Grace & Peace Magazine - Spring 2018 by graceandpeace

A D I A LO G I CA L R E S O U RC E FO R N A Z A R E N E C L E R GY

ISSUE 16 | SPRING 2018

Ministry in a Connected Culture

U S A / CA N A D A R E G I O N , C H U R C H O F T H E N A Z A R E N E

GRACEANDPEACEMAGAZINE.ORG

THE NATIONAL BLACK NAZARENE CONFERENCE PRESENTS

August 2 -5, 2018 Westin Hotel | 601 South College St. Charlotte, North Carolina 28202 Hotel prices $109 + tax for single or double | Limited suites are available for an additional fee To make reservations, call 1-866-837-4148 and ask for the National Black Nazarene Conference 2018 Room Block or make your reservations online.

Online registration is available at usacanadaregion.org/nbnc2018 Early registration (until May 30, 2018) — $25 (adult), $15 (youth, 13-17), free (children, 12 and under) Late registration — $35 (adult), $15 (youth, 13-17), $5 (children, 12 and under) On-site registration — $40 (adult), $30 (ages 0-17) First 100 to sign up receive free gift

Conference Speakers:

Dr. Carla Sunberg

Rev. Althea Taylor

Rev. Eric Lee

Rev. Albert Tyson

Rev. Charles Tillman

Contact Info: multi@nazarene.org

Mi ni s tr y i n a Co nne c te d Cu l t u re A QUARTERLY MAGAZINE OF THE USA/CANADA REGION CHURCH OF THE NAZARENE

Grace & Peace Spring 2018, Issue 16 www.graceandpeacemagazine.org Bob Broadbooks USA/Canada Regional Director Managing Editor | Charles W. Christian > CChristian@nazarene.org Associate Editor | Jeanette Gardner Littleton > GPmagazine@nazarene.org Layout & Design | Caines Design - JR Caines ADVERTISING OR OTHER INQUIRIES PLEASE CONTACT: CChristian@nazarene.org or call (913) 577-2837

This publication is a dialogical resource for pastors and ministry practitioners affiliated with the Church of the Nazarene. Its purpose is to increase ministry effectiveness, stimulate theological and missional reflection, and promote healthy dialogue among its print and online readership. No portion of this magazine may be reproduced without written permission from the managing editor. Among other things, Grace & Peace Magazine commits to the following priorities for its readership: leadership development, theological identity, new church development, missional outreach, and church renewal. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from the NIV: From The Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV® (NIV), copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. Our Perspective: We seek to continue the tradition of the early Church of the Nazarene that sought to integrate the diverse theological and methodological voices in the church. We seek to be a movement of people who care about the same things, but not in the same way. Yet, always maintaining that difference is not the savior—Christ is. We seek to be informed by missiology and cultural anthropology, which gives permission to innovate and seek renewal. We want to be open to listen, value, and pay attention to a variety of structures, missions, and programs, while affirming our commitment to the Wesleyan theological tradition. We seek methodological innovation in response to a changing culture as we work to make Christlike disciples in the nations. About the cover: In Christianity, the butterfly is an ancient symbol of the resurrection of Christ and of believers and is seen especially around Easter celebrations and Christian funerals. Questions? Email the editor at GPeditor@nazarene.org. Endorsed by: Wesleyan Theological Society, Wesleyan Holiness Consortium USA/Canada Regional Office Church of the Nazarene 17001 Prairie Star Parkway Lenexa, KS 66220

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C O N T E N T S

G & P I S S U E 1 6

SPRING ISSUE 2018

I N VO CAT I O N : T h e M ost Pa storal T h i n g by Ch a r le s W. Ch r i sti a n

Caring for the Dying: Pastoral Response at Lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Most Difficult Moments by Bruce Peterson

M ini st r y to G r i ev i n g Fam i l i es by A n d ra Ke e

Pa sto ra l Se l f - C a re D u r i n g t h e D eat h and Dyi ng Pro ce ss by E la i ne Ca r te r Br i e fma n

L ov ing Ca re : E n d - of - Li fe Com p ass i on by Anna -M a r i e L o c ka rd

M ini ste r ing to T h os e W h o M ou r n by D e nni s Ap p le

En d -o f -L ife C are for Hos p i ce In m ates by M a tt Ma so n

Th re e Th ing s E ver y G r i ev i n g Pers on N e e d s to He a r by Ha ro ld Iva n S mi th

G P I N T E R V I E W: E n d - of - Li fe C are a s D i sc i p le sh i p : An Inte r vi ew wi th Jo h n S wi nto n

Th e Powe r o f P rayer an d P res en ce by Ch e r yl Pa d e n

Whe n G rie f Com es to t h e Pa rs on ag e by De b b i e S a lte r Go o d wi n

B O O K R E V I E W: Co n fe ss i o n s of a Fu n e r al D ire c to r Revi ewe d by Bre nt Ne e ly

B O O K R E I V E W: Lov i n g S u s a n Rev i ewed by Jo e l Pa rso ns

F R O M T H E A U T H O R : F i ve Q u est i on s : V i c to r L e e Austi n

R E S O U R C E A L E RT: J ess e C . M i d d en d or f, The Churc h Rituals H and b o o k

P l a n to L i ve T i l l You D i e by S tep h en B o rge r

B E N E D I CT I O N : S m al l Ta l k by B ob B roa d b o o ks

NEWS: 4-7

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FROM THE EDITOR

T H E M O S T PA S T O R A L T H I N G

“T

he pastor is out of town, so could you come over? Mom just passed away.” These were the words I heard on the other end of the line in my first ministry assignment as a part-time youth pastor. I was working a second job outside of the church and was attending seminary at nights. I felt that my few seminary courses and few months in this new ministry assignment had not adequately prepared me to handle this kind of situation. The woman on the phone attended the church where I was serving. I had never met her now-deceased mother, nor had I met most of the family members who would be gathered at her home during this time of loss. In fact, my first thought was, Isn’t there someone else we need to call? Instead, I told her that I would be over shortly. I remember telling my boss about the situation, and thankfully, he told me to go immediately and take as much time as I needed to minister to this grieving family. I really don’t remember driving there, probably because all the way there, I prayed and wondered what (if anything) I would say or do. I arrived before the ambulance or the coroner did, so I was greeted by people who looked shocked, sad, and even afraid. Some family members were kneeling beside the deceased woman’s bed, weeping. Others were talking quietly in corners of the room. Still others were just sitting or standing silently. I stood beside the woman who had called me, since she was one of only a few people I recognized. Though I had been to several funerals in my life, this was the first time that I had been in a room full of grieving strangers who were looking at me as a pastor, and I assumed that at least some of them were hoping that I could bring some comfort or

order to this time of shock and grief. I had no words (unusual for me), and even the words I managed to share with those who talked with me were not very memorable. In fact, though I remember much about that visit, which occurred over 25 years ago, I cannot recall a single word I said. However, after staying with the family until the body was removed and somewhat awkwardly gathering them to pray, I went home. While I was on my way out the door, the daughter of the deceased woman thanked me for coming. She said that although the senior pastor would preside at the funeral, she hoped that I would attend, since my presence had meant so much to the family. When my pastor got back into town, I told him about the experience, and I apologized for not really saying or doing anything very “pastoral.” “Being there was the most pastoral thing you could have done,” he replied. This helped, although it puzzled me at the time. In the more than 25 years since that day, my pastor’s words still come to mind every time I have the opportunity to minister to those who are near death or grieving. This issue of Grace & Peace seeks to assist ministers who are navigating our role as those who comfort the mourning and who shepherd people in times of death and grief. May God guide us as we extend the love of Christ and the hope of resurrection.

CHARLES W. CHRISTIAN

Managing Editor

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USA/CANADA REGIONAL DIRECTOR'S REPORT USA/Canada Regional Director Dr. Bob Broadbooks shared his annual report to the General Board when they met in Kansas City in February. Highlights of the report included plans for upcoming PALCON, M19, and NYC events (see this issue of Grace & Peace for more details). Also, the USA/Canada Region’s goals of 10,000 healthy churches by 2030 and initiatives to plant churches in major metro areas (cities of 250,000 or more) were key features of the presentation. The USA/Canada focus upon evangelism is highlighted in all of the key upcoming events in the next year, with M19’s theme being a central area of focus, “The Mission: Unleash the Gospel.” Over 48,000 were converted and found new life in Christ on the USA/Canada region in 2017, according to the report. The full report can be found at: www.usacanadaregion.org/ucro-2017-report

BGS CONGRATULATES USA/CANADA REGION General Superintendent Dr. Eugénio R. Duarte, who shared the annual report of the Board of General Superintendents at the General Board meeting in February, congratulated the USA/Canada Region for its generosity, compassion, and goals for evangelism. In the report, Dr. Duarte stated that the global church is taking seriously the role of funding the mission, and the call is not equal giving but equal sacrifice. He also noted that, “It is important to acknowledge with gratitude the financial responsibilities carried by USA/Canada churches, who gave 96 percent of World Evangelism Fund (WEF) and 97 percent of Approved Mission Specials.” In addition, the BGS report acknowledges the many churches in the USA/Canada region that worked with Nazarene Compassionate Ministries in the natural disasters of 2017, including the hurricanes in South Texas and the wildfires in California. The full BGS report can be found at: nazarene.org/article/2018-annual-report-board-generalsuperintendents.

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THE DISCIPLESHIP PLACE WEBINARS On April 18, 2018, The Discipleship Place and Grace & Peace Magazine will host the free webinar, “Supporting Grievers When Their Assumptions Are Shaken,” with author and grief counselor, Harold Ivan Smith. On April 19, The Discipleship Place and Women’s Ministries will host the webinar, “How to Read the Bible So It Changes Your Life,” featuring Aletha HInthorn and Arla Mitchell. Hinthorn is the founder of Come to the Fire conferences. Both webinars are free and begin at 12:00 p.m., CST. To register, visit discipleshipplace.org. Recordings of these webinars will be available in the Discipleship Place online.

2018 SDMI LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE Mark your calendars now for the SDMI Leadership conference, September 11–13 at Springdale Church of the Nazarene, Cincinnati, Ohio. The 2018 SDMI Leadership Conference will provide inspiration, resourcing, and networking for everyone interested in discipleship, Sunday school, and small group ministry. Speakers will include Dr. Filimão M. Chambo, Dr. Holly Catterton Allen, Rev. LaMorris Crawford, and more. The cost will be $99. For more information, see lc18.org

EDDIE ESTEP ASSIGNED SUPERINTENDENT FOR KANSAS CITY DISTRICT Dr. Eddie Estep has been appointed as superintendent for the Kansas City District. Before he served as superintendent of the South Carolina District, Estep pastored churches in Ohio, Kentucky, and West Virginia. He served on the Board of Trustees for Nazarene Bible College, Nazarene Theological Seminary, and Mount Vernon Nazarene University. His years of service also include being on the Regional Course of Study Advisory Council for the USA/Canada Region, serving on various district boards, and being a district Nazarene Youth International president. He was elected to the Church of the Nazarene's General Board in 2005.

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USA/CANADA CALENDAR April 9–11:

Multicultural Congregations Roundtable

Olivet Nazarene University Bourbonnais, Illinois

April 16–18:

Korean Ministries Strategic Readiness Team Meeting

New York Happy Korean Church of the Nazarene, Flushing, New York

April 16–18:

Chinese Ministries Strategic Readiness Team Meeting

Los Angeles, California

May 17–19:

Church Planting Training

New Braunsfels (Texas) Church of the Nazarene

May 30-June 3:

Youth in Mission Training Camp

Shepherd Community Center, Indianapolis, Indiana

June5–7:

Compassionate Ministries Conference

Shepherd Community Center, Indianapolis, Indiana

June 13–15:

Southeast Asian Fellowship

MidAmerica Nazarene University, Olathe, Kansas

June 18–20:

Chinese Pastor’s and Spouse Retreat

Eastern Nazarene College, Quincy, Massachusetts

June 18–21:

Hispanic Pastors’ Kids’ Conference

MidAmerica Nazarene University, Olathe, Kansas

June 22–24:

Portuguese Ministries Conference

Nova Alianca Church of the Nazarene, Brockton, Massachusetts

June 25–28:

Korean Pastors’ Family Retreat

Grand Canyon National Park, Arizona

July 12–15:

National Nazarene Haitian Convention

North Miami Haitian Church of the Nazarene, Miami, Florida

July 31–August 1:

African Ministries Strategic Readiness Meeting

Westin Charlotte, Charlotte, North Carolina

August 1–4:

Ethnic Facilitators DCPI / CPC Training

Westin Charlotte, Charlotte, North Carolina

August 2–5:

National Black Nazarene Conference

Westin Charlotte, Charlotte, North Carolina

September 11–14:

District Hispanic/Latino Coordinators Conference

Global Ministry Center, Lenexa, Kansas

Find more events: www.usacanadaregion.org/events

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DR. ROWELL INAUGURATED AS NTS PRESIDENT On April 3, 2018, Dr. Jeren Rowell was inaugurated as president of Nazarene Theological Seminary, where he spoke about being sent: I come to this assignment with a profound sense of being sent to it by the Spirit of the Lord and by the will of the Church. The sending of Ezekiel to the people of Israel became a guiding text for me early in my pastoral life. I found myself going back to this text over and over again to be reminded that the missional shape of my life could only be formed adequately from a deeply rooted identity as one sent by God. This may seem as if it could go without saying for a minister of the gospel, but I am afraid it cannot. We are too familiar with vocational identities in the Church that are shaped more by the values of consumeristic success and power than by the cruciform and kenotic movements of true gospel ministry. I have known the temptation of seeking to prove my worth as a pastor by nervously running about trying the meet the needs of what Stanley Hauerwas called, “a people of omnivorous desire, who no longer knowing which desires are best merely grasp at everything.” It is why this text from Ezekiel became important to me, reminding me that the work to which I have been sent is God’s project, not mine. “I am sending you,” and the words you are to give are, “thus says the Lord God.” And whether they listen or fail to listen (and they will not listen for they are rebellious) “at least they will know that there has been a prophet among them.” This idea of sending is important to me as I come into this assignment. The word we typically use when speaking of this is calling. We believe in a God-called ministry. As a teenager, when awkwardly trying to give articulation to a developing sense of God’s work in my life, calling is the word with which I was familiar. It is a good word, a Bible word, but I think of it now as rather soft, invitational, anyway. Sent is demanding and accountable. God sends Abram to “a land that I will show you.” Moses is sent (fairly against his will) to lead slaves from Egypt. Jonah is sent to the Ninevites and has to suffer the long way around before learning that when God sends, that’s where you go. Jesus sends the Twelve and the Seventy. The Holy Spirit sends the Church into the world. This is how I have understood my life in vocational ministry. When I knelt down under the authority of the Church, and hands were laid upon me and vows of ordination spoken, I understood that my life was being offered to Christ and the Church for the sake of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The first thing I want the women and men who are prepared through the work of this seminary to understand is that the life of the minister is not a simple career choice. If it is God who sends by the work of the Spirit and the will of the Church, then I do not sit back and coolly calculate where I would most like to live and the kind of job I would most like to have. Sometimes the assignments are pleasurable and full of joy. Sometimes the assignments are difficult. Either way, when I know that I am serving under the authority of Christ and the Church, there is a secure sense of identity and purpose that holds one fast to the work. This is a critical posture for a ministry that will not only go the distance but will also become more effective and more fulfilling with each passing decade. It is from this kind of pouredout life that we become “the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life.” No wonder Paul asks, “Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not peddlers of God’s word . . . but in Christ we speak as persons sent from God and standing in his presence.”

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Care for the Dying: Pastoral Response at Life’s Most Difficult Moments by

Bruce Petersen

“R

escue the perishing, Care for the dying; Jesus is merciful, Jesus will save.” I remember singing this familiar Fanny Crosby hymn when I was a young boy at church. My young mind quickly grasped the necessity of evangelizing lost people. That’s what pastors did. But caring for the dying was more difficult to understand. Why do we often feel uncomfortable providing pastoral care in situations where people are near death? Perhaps part of it is that the death of another reminds us of the fact that we, too, are mortal and are going to die. The end of life is filled with a wide range of emotions, both in the person dying and in family and friends. How, then, can we effectively provide care for dying individuals? 1. Come

alongside them with

c o m pa ss i o n a n d e m pat h y .

It’s easy to think that if we just had the right

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words to say everything would make sense. But when we don’t have all the answers, Psalm 23 reminds us that although we may be going through the valley of the shadow of death, we are not alone. The Shepherd’s presence makes the journey easier. We are the shepherds of our flock, the church, and we need to think of ourselves as leading and walking alongside those who are facing death. 2 . F ac i l i tat e

community, so they do

not feel alone.

Community may be a close-knit family or a group of friends who care for each other. As a community, the church needs to surround the dying person with the love and support that we all long for. Mother Teresa established her ministry to the poorest of the poor in Calcutta because she believed that no person should die alone. The task of caring for the dying should not fall solely on the shoulders of pastors and family. The body of believers, the church, can make the process of death more bearable, even joyous.

3. Take

time to listen.

Many who approach the end of life may have questions that they feel hesitant to voice to anyone. Even Christians may wonder why, if they have faithfully served God, their prayers for healing go unanswered. Feelings of anger can erupt, which may surprise the dying person or the family. We can give permission for the person who is dying to express those feelings of anger or disappointment or fear without passing judgment. Being a good listener also means encouraging the person to share pleasant memories from the past that may bring a smile or a tear with the telling. It takes time to be a good listener. Keep your eyes off your phone or the door, and give the person your full attention. That can be the greatest gift you can give at that moment. 4. Be

a spiritual guide.

People often come to the end of life facing spiritual concerns. For those who have

never had a personal relationship with Christ, this can be a moment of accepting God’s free gift of salvation. As a pastor, you have a responsibility to answer the dying person’s spiritual questions with a clear, simple presentation of the gospel. Spiritual decisions made in the last moments of life are as valid as those made many years before. Jesus replied to the thief hanging next to Him on the cross, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43). Questions

are

Normal

Even people who have faithfully served the Lord may have serious spiritual questions. Some may feel guilty that they did not do their best in every situation while serving. They may have unresolved relational issues with family or friends. This is an opportunity to facilitate healing and forgiveness in broken relationships.

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a pastor,

a lway s a s s u m e d t h at t h e

p e r s o n c o u l d h e a r t h e p r ay e r s , h ym n s , a n d scripture readings being offered as part of

God’s

gracious gift of ushering the person

t o h i s o r h e r h e a v e n ly r e w a r d .

Utilizing

the

Sacraments

The sacraments of baptism and the Lord’s Supper can be wonderful means of grace to those who are dying. A person who has received Christ as Savior while in the hospital can be baptized by sprinkling while lying in bed. Taking the Communion elements to one who cannot attend worship services is a tangible way for the person to receive God’s grace and feel connected to the body of Christ while in his or her sick bed. I remember our family standing at the deathbed of my mother, singing hymns and reading scriptures. Although a dying person appears to be unaware, the sense of sound is the last remaining sense. We can help make those last moments of life blessed moments for the person. As a pastor, I always assumed that the person could hear the prayers, hymns, and scripture readings being offered as part of God’s gracious gift of ushering the person to his or her heavenly reward. Don’t Forget

the

F a m i ly M e m b e r s

Caring for the dying also means caring for the family and loved ones who stand alongside the dying person. They go through similar states of grief that the dying person experiences. Often, they attempt to be strong in their loved one’s presence, but inside they are suffering the pain and fears of impending separation. Give special attention to the spouse and children. They may be facing difficult decisions regarding treatment options and financial implications, and everyone may not be united on the best course of action. A pastoral caregiver can stand beside the family as they weigh their options. It is

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rarely advisable to choose a side, or to try to influence decisions for the family. Sometimes decisions need to be made immediately, but if a decision can be delayed, families can consider all options more fully. If death is imminent, a pastor can begin guiding the family to consider the elements to include in the funeral. Components such as a favorite hymn, a scripture passage, or a testimony of a grandchild can be arranged even before death. Sometimes the person who is dying has suggestions for his or her own funeral service. Keep these notes available, so they can be found when you help plan the funeral. It is a privilege to represent Christ the Great Shepherd as you care for the dying. For a more extensive treatment see Bruce Petersen's, Foundations of Pastoral Care, Chap. 14, “The Pastor’s Presence amid Death and the Dying” (Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City, 2007).

BRUCE PETERSEN is a retired professor of pastoral ministry at Mount Vernon Nazarene University.

Ministering toGrieving Families by

“H

Andra Kee

e showed up at our house after our daughter died.” These words came from a longtime member in our church as we all gathered around a Sunday school table, sharing memories of our retired senior pastor. Though nearly 25 years had passed, the fact that our pastor showed up on one of this couple’s darkest days remains a memory worth sharing. People could not recall specific sermons, but

they remembered the many times our pastor was present. People genuinely want to support and comfort families that have experienced the death of a loved one. Unfortunately, people often do not know what to do or say. Perhaps we feel inadequate to respond to death and loss. We feel discomfort in acknowledging our own mortality. To truly embody the kingdom of God, we cannot leave those who are grieving to navigate their journey alone. As a hospital chaplain, I spend most of my time working with those who are

GRACEANDPEACEMAGAZINE.ORG / 11

experiencing grief and loss. There’s a constant tension between holding onto hope and fully embracing grief after experiencing a great loss. Though we have hope in eternal life, fear also accompanies the thought of death. By being honest about our own fears, we can better empathize with those who are dealing with grief. A person can hope and experience deep grief at the same time.

Throw

out the

projected timetables for grief, and

recognize that this is a long journey.

Grief Ministry Begins Before Grief Begins

Ministering to grieving individuals and families begins before a loved one is actively dying. Churches have an opportunity to create an environment in which conversations can take place about end-of-life wishes. Churches can offer gatherings where people discuss advance directives together. During this time, people can explore what “quality of life” looks like, as well as consider their desires for their own funeral, including favorite hymns and scripture verses. In the hospital, I often sit with families after they have been told their loved one has died. When I ask about funeral arrangements, it is not uncommon for them to reply, “We never talked about that.” When my grandmother died, she left detailed instructions about what she desired for her funeral. It is a blessing to know you have honored the wishes of a family member. By having these conversations early, families feel a sense of relief when making funeral arrangements, and this prevents additional stress. So, as we minister, we can help navigate families through the questions.

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Consistent Presence

The most important way to minister to families and friends during times of loss is to be a consistent presence. We’re often afraid we will say something “wrong” or insensitive. Release the need to feel you have to “say the right thing.” Do not feel as though you must fill the silence with words. Job’s friends did the right thing when they sat in silence with him. They failed him as a friend when they started to share their insights and platitudes. Keeping vigil and sitting with those in grief is how we can embody a ministry of presence. Within the hospital setting, I have the privilege to be present for many family members whose loved one has just died. Each person experiences grief differently. There is no “right way” to grieve. One wife wanted to cut off a piece of her husband’s hair after he passed away. It is important to honor and support a person’s response to grief and loss. Though they may not respond as we would, we must respect their reactions. Recognize that each member within a family will also react differently, and space must be created for various responses to grief. Active Listening

Practice active listening with those who are grieving. This involves listening without interrupting, giving advice, or trying to take away the pain. Affirm the grief. Never tell someone to “get over” his or her grief. This only creates shame. Acknowledge the various emotions the person may experience in his or her grief: anger, relief, fear, and even gratitude. Cultivate a non-judgmental environment where others can express emotions. Throw out the projected timetables for grief and recognize that this is a long journey. Give the mourners the freedom to navigate their own bereavement in their own ways and on their own timelines. R e s p o n d P r a c t i c a l ly

During times of grief, we often have opportunities to respond to practical needs. A mother whose son died from a drug overdose wanted to keep his ashes but had no money to purchase an urn, so she kept his ashes in a

brown paper bag. Fortunately, hospital staff gathered together enough money to purchase an urn for her son’s ashes. We as the Church have a variety of opportunities to assist in the grief process by practicing hospitality. Mowing a lawn, cleaning a house, or simply assisting with “thank you” notes are practical actions that can genuinely help those who are grieving. R i t u a l s T h at A i d

Healing

Since there is no right or wrong way to grieve, do not be afraid to create rituals to honor loved ones. One patient’s child died while the parent was incarcerated and couldn’t attend his funeral. So later, the community gathered and held a service the

of the person’s death, or write a quick note of encouragement during potentially difficult times. Holidays or birthdays, for instance, often trigger intense times of grief. Add these key follow up opportunities to your calendar. When you minister in this way, it shows that you not only remembered the event, but that you are committed to journeying with those involved. Consistency

Key

Ministering to those who are experiencing loss may be challenging and even frustrating. However, doing this is also incredibly rewarding. Embrace that you have an opportunity to stand on holy ground with family members and friends who are

Grief will continue after the sign-up for bringing casseroles ends. parent could attend. Rituals are a part of the grieving process. They offer us a space to share our emotions, acknowledge the loss, and even help us honor the life of the person. These can be symbolic gestures, but they can provide a wide range of responses to grief for people who do not all grieve in the same ways. R e s p e ct f u l D i sta n c e w i t h C o n s i st e n t C o n tact

Respect families who want to comfort one another and are not immediately open to a pastoral care visit. Follow up by making contact with them at a later time. Reinforce that you are available for support, and don’t always assume they will call you. Recognize that grief will continue after the sign-up for bringing casseroles ends. Grief continues past the funeral and burial. Send a card to family members on the anniversary

grieving. No matter what, keep showing up. By consistently being present, you are caring for people during the hardest times of their lives. You will build trust among people through the smallest acts of remembering an anniversary or providing active listening and empathy. Pick up the phone, put on your shoes, and show up.

ANDRA KEE is a hospital chaplain in the Church of the Nazarene.

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J U LY 10 -1 4 , 2 0 19 # N YC 1 9 G O N Y C2 0 1 9 .C O M

elping comes naturally to most people in the helping professions. Being able to care for others while watching them respond and grow invigorates the genuine helper. But how does a helper manage the death of someone in whom they have invested so much of their life? How does a pastor care for himself or herself while caring for those who are facing death?

Ministering in a D e at h - D e n y i n g C u lt u r e

Death is poorly addressed in American culture. We do not have common mourning rituals that allow a person to grieve adequately and healthily. Helpers, such as pastors, are typically trained about what to say and do for others during a crisis, but they are not trained in self-care. Thus, helpers tend to stuff their feelings, and many consider it unprofessional to grieve about the losses they experience.

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Delayed grief is one of the most common issues I see as a counselor. People from all walks of life struggle with unresolved grief. When someone bottles up grief or anger, unexpected reactions may occur. “Kick the Dog Syndrome” occurs when a person kicks his or her dog for no apparent reason. This is an example of a delayed expression of anger. Thankfully, there are healthy ways to deal with complicated emotional situations. Here are some basic steps you can take to help you deal with your own grief while staying present and authentic during this time. Steps in Self-Care When Ministering to the Dying

1. Be aware of your emotions. One key sign of emotionally healthy people is how aware they are of their emotions. Being able to articulate how you feel as a caregiver means you have thought about your feelings. Many individuals just experience emotions and either express them or dismiss them. They rarely think about them. Increase your emotional vocabulary. Use specific language when describing how you feel. I find that most people use mad, sad, and happy. Everything they feel is thrown into one of those categories. Sometimes, though, a person feels ambivalent or confused. At other times, pastors are overwhelmed with responsibility during the death and dying process of a parishioner. Taking the time to slow down and truly identify how you feel will help you stay healthy and present through the process. 2. Validate your emotions. Death almost never fits conveniently into a pastor’s schedule. The emotional shifts that take place during this process can be overwhelming, shocking, frustrating, and just plain inconvenient. Once you are aware of your emotions, you can validate them. This does not mean making excuses for poor reactions. However, having emotions is a natural part of the human condition, even for pastors and caregivers. Do not be embarrassed by the natural response of having an emotion.

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3. Decide what to do with your emotions. This is the most pivotal point in the process. Now that you realize you are having emotions and have labeled them, you must decide what to do with them. Clear and open expression is the healthiest thing to do. However, this expression should not be at the cost of another’s emotional well-being. There are many options for expression: art, writing, exercise, talking, prayer, crying, yelling, and others. The empty chair technique is frequently suggested: Speak to an empty chair about what is in your heart and mind. However, many people have difficulty with this technique. Another technique my

Mentorship becomes invaluable in times of grief.

Having

someone

you can trust with your emotions during the loss and funeral process helps normalize your feelings.

clients use is letter writing. Write a letter to the person you are having emotions about. Be honest and open, using everyday language, and then dispose of it. The letter can be ongoing for the duration of an event. This helps with processing.

4. Share your experience. Pastors have often heard the phrase, “Be a mentor, have a mentor.” Mentorship becomes invaluable in times of grief. Having someone you can trust with your emotions during the loss and funeral process helps normalize your feelings. Each death and funeral is different from the next. The spiritual and emotional health of the family is dynamically different. The expectations of each family toward a caregiver are different. You may hear things about people that you never knew, including things you didn’t want to know. The family may be expecting you to talk about the deceased in heaven when there were no signs of a life imitating Christ. The ability to talk about these challenges openly and honestly with a mentor will hopefully become a normal part of the pastoral care process. 5. Give yourself a specific time to express your feelings. This has been helpful for many of my clients as they have given themselves permission to grieve or feel. It also helps when feelings start bleeding into other events or circumstances. You can say, “Now is not the time to process these emotions, now is the time to be focused on something else. Later tonight, after dinner, I can process this.” There is surprising power in permission and decision. The difference between selecting a time to process and stuffing your emotions is time. A stuffed emotion has no time set for release, and it will typically leak out in inconvenient ways and times. Selecting a specific time later in the day to process your feelings allows healing to occur. Avoid gallows humor and sarcasm. I am sure many pastors may not agree with this. However, these are ways to avoid the true emotions that are arising in the moment. Gallows humor (trivializing death or making it darkly comedic) can be replaced with healthy and innocent humor. During challenging times, humor can be a life saver. But, humor should not be at the expense of another’s emotional well-being, even if they are not in the room. Sarcasm should be avoided at all times.

Being Kind

to Yourself While Being Kind to Others

Walking through the process of death and dying with others is an honor that can be very challenging. Being aware of your own emotions during this time will keep you emotionally healthy and available for the next circumstance. Using clear words to define how you feel will help validate your experience and help you choose a path of expression that will benefit you and others. Your mentor will be invaluable to you and can help you give yourself permission to process strong emotions. As you are kind to others, be kind to yourself.

EL AINE CARTER BRIEFMAN is a licensed therapist who serves as associate pastor of the Hallwood (California) Community Church of the Nazarene.

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End-of-Life Compassion by

“T

A n n a - M a r i e L o c ka r d

he worst part of being a pastor is doing hospital visitation. I don’t like going to hospitals!” This comment was made by a seasoned pastor. I was troubled by her comment, particularly since we were visiting a veteran’s hospital as supervisors to students, fulfilling requirements for ordination as chaplains. I view pastoral counseling as an important part of ministry. As a pastoral counselor and chaplain at our local hospital, I count it a godly privilege to offer radical, loving care to those facing end-oflife situations. It is deeply fulfilling to offer the comfort of Christ to patients and their families. Endof-life compassion provides the opportunity to offer three aspects of care: We offer the

ministry of love, the ministry of presence, and the ministry of service. The Ministry

Love

Mother Teresa wrote: “It is not how much we do, but how much love we put in the doing. It is not how much we give, but how much love we put in the giving.” Several dynamics apply to any caregiver who walks into a hospital or home situation. If a health-care worker hurries into a room with a scowl on her face, it does not promote comfort. A pastoral counselor who comes in with warmth and kindness is more likely to comfort a suffering person. The ministry of love may be displayed by your simply walking into a hospital room with the love of Christ in your heart and sharing a warm and caring smile.

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Practicing

loving care is allowing the dying person

to tell his or her story, so he or she feels heard and understood.

The ministry of love also includes the ministry of listening. Practicing loving care is allowing the dying person to tell his or her story, so he or she feels heard and understood. It is about offering quality to the person’s final moments on this earth. The ministry of love includes offering ways for these loved ones to feel the love of Christ in their hearts and in their midst. The Ministry

P r e s e n c e ( NPDA )

I was visiting a large university hospital in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I walked into the intensive care unit to visit a parishioner. As I passed the nurses’ station, I noticed a large note: WE PR ACTICE NPDA (No Patient Dies Alone). Remarkable! I thought. That large and busy hospital operates with a care policy that if a family member cannot be reached and a patient is close to end of life, a staff member will sit with that patient and hold his or her hand until death. No one dies alone at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center. This is the beautiful ministry of presence. This is radical, loving service to others. This ministry of presence includes holding the hand of a patient on a respirator who struggles to express his or her needs. Sharing another’s pain can be distressing, but vital. Compassion requires genuine presence. When I arrive at my local hospital, I always slip into the chapel to pray before I begin my rounds. I ask the Lord to use me to usher His presence into every situation I face. One doctor, Rachel Ramen, states, “The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-

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intentioned words.” God is present, even in our silence. The ultimate goal of pastoral visitation to the ill and dying is to seek to usher in the presence of the Holy Spirit. Only He can perform His transforming work in the suffering person’s heart and life. The Ministry

Service

Why are some people natural servants while others find it difficult to lift a finger on behalf of another? A servant leader will constantly ask: “What things can I do to help another in his or her suffering?” Compassionate care is hard work, but it is rewarding. Lorraine is a registered nurse who practices loving service. She knows that most patients, because of their illness, will never remember her. Yet, she gives loving care to them every day. Loving service is based on kindness, compassion, and respect for all people, whether they are conscious or not. The message of Jesus calls for us to love those who seem beyond love. This is critical for end-of-life caregivers, especially those who are called upon to minister to exceptionally difficult and critical situations. The ultimate reason for offering this kind of love and service is this: It is what Jesus would do, and we follow Him.

ANNA-M ARIE LOCK ARD is a chaplain, counselor, and educator in the Church of the Nazarene. She currently resides in Homer City, Pennsylvania.

Ministering to Those Who Mourn By Dennis Apple

“O

h, God! This isn’t supposed to happen to me!” I screamed. I had just discovered the dead body of our eighteenyear-old son. Two days before his death, he had been treated for mononucleosis and had been given clearance to go on the annual church ski trip. But on February 6, 1991, I discovered his body at 8:20 a.m. I still remember the details of that moment as though it happened this morning. Changes

My Ministry

Denny’s death changed the trajectory of my pastoral ministry as I struggled to survive the sudden and unexpected shock of losing him. Autopsy results revealed

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Dennyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

death changed the tra jectory of my

pastoral ministry as

struggled to survive the

sudden and unexpected shock of losing him.

22 / GRACE & PEACE MAGAZINE SPRING 2018

that he died from “complications due to mono.” Our entire family was thrown into a horrific nightmare from which we thought we would never awaken. After the loss of our son, scores of individuals and families have reached out to me, asking for help and advice as they approached the coming death of a family member or dealt with the shock of a sudden loss. I still recall the words of one man as he walked into my office: “My wife told me to come and see you because you know all about pain.” He was right. While traveling this road with fellow mourners, I have learned, much that has affected the way I minister to others who have suffered the loss of a loved one. T h e D i ff e r e n c e s B e t w e e n G r i e f and Mourning First, I have learned the differences between grief and mourning. We often use one word “grief ” for both when in fact, the person is mourning. Let me explain. Grief is characterized by the heaviness of spirit a person feels when he or she experiences the loss of a loved one. The griever might be laughing on the outside but crying on the inside. Mourning, on the other hand, is an observable sadness. Some of the obvious signs of mourning are: crying, sad countenance, despondent tone of voice, slumping body language, and loss of interest in things the person previously enjoyed. These signs of mourning are often confused with depression. The two look very much the same. However, with depression, a person does not always know the reason or cause. In many cases, a professional therapist must help discover the origin and treatment for depression. Grief, on the other hand, is connected to the loss of a loved one. Again, a grieving person can often disguise or hide his or her grief, but mourning is easily observed. Mourning happens when a person allows the painful feelings to go public.

Three “H” Keys for Ministering Those Who Mourn

As we attempt to minister to those who mourn, here are three “H” keys to keep in mind: 1) Hang around, 2) Hug them, and 3) Hush up. 1) Hang Around: When you receive word that someone has died and the family is calling for you, it is important to drop what you are doing and go to the individual or family that is reaching out to you. Whether the death is expected or unexpected, your immediate presence can speak in ways that words cannot. 2) Hug Them: When you arrive at the location of the grieving family, don’t hesitate to open your arms and embrace those who are mourning the loss. Quite often, you will be met at the door by the mourners who will approach you with tears and arms wide open. Don’t hesitate to receive them and embrace those who are grieving in a way that is appropriate at the moment. Allow them to express their sorrow. For most, a compassionate hug or meaningful touch can be important in times of grief. The minister will, of course, want to gauge the receptiveness of this kind of gesture based upon his or her knowledge of the family members, but ministers should not be surprised if a simple hug is called for. 3) Hush Up: Remember the words we speak and don’t speak at the time of death. A pastor’s verbal response will vary depending upon the situation. For example, if an elderly person has had a painful chronic illness for a long period of time, the death may be a relief to the family and caregivers. In contrast to this, consider the death of a teenage son or daughter, killed suddenly in a car accident. With the first example, the pastor might quote or read scriptures that affirm the home going of the deceased and offer comfort to the family. In the second example, the parents may be screaming, as I was when I lost my son, “God, why has this happened to me?”

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pastors, we must remember

that we do not possess all of the

answers.

is best to let questions

flow and to acknowledge our inability to answer them.

As pastors, we must remember that we do not possess all of the answers in times such as this. It is best to let the questions f low and to acknowledge our inability to answer them. When grief is fresh, often the less we say, the better. These are the moments when we should resist saying, “God needed more angels,” or, “The good die young.” Even theological, helpful phrases like, “We should be thankful your child was a Christian,” can be painful and unhelpful in the immediate throes of grief. This list of inappropriate things we might say is longer than we can imagine. In moments like this, our pastoral care might be more effective if we simply “hush,” trusting the Holy Spirit to work even in the silence of our presence together. Following Up

with

Those

who

Mourn

The ministry of follow up is vital. After the visitation and funeral, a wise pastor notes the important dates of the deceased. For example, if the deceased was a spouse, go to your calendar and mark the date of the death, his or her birth, and the couple’s wedding anniversary. Then, the following year, when those dates roll around, write a short note or make a phone call and check in on the surviving spouse. He or she will never forget it. Likewise, with the death of a child, be sure to write the child’s death and birth dates on your calendar. When you acknowledge these important dates, the parents, siblings, and grandparents

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will feel as though their sorrow has been acknowledged and will often wish to take the opportunity to speak more with you about their grief journey. You may be allowed into that sacred space, where only a few are allowed to enter. Looking back, the people who helped me the most were not the ones who quoted scriptures to me. The ones who stand out to me were the ones who said, with tears streaming down their faces, “I don’t know what to say.” They simply hugged me and allowed me to pour out my sorrow. They were the ones who hung around, hugged me, and then hushed up.

DENNIS APPLE, served for 29 years on the pastoral staff at College Church, Olathe, Kansas. Dennis is retired and lives with his wife Buelah in Olathe. He is the author of Life After the Death of My Son: What I am Learning (Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City, 2008).

End-of-Life care for Hospice Inmates by

Matt Mason

â&#x20AC;&#x153;H

ospice is something special to me because it allows me to gain peace as I start to prepare to pass into eternity.â&#x20AC;? This was shared by a 62-yearold inmate serving 45 years for murder who knew he would never get out of prison unless a miracle occurred. This offender had numerous health issues, which had worsened over the last few years, and required increased medical care. He had recently been admitted to the hospice unit. With an increasingly aging prison population, end-of-life care for inmates is becoming a more prominent issue. Terminal illness is an increasing reality. Ultimately, every correctional facility will have inmates who are diagnosed with a terminal condition. This can be a time of great sorrow, loneliness, confusion, and emotional pain for inmates. According to the Missouri Department of Corrections, the population of inmates who are 50 and older has grown from 10.1 percent in 2004 to 17.5 percent in 2013, and those numbers will only continue to rise as prisons are faced with aging populations. Currently in the U.S., approximately 3,400 inmates die of natural causes each year, making prison hospice programs more of a necessity than ever.

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The Chaplain's Role in the Hospice Journey So, what is a chaplain’s role in the dying process of an inmate? First, we must understand what a chaplain does. A chaplain cares for souls and gives hope without discrimination. A chaplain should be able to communicate and demonstrate compassion regardless of a person's religious belief. A chaplain is called to be there during pain and struggle, seeking to ref lect the light of God in a dark and intimidating place. The role of a chaplain in the hospice program is crucial, since many people turn toward spirituality for comfort at the end of their lives. The spiritual care and counsel this person provides is paramount in helping patients come to terms with what is happening to them and helping them find peace. The chaplain is dedicated to providing patients with spiritual care and counsel that meets their needs and is in accordance with what they wish. If a patient does not wish to engage with a hospice chaplain or receive any form of spiritual care, he or she is not forced to. Also, the patient can change his or her mind at any time. Chaplains do not seek to convert patients to a specific religion, but to meet them where they are on their spiritual journey. The goal is to help the patient discover renewed meaning and spiritual peace. Regardless of religion, creed, or culture, a chaplain’s purpose is to provide patients with compassionate spiritual support and counsel. A cornerstone of the hospice philosophy of care is that no one should be alone at the end of life. No matter the time of day or night, the hospice team, including the hospice chaplain, is dedicated to ensuring that no patient dies alone. To aid in this, many prisons have introduced hospice programs, where fellow inmates are selected and trained to assist with dying inmates and become their daily living assistants. The chaplain plans the schedule to make sure that a daily living assistant (DL A) is always at the bedside of a dying inmate to provide comfort and support. When it comes to hospice care, the chaplain is not there to “fix” anything.

26 / GRACE & PEACE MAGAZINE SPRING 2018

Instead, he or she is there to listen to the inmates as they talk about what is important to them. Hospice patients talk about a variety of topics ranging from their impending deaths to their thoughts about God. Mostly, they just talk about what people always talk about: unfinished business, unanswered questions, regrets over their past, family issues, and their feelings of not being ready to die yet. Listening to final inquiries like these has long been the domain of a family pastor, priest, or rabbi, but for a growing number of older Americans who are now incarcerated and do not know a member of the clergy, that bedside responsibility has now been given to the chaplain. Some chaplains refer to what they do as fostering a more “caring and successful” experience by helping inmates gain peace in the final hours of their lives. End-of-life care for hospice inmates is not just about people getting more spiritual or religious. It is also about a shift in the way people are meeting the spiritual and emotional needs of the inmates before they take their last breath. Church members, whether or not they are members of the clergy, are often surprised at the needs of their local prisons in regard to having someone to simply be an encouraging presence to a dying inmate. There are simple procedures in order to be placed on a volunteer in corrections (VIC) list, and like most prison ministry, there is no glamour or glory involved in this work. There is, however, a reward that transcends any worldly measurement: It is about making sure that no hospice patient dies alone.

M AT T M ASON is chaplain of Crossroads Correctional Facility, a maximum-security prison in Cameron, Missouri.

THREE THINGS

Every Grieving Person Needs to Hear by

Harold Ivan Smith

very griever faces three key needs. The first need is to define the nature of the loss. This is true regardless of the nature of the loss. People have told me, “I shouldn’t really be grieving for this. It’s not like somebody’s died.” But maybe your dream has died, or some assumptions that you cling to have died. The danger is when someone tries to put words in your mouth: “Oh, I know what you’re going through. . . . ” Actually, unless I’ve told you what I’m going through, you do not know what I’m going through. The second need is to say the words aloud. I have thought a lot lately about those testimony meetings in that little Nazarene church in Kentucky where I grew up. I remember that every Wednesday night if Brother Reeves was there, he would often talk about living through the Great Depression when he lived outside Chicago. He would describe walking along the railroad tracks, trying to find little pieces of coal to keep his family warm. It was an interesting testimony, but I couldn’t apply it to my life. What I remember most, though, is Brother Reeves, with tears in his eyes, saying, “God has never deserted me. He has never left me alone. He’s been there. He has provided.” I wish I had Brother Reeves on tape, because there are times when I would love to take a time out and just listen to it. There’s something powerful that happens when we say the words aloud. The third need is to know that our words have been heard. One man I met in Albuquerque argues that we are on earth really for one reason: to go around listening to people. Jesus did that often, whether with the demoniac

or the woman at the well. Something happens when we listen. Even if we cannot solve the problem directly, listening can promote healing. I am comforted when you have listened to me. In hospital groups that I lead, the only thing I offer the people who attend them is a safe place of comfort. They can come to the hospital and tell us anything they want to tell us, and we will listen to them. Author and speaker Frederica MathewesGreen says the most useful question in moments of loss is not “Why?” but rather, “What’s next?” How can I bring good out of my life? I’m reading the new book by Walter Wangerin, Jr., the great Christian author, called Letters from the Land of Cancer. These are letters he sent to people during various parts of his illness. Listen to the depth of these letters: “What is this cancer about? What might it yet teach me?” And I think from an Easter point of view, we can expand this and ask, “How might God bring resurrection out of the experience that I am in?” Whatever this loss is, I often hear people who are able to “own” their grief, verbalize it, and work through it, be able to find comfort and at times, even some good.

HAROLD IVAN SMITH is a wordsmith, storyteller, and grief educator at St. Luke's Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, and for the American Academy of Bereavement. He will be leading a Discipleship Place webinar on April 18, 2018. To register, go to discipleshipplace.org.

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INTERVIEW E N D - O F - L I F E C A R E A S D I S C I P L E S H I P: A n Inter view with John Swinton I N T E R V I E W E R: C H A R L E S W. C H R I S T I A N Recently Grace & Peace (GP) sat down with Rev. Dr. John Swinton (JS), the Chair in Divinity and Religious Studies at King’s College, University of Aberdeen (Scotland). Dr. Swinton spent 16 years in the medical field, both as a mental health nurse and then as a chaplain, before completing formal studies in theology. Dr. Swinton is the author of numerous books and journal articles addressing subjects including end-of-life care and ministry to those suffering from dementia.

G P : YO U S P E N T 1 6 Y E A R S I N T H E MEDICAL FIELD AND THEN BECAME A THEOLOGIAN AND A PROFESSOR O F PA S T O R A L C A R E . YO U ’ V E WRIT TEN ABOUT MINISTERING TO T H O S E AT T H E E N D S TAG E S O F L I F E , A N D YO U ’ V E T R A I N E D PA S T O R S IN THOSE ARE AS . HOW HAS YO U R J O U R N E Y I N F O R M E D YO U R W R I T I N G A N D T E AC H I N G A B O U T END -OF-LIFE CARE? J S : There’s no real answer to it in the sense that I didn’t have an epiphany. I just had a journey. I nursed in the area of mental health for 16 years and thoroughly enjoyed that. But then, for no apparent reason in the late '80s early '90s, I decided—I think it’s stronger than that—I felt called to study theology. At that stage, I thought I would end up in hospital chaplaincy, and I did end up in hospital chaplaincy for a little while. But as soon as I started at my theological training, I knew I wanted to teach practical theology. This took me by surprise because I never really considered myself to be either practical or a teacher. So, I did my theology degree, and at the same I worked as a mental health chaplain in psychiatric institutions and in the community. I also spent some time working in end-of-life care as a hospice chaplain. Eventually all of that came to fruition when I ended up coming into an academic position full time. My nursing and chaplaincy work really

28 / GRACE & PEACE MAGAZINE SPRING 2018

have formed the bedrock for my theological reflection. My experiences have caused me to see the world slightly differently. I see theology slightly differently. I don’t mean that in an unorthodox way. It just means that I have a certain set of questions about theology that is guided by my experience with people with mental health problems or people who are dying. It is a perspective that is probably not available to a lot of theologians who haven’t had that same journey. And so, the strangeness of my journey turns out to be the blessing of my theological career. G P : M I N I S T E R S H AV E A G R E AT D E A L O F F E A R A N D T R E P I DAT I O N A B O U T M I N I S T R Y AT T H E E N D OF LIFE , INCLUDING FUNER ALS A N D D E A L I N G W I T H G R I E F. W H AT A DV I C E C A N YO U G I V E I N T H I S R E G A R D? J S : There are probably many answers to that question. If I look at the students who come through the seminary where I teach, they’re all very enthusiastic. They’re all very much focused on the gospel and on mission and ministry in that sense. But, they’re very apprehensive when it comes to dealing with, for example, elderly people or end-of-life issues. I think if pastors can view end-of-life care in the realm of discipleship, and not simply pastoral care, it can connect the mission

C o n c e r n i n g d e m e n t ia , i f w e a r e w h o w e a r e in Christ, then it’s not what we remember o u r s e lv e s t o b e , i t ’ s n o t w h a t w e ’ v e d o n e , it’s not the things of the past or even of the present that make us who we are. It’s Jesus that makes us who we are.

of their calling more specifically with this ministry to the elderly and dying. The question must be, “What does it mean to be a disciple of the risen Lord and be dying?” More than that, how can we enable the dying to continue to understand that they have a vocation, a call from God, even in the midst of the difficulties that they have just now? So, I think that part of the issue is that we place end-of-life care in the wrong category and therefore assume that these matters are somehow apart from the central things that we have to do. So, it’s not simply a matter of visiting the sick or visiting the dying. It’s actually about how do you visit vocationally? How do you visit with an eye on this person’s discipleship? If you shift that category a little bit, then there’s a whole range of new possibilities for innovation. G P : S O , YO U R E A L LY S E E M T O B E DESCRIBING THE WHOLE IDEA OF L I V I N G W E L L A N D DY I N G , A S YO U H AV E W R I T T E N A B O U T I N S E V E R A L P L AC E S . D I S C I P L E S H I P A N D G R O W T H I N O U R FA I T H D O N O T CEASE , EVEN WHEN ONE IS NEAR D E AT H . J S : That’s absolutely right, because endof-life care begins in Sunday school. By that I mean that it’s a process of ongoing formation, so that when we come to that stage in life when we actually are encountering death and encountering the

things that the gospel claims we shouldn’t be afraid of, we’re prepared for it. If we think end-of-life care is simply a ministry for specialists reserved for when one is near death, we have misunderstood what Christian formation is all about. GP: HOW C AN WE AS MINISTERS ADDRESS THE CHALLENGES OF E N D - O F - L I F E C A R E I N A C U LT U R E T H AT I N C R E A S I N G LY W I S H E S T O D E N Y T H E R E A L I T Y O F D E AT H ? W E R A R E LY E V E N U S E W O R D S L I K E “ F U N E R A L” A N YM O R E , F O R I N S TA N C E . J S : Within general culture there is a denial of death, because people have lost the narratives that help us make sense of what death is. If you take a religious narrative out of your understanding of what life is and what death is, then you’re left with a very particular type of story, and that story is all about you. So, it becomes all about your health, all about your well-being, all about your desire for the future—and so anything that threatens that threatens your very reason for existence. If our story is that death is the loss of all that we have, then death will terrify us. This is why it is very difficult to talk about getting old in this culture, because getting old reminds us that we are getting closer to death, and we don’t want to be reminded of the “loss of everything.” We can even pick

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A s C h r i s t ia n s , we face even the saddest of realities with truth, and in

those moments, we find that

God

still there with us.

upon this kind of narrative in churches, since most churches (including the one in which I am ordained) tend to be very “happy” places: We like to sing happy songs and hear happy sermons, and there is nothing wrong with being happy. However, if we forget that, as Dietrich Bonhoeffer reminds us, the songbook of the Bible, the Psalms, contains more psalms of lament than of any other kind, then we lose a balanced ability to face the realities of aging and death. This is why Martin Luther focused upon the theology of the cross, for instance. Luther says to look at the cross, at the pain of Jesus, and then we will better understand the nature of sin and our own mortality. The lament psalms are there to remind of the pain and angst that we all face, but these lament psalms are also prayers. A death-denying culture seeps into the church sometimes, and that needs to be addressed by good spiritual practice at the end of life. Lament is one spiritual practice that can help us to do that. G P : W H AT I S T H E L I N E B E T W E E N L A M E N T A N D D E S P E R AT I O N ? J S : A majority of the Psalms are laments. They are prayers that deal honestly with the situation we are in and confess those laments before God. Psalm 88, for instance, begins with, “Darkness is my only companion.”

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But, like most laments in the Psalms, there is a kind of resolution that occurs after this honest lament that reminds the psalmist and the readers that God is truly present: God is actively listening, even in our despair. So, I think that one way we enable people— both within the culture and within the church—to develop the kind of story that helps us to flourish at the end of our lives, is by reclaiming the language of sadness through the practices of lament. This reminds us that we are not, for example, Buddhists whose ultimate goal is to escape reality. Rather, as Christians, we face even the saddest of realities with truth, and in those moments, we find that God is still there with us. The psalms of lament give us an example that helps us express the honest pain of the present, while recognizing the faithfulness of God and the hope of the resurrection. G P : YO U H AV E D O N E A G R E AT DE AL OF CLINICAL WORK WITH, A N D H AV E W R I T T E N A B O U T, MINISTERING TO THOSE WHO DEVELOP DEMENTIA AND OTHER S E R I O U S M E M O R Y- R E L AT E D D I S O R D E R S AT T H E E N D O F L I F E . W H AT C A N YO U S H A R E T H AT C O U L D

End It’s a

of life care begins in

S u n d ay

school.

process of ongoing formation, so that

when we come to that stage in life when we a c t u a l ly a r e e n c o u n t e r i n g d e a t h a n d t h e

t h i n g s t h a t t h e g o s p e l c l ai m s w e s h o u l d n ’ t b e a f r ai d o f , w e ’ r e p r e p a r e d f o r i t .

G U I D E U S I N T H O S E D I F F I C U LT S I T UAT I O N S ? J S : People fear dementia more than they fear cancer because there is a sense of “losing one’s self” when the mental faculties begin to dissipate. In Western cultures, we believe the well-known Cartesian saying, “I think, therefore I am.” However, the Apostle Paul and the whole of the New Testament remind us that our true identity is found and kept in Christ. Something profoundly important here is that if we are who we are in Christ, then it’s not what we remember ourselves to be, it’s not what we’ve done, it’s not the things of the past or even of the present that make us who we are. It’s Jesus that makes us who we are. So, the idea that I am who I remember myself to be is just a relational and theological mistake. We are who we are as God remembers us. When people lose their memory, they don’t stop being themselves because who they are was always held by God in Christ.

Much of what goes on in end-of-life care is actually deeply spiritual, even though it looks as though it’s simply clinical. There is a sense in which the pastor sanctifies the situation and reminds people of the deep spirituality that is within that clinical context. You accompany a person or a family on that journey into the next phase of their lives. Whereas culture, and perhaps even the clinical context, are saying that this is a bad thing, this is the end of something, so let’s escape from it, the pastor says that this is a real thing, this is part of the narrative that we’ve always known about, and this is the last stage of a positive journey into something wonderful and something beautiful. So, our ministry is countercultural, but profoundly theological. You can be both hopeful and sad at precisely the same time. You can be broken and joyful at precisely the same time. The key thing is sustaining that story of discipleship that begins at birth in our practices and our presence at the end of life.

G P : F I N A L LY, H O W C A N T H E PRESENCE OF MINISTERS ASSIST T H E DY I N G ? J S : A minister needs to think through his or her relationship with both the patient and with the clinical practitioners, since these days, most people spend their last days in a hospital or clinical care setting.

GRACEANDPEACEMAGAZINE.ORG / 31

The POWER of PRAYER and PRESENCE By Cheryl Paden

alerie joined our writers’ group with the enthusiasm of a bee after nectar. She instantly became everyone’s encourager and energized us to write and to send out our work for publication. We rejoiced with her when she published her first article, and we thanked God for the birth of her long-awaited son, Jack. Jack was six weeks old when doctors diagnosed Valerie with cancer. We all began to pray for healing. She started treatment and suffered from the side effects. After losing her hair, she glued sequins onto an oversized pink handkerchief. She bounced into our writers' group that night and announced, “No one will notice that I am bald, they will only see my beautiful new bandana.” We laughed as we watched her exaggerated modeling techniques and admired her new look. At the close of the evening Valerie added, “I feel a cold coming on; as long as we are praying to heal the cancer, pray for that too. Might as well pray to heal everything.” We agreed, and our praying continued. We attended our annual writers' group retreat at the St. Benedict Retreat Center. Valerie left the meeting to go visit with Father Thomas, the retreat center’s director. She explained that she wanted to ask him for prayers for her healing. As Valerie and I walked together that evening she confided, “I can just feel the love of everyone’s prayers. It is an amazing feeling. It’s wonderful!” Valerie’s condition continued to worsen. We continued to pray, but the miracle we asked

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for would not happen. I called Valerie to ask what I could do. “Just come hold my hand.” So I did. I sat at her bedside and held her hand. She whispered to me about her fears of leaving two-year-old Jack. Valerie died the next day. Our writers' group attended the funeral. The prayers for healing—at least our idea of complete, physical healing—were not answered. Valerie’s words, “I can feel the love,” I believe was God’s response to our prayers. Our requested miracle of healing was not answered, but we loved our friend through her illness, and I believe she knew that. Years later, when I suffered from my own illness, I spent time in the emergency room, doctors' offices, and completing medical tests. Unable to attend work, social functions, or keep to my regular routine, I sat at home, fretted, and waited for medical answers. For that entire month, no one knew the details of my situation. Then I remembered Valerie’s words. I went to my keyboard and emailed every friend that I knew to be a prayer warrior and asked for prayers. By that afternoon, the burden of the illness had lifted. I still did not have the medical answers, but I felt the love of God and of my friends. Through shared prayers and through simple presence, I learned the significance of what Valerie conveyed to us: Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ (Galatians 6:2).

CHERYL PADEN is a freelance writer who enjoys speaking and teaching at a community college.

When G ri ef C o mes to the P arso n age B y D e b b i e S al t e r G o o d w i n

rief, wherever it raises its head, comes like a fog, a type of oppression, an energysapping, hope-sucking, unwelcome presence. Whatever was easy becomes hard. Whatever brought joy feels empty. As ministry servants, we have all seen its worst as we have come alongside the newly bereaved. However, when grief visits the parsonage family, who pastors the pastor? Who is the shoulder you cry on? Who brings the voice of hope, the whisper of grace, and the reminder of truth? How does a ministry family heal while it feels like every tear is public? How do pastors and spouses grieve while still leading and serving the family of God?

During our 40 years of pastoral ministry, grief has visited our lives many times. My husband’s first wife died three years into his first pastorate, leaving him the single parent of two-and-a-half-year-old, Lisa, while he was trying to pastor a small congregation on the edge of growth. When I married Mark, Lisa was almost four. Three months after our wedding, we were in the hospital with Lisa and began a long and winding journey that included multiple surgeries, medication, many specialists, and developmental difficulties that did not fit into anyone’s categories. I learned quickly that many griefs would follow in our lives. If I couldn’t learn to deal with grief in honest and healthy ways, I would not be able to help Lisa with hers. Nor would I be able to be an authentic ministry partner with Mark.

GRACEANDPEACEMAGAZINE.ORG / 33

Grief

is fatiguing and challenges

every place of strength you thought you had.

Grief Hits Home

Grief hit us hard in 2016 when Lisa left this world to live forever healed with Christ. While we celebrate that truth, it has not taken away our grief. We have grieved deeply, daily, together, separately, and often very much in public view. We both understand that grief is unique and very personal. We would never attempt to put people in a box or counsel with a formula. However, we have learned some principles about dealing with grief and its special implications for families in ministry. We share them here with the prayer that they will protect you from any practice that distorts or oversimplifies your complicated and unpredictable journey through grief. 1. In fresh grief, remove your ministry hat. Fresh grief sees no difference between layperson and pastor. You cannot step into a role and grieve. It is the vulnerability clause in our call to serve that we forget to read: Take away someone we love and we bleed like anyone else. Give yourself permission to be the grieving spouse, parent, son, or daughter, and let that role be primary at first. 2. Resist the temptation to put on a strong front just to look good. This is the companion principle. Don’t say one thing to God and then a different thing to the congregation. Find an appropriate way to share your grief, because

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part of God’s answer for you is His Church. He has brought other people through grief journeys and knows how they can support you. Be honest without being irresponsible or inappropriate. Remember, you can’t preach about the value of the family of God and then reject it during your time of need. 3. Take time to heal. When death takes away someone in your primary family circle, nothing stays the same. You have lost a sense of balance and routine. Grief classes remind you not to expect the same level of productivity. If you try to keep grief at a distance and return too quickly to business as usual, you will delay your healing. For ministry leaders, this often requires specific conversations with leadership in order to make responsible plans. 4. Men and women often grieve differently The worst thing a spouse can lay on the other is to expect that each grieves the same way. It brings distance instead of the closeness you both need during times of grief. Some men find words an awkward intrusion. This can be a problem for a woman who feels the need to use words to untangle emotions. Generalizations don’t help here, because the opposite can also be true. The real lesson is to find out how you and your spouse grieve and give each the emotional space needed. 5. Talk about grief in your family. This is especially important when you

grieve a loss while children still live at home. Children need to know that their parents feel sadness. They need to how they reach for faith in God even when it doesn’t take away the hurt. They need to hear how you handle the hard questions when you don’t know the answers. These honest conversations are invaluable. Don’t avoid them. 6. Answer questions without clichés. I remember my first Sunday after Lisa’s death. I knew people would ask me how I was doing, and to be honest, I didn’t have a good answer. However, I learned to answer for the moment without making any promises about the next. I always thanked people for asking, because I needed their comfort. 7. Free people to talk about your loved one. Those who have never lost someone don’t automatically realize that you like hearing someone mention your loved one’s name or share a memory. Remember that awkwardness or silence is not lack of caring. I found that when I mentioned a memory, it encouraged others to share theirs and brought me comfort. 8. Find appropriate ways to update your congregation. Here is where your theology puts on flesh. You must demonstrate your need for the family of faith in the same way you have told others how much they need God’s family circle. Consider different possibilities. Place a well-worded statement in your worship folder or prayer letter. Send out a special email. Take a minute to update your congregation in public, but let people ask their own questions that require longer answers. There is a fine line between seeking sympathy and giving an honest update. Be sure you know the difference.

a cliché for your truth of the moment. Maybe you don’t really know what God is doing in your life, but your faith says He’ll lead you. That’s not cliché; that’s where you are. Making statements you think your congregation needs to hear or that make you look better than you feel perpetuates artificiality and is against everything God called you to do. Take Time

R e a l ly G r i e v e

Grief is fatiguing and challenges every place of strength you thought you had. Rest. Take time. Cry. Talk. Feel. Remember. Accept help. Don’t expect that God puts you on a fast-track to healing just because you are His called servant. But do expect that the God of all comfort will be there for you, just as you have promised others He will be there for them. When you know His comfort in your valley of grief, you will become the comforter God can use in the lives of others. Then, you can share that comfort with your family in authentic ways that will protect and heal them as well.

DEBBI SALTER GOODWIN is a pastor’s spouse, writer, and speaker in the Church of the Nazarene. Connect with her blog at: debbiegoodwin.net

9. Avoid over-spiritualizing grief. This may sound like an oxymoron, so let me explain. Healthy grieving is indeed a spiritual process and God, our Good Shepherd, will lead you through the valley of the shadow of grief. Spiritualizing it as if you have already learned the lesson is dangerous and destructive. Don’t substitute

GRACEANDPEACEMAGAZINE.ORG / 35

BOOK

REVIEW Review: Caleb Wilde, Confessions of a Funeral Director: How the Business of Death Saved My Life (N e w Y o r k C i t y : H a r p e r C o l l i n s , 2 0 1 7) . R e v i e w e r : B r e n t N e e ly

s a pastor, I’m not sure ones. This is what prompts Wilde’s main if I’m supposed to admit thesis: We need to transition from a “deaththis, but I struggle with negative narrative” to a “death-positive the idea of death. I have narrative.” held the hope of the A death-negative narrative tells us to resurrection in my heart fear death: that it is unnatural and should be for years, and I know kept out of the light of day. We would rather that death has been conquered through the hide death than deal with it. One exception resurrection of Jesus, but for some reason, is the brief attention-grabbing snippets death still holds a negative place in my mind. that we see on the news. Wilde states that Caleb Wilde helped to change this. “beyond the normalization of extremes via In his book, Confessions of a Funeral the media, the death-negative narrative is Director: How the Business of Death Saved wired into our very biology. Humans are a My Life, Wilde tells the story of how viewing most advanced death-defying machine” (6). life in terms of the reality of death has A death-positive narrative, however, actually brought him vibrancy and peace. tells us that death is not to be feared, Wilde is a sixththat it is a natural part of generation funeral life, and that it should be know that death director on his father’s acknowledged for what it is. side, while also being a It is painful, of course, but it h a s b e e n c o n q u e r e d is a part of life. It was even a fifth-generation funeral director on his mother’s part of the life of Christ, who through the side. You could say that is the ultimate reason for funeral directing is in us to have a death-positive resurrection of his blood. This unique narrative. It is important background has given for us as pastors to shape esus but for some Wilde a plethora of our people toward a deathinsight into death. positive narrative. The reason death still How we view world around us tells us how death is important. negative death is, but there holds a negative Unfortunately, many of can be deep beauty in death us have a warped view as healing, as a release, and pl ace in my mind of death because of how as the next step into a deeper our culture handles life. This is at the heart it. When loved ones die, strangers come of the Christian witness about death and and take them away to prepare them for the resurrection. funeral or memorial service. This was not Wilde tells us the hope of his book: always the case. There was a time, and still “This book is my journey from believing is in some areas, when families were directly the death-negative narrative to finding involved in handling their deceased loved something more in death” (10).

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who have the hope of resurrection must

learn to embrace a death-positive narrative that puts death in its proper pl ace, rather than on a terrifying pedestal.

This book has helped me to do the same. It has helped me to begin to talk more openly about death and to face it more courageously, especially as I work in an assisted living home where death occurs frequently. Through his personal stories, Wilde helps his readers see death in a different light. This book helps us as Christians see the hope of glory in Christ Jesus. Confessions of a Funeral Director helps the reader to see the good in death, to appreciate the life we have, and to see deep beauty in all that is around us. It is a hard book to read at first, since it can be a shock to the system. However, as Wilde reminds: “But in death, we often find our most honest self, a stronger community, and some find that they are able to overcome the fear of death and live life to its fullest” (8). We who have the hope of resurrection must learn to embrace a death-positive narrative that puts death in its proper place, rather than on a terrifying pedestal. While I recommend the whole book, I cannot stress enough the importance of reading the epilogue and seeing Wilde’s confession. He has a deep and personal relationship with the business of death that most of us will only know from afar. His confessions have helped me, and hopefully will help all of us, see death as a positive narrative, rather than a negative one.

BRENT NEELY is pastor of Cape Elizabeth (Maine) Church of the Nazarene.

GRACEANDPEACEMAGAZINE.ORG / 37

BOOK

REVIEW R e v i e w : V i c t o r L e e A u s t i n , L o s i n g S u s a n : B r ai n Disease, the Priest’s Wife, and the God Who Gives and T a k e s A w ay (G r a n d R a p i d s , MI: B r a z o s P r e s s , 2016). Reviewer: Joel Parsons

very human story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. In his 2016 book, Losing Susan: Brain Disease, the Priest's Wife, and the God Who Gives and Takes Away, Anglican priest and author Victor Lee Austin does an outstanding job of telling the story of his relationship with his wife, Susan, and her journey through nearly two decades of chronic illness. He tells their story in a way that both captivates the reader and points the reader beyond the story of this specific marriage relationship to the Author of that story, with some unusual and tragic twists and turns. As is true with the story of every human relationship, Austin points out in the preface that there is a third “strange character (who) is silent on nearly every page, although he is never absent.” The book contains just three chapters: “The Beginning,” “The Middle,” and “The End.” “The Beginning” is the story of how they met. Austin tells how they determined that they were meant to be together. It chronicles the early years of their marriage and ministry. The reader is introduced to Susan as a loving, compassionate, creative woman with a passion for God that spills over into everything that she says, does, and writes. Every married couple—especially every married couple in the ministry—will be able to see elements of their own stories in the lives of Victor and Susan. “The Middle” describes the couple's long, arduous journey through Susan's health problems, which began unexpectedly at a relatively young age. This illness would eventually command much of their time and

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attention through the final two decades of their marriage. The reader witnesses how Victor does his absolute best to stay true to his marriage vows, “In sickness and in health,” while also sharing moments of frustration and anger. “The End” describes how Susan's death, though preceded by a long decline, was in some ways still unexpected. Every reader who has lost a loved one—in particular, a spouse—due to illness, will surely connect with many of the thoughts and emotions Austin shares in this section of the book. One of the best qualities of this book is its brutal honesty. As Austin describes his journey of caring for his wife from the first stages of discovery until her death, he shares with striking candor his fears, his doubts, his uncertainties, and his wrestling with God. We see that he often second guesses himself saying, “If only . . . .” Every caregiver has experienced this. In fact, the whole book is a refreshing read for anyone who has cared for a loved one during a long disease process. The reader will see that his or her experience, while certainly unique to that relationship, is, at the same time, a shared journey. Others, including people of faith, have experienced the questions and struggles involved in the processes of grief and loss. Austin has the courage within the pages of this book to openly wrestle with two questions all of God's people, whether they are willing to acknowledge it or not, wrestle with at times in their lives: “Where is God in the suffering?” and “My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?” One of the unique qualities about this book is the way in which Austin weaves

Every

human story has a beginning, a middle, and an end.

together his own story with the story of Scripture. He writes at length about the difficult passages of what he calls “the second-best book in the Bible,” the Song of Songs. Near the end of the book, he writes about his perspective on “the best book in the Bible,” the Book of Job. Human love, suffering, Christ's love for His Church, the Advent calendar, brain disease, and many other topics relevant to the Christian experience are beautifully tied together in this book. Austin also highlights the importance of the presence of both the faith community and caring members of the medical community in providing the highest possible quality of life for those suffering with chronic and terminal illnesses. This is an important reminder to everyone who witnesses the suffering of a fellow believer. Is Losing Susan a theology book? Is it a book containing biblical commentary and explanation of church tradition? Or, is this a book chronicling a minister's vocation and a couple's journey through “for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, till death us do part”? The answer to all of these questions is, “Yes.” While Austin's journey is unique, the reader will inevitably see his or her life's journey reflected in its pages in one way or another.

JOEL PARSONS is co-pastor of Mitchell (Indiana) Church of the Nazarene.

GRACEANDPEACEMAGAZINE.ORG / 39

FROM THE

AUTHOR Five Questions: Victor Lee Austin, Losing Susan: B r ai n D i s e a s e , t h e P r i e s t ’ s W i f e , a n d t h e G o d W h o G i v e s a n d T a k e s A w ay 1. What prompted you to write this book?

A few months after my wife died, a colleague told me that I should write a book, and do what C. S. Lewis did in A Grief Observed. This struck me as crazy: I am no C. S. Lewis! But gradually the idea took root that I did have something to say that might be useful. I had been through something that happens to many people, one way or another: caring for a loved one through a long decline. What, people might wonder, would a “professional religious person” do when such a thing comes home to him or her? Would he or she continue to believe? How would his or her beliefs be altered? So, I wrote the book not for myself, but for my readers, to try to be honest about my Christian faith, my own struggles and questions, and to give a testimony of how God was with me and with Susan in all of this. 2. If you have to list three key takeaways from this book you would like for the reader to experience, what would they be?

First, that we don’t need to try to be “religious” or pious when going through suffering, but rather we should just be, as naturally as possible, completely open with God. Second, that it is okay to ask all the old questions, e.g., “Why is this happening to me?” “Where are you?” and so forth. I believe that God gave me my heart’s desire when He gave me Susan, and I also believe He took her away (at least in the sense that He could have arranged things to turn out differently). I asked these questions often throughout this journey. Third, despite God’s strangeness, He is still present to us. This is, in a way, the point of my testimony: that even though I often didn’t sense it, He was there, and He is here. 3. Do you have a favorite passage or chapter in this book?

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I rather enjoyed naming two sections: “The Second-Best Book of the Bible” and, towards the end, “The Best Book of the Bible.” My answers, while sincere, are surprising to most readers. (Both books are in the Old Testament.) But actually, my favorite passages of the book are those written by Susan. Early on I quote from her writings, to help the reader get to know her. Then, as an appendix, I put a story she wrote about trees weeping, which I call, “To Plumb the Depths of God’s Love.” The best writing in the book is hers. 4. If you were sitting beside the reader, what portion of the book do you feel you would want him or her to spend extra time on, and why?

I think it would be the section on Jesus saying, “My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?” I say this because Jesus went down to the very pits, to the lowest places in the universe, further down than any of us ever has to go, down to the very bottom. The Son of God experienced forsakenness, and yet—how had I never noticed this—even with that experience He was able to ask “God,” indeed “my God,” a question. This is something I still ponder. I think it is the greatest mystery of the Christian faith, profoundly Trinitarian, and in truth the most hopeful thing. 5. In what specific ways can this book equip, encourage, and/or instruct ministers?

Ministers have written to me about how Losing Susan has helped them make sense of their own experiences of caregiving and loss. It is also a book you can give to someone who is going through a similar journey. Fundamentally, the book is encouraging, because we believe in the resurrection!

Thank You! N

azarene churches across the United States gave more than $13 Million to the Pensions and Benefits Fund in 2017. Your giving, combined with support from other areas, enabled us to provide a variety of benefits, such as:

• Basic Pension payments to more than 5,000 retired ministers and widowed spouses; • Annual Pension Supplements to the 403(b) Retirement Savings Plan accounts of more than 2,600 ministers; • Life insurance for almost 7,000 active and retired ministers; • Emergency medical assistance and benevolence for 100 individuals and families.* Such generous giving makes a difference in the lives of thousands of Nazarene ministers, spouses, and widows. On behalf of them, thank you for your support of the P&B Fund! *Learn more by reviewing our 2018 Annual Report at pbusa.org.

pbusa.org

PENSIONS AND BENEFITS USA CHURCH OF THE NAZARENE

17001 PRAIRIE STAR PKWY 888-888-4656

•

LENEXA, KS 66220

• PENSIONS@NAZARENE.ORG

Serving Those Who Serve

RESOURCE

ALERT J e s s e C. M i d d e n d o r f , T h e C h u r c h R i t u a l s H a n d b o o k 2 n d e d . (B e a c o n Hill Press

K a n s a s C i t y , 2009).

T h e E d i t o r i al T e am P e a c e M aga z i n e

Grace &

lthough the Manual of the Church of the Nazarene contains key rituals for baptism, the Lord’s Supper, funerals, weddings, and other events, around two decades ago, then General Superintendent Jesse C. Middendorf saw the need for an expanded handbook that covered a wider variety of rituals in the Church from a thoroughly Wesleyan perspective. Beacon Hill Press of Kansas City (now The Foundry Publishing) agreed that such a work was needed and published these collected rituals in 1997. Just over a decade later, in 2009, a second edition was produced. This resource contains several versions of the ritual of baptism and dedication for both children and adults. There is an extended service for church membership and several rites for the administration of the Lord’s Supper. Three rites for the service of matrimony and a funeral service with a rite for the graveside service are also part of this handbook. Dedication services (including a service for the installation of ministers) are followed by a section entitled, “Other Rituals.” This section provides special rituals for key seasons of the Christian calendar, such as Advent, Lent, and Easter. It also covers special services that center around healing and reconciliation. The entire John Wesley Covenant Service is also in this book. A short section of calls to worship and benedictory blessings is accompanied by ideas and prayers for offertories. The final section of the handbook offers rituals for use in pastoral care, including the reaffirmation of a marriage covenant

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and the dedication of a home. The book concludes with notes that provide ministers with additional resources for rituals and worship services. Each section of the handbook contains a theological introduction by Dr. Middendorf, addressing the importance of each ritual. This book helps ministers take seriously their role at presiding over key transitions of life and worship. Words of theological insight, key prayers and Scripture, words of affirmation and dedication, as well as suggested orders of worship give ministers of every range of experience helpful tools to accompany them on the journey of pastoral care. According to Jesse Middendorf, “The creation of this handbook was the result of my frustration through many years of pastoral ministry. I no longer wanted to search through a stack of manuals and books of worship to find the resources for use in a variety of situations.” This book is a reliable “go to” handbook that is thoroughly Wesleyan and adaptable to virtually every church and minister.

Plan to LIVE till You DIE By Stephen Borger

his generation does not know Dr. Ross Price, a well-respected Nazarene college church pastor, district superintendent, author, college professor, and evangelist. I was pastor to Dr. Ross for seven years. He was always ready to share a positive testimony, and each ended with the words, “I plan to live till I die.” I have always thought, What a great goal. Some do not do live that way. Financial bondage and lack of retirement preparation contribute to real life ending long before death. Two years ago, Nazarene Research conducted a survey that confirmed that a significant percentage of Nazarene ministers live under extremely stressful financial circumstances. Over 30% of our pastors and associate pastors have considered leaving the ministry because of financial stress. That is no way to live. The COMPASS Initiative is a program made possible by a $1M grant by the Lilly Endowment “Initiative to Address the Economic Challenges Faced by Pastoral Leaders.” The initiative goal is to connect ministers to resources that will give excellent financial management leadership, help them avoid financial bondage, and enable them to model biblical financial principles. All of the resources are located at www.compassinitiative.org. The COMPASS Academy section has resources available to all ministers and local churches. The COMPASS Journey is a matching grant program for which a large percentage of our USA Nazarene pastors and associate pastors qualify to receive matching grants of up to $5,000. This spring, we will launch the COMPASS Quest. This is a six-month, online program with matching grants up to $1,000. We want to help our ministers find freedom from financial bondage, prepare adequately for retirement, and be able to financially “live till they die.” So, what can we do to reach this place? (Step 1) Prepare and live on a budget

that is more income than expenses. You can find resources on our COMPASS Academy section to help you prepare a personal budget. (Step 2) Get out of debt. You will find resources on the COMPASS Academy to guide you in this as well. (Step 3) Learn to live simply by biblical stewardship principles. No one can completely define this for you but steps 1 and 2 are a good start. (Step 4) Build a “rainy day” savings account. Try to put $1,000 in savings during steps 1 and 2, and then build the account to at least 3 percent of your annual income. (5) Have a Nazarene 403b Fidelity Account. All USA Nazarene pastors and full time associate pastors are eligible. Go to www.pbusa.org for instructions. (6) Make regular contributions and maximize your 403b account. USA Nazarene ministers receive a contribution each year from P&B if their church has paid at least 50% of the P&B allocation. Additional contributions are available. (7) Have an estate plan (will) and a living will. Financial bondage is no way to live. Living under constant financial stress will eventually take a heavy toll in your life and ministry. As one who has passed the retirement threshold, I will tell you that coming to retirement years unprepared will not feel like “abundant living.” I am grateful to those who have invested in my life by instructing me in financial responsibility. The ministers in the more than 30 denominations and judicatories participating in the Lilly “Initiative to Address the Economic Challenges Faced by Pastoral Leaders,” have two things in common: financial stress from debt and lack of readiness for retirement, and a hesitancy to be open about financial challenges. So, if that is where you are, please do not feel alone. Most ministers would be surprised at how many people in their church would care if they knew the pastor’s financial struggles. I pray that you will find freedom from financial bondage and truly “live till you die.”

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BENEDICTION Small Talk

oon after I became a pastor, while engaged in hospital calling, I discovered something important. Dying people are not interested in small talk. They don’t want to hear about current events, newspaper opinion columns, or your vacation plans. Their minds are on something else; something eternal. They don’t have any time left to waste. So, we have the joyful privilege to speak about important matters. We ask a few questions and hope for faith-filled responses. Most bedridden, anxious, end-approaching folks appreciate directness. It really is a matter of life and death for them. I was reminded of this while visiting my father, Melvin Miner Broadbooks, when he was near death. He lived the last six months of his 98 years in a nursing home. Dad was not a wealthy man. The most he ever made in one year was $8,000. Now he was living in half a room and sleeping on a bed he did not own. He rarely left the facility, and so all the clothing he had left were a few pairs of pajamas hanging in the closet. On the wall, attached to a bulletin board, was a picture of the family, a couple of greeting cards, and a bird that he had colored in his activities class. That was home for Dad. That day, as usual, Dad had on a hat. It kept his bald head warm. To most people, wearing a hat with

44 / GRACE & PEACE MAGAZINE SPRING 2018

pajamas would be odd, but not for Dad. The conversation went like this: “Dad, I am so sorry you have to live here for your last days. It just isn’t like home. The bed is hard. The food isn’t great. And most of these people around here are strangers.” He looked at me with a toothless grin and a gleam in his eye and said, “Don’t worry about me, Bob. Everything is coming my way.” In

five words,

Dad

had

c h a n g e d t h e c o n v e r s at i o n f ro m s m a l l ta l k to e t e r n a l o r ato ry .

He had no interest in his present surroundings. His face was fixed on the fresh air of a new place. He couldn’t wait to stand around a throne where he would know everyone’s name, brothers and sisters, in whose veins flow the blood of their shared Savior. Absolutely everything was coming to my Dad. He was experiencing the truth of the songwriter who wrote, “All for Jesus”: “Since my eyes were fixed on Jesus, I’ve lost sight of all beside. So enchained my spirit’s vision, looking at the Crucified.” So, my minister friend, talk to the dying about Jesus and heaven. In moments like that, it is the only talk that matters. Pleased with the Prospects,

BOB BROADBOOKS

USA/Canada Regional Director

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