Who gets the “Big Present’ BGM Legal

Who gets the ‘BIG PRESENT’ i.e., Christmas day with the children? Parenting arrangements over the holidays & how to keep everyone happy.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas but is it really the most wonderful time of the year? For many separated families, tis the season for stress, anxiety and often adjustment. While most of us are busy delegating who’s in charge of stuffing the turkey, separated families are forced to navigate the reality of separation and figuring out how the children will spend the holiday period.

So, who gets the ‘big present’ i.e., Christmas day with the children? Well, that’s a matter entirely dependent on the circumstances and can inevitably create a Christmas nightmare. Where there are parenting orders in place, the Orders will specify the arrangements for the holiday period. Typically, parenting orders are drafted to provide alternate arrangements each year so that no parent misses out. So, while Mum gets Christmas Eve and Christmas morning this year, Dad will get that time next year and so forth. Communication time is typically included in parenting orders, so while one parent may have the primary care of the children over the holiday period, the other parent will always communicate with the children via telephone, Skype, or Facetime etc.

If it is the case that there are parenting orders in place, it provides a sense of structure and stability. Regardless, the reality of separation is far from a Hallmark movie, and it can be a challenging time for the children and extended family members such as grandparents, adjusting to the change. This is especially so if it is the ‘first’ post-separation Christmas. It is important that you remain child focused and remember any tension or negativity, will only ruin the holidays for the children and as parents, you will be on the naughty list.

A Christmas nightmare will arise if one parent does not comply with the Orders and breaches the Orders (e.g., refuses to return the children to the other parent’s care). This is far more serious than the age-old debate of whether Die Hard is or is not a Christmas movie and can cause a great deal of distress. The aggrieved parent then has the option to file a Contravention Application and can ask the Court to either; ensure the resumption of the Orders, compensate for lost contact time, vary the existing Order, or punish the parent who breached the Orders. So, the moral of the story is, follow the Order, less you risk having to explain why you have not done so.

In circumstances where there is an informal parenting arrangement in place (i.e., parenting plan or no written agreement) and where the parents are on amicable terms and can co-parent effectively, it is often the case that the parents will negotiate an arrangement between themselves. However, informal arrangements are not legally binding and can be revoked or altered at any time. If this is the case, we highly recommend planning to ensure the only issue is deciding whether to play Michael Bublé or Mariah Carey’s Christmas album. It is best practice to get any agreement in writing, and you can talk to a family lawyer about whether a formal Order (embodying arrangements for Christmas, and other parenting issues) might be a good solution for your family.

If you are currently in dispute regarding parenting arrangements or concerned with how the children will spend the holiday period, you may need the Court’s assistance to implement a parenting order (on an interim or final basis). To avoid a Christmas nightmare, you must file your parenting application a few months prior to Christmas. It is important to remember that the Court will only make orders that are in the best interests of the children, not the parents. If an application is filed beyond this time, the Court is unlikely to be able to consider the application until the New Year.

If you have concerns about your parenting arrangements for the upcoming holiday period, please contact the team at BGM Family Lawyers.