.org.uk

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Is hairy the new hot?

By Gareth Johnson

@GTVlondon

Fashion is a funny and fickle thing. As Project Runway goddess Heidi Klum says repeatedly: “One day you’re in and the next day… you’re out.”

But ‘fashion’ isn’t limited to the clothes we wear – every aspect of our lives is influenced in some way by what our friends and people around us are doing or saying; what we see in advertising or on TV or in movies; and what our favorite celebrity or sportsman is doing.

This also extends to what is considered sexually attractive, and it’s fascinating to reflect on how this changes over time.

For many years, the idealised image of the sexy gay man that we’ve been presented with in every aspect of our lives has been a guy that is gym-toned and incredibly sleek and smooth.

In Like most gay men in magazines, on the UK, I’ve spent countless hours and invested a lot websites, on the of money in waxing, shaving, Facebook updates lasering, and applying of my friends – the depilatory creams to remove any sign of unwanted and guys that people ‘unattractive’ hair – trimming, are drooling over tweezing, plucking – doing my best to live up to the aspirational are hairy. ideal. If you’re as hairy as me then that can be quite a challenge.

Lately though I’ve been noticing a bit of a sea-change in the gay universe. In

www.shutterstock.com/Yeko Photo Studio

If you follow FS on Facebook you already know that we post lots of shirtless pics and those pics get lots of ‘likes’. But even we can see the number of ‘likes’ goes up when a guy has a bit of fur on him. So we asked Gareth Johnson to figure out just why a bit of fuzz on a man gets us going...

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magazines, on websites, on the Facebook updates of my friends – the guys that people are drooling over are hairy.

Joe Manganiello? Hot. Hugh Jackman? Hot. The guy at my gym who I always try and run into in the sauna? Hot hot hot.

Maybe it’s just that I’m getting older and I’m projecting some sort of fantasy that would mean that I could cut-back on the man-scaping.

I decided to seek some expert advice.

I took to the couch of Nicholas Rose – a counsellor who specialises in working with gay men – and asked him to explain why my perception of what is hot seems to be changing.

“The things we perceive as sexually attractive will be influenced by a whole range of factors including our first loves, previous experiences, our fantasies and then more external information such as fashion, cultural and societal norms and what our families and friends are doing and talking about.”

“As fashions change then the things that we look for are likely to change – what is likely to be more fixed is what we want from others in relation to personality – for example quiet or outgoing, thoughtful or spontaneous, energetic or reflective.”

Sometimes when you see couples together and they seem quite different, almost opposites, I wonder if what we find sexually attractive in others is in some way a projection of what we feel is lacking in ourselves? Rose doesn’t see any problem with this: “Why wouldn’t we want to be with someone who has attributes that we feel we are lacking? Our relationships provide us with an opportunity to learn about ourselves and it’s a really healthy way to discover how wrong our judgements and generalisations can be.”

My other theory is that there is some sort of psychological link between being hairy and being strong and masculine – I put this to Rose: “History has given us many heroic figures where hair has been a central part of masculinity – for example the biblical figure of Samson. It’s so deeply entrenched in our historical psyche that it’s almost genetic – of course we also know that there are strong and masculine men who are not hairy so until science proves that hairy men are stronger and more masculine, being hairy is likely to go in and out of fashion.”

Wondering whether this was just a UK-gay thing, I was in Toronto recently and so tested these theories on Canadian grooming and style expert Shih-Ming Yao. We caught up over a beer at the famous Woody’s bar in the heart of ‘Boystown’ (as the gay district is known in Canada’s gayest city).

“Look around” said Yao, “It’s not tough to find some scruff here in Canada – the boys are all sporting it, it’s pretty much the little black dress for your face.”

He had a point – surveying the good-looking crowd there was a lot of facial hair, lumberjack shirts, and general ruggedness going on. Later that evening Yao took me to an underwear party where we were able to examine the Canadian grooming trends up close. Purely for research purposes, obviously.

Of course it’s horses for courses and if smooth and hairless rocks your boat then all power to you, but from the perspective of a hairy guy it’s a bit reassuring to find quite a bit of evidence to suggest that there definitely seems to be a growing market for the more bearish men among us.

What do you think? Is hairy the new hot? Let us know @FSmagazineUK.

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health & advice

Sort it out!

FS readers and a trained counsellor give their advice on how to tackle one of life’s problems.

This month’s problem: “Help! I cum too quickly” – Andy

Your say...

Facebook responses Dear ANDY Well Andy, it’s not an STI as they don’t cause premature ejaculation, they have other symptoms – discharge, pain or growths, not all at the same time though! Drink normally subdues the senses and this is why you could be able to ‘last longer’ when you are under the influence of alcohol, but it isn’t a permanent fix. I’m certain that if you are under stress or anxious

about something, then a counsellor would be able to sort that out for you. The main thing is to not worry about it, because that could make it worse or make you think about it too much when you’re with a guy. I hope that helps.

Leo Lott

Concentrate on the foreplay and pleasing your partner. Relax.

Guy Clarance Sex is supposed to be fun but it sounds like you’re thinking about it too much. I say start again, don’t use alcohol to prolong, just change what you are doing. Work on your foreplay more so if you do cum quickly then it doesn’t really matter.

Josh Malone

Firstly, eliminate any fears of having an STI by going to get tested at a GUM clinic. That is an easy thing to do and it will clear some worries. Secondly, relax and keep your Work with it, get your man to breathing slow and controlled. When prompt the ‘first firing’ and then you feel an ejaculation coming, squeeze get to the real fun. Second firing always your pelvic floor muscles, as if you are takes a lot longer for any of us. trying to stop peeing mid-process.

Ian Goodwin-Reeves

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I had a similar period like this are alone, mentally visualise yourself where I would cum very quick. The having sex and performing really well more I worried the worse it got. To help, – once you have done this continue I would put a condom on before to imagine yourself having great sex my partner could touch me (and think about how you feel as this was a emotionally) If your feelings desensitised feeling change to anxious “Concentrate and it soon feelings inside, keep changed trying until you can on the foreplay everything. I was mentally imagine and pleasing your able to have sex having great sex for longer and pleasing your partner. Relax. As without partner without mentioned above, cumming too fear of cumming quickly. too soon. This can there is always a be really helpful Ollie second firing to as unless you can imagine it in your mind I’ve been with aim for” first, then when it comes many a guy to the real deal you won’t where this has be able to do it. You need to happend so it’s not change your negative associations uncommon. I used to suggest to to positive ones. regular partners to have a wank a Premature ejaculation can be couple of hours before we met and it treated by sexual health counselling seemed to work. It might work for you which will explore and address the too. But if it doesn’t, then maybe seek reasons why this may be happening. I counselling. would suggest you have a talk with a Jerry McAteer health adviser or maybe a counsellor; this may be helpful for you to identify and understand your thoughts and feelings and, in doing so, develop strategies to deal with it.

A counsellor’s opinion...

Sona Barbosa of the GMI Partnership says: Dear ANDY

Almost everybody has the occasional time when their erection is less strong than they would like but sometimes it becomes a problem. It sounds like your loss of erection is only limited to the moment ‘a guy touches you’. What level of touching are we talking about? Kissing, hugging, penetrating? Also, are you having trouble achieving and maintaining erections at other times (spontaneously, masturbating, oral sex, etc)? If so, it is important that, before anything else, you visit your doctor and rule out any medical problems. If not, then something else might be going on.

Losing erection may bring feelings of shame and/or embarrassment as well as making you feel more anxious; this may further maximise the problem, sometimes referred to as ‘performance anxiety.’ Simply anticipating having sexual interaction can cause you to lose your erection. Having a drink may seem to be helpful at the moment, but may eventually exacerbate the situation as alcohol can play a negative role in erectile dysfunction problems.

One thing you can do is, when you

The GMI Partnership provides counselling for gay men living in London. Visit www.gmipartnership. org.uk.

Next month’s problem...

I’m a 19-year-old gay man who recently moved to London. I went to a house party with some new mates.

The party was going well until people got a bit carried away and started having sex with each other. It started off with some harmless BJs but quickly got a bit more hardcore. I was handed a bottle to sniff. At first, I thought it was poppers but after a few sniffs I could tell it wasn’t. My mind is a bit blank after that and I don’t know what I took or what I did.

I don’t think I had full-on sex with anyone but I can’t say that for sure.

What I want to know is should I be worried about what happened? I’m not sure I want to do this again and don’t know how to say no without losing my new mates. Fab

If you have a problem that needs sorting, email: fsmag@gmfa.org.uk.

Sort it out EXTRA GMFA answers your other questions and worries.

Are HIV-positive men lying?

I see lots of gay dating profiles of HIV-positive men saying they have undetectable viral loads – this seems like horseshit to me. Is there really less of a risk than with other positive guys?

The evidence suggests that an undetectable viral load does make HIV transmission much less likely. In fact, the reduction in risk is comparable, or possibly even greater, than using a condom. If an HIV-positive person is taking his medication and is free from other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), he is likely to have an undetectable HIV viral load. Whilst it is up to individuals to decide whether or not they will have sex with an HIV-positive person whose viral load is undetectable, the risk in catching HIV from someone who has an undetectable viral load is fairly low.

Even though the risk is smaller when an HIV-positive man’s viral load is undetectable, he is still HIV-positive and therefore there is a small risk of him passing HIV to you if you have unprotected anal sex. This is especially true if you are having sex with a casual hook-up, as you are more likely to be unsure that his viral load is truly undetectable.

He may have picked up an STI or may not be taking his medication regularly, both of which have serious implications for his viral load which would potentially make him more infectious. Some mixed HIV status gay couples choose to have condomless sex if the positive partner’s viral load is undetectable. However this is strategy is most appropriate for consenting, monogamous partners where both partners can be fairly certain of the positive partner’s undetectable viral load.

For info on sex, STIs or to ask a question, visit: www.gmfa.org.uk/sex.

www.fsmag.org.uk

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health & advice

CHECKout!

Each month our resident Dr Seán Cassidy tells us what’s going on at your local GUM clinic and what you @Dr_SeanC need to be looking out for.

This month: The clap trap “Something isn’t right down there, doc.” It wasn’t the first time a patient had said this to me, but usually they had managed to sit down before coming out with it.

He was clearly distressed about something. “A couple of days ago I noticed it was burning when I peed. Then I woke up this morning and there was green gunge everywhere”. When he pulled his trousers down, I could see he’d tied toilet tissue around his penis.

I’d already guessed the diagnosis by this point. There was a snot-like greeny-yellow discharge oozing from his penis. I took a quick swab of the discharge, had a look at it under the microscope and ten minutes later I was able to confirm my suspicions: he had gonorrhoea.

“But... I don’t understand. I’ve only had sex twice in the last few months, and that was only oral!”

I explained that gonorrhoea, as a bacterial STI, can be transmitted during both anal AND oral sex (although probably not from sharing a gym towel, as one patient swore blind to me). He saw a health adviser at the clinic who talked through how he would notify his recent partners (thankfully he’d saved both of them as favourites on Grindr so was able to contact them easily), and we sent him home after an antibiotic injection and a course of tablets.

Dr Seán Cassidy is a GUM doctor at Burrell Street Sexual Health Clinic in London.

To find your nearest GUM clinic, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/clinics.

To learn more about Gonorrehoea and other STIs, visit www.gmfa.org.uk/sex

What you need to know

Gonorrhoea (or ‘the clap’ as it is affectionately known) is the second most common STI in the UK after chlamydia. The number of cases has shot up in recent years, particularly in gay men.

You can get it from

Oral: being sucked off by someone who has the bacteria in the back of their throat.

Anal: from fucking (whether you’re top or bottom).

From fisting or sharing sex toys.

Symptoms

Symptoms to look out for are discharge and burning when you pee.

However, if you have it in your bum or throat then it’s likely you’ll have NO symptoms. That’s why, when you come to the clinic, we’ll offer you testing at all those sites so we know we’ve covered all bases.

Prevention

The best way to avoid catching gonorrhoea is to use condoms consistently and if you’re fisting to change gloves between each partner. In reality, not many guys like using condoms for oral sex so it’s important to have a regular STI screen to make sure we pick up infections early. If you have gonorrhoea in your penis, then chances are you’ll know about it.

Treatment

Gonorrhoea is relatively easy to treat and usually requires an injection in your bum cheek (not as bad as it sounds – honest!) and a short course of tablets. It’s important you avoid having sex for the week following treatment to make sure the infection has completely cleared up.

There have been recent news reports about gonorrhoea becoming resistant to the antibiotics we’re using. So far we haven’t seen much resistance in the UK, although it’s likely to become a serious problem in the future. Luckily we’re able to do a test which works out the right antibiotics to treat the infection.

We see all our patients who’ve been diagnosed with gonorrhoea two weeks later for what we call a ‘test of cure’ – this means repeating the swabs to make sure the infection has definitely been eradicated.

Remember, the best way to prevent gonorrhoea is to use condoms during sex. If you are not using condoms then get yourself tested at least every six months.

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GMFA - for gay men’s sexual health.

Unit 11, Angel Wharf, 58 Eagle Wharf Road, London N1 7ER. Charity No: 1076854 GMFA projects are developed by positive and negative volunteers.

To support GMFA’s work visit: www.gmfa.org.uk/donate. part of Responsibility2012.indd 1

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G AY S P O R T S D AY Form a

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22/05/2013 14:53