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MAKE YOUR MARK BARBIE TURNS 60 DESIGNING AN ICON LOVING FEELINGS GIFTS FOR DEEPER CONNECTIONS 8 WAYS TO HAPPINESS SNATCH IT BACK IN 2019 INTERVIEW: SHAWN-CAULING YOUNG LOVE BEYOND GIVEN CIRCUMSTANCES
February 17, 2019 • 5:00PM - 8:00PM The Wimbish House • 1150 Peachtree St NE $45 adv • $50@door | 21+ • ID Required
Beats by DJ MIKE POPE Cocktails by
joininghearts.org
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o doubt that the celebration of Valentine’s Day has become a shameless deep-dive into consumerism, but there’s still something to be said about celebrating love – or taking the opportunity for some sexy one-on-one time with the object of your affection. Jeff Fuller is back with an account of what Valentine’s Day actually stands for, and you will be guided to some romantic, sexy gifts that are a far cry from flowers and candy, but the gateway to a deeper (or at least hotter) connection with a loved one. And speaking of celebrating love, I talked to actor and director Shawn-Cauling Young who plays the transwoman character Crystal in the movie “Heart, Baby!” about the unexpected prison love connection between Crystal and a former boxing champion. As Shawn describes it, it is all about loving beyond whichever circumstances were given to you.
We also guide you to how you can pursue happiness in 2019, and our fashion shoot by the incredible Gastohn Barrios takes us to a refined, yet sexy fashion realm. Finally, our lovely muse and chanteuse, Deven Green, is back in her usual groove to close out the issue with her advice based on her salacious experience, but before she does that, she also spoke to her friend, Bill Greening, who also happens to design Barbies! Read about how Barbie helped him come out and how he is living a life-long dream creating looks for the iconic doll that turns 60 this year. Welcome back, and enjoy this issue of Goliath.
Mikkel Hyldebrandt Editorial Director mikkel@GoliathAtlanta.com
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CONTENTS FEBRUARY 2019
O P E R AT I O N S Jeff Anderson SALES AND DEVELOPMENT DIRECTOR EDITORIAL DIRECTOR Mikkel Hyldebrandt GRAPHIC DESIGNER Rodney Belcher CONTRIBUTORS Jeff Fuller Deven Green Mikey Rox
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SALES Andrea Davis SALES REPRESENTATIVE Thomas Le SALES REPRESENTATIVE DISTRIBUTION Andrea Davis
H E A R T, B A B Y
N AT I O N A L A D R E P Rivendell Media 908.232.2021 PRINT At Community Distribution Points Across the City
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ONLINE GoliathAtlanta.com COVER Gastohn Barrios
BABRIE
AGENDA.................................................................... APPEARANCES........................................................... WELL HELLO..............................................................
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The content of Goliath Atlanta is for your general information and use only. It is subject to change without notice. The opinions expressed by any writer, advertiser, or other person appearing in Goliath Atlanta are not necessarily those of this publication, its management or staff. The information and materials appearing in the magazine are not guaranteed or warranted as to accuracy, timeliness, performance, completeness, or suitability of the information and materials found or offered for a particular purpose. It shall be your responsibility to ensure that any products, services, or information available through Goliath Atlanta meets your specific requirements. Goliath Atlanta is not responsible for claims made by advertisers, content of information, changes, events, and schedules.The magazine contains information and material which is owned by or licensed to Goliath Atlanta, including but not limited to articles, advertisements, design, layout, graphics, and logos. No part or portion of Goliath Atlanta may be reproduced in any way without the prior written consent of the publisher. Unauthorized use of Goliath Atlanta may give rise to claims for damages and or criminal offenses. Your use of the information or materials in Goliath Atlanta is strictly at your own risk.
SOUTHEASTERN PREMIERE! By Chay Yew A suspenseful examination of an alienated young man’s life filled with mystery and murder.
FEBRUARY 7-23, 2019 Tickets: $15 and up Out Front Theatre Company 999 Brady Avenue, Atlanta
www.OutFrontTheatre.com
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ON THE ATL AGENDA 5th Annual Our Founding Valentines Join the Atlanta Pride Committee and Touching Up Our Roots for the 5th Annual Our Founding Valentines, an event honoring the leaders and change-makers in the LGBTQ community, on Tuesday, Feb 12, at Out Front Theatre. This year’s event focuses on HIV/AIDS activism through the years. The event will feature a panel discussion with this year’s honorees, as well as a performance from trailblazing camp drag troupe, The Armorettes!
Trevor Noah: Loud & Clear Tour The South-African host of the Daily Show, avid political commentator, and comedian brings his sharp satirical wit to Fox Theatre on February 15. His standup comedy show recaps some of his most memorable moments throughout his illustrious career
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The G8Yties 80’s Dance Party What’s Love Got to Do With It Join the second round and special Valentine’s Day edition of the 80s party that launched in January. On February 15, the Heretic will keep lovers dancing to the best beats of the 80s at the best retro party in town.
Deep South presents HORSE MEAT DISCO
Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater
Vicki Powell and Deep South are proud to announce the return of HORSE MEAT DISCO to Atlanta’ s Heretic on February 16. Back by popular demand, the international act first visited Atlanta in February 2018 - they currently hold and run regular parties across the UK, Europe, and the world. Tickets via universe.com.
February 21-24 the famous Alvin Ailey Dance Company graces the stage of the Fox Theatre. The tour celebrates 60 years of groundbreaking modern dance history from the humble beginnings at a New York City to today. Tickets via foxtheatre.org.
Paula Poundstone The stand-up comic comes to the Buckhead Theatre on February 22 with her show known for her smart, observational humor and legendary spontaneous wit. Tickets are available through Live Nation.
Steamhouse Lounge Oysterfest 2019 Atlanta’s original oysterfest welcomes seafood lovers on February 23-24 for two days of amazing oysters whether you like them roasted, chargrilled or in a po’boy! The new location is at the corner of Peachtree Street and 12th Street in Midtown. Passes and information at freshtix.com.
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FREE HIV TESTING Contact us for free HIV testing dates and sites in Fulton County
#STOPHIVATL
678.365.4300
PositiveImpactHealthCenters.org
Provided through a grant from the Fulton County Board of Health.
LOVE BEYOND GIVEN CIRCUMSTANCES By Mikkel Hyldebrandt For the role as the trans woman Crystal, actor ShawnCauling Young, a cisgendered, gay man, immersed himself in the trans experience by representing as a trans woman for six months. Goliath’s Mikkel Hyldebrandt spoke to the actor about the world of make-believe, the power of a love story, unlikely bonds, the trans experience, and the imminent need to support the trans community. Growing up as the youngest of four in a double-wide trailer in the desert outskirt of Farmington, New Mexico with hardworking, middle-class parents, Shawn-Cauling Young always knew he was different. With that knowledge he turned to the land of make-believe instead and spent most of his childhood daydreaming he was someone else. Surrounded by toxic masculinity, he was relentlessly bullied for what was considered feminine traits, like his sensibility and hyper-awareness of his surroundings, and because he wasn’t into sports like the other boys, he was teased and labeled f****t because he would hang out with girls without dating them. So, Shawn would erase his true self and depended on his talent for pretending to be like the other guys in order to survive. It wasn’t until high school that Shawn learned that he could embrace his survival trait as a gift and a talent, and he used it to feel significant in the world. In a way, his pretending switched to being acting, and that’s when he knew what career path he wanted to pursue – making a living as a storyteller. After graduating with a BFA in acting from The Hartt School at the University of Hartford, he moved to New York City and quickly landed his first film, and his career as an actor took off. Now, he plays Crystal in the film “Heart, Baby” about the unlikely prison romance between a trans woman and a boxing champ. To fully immerse himself into the role, Shawn lived as a trans woman for six months, and once again turned to the world of make-believe to experience how living and presenting as your true self can be a matter of survival.
‘Heart, Baby!’ is about the unlikely prison romance between a transwoman and a boxing champ. How did you come across this story? A few years back, writer and director Angela Shelton spoke at the 140 Conference in New York where she met Andy “Doc” Dixon. They quickly bonded and became fast friends. Doc was in prison with George, and the two had been best friends since childhood. A few months later, over some wine, Doc told Angela the story of George and his transgender cellmate Crystal. By the time he was finished, he and Angela were crying, his wife crying, even the dogs were crying! Angela told Doc this needs to be a movie. He agreed, saying only she could do it. Angela began to research and craft the remarkable love story of George and Crystal, and in the summer of 2015, she sent me the script for Heart, Baby!
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Photographer: Ken Weingart Groomer: Paige Davenport for Exclusive Artists using Laura Mercier and R+Co Stills Courtesy of Heart, Baby
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What drew you to this story? Crystal. She was a remarkable human being. I was fascinated by her innate ability to love beyond her given circumstance. Crystal was an Evangelical transgender woman who found the freedom to be herself inside the confines of a men’s prison! She was a devout believer in Christ who could quote the Bible three ways from Sunday while turning the fiercest look. She was beautiful and complex. Unfortunately, she was literally erased by her family. They concocted false drug charges and locked her away under a fake name to protect the family’s reputation. Despite this, Crystal was filled with love and loyalty to those around her. Crystal’s story is the heart and soul of the film. That being said, there are so many elements of Heart, Baby! that apply to today’s world. It’s not very often that you come across a story that is filled with such heart. When I read the script for the first time, I couldn’t believe it was true. How could an epic love story like this not be known? I couldn’t put it down. I read it three times in a row because I was so moved by their love. I knew I had to do whatever I could to help bring their love to the big screen.
What is it about the unlikely bond between a trans woman and boxing champ that is so powerful? I’ll be the first to admit that their bond makes no sense, on paper. They were polar opposites. I think what makes this story so powerful is that these two human beings were able to find love in such a hopeless place. It shows the depths of the power of love. It was the 80s. This was a time where people could barely understand the concept of transgender, let alone accept it. Throw in the fact they were of different races and religious beliefs and their story becomes even more compelling. The idea that a straight, African-American man fell in love with a white, Evangelical, transgender woman and gave up his chance at freedom to protect her blows my mind. It’s one of the greatest examples of love of which I’ve ever heard. You can’t make love like this up! It transcends time and space. For me, it’s biblical.
In preparation for the role as Crystal, you decided to live as a trans woman. Why did you think that was necessary for the part? When I came onto the project, I was solely a producer. I had no intention of playing the role of Crystal. Our casting director (John Jackson) combed the country for weeks looking for a trans actress. After a month, only ten were submitted. Of those ten, eight were African-American and obviously not a match – Crystal’s was a blonde, white woman. Unfortunately, the two actresses who remained were unable to portray her essence. We were backed into a corner. That’s when Angela suggested I do a makeup test to see if I could pass as a woman. When she sent the photos to Doc, he burst into tears. Angela was adamant that I was the best human to play the role. After much debate, I agreed with the condition that I live as a trans woman for the entire experience. I’m a cisgender, gay man who knew nothing of the trans experience. I had an
obligation to Crystal, and to the entire trans community, to do everything I could to respect and honor them. The only way I knew I could do this was to live their life and see the world through their eyes.
As a cisgender, gay man, have you received any backlash for portraying a trans woman? Surprisingly, most of the backlash I’ve received has come from media outlets that are LGBTQ focused. Several prominent magazines and organizations won’t speak to me or review the film because I’m not trans. Ironically, I have several trans friends who have seen the film and said that only I could have played this part. Many have gone on record saying they approve of and fully support my portrayal of Crystal. The fact I’m experiencing discrimination from my own community shocks and disappoints me. My job as an actor is to find empathy and understanding of the human experience. Most of the time, the characters I play have lived a drastically different life than mine. I lived as a trans woman so that I could be an advocate, knowing for myself what it’s like to live in their world. It’s interesting to me that within the LGBTQ community and media there is discrimination and hate, especially toward other LGBTQ individuals. We need to be celebrating anyone who is willing to tell out stories. I understand that it may look like I’m just another cisgender man taking a role away from a trans person, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.
What was your experience of living trans? Did you experience harassment? I had no idea how difficult it was for a trans woman to live her life, just as herself. Words cannot truly express the hell I experienced. Our government marginalizes trans individuals more than any other demographic within the LGBTQ community. There are no laws to protect against the discrimination of trans people in housing, healthcare, education, and many other basic civil rights. I naïvely stepped into the trans experience thinking it couldn’t be that bad, quickly realizing society is severely tilted against trans people, not to mention women in general. I faced oppression, degradation, objectification, mental and physical harassment. Many people are quick to jump to hatred when they encounter someone they can’t place into a category with which they are comfortable. For six months, I committed myself to the trans experience, and I’m forever changed because of it. I was in constant fear for my survival, and I believe this is how I trapped into Crystal’s truth. Sometimes it was “We don’t serve your kind here.” Other times it was much more dangerous. One time I was followed down the street by two men who demanded I give them the attention they felt they deserved. If they had found out, I was trans, who knows what they would have done. I also had a stalker who waited for me outside my apartment in New Orleans. The experience was so terrifying; I dealt with depression and anxiety daily. It got so bad that I couldn’t even deal with my own genitalia. It began to represent all of the danger
that I was experiencing from the outside world. If everyone were to experience the struggle trans people live every day, the world would be much more loving and accepting.
What was the eye-opening experience from having a trans experience? In a patriarchal, heteronormative society like the United States, life is built on the foundation of suppressing anything feminine. We’ve been living in a “man’s world,” and it’s bullshit. It wasn’t until I lived my life as a trans woman that I came to truly understand this. It’s an oppressive and violent uphill climb for a transgender person to have an equal playing field. It’s important for all human beings of this world, no matter how they identify or express themselves, to have the inalienable and legal right to be who they are without jurisdiction or ramifications. With federal and state laws currently designed the way they are, not much is going to change any time soon without loud vocal action. That’s why now, more than ever, we as a community and a nation must stand up against the oppression of our trans brother and sisters. We must unite and protect them. It’s the only way we are going to survive as a global community.
Where can we enjoy your talents – either as producer, director or actor – next? My writing and directorial debut, Stand/Still, is currently making the rounds on the film festival circuit. It’s a psychological thriller about a middle-aged couple who turn to human trafficking in order to have a child of their own. It’s a terrifying look inside the minds of human traffickers. The short is a proof of concept for a feature of the same name which will hopefully be in production by next summer. We have been fortunate enough to have already won several awards including Best Direction as well as Audience Choice. As an actor, you can catch me on HBO in January 2019. I have an awesome role on True Detective opposite Academy Award-winner Mahershala Ali. This season is going to be amazing. It’s a definite must-see!
Anything you’d like to add? I am grateful for Goliath for giving me this chance to share my story. I wish more LGBTQ organizations and media outlets were like you!
Heart, Baby! Premiered on the festival rounds in 2018 with a wider release in May. Go to heartbabythemovie.com to see where it is screening now.
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REFRESH REFINE REPEAT
Photography Gastohn Barrios | IG @gastohnphotographer | gastohn.com Models Natalia Fassi | IG @nataliafassi Jorge Piantelli | IG @j.piantelli Jhonatan Mujica | IG @itsjhonmujica Emanuel Salvatore | IG @esalvatore_ David García | IG @david_garcia.zarate Production Pablo Zamudio | IG @pablo.zamudio
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Makeup Marr Bauer | IG @marrbauer Hair Brian Acosta | IG @acostabrian10 Fashion Jorge Sandoval Fashion Designer | IG @ jorgesandovaldesigner Absolut Joy | IG @ aj.absolutjoy Ozono Gafas | IG @ ozonogafas
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Manif d’art – The Quebec City Biennal Manif d’art brings together artists at different stages of their career. Its activities offer them innovative platforms for creation and exhibition. Through its multi-pronged approach, Manif d’art endeavors to stem the tide of artists leaving the Québec City region. The 9th Quebec City Biennial is under the theme ‘so small between the stars, so large against the sky.’
Robert Mapplethorpe, Self Portrait (1980). Photo courtesy of the Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum. Gift of the Robert Mapplethorpe Foundation © The Estate of Robert Mapplethorpe.
Showing February 16 through April 21, 2019, at Manif d’Art.
Implicit Tensions: Mapplethorpe Now
manifdart.org
Desert X Desert X is a site-specific, contemporary art exhibition that is held in the Coachella Valley in southern California and brings the finest international artists to the Coachella Valley to create art, engage viewers, and focus attention on the valley’s environment. Desert X is free and open to the public. On view now through April 21, 2019. Go to desertx.org for more info and to plan your visit. Doug Aitken’s \u0022Mirage.\u0022 The mirror house is a part of the Desert X art installation
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In the thirty years since his death, Robert Mapplethorpe (1946–1989) has become a cultural icon. One of the most critically acclaimed and controversial American artists of the late twentieth century, Mapplethorpe is widely known for bold imagery that deliberately transgresses social mores, and for the censorship debates that transpired around his work in the United States during the late 1980s and early 1990s. Yet the driving force behind his artistic ethos was an obsession with perfection that he bought to bear on his approach to each of his subjects. On View now through July 10, 2019, at Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum in New York. guggenheim.org
OCTOBER 11-13,2019 atlantapride.org
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Thank You, Atlanta! Over
3,000 Toys
donated from this year’s event! We want…
...to hear your feedback! ...you to apply to our all-volunteer board! ...you to volunteer at our next event!
Email us at Support@forthekid.org or find us online: forthekidatl
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Mikkel Hyldebrandt
You may call cheap-shot consumerism on the whole Valentine’s Day thing, but on the other hand, it doesn’t hurt to get a little nudge to do something special for the object of your desire. Forget about flowers and candies, and go for offerings that set the mood for deepening your connection instead.
WHAT’S BENEATH A great and sexy gift for your romantic interest is a favorite pair of underwear – either worn by you or by him! Charlie Classic Jock Strap, $38
BED LIT Reading aloud for each other is actually a very cozy and bonding experience – and why not make your pillow-talk story time a little sexier with a sexy read that might spark a good conversation about your own experiences and desires? The Diary of a Horny Man (E-Book), $5
LET’S GO A luxury luggage tag may seem like a sweet but somewhat practical gift – but not if it comes with an already planned romantic getaway! Smythson Burlington Luggage Tag, $125
SCENT THE ROOM
LET IT POP
The hourglass diffuser is soothing and hypnotic to look at on its own as you watch the fluid drip from one glass section to the other. It releases the scent of a warm fig tree with notes of tree bark, leaves, and sweet milky sap of the fruit.
The sparkling rosé is the perfect pairing to fresh fruit and more savory bites – and it’s perfect to mix in sparkly cocktails. At the price point, it is also the ideal bottle to be a little lavish with and perhaps even pour over and lick off your partner.
Diptyque Fig Tree Scent Diffuser, $150
Hourglass
Barefoot Brut Rosé, $10
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SAY IT WITH ART Carefully selected artwork is a great way to show you have given your gift a great deal of consideration. And hanging it will be just as much fun as giving it. James With Jockstrap by Jeremy Lucido, Exclusive Photograph Edition by Jeremy Lucido for Tom Of Finland Store (signed and numbered). Size: 14” W X 11” H, $200
UNLOCK ROMANCE A cute key chain is a great sexy souvenir to give – especially if it holds the key to your place too! Tom of Finland Key Ring, $13
LASCIVIOUS LATHER A cleanser for your genitals may not scream romance unless you offer to be the one to lather the region and things take an instantly sexier turn. The set contains a wash, a soothing rub, and a refreshing mist. Ballsy the Sack Pack, $45
LIGHT THE FUSE Instead of a traditional dinner, why not plan a romantic bath scenario that will surely spark the mood for something sexier once you towel-dry each other off. Life Elements Valentine’s Day Bath Bomb, $43 Life Elements CBD Men’s Bath Bomb, $20
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DATING BARBIE By Deven Green
Well Hello, Bill Greening is a dear friend of mine who happens to design Barbie. I thought you may enjoy his story.
Bill, tell us what you do with Barbie? I’m a Principal Designer on Barbie Signature as well as the Barbie Brand Historian. I started at Mattel in 1999. I started working on play dolls for kids until 2006 when I started working on collectable Barbie dolls the Barbie Signature team.
2019 is a special anniversary year, isn’t it? March 9, 2019 will be the 60th anniversary of her first debut at New York Toy March in 1959! We consider that her birthday here at Mattel. She is the #1 fashion doll in the world. It’s truly awesome the long-standing power of the Barbie doll and how many generations have enjoyed playing and collecting her. Today 58 million dolls are sold worldwide per year!
Which Barbie’s are you most proud of creating? With the kid’s dolls, it’s very rewarding to see a child get a Barbie doll, that creates a fun happy memory. That this may be the doll they remember playing with for a life time. It’s funny because a lot of those kids what were five and six in the early 2000’s when I first started designing are now in their twenties. if I post one of my first designs on social media, I like to read the reactions and comments. Like ‘OMG I had that doll!’
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Some of those Barbie dolls most remembered I designed are Cool Clips, Dream Glow, Picture Pockets, and Jam N/ Glam. In fact, the famous Saturday Night Live Barbie and Skipper spoof with Amy Poehler and Britney Spears, Jam N/ Glam Teresa is mentioned, I’m so honored! In the collector line, I really love working on fantasy type dolls because you can really take the design into that over the top glamour that you might only see in movies, stage production, or some eccentric pop stars wardrobe. Barbie is a blank slate and she can be anything. Sone of my favorites are Unicorn Goddess Barbie, Goddess of the Galaxy Barbie, the Haunted Beauty Barbie line because I love Halloween! There are some dolls, that I worked on, that seem to be favorites in the gay community as well like Wonder Woman, Henry Cavill Superman, Cher, Ladies of the 80’s Joan Jett, Cyndi Lauper, and Debbie Harry, Dynasty’s Krystle and Alexis, Farrah Fawcett, Tippy Hedren in The Birds, The Blonds Blond Diamond Barbie doll. It’s funny because the Blonds Barbie often turns up in many funny glamour diva type memes. I know the real-life Blonds, David And Phillipe, think this is funny too.
Why do you think Barbie is so popular with the Gay community? I think many gay men have some sort of experience with Barbie. If they wanted a doll for themselves as a child, played with their sisters, or the best case had parents who just saw the doll as a toy not just a toy for girls and gave it to them. There is an allure with Barbie, the glamour, the larger than life persona. She’s an icon like Cher, Madonna, etcetera. She keeps serving your looks for the last 60 years. She evolves her look each decade, capturing cultural trends, fashion, and fads. She’s a little time capsule of pop culture. I always think drag queens emulate the top icons of pop culture Icons like Cher or Madonna, and I think it’s awesome when I see drag queens pay homage to Barbie. My friend Trinna Modele does Barbie in her show and the crowd goes wild. I’ve seen Violet Chachki do the 1959 Barbie look on social media. I have a picture of Lady Bunny standing next to Karl Lagerfeld at a Barbie event dressed up like my Pop Life Barbie design, and Trixie Mattel re-created a look from one of the dolls I worked on called Golden Dream Barbie from the Superstar Forever Series. That was a big honor to see people making the comparison of social media and tagging me.
Did Barbie help you come out? Yes, I feel like Barbie has been my friend my whole life. She’s been my side for a long time. When I was very young like around four or five, I had my own Malibu Barbie dolls. It was ok to have them as a young boy, then suddenly it wasn’t. I think my mom was afraid what the neighbors would say when I got a little too old in her opinion. Funny though my dad never had an issue with me playing dolls and often bought me them when I got him to take me to the toy store! I always still found a way to play Barbie with girlfriends and my cousin. Around 17 years old, in 1988, I decided to start collecting Barbie. There was some resistance at first, but my Mom gave in and eventually joined me in the hobby. We went to doll shows and antique shops together and it became our time to hang out. In 1990, I came out, I was 19. My mom really had a hard time with it. I think she always knew I was gay, but in that time period, the media was talking about the AIDS crisis, and I think my Mother’s reaction came out of a place of fear not hate. Thankfully, we had a neutral ground of Barbie collecting to keep us talking. It was a way for us to connect in a lighthearted way. The hobby gave us a neutral place to be together. My dad, in contrast, was always very cool. He believed we all walk our own path in life. My path was a gay man who collected and would eventually design for Barbie. It’s all I ever wanted to do since childhood. After design school, I landed my job at Mattel. My parents could not have been prouder. They even had a large Barbie display in their house of my work. They would show off to kids and the neighbors when they came over. Both my parents have passed away now. I’m very thankful they were on this journey with me, coming out, discovering my passion for doll design, and sharing the joy of Barbie. 2019 really gives me pause. A chance to think back, look forward and to celebrate along with Barbie. Thank you so much Bill and congratulations. To shop Bill Greening’s designs go to Barbie.com and search Bill Greening Follow Bill on FB / IG @BillGreening.
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WAYS TO SNATCH HAPPINESS BACK IN 2019 By Mikey Rox
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I’ll say it: The past few years have been a f***ing nightmare. The climate in this country – and, arguably, the world – is so volatile that it’s a wonder any of us get a good night’s sleep. I find myself angry, negative and depressed for no good reason, but at the end of the day how much does any of the shit we put ourselves through really matter? After a lot of reflection, I’ve come to realize that it doesn’t. None of it. Not a single thing impeding your or my happiness is worth what we’re feeding it. So why not stop? I am – starting now. Here’s how I’m snatching back my happiness in 2019. 1. Allowing myself to be proud of me My grandmother – the one who disowned me for being gay – used to talk a lot about the importance of humility. In fact, she prosthelytized the importance of many “Christian” ideals, but rarely exercised them herself, especially where love and acceptance is concerned. And that’s the primary problem with people trying to teach you to be you: They have no goddamn idea what they’re talking about. As a result, I grew up being ashamed of who I was while not allowing myself to celebrate the growth and progress I make as a human being every day. But that stops here. I have so much to be proud of as not only a man but a gay man. I’m young(ish), successful, blessed in so many ways, and I’ve done all my adulting on my own. That deserves a big pat of the back – and I’m giving it to myself this year. 2. Not giving into short-term gratification I love shopping. If we’re hunting for clothing and homegood bargains, I’m there in a jif. But it’s an expensive habit to maintain. I update my wardrobe and add décor to my homes more often than I’d like to admit (even though my bank account serves as a constant reminder), but I’ve recently made a resolution that nothing new comes through these doors for the entire year. How will I do that? I’ve started by cutting up credit cards and unsubscribing from every marketing email that has landed in my inbox since January 1. It’s a virtual ghost town in there these days. The next phase is to start editing my closets and my homes for items I can sell to help reach my New Year’s saving resolution, which this year is in the double-digit thousands – all cash in hand. It’s lofty, but I’m determined – and that’s all the motivation I need. 3. Downsizing my entire life I’ll start selling my material possessions this year because I don’t need them where I’m going. My long-term goal for 2019 is to unload all my real estate, purchase a van that’s suitable for daily life, and hit the road. As I’ve sat in my properties – alone – for the past few years, I’ve had plenty of time to think, and the question I keep coming back to is, what the hell are you doing here? The answer is nothing. I’m doing nothing where I am but wasting the time I could be spending out there in the world experiencing life instead of literally watching it pass me by. It’s a major change that’ll signify the start of the second half of my life story, but I eat challenges like this for breakfast.
4. Cutting out alcohol so I can remember what I’m really like Many people have a difficult relationship with alcohol, myself included. And as I reflect on the over 20 years that I’ve allowed alcohol to ruin relationships, squander opportunities and otherwise fuck me up physically, mentally and emotionally, I have to consider the alternative. So beginning at the top of the year, I decided to live alcohol free until April 1. That’s not the date when I’ll start drinking again, but rather a date that gives me enough time to clear my head, concentrate on my fitness goals and then weigh my options. Will I be the better person I want to be, or am I a dick sober too? Time will tell. 5. Finding more people who raise my spirits I don’t like to put down our own LGBTQ community, but we can be real cunts to one another. It’s not just us, though. There are so many people out there who are committed to infecting everyone around them with their negativity that I sometimes dread leaving the house. Everybody has an attitude these days, and for what? Who knows, but I’m canceling all my dates with those downers and only giving time to people who make me feel good about myself. Thank you, next. 6. Avoiding as much political media as I can I’m turning off the TV, changing the settings on the news I receive, and avoiding all political debates on social media. It’ll drive you fucking nuts if you give into it, and we can’t let the trolls control us. Look the other way and have nothing to say is my new motto. It’s everybody for themselves out there. 7. Practicing more self-care More hot baths, facials, massages, meditation, gym classes, yoga, (safe) SEX, and whatever else makes my mind and body feel like I deserve this. Because I do. 8. Refusing to do anything I don’t want to do I’m already very good at saying no, but I have a conscience and I sometimes feel bad when I’m direct to someone who’s kind. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I’m also not willing to engage in situations that bore me or make me uncomfortable or that cost me money I don’t want to spend. Thank you for asking, but I’m politely declining, perhaps for eternity. I don’t owe you an answer why either. Get out there and snatch back your happiness this year too, friends. Clock’s ticking.
Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He spends his time writing from the beach with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Instagram @mikeyrox.
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YOUR OWN VALENTINE’S DAY STORY By Jeff Fuller Did Valentine’s Day begin as a decadent ancient fertility ritual? Was there really a Saint Valentine who died for forbidden love? Valentine’s Day is full of interesting folklore concerning its origins. The first legend is that Valentine’s Day was created by the early Christian church to replace the bizarre ancient Roman festival of Lupercalia, also known as the “dies Februatus:” februa meaning “purifications” or “purgings.” During the festival, the Luperci priests, men between the ages of 20 and 40, would sacrifice two goats and a dog at a cave where it was believed that Romulus and Remus, the legendary founders of Rome, were suckled by a she-wolf. The men would then run naked through the streets of Rome except for a thong made from the hide of the sacrificial goats. The priests would strike any woman with the thong that they encountered along the way. The belief was that any sterile woman who was struck with the thong would bear children. As strange and horrifying as this ritual was, there actually is no evidence that the early church created Valentine’s Day to replace this pagan festival. Instead, Lupercalia has become a part of Valentine’s Day folklore. The central story of St. Valentine centers on what may be a combination of one or two Saint Valentines who lived in the Roman Empire in the third century A.D. During these times, Roman Emperor Claudius II decreed that Christian soldiers in the Roman army were not allowed to marry, in order to keep them focused on battle rather than families at home. The legend is that Valentine secretly performed marriages for these soldiers, acts which ultimately led to his arrest. While Valentine was awaiting trial, the jailer’s daughter was miraculously healed from blindness. After going to his execution, Valentine left the girl a note signed “Your Valentine.” The association of St. Valentine’s Day with romantic love truly began with Geoffrey Chaucer’s Parlament of Foules, written in 1382 to commemorate the marriage of King Richard II and Anne of Bohemia. The poem suggested that birds choose their mate on Valentine’s Day. In the years that followed, the theme that Valentine’s Day is a day for romance would resurface again and again in literature, including in the plays of William Shakespeare. However, it was not until the eighteenth century when the tradition of lovers sending each other handmade paper cards, flowers, chocolates and gifts on February 14th truly began to flourish. Mass pro-
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duced Valentine cards were being produced by 1840. By the nineteenth century, the tradition had become so universal that critics were already bemoaning the commercialism of the holiday. In 1847, a writer in the New York Daily Tribune lamented: “There was a time when Valentine’s Day meant something … We hate this modern degeneracy, this miscellaneous and business fashion. Send a Valentine by the penny post too? Bah! Give us the sweet old days when there was a mystery about it.” While these days people might send fewer Valentines, it is still one of the busiest holidays for sending greeting cards. Florists and confectioners stay busy with sales of last-minute gifts. Restaurants continue to sell overpriced romantic dinners for two. The holiday still carries with it a strong sense of guilt for those who haven’t bought that perfect Valentine’s present and shame to those who don’t have anyone to celebrate a romantic holiday with. As complicated as the history Valentine’s Day is, the day brings complicated and mixed feelings to many. Some people choose this day to reveal their love for someone, propose marriage or have a wedding day on this day celebrating romantic love. Others feel excluded by the celebrations because they may have no romantic interest on the horizon or may have recently ended a relationship. Society writ large can make Valentine’s Day seem exclusive as well. Even with the advent of LGBT marketing, which is as manipulative as any Valentine’s Day marketing, the holiday still seems very heterosexually oriented. It can remind us that we are too often left out of the love story. Valentine’s Day, like any other holiday, is an invention of culture, but it can be whatever you want it to be. Rather than feel obligated to buy gifts for your lover or even to have a lover, you can observe the day in many creative ways. If you’re on the kinky side, you could always get some people together and host your own Lupercalia party, maybe with some other sort of gear than goatskin thongs. Learn about LGBT couples in other countries who are still fighting for the right to marry or even proclaim their love without facing a death sentence. Write love letters or love poems to those you love rather than mass-produced cards. You could even spend a night at home alone watching romantic comedies and eating chocolate ice cream. Or simply, enjoy some time with close friends or family and tell them how much you love them. Celebrate love, all kinds of love.
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SUPERBOWL SUNDAY IN ATLANTA Photos by Andrea Dwyer
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#LOOKUP FIND THE BALANCE YOU’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR Skyland’s convenient In-town living, saltwater pool, pocket parks, and thoughtful design will give you a reason to #lookup and enjoy life in balance.
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APPEAR A NCES BREAKING BARRIERS SPORTS FOR CHANGE EXHIBIT AT THE LGBTQ INSTITUTE Photos by Ryan Roemerman
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Membership Drive
& Networking Night
February 22th, 5:30-7:30 PM TWELVE Atlantic Station
361 17th St NW, Atlanta REGISTER FREE NOW:
TheAGLCC.org © 2019 The Atlanta Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce. All rights reserved.
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ARMORETTES 40TH ANNIVERSARY SHOW AT BUCKHEAD THEATRE 36 FEBRUARY 2019 • v5 i01
Photos Courtesy of
2169 Briarcliff Road | Atlanta, GA 30329 404-315-6750 Authentic Thai Cuisine Family owned and operated for 20 years
Dine-in | Take-out | Delivery | Catering Delivery within 3 miles. $15.00 minimum order.
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WELL HELLO.
IT’S DEVEN GREEN
DEVEN GREEN is an award-winning comedic chanteuse. You know her from the “Welcome To My Home” and “Welcome To My White House” parodies, headlining her live music show and rising to the occasion. DevenGreen.com
DEAR DEVEN: I have a lover on the side who has now become my main person. I have taken him out with friends and, unfortunately, he acts up. He will say somewhat off-putting jokes or interject in a conversation with an odd personal story. How do I put him back to side-piece? “Banana”
You wanted all the excitement of a secret partner without all the baggage. This is what happens when you start out with a strictly physical relationship; you are now shocked at his emotional / intellectual deficits. He may lack self esteem but you lack self respect.
DEAR DEVEN: Brian is a loud talker. I have to shush him in public because he is so loud. Honestly, he has no volume control. How do I put him on mute? “Challah”
Tell him to whisper. If someone asks him to speak up then can he increase his personal volume. Just to be on the safe side maybe he needs a hearing test.
DEAR DEVEN: You’ve heard of resting-bitch-face, right? My friend has restingdisgruntled-face. He always looks like he is unimpressed. It’s how he is but how do I warn others? “Rye”
Perhaps your friend can look after his own face and let others judge his temperament when he talks. If you don’t warn others I have a feeling it will all play out just fine.
DEAR DEVEN: This is so petty but a co-worker says, “no” to everything. From lunch choices to business ideas he just says, “no” then eventually he will say, “yes.” It’s maddening. I just wanted to vent. “Naan”
I know you have to work with him but limit any other personal involvement. That consistent negativity can certainly sour you and everyone else around him. Keep your spirits up by not allowing his influence.
DEAR DEVEN: I was dining with my boss and got crumbs all over my lap. When I tried to brush them away he looked at me like I was a heathen. I feel like I did something wrong. Did I? “Rolls” DEAR DEVEN: I was going to get married then changed my mind but now I realize I want to get married. My “fiancee” is now getting cold feet. How do I get him back on the wedding train? “Waffle”
You didn’t do anything wrong, just incorrectly. First of all, use a napkin. Second of all, break off bite-size pieces of bread so they fit in your mouth. Thirdly, get a new job. I’m kidding. Just read up on basic dining etiquette.
It is more than a case of cold feet, this is about your indecisive heart. If you have to convince someone to marry you, you probably don’t trust yourself, so don’t expect him to trust you.
Dear Friends: I do not offer advice, only my salacious experience. DevenGreen@gmail.com Image: Ned Douglas
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